#if i think about Vessel more than 2 seconds my [internal organs of pain and suffering] will start aching | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thelastarchangelaskblog · 5 years

Text

Redemption Deleted Scene 4

This chronologically takes place before the other ones but I wrote this after I wrote the others so that’s why this is #4.

This was...an opening scene where I had a shit ton of trouble getting it to sound how I wanted it to sound. I know I rewrote it more than once, and yet I’m only seeing the one scene in my scraps file... *squints*

Anyway, have a look at what I dumped because I didn’t like it?

comment?

Redemption Deleted Scene 1

Redemption Deleted Scene 2

Redemption Deleted Scene 3

Redemption Deleted Scene 5

(Read more for mobile users)

It didn’t take long for Gadreel to find his vessel and get his consent again. This time it was entirely consensual, and the transition from celestial wavelength to physical vessel went smoothly, Gadreel blinking down at Gabriel once he was sorted out.

Putting a hand on Gadreel’s shoulder, Gabriel flew them both back to the bunker, though he didn’t immediately reveal their presence, hanging back to see what sort of mess Dean had gotten himself into now.

The Winchesters really were a riot, and Gabriel had actually missed their hilarious antics. They were both undoubtedly dangerous, but they were also two lost boys. This was just the cherry on top of a truly remarkable sundae of bad decisions made by Dean Winchester; Gabriel had a separate one for Sam, and that one was bigger than Dean’s simply because he’d unlocked the Cage to let Lucifer out and been guzzling down demon blood.

“Are you telling me that you told an angel to possess me?” Sam shouted at Dean, face a mixture of disbelief and anger. His soul was twisting around on itself, betrayal marring it, and Gabriel blinked, refocusing on his physical face. He didn’t need to deal with double vision now that he was almost back to normal.

Almost being the key word since he wasn’t up to 100%. Loki had only managed to recover a fraction of his entire Grace. Everything else had been annihilated when he smote the Leviathan; what Gabriel was operating on now was still rather impressive when compared to an angel of Castiel’s rank, but he was seriously lacking on power, and it was rather annoying.

Slipping back into visibility, Gabriel put a finger to his lips when Steve and Jarvis caught sight of him, eyebrows raised meaningfully. Steve’s lips twitched, and Jarvis scrunched his eyebrows together.

“You were dying, Sam!” Dean shouted back. “What the hell was I supposed to do?”

“Let me die, Dean!” Sam’s hands clenched into fists at his sides. “How many times have we done this already?”

“That’s not happening,” Dean snapped, his cheeks flushed in anger. “No way in hell, Sam.”

“And why the hell not?” Sam stepped closer to him, clearly meaning to intimidate Dean with his greater height.

Dean being Dean, this of course didn’t do squat. “You weren’t supposed to die!”

“Then why was I?” Sam’s voice had dropped, the betrayal that Gabriel had seen earlier in his soul sinking into his words. “Why was I dying then, Dean?”

“It was the failed trial—”

“It was my time, Dean. My time. I was ready to die, and I should have. But you stopped it. And now the gates to Hell are still open”—so that’s what had caused all that damage to Sam’s internal organs—“and Heaven’s are closed. Tell me, Dean, what’s the upside to me being alive?”

“We’re together, aren’t we?” Dean asked. “You and me, fighting the good fight together. The way it should be.”

“I should be dead,” Sam repeated. Gabriel wasn’t sure he liked this fatalistic version of Sam; the one he remembered would’ve been fighting tooth and nail to live. “But I’m not, because you decided you knew better. Be honest with me, Dean. You didn’t save me for me – because you thought it wasn’t my time – you saved me for yourself. Because you didn’t want to be alone.”

Dean looked confused. “What are you talking about?”

“You can’t stand the thought of being alone.” Sam’s words were piercing. “You have Cas, but you have to have me, too. I’ll say this much about you, Dean: you’re certainly willing to do the sacrifice, as long as you’re not the one being hurt.”

Dean’s face was tight. “As long as we’re being honest here, you’d do the same thing for me if the situation was reversed, and I was dying.”

Sam took a step back, lips pressed together. “No, Dean. I wouldn’t. Same circumstances, I wouldn’t.”

Dean reeled back, stricken, the force of his emotional turmoil so strong that Gabriel could feel it. Even Gadreel flinched, face distraught at what he had caused. Dean seemed to be struggling to say something, but nothing came out.

“Dean.” Castiel stepped up to Dean’s side, reaching out to comfort him only to be rebuffed when Dean shook his hands off.

Finally, Dean took in a shuddering breath, eyes going back to Sam’s steady face. “Sam—”

“That’s enough, boys,” Gabriel said, flicking his fingers and silencing Dean. “Work out your issues on your own time. We’ve got a problem to deal with.”

Sam looked at them, eyes lingering on Gadreel. “You were the one in me?” His voice was flat.

Gadreel hesitated for a split-second before nodding. “Yes.”

“At least you’re honest.” The words were bitter.

“Sam.” Gabriel cut him a sharp look. “Not now.”

Sam shifted, folding his arms across his chest, his head held high. “Heaven,” he stated.

“Heaven,” Gabriel agreed, turning to Castiel. “Heart of a nephilim, bow of Cupid, and your Grace. Have I got that right?”

Castiel nodded, shooting Dean a pained look that the other didn’t seem to see, looking at Sam as he was.

“It’s not a spell I’ve heard of either,” Gabriel said slowly, sharing glances with Raphael.

“All that time as a pagan didn’t teach you something?” Dean asked, turning his focus to Gabriel.

“Oh, sure.” Gabriel smirked dryly. “But I didn’t spend the millennia plotting on a way to shut the gates to Heaven because I’m not a complete idiot. No, this is something Metatron came up with on his own.”

“If you don’t know what the spell is,” Steve said, “can you break it?”

“Any spell can be broken,” Gabriel said. “Just need to find the weak spot.”

“Which needs us to be closer to the spell,” Raphael said. “But since it’s located in Heaven…”

“Inspired guess, it’s your Grace that’s holding it together,” Gabriel said to Castiel. “That was the last ingredient, wasn’t it?”

Castiel nodded again, eyes dim. “It was. He—” His breath hitched, and he shut his eyes, dragging a hand down his face in a very human gesture. “He tore it out of me,” he started again, voice soft. “And then cast me down to watch them Fall.” He met Gabriel’s eyes, desperate. “I just wanted to help.”

“Cas…” Dean’s voice was whisper soft.

“I just wanted to help,” Castiel repeated desperately. “But I didn’t. I made things worse, like I always do.”

“We’ve all messed up, Castiel,” Gabriel said, slightly awkwardly. It had been years since he had interacted with other angels beyond brandishing swords menacingly, and it had been longer since he had acted like an older brother.

“You’re not solely responsible for what’s happened here, Castiel,” Raphael said. “Metatron has a way with words; it was his job as the Scribe of Heaven.”

“It’s a mistake that can be fixed,” Gabriel said briskly.

“How?” Castiel looked expectant.

“Eh…the details on that still need to be worked out.”

“Best be done quickly, Gabriel,” Raphael said. “Metatron will have noticed your presence.”

“But if he’s up there in Heaven, how would he notice what’s going on down here?” Sam asked.

Raphael’s mouth ticked up in a smile. “You were there when Gabriel regained his Grace. Tell me – what was it like to be at point zero?”

It was Steve who spoke now. “Breathtakingly powerful. I could barely breathe.”

“The earth shook and the air split,” Loki added quietly, eyes on Gabriel.

“My electronics went haywire,” Jarvis concluded, fingers tapping on his helmet.

“Those were just the physical hallmarks of what you felt; imagine what every supernatural being on Earth felt when an archangel became himself again.” Raphael tipped her head back to look at the ceiling. “As angels, we’re linked to Heaven, even if the gates are locked. Metatron will have noticed an archangel’s presence on Earth, and he will be looking.”

“We’ll need to use that to our advantage,” Gabriel said. “If he’s focused on Earth, then he’s not in Heaven.”

“Heaven’s locked – how’s he supposed to get out?” Dean demanded.

“Tell me, Dean,” Gabriel said, sighing, “are you stuck in your room just because you locked the door? No? That’s because you have the key.”

“And Metatron has this key,” Gadreel said simply. “Are you going to steal it from him?”

“Since that would probably involve tearing out his Grace in some shape or form, no, I’m not.” Gabriel’s lips thinned. “I’d rather not kill him if it can be helped, which means we need to get Castiel’s Grace. It’s probably the lynchpin.”

“You know that if we get our hands on him—” Dean started.

