#like maybe this is just clarity from the fact that I haven’t lived here consistently since I was 18

[buffysblackturtleneck]

for a long time I really bought into the idea that you take yourself no matter where you go and that if I was unhappy, it was because of something internal and that it wasn’t going to be fixed by moving. But I think I really do just hate Toronto lmao

#like maybe this is just clarity from the fact that I haven’t lived here consistently since I was 18 #but like #it’s not even that there’s inherently anything wrong with Toronto as a city #but like I have very few good memories here and almost all my worst memories happened in Toronto #so like of course being here does not make me feel great #and something about being back in your childhood bedroom with your family home just really reawakens all your pettiest jealousies #and worst insecurities #so anyway next time I say I want to be home in December somebody slap me #certified haligonian now because I hate Toronto more than any of them could

[theregoesmylurkerstatus]

So... I have a lot of thoughts on the finale. I've deliberately kept my mouth shut, more or less, on the campaign overall because I'm a firm believer that you can't pass judgement -- at least not complete judgement -- on stories until they're over and done with.

Well, it's done! Kind of crazy. I've been watching Critical Role with almost insane consistency, viewing almost every single episode live, with maybe five-ish exceptions, since episode 19, and I've been blogging it for, what, two and a half years?

It's a weird feeling. It's been such a constant thing for me that I'm always gonna have love for it and remember with a lot of fondness.

...Which is in spite of the fact that I can now comfortably say I'm pretty eh on the ending. I know not being positive about something most of us have loved a lot for a very long time can sting a bit, but I personally think it also stings when people relentlessly crow over how good they think it is or want it to be, to the point where you feel you can't voice your absolutely valid upsets or dissatisfactions. So, here goes, if anyone's interested! I'd be curious to see other opinions, too!

I actually drafted a post talking about my overall frustrations with the campaign a whole two weeks ago, and then scrapped most of it when 140 blew me out of the water. I was really touched, and really happy. I hadn't expected it, but it shockingly felt right, you know?

Unfortunately 141 robbed me of most of that satisfaction and brought me right back to neutral.

The blanket statement you have to make, of course, is that you can’t criticise this as a DnD game, and you can’t be mad at the cast for playing it in a way they think is best for them. They’re the players, Matt’s the DM, and in the end it makes no sense for them to try to make themselves act how they think the audience wants them to, and I’m sure most of the audience wouldn’t like the result anyway.

That said, there is an audience. And that’s where I see this clash coming in. As a DnD game, as long as the players and DM have all enjoyed it and been satisfied, it’s a successful game! But for us, it’s not a DnD game. For us, we’re watching a story be written in real time through the medium of an RPG. And while as a DnD game you can’t fault it, as a piece of media, I completely get why the way things have gone has sat weirdly for a lot of people.

It's not satisfying to see so many character hooks dealt with so quickly or left as an offscreen "and then you do it." If they don't want to keep playing to dive into it, absolutely, but for us who have been watching this as a story with all these character elements get so built up, it's a huge anti-climax.

Which is a lot of what this campaign has been, really.

Oh, Nott’s cursed! But through a really cool character moment that problem is completely taken care of with no consequences we see. Yay, I want her to be Veth and that was an iconic move from Jester! Still, it kind of feels like this was built up to be a big problem and at the first success it was let go... Caleb's got a really intense frightening past he tries to hide, I wonder how the Mighty Nein will respond? Oh, they found out, but it's not a difficult revelation for anyone. Looks like it's easy for them to move past it and forgive. Yeah, that's healthiest for the characters, but huh, kinda undercuts it as a storyline or point of interest. Oooh, Avantika’s back! Ah, they’ve killed her and grabbed the eye again. I mean I don’t want them to die or for Uk’otoa to be free, but I’m starting to feel like that’s not much of a threat anyway. The Traveler’s been kidnapped! Nah he hasn’t, he tried to save Jester so he was let go with no further issue, and also he wasn’t actually in any danger anyway. Oh... Cool. So... Why should I care or be worried?

And these are just the biggest ones I remember being kind of let down by. I wanted to see them STRUGGLE for the successes to have meaning. To my view, threats of failure -- real failure -- really decreased the more the campaign went on, with a few exceptions.

Because don't get me wrong, we've definitely had struggles, and those have made for some of the best moments! Molly’s death, Yasha’s kidnapping, Yeza’s imprisonment. When failures that were threatened are allowed to occur, it’s far more gratifying when it’s followed by success, because you understand that that success was actually necessary. It shows us that what they do really means something.

Honestly, that's why the final battle really shut me up, because nothing makes you quite feel stakes and failure like having two PCs die, and having a resurrection ritual fail -- AND knowing that failure would be delivered on, had it not been for a seemingly miraculous roll of the dice to turn it around. One of the greatest failure's -- Molly's death -- made the success of his resurrection put a lot of my other issues to rest immediately, because to be honest? Molly's resurrection was the biggest success of the campaign, exactly because it was originally the biggest failure.

But this episode, we got to see the other side of making threats and successes feel disappointing -- when you get the impression that success was robbed from you. Again, their characters, their choices, but to have them roll an intervention to get Molly's soul, to convince Molly to come back with his own possessions they've so loved, after so long and so many struggles... only to apparently not get Molly at all?

Changed, of course. Memories, maybe he'd never get them back, though that seems inconsistent to how the initial resurrection was played and Matt's hints. It even makes sense that not having his memories and being a bit different, he might forge a new identity, but insisting Molly was a different person entirely after such a supposed hard won success to get Molly back, especially after what his death meant to the audience and potentially healing that old wound? It robs the narrative of a LOT of catharsis, at least for me and I know many others.

Trent, too, I'm very up and down on. He was so built up -- and what fun that build up had -- and I very much disagreed with the idea that the best story would be dealing with him offscreen.

It's true that you don’t need to explicitly address, confront, or explore every big aspect of character's story hooks and background ties for PCs to move past them and grow healthily. But that does not make it a satisfying viewing experience. People quietly healing in real life is healthy. People quietly healing in an explosive fantasy setting is frustrating for the audience.

What on earth is the point of a story if you don’t get to SEE THE ESTABLISHED CONFLICTS go anywhere? A lot of the characters got distant, quiet resolutions, if that, to everything we wanted to see.

Except, we did get to see Trent. It was a really fun, inventive battle, from opening to conclusion, but much like Travelercon, much like Nott's/Veth's problem with the hag, these were things that the audience in general wanted to see be really dug into and explored, and every single one of them got, in my opinion, quickly tidied up instead. Trent got beaten in the first and only proper battle they had with him, which, after all his build up, is pretty disappointing for a villain many of us wanted to see be a big deal. It really just felt like they were trying to tidy up to get on with the epilogue, which is not what a lot of us were looking for with Trent especially.

And that's how most of their endings felt to me. It didn't feel like any of them had reached a comfortable conclusion. Literally all of them, bar Veth and Caduceus, continued on their character journey threads, without each other and very quickly. Meeting Yasha's tribe and Vandran, Caleb finally openly debating changing time for his parents, Trent and Zeenoth's trials and the changing of the guard at the Assembly... All were things it would have been so fun to have all the PCs react to and explore together, and instead they were fleeting encounters in the latter half of a seven hour finale.

Is all this, from Molly not really coming back to Trent being a finale side plot to the Nein continuing on their individual journeys, potentially realistic to how these fantastical things might go down in real life? Sure! But that's not necessarily a good thing.

Stories THRIVE on conflict and resolution. That’s what makes them FUN! Conflict isn’t nearly so fun in real life and resolutions are often frustrating question marks, so no, past a certain point I don’t WANT stories to be realistic. I want stories to be SATISFYING.

And campaign 2 has fallen far short of the mark.

I haven’t spoken... Basically a word of this for most of the campaign, because as I said I’m a firm believer that you can’t necessarily judge something until it’s over, and because I ALSO firmly believe that being negative WHILE trying to enjoy something is counterproductive. I have had no interest in spoiling or naysaying the fun of the campaign for anyone, least of all myself.

But it's done now, and all I can say is... I really have had fun. I love the characters. I love their relationships. I’m pretty okay with where they’ve ended up. I’m not mad, really, and I’m still going to think of this campaign with a lot of affection. But it hasn’t been a satisfying story, even though for a week following episode 140 I thought, despite all the brushed over story threads, it might be.

So... to try and reclaim some of that satisfaction for myself, I might ignore some aspects of the finale proper. Namely Kingsley specifically. Taliesin's choice -- but to me, it's pretty clear that who we saw at the end of 140 was Molly, and the tags on my posts will reflect that, just as my 141 tags will be for both Kingsley and Molly, for clarity's sake. I personally want to believe Molly did come back, however others might want to interpret it. The victory in 140 that meant so much to me is hollow otherwise, and it just kind of hurts that we would lose Molly after everything. I was okay with him being dead -- I'm not so okay with his resurrection being stolen.

Kingsley will always be canon, but Molly is what I choose to acknowledge. I get if you don't like that take, and that's okay! I didn't care for canon's in the end. That's the good thing about storytelling, is that no one can stop you from making your own versions.

For the people who are hopefully hyped for campaign 3, heck yeah have fun! I’m on the fence. My investment, which... I think I can objectively say was pretty substantive as this blog will attest, doesn't feel rewarded, so I’m not convinced I can faithfully keep up for over three years all over again with a strong possibility that I will once again be left disappointed. It's been a huge chunk of my life, and... yeah!

I’ll take a break, probably, view (and liveblog, if people want!) campaign 1 when I’ve had a mental stretch and vacation, and then... I might start campaign 3. I definitely won’t be able to put the same time in it I did campaign 2 (my first love no matter what), knowing that it’s likely to not be so vindicated, in the end.

I swear I’m actually writing this in fairly good humour, but I totally get its always disappointing when the people you come to for fandom enjoyment just aren't sharing your fun. Honestly I’m half tempted to write all those frigging AUs I have sitting around! But I wanted to say my piece, and try and logically outline why this ending has been lacklustre for so many people, ultimately myself included.

Episode 140 felt right because it felt like a natural conclusion -- these disparate people coming together and finally being whole, finally soothing the hurt that MADE them so long ago. Episode 141 spat on that sentiment -- they all scattered to the winds, not as happy people to live out their dreams, but as confused people chasing up loose threads towards an unknown future, with the friend they thought returned still lost to them, ultimately.

It doesn't feel like the ending we should have gotten for the Mighty Nine, who were finally, finally all together. Until they weren't. So to me? I choose to acknowledge that they were, even if I have to force it to happen post-epilogue in my head.

#critical role #cr spoilers #c2e141 #c2e140 #ramblings #long post #first time i've used that tag but i figure people should be able to block this if they want to! #molly #kingsley #trent ikithon #the mighty nein

[rattyoakenbitch]

youtubers: “don’t touch her” ₊˚ ⸝  corpse husband x reader

❝i don't wanna think about, think about you. drink up, drink up i'm so fucked up, all i want is you.❞

gif credit: n/a song: lykke li - sex money feelings die

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥

pairings: corpse husband x reader

warnings: angst, cursing, drinking, smoking, violent language, and minor mentions of anxiety.

summary: i can’t make summaries rn hhh just read it (:

“Sean, there is no way in hell I’m going!”

“Oh, come on, Y/N. It’ll be fun!”

“That’s what you always say!”

“Ugh, you and Corpse are so stubborn. At least I was able to convince him to show up! You know what you need? To get out of the house more often and come hang with us.”

“Uh huh, yeah, y’all have fun, I got some stuff to finish.”

“Yeah? Like what? Your ten hour nap?”

“HEY! Excuse me -”

“7PM, [club address], you’re showing up.”

“Sean - !”

With that, Sean hung up. You let out an exasperated huff, crossing your arms and pouting like a toddler who was just denied a toy. You were invited, or more accurrately forced to celebrate whatever the hell Sean and his friends achieved. With lives like theirs, it seemed like there was always something to celebrate. 

You, on the other hand.. Well, you were just little old you. You met Sean by mere chance. It’s a very long story, but you shared some things in common, like your love for video games. However, that was about the only thing you could relate to with Sean and his little friend circle. You were more passionate about writing, as well as reading short horror stories. 

Now, that’s where you clicked with Corpse Husband. 

He was an underrated YouTuber, whose main uploads were narration videos on creepypastas and horror stories. That’s until he blew up with his Among Us gameplays, collaborating with big names like PewDiePie, Jacksepticeye, and CrankGamePlays (EEF!!!).

You met over an Among Us stream with said YouTubers and immediately hit it off. You shared a dark sense of humor, love for horror, and music. You knew of Corpse before, but only then did you discover that he produced music, which you absolutely enjoyed (and blasted in your house for days on end).

When you found out you lived not even twenty minutes away from each other, you’d occasionally meet up, mostly at his house considering he only went out once in a blue moon. You’d sometimes even spend the night at his place, staying up late, gazing up at the stars, getting deep into conversation and opening up about things you never blurted out to people. But when you were with Corpse, everything just came naturally. You felt safe with him, and hopefully, he felt the same. 

Night approached, the clock striking 5PM. You figured you’d get ready since Sean was dead set on you coming to the party. You showered, did a minimalist glossy makeup look, and chose an outfit, which consisted of a half neon green and black skirt that stopped mid thigh, and an oversized distressed band tee which you tucked into your belt. You slipped on a pair of ripped, striped thigh-highs with mismatched colors, (white stripes on one and neon blue on the other), and your platform boots that made you look like a Bratz Doll. You didn’t bother with your tangled hair. You teased it with a brush but didn’t put any effort into styling it, since it’d get messy anyways. To finish your look, you clipped on a choker and dangled a couple of layered chains around your neck.

Corpse would tease you, saying you had a “dog collar”, but you knew he secretly liked it.

All dolled up and ready to go, you hopped into your car and followed the GPS to the address Sean sent you. Drunk couples stumbled out of the club, dates headed inside, and old wasted guys were thrown out. Oh boy, you were not ready for this.

You were the anxious, anti social type. Not because it was edgy or cool, but you simply didn’t know how to handle social situations. However, it comforted you to know Corpse would be there by your side so you didn’t need to chat and flirt with strangers. 

It’s not like you wanted to meet anybody new, anyways. Though nobody was aware of it, you had feelings for Corpse. Cliche, right? You knew you shouldn’t have, but you developed feelings for him. It made you feel strange and weird, considering you haven’t caught feelings in a while.

You came up with the bright idea of slowly drifting away from Corpse to maybe help de-escalate these feelings, but you were going to run into him at the club, so what the heck.

You headed inside, your eyes scanning the crowd and pushing through, searching for your friend group. You spent a couple minutes cluelessly looking around the club, but to no avail. Then, it was as if a light bulb clicked on over your head; you never thought to phone Sean.

“Ugh, I’m so stupid.” You reached into your purse to get ahold of your phone when a pair of strong, manly hands and cold metal which you assumed to be rings wrapped around your shoulders, gripping you tightly. 

