#it’s not even that there’s inherently anything wrong with Toronto as a city | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

swiftgronmasterpost · 4 years

Text

Glee Live Tour Part 4 - The ShirtGate Essay Dianna published to the felldowntherabbithole Tumblr

Inserting a cut because this thing is long

or skip Dianna’s gay panic and click here to keep reading the masterpost!

June 2, 2000

What does that day, month and year mean to you? President Bill Clinton used that particular day to declare ”Gay and Lesbian Pride Month”. Nine years later, on June 1st, President Barack Obama spoke to incorporate an even wider group. Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered citizens alike could all have this month for recognition, respect and appreciation. However, I am aware that not all minds meet equally about the rights and respect that we should pay to others. As each generation leaves their footprints, and paves the way for what is to come…to some, change is an impossible idea or action to put in motion.

You know what? Often, this unfortunate reality is because of learned behavior! As much as we may often preach that we like to speak for ourselves, or outside the box, how many times have you caught yourself, or someone you know repeating the thoughts of another before them? Sometimes without proper information? And how many times have you felt that perhaps further knowledge on an issue or subject matter might result in a different voice, a different understanding? Perhaps even going against the ideas they’ve learned, heard, or grown up around? We have the ability to fly planes, send astronauts into space, develop technology such as cellphones! Things that once were unfathomable. I can sit at this small computer and type this message. Once I push send, this message can be seen by anyone who’d like to engage, all across the WORLD.

As many of you know, we (the Glee cast) have been storming the country at whirlwind speeds to put on a forty-two show, month-long tour. It has been a constant reminder of why we do this. We’ve witnessed the impact our show has had, from the very beginning, to these moments, three years later. You LOVELY & AMAZING fans! Just indescribable. The love, affirmation, and dedication you provide! We see it all, value it all. Trust me, we do! On stage, the excitement that we absorb from your ball of energy brings our adrenaline levels to highs that often-times, we aren’t sure we can reach. Bottom line, we love you guys. And our crew! Without this diverse group of hard-working people, this venture would be impossible.

Yesterday was June 11th, and we were tackling our newest location, Toronto! We had finished our first concert of the day, and I was about to take a moment to relax before the second. On the way to our dressing rooms, I passed a stack of shirts lined up on the merchandise tables. The white T’s were modeled after shirts we wore in a performance set to Lady Gaga’s, “Born This Way.” This sparked an idea. And that idea ended up on stage.

Kindness moves mountains. Acceptance opens doors, makes room for change, diffuses misunderstanding. Every day, people commit hate crimes because of misunderstandings. Hate effects the target, and consumes the person behind the gun. It is crazy to realize that we have been in war for almost our entire existence on this planet. Many times for reasons of greed and hate.

Anyone that has experienced the death or abuse of a loved one can tell you that, “IT HURTS BEYOND EXPLANATION!!! AND WE SHOULD DO EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO MAKE ANY CHANGE POSSIBLE.” Raise your hand if you’ve spent nights crying yourself to sleep, raise your hand if you’ve felt as if you’d rather hide in bed all day than face the people that make you feel small or powerless! Raise your hand if you’ve felt as if you’d rather lie to people than tell them the truth about who you really are, because at least you wouldn’t be the victim of hateful behavior or prejudice! And raise your hand if lying feels almost as bad.

I was not raised in a family that accepted prejudice or hatred. For that, I thank my Mom and Dad each and every day. Look, we are human, we make mistakes. I will gladly shout from the rooftops that I AM NOT PERFECT. Nor will I ever be. But I can happily say that to my knowledge, I do not ever intentionally cause people pain. I love my family, my friends, my co-workers…and they all consist of girls AND boys. I do tell them that I love them. Yesterday, during our second show, Instead of wearing my usual shirt during “Born This Way” I decided to wear one that said “Likes Girls”. It should actually have read, “Loves Girls”, because I do. The women in my life give me things that the men in my life can’t. And vice-versa. No, I am not a lesbian, yet if I were, I hope that the people in my life could embrace it whole-heartedly. And let me tell you, I can easily spill (quite comfortably) what I admire, respect and think is beautiful about any of the women in my life. Piece of cake!

Last night, I wanted to do something to show my respect and love for the GLBT community. Support that people could actually see. Which is why I decided to change my shirt for the show. I happened to read a few comments that were posted on twitter. Many of you asked, “why?” This is my response. I am not asking for you to agree with what I am saying, but if you are listening, thank you. That is all I can ask. And a step further would be to take a moment to (honestly) answer the questions that I have raised. We can’t always put ourselves in someone else’s shoes. But we can try.

I am lucky to live in a place where I can wear almost anything that I want to express myself, and that jail is not a probable consequence. Which makes me feel as if I should exercise my right to do so every now and then. Think of the people that have died because of their passion and heartfelt hopes of change? So many good men and women. All because of an inherent wish for tolerance, love and support.

Our show celebrates the GLBT community. We are proud to be a part of something that embraces an often avoided topic. Hate is terrible, especially when we pass it down to a new generation of innocents. Recently, I heard a lament about San Francisco. How SFO just didn’t sound like a fun place to be, or visit, because that person wasn’t gay. Wait, really???? I wanted to laugh! But that would have been a response that wouldn’t have encouraged that person to be open-minded. To see that perhaps, their statement was foolish? Why won’t San Francisco be fun for you? Do you think the whole city is gay? Do you think they will judge you? Won’t feed you good food? Perhaps they won’t let you have fun, the way THEY have fun?

