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dorsey-m · 5 years

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[Things I've Heard in Theater/School as Said by the Cast of Newsies]

Race, about Spot: "He's just so good at being a dick"

Crutchie: "FUCK ME I've been jinxed like five times today"

Elmer, almost crying: "Can I finish my bread?"

Specs: "Albert put down the scissors"

Jack: "After the super sad ending can we play Benny Hill during bows?"

- Sniper and Smalls (playing the reporter's) started violently dabbing in synch -

-Race: "I wanna be Tracer"

--Spot: "I'm gonna hurt you"

---Race: "Bold of you to assume I wouldn't want that.

Romeo: "Listen here Diane, I am the peepee gender."

-Medda: "I've been working with freshman all day and if I hear one more thing about grapes I'm gonna lose it"

--Sniper: "tHEY DID SURGERY ON A GRAPE?!?"

Mush: "I dunno. Do I look like I work at Crayola?"

-Crutchie: "Do I smell like weed"

--Romeo: "Why?"

---Crutchie: "Because I just smoked weed"

Finch: "You know I was having a good day but then Katherine and Davey started talking about college and now I'm about to have a panic attack"

-Cue line: "CHARLIE!"

--Crutchie, who had not been paying attention backstage: "oh SHIT"

Jack: "Your finest chocolate milk, please."

- *Doorbell sound affect*

--Davey, Crutchie, and Jack: "Hello! My name is Elder Price!"

Medda: "I know it's Gatorade but it's supposed to be radium so don't drink it"

-Ike: "Don't get the fake blood on your clothes"

--Mike: :(

Henry: "If we need a real jaw bone we can just rob the nearest hospital. They support local high school theater, right?"

- Sarah: "You were supposed to be off book over a month ago"

--Katherine: "I'll get them down by opening night don't worry"

Romeo: "I should stop dating people I meet at theater camp."

-Jack: "I had a thrilling conversation with your father today"

--Katherine: "Oh no"

Davey: "Can someone just fucking mercy kill me already"

-Medda: "Your props will be here probably"

--Crutchie: "Don't you mean...PROPably?"

Romeo: "Aw man I fucking love water"

-Mush (who is gay): "Aw man I love you. I'm not gay tho. So no Homo."

--Blink (his boyfriend): "As the bible said, being a homosexual is gay"

Crutchie: *does loud Peter Pan rooster noise* "Holy fucking shit i think I just ripped one of my wisdom tooth stitches"

-Crutchie: "I can shove this whole cupcake in my mouth." *A pause* "I can't shove this all in my mouth."

--Medda, sighing in exasperation: "If it's gonna hurt your stitches then eat it normally."

Medda: "Alright guys don't make me regret feeding you."

- Specs, @ the freshman: "If we find used mic tape anywhere besides the trash can we're gonna kill all of you."

-- *finds mic tape literally stuck to the SIDE of the trashcan* "fUCK"

Mush: "What is the largest amount of chicken chicken tenders you're legally allowed to give me?"

- Katherine: "Michael Buble released an album that's NOT Christmas? Get it out of my fucking face"

--Sarah: "Michael Buble has awoken from his 11 month hibernation to release a Christmas album and then go back to sleep on his bed of money"

Davey: "I was wearing pants but then my brother took them, so now I'm in shorts" --(It's November)

-Romeo: "Wait, I'm older than you?"

--Buttons: "Yeah, by 13 days."

---Romeo: "...I don't like that. That's weird. I thought I was younger than you oh god."

Davey: "Sometimes my intrusive thoughts become reality"

Romeo: "It's a bonding practice. We'd be bonding over suffering. That's a direct quote from coach."

- Bill: "You're rebelling against God."

-- Darcy: "Thats a you opinion."

Romeo, @ Jack: "You have no legal authority over me."

- Katherine: "What rude name people call Queen Mary?"

-- Spot: "A hoe?"

--- Katherine: "...The VIRGIN Queen."

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subjectsilver · 7 years

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my psyche and wormy be ruthless sometimes.

originally i told myself that i was only going to use tumblr every sunday to log what has happened throughout the week or anything noticeable or note worthy but i literally need to type this right now because I'm losing my goddamn mind and on the verge of a panic attack...i can feel my chest tightening and my heart has such a “funny” feeling that isn't so funny so idk why they call it that... its like a light feeling like when u get light headed - i feel light hearted rn

the absolute worst part about my depression is that it literally just comes and goes whenever it wants. obviously theres things that help trigger it, a song a picture of my ex friends snapchats, any object that i can play connect the dots with back to a single thought that can disrupt my entire mental.

and it hit me tonight and it hit me hard and tonight I'm trying not to run away from it. I'm not going to go smoke cigarettes and listen to music until 5 am I'm trying to just type what is going on instead of like holding it into my head. or type something at least. the thing about it is that whenever it hits me, i always find a way to make it so much worse.... like i see just the right combination of words or objects to sink me or look at pictures of emma and even though i know its hurting me i continue to do it anyway....maybe its because in that moment I'm actually feeling something, she is making me feel something just like she use to in the past. i really valued that until i became too grey and numb and hopeless.

i feel like throwing up

i used “ex” up there and makes me feel really uneasy i haven't used it very much at all mainly because i have to explain myself to anyone here and I've only told a few people what is going on with me. That was good thought because i have a friend named hank who went through some shit too so he kind of connects with me but still not a person i would talk to about shit...i don't really have anyone for that so i don't really know... sometimes i type it all and erase it, sometimes i make songs, sometimes i say it out laid sometimes i just cry.

i started taking prozac 3 days ago this will be the fourth, so hopefully that'll help me. Im still underweight as fuck but oddly I'm comfortable with it bc i like the way my shirts feel and clothes fit, unfortunately i need to gain like 20 pounds if i want to exist on this soccer team which is kinda mad. I was going to suggest leaving wake because i don't really even care to play soccer rn. and i realized a while back that all i needed was in ohio... like i had the best friends the girl of my dreams and i could've had a 1st year internship paying between 40-70k at some health company under my step dad... its kinda shitty because its something i wanted to tell everyone and i would always think about how disappointed my dad would be and how supportive my mom would be but something told me not do make moves with any of it. its like the universe knew i was going to go through some shit. like it knew i was gonna get low and the perfect image of life i had in my head up. like bitch u thought you'd plant roots,,,nahhhhhhtttt

i keep listening to this song on repeat

https://soundcloud.com/yvpoipoi/maxence-cyrin-where-is-my-mind

but the real is back the ville is back

i fucking hated listening to cole until like 2 weeks ago. it was so annoying listening to cole bc of hani playing it literally all the time. when things like that get annoying they because white noise to me. but recently i went through his 3 most recent projects and actually listened heavily to the words and that shit is crazy.

i also have been paying a lot of attention to jay z and beyonce. i guess jay z had an affair or some shit and ten he and “once” went back and forth on songs about it... but i read this quote by him where he was like “our relationship was built on top of lies, and i had to tear it down and build it back up again and it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.” thats the kind of shit that gives me hope in the world of relationships. I've accepted that its probably false hope but ill hold onto anything the keeps me going at this point...

my suicidal thoughts haven't been present the last few days but i never know if and when those will come back. to be truthful I've been stacking up on things in my camera roll that give me up for when I'm feeling low.

the light hearted feeling has subsided, i just realized it. i kinda of ignore all grammatical practices when i write freely. i just go with my own language because i feel like its more personal ya know. someone i know annotates her own letters that she use to write me and i always loved that shit because i have so many side thoughts when i write as well.

luke christophers album finally came out and what do you know 5 of the songs had already been released and some like a year ago so its barely anything knew but it still has new music and bangers so i do appreciate the legend himself. after seeing his hair blonde on the cover idk if I'm going to keep growing my hair black or re-dye it. maybe ill keep it blonde until i feel like I'm above 80% better or something right now i feel about -7% (if i could annotate that line id tell you that i originally wrote -7 person instead of percent then i autocorrected person then backspaced it to a symbol)

the last few days I've felt really weak though and I've been sleeping a lot like two days ago i got like 11 hours and yesterday i got like 10 and I've been taking naps during the day. but I've constantly felt like I've had low blood sugar or that I've been dehydrated or something. i can't even make a fist and squeeze that hard.

its crazy because when i type anything about myself ever i just start tearing up for no reason...happy thoughts sad thoughts dark thoughts i could be writing about my microwave and be tearing up. and i do it a lot with emma or my best friends or my ex and ex best friends idk what anyone is to me anymore. been too focussed on trying to survive, which i feel is the correct selfish thing to do for once.

