#i think his paternal instinct is natural and that it affects the way he interacts sometimes (shows itself in good and bad ways) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kindaeccentric · 3 years

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When I was writing my university bachelor's degree thesis (that I'm still to defend) about Penny Dreadful as a modern adaptation of Frankenstein I noticed how the original novel's homoeroticism is realized by the series in an interesting way.

In the way he is presented, it seems to me that Victor secretly desires men, but thinks that only through creating a perfect one by himself he's allowed to touch other man's skin. His endeavour to pierce the veil between life and death is an excuse, since Victor from the series grew up lonely after the death of his mother and he searches for companionship, for someone who would love him unconditionally, like his mother used to. He believes he can find such love only in a person he creates himself, brings from the dead, and who would see him as his only friend, calm and obedient. Yet his first instinct is to make a man, not a woman, and a handsome man at that.

I can imagine both Rory Kinnear and Alex Price are not everybody's cup of tea (I do find them attractive, they are quite charismatic), but the way the original Creature and Proteus are shown makes them attractive. Proteus we see through Victor's eyes, when he is tending to his body before its even reanimated, when he sketches him (a sure sign of affection) and when he teaches him how to eat in a way that becomes seductive, because of how the camera lingers on his lips and then, in a closeup, on his fingers running down his long throat, immediately bringing to mind erotic imagery. Some may argue that Victor tries to emulate the relationship between his mother and himself taking the parental role and projecting onto Proteus the role of his childhood self, and as much as it is partially true, their relationship bears these marks of hidden desire on Victor's part from the start. The image at the end of the first episode when Proteus is born shows Victor trembling, teary-eyed, looking at the body, a torn and stitched back together, but human body, of a naked man. He's afraid, but not necessarily of the man, but of finally getting what he wanted, it's a fear resulting from excitement. Then the man is touching his face tenderly and Victor, still trembling, cannot stop himself from a little smile. Their faces are softly illuminated by the orange light of the gas lamp, creating an intimate atmosphere of a warm bedroom. Victor practically gasps hearing his own name smoken by Proteus. I doubt all of it was intentional in the way I read it, but it doesn't change the fact that the final scene can be easily interpreted this way.

Then the original Creature, with the violence surrounding his return, presents him as highly masculine, smart, powerful, a direct opposite to the delicate, clueless Proteus Victor could easily form into whatever he wanted. The Creature throughout the entire series is perceived as ugly by some and easily tolerated by others, making his ugliness purely subjective, since, despite his small deformities he remains strangely alluring with his gothic qualities (black long hair, black lips, white skin, yellow eyes, proportional features) of a dark brooding gentleman. With blood on his face he becomes vampire-like (vampires always a symbol of hidden desires and 'depraved' sexuality, the Creature and Victor becoming a mirror image of Vanessa and vampire Mina, both Creature's and Mina's monstrosity an indirect result of Victor's and Vanessa's desire towards having a same-sex companion). The Creature touches Victor's face, a callback to Proteus doing it, but the Creature is not gentle, he smears blood all over Victor's face (blood in vampire narratives was always a symbol for other bodily fluids, that's why it seems so sexy, it also gained another meaning in the 80s, due to the HIV epidemic, which no filmmaker can shake off if they tried, I could discuss it more with The Lost Boys, but no time for that right now).

The dynamic between Victor and the Creature is a reversal of Victor's budding relationship with Proteus, experience winning over innocence. Victor is under another man's rule, and it terrifies him, because it would force him into a position of having to admit his attraction, whereas as the one in control he could have still easily deny it. The Creature, with all his attributes, symbolizes carnal love, he's all 'body', where Proteus was virginal, pious love (to an extent). In one of the scenes where we see Proteus he looks up into the skylight at Victor's apartment and appears angelic, as if in a halo of white light.

It's revealed Victor never had a woman, and the series wants the viewer to believe it's because of his awkwardness and passion for science that consumed him, but his dedication to creating himself male companions instead of searching for a living female one is exactly what makes him seem more queer coded.

It's clear that the lack of paternal figure results in Victor quickly becoming close with older men he encounters (Sir Malcolm, Van Helsing), but it also puts him into a position where he's constantly surrounded by men, with whom he feels more at ease, and is intimidated by women. The rivalry between him and Ethan is that of siblings, until the moment when Ethan teaches him how to shoot a gun. It might be a stretch (it is a bit of a stretch, I admit), but a gun often, especially in horror, alongside a knife, represents manhood and masculine power. Victor allows Ethan to touch him and encourages him to show off with the gun, which is a scene all too familiar from many other movies where the role of Victor is reserved for a woman and the interaction is flirtatious (can't pull examples out of thin air, but if you saw over 1400 movies like me you know I'm not lying). All this adds to the general image of Victor.

