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wonryllis · 2 months

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daddy issues, my little girl (m) | park jongseong.

﹙ 🎬 ﹚ ぃ ────𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗲 𝗺𝘆 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗴𝗶𝗿𝗹,

preview. you had always had daddy issues, for as long as you could remember. so when jay came along with his caring nature, how could you possibly keep your feelings at bay? not to forget, your roses of love have wilted long before you even knew what love meant but jay, he’s here at your doorstep with a watering can. will you be able to refuse?

or where, new neighbor dr jay park is asked to babysit you over the week. ironically the only man you have ever had a crush on. you are so determined to put aside the feelings but jay makes things so much harder. he is way too sweet and caring and you are way too pessimistic and insecure. how is it going to work with you gravitating towards him in inadvertence and jay welcoming your presence with candor radiance? especially with all of your buried issues coming to life more than ever. false hopes and reserved secrets, reluctant truths and feelings that linger deep. he is right there, two doors away to reach. so why is it that love still feels so far?

meet the cast. daddy park jongseong(jay) with his doll fem!reader

genre. neighbour to lovers, age gap (like 7 years), romance, SMUT MDNI!!, comfort angst, fluff, happy ending, doctor(might change that)!jay with his precious girl. jay literally always at his girl's beck and call, he cares about you a lottttt trope. the "i know you can do it, but let me do it for you" trope. kinda ddlg concept idk? he's like your pillar, comfort person and just everything you have ever needed. practically your dream man come to life. subject to additions later on.

word count. 18-19k so far, est around 35k revamp + second installment.

warnings. DARK THEMES: hints of: daddy issues, attachment anxiety, inferiority complex, abandonment issues, depression, childhood emotional neglect, philophobia, insomnia, social anxiety, hints at emotional/psychological abuse, gaslighting, hints at being suicidal, people pleaser syndrome, mommy issues, thantophobia, atelophobia, atychiphobia, pistanthrophobia, avoidant personality disorder, body dysmorphia. more could be added on release and nsfw warnings will be mentioned in full fic.

theme song. daddy issues by the neighborhood and future by red velvet. on the side you can listen to: love letter by bolbbalgan4, adore you by harry styles, pacify her by melanie martinez, cool kids by echosmith, your existence by wonstein, teenage dreams by katy perry ..

RELEASING. TBD, progress ! 57%

"i’m home!” slipping off your converse, you put the pair inside the shoe cabinet near the entrance and close the wooden door in a sigh before trudging in. the lights in the living room are dimmed, something your parents would never do. it catches you a tad bit off guard but nevertheless you try not to think too much. considering the silence surrounding you they most definitely are out for work and as usual forgot to turn off the lights. with cautious steps you walk futher inside, with all intention to sneak in a pack of chips from the kitchen like a thief even though at this point you’ve practically come to the conclusion you’re home alone, but one can never be too careful.

a cat like shriek leaves you when your eyes land on the back of a figure sitting on the couch, your phone almost slipping through the grasp of your fingers as your eyes widen in shock. startled, your heart more or less stopping in a screeching brake for a split second.

the man visibly flinches at the sound of your voice,“who are you?!-” standing up and turning around to face you,“jay?”

“god y/n, you’re gonna make me deaf,” he complains, face contorting into a tender, teasing expression; a small smile gracing his lips as he walks around the couch and leans against the top of the backrest. you watch as he looks at you, so softly that it makes you wonder, has anyone ever in your entire life looked at you like that? a look radiating such gentleness. maybe not, not until now that is.

“you got home early today, i thought you’d be out for two more hours?” his brows raise in a questioning manner as his gaze shifts to go over the time showing on your living room clock.

“uh, well i was working on a project the last few days but i finished it yesterday so,” you speak unsure if you should even be telling him this instead of asking what he’s doing in here.

“oh okay, that’s good,” taking off his overcoat he walks into the kitchen, folding up his dress shirt’s sleeves on the way,“what do you want for lunch then? do you want to eat takeout? or should i cook you something? you must be hungry,” he takes out a bottle of cold water from the fridge and pours in a glass for you, sliding the cup on the countertop towards you as you approach the space in hesitant and confused steps.

his questions dumbfound you, leaving your brain at a loss, still dazed from his presence before you,“what? why are you asking me that? and what are you doing in my house?” you ask, looking completely clueless when jay turns to look at you expecting it to be some kind of a sarcastic remark. but the lost look in your eyes has him surrendering even if it does turn out to be some joke.

