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thesickpanda · 4 years

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Where is My Mind?

Stress can make you feel like you're going crazy.

I cannot emphasize this enough. Long-term, persistent and intense stress well above your baseline levels can make you feel like you're losing your mind.

Life is stressful and when I think back to when the intense periods of stress started in mine it gets a bit ridiculous because I grew up in a domestically violent household with severely mentally ill parents in a country on the brink of civil war with one of the highest crime rates in the world. So I have been kinda stressed for a very long time. However, in more recent months, the level of acute stress I've been experiencing has made me feel disconnected from reality. I've experienced derealisation a number of times due to Lyrica withdrawal and accidental cannabis highs. But this one is different. The depersonalisation I’ve been experiencing is from pure, unrelenting stress. I really did question my sanity more than once.

In July, I saw my psychologist to describe this feeling to her. She very helpfully drew a diagram which explained the neuroscience of why we feel this way when we've experienced high levels of stress for a long time. It was really helpful to see that because it reassured me that what I was feeling was, as much as this can be said, "normal", given the amount of strain I was under. But the stress hasn’t let up since then and I have been well above my baseline for much too long.

Long story short, I haven't really recovered since my family visited me last year. 2018 was a year from hell. 2019 hasn’t been much better but for different reasons. Basically, the hardships I’ve endured being the leader of a non-profit all these years reached critical mass and finally, at long last, broke me. After 8 years of pouring all my heart, soul and every last spoon I had into it, I quit last month…and to very little fanfare at that. 3 people turned up for our final meeting, and only because we needed to hand them the organization’s physical assets. We had a little unplanned dinner out and that was that.

I'm grateful to the handful of people who have reassured me they will continue its legacy beyond my departure, genuinely I am, but overall I think I stayed in that position at least a year longer than I should have. I feel incredibly jaded and cynical about the whole thing.

And I’m sorry if this offends anyone, but screw Sydney’s activists. The vast majority of them can barely call themselves that. I have never been in such an apathetic, vain, self-centered and lazy city when it comes to political activism. This migrant has had enough of trying to get Australians to care about their own issues. (And yeah, the people I handed the non-profit over to? Also migrants).

It is telling that the final meeting was also the night before we moved house (because we always had to wrap our own lives around the goings on of that organisation, not the other way around, which is another major reason we quit). So after an hour and a half’s drive into the city, we had to get home late to get up early the next day to start that fun process.

But I am getting ahead of myself. Before we ever got to moving day, we first had to find a house. If you haven’t done it before, let me tell you, the process of house hunting on a tight budget in a hostile market is disgustingly stressful.

We were looking from June. The property market in Sydney is unbelievably expensive and even though it experienced a so-called "correction" for a year, (meaning that house prices stabilized instead of continuing to rise), that ended just as we entered into the property hunt. I am extremely grateful that we got the house we did at the price we did, but my God, getting to that point nearly killed me. I keep explaining to people that it felt as if my partner and I ran full blast over broken glass to the edge of a dock, leapt several metres and grabbed onto the barnacles of a departing ship by our fingernails. I really do think we may have been among the last millennials that got on that “property” ship, and it was only because, at long last, we had help from my partner's extremely wealthy parents. After shaming us for a decade for not being able to afford impossible house prices (“ok boomer…”), he finally relented and helped us out. Again, I'm grateful, but also disgusted that this is the world we live in. Housing should be a human right and we shouldn't have this intergenerational greed and infighting over something so basic. Forgive my inner socialist.

Finding the house was only the first part of the equation; moving into it was the next step.

The moving process was incredibly arduous. At the time we should have been packing up the house, my partner's work decided to send him interstate for business on multiple occasions. By the time moving day came round, we were not ready and we couldn't afford to pay removalists. We enlisted the help of two amazing friends and Joe's brother-in-law. Again, super grateful that I had their help, but my God, was it intense. It took the better part of four days to move everything. We had to pay off the mortgage and the rent for the previous place for a two-week period, putting considerable strain on our savings. At the same time, we needed to get some work done in the new house so that was being done while we were trying to sort out the old house. The rental laws in this country are a joke and are widely considered to be abusive to renters, including by many of my American friends who now live here. I doubt we will ever see our bond returned, even though we were treated like crap living there for three years in a house that was not sealed, had no insulation or air conditioning, leaked and was draughty, didn't have proper doors et cetera et cetera. I mean, we had maggots falling from the ceiling… twice. The place was rotting and rotten but because my partner couldn't completely colour match the paint when he tried to cover up what was absolutely reasonable wear and tear on one of the walls, I'm sure we will lose all that. As usual, the landlord will claim it costs our entire $1800 bond to get a $50 an hour painter in to patch up one wall. They always do this. In your contract it says reasonable wear and tear are a few knocks and dings on the wall and that the tenant is not expected to pay for that. In reality, in every rental we have ever lived in, the landlord has refused to refund the bond when there’s been even the slightest bit of damage, even if we had a record of being model tenants. It was almost comical how hard my partner was trying in the middle of the move to cover up a few scrapes on the walls from moving furniture in and out. It all came to nothing because for love nor money he couldn't find the correct match of paint. And then of course he had to mow the entire grounds of the last rental when he really wanted to be using his weekends to sort out and unpack the new house. Good God, it was awful.

My partner and I barely spent any quality time together during this period and he was extremely stressed out and distant from me. I totally understand why but the whole thing flared every single one of my conditions and I needed him as my carer. But he couldn’t really do that, as he was trying to do literally everything else. Moving house is hard on a healthy body, never mind one with two chronic pain disorders, irritable bowel and generalised anxiety disorder. And then (because of course), a family member of mine (one of the abusers) picked that moment in time to start harassing me, thereby triggering my PTSD which led to a nervous breakdown which led to intense depersonalisation, insomnia and nausea. Everyone and everything seemed unfamiliar to me, even my partner. I started to doubt whether or not I loved myself or anyone else anymore. I just felt so completely and utterly disconnected from the world. I began to lie awake at night terrified that I was fading away, that I could no longer feel anything other than fear. All the time, people kept saying, “congratulations on the new house! You must be so excited!” But all I could feel was sickness and dread.

Two weeks after moving in, I had to drop my Lyrica one more time. This drop has been very difficult. All of the stress has led to some dark thoughts in the back of my mind which of course Lyrica then co-opts and exaggerates. I have had a more than a few moments of suicidal ideation. Everything in my life on paper has improved. We are now homeowners, we live in a beautiful part of the world, we've made some new friends lately, things are settling down et cetera et cetera. But I feel like I'm in shell shock after this year and last year. I haven't even had time to process that I am no longer the president of the not-for-profit I founded and formulated an identity around. I just haven't had the time to process literally anything. I've been more exhausted that I have ever felt. Oh, I'm sure everyone will say, “this too shall pass”. But I do not believe that bullshit. Yes, this individual stressor will pass but more horror will come and I know that makes me sound super negative but I just cannot remember a period of time when things were calm for… I can't remember. I just feel like I've been in a hurricane forever.