“Boo!” 

You felt your heart stop and ran out of the man’s grasp, spinning around to look at who it was.

“Oh, did I scare you?” 

The man’s deep, monotone voice rumbled above the sound of the music and shouts. Then you recognized that unique and distinctive voice. 

“Corpse!! What the hell?”

His nose and jaw was covered by a black mask, with a print that looked like Frank from Donnie Darko, which was also Corpse’s signature look, seen in his channel art. 

Despite Corpse being a faceless YouTuber, only very few people have seen his face, including you and Glam&Gore who he featured in his narration videos. You thought he was very handsome, his baritone voice matching his appearance. You had to admit, you were a little disappointed he chose to wear a mask. You loved seeing his facial expressions, especially his precious smile that would light up the room when he’d let out little fits of laughter. But you got over it and respected the fact that he wanted to remain anonymous.

“You dickhead,” you scoffed, smacking Corpse lightly on the shoulder. Corpse towered over you, looking admittedly both intimidating and seductive. If you were a stranger, you’d probably be running off, but you weren’t scared of Corpse. He was a big softie and a teddy bear.

Corpse chuckled lowly, slinging his arm over your shoulder and leading you to Sean’s group. He was protective like that, even if you were just friends. Now you could see why Sean, at one point, speculated that you and Corpse had a thing going on. 

“So, Sean forced you to tag along, too?”

“Pfft, yeah, that’s Sean for you.”

“Hey, there’s my favorite couple,” Sean joked, patting your shoulder. You rolled your eyes at his drunk antics.

“Shut up, don’t make me choke you like I hate you,” you mocked in return, eliciting a fit of laughter from the group. 

“Remind me to never hang out with you losers again,” Corpse mumbled sarcastically under his breath.

The night went by in a flash. Sean, Thomas, Felix, and everyone else was blackout drunk. Luckily, Mark was there to assist them. Since Mark couldn’t drink, he would be the designated driver that night. Corpse hung out by himself, sometimes getting approached by women who he politely turned down.

You, on the other hand, were downing alcohol like your life depended on it. For you, it would take more than the average number of drinks for you to get wasted.

“Y/N, don’t you think you should slow down?” Corpse questioned cautiously, resting a hand on the small of your back.

“Does it really look like I’m thinking right now?” you drunkenly slurred, following with a giggle. You waved to the bartender, calling for another shot, which he slid over to you, but not without hesitating after noticing your state. You pushed Corpse off of you, probably more harshly than you intended, and took the shot. 

“Okay, Y/N, fuck this, I’m taking you to my place. We can’t stay here and you certainly can’t drive back home when you’re drunk,” Corpse scowled, stepping closer to you. Again, you shoved him back.

“No.. No..” You sighed, holding your pounding head in your hand. “Don’t do that.”

“Do what? Y/N, you’re drunk -”

“I’m not letting you of all people take me.”

Corpse blinked. “What does that mean?” He knew you were drunk, of course, and you were probably just blurting nonsense.

All of a sudden, tears escaped your eyes, racing down your blushy cheeks.

“No.. I’m so sorry. It’s my fault.” You began to shake and tremble as tears started to uncontrollably spill down your face. Corpse didn’t waste another second to take you in his arms, hushing you. “Your hugs are so warm.. I hate it. I hate feeling this way. It’s all my fault.”

“What did you do, sweetheart? You can tell me.”

Your heart ached when you heard his pet name for you.

“I think I may like you more than you like me.. I-I didn’t mean to! Please don’t leave me. You’re all I have,” you sobbed into his white tee, clinging onto him. “I love you so fucking much, it hurts. I shouldn’t have!”

Corpse stopped for a moment, processing your words.

You.. felt the same?

Corpse had to tell you. You were drunk, but he needed you to know. 

“Y/N, I -”

Suddenly, you had a moment of clarity. Realizing how close you were to Corpse, you backed away, wiping away the mascara tears under your eyes.

“I - I think I had too much to drink.. I just need a smoke..” 

Without giving Corpse the chance to protest, you ran off into the crowd, struggling your way through. 

Corpse began to get worried when you didn’t come back. He waited impatiently on the barstool where you left him, anxiously playing with his rings.

He was just about to get up and look for you, when he caught a glimpse of you stumbling out the exit with another man who guided you, gripping your arm tightly.

Corpse fumed, his face going red and heartbeat speeding up. He went after you, knowing damn well you didn’t know this man. 

The man took you to his car, placing you atop the trunk, your legs dangling over the edge. He stepped in between your legs, caressing your face. Everything was a blur. If your mind was clear, you wouldn’t be stupid enough to trust this random guy, who was probably ten years older than you. 

“You’re too pretty to be crying,” he whispered, leaning in closer to your face, until a yell stopped him from proceeding any further.

“Hey, asshole, she’s drunk! Don’t you fucking touch her!”

“C-Corpse?” You hiccuped, hopping off the trunk to get a look at the approaching figure. It was indeed Corpse. His eyebrows were pressed together angrily at the sight.

“You know this dude?” the man said loudly and smugly, just to get a reaction from Corpse. “Relax, my man, I’m just tryna take this pretty girl home.”

“Well this pretty girl happens to be mine, and I won’t let you take advantage of her,” Corpse growled. 

You stood by the stranger, clinging to him as you watched Corpse’s face twist into an expression of heartbreak when you didn’t budge. He then noticed the bruises around your arms and wrist, supposedly from the man’s strong grip. He was unbelievably furious. 

“Ha, doesn’t look like she’s your girl anymore.” The man’s lips twisted upwards into a devilish smirk, only pissing Corpse off some more. Oh boy, was he ready to snap. He reached into his pocket, when..

“Wait,” you managed to slur out, breaking up the argument. You reached out towards Corpse like a child. His facial expression immediately softened. He gave you a loving smile and immediately took you into his arms, holding you protectively. 

“Now, I suggest you get in your car and never come back,” Corpse threatened.

“Oh, yeah? Or what? I’ll kill you and take your girl, you motherfucker!”

Without hesitation, Corpse took out his switchblade, looking the man in his eyes.

“Say that again?”

You watched as the stranger’s whole tough act fell apart. Without another word, he ran to the driver’s side of his car, fumbling with his keys. 

“Yeah, that’s right,” Corpse mumbled, not taking his eyes off the man until he reached his own car. You held his hand the whole way, processing what had just happened. Corpse noticed your distant expression. You got into his car, shutting the door and slumping back into your seat. He tore off his mask, taking in deep breaths to calm himself. Then he looked back to you. 

“Princess?”

You looked to Corpse, your eyes teary. “Hey, Corpse.” You didn’t seem to be as drunk, your mind a lot clearer after the incident. “D-Did you mean anything you said back there? About the..”

“About you being my girl?” 

Corpse took your hand in his, squeezing it comfortingly. He leaned forward and cupped your face with his free hand. “Absolutely.” 

With that, you leaned towards him, hesitantly pressing your lips to his. Your lips tasted of alcohol, but Corpse didn’t care. He was admittedly taken back, his breath hitching, but he released the tension from his body and kissed you back, pulling you over to the driver’s seat atop him. There wasn’t much space, forcing you to press closer to Corpse, deepening the kiss. 

Still being a bit drunk, you were clumsy and kind of ‘out of it’. 

“I’d hold onto something if I were you,” Corpse mumbled, breaking the kiss momentarily to guide your hands to grip his shoulders. But you were impatient and reconnected your lips with his, no doubt causing him to blush even more than he already was.

You couldn’t help yourself and giggled into the kiss, causing Corpse to chuckle along with you, departing from the kiss again and resting his forehead against yours.

“I’m sorry, you’re just so fucking adorable when you giggle.” 

You hummed in response, offering Corpse an innocent grin as you pecked all over his face. 

“I’m so glad you’re mine.”

#corpse husband #corpse x reader #corpse x y/n #corpse x you #corpse husband x reader #corpse husband x female reader #corpse x female reader #corpse husband x you #corpse husband x y/n #corpse husband fanfic #corpse husband fluff #corpse husband oneshot #jacksepticeye #markiplier #crankgameplays #sykkuno #youtube #youtubers #among us #rattyoakenbitch #pewdiepie #aesthetic gif #lykke li #tw: drunk #tw: drinking #tw: alcohol #tw: smoking #tw: violence #tw: anxious thoughts #tw: anxiety

[realcube]

rq; could you possibly write a one shot about the reader having AD(H)D and has a really hard time focusing on core academics (math, science, english, history) because they feel scared about stimming and/or fidgeting in front of people and so they ask tamaki for help?

tw; very mild angst, fluff, stimming, i use the word ‘embrassing’ too much, swearing

words; 2.7k

it only took a moment of skimming over your latest progress report for you to understand the situation.

you continued to thrive in practical subjects like physical education, graphic design and manufacturing — the three main reasons you managed to secure your spot in the support course — but your core subjects seemed to be lacking.

for the last two years, you managed to score flying colours in all your subjects. but now, it was starting to appear as though your golden era was coming to a close. what was once a report with only scores greater than 90%, was now a range of totals anywhere from 90 to 50%.

this meant you were still passing all of your classes but these grades were only indications of how you were doing now; you knew that if you continued to struggle in all of your core courses, you might not finish your third year of UA highschool.

you simply wouldn't allow for your grades to decline further, so like any good student would, you made a list of ways you could improve.

number one was, of course, study more. however, you were almost certain that discipline and diligence aren't the causes of the issue.

number two was to ask for help from your teacher and although this was a completely valid option, you still felt like the problem ran deeper than your ability to comprehend the material. after all, you had made it this far without having to do so.

before you could even ponder number three, your pen ran out of ink. with a huff, you reach out to grab a new one from your pencil case, until you noticed that in the spot where your pencil case usually sits on your desk, there was nothing.

it was as though the void had caused all your memories of yesterday to come crashing down on you in an instant; it was almost nauseating. yet it, ironically, provided some clarity as to the location of your stationary.

two days ago, after school, you paid a visit to tamaki's house to deliver the gear he had commissioned. however, what was initially meant to be a casual interaction, somehow turned into a game of pictionary (with mirio and nejire there too, of course), for which you needed to bring your pencil case out of your bag. amidst your awkward goodbyes, you must've forgotten to put it back into your bag, hence your pencil case is probably lying dejected on tamaki's coffee table.

this left you with no choice but to throw on your jacket and begin your journey to tamaki's house. fortunately, he only lived a bus ride away from your home, yet you still mentally rebuked yourself for the whole length of aforementioned bus ride due to the fact that every time you would interact with tamaki, it felt like you were digging a deeper grave for yourself.

partially because you always found yourself oversharing with him — not that it was a one-sided ordeal — and you couldn't begin to explain why; he kinda just had a comforting aura about him. albeit you haven’t said anything embarrassing yet but the possibility of that happening was way too large. plus taking into consideration your complicated feelings for each other, leaving your pencil case at his house was a disaster waiting to occur.

or perhaps you were overthinking it. either way, you were now standing in front of his door with your school uniform and backpack on during a saturday afternoon because you had no idea what else to wear.

after ringing the doorbell, you stood as a patient statue in the cold until tamaki reluctantly opened the door and only poked his head out. “hello?”

emphasis on ‘only’, because he was truly committed to not allowing you to see him in his casual-wear, for some reason. a part of him reasoned that there was no way you would expect him to be wearing his school uniform on a saturday, but the majority of his brain was screaming about how he had to hide his clothes from you at all costs. especially since he was wearing socks, comfy trackpants and — most shamefully — a sweater with a small octopus design on it. and what would you think of him if you saw that his choice in loungewear was so childish?! it would be utterly humiliating.

completely unaware that tamaki was having a crisis behind the door, you pulled your most authentic smile and said the line you had been rehearing on the bus, “hi, tamaki. sorry for coming unannounced, but i think i left my pencil case on your coffee table when we were playing pictionary with mirio and nejire.”

“oh.” tamaki was almost too panicked to process what you just said but once he did, he immediately recalled the moment he noticed that you had left behind your pencil case. at the time, he planned on calling you to ask if he could drop it off at your house, but his nerves got the better of him and he decided to keep procrastinating the call until he completely forgot.

though, if he remembered correctly, the pencil case should be lying on his desk after he moved it there in hopes that the convenient location would remind him to return it; which it evidently did not.

“yeah. uh, i’ve got it. i’ll just go get it.” his face tingled with warmth slightly as he retracted it from the doorway, resulting in him finally realising how cold it is outside. in fact, since the eaves of his house shielded you for the climate, he didn’t even notice that it was snowing!

the polite bone in him got to work before the rest of him could react, as he blurted out, “come in, make yourself at home.”

fuck! i mean, it’s not that he doesn’t want you in his house — quite the opposite actually — but rather now he had to dart off to his bedroom before you could catch a glimpse of his sweater. but at least now this gave him an opportunity to change into something less embarrassing.

closing the door behind you, you were now left alone in tamaki’s living room. your eyes followed his figure as he dashed towards his bedroom, “odd.” you murmured to yourself. you weren’t exactly tamaki’s BFF but you were close enough to him that you could tell when he was acting weird.

but you didn’t think to much of it. actually, you were slightly grateful for this weird spike in tamaki’s behaviour because if he doesn’t want you around, that just means you are less likely to overshare and catch feelings, which means better outcomes in the long run, right?

after changing into a plain blue sweater and collecting your pencil case, tamaki strolled into the living room and handed it to you with a weak smile, “here you go.” he almost whispered, patiently waiting for your response so he could mentally prepare himself for goodbyes or another hour (or so) of conversation.

“thank you!” you basically squealed, pulling off your bag to stuff your pencil case back inside. while adjusting the straps on your shoulders, you took a moment to appreciate tamaki’s familiar attire, “oh, i love your sweater; i have a similar one with a cute little octopus on it.”

tamaki concluded that neither of you would be saying goodbye for a long while.

“thank you.” he responded with a soft smile, folding his arms over his chest as he made his way towards the kitchen, “um, so how are you?” he inquired, assuming that it was a pretty harmless question that would simply help get the conversation off the ground while he prepared tea.

“i’m good. but i don’t think i can say the same for my progress report.” you said with an awkward chuckle, standing aside as you watched tamaki put the kettle on. “and how are y--”

“what do you mean?” tamaki asked, disregarding the fact that he didn’t answer the question himself. although, simply put, this was because he found that conversation came more naturally to him when he was with you; or perhaps that is a slight overstatement. he tended to be more curious and inquisitive when talking to you and it wasn’t hard to tell.

until now you and mirio simply brushed it off as tamaki’s interest towards the support course, since you were the one who manufactured most of his gear. yet nejire always teased him as she believed that tamaki’s interest was caused by a different sort of passion.

nevertheless, regardless of tamaki’s motives, you still found yourself consistently answering his questions, “eh, well, i’ve just not been performing as well as i hoped.” you replied plainly with a shrug.