Sadly, we’ve gotten letters from people who explain that they love the show but hate the gay story-lines. That we shouldn’t be polluting their children’s heads. To this I’d sometimes like to sarcastically reply, would you also like us to tell them that a stork is dropping off our offspring? That the sky is purple? That it is not practical to be true to yourself, because there are mean people in this world that will make them feel wrong for being honest? That instead of embracing themselves, they should lie to the world? THEY should be the ones being untrue and unhappy?

I believe that if you are bringing a child into the world, you should be willing to accept them in any reality. Whether they are Black, White, Asian, have four fingers, are disabled, gay….that the only wish should be for a happy and healthy baby. We are each other’s children. Unless someone has committed a violent or hateful act, why should we judge? We can so quickly resort to anger, often, the product of a whole other issue. Most often, an issue with our own self.

I understand that I am sitting behind the protection of this computer screen, in this hotel room, and to many I might sound “preachy”. Especially now that I have written an essay. I hope my intentions sound pure, and just. I speak, because I am passionate. I write with this passion because I know how it feels to be hurt, to be depressed, to not value yourself, or your feelings. If any of this has inspired or moved you, even just made you think….I encourage you to tweet or reblog a picture, quote, anything that you feel will continue to spread the love. And if any are interested in tracking the chain, perhaps visualizing the greater collective, include the hatch tag, #letlovein.

Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives. - C.S. Lewis

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. - Lao Tzu

Fortune and love favor the brave. - Ovid

AND remember that sometimes….

People need loving the most when they deserve it the least. - John Harrigan

To thine own heart be true. Many thanks for your time, your love, and the gift you’ve given me.

Sincerely,

Dianna Elise Agron

Click here to keep reading!

#shirtgate #essay #2011

79 notes · View notes

anxietycalling · 3 years

Text

how i spent my summer vacation

Or, where the fuck have I been these literal years? (I can’t believe it’s been years.)

I feel like I need to, at some point, talk about everything that happened between now and the point where I dropped off the face of the earth. And, like, actually talk, not that thing I do where I make a joke out of everything. So... I’m doing this up front, so if anyone actually still follows my shitshow of a life, you know what you’re getting yourself into before it’s too late.

Okay. Where to start.

Um, obviously, after the 2016 election I gtfo’d the US. Because I couldn’t legally work in the US at that point, I had pretty much no savings and no money because every dollar I did get went to supporting me and Dash because of the absolute nightmare that happened there. I’m not... mad at her anymore, not quite - I recognize that a lot of actions on both sides were the result of severe, untreated trauma and mental illness, so it’s hard to look at either of us and say that someone was the villain there. It’s hard to recognize when you’re in survival mode that your actions are self-destructive. But, anyway, because of that, I had no choice other than to move in with my parents. Which many of you are aware is not the healthiest choice for me mentally or physically.

And, again, it’s not that my parents are bad people. They’re good people who are trying their best, but there are two factors that lead to me living with them being a terrible idea. 1) My mother has a lot of unprocessed intergenerational trauma due to mental illness that she is still dealing with, and 2) Neither of my parents have ever lived in an urban center, which lends itself to a specific mindset when it comes to dealing with mental illness and LGBTQ+ issues. Which is to say, it’s hard to have a regular dating or sex life when everyone knows your business while your parents are simultaneously trying to pretend you don’t have genitals that they’re uncomfortable with. Also, I didn’t have my license at the time because I let it expire before getting my permanent one, so I was pretty much at the mercy of whoever could drive me places. (I lived in cities before that, so not driving was never much of an issue. I am highly proficient in public transit.)

So living with my parents was this precarious balancing act of trying to do everything they wanted me to do, because they were letting me live there for free, and meeting the demands of my bosses (who immediately demoted me once they found out I wasn’t planning on living there forever), and trying to have a social life outside of my family. And, like, I had just come out of the closet, so I was also trying to date without my parents finding out, because, like? It gets exhausting trying to explain why you have a right to exist and love who you want to love and I tend to get defensive when I feel like I have to justify myself. But all that secrecy really wears on you. I think in the worst of it I was probably sleeping 3-5 hours a night between the anxiety, having to walk or wait for rides everywhere, and staying up late enough after my parents went to sleep to try to meet guys on dating apps.

Dating apps when you live in a rural area are the worst. Not only is there a limited dating pool to begin with, it sucks when someone ghosts you and then re-signs up for the same dating app using a fake name and you catch them at it. I get it to some extent; people are afraid of being outed, even if on paper we’re one of the premier retirement destination for gay couples near Toronto. (Read: affluent, white, cis gay men.) It’s gotten better in the last couple of years, but... Yeah, there just was nothing for me there.

Obviously I had to widen my perimeter for who I was willing to date, and that’s how I met Husband. Completely by accident. My phone provider was out one day, so I didn’t get any messages from anyone for almost 24 hours while I was figuring that out. His message to me was one of the ones that got pushed through when my phone service restored itself. (I still, to this day, don’t know why or how this happened.) And there was nothing there that was inherently like, “Hey, you’re going to date and then marry this guy,” other than the fact that he actually put effort into his message instead of sending “hey” over and over again to get a response. But he was funny, and he was charming, and we fell for each other really quickly. Pretty soon all my money (which, again, limited, because the awful ladies I worked for decided I wasn’t leadership material even though they gave me no training or direction, ever) was going to taking the train here pretty much every time I had a day off from work. And I was lying to my parents about it, because they decidedly do not like or approve of dating apps or internet friendships in general.

