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questionthebox · 3 years

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Poets Diary

this is going to sound strange, and interesting, I'm kind of shocked, but in a way, I am not, considering, I exist,

so I'll begin from the beginning,

last week, a few days ago, my sister Victoria came to our house, with her children, to see if her stimulus check arrived, she also asked me for 20 dollars, I gave her 30, her life can feel like a mess at times, but that’s not the point here,

so anyway, my 6 year old niece, asks me if I can take her to the store, to get something for her, of which I agree too, as we’re walking, my 7 year old nephew Braiyden comes running behind, saying he wants to go to, ok fine, so we walk, to this store, where my friend Tony works, and Braiyden has my dads phone, of which im aware of, so we walk, cross the street, blah blah blah, and I tell the kids I have to first go to the atm at the laundry mat, to get Victoria her money, so we enter into the laundry mat, and braiyden leaves my dads phone in there, without any of us realizing it,

so as were coming back to my house, her kids run back to her, she’s at her car, talking to my dad, and my grandmother who also just arrived, and as I was handing my dad a can of coke, he asks “where’s my phone ?” and I'm like what ?

then he asks Victorias Kids, and they say they don’t know, and he’s all like “oh no” when Victoria is all like, cmon Ant, lets go find it,

so she hops out of her car, and takes off, around the corner, I'm following, but she’s fast, she’s already almost crossing the street,

so I catch up to her, we cross the street, go to my friend Tony, who says Braiyden didn’t leave a phone in there, Victoria immediately leaves, meanwhile I catch out the side of my eye, my friend Tony, looking at my sisters ass, LOL, so I say goodbye, and head over to the laundry mat,

where she says “I found it”

so we walk out, were laughing, talking about her kids,

when she’s all like

“oh look dad has a Facebook message from someone”

and she opens his phone,

and blurts out “WTF”

and I'm not paying any attention, when she blurts out

“Dad is talking to...” I won’t write the woman’s name,

but he was talking to a childhood friend of ours from

Long Beach, that we grew up with, her brother was my best friend,

she and her brother, used to stay weeks with us, their mother, I called “Aunt”

apparently they’ve been engaged in a secret relationship, btw this woman is 27

my dads 56, but looks much much younger,

so Victoria is reading their messages, and I'm like what the fuck,

when our DAD comes walking up on us, and I'm all like, ok don’t say anything,

so she gives him his phone,

but he doesn’t suspect anything,

and over the last few days, Victoria and I have been speaking on how

to deal with this,

she’s upset, because this young woman, was one of her closest friends,

but I convinced her to let it be, to not make a fuss of this, because its two people involved and you don’t want to hurt them,

but privately myself, I'm kind of proud and shocked in a way,

if anyone ever wanted to know where I get my “lover-vibe”

its definitely from my parents who are both,

highly sexual, highly passionate, highly sensual, and they both know how to ensnare and attract people,

so ok,

here’s one more funny thing,

I just woke up, actually had a few nightmares, but I woke up, I'm watching

Fox NFL Sunday pregame, show,

and I go on Facebook on my phone,

and literally, I see a post from the young woman my dad is having an affair with

she literally writes, of which I took a screenshot and sent it to Victoria lol

she wrote, “The best way to learn a second language is through a lover...”

and I'm like WHOA, haha DAD are you kidding me lol, so I'm reading the comments, and she’s talking about my dad obviously not mentioning him, outright, she’s telling her girlfriends, how her lover, speaks Spanish and how she wants to learn,

and it made me smile with pride, my dad, is the “Latin Lover” and he really does know how to love, I'm happy for him, and she btw is a complete fucking knockout, so GO DAD ! haha

#poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #my thoughts #diary

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alicedoessurveys · 6 years

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loooooong survey

Childhood

Did you spend your childhood time with mostly real or imaginary friends?: real. I spent most summers/half terms with my cousins and my neighbour’s grandkids. Did people consider you an odd child?: not odd, just shy Do you have memories that go back to when you were only a few months old?: nope Do you remember any thoughts you had when you where very young?: not really nope

Were they intricate or simple thoughts?: probably simple but I can't remember

If you answered “intricate”, give an example of one of those thoughts: n/a

Were you dreams very vivid as a child?: yes, still do. I also used to get really bad night terrors a lot as a kid What is the strangest memory you have from early childhood?: can't think of anything strange.. Were you a child prodigy or did you display any gifts at a young age?: I drew a lot, but I was no prodigy What was the most “grown-up” thing you ever said as a child?: I have no idea What were your favourite TV shows in early childhood?: I grew up on Fairly Odd Parents, Rugrats, Tracy Beaker Were you afraid of monsters?: yes, especially zombies Did you believe that fictional characters were real?: yes Were you more quiet and artistic or loud and physical? quiet and artistic Issues and stuff Do you eat meat?: yup, but only beef, chicken and bacon/sausage If you do, what is your justification for it?: I dont feel I need to justify it, just like I wouldn't expect a vegetarian to justify why they dont eat meat. each to their own. If you could legalize 3 things in the US, what would they be?: I dont live in the US, I dont really know their laws and I dont really care Do you believe in the death penalty?: nope Did Mumia do it?: do what..? If you had a choice, which country would you have chosen to be born into?: I like that im English, I just wish I was born in a different part of England cause Birmingham is a shit hole What are your opinions of Michael Moore?: I dont know who that is Describe your feelings about marijuana legalization: I think it should be for those who need it for medical stuff Red, White and Blue is a ghastly color combination, right?: nope What television news coverage do you detest the most?: all of it, I dont watch the news What will you do if Bush is re-elected? Im British, I dont care Which state do you think will drop off into the ocean first?: idk Who do you consider “American Heros”? I feel like these questions are very aimed at Americans Completely Obtuse And Silly Questions Have you ever taken something apart just to see how it worked? yes Do you ever yell at the television while you are alone? Reason?: not yell, but talk to the telly yeah. and not even just while im alone. Name a few things (if any) that you bought on Ebay recently: I cant remember the last time I bought something off eBay Are the Muppetes sinister? Think about it.: nope... o.O Do you watch the Science Channel (Discovery) on a regular basis?: no ive never watched it Ever gotten into an “in person” argument with a total stranger? Discuss: yup. basically I was at this event thing where they had boats and pretty floating lights and shit on a river. we had waited all day to see them and when they were finally coming past we couldn't see them because it was so crowded and there was a “security guy” stood in the way. There was kids infront of me who kept saying they couldn't see because of him so I yelled “MOVE” and he turned around and started arguing with me. Long story short, he eventually moved out the way and found a space where he wasn't blocking anyones view and the people around me thanked me. I felt so awkward after cause im not a confrontational person at all but I was so tired & irritated that I just snapped. Sugar or Honey?: Sugar What’s on your desk right now?: im not sat at my desk atm How many e-mails do you recieve a day?: about 20 Do you think that time travel is a possibility?: no Are you slightly addicted to online tests and surveys?: not addicted, I just enjoy doing them to pass time San Francisco or New York City?: ive never been to either, but I would like to go to New York What are your favorite color combinations?: grey and light blush pink looks nice Close your eyes and type the first random image that pops into your head: I cant because im listening to hairspray so thats all I can see right now Do you enjoy night or day better?: depends what im doing Favorite animal: Dogs Have you ever been to a protest?: Nope, but ive ended up in the same place as a protest was taking place and it was horrible Aggravated a cop on purpose?: No Ever gone train hopping/ridden the rails?: Nope If you could choose a time period in which to live, which would it be?: I’m fine with this one Ever put your hand through a window?: no List a few words you hate the sound of: the c word And a few you like the sound of: idk Are you sick of this survey yet? not really Emotions And Such Have you attempted suicide more than once?: No Cutting?: Yes Do you get violent when you are angry?: Not with people, just with myself or just like throw stuff on the floor like a brat Which emotion are you most consumed by?: fear Are you highly emotive?: Yes Do you discuss problems or keep them to yourself?: keep them to myself, and if I do discuss them I downplay or make jokes Do you fall in love easily?: not in love, but I do fall for people too easy What age/year was the most difficult for you?: around ages 19-now How do you channel your anger/sadness?: shut myself away and cry Ever been addicted to alcohol or drugs?: No

Ever been homeless?: No List a few simple things that make you happy: playing sims, Tumblr, theatre When were you most recently your happiest?: hanging out with nick and Addison the other day Do you consider yourself empathetic?: yes Friends Do you have friends that are drastically different from each other?: my main group of friends is only like 3 people and they have their differences but not drastic differences List a few key traits that all of your friends have in common: my friends are all into gaming, watching films & eating Do you keep in touch with friends from high school?: yes, two of my best friends are from school Have you lost touch with many of your friends?: almost everyone I become friends with end up losing touch in the end but ive been friends with Addison for 10 years and Rhys for 20 years Are they mostly local or long distance?: local When you go out with friends, what kinds of things do you do?: usually go to the arcade, cinema and get food Have you ever been betrayed by a close friend?: yes If yes, are you still friends with that person?: no Are your friends mostly your age, younger or older?: rhys & Addison are 23, nick is 25, I am 22

Do you have a hard time making friends because most people bore you?: no, I have a hard time making friends because im socially awkward Do you like to hang out with friends one-on-one or in groups?: groups, it takes the pressure off in conversations Which of you online friends do you have the most in common with?: I dont have any online friends Family Are you close to your family?: yes What traits are you glad you inherited from them?: faithfulness & a good sense of humour What sitcom does your family most remind you of?: I cant think of anything other than that me and my mom are a lot like Miranda and her mom from the sitcom ‘Miranda’ Does your family live locally or far away?: local Have you ever stopped speaking to someone in your family?: yes Have either of your parents died?: no, thank god Is your family very much like you or are you opposites?: a lot like me How many siblings do you have?: one older sister Has your family ever thrown food at each other?: yes, every christmas season we throw chocolates at each other from the Quality Street or Roses tins Are the holidays a nightmare or a time of joy?: I love Christmas Day and I normally love christmas shopping but this year I found it all very stressful because I was so busy at the theatre and I had no money to buy gifts Do you look like your parents?: ive been told I do List one interesting fact about your family: apparently my dads side of the family is descended from royalty Lovers Gay, Straight, Bi-sexual or no idea?: Straight Married/partnered?: Single Ever gone out with someone you were embarrassed to be seen with?: no Ever broken someones heart?: someone I “dated” in infant school told me when we reunited in senior school that I broke his heart. but I didn't actually do anything so I dont know where he got that from How many serious relationships have you had?: none Have you ever lusted obsessively over someone you knew you couldn’t have?: not obsessively lusted, but I have fancied guys that I knew nothing could ever happen. Do you believe in the theory of soulmates?: yes Ever cheated?: No Been cheated on?: No Thrown someones stuff out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?: Nope Had your stuff thrown out on the lawn/stairs/etc.?: Nope Most important emotional qualities of a lover?: someone who makes me feel happy and can make me smile, makes me feel comfortable, is caring, trustworthy, honest, affectionate Most important physical qualities?: I dont think physical qualities are super important but I do fall for peoples eyes & smile Food & Drink Non-alcoholic beverage of choice: cherry coke or caramel hot chocolate Alcoholic beverage of choice: cider Foods you crave on a regular basis: chocolate

Salsa and Chips or Pita and Hummus?: neither Meat or Tofu?: Meat Soup or Salad?: soup Soda or Juice?: Soda Can I get you anything else?: You didn't get me anything..? :’) Favorite candy:: chocolate in general Favorite food to make: lasagne

Food brand that you hate?: idk Do you try to buy all organic?: nope Favorite fast food?: mcdonalds Final Questions Ever had a great song ruined for you after it was used in a commercial?: yes

Ever yelled at an SUV?: nope A Hummer?: Nope Ever faked being sick to get out of going somewhere?: yes If you could turn back time and change one thing, what would it be?: stay in college Bambi or Nemo?: Nemo List 3 things that are worrying you right now: 1, money. 2, a meeting I have to go to next week that im absolutely dreading. 3, I have this constant annoying anxiety that tells me my friends dont actually like me and that I get on everyones nerves. Do you think you’ll ever have children if you don’t already?: not my own now, but I hope to adopt Do you think there is life on other planets?: no Have you ever broken a leg or arm?: nope Would you rather stay in the house or do things outside: depends on my mood David Letterman or Jay Leno?: I dont know who they are Last words?: Bye

