#i'm in florida this graphic is the only thing keeping me going as i see forecasts of 79 degrees

[beardedmrbean]

Nunya can you explain this Twitter meme? https://x.com/AmericanaEthos/status/1726098935662719272?s=20

Like, I black and went to predominantly black schools. And they couldn’t stfu about civil rights and slavery.

Like no poor, marginalized, or even working class American think our country is perfect. Is wrong to believe this leftists memes are very classist? Our textbook acknowledges the terrible ( that career politicians allowed minus their own evil shit) constantly.

Did these marxists sleep through history class? Like, American slavery is the only type of slavery talk about in school that I had a little mid fuck after getting online and learning about the Dahomey.

I legitimately don't know who the not Superman dude is, but I can guess given the context here.

I think you're probably right about them having slept through every US history class they ever took.

I learned "Trail of Tears" in elementary school, same with slavery, and a few other of the less than savory parts of US history then as the years wore on the lessons got more and more involved and graphic since watching "Roots" in 2nd grade is a good way to traumatize kids so you know they moved in a more age appropriate direction.

I feel like the majority of the people that do this kind of meme fall in to a few different categories.

Not American and ignorant of what is taught here beyond what they see on twitter (things like Texas/Florida won't be teaching about slavery) and they're trying for viral fame.

Slept through history and got lots of F's as a result.

Didn't sleep through history and have selective memory

Did well in history, but don't feel like the subject was given enough attention.

Which is a valid opinion but people need to realize that there's only so much time to teach these things because other things need to be taught as well. So be glad that unlike me you have easy access to all of the information in the world you could want and you can learn more on your own.

They teach the history warts and all, you're likely to hear about Rosa Parks, Emmet Till, Ruby Bridges, and the Tulsa race massacre.

Rosewood massacre, Ocoee massacre, various tests before you could vote

This one is pretty easy so far. (just saw a longer version, it gets complicated)

Louisiana one here on the other hand... You got this if you couldn't prove at least a 5th grade education. 5th grader that passes this should directly to MIT.

very few people regardless of race are gonna be doing well on this.

But ya if we're doing racial issues it's all taught, most all at least. How much time did you see get spent on the people that built the railroads, the majority of whom if it was going west to east were Chinese and east to west Irish and all of whom were treated as disposable.

The 'if you die I can hire another man, but I gotta buy another mule' attitude.

Fuck I'm in CA and we did not spend a whole lot of time on that one, mostly that it was dangerous work and lots of people died.

I think at this point the best response you could give someone that makes or posts a tweet like that would be

"your abject failure to learn as a student does not mean the information wasn't taught"

(If you feel like hurting your brain I'm gonna link a few of the "literacy" tests)

Mississippi (not terrible)

Louisiana (whole thing, good luck)

Alabama (starts out easy enough, didn't skim too far so might turn incredibly difficult)

If you do any of these let me know how you did please, these things are insane. _________________

Hope this wasn't too long winded, tried to keep it mostly brief

#anonymous

[dpomalescreative]

BLoG: My Dedication to Freelance

Are you or your business in search of or in need of a Graphic Designer or Photographer or Marketing Assistant or Brand Ambassador? This is what we do as a Professional Freelancer. We work in many fields of business and thats what we love most about bring a Freelancer. No project is ever the same and every day can be so different and unique depending on which hat I'm wearing or field of business I am working in. Projects can last from hours to days so time management is super important. Staying focused is imperative. Anticipation of the clients needs are key! This is ideal work for the Creative who can't decide on just 1 field of business or interests. This is how we mix it up and keep it interesting. This is how we don't get bored or have a run in with monotony. This is how we stay sharp!

We are here in Orlando and local to the Central Florida area.. I am a Creative of more than 30 years and the name of my company is DPomalesCreative Services. How can we be of service? We LooVe what we do and we intend it to show through our creative ways. Embracing my creativity has been a game changer that happened in 2008 when I finally walked away from the corporate 9-5 job. I chose to put my hard efforts, commitment and loyalty into me, instead of a job/corporate entity that only saw me as a number or would easily lay me off due to budget cuts and other nonsense. This was my time to shine and I took a big step in a new direction. I would chase my passions!