So yeah, I'm writing this post while experiencing Lyrica withdrawal which makes me depressed and anxious. It's probably colouring my vision on everything. Fine. But I have been going through Lyrica withdrawal for two years, so it’s kinda become my normal. My final drop is on 26 December after which I will experience two more months of withdrawal and hopefully, after that, some semblance of sanity again. In the midst of all this I have to study for my citizenship test which is at the end of this month. I don't get any government support for my disability until I have been a citizen of this country for eight years, and as I’d like to survive my 40s, I need to get citizenship now. But yeah… studying an eighty-page textbook with an addled brain is just so much fun.

Of course, during this time we haven’t have Internet because we had to disconnect the old place and it takes an age for it to get reconnected at the new place. We only recently acquired it at the new house. So there are piles of emails waiting for me. Many of them are from friends and I'm glad for that. But there is also a lot of life admin I now need to do. I have to change my address on every account I hold, which is really tedious. We have also had to organise time with family. Because my partner's family helped us get this house, we feel especially obliged to go to every single one of the family events, of which there are many. He comes from a big Catholic family so every relative who comes to visit, every party that's being held, every birthday, wedding, funeral and religious holiday, we’re now expect to attend. We have several in the next few weekends, taking up most of the time we *needed* to be unpacking the house. We’re obligated now.

In all this negativity, though, I want to say that I am genuinely grateful to be one of the lucky ones to have a house. I know it sounds like I am whining about a good thing. It's not that I'm not glad for this (I know how ridiculously privileged we are). I just haven't been able to really feel it yet. I think that regardless of what happened this year, I’d be feeling this way. Something broke in me last year and just hasn't really come back. I feel shattered.

And all my chronic pain conditions have been wearing me down too. I found out this year that the operation that cost me and my friends so much money (to remove that nerve in my foot) had failed. Or rather, the surgeon had completely botched it up. I have PTSD from that surgery. Just the thought of going back to have it done again fills me with heart racing terror and cold sweats. I’ve had numerous surgeries before that one and been fine, but the reaction I had from the anesthetic last time was so severe, and the recovery so long, that I genuinely fear it more than almost anything else. And yet I need to go in for that nightmare all over again in 2020. I'm going to be asked to trust a different surgeon to do the same so-called “simple operation” to restore some functionality to my left foot. My right knee is probably also going to need surgery since it has been resistant to any physiotherapy rehabilitation. And on top of all this, my poor partner's health has also taken a hit this year from the stress which is worrying me. Because I can always do with some more worry…

But hey! This too shall pass! You should be happy! Life is great now! Yay yay yay!

Fuck, sometimes it just want to be allowed to feel shit and to have other people say “okay you can feel shit now. Yes, some good things have happened but right now you need to process the bad and that's okay too”. My lord, if people could just do that for me. If they could just let me feel what the fuck I need to feel.

What I feel is exhausted, scared, freaked out, traumatized, weird, sick, angry, overwhelmed and fed up. And I need to feel those things before I can feel anything else.

#rant #Fibromylagia #chronic illness #chronic pain #chronic stress #stress #overwhelmed #personal catharsis

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witchyinthekitchen · 6 years

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This is a Vent Post about my Mother, Please do not reblog

This post is probably gunna be all over the place/time with things that I can remember/recall so bear with me here.

-Being told to make my own food bc mom was too busy with brand new baby (I was between 5-6 so poptarts were about all i could manage. I'd asked for a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.) (my brother was a VERY finniky baby. If you weren't holding him he'd scream till his face went purple.))

-Tried to share interests in Anime/manga with her, when I asked her what she felt about it she said she couldn’t get into it and that it felt like a chore. (13-15 ish)

-Told her I needed therapy bc I was having suicidal thoughts. She took me, but then took me out once I started getting upset about the things i’d been talking about in therapy with my therapist because I'd come home in a bad mood.(15-16 ish)

-Went to Mother Daughter Group Therapy with her (there were other mother daughter combos) and she stormed out in the middle of it saying that we were only attacking her and not my dad too. (was 15-16 ish)

-Got into an argument about who i was voting for in the 2016 election while on vacation at Disney World (Hint it wasn't Trump like she wanted)(24 ish)

-Tried to gaslight me about trying to get everyone together to talk wedding stuff saying how she tried but that it all fell apart. (I have texts of her canceling it the day before we were all supposed to get together.)(26)

-Gets super defensive/upset any time I talk about “other mothers” in my life (MIL, BM)

-Has been super hot and cold with me during wedding planning and making passive aggressive comments about everything: Tell him to buy new pants for the engagement shoot 'bc I dont want him wearing baggy clothes -SO's Lost over 20lbs+ for the wedding and i'm so fuckin proud of him- “I don’t want to pay for hard alcohol for SO and his friends to drink at the wedding.” As if ½ the people invited weren’t all just her friends? ((All our friends live out of state/country so half the wedding is family and HER friends/neighbors.)) "I’m sure H*(SIL) and K*(MIL) have good counsel for you on _____," (Why would you say this when i'm asking for YOUR opinion? If i wanted their opinion i'd ask them.)

-4 months before the wedding she’s trying to talk me out of my venue saying we need to go look at the ones SO and MIL had suggested.

-Wants me to keep (BM)'s relation to me a secret even though i’m pretty sure 85% of the people who know me and are coming to my wedding know i'm adopted.

-Angry that I was moving out of the house at 21 with my SO she told his mother she hoped we’d fail. (In her defense she'd just been diagnosed with breast cancer and I'd done poorly in my last semester of college so parents thought it would be a good idea to take me out of college for a semester so i could live at home and basically be at my moms beck and call while also being expected to work 2 jobs (they'd told me the instant that the semester was over that i was expected to work 2 jobs) -That's at least how I was viewing that whole situation before I moved out- )

-As a kid I remember wanting to run away a lot. (Never away to a friends house but always to a park to live under a bridge like the goblin I am (lol)) (is it obvious I use self depreciating humor to get through things that I'm uncomfortable with? haha)

-I'd always hide things from her, even small things like a puzzle book i'd bought myself from the elementary school book fairs. i even began writing my diaries in code so she couldn't read them. Not that i ever caught her reading my diaries or what not but thats how afraid i was.

-The only things that stopped me from killing myself was the distressing thought that my mother would be more upset with blood on the floor than me being gone. (It was a constant worry of mine when I was having ideations.)

