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millllenniawrites · 3 years

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fun in the meantime (FO! Poe Dameron x f!OC)

part two of when the stars miss the sun

written with @vampirewithbedsidemanners

words: 2.4k

warnings: dark!ooc!Poe Dameron (if you want specifics, dm me); smut (rough sex, slight dubcon moment, praise, 'good girl' used); prostitution; established relationship (sort of); slow burn (yes the two can coexist leave me alone); redemption arc; Pixar ending; murder; warnings will be added as the series progresses

a/n: i love this story and im so excited to share it with you guys. this one is as cute and soft as it gets before everything gets very very dark (though please do heed the warnings cause it isn't just happy times)

Red woke up alone in sheets that still felt warm and soft like his satin skin. Her Admiral… not that she could let him know how ingrained in her mind he had become over the last three years. Just like every time before, he left her with the taste of him lingering on the edges of her senses, keeping her from the biting, harsh reality of the universe they lived in.

The house was beautiful and grand without being over the top, just as out of place as he was in everything. He’d told her the night before that the house was the only thing he had to his name outside of the Order. She believed it. There was something to him that made her believe that there really wasn't anything else out there for her beautiful, lost man.

She left the safety of his bed, padding across the warm floors and out into the hallway that fed a large central spiral staircase. It extended down all five stories to the basement, where they’d dragged out boxes of files the night before prior to shutting themselves in his office to work.

She hadn’t had the chance to see enough of the beautiful house. Later, when she had a moment, she would explore the place that seemed to be an extension of her Admiral. She would let her hands roam over the banisters, the same way they had caressed across the banded muscles in his thighs as she rode him, giving over her body and heart and soul before she realized that she was.

Red crept silently down his stairs. She followed the sound of fingers on a screen to his office, where they'd spent much of the night before. His uniform jacket was still in a ball on the ground where she'd tossed it after ripping it off him. The papers he'd swept off his desk to make room to lay her on it were still scattered all over the room.

Poe was sat at his desk, hair mussed from sleep. The collar of his threadbare shirt was stretched out, and he played with the edge of it as he studied whatever was on the screen in front of him.

Nothing about him appeared like he was a feared Admiral of the First Order.

When he finally noticed her standing in the doorway, he smiled softly. "Did you sleep okay?"

She padded over to him, easing down into his lap. Something about him put her at ease, when everything about him should have sent her running. Quietly, she threaded her fingers through his hair, tilting his head back so she could gaze into his eyes. “I missed you.” Her admission was quiet, timid, sweet... with no hint of the deadly resistance intel Captain that was actually sitting in his lap.

“Just thought I’d get a head start this morning ‘nd let you sleep.” He’d snuck out of bed before the sun had risen, intending to finish up the packaging of intel that he’d neglected the night before before returning to her. If he had the restraint to resist her, he may have finished the work, but he couldn’t deny himself the little temptations that made him feel alive.

Time had gotten away from him in the early morning hours, as it tended to do.

There was so much more to the war now, and he was no longer the young, energetic try-hard Captain, campaigning for what he believed in no matter the cost.

Things were complicated.

“Come back to bed?” She asked, brushing her lips against his in a soft kiss.

He melted into her touch, softer than he should have been. She could ask him for anything when he was like this, his vulnerable soul left barren for her. “Shouldn’t we finish up?” He murmured, a half-hearted attempt to retain control over himself that he no longer had.

“We should.” She sighed, shifting so she could straddle him. “But I only get you like this for a little longer. That uniform has to go back on eventually.”

“It’s just a uniform.”

“A uniform that keeps me from you.” She kissed his neck as her hands slid under his shirt. Every word fell from her lips like a quiet admission she wasn’t sure she could say, or mean. Not without wrecking everything between them.

“We’ll blow it all to hell. Just need a little more time...”

“I need you.” Her whimpers called him home, her deft fingers tracing his abs under his shirt and bringing the forbidden temptation of her skin flush to his. Her lips on his neck and jaw stole his breath, chasing all thoughts from his mind. “Just a little bit. I’m not ready to give you back.”

“You’re coming with me. You don’t have to. You don’t have to give me back.” His voice was breathy, betraying how touch-starved he truly was.

She kissed him to silence the whimper on his lips, tangling around him. “You don’t belong in the Order.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do.” She tugged him close. “I do, baby.”