The Creature and Victor, when they are on a walk, have a very revealing conversation in which the Creature points out how quick Victor was to grow attached to his more perfect man, and Victor doesn't deny it, he admits that he did in fact feel affection towards Proteus, although the meaning of it as the scorned past partner expressing jealousy over the love he didn't get while someone else did is largely subtext. When the Creature says that he's lonely, Victor answers 'I cannot love you' (paraphrase, because I can't find the exact quote right now) and the Creature, disillusioned, mocks him, 'I do not want what you cannot give' suggesting that Victor, by making himself a meek obedient man, is selfish, cruel, manipulating, and a coward, therefore could not have loved Proteus truly. Then again, Victor cannot bring himself to love his original Creature, because he's not the ideal man he envisioned and by then the Creature being too aware of his flaws of character. The Creature/Caliban/John Clare knows that Victor is 'monstrous', not just because he's someone who desecrates dead bodies, plays God and abandons his creation, but because of his queer desire. It's important that in the case of Penny Dreadful 'monstrosity' signifies many different things, literal (being a vampire werewolf, witch, and so on), metaphorical (bad deeds, like letting your son die a horrible death, cheating, killing etc.) and wholy subjective, merely condemned by ignorant society (Sembene's blackness, Brona's sex work, Lily's want to be equal or greater than men, Vanessa's want for sexual freedom, the Creature's ugliness, Angelique being transgender and other cases), so it's NOT that much of a stretch this time.

We also have the whole problem with Lily. Victor is so attached to Lily (who takes up both Elizabeth's and creature's bride parts in the novel) because he believes that only by possessing a good woman he'll be redeemed for his 'sinful' desires, but he's foolish to think that. This belief reduces a woman to a semi-maternal, semi-virginal angelic ideal with no sexual urges or agency, like virgin Mary. Lily is a true replacement for Victor's mother, and his imagined redemption. As long as she's similar to Proteus, in that she's not sexual, and pure like an angel. Yet Lily is not a woman in that sense. She is another of Victor's creatures, so she partially also takes over the role of the original Creature from the novel, a male. She's not an ideal of a Victorian obedient wife, she has power, or tries to have it, but power in the context of patriarchal society is masculine by nature. The moment she drops her pretenses of a weak delicate wife-like girl Victor does not want her like this. He doesn't want a woman that is sexually liberated, because he doesn't like women in this way, and yet, by being similar to the first Creature (from Victor's perspective, from hers John Clare is similar to Victor-a man, I could delve into Brona's sexuality, but later, this thing is already way longer than I intended) she's 'the man' he wanted.

There is also Henry. Henry Jekyll takes the role of his namesake in the novel, Henry Clerval, Victor's closest friend, and a character most often cited to have homoerotic tension with Victor. It's true that some of the eroticism might be accidental, stemming from the prevalence of homosocial interactions in 'Frankenstein' which in turn is a result of misogynistic nature of 19th century Genevian society and in-novel universe reflecting it, but like I mentioned before, it still feeds into the queer reading of the text and translates beautifully into Jekyll and Victor being both extremely misogynistic towards Lily and their mutual homoerotic tension. In the scenes where Henry purposes his plan to Victor he practically seductively purrs it into his ear, Lily becomes merely a female buffer that allows for that interaction, a female presence which is an excuse for male closeness (here I have a couple of examples actually: Dead Ringers, Sir Gawain and the Green Knight, Scream (in a roundabout way, through murder) and a couple others, but that deserves its own article). I won't even mention more references to the novel, because that's a lot already.

Penny Dreadful, although I believe largely unintentionally, expands on what is already there through the changes it introduces in relation to the novel's plot. I have nothing else smart to say, I just think it's worth considering.

*I use the word 'queer', because that's the umbrella term we use in academic writing for years now and even our lgbt+ group at university is called 'queer', so don't come at me with stupid takes

#Penny Dreadful #queer readings #Frankenstein #Victor Frankenstein #lily frankenstein

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shinjukuspiritcommittee · 3 years

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Top 20 2021

My Favorites (updated)

Hello my readers, it’s been a while since I just posted something not related to a headcanon and I am doing one right now. I just wanted to take a bit of a break to just get SOMETHING on here on my days off work. Plus I’m just trying to find my groove when it comes to writing again so hopefully this helps me just get back into the mood of making a post more often lol. I wanted to revisit this topic for a while just because we’ve had a lot more events and a lot more alts in the game were added. And I know for a fact LifeWonders reads these posts in some capacity because I have meme’d an AR into the game with my top picks from the last list I did for Christmas 2019. No I didn’t. I’m just joking around and I know LifeWonders doesn’t read this.

Anyways rather than just make up a list on the spot like last year I decided to use the Housamo Sortmaker (Link: https://club.housamo.xyz/sortmaker/ ) to try and make a list that’s more revealing to what I was thinking at the time. Since I talked about 20 characters ish last time I’m just gonna read from my 20th place to my 1st place spots and try to justify whatever I was thinking at the time. Anyways-

20: Marchosias and Susan: This one was a surprise for me if I’m being honest but I’m just gonna blame the fact on Shukou’s recent involvement with LifeWonders in the form of Live A Hero and how Ryekie and Mokdai live in my headspace rent free whenever I think about the characters in that game. Maybe we can see about getting some LAH headcanons since that’s a LifeWonders property too). So out of all the characters Shukou drew for Housamo why did I pick Marchosias? Easy, it’s been 4 years and this poor man has yet to receive a proper alt or any kind of skin for that matter and I think that it’s a crime. Sure he’s not my favorite but he’s definitely grown on me because he’s just a gentle dad kind of character and his design has grown on me over the years. I just hope he doesn’t get left behind since he has a lot of really interesting and potential things to look forward to in the future given how the main story has unfolded.