“You’ll gank him, yes I know,” Gabriel finished impatiently. “But he’s not going to let you do that. He’s got the entire force of Heaven at his fingertips; you think a human’s going to make him shake in his boots?”

Gadreel shot him a sharp look. “You cannot face him then, Gabriel.”

Gabriel put up a hand, forestalling anything else he might have said. “I’ve got enough for this,” he said in a clipped tone. In Heaven he would have the energy there to draw from, but for right now he was stuck at recharging at a snail’s pace; nowhere near enough power to deal with Metatron the good old-fashioned way. But Gabriel wasn’t just an archangel now.

Steve shot him a curious look. “So what’s the plan?”

“We need to get into Heaven,” Raphael answered for him. “Or incapacitate Metatron while he’s on Earth, but given his current power levels…”

Gadreel was still looking at Gabriel. “It is inadvisable to do so.”

“I’ve done a lot of inadvisable things in my time,” Gabriel said wryly, rolling his shoulders. His wings brushed against the tattered edges of Gadreel’s, who recoiled reflexively, his Grace ringing with sudden terror; it was gone as quickly as it had appeared. Gabriel shot him a sharp look, but Gadreel averted his eyes, staring fixedly at a point on the floor.

“Let us not have a repeat of the last time, hm?” Loki said.

Gabriel shot him a grin, bright and quicksilver. “Worked, didn’t it?”

“We thought you were dead,” Jarvis said, subdued.

The practically stricken tone of his youngest quickly sobered Gabriel, his grin disappearing. “I know. And I’m sorry; I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t have another choice.”

“We know,” Steve reassured him, a tight edge to his eyes the only sign of what the subject was doing to him.

Castiel looked between all of them, brow furrowed in concern. “So how do we do this?” he asked. “How do we break into Heaven?”

Gabriel tilted his head. “There are back ways… I’ve used a few of them back in the day when I was a pagan.”

“They’ll be locked as well,” Raphael argued.

Gabriel grinned, manic excitement running through him. “Then we’ll have to make our own.”

“If you mean to create a door from the outside, you don’t have the power to do that,” Gadreel protested. “Not right now.”

Gabriel’s grin turned sharp, his eyes cutting to Gadreel. “Like I said, I’ve got enough to do this. Maybe not the old-fashioned way of cutting right into it, but that was never really my style. But a little misdirection…” His voice trailed off meaningfully.

“Creating a door from the inside?” Raphael sounded distinctly unimpressed with this absolutely brilliant logical leap from him. “There’s no one who can help us, Gabriel. Metatron certainly won’t, no matter how many illusions you feed him.”

“Wait…” Sam had a manic gleam in his eyes. “Does it have to be an angel to help?”

“Mm…not technically speaking, no. Anyone who’s able to traverse Heaven and can get the materials we need will do.” Gabriel eyed him curiously. “Why? You got someone in mind?”

For the first time since the conversation had started, Sam looked at his brother. “Dean, what do you remember about our trip to Heaven?”

“Zachariah being a dick,” Dean said, huffing. “Joshua.”

“Not only that.” Sam’s eyes were bright as they met Gabriel’s again. “Hunters. There are a ton of hunters up there.”

“Human souls can’t travel through Heaven the way we need them to,” Raphael said sharply. “They’re restricted to their own little personal heavens.”

“Not Ash,” Sam said eagerly, looking so much like an eager puppy dog Gabriel had to dearly resist patting his hair. “He had this whole little setup up there, even listening in on angel radio. It was because of him that we avoided Zachariah for so long. And he’d worked out how to travel through personal heavens.”

“Sounds like a guy I’d like,” Gabriel mused, eyes narrowing in thought. With Sam’s suggestion, his plans reshuffled and reorganized themselves with the inclusion of human souls. “You say he’s gotten into angel radio? Does he understand it?”

“Taught himself Enochian.”

“Definitely a guy I’d like,” Gabriel muttered, ruffling a hand through his hair as he thought, compiling and discarding plans in seconds. “Okay…what kind of setup does he have?”

“Computers,” Dean answered, sitting back against the edge of the table, arms folded across his chest and expression inscrutable. “They’ve also got Pamela up there – a psychic.”

“They’ve got every hunter up there,” Sam said, excitement coloring his tone. “Bobby, Henry, Jo, Ellen…”

“Winchesters,” Gabriel murmured, rubbing his face. “Okay, this should work. I need a laptop.”

“A laptop?” The question came from several different directions, though it was uttered with an equal amount of incredulity.

Gabriel snorted, dropping his hand to his side. “Oh, come on. I could take over the world with nothing but this phone.” He pulled out said phone, flipping it through the air and catching it. “A laptop will get me better access to this Ash and keep me off angel radio. Just a little Grace”—he wiggled his fingers—“and hey, presto!” He spread his hands demonstratively. “I’m still Tony Stark,” he added wryly.

“Yeah, you’re not getting mine,” Kevin said after a moment, shaking his head.

“Fine,” Sam huffed. “I’ll get mine.” He shot Gabriel a pointed look. “Don’t fry it.”

Gabriel widened his eyes. “Would I?”

“Yes, yes, you would,” Sam said definitively. “Especially if you thought it was funny.”

Gabriel snickered. “Okay, sasquatch, point taken. I promise not to fry your laptop, though I can’t promise it’ll work the same way once I’m done.”

Squinting at Gabriel, Sam’s mouth twisted unhappily.

“That’s the best you’re going to get from him,” Raphael told him. “There’s nothing he can do about it once he starts altering it with Grace.”

“Fine,” Sam conceded. “I’ll be right back.”

#deleted scene #The Last Archangel 2 #the last archangel redemption #my writing

10 notes · View notes

lefthanded-sans · 7 years

Text

Why I'll Always Scream About Mordin’s Character Arc

With the approach of Mass Effect: Andromeda, I have recently replayed the Shepard saga, and feel the need anew to scream about how much I enjoy this trilogy. One thing that has always excited me is Mordin Solus’ plot arc, culminating in his ME3 death scenes. I want to thank @peachdoxie for convincing me to garner the courage to analyze this five years after Mass Effect 3’s release. It feels wonderful to dive in with discourse about what I find an incredible, emotional, and well-constructed narrative.

Mordin’s character - and his character arc - are based largely upon his internal conflict between logic and compassion. It’s the difference between what he thinks he believes is right versus what he feels within his conscience. He has a set moral framework and strong sense of logic by which he abides, but that conduct doesn’t erase the uneasy feelings stewing inside. What is so powerful about Mordin’s plot arc is that he does a complete one-eighty, undoing his own greatest scientific achievement, in his process to find inner peace. His prior scientific work creating the modified genophage leaves him haunted with moral questions; his choice to cure the genophage brings him closure for his past. Through this, he finally finds a cause he can dive into where both his rationality and his compassionate conscience work as one.

The conflict between his head and heart is finally resolved, and he can die taking action – for the first time – with full, unfettered conviction.

Mordin’s Introduction and Character Set-Up

Lots of ways to help people. Sometimes heal patients. Sometimes execute dangerous people. Either way helps. – Mordin Solus, ME2

When Mordin is first introduced, he demonstrates an interesting duality: he is both a man of healing and a man of killing. His reputation precedes him, and Shepard hears stories about him before they meet. These stories are full of this paradox. On one side, he’s a doctor who heals people gratis in plague-infested slums and offers refuge to all sapient species. On the other side, Aria comments, “He's as likely to heal you as he is to shoot you,” and several Omega locals remark upon how Mordin calmly guns down both a gang of vorcha and a squad of Blue Suns mercs… and leaves the corpses as a warning in front of his *hospital*.

But Mordin makes clear from the start that he does not believe this paradox is paradoxical. Everything he chooses to do, he does with utmost reason and ethical consideration. He cares deeply about organic rights while simultaneously acknowledging that sometimes, to help others, dangerous people need to be eliminated. He is both a doctor and a military operative; he will do what it takes, whether it’s save innocents or murder wrongdoers. Straying from this course of action Mordin considers “naïve.” He pins the word both on Daniel when the young man says doctors should only help people, and on Shepard if she says curing the genophage will lead to only good things.

There is an initial strong confidence that Mordin holds about himself regarding his genophage work. He insists it was the best solution to everyone – krogan included – and tells Shepard, “No apologies. Did what was right. Hope you do the same when necessary.” Mordin knows he researched all possible outcomes thoroughly with his team about how to handle the krogans, and thus is able to state with unyielding conviction, “Genophage modification protected galaxy.” He even can argue this solution is merciful to krogans, too. The genophage simply establishing their birthrates to pre-industrial levels and allows the species a chance to survive.