I have not stopped shining nor regret my choice to go Freelance. I have gained so much knowledge and experience in so many different fields that I'm ready for anything that comes at me. I am a well rounded creative and have found my place in the world's of Branding... Marketing/Printing... Photography... Graphic Design... Management... Event Professional/Brand Ambassador... and this list goes on! These are just some of the areas I work in and contribute to. I have always followed my passions and so I express it in all that I've done since inception of my new found mindset so many years ago. I'd had enough with corporate layoffs and mergers that left you (or the creative dept) out in the rain so to speak. I decided I would take my future into my own hands. I would take the skillsets I had and hone in on my crafts.

I am a Jack of all trades, and a master to some! Meaning, I have spent many years sharpening my abilities and skillsets working multiple jobs and adapting to impossible scenarios while maintaining consistency and authenticity! I've learned from the best in my journey through life and crazy career choices. And here we are, still doing the things we LooVe to do! This is where I see my future self. There's nothing else I'd rather be doing!

And it's a blessing as I battle the lasting effects of a TBi (Traumatic Brain Injury) that changed my life and the onslaught of PTSD that came with it. I am not the man I was but after extensive therapy (on-going) I respect and love the man I am today. That being said the impact somehow gave me access to my more creative side as I was not about that mindset before my accident.

Long story, short, by the grace of God I survived the accident and near death experience that I went through and life simply changed for me. I could no longer waste time on things that did not benefit me. I began to respect the time we have left on this earth more. I decided to follow my passions and do things that made me happy. And here we are still doing what we love to do which is 1) Help others 2) Be of service 3) Do Unto others...

Simply reaching out to my vast community across the web and businesses worldwide! We Love what we do and we intend it to show in our services. Our skillsets are polished and ready to help you bring your brand, business or company to life.

#dpomalescreative #writing #therapy #ptsdawareness #blessed #mentalhealthawareness #business #blogging #blogger #freelance

[acaseforpencils]

The Ink Well Foundation.

The Ink Well Foundation is a non-profit that helps bring smiles to the faces of children facing adversity such as illness, neglect, and abuse. I cannot begin to express how big of an honor it is to have Elizabeth Winter on Case—this interview brought me to tears, and it means a lot to share her message on here, so that you all can help more children in need to be able to connect with this incredible foundation.

Bio: I am the Founder and Executive Director of the Ink Well Foundation. Growing up, I had cancer my entire childhood—it was a rare cancer that kept getting misdiagnosed, which meant a fair amount of biopsies and days in the hospital, and finally major surgery where I was told I might wake up without a leg. I am very fortunate in that the doctors were able to remove all the cancer without amputating, and I have been cancer-free since I was about 20 years old. 

That experience gave me a lot of empathy and compassion for kids facing long, isolating hospital stays. There were also other issues during my childhood: I experienced a lot of abandonment with a mother who just could not play the role of mother, and who eventually died when I was fifteen. In general, I just had a pretty severe lack of affection and emotional support growing up. All that made me very tough, in some ways too tough and it wound up creating only further isolation and pain. 

As an adult, I saw that pain mirrored in other children's eyes and I began to seek out a way to connect with them, to help them and myself learn to nurture and heal together. I strongly feel that genuine human bonding can fuel both physical and emotional healing. I also think getting out into nature and carrying that same respect to all wildlife helps us to become humble and connected in a very powerful way, so we stress those ideas in our work often.

In 2005, I was working in animation in New York City, and I stood up in a meeting at work one day, and asked if any of the other artists would like to come along with me to draw with kids facing illness and hardship. A couple people raised their hands, and we went together to Gilda's Club out in Brooklyn (that club house has since closed, but we still go to the one in Manhattan). The artists who came along in those early years, like Rami Efal and Ray Alma, Pedro Delgado and Sergei Aniskov—those people are all still volunteers today! That says so much to me about the kind of people this work attracts. We've all become like family over the years and I love those guys so much. 

It all began at Gilda's Club, but then I reached out to places like the Ronald McDonald House, St. Mary's Hospital and Bellevue Hospitals, and we slowly but surely became accepted and welcomed at healthcare and at-risk support centers all across New York, because the kids loved what we did, and at then end of every event they were begging us to come back. So we always did! That is the true mark of success for me every time, when the kids are yelling at us to get back there as soon as we can.

