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id-rather-be-an-outsider · 2 years

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Simps. And Dumbasses.

Eren Yeager x Black!Reader

summary: Eren Yeager is an absolute simp and has no clue what to say or do to get you to notice him, and his pride leads him to ask Connie, of all people, for advice.

word count: 4080 (including words in text messages)

a/n: I’ve been vibing to Sza lately and for some reason I’ve been inspired to write this, uwu. reader uses she/her pronouns? warnings are reader experiences bullying throughout her childhood, hint of a micro aggression but it could also be seen as ppl just making fun of her curls bc I’ve experienced that before, so it’s up to the reader’s interpretation, that’s it I think. enjoy!

masterlist

“You’re a fucking simp, dude,” Connie laughs over the phone, and Eren squeezes the bridge of his nose, knowing exactly the stupid face the baldie was making. Connie continues, “But hey, I don’t blame you. If I had a chance with a baddie like that, with a booty like that, I’d already be so much of a simp ya’ll would never hear from me ever again.”

“That would be such a blessing, Connie, truly. Please go meet someone hot and leave the group chat in peace.” Eren chooses to ignore Connie openly discussing his crush’s ass in favor of the cynical jab. “Anyways, are you gonna help me?”

“Uh, yea. Just be yourself. It works for me.”

“… But you’re perpetually single.”

“No I’m- oh wait, I am. Shit.”

“Did you seriously not know your own relationship status?” Eren blinks, falling back on his bed. “I just got a migraine from your idiocy.”

“I’m sorry that I fuck often enough to have to debate it, simp.”

“You’re a thot. And stop calling me a simp!”

“Then stop simping for y/n and just talk to her, dumbass!” Connie hangs up before Eren can retort, and Eren’s phone vibrates in his hand. He checks his messages and a text from Connie reads:

Eren scowls, furiously typing back:

Eren throws his phone away dramatically, already tired of Connie’s antics. A few seconds later, though, he picks it back up, texting Jean:

Eren rolls his eyes. How is he supposed to learn about you? Other than approaching you, of course, because that would just be weird and bad and he would look like a creep. At least, that’s what his brain has decided on a whim of anxiety.

Anxiety isn’t normal for Eren, even general nervousy isn’t. Sure, back when he went to Paradis Prep, he would get nervous for big tests if he wasn’t strong in the subject, but this is different. For the first time, he cares about what another person thinks of him.

Do you think of him, even? God, he hopes so. If you don’t then that’s really embarrassing. As he ponders this with a tinge of existential dread, a notification pops up on his screen. You tweeted a link to your Spotify wrapped, and a lightbulb goes off. Okay, not a lightbulb, more like a sign saying, ‘HEY DUMMY TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THIS LUCKY OPPORTUNITY RIGHT NOW’ beat him fifty times in the face, but still.

He browses through the list, realizing he doesn’t recognize a single song. Jhene Aiko, Bryson Tiller, Megan Thee Stallion, Sza, Doja Cat and Isaiah Rashad. Definitely not his genre. Over the course of the day, he listens to the entire list, but one song specifically, titled ‘Pretty Little Birds,’ catches him off guard. He closes his eyes, letting the wind outside caress his face and letting the tide of the music’s highs and lows take him with them. At its end, he’s surprised to find himself with tears webbing down his face, and the next song makes it even worse.

*******************************************************

Armin hears music blasting from his shared dorm with Eren and immediately shakes his head, knowing it can’t be a good thing. He sends a quick text to Mikasa to let her know her brother is likely inconsolable, and opens it to hear ‘Garden (Say It Like Dat)’ by Sza breaking the sound barrier, and when he sees Eren laying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, he sighs. “Alexa, volume down.” Eren lifts his head up and glares at him, and Armin says, “Eren, what are you doing?”

“SOMEBODY HURT HER, ARMIN! Somebody made her feel unworthy, or like she was an imposter, or something just as bad!”

Armin furrows his brows. “And just so we’re on the same page, this is about… who?”

Eren scoffs, like it should be obvious. “Y/n. Who else would it be? You know I’ve liked her for forever, Armin.” Armin does know that, yes, but he also knows that Eren has spent the last several months adamantly denying his crush on y/n. Armin suspected it had a bit to do with him being scared of everyone teasing him for it, and a bit to do with not wanting to be beat to a pulp by Onyankopon for crushing on his little sister.

The man is pretty chill normally, but the few times he’s gotten into fights were when guys tried to make a play for y/n and he didn’t think they measured up. The fight between him and Porco is one Armin remembers well, mostly because everyone was betting on Porco then. Armin bet on Onyankopon and won quite a bit of money. All under the table, of course. He’s seen the way Mikasa obliterates people who come after Eren - he knew Porco’s infatuation for y/n would be no match against an overprotective sibling, and he was right.