This footage of Patrick Weekes talking about Mordin’s character hits at that very point:

So for me Mordin is two different characters. The first character is the one I was given when I came onto Mass Effect 2. And I was told he is the scientist who redid the genophage, and my initial reaction was… unrecordable… but translated roughly as, “That jerk,” because Wrex was my bro. So I had a choice. In manager speak, I had a probletunity, where I can either write Mordin as just a guy who did that and just went, “Yup, sterilized ’im,” and you know, maybe the really Renegade players would like that, but everyone else would go, “I’m never using him, he’s atrocious, he’s a war criminal, how could you do that” …or I could challenge myself more and try to write someone who saw himself as good. Some who saw himself as the guy who made the hard choice, who doesn’t take the easy way out, who doesn’t cartoonishly justify anything he did, but gets up every day, looks in the mirror, and says, “It was the right thing to do, even if I am sorry I had to do it.” So that’s what I tried to bring to him. And then the other part of it is the Gilbert and Sullivan.

It’s astonishing to see a character stand so strongly for his work… when that work is what others might consider to be an illegal bioweapon, a war crime, or even species-wide infanticide that leaves at least millions of newborns dead. And yet Mordin truly does hold that he did the “right thing.”

Sort of.

And that’s where his character conflict arises and his narrative truly begins.

Mordin’s Moral Framework

What does it matter if the ground is stained with the blood of millions? You taught me that the end justified the means. – Maelon Heplorn, ME2

One passive observation I’ve noted in fiction is that writers tend to downplay or criticize consquentialist frameworks. Completely “pure” and “good” contemporary Western culture heroes are usually more deontological in their ethical scope. I feel even Mass Effect relays internal moral vibes suggesting it’s better to avoid consequentialist choices. Thus, one thing I’ve found fascinating and attractive about Mordin is that he is someone who demonstrates a utilitarian framework.

To provide a definition: consequentialism is the ethical philosophy that the end justifies the means. Anything is morally permissible or praiseworthy if you work toward a positive end result. Utilitarianism, now, is a common type of consequentialism. Utilitarianism holds that a person should morally maximize the good while minimizing the bad and painful.

Mordin acts under the idea the end justify the means. Maelon himself says that his mentor espoused this philosophy. These ideologies are manifested throughout the games with Mordin’s words and actions. It goes beyond his choice to create the genophage. Mordin recommends dangerous people be killed if they are going to be a risk to others, be it aggressive batarians in Omega’s Gozu district or Rana Thonoptis on Korlus. He’s even fine killing Maelon. It’s pretty utilitarian: pain is minimized by culling the dangerous people who would harm others. He’s said other things that make me cock me head to one side in consideration, too; if he follows Shepard aboard the Collector vessel, he’ll call the pile of dead bodies “despicable,” but at the same time say, “This was wrong. Inhumane. Even if Collectors needed to kill for experiments, could have ended lives painlessly.” By his phraseology, it’s almost as though he’s not discarding the possibility death might be needed for some experimental cases, but what he finds objectionable is that they caused unnecessary pain while doing so.

That said, Mordin does have some “cut-off points” by which he believes something is wrong on principle. This would potentially make him fall into the category of rules-based utilitarianism, which holds that there are certain moral rules that exist because they overarchingly cause greater utility (less suffering and greater good). Mordin refuses to do experiments on species capable of calculus, for instance, drawing the line on the ground there, and also says he will never kill with medicine. He justifies the genophage in part by claiming it prevents birth rather than kills, so that still falls within his realm of moral reason.

And it is to note Mordin approaches life’s challenges through careful rationality. His choices are not based upon impulse, intuition, or instinct so much as conditioned rules, rationality, and principle. To quote this article, which I think provides an intriguing synopsis of his character:

[…] his upbeat demeanor hides a cold, calculating mind that has spent years dealing with the most difficult decisions in the solar system - decisions that Shepard is drawn into over the course of the second and third games. […] As you bond with him, he opens, and you see him dissect the terrible problems he's faced with an analytical mindset. He has done the moral mathematics - he will kill a million to save ten million - but his genophage is a slow, painful deathblow for the Krogan.

This philosophical framework usually characterizes how Mordin speaks up front to individuals. It is how he gives his official stories, justifications, and reasonings behind his choices.

But here’s the thing: even though he holds fairly strong by this philosophy, he’s not emotionally settled on all his logical points. As Shepard comes to know Mordin more, she can see within him how he is distressed by what he has done. Mordin mostly - but not completely - believes he is doing the right thing. There is a “battle between logic and compassion that lies at the heart of his character.”

Mordin’s Conscience

We all fracture in different ways. Mordin’s conscience haunted him. Maelon crossed the line into barbaric experiments. And myself, I went searching for whatever gods created the rules for this unfortunate universe. – Padok Wiks, ME3

At first, Mordin might seem like someone settled with the choices he made, grounded in what he has done. But the more Shepard comes to know Mordin, the more she sees the holes. Beneath the logic Mordin advocates is an individual unsettled with his scientific accomplishments. And really, once you know that Mordin is actually divided about his genophage research, the more you see his shaken interior emerge.

Mordin’s unsettled conscience comes out from the first conversation he has with Shepard about his modified genophage. He opens the conversation by admitting he deceived Shepard about his work in the STG; he stares out a window, not making eye contact, when he utters these words. That already speaks volumes about how he feels. “Work on genophage was more than just study,” he admits, with a vocal inflection that sounds more doleful and serious than his typical jabbering. This topic is heavy for him. If Shepard responds in a skeptical, Renegade manner, he stammers, uncomfortable, more awkward than typical. He says Shepard needs to know “What I… did,” with an inflection perhaps hinting at the guilt inside him.

The further this conversation progresses, and the more Shepard asks questions about why he didn’t take different actions, the more animated Mordin gets. His voice rises, sounding more anxious, urgent, and harsh; he paces; he waves his arms emphatically; he makes illogical half-truths; he almost sounds defensive at several points. The moments when his voice is most defensive occur whenever he tries justifying the genophage as the right choice. “Modified genophage offered best outcome,” he says, while pacing, waving his hands, and sounding extremely stressed. “Stabilized population. Avoided publicity that could incite krogan anger.” The fact Mordin gets so worked up at this moment foreshadows the agonized heart he later exposes on Tuchanka. He’s giving Shepard the logical answer with his words, but his body language and vocal inflection convey he’s not happy with his logical answer, either. This topic stresses him precisely because it doesn’t hit well on his conscience.

It’s during the loyalty mission on Tuchanka that Mordin’s discomfort really comes to the forefront. Mordin’s initial character introduction is about establishing his confidence in his logical solution for the genophage. Mordin’s character development here digs into the meat of his narrative conflict: he’s still struggling with the aftereffects of his choice. The introduction shows his head; the development shows his heart. Mordin admits it can be hard to sleep at night. He admits everyone on his team changed after they saw the impact of their work (and Padok confirms Mordin changed, too, once he began recon missions on Tuchanka). Mordin outright says the genophage project was ethically uncertain. He says he established a clinic on Omega because it’s not ethically ambiguous, but a solacing and straightforward means of helping people in his retired years. It won’t cause him the stress the genophage project has done. And science, which once held the greatest excitement and certainty for him… now cannot comfort him in his moral dilemma. Mordin dives into religion to seek out a spiritual solution to his nagging conscience.

It’s not a casual dive into religion, either. At least, that is what might be implied by what Shepard learns. The evidence almost seems to align with the idea Mordin’s religious explorations were a big deal at a critical point in his life. A younger Mordin was willing to enter a fistfight with Padok about whether or not evolution was guided by higher powers. It suggests Mordin would have probably rejected religious notions in earlier years. Yet the Shadow Broker’s information on Mordin shows that later in life, he was even interviewed about the combination of science and faith. Mordin demonstrates significant knowledge in multiple religions, mentioning salarian theology, batarian beliefs, krogan gods, Hinduism, and more Christian references than basically all the human characters in Mass Effect make. He needed to do a massive amount of soul-searching because of his work with the STG.

Even in the Tuchanka hospital, Mordin still holds by his beliefs about modifying the genophage and reinfecting the krogan. He still says it was the right choice. He speaks about it less happily, but he still holds onto that argument. Yet now Shepard can see - very clearly - how much this choice burdens him. Even the Shadow Broker notices that Mordin working with Shepard on the Collectors is an attempt to rectify himself about his past actions. The loyalty mission makes Mordin’s conscience obvious.