Something changed in his eyes as the words left her lips, his vulnerability swallowed in something darker, clamouring for control. He gripped her hair, tilting her head back and kissing down her neck, rough and forceful. He needed it the way he needed air in his lungs. The wall he erected around his delicate heart shattered in her presence, and he couldn’t afford it. Not now.

He carried her up the stairs, distracting her with kisses and tearing through the thin clothing on her body. There was nothing gentle about it. Gentle sex gave her the space to break down his walls. Gripping her thighs, he flipped her over and pinned her down, lips at her ears.

“I need you loud for me, honey.” He growled, pulling her hips up into his lap and spreading her pulsing center open to make space for him.

“Poe!” She cried out, forgetting what they were for a moment. All that mattered were his callous-rough hands on her skin and the musk of his breath on her neck. He slid in all the way, not needing to get her ready for him, fucking her in the brutal but sweet way that made the room spin.

He lost himself in her moans, the way she thrashed in his arms as she neared the edge. He almost couldn’t hear her pleas for a break over the sound of her begging for more.

“That’s a good girl.” He murmured, too soft for what they were now, his praise painting her lips.

“Your... your good girl.” she gasped, “I’m yours.”

Red fell back into his arms in the bed, still giggling from the accidental tickles. Twisting so she could see his face, she relaxed, bitting her bottom lip. “Civilian life looks good on you.”

"Y'think so?" He gazed down at her. "This is the first time I've given it a try."

“Lucky me.” She grinned, wrapping her arms around him.

"I think I'd wanna be somewhere warmer. Salient has too much winter." He pulled the blankets up over them both before letting her curl up in his arms.

“Ever been to the old capital?” She hummed, drawing on his chest.

"I haven't been to any of them.” And he wouldn’t have the chance to visit one of them now that the Order had destroyed Hosnian.

“Chandrila is like a never ending summer. If this war leaves it untouched, maybe we can go after it all. Just us.”

"You don't wanna be seen with me." The thought of it was so absurd he snorted. He’d been in enough of the propaganda the Order put out that there would never be peace for him.

“No one has to see us. We can take a boat out to the islands and go swimming and fuck and lay out in the sun.”

She could see it. The warm Chandrilan sun on his tan skin, lighting his eyes. His curls in between her fingers and his lips between her legs. Them, laid out in the open, a far cry from the corners they’d been hiding in for three years.

Poe couldn’t help but indulge her. "We wouldn't even need to bring clothes."

“I think clothes on you should be illegal.” She giggled, scooting over onto his chest and straddling his hips.

"Yeah? I don't think that's part of Pryde's plan. You're welcome to talk to him about it when we transfer, though."

“When I’m done with him, it’ll be his first priority.” She grinned mischievously.

He couldn’t help but melt at how sweet she was. “He would be scared of you, if he saw who you really are."

Her smile softened as she eased down into his arms. She knew he meant it as a compliment, but she couldn’t help but worry. Why she gave a shit what he thought of her, she didn’t know. If it was going to wreck the mission, it would have by now. “Do I scare you?” She asked, her gaze as intense as the pounding of her heart in her chest.

"Yeah," he said softly. "But that's a good thing, right? You're supposed to keep your informants in line?"

“Are you still an informant? I thought we were friends.”

“We are. But you’re here to take down the Order. Same as me.” He poked her forehead. “Agent.” He poked himself in the chest. “Informant.”

She copied him, jabbing him in the chest. “Poe, Red. And right now, we’re just two very hot people in bed together. Naked. Enjoying life.”

“It’d be kinda sexy to call you Agent in bed.” He wiggled his eyebrows.

She laughed, shaking her head. “Anything as long as you don’t call me ma’am.”

“Yes ma’am.”

She punched his shoulder lightly. “Poe!”

“Why don’t you like that one? Bad boyfriend?”

“It makes me feel like my mom.” She made a face like she was grossed out by the thought, warm love for her mother radiating through it.

“Gotcha.” He kissed her lightly. “Your whole ‘young and innocent and beautiful’ look doesn’t exactly give off mom-vibes.”

She pouted. “I think I’d make a beautiful mom.”

He smoothed the wrinkle in her brow with his thumb. “You would. Of course you would. I just meant that you wouldn’t attract clients with Mommy kinks.”

She scrunched her nose. “Not mommy kinks. Breeding kinks though. I don’t mind those.”

He was quiet as he thought about it. “I don’t know if that’s my style. It seems pretty... close. Intimate.” He coughed, like that could make him feel less exposed. “I’m never gonna settle down with anyone so I don’t think I’d be able to handle taunting myself with that, y’know?”