“is that all?”

no matter how many questions he asked, each one still managed to catch you off-guard. “um,” your throat ran dry, which might’ve been a sign from a deity to stop talking, but your swallowing was your way of proving that you did not care. although you will probably regret it later, talking with tamaki always relieved you.

“well,” you started, the lump in your throat growing by the second, “i guess i have a bit of trouble focussing in some classes too. but i mean, maybe it is because i drink too much caffeine? i’m not even sure to be honest.” that was lie, you were  90% sure of what the problem was, but you wanted to hear tamaki’s response before you proceeded, to determine whether he’d be open-minded about it.

“there is no such thing as too much caffeine.” he joked, handing you a cup of tea while he sipped on his own. “so it’s probably something else.”

he’s too good. it’s as if he knew you were withholding information.

“well,” you began once more, trying your best to appear clueless, “i guess moving helps me focus, but no once else in the class does it so wouldn’t it be embarrassing if i was the only one?”

“i don’t think it would be embarrassing at all.” he spoke softly, leading you back into the living room and offer you a seat on the couch beside him, which you graciously accepted. “but if you think it is, then i have something to help.”

before you could say anything, tamaki got up and headed towards his bedroom; leaving you to drink his heavenly tea while he searched. though, only a few minutes passed before you felt his arms slither over your shoulders to hook two clips together by your neck.

“there.” he said with a proud smile, “this is one of my cloaks that i use in my hero costume. you can tie it together so it covers the whole front half of your body.”

observing your reflection in the blackened TV, you smiled upon seeing for your own eyes that everything he said was true. it was like wearing a cape that goes around your whole body, and it had a nice hood! “wow, this is so adorable!” you cheered, then paused, “but how is it going to help me focus?”

“well, you can do whatever you want underneath it and no one will notice.”

ignoring the shady implications of that sentence, you moved your hand around underneath the cloak and he was right! no one would see you fidgeting underneath the cloak, and hopefully the professor’s voice would cover any sounds you made. plus, it looked pretty badass.

“this might work! are cloaks included in dress-code?” you joked, but you weren’t laughing for long as you turned to look at tamaki who was wearing an upset expression with his head hung low, “no.”

“oh.” you sighed, unclipping the cloak and handing it back to tamaki with a slight smile, “it’s fine. thank you for your help, and the tea. it was delicious, but i’ll probably have to start cutting back on the caffeine.” you gave it a chef’s kiss yet he didn’t even chuckle like he usually does. it was almost scary how your true emotions reflected onto him, as it seemed like the whole atmosphere had changed.

“(y/n).” tamaki uttered with a much more serious tone; eyes filled with determination yet trained onto the cloak in his hands. “you shouldn’t be embarrassed-- or at least, I, um, don’t think you should be.”

your eyes widened at how sternly he said the first part; granted, he became flustered when it came to the second part, but it really showed you how firmly he stood by what he was saying. you nodded for him to continue as he looked like he still had a lot on his mind.

“it’s unfair that you have trouble focussing because of what other people think. so my two cents is that you should do whatever you need to do, and, um, not care about other people... well, i mean, you should care about them, but just not what they think about you. because like, you can’t really control that--”

he found himself having to abruptly shut his mouth to stop himself from prattling on any further. especially since most of what he was saying was probably none sense that he mistook for inspirational, or at least that is what he gathered from the shocked look you wore; it was ironic how humiliated he was.

“that’s nice to hear.” you hummed, a kind smile gracing your features in place of the previous stunned expression, “though it’s hard to believe coming from someone as cool as you, tamaki.”

“cool?”

“yeah.” you chuckled, rolling your eyes at his baffled look which he must have been faking. surely he knows how highly thought of and respected he is throughout the whole school. he is in the big three, for fucks’ sake! “there is probably a better word to describe it, but you are one of the most badass people i know.”

“badass?” it was as if all he was capable of doing was repeating these words to you with an innocent yet confused gaze.

“yes!” you enthused, “so, is there anything you even have to be embarrassed about?”

“i do!” he almost whined, and without thinking, he stormed to his bedroom only to grab the sweater he cast aside earlier to show it to you, “look! an octopus sweater, isn’t this embarrassing?”

you deadpanned, unsure as to whether he was joking or not. “stimming is very different from a octopus sweater but go on.” however after a few moments of actually analysing the design on the article of clothing, you exclaimed, “oi, i have that exact same sweater! how is a cute little octopus embarrassing? plus, it would be extra cute on you because you have tentacles.”

in a moment of frustration and wanting to prove a point, he threw the sweater aside and began to sheepishly grab at the ends of his sleeves, “well, you know what’s even more embarrassing? having a crush on someone for three whole years and not having the balls to ask them out! and on top of that, being to nervous to return my crush’s stuff after you left it at my house.”

you weren’t sure if he meant to switch out ‘my crush’ with ‘you’ on purpose or if he was just confused. either way, you found yourself leaning in to wrap the poor boy in an overdue embrace, smiling against his chest as he hugged back. “that was..” you faltered, allowing tamaki to interject with “mortifying” but you were quick to correct him, “i think that was a very unique way to confess, and i'm just glad you did.”

your chuckle that followed was left to echo around the room as tamaki stood still and silent, simply enjoying the comfort in your arms as feeling the pleasure of time escape him. until eventually he whispered close to your ear, “so since i know more about embarrassment than you thought, will you take my advice now?”

you snickered, gently tracing shapes onto his back, “i was going to take your advice either way because if i don’t get good grades and remain in the support course, how will i graduate with you?”

“good point.” he hummed, not-so silently enjoying the relaxing sensations near his spine, “but we are not wearing matching octopus hats.”

how did manage to shoot down your idea before you even proposed it?

#tamaki amakiji #tamaki x reader #amajiki tamaki x reader #tamaki headcanons #tamaki fluff #bnha x gender neutral reader #tamaki x y/n #mha amajiki #mha tamaki #tamaki amajiki #amajiki x reader #bnha amajiki #amajiki tamaki imagine #my hero academia amajiki

[robininthelabyrinth]

*snicker* Prompt: Where the Nie sect are all (secretly?) werewolves, and 'qi deviation' is code for 'stuck in/refusing to resume human form'.

“Da-ge!” Nie Huaisang said, poking his head in through the door to where Nie Mingjue was entertaining his sworn brothers. “I know I said I was going shopping, but I’ve changed my mind; I’m going to go have a picnic up the mountain.”

Nie Mingjue nodded his consent, and Nie Huaisang disappeared with a yelp of joy.

“I’m surprised you didn’t make him tell you what mountain,” Lan Xichen laughed. “It’s not as if Qinghe is short on them.”

“I’m surprised Huaisang agreed to go outside, especially instead of shopping,” Jin Guangyao put in with a smile.

“There’s only one mountain that matters,” Nie Mingjue said absent-mindedly. “And one of the family must have come to visit.”

“Family?” Jin Guangyao asked, lowering his head as if his interest hadn’t been piqued. The main branch of the Nie sect rather infamously consisted of just the two brothers, although the extended family was fairly large – though he’d never known either brother to make time especially for them. “What family?”

“Distant ones,” Nie Mingjue said shortly, and changed the subject.

Naturally, after a dodge like that, Jin Guangyao had to follow up.

“Who are you going to visit?” he asked Nie Huaisang.

“Great-uncle Lu!” Nie Huaisang said happily. “It’s been years since I last saw him.”

“I’m sure he’ll be impressed with how much you’ve grown,” Jin Guangyao teased. “Will he bring lots of presents from his travels?”

“Oh, he doesn’t travel,” Nie Huaisang said, and – what? How could not have seen Nie Huaisang for years if he lived in the area? Was there some sort of familial infighting Jin Guangyao wasn’t aware of? “And he doesn’t really do presents much – though he’s always very thoughtful about bringing lots of food.”

“Well, that’s something,” Jin Guangyao said faintly. Bringing food, as opposed to snacks to share, seemed rather rude to him, implying that Qinghe couldn’t act as a proper host – but Nie Huaisang was clearly very enthusiastic. “What’s he like, your great-uncle?”

“His temper’s even worse than my brother’s,” Nie Huaisang said, and that put a quick end to any thought Jin Guangyao might have had about asking to join in the visit.

Still, the curiosity was killing him.

“Don’t you think it’s strange?” he asked Lan Xichen, who blinked at him. “That it’s a great-uncle, I mean. I thought most Nie cultivators died young.”

“They also have children young,” Lan Xichen pointed out, but frowned thoughtfully. “I haven’t heard of any great-uncle before now, though. Did he mention a name?”

“Just ‘Lu’.”

“Huh. Da-ge once mentioned a Great-Uncle Lu, but it can’t be that one – he was apparently famous in Nie family lore for having a, uh, particularly explosive qi deviation, I think is how he put it…”

Jin Guangyao did not especially want to consider what that might have looked like. “Probably a different one,” he agreed. “Did you give Huaisang that fan you wanted to give him?”

“Oh no, I forgot!” Lan Xichen exclaimed, as Jin Guangyao had expected, and from that point it was fairly easy to convince him that they should just pop in on Nie Huaisang’s picnic to give it to him.

They find Nie Huaisang fairly easily, right in the middle of setting up a big fire for roasting; he was delighted to get the fan, and spent several minutes questioning Lan Xichen about the origins and meanings and artist while Jin Guangyao looked around for clues about the mysterious great-uncle.

He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting, but there was nothing at all – at least until the giant tiger swaggered out of the forest, dragging a deer by the haunch.

“Tiger!” Jin Guangyao exclaimed.

“Deer!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed. “Oh, wonderful; thank you, Great-Uncle! I haven’t had venison in weeks, what with us eating our way through the boar that da-ge brought down last month.”

Jin Guangyao’s sole consolation was that Lan Xichen looked as lost as he was.

The tiger, on the other hand, seemed very comfortable: it was massive, as large as a horse, and had somehow become covered in a light layer of green moss that made it look highly unusual. It threw its head to the side, tossing the deer onto the flames, and then used its paw to point at one of the jars of spice Nie Huaisang had prepared, and that was about when Jin Guangyao actually internalized that Nie Huaisang’s Great-Uncle Lu was, in fact, the tiger.

“How did that happen?” he asked, utterly fascinated. He’d always liked cats. There’d been a handful of strays that congregated behind the brothel; he would feed them any scraps that were fully inedible. He’d never met a tiger before. “He was human first, right?”

“Of course,” Nie Huaisang said, expertly butchering and then seasoning the meat as his great-uncle lounged on his side, watching contentedly. “It was…three generations back, I think? Maybe four? Not that long ago, anyway; he had a really epic qi deviation – it was big, hard to describe, almost –”

“Explosive?” Lan Xichen suggested.

“Yes! Exactly. Explosive.”

“I understand that much, but how did he turn into a tiger?” Jin Guangyao asked.

Nie Huaisang blinked at him. “I’m not sure I understand the question. I just told you: he had a qi deviation.”

“Are you saying that he turned into a tiger because of his qi deviation?” Lan Xichen asked, looking dazed.

“More or less,” Nie Huaisang said.

“It’s not ‘more or less’,” the familiar deep voice of their eldest sworn brother said from behind them. “It’s exactly so.”

Jin Guangyao pasted on a smile before turning, but for once Nie Mingjue didn’t seem to be in a bad mood – if anything, he didn’t even seem all that surprised at seeing them.

“Why do you think our tombs only have a place for sabers?” he asked, sitting down next to Nie Huaisang and assisting with the roasting. “Burying the sabers doesn’t mean that if there were bodies, we wouldn’t need to deal with them as well.”

“That makes sense,” Lan Xichen said, though he sounded a little doubtful.

Jin Guangyao thought about the tombs he’d seen – how many tombs there were, and all filled solely by sabers. No bodies. Not even remnants thereof.

“How often do Nies turn into tigers upon deviation?” he asked, starting to rapidly re-think his plan regarding the Song of Clarity. It would be an awful shame for him to succeed in planning the perfect murder, only to be mauled to death by a tiger shortly after completion. “All of them?”

“Now that one is ‘more or less’,” Nie Huaisang said triumphantly, and Nie Mingjue rolled his eyes at him. “Quite a few do, anyway, and almost always the ones in the main line, since they bear the heaviest burden. There’s a short period in which their body collapses – we take them away so they can transform in private, and announce the death before releasing them on the mountain.”

“…this mountain?” Jin Guangyao said, thoughts of giant packs of roving Nie ancestor tigers. Angry ones.

“We release them on this mountain, but they live on a celestial mountain that can’t be easily accessed,” Nie Huaisang said.

“Oh, like Baoshan Sanren,” Lan Xichen said, and both Nies abruptly looked extremely shifty. “Not – the same mountain?”

“…possibly,” Nie Mingjue allowed. “Not that we’ve ever met her in person, of course.”

“Of course,” Lan Xichen said blankly. “Not in person. Right.”

“Speaking of in person, what are you doing here, da-ge?” Nie Huaisang asked. “I thought you were too busy to go see Great-Uncle Lu.”

The giant green tiger across the fire growled pointedly at that.

“Sect business comes first,” Nie Mingjue informed the tiger. “And you’re not quite important enough to draw me away, Great-Uncle –”

The tiger bared its teeth.

“– but Grandmother Bai is.”

Nie Huaisang jumped to his feet. “Grandmother Bai is coming?!” he shouted, and even the green tiger looked deeply concerned by this news, insofar as tigers could look concerned – it got up and paced around, lashing its tail from side to side. “Why didn’t you say? I should put on something nicer –”

“I only just got word myself and came up as quickly as I could,” Nie Mingjue said, and then looked at Lan Xichen and Jin Guangyao. “I’m afraid you should probably go.”

“Your grandmother has a temper, I’m guessing,” Jin Guangyao tried a weak joke.

He got a stern look in response, but Nie Mingjue was still opening his mouth to scold him when the earth shook. It was a good thing they were all sitting, or else they might have fallen.

It was a very temporary shake. Jin Guangyao would have assumed it was an earthquake if another shake hadn’t happened a few moments later, and then another after that –

“Are those footsteps?” he asked, horrified. “How large is your grandmother, anyway?”

“Uh, well, you know,” Nie Huaisang said, which was not an answer.

“A more important question,” Lan Xichen said. “You call your great-uncle ‘Lu’, presumably because he’s green. Does that mean you calling your grandmother ‘Bai’ mean she’s white?”

They both nodded, and Lan Xichen blanched in a way that Jin Guangyao didn’t understand.

“Da-ge, Huaisang,” Lan Xichen said, very slowly. “Are you telling me that your – that your ‘grandmother’ is the Baihu?”

The celestial white tiger? That would be ridiculous.

“We’ve never asked,” Nie Mingjue said. “It seemed like it would be rude.”

“And we don’t do rude with anyone that has teeth larger than Baxia,” Nie Huaisang agreed.

Jin Guangyao decided that his curiosity had been sated enough for one day.