Something happens in relationships where one or both of you are chronically ill. There comes a sink-or-swim moment in the relationship where you either step up and deal with the shit that happens, or you realize you can’t handle the intensity or uncertainty of it, and you gtfo. And... obviously, I chose the first option. Pretty much immediately after my first visit (as in, I was still on the train) Husband calls me, because his doctors are afraid that he has cancer. I go home, work exactly one day and turn the fuck around and go back so we can meet with the hematologist and find out whether he has bone cancer, Jesus fuck. Thankfully, it turned out that he didn’t; it’s something that comes up a lot because he doesn’t have a spleen and that, apparently, makes it look like you’re dying a whole lot. We ended up moving in together a month later because living at my parents was making me suicidal, which isn’t the greatest love story of all time, I know, but I had wanted to move out anyway and living with him was a much better option than random roommates.

I didn’t talk to my mother for... a month and a half, after I moved out. She kept trying to contact my friends on Facebook one day and I was ready to freak out on her for being controlling or something. Turns out, my biological father died. At the time, I was calm. Like, I wasn’t surprised - he had nearly died of alcohol-induced cardiac failure before I moved to the US, and it’s not like he had done anything to make his situation better - but it turns out I was actually in shock, I guess. The whole situation was fucking terrible; not because he died but because it kind of cemented that my only value to his side of the family was being “the only granddaughter” and not that they gave a shit about me as a person. They misgendered me in his obituary; they spelled my brother’s girlfriend’s name wrong.

I think the worst part is that they tried to make his celebration of life thing about how great he was as a person, though. And, like, I’m sorry, but great people don’t molest their children, or their children’s girlfriend. They don’t have sex in front of their children with their children’s physical abuser. They don’t make their teenage child in charge of being the sober adult when they want to go drinking. They don’t let their partner physically abuse their child when that child tries to get them both help for their drinking. They don’t trap their kid on a boat for a week with a creepy adult male stranger and freak the fuck out when that child has their first anaphylactic reaction to a novel food 20 kilometers from land or the nearest hospital. They don’t call that child on their birthday every year to remind them what a woman they are and always will be when they were the first fucking parent I came out to.

Actually, no - the worst part of him dying was that I had to deal with his hellbeast girlfriend afterward, because apparently there was money for me in an RESP that he had never cashed, but all that got me was a shady financial representative who repeatedly wanted my mother and me to break the law over it. Like, my mom got her lawyer involved and everything, and once the legal letterhead came out the financial dude dropped off the face of the earth, stopped answering my calls and I never got my thousand pity dollars.

And, like, things were okay for a little while after that because Husband and I were close with our roommates up until the point where it became clear that one of them had severe, untreated borderline personality disorder. I’ve lived with someone with BPD before; I’ve lived with a hoarder before. I was not prepared for the level of hoarding that this woman could produce. Or just, like, generally weird and shitty behavior and refusal to seek treatment for her condition. We tried everything we could think of, but ultimately we had to have secret meetings outside our house with our other roommate (who was dating her at the time) to figure out what to do with her. The things we found out... I’ve never wanted to genuinely harm a person before. Because she had been r*ping our roommate for months, and convincing them we didn’t want to be their friend, and using all their money because she wouldn’t go to work or apply for welfare or do the bare minimum required to be a human being. We had to get her removed by the police (who I do not advise contacting unless there is genuinely no other options) and the police acted like it was a typical roommate squabble even though we had fucking proof. So, anyway, we had to contact hell roommate’s parents and sister, and do all the packing to get her shit out of our house.

I will add that there were a few golden months right after hell roommate moved out. We got very close with remaining roommate, and it was nice, but then they started dating their current boyfriend and it just got... uncomfy for everyone somehow? They never outright said they were dating him, it was weird, one day they were like “Hey, I have a friend coming over!” and then he was just... there all the time? And they never told us they were dating? And, like, I’m happy for them, they’re great together and genuinely like each other, but it was weird. It was uncomfortable when we had to have the “We want to move out” conversation, too, because originally we had wanted to move to a bigger place with all of us, but ultimately we ended up keeping the apartment.

So that should have been fine, right? Especially since they moved in with one of Husband’s friends. Except that that friend turned out to be secretly awful and took advantage of everyone around them, and accused good roommate of being secretly racist and a bunch of other stuff that wasn’t true. (Trust me, good roommate would rather sever their left leg than do something that would hurt someone’s feelings.) And, like, I’m sorry, but you can’t use your master’s degree in social work to push around people who you know freeze during confrontations and have memory issues due to trauma, and then turn around and lead healing from trauma workshops. No. You’re a garbage human being who deserves to step on a thousand Lego. (Legos? Anyway.)

OH. Right. Before that, I had surgery. I had surgery and then pretty much the day we got home from that, the pandemic happened. At the beginning of it, good roommate and a woman who would later become one of our best friends came to stay with us because, again, horrific garbage pile of a human being in their house. Recovering from surgery took forever - I still don’t have feeling back 100% in my chest - but thankfully I was better enough by the time they moved to be somewhat helpful there. (They were incredibly smart and hired movers. We were pretty much there because we had just bought a car and could move breakable stuff.)