A few years ago, I learned about the great organization on the Upper East Side, The Society of Illustrators. Their Executive Director, Anelle Miller, connected me with all these other great artists like Stefano Imbert, Bil Donovan, Abby Merrill, and Elana Amity (who is now our Event Director at Mount Sinai Hospital, where she hosts a monthly live drawing call-in show that beams to all the kids' hospital rooms at once). They draw along with us and call or text in with questions and comments. It's hilarious and adorable. We also connected with the great people of the National Cartoonists Society, and wonderful artists like Ed Steckley, Adrian Sinnott, Howard Beckerman, Tim Savage, Marty Macaluso, Joe Vissichelli and so many more. 

After MTV Animation New York shut down, pretty much all my colleagues and I from great shows like Beavis and Butthead, Daria, The Head, and Celebrity Death Match all moved out west. So I had this great group of talented friends still living there, and based on the Ink Well's popularity in NYC, I thought, let's give it a shot there too! I reached out to my former colleague from Rugrats and Wild Thornberrys, Joseph Scott, and asked if he'd be interested in running things there. He is now heading up all our operations in L.A. and he is just the most phenomenally kind and talented person on earth. With his art skills he could do whatever he wanted but he devotes a huge amount of time to the kids we work with and I'm so moved by his giving spirit and boundless good energy. And Michael Daedalus Kenny is also stepping up in a leadership role as our newest Event Director, we've got amazing artists like Marla Frazee of Boss Baby genius, Monica Tomova from SpongeBob, Jeanette Moreno, king of The Simpsons, Chris Harmon from Futurama, Ashley Simpson from Phineas and Ferb, Christian Lignan of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, graphic novelist, Jeremy Arambulo and so many others so we're in great hands there. I just wish the traffic weren't such a problem! It really is tough to get around that city, unlike NYC where there's a decently functioning subway that goes to all our locations, so getting around is no real trouble comparatively.

Tools of choice:  Our events are usually very handmade by design so that the kids can feel like they could do all of this easily by themselves. So we come up with themes like, “Who is your Superhero?,” and we ask the kids to focus on their strengths and what superpowers they wish they would have, and we draw their portraits as such. We are not art therapists, but we feel these event themes help to make the kids focus on positivity and their potential, and therefore help them to bond and heal. 

We do sometimes get more elaborate, like when we teach stop motion, claymation, and we once even taught them how to build homemade rockets on the roof of Bellevue Hospital! One of our Event Directors at the time, Nathan Schreiber, used to come up with the most fantastic science-focused events. He now runs a company called Science Ninjas, that helps kids learn about science with fun card games. But usually it's simple by design.

We are extremely fortunate to have Blick Arts as a sponsor. Their support enables us to provide each child with their own art kit after each event so that they can keep creating on their own after they learn new skills with us so thanks to them we have a lot of the arts tools we need.

Tool I wish existed: I think we do great working with anything we've got lying around- we emphasize the potential of just about anything to become art: we often create characters out of inanimate objects, make flip books, sculptures and puppets— using everything from card stock to socks to toothpicks and gum drops. We keep it accessible and inventive. 

How can we support The Ink Well Foundation? Because our volunteers are by definition "the artists behind the kids' favorite books, films, comics, and TV shows," we don't solicit volunteers from the general public. We do have an online application on our site, so other professionals that meet our criteria in the illustration, animation, and cartooning industries are welcome to apply there. 

What the general public can do is to help us spread the word so that more children can see that others are going through what they're going through, and also so that they see examples of adults believing in them and encouraging them. We try to promote the idea of art as self-expression and a way to get through trying times, ideally together. Connectivity and encouragement are critical to healing, and honestly, to just building a better world. So we talk about that a lot on our social media and at the events themselves. We also honor the kids' intelligence by talking about art in general there— we highlight classic and new artists and ideas and encourage them to learn from those masters as they develop their own skills.

Because we are a very small 100% volunteer-run organization, we focus on giving the kids the greatest events possible, and sometimes that means we don't have a lot of time for social media, self-promotion, and fund-raising. So spreading the word is huge and we are always extremely grateful for, and in need of, any financial donations. 

Where are Ink Well Foundation events held? We operate in New York City and Los Angeles because that's where the top artists in our fields are concentrated. We go to hospitals and at-risk support centers like Ronald McDonald House, Gilda's Club, Bellevue, St. Mary's, Mount Sinai, Childhelp, Covenant House and more. You can see the full list here. 

