#i'm just. existentially sad ig

[cliowo]

In this essay, i will explain the reasons why sky children of the light has become an increasingly unwelcoming game to new players and veterans alike-

Yeah yeah i usually only share my words here but tumblr feels like a really comfy place for me to share unfiltered thoughts and i needed somewhere to vent ig (skip if you have no idea what I'm talking about)

When I first started playing in prophecy, sky was a really fun game. We didn't have the request for a guide function then and I'm actually really grateful for it because the joy was in exploring each of the different realms and season areas on my own and randomly stumbling across spirits whose stories were waiting for me to discover. Maybe it was because I was a dumb moth - i didn't even know how to access seasonal spirits trees - but the pressure to cr just wasn't as intense as it is for moths today. The back to back seasons and "days of" events seem to have sucked the fun of exploring the world of sky for moths because they're so focused on grinding for candles/hearts/event currency that they just dont slow to smell the in-game roses anymore. And the thing is I get it because there's just so many new cosmetics as well as older ones from past seasons and events to farm for.

I mean sure you don't have to collect every cosmetic but 1 cape costs like 70 candles on average, same for a pair of pants iirc, a prop/acessory at 40-70 candles (70 if its an instrument??) , and hair at around 40-50 candles; and the best part is you can only earn 20-21 candles max in 1 reset 🤡 Add all of that plus the need to look for event currency in fear of facing such prices in the event rerun and you get stressed out moths facing existential crises every 2 weeks when ts arrives😀 Sorry moths, the economy is bad irl and just as bad in sky.

And what of the veterans? Yeah, well, we get no friends as everyone starts to quit the game and those that stay live off copium revisiting the places we once visited with friends- Or maybe that's just me

New friends, you say? *cue flashback to moths begging for help with cr* we exchanged like maybe 5 sentences max at chat benches🥲 i have nothing against helping out but it does make it difficult to form a bond when they disappear right after and you fade into their constellation of ubers

And then we have the seasons.

... Honestly the only season that made an impression with me after aurora was the recently concluded season of the 9 coloured deer, which was also another collab season💀

I actually had to check the sky wiki for this:

Remembrance - ironically very forgettable. What was the story again? Was it the one with the group of spirits living in one specific hole in vault like why- vault is bigger than that sad hole- OH THE PLUSHIES okay maybe this one was passable... im trying okay

Passage - ??? Havent finished this season's quests so uh- so far it seems like... a cult..? In isle...?

Moments - if they wanted a camera in-game, they could have just added it to like the days of sunlight event (the camping one) or smtg. They did not have to force a season for a camera💀 imho the camera was the only thing worth mentioning abt this season and i don't even take pictures

Revival - i suppose aviary is pretty and it's nice that the spirits have somewhere to stay now. Not particularly impressed. Don't really remember the story in this one.

...i heard rumours of a furniture season after the 9 coloured deer. Looking forward to hearing what they'll name this one lmao

The quality of "days of" events is still acceptable to me. Just maybe ignore the numerous iaps and the fact that we have multiple umbrellas but only 1 is f2p (don't understand whats up w that btw)

And also the recurring bugs💀 I've been playing for at least 3 years and I've faced these bugs/problems multiple times:

1. Unable to light frends constellations because the screen just yeets itself into oblivion or some random environment feature where i cant press the button

2. Game crashes (after every update istg-)

3. Splitting servers

4. Sky discrimination and gate keeping, aka refusing to let me open the game

5. Being unable to collect currency/dailies (it's not my internet i checked)

The lack of compensation is another matter entirely

I don't know man I'm tired. The only reason why I still have it installed is because it's my only link to the people I used to have fun and relax with. Not everyone has discord or insta or some other social media.

If you made it this far thank you for coming to my ted talk. Feel free to leave your thoughts- just remember to be respectful

Tldr:

The sky economy is bad. For everyone. Moths (and maybe even vets) are stressed out and vets are losing friends. The seasons are increasingly dull and the long-lived bugs are frustrating.