19: Shiva/Algernon: The helmet heads are together because DAI XT quickly became my favorite artist for Fire Emblem Heroes and I really just like their designs. DAI XT just knows how to draw robots, armor and muscles well. Also Chapter 11 with Shiva you can read into some interesting perspectives. I don’t want to spoil any of the untranslated content for anyone who’s waiting for the official english translation. But if you are curious Roureem has a blogspot where he posts summaries of the newly released events.

Link: https://housamosummaries.blogspot.com/

18: Cthugha: I love this goober so much. He’d constantly try to act super sentai just trying say good morning everyday. He may not be very bright but that just adds to his charm and honestly I enjoy how he always tries to play the hero in a lot of scenarios because it’s refreshing when they implement him after a bunch of heavy hitting story stuff. I’m not gonna spoil too much about it but I will say he’s more than welcome after everything Chapter 10 and 11 put the reader through.

17: Mineaki: I’ve made a post about him being one of my least favorites way back when I first started this blog and let me just say how times have changed and I’ve learned the value of not judging a book by it’s cover. I still think there’s something a bit off about Kowmei’s style for his characters, but Mineaki has definitely grown on me. He’s a caring instructor who does watch out for his students even if it’s not always in the most direct way possible. Not to get into too many spoilers he’s got a lot of intrigue around him as well and I am curious to see his role get expanded down the line.

16: Ded: Housamo is the reason I really like christmas. The Christmas stories despite following a similar structure to each other do tend to be my favorite stories. Ded himself is also just another good dad character. He’s also two guys for the price of one, so I mean… you know… you’ve got the forever ask your other dad situation. There wasn’t much thought put into this choice I just like santa as a concept because I think the outfits are cute, it’s always nice to get something for people you care about on Christmas and Ded is the perfect embodiment of both sides to Christmas.

15: Shinya: Everyone we need to manifest buff Shinya for 2021, this is not a drill. This is legitimate. We must make Taromati’s and my wish come true. To be more serious again he’s just a sweet and gentle character. He’s also drawn by my favorite Housamo artist. Their characters always just look so naturally good. I’m just surprised he hasn’t gotten much of an alt given he’s perfect material for Valentine’s day. He’s just a soft boy and I would love for him to be in more things because I just enjoy seeing him.

14: Jacob: I have to be honest Jacob is on here because every time I look at him he just gets more handsome to me. I wasn’t all that impressed with his introduction and we don’t know much about his background but I’ve just been drawn to him more and more. Maybe it’s just because he’s drawn by GomTang? I just like looking at him and I can’t help it. To speak a bit less crass he’s another gentleman kind of guy and those are always nice.

13: Shennong: Yeah I like the doc a lot. Firstly, I’m a huge sucker for big bulls and Shennong fits the bill. The white fur really adds to his appeal visually and the purple horns give off a bit of an unnatural appearance. Shen feels like someone who’s been touch starved and alone for a long time given how he acts as a character and when we actually hug him I just lost it. He always has others well being on his mind so he’s not afraid to jump in and help, or give a much needed lecture about when you need to take better care of yourself. He just comes across as very well balanced overall.

12: Heracles: I won’t lie- at first he didn’t interest me much. He looked incredibly plain when among the rest of the cast and he seemed like the typical “bait” character since the banner had Echo, Barguest, Gyumao and Snow. But after reading the translation for Valentine Time Slip I was taken aback at how much of a gentle giant he turned out to be and I just really liked his interactions with the others in that event. And honestly his special quest from that year was one of the more unique ones given the slower pace and more romantic vibe it had. After the event warmed my heart I did a complete 180 and I just knew I really liked him.

11. Yasuyori: Before I start praising him I feel I have to justify why he didn’t quite make top 10 and it will have some mild Chapter 10 spoilers. To be as vague as possible his resolution just didn’t vibe with me at the end of Chapter 10. Like it wasn’t a bad resolution and it was the right choice to make but in my opinion there really wasn’t a moment I felt was clear where he made a choice for himself. Everything just sort of happened around him and it felt like he didn’t really do much to improve his situation. To an extent I kind of see that being the idea given his origins and the story he’s based on and there is some semblance of him coming to terms with himself alongside his isolation being portrayed pretty well, but I just wasn’t satisfied with it as much as I would like to be. With that out of the way, oh my god I just want this boy to never stop smiling and I just want to give him hugs constantly please he just deserves to be happy!!! Yasuyori is a character who’s got a lot of baggage and he’s just trying to find ways to properly cope with his trauma and not repeat past mistakes and I just really like that idea. His role in Xmas 2020 (sorry I just forgot the name of that event, but its when he gets his alt) was a much better representation for his character in my eyes. I’m not gonna spoil anything like I keep saying but he isn’t one to disappoint in future appearances and I just hope this lovable lug keeps getting the support he deserves.

10: Hephaestus: A spicy way to start the latter half of the list. I just want to give this lad a hug and tell him he is worthy of love. But at the same time he is a little shit… and I love that. I can’t fully explain why I grow a paternal instinct in me seeing this grown man sob about his mother but I just do. I want to keep him safe and give him all the affection he wants. Though I am aware a lot of Hephaestus’s interest in his parental figure is… questionable. I am just gonna say I would accept his love for what it is and he just wants approval.

9. Shuten: I’ll be honest I have no proper reason for why I like Shuten so much. He’s just a cool and reliable guy. He just seems like a go with the flow kind of person most of the time and he’s a bit more direct than most of the characters which I always appreciate. Plus I have an unspoken bias for naop guys in Housamo.