#mdzs #nie huaisang #nie mingjue #jin guangyao #lan xichen #my fic #my fics #total crack #not going to lie #it'll make you feel better after reading the previous fic at least? #hamelin-born

[diamondcitydarlin]

I am just...honestly fascinated by this sudden ‘change of heart’ with Guillermo tho in regards to being a familiar and becoming a vampire, there’s a lot going on there and a lot to unpack, and I’m hoping somewhere in the depths of what is about to be a long, directionless rant I’ll find the clarity I haven’t seemed to quite grasp yet. 

ALSO I’M SORRY THIS IS A LOOONG ASS POST BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO PUT IT UNDER A READ MORE AND SUBJECT INNOCENTS TO MY BLOG LOL, BUT I’VE TAGGED ACCORDINGLY 

So, I already made a post about ‘Collaboration’ and some of the interesting subtext we get within that episode. Mainly, that this episode is an interesting one for Guillermo because he finally gets what appears to be and should be (at least at first) the opportunity he’s always been waiting for. To this point, across seasons, Guillermo has driven home that his one and only aspiration in life, the reason he tolerates an endless, shitty position, is because he hopes to become a vampire. He’s wanted it since he was a kid. IF HE CAN’T BECOME A VAMPIRE, WHAT HAS THIS ALL BEEN ABOUT?? 

If it was as simple as just wanting to become a vampire by any means necessary, leaving Nandor for this golden opportunity should have been as easy as taking off an ill-fitting pair of shoes...but it wasn’t that, was it? When Nandor pretended to shuck him off as if it didn’t matter, Guillermo got angry and sad in equal measure and only really brightened again when Nandor came back and promised to do better by him. Not necessarily set down a concrete timeline for the ‘becoming a vampire’ thing though, but Guillermo didn’t seem to care about that all that much anyway. Interesting. 

Now we’re able to see a version of things in which Guillermo is being treated better as a familiar, but rather than this development improving his mood he seems all the more aware of the fact now that...maybe he doesn’t even want to be a vampire anymore. Maybe he’s wasting his time here. Maybe he needs to swim towards open waters, so to speak. 

Very similar to Nandor, Guillermo, I think, is not really aware or fully accepting of the inner workings of his own mind. He strikes me as a character that does a lot in the way of burying the truths of himself so far down, he even convinces himself that part of who he is doesn’t really exist- even when it does, and drives a lot of his actions. The show plays to this by only ‘showing’ us concretely how much Guillermo wants us to know, with only small hints and nods to other things going on. That fits and rings true to the norm for a mockumentary style of filming/writing, in that the audience has to rely on a lot of subtle cues from the subjects to figure out what’s ‘really going on’ with a character or plot line; the ‘camera’ in a mockumentary style piece is as much of a visceral, present character as anyone else in the cast and is treated accordingly (but then, like 99.99999% of human beings have seen the entirety of The Office and Parks and Rec, so yall know this already) 

I think part of the way to figuring this all out is to ask why Guillermo wanted to be a vampire in the first place. His answer to this would probably be something along the lines of ‘because they’re cool’ which, you know, valid. That would be a fitting and satisfying answer if, say, I had given it because there was a time when I was about 4-6 years old that I, too, decided I would grow up to be a vampire. Because it was ‘cool’ and aspiring to anything else seemed boring. Again, valid. For someone who has dedicated pretty much ALL of his adult life to apprenticing into vampirism based on a childhood dream that never died? THAT begs a bit more of an in depth reason, I think, to which for now we can only guess. 

I’ll try to make an educated one based on what I believe is going on here, that Guillermo himself is either not aware of or not ready to share with the cameras: I believe his drive to want to become a vampire, given it was based in childhood flights of fancy (and probably some Guillermo-self insert/Armand fanfics, let’s be hONEST) was rooted in a need to feel respected and powerful, at the heart of things. When we first meet Guillermo, and for much of season 1, we see that he’s quiet, subservient, meek, and we learn briefly about how he was bullied in school. I think Guillermo was raised to be this way and use silence/subservience as his only defense mechanism, which may also go a long way to explaining why he’s so reserved. For 10 years, I think it was enough for him to tell himself that everything would be better for him once he became a vampire, he’d have all the things he never had as a human. Respect. Appreciation. Power. Control over his own life.

That said, things have changed quite a bit for Guillermo since season one. While learning that he had Van Helsing blood came as an unpleasant shock, embracing and exploring that side of himself proved that he’s actually kind of a bad ass even without being a vampire. He only ever wielded this power to protect Nandor and others so far, but it is a power nonetheless, this agility and strength that is too great for even VAMPIRES to successfully fight back against. He’s also a smart cookie that knows how to manipulate a situation, something that he’s been using a lot this season too. So, power, then. He has it already. Respect he received from his vampire-hunting group. 

But that still leaves appreciation and, dare I say it, maybe even affection/love. I think there’s a part of Guillermo that wants to feel like he’s accepted and cared for, but even when it’s offered (by groups like his vampire hunting clan, or Celeste’s vampire community lol) he seems to shy away from it going too far, like it’s just too much or ill-fitting coming from people he barely knows. Given that he’s a private, introvert type this makes sense. 

One thing has remained consistent for Guillermo though, across both seasons and episodes, and that’s his seemingly unwavering concern and affection for Nandor. Even in this last ep when he’s unashamedly shucking off duties that don’t fit his job description and maintaining those professional boundaries like a BOSS, he still snaps to and gets to work the moment Nandor is kidnapped. Laszlo’s gone? Meh, who cares, not his jurisdiction. Nandor’s gone!?? Fuck it, he’s getting the keys. A ‘vampire’ offers him the opportunity of a lifetime to become a vampire quickly and live within an accepting community of likeminded people and Nandor told him ‘go for it’? He’s upset that Nandor didn’t fight harder to keep him. 

So now he’s back and Nandor’s making a consistent effort not to abuse Guillermo’s position. This seemed the ideal resolution at the end of ‘Collaboration’, but after a couple of weeks it becomes clear that it wasn’t. For some reason. Guillermo’s no longer satisfied and thinks maybe it’s time to do more with his life. 

I’ll try to sum up the points I’ve made so far into a concise version of where I think Guillermo’s at right now, at least subconsciously; mostly all the things he hoped that turning into a vampire would grant him, have already been granted. He’s learned that he’s strong, smart, capable as is, more than he or anyone else had ever given him credit for. I think it makes sense that his burning need to become a vampire has begun to ebb into a quarter-life crisis of questioning who he really is and what he really wants, because the dream he nursed for so long has turned out to be pretty shallow and maybe not even necessary. He realizes there’s more he could be doing than working tirelessly to an end goal that no longer seems so sweet. 

But that leaves the ‘affection’ and ‘acceptance’ elements dangling in space, held up by his own affection for Nandor that has yet to be really defined. It’s pretty clear that Guillermo is nursing it hard, but what is the nature of it? Even as his sense of loyal devotion to a cause has started to fade, even as his view of Nandor as this unflappable role model has begun to disappear too bc he’s starting to see Nandor for who he really is (a himbo idiot that he can outwit, outmatch without even trying hard) this raw affection still remains. It’s still important that Nandor fights for him. It’s still important that Nandor is safe and protected.  

And, as with the rest of these things I mentioned, I don’t think Guillermo is even really aware of how much he cares about Nandor, how much it drives his actions and thinking, how important that relationship is to him. It’s easier to just sort of...ignore that and pretend it isn’t a factor, that’s Guillermo’s modus operandi when it comes to complicated feelings. 

I think back to that line from season 1, wherein Guillermo’s kind of musing wistfully about how different his life might have been if he’d stayed at Panera Bread/in a stable job with pay and benefits, but then handwaves that all away with ‘The heart wants what it wants’. By this point in the show he was already kind of drifting away from the goal of becoming a vampire (whether he realized it or not). 

The heart wants what it wants indeed, Guillermo, but maybe it’s not really ‘becoming a vampire’. Maybe it’s something else entirely that keeps you tied to this house, this thankless ‘job’. 

At this point, I really cannot say for 100% certain what I think will happen next with Guillermo. This show has proven solid at pulling out unexpected plot twists I wouldn’t have seen coming, but then, I also have been pretty good at predicting where they’re gonna go with things. Like 7/10 lmao. My two theories right now are: 

He’ll become a vampire in the series finale- unwillingly, maybe by accident. This one I think is plausible because it’s a bit of a kick in the pants. It’s the outcome he’s wanted for SO LONG but has just realized maybe it’s not all he can do or wants to do. I could see a situation where, idk, maybe Guillermo expresses to Nandor his thoughts lately about moving on from this and, in an act of stupid desperation, Nandor thinks maybe if he changes him that’ll keep him in his life, so he does it while Guillermo’s asleep and then surprises him when he wakes up...only to find out maybe that wasn’t actually what he wanted anymore, but UH OH what’s done is done. This could provide a lot of tension in the next season, I think. But as it’s a bit of a ‘shocking’ twist type route to go, I can’t be certain this is what they’ll do. Kind of a toss up. 

Guillermo leaves to pursue something else, which the camera crew will follow and document. This is the ‘sensible’/’safe’ route that most scripted shows would take, I think, in this situation...but again, I’m not certain about this one either because Shadows is known for throwing us for a loop and this seems a liiiittle predictable. It’s also very similar to what JUST happened in episode 8 and, were I writing the show, I’d worry it would come across as redundant. Like, maybe we already did this angle and should explore other options to keep the audience on their toes. Also, as much as they love putting Harvey with new casts of characters for episodic stories, I’m not sure they’d transplant him from the main cast for an extended period of time because he’s part of what makes that dynamic run so well. But then, the synopsis of the finale does say that vampires have to ‘survive without Guillermo’ while preparing for an event, so this may happen in some small, episodic measure again.   

Anyway, to wrap this up into a conclusion, I don’t think I’m wrong in predicting that Nandor/Guillermo’s relationship has been set up in such a way as to keep us guessing, sort of a Sam/Diane, will-they-won’t-they type thing that will remain a constant throughout whatever happens next, but will require both characters growing independent of each other in their own respective subplots. At this point, it has always remained consistent that Nandor and Guillermo prioritize each other even when it doesn’t make sense, but I don’t think either of them are ready to realize, accept, and sort through the layers of what they feel for each other. The master/servant dynamic makes that difficult, I’d imagine, so I think inevitably we’ll see the show start to pull them away from that. All I’m saying is, if whatever is going on between them wasn’t VERY complicated it would’ve been resolved as whatever it is a long time ago. Nah, there’s some deep, repressed shit they’re ignoring collectively for whatever reason, and usually that points to something that will, at some point, become romantic. Either way, to understand Guillermo is to keep a close eye on how his dynamic with Nandor grows and changes and I’m, as ever, VERY eager to see how it does. 

#guillermo de la cruz #nandor x guillermo #guillermo x nandor #wwdits #what we do in the shadows tv show #long post #meta

[ilovejevsjeans]

WHY HAMILTON, VETTEL AND RICCIARDO HAVE EARNED A CRUCIAL WIN

Lewis Hamilton, Sebastian Vettel and Daniel Ricciardo have 146 Formula 1 victories between them. They can take a share in another at the British Grand Prix, and the race hasn’t even started yet. But that’s kind of the point.

It’ll be around 17 minutes before the formation lap begins at Silverstone when those three drivers, and others like Romain Grosjean, can take satisfaction in a job well done. That’s when, thanks to F1 and the FIA, a prominent display “in recognition of the importance of equality and equal opportunity for all” will be part of the live TV images before the race for around half a minute.

“As long as we are all there together and get a moment which doesn’t feel forced or rushed, I think that’s most important,” Ricciardo had said on Thursday.

“In Budapest, it was a bit of a mess for the timing so they’ve addressed it now and I think we’ll continue to do as we’ve done just with a little bit more ease and not such rush and chaos.”

It would be disingenuous to claim getting F1’s pre-race anti-racism stand back in a prominent position is the greatest victory of the weekend, and in isolation it might not seem like a win at all.

But F1 was heading down a tricky path in a fractured state and this could be a significant milestone in that journey. And as FIA race director Michael Masi wrote at the end of a detailed set of notes: “I hope the above is clear and provides some clarity and reassurance to the drivers.”

Hamilton, Vettel and Ricciardo have spoken – and acted – with passion and respect on the subject of racism. Others have too, including the next generation of drivers like Lando Norris, but this trio in particular has been at the forefront of consistently explaining why it is important and why it must be continued.

“We cannot ignore what’s happening outside of our racing bubble,” says Vettel.

“And I think the fight against racism around the world that has taken off again in the last couple of weeks and months, I think it is completely justified.

“It is an ongoing process and needs all of us – and that’s not just us racing, I think that would be ignorant – all human beings around the planet to stand up and to try and go against racism, inequality, injustice in any form.

“It is right to try and set the right signs to inspire people because in the end I believe that education is probably the only way out of it.

“It is insanity to think that in 2020 with all the knowledge that we have of the past, and all the lessons we’ve learned that there is still something that does exist that should be out of the question.

“But it’s not, so therefore we need to stand up when we have the chance publicly to send a message – or more so even when the camera’s off and we are living our everyday life and setting the right example, and trying to behave in a way that is right.”

That’s what the official anti-racism ‘ceremony’, held at the season-opening Austrian Grand Prix, was all about – a very strong message to a very large audience. But it was made less formal at the next two races and turned into a bit of a rush. It seemed to slip off the agenda and it emerged that other drivers were happy to let that happen.

It’s one thing that all 20 drivers haven’t knelt so far. But as has so often been iterated, that doesn’t matter so long as the 20 are united for the cause.

If some drivers wanted to just drop it and move on, that shatters the illusion of unity. That all 20 seem set to persevere suggests it was more about not understanding the importance of the issue rather than being against it.

To some it will still look odd to see the majority of drivers kneeling and others doing something else. But we’re making baby steps with this issue, which is how Hamilton sees it – progress.

“I spent time speaking to Jean Todt, spent time speaking to Chase Carey and Ross Brawn and had really great conversations with them to understand what they’re planning and what they want to do moving forward, and to make sure they know that we’re on the same team here,” Hamilton says.

“Things like giving us that little bit of extra time at the beginning before the race, so that we can really show how united we are as a sport – because other sports have done a better job at consistently doing that.

“They’ve been really open-minded and I do think that it needs to continue through the year.

“I believe, at the moment, that’s what we’re going to continue to do. I think there’s been some pushback, from some teams maybe.

“But again, it’s a work in progress to get us all together. And I think it’s going in the right direction.”

Different people have different positions on this subject. Not in the sense that anyone morally decent thinks racism isn’t bad, or shouldn’t be ended. But it’s a fact that not everybody is on the same page with how prominent this issue needs to be or what part F1 can play in making a difference.

That’s what has caused division among the drivers and projects an image that the ‘unity’ everybody speaks of might not actually be there.

“After the first race it was then discussed between us drivers, what do we do moving forward,” says Ricciardo.