Wait. Porco.

At the time of that fight he hadn’t considered why the two were fighting other than y/n being too precious for anyone by Onyankopon’s standards, but now he remembers Sasha mentioning y/n dumping Porco after dating for a month because of something disrespectful he did, which Sasha heard from Niccolo, a close friend of y/n’s fiercely loyal older brother.

As he ruminates on this, he debates telling Eren, but decides he shouldn’t. It’s really not worth the risk with Eren’s temper. Instead, he says, “You know, Niccolo is friends with y/n, and Sasha is starting to get closer to her. Maybe you could ask them if she’s actually in need of comforting. Since you probably won’t ask her yourself.”

“Who says I won’t ask her myself?” Eren retorts.

“Uh, do the last two quarters ring any bells for you?” Armin supplies, knowing he’s got Eren beat.

Eren concedes, “Okay, y’got me there. When is Niccolo going to Sasha’s next?”

“I feel like I shouldn’t tell you.” Armin grimaces, leaning toward not telling him.

“I’ll tell Annie you like her if you don’t spill the beans.” Eren threatens, his gaze ice cold.

“Tomorrow.”

“Thanks, ‘Min.” He says, getting up and clapping him on the back as he makes a beeline for the fridge.

*******************************************************

“So, you want to know about y/n? Why don’t you just ask her out?” Sasha asks as she carefully licks Niccolo’s special sauce off her fingers. She loves having a chef as her boyfriend. Every time he cooks for her she’s convinced she could die happy.

Armin warned Sasha that Eren was acting manic now that he’s finally admitted his crush on y/n. It’s cute to see Eren give a shit about something other than video games, and him coming over meant Niccolo would cook more, ergo she would eat more because Eren would be too busy talking to notice her eating his entire plate after finishing her own, so she doesn’t mind the intrusion.

“I already told you, I can’t just ask her out. Onyankopon would kill me.” Eren grits out between his teeth, putting a hand up to shield his mouth from Niccolo’s eyes.

Niccolo, who definitely heard what Eren said, supplies, “What? Onyankopon is a nice guy, he wouldn’t do that. Just don’t hurt her and you’ll be fine. He likes you.” He sits down across from Sasha, his plate lightly scraping on the wooden table.

“But what if I do hurt her? With my… with my…” Eren trails off as he looks for the right words.

“Idiotic tendencies?” Sasha quips, shrugging her shoulders at him when he gapes at her.

“Why is everyone so mean to me?” Eren asks the air, hoping for some sympathy.

“Because you’re an open target.” Sasha answers for the room as she steals a shrimp from Niccolo’s plate, avoiding his disapproving glare.

“Thanks for that vote of confidence.” Eren slumps.

Niccolo laughs quietly. When both Sasha and Eren look at him, he says, “Just communicate, Eren. Ninety percent of relationships fail because they lack healthy communication. Do you think Sasha would stick around for my good looks and cooking skills alone?”

“I would.” Sasha replies, pupils practically heart-shaped.

He glances over at her lovingly, “Okay, fair point. But,” Niccolo’s face grows serious as he shifts his attention back to Eren, “If you’re not a handsome devil like me who made it through Hell’s Kitchen, you need to make sure you have that on lock.”

Eren nods, all seriousness. Then, he meekly asks, “So uh, what’s her favorite food?”

*******************************************************

He’s a foot from your door, about to knock. Before Eren decided to do this, he DMed everyone who he knew was friends with you and wouldn’t spill the beans, or he crashed whatever activity they were in the middle of, only coming across one sock on a door during his investigation. He now knows your favorite colors, candies, food, he’s caught himself up with all your favorite animes and historical dramas, has familiarized himself with your hobbies, and knows your schedule practically by heart. He’s almost sure you’re home right now, and he hopes to high heavens that he remembered correctly what your favorite flowers are, otherwise the bouquet he’s holding will look pretty thoughtless. He can feel his stomach bubbling and he’s not sure if it’s from all the Sprite he helped Connie drink a few hours ago before the rest of the case expired, or if he’s just regular-anxious. Or both. Probably both.

He takes a deep breath, and knocks. After about thirty seconds, Hitch answers with a happy greeting. “Hi, Eren! Y/n will love those,” She chirps as she grabs his arm, pulling him inside. Hitch is one of y/n’s roommates and her best friend, but Eren knew she would want to help him. She’s always been a romantic. “She’s not here right now, but I’m sure she’ll be back soon.” He’s smiling, getting his hopes up just a bit, only for his stomach to drop when he rounds the corner. Yelena.