“taking care of you,” jay smiles, straightening his posture in an upright position and moving closer to the counter across which you stand,“technically, babysitting,”

“babysitting? me? but,” it baffles you, is this some prank or are you supposed to know something you don’t? your mind’s mechanical gears slow down, friction arising in between them. you don’t remember anything regarding or relating to the term babysitting. there’s no way he’s serious.. right?

“doll, didn’t your parents tell you they’re gonna be out on a business trip for a week? they asked me to look after you while they’re gone,” what.

yes these past few days when you couldn’t catch a hidden, one-sided glimpse of him in the elevator you did feel weird. and you definitely did subconsciously wish to run across him again, even though you were on a mission to avoid him, but this; this is not what you would’ve liked, this is not what you wanted. this is far from what you can handle, what your messed up self can accept.

“no?” the look on your face has jay almost spilling a laugh, the way your features contort to a whiny crying expression. how cute. he thinks.

“that’s okay, now you know,” trying to imitate you, he scrushes up his nose in a slight pout, reaching out to pat your head twice. and there goes your heart. you never thought you’d like head pats this much, you only remember getting them twice from your father but it felt different. it used to annoy you because he would mess up your hair but the way jay caressed your head it felt you had accomplished something, so gentle and careful yet still close to a ruffle.

taglist ( open. ) @s00buwu @lilyuwon @pockyyasii @nctislifue @lheebra @boyfhee @defnotfertilizedtoesw @brownsugarbaybee @skylaly @sparklovespink @luvyouchuu @ming-h0e @cha0thicpisces @butterflywonie @kgneptun @haechansbbg @m3chigo @wonsbaer @woncine @eneiyri @siyen @wonyoungsvirus @heesquared @enhafim22 @velvtcherie @ineedsomezzz @simjyunnie @seochangbinnnnnnnnnnn @wonkifangirl @sweetwonieee @luvnicho @fakeuwus @sunpov @notevenheretbh1 @kaykay11sworld @saurxcream @shawnyle @monstaxdirtywonk @wannieepisod @woozixo @sophi-ee @rikiwaify-blog @fluerz @iselltulips @belowbun @yunjinsbbg @enhasnuggles @enhaswirlds @enhastolemyheart @jooniesbears-blog

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kayvsworld · 6 years

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ok so i’m lowkey justifying potentially trying to make a little tiny comic as an Academic Pursuit since i’m taking a class on comics so like...it wouldn’t have to be good or part of a larger thing it can just be one page or a couple of panels to start and that will be all? also i’ll get to draw my new kids,,,,hmmmm

#kayvswords #i've never successfully completed a large writing project in my life so i'm definitely not going down that road #if it ended up being a larger thing it would have only the loosest plot imaginable i just. listen i can't write #a) i'm bad at it and b) it gives me anxiety sO #it needs to be something that i feel like still has a point aside from Being Pretty To See so like. a scene from someone's backstory maybe?#so that i don't feel like i'm completely wasting my time #because i've tried doing stuff that was just like. aesthetics with no context or anything Happening #and i always got too bored before i was even finished the sketch #actually: better idea: i'm going to first draw one (1) 3 panel interaction #between andron and iandeyr #hmmmm IDK DUDE #LISTEN i always either completely overthink things and then they get too big to deal with OR i don't think them thru #and then they die before they can even start bc i get bored #idk i just want like. a project. that i can work on #tbd

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whentherewerebicycles · 2 years

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I have been in such a funk recently and I know it’s partly my approaching period and partly the fact that I’m not utterly consumed by a writing project at the moment, but also I think it is just the state of the world? I’m absorbing so much painful and scary news about Ukraine all the time, and then I end up absorbing info about a wide range of other upsetting things because I’m reading everything else on the NYT/WaPo/Atlantic websites too. and my best friend is going through some stressful and prolonged family illness stuff and is in what we call ‘husk person’ stage so I am just lowgrade worried for her and her partner all the time. and then it’s unfortunately very easy to attach free-floating worry and fear to whatever other random thing drifts through my mind, so I just feel a little unsettled and uneasy all the time lately. I think some of it will just pass on its own, and some of it I can gently control by limiting my access to things that are upsetting me (for instance I just blacklisted all news sites except for a brief period of time in the morning and evening). but also I know I feel so much better when I have a project to work on or a clear sense of purpose via work and I think some of this anxiety is just that I have too much unstructured time right now. my kids are far enough along in their projects that they don’t need a ton of additional support from me right now and I feel like I can’t really launch into some of the bigger program planning projects I want to pursue until we have a clearer answer on the grant. and because of all the travel I’m doing in the next month I can’t make the c*sa training cycle work until may, which would’ve been the ideal purposeful thing to fill this bleh time with. I think maybe I just need to focus on reading a bunch (as a way of feeling like I am learning something & working towards a goal) and also keep messing around with different story ideas, and just trust that my next project will find me. and I think I might apply to volunteer somewhere once a week in the interim maybe idk. tbd.

