#it sounds incredibly painful tho aaaah | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fullmetalscullyy · 4 years

Note

royai angst + “why aren’t you with her?”

aaaah anon this is a great one thank you so much!!! i’ll be real with u tho i’ve not been having a Great Time recently and it’s been a struggle to write and focus so i do apologise if this isn’t up to much. i did try tho bc i do love writing and i can lose myself in it but sorry if this sounds a bit off/isn’t great. i might go back and edit it at a later date bc idk if i’m even happy with it but staring at it for hours won’t fix it, so enjoy for now

A ringing phone disturbed Roy from his sleep. His head jerked up, disorientated. His feet kicked in the sheets, completely tangled up, but after a moment he got his bearings and realised he was in his bedroom. Blinking, Roy looked around the room as he still tried to waken up. The phone hurried along his process, continuing to ring with no mercy.

As he stumbled tiredly to the phone, his heart sank. Getting a phone call in the middle of the night was never going to be good news. What was awaiting him on the other side of the phone?

“Hello?” he croaked. His voice was thick with sleep.

“Roy Boy,” Madame Christmas greeted.

“Madame? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong, kid,” she reassured him. “I just have a customer here who’s asking for you.”

Roy glanced at the clock, wondering why a customer would still be at the bar, and noticed it wasn’t the middle of the night. It was just passed midnight. He hadn’t been sleeping for as long as he thought, just two hours.

“Who?” he asked suspiciously.

“I ran into Elizabeth,” she stated smoothly. Roy’s spine straightened. Now he was awake. “She’s been asking for you.”

“Is that so?”

The Madame made an agreeable sound. “I think you should come down and see her. She’s looking for a dance.”

Hawkeye would never ask him for a dance, so she must be drunk, and the Madame called him to come pick her up and bring her home.

Things must be… bad? Hawkeye never got drunk. Well, never got drunk enough that Roy had to go and pick her up to take her home.

“Okay.” He drew it out. Of course, he’d go and help her, but this was still an unprecedented situation. He’d just have to take it as it came and help Hawkeye as best he could. The Madame must not have enough room for any guests, otherwise she’d absolutely let Riza stay with her. “I’ll be along shortly.”

“Thank you, Roy Boy.” The line went dead.

Pulling up to the bar, Roy parked the car and stared at the door. He had no idea what was waiting for him on the other side of that door. Steeling himself, Roy took a deep breath and entered.

Hawkeye was sitting at the bar, swaying every now and then in her bar stool. The Madame had been chatting to her, staying close by, while still serving other customers. As Roy approached, he heard himself being mentioned.

“Elizabeth, Roy’s here to take you home,” she stated.

Hawkeye spun in her chair with more grace and control than Roy thought she would possess. Her eyes were half lidded and she looked drunk. Her hair was tousled, the longer strands of her fringe falling loose from the clip and framing her face beautifully.

As soon as she saw Roy, she stiffened and turned in her stool, but not before Roy noticed the stricken look on her face.

“Let’s get you home, dear.” Hawkeye had muttered something to Christmas, and that was her reply.

“Hey,” he greeted with a smile to Hawkeye’s back. “Did someone order a taxi?”

Hawkeye didn’t answer, and Christmas just watched the Lieutenant’s reaction. Abruptly, she stood from the stool and walked over where her jacket was hanging on the wall.

“You need to speak to her,” the Madame prompted quietly with a pointed look, before rounding the bar. She grasped Hawkeye’s elbow gently and ushered her and Roy to the front door. Roy had no idea what he needed to discuss with Hawkeye, and Christmas wasn’t exactly forthcoming with the details.

Before Roy could reply, Riza stumbled and he reached out to catch her. Instead of steadying his Lieutenant, she jerked away from him and stumbled again, but regained her footing. She stalked away without a word, not looking back. Roy’s hands remained outstretched to catch her, dread settling in his stomach. What just happened?

“Talk to her,” Christmas stated again, then turned on her heel and re-entered her bar, leaving Roy with a drunk and a standoffish Hawkeye.

“Did you have a good night, Lieutenant?” he asked casually as he pulled away from the bar. He glanced over at her, noticing her ramrod straight spine and how she was staring straight ahead. Roy thought she was trying not to vomit, but when she finally spoke to him, her voice was cold. It gave the impression something else was wrong. Roy worried he’d done something to anger her, but he didn’t know what.

“Yes.”

That was is. Nothing more was said than that.

There was an uncomfortable silence all the way back to her apartment. This wasn’t like them, and Roy began to worry. What was wrong? Had he done something? How could he make it right?

“Thank you for the ride, sir,” she muttered as she exited the vehicle. She held herself well despite how drunk she was and begun to walk towards her apartment building. Of course, Roy couldn’t just leave it with a goodbye as cold as that, so he hurriedly jumped out the car after her.

“Hawkeye, wait,” he called. She didn’t. If anything, she walked quicker. Roy caught up with her as she waited for the lift in her building. “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” she replied sharply.

“Something is,” he pressed. “Did I do something wrong?”