-When i was getting close to graduating high school the librarians told me they had a bunch of excess old books they were getting rid of and one of them happened to be the "Toxic Parents" book i've seen several other posts refer to. I took no other books besides that one. I hid that from her too. Looking back through it i remember there was a checklist in the book and i'd filled some of it out when i was younger. I most definitely am a people pleaser.

-We've never really been able to "talk" about things together like how my dad and i do and i think she's really jealous about it.

-The only way I feel comfortable talking to her is Via Email/Text because then that way i have a copy of all the things she's said. because i often forget things. (I honestly don't know how bad my memory is or if its gaslighting but i hope its just me being forgetful and not the latter...)

-I literally cannot let my SO do the dishes because my Mom would always do the dishes/clean when she was mad and bang pots around loudly and just even those sounds set me on edge.

-Her telling me that the careers i wanted to get into (IE: the Arts/Theater/Music) wouldn't make enough money and that they'd be fine as Hobbies but not as careers.

-She's continually trying to push me into a Customer Service Job because i'm so good at making other people happy. (talked to dad about this and he says i'm a very big people pleaser who doesn't like conflicts -cue nervous laughter about wedding planning-)

-Being around her for long periods of time is so physically/emotionally draining. I know that's probably a result of always being on edge with her and I always feel bad that I feel that way.

-Because she's said she hoped I'd fail (me and my So when I first moved out) I'm terrified of telling her anything personal going on in my life for fear that she'd take it out on me or use it against me (i got super anxious/scared when she came up to see me on my end of town once because we'd be stopping at the mall where i used to work and i hadn't yet told her that I'd quit that job.)

-I want to have a relationship with her. I want us to do fun Mom& Daughter things but at the same time I'm scared of letting her get too close to me again just to have it fall apart again.

-When I moved out (21) i went VLC with my whole family before i even knew what VLC was. I barely saw them (except for certain holidays/events.) I didn't talk to my dad for about 3 years because of this and am just now recovering that relationship with him (been 5 years now since I moved out)

-After I get married my plan is to move to CO. During that time i don't remember if my mom has mentioned if she'd miss me, but i do recall she has made multiple points to tell me that my dad says he would miss me.

-I had to beg for a 16th Birthday Party. She finally caved half a year later after I'd talked to my Therapist about it.

-pretty sure i'm the SG of the family (possibly Cousin 1 being the GC because she went to same University my mom did)

-Other family members on her side have stepped in to provide financial help to me on the promise that i wouldn't tell anyone. (probably to stop any gossip of favoritism)

I Don't know if she's an N or just really bad at expressing herself but her hot and cold attitude really sets off my anxiety that i've done something to piss her off and that she won't talk to me about it for a few weeks and then acts as though nothing is wrong/nothing happened. Planning my wedding is the MOST contact we've had in 5 years since i moved out and went VLC and i've been trying to use this as a way to bond with her better but anytime i think i'm getting somewhere Something happens and she's upset again. A phrase i've found myself come into saying recently is "I can't fix something that I don't know is wrong." So i've tried to take that approach when it comes to her. I know she's an adult and can choose for herself if she wants to talk about whats on her mind. I can't force her to talk if she doesn't want to but the anxiety it causes when she gets into these moods is really debilitating. I'm terrible at letting things go (especially if i think its my fault)

I'm Not Her Therapist, but if she has an issue with me I wish she'd just tell me instead of the Silent treatment for a week.

Trigger Topics that I've learned to Avoid at All Costs:

Anything about "Other Mothers" in my life.

Politics & Racism

Anything in the Past that happened.

My moving out

Anything that paints her as a "Bad Mother"(aka this whole post probably)

This post is a mess and I'm rambling. Thanks for sticking through this Brain Dump while I process.

-Edit 2:

More things i'm recalling: For Christmas one year in front of my whole family (I was between 8-10 ish) she got me a set of underwear with the days of the week labeled on them and told me in front of everyone that "Maybe this would help me remember [to change my underwear daily]..."

One of my final years in high school I somehow managed to get a Cold Sore. My First Cold Sore ever and my lip where it broke out swelled up HUGE. I woke up the day it appeared ( a weekend thank the gods) and horrified went downstairs to tell my mom about it. I don't recall any words of sympathy other than "Cold Sores are caused by Herpes." I just remember breaking down into tears.

I mapped out a "Quiet Walking Path" that avoided all the creaky floorboards and steps in our house.

I get extremely anxious whenever I would hear my parents footsteps coming up the stairs. It got to the point that I could distinguish their steps on Carpet.

I jump/flinch (visibly) at loud noises, even if I know they are coming (movies songs ect.)

Routinely friended/unfriended me on Facebook before deleting it entirely (due to 2018 spying/hacking allegations)

I don't know if she means for these things to be hurtful but as someone who doesn't enjoy confrontation and is extremely sensitive to others feelings it just hurts y'know?

-edit 3: Attempted to talk to mom about her saying she hoped we'd fail via email. went about as well as expected. =Well, that clears a lot of things up. We only wanted you to be independent and happy, and it appears you are. End of story!

And for what it’s worth, I’ve said a LOT of things over the past 6 years that you didn’t hear about. And I’m not really sure where you heard “I hope they fail.” But I’m sure your source is 100%, and certainly not something you’d want to clarify with me.

I hope you got your apartment all squared away in Colorado. You should be under the 60-day notice by now! Woo hoo!

Let me know when you all are coming to get your stuff out of the house.

I’ll have it packed and ready for you.

-Mom

Am i reading into this too much? because it sounds like she's being hella passive aggressive about this.

-Edit 4: 7-19-18 Been venting about wedding planning being stressful on fb away from my mom since she doesn't have one anymore. I didn't realize she had fms reporting to her about my posts as she just randomly mentions via text that she wants to help me have fun while planning and that she wishes she could make it a happy time for me.

Edit 5: 9-26-18 Wedding is over finally. had our honeymoon and got moved out of our apartment back into my MIL's house. During the move we had to put all of our stuff into storage which includes Wedding gifts and thankyou notes. So Mom has been hounding me about getting them done and i've informed her several times that all of that is in storage and i havent been able to yet. She said not an excuse go buy more thankyou notes and write them all. I asked if Emailing a thank you would work, she says no must be hand written and mailed out (also who's paying for 100+ stamps: Me) Well Tonight she informs me that she's doing all the ones from her/my side and that she doesn't care if we do them for DH's side since SIL didn't send any thank you notes either. Cue big long talk with DH about all of this and he says not to worry about her being passive aggressive like this. Go and check my Email to find she sent an Email to me only with writing saying

"Dear all,

Thank you so much for attending --- wedding. Your presence was so important to me, and I know to the kids as well. Thank you also for the lovely wedding gifts you sent or brought. I know they are appreciated and will be enjoyed by the newlyweds. It was very kind and generous of you!