He knew Yelena was another roommate of y/n’s, but he failed to consider that she’s Onyankopon’s best friend - along with Niccolo, of course. The one person he’s been terrified of finding out this whole time, is sitting right in front of him on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, his fingers pressed together like he’s thinking deeply and a sly grin on his face.

“Hello, Eren Yeager. Sit. Let’s have a chat.”

*******************************************************

Onyankopon thinks himself to be pretty even-tempered, all things considered. He’s only ever gotten into a few fights in his lifetime, and they all were justified, in his opinion. You may occasionally beg to differ, but you’re his sister - it’s not like you’re always going to understand that sometimes he has to do things you won’t agree with.

Like when school bullies would pull on your hair when you were small, or put sticks and twigs in it, laughing at how your curls kept it in place. When you got older, you realized why he put them on their asses, even if it meant being sent home from school and being dubbed a ‘problem kid’.

When you hit puberty and those same people who used to mock you now wanted to be your friends, you thought nothing of it, thinking that maybe they’d grown out of that phase. That was, until Onyankopon came home with a black eye and a busted lip because your supposed ‘guy best friends’ were joking about running a train on you in the gym locker rooms.

You blocked them all the same night, and the next day, asked your teachers to move you across the room. You ate your lunch in your history teacher’s classroom, and you held your head high when you caught them staring at you despite wanting to cry.

You never paid much attention to the way they were more touchy-feely with you before, or at least, you would brush off your discomfort as them just being like that and you being weird because you had a hard time making friends when you were little, but after that you realized how they never respected your boundaries and seemingly viewed you as a slab of meat.

Onyankopon didn’t need you to tell him how you felt then in order to know it - he knew you - but he listened anyway when you told him your fears, your insecurities, your doubts. He also listened to your dreams and desires, and he swore to himself that he would make sure no one ever crossed your path who didn’t tick all those boxes for your ‘dos’ and ‘don’ts’.

Nowadays, you guys have a tight enough relationship for you to know, if Onyankopon says a guy isn’t worth it, he isn’t. Most people think you’re twins until he sets the record straight, but twins or not, he knows your heart.

He also knows that you’ve been crushing on Eren Yeager for a while now, your poor soul hoping he would ask you out, which made him sad since he knew Yeager would probably never do it - he knows Eren’s kind of an idiot. But, he did always think Eren was a nice guy. Definitely nicer than Porco, he thinks, who spent the week before being dumped by y/n getting too comfortable and making snide remarks about things he wished she could change, especially her lack of a want to get intimate early on in their relationship. Of course, you didn’t divulge that information to your brother until after you decided to dump Porco, but he still beat him up anyways.

Onyankopon’s mind stills as he observes Eren nervously wringing his hands, looking around himself at the environment, occasionally widening his eyes at Hitch who’s watching from the kitchen, very amused at the scene unfolding before her. As if he’s asking for help.

“So, uh,” Eren starts, his voice quivering a little as he swallows. Oh boy, this is gonna be fun. “Nice dorm you guys have here. I mean, girls, I mean, I usually use ‘guys’ as a gender neutral term but I don’t know if it would make you uncomfortable, but-“

“Eren!” Yelena stares at him grimly, before smiling gently and whispering, “Calm. Down.”

“Sorry.”

Onyankopon finally clears his throat (though he didn’t really need to, considering the attention was on him already), deciding on what to say. “So you want to date my sister.”

Eren nods meekly.

“Do you want to fuck her?”

“No!” Eren shouts, then corrects himself. “I mean, yes, I mean, if she wants to and we’re both capable of consenting, but that’s not- that’s not my main goal with it- that came out wrong, I-“

Onyankopon puts up a hand, effectively silencing Eren, who quickly clamps his mouth shut. Onyankopon can almost see the gears spinning in his head, and he wants to laugh, but he’s also kind of enjoying watching Eren turn into a blathering mess. “Are you… usually like this?” He asks, choking on a laugh he doesn’t want to release.

“Uh, only when I’m nervous. If you uh, need proof I’m not an idiot I can show you my GPA-“

“-Not needed. I know you’ve been on the Dean’s List every quarter. I always see your name when looking for my sister’s. Speaking of which,” He leans back comfortably, offering Eren a more friendly smile. “Why do you like y/n?”

Eren fidgets, stammering out, “Well, you see, I- We’ve a few classes together, and obviously the first thing I noticed was how pretty she is - and I mean really, she’s beautiful-“

“-AWWWW!!!” Says Hitch from the kitchen, before Yelena tosses another one of her murderous looks at her, after which Hitch opens up the fridge and pretends to browse around for a snack like she isn’t hinged on every word of the conversation.

“Continue.” Yelena urges, crossing her arms and turning to look at Eren next to her. She used to envy Eren’s abilities, until her own surpassed his. He’s not an idiot or anything, though - she’s just brilliant.