“Some were in the mindset of ‘OK, well I’ve done it, so why do we need to keep doing it? I showed the support and that’s it’.

“But I think that’s just a bit of education, and I’m not gonna sit here and say I know more than everyone else about the topic because I don’t – but I feel that it was then time to open up the conversation and say well, these are the reasons why doing it once is not really doing enough.”

It’d be great to see all 20 take the knee before the start but that won’t happen and it probably won’t happen all season long. But whatever those drivers choose to do instead, they should be willing to do in front of the cameras for the remainder of 2020.

“It’s not like if someone passes and you wear a black armband, that makes sense, you acknowledge it on that moment and it’s not like you have to do it for the next year or something,” says Ricciardo.

“But this is a cause that is ongoing, and it’s still very fresh for a lot of people, a lot of parts of the world and I think we need to continue honing in on it, and making people aware of it.

“That’s why just doing it once is not enough. If you just do it once, how much do you really mean it?

“I think you have to continue showing your support and your willingness to do something and make a change.”

At this point the knee issue is a distraction from scrutinising whether F1 is really unified on this matter and serious about it. What’s been put in place for the British GP suggests that is the case, as it was in Austria.

The rest is an issue for the drivers to discuss amongst themselves.

Given taking the knee originated as a statement from NFL player Colin Kaepernick against police brutality and racial profiling in the United States, is it a political statement? Or has it transcended its origins and become a gesture of solidarity? Is it really a very sensitive and divisive gesture in some cultures, as has been protested?

And what of the ongoing co-opting of the Black Lives Matter message, originally and ostensibly a simple, powerful statement demanding people recognise the needless killing of black Americans?

As Hamilton has discovered, the association that message now has with controversial political organisations has split supporters of the same cause into factions.

“I’m clearly for more inclusion and ending racism – this whole messaging and movement in my mind is great, and I think it’s only good that we’re putting awareness on this and spreading the word,” says Haas driver Kevin Magnussen. “And I want to participate in that for sure.

“But I don’t want to become political and it’s difficult for me to know how my actions are being perceived by others. I really just don’t want to go into politics and I don’t want to be seen to support groups or organisations that I can’t stand with.”

His team-mate Grosjean says: “Kevin mentioned really a good point that some of the guys have been afraid of being linked to any political movement.

“I don’t think it’s happening but maybe I’m wrong. I’m not linked to any of the political movement.”

This is a delicate issue but if it wasn’t then F1 wouldn’t need to be getting involved. It wouldn’t be a worldwide problem that manifests itself in all sorts of ways – even creating issues that F1 doesn’t go anywhere near, as plenty of people who criticise the anti-racism movement like to point out by asking ‘why isn’t F1 shining a light on X?’.

The solution to inconsistent messaging can’t be that Hamilton abandons wearing a ‘Black Lives Matter’ T-shirt while others wear one that says ‘End Racism’.

For one thing, apparently the other message is on the back of Hamilton’s anyway. But if the drivers are free to make the gesture they choose there is something insidious about forcing the only black driver in F1 to adapt a message important to black culture to avoid causing a problem.

After all, the whole point of this is not to suggest that white hood wearing neo-Nazis are walking around with nooses in every city across the world, assembling lynch mobs.

It’s to raise awareness of the deep-rooted biases that manifest themselves as systemic racism and troubles that are much, much harder to address and fix – which is why something so absurd as racism still exists today.

“I really don’t understand racism,” says Grosjean. “I really don’t understand that it can exist in that way.

“I never experienced it, and talking to Lewis was very interesting and it’s things that you can’t really even imagine.

“I don’t think it should divide us, if anything it should pull us together and help us with our image to stop that because it shouldn’t happen.”

This is at the heart of the importance of what Grosjean (in his role at the GPDA), F1 and the FIA have done, starting with the British GP. The request of arguably the three most powerful driver voices on the topic has been taken on board and acted on.

All 20 drivers will group together for a cause and doing so prominently will help eliminate the underlying feeling that some don’t want to be there.

In the smallest possible way it will be a test of their commitment to this issue and perhaps by exposing them to it more regularly, much like those watching on television, anyone who does have doubts about why it needs to be continued in this fashion will try to understand it instead of trying to end the process.

“The more of an impact we can have as Formula 1, as drivers, the better it is for all of us and the bigger the impact we’re going to have on the future and people growing up,” says Norris.

There’s a bigger part for F1 to play in this fight, with activities of greater substance being set up in the background.

For now, it’s important for all participants to show they are on the same side. And in that sense, what we witness before the British GP should be considered a win. (X)

#lewis hamilton #sebastian vettel #daniel ricciardo #romain grosjean #dan #lewis #seb #romain #blm #i hate the media all stick to the line that they all care cause clearly some dont #they stand there cause they have to not cause they give shit #and saying its a win #cause theyre all there for a few seconds #you can tell a lot of them dont have much of an understading themselves #anyway some good quotes #long post

[dayables]

So I haven’t stopped thinking about YTTD and Honey I’m Home.

So ever since an anon asked me what songs I relate to YTTD and I responded with ‘Honey I’m Home’. Likely because I had the song on loop at the time. You can find the ask here.  And in my desperate pursuit of why just to give myself some clarity I present too you one way you can interpret this song!

It’s all under the cut however, the actual meaning behind the song heavily implies ab*se, mentions substance abuse and Religious imagery. If any of that could be triggering to you please don’t read more :) 

Father said that this world isn't for me I tried to pray for a new reality

The father could be seen as a symbolism of ASU-NARO. The winner of the death game will ultimately have a world they didn’t ask for but they are believed to be destined for. This could be seen as a new reality, a better reality. Especially considering all of the adults in YTTD (barr Mishima with our limited knowledge on him) are not in the position they imagined themselves in despite all being so close. 

"So, come to me we can change night into day." A tied up moth seemed to know a different way

The moth in the original meaning refers to Norman escaping from his reality, and foreshadows what happens in his real world. In the same way the cast of YTTD are literally trying to escape ASU-NARO in ways they don’t offer to them  DON'T REMEMBER IT DON'T RETURN TO IT

This could refer to Joe, from Sara’s POV or refer to Sara from Asunaro’s POV. Either ways there are several things you’d want to forget surrounding this whole death game  Oh, Father tore out the umbilical cord 

yeah. I’m just as lost as you are.  There's nothing left in the bottle keeping me scored We'll abandon the scenery in the (DON'T REMEMBER IT DON'T RETURN TO IT) Rear-view mirror 

ESCAPISM WOO!. Something I personally found the cast to do is play a nice little happy family in chapter two to try and forget the events of the main game. I think this whole section refers to trying to forget it. The first line could be seen as a reference to several of the adults likely having unhealthy coping mechanisms (Mishima smokes and Keiji’s an alcoholic. Reko likely has issues regarding her anger and need I get started on all the possibilities for Shin?)  that they can’t use in a death game A petty line of white noise Pack up your bags and throw out the toys  

Continuing on from tne concept of a happy family, when the main game comes round they all throw that out of the window and throw infomation out of the window. The whole ordeal from before being ‘a petty line of white noise’.  Three strikes, and "Honey, I'm home!" Three voices come from the gramophone

Floormasters. There’s 3 of them we see in the main game and they’re threatening. The three strikes and ‘Honey I’m Home’ is a threat for Norman in the original song, in the same way they are too the participants.  A vivisection of me yielded the start of a mystery

The analysis of them and the raising of the participants is what causes the death game to be so baffling to both the participants and the player. With the current infomation, nothing adds up. Say "Hello! Honey, I'm home!" Three voices come from the gramophone

In the original, Honey I’m home is not a good saying despite the fact it commonly is. In my mind, this is some time after the second main game, when they all return back to the halls as if nothings really happened because they have to move on. 

God returned with the moth chained to his hand "There's so many things that you'll never understand…

God is the hardest person for me to try and come up with at this point. In my mind, I think of God as Keiji and see the singer as Sara seeing as he is her main ally at the current point I picture this to be. He consistently hides stuff to give himself the upper hand. In the same way God could easily be read as Midori because he is the one who holds all the information they need and ultimately has all the participants playing his game. Both as a floormaster but also as a man from all of their pasts. Both interpretations work. 

So come to me, we can change night into day. You'll hold my hand so you'll never go astray."

This line is what sealed the concept of God being Keiji for me and the Singer (Norman) being Sara. Keiji offers Sara guidance and offers to work together yet somehow it always seemed to me like Keiji was making use of Sara’s trust. Or you know what, maybe my distaste for Keiji is showing through God devoured that of father

Whoever you see God as, they are now a bigger threat than Asunaro and I think that’s true. Is it your allies who are greatest enimies now that trust is nothing next to their own lives? Or is it the guy who literally has your life in his hands. At the current moment they are both huge threats to Sara A spider preaching with poison on its lips "To get out of here is to promise me a kiss" 

I see the spider (Charon) as Shin and you can tear this interpretation away from my cold dead hands. Everything he says is for his own gain or too take Sara down. It is impossible at any point for Sara to work with Shin without helping him and giving him what he wants. (Obviously if we want to draw parrallels between Shin and Charon we find absolutely none out of this but shhhh)  The abandonment of scenery in the Mind of Mother

If Asunaro is the father than normalcy is the mother, yet in chapter three no one, not even Gin or the dolls, feigns normalcy or hope like they did in chapter two or one. At this point, it’s all about survival.  DON'T REMEMBER IT DON'T RETURN TO IT

Returning to normalcy will hurt more at this point than accepting the death game because of the no chance of escape and everything they’ve lost.  So, with advice of the dead and a halo over my head

So this is where I stop drawing parallels to canon but more along the lines of what is likely to happen from Sara’s POV which is her own survival. With Asunaro likely viewing her as an angel along with the the dead participants she moves on. It also ties quite neatly with Keiji’s line about the angel of death sort of thing.  Especially seeing as she did lead them all to their doom in one possible outcome  At last "Honey I'm home!" Three voices come all alone In the same way the following ‘Honey I’m Home lines’ they’re calling out to someone. Except this time they aren’t there. Sara, and whoever these two others are (Likely Miley and Safalin) are the only ones left.  A vivisection of me done by God for all to see

The analysis of Sara, done in death game for all of Asunaro and the participants and everyone to see. 

#im back on my bullshit #song analysis #your turn to die #the crossover i didn't know i needed #gets heavy on speculation

[wineanddinosaur]

Bravus Brewing Company’s Philip Brandes Is Making Non-Alcoholic Beer History

Philip Brandes doesn’t want to tell folks how to live their lives. He just wants them to have access to great beer — even if they don’t drink alcohol.

Brandes didn’t have any experience in the beer world when he began brewing non-alcoholic beer in his garage in 2015. A former software programmer who worked long hours alone in front of a screen, he says he could feel that his chosen profession was killing him — figuratively and literally. When a close friend began drinking non-alcoholic beer after battling alcoholism, Brandes decided to put his analytic skills to work by finding the perfect method for making it. A year later, he filed to form an LLC, and Bravus Brewing Company became America’s first exclusively non-alcoholic craft brewery.

In 2016, Bravus expanded out of Brandes’s garage into a 1,400-square-foot production brewery in Santa Ana, Calif. Then, in mid-2020, the brewery expanded again — this time, into a 23,000-square-foot facility in Anaheim’s Platinum Triangle neighborhood, less than a mile from Angel Stadium and big-name breweries Golden Road and Karl Strauss. Since then, Bravus’s year-round brands have earned shelf space at Total Wine stores across the country.

Brandes attributes much of his brewery’s success to the quality of the beer, which is made using a proprietary brewing method. He’s also ventured into ultra-limited beer releases, producing the world’s first non-alcoholic bourbon-barrel-aged brew, Gravitas, which medaled at the 2019 Great American Beer Festival. Last year, amid the Covid-19 pandemic and a consumer market looking for healthier choices, Bravus saw a 300 percent increase in direct-to-consumer sales.

While NA beer competitors are targeting athletes or others looking to replenish electrolytes, savvy beer drinkers will find Bravus’s branding to be almost indistinguishable from a regular craft brewery’s. That’s because, according to Brandes, the audience is simply “anyone who wants a beer.”

1. Before starting Bravus, did you ever see yourself working in beer?

Never. I didn’t even think about it. But when I looked to change careers, I saw how much fun my brother was having. He was a sales rep for a local brewery and [part of his job was] driving to various breweries and tasting new beers. Everyone was always cheers-ing and drinking, and I could see everyone was having a bunch of fun. So, I thought, I want to do this, too.

2. What is Bravus Brewing Company’s mission?

As you know, there is such a stigma surrounding not drinking alcohol, to the point where it can be pretty alienating in a social setting. I had a friend who would whisper to the waiter and order O’Douls, then turn the bottle promptly around when it arrived at the table so that the label faced him, preventing others from knowing he was drinking a non-alcoholic beer. It was that awkwardness, along with the fact that non-alcoholic segment has consisted of poor-quality choices, that gave me the inspiration not only to launch, but really take it to the next level by creating an ultra-rare, limited-release beer that was not only extremely enjoyable, but something you could show off.

I think the mission is to give someone something that tastes like a beer, looks like a beer, feels like a beer, and allows them to fit in with the rest of us. We want people to have a beer they can be proud of, not embarrassed by.

3. Is there a beer that Bravus Brewing Company makes that best illustrates who you are and what you do?

One summer, I came up with this crazy idea to attempt the world’s first non-alcoholic bourbon-barrel-aged stout and release it to our customers around the holidays. This isn’t an easy feat because barrel aging normally imparts quite a bit of alcohol to the product. After a lot of testing, I developed a method that didn’t impart alcohol. I took it a step further by creating a luxurious package around it, and really making it a labor of love.

And so, “Gravitas” was born, named after our corporate entity, Gravitas Brewing Company, LLC. The product is truly craft beer: It is brewed in a small batch, hand-bottled, hand-labeled, and hand-capped, all by me. It’s a chance for me as the brewer to really connect with our customers and give them something they can proudly display on their table. Side note: I believe it became the first non-alcoholic beer to be traded among alcoholic beer aficionados!

4. What goes into Bravus’s brewing method that makes it so different from other NA breweries?

What makes us different is that we just don’t have a lot of alcohol production with our process in the first place. Most non-alcoholic brewers take an actual beer and filter out the alcohol, but when you take an alcoholic beer and burn off the alcohol, you’re burning or filtering out all the flavor and aroma — all the things that make the beer taste good. I think when you start putting stuff in and removing it, it’s like a chef taking ingredients out of a dish. We’ve developed a process that mimics alcoholic craft beer production as much as possible. There’s a lot of intellectual property around it, and we’re still learning new stuff about it every day, but I’ll say that we don’t vacuum distill, we don’t remove the alcohol, and it’s not arrested fermentation. It’s just a completely unique way of brewing that, at the end of the day, produces some pretty good beer.