8. Durga: While not number 1 on this list, I still really like Durga. She’s quirky but not to an annoying degree, she’s determined and definitely very confident in her own abilities. Her growing to be more sociable throughout her events is something I enjoy seeing because it really creates this sense of growth.

7. Kyuma: I get a lot of people don’t like Kowmei’s art but I really think we should look past it because Kyuma is one of the sweeter picks. He’s someone who just wants to prove himself for his own worth and not what David can provide, but David is part of him and it just creates the potential for a good arc. Plus this boy is unintentionally smooth and will just take your heart when possible. I honestly want to see Kyuma more in events because he’s honestly the jock that carries 3 of the 4 brain cells. He’s also the last one without an alt so I’m just hoping he gets one in 2021 because he really deserves one in my opinion. (Also fan art makes him really cute).

6. Tomte: Tomte is relatively new but honestly his event in 2019 really endeared me to him. I’m trying to be spoiler free because the best way to enjoy these stories is for yourselves but let me just say his arc in the event was really endearing to me and much more than I was expecting. His fan service is also incredibly hammy and I love it. Visually Tomte is one of my favorites, I love his multi colored hair and starlit pupils cuz it makes his otherwise more generic look have some flare. I knew I liked him out the box and when I read about him in the summaries and can’t wait to read the official translation for him. I was just very endeared.

5. Tetsuya: Tetsuya fucks. Moving on…

Jokes aside this one’s a bit simple. I have no shame in admitting I think he’s attractive and his whole resistance towards wanting a relationship is cute in a weird roundabout way. When he says no I just want it MORE. I just really like duo haired tsunderes.

4. Kengo: Kengo 3rd alt 2021. Please LifeWonders I need my favorite Summoner. He’s a bro and that’s what counts. Kengo has got your back, not afraid to rely on you, a very fun and dynamic guy. Sure he’s not that bright when it comes to making plans or any book smart, but there are times where he’s the best at being able to read the room or just understand what someone needs to hear even if it isn’t always what someone wants to hear. His bullheaded nature is actually one of his redeeming qualities because it’s nice to just not overcomplicate things and just understand what’s actually going on. Yes the early story didn’t do many favors for him but to me the events, especially the later ones, do much more work for his character. To me, at least.

3. Ashigara: Ashigara is best bear, and I will defend that stance in 2021. The main thing that draws me to Ashigara is that I can see a bit of myself in him. He gets very emotional when he gets left alone, he’s very loud when with his friends, has a tendency of speaking his mind- just someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. I also appreciate that in spite of the negative he isn’t someone who backs down when the going gets tough and in a few instances he’s able to hold his ground physically at least.

2. Wakan Tanka: Love at first sight. This ray of sunshine still persists as the number 1 husband, but number 2 character. Firstly I am a huge fan of the partial beast aesthetic. The buffalo ears and the horns are absolutely adorable. Secondly he’s a perfect body type; he’s not too muscular but not exactly flabby. Third he is just so positive and I love that. He’s someone I admire and wanna hug.

1. Taurus Mask: The more things change the more they stay the same. I’m still a big Taurus Mask fan for all the same reasons as last time. I just… relate to this boy. He is an incredibly shy boy who uses his public persona for confidence. Maybe I’m reading too much into it but it’s like we’re soul bros!

So yeah, my tastes haven’t changed in a year and a half.

#tokyo afterschool summoners #housamo #Just Thoughts #qna #sfw

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sntdeaths · 3 years

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case file : kingsley , maddox / there is something at work in my soul, which I do not understand ,

associations : the organization, the entertainers, herself /

1980 , london

memoir : burning cigarettes sitting on the hood of a car during a cold night, listening to old songs on the radio, books piling up on barely used apartments, blood-stained thorns of blooming roses, setting fire to expensive paintings just for fun, shaky hands covered in blood, open shirts smelling of wet dirt, red lipstick stains on the collar of white shirts

full name : Maddox Kingsley

nicknames : Has none

birthdate : november 22th, 1980

hometown : london , england

current location : sunset port , downtown

languages spoken : english , german , italian, russian

distinguishing features : a scar across her brow , a ‘do not approach’ attitude

positive : shrewd, punctilious, proficient

negative : perilous, vitriolic, temerarious

aspirations : to be free

likes : the smell of wet grass, long walks through the forest, the quietness of loneliness, bitter strong alcohol straight from the bottle, sunglasses in rainy grey days, long drives in the night

dislikes : being swallowed by her thoughts, interactions with humans, fake politeness and false kindness, being known, memories of the past, griefing for a life she doesn't remember

BIOGRAPHY

Trigger Warnings; Violence, Murder, Guns, Drugs, Serial Killers Mention

Maddox Kingsley understands enough of human nature to perceive her morals; nor black nor white, but shades of grey. Most are darker than others, more prominent. Some are hardly noticeable, but the danger is still unmistakable. In hindsight, it should be said her morals are questionable, simply put. There is no wrong or right, for Maddox. Sides are of little importance, as the only side she cares for is her own. A selfish little thing, with only her well-being in mind; she doesn't partake in any activities if she is not gaining something out of it. Maddox is easily buyable, and that's where the trouble resides; her loyalty is not worth a penny, at the end of the day — Not if someone pays better for it. Betrayal is part of Maddox's nature; it's in her blood, her instinct. Not born with her, but shoved in her bones, carved into the space where her heart should've been. Survival had been the first thing Maddox Kingsley learned, forced into her veins by unpredictable events and painfully drastic circumstances —