Unfortunately, --- is unable to send thank you notes, but I did want you to know that your gifts, and your presence at the celebration, were very important to all of us, and very much appreciated.

Fondly,

MOM"

currently I'm choosing not to respond and I wonder how our relationship is going to be going forward from all of this... I was so happy that the wedding was over so i wouldn't have to deal with this petty drama bullshit anymore but I guess thats just too much to ask for.

-She's also unfriended me on facebook again. I'm tempted to just block her to stop this wishy washy stuff from happening again.

#Personal #DO NOT REBLOG #I will block you if you reblog this #Vent for myself #i don't know what to do anymore #Mom #Mom Vent #i hope i dont have to update this anymore #but we'll see #venting post #PERSONAL VENT #PARENTS #Emotional Abuse #Mental Abuse

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x-rambles · 3 years

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07.04.2021 @ 8.56PM

Gratitude:

1. This is going to be your last week of summer school!

2. Reuniting the old high school gang has been super fun!

3. Summer is your fav season, hun! You've been flourishing!

Today we are talking.....relationship anxiety, Girl I am afraid that you may not be able to be in a relationship because of the sheer anxiety you are feeling. We really need to work on trusting our gut because you said this months ago!!!

You've been feeling unhappy in your relationship ): Stuff just isn't making sense and in typical you fashion you are over things not making. sense, over the confusion & over feeling sad. Life cannot be all candy & rainbows but WHAT THE FUCK. This nigga is literally in the other room, on the phone with someone, FOR THE THIRD TIME TODAY?! Bitch-WHY are you even fucking here????!!!!!!!!

At this juncture-truly this nigga is doing a shit job at making you feel loved & wanted in the relationship. The sex has been nice…but shit is continuing to feel inconsistent. You had a nice birthday weekend……& you saw him spontaneously over the week-but I don’t fucking know.

You are anxious about your goals. You are anxious about adjusting to trying to ben n this new healthy space of being in an adult relationship………Like-adjusting to having SO MUCH space from each there. Girl-I know you are tired of being sad & it’s just hard. It seems like you’re feeling like you don’t want to put the work in anymore, ya know?

Like the way you’re feeling today=you may just leave tomorrow early but that won’t be the best solution. Sure-if you’re not at his house you won’t feel exactly like this anymore but you will still feel like you’re wasting your time in this relationship. Is the source of all this anxiety because of the fact that you aren’t dating other people????What will going on a break even solve?

You know that you have reasons to love this man…………but at your core it seems you’re not being satisfied. It really feels like you are losing more than you are gaining. If you can’t get a certain type of affection because of his busy schedule/mindset that needs to be compensated elsewhere & it’s just not….This relationship has given a lot of growth for you, you’ve learned a lot and in those lessons you may have learned that you have needs he’s unable to fill.

Leaving tomorrow & going another extremely long time not seeing him is not a solution. It seems like being here today-your day was wasted & this is symbolic of the relationship. Your time staying with this man is being wasted because he cannot fulfilled you in the way you need. He’s too tired, too busy, and understands love & life differently than you. You love each other, but………..I’m not seeing this lead to a life of happiness, or even a life of fulfillment.

We just had a conversation about issues……I’m not sure how to present this. I can take time & explain the issue hasn’t been solved to my satisfaction. I still feel far away from each other & unsure of where we’re headed.

Not sure if staying all day tomorrow & continuing to feel this way is the best way to start off my work week. I hate that you are feeling this way babe. With challenge, comes change. Keep reflecting. Remember to keep your patience & to remain anchored in self-love. XoXo, C

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girlfriendkisses · 3 years

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1-49 please !! the ones you’re comfy with/want to answer 💕

1. If you didn’t have to worry about money, what would your sex toy collection look like?

I think those big fancy vibrators and that cool super adaptive bed which I don’t think counts but I think it’s sexy so it counts

2. If your body was indestructible, what things would you do?

Lmao get fucked. I’m starting to stretch myself out again which is a process but going quicker this time but I would like to be normal and just like you know be ready. Guess I just need someone to finger me regularly for medical reasons ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

3. What kinks do you like in theory, but not in practice?

Well I mean I have darker kinks that are just for fan fiction purposes that would be not good in real life but like that about it. Oh I really like public sex but like we are anxious people so probably wouldn’t go down well

4. What’s your favorite physical sensation?

Interesting question, I like it when people play with my hair and like trace my back and arms. It tickes really nice when my bf touches my neck.

5. Have you ever gotten off to a TV show or movie?

As a kid I would watch the sex scene from my step mother is an alien on repeat and I think that counts.

6. What kinks do you wish you liked more?

I wish it was easier for me to be more dominant naturally! I like it but there are steps that get me into the mood or get me comfy. With time it will improve tho 😤

8. What would be the gender-makeup of your dream threesome?

I think that were too possessive for that. And gender makeup is weird phrase. Thorin oakenshield and thirteen only.

10. Do you enjoy taking/sending nudes?

I am pretty exhibitiony and I like to be looked at and admired so yeah I’m very into sending nudes

12. Would you be a stripper and/or visit a strip club?

No but I would dance for my bf and look like an idiot doing it

13. If other people weren’t an issue, what public place would you want to fuck?

Literally everywhere, if it were not an issue I would fuck absolutely anywhere. And when I’m drunk/high I really do not care. Was at a party once and had to physically restrain myself from sucking my bfs fingers.

14. What would you change about your sex life?

The time intervals in between it happening probably. It’s rlly hard for me to practice and get better when I only have sex a handful of times a year 😞 miss my bf

15. How fast do you cum? What’s your record?

I think I’ve only really orgasm’d like twice that I can remember, both had to be assisted. But like getting to the point I’m chill with stopping is like 5-10 minutes

16. Would you ever go to a Kink convention?

Yeah I went to one early this year/late last year (can’t remember) and that was fun; not for a full convention tho, just like a day

17. Do you consider yourself part of the BDSM community?

Not anymore no, I don’t really Interact with a community .