5. A growing interest in “better-for-you” brews has caused a lot of brands to pivot into the non-alcoholic beer category — Samuel Adams, Lagunitas, Budweiser, and Heineken, to name a few. In the past year, has Bravus changed to address growing consumer interest in these beers?

Yes, and no. I think the concept of NA still kind of confounds people, especially [with] macro producers coming into the market. We’ve always maintained that, in the long run and to fight off competition, it has to be about two things: flavor, which we have everyone beat on; and brand, which is probably the hardest part. But there’s just so much desire to have high-quality, small-batch options, and that’s what we do. We made that choice a long time ago and haven’t really pivoted away. In the long term, these more-of-the-same macro beers aren’t going to last.

6. What do you think about the trend toward “better-for-you” beer?

I don’t think it’s a trend. This is what it is. People want and demand healthier drinks. The days of sugary sodas and high-calorie foods, I think those days are close to being over. And that’s a smart thing. That’s a good thing. And I think people should be mindful of what they do, but not at the sacrifice of taste. That’s the trick. I’m impressed with a lot of these offerings now that are coming into the space. So, I think it’s great and here to stay.

7. Where do you see this segment going next?

Even “better-for-you” isn’t really good for you. I think shifting in that direction is great, so it actually becomes a good-for-you category that has some health benefits to it. And that’s what’s so great about us. There’s nothing really terrible about our products, and there’s a lot of really great things in NA craft beer, like polyphenols and certain vitamins. So, I think it’s a good thing to go towards.

8. What else is Bravus doing that’s different from other exclusively NA breweries?

I’m interested in just being a beer for beer drinkers. I don’t want to be a recovery drink or a Gatorade or a Red Bull. I think people want a beer. And it’s funny, because investors and marketing people don’t like beers that appeal to everyone, right? They want you in a box. But I kind of like the fact that we have such a diverse market. I’m not here to tell you what to do, so if you want a non-alcoholic beer, I mean, hey, pick this up.

9. What’s your long-term vision for Bravus?

The non-alcoholic space and better-for-you space is really hot right now, so I think using our technologies to look at some other opportunities, like spirits and wines and things like that, would be great. I feel like we can just do such a better job at making these by using the technology that we’ve developed. But there are also a lot of cool things that NA beer can do that alcohol can’t. You can find niches, like the military, food trucks, things like that. We’re looking at maybe expanding at some point to the Middle East, because there’s a huge market for non-alcoholic beer amongst the Muslim population [there]. There are all these cool little opportunities ahead that I’d love to explore.

Ed. note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

The article Bravus Brewing Company’s Philip Brandes Is Making Non-Alcoholic Beer History appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/bravus-brewing-philip-brandes-non-alcoholic-beer/

[keepcalmandreadfluffinpublic]

Coyote Ugly part 3

A/N: soooooo I know I haven’t finished I hope you’re the last, but this was too good of an idea to not write. ;) This was so long overdue!!!! I’m sorry for such the long wait I made the mistake of grabbing a snack and came back and the whole chapter was deleted :( (the pain I felt). However, to make up for the wait I should be posting the other 2-3 within tonight or tomorrow!! As always I do not own the gif.... credit goes to moviewhorexo :)

Warnings: cussing, more ptsd (may be triggering), angst, things start to build!!

Pairings: Plus! Sized reader x Bucky, Steve x Natasha

Imagine: Running a bar was not ideal in your mind. However being able to invoke complete privacy for your clients was. All you had to do was lie about them and yourself, but what happens when your lies come to the surface and fate takes you on a whole new path? What happens when Earths greatest hero’s force that path?

An annoyed groan left my lips as I looked back at her picture. Her bright (y/e/c) eyes that were sparkling from earlier, now appearing dull through the screen. Her hair dull and lifeless, resembling the emotions held in her face. Her face was hollowed and thin, dark circles apparent under her eyes. I couldn’t wrap my head around how this was the same girl. If anything I would have thought they were twin sisters, and one fell into the wrong crowd. Shaking my head I placed the tablet down and pinched the bridge of my nose. the only thought crossing my mind was, who are you? 

The silence was cut short by the slam of the door opening. I didn't need to open my eyes to know it was Tony. “Are you fucking serious?” he yelled. I turned my head towards Steve who was looking right back at me. Great. “Now Tony before you start a fight-” Stave began to try and defuse the tension building, but Tony wasn’t having it. “I said to drop it! How hard could it be to just drop it? But no you went behind my back and invaded someone’s privacy, might I add a someone I love like a sister!” roaring he stepped further into the room. 

“She lied to you at the party.” I replied flatly

“The fuck did you say?”

“She lied to you, hell all of us back there!” I began feeling my own anger rising. “Tony how well do you know her? I mean there isn’t a shred of paper on her, no one has that little of information on them!” I say standing, while subtly crossing my arms over my chest. The metal turning and shifting was the only thing distracting me from losing control. 

Tony stared at us for a second, before shaking his head. “Friday call a team meeting, NOW!” he said eying both Steve and I. “Right away Mr. Stark. Is the living room ok?” the system responded earning a curt ‘that will do’ from Tony. “You want to know more about her? Well first we’re going to discuss serious matters, before we get to that part Barnes.” Tony fumed, before storming out. I took my chances looking at Steve, he looked just as confused as I was. “Did we just start something?” I questioned hoping he would provide me the clarity I was searching for. Steve stood there for a second before looking at me. “All I have to say is she better be worth what Tony is about to do, because Nat will freak if we did this without a good reason Buck.” was all he said before following Tony. Shit. 

The living room was in full chaos by the time Steve and I arrived. Wanda and Vision were arguing with Clint and Thor over what this ‘meeting’ would be about. Loki sat across from Natasha and Bruce who looked focused in their own conversation. Sam sat in his love seat with popcorn. He was smiling like a kid on Christmas. Tony was in the front setting up the screen. I felt out of place, don’t get me wrong I love the team (well most of them). But right now I felt like a fish in a shark tank and I was about to meet a very slow death. Steve strolled over to Natasha, who upon seeing him smiled. “What the hell is going on?” she asked watching Steve for any sort of hint. He looked down at her and smiled. “I guess we’re about to find out soon.” was all he said before joining her on the couch. I took my chances on the wall behind Loki, who seeing me knew this was going to more of a scolding then a meeting. “What did you do now Barnes?” he harsly whispered, with a smug smirk on his face. I just rolled my eyes and stayed on the wall. 

“Well now that we are all here.” Tony began, “I want to bring something to everyone’s attention.” he paused and scanned the room. No one moved an inch, but stared back at him confused as to what this was all about. “Invasion of privacy is a big deal! Now I know I’ve dealt in invading people’s privacy, but I want all of you to know right now. If you are going to try and dig information on anyone without my knowledge. Do not use my resources, I will not permit anything of the sorts. Now why is this relevant Tony? I’ll tell you why. Wanda put your hand down.” he snapped. 

Wanda taken by surprise lowered her hand and waited for him to continue. “Now as you all know I have very few people in my life who are dear to me!  People who are like family, besides all of you. I take it very personal when I let some of you meet someone close to my heart and for you to try and invade their privacy.” he stopped again, eying Steve and I. This caught everyone’s attention, causing me to shift my weight between my feet. “So I have decided to tell all of you about this special person and some general information, and I hope this will end curios minds from continuing their search.” Tony stated before tapping the screen. Her picture appeared replacing the once black screen. Her eyes still as emotionless as they were before. I couldn’t keep my gaze off of her. 

“This is my ‘adoptive’ sister Lea Black. She is 23 years old and owns her own Business, Coyote Ugly. This picture was taken 3 years ago when I first met her. She is my family and frankly I could use some. Here.” he said tapping the screen again. “is her today.” The image was completely opposite from the previous one. Your (y/h/c) shone brightly in the sunlight. Your delicate (y/e/c) eyes were squinted just a bit from your smile. Your eyes alone held so many emotions and life in them, I felt myself getting lost within them. Forcing my gaze from your eyes your smile welcomed me like a warm summer day. It was effortless and raw, truly beautiful. You were standing in the middle of a sunflower field with a bright yellow dress on. You looked content and at peace. 

“Now like I said she does own Coyote Ugly, a few of use have had the pleasure of being clients there, but if I find out that there is anymore invading her privacy there will be hell to pay.” as he finished everyone slowly looked around the suddenly to small of a room. There was a brief silence before Sam’s voice broke through. “So that’s why y’all were in a hurry to get back.” he stated throwing more popcorn into his mouth. “What does he mean by that Steve?” Wanda asked knowing no one was gonna let her in their minds. Steve lowered his hands into his hands, releasing a long sigh. “Well I-” but before he could continue I interrupted him. 

“I was the one who invaded both Lea’s and Tony’s privacy. She said something back at the club and I caught her in a lie. I forced steve to help me and againsts his better judgment he helped because he is my best friend. I am sorry Tony for doing what I did, but I will not apologize for trying to find the truth. There is something more you won’t tell us about her and I’ll be damned if I don’t figure it out.” I said my voice slowly lacing with venom as I spoke. Before anyone could say anything else, I stormed out of the room. Leaving them all in confusion and my head swarming with questions. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How could I have been so foolish? I let a dry laugh pass my lips. How did he find me? Why hasn’t he come for me directly, Brock wasn’t a patient man, what’s his game?  Releasing a frustrated groan I stand up, deciding it was best if I left my home for a bit. Maybe going to see Maci would help. I glance at the clock seeing it was only 11 am, I normally would be getting up at this time, but I haven’t slept at all last night.

 I tossed and turned before caving in on the fact I wasn’t going to be getting any sleep. I spent most of the night sitting on my balcony embracing nature’s tranquility; while silently wishing I was as peaceful. The moon shone high above me, almost proudly. And with every pass of the night breeze sent a shiver up my spine causing me to nestle further into my blankets. My mind soon wandered over when I was little and everything was so simple. But simplicity is a luxury only few can afford. Around dawn I made my way inside for some coffee before resuming my silent contempt. Living a life mine, caffeine was the only consistent thing in it, besides Maci and Tony. The sun rose emitting soft orange hues, making the almost pitch black night turn into a shade of vivid lilac and pink. 

At that moment I wished for once time would freeze and let me relish this a few seconds longer, but all good things must come to an end. I finally made my way back inside, and began pacing back and forth once more; leaving a permanent trail in its wake. I don’t remember when I had decided to take a shower, only when did the scalding hot water hit my skin did my overly tense muscles relax. I stayed there for well over an hour trying to escape my reality. But all to soon the familiar worrying and unsettling feelings started creeping back in. 

Forcing me back to reality. I proceeded to get ready in an almost dazed like trance. I hadn’t even realize I was downstairs till I was grabbing my keys. The drive was around 15 minutes, surprisingly short for New York traffic. Maci had been by my side since we were little. She knew everything about my past and still stayed with me. I didn’t knock when I reached her house, using the key she made me I opened the door. I began to shrug myself up the stairs and slowly make my way to her room. 

I noiselessly open her door, her room was barely lit. Her shades were almost drawn closed allowing the only light to enter from their small cracks. I quietly made my way to my side of the bed, before taking off my shoes. Double checking for any one night stand stragglers, before easing under the covers. Minutes passed and the only sound in the room was her soft snores. Slowly I positioned myself to face her, while trying to make sure she didn’t wake up. “Don’t be quiet on my account. I heard you when you opened the front door dumbass.” she said in a airy laugh. I laughed as well party at her response and the other out of relief. I hate silence. “I was trying to be considerate moody Judy. What’s got you so cranky?” I ask genuinely curious. Maci is normally and angel when she wakes up. “I met tequila, and tequila knocked me on my ass.” was all she said before we were taken by a fit of giggles. 

Maci got out the bed with an urgent need to go pee. She left me still silently shaking my head and laughing. She wasn’t gone long as soon enough we were facing each other again. “What’s bothering you gorgeous. Normally you don’t come over here till after lunch. And I can practically hear your thoughts turning around in there.” she said tapping me lighting on the head. I pursed my lips not know where to begin, and eventually giving up while rolling onto my back. I let out a long frustrated groan while my arms covered my face. “I don’t know if that was angry frustrated or sexually frustrated, but I will gladly help with either.” 

Maci said earning a heartfelt laugh from me. Maci was something else, and the complete opposite of me. She was 5′7, thin and toned in all the right places. She had long blonde hair that fell to her low back and sparkling green eyes. She was the equivalent of sex on legs, she slept with anyone and everyone. No matter size, gender, or sexuality. Not only that but she was extremely intelligent and witty, maybe that is why Shield hired her.

“Definitely angry frustrated, but I’ll let you know about the other.” I said jokingly. she said something along the lines of ‘you better’, but I was still too busy laughing. She got out of bed to put her hair up as she waited for me to talk. “Y/n? What’s wrong?” she persisted standing in front of the bed. I sat up running my hands through my hair. “Yesterday there were a couple of kids who snuck into the club. Nothing out of the ordinary until we started to interrogate them. Someone had paid them to sneak into the club. Me being curious as to why kept persisting on the topic.” I said before pausing to release a sigh. I looked down at my hands before meeting her waiting gaze. “Well one of the kids, she said he paid them to come and find out if there was a y/n y/l/n there. I was stunned because only a few people know my real name M. So against my better judgement I asked who sent them. A-an-and she said he was a man who went by the name of Brock.” I finished looking at my best friend. 

Minutes of silence passed between us before Maci spoke again. Her gaze was fixed on the wall behind me.  “Fucking bastard will wish he was dead, before I ever get the chance to find him.” she fumed catching me off guard. “M I don’t know what to do. I can’t stop living my life, and so far there has been no more contact attempts.” I said her stare was hard and cold, before softening when she looked at me. “You know I will have to tell Fury Y/n... I would much rather you be safe than in the hands of that bastard again.” she replied softly while sitting next to me. I let her words sink in for a moment, while trying to come up with some answer. 

“Then tell Fury. I was foolish to think I could out run my past...” I said while the memories clawed their way back into my mind. 