“Yea. Ummm, but what really caught my eye was how smart she was, and how passionate she was, is, about learning, and I know I’m probably not the person you see her potentially being with, but I really do like her-“

“Eren. All I want in a partner for my sister is someone who treats her how she deserves to be treated and values her like I do.” Onyankopon states.

For the first time during their whole conversation, Eren’s fiery eyes make an appearance instead of the ones where he looks like a scared cat. “Then I promise, Onyankopon, that is exactly what I will do.” And he can tell Eren means it. He knows that resolve, that fighter’s spirit - and it’s why he was secretly happy when he noticed the lingering looks you gave each other at social gatherings, both of you just oblivious enough to never catch each other in the act.

“Then you have my golden star. Don’t lose it.” He stands up, saying, “I gotta head out for work, but I’ll see you around, Yeager.”

Eren waves goodbye, and when he closes the door, Yelena and Hitch start chatting with each other, while Eren releases a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, sinking down into the couch cushions.

A few minutes later Hitch’s phone rings, and she answers it, mouthing ‘It’s y/n!’ Before saying, “Oh, yea? That’s totally weird. We’ll come and get you - we were gonna check out the Marine Biology Club anyway, Armin just started it and is looking for new members. Yep. See ya!” She nods at Yelena, and Eren looks between the two of them.

“Uhhh, what are you guys communicating that I don’t understand?” He asks, worried.

Hitch groans, “The vibes, Eren. Just read the vibes.”

Yelena says, “I compromised y/n’s key card this morning so it would stop working and we would have to walk down to get her instead of her showing up while we were still interrogating you.”

Eren sits in silence, wondering how the hell you compromise a key card. “So what do I do?” He settles on after a moment.

Hitch smiles at him. “Stay here and wait for her to walk in so you can surprise her.” She frowns, seemingly to herself. “Maybe hold onto the flowers so she doesn’t rationalize it and convince herself you’re not here to ask her out. And make sure you actually ask her - don’t just fumble around and drop the ball, because we’re not picking it up for you if you do.”

“Right. No pressure.” He says to them, but also to himself. He’s far too worried for a situation with only two possible outcomes.

“Good luck!” Yelena exclaims, cheery smile on her face as the door slams behind them, leaving Eren to his own devices for the next however-many-minutes.

*******************************************************

You can tell something is up from the way Hitch and Yelena give each other scheming little side glances, so you’re already shaking your head to yourself as you ride up the elevator to your dorm, which just so happens to be on the top floor, leaving you plenty of time to ponder every possible scenario before you open the front door.

None of that pondering prepares you to see Eren Yeager, holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers, standing in your living room. You drop your keys on the floor in shock, both of you just staring at each other like neither of you know what to do next.

“E-Eren! Hi!” You say nervously, then ask, “Uh… how did you get into my apartment?” You smile at him, then bend down to pick up your dropped keys, depositing them in your key tray and heaving your book bag onto the counter next to it.

Eren says, “I knocked and you weren’t here but Hitch was, so she let me in and then her and Yelena told me to wait. Oh! Uh, these are for you.” He holds out the bouquet, and you notice the wrapping around it is your favorite color.

You never realized how much Eren paid attention to you, the two of you only interacting through your friends. You feel your cheeks heat up, and you’re glad he can’t see you blush as you graciously take the bouquet from him. “Thank you, you’re really sweet. So, uh…”

“Sorry, right- erm… I should probably explain,” Eren stumbles through his sentence and if you weren’t so keen on him you might laugh at him, but you are, so you find it endearing. “I’m here because I want to go out. With you. I mean, um, I want to take you out. On a date.”

“Now?” You ask, a little surprised and confused, but not disappointed.

“No! I mean, I’m sure you’re busy right now, but if you’re interested in going out… with me… we could… my number! I mean- ugh.” Eren slides his palm over his face, sighing. “I’m sorry, I’ve never asked someone out before. How is this going?” He peeks at you through his fingers, hope shining in his eyes.

You laugh, and you don’t know it, but your smile causes Eren’s brain to melt down the rest of the way. “You’re doing terrible, but it’s really cute. I would love to get your number, and go out on a date sometime.” You wink at him, then raise an eyebrow after a few seconds of him standing there dumbly.

“Oh! Yea, here.” He retrieves his phone from his pocket, holding it out for you to type your number into his keypad, calling your phone when you finish so you have his number. You don’t know this, but Eren’s already put your name in his phone as “😍 y/n 🥰”, and will not let you see that until after your first kiss, but you’re no better.

After you say your goodbyes, which are full of you both giggling and smiling like drunk idiots, you look at your phone, copying his number from your recent calls and creating a new contact.

His name?

“💕 SIMP 💕”.

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