She held his face, bringing herself as close as she could to him. “I’m not either. So maybe we can with each other. Right at the end. That’d be one hell of a way to go out.”

This was her job. Her role, for the Resistance. She had to make him comfortable and keep loyal and Poe understood that. But he had no reason to betray her. There was no risk in buying in. In letting her do what she had to. “It would be.”

The bed was more enticing than the rest of the house — or the rest of the universe — as far as they were concerned. A droid rolled in about an hour later, bringing foods that neither of them would see again once they left their little sliver of civilian life.

He drank caf, with milk in it if that was an option. He liked his eggs cooked through and spice with his dinner. Everything was appetizing to him as long as it wasn’t slimy. The more they rolled around and talked and fucked and snacked, the more human he seemed to her. The war was worlds away, set in another time and another life where her and her Admiral were just simple people living simple lives.

He knew what she was doing. The questions she asked and information she gathered, just set her up to move around him as seamlessly as the air he breathed. When they got where they were going.

If.

Her laughter made him dream of quiet afternoons just like this, with a beautiful girl in his bed. Endless summers in her eyes. With her, he almost didn’t need the Chandrila sun.

“How often do you make it out here?” She asked casually, eating a piece of fruit while sprawled out on his bed, her eyes on his bare ass.

“Not often. Less since my promotion. It’s pretty nice though, hey?” He noticed her gaze and tossed a clean sock at her.

“Great view. I could stay here forever.” She grinned, spinning her finger in the air at himself. “Nope. Turn back around.”

Poe twirled around, showing off like he had a part time job at a strip club. He moved from the hips, putting on a show until he caught her eyes.

It was too vulnerable. All of it.

He pulled a face, sticking his ass out and wiggling his hips.

She tossed the sock, hitting him in the ass. “You’re lucky you’re hot.” She giggled, reaching out for him. “Come back to bed. I won’t get to lay around and fuck you all the time when we get back to your ship.”

“It’s not mine. I’m only an Admiral.” He crawled up the bed to her, slotting himself between her thighs. “But I’ll take advantage of this while I have it.” He gripped her hair in his fist, tilting her head back to expose her throat. His gaze trailed down her as he murmured, “So pretty...”

She growled, flipping him over and devouring him. There was something in the way he held her, kissed her, that told her she could ask anything of him and he would. For her, or the resistance, she didn’t care. As long as he was on the right side of the war.

His words echoed back in her head like a problem she had to solve. The ship wasn’t his.

She could fix that.

#fo!poe dameron #first order poe dameron #fo!poe #poe dameron fic #poe dameron x oc

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la5t-res0rt · 4 years

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Wanted to ask about beetlelyds, sorry, I thought it was technically cannon? Like in the old comics after the show ended she grew up and married him. Sorry I’m an old school fan and have no idea why this whole thing is such a big deal. Wasn’t the actor like 20 too? I’m sorry if I sound very dumb. I’m not used to this new tumblr.

youre fine you are one hundred percent allowed to especially when you do it civilly as you have done here

first of all the biggest issue faced in the whole what is and is not canon debate is the fact that there are three (four if you count the limited comics run) publicized iterations of my media

i will go over each very briefly just kidding this is going to a long answer so i will spare the dashboard with a readmore

there is the movie which im sure you dont need me to explain the plot since youre an old school fan but basically the climax is that yes beetlejuice does go for the marriage angle in exchange for stopping the exorcism of adam and barbara and his motive for this is so that he can cause as much chaos as he wants on the mortal coil but his plan is thwarted when barbara rides a sandworm into the house which promptly eats beetlejuice sending him to bureaucratic death limbo

the end of the movie features the deetz and the maitlands happily living together with lydia havign a new appreciation for her situation and beetlejuice gets his head made real small which is very funny haha

so no in the movie they are not canon editors note the actress who played lydia winona ryder was a teenager while filming the movie she turned 17 the year it released

the next is the cartoon which i will admit has the most grounds for being considered canon but in the end the show is about a middle schooler and her best friend who is a ghost which in itself is a pretty iffy gray area sort of thing but for a childrens cartoon to work a friendship is better than the obvious enemy status they held in the movie

anyway in the cartoon they are potrayed to be very close friends with lydia being the person beetlejuice cares about the most and honestly if you were to watch it with no prior knowledge of the media and if you ignored their massive and obvious age difference than yeah you probably would read it as a romantic relationship