#rant post #rant #sky #skycotl #sky children of the light #skyblr #might delete this later idk

[napping-sapphic]

hey i read your latest post n wanted to know that sometimes it happen to feel like this, I know it's shitty cuz I had a TERRIBLE year last school n felt super down all the time n unloved. But there was more in me and so in you! You are an amazing person ( at least from what I'm reading in your blog) and I'm sure you'll find the love you deserve and you're searching for n it'll be worth every minute you've been waiting for that love to come, ok? But until then try to love yourself a lil ok? Give yourself that lil care you'd use for your partner: if your hypothetical gf told you or wrote you that she's exhausted n feels unloved what would you do? Spoil her a little and show her that you care. Well, you gotta do the same! Give yourself a joy chocolate or a warm bubbly bath or whatever floats your boat, and try to connect with your friends n communicate how you're feeling, I'm sure they'll help you n love you. Sometimes loneliness and isolation due to a bad mood just make you overthink and that's why you gotta meet your family n loved ones! They're the ones that tell your overthinking side to shut the fuck up cuz you're beautiful n caring n amazing n you just gotta understand how AMAZING you are

Srry for the long writing, I just wanted to help a lil n let you know that people care about you, I hope I didn't offend or sound mean...

Here, take some flowers they always make me feel better I love flowers 💐💐✨✨✨

Have a nice dayyy!

-💫

Aw, well thank you! And I’m sorry if that post came off depressing for you or anyone else, looking back it does sound pretty depressing😅 I promise I’m good though! Sometimes it’s just 5am and you gotta let out some more melancholic/existential thoughts ig. Promise I’m not THAT hopeless all the time, it can just feel that way sometimes when you’ve got a lot of other stuff going on too and truthfully most of the time I’m WAY more excited than sad about the potential of love feeling more real for me in the future :)

I’m sorry to hear you’ve had periods like that but I feel like it isn’t an uncommon thing and I hope you remember there are lots of people out there who relate and to take care of yourself too :)

Thank you for the tips and you absolutely didn’t sound mean or offensive, you’re very sweet as always <3 here’s some treats in return for the flowers🎂🍰🍪🍦🍫❤️❤️

#asks #thanks for checking in❤️❤️ #i hope you have a nice day too!! #✨✨🌙☄️💫⭐️<- little night sky for you this time :D #💫

[2-braincells]

went to barbie a while ago, turned the ticket into a bullet journal page ft. what i wore :)

i dont know how to draw bangs face on rip

thoughts on the movie below :) theyre VERY coherent, i promise-

guys....... i didnt love the barbie movie. I KNOW, I KNOW!!! i was so excited for it, and i didnt love it. i didnt hate it tho! there were lots of little parts that i LOVED, i just didnt love the big things, and i think thats what did it for me. i enjoyed the movie and my time tho, except i was kinda upset that i didnt love it. had an existential crisis cuz i didnt like it. but ive thought and now i can kinda articulate what i didnt love abt it.

there was so much going on. all good things! but they werent expanded on as much as i wouldve liked... they all fit together tho, which was good. except for the ceo guys being in barbie world, that was weird. tho it was funny seeing them all on the tandem together heehee. i liked all the individual parts. it just didnt work for me. like the whole "feel" bit that I heard people cried over? nah. i wish theyd shown the WHOLE range of human emotion and experience in those flashbacks, not just happy.

i would love to see a movie of ken discovering who he is outside of barbie. a really deep movie abt identity. i would love to see a movie of a barbie wanting to be human, and experiencing living. a deep movie abt the human experience and how awesome it is to be alive. i would love to see a movie abt restoring a mother and daughter relationship. i would love to see a movie abt smashing the patriarchy. i did. its called moxie and i loved it. but this movie, while it did hit on those themes, didnt hit it hard enough for me ig.

i was very sad that the kens and barbies were never equal. that it was just opposite real life. and i understand why! its a reflection of our world. and, as my friend who i watched it with pointed out, little girls would play with barbie, not ken, so it makes sense that barbie is still the most important part of barbie land. but i was hoping for a bit of hope for our world. if barbie land could be equal for all genders, why cant we?