How can children who don't live near Ink Well Foundation events benefit from your Pen Pals Program? This is another reason we want people to spread the word. Loved ones of a child experiencing serious illness or hardship, who is physically or geographically unable to attend our events, can apply to have a special artwork sent straight to them. We ask the kids what their favorite animated films, TV shows, or illustrated books are, and then we have an artist who actually worked on that production make something tailored to that child. We then frame it up, and send it off to them by mail. 

We've done this with artists from SpongeBob, Captain Underpants, and just a week ago, we delivered a beautiful drawing of Curious George that our Event Directors, Franz Palomares and Lisa LaBracio (both of whom worked on Curious George) lovingly made. This was for a girl named, Maryanne who lives in Florida. She suffers from a rare disease called, vein of galen malformation that has led to brain damage and vision loss. She is unable to talk or walk or eat through her mouth and she suffers seizures but she understands everything around her, and she can feel texture. So Franz and Lisa made her Curious George playing in a sand box, and they glued real sand into the picture, so that Maryanne could feel that, and enjoy the art on multiple levels. Maryanne's mother, Sandra, said that she was thrilled, and that she loves to hold it. 

Our hearts are full being able to share these works with kids who need that moment of light, and that knowledge that an adult they admire, someone who doesn't even know them well, can care enough about them to take the time to create careful, tailor-made artworks just for them. We hope that helps to bring a smile in the moment, and build self-worth long term.

Misc. I'd like to mention that everything we do is 100% free of charge. No one gets paid, no money ever changes hands for the art. We have brilliant artists like Peter de Séve who is on our board and attends many events, while also creating characters for Ice Age, The Little Prince, and all his New Yorker covers. He could get a mint for his works, but he comes down and does this for free, and that's a testament to the power of that loving connection we all feel when we are just selflessly helping one another.

I feel this most acutely when I'm working with youth who have suffered abuse and neglect. We have an Event Director, Jane Archer, who leads our work at Bellevue Hospital. Many of those kids are there because they have been through unendurable trauma, and Jane connects with them beautifully. She begins with a meditation where we all envision our strengths together, we talk about our talents, and hopes for a brighter day, we imagine embodying those gifts and then we gently, patiently, ask the kids to help us draw characters step by step. Many kids start out very suspicious and resistant, even angry. But by the end of the events they are almost always laughing and teasing us, and they don't want to stop creating. It is my greatest joy to experience that transition and I hope we may continue to spread this support and faith in one another for many years to come.

Website, Etc: 

We are @inkwellkids on every platform:

Website

Facebook 

Instagram

Twitter

Find more posts about art supplies on Case’s Instagram! There is a Twitter as well. If you enjoy this blog, and would like to contribute to labor and maintenance costs, there is also a Patreon!

#ink well foundation #elizabeth winter #ink well foundation kids

[obsidiancorner]

I have a question!!! How long have you been drawing and how long have you been doing digital art? Was it difficult to start with? I'm looking at learning to draw, but I'm not sure if I want to start traditional or if I want to get a tablet. TELL ME!!!

Hey there! Sorry this took me a full day to get to. I wanted to make sure I had time to properly search/attach links and whatnot. Then I had to contend with bath and bedtime for Kiddo. I literally started this post at 7pm... It’s now almost 11. 

I have been drawing in traditional mediums since I was a LITTLE kid. Really little. Before I was in Kindergarten. I broke away from it after I graduated high school but came back to it after I moved to Florida. Chibi Cullen was my first digital piece, though. So... technically since October of 2017. I got my tablet at Christmas 2017 and that is when I REALLY got into it.  

To answer what you should learn on: That’s largely a personal decision and not one I can really help you with outside of giving you some info and some links to help get you started. 

Bare bones basic info:

Traditional is cheaper but you can play and learn without restraint on digital. It’s just that the tablet is going to be a MUCH bigger deposit. To get started in traditional art supplies, you can get away with approximately $20. A tablet is going to run you at least $50, likely more. 

Keep in mind: expensive equipment does not a better artist make. A graphics tablet will not make drawing easier. Sure it has tools to help, like line stabilizers and such... but only practice will truly make you better. 

I expand on this stuff below but first, my opinion. 

My humble opinion: 

If you want to just dabble and see how you get on: go traditional. 