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enchantedamusedslightlyconfused · 4 years

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73 questions.

I was tagged by @wescoasts @machine-gun-casie (BABES)

Almost all my friends have been tagged and I don't wanna be that asshole so ill try not to be. I tag @awkwardrocker @backoftheroomandnotbelonging @trixiehoe @she-who-is-timey-wimey

On a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now?

Well it’s finals week so about -864. After that I have two weeks of legitimate nothing where I will bake my heart out so we’ll see

Describe yourself in a hashtag?

#yikes #ughshesinherfeelsagain

If you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be?

Milo Ventimiglia, Kells, Rook.....being a music video love interest is only my life’s pipe dream

If your life was a musical, what would the marquee say?

And that’s on daddy issues and no supervision...

What’s one thing people don’t know about you?

I used to model like went to modeling school and got paid for it type shit

What’s your wakeup ritual?

get woken up by my dog tired of hearing my alarm, walk said opinionated quadruped, feed quadruped, get dressed, COFFEE, then take life as it comes

What’s your go to bed ritual?

melatonin gummies (gotta make anxiety fun), skincare when executive dysfunction will allow, brush teeth, fight dog for my spot in bed (moving a 90lb animal is no joke), turn on my sleep playlist or use my ambient noise app, stare at ceiling

What’s your favorite time of day?

witching hour followed by golden hour

Your go to for having a good laugh?

lately tiktok and Kellyvisions, previously vine compilations or Netflix specials

Dream country to visit?

Ireland. I NEED to go to the motherland. My families castle is still standing and I get in for free. its on my bucket list FOR SURE.

What’s the biggest surprise you’ve had?

getting into nursing school and chiropractic school. I’m a loser and I’ve never had a surprise party. I’d melt in puddle of love tbh

Heels or flats/sneakers?

Flats 98% of the time. Heels are reserved for business casual necessity, Halloween, or if I’m feeling myself

Vintage or new?

both, depends on the item

Who do you want to write your obituary?

Amy-Sherman Palladino

Style icon?

lmao a what? on the real though catch me fucking with those eco-friendly kitchen witch vibes. All the dainty jewelry, linens and converse/docks fam

What are three things you can’t live without?

my dog, my family (found and blood), healing people however I can (medicine ruined me for any other career and its sucks you guys)

What’s one ingredient you put in everything?

tbh salt, I question a recipes validity if salt isn't involved

What 3 people living or dead would you like to make dinner for?

Kells and the band (I'd be too nervous for a one on one), a dinner party with my MGK fam, Elvis

What’s your biggest fear in life?

Failure, not accomplishing anything

Window or aisle seat?

window all day everyday, on the wing preferably cause I like to feel the landing gear #pilotsgranddaughter

What’s your current TV obsession?

Roadies forever, pry that series from my cold dead hands (also Gilmore Girls and Criminal Minds)

Favorite app?

tie between Tumblr and Pinterest (im an aesthetic slut)

Secret talent?

I am bomb at disney princess songs, the girls I babysit for treat me like a jukebox at bedtime, cutest thing ever

Most adventurous thing you’ve done in your life?

delivered a baby has hands down been the coolest thing I’ve ever done

How would you define yourself in three words?

I fucking hate this question. always have. empathetic, resilient, intuitive

Favourite piece of clothing you own?

overall: my senior prom dress. its emerald green, backless, with a slit to upper thigh chefs kiss

everyday wear: Colorado sweatshirt

Must have clothing item everyone should have?

I second Jude: over sized hoodies

Superpower you would want?

nonspecific healing powers so they aren't limited to physical ailments

What’s inspiring you in life right now?

Colson

Best piece of advice you’ve received?

HA. probably that the body remembers more about trauma than the mind and your seemingly irrational physical reactions to things are your brain’s attempt to protect you

Best advice you’d give your teenage self?

his mistake does not define your worth. I went for a variant of these boys aint shit don't judge me cause she needs to hear it

A book that everyone should read?

Harry Potter series (yes the whole thing), Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson, Wintergirls by Laurie Halse Anderson, The Giver by Lois Lowry

What would you like to be remembered for?

empathy, the way I made people feel

How do you define beauty?