Regardless of how Mordin decides to handle Maelon and the research data, this adventure on Tuchanka highlights Mordin’s interior doubt. Maelon says Mordin taught him the end justifies the means - but these krogan in Maelon’s hospital deserved better and Mordin recognizes this. This adventure brings his mind to the forefront of his personal and ongoing ethical struggles. He can choose to delete the data to try to gain closure, or take it with him; kill Maelon for his unethical choices, or send him off to Omega for his own soul-searching and healing; but regardless, Mordin does not gain closure on Tuchanka. It picks at the wound that Mordin knows is not healed.

The logic and the compassion are still at odds with one another. In the heart of Mordin’s character development, they are at odds almost more than ever before.

It’s in Mass Effect 3 that Mordin finds a way to do something about it.

From Creating to Curing the New Genophage

I made a mistake! I made a mistake. Focused on big picture. Big picture made of little pictures. Too many variables. Can’t hide behind statistics. Can’t ignore new data. My responsibility. – Mordin Solus, ME3

Initially, it might seem as though Mordin chooses to cure the genophage because political circumstances between species change. That is his official story to Shepard, too. If she asks him why he’s so comfortable curing the genophage now, he tells her, “Never change mind. Genophage proper decision at time. New circumstances necessitate course correction.”

However, just like Mordin gives his good logic to Shepard in ME2 but internally carries an emotional perspective, so also does there seem to be more going on with Mordin’s motivations and the genophage here. Like so much of Mordin’s narrative, it’s open to implication and interpretation, but I feel as though so much points to Mordin feeling more than “new circumstances necessitat[ing] course correction”.

First, Shepard asks Mordin if there is more behind his reason to cure the genophage beyond the Reaper invasion and political changes. She suggests there could be additional personal reasons for his investment. He admits there are few salarian scientists interested in the genophage and none with the experience needed for a matter of this magnitude. And then he says, “But not about them. My work. My job to put it right, to prove I can.” He does have personal stakes.

The second point to note is what Urdnot Bakara says about Mordin. Bakara notices an underlying, unspoken motivation for Mordin tackling the genophage cure. “I sense pain in him [...]. He told me about his work on the genophage. I should consider him an enemy. Yet I think seeing my sisters and I changed something in him.”

Mordin has already been questioning his past. As Padok says, Mordin’s work on the genophage haunted him. Visiting Maelon’s hospital on Tuchanka was influential for Mordin questioning his actions more. Meeting Bakara and the other weakened female krogan from Maelon’s research is the final experience, the catalyst, for him switching to curing the genophage.

Third, Mordin lets it loose his personal for curing the Genophage in the Renegade route. Shepard presses Mordin for why he chooses to cure the genophage after defending it every conversation before now. He wheels around, uncustomarily shouts, and declares with a rare full sentence, “I made a mistake!”

Mordin chooses to leak the intel about Bakara’s fertility to none other than the Urdnot clan. He is the person who mentions the possibility of a genophage cure to the krogan, even before negotiations officially start between the turians, krogans, and salarians in ME3. He is the person who plants the idea that the genophage can be cured now to the krogan. Mordin chooses to leave the STG and help develop a cure for Bakara on the Normandy. Mordin chooses to die saving the krogan because he made a mistake.

He can’t fight back all the logic anymore. His conscience that plagued him for years was right: he made a mistake.

That’s his real, uncovered motivation.

Mordin might say he never holds regrets over past choices, but here, in the heat of the moment, he lets loose that his choice was the wrong one. Perhaps he did not have the proper data at the time, but now he shouts he made the wrong choice to recreate the genophage. Suddenly, his calmer conversation to Shepard aboard the Normandy, where he says it is, “my job to put it right,” gets understood in a fuller context. His conscience is why he’s so dogged to cure the krogan.

And then his internal battle between his head and heart ends on the Shroud. After developing Mordin and letting us know why he’s conflicted, we get the solution to his internal struggles.

THIS is why I love Mordin’s death scenes. THIS is why I adore them. It’s a beautiful character arc start to end. His character introduction lets us know he created the new genophage. His plot conflict lets us know he’s struggling about his past choices. This struggle is seeded in his divided rationality and compassion. We watch this personal struggle gets developed, exacerbated in his ME2 loyalty mission. It prompts a change in ME3 that is geared more toward his conscience. And there on Tuchanka, right before he dies... he finds resolution to what he has been fighting since before Shepard even met him.

He gets resolution to both the external genophage conflict and his internal war between conscience and logic.

Here, for the first time, Mordin doesn’t act with his logic overriding his conscience. He doesn’t act with his sentiments clouding his reasoning.

Mordin, when he dies, solves his personal problem with the genophage.

Mordin, when he dies, fundamentally impacts the future of the galaxy.

And Mordin, when he dies, finally acts with his logic and conscience working as one.

Renegade Route Death

No time to argue. Cure dispersal imminent. Must counteract sabotage. Stop me if you must. – Mordin Solus, ME3

I’m a huuuuuge sucker for betrayals and characters dying short of their culminating self-aggrandizement. The fact that you - Commander Shepard - can choose to betray and murder your own friend for his own convictions is astonishing. Despite the fact you brought him on board the Normandy to create the cure, you can turn around and gun him down for that very work. It’s so impacting we the player can choose to assassinate our dear ally. I find this the most brutal and least chill death in the Mass Effect trilogy I’ve experienced. So yeah, I like the Paragon death better (for reasons I’ll discuss in the next section), but I still find many wonderful and juicy things about the Renegade Route death. This is a great ending to Mordin’s plot arc, too, and wraps up so much about what I adore about his personal narrative.

The first thing I love I already mentioned. The Renegade route has an incredible final conversation between Mordin and Shepard. Only in this route does Mordin shout out unfettered the motivation behind his genophage cure. He doesn’t make this confession in the Paragon route... only here.

That one sentence shout “I made a mistake!” is perfect. To point out:

It’s shocking because Mordin admits he made a mistake! He has been harping throughout his relationship with Shepard that he does not have regrets and he takes charge of situations because “someone else might have gotten it wrong.” However, now Mordin turns back on everything he stood for with the genophage modification project. He even says he cannot hide behind statistics, something Shepard accuses him of doing in ME2. Here Mordin is siding resolutely, firmly with the cure and claiming he got his first choice wrong. It’s a mistake.

How the line is delivered creates additional shock and impact. It’s not his typical telegraphic sentence, deleting subject position nouns or pronouns. He say the full thing, starting with “I”. It’s not “Made a mistake.” It’s “I made a mistake.” And he says that twice.

This shout is a short resolution for what Mordin will now unwaveringly do. He is willing to die for the krogan to be cured. We now know what his heart feels.

Immediately after his outburst, Mordin explains. New data has shown a cure is a better future than the krogan retaining the genophage. Between his initial raw shout and the subsequent logical countering, Mordin demonstrates his logic and conscience are working together. He feels he has to cure the genophage because he has to fix his errors. He has to clean up his mess, which gave him so much emotional haunting in the past. That’s the compassion speaking. And he sees from the current data around him that this is the best solution for the galaxy. That��s the logic and moral philosophical framework speaking.

This is why Mordin is willing to die. He didn’t have to die to save the krogan, especially in the Renegade version of the Shroud scene. Shepard makes it clear: “Walk away or I will fire.” Commander Shepard will only shoot Mordin if he tries to counteract the sabotage and implement the cure. She’ll spare him if he steps aside. A Mordin who is working on just logic might not be resolute enough to stand his ground. A Mordin who is working on just compassion would definitely not be resolute enough to stand his ground - he’s overriden his compassion in the past for logic. But Mordin will not back down when both his head and his heart tell him the genophage cure is the correct choice to pursue.

The second thing I find fascinating is that technically Mordin is dying from the consequences of his own moral framework. There’s good reason I yabbered up top about his philosophical disposition, folks. The truth of the matter is that Commander Shepard kills Mordin because of a consequentialist framework, too. The end justifies the means. Assassinating one friend to save a galaxy is what it takes, and that’s what she does. Mordin even seems to realize this; he deduces why Shepard is threatening him, and while he insists this is his choice to make, he doesn’t seem too surprised or upset at her ethical reasoning. It’s because it mirrors what he has done so often in the past.

It’s to note Mordin never wavers from utilitarianism, either. Again, his logic and his conscience are working as one. For Mordin, it does bring the greatest utility to save the krogan. That is the best choice. He’s willing to face the consequence of dying to see that end result through. It just so happens that Shepard disagrees, and is also willing to do what it takes to get her desired end result.

And so he dies.

The third thing I adore about the Renegade death is that Mordin dies for his convictions... but he doesn’t succeed. He is cut short. He never gets his resolution. He dies, struggling, choking on his own blood, croaking out the words, “Not yet.” With his final painful breaths, he tries to save the krogan anyway.