If you absolutely positively KNOW art is a skill you WANT to pursue no matter the degree of difficulty it is for you, that’s when you can begin to entertain the idea of a getting a tablet, but make sure you weigh everything out. 

I don’t want to see anyone shell out that kind of money and have it be used once. I cannot stress enough to make sure you know your heart before sinking in on an expensive piece of equipment like a graphics tablet. 

The rest is under the cut because this is a long post and I don’t want people to hate me. 

Digital 

If money isn’t an issue and you have a decent computer, you can consider going digital. 

 FireAlpaca, Krita, and MediBang are all free to download digital painting software. I, personally, have FireAlpaca and I love it. But I have also been toying around with trying Krita out. However, all of these programs are good enough that I don’t think you’d miss not having PaintTool SAI or Photoshop. 

I will sing the praises of my Huion graphic tablet until my dying day because it will honestly probably last me that long if I don’t upgrade to a more advanced one sometime down the line. 

Seriously. The one I have right now has already been dropped (because I’m clumsy as fuck), thrown (courtesy of a melting down kiddo), peed on and subsequently washed and sanitized (courtesy of an asshole cat), and stepped on (because my guy tripped over the asshole cat and knocked a whole bunch of shit off my desk in the process). The thing still works. They ARE built to last.  

The version I have is the H610 Pro which costs about $80.00. There is some hand/eye coordination that needs to be learned because you will be drawing on the tablet but the image will be on your screen. That can take some time to get acclimated to. 

My H610 is not the cheapest tablet they offer... I know that much but I haven’t really done a deep dive into Huion’s selection. But there are other types of tablets as well. Wacom, Yiynova, Lenovo, Microsoft, Apple, and Samsung all have tablets for artists. 

If you want to talk tablets with monitors that allow you to see what you are drawing where you are actually drawing, you’re gonna be looking at throwing down a hefty chunk of cheddar (a couple hundred at least). For Huion products, that’s the Kamvas series of tablets. 

I have had my tablet for 14 months already and I use it All. The. Time. I tell you that to tell you this: I have not yet replaced the nib on my pen and don’t anticipate having to change the nib for another year at MINIMUM. The tablet comes with four backup nibs. So, at almost daily use, you can easily get a decade worth of art out of the set they give you out the gate.

Traditional

To just do some light sketch stuff while you are getting used to drawing, it’s cheapest to just get some cheap mechanical pencils or drawing pencils and some simple printer paper. If you want a sketchbook, go cheap. 

Once you get into your groove and want to start branching out, by all means, buy more expensive supplies if that suits your fancy. But to just get started on basics: Go. Cheap!!! There is no reason to spend more than $20 (and that’s being exceptionally liberal) at Walmart or the local dollar store.  

I cannot stress enough that to just start out you don’t need pro quality anything. Crayola or RoseArt is what every. single. artist. started on because most of us started in school and just kept going from there. Those companies are still around because they are the building blocks every artist started on (at least in the USA... I don’t know about foreign markets). Guaranteed. 

I still, to this day, use Crayola colored pencils. Two reasons: 1. I’m incredibly cheap and, most importantly, 2. they work just fine. 

Conclusion (at last, amiright?) and Affirmation

I know I sold my Huion tablet pretty hard in the digital section but that’s ONLY because there is more information needed to make an informed decision (like sturdiness, brands, etc.). There is a lot less to discuss for basic supplies to just get started.  

I will suggest traditional more often than I will suggest spending boatloads of cash for a beginner.

The choice between digital and traditional largely boils down to two things:

Cost

Drive / ambition / want / dedication

For the average person/household, cost effectiveness is critical in this economy. Even if you know in your heart of hearts digital art is a skill set you want to achieve, if you can’t afford a tablet, go traditional at first and gradually save up for a tablet. If you aren’t sure you will like drawing enough to sink in AT LEAST $50- and that is a fairly low-balled price tag- go traditional. 

I will only ever recommend a tablet as a starting point to those who know with 100% certainty that drawing/digital painting is a hobby/skill they WANT to pursue. 

I know I cannot tell people what to do because, ultimately, the choice is theirs. All I can offer is my opinion and some words of wisdom and caution. 

I will say this, though:

Art is a skill, just as much as writing, sewing, knitting, and so on. ANYONE can learn this skill. Some advance faster than others due to natural aptitude but anyone can do it. You just have to dedicate time and patience to learning it. 