FOR THE LAST TIME ITS SUBJECTIVE, things that give you peace, it could be a song, a person, a sunset, a scone, a leaf. If it makes you stop a second and exhale then its beautiful to you

What do you love most about your body?

holy trigger question Batman...my eyes, my hair color, texture, and its ability to grow

Best way to take a rest/decompress?

drive with the windows down and blast music while singing at the top of my lungs

Favorite place to view art?

unexpected places, like street corners, carnivals, just somewhere it takes you off guard and makes you stop and pay attention

If your life were a song, what would the title be?

it’d be one of those crazy long 2000s fall out boy titles for sure, subject matter yet to be determined

If you could master one instrument, what would it be?

violin hands down, it hits me different

If you had a tattoo, where would it be?

I have a bunch planned, plane on my right shoulder, Kells related between 3rd and 4th ribs (maybe lower in case I ever need a chest tube), watercolor portrait of my dog at some point location TBD

Dolphins or koalas?

dolphins are stoners and they're super smart, but koalas cause they’re grumpy af and honestly same

What’s your spirit animal?

again Jude and I are vibin: I've been identifying with a phoenix as of late. according to pottermore im a greyhound though (yes a patrons is a wizarding spirit animal. fight me)

Best gift you’ve ever received?

seven year old me was stoked to get a functional microscope and metal detector, I was in my egyptology/archeology phase, I still have them lmao

Best gift you’ve ever given?

oh hell idk...I made my cousin cry once cause I made cupcakes for her birthday party, they were cherry limeade flavored and had little straws and everything. that was pretty cool, granted she was seven. I also made my teacher cry cause I made sea salt caramel chocolate cupcakes for her going away party. I guess my baking brings people to tears

What’s your favourite board game?

candy land, battleship, cards against humanity even though there isn't a board

What’s your favourite colour?

forest green atm

Least favourite colour?

bright yellow/orange, its offensive to my general The Dirt Mick Mars disposition

Diamonds or pearls?

pearls (actually opals though)

Drugstore makeup or designer?

not picky provided they are evironmentally friendly. I really like Besame Cosmetics though

Blow-dry or air-dry?

air-dry, I don't have the patience for blow drying

Pilates or yoga?

yoga

Coffee or tea?

COFFEE, im still learning to like tea

What’s the weirdest word in the English language?

holy shit how much time do we have, my favorite weird word to say is fistula or omphalocele (they're medical conditions, don't goole it unless you have a strong stomach)

Dark chocolate or milk chocolate?

dark chocolate

Stairs or elevator?

stairs

Summer or winter?

neither FALL BITCHES winter if I had to pick cause I love Christmas

You are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat?

burgers

A desert you don’t like?

red velvet cake....just why is it a thing that exists

A skill you’re working on mastering?

baking scones or shit that’s flaky in general

Best thing to happen to you today?

being tagged to do this twice, I felt special for a hot second (thanks babes)

Best compliment you’ve ever received?

that I would make a good doctor (I handled a scary pt situation like a champ, they didn't know I threw up after I made sure my pt didn't die. puking in a foreign country on the download is a skill in and of itself)

Favorite smell?

bergamot, baking bread, baking spice cakes at Christmas

Hugs or kisses?

HUGS CAN SAVE THE WORLD

If you made a documentary, what would it be about?

gifted kid fall off

Last piece of content you consumed that made you cry?

In These Walls - Machine Gun Kelly

Casual Sabotage - Yungblud

genius assholes...

Lipstick or lip gloss?

lipstick for special occasions but actually tinted chapstick or lip stains

Sweet or savoury?

savory to eat sweet to make for someone else

Girl crush?

Brittney Furlan Lee, Alexis Bledel, Lauren Graham

How you know you’re in love?

you look at them and just say yep. them. usually while they're doing something stupid

Song you can listen to on repeat?

imma out myself but Swing Life Away - Machine Gun Kelly

If you could switch lives with someone for a day who would it be?

the grass is not greener ya’ll. id rather go back and relive days

What are you most excited about at this time in your life?

hopefully passing my first trimester of chiropractic school. fingers crossed pls

#quarantine games #don't come for me people #if you identify with this stuff hit me up #I can always use more quarantine buddies #love and good vibes to you all

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gardenvarietyheroics · 5 years

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between the moodboards and some random blurbs/half-requests i’m feeling a little #scattered so this post is me getting shit all in one place, more for my own sake than anyone else’s.

my three kids so far (links to mary and evelyn’s moodboards included):

mary macallister / 24 / stray (undergrad) / hurricane child

evelyn carrow / early 30s / fangs alum (currently a liaison of some kind) / ice queen

kaz takigawa / 26 / faction tbd (undergrad) / sugar-and-ice

more deets on each of them and wanted plots are behind a cut bc i don’t want my wall-of-text to make the tag ugly, whoops.