Ugh. God. Sorry, I have to jump back to 2018 for a second, which is when I was diagnosed with OCD. Like, officially, I mean. It was probably pretty obvious to everyone who wasn’t me, but I always kind of thought that since I wasn’t on My Mom-level germophobic, there was no way I could have it. Uh! Turns out! Normal people don’t cry when a garbage bag that is clearly about to be taken outside touches the floor while they are putting their shoes on to take said garbage bag outside. So... I take pills now. And go to therapy. Which is very expensive. But, yeah, my symptoms were pretty fuckin’ bad then. And continued to be bad - like, bad enough that I had to quit my job in 2019 because my bosses weren’t taking it seriously enough or even listening to me. (It’s Mcdonald’s, it’s chill, they ruin or fire all their best employees.)

Okay. Back to now. Pandemic! School! Suffering through all my pre-requisites so I can take actual interesting classes! Somewhere in there we started watching Twitch streams - I think it was because Husband found out Felicia Day streamed, and he loves her, and it kind of spiraled from there? But anyway, I somehow ended up part of this weird, delightful community that’s genuinely nice and non-trollish, and now I stream sometimes. Or attempt to stream. Or attempt to keep a regular schedule. It’s nice, though, to feel like there’s someone to hang out with when you pretty much can’t leave your house. There’s a sense of normality to being in a place at a specific time and seeing specific people. And Twitch has given me a lot of ideas on research topics I’d like to pursue in grad school.

Like I said, it’s been a pretty mixed bag. There have been some really bad parts, but there’s a lot of good stuff that happened too. I just. I miss Old Me a lot, lately. I miss who I was before all the trauma. (I mean, obviously not all the trauma, because I don’t miss being a literal child, but like... 18-23 or so.)

I think this might be the most I’ve written outside of a school context in actual years. Part of me keeps thinking about adding in APA formatting, but uh. You can’t really cite something when it’s just memories inside your own head. Anyway. I need to work on liking myself more, and working through some of the baggage that goes with trauma, and... I don’t know. It’s nice to have an outlet that’s not my husband or my cats. (Again, Husband is awesome, Husband is amazing, but we’re around each other 24/7 right now. I think he deserves a break sometimes.)

So... Yep. Thanks, if you made it this far. I promise not all my posts are going to be like this. I just figured, if you were going to stick around, you probably deserved to know what happened while I was gone.

#personal

3 notes · View notes

theanxietyclinic · 4 years

Text

The Tsunami COVID-19, Beware the Undertow

The crushing power of a tsunami can destroy almost anything we can build, including entire communities. And as the wave of destruction retreats, as it must always do, the undertow can drag what is left of our world out to sea, forever lost to the eternal black deep. As these waves of COVID-19 surge around the globe, we need to take heed of the ensuing undertow. It holds the power to strip us of a core evolutionary need that has allowed us to thrive on this planet. Our need to connect, bond and care for each other.

From our caveman days we were more successful in cooperative packs. Families and allies, banded together were more effective in hunting, breeding and protecting themselves against danger.

Millenniums of this success is bred into our genes. Most recent generations have created powerful social structures predicated on this need, we marry, have kids together, reside in purpose-built towns and cities, encourage our children to develop socially and send them off to schools where they learn to cooperate and operate as a team. We rely on connection to be successful and to thrive.

And along comes COVID-19, a tsunami that threatens to tear apart our communities.

The only tools we have in our arsenal right now to prevent our world from being swept away by this virus are hygiene and distancing. We are being told, lectured and even threatened to accept that to get close is dangerous, even deadly. Gatherings are being quickly outlawed, whether to march for social justice, get married or bury our dead. The language of our offense, distancing, isolation, quarantine seem to tell us and our young and most formative generation — getting close and connecting is a dangerous thing. This is the undertow. And it is a current that can drag us away from the very essence of what makes us successful as humans.

Hope…

At the same time, there are beautiful and powerful signs of hope. Forced to remain physically distant people and communities are finding unique, creative and fun ways to come together. We can give thanks for the digital age that has provided the tools to be able to have a heart to heart, face-to-face conversation with a loved one on the other side of the planet. We are discovering and promoting virtual dinner parties, online communities, and the capacity to set-up offices and workgroups from home. Yet these digital connections cannot fully replace what we get from the in-person, face-to-face experience. We rely deeply on non-verbal communication including body language and micro-expressions. But still, there are reasons for hope as these tools, our creativity and our biological/psychological imperative to come together empowers us dig in, and hold fast against the undertow.

It’s not just you, it’s us…

The effects of long-term social isolating are not known. But we do know it is contrary to our very nature. This need is encoded in our DNA and is linked to a vast array of physical and mental health problems: depression, dementia, heart disease and even death. A 2018 Danish study concluded that objective social isolation was associated with a 60–70% increased all-cause mortality. Before the recent dictums to distance and isolate to ‘level the curve’ (minimizing the spread of the virus), Statistics Canada reported over one in five Canadians reported feeling lonely, and this number skyrockets when we poll seniors. The epidemic is so bad the UK government appointed a new minister for loneliness!

Connection not only cures loneliness but it buffers the effect of stress. Stress well-modulated provides us with temporary motivation and strength. However unchecked, stress like loneliness has long been known to impact both mental and physical health.