Every artist started with stick figures. ;)

Remember that. 

Every single one of us started by drawing stick figures. 

That’s not to say that’s where you will begin, but an affirmation that literally EVERYONE, including commissioned artists, starts in the same place. Stick figures in crayon when we were kids. We all evolved from there.   

Do NOT under ANY circumstances beat yourself up if you set out to draw a cat and it looks like Ditto with whiskers. (It’s happened to me. Literally that exact scenario. It’s okay to laugh. I sure did.) This is a Ditto, in case Pokemon isn’t your thing:

Keep at it and you will improve. I promise. Regardless of which way you go. Keep. At. It. and you will improve.

Drawing/painting is a constant evolution, regardless of medium, be it digital or a traditional one. Once you get the basics down, you begin to develop your own style. And even your own style changes as you progress. Look at mine. I’ve drawn two things for you. Hannah and Satinalia Cullen. Both mine but the styles are lightyears apart because I worked and evolved.

Studies in anatomy, color theory, light theory, and the like will be your best friends. Good reference photos will be your best friends. 

And always remember: art is 150% subjective. Look at Picasso and Jackson Pollock. They are nothing like Michelangelo, Da Vinci, or Georgia O’Keefe. All of it is art. 

Abstract, Renaissance, Nuveau, Deco, Modernism, Fauvism, Pointilism, Impressionism and the rest... All art. All very different styles. 

All. Are. Valid. 

All started with stick figures somewhere in their history. You gotta start somewhere but keep at it and you will succeed.

#art tips #digital versus traditional art #getting started #links and info #kagetsukai

[hmsindecision]

So dumb but you're like the only radfem blog I follow. I was arguing with a man about an article called Young men giving up on marriage: 'women aren't women anymore.' Anyways I said something like "Marriage isn't inherently feminist. Yeah it's changed because people marry for love but it's still flawed. And then I tacked on, "And the big reason I'm bisexual is because men have this attitude. Then he said I wasn't listening to him. I said "I was but he's still kinda sexist." 1

Continued: And then I basically listed problems like rape, wife beating, FGM, child marriage, and stuff like that. Granted, I should have left it at that but he said “You make no sense except to be pissed off at the world and wants self pleasure. And yes birth control should be mandatory for women like you. Better yet they should cut off your genitals because you cant control the hormones coming out of them. God help you.” Like excuse me? I may have been glib and disrespectful but I wasn’t violent. 2 And then it devolved into him ranting about how he lost custody of his daughter. And how his ex suddenly got a career and found a new man. And basically my point was his problems aren’t feminist issues. He claimed to have been raped and abused by his ex. I want to have sympathy but his comment about my bits were uncalled for and unfortunately I have little patience for that type of person. And he ranted about my hormones and said I hope I find Jesus. Idk what that truly meant. 3 Given the context, what should I do about men who claim that the courts treated him unfairly and that he’s been abused by his wife but then do male things like go over the top with the insults? I get that I should state my points more strategically. And am I evil for thinking that while he may have been treated badly by his wife I don’t fully buy into him saying that his ex literally kidnapped the child? That he simply couldn’t prove in court that he was the more fit parent? As sad as it is? 5———————–The short answer? It isn’t actually your job to do anything. He crossed a huge line when he said you needed “mandatory birth control” and mentioned extreme violence towards your genitals and dismissed you as hormonal. He proved in that moment that he was never arguing with you in good faith, and had in fact believed you to be beneath him before the conversation even began. 

Fact is also, given that he brings up his ex moving on and having a career, is glib and gleeful about violence towards women, and is convinced that the courts were simply biased against him… the odds are really high that this man was abusive towards his ex-wife. There may even have been events where he was struck or an altercation because physical, but odds are good that this man spent a lot of time abusing her for things to get to that point. Even studies that show men as victims of abuse often see them citing things like “lack of a hot meal on the table” as examples of abuse. And I have personally listened abusers in different contexts describe themselves as the victims of abuse even as the examples they give show that they are absolutely the perpetrators–I even had one man break down sobbing saying that he was abused by women “not appreciating his money”. I’d tell you what he did to the women he dated but I’m sure you can imagine it was not on that paltry of a level. 