however lydia is a middle schooler and that is simply immoral

there have been writers for the cartoon who have been credited to say that a relationship is what they were trying to invoke but for obvious reasons they couldnt exactly move forward with that angle with them establishing that lydia is a child in middle school and a fully grown adult man dating a child who is in middle school is immoral and also illegal in the united states and in canada

this isnt a good argument for whether or not something is canon and i will tell you why with one simple name and that is luke weber

if you dont know who luke weber is he was a storyboard artist on the cartoon steven universe he is known for making a lot of self ship artwork of him and the character pearl

he worked on the show isnt his material canon no of course it isnt it wasnt put in the actual publication and also if memory serves he was eventually asked to leave the project after he drew art of the shows creator giving him permission to date pearl and calling them her otp and a lot of fans hated this because the most generally accepted interpretation of pearls character is that she is sapphic so a lot of people took issue however that again is just a widely perceived headcanon it is never stated what her actual sexuality is no one in that show is because it isnt a show about that its about wait im getting off topic sorry

what im saying is what can truly be considered canon is what you see on the screen and with the cartoon they are definitely the most friendly with each other and that is why so many people in the beetlebabe shipping community take so much stock in the cartoon because it is the easiest to read the relationship between the mas romantic although that is not what the show actually provides in black and white terms

interpretation does not equal canon and in this case no matter what anyone says the fact remains that in the cartoon itself they are friends good friends yes but friends all the same

it is definitely not a show about a grown man grooming an adult and if it were you definitely shouldn’t be stanning it the extreme because grooming a minor is wrong and it is apparently a problem in the fandom

anyway if the cartoon and the movie are both products of their time and there was more leniency on content bear in mind this was the same era as notorious animation powerhouse and known predator john k who was a showrunner on ren and stimpy and he maintained a relationship with a teenager which was an open secret that nobody really took issue with because in that time being a woman in the animation industry was tricky business and your career could be ended easily if you rejected advances luckily time has moved forward and the animation industry although still full of problems of a similar nature at least people are getting called out and punished for it

you can look more into that yourself its really upsetting though

as for comics i havent been able to find good scans of them and im not willing to purchase them but in my search i never found anything about the two of them ever being married in the cartoon again because she is a child i did find a cover where he appears to be getting married and hes asking lydia to get him out of it but im not sure where the comic actually goes all i know is she is standing off to the side shrugging and looking like she doesnt really care

anyway that brings us to the musical which is set in the modern day

in the original libretto lydia is described as thirteen but since they got an actress who was older in the updated librettos she is listed as 15 and the story is pretty similar to the movie the young girl befriends ghosts and they try to scare her family out etc etc

the major difference between the film and the musical are that lydia and beetlejuice are more like friends like in the cartoon

she summons him to help scare after the maitlands attempt doesnt really work so he shows up and they have fun terrorizing people together however she drops him for the opportunity to perhaps get her mom back but when no one will help she goes back to beetlejuice who tricks her into almost exorcising barbara

she agrees to marry him in order to stop the exorcism and he only wants to get married so he can be alive again and cause problems on the mortal coil like in the movie in the musical he states several times its a green card thing whihc obviously doesnt make it okay but still

anyway lydia tricks him and runs off into the underworld before the wedding can happen blah blah blah she goes back blah blah and she agrees to go through with the wedding to save her friends and family with a plan to make him go away for good

theres a very tongue and cheek song called creepy old guy which points out how wrong the whole thing is but everyone is going along with it in a very comedic matter and it includes the line

i cant believe some cultures think this kind of things alright

basically saying yeah this is very very wrong anyway they do get married and beeltjeuice is alive for like 6 seconds before lydia stabs him to death with bad art and he dies thus nullifying the marriage because death do you part etc

so in the musical no at the end of the show they are not canon because he is dead their marriage is nullified and they go their separate ways

anyway sorry about that i just need to make it very clear that these three properties are all very distinct from each other and basically all three are indeed canon since they are publicized material and arguing the validity of which one is pointless editors note all actresses who played with the exception of dana steingold were minors for the majority of their runs as lydia with sophia ann caruso the originator of the role turning 18 during the run and dana being in her late twenties presley ryan however was a minor the whole time and still is one

tldr no they aren’t canon but to the credit of some people in this fandom their interpretation isnt too far of a stretch thanks to the era and some of the writers wishing to imply a relationship between an adult and a child

i also need to address how this is all a big deal and i suggest you take a peak through my discourse tag and check out @leedia‘s blog to see some of the more harmful things done by beetlebabe shippers

the beetlejuice fandom is home to many minors after the musical came out since musical fandom is vast and the ages of its members varies and normalizing pedophilia is harmful to them not to mention the people who have been effected by sexual harassment at the hands of adults

both sides have victims of csa but one side continues to perpetuate the cycle by showing time and time again that this behavior is normal and easily romanticized in the name of coping and literally anyone who has ever been to a good and credible therapist could tell you that posting cp even if it is simulated cp isnt a really good way to cope and you can get mad at me for saying that its totally fine but and im going to remove my character veil here for just a second as a csa survivor myself i think its harmful to not only myself but many others ok the veil is back down

tldr again there is a lot of bullying and harassment going on with both sides having their own issues but there is one side whos issues run a bit deeper in my humble opinion

thank you for your question it allowed me to talk a lot you are welcome to discuss further with me in dms if you wish i honestly recommend giving the musical a listen because it is very fun and despite what some people say its very clever and if you get a chance to see a boot of it its visually stunning

one last note that i couldnt really fit in here but a large portion of the beetlebabes shipping community ignore the musical because it openly condemns the idea of beeltejuice and lydia having a relationship and a lot of the antis take issue with much of the writing and characterizations of the cartoon just a note that i think is important since were talking about canon

#discourse #long ask #i am so tired #Anonymous

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333kaylynn · 6 years

Text

Deaf / g.d.

y/t/n: your twitter name

Word Count: 1950

Request: no

here i am tagging more people that i hope will enjoy this. sorry if this is annoying lol

@olivia-m-dolan

@dolayn

@bouttogolinkurbitch

@profanitydolan

@kara-dolan

@nomoregraydays

@chaaandlaah

@dolandreaminn

@dimply-dolan

@doltishdolans

@justanotherdolanblog

@rockstardolan

@notanotherdolantwinsblog

@sushidolans

///

She was calm. A calm young girl who had her whole life ahead of her. Nothing would get in her way.

Her passion for the arts led her down a deep path of internet searching. Searching for more people who had interests like her.

Her love for two boys grew expeditiously after she saw one simple photo on Instagram. The way the photo was taken was enough to make her look through the entire Instagram account, and enough for her to look through each of the boys'.

Her love grew more and more each day, soon leading her to talk so highly of the art she had seen all over twitter.

She hadn't realized these boys were so popular. The amounts of tweets and dm's she had received were unbearable.

She didn't mind them though. People just told her who they were. People were even nice enough to ask to be friends.

Months. Months after the incident had occurred she had gotten one simple dm that changed her life so copiously.

She answered within seconds. She knew who it was, why wouldn't she. It was one of the boys she saw in the photos.

The blue verified mark next to his name proved it wasn't something fake.

The two began talking and it led to so much for each of them. He began asking her about her passion for art and she began asking him anything she really could. Asking about who took the photos, who edited them, how they got to the locations.

Her passion for photography was unreal. She loved it so much. Nobody, not even her mom could completely understand her addiction to the art.

Her mom always supported her though. Her love started after her mom bought her a cheap Kodak camera from Walmart when she was 8 years old. As the years went on, she got better equipment, better cameras, and better things to photograph. She went from photographing her pets, to her family, to her friends, and soon to help with the school yearbook.

She thought of it more as a hobby rather than a career up until she was about 17. Her senior year is when she decided what she’d major in.

@/graysondolan: hey, idk if this is weird, but can we ft?

@/y/t/n: i don’t know, gray. maybe another time

@/graysondolan: yeah, yeah. that’s fine

It’s not that she didn’t want to see him. She just wasn’t sure about how he’d feel.

You see, there’s one thing that hadn’t been mentioned yet. A severe case of Jaundice as a child led her to grow up slowly losing her hearing.

Her mother began teaching her ASL at a young age, she even signed her up with a specialist who would help her get through everything.

By age 12, she had fully lost hearing in her right ear. By the time she turned 16, her hearing was fully gone.

Days had gone by since the first time Grayson had asked her to ft, he continued to ask her if she was up for it. Each time was a different excuse. It’s not that she got joy out of upsetting him, she just didn’t want to upset him more when he saw her answering him with her hands rather than her mouth.

Her speaking wasn’t all bad. She could still say a few words, but she couldn’t always control how loudly or quietly she would be talking. She wasn’t mute, but it was easier for her to talk in ASL than in English.

She knows Grayson is a nice guy. He probably wouldn’t care that much, but it worried her to a great extent. Her anxiousness was rising every time Grayson would ask.

@/graysondolan: can I at least have your number?

@/y/t/n: 878-575-3434

*read @ 3:45 pm*

370-454-3859 : Y/n?

yeah, its me

Grayson: glad I could get your number;)

very funny, trying to slide are ya?

Grayson: nahhhh. no way.

ok ok;)

Grayson: you sure we don’t have time to facetime

i’m positive grayson, i really can’t right now

Grayson: will you ever be able to

maybe. stop asking and perhaps you’ll find out

Grayson: hopefully i will. anyway, what you up to?

trying to help my mom teach my younger brother asl

Grayson: asl?

American sign language

Grayson: oh thats cool, are you fluent?

yeah, since i was about 13.

Grayson: oh cool, all I can speak is english. kinda lame

eh, not too bad.

Grayson: yeah but you can speak english and asl, thats way cooler

i guess

Her brother was about 9 years old when she first lost her hearing. He’s now 10, almost 11. He began learning asl to talk with his sister a little before his 10th birthday.

He always loved watching his sister edit the photos she had taken that day, but it was quite hard to talk to her considering they had to write everything out.

Almost 3 full notebooks had been filled throughout the year. One of them even had writings on the front and back cover.

A few days had passed since her last conversation with Grayson. It wasn’t like them to not talk for that long. They hardly stopped for even as short as an hour.

Grayson: so where do you go to school? or is that weird

its not weird. im homeschooled, have been since 7th grade

Grayson: oh why’s that?

mom had to pull me out. i wasn’t up to speed with the other kids

Which was true. She wasn’t. Her hearing loss caused her to slowly turn her straight a’s to straight f’s. It was hard for her to put mind to the things her teachers were saying.

Her mom already had a teaching degree, and so it wasn’t hard for her mom to begin teaching her daughter as soon as possible. Her brother continued to go to public school, his mom didn’t want him to miss out on certain things and neither did his sister.

She didn’t want to be the reason to hold people back, especially her family. Her brother’s love for hockey wasn’t something she could hold back, so she wasn’t going to be upset if he wanted to join a public school in order to make sure he would be able to join the younger league of hockey in 5th grade.

He’s started his first year already. His love for hockey had grown instantly after he began playing. His sister always came to his practices and games and got tons of pictures.

Some even weren’t of her brother. The coach had asked if she would be willing to take pictures after he had seen the ones of her brother.

The photos had gone up on the website for the hockey association. It was something she was very proud of, and many of the hockey moms had asked if she had gotten any photos of their sons.

Word got around quickly, so more photos were being taken and distributed to the moms of the boys. It hadn’t bothered her at all, she loved taking the pictures and she loved to see the parents reactions to the wonderful photos she had taken.

Grayson: its been a week since ive asked last, so im asking again. can we facetime yet? i just wanna see your face and talk to you.

im at my brothers hockey game. we can when i get home, i promise

After all, if it did end up bothering him, she could easily ignore him. block him, and never speak to him again. It would be a lot harder if they had actually met in real life, but they hadn’t. Virtually talking to people can have its advantages when needed.

She just needed to know how he’d feel. If she was being honest, she’d say she didn’t care. She didn’t care about his reaction anymore, but she wanted to know what it was. She wanted to see and talk to Grayson just as much as he wanted to with her.

Grayson: prove it

what do you want a pic?

Grayson: a video

You laughed silently to yourself and took a video of your face and then of your brother playing hockey. You sent the video with a message

That good enough for you?

Grayson: yes very

good. we’re done soon, in case youre wondering

Grayson: thank god. I cant wait to actually talk to you

you are right now

Grayson: you know what i mean. you know. speak

right right, okayyyyy

In all reality, she was horrified. In the back of her mind she was scared. But she was ready, ready to face her fear. Ready for what was to come.

As the time went by it seemed to get slower and slower. Her mind was fumbled with the thought of if she should actually go through with this.

On one hand, she wouldn't have to worry about Grayson finding out her little secret, but on the other hand, she couldn't see herself lying to him this much.

It wasn't a healthy thing to do. To hold back. She was going through a lot. Her brain was tortured and in pain as she thought about how she would introduce herself. Would she say hi, would she sign to him? No. He wouldn't understand that.