You see, Maddox Kingsley had not been planned by loving parents intending to start a family. She had not been imagined, had no one who had longed for her — who had dreamed of her. No. Maddox is the outcome of a series of unpredictable events and terribly, comical if not painfully drastic, exaggerated misunderstandings. A tale so entangled in lies and achingly raw sorrow it is hardly possible to determine the truth. Few things were undoubtedly accurate, facts people embraced without question or suspicion. But the truth, not in its entirety for many pieces of the puzzle were in possession of wrathful and indignant people who would not abide Maddox's questioning, laid dormant and guarded within the confines of her mother's broken heart, hidden from those who found fondness in rumors. Her mother bore the harshness of words in a selfishly selfless act to shield her daughter, and herself. A deed meant to reassure Maddox of her devotion, and thus devotion would be given in return.

So Maddox knew she was not unloved, her mother’s love had been her only certainty amidst the turmoil, but she wasn't awaited.

At eighteen, Lucrecia Kingsley found herself aggravating her family's situation — once prominent but now sunk in a sea of disrepute and misery. Pregnant. Surprisingly, unseemly and in her father's perspective, undesired. To further his despair, orchestrating a marriage with the father would be improbable, as the man was to be engaged. Not to his daughter, thus saving the family from bankruptcy, but to a society lady. Maddox's mother was adamant about keeping her child, despite that her father threatened to disown her. Thankfully, the man she had slept with during a moment of intoxication and hurt provided accommodations, given she allowed him to share the child with her, and she willingly accepted in a moment of desperation.

The first few years weren't cruel to Maddox. They were not particularly kind, by any means, but the child was shielded from harshness and ruthlessness during most of her first years. Her mother was young, inexperienced, fighting to overcome an essentially empty bank account — but the woman was loving, in a way her own mother had never been before. Maddox was attached to her, clinging to her mother's dresses whenever the woman had to leave for work or when Maddox's father arrived to pick her up for weekends each Friday night. Maddox's mother gave her as much care and comfort as she could, but the woman couldn't preserve her from the distant home her father dared take Maddox to every weekend.

A psychiatry student, Bertrand was a man none dared challenge in fear of his influence and authority. Rumors of Bertrand fabled cruelty were shared in hushed whispers by those brave enough to speak words considered blasphemy, but no eyes had ever witnessed such evil coming from the man's hand. Cold, yes, but not brutal. The man adored Maddox, pampering, and doting on her whenever they spent weekends together, but his family did not share the sentiment. Maddox never met her paternal grandparents, before.

She was young, barely 5, but her first memory is of that night.

Sat in the back of an ambulance, the police lights bright and vibrant amidst the darkness, Maddox hardly paid mind to the yells of an elder woman she had never met before, who was daring to disturb the ghostly silence plaguing the night. Her attention was solely on her father, his calm eyes staring at her through the car window. To this day, Maddox remembers the strangest feeling creating roots in her lungs at the sight of her father in the back of a police car, officers and agents crowding their house and invading their space.

Your father killed a bunch of people, the agent with kind eyes had informed her, and Maddox remembers how she struggled to speak the words - had to force each syllable and consonant out, her brain surely wondering how to best tell a young girl her beloved father was a killer — and that her mother would not be returning. Her blood continued to stain the blanket wrapped around her shoulders, and her father’s eyes never showed any sign of emotions — Maddox knows, now, if she was in the agent's shoes, she would’ve been struggling too.

When Maddox had been discharged from the hospital — an extraordinary child having survived the impossible — it was to the stern hands of nuns with kindness in their eyes, faintly. Taken to a countryside orphanage, Maddox Kingsley turned out to be a difficult case for the nuns and caretakers to restrain. It was to be expected, of course, with her father in jail and her mother murdered. But Maddox's refusal of cooperating, accepting the affections of candidate parents, and simply not speaking whatsoever — proved to be rather complicated. She went and came, a family never settling with her or accepting her into their folds, wishing for an easier child to love and support instead, and returning Maddox to the hands of desperate nuns had been Maddox growing years. Coupled with fights she would often get into with the other children, well — They couldn't do much for her.

It wasn't until Maddox turned twelve that a man with a prominent glare on his face and few words on his lip finally sealed the deal, taking Maddox in and signing the adoption papers when they were ready. Unusually quickly, but the orphanage was thankful for the money the man provided and to see Maddox finally with a 'family'. Little did they know the man was nothing of a father, but a mentor of sorts; an assassin, one with quick hands and light feet. Maddox kicked and screamed, but soon she fell into her new routine. The man did not care about the fights she picked in school, as long as she kept her head down and the attention on her to a minimum — and every day they trained. Trained until Maddox bones were sore and heavy, until her lungs ached in her ribcage, her ears ringing from the gunshot noises, and her arms burned from the weight of guns.