mary is my baby and is basically an adaptation of a character i play on hp sites (i did not do much to change her name so if you’re at all familiar w marauders era stuff you should be able to figure out who she is lmao).

personality stuff: istp / sagg-scorpio cusp sun, scorpio moon, sagg rising / a mess of gryffindor and slytherin / 7w8

trajectory: since lore details aren’t all out yet, this isn’t Quite nailed down yet (is she promised to the military/intelligence community? just trying to get through excelsior and then do her own thing? dunno yet), but my intention is to have her be one of the subjects of Shadier experiments. her powers are definitely engineered rather than innate, so there’s maybe some ongoing “how far can her powers go” thing there.

currently torn between weather manipulation, enhanced senses, and adaptive intellect for her so, uh, stay tuned?? mary herself has mixed feelings about her powers; part of her is like “these is all more trouble than its worth” but the other part Loves having these abilities. she’s def a stray and i’ll probably be keeping her that way, at least to start.

plots i’d love for her: see here! tl;dr: slow build found family dynamics

evelyn is also a rough adaptation of a character i’ve played on hp sites bc i’m a character recycler, oops. she’s the eldest of three sisters, the children of the esteemed carrow family. she and her sisters were born with their powers, and evelyn is exactly the type that thinks that fact elevates her. she is the result of being the eldest child, of being born into a successful family, of having parents that have high expectations, and as a result she has insecurities and anxieties as big as the mountains excelsior is nestled in. not that you’ll ever know—she’s not the type to show vulnerability. like ever.

personality stuff: intj or entj / some mess of scorpio and capricorn and maybe virgo? / slytherin oh my god such a slytherin / 3w4

trajectory: after she graduated from exelsior she probably moved into some position in the u.s. intelligence community (i’m leaning towards cia but may stick her in military intelligence, tbd), and then at some point became a sort of liaison between them and excelsior. she is, in some ways, a dressed-up headhunter, but ultimately: she’s looking to make sure she has her finger in as many pies as possible. she’s out to improve the lot of herself and her family and everything else is... completely secondary, ngl.

i’m still figuring out her ability; it may be related to emotional/mental manipulation of some kind, or intellect-focused, or it might be something unrelated and she’s just a natural at manipulating folks—tbd.

plots i’d love for her: a jaded/bitter ex (i imagine it did not End Well, lingering sexual tension optional but not required—i’d be down to explore either dynamic), the baby carrow sister (see here for more info), some budding “talent” she’s trying to recruit, faculty dynamics (i’m sure plenty don’t like/trust her, which i would love to play out), someone that gets under her skin and pushes her button, a rival of some kind?? idk what that last one would look which means i’m basically Open (probably someone she went to excelsior with, lbr)

kaz is a new character for me in some ways and familiar in others—he’s loosely based on a character i used to (and still do on the rare occasion) write a lot of fic for.

personality stuff: intj or istj, tbd / scorpio sun w gemini and taurus somewhere in there? tbd / slytherin w dashes of puff / type 8 (yeah just the 8)

trajectory: he’s just kind of starting to figure out that people are maybe starting to look up to him within his faction? he’s really into war games stuff bc it’s his outlet to proving he’s Worth Something (he’s, uh, got some family baggage he pointedly refuses to work through), and it’s kind of become central to his identity at excelsior. he’s a late entry to excelsior bc he was trying for a degree at a “normal” uni like his dad wanted (dad doesn’t have powers, mom did, mom is also currently... absent) but ultimately he made the switch, blah blah blah—beyond this i don’t have a whole lot of Specifics nailed down for him (which works bc he won’t have it all figured out either bc he’s also ignoring questions of “what comes after this” bc, uh... the future is scary, guys).

“em do you not have his power nailed down yet either?? really??” listen,,,,,,

plots i’d love for him: see here!

#subjectzerorp #i just needed this all in one place #there's a fourth character budding in my head #mid/late twenties w astral projection but #tbd

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mintedwitcher · 7 years

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92 Things

Got this idea from @racheloddment since they tagged anyone who read their full post. So buckle up fuckers, here we go. (I’m putting most of this under a cut because it’s long as fuck)

Rules: Answer these 92 questions and tag 20 people

(Since I’m too lazy to tag 20, I’m just gonna tag @screwthissite and anyone else who wants to torture themselves can go for it)

THE LAST: 1. Drink: coffee 2. Phone call: my mum two days ago trying to find out where the hell my sisters were 3. Text message: my Nan 4. Song you listened to: Thunder by Imagine Dragons (also the entire Evolve album cus its a jam) 5. Time you cried: uhhhhhhh few days ago, last time I had a panic attack lmao

HAVE YOU: 6. Dated someone twice? Yep 7. Kissed someone and regretted it? Yep 8. Been cheated on? Yep 9. Lost someone special? Yep 10. Been depressed? Lmao yep 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up? Yeah but never thrown up. I don’t get sick or hungover when I drink, no matter how much I drink.