“don't give a fuck and they love you do give a fuck and they hate you - I'm always gone be there for you”

this man luke in onto something

its crazy that i will leave my phone in my room from 7:30 am to 7-8 at night and the only notification that ill get is “your phone hasn't been backed up in 57 weeks” or some shit like that. occasionally ill receive a random text from someone but its funny because sometimes on the inside ill be screaming like “PLEASE SOMEONE TALK TO ME” and then it happens and its like nah.. i thought i sent out an amber alert but really I'm sending out a batman bat symbol. i thought i needed anyone to talk to, but in reality i just need one singular person to talk to. that was my mistake, will always be my mistake but at least i recognize it now...just a little late there big guy.

having so much time to myself probably too much time to myself is really interesting...if you've ever thought that you've done real reflection, submerge yourself in complete loneliness and isolation and try again because its so much deeper. you think about everything. every individual relationship, every right every wrong multiple perspectives. you think about all of your problems and the root to your problems. all of your mistakes why u caused these mistakes or what caused these mistakes. its actually really shitty because the bad will always stick out more than the good because the good is what is suppose to happen and the bad is the variable...variables get more attention than the constants i feel. deep down i don't think I'm a shitty human being.. even though i might think that a lot or hate myself...ik I'm only human and i can't be perfect and as much as id love for everyone to love me and me to not hurt anyone its more than likely unrealistic and it'll happen to me and already has happened to me and now i understand that and i will be more forgiving as i go on in life, the same forgiveness id want people to give me.

i use to think that everything had to work in reciprocality like for some reason i always thought everything should be equal all of the time..but i was extremely wrong, some people need more some people need less some people expect things and if they mean anything to you, the extra effort should hinder you or disrupt you...every human has a different way of looking at relationships and when those ways collide and don't add up it creates problem. I'm not saying people should give up in what they believe in but people should be less harsh about it... i know people who should be less harsh on me and i know people that i will be less harsh on and who i would be less harsh on if i could go back in time.

i tried to think about why I'm so afraid of butterflies and i can't really think of what happened along the way that got me here but i think the very root is the movie “butterfly effect” I'm also pretty sure they are remaking that movie into a 2018 version and ill probably go scare the fuck out of myself while seeing it.

my anxiety was gone until thinking about butterflies

i tried to explain a fear of butterflies to this kid named mike and i sounded like an absolute idiot and then his response was “does this scare you” and it was the close up of a butterfly from this spongebob episode and i can't get it out of my head.... i think the video is called “wormy close up”

fuck wormy

usually id think something so symmetrical was beautiful seeing has my old tendencies make me love symmetrically and i do things in that way like when i touch my feet to surfaces and shit bc i feel all neat and organized but i don't like that every butterfly ever is symmetrical as fuck...like show why what the hell. and i want to watch a video on it but i don't want to go into shock or some shit.

and they have wings that flap which is what i hate about bugs in general.

to be fair though i do like butterflies that have bright blue or white wings cus i use to see those a lot as a kid when my backyard was a golf course. but my vision of a butterfly with like brown wings and black borders gahhhh fuck that....id weather let a centipede crawl on me from head to toe than a butterfly land on me to put in in perspective.

idk man i think this post has done for me what i thought it would do what i intended it to do...i have to be up in like 3 and a half wish hours then run for an hour then ill take a solid nap for like 5 hours or just sleep pt.2 but i must be going... until next time or sunday.

i love you

fuck wormy

goodnight

#fuckwormy #waitttt

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