Mordin’s character arc is complete... sort of. It’s a powerful result. A powerful moment. He spends years haunted by his inner demons about the genophage. When he finally finds how he can ease his sense of guilt while still maintaining his logic... he dies. Shepard sees to it that he never finishes his quest for internal peace.

I love how the Renegade route doesn’t let you forget the consequences of your choice. The writing demonstrates some deontological bias (they don’t rub your mistakes in your face in the Paragon route), but it’s a great sentiment. Players feel guilt even when making a consequentialist choice... sort of like what Mordin had to live with. You did what was necessary to save the galaxy. But Shepard throws her pistol aside in disgust and marches away. And while everyone else is crying Mordin as a “hero,” you are sitting there... unable to divulge to anyone else... your dirty little secret.

Paragon Route Death

That was the courage of the highest order, sacrificing himself so our children may live. A thousand years from now we’ll probably be singing songs about him. – Urdnot Bakara and Wrex, ME3

Now here’s why I celebrate the Paragon Route more than Mordin’s Renegade death (or the third option where he survives the Shroud encounter). It can be boiled down to three big reasons:

1. The narrative of Mordin’s conflict gets wrapped up beautifully. The dialogue is written for extraordinary impact to get us that sense of painful yet resonant completion. 2. Mordin dies both bravely and not bravely. His choice is brave but his body language is not. It makes it more poignant to watch him knowingly go to his death. 3. Mass Effect is a story about heroism and legendary heroes, and through this route, Mordin becomes that unforgettable hero.

There are other reasons I’m attracted to it like the music and me preferring the Paragon route as a whole, but I’ll stick with these big three points. These are of course just my opinion, but here’s why I why I feel it.

1. Wrapping up Mordin’s narrative with beautiful writing and dialogue

Mordin surviving, ironically enough, is the least resolving for me. Sure, Shepard can talk to Mordin in London and assure him he did the right thing on Tuchanka, and Mordin can go help with the Crucible... but his story doesn’t feel resolved. The Renegade death has a resolute ending... he got resolve but he failed. The Paragon death has a resolute ending... he got resolve and succeeded. But if Mordin is convinced to follow Linron’s plan and go into hiding, we don’t get closure.

What is so nice about Mordin’s character arc (compared to many other ME characters) is that his arc is integrally wrapped up with Shepard’s main story. Jacob’s or Samara’s stories in ME3 are peripheral to Shepard’s central conflict. But Mordin gets caught right in the vortex of one of the most crucial alliances in history. To lack closure in his character arc also means a lack of closure for what happens in Shepard’s experiences. If Mordin decides he’ll keep himself alive and maybe cure the genophage later, we don’t get a consummation of logic and compassion; we don’t get resolution of his internal character struggles. We don’t complete the plot arc that has been building for two games. And if Mordin decides that he might cure the genophage “later,” then we don’t get any real resolution about the fate of the krogans, either. Act One in ME3 never “ends.” It’s left up in the air, we move onto a different conflict, and we can only speculate about what the hell happens later. Nothing gets resolved.

The Paragon death, as I see it, is the ultimate resolution to Mordin’s narrative journey. It takes everything we love about him - from his odd little inconsequential quirks to the center of his character conflict - and gives us a final wrap-up. He turns about one-eighty, finds his internal peace, and becomes a hero that saves an entire civilization.

Like the Renegade death, Mordin enters this with his head and heart working as one. Here, Mordin isn’t even pressured by someone threating him. Here, he offers his own life up: it’s both the most ethical thing to do by his moral framework, and it’s the one that gives his conscience peace. And after seeing Mordin so long tormented by the genophage... we finally see this character... achieve resolution.

He implements the cure. He stops the sabotage. And when he hears the speakers announce the cure will disperse over Tuchanka... he smiles. Even though he knows he will die in the next few seconds, this is the first and last time we will ever see Mordin at peace.

Next, the writers work up the moment to Mordin’s demise in a powerful way. I’m accustomed to seeing characters die after they give their catch phrase or one final powerful quote. What makes Mordin’s death so emotional is that we don’t get one phrase by which we can remember him. The writers give us three blows with three final quotes to evoke our emotions. Boom. One fond and important memory of him. Boom. The next. Boom. And he is gone.

The first “boom” is mentioning seashells. It hurts not just because it’s a funny moment you share with him. It hurts because he’s talking about what he wanted to do after the war ended. He and Shepard both know he’ll never get to study those seashells; he’s going to die in action. This turns a humorous conversation into a painful reminder he’s walking into his own death.

The next “boom” is giving Shepard his catch phrase. She offers condolences when she sees he’s about to go on the suicide mission, but he responds he’s not sorry. “Had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.” These are his final words to her for which she will remember him. These are his intended “last words.” Note that writing writing works well in threes, and this is the third time the “had to be me” quote appears, too!

The last “boom” is when he literally dies in an explosion. The first song Mordin sings to Shepard becomes the last song we hear. And he doesn’t even finish the line. We’re deprived of the song’s conclusion. “I am the very model of a --” Gone.

That song, “I am the very model of a scientist salarian,” is the tune he sings about himself and his life’s work. It’s his favorite song to sing. It’s a cheerful summary and celebration of what he can accomplish. And here, even as he dies, even as he can’t finish his lyrics, he does the greatest and most powerful thing he has ever done. He shows exactly what a scientist salarian can do.

Just talk about the perfect way to kill a character: he dies singing.

2. Mordin didn’t die “bravely”

I’ve seen other people talk about this, too. I’m just going to link you to a wonderful analysis on Reddit and quote what I’ve seen. It speaks for itself. I don’t need to add anything to it.

It wasn't that it was a brave sacrifice. It was by definition, of course, but it was far more than that. To me, I thought Mordin's sacrifice was powerful because it wasn't brave. I'll explain:

From the moment we meet Mordin on Omega, he's described in terms of being willing to help people, but being murderously savage when he needs to be. He openly speaks about killing surrendering foes, and is generally violent in nature along with his helpful spirit. However, as you go through ME2, you realize he's more than just violent/helpful. He's a complicated person who has done a lot in his short life. He's responsible for the modified Genophage, and he's served in STG. He's obviously brilliant. He loves art, as evidenced by his singing. But when he breaks down on your mission to Tuchanka over the deaths of test subjects, you get the feeling that though he knows what he did was necessary, it eats him up inside.

When you go through ME3, he's dedicated his life to making things right. He's your mole in STG to get Eve out, and he works tirelessly to find a cure for a disease he helped create. Once on Tuchanka, he decides to give his life for the cure to occur. Here I see what's most sad about Mordin. He's not just a tough, violent scientist who is ultimately out for the greater good. As he's going up the elevator, he's visibly nervous. He takes deep breaths. Once he's uploading the cure, he's singing and his voice is wavering. Up until the moment he dies, he's exceedingly vulnerable, his voice nearly breaking. He's scared of dying, but he knows it's for the good of the krogan, and the galaxy. Few characters, with the exception of Garrus, were as stripped down in terms of their psyche as Mordin was. You met both of them and their rough exterior, but by the end of ME3 you saw the cracks and learned who they really were, what they really felt. It's pretty amazing that a video game is able to give this sort of intimacy.

EDIT: And as I'm reading this again, it strikes me: He's also afraid that his work, the genophage, might never be cured. In ME3, his slogan takes on new meaning. "Someone else might have gotten it wrong." Someone else might have tried to cure the genophage, and been unable, or wouldn't have done it fast enough. He's worried, terrified that his legacy wouldn't be working for the greater good, but working for injustice. He realizes by the end of ME2 that his work, while necessary at the time, was wrong, and he devotes his life to fixing it. "Someone else might have gotten it wrong" is his entire purpose, his fears, and his desires all rolled into one.

Characters don’t tend to die like that in stories. In the Renegade death, you get a more “typical” end - a character dying boldly for what he believes in. “Stop me if you must.” We’re used to heroic sacrifices, bravely standing there at the end of it all, in stories. We’re also used to characters screaming and dying in cowardice. But we’re not used to seeing a character heroically choosing to die while at the same time being so terrified.

That just adds an extra layer of emotions as we watch him flinch with each explosion... watch when that next explosion takes him out.

3. Mass Effect is a story about heroes

This is the main reason why I believe I prefer the Paragon route over the Renegade. As juicy as Shepard’s betrayal is, it lacks the emotional resonance of Mordin choosing to die in the tower. Sure, I love reading about players’ guilt and whether or not they can even stomach shooting Mordin... but it can’t beat the emotional resonance of a hero being made.