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS: 12-14: Red, pink, blue

IN THE LAST YEAR, HAVE YOU: 15. Made new friends? Yes!! 16. Fallen out of love? Eh not yet 17. Laughed until you cried? Last night; my sisters and I get kinda ridiculous together lmao 18. Found out someone was talking about you? Uhhhh...... do we mean like... casual mentions or talking shit because tbh I have no idea either way 19. Met someone who changed you? Idk if I would say ‘changed’... 20. Found out who your friends are? Yeah, the ones who don’t call me a two faced whore on Facebook for having social anxiety and not being able to socialise :) fuck you, btw.

GENERAL: (21 seems to have vanished) 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl? Almost all of them tbh I don’t have many Facebook friends anyway, most of them are family. 23. Do you have any pets? Yeah, three dogs (Ben, Jasper, and Dusty) and one cat (Callie) 24. Do you want to change your name? Yes! 25. What did you do for your last birthday? Spent it at home, writing, and had cake at some point. Idk I don’t really remember? 26. What time did you wake up? About 10-ish? 27. What were you doing at midnight last night? Sleeping for a change 28. Something you can’t wait for? Getting my septum piercing for my birthday this year 29. When was the last time you saw your mum? Yesterday 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life? I’d change my financial situation first (31 has disappeared too) 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Yeah he used to be my best friend 33. Something that is getting on your nerves? My dog wandering in and out of every room in the house 34. Most visited website? This hellscape 35. Moles? I have a few on my arms 36. Marks? Lots of scars, a birthmark, and some freckles 37. Childhood dream? Superstar! Or a show horse rider (thanks, Saddle Club) 38. Hair colour? Right now its dark brown - I miss my red hair though... might dye it again soon... 39. Long or short hair? As in... preference, or current situation... cus like... it’s short now but god I miss my long hair 40. Do you have a crush on someone? yep 41. What do you like about yourself? I’m creative 42. Piercings? None yet (aside from my earlobes but they healed over) 43. Blood type? Haha I actually don’t know 44. Nickname? Bob, Bubbles, Freak, Alpha 45. Relationship status: TBD 46. Zodiac? Sagittarius 47. Pronouns: she/her/they/them (very rarely he/him) 48. Favourite TV show? NINE NINE! (Seriously, Brooklyn Nine Nine is a gift to the universe). Friends will always have a special place in my heart. HIMYM is a guilty pleasure. Buffy. Avatar: The Last Airbender is a classic. 49. Tattoos? None yet :( 50. Right or left handed? Right 51. Surgery? I had my tonsils removed when I was seven but that’s it 52. Hair dyed a different colour? I’ve gone red, black, blue, and purple. I miss the red most. 53. Sport? Martial arts (54 has disappeared too) 55. Vacation? Tasmania when I was eight; England when I was two. Haven’t left my town for a vacation since, aside from the Adelaide trip in 2015, but that wasn’t a vacation since I was working. 56. Pair of trainers: (AKA, sneakers or tennis shoes, even though they’re all v different things wtf) I have a pair of custom trainers fitted to my feet, because I have an uneven gait and my hips and knees are all kinds of fucked up from it.

MORE GENERAL: 57. Eating? Nothing now, but just finished some leftover soup from last night 58. Drinking? Coffee 59. I’m about to: grab a couple biscuits because I’m also writing and I need snacks (I also really need a chewy stim toy at some point because I kinda destroyed my favourite pen by chewing it while I work) (60 & 61 have disappeared) 62. Want: my sister to leave me alone for ten minutes so I can actually get some work done 63. Get married? Maybe someday, but it’s not a priority 64. Career: Writer, please, damn. But barring that, maybe a teacher

WHICH IS BETTER: 65. Hugs or kisses? Both 66. Lips or eyes? Eyes 67. Shorter or taller? Taller, but if they make short jokes, I’ll cut their legs in half and walk away. 68. Older or younger? I try to stick to my own age thanks (69 has disappeared) 70. Nice arms or a nice stomach? Nice arms fuck me right up 71. Sensitive or loud? Sensitive 72. Hook up or relationship? Relationship 73. Troublemaker or hesitant? Troublemakers are fun