Conserved Transcriptional Response to Adversity or CTRA, is a gene expression we find in human immune cells which responds to chronic stress by increasing the production of inflammatory proteins — it is intended as a short-lived acute inflammation to adapt and increase the immune response to fight an injury or infection. Long-lived it becomes a threat and meanwhile, CTRA is downregulating (slowing down) our anti-body genes that decrease our ability to fight a virus. Loneliness, fed by a lack of connection only worsens this response, which in turn harms health and furthers isolation. It’s a system that can weaken our ability to resist the undertow and being swept into the dark abyss.

All of this adds up to just case for a dire warning. We need to be vigilant about what we are learning, or not, from this necessary loss of connection. History has taught us the nefarious power of capitalizing on individual and communal weaknesses, utilizing them to further our disconnection and thus divide and conquer.

Globalism breaks down borders and allows trade and life to move freely across borders. Anti-globalism existed before Covid-19 and is a tried and powerful tool of governments seeking to gain and hold power. The politics of fear and blame have levelled democracies and birthed holocausts. Shut down borders. Build walls. The call to fear, isolate, disconnect from our neighbours and blame the other are the makers of despots and dictators. It frees the individual and their community of responsibility for the inherent challenges of community. What is wrong is ‘their fault’ not ours, and governments and leaders can rise to power on the backs of their chosen targets — usually the weak and most vulnerable.

The dangerous irony is that to beat COVID-19 we must shut down borders and build walls.

Left unnoticed and unchecked the undertow can and will destroy our communities and nations.

There is a solution…

Our well-being and survival are intrinsically linked to our connections with others. Our biology mandates connection…stress, well-managed, boosts our immune systems. It can encourage us to seek and provide support. CTRA is downregulated by positive altruistic connections — the happiness found in caring for others. (Fascinatingly, a study in 2013 at the University of Florida found in hedonistic happiness has the opposite, negative, impact on this gene expression.) In short caring for others improves out health.

Anyone who has flown knows the well-rehearsed safety briefing that tells you, “In an emergency, put your own oxygen mask on first.” It is not an act of selfishness — you need to be conscious to help others.

I live a life walking the fine lines between being a psychotherapist, deeply rooted in the science of neuropsychology, and a spiritual director, who is deeply rooted in academic Christian theology and very wary of organized religion.

I believe in hope, and I know grace. I’m fascinated by the intersections of science, theology and the creation of reality.

I know each of us has a history, and very few of us escape burdens of trauma and oppression. We are all wounded and suffer in some way. Isolation and distancing are a potential mental health crisis in the making and can serve to further our trauma. Some of us suffer from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Our life history seems to be a life-sentence, not a life-lesson. We struggle to shift this paradigm. Communally we may be moving towards a new systemic PTSO, (Post-traumatic Stress Order).

The crisis starts with the individual and like this virus, it can spread through our communities and infect us globally. No community or leader is immune. Without great intention by each of us this virus will win. The tsunami will crush us, and the undertow will drag what is left out to sea.

But there is hope. And it is harder to access for some than others. We must come together. We must find connections in the isolation and build walls that break the tsunami, stop the virus, and still let our compassion flow freely.

It is too easy for me to tell you to wash your hands, stay home, breathe deep, meditate, eat well, get your sleep, and use technology to build connection — good advice, yet these are only options for those of us who have enough privilege to do so.

So many won’t because they can’t. It’s simply not in reach. They don’t have freshwater, a home, a bed to sleep in, or technology. Their trauma runs deep, and should they close their eyes for but a moment they see flashes of terror, not moments of peace. In varying degrees, we are all weak, vulnerable and incapable.

But there is grace. Grace is our ability to regenerate and sanctify, to inspire virtuous impulses, and to impart strength to endure and press past temptation. For some grace is of divine inspiration, for others is simply an inherent pillar of humanity. Through grace, we access the biology of connection and the power stress gives us to put on our own oxygen mask first, giving us the strength to care for others. Through grace we find the compassion to carry those who can’t carry themselves.

We can do this. We have the capacity to survive. It is found in connection. It is in both heeding the wisdom of experts and those who have walked the walk. It is being the hands and feet of those who can’t, and when we can’t be those hands and feet, allowing grace to flow as others put on our oxygen mask for us.

So yes, if you can, wash your hands, stay home, breathe deep, meditate, eat well, get your sleep, and use technology to build connection. And if you can’t know through grace you can find connection and community that will bring the compassion that heals.

Todd Kaufman, MDiv, BFA, BA, RP

Toronto, CANADA

#therapist #counsellor #psychotherapist #therapy #counselling

0 notes

rebeccahpedersen · 5 years

Text

Liberal Government To Make Home-Buying Easier For Millennials?

TorontoRealtyBlog

Man, does this ever make me hate politics.

And politicians, for that matter. The saying “Hate the game, not the player,” doesn’t apply in the dirty, backwards world of pandering to the public in the interest of self-preservation.

Because that’s what politics is, right? Self-preservation.

You’re naive if you think that any political party or any politician is more concerned with the best interests of constituents, over their own best interests. It’s that inherent conflict of interest that makes politics completely self-defeating. We elect these people, in theory, to make decisions on our collective behalfs, based on our collective well beings. These people, in turn, are paid for their work. If these people were not elected, they would not be paid. And thus, their election is their priority, above all else.

In my humble opinion, what we’re seeing right now with respect to the federal Liberal government’s announcement last week that they would make home-buying easier for millennials demonstrates exactly that paradox.

And it’s so tragically ironic, considering that the federal government’s policies are exactly what made home-buying more difficult in the first place.

This bothers me so much.