She glared at him but dropped it quickly. Roy was too stunned to make it into the lift before she forced the doors to close early. Her face disappeared behind steel doors, but Roy managed to catch her face falling when she thought she was out of sight. Her hands lifted to grasp her elbows, hugging her arms close to her body.

Roy took the stairs two at a time to try and catch her before she locked her apartment door. Once that door was closed on him, there was nothing he’d be able to do. There was the possibility of leaving her to cool off, but this was so unlike Riza. Roy was worried, and she was also drunk. He wanted to take care of her. She’d done it many times for him, and it was about time he returned the favour.

“Riza.” He tried a different tact as she approached her doorway. Her pace picked up, trying to escape from him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing!” she exclaimed, turning on him. He was taken aback by the fire in her eyes, but he saw tears collecting in the sides. “Nothing you would understand anyway,” she muttered, turning away from him.

“Try me,” he challenged instantly.

“No.”

“Riza –”

“Stop it! Just leave!”

Her apartment door opened, and she tried to slam it shut, but Roy jammed his foot in the gap. His hissed in pain, his foot smarting incredibly painfully.

“Roy –”

“I’m not going until I fix whatever it is that I’ve done.”

“If you don’t know, then you can’t fix it, can you?” she sneered. She tried to close the door again, but his stance remained steady, no matter how much it hurt.

“Talk to me, please,” he pleaded. “Riza, I just want to help –”

“You can’t,” she spat. Roy had never seen her this angry before with someone. Certainly not with him. The worry burned in his stomach, clawing at his insides and feeling worse than the pain in his foot.

“I want to try.”

“Roy, leave.”

“No.”

“Get out!”

“No!”

They stopped their shouting match, Riza glaring at him while Roy challenged her with his gaze.

Eventually, Riza backed down, which was also unlike her.

“Whatever,” she muttered, walking away from the door. It swung open slowly on the groaning hinge, revealing her apartment to him. He watched her stalk down the dark hallway and slam her bedroom door closed.

Roy entered the apartment and closed the door. Hayate approached for welcome scratches, that Roy readily provided.

“What’s going on, boy?” he murmured, feeling at a loss of what to do.

Hayate cocked his head in reply. He licked Roy’s and pressed his back into Roy’s ready hands.

“What are you still doing here?” Riza glowered at him as she walked to her kitchen. She’d sobered up slightly, but she was still under the influence. Whatever was wrong was amplified by that fact, because she’d never acted like this before. She must be really pissed with him.

“I’m not going until I know you’re all right.”

Riza scoffed. “Why wouldn’t I be? Because I’m alone?”

Roy cocked his head in confusion. “No, why would that be the case?”

Riza didn’t answer him. She just continued to rifle through her kitchen cupboards.

“Riza, if I can help, I will –”

“You can’t, I can assure you,” she interrupted him. The cupboard door slammed shut, her anger manifesting once more.

“Why not?” he asked.

“Because you are the problem,” she finally revealed, irate. Her words slurred, and it caused Roy to remember that she was drunk. Whatever she was saying now would be the truth, but it would come out in a way that Riza may not have initially intended it to. However, if he was a problem, he still wanted to help her.

“Why?”

“Because you don’t care!”

A silence descended over the small apartment. Even Hayate went quiet and looked between them, whining quietly as it dragged on.

“What are you talking about –?”

“Nothing,” she interrupted hurriedly. From the wide eyes, Roy guessed this was not something she planned on revealing.

“Riza, I care about you more than anyone else –”

“It doesn’t feel like it,” she bit back. However, there was less of a bite to her words. Her tone was sullen, like a teenager.

“Why?”

“Just…” She sighed heavily and slammed another cupboard door closed, venting her frustration. Whatever she’d been looking for, she didn’t find it. Then, Roy watched as Riza brought a hand up to her face and covered her eyes. Her shoulders rounded in on themselves and Roy saw them shake.

“… Riza?” His call to her was quiet. It appeared the fight had left her, and now she was trying not to cry. Roy was almost at his wit’s end with worry. He didn’t know what was happening and just wanted to help.

There was no answer to his call. The only response was her shoulders to bunch up by her ears.

“Just go,” she whispered.

“No,” he replied with confidence. “If I’m the problem, and it’s making you this upset, I’m not going until I make it right.”

“Roy, leave.” The bite was back, and he knew now, it would be back with a vengeance. Still, he persevered.

“No.”

“Leave!” Her hand flew from her face with the force of her shout. She was still upset but it was overcome with anger. “Go back to your apartment and whoever you’re sleeping with tonight!” He was stunned into silence. “I don’t even know why you’re here for me anyway,” Riza continued, forcefully, like she truly believed he wouldn’t stay and help her. “I’m nothing and I’m sure you have a much better offer somewhere else.”

“What…?” He was still too shocked to form words.