That being said, he also responded to systemic issues with his personal experience. Even if his personal experience is absolutely terrible, he is still posing a view of his personal experience as more important and relevant to statistically huge groups of women going through systemic issues like FGM. I have friends who are male rape victims and NEVER have any of them attempted to downplay the effect of rape on women as an epidemic. In fact, most of them are staunch allies because of the help and resources from women that they received in the wake of that. The average (the majority) of people that work in domestic violence and rape counseling and funding are women. 

And child custody?

Here is a huge list of studies and excerpts from them, but here are some highlights:

Noting that negative stereotypes about women encourage judges to disbelieve women’s allegations of child sexual abuse. Gender bias problems are particularly acute in family courts, and most problematic when sexual abuse of children is alleged in custody or visitation proceedings.  Negative stereotypes about women encourage judges to disbelieve women’s allegations of child sexual abuse. The report stated: “One striking example is the tendency to doubt the credibility of women who make these allegations, and to characterize them as hysterical or vindictive even when medical evidence corroborates a claim of child abuse.” (Danforth and Welling)

Noting that “Many men file proceedings to contest custody as a way of forcing an advantageous property settlement… . Contrary to public perception, men are quite successful in obtaining residential custody of their children when they actually seek it.” (Florida Supreme Court Study Commission)

Massachusetts was one of the first states to document the gender bias against women in family courts. This court-initiated study expressly found that “our research contradicted [the] perception” that “there is a bias in favor of women in these decisions.” Moreover, it found that “in determining custody and visitation, many judges and family service officers do not consider violence toward women relevant.” The Court’s study further found that “the courts are demanding more of mothers than fathers in custody disputes” and that “many courts put the needs of noncustodial fathers above those of custodial mothers and children.” (Massachusetts Supreme Court Study)

The Arizona Coalition Against Domestic Violence carried out a two year study of 57 battered women who had gone through a custody battle in Arizona family courts. In the Arizona study, 72% of the mothers said they were not given an adequate chance to tell the court their side of the story and 41% were ordered into mediation though the court knew there was violence. (p. 48)The survey found that courts awarded joint or sole custody to the alleged batterers 56-74% of the time (depending on the county). Many of these cases involved documented child abuse or adult abuse.

A multi-year, four-phase study using qualitative and quantitative social science research methodologies by the Wellesley Centers for Women. Battered women reported having to participate in wrenching custody battles with their ex-spouse to keep their children. They noted that their problems were aggravated and sometimes prolonged in the courts or by social service agencies. The battered women testified that they have been wrongly perceived as hysterical and have been accused of lying. The research found widespread adoption of “parental alienation syndrome,” and found “a consistent pattern of human rights abuses” by family courts, including failure to protect battered women and children from abuse, discriminating against and inflicting degrading treatment on battered women, and denying battered women due process. Histories of abuse of mother and children were routinely ignored or discounted. They also reported that evidence of abuse was often ignored, judges were insensitive, and guardians ad litem - the court-assigned advocates for children - made poor assessments. Domestic violence advocates reported that women who fear the family court process stay in abusive situations instead of seeking help. (Human Rights Tribunal on Domestic Violence and Child Custody)

You were arguing with a disrespectful, violent misogynist. That’s the crux of it. No matter how you made your points, no matter how many facts you brought up, his quick descent into graphic and violent language shows that he was never going to listen. All I can suggest, honestly, is if the conversation is public and you want to engage in it, to not stoop to his level of violence, point out what he is saying is violent, and link to studies and state facts whenever you can. You won’t change this man’s mind, but you might change the mind of other people reading. And it’s okay to say, “I’m sorry you went through that experience. That sounds really difficult. But I’m talking about beliefs widely held in groups, not your personal life.” And privately? This type of man honestly isn’t worth engaging with. He will hurt you and drain your energy, and there are better people to talk with that will listen to you and that will be respectful towards you, even if they don’t fully agree.

When he said you “weren’t listening to him”, he didn’t mean “you aren’t hearing my points”, he meant “you didn’t agree when I said my opinion, and that makes me ANGRY”. You made him made because he thought that you disagreeing with him was already an act of aggression, and he responding to that with sexist and abusive remarks about your genitals. Which… is exactly the sort of behavior you were pointing out as a problem: male violence towards women.

Quite honestly, this guy sounds like a piece of trash.

#child custody #fgm tw #arguing with assholes