“Come now it’s not that bad see?!” Brock said while bringing the needle too close for comfort. I flinched back only to earn a hard slap on my left cheek. The room he held me in was white, but not the pretty, pure white. No this white was dirty almost yellow, close to turning brown. The lights were bright as if knowing they were going to burn themselves into my memory. I didn’t know what I had done to deserve this. I stopped fighting him a long time ago, so why did he keep treating me this way? His hand came around to my arm, jerking harshly for me to move. When I didn’t move fast enough he dug his nails deeper into my delicate flesh, causing me to bite down on my tongue. Tears brimmed my eyes, while metallic filled my mouth. He led me down hallway after hallway, my tears causing me to trip earning more punches or kicks, whatever Brock felt like doing. When we reached the last hallway there was only one door at the end of it. It was all black and metal by the way the light reflected off of the steel. And as if to make it worse there was a large red x painted in the center of the door, making a shiver dance up my spine. My head was pounding and I began to think this is how I will die. I began to feel betrayed, betrayed by my family for abandoning me the way they did, betrayed by my brain for it won’t cooperate with my body, and lastly betrayed by heart for ever being able to love a man like Brock; and worse of all for still loving him. He released my arm to start unlocking the door, and my body came alive. I had a minute tops to start my escape and if I were to die, well I’ll be damned if I don’t go down with a fight. I turned on my heels and sprinted down the hallway. My blood felt like it was going a billion miles an hour, my ears were ringing, and natural instinct took control. I rounded the first corner and kept going, I heard the footsteps getting closer, but I kept pushing. As I went to round my 3rd corner a hand grasped my hair and flung me back, forcing me to land on my back and head. The air that once fueled my lungs to escape completely vanished and I was left a coughing mess. My head began spinning as all the blood rushed to the injury. Brock came into view and leaned over my body. He swayed his finger in a ‘no’ motion while tutting at me. “Now sweetheart, why’d you go and get yourself hurt like that? I haven’t even shown you my surprise yet and here we are with you hurting yourself again.” he said with a dark smile. I gasped for a few more minutes trying to gain the strength to crush his heart like he did mine over and over again. “I-I-I” I stopped to inhale a breathe, my breathe coming back to me. he leaned forward before grabbing my hair and pulling my face close to his, our lips no more than a hair apart. “What was that?” he asked a scowl forming on his once handsome face. The face I used to trace and love with every fiber of my being. “I-I-I was going to sa-y... I’m not your swee-eetheart no more!” I said before spitting in his face. His eyes clouded with fury I have grown to know all too well. He dropped my face and stood up motioning for whoever that was coming to wait. “We’ll see about that Y/n...” was all he said before I felt the feeling of his foot kicking my face and everything went black. 

It tooks me a while to remember I was at Maci’s and not at that horrific place. My breaths came out uneven and short. “Y/n? I need you to breathe okay? You are having a panic attack, hands over your head. What are your favorite things in the world?” Maci asked kneeling in front of me. Tears blurred my vision, but I refused to cry. “Y-yo-you....” I paused to raise my hands over my head to allow myself better access to breathe. After a few seconds I got a deep breathe allowing me to continue. “To-ony.. m-y job... a-and.” I paused again finally getting my breathing to return back to normal. I slowly lowered my hands and looked at Maci. “And cake.” I said with a small smile. “There ya go. See, you are ok? Now how about we get that cake and a stronger concealer for your dark circles.” she said with a smile. I laughed before pushing her slightly. “Hey!” I laughed getting up and slipping on my shoes. “Well babe I don’t ever hide the truth and the truth right now is we need food in our bellies! And some new makeup!” She said before throwing her hair into a messy bun. I gazed at her for a second, before glancing at her full length mirror. “Ooo God! You’re right, I look like a racoon.” I said laughing followed by a very loud ‘mhm’. 

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[stephhannes]

two years

nathan has been dead for as long as we were together.  

every person that i’ve talked to, every book that i’ve read, every sign that i’ve seen has pointed to “the second year after losing a partner is the hardest.”

this year wasn’t easy- but at least it made sense (for a little bit). in all honesty, i didn’t think i’d see the second year. the first year was so draining. i was so directionless. at least this year, i dug my heels in somewhere and gave it my best shot. i moved out of my mom’s house, i got three jobs, i lost fifty pounds, i took some genuine steps forward.

it didn’t always feel like progress, though.

it hasn’t felt like progress until now, when i’m sitting down trying to collect all my thoughts from the year. this year has felt rocky. every step forward came with two steps backward- i moved out of my mom’s house, and then a couple of weeks later accidentally ran over a dog and had to deal with not having a car for a little over a month. i started consistently going to the gym, and then i majorly sprained my ankle when i fell down a flight of stairs at work, which left me unable to work out for a couple of months, (and then when i started going back, i re-sprained the ankle while literally just walking down a sidewalk). i was depressed, stressed, but surprisingly well-dressed (aka i got my first professional haircut in 6 years and discovered the joy of a wide-legged pant).

and then, of course a pandemic hit and i gained ten pounds back, moved back into my mom’s house and started making more money on unemployment than i could have ever even dreamed of from physically working my three jobs.

there are some days where i’m proud of myself for doing what i’ve done this year- but every time i find myself positive for an extended amount of time, the voice in the back of my head is there, ready to make me feel like it’s all for nothing. i’ve said it a million times- i’ve got my whole life ahead of me, and i don’t want it. not without nathan. it all feels empty.

i’m trying though, and as someone said one time- “it’s the thought that counts.”

+++

i wanted to keep those last couple of paragraphs in, because they’re also how i feel- but the other day i had a moment of clarity. i was reflecting on what august 3rd, 2018 looked like. and i remembered how proud nathan was of me for doing so many things that seem like the bare minimum to me now. i did all of my errands in one day without taking a week to accomplish a few tasks, i read a book, i cooked dinner, i showered. he was proud of me, because at that time, accomplishing those things was a major feat for me.

the version of myself i am now, in august 2020 has no issue doing those things. i find it very easy to set out on a list of action items and get them done within a day. i consistently cook dinner for myself, and actually really enjoy it now. i still maybe don’t shower as often as i should, but that’s just who i am at the core of my being, honestly. i’ve read 23 books so far this year, literally before writing this blog i sat down and read an entire novel. it’s hard to imagine that the period of time between moving to philly and nathan’s death was probably my rock bottom, but it really was. even on my worst days, in the middle of the worst weeks in the last two years, i haven’t been as dangerously depressed as i was back then.  

+++

i keep accidentally telling people that i’m 23 years old when they ask my age. i think it’s because these last two years haven’t felt real. it’s weird, because the two years that nathan and i were together flew by so quickly. when he first moved to new york, we were dreading having to spend 9 months long-distance. we thought it would go by painfully slow, but it flew by.

and then our year in new york flew by.

we accomplished so much in those two years- three degrees between the two of us, living in three different states, undoing years of trauma, the usual.

time has seemed to stand still since he died. i laid in bed for a year, and then upgraded to laying in bed for only 16 hours a day for the second year.

i still haven’t figured out what i want to do, where i want to be, who i’m trying to become- and i think that’s contributing to the stagnation i’ve been feeling.

for years, being able to take care of nathan was a huge percentage of what i felt was my purpose. when we were in high school, my life revolved around dropping everything that was going on with me to be able to be there for him when he was struggling, on occasion he’d return the gesture.

when we were in college, and weren’t actively in each others’ lives, i grew up a lot. i discovered self-esteem, and learned how to be emotionally self-sufficient. as a child, i grew up lonely, and had always been pretty independent- in high school i let a little bit of that guard down to let nathan in, but in college i cemented my inability to accept help from other people. when nathan and i first started seriously talking again, i remember him trying to tiptoe around my feelings, and i was like “dude, i’m really not as sensitive as i was back in high school, you don’t have to treat me like a china doll, i can handle whatever you’re trying to say,” and i remember him responding with “you’re right. you’ve come a long way from that girl i met ten years ago.”

when we started dating, i resigned aspects of my personality. i tried to be more vulnerable. i tried to be less combative and defensive. when we got together, i changed my entire life for our relationship. i already had a job lined up for after graduation,  but when we got together, i immediately gave it up to commit to move to new york after i graduated- to be with nathan and support him through grad school. i remember the day he told me that he wouldn’t do the same thing for me. and it hurt. realistically, i know that it made sense for us to base our life around his career- obviously, i could have found a job anywhere, and no matter where it was, i wouldn’t have made any money. obviously, it made sense for both of us to invest in his success over mine- but it was hard to recognize that i so easily gave up everything to support his goals, when he wouldn’t have done the same thing for me, and he was so easily able to say that to me. this came up a lot when we were talking about our plans for the future. when we moved to philly, i got an opportunity to interview for a dream job, and while i was so excited about it- nathan discouraged me from pursuing it- because it was in theatre, which meant working nights and weekends, which meant that our schedules would become incompatible and we would never see each other.

it was a valid point, so we compromised. i’d go into the second interview for the job, but negotiate different hours and if that didn’t pan out, i wouldn’t take the job. nathan died a couple of days before the interview so i guess that problem resolved itself.

it would be unfair for me to sit here and paint a picture of him never doing anything for me though, that’s not the truth. i remember being shocked when he decided to not move forward with pursuing a phd. it was partially because that was the way the cookie crumbled, but a huge part of that decision was because he wanted to be able to spend time with me, and he wouldn’t have been able to if he was in a phd program.

i don’t regret setting my goals aside for him, it made sense. but more importantly, that’s what i wanted to do. i wanted to do whatever i could to make sure he had everything he wanted. he deserved it.

but it’s been weird to recognize all the things i subconsciously stopped doing throughout our relationship. i used to dye my hair once a week- but i didn’t dye my hair the entire time we were in nyc. additionally, my hair was the longest it’d ever been since like 2007 while we were together.  i used to have a quirky sense of style, but my outfits in nyc were pretty boring, even more boring once we moved to philly.  i think part of that was influenced by the fact that when i moved to nyc i was only able to take one suitcase of clothes, and focused on basics that would be easily multipurposed, and i couldn’t afford to upkeep haircut/color myself anymore, but i think part of it was influenced by this inherent desire to not be unattractive to nathan. a few months ago, i got my nose pierced, which was something that was definitely not on the table when nathan and i were together- and now i think my only personality trait is having a pierced nose, i can’t imagine my face without it. a few weeks ago i straight up shaved off half of my hair. and like, yeah it looks stupid, but it’s so freeing to be able to look stupid without worrying about what anyone else has to say about it. i’ve never cared what people think about my style, which is obvious in the way that i wore cat sweaters to school every day senior year of high school, and literally just everything i did between the years of 2005 and 2009- but i did always care about what nathan thought.

it’s been strange re-discovering these things. it’s felt weird to rebuild my personality, my interests, my goals without nathan in the picture.

+++

i’m not saying that i’m a person that believes that ‘everything happens for a reason’ (mostly because i think that’s a cop-out. it’s easy to justify anything as ‘happening for a reason’ when there’s enough distance between the event and the outcomes) but hypothetically, if i were, it would make a lot of our relationship make sense.

i’ve always been thankful that we never dated in high school- we would have straight up destroyed each others’ lives. we were both super toxic, and immature, and it wouldn’t have ended well. of course, when i was 16 and things weren’t working out, i thought it was the end of the world- but in retrospect, the people that we were in high school weren’t romantically compatible. i think it’s really special that we were able to have a successful relationship after the 10 years of drama. i think that it’s really special that when we were apart, we grew up into two markedly different puzzle pieces that ended up  fitting together perfectly. i think it’s really special that no matter what happened, no matter what city we were in, we always came back to each other periodically. no matter what.

when we got together, the timing wasn’t ideal- but it was the right time. we both knew that we would end up together at some point- i don’t think either of us would have been able to rest until it happened, and i think it’s really special that when we decided to take that chance, we didn’t know if things would work out, necessarily- but they did.

if i were to hypothetically believe that everything happens for a reason, i think it was a gift to me to be with someone that had already lost a partner. i learned a lot about differentiating between aspects of his personality that were genuinely who he was, and what was learned as a coping mechanism. i learned a lot about giving him space to grieve, how to be gentle with certain feelings and emotions. i learned a lot about how to push him to overcome trauma, but not push too far. all of that has given me a framework for what to expect and need from a partner in the future when i start seriously dating again.

if i thought that everything happened for a reason, the reason for our relationship was to teach me something. the difference between nathan and i was that he was a serial monogamist, constantly in a long-term relationship, and i was the exact opposite. by the time we got together, he’d been through the motions of dealing with someone for an extended period of time. and for me, our relationship was like a crash course in monogamy. moved in together as soon as we could, engaged on our 2nd anniversary. with the way that things panned out, i’m glad that we never took a break, that we moved quickly. i learned a lot about the importance of consistency and commitment.

but more importantly, i think our relationship was for him. it is infinitely heartbreaking to recognize that there are so many things that he will never get the chance to accomplish, so many things he’ll never see- but on the other hand of that, i watched him have a full character arc. it’s sad that he didn’t get to exist in this reality of being genuinely happy for longer, but i’m so grateful that he was able to rest there for a little while, at least. i’ll never forget all of the moments where he was so touched by me showing him what i thought of as just the bare minimum of human decency. there was one night that i stayed on the phone with him for 6 hours because he was having a bad night, and the next day he was so emotional because that was “the most loving thing” anyone’s ever done for him, but to me it was a no-brainer, of course i’m going to stay on the phone with you when you’re having a bad night, that’s what i’m here for. at the beginning of our relationship, he was nervous to be vulnerable around me, and every time he was scared to talk about something i’d have to remind him, “you’ve known me for 11 years, i’ve seen a lot, you’ve told me a lot, have i ever shamed you for anything you’d told me?” and he’d remember that, no, i’ve always been level-headed and understanding- and eventually we were able to work through things in a much more productive way.

i think a lot about all the things he was scared to talk to me about, and the thing i think about the most is that he was scared because someone in the past had given him reason to feel ashamed. i hate that for years, he felt like he had to compartmentalize himself.

and i remember after years of showing him this grace, of giving him all the space in the world to be exactly who he was- the day when i finally started seeing him sharing these parts of himself with people that weren’t me. i eventually started to see the walls he had built coming down, a brick at the time, but coming down nonetheless. and i was so proud.

it’s hard for me to let go of our relationship. i miss nathan every day- but i also have to keep reminding myself that i served my purpose. i did what i was supposed to do. i was a good, consistent partner. i loved him, and supported him, and gave him everything i could. the point of marriage is to stand by someone’s side until they die, and that’s exactly what i did. there’s nothing else i can do. our relationship was good, and it was short, but it was full of excitement and love and growth. it was everything that i dreamt of when i was 15 years old and had no idea what a relationship should look like. it was everything that i dreamt of when nathan and i were hesitant about trying to pursue a relationship.

it was everything.

+++

at a work training last year, we did an icebreaker where we paired up and randomly selected one question from a stack of prompts to answer and talk about with your partner. the question i got was “what’s the bravest thing you’ve ever done?”

prior to nathan’s death, i don’t think i’ve ever been brave. i’ve always been timid, bravery was never an outward expression for me- maybe there were moments where i was quietly brave, but i would have never described anything i’d done as brave.

my answer to the question was “oh, i guess probably when i had to give nathan cpr”

here’s the thing, honestly when i think about that day, and the subsequent weeks, i’m in shock at how capable i was. for the first time in my life, in the midst of a literal crisis, i was calm, and solution-oriented. that’s not who i am, i love to catastrophize about the tiniest things.

i wouldn’t have been able to do it without nathan. without his endless patience. without his ability to be both firm with me when i was letting my anxiety get ahold of me, yet gentle enough to not hurt my feelings. without the years of him believing in me, even when i didn’t believe in myself. we set each other up for success.