however. it was a very fun movie that i enjoyed. i laughed at a lot of, if not all, the jokes. it felt good to be heard, as a woman who knows of the struggles. it was pink. i'm just ken was AMAZING. its just. not my favourite movie. that would be nimona

#rain's brain #this is a long one rip #also please dont come at me for not liking it im sorry #barbie 2023 #barbie spoilers #bullet journalling #rain's bujo

[n-agiz]

another ramble about my ongoing writing related existential crisis that no one asked for but that i will still put out there hehe

i genuinely love writing as a hobby and stopping it rn is kind of out of the question for me because it is one of my biggest creative outlets and i'm still not ready to let go of it — that being said, and i've mentioned this multiple times over the last few months, i have been feeling pretty unhappy with my work. i enjoy writing smut, but i think kinktober has made me realize even more that my fav genre might be angst, because although i enjoy indulging in the filth every once in a while, i absolutely adore writing sad stuff for some reason that i cannot point out. beyond that, i think my main issue is that i am not as into anime as i was when i started writing two (?) years ago on my previous blog . . i barely watch anime anymore and the same goes for reading manga, which is why i keep writing for the same few characters, because those are the ones i can still feel some sort of connection with and feel any sort of enjoyment writing for. my main problem though isn't exactly my fading interest from animanga, but the fact that even if i can acknowledge it, i still can't think of any other fandom i would want to write for. i could move onto writing for f1, but then i would probably only write for the two or three drivers i actually find attractive, and for some reason even that doesn't appeal to me at all, or i could switch to kpop, but i don't even know what sort of stuff i would wanna write or for who i would wanna write, so i'm left with nothing else because besides those two most of my interests seem to come and go randomly. i have toyed with the idea of doing more of those your fav x you posts and maybe even dipping my feet into some oc related stuff but i'm not sure how that would do in the long run, so i am at kind of a loss right now lmaoo. i still have all intentions of finishing kinktober, but after that i'm not sure in which direction i will be taking this blog. continuing with animanga isn't completely out of the question because, again, even though i don't care much for it anymore, i still feel comfortable enough writing for a very limited list of characters, which is already something ig . . .

anyways, all of this to say i might end up doing a whole revamp to this blog and changing everything about it hehe, hopefully the few people who actively keep up with me will continue here through whatever might come in the future, but even if you don't, that is absolutely fine ! i'm honestly excited to see what path i might chose but also even more excited for the experimenting process that will come before it where i will try to figure out what works for me right now <3 i just wanna have fun with writing and tbh, right now, creating stuff that isn't exactly tied to one already existing character or person doesn't seem too bad so maybe that's the next step for me ? i don't know we shall wait and see

#rambles. #i didn't mention it here but there is one other fandom i might consider switching to but that one is so uncertain to me that i don't even #wanna put that idea out there just yet lmaoo

[adulthooliganism]

god i feel like trash

#i'm just. existentially sad ig #what's my purpose why are we here what's the point #nothing changes and everything's hell and smthn about the inauguration rlly brought that back to me #personal mumbling #negative //

[meetthefatess]

Hi dear! I just finished listening to In the Green and I'm in love, it's so beautiful and the vocals are amazing. However I'm having a hard time understanding it. Would you be willing to do a summary of like each song so that I can figure out what's happening? Totally understand if that's too much work though, I'm happy just listening to it without fully understanding. Love you!

Hi! I wouldn’t mind at all 🥰

Some of these descriptions are going to be longer than others bc I know more about certain songs. Also disclaimer, I haven’t seen the show in person so this is based on reviews & interviews I’ve seen talking about the show & the music itself! If anyone has corrections, pls let me know!

(tw for mentions of rape, I’ll tag accordingly)

O Virga ac Diadema: this is actually a song written by Hildegard von Bingen, who was a brilliant scientist, composer, philosopher (among other things) in the Middle Ages & who this musical is based on! Most, if not all, of the Latin chanting sections are taken from Hildegard’s own work! I’ll probably mention this again when the next one comes up.