“I know it’s true.” She was so sure of herself, so sure that was the truth, but it was complete nonsense. “Who was it tonight, I wonder? Vanessa? Why aren’t you with her? Was it Rose? Beatrice? Instead, you’re here with sad little mess Riza, who can’t even keep a lid on things for one night –”

She cut herself off with the force of her sobs. Her knees shook and she brought a hand to cover her face again, pressing into her eyes hard with her fingertips. The other hand braced herself against the kitchen counter. The sound she was making though kicked Roy’s mind back into gear. He lunged for her, wrapping Riza up in his arms. She fought it, and hard. Even while upset and drunk, she almost managed to escape his hold. Then, she grew tired. Weary was probably the better word. By the end of her fight, she was gripping his upper arms tightly, holding onto him like he was a life raft in the sea of her worries and insecurities, keeping her afloat and safe.

“There’s no one like that, Riza,” he murmured as he ran a hand through her hair. The hair trapped in her clip had become a mess, so Roy let it free. The blonde tresses tumbled down her back like a golden curtain.

“Yes, there is,” she sniffed. “Don’t lie.” She slurred with her petulant tone.

“I’m not, I assure you.” The grip he had on her tightened. “They’re informants, you know that.”

Riza sniffed again. “It still doesn’t explain why you bother with me,” she muttered.

Roy pulled back and cupped her face in his hands. She looked scared. Her eyes were wide in fear and her mouth parted with an intake of breath.

“Because I love you,” he answered simply. It wasn’t the first time he’d told her, but Roy had tried to wrack his brain for the last time he’d told her that. He couldn’t remember. “Why would I be out with other women like that if I loved you?”

“Because I’m nothing –”

“You’re everything.” She had no answer for him, so Roy bent his head to kiss her tenderly, his lips lingering on hers. “There is no me without you,” he murmured against her lips. A sob left her, and Roy bundled Riza back up in his arms.

He knew she could be insecure with herself sometimes. Professionally, she would never be. However, personally was a different story. She had her isolated upbringing with her impossible father to blame for that. Roy had looked up to the man, but as he’d grown older and realised just how badly he’d treated Riza, Roy had resented him for it.

“There’s no one like that, I promise,” he repeated. “There’s only been, and only ever will be you.”

“But what if I’m not worth it?” she whispered.

“Impossible. I’ve been with you for long enough to know if that was the case. It never will be. You’re my whole life, Riza. I don’t want to lose you from my side.”

She appeared to misunderstand him, because her hands dropped limp to her sides.

“Okay.” Her tone was even, but emotionless.

“Both professionally and personally,” Roy quickly added. “I can’t afford to lose you,” he whispered, pressing his forehead against hers gently. “If I did… I don’t even want to consider the possibility.”

Riza’s eyes lifted to his, her gaze swapping between both his eyes as tears fell quietly and steadily down her cheeks. She was studying him, trying to discern if he was telling the truth, but Roy had nothing to hide. That was the truth. The complete and whole truth. Nothing would change his feelings.

“I want to spend every minute of every day with you, Riza,” he continued. “And it kills me that I can’t. Not in the way I want to. However, this was the path we both chose, and must bear its fruit.” He lifted his hands to grip her biceps gently but firmly, meeting her gaze square on. “If I could, I’d hold you in my arms every day and not let you go. I’d kiss you every minute of every day.” He punctuated his statement with a kiss. “And every night,” he added, dropping his voice low as he lowered his face for another kiss, but paused just above her lips. There was a quiet intake of breath from Riza. “I would make love to you. It’s what you deserve, and I would be more than happy to oblige.” He offered her a small smile. His hand lifted to cup her cheek. “I love you, Riza, and there’s only ever been you. No one else.”

She grasped the back of his neck and drew his lips down, crushing them against hers. Their kiss was passionate as hands grasped and tugged at clothing, trying to ride themselves of the barrier between them as quickly as possible. Breaking apart for air, Riza slowed to a stop, panting. Her hands were on his bare chest, her fingers splayed across his muscular frame. His were on the soft skin of her waist, his thumbs caressing the skin above the waistband of her trousers. Her shirt was untucked from the waist, hanging loose by her sides with her white bra exposed, and Roy thought it was the sexiest look he’d ever seen on her.

“I – I’m sorry,” she stuttered. Her tears had stopped, but Roy sensed they’d be making a comeback once more.

He pecked her lips. “It’s okay,” he murmured. “Let’s get some rest and discuss this later, okay?”

Her eyes jumped up to meet his. “Rest?” Roy nodded. “I… I don’t need rest. I need you.”

Nodding in understanding, Roy lowered his lips to hers once more. This kiss was more loving as he bent his knees, lifting one of her legs from behind the knee to hook onto his waist. Getting the hint, Riza raised onto her tiptoes while Roy did the same with her other leg.

“Okay,” he readily agreed. “Let me show you how much I love you,” he whispered against the skin of her neck, making Riza throw her head back and moan. “You’re my queen,” he proclaimed, kissing the pulse at her neck. Her body jerked in his arms. “Let me love you like one.”

The fingertips raking against his scalp was his answer as he kicked her bedroom door closed with his foot.

#royai #royai fic #royai fanfic #ask #anon #emma writes #fic request #writing prompts

73 notes · View notes