Maddox and the men held no affection for each other, traded few words, but he shaped her to be a merciless killer, one who could survive the dangers of this world and would not be bound to the grieves and disturbances a heart might cause. By then, she did not remember her mother by face, and tried not to think of the woman — choosing to guard the good memories in a dark place of her heart, a place where the sun doesn't shine and her blood-stained hands couldn't cause such joyful things to root. Maddox and the man held no affection for each other, traded few words, but he shaped her to be a merciless killer, one who could survive the dangers of this world and would not be bound to the grieves and disturbances a heart might cause. By then, she did not remember her mother by face, and tried not to think of the woman — choosing to guard the good memories in a dark place of her heart, a place where the sun doesn't shine and her blood-stained hands couldn't cause such joyful things to root. By eighteen, Maddox started taking her own jobs, and proved to be quite adept at it. She was never caught, and never left witness behind. Fighting came as easy to her as breathing, and Maddox paid no heed to pain. She was a machine, good as they come. By twenty-five, she was running in with a partner, a man she met during a job who was paid to kill another target in the same party she had a target. It wasn't a life she was proud of; running credit card scams, killing for money, and never settling down in one place — but it was the life she knew. The only thing she had been good at. Perhaps it is genetics. Perhaps she is as rotten as her father. Thoughts that kept her awake at night, knowing them to be true. Everything she touched died, just like him.

With her story and her past, it didn't take long for the Organization to contact her. They promised her the world for her skills, but it came with a price. She had to leave her partner behind, and kill a target that had been escaping the Organization grasps for some time. Maddox faked her own death, leaving London, and following the trail, she was given up to Bulgaria, where she found herself face to face with the man that had raised her, taught her. It wasn't an easy fight. But she came out victorious, and at first thing in the morning, was leaving on a plane to Sunset Port.

After that, guilt began to settle in her bones. She continued to do her job, but the taste of blood now left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth, and when she turned 32, Maddox decided to leave this life behind. She couldn't, not fully, of course — one does not simply leave the Organization. But they offered her a retirement plan; take charge of the radio station, and be free to do as she wishes in her free time. She accepted it with no questions asked, and has been the radio host for the Sunset Frequency since then.

#nightcityintro

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aka-indulgence · 4 years

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What if the reader in amits and tdtlu was a little kid? Not in a creepy way but in a 'paternal instincts activated' way

So- I got a LOT of baby/child reader and parental-instinct skeleton asks sent my way at different times and probably different people and guess what- I’m weak for big monsters that’re weak for little things ebh3hbsbrmnsb

(I’m sof ok)

So here’s baby reader-

(Also whoops I went a bit too far and had a lot of excitement because…. Look above, so I’ve put a read more)

So here’s baby reader-

Let’s start with Black (TDtLU) first. So like the last ask- I think a way that Black could safely take the kid under his wing (well, tentacle) would be if they were abandoned because who the heck brings their tiny child to a dangerous beach? Bad parents not ready to raise a child, they’ve put her on the beach alone one night, running away straight after. Black was just ready to sleep, the moonlight was filtering into the waters, the sea quiet. As he made last night territory checks, he heads to his cave and…

He hears the cry of a baby ring out. A human baby.

He wants to ignore it, it’s just noise. Whoever the hell decided to have their ‘honeymoon’ on this beach with their kid must’ve been pretty romantic and really stupid. So he tries to sleep…

But the baby cries again.

Black loves his peace, even monsters don’t get a pass if they disturb him, so he climbs out of the water…

Only to find the baby, alone, on the sand. Wrapped in blankets, starting to twist around the tiny body from all the thrashing it made.

… Black… Black didn’t know what to do. There was… A tiny… Human baby… on his sands. Black is pretty numb when it comes to killing, finds it quite satisfying most of the times, because he’s gotten rid of the pest. But this… This was a baby. A lonely, abandoned baby. They couldn’t just be… Forgotten, can they?

… So… He waits for awhile, seeing if anyone would find her (after he found out her gender on accident when the blankets slipped and apparently- she was not clothed), staying with her on the shore until dawn came. He held her close to his chest and shushed her, and somehow- Black doesn’t even know how- she calmed down when he cooed and crooned. This went on for several days, Black feeding the baby monster food because a baby this tiny can’t eat anything solid. He waits and waits, and…

No one shows up.

On the first day, Black would’ve been… Really reluctant to take a random baby into his care, but… When he sees the little thing coo at him when she had started to calm down, looking up at him with those wide, curious eyes, reaching for his phalanges when they came closer to her… And when she actually touched him, those tiny chubby fingers grabbing onto one of his phalanges, he couldn’t leave her alone. She was attached to him, she was curious with his bones, his tentacles- not scared of him. He still remembers when her tiny hands were on his ribcage, above his soul, and he could feel hers, small yet strong- a life ahead of her.

…. He couldn’t leave her. And he knows he was almost as attached to her as she was to him at that point, he could feel him drawn to her, wanting to protect and raise her.

He finds a tiny rocky island where he could watch her, made a tiny house after awhile to shield her from the weather.

He is like a mother with her, in protectiveness. He is hostile to any creature that approaches his baby’s home, his territorial magic strong in the water, currents around her tiny home. He plays with her every day, and he can’t stoop laughing whenever he plays a tiny game of “boo” with his tentacles, she always gets so surprised when he pokes her with one on the back when her attention was all on his bony hands.

And now to AMitS Sans… How would they meet?

Well, not with a tiny child seeing a giant skeleton murdering a man, for starters.