And yet I know that simple-minded voters who merely read headlines, and not actual stories, let alone do their own research and take ten minutes away from Instagram to read up on the politicians they’ll actually cast votes for, will likely buy the rhetoric that Bill Morneau is spinning, and by the time the election rolls around in the fall, reward Mr. Morneau and Mr. Trudeau for making promises they never intend to keep.

I’ve come to realize that “liking” a politician or political party is far more difficult than disliking one.

I think it should come as no surprise to anybody who reads my blog that I don’t particularly like the current federal Liberal government, nor do I like the politician and leader at the helm, Justin Trudeau. But that doesn’t mean I dislike the party; I’ve voted Liberal before, who hasn’t? And it also doesn’t automatically mean I like Andrew Scheer and/or the federal Conservatives. On that, I remain completely and utterly undecided, but in lieu of suitable alternatives to Morneau, Trudeau, and the liberal policies nationwide, I almost become a Conservative voter by default.

And that’s how so many political parties come to be in power! By default!

The federal Liberals themselves rose to power because they were the default option to Stephen Harper, a Conservative.

And the provincial Conservatives rose to power because they were the default option to Kathleen Wynne, a Liberal.

Politics is just a big shell game, and we are merely pawns.

And we pawns are eating up this Liberal rhetoric about affordable housing, right at the perfect time!

On Tuesday, Finance Minister Bill Morneau announced that the Trudeau government is “looking for ways” to improve affordability in the housing market among millennials.

The comment came seemingly out of nowhere, as Mr. Morneau was at a function in Aurora, and was asked specifically if the government had any plans to help first-time buyers. It’s possible that the federal government has discussed this internally, and planned to make it part of their platform for the next election, and it’s also possible that Mr. Morneau simply answered off the cuff, and made a promise on the spot, as politicians are so inclined to do.

Either way, this was the first shot across the bow in an election campaign where many, including myself on multiple occasions, have suggested that all three major political parties will make affordable housing part of their platforms.

Mr. Morneau went on to say that the government has focused on three major issues related to housing since 2015: 1) Shortage of affordable housing nationwide 2) Rapid appreciation in certain markets (assuming this is Toronto and Vancouver) 3) Affordability for millennials

Personally, I haven’t seen much action from this government on those three collective fronts.

The government did promise/pledge to increase affordable housing……over the next ten years.

And they did enact nationwide policies aimed at restricting borrowing. But that didn’t do anything to stop appreciation in Toronto and Vancouver, but rather did so across the entire country. I can’t imagine they’re touting a success at curbing appreciation in two cities, when they implemented policies across the board, can they?

Well, apparently they can!

Later in the interview, Mr. Morneau later specifically pointed to the mortgage stress test as “cooling the hottest markets,” which I find to be utterly bizarre. When you restrict the ability of somebody to borrow in Toronto, you do so too in Ottawa, Regina, Kamloops, and Yellowknife. The markets cooling in Toronto and Vancouver were a by-product of federal policy, and not city-specific.

My favourite part of this speech and question-and-answer period was when Mr. Morneau was asked to elaborate on potential policies and regulation changes to help millennials, and he offered absolutely nothing.

This leads me to believe (gasp!) that he doesn’t actually know how the government can help millennials, but rather he opened his mouth when given the opportunity to do so, and made a promise that he has no idea how to keep. That is politics!

Many people out there, myself included, laughed when we saw the headline that the Mr. Morneau and the Liberals want to make housing more affordable for millennials, considering that it was their policies that made it more unaffordable in the first place.

A good politician can duck, dodge, and spin anything. I’m sure the Liberals could argue that they were successful in cooling the markets in Vancouver and Toronto, and that now, and only now, are they prepared to enact Phase II of their grand-master-plan to help millennials into the market.

Look, I’m not faulting just the Liberal government here. I believe that any government would do this, be it Liberal, Conservative, NDP, or…..Green.

I’m sure that 30-40% of the people reading this blog post are Liberal voters, and I’m not aiming to hate on your party, or your candidate, but I am hating on the politics at work. It’s absolutely absurd, no matter which political party is in power.

Last week, the Mortgage Professionals of Canada (MPC) released a report that concluded the “rigorous” mortgage stress test implemented last year is denying the opportunity of home ownership to the young and middle class.

You can read the entire report HERE.

The report is phenomenal, all 84 pages of it. In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, “I almost read the whole thing!”

This report is released every year, and the 2017 report traced back every major policy change during the past decade, numbering seven in total.

The summary of their findings, one year later:

The policy changes were not equal in their impacts. Out of the first six sets of changes, only one had substantial and long-lasting effects – the elimination of mortgage insurance that took effect in July 2012.

We concluded that the seventh change – which, at the time was soon to take effect – would also have substantial and long-lasting effects: When the OSFI-mandated mortgage stress test, which took effect in January 2018, is added to the stress test for insured mortgages that took effect during the fall of 2016, there would be substantial depressing effects on housing activity.

The fall 2017 report estimated that as a result of the stress tests, resale activity in 2018 would be in the range of 470,000, which would be 13% lower than in 2016 and 7-8% lower than in 2017 (at the time we didn’t have final sales numbers for 2017 so couldn’t calculate the change precisely).

In actuality, sales fell even more than expected in 2018, to about 458,400, a drop of 11% compared to 2017 and 15% compared to 2016. (The larger than expected reduction may be due to the interest rate increases that occurred during the year. Most of the reduction in sales during 2018 was due to the mortgage stress tests.)