HAVE YOU EVER: 74. Kissed a stranger? Once or twice 75. Drank hard liquor? Yeah 76. Lost glasses/contact lenses? Nope, I don’t need them 77. Turned someone down? Yeah a few times 78. Sex on the first date? That would require actually being taken on a successful date (I’ve only been on one and it was a disaster) 79. Broken someone’s heart? Yeah 80. Had your heart broken? More times than I care to admit 81. Been arrested? Nope 82. Cried when someone died? Yeah 83. Fallen for a friend? So many times

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 84. Yourself? No 85. Miracles? No 86. Love at first sight? Eh... undecided 87. Santa Claus? Not since I was seven 88. Kiss on the first date? Again, it requires being taken on a date

OTHER: 90. Current best friend name: Jack and Amer 91. Eye colour: Blue/grey (depends on lighting idk) 92. Favourite movie: Captain America: The Winter Soldier, or Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

#long post #tmi tag #idk how to tag this lol #ask game #kinda #hey its riley

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chattigatti · 7 years

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3/15/17 Am I crazy? Probably.

This whole overwhelming fear of death thing that I've had for years now has been popping up again lately. And it has gotten me thinking. What I have noticed is that I have two completely opposite reactions when these sudden feelings hit me. The first one is "well I'm gonna die anyways, so nothing I do matters". And the second is "Holy shit I could die in my sleep tonight! There is so much to do!" One is consuming while the other is motivating. Well, lately it's been motivating. It motivates me to do the things that I want to do and to be 100% myself all the time. Try to help as many people as I can, try to make as many people laugh as I can, and love as relentlessly and selflessly as I can. Which brings me to this past Sunday night. It's about 1am and I'm laying in bed. And has far too often been the case over the last however many months, and even more so recently, I was thinking about Brittany. I know, I know. It's a fucking joke at this point that I can't get over it but like I said, I'm pretty motivated to be 100% honest right now. And that's what I was doing so, sorry. Anyways, I started thinking about what I would do if I actually did talk to her. I put so much thought into how things went and what I could have done and that night where I made some pretty bad mistakes, but I haven't thought much about what I would do or say if I just saw her or she called me or something. I remembered something a very important mentor in my life told me when I was in 8th grade. She said "with all the hate in the world, never regret doing something with good intentions out of love". And I remembered something I told Brittany before we stopped talking, that I meant and still believe to be true. And it's this. We knew each other so well, the ins and outs, the good bad and ugly, that I think it would be a waste to be strangers. I still think that. I understand her, especially her anxiety, in a way that I don't think a lot of people do, or even could for that matter. Maybe because I relate to it in some ways, maybe because I put so much time and energy and thought into understanding anxiety and her and how it affects her specifically, I don't know why. But I do. So being as motivated as I was, I made a decision. (HOLY FUCK I CANT BELIEVE IM EVEN WRITING THIS CAUSE I WASNT EVER GONNA) I decided to put together a collection of things that I think would help her when she gets anxious. It started off with a glitter jar that I saw on FB and took off from there. It has been my little project over the last few nights but now idk what to do about it. Almost everything in it has been handmade and personalized. So far, it includes the following. •2 Glitter Calming Jars (which took me 5 tries to get right but look amazing now) •3 different kinds of Stress Balls (1 with rice, 1 with "Slime" and 1 with cornstarch and water, which is really cool btw) •A CD which I burned that has 12 songs, most of which I know she likes, a couple of which I am 99% sure she would like, all slower and that I think would help calm her anxiety •"Slime" which is great sensory and acts similar to a stress ball but with a different texture •3 anti stress coloring books and colored pencils •A journal with colorful pens that I think she would totally dig •Lavender for like a bath or some shit •And a bottle of her favorite wine with some chocolate, just in case all that other stuff doesn't work *TBD if I wanna make this cool Glitter candle thing I saw tonight for in case she wakes up and is anxious, which does happen sometimes Now here's the thing. I know this all sounds fucking insane and it probably is. And I don't know if I'll ever even give it to her, tbh I probably won't. It's too weird. And idk why I'm even writing this cause literally zero people know about all of this. But I had to get it out I guess. Idk what it is, I care about her so god damn much. I *almost* wish I didn't just so I could take a break from this feeling that I'm a psycho or something but I just want to be there for her. Idk. It hasn't gotten any easier and this probably doesn't help but oh well. Who knows. Maybe I'll give it to her some day and it'll actually end up helping. But until then I'm gonna continue to go about life, accomplishing goal after goal, and missing her more than anything. Fuck that was a lot. I'll probably regret writing this in the morning but hey, I'm gonna die someday. What's the point of regretting shit? 😜