19. Whats your favorite type of porn? (Gifs, videos, audios, animated, erotica, etc)

Fan fiction mostly, I like comics too and sometimes porn when I’m really having a hard time but it takes a while to find what I like

20. If you could have sex on any drug with no repercussions, what would it be?

Shrooms probably, I’m scared of chemical drugs

21. Would you fuck any of your exes?

Yeah! My last ex for sure. Get it babe, Bc it’s you

22. Favorite after-sex food?

My bfs Pus*y , or like his Diet Coke, chocolate cake and grilled cheese

23. What’s your favorite room in the house to fuck?

Bedroom or living room

24. What was your first kink?

Medical experimentation via gummy bear aliens

25. Do you like being scratched/scratching your partner?

Yes very much so both ways; keeping the right amount of nail is key

26. How much pain do you like during sex?

I like spanking a lot 🥰 my birthday spanks were fun ; I don’t really know because I haven’t tested it

27. How long can you keep a sexting convo going?

Pretty long ! I mean I have years long rps going but I don’t really think that counts because that’s just writing and I don’t really get off to it . I used to spend like whole weekends just sexting in my prime

28. What’s your favorite sex story to tell?

Well on principle it’s the time I fingered a girl in a tree because it was in a tree or annual New Years sex on the beach for like 4 years, just because like cool stories to tell. But I personally like to think about when my bf would play with my pussy under the blanket when my roommate was home

29. On a scale of 1-10, how kinky would you say you are and why?

In theory I’m an 8 but I haven’t had time to test it out

30. Have you ever cried during and/or after sex?

I cried during my first orgasm which was a fun time . And other times I have cried also

31. Do you like to dress slutty in public?

I do! But people are weird so I do not anymore. I like to go out looking hot but going without bf is just asking for issues

32. What’s your favorite thing to do to someone else?

Ah well I have an oral fixation and I really like to finger my boyfriend while I suck him off, quickest way to get him off and he gets the loudest 🥰

33. Are you into temp play, and if so, do you prefer cold or hot? (ice or candle wax, etc?)

I like wax play a lot! I tried ice and it was not m thing but the wax was nice

35. What’s the highest age you would sleep with?

Doesn’t really matter but probably late 30s or it would just get weird

36. Do you like cucking? In either position?

Nope nope nope ; do not touch them. However I thought about making my ex boyfriends watch me with my daddy but I am just like that

37. Could you get off on your own porn/nudes?

Okay embarrassing but yes actually I have jacked off to my own porn videos

39. What’s your daily orgasm record?

My Jack off record is probably 10+ times in one day

40. Can you have sex when you’re sick?

No not really, due to the breathing and the dizziness, at least I really can’t be an active participant

41. What’s your least favorite thing about sex?

The joint pain afterwards but that is any activity

42. Do your friends know about your kinks/sex life?

I mean yeah but a lot of people think that I am only baby and cannot top which is false because I can and will . And I make too many sex jokes for my friends to not know I’m kinky

43. In your opinion, what kinks are overhyped?

Lmao punishment and like handcuffs , I like rules a lot but like being afraid if you break them shouldn’t be apart of kink imo

46. What is your favorite way to tease and/or be teased?

I like anticipation type stuff, denial until someone asks me for what they want or breaks and just takes it 😳✌🏻 light teasing touches and stuff

And being teased I don’t really know I like touches over underwear under clothes and if you touch me or say things to me in public or just during the day I will be absolutely soaked by the time we get home/mess around and that’s facts

47. Bra or no bra?

I have no choice

48. Do you like being naked during sex? What about causally?

It’s hard for me to be naked, I haven’t really been fully naked with anyone besides my bf but it’s something Im working on. Ass out at all times tho

49. What is your favorite thing to hear during sex?

Well I like it when my bf calls me babygirl and um I like the noises he makes. Especially the noises he makes when I’m fucking him or he’s getting off on my ass because I’m like yay I’m glad he’s having fun and it is sexy

I can’t remember anything else really but I am a big fan of dirty talk so I hope there is more of it in the future but I know I have problems talking when I’m feeling good

#answered #god this took so long

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cosmosogler · 7 years

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aaaa my hands get all sweaty when i hold a game controller. also i should really probably be wearing my glasses.

today i had such a nasty, tiring dream that i slept in! i got up at 9:25. so i slept in less than yesterday...

my dream was disorienting... i feel like it should have taken place in college, but it looked more like everyone was high school aged, and acted that way too. the topic kept changing, even though i stayed in more or less the same area for the whole dream. it was, like, a marketplace, with a farmer’s market, but also there were a lot of drab gray buildings with paper stuffed into every available space on every window. the road was dirt. everyone was playing some sort of game that i didn’t understand. also i was trying to shop, but i didn’t like anything i saw in any of the stores. and when i thought i had gotten to a store with what i was looking for (i don’t know what i was actually looking for, but i had a feeling it was in there!!!) i saw a bunch of burly, sweaty dudes with no faces. so i backed out haha. then the game changed? people were... trying to get behind each other? i think the technique was different for everyone. but they were trying to suck each others’ souls out and that was how they won for the round. i think... the participants were supposed to get better, at some point... but i wasn’t playing, just watching and trying to figure out the rules. eventually i wandered out into the playing field and started talking to some of the participants. they were friendly enough, but i kind of got the feeling they didn’t want me there. eventually the girl from the shining came out of the crowd, grabbed me by the shoulders, spun me around, and sucked out my soul!!! it hurt a lot, indescribably. like... if your soul could get sucked out, that’s definitely what it would feel like!

i tried to scream but i couldn’t move at all. eventually i tried so hard that i woke up screaming. but i was in a weird unfamiliar place and my face was being shoved into the pillow. then my alarm went off and i woke up for real all sweaty and tired. cool!!!!!!!!!!!

so after that wonderful start to my day, i pet eve for a little bit, and then i got up and got ready for the day and stuff. i tried making some tea that i found in the cabinet... it wasn’t very good. i found the rest of the video games in the pile of stuff dad brought in from the garage last night. and i watched two episodes of cry plays: soma. it’s a really good game, but i wouldn’t be very good at it. horror games aren’t really under my “favorite genres” umbrella. instead of getting scared i get frustrated that i might have to replay a large portion of the game since traditionally save/heal points are pretty few and far between. it took me FOREVER to get through metroid prime because i would hover around the checkpoint nervously before continuing haha. half life was kind of a slog that way too, even though i really liked both those series.

then i went and picked up asher. i almost got hit when i was trying to get on the freeway... it’s always crowded at that particular exit and trying to actually get on the freeway is kind of dangerous. and nobody was using their turn signals today! and getting into the lane i was trying to get into while in my blind spot and also not using turn signals!!! and then i could tell the guy i accidentally cut off was SUPER mad because he started going like 90 miles an hour while everyone else was going 50 and cut in front of me and then swept over to the far lane. ok, buddy. like... yeah, ok, i could have probably spent more time figuring out if he was changing lanes right next to me or not. but when you use your turn signal you gotta hop over pretty quick or else people around you stop making room. i think since phoenix is so big, everyone feels like they have to drive 8-15 mph over the speed limit to get where they’re going in a reasonable amount of time. and also they don’t make room for you in the next lane over unless you turn on your turn signal, wait exactly 1 second, and then butt in. that’s literally the only way to get on the freeway some exits.

i avoid the exit lanes when i’m on the freeway unless i’m getting off at the next exit. honestly i’m shocked that i haven’t been in a crash yet.

anyway, i brought asher over to my house and we hung out in the living room exclusively. i guess that was ok, since the house is a total mess with half-unpacked boxes everywhere. i ripped my room apart today looking for the super nintendo. didn’t find it. mom found it later though in a box grouped with a bunch of my sister’s boxes. it was the only box i never checked because i thought we had already looked through it when we were searching for the wii u.

asher made me curse while i was in the car. he said something, and i repeated the sentence back to him in a “you’re not...” sort of way, and i didn’t realize i had said it until my mouth made a really unfamiliar shape haha. it wasn’t his fault, but i was kind of annoyed with myself for not paying attention to my words.

while asher and i were lounging around catching up on steven universe, my brother pointed out that doge had pooped on the floor in front of the back door. we didn’t notice... i felt stupid. my brother went and got dad, and then... he picked up diogi, shoved her nose in it, and then literally threw her outside. then he went outside and we didn’t hear anything for a really long time. my brother, asher, eve, wiley, and i kind of stared at each other awkwardly for a while.

like... hitting a dog is never ok. but i could understand being frustrated with maybe wiley, because he’s a young adult and should know better by now, and also he would theoretically have better control over his bodily functions. and he does go in the house, and it is frustrating. but doogles is hella old, and also disabled. she cannot walk for very long. she can hustle, but sometimes she falls down. i can’t imagine she can hold it for very long. she usually goes right after dinner... i don’t know why my brother didn’t let her outside after he fed them? and then, like, got mad at me when it happened?

i just need a break from dad for a while. i don’t understand why diogi likes him so much. he calls her a retard and hits her sometimes and doesn’t really brush her or anything. i think he exudes such a powerful “dad” aura that the dogs just defer to him. i mean, that’s how packs work, isn’t it? maybe doge thinks she owes her life to him since he took her from lonnie, who abused her more regularly.

dad interrupted our steven universe marathon but i don’t remember what he said. but, like, the show was actively on, and we were clearly watching it, and he felt the need to insert a conversation (run and participated in by him alone) over the dialogue. i’m not sure if asher really caught the ending or not.

anyway... after that asher and i headed out to michaels to get some markers. we talked about the show for a bit during the car ride. then we went to indian food, as is our habit. the usual waiter wasn’t there today, but i saw some new people. maybe it’s because we were there on the weekend instead of on thursday. then we talked about jojo for like two hours. it was great. we revisited a lot of the same topics that we have talked about before, but it’s been like three weeks since i last saw asher, so i didn’t really mind.

however my sense of direction was super out of whack for the whole drive, i could not figure out where i was or where the stores we were trying to get to were. i think i was stressed about diogi.

i was also really jittery. it may have been the tea from this morning... asher noticed. he said it might be anxiety. i would agree, but i’ve been like this for a really long time. as in, always. he also suggested adhd but i don’t seem to display any of the other symptoms of that. but you know what causes the restlessness and twitching? anxiety and depression. so maybe it was. i guess i’ve had depression for basically my whole life. my classmates at christian school used to make fun of me for it. the twitching, i mean.

however i was REALLY uncomfortable today, physically. i couldn’t get my ankles to sit right and i kept moving my legs while we were trying to watch tv. the jerking really only stops when i am actively exercising. even right afterward i’m right back to twitching and squirming.

nobody these days acknowledges it (except my group therapist; she points it out when she thinks i am more anxious than usual, but really i just do it constantly until someone notices and then i have to consciously stop). but i know they see it. it’s really hard to keep my eyes on something static for more than a few seconds... like a book or screen.

when i was filling out paperwork for the sleep study the doctors decided it was restless legs syndrome. but it’s every single muscle in my body ha... it feels like static is building up every time i don’t move and i have to MOVE or else it gets unbearable. i usually just wrinkle my nose, or jitter my knees, or tap or bump something with my palm just above the wrist.

anyway, it was worse than usual today, and it sucked, and was really annoying.

when i got home i booted up undertale and got through the mettaton fight, and also burned down undyne’s house. so i just gotta befriend alphys and that should complete everything i need for the pacifist run.

so now it’s 12:30. i’ve been writing for about 50 minutes... i got distracted trying to describe my problem to google. every word i use points back to anxiety...

but i fidget even on days when i’m not that stressed? i don’t get it.

tomorrow i find out if i am still going to have therapy at the hospital or not. i haven’t told anyone yet... i figured i would bring it up if it became relevant. like, if i wasn’t able to go any more. if i am allowed to continue, then there isn’t really a point in reporting it. i’m still stressed about it though...

i shall do my pokemons, and check some monday stuff, and then try to sleep. sure hope i don’t die horribly again in my dreams tonight!

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mighty-poop · 6 years

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Last vent post, i swear

It’s not a question when i started feeling depressed and anxious again, i know exactly when i started to feel like this again

(It escalated, im crying, hence why im vent posting)

As usual, it’s probably a pile-up of emotions and shitty situations, making me feel like this, specifically lonliness, failure and boredom.

The shitty feelings started last friday, at 9 in the evening sharp. I had asked help for a school project and 2 ballerina students and their teacher helped me a lot. So, obviously after i got really good grades on the project they helped with, i wanted to show the video to them personally and give them something as a thank you. So i went out and got them gift cards and i asked them when they had class next where i could show the thing. They didnt give me a time and i didnt ask one cus i was certain i remembered it right from the last time i went to one of their classes on friday. I remembered class started at 8 and ended at 10, so i decided to go at 9, during their break and if i got the time wrong then I’ll be seeing them just as class ends, so i tell myself to leave early.

But i lost 10 minutes because town was closed off because of some market thingy that happens once every year, whatever. No way they’ll all leave at 9 exactly, plus they’ll maybe stay in case i was late, i dunno.

I get there, the lights are off. Nobody is there. I go to the reception desk and ask if the ballet teacher is still in the building. He tells me no, she literally just left. I should’ve asked if there will be another class next week and at WHAT TIME so i can give them their stuff but I didn’t because i felt like i was about to cry. Cus of course, piece of shit worthless lenny can’t get the fucking time right again and misses the people he wants to thank. And i get home and i KNOW i should just text the teacher and explain everything, or message them on facebook, anything! But I can’t cus i feel like crying and my throat is closing up and I’m so so scared that they’re angry with me cus here i am. Film student asking others to waste their time on a school assignment and can’t even show up to an appointment. And i tell myself for a week now that there’s no way they’ll be that pissed that they’re not willing to reschedule but it just doesn’t work, i still close up and shake and my chest hurts and i think “‘I’ll do it later when i feel better” and it just doesnt happen. And we’re a week later now and i still haven’t messaged them yet.

The plan now is to just leave the gifts and the book i borrowed with the reception desk with a letter or something saying i barely missed them the week before and don’t have time this week to stop by but that I’d post the video on fb and.... yeah. And ask the guy to just deliver it to the teacher please.

And other than that, i had loads of plans for stuff i wanna do this summer. Oh right. Last friday i asked the reception desk about musical classes cus it’s in the same school. And he told me it’s a supplementary class. You can’t just follow only musical classes, you have to be a third year music student. Meaning you’ve been playing an instrument and following music classes for 2 years. So that’s a goddamn bust. There is another school-group thing that does musical 2 hours a week, it’s a little out of the way but on their website it says if you’re interested, to send them a mail and they’ll send a brochure. So i wanna do that and it just doesn’t work. Again. I cannot get myself to write a good email, nothing i type feels good, I’m scared ill7come over as unprofessional or a dunce and that if i do end up taking those classes, it will reflect on the way they’ll treat me and hhhhhhhhhh i- I can’t deal with the idea alone. I’ve always been terrible at making friends, the idea that they’ll dislike me from the start gives me goddamn warflashbacks to when i was 12 and it makes me feel pressured to write a perfect stupid email.

I don’t want to have social an iety anymore, it genuinely has a terrible impact on my life and it’s super dumb and avoidable but my brain is wired to not. Let. It.

There’s a con this weekend and i really really really do not wanna go. I have a fantastic instinct on these things, when i feel something is gonna go wrong, usually it does. Public transport is going on strike meaning traffic and getting there in general will suck. The wheather is gonna be unbearable. And I’m just not feeling the con vibe, I’m tired of the convine, I don’t see the fun in it anymore. The only reason I’m going is because i NEED to socialise, and this is currently the only way i get to see some people.

I’m afraid to tell my friends that i just don’t wanna go, i want to stay home. I’m scared they’ll take it personally, that they’re in a way forcing me to go and that i blame them for feeling like this. I don’t, of course, but I’m scared that’s what they’ll think. Again, dumb. But it makes my chest hurt and breathing hard.

I bought new art supplies and used them once. I don’t know why, I’m inspired, i have the tools, i have more than time, i just lack motivation. I wanna enter competitions at other cons, i got ideas, the tools and more than enough time, but i keep thinking ‘wtf is the point. Last year they disqualified me for 5 frames, who the fuck cares if i enter or not’.

The only thing I’m doing is learning to play the tin whistle, which I’m so far not terrible at. But I’m again wondering why I’m doing it. I keep reacher for my whistle because I’m bired and need to do something with my hands but, what am i doing it for? Who am i doing it for? I keep disappointing others and myself anyway, the situation will become shitty SOMEHOW because that’s how the universe decided to play it. Trump is president, children are starving, 2+2=4 and everything will make it so that lenny is lonely and stays lonely. I’m not important, the universe has other shit to do but i genuinely feel like some transcendant power is making it their hobby to see me fail for some fucked up reason.

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fesahaawit · 7 years

Text

9 Things I No Longer Do With My Money

9 years ago I blogged about how people who like to “split the check” aren’t my friends anymore. I had totally forgotten about it, but the memories flooded back when I received the following comment on it just this week :)

I know it’s not entirely fair. BUT COME ON, it was only 3 bucks dude. After reading your article, it seems like you are the cheap person there. You had a good time, then just let it go! Chill out dude.

Haha… Fortunately these days I do just “chill out” whenever stuff like this happens (though I’ll still ask for separate checks w/ larger parties! Takes forever trying to pay those bills!) but it was a great reminder of how far I’ve come since first starting this blog all those years ago… Now I’m more likely to “split the check” myself, or pay for the other person’s meal entirely because it’s just a nice thing to do!

But in honor of hitting my 9 year Blogiversary last month which I accidentally skipped (oops), I thought I’d share 9 other things I no longer do either since my early days of paying attention to money.

Hope it helps in some way!

#1. I no longer obsess about money anymore

It helps having more money than I used to, of course, but somewhere along the line I’ve moved way from dreaming about millions, to dreaming about having a great LIFE instead. Which, big shocker, you can actually have with or without gobs of money! Now unfortunately it takes just as much time and energy to figure out how to set this up as it does your finances, but hey – it’s a valiant pursuit :)

#2. I no longer track every last penny

Someone on Twitter just asked me if I thought I’d be where I am today without tracking my money every month, and the answer would be an affirmative NO. I’ve tracked my net worth for over 110 months in a row now, but it was really those first couple of years that were most transformative. Paying attention to where all your money is coming and going is HUGE when you’ve never done it before – it totally opens up your eyes! But once you get a good grasp of it, tracking every last penny isn’t *as* game changing as it is in the beginning.

Now it’ll certainly save you more cash than not tracking it, I guarantee that, but once you’ve got your rhythm down you get the beautiful decision of whether or not it’s worth the trade off of time anymore. If it is, great! You’ll be saving more than me! But after a few years and seeing the same rough expenses over and over again I decided to just stick w/ my net worth which gives me that overall picture I need without driving myself too crazy. Then I’ll just pop my head into the nitty gritty anytime something major happens, like moving or new kids popping up ;) Another big difference between now and 9 years ago – I’m now a daddy, crazy!

#3. I no longer hustle 24/7

In my efforts to improve upon #1 up there, I realized that in fact working more does NOT make me that much happier despite our culture (and entrepreneur friends) telling us it does. In the last 4 years I’ve gone from priding myself in working 20 hour days down to working about 9-10 ones depending on how efficient I am or not. It’s still a lot more than I want – my target is to stop working nights and weekends! – but you know, one step at a time… And it was again those babies that really put all this into perspective because I was on the train straight towards Workaholicsville and couldn’t get off!

#4. I no longer chase credit card deals or the best interest rates or even the hottest stocks

I’ve since learned that I value simplicity far more than I do an extra percentage point on one of my accounts – so long as I have “good enough” (or, 80% for any of you Pareto Principle lovers out there). It means not having every last one of my dollars maximized, but it also means feeling more at peace with myself/wallet and not being so frantic all the time scouring the web for the next hottest deal, or worse – stock. And believe me, even if people can tell you the latest trending stock, they sure as hell can’t tell you when to cash out of it in time!