We also commented that “By the time of the next federal election in October 2019, about 200,000 Canadian families will have encountered sharp personal disappointment as the direct result of this pair of policies (they will either have significantly reduced their housing expectations in order to obtain financing, or been entirely prevented from buying a home).”

In various places, including pages 26 to 27 of the fall 2017 report, this author has commented that the stress tests use “the wrong interest rate”. It is reasonable to test borrowers’ capacities to afford higher future interest rates. It is not unreasonable to assume that in five years, the interest rate could be as much as 2 percentage points higher. But, it would also be prudent to assume that the borrowers’ incomes will be higher, because we have a long history in Canada of average wages rising by about 2% per year. The borrowers will have more ability to pay at the future renewal. This is not taken into consideration. It will also be a fact that there will have been a substantial amount of principal repayment (typically 13% to 14% during the first five years) through regular required payments (and even more if the borrower makes any voluntary additional payments). The higher interest rate will be applied to a reduced principal amount, and therefore the stress tests over-estimate how much the payment would increase. If both of these factors are taken into account, a 2-percentage point increase for the mortgage interest rate, occurring five years in the future, can be simulated today using an interest rate that is 0.75 points higher than the initial contracted interest rate.

It’s that last point that is the most important, since it’s what just about every critic has to say about the mortgage stress test.

In fact, after Bill Morneau made his comments last week about “helping millennials buy houses,” articles started pouring out of every media outlet.

Haider & Moranis, who seem to comment on every hot real estate topic, and are on the ball 97% of the time, wrote this article on Thursday:

“Why The Government Should Rethink The Morgage Stress Test”

They quoted the very same report that I referenced above, even quoting large sections of it!

They make the same point that is made in the last paragraph above; that the 2% stress test doesn’t take borrowers’ higher incomes into consideration.

Not surprisingly, just about every comment on the article was filled with vitriol, directed at the authors, real estate agents, people who borrow money, and the like.

Another article published last week, this one by the Toronto Star, is worth reading:

“Liberals Have Options To Help Millennials Buy Homes; Would Be A Vote Winner Too”

The reason this article bothers me should be obvious; it’s in the title.

Mr. Morneau’s comments, and any further action taken by the Liberal government, is merely a “vote-winner.” It’s obvious, and the people who it might affect will know this, but are expected to reward the Liberals anyways.

This, I don’t understand.

If you walk up to somebody and punch them in the face, then the day after, walk up to them and not punch them in the face, should they thank you for not punching them in the face?

Because that’s basically what’s happening here.

The policies that the Liberal government established helped, more than anything, to make home-buying unaffordable for younger buyers. Now, with an election on the horizon, they’re going to try to undo what they’ve done, and articles like the one above by a Toronto Star writer suggest that voters will fall right into the trap.

I can’t believe this is going to work. Except that, I sort of can.

Now on another, and perhaps less repetitive note, I’d like to offer some ways in which the government, current Liberal, or future other, might be able to help millennials.

1) Increase the maximum RRSP withdrawal amount

Currently, first-time home-buyers can withdraw up to $25,000 from their RRSP’s to purchase a home, and have 15 years to repay the amount.

This is probably the #2 in the arsenal of today’s young buyers, after the obvious #1: get money from parents.

Some might argue that the $25,000 cap is arbitrary, and others might suggest that we need to have a cap to protect people from themselves, and their desires. Others yet might argue that it’s not fair for any RRSP-holder to use their funds to purchase a home, and repay them later, as I have heard some opine in the past.

If the government truly wants to help millennials, and only millennials, then this should be a focus, and not the stress test.

2) Exempt first-time buyers from land transfer tax

You would think that the land transfer tax we pay here in Toronto is absurd beyond belief, but that’s until you read about what buyers pay in other countries around the world. Recall my 2015 blog about stamp duty in London, England. That’s right, it’s 12% on the value of homes $1,500,000 British Pounds and over.

I don’t like the land transfer tax, municipal or provincial, because it is a tax based on nothing. Naively, I feel that taxes should somehow be traced back to public service, and since we have property taxes on our homes, I can’t see why the transfer of title should be taxable, since we already pay to transfer title, and we actually now pay $75 in order to pay our land transfer tax. A tax on a tax.

If the federal government wanted to, they could offer money to the municipality, or province, to make up for an exemption for first-time buyers.

But that, of course, is asinine thinking, since the federal government rarely works with municipalities or provinces effectively (many of you will debate this, but this is my humble opinion), and usually scoffs at the idea of any “repayment.”

I’m just throwing it out there, you know, before we get to some even dumber ideas…

3) Start lending millennials money

Why not, right?

Many of these same kids took out OSAP loans to get through university (although didn’t Kathleen Wynne wipe out a whole whack of loans in order to win votes?), so why not start lending them money to buy houses?

Then, planned or otherwise, the government can simply “forgive” the loans in 15-20 years, after carrying them on their books for decades, and potentially use some creative accounting to hide the losses, as just about every government, from every political party, likes to do.

4) Let millennials deduct mortgage interest from their income taxes

Hey, they do it in the United States, right?

Except they pay taxes on the capital gain of a primary residence. And we don’t. The largest tax exemption you can possibly think of, and we take it for granted. But that’s a topic for another day…

Governments don’t fill their bank account by letting people pay less tax, so surely we can all recognize that if this did happen (which it won’t because I’m making up stupid ideas to prove a point), the government would tax other people in other areas to fill in the void.

5) Modify the mortgage stress test.

Ah, finally a logical suggestion!

Of course, this would help everybody equally, and not just millennials, but isn’t that fair? Yes, no?

Multiple people in the mortgage industry have told me that we could see the stress test reduced from 2% to 0.75% later this year, and while I don’t really have a horse in this race, I’ll throw my vote in the “yay” column.

–

One final thought, just because nobody has mentioned it.

If the government were to truly “help” millennials who want to buy homes, where does this leave all the millennials who rent?

How long until the renters, watching the buyers make hay, start to complain to their local politician that making things more “fair” for millennials only made things fair for some millennials, and not others?

Oh the horror! And the IRONY! It makes me laugh!

Because then, we’ll start talking about subsidies for millennial renters, especially if, you know, there’s an election happening.

This is not the last we’ve heard on this topic; on any of these topics!

I welcome your thoughts…

The post Liberal Government To Make Home-Buying Easier For Millennials? appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.

Originated from http://bit.ly/2FTMfAs

0 notes

rebeccahpedersen · 5 years

Text

Liberal Government To Make Home-Buying Easier For Millennials?

TorontoRealtyBlog

Man, does this ever make me hate politics.

And politicians, for that matter. The saying “Hate the game, not the player,” doesn’t apply in the dirty, backwards world of pandering to the public in the interest of self-preservation.

Because that’s what politics is, right? Self-preservation.

And it’s so tragically ironic, considering that the federal government’s policies are exactly what made home-buying more difficult in the first place.

This bothers me so much.

I’ve come to realize that “liking” a politician or political party is far more difficult than disliking one.

And that’s how so many political parties come to be in power! By default!

The federal Liberals themselves rose to power because they were the default option to Stephen Harper, a Conservative.

And the provincial Conservatives rose to power because they were the default option to Kathleen Wynne, a Liberal.

Politics is just a big shell game, and we are merely pawns.

And we pawns are eating up this Liberal rhetoric about affordable housing, right at the perfect time!

On Tuesday, Finance Minister Bill Morneau announced that the Trudeau government is “looking for ways” to improve affordability in the housing market among millennials.

Personally, I haven’t seen much action from this government on those three collective fronts.

The government did promise/pledge to increase affordable housing……over the next ten years.

Well, apparently they can!

Look, I’m not faulting just the Liberal government here. I believe that any government would do this, be it Liberal, Conservative, NDP, or…..Green.

You can read the entire report HERE.

The report is phenomenal, all 84 pages of it. In the words of Jerry Seinfeld, “I almost read the whole thing!”

This report is released every year, and the 2017 report traced back every major policy change during the past decade, numbering seven in total.

The summary of their findings, one year later:

It’s that last point that is the most important, since it’s what just about every critic has to say about the mortgage stress test.

In fact, after Bill Morneau made his comments last week about “helping millennials buy houses,” articles started pouring out of every media outlet.

Haider & Moranis, who seem to comment on every hot real estate topic, and are on the ball 97% of the time, wrote this article on Thursday:

“Why The Government Should Rethink The Morgage Stress Test”

They quoted the very same report that I referenced above, even quoting large sections of it!

They make the same point that is made in the last paragraph above; that the 2% stress test doesn’t take borrowers’ higher incomes into consideration.

Not surprisingly, just about every comment on the article was filled with vitriol, directed at the authors, real estate agents, people who borrow money, and the like.

Another article published last week, this one by the Toronto Star, is worth reading:

“Liberals Have Options To Help Millennials Buy Homes; Would Be A Vote Winner Too”

The reason this article bothers me should be obvious; it’s in the title.

This, I don’t understand.

If you walk up to somebody and punch them in the face, then the day after, walk up to them and not punch them in the face, should they thank you for not punching them in the face?

Because that’s basically what’s happening here.

I can’t believe this is going to work. Except that, I sort of can.

Now on another, and perhaps less repetitive note, I’d like to offer some ways in which the government, current Liberal, or future other, might be able to help millennials.

1) Increase the maximum RRSP withdrawal amount

Currently, first-time home-buyers can withdraw up to $25,000 from their RRSP’s to purchase a home, and have 15 years to repay the amount.

This is probably the #2 in the arsenal of today’s young buyers, after the obvious #1: get money from parents.

If the government truly wants to help millennials, and only millennials, then this should be a focus, and not the stress test.

2) Exempt first-time buyers from land transfer tax

If the federal government wanted to, they could offer money to the municipality, or province, to make up for an exemption for first-time buyers.

I’m just throwing it out there, you know, before we get to some even dumber ideas…

3) Start lending millennials money

Why not, right?

4) Let millennials deduct mortgage interest from their income taxes

Hey, they do it in the United States, right?

5) Modify the mortgage stress test.

Ah, finally a logical suggestion!

Of course, this would help everybody equally, and not just millennials, but isn’t that fair? Yes, no?

–

One final thought, just because nobody has mentioned it.

If the government were to truly “help” millennials who want to buy homes, where does this leave all the millennials who rent?

Oh the horror! And the IRONY! It makes me laugh!

Because then, we’ll start talking about subsidies for millennial renters, especially if, you know, there’s an election happening.

This is not the last we’ve heard on this topic; on any of these topics!

I welcome your thoughts…

The post Liberal Government To Make Home-Buying Easier For Millennials? appeared first on Toronto Realty Blog.

Originated from http://bit.ly/2FTMfAs

0 notes