Here, reader would be around toddler age, she can start interacting with the world in small ways, knows simple language, and is very, very curious about the world, loving to explore. So she meets him rather than him meeting her first. Sans was off during that time, right after completing a task. He had started smoking at a corner of a building, next to the bustling streets, and… He found a tiny girl, in a cute little dress come up to him and tugging his pants.

… the… the hell..?

He is very confused as to why the hell a tiny human kid would just walk up to a red eyelighted, sharp teethed skeleton smoking but- He takes one look at the innocent eyes, tiny hand on the fabric of his pants, the absolutely straight-face she had on her when she looked at him- and he just can’t not give her all of his attention and adoration, he already has a weak spot for her.

He crouches down to her level, doing his best to keep the smoke away from her. He asks her about why she’s here, talking to him, if she’s lost. She says.. She is, and looking at the crowd walking back and forth on the pavement was enough to give Sans the answer as to how, and a question of “how the hell did this baby get to me in the first place,”

Obviously, Sans wouldn’t go to the police to drop her off, because while the cops are corrupt and have many deals with criminals- hell, most of them turn in witnesses to his gang when they go to the police but, he shouldn’t do it in the open.

He takes a stroll on the streets, having you propped on one of his arms as he asks you questions- “where are yer parents, kiddo?” “where d’ya live?” “how old are ya girly?” “3? wow, yer so amazin’ walkin’ in a crowd like that at 3!” “what’s your name? (y/n)? that’s a pretty name.”

… As he walks by with you and makes small talk… he realized… He likes kids. He didn’t think he’d be a good parent…

When you spot your parents at the police station, panicking about your whereabouts, you point at them enthusiastically, and Sans breaks into a sweat- fuck, there they are, how the fuck am i supposed to send this baby to ‘em- He teleports close to the door, setting you down and opening the door for you, but he doesn’t follow. He’ll just usher you to the inside, but you don’t leave immediately, instead looking at him. He crouches down to see what you have to say to him… And you just touch his cheekbones, rubbing it a little. Sans could feel the.. Pure affection in that little hand alone, and your smiling face. You wave goodbye to him, walking into the station.

… After that encounter, Sans meets you more, as your parents have been going to Redroad often. They’ll be at a cafe, and Sans’ll sneak a meeting with you. You trust him quickly from his oddly friendly nature, and Sans tries to say hello to you in either crowded places or quiet places- He doesn’t want any of his gang members or especially rivals seeing him being soft for a kid. He knows it’s dangerous, but you always insist on meeting him again, and he relents. He even visits you at home sometimes- Having keeping a watchful eye on you when you’re with your parents to make sure you go safely home… He knows it probably counts as stalking, but it makes him anxious not knowing if your family made it home. From that, he finds out that sometimes your parents can’t bring you with them… And you’re left alone in the house, because babysitters are hard to come by. So he makes himself a babysitter and plays with you, sometimes taking you to various places in the city for views since you’re bored at home. He always makes sure to know the parents schedule to know when to come and when not to.

And it is exactly on one of these “babysitting” trips… When he founds both of the little kid’s parents dead, and a lonely, crying baby in a locked room.

Your parents had been going underground out of desperation, which explains their going to Redroad- and it finally caught up to them. Sans recognizes the ‘style’ of killing so to speak- recognizes the gang.

He doesn’t understand how they left you alive. Pity? Or did they just not notice you? Your room was locked, so… He assumes the latter.

But it doesn’t matter how you’re alive- you’re alive. And he’s not going to leave you alone.

He comes home to his family home, a kid in hand, and when everyone looks to him with a puzzled look, Sans is sweating and smiling awkwardly.

“… look who i’ve brought home? a baby, and i’m adoptin’ her- fuck off to any of ya if ya don’t want her.”

… Sans was grateful they weren’t too opposed to him raising a kid.

#ask #AMitS #AMitS ask #TDtLU #TDtLU asks #skeletons being parents #of a tiny human kid #because yes #father-daughter thing going on huwee

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headspacea-blog · 6 years

Text

My Al-Anon Story

My dad has been an alcoholic for my entire life. However, his disease did not become fully apparent or malevolent until I reached middle school age. Though a hardworking, determined, caring father of two (and a half), his alcoholism turned some of his most admirable traits into some of his most frustrating. His hardworking nature became the reason for needing a drink to take the edge off. His dogged determination became a vicious, stubborn attitude during disagreements, and his caring paternal instincts became an inability to let go of his children when adulthood dawned.

During one particularly painful disagreement, I became so emotionally unsettled that I packed a small bag of items and removed myself from the only home situation I had ever known. As a senior in high school, I had not fully realized the capabilities of the disease that is alcoholism and its deceptive ability to turn good people, like my father, into monsters. Eventually, the damage created from that fallout came to be repaired to the meager extent that it could be. However, that was not the end of the pain for my family.

Fast forward to the summer after my sophomore year of college. I was working as a camp counselor at a Lutheran bible camp approximately five hours away from home. Though strained due to my father’s anguish at losing his eldest to adulthood responsibilities, my relationship with my dad remained neutral leaning toward positive most of the time. However, while home for July 4th vacation from work, I found myself having to leave my home situation again due to turbulence in my relationship with him. His refusal to change and even more adamant refusal to admit to having a problem, drove me away so intensely that I cut off all communications with him until a few months later when his ego led him to attempting to turn his side of the family against me and convince them of my insolent, pathetic nature. This was also the interaction that drove the wedge far enough between my mother and I to send our once intimate relationship spiraling out of control.

Through the entirety of middle and high school, my mother had not wanted to admit that my dad had a serious problem with alcohol. Though she would often say that she knew he had a drinking problem, I think she refused to believe in the full extent of the problem. It seemed as if no matter how bad the problem got, she would return to his side rather than taking mine and admitting I was right about his alcoholism. During the last escape made from the house in July, I told her that I was sick of being chosen second to him and his problems. I had no choice in being brought into the world and, additionally, their turbulent relationship, nor did my brother have a say in the matter. Yet, her response was always the same; she had put too much time into her relationship with my dad to leave him despite the abuse that came as a result of the alcohol (and not as a result of it).

The woman who had always been my best friend and greatest source of spiritual guidance was allowing herself to be emotionally abused and dragged through the mud by a man who claimed to be Christian but had never shown that to be the case. Having struggled throughout middle school and high school with my faith, the realization of the extent of my dad’s disease was one of the many final straws that drove God out of my life. I had been so angry at the “God” who claimed to be all-loving of every one of his children, yet he allowed alcoholism to exist and allowed it to tear apart families just like mine. Even worse in my mind was the lack of support and acknowledge from my mother which would also come to play a big role in a series of moments I would come to see as religious.

One day at the beginning of the Fall 2017 semester, during a seemingly ordinary conversation, my mother asked if I had ever gone to an Al-Anon Family meeting. I responded that I had not, and she told me that if I had a chance, I may find one to be beneficial. She told me that she had visited our new associate pastor, whom she had found a profound connection to in the previous months, and that she had directed her to an Al-Anon meeting in hopes that it would give my mom a different perspective on the issue. Upon arriving at the meeting, the group followed protocol and began to introduce themselves by first name only. The first man introduced himself as Bryan and the second man introduced himself as Scott. My mother said it was this moment that she was finally convinced. Though unrelated and unobvious to anyone else, my father’s name is Bryan Scott and it was this moment where my mother finally accepted, through God’s intervening that my dad had a problem and it was time to fully accept it rather than continue denying it. As she told me about this experience, I felt a wave of peace come over me; it was the much-needed result of finally being told that she would no longer deny his problems which released the pent-up tension I had been holding. I felt like God had opened my mom’s eyes and shown her that I was not making claims about my dad to tear our family apart but I truly was experiencing an emotional turmoil beyond imagination.

Previously, I had not been able to comprehend the structure of Al-Anon, much less had I wanted anything to do with attended a meeting surround by people like my father. From my perspective, it was a group that met to talk about how their week/month/season had gone and whether they had relapsed and used alcohol again. I came to find out that Al-Anon is, in actuality, a separate entity than the one I just described which is actually known as Alcoholics Anonymous. Al-Anon is a group of people who have been affected by alcoholism in a loved one. Distinct groups meet and utilize the same twelve steps of Alcoholics Anonymous in order to cope and understand the disease of alcoholism better. It was this confusion that originally discouraged me from attending, however after hearing the way that God had affected my mother through the program I was willing to see what Al-Anon had to offer me.

Upon arrival at my first meeting, I was welcomed with no more than a few polite glances. I didn’t feel particularly welcomed, but I didn’t feel unwelcome either. It seemed like this group of people had known each other for a significant time and my presence was irrelevant to their conversations. As the meeting started, the group followed protocol and then began doing a round table of readings from Al-Anon literature, something I had not come prepared with. As people began to speak, I sat quietly with my hands folded in my lap, doing my best to remain unnoticed. Then the woman next to me slid a bit closer and nudged my arm to show me that she was sharing her book with me to read from. When it became my turn, I read the next passage in the lineup from her book and smiled in silent appreciation as she continued to allow me to share for the entirety of the meeting.

As the session came to a close, the group abruptly stood and asked those who felt comfortable to join in the Lord’s prayer. Being a nervous newcomer, I quickly joined and did my best to follow the groups’ lead. I hadn’t realized Al-Anon was in any way religious. I wasn’t offended, but I was certainly surprised. This unexpected addition of religion confused me, but it also seemed to fit with the purpose of the group. As the final words were spoken, I quietly left the room as the returners continued to chat. As I left the church where the meeting was held, I was overcome with intense emotion. I began to run to my car and once in the safety of its confines, I let myself fall apart. I spent a long time sitting in the parking lot of the church talking to God. I told him how, despite the normality of the meeting and its simple nature, I had felt an unusually strong connection to the people in that room. I had seen their individual pains and their strengths despite the short time I spent with them. I had felt drawn to the church and drawn to the Al-Anon group inside of it. Each week I have returned to that church, and each week I have repeatedly felt the way I did the first night I attended. Despite the struggles each member faces, I can see that they want to understand the plight of alcoholism while going for their own benefit as well. They talk about their Higher Power and how connection with him has been influential in their healing journey.

Where I once blamed God for the problems my father deals with, I now thank Him for showing me that there is hope. Just as he brought my mother to her first Al-Anon meeting and me to mine, it is obvious that he also brought each of the members I have come to cherish to their first meetings and have continued returning.

#alanon #al-anon #alcoholism #mental health #mom #dad #religion

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