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gruntadminloch-moved · 7 years

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((venting post tbd it’s okay i talk myself through it this is literally stream of conscious you can just watch me think myself through something if you read this which is probably hilarious but also probably very not just ignore this i’ll actually delete this unlike everything else i tag tbd i swear

whenevr i consider reblogging like a ‘give my muse a nightmare’ meme or something similarly darker like that to explore that side of Loch or just any other side of him because i’ve explored like maybe a fifth at best

I feel like “yeah well you’re too new. people don’t know enough about loch to pull that off.” (disregard that i’ve been here what a month at this point? i answered an ask about things that trigger him and also included some fears in there?? loch’s pretty simple you can also take a wild guess based on ‘he REALLY likes kissing guzma’s ass’)

(also, hey, danie, why don’t people know more about loch? because you haven’t been doing your tags dipshit! why don’t you do those? clearly you want to! anxiety?? poor attention span??? well shit can’t do much about that now can we.)

at the same time some people reblog those and get silly/funny ones or general ones so. it wouldn’t hurt to do that.

I also feel bad doing memes when i could be doing proper tags. memes just come quick and easy. but it’s not really the right way to share info about the character rather than y’know actually playing him y’know? but i also feel bad about not posting so much when i’m in a rut like this. i should stop feeling bad because everyone tells me that it’s fine and not to feel bad but i don’t /shrug

unrelated vomiting warning obvs not for me tho but that’s a delicate thing for some people but my dad’s throwing up again which is great can’t do anything about that either

can’t do anything in general lol

I’m actually getting a tag done right now!! unfortunately there are 30+ more waiting after that somet hat will probably be dropped for timing reasons but i wanna reply anyway to show that i’m still interested

just

blaah i suck /shrug

idk how i did this before idk how i was part of even ran a whole kind of indie multiverse space in the past i guess i had less on my mind and less to do i didn’t have a job i didn’t have to take care of my dad i was slightly more mentally healthy than before

just

i have so many excuses but i hate having excuses i feel like they’re never enough or they’re not well understood or just that everyone ELSE can power through their excuses wh can’t I????

(a lot of those people have meds or support systems or otherwise self that’s why. there are lots of reasons you’re you and you need to stop comparing yourself to other people it’s not HELPING it makes things WORSE and you’ve gotta stop making things worse for yourself because it just makes things harder for you)

i wonder if i’d feel better if i got things done but those things can be done whenever y’know? like the pile of laundry on my floor doesn’t feel as pressing as tags i’ve been sitting on for weeks. sure rl comes first but once i throw those in the washing machine i can just walk away and it’ll take care of itself. this is osmething i actively have to do

then again that’s the kind of logic that says it’s a priority. it’ll take five seconds. hell maybe i’ll do it now and feel like i did something. sweep up the rice i spilt on the floor earlier and feel a little better. hang up my clothes that’ve been sitting in my laundry basket for weeks and have stuff done. just the thought(or maybe the rambling) makes me feel a little less tense would you look at that

okay. i have a tag half done. i’m gonna finish it and queue it and then put some stuff in the laundry. do another(or part of another), hang up some clothes. yeah i can do that. good talk self you're gonna be fine

and y’know what once you do a few things reblog a meme or make a headcanon post or something. you’ve got this. you can earn things for yourself

feel like you’re gonna cry? that’s fine. go ahead and cry. whenever it comes. maybe listen to pikachu’s goodbye that used to make you cry all the time it might help get it out. you’re all manner of pent up and you need to pull yourself together

your arms might feel tense from restlnessness--adhd isn’t just being foregetful and distracted you get restless and angry and fidget too and you’ve been kind of still since you sat down to type. your body wants movement and activity besides using your hands and fingers. use them or flail around do some wall pushups or something. you’re gonna be fine. it’s amazing how nice it feels to talk to yourself sometimes and talk yourself through things. maybe it’s just because i know how to do that, talk through things. i just never have the time to really tell myself to do it

it’s especially nice to be able to look up from the keyboard and see it addressed to me. like. hey you. me. self. you’re gonna be alright. things’re gonna be fine. nothing in particular is the matter but everything is also the matter and that’s okay because it won’t be the matter forever!!! you just gotta work through it

thanks me. you’re not bad at that. you hear that a lot actually. you don’t mean to project that way when it comes to loch but you do. hopefully when you pick up other characters you can keep your self to yourself.

okay! enough typing!! time to get to work!!! /cutsey flexy emoji

#tbd

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