+++

i feel like there’s been a lot of negativity in this blog, which isn’t the impression i’m trying to leave. i’m gonna be honest with y’all- with all this free time in quarantine, i’ve found myself out here revisiting stages of grief that i left behind months ago just for funsies. except nothing about it is what i would describe as funsies. it’s been a lot of anger, and i think that’s why there’s this underlying bitterness in what i’ve been saying.

it’s easier to get angry, to try to distance myself from the relationship, to make it seem like things weren’t great because it’s infinitely harder to remember how much i loved nathan and how much love i have left within me to give to him.

i’ve found myself awake in the middle of the night, revisiting old arguments, thinking of all the things i wish i’d said, revisiting moments where i’d wished i’d shown a little more backbone, revisiting moments where i wish i’d been gentler, or quicker to apologize. the problem is that i’m a lot more emotionally intelligent now- but obviously it’s easy to be a genius when you have two years to reflect on things, to dive in, to unpack everything and analyze it.

when i spend time thinking about these shortcomings, obviously they find their way into my writing. that’s just the reality of trying to be a reliable narrator. not every character is perfect.

the only way i know how to keep nathan close to me, to keep him around is writing about the time we spent together. and the reality of it is, that time was tumultuous for a solid 7 years. it’s been weird trying to navigate the line of “what are things that i want to keep just for us, and what are things i’m ok with sharing publicly?” i have an enormous online footprint. i’ve been a public figure online for like 10 years. i’ve always been on social media. i’m fine with that for myself- but my relationship with nathan was private, especially once we actually started dating. when it came to our relationship, neither of us publicly shared much. for awhile after he died, part of me wanted to keep everything for myself- not let anyone in. but then i remembered this sentiment that nathan shared with me time and time again- “i just want everyone to know that i’m yours.”

the other day i was looking through old instagram posts, and the one i made for our engagement literally just said “y’all ever uhhhh...get engaged?” and that was it. and that felt completely appropriate. i’ve always been skeeved out when couples post overly romantic garbage on social media. what are you trying to prove? why is it so important to you for people who barely know you to read a post and know how ~madly in love~ you are? performativity in relationships makes me so uncomfortable, and i’m really thankful that neither nathan nor i were interested in that at all- people that didn’t know us didn’t get to make conclusions about our relationship, and the people that did know us were able to make their own conclusions based on how they saw us interacting with each other, or how we’d talk about each other to our friends when we weren’t in the same room together. all of that time that others spend on taking a good picture for instagram, or writing a perfect caption, or whatever was time that nathan and i got to have just for ourselves. we spent as much time together as we could. 

my disdain of performativity runs even deeper than that, though. i’m even a little uncomfortable when a couples’ public wedding vows are too intimate. i always had two sets. there was the one that i read at nathan’s funeral- that was what i had planned on saying publicly at our wedding, but there was also another much more extensive letter that i was going to give to him privately. 

i feel like when i made that engagement post on instagram and facebook, a lot of people were like “wow that seems sudden!” but everyone that really knew us was like “oh hell yeah, i’m surprised it took this long” my coworkers literally predicted my engagement before i had even considered that it was going to happen. when i left work early for our anniversary someone straight up was like “if you don’t come back on tuesday with a ring on your finger i’m sending you back home.” because they’d heard the way i talked about nathan, they’d seen us interact with each other. it made sense.

we made it a point to not actively talk shit about each other to anyone else. which i think was really helpful for me specifically, a person who loves to hold a grudge- every time he did something that mildly annoyed me, i wouldn’t just pop off and vent to whoever, i’d just talk to him about it and the issue would resolve itself. on bigger issues, i would talk to my close friends about it but never in a “my boyfriend sucks” kind of way, just in a “this is an issue i’ve been having and idk the best way to resolve it, what are your thoughts?” kind of way.

for some reason, it’s always surprised me when i realized that nathan actually talked about me when i wasn’t in the room. like, obviously he would, but it was always surprising to me. when i first met his friends, a couple of people were like “oh!!! we’ve heard so much about you.” and i was just like wow i didn’t think that you’d even know that i existed. sometimes when i’d show up to a party someone would be like “so i heard that (celebrity) showed up at your work the other day, how was that?” and i would be like how do you know these things about me, and then i’d remember that nathan was talking about me and it was always super heartwarming.

after nathan died, a few people mentioned some particularly nice things he’d said about me when i wasn’t in the room, and every time someone would mention something, i’d be like “wow! i can’t believe this man that obviously loves me also loves me when i’m not around!” it’s like i’m a baby that still hasn’t learned about object permanence.

+++

i feel bad for not writing more this year. excluding this blog, i’ve only posted twice since last august. a big reason for that is every time i sit down to try to write something, whether it be a facebook post on a significant anniversary, or a full-length blog, i get discouraged because for right now, i feel like i’ve said everything i can say. i feel like the first year after nathan died, i was great at being poignant and sharing these little insights and as more time passes, as these anniversaries come again, i don’t have a better way to say what i’ve already said.

the core of every post is the same- i miss nathan. i love nathan. and for as long as i can find ways to say it, i will.

most days, missing nathan feels the same. it’s a dull ache that’s always there, but that i’ve grown accustomed to, that i’ve grown to live with. on occasion, it’s a more acute pain. the other night, i cried because i had the thought, “i wonder if my cats miss nathan,” i think they do, but for some reason, that thought made missing him hurt a little more that day.

i still mostly only sleep on my side of the bed, but the other day i got upset because i realized that my full-sized mattress seemed small. it’s never felt like that before.

the first year of our relationship, we shared twin sized beds, and it never seemed too small, not even with the two of us. when we upgraded to a full, it felt huge, it seemed like there was so much space between us when we were on our respective sides- by the morning we always ended up on the same side, literally attached to each other. the other night i found myself not understanding how i’d lived with a twin sized mattress my entire life, i felt claustrophobic with just myself and my laptop in the bed. it was just another physical reminder of how different things are, how different my perspective is now that nathan is gone.

the world feels a lot smaller without nathan in it.

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

11/11/11 tag!

I was tagged by @liesversusjournals and @softwishesx​ so I’ll answer both sets of questions in this post! :)

1. Are you a pantser or plotter?

A pantser! Tho I do a lot of planning lol! My notes doc for REWIRED is 60k words long what why she a whole novel.

2. Do you write using a computer or pen and paper?

A computer!

3. How much writing do you get done on an average day?

Honestly because of school the average lately has been 0/day lol, but if we subtract school, on a good day I used to average about 1-1.5k! On days where I’m struggling I usually get in from 500-700. I haven’t had a consistent enough writing schedule in the last 2 years to calculate this though!

4. Which present work(s) are you the most proud of?

I’m really proud of a few chapters of REWIRED like chapter 9 (Girl), chapter 17 (Julian-Julius), chapter 22 (Younger), and chapter 23 (Bad Habits). I’m also pretty proud of my newest short story Water Burials For the Living. 

5. Which past work(s) are you the most proud of?

I’m honestly really proud of FOSTERED. Even though technically it isn’t very strong, I don’t think I’ve ever been as passionate writing as I was when I first drafted that book. I also am really proud of I’M DISAPPOINTED! I wrote 10 drafts of that baby and think it was pivotal in improving my writing! Book three of FOSTERED also has TEA so I must also include her. 

6. Which present work(s) are you the least proud of?

lols overall I definitely think FOSTERED 5 suuuuuuucks. I think the writing is so... strange? I was definitely making a transition from point a to b and it shows in that book. Tho it isn’t super recent (2016/17 I believe!). 

7. Which past work(s) are you the least proud of?

oml anything that follows the ‘i’m not like other girls’ plot ohhhhh godddddd.

8. Which books/authors have influenced you the most?

When I first started writing, Marie Lu’s Legend trilogy, Alexandra Bracken’s The Darkest Minds trilogy, Teri Terry’s Slated trilogy, and The Host by Stephenie Meyer were so important in shaping my work! Recently tho writers like Eliza Robertson, Emma Cline, and Emily Fridlund have been super influential. Also my mom @shaelinwrites​!! Would be v bad at writing if it weren’t for her!!

9. Describe your writing process from when you get the idea to when it’s polished.

Oh boy I don’t think I’ve ever polished something but:

The idea! Usually don’t get many of those so I cling to ‘em like ain’t nobody’s watching

She write (this usually takes 1000x longer than it should ha)

I usually edit as I go, so I loop back to previous chapters to clean stuff up before progressing too far. This is super helpful as a pantser to help me keep my facts straight 

The draft is done!

Developmental edits ensue (I’ve only done developmental edits once but in the past I made a list of things I needed to fix based on character, plot, foreshadowing etc etc)

Line edits + more line edits

10. How many drafts do you write until you feel you’re satisfied with a project?

Honestly I haven’t written multiple drafts of a book since I’M DISAPPOINTED, haha, but if I finish a project, I usually feel pretty okay with it? I don’t have to make tons of tweaks to feel satisfied especially if I’ve been writing it for a few months!

11. If you could re-visit and write in any shelved project, which one would it be and why?

I’M DISAPPOINTED! I actually want to re-write this book so badly but I lowkey forgot how to write YA, so I’d def have to read more of that before even attempting to dive back into that book. I’ve recently gotten some ideas of how to revamp the story (IMO in the way it should have been written) though I doubt this will actually happen!

The next set of questions come from @softwishesx!​

1. What’s your favourite stage of the writing process?

Drafting!

2. What’s your least favourite stage of the writing process?

Developmental edits and sometimes line edits when I don’t know where to start. 

3. What would say is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think I’m pretty good at description/picking out interesting details, maybe just imagery in general?

4. What would say is your greatest weakness as a writer?

Ha clarity lol nothing makes sense in this house!

5. What have you learned about your writing in the last year?

It’s very changeable (no need to stick to just one thing at one time). 

6. Is writing full time something you would like to do or is it more of just a side-hobby?

At this point in my life I don’t think I could write full-time (my organizational skills are v/ poor) but this idea is something I’ve toyed with for sure!

7. Would you ever write a semi-autobiographical book? If so, would you reveal that it is semi-autobiographical?

Probably not! I think there are many lives much more interesting than mine to write about. 

8. What’s your ‘I have to write in this otherwise everything is trash’ font?

I used to draft in Times New Roman but I think high school English essays have scarred me, so I really stan Garamond lol. 

9. Do you read books similar to your WIP for inspiration while drafting?

I don’t read as much as I’d like to, but if I did, I feel like this is something I would do? At least for tone!

10. How many people in your real life know that you’re a writer?

Everyone!

11. What’s one of the best lines you’ve ever written?

Oooh, I don’t think I have a best line, but here are some that I do like:

From chapter 23 (Bad Habits) of REWIRED:

I wanted to bewitch him, and make him admit I wasn’t the performer of black magic, but the magic itself. 

This is the only line that makes me want to keep writing this story (from Music for Poltergeists):

The jitter of taxis bleeds through the shutters and makes patterns on the ceiling. Lois would say, Baby, it’s the Northern Lights.

This is dialogue from the new book (book 7 of fostered which I have yet to title drop on this blog)! Context: Reeve’s brother calls her after she goes MIA for a few months in a new city under a new identity to fill a roommate posting and she be like:  

“It’s an ad for a couch. You can’t both stay on the couch.”

Thank you for tagging me! :)

--Rachel

#writing #writeblr #amwriting #writerblr

[mental-health-advice]

Submission from Sol

Hey,

So I am having a lot of problems with an old friend of mine. I’ve never spoken about our relationship to anyone. We meet in Middle school and now both of us are in college. We used to make up stories, every night for years. We would call each other and act like the characters on the phone and live out the stories we created each night. I was embarrassed by the act but It let me explore my creativity and hers as well. Eventually our personal relationship started to suffer, we would still talk about our stories but I was consistently getting mad at her. She was not answering my calls or my texts. She has always been very flighty - often moving about and not noticing other people she bumps into. She would often tell me I wasn’t her best friend even though I was very clear that I thought she was mine. Our biggest difference was the fact that she was very extroverted while I was - and still am - an introvert.  Once we went to college, she cut off contact with me - as did many of my friends - which sent me into a depressive spiral. A few years have passed since then and now I am talking to her again, including talking about stories at night. Although - as of a couple days ago - I have blocked her from all my contacts. She wasn’t really calling me back anymore and she wasn’t responding to my texts again. Finally when she did she would give short answers.  She would always tell me she was just busy with one thing or another, and I always tried to believe her. But I keep getting paranoid that she is actively ignoring me and not wanting to respond to my messages. I feel like every time I try to talk to her and she doesn’t respond or the response I get is one I don’t want to hear, I get mad and I just want to yell at her. Which I used to do when we were younger, but now that were older I haven’t said anything.  In fact, if we are talking now, I don’t even talk about myself. I let her talk if she has anything to talk about but I don’t go into any kind of detail about my own life.  Even more so, I haven’t told anyone who knows her that I am talking to her again. My current best friend - I will call her K for clarity - knows her but K hates her because she abandoned K as well as me when we went to college. I haven’t even told my mom - who I am very close to - about her either. Everyone knows how I felt about our relationship and I keep thinking that they will think I am weak for wanting to keep talking to her.  I guess the thing I’m asking is, am I crazy? I feel like I have anger problems when I am around her, so much so that I have blocked her on social media and contacts many times, but I hope this will be the last time. I just think I am a terrible person, and I hate myself for how I am reacting to this situation, but I don’t know what else to do.  I don’t know if this helps but I do have a history of depression and severe anxiety. I haven’t talked to anyone about anger because I don’t think I feel it that often, only when I am dealing with her. Did I make the right choice, or am I overreacting?

Thanks for reading. - Sol

Hi darling,

I don’t think you’re overreacting at all! You have every right to block her and to me personally it seems like a good idea to do so. However, I think I might have this opinion for a different reason than you do. You see, I think it’s really understandable that you feel angry when she keeps not responding and being really short with you. It’s possible that she’s busy, but since it’s something that happened before and she then ended up cutting you off, I think it’s valid to believe the same is happening. And that’s really not a nice way of treating you! 

By blocking her now, you’re protecting yourself from being hurt over and over again. Texting or messaging someone and then having to wait ages for a response, only for that response to turn out really short, can be so hurtful. You get your hopes up, and every time it takes so long and the response is so short you get crushed all over again. That isn’t a feeling you deserve to experience! So I think it’s good to block her for that reason; to protect yourself from so many negative feelings. 

I don’t think the people who care about you will think you’re weak. But I think they will be worried about you, worried about her hurting you again and that having an effect on you. They care for you and they don’t want to see you hurt! Having said that, even if they do think you’re weak for talking to her, there isn’t anything wrong with that! We all have our weak or low moments, it happens. It doesn’t make you any less strong of a person. And it definitely doesn’t define you! 

Do you feel like you can maybe open up to your best friend and/or mum about that you started talking to her again but that you’ve now blocked her again? You deserve support through all this! It sounds like when you were at the top of your friendship, you got a lot from that, so it’s understandable that you want that back and therefore started talking to her again! Unfortunately it doