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#im. hoough. im tired.
wabblebees
·
2 years
Text
.
#cw parent rant incoming
#tell me why im having to out of the blue ease my mom's cis guilt over text rn
#im. hoough. im tired.
#shes apparently been worrying abt having ''messed you up from day one'' bc they assigned me the wrong gender at fuckin birth & now hearing
#the words ''assigned [x] at birth'' makes her feel ''on edge and accused''..................
#bc it ''puts a responsibility for trauma and unkindness on parents that simply isn't there''
#how tf do i say ''yeah i mean you fucked me up real good but also thats not the reason why.'' tf
#the reason im traumatized isnt bc im trans. its bc im trans and was raised in a transphobic society that didnt want me to be trans.
#why not start with the fact you raised me in a fucking cult??? hm????? THAT was traumatizing. but shed NEVER get that bc shes messed up in
#a ton of the same ways -- but bc shes still In It she cant fucking see it
#if it were fucking easy to just *play* with gender outside of your agab then it wouldnt be fucking traumatizing to grow up trans!!
#thered be nothing to feel guilty for!! if gender roles werent so deeply fucking entrenched in the church and the way i was raised then
#it wouldnt have fucking HURT so much not to fit in them!!!! but i cant SAY that it hurt bc then she'd Feel Accused and Wounded and To Blame
#FOR THE WRONG DAMN THING. FUCK.
#im not accusing you for being a bad parent or some shit just by existing as a trans person?? take responsibility for the shit that YOU DID.
#when you did NOTHING *before* i came out to make me feel like i could Exist As A Trans Person? or As A Person that didnt Meet Expectations?
#THATS on you. the fact i didnt know For Certain if id be *okay* if i came out?? THATS ON YOU.
#theres TONS of shit i can think of that are my parents fault and directly tied to how fucked up i am. BUT ALSO. *THOSE* are never going to
#be the things they feel sorry for. bc they think they werent in the wrong. so theyll just feel 'on edge' & 'accused' bc theyre sO justified
#hhhhHHH. FUCK.
#just out of the fucking blue. immediately after asking what cake i wanted tmrw for my birthday. so. happy early birthday i fucken guess!!
#i hate it here.
#every time i start to get comfortable and feel lighter and freer to express myself again... theres always fucking something.
#theres always fucking something and *IM* the sorry fuck who has to keep the damn peace and smooth everyone elses ruffled fucking feathers
#i hate to complain bc i really was afraid itd be so much worse but. but also this still fucking sucks ass? ig i wasnt really expecting that
#idk man. maybe its the fact ive been extra fucking dysphoric and been dealing with one helluva rsd spiral the last week or so but. FUCK me
#lemme out lemme out lemme out
#just have to get thru the end of august and then im. back in school again. not exactly looking forward to thAt part either but at least ill
#be AWAY. and with my partner and with my friends and OUT of HERE.
#bee speaks
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doodlemoss
·
2 years
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[girl help im getting so tired]
hoough had an idea for a light creature cat so ig technically a sky oc ????
#traditional
#digital
#doodle
#color
#wdy eteled
#sky cotl
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wabblebees
·
1 year
Text
theres nothing restful about this bitch face. im tired leave me alone
#this post brought to you by the convo i had this morning with a classmate who. meant well. but.
#they were like ''u used to seem so like bubbly whenever i saw you around but. every time ive seen u recently u look tired+sad+kinda mad''
#and i didnt rly know how to respond?? i was like hmm. idk but maybe its the whole being tired and sad and kinda mad all the time
#maybe its the fact ive had to conciously relax my face 4 times in the last hour bc i hurt. Everywhere today. and now im in a constant wince
#which ! coincidentally ! actually ADDS to the whole tense bc in pain + in pain bc tension thing. so. fuck me ig lmao
#but also. damn. like ik its happening and i was already self-conscious abt it but. i didnt want it CONFIRMED that other people could tell
#hoough.
#anyway
#we out here
#bee speaks
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