What made the first two Mass Effect games so exciting and resonant upon completion is that they are the stories of a hero winning against overwhelming odds. Commander Shepard manages to save Council space by defeating Saren and Sovereign in ME - something highly unlikely, but satisfyingly completed. Shepard again beats overwhelming odds in ME2 by outlasting the Suicide Mission and coming out with her team in heroic glory. It’s because Shepard manages to make it through overwhelming odds that we’re left cheering, we’re left excited, we’re left emotionally resonant. I adored the feel of besting the universe. It’s so enjoyably badass!

Mass Effect 3 is different. Don’t get me wrong - I love the game and will defend it start to end. I will defend the end of ME3 far more than almost anyone else I know. I love the whole trilogy. But upon first playthrough, ME3 can feel off. Everything feels more subdued, more weighted. There’s an overhanging sense that the ending won’t be perfect - and indeed, the ending is not optimal. Huge sacrifices are made by the end of the game, and Shepard’s final choice regarding the Reapers results in bittersweet results. It’s not the bang-and-win feel we’ve been accustomed to in the other games. It’s painfully real. The consequences bear down on us, and we don’t feel like we come out of the story heroically. Shepard doesn’t storm through the finish line... she crawls.

So even though Commander Shepard emerges a “hero” in the main storyline, you don’t feel it. You feel “wrong” because she doesn’t overwhelmingly bash down the baddies like in the first two games. Don’t get me wrong - I love bittersweet stories, too, and that’s what I usually write - but it will always feel a little “off” to me that I don’t unwaveringly save the day in ME3. And yeah, my first time I even chose the one and only ending where Shepard lives, and it still felt uncomfortable.

Because that sense of grandiose heroism gets lost in the final cutscenes, I have had to look elsewhere to get my emotional “satisfaction” and fill of heroes in ME3. The quarian and geth conflict has great moments, but because it’s such a group effort, it’s harder for me to feel as though someone like Tali explodes as a hero (she does amazing things and grows, yes, but it’s not that bang-punch-hero feel). If Mordin leaves the Shroud alive or dies without implementing the cure, we get yet another solemn bittersweet ending like Shepard’s "solution” with the Reapers.

But if Mordin dies out in a bang, I get my quota of grandiose heroism. I get that glorious vibe which made me fall in love with ME and continue to love it in ME2.

He’s staggeringly altered the course of the universe. A thousand years of krogan infertility are reversed by the same species that first maimed them. Mordin undoubtedly becomes one of the most influential individuals in the galaxy. This quirky, emotionally struggling doctor you meet on Omega turns from a debatable war criminal to an instant hero.

Krogans celebrate him. He has become the savior for an entire species. Mordin becomes a legend immediately. Krogan will sing ballads about his deeds for millennia to come. The firstborn prince of the leading krogan clan is named after him: Urdnot Mordin. That extraordinary growth of a character, ending when he a legend... it’s powerful. It’s more powerful than a betrayal. It’s more powerful than saying, “Maybe I’ll cure them later.” Here and now, we see the jaw-dropping effects of his conscience and his logic working as one.

So that is why I still scream about Mordin’s plot arc even now.

It’s incredible.

It’s exactly what I want to see in storytelling - from its solid structure, to its depth, to its deep questions, to its impacting emotionality.

The character is set up with an interesting internal conflict that has galaxy-wide implications. After watching him struggle between two sides of his psyche, he finds a way to resolve them both and do a one-eighty, undoing his own greatest accomplishment. He takes on a sense of astounding heroism in his final act and dies with “the courage of the highest order”.

Commander Shepard will always be my hero. But with how they wrote Mordin’s story, I can’t help but gape at him in awe as a hero, too.

#long post #non-UT #Mass Effect #Mordin Solus #Mass Effect 3 #ME3 #ME 3 #ME #my analysis #there Peach there you go that's the analysis it's almost 6700 words you're welcome #wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee #don't get me started on the music in that scene #or other aspects I love about Mordin #I WILL WRITE APPRECIATION POSTS #FOR ANY AND *ALL* OF THE ME DORKS <3 <3 <3 #down to Anoleis haha #seriously though if ANYONE WANTS TO TALK MASS EFFECT I *SO WILL* OKAY

52 notes · View notes

lalamkdiaries · 7 years

Text

Mr. Wavelength - Part Two: Female John Lennon

Diary Entry No. 2

Diary entries from my personal experiences in the “Music Industry”

Dear Readers,

Back to what I was saying in Part One... Keep in mind that we are still in the month of November.

It had been two days since I sent Mr. Wavelength the answers to his questionnaire along with the private Soundcloud link to my whole album. I still hadn’t heard back from him and I was getting anxious to know his thoughts on the rest of the nine songs. This time, I wasn’t going to be there to see his reaction but I knew that my music would speak for itself and I could see him getting lost to them in my mind. That is, if he ever listens to them... Why haven’t I heard back from him? I decided to call it a night and go to bed in hopes that the sooner tomorrow came, the sooner I’d hear back from him.

I woke up the next morning to my phone ringing. With one eye opened, I looked at the screen to see that Ms. Louboutin was calling; the person who got Mr. Wavelength and I in contact in the first place. Why is she calling me at this hour? Very random and out of the ordinary but I didn’t think much of it because I adored talking with her. Her personality was larger than life and she was gifted to able to talk to anyone about anything. She could get absolutely anyone, and I mean anyone, to divulge their entire life story, if she willed. She would make friends, anywhere and everywhere she went. She was that someone you could talk to for hours on end and never get bored. Did I mention that she’s trilingual?Oh, and the way she speaks with this over-the-top enthusiasm is the best of all! Wherever you went with her, strangers would gravitate towards her and the entertainment would begin! Within minutes the three languages would come out to play and you could hear her contagious laughter amusing everyone. She was a riot.

“Good morning Ms. Louboutin, what’s up?” “Lala! Sweetie! Good morning my love! I don’t know what you did to Mr. Wavelength but he is completely hysterical! He called me bawling his freakin’ eyes out over your music! And, I mean, fully bawling. He could barely breathe, he was crying so hard!”

“W-w-wait... what? Hold on, what happened?” I sat straight up in my bed, fully attentive. I was now completely awake. Someone kept texting me but I was too focused on what Ms. Louboutin was saying to see who it was. “He called me and for the first few minutes, I was just listening to him crying hysterically! I was trying to calm him down...Fuck, I thought something horrible happened and then he began thanking me over and over for introducing you to him! Sweetie, I’ve never seen him like this. He mentioned that he listened to your album and the more he listened, the more and harder he cried...and then he said something about your song River Banks but I couldn’t understand him through the sobbing”

“What! Why was he crying?!” “I have no idea! He didn’t even know why he was crying! He said that something came over him and that he was completely beside himself. He’s going to Vegas in a few days, by the way! Have you spoken to him today?” “No, I haven’t spoke to him since two days ago! I’m so confused. Is this a good thing or a bad thing?... I can’t believe he was crying like this! What do you think?” “I don’t know Honey, but I’ve really never seen him like this and I’ve known him for 20 years! Sweetie, I gotta go!” “What is happening!? Okay, okay! Thank you for telling me! I wonder if I’ll hear from him today...” “I’m sure you will! Love you Sweetie! Speak soon, bye!” “Love you too! Bye”

I put my phone down on my bed and just stared at the white wall in front of me, trying to comprehend the information I just received. What the actual fuck though? All I could take from this is that, he entered fully into my mind. It seems that he listened the whole album, the way he listened to the five first songs I showed him - completely engaged and open-minded. He allowed the songs to flow through him like he was a vessel for their sound waves to dance through. It must have been such a sight seeing him cry hysterically like that in his sun lit apartment...Wait, can we back up for a second here. He was crying like this over my songs? MY SONGS? I don’t know what to make of this. My phone chimed again so, I picked it up to see who was texting me. Want to take a wild guess who it was? Yes, you are correct. It was Mr. Wavelength. I swipe right and unlock my phone. I opened my text messages and I see this,

"My God Lala... I have just listened to River Banks and I can't stop crying... I Don't know what is happening to me! Hahahaha c'est tellement bon!!!!"

"I wanna work with you! You are an angel sent to me by the universe. You have a very beautiful voice!!! I definitely need to see you before Vegas please. This week"

"You are the female John Lennon of the New generation!!!"

“I’m having so much fun working on a plan! :-)”

“I will get back to you at the end of the day. Trying to re-organize some meetings so that I could see you before I leave!”

“I have lots of questions. I want to connect more with you.”

Naturally, I was beyond thrilled. I knew that what I was planning was a game changer... I was building an empire and he saw that too. Okay, so, now the he heard the album and had this kind of a reaction, I think it is safe to say that my search for a music manager was over, right? All those months waiting were totally worth it. I quickly answered back and by the end of the day, we had scheduled to meet on Friday (November 13th) at 3:00PM at this little Cafe near his apartment. I couldn’t wait for Friday. The next three days couldn’t have gone by any slower. Each day was a killer but I knew that on Friday I’d be meeting with MY manager. I had a manager. My very own manager who wholeheartedly believed in me to the point that I was an angel sent to him. Looks like the cranberry coloured shirts and the purple kleenex box knew all along that this was the plan...

Friday came and my mom and I met him at the little cafe where we spoke for hours. When we got there the sun was shinning and once we left it dark without either of any of us realizing. Mr. Wavelength and I were so focused on each other that nothing else mattered. We spoke about the world I envisioned, my plans, my ideas, the spiritual world and my music. He asked me many, many questions, as he desperately needed to know more. You should have seen the way we interacted! It was like the moment I let him into a thought of mine, he connected to it and began to see my thoughts in his own mind. We were finishing each other's sentences before we knew it, saying things at the same time and building off each other's ideas like I've never experienced before. It was a none-stop intense conversation for hours... we really were on the same wavelength. This man really saw me and it began to terrify him. He wholeheartedly believed that I was a godsend and that I was the artist he had been praying for. He kept telling me how over the past few months, he kept seeing signs from the Universe that kept pointing him in my direction and apologized so many times for vanishing the way he did. The conversation took a turn at this point and he began to explain the darkness in his eyes.The following topics discussed were very emotional for him to speak about but he felt compelled to tell me them. He told me all about his childhood, his father, his mother, and his life. I finally understood him. In a lot of ways I could relate to him, and in the ways that I couldn’t, I could feel his pain telepathically. I am an extremely empathic person who can feel the hidden emotions that people conceal from the outside world. I’ve always been like and as I child, I always wondered why people were so sad or why people would lie all the time. I could feel their dishonesty, I could feel the happiness of others, I could feel all the emotions on the spectrum which, allowed me to understand even the darkest of things. The conversation went from his life to an artist that he was currently working with. This artist, this young man, was a very troubled man. He was a drug addict with hardly any family or support and was throwing his career away every time he shot up. He would tell Mr. Wavelength his views of the world which, Mr. Wavelength couldn’t understand. This young man viewed the world through the eyes of evil, negativity and corruption. He was only capable of seeing these truths and didn’t want to live in a world like this. He tried to explain it to Mr. Wavelength, the one person who took him in and let him to live on his couch for a week, but it fell of deaf ears. Mr. Wavelength told us many stories about him and the things that this artist was saying and kept looking me for answers. He said that when he listened to my album, he was able to finally understand him. He said that the way I sang about the corruption in the world, society and government made it easier for him to see and understand it all. He said that the way, I sarcastically sang about it in my song Lavender made him feel enlightened and that once he heard my song River banks, he was beyond himself. He said that, each song made him learn and feel more then he has ever learned or felt from music. “I entered in Lala MK's mind and I never want to leave!” he told me numerous times. He began to have tears in his eyes and told me that this was too huge for him and that it was definitely too massive for little Montréal. He said, “Lala, you are an international artist and the world needs to be enlightened by you. Everyone needs to experience this. Everything about you is international but even international would be an understatement. You are everything. You embody the Universe. You’re the voice of truth.” This man saw me in a way that no one ever has, other than myself. I knew I had something unique to offer and I knew that what I was doing was more than just music. In fact, it wasn’t even about the music. It was about awakening the zombie-diseased brains of the public and curing them through enlightenment. It was about showing them what was behind the curtains, instead of the illusions of the world stage. It was about creating a new world that would actually be in favour for humanity. It was about right and wrong and free will. I was well aware of the fact that I’m just one person but just as Rob Siltanen said, “The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do.” Music and writing my songs, were the only way I knew how to reach the world on a global scale, which is why I needed a manager to help me get on the world’s stage, so that I can pull down that curtain.

Throughout the meeting Mr. Wavelength was taking notes. He was creating a unique plan to launch my career. He told me that at our next meeting he will have the plan completely finished for my viewing and that if I have anything I want to take out, add or change I could. “Awesome!”, I thought. I couldn’t wait to see how exactly he was planning on doing this. He also mentioned that he will bring all the contracts to be signed to make all of this official so that we can get the ball rolling. Totally fine by me! I was very curious to see what exactly his contracts entailed and if there was anything sneaky hidden within them. To be blunt, from my experience with contracts in the music industry, I’ve seen some crazy shit! He said he would have a contract for management and one for signing me to his label as well. I asked him to explain what he expects in terms of percentage of income that I generate through his help and his answer was exactly industry standard, which I confirmed with my entertainment lawyer. So, that made me happy that he wasn’t being greedy. Moreover, he said that every dollar I put into this from the moment we sign together, he will MATCH. He told me how he’s never wanted to put his own money into someone else’s career before and how this was a first for him. He was 100% certain about me and my career that he wanted to do everything in his power to help the process, even if that meant taking money out of his own pocket! He didn’t care. He just wanted, needed, to be apart of it in every way! I couldn’t believe my ears but my mind told me to wait until I saw everything in writing. We spoke about promotional strategies, marketing, distribution, sales, performances, interviews, shows, and of course, content. Every idea he had while we spoke, he would write down and share it with us on the spot. However, he would have to wait until we signed the contracts, for me to tell him all my wicked ideas for each of these aspects. He didn’t even know that I had already given all of this extreme thought. His ideas were good, and I knew that combining them with my original ideas would be INSANE. He also gave me the contact information of his lawyer for a separate situation that I was dealing with. He said that his lawyer will answer any questions I have, free of charge! I thought that was pretty cool and liked that “my manager” came with a lawyer on call for and legal questions I may have.

Anyway, a few minutes later, the waiter serving our table came to tell us that they were closing. So, we wrapped up this meeting that could have gone on forever and called it a night. As my mother and I were walking out of the restaurant, she was just in awe at what she had just witnessed. She kept telling me that, watching Mr. Wavelength and I talk was extraordinary. The way we jumped from topic to topic while completely following each others train of thought was mind-boggling. She said that at some points, it was even hard to follow but she was so amazed with the depth and pure attentiveness of it all. As soon as Mr. Wavelength got back to his apartment, which was just up the street, he texted me saying,

"Thank you so much for another great meeting. I can't wait to start working music wise! Xo Ready to Take the World now!!!"

On the drive home, my mother and I listened to my album from beginning to end. We had to drive around the block a couple of times because we didn’t want to leave the car until we heard every song! Yes, we have cute moments like this. hehe. As we drove and sang along, I told her all my fantastically crazy ideas that I had! She absolutely loved all of them and thought they were genius. But don’t be fooled - when my mama doesn’t like something or thinks something is stupid or unrealistic, she is not afraid to make her thoughts CLEAR! I mean, CLEAR! So, I knew that I was onto something great. When I finally got into bed, I was too wired up to sleep. I was writing down every thought that came into my head as fast as I could. I felt like my entire body was awake and every part of me was being used to fuel this creativity. Eventually around 6:00AM the next morning, I passed out. I’ve never had white line fever but this is how I would imagine it feels like. Who needs that shit when you have pure creativity oozing from every crevice of your being!? I felt so alive.

Since, Mr. Wavelength was leaving in 3 days from now to Las Vegas, we figured that we should schedule our next meeting before he leaves. Can you tell how eager we both were to meet again and make things official!? We scheduled to meet on Monday (November 23) at 4pm at the same cafe. I had 10 days to go over all those ideas and plans I passed out working on the night before! I wanted to prepare it in a presentable manner for once everything was a go! Imagine his face reading them!? Ah! I could hardly wait!

Monday arrived and as planned, we met at the same cafe. However, what happened after the meeting was a SHOCK of a lifetime...

That’s all for now. (Peace Sign emoji) Xx Yours truly, Lala MK.

STAY TUNED FOR “PART THREE” TO READ HOW THE THIRD MEETING WENT AND WTF HAPPENED NEXT…

Feel free to like, comment, share and/or reblog - A little engagement never hurt no one ;)

Diary Entry No. 2 written by Lala MK

1 note · View note

gethealthy18-blog · 5 years

Text

Signs of Frostbite + Tips to Keep Kids Warm

New Post has been published on http://healingawerness.com/news/signs-of-frostbite-tips-to-keep-kids-warm/

Signs of Frostbite + Tips to Keep Kids Warm

Extreme cold weather is nothing to mess with! This Southern girl got quite the education in winter weather safety while touring Tero Isokauppila’s beautiful (+ extremely snowy and cold) homeland in Finland. As you can imagine, knowing the signs of frostbite and how to stay warm in the snow is extremely serious business there.

With the record-breaking cold sweeping the U.S. right now, I thought it might help to share some of the cold weather tips I learned. While many of you from cold climates will already know a lot of this, with shifting weather patterns and extreme cold in unusual places it’s good to have a refresher.

I also consulted with mom friends who do a lot of winter sports or live in very cold climates to compile these tips.

Here’s what the experts (moms included!) have to say about enjoying the great outdoors in the winter, and how to judge if it’s safe for kids to be outside.

Kids & Cold Weather: The Risks (& Benefits)

We all know kids are naturally drawn to snow and will play in it for hours on end! From sledding to ice skating to just building a snowman, there are plenty of fun winter activities to keep kids busy and active all winter.

Many also seem to have their own internal heaters (probably something to do with all that extra energy) and view zipped coats and hats and gloves as a huge nuisance that get in the way of play. As any recess monitor at school will tell you, kids need some extra nagging training when it comes to staying safe in the snow.

There are health benefits to being cold, but overexposure is no joke. In certain conditions, only a short time of exposure can result in:

frostnip

frostbite

mild to severe hypothermia

Because kids are smaller, there’s a higher risk of frostbite or overexposure to the cold. Those little fingers/hands/noses are especially vulnerable to frostbite, which can occur in only minutes in colder temperatures and high wind.

In this post, we’ll focus on the signs and symptoms of frostbite, and how to avoid it.

What Is Frostbite?

According to the Mayo Clinic, frostbite is when skin freezes, causing sometime permanent damage to skin tissues. The risk of frostbite greatly increases when skin is exposed to combination of wind and/or water in cold temperatures.

Why does this happen?

When your body gets cold it responds by tightening blood vessels in the hands, arms, legs, feet, and other extremities to direct blood flow into essential organs and keep up your core temperature. This is one reasons the nose, ears, cheeks, fingers, and toes are usually the first areas to suffer frostbite.

Due to their smaller size, children are even more vulnerable than adults. They’re also more likely to be too young (or too caught up in the fun of being outdoors) to verbalize or notice the warning signs.

Signs and Symptoms of Frostbite (& What to Do)

So what to do… stay indoors all winter? Far from it. Kids can still enjoy snow sports and time outside even in very cold weather, but they need the right gear and a watchful eye.

There are three stages of frostbite and the signs:

First-Degree Frostbite (Frostnip)

Often called “frostnip,” this beginning stage of frostbite doesn’t permanently damage tissue, which can usually return to normal with some basic first-aid measures.

What to look for:

exposed skin turning red

complaining of being cold

Ask kids if they’re feeling:

a pins-and-needles (“prickly”) feeling

cold or painful skin

What to do:

Cover all exposed skin.

Get them someplace warm and dry immediately.

Soak the area in warm (104-108°) water for 15-30 minutes. Do NOT use hot water!

If water not available, cover affected skin with warm hands and hold on skin to warm up.

Skin should return to normal, but child may feel some tingling, pain, or burning as it warms up.

Second-Degree Frostbite (Superficial)

At this stage, frostbite starts to affect more layers of the skin.

What to look for:

skin tissue turns from red to a paler color

skin begins to feel warm to the person but cold to the touch (a sign of damage)

clumsiness in walking or loss of dexterity

Ask kids if they’re feeling:

a warm feeling in face, fingers, toes, etc. (although skin feels cold to touch)

any numbness or trouble walking or moving hands

What to do:

Repeats steps 1 & 2 above.

Check for signs of hypothermia or low core temperature (intense shivering, slowed speech, drowsiness).

See medical attention – most sources don’t recommend self-treatment at this stage.

Blisters (chillblains) may form as the skin tries to heal.

Third-Degree Frostbite (Deep)

The most severe stage and one hopefully none of us ever experience. Severe frostbite penetrates all layers of the skin. The skin at this stage is literally frozen and later turns black. It requires immediate emergency medical treatment.

What to look for:

skin turning yellow-gray or blueish-yellow

skin feels cold and hard or waxy to the touch

Ask kids if they’re feeling:

numbness or loss of feeling

difficulty moving or bending joints

What to do:

Repeats steps 1 & 2.

Splint or wrap the affected area as moving may cause further damage to tissue.

Seek emergency medical attention immediately.

This is a very helpful visual of the frostbite stages from the Mayo Clinic for a quick illustration. (Don’t worry, it’s not too graphic.)

When Is It Too Cold for Kids to Play Outside?

The answer to this question is a bit relative depending on where you live. My kids think a “snow day” equals temps under 35°F and a few flurries hitting the ground (if we’re lucky)! In other, colder climates, people go about their lives in daily average temperatures in the single digits!

The key is how knowledgeable and prepared you are for the weather.

So when is cold weather classified as “dangerous”? School policies vary widely (often because children come without the right gear).

Important note: Cold weather endurance varies greatly depending on climate, age, health conditions, how you’re dressed, etc., so you will need to make the best judgment for your family.

Safe Winter Play Guidelines

All of the sources I consulted agreed on three cardinal rules of safe winter play for children:

Make sure kids bundle up and come in often to warm up in temperatures lower than 32 degrees.

Always base judgments on the windchill, not just the air temperature.

Even when cold is not extreme, winter gear must be water resistant or water proof and very dry to keep kids safe.

6 Steps to Keep Kids Warm in the Snow

As I said, Finland was a real crash course in how to bundle up for the cold! Here’s what I learned about bundling up and choosing the right snow gear to keep you comfortable.

Also, a note that it’s possible to dress a child to warmly. Judge your needs and adjust the following suggestions based on your climate. You may not need anything fancy where you live… or, if you have #snowgoals and want to take up a new family activity this winter, you may want to invest in some quality cold gear!

1. Always wear a base layer.

This layer wicks away sweat and is a key part of staying dry! This is one of the few times synthetic fabric may be a better choice than natural as it will dry faster. If you plan to spend a significant amount of time in the cold, many moms I asked said UnderArmor’s ColdGear is the ultimate in insulating technology. (There are also cheaper options.)

2. A wool or fleece layer over the base layer.

For the next layer, choose something insulating and quick-drying like wool or fleece. This layer shouldn’t be too tight, as looser clothing will trap insulated air and keep you warmer. Our site editor from the Midwest buys this brand of wool leggings for kids in a larger size so they last for two seasons.

3. A wind and water-resistant coat with vents.

Moisture + cold = a recipe for frostbite or hypothermia (or just being too cold to have fun!). Choose an outer shell with wind and water resistant seams and vents to release perspiration. (January is a great time to shop for discounted outdoor gear for next year at a quality ski or outdoor gear shop.) My friend in Michigan loves these Roxy coats for a good blend of style and function.

4. Warm, insulating wool or synthetic socks (just one pair!).

I never knew this until my trip to Finland, but it’s actually very important to leave some room in boots (think warm, insulated air). Instead of doubling or wearing very thick socks, try a high quality pair of thermal socks instead. Bonus: they also last forever and work great for preventing blisters during summer hiking!

5. Warm, dry gloves, and boots (and face mask in very cold weather).

Moms rave about these Head gloves (I’ve seen them at a great price at Costco) or these mittens with side zipper to make them easier to get on toddlers.

Kids’ fingers are especially vulnerable. One mom whose kids ski competitively loves this glove dryer as a quick way to dry out kids’ gloves and get them back out in the snow.

Well-insulated and waterproof boots (with enough room for toes to wiggle even with socks!). These Khombu boots are well-loved by moms in cold places.

I had never heard of these before, but if temps are cold enough that noses and cheeks need to be covered, try a balaclava. (Hopefully kids will think it looks like a ninja and want to wear it!)

Bottom Line: Keep Frostbite Away While Kids Play

I’m glad it’s not my everyday life, but I am loving my time in Finland and learning so much about how have fun in the snow (and keep all my fingers and toes!). Hopefully some of these tips help, and wherever you are I hope you’re safe and warm!

Sources:

https://www.nationwidechildrens.org/conditions/frostbite

https://www.stanfordchildrens.org/en/topic/default?id=frostbite-in-children-90-P02820

Flatt AE. Frostbite. Proc (Bayl Univ Med Cent). 2010;23(3):261-2.

Source: https://wellnessmama.com/400865/frostbite/

0 notes