#survey #long

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darktyrannomon · 6 years

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this is such a first world problem but idk if i can actually talk about it with my parents so here goes

so we’ve not really been able to afford big xmas presents for a few years now, like we’d get pjs/clothes and maybe two other small things and they’re always nicely wrapped and i’ve never minded in the slightest cause yeah,maybe i’ll end up with something that just clutters my room but im still grateful i get anything at all. its just a christmas present - its just a birthday present. birthdays mean shit to me and christmas i preferred when i was alone at uni, although im told it ‘didn’t feel right without me’ in those years and i got told not to do that again. this year is going to be worse cause i still haven’t acknowledged my brother’s existence since The Argument, and I don’t plan to any time soon. whatever happens at xmas will be a nightmare and honestly i don’t even want to wake up that day.

when i started getting this government paycheck i made a joke that i’d be able to buy the switch with that money, and my mum said she’d buy me it for xmas. this was 3 months ago

since then she’s asked me twice if that was what i wanted, and to keep an eye out for any deals. i said either that or a cat. she said well the cat would be a third of the price but we cant do that right now. she said i wouldn’t get anything else at xmas and i really wasnt expecting anything. we haven’t had big xmas presents since i was like 11 and got a nintendo console. she said she wanted to get me something i actually wanted, and i said stuffed animals are always a good shout but she wont buy me more cause there’s not enough space in my room (lol) even though two years ago my sister bought me the pokemon center charizard x plush and i very literally broke into tears because someone, for the first time in 15 years looked at me and thought ‘what would temp appreciate’ and it meant so much and i kept it with me for the ENTIRE day and days to follow like a prized possession.

and yeah i’d like a switch, but i also wanted the wii u and never got it. i can save up for one if i try hard enough, and its a LOT of money. i know we’re struggling and i Do Not Care if i get it or not cause what’s the point if it makes my parents more miserable. im awkward about receiving things anyway, but expensive things make me feel especially bad.

and actually

i dont want anything

i feel so numb and detached that actually, i don’t know if i truly desire that at all anymore. i don’t want anything. i dont even want food let alone material possessions. she wants so bad to get me something i’ll like and want that how do i tell her im so fucking depressed and dissociative that i don’t want to keep breathing let alone have this gaming console. how do i tell her i can’t feel what love is supposed to be anymore, how do i tell her i dont know when people are mocking me, how to tell her i cant keep explaining myself for people just to fucking judge me everywhere i go, how can i tell her i don’t plan on living til xmas let alone experience anything in it.

how do i tell her i dont know how i felt at con yesterday, which normally fills me with excitement, just left me with a massive gaping void and i dont know what to do with my life anymore

my existence is a mistake, im faking a fucking smile every time i have to interact with people and i am visibly cracking, my patience is waning, with every day im becoming more volatile and more numb like a complete fucking (oxy)moron ahd i hate it, i hate being alive and i hate living, and i hate doubting the bonds i have to the extent that i feel that none of the people i meet/are ‘friends’ with are real, despite skyping them/meeting them in person. i just cant see people as human beings anymore and im gradually slipping on what little grasp of the vague sensation of friendship that i have

honestly the switch thing isn’t as huge as it probably is, i can probably go up to her with ease and say ‘don’t worry about it, if you’re fussed i’ve found x/y/z that is more financially okay’ and it’d be fine

everything else is just tied in and woven around it though, and i appreciate that my anxiety is latched to this one oddly specific thing to cover up the mountain of other problems going on atm

ive lost sense of who i am and i can’t progress forwards.

its stupid and superficial but i’d much have a physical friend preferably in the shape of a cat than any material possession, and i collect material possessions. rather,i hoard them. generally buying stuff gives me a momentary buzz hence.... lots of plushies. all of this feels like an #edgy post and im so sorry if you’re reading this i just have a lot of pent up stuff that’s just circling round this void hole in my damn chest and i feel so empty and is anything even worth it.

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