Slowly but surely the clock went tick, tick, tick. The time was now. She was about to face her fear of abandonment. As the facetime call rang and she twiddled with her thumbs, wiping her face due to the beads of sweat drippling down her tomato red face, her brother sat beside her and comforter her, making sure she was okay. She nodded and after a few more rings, Grayson picked up. He said hi, she could see it. It wasn't hard to tell that he was excited. Your brother was signing underneath the phone, so only you could see it. Grayson kept talking, your brother trying to sign as quickly as he could. Her brother looked at the camera and then down at the screen at Grayson, who sat in silence, confused at her sudden lack of quirkyness.

"Y/n, you okay?" Grayson says, her brother signing it to her. She looks back up and nods, smiling as if everything was okay. "Are you sure, you keep looking down." Grayson says, looking at you and tilting his head as a way to express his confusion.

"Grayson, uh she-" Her finger gently pressed to her lips to get her brother to be quiet.

She looked up and waved, and breathed in through her noise before slowly breathing out through her mouth. She let her hands take control, and Grayson laughed before saying "You know I only speak english, babe." She sighed and looked at her brother before signing, "Tell him." Her brother nodded before looking at Grayson and then quickly at her to make sure. She nods and starts slowly breathing harder, her face growing redder.

"Grayson. She can't hear you." Her brother says with the most seriousness in his small face.

"What do you mean? Is her phone broken?" Grayson asks, trying to talk more to see if that'll help.

Her brother tells Grayson to be quiet so he can speak, which silences Grayson. "Grayson, she can't hear you because she's deaf."

"What? You're lying." Grayson shook his head in disbelief and then looked at you for confirmation.

You sighed and started signing, your brother speaking for you.

You explained everything to him, and he sat there listening. He didn't judge you at all, and you stayed friends.

He even took it upon himself to learn asl so when he was finally able to meet you, you guys could talk. You guys could communicate.

#gelrureqgkljtheq thank u #to everyone that helped me finish this #encouraged me to keep writing #and continued to support me even tho i suck at writing

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imthebrettofthegroup-blog · 7 years

Text

I just want to start off by saying that this is probably something you wont read and will probably scroll past. I want one person and his friends (all of cc) to read this and know how much they have helped me.

I have had a horrible week even though it only just started.

It technically started last monday but the worst of it arrived yesterday.

Last week I had a surgery on my ear (I had a hole in my ear drum causing hearing loss)

After the surgery I woke up wearing this ugly stupid red headband that I could tell would get annoying.

People thought it was normal, fashionable until I said its from surgery.

First few days were fine, my sleeping schedule on the other hand not so great.

I slept all day and stayed up all night until I went back to school.

I tried to fix that but it got worse until I was awake for two whole days with 0 hours of sleep. Then the next day, the next, the next, until it got to the fifth day.

I have had 6 hours of sleep over the past 5 days. I googled insomnia because a few people said that I might have that.

Insomnia can occur from several things, those of mine would be depression and anxiety.

I am technically not a senior because I dont have enough credits to qualify in the state of Texas.

Thats already stressful. Comes the first day of school my teacher who has been helping me with my learning disabilities told me I would have to work my ass off to get those credits in only a few short months.

Professional communications, we must present a poem about color. I thought of my poem abd I thought it was great!

Red is the first color of the rainbow

Orange is an orange

Yellow as yellow as the banana bus

Green, well those are peas

Blue mens group and blues clues too!

Beautiful indigo night skies

Violet, now where is she?

The more you know

That was my poem.

Then I got scared and almost didn't present it but I did and the look the teacher had on her face made it clear, she didnt like it.

Those cause my stress.

My depression oh boy,

Being bullied because of what I look like. People staring and pointing at me before the laugh while going down the hall to our next class. Thats all im seeing. Judgement.

Boys. Oh lord, I told my crush how I felt. I wrote it on the notebook app on my phone.

I sent it to my two close friends so they can see it before I send it (all of us girls do that)

They told me to send it but I was honestly scared and kept thinking "he doesn't like you who are you kidding. You know whats gonna happen. Stop. Trying." But I sent it and was shaking because I was so scared. I have never been so honest to a guy like that before, its scary!

Being the mofo sweet thing he is he said he thought it was cute and sweet.

Since I didn't have the guts to ask him how he felt about that, I asked my friend Faith to ask him.

He thought it was sweet and cute that I was so up front and honest about how I felt towards him (those werent the exact words, I understood what he meant anyways." But then the next like read "but I dont like anyone at the moment."

That was not the response I was wanting.

He two of my friends felt bad and told me not to worry but all I said is that it has happened to me many times before and Im used to it by now. Truth is Im not.