Death Ceremony: following the death of her sister (which we will get into later) Hildegard is given away by her mother to Jutta. Hildegard was the youngest of 10 siblings and very shaken by her sister’s death, so this was likely done to lessen the burden on the family. My understanding is that this song is Jutta officially taking over the care of Hildegard. She is excited at the idea of Hildegard being acquainted with death (through the lessons she plans to teach her) because it is what she herself has been pursuing in her search for “the light.” The slam at the end of the song represents the two being locked in the cell together.

If I Had a Knee: in this song we become acquainted with the “pieces” of Hildegard. Because of, as she says, a “life shattering experience” she has broken into the Mouth (Ashley Pérez Flanagan), Eye (Rachael Duddy), and Hand (Hannah Whitney). This is how she has processed her trauma. She believes her mother sent her away because she is broken like this and if she just becomes whole (or one “piece”) again she will be able to return home. We also get a little forshadowing to Confession when she sings “If I had a knee I could climb out the window.”

The Rule: Jutta promises she can help the Hildegards become whole again because she used to be broken & knows what they are going through. She also believes that helping the Hildegards will give her the freedom she has been searching for and show her “the light.” We get a little look into Jutta’s life as a noblewoman here too! Jutta also brushes away the Hildegard’s questions about how she broke (or HER life shattering experience) and insists that the only thing that matters is she was able to get herself under control (by locking herself in the cell) and become whole again.

I Am Hungry: I Am Hungry is centered around Mouth and the desires held by that piece of Hildegard. These solo (ish) piece songs I believe are how Jutta learns about & tries to “fix” Hildegard one piece at a time. Mouth battles with feeling ungrateful, despite this opportunity to become whole thanks to Jutta, being uncomfortable in her own skin, and feeling like a monster. I don’t know as much about this song but it is a Bop and Ashley Pérez Flanagan is SO good.

Eve: this is one of the lessons Jutta teaches (directed at Mouth) on how to make her trauma easier to bear. I believe this lesson is given after Hildegard has her first period? Jutta’s lessons are starting to reveal her own pain and flawed judgement with the line “if you kill your every care, your burden will be less to bear.” Once again, A Bop

Ritual: time is passing in the cell! The Hildegards are still working to become whole, with the help of Jutta (who sings “it takes time to be whole” in response to the Hildegards’ “I’m trying”). They are becoming frustrated because they are still broken and are not sure what they are supposed to be learning.

Little Life: perhaps realizing that the Hildegards are more inclined to believe in light & life than the death-oriented lessons Jutta tries to teach them, Jutta gives another lesson. Jutta further shows she has gone through trauma too in understanding the Hildegards are “hiding the feeling [they’ve] done something wrong.” We also learn the name of Hildegard’s sister (Agathe) and that she has died. Jutta insists that Hildegard can get past her pain by sacrificing parts of herself (“you have nothing to lose if everything’s gone”). This also begins the instruction to dig (in which the Hildegards dig their own grave to help them become whole).

Sun Song: Hand remembers her childhood fondly & running through the woods with her sister Agathe before her death. She is trying to reason with Jutta and show her that the outside world is beautiful and that they don’t have to lock themselves away (literally). Eventually, Jutta recounts her own youth. She was engaged but decided to run away from her family instead of submit to her would be husband. She and Hand sing about the freedom they experienced in the outside world.

In The Green: the talk of the outside world awakens Jutta’s own trauma (her voice overlapping with that of Shadow, the broken piece of her that holds said trauma). When she chose to run away, she was found out and raped by a man (he is familiar to Jutta, so we can assume this is her would be husband) in the garden she was running through. In the end Jutta appears both to be yelling “leave me alone” to the man in her memory and to Shadow, who she has buried away and pretends does not exist anymore. “In The Green” or “The In The Green memory” is how this memory is referred to later in the musical.

Burial: as reasoning with Jutta does not work, the Hildegards turn on her and say they will no longer help her find the light. Jutta yells back “okay, stay broken. Have it your way.” Then the Hildegards turn on each other (mostly on Hand, the one they sing “you don’t belong here” to). They blame their trauma on Eye for having seen “Agathe’s secret,” Mouth for not keeping the secret, and Hand for not helping Agathe. More foreshadowing to Confession with “Agathe’s bleeding, I am not helping.” They all individually begin to break down and, because they feel they can’t focus on Jutta’s tasks: watch, wait, and try, they fully focus on digging until...