So there’s no more chasing the markets or looking for the best savings/credit card accounts for me anymore… I keep almost all my banking under one main roof I’m happy with (USAA), and then all my investments under another happy roof (Vanguard). I then keep my sanity and go about my business from there :)

#5. I no longer go shopping for the fun of it

This was one of the first epiphanies I had in my early stage of blogging. I had tried my first “No Spend” challenge where I couldn’t spend any money on stuff that weren’t essentials (bills, groceries, etc), and WOW did I realize I had gotten into a bad habit! I’d literally catch myself pulling into the mall or other random stores anytime I was simply *bored*. And the crazy part was that I had no idea I was doing it!

From that point forward I literally just stopped walking into stores and have saved myself approximately $200/mo ever since… (Now if only there was a way to not stroll into Amazon! ;))

#6. I no longer require new jobs or locations to be happy

This is probably the biggest shocker of them all to me. Having grown up moving around every 2 years in a military family, *change* played a major, and rather exciting!, role in my life. It didn’t matter where I was or what I was doing, as soon as that two year mark hit I was ready to move onto the next glorious adventure awaiting me.

It wasn’t until I went off to college and started working “real” jobs that I realized my normal wasn’t going to be normal anymore… Even so, I struggled with not being able to stay put, whether in location or employment (or relationships!), until finally this blog and my wife were found. Both of which showed that stability can be sexy too :) And coincidentally enough, both found in the same year as well, making it super easy for me to remember the more important anniversary! Haha… And thankfully the entrepreneurial life brings enough change and adventure to keep anyone on their toes.

#7. I no longer care what others think of me

This is also a big turnaround for me over the last handful of years. I still have my weaknesses and seek approval from certain people out of habit, but for the most part I try my best to just be me and do my own thing whether others seem to approve of it or not. Even my beautiful mother – gasp. (As evidence of me still rocking a mohawk at 30-something years old and “looking like a vagabond” with my ragged clothes, per this same mother ;))

Another perk of running a blog, however, is that you also learn how to grow some thick skin as there’s never a shortage of people who find it necessary to tell you how they really feel. Here are a few of these kinds words I’ve saved from only the past handful of months:

“The content is good, but I’m unsubscribing because I have a difficult time with the grammar style of this blog. I feel like I’m reading text messages, not trying to save for retirement.”

“I don’t really care to read about your life for the few nuggets of financial advice you give. My time is too valuable.”

“Oh, and I listen to your podcast with Paula. Love her, but you sound like a clueless 16 year old valley girl.”

“Not the most professional blog.. way too many smiley faces on everything. I also cannot believe you rent! You did introduce me to Rockstar Finance though, so thanks!”

And my all-time favorite:

“He says really nice things but looks like a weirdo. But i guess thats why people like him. Hes like the Miley Cyrus of Finance”

#8. I no longer watch the news/Facebook/media

Want a great way to feel worse about your life? Go scrolling through the news or your Facebook feed :) I used to be obsessed with keeping on top of everything, as well as what all my friends were doing/ buying/flying, and then I realized I never left any of those places actually feeling *better* than when I got there. I’d either feel depressed, jealous, anxious, or just plain scared.

So I stopped reading everything and deactivated all of my personal social media accounts except those relating to this blog. I’ve been in bliss ever since! Now it also means I don’t always know what the hell is going on in the world, but again – trade offs. And my wife is quick to tell me anything she thinks I better know :)

#9. I no longer buy bottled water or lottery tickets!

If you were around this blog in 2011 you might remember the hate storm that occurred when I proudly exclaimed that I drink bottled water and wasn’t ashamed to admit it ;) I was mainly targeting the financial aspect of it and how I don’t mind spending the $$ there since bottled was the only way that got me to actually DRINK water (thus, the money spent was = the health benefits), however, I underestimated the environment part of it and was called out pretty good about it.

6 years later though, I’m proud to exclaim that I very much still drink loads of water, but no longer need to use a new bottle every time in doing so :) Finding this bad boy has helped immensely with that, along with purifying the tap more.

And lottery tickets? Well, my experimenting there is over too as I no longer have as much fun playing them as I used to (nor the time to keep going out and buying them each week). I still enjoy giving, and receiving them, for Christmas as they make excellent (and cheap) stocking stuffers!, but now a days I get my cheap thrills off hanging with my kids or chatting with you all here on the blog ;) I’ll never get rich off of it, but hey – LIFE!

And that’s really the point of everything I’ve learned over the past 9 years. Money is great and severely needed up to a certain point, but once you’ve hit the minimum amount for survival/happiness, the rest just feels like extra. The trick then becomes incrementally improving your *lifestyle*, which is just as challenging, if not more, than figuring out your money.

My dream for everyone here is to be able to master BOTH sides of this equation, and then appreciate the progress we’ve all made so far as well. I don’t know what comes after that, but I’d imagine it’s one helluva place to be at :)

What have you learned over the past 9 years?

*****

PS: As far as I’ve come over the years, I still mess up alllllllll the freakin’ time. Check out last year’s 8 fails over 8 years of blogging for some good ways to feel better about yourself ;)

9 Things I No Longer Do With My Money posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnwIdQ

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heliosfinance · 7 years

Text

9 Things I No Longer Do With My Money

Hope it helps in some way!

#1. I no longer obsess about money anymore

#2. I no longer track every last penny

#3. I no longer hustle 24/7

#4. I no longer chase credit card deals or the best interest rates or even the hottest stocks

#5. I no longer go shopping for the fun of it

From that point forward I literally just stopped walking into stores and have saved myself approximately $200/mo ever since… (Now if only there was a way to not stroll into Amazon! ;))

#6. I no longer require new jobs or locations to be happy

#7. I no longer care what others think of me

“The content is good, but I’m unsubscribing because I have a difficult time with the grammar style of this blog. I feel like I’m reading text messages, not trying to save for retirement.”

“I don’t really care to read about your life for the few nuggets of financial advice you give. My time is too valuable.”

“Oh, and I listen to your podcast with Paula. Love her, but you sound like a clueless 16 year old valley girl.”

“Not the most professional blog.. way too many smiley faces on everything. I also cannot believe you rent! You did introduce me to Rockstar Finance though, so thanks!”

And my all-time favorite:

“He says really nice things but looks like a weirdo. But i guess thats why people like him. Hes like the Miley Cyrus of Finance”

#8. I no longer watch the news/Facebook/media

#9. I no longer buy bottled water or lottery tickets!

What have you learned over the past 9 years?

*****

PS: As far as I’ve come over the years, I still mess up alllllllll the freakin’ time. Check out last year’s 8 fails over 8 years of blogging for some good ways to feel better about yourself ;)

9 Things I No Longer Do With My Money published first on http://ift.tt/2ljLF4B

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