This guy I like really is the nicest guys I know. He is in the cooler group of people unlike me yet he still listens and read my insanly long paragraphs of me venting, only to respond with something that will make me feel better. All these other guys at our school pretend to be nice at first and then unmask their true self. "Fuqbois" I honestly thought he wad going to be like that but he is still here helping me out today. He makes me laugh in class by being a doofus *no joke, actually pauses typing session to open his snapchat- and actually bringing Shelby, Samar, Faith and us closer together. Yeah it annoys me when he sends me selfies and not say anything or start a conversation and even when I try he just doesnt talk (heckin turd) but I mean hey, he still helps me.

I will admit I felt worthless and unwanted but my two friends, immediately started to message me telling me its okay and trying to cheer me up. It didnt work.

I couldnt talk to him, I was too embarrassed. I talked to my new friend Matthew and he was telling me his story about how he was nothing to what he is now, a huge fuckin ladies man, guys ask him how he did it. He really tried just as much as the girls did but it didnt work.

I talked to my friend L (I know your name Latrice, just want to hurry sorry boo). She immediately knew something wad wrong and tried to help. I decided I just wanted some time alone so I asked "when I get back, can you send me a bunch of pictures of my man Brett?" And she said she would.

I didnt really get any alone time as all my friends kept texting me but I didnt want them to know and start to worry. I only talked to a few of my older girlfriends (going back since 7th grade) Bailey and my other friend Dani (queen) and my friend who was also by my friend Sakib (he introudced me to bre my bitch ass dork), Kate and Sakib were always there when I needed someone or something. Since my freshman year. They graduated as class of 2017 at Central, leaving me and a bunch of us behind. Kate helped me feel better but we didnt talk much. Bre was acting like a mom, I said I was so embarrassed and she said it wasnt embarrassing. How is that not embarrassing? "Because I said so" she made me feel better a bit more.

Bailey, she said I should respect that about him and I agreed. I said I hated couples besides her and her boyfriend Cody.

Her- I wish Cody had friends, I would set you up

Me- me too WAIT OMG "I wish Cody had friends" THE SHADE IS FEELING NICE OVER HERE!

Dani, my beautiful Queen oh my goodness! You already went through a horrible loss today and I wasnt there for you like I should have. I told her I always mess things up and ruin everything. -again gets on snapchat because Erick the cuck asked me a quetion and I answered and then he like died or something, gets distracted amd realizes that Jakob from cc opened my message and then gets on instagram to tell L and let her know Im still writing this, remembers Jakob, freaks out again, looks at notifcations and sees that my famdog Matt (super awesome one I talked about) changed his profile picture so I go check it out realized I was supposed to be typing this and comes back here to remember I need to go to the conversation I had with Dani earlier to put her quote- "its just people who need to learn to see whats so great and its right in front of them." That made me feel better.

I go back to instagram and ask for the pictures of Brett. They instantly make me smile. I dm her because I can connect with her on a certain level with certain things, I tell her I sent a note to Jakob and that I hope he reads it. I took a screenshot and sent to L who said it was so sweet. While typing that letter to Jakob, I had realized the reason Im still here and who I am now than who I was just two weeks ago and I began to cry. I had just realized that Brett has made me smile so much and made me laugh and giggle. He may not know it but he saved my life. Im in a group chat with L and Sam. The chat is called the Slaughter Club. We had met from a post Sam had put up saying she wants to make a gc with a bunch of cc fans and just have an awesome time. Im so glad I hit that comment button and asked to be in the group. Over a day after, we realized I was the oldest, Sam being the youngest and we kinda let her choose lol. Brett is the older one of the group, I was called the Brett of sc. Trevor being the youngest of cc, Sam being the Trevor of sc, L, she chose Aleks. So Aleks of sc she was. They would get great pictures of the guy of cc and I never saw good ones so I asked where, they brought me here. Since being in this group chat and being the adult in certain situations (also weird fact, whenever Im not there, shit happens like idek. Same with Brett with cc.) Brett has inspired me in so many ways and I know I will never have the chance to ever in any way tell him, this is how Im telling him how he saved me. Really, all I want is that the Cow Chop crew read this and know how much they mean to me. I have a feeling that I know they will never see this (especially Brett) but Im going to put this out there in the hopes he will. Thats what I want from this. I know its all stupid but the CC crew really have brought together an amazing group of friends who I love so much and want to thank for always being there. Thank you. -Caroline Hope Powell

#brett hundar #hundar #cow chop #modest cube #aleksandra zaryanova #alsojakob #please reblog #thank you #saved

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