Underground: the Hildegards’ digging unearths Shadow, a piece of Jutta that she hid away, insisting she had already become whole. Shadow holds the memory of the day Jutta was raped, and understands that the pieces of Hildegard hold similarly traumatizing memories from the day their sister died. Shadow does not want to be revealed because Jutta does not want that memory to be part of her. (Think back to The Rule when Jutta says “when I see the light, I will erase my history for good” and tell be that doesn’t make you SO SAD)

Confession: the Hildegards tell their story to Shadow. Agathe sneaks out at night to meet with a man. Hildegard is scared Agathe is going to run away with him so tells their mother. Their mother is angry (likely because their family was lower nobility & did not approve of the relationship?). Agathe gets pregnant and has no husband, so wants to get rid of the baby so she isn’t ostracized or reminded of what happened. She convinces Hildegard to come with her to find herbs by the river that will “take the swelling from her belly.” This ends up killing her while Hildegard watches in horror. This also shows us how Hildegard was broken “I shouldn’t have seen (eye), I shouldn’t have said (mouth), I shouldn’t have lead her across the river (hand).”

Sun Song Reprise: after finally talking about their trauma, the Hildegards reflect. They realize that they can’t ever be how they used to be, but they can still be alright and will carry Agathe’s memory within them. They realize they don’t have to become “whole” to fix themselves.

Light Undercover: Shadow is in awe at how they’ve overcome their memory and found “the light.” She wants them to stay with her and share their light. The Hildegards realize hiding their trauma was what truly broke them and try to get Shadow to share the in the green memory with them so they can carry the burden of it together. Shadow is adamantly against this, saying Jutta made her disappear and she is content with the light from the Hildegards. The Hildegards insist that Shadow can find her own light if she just speaks about the memory.

The First Verb: the Hildegards sing about the lessons they’ve learned and the flaws in their previous mindsets. They want to help Shadow overcome her history. Shadow sings “I saw myself inside of a dream, but with your help I can wake up, make myself scream.” Essentially to become part of Jutta again and help her.

O Viridissima Virga: another song of the real Hildegard’s! A lot of her works revolved around nature and the earth mother which is is really cool thematically with the show. In my opinion ig

Light Undercover/ In The Green reprise: The Hildegard’s continue to try and coax the light out of Shadow who finally recounts the memory (voluntarily or involuntarily I do not know).

The Ripening: Jutta, presumably faced with her history once again, is conflicted. She believes she has done everything right but she still isn’t free, the only thing she’s ever wanted. She has sacrificed her whole life to her work and yet, is still trapped in darkness. Existential. Crisis.

Forgiveness: (if I’m interpretting correctly) Jutta has died. The Hildegards feel they were too late but now reflect on the lessons they have learned once again. “You have to be broken to see light in the dark.” Presumably why Jutta could never see the light is because she insisted she was not broken anymore and buried her broken pieces away.

Integration: Hildegard takes over Jutta’s place at the monastery and teaches and helps more women heal. This song is a lot about the rest of her life! If you have a little bit of background knowledge about Saint Hildegard (I don’t have much) this probably makes a good deal more sense.

Exorcism: Hildegard is faced with a member of the family her community helped destroy. Another woman who was silenced (this time by Hildegard’s influence). Story isn’t over?

Helpful timeline & things: Hildegard was 14 when she was locked in the cell with Jutta. Jutta had already been in the cell for 6 years. They remained in it together for 30 years. The only opening was a small window through which they were delivered food.

Some parts of this are my own interpretation so it’s totally cool if you see some lyrics as meaning different things!

Also, if you have questions about any songs in particular, feel free to shoot me another ask! Hopefully this helps!



#tw rape #in the green #long post #it is currently 2 am #so I will rb in the morning #but yeah #glad you like it! #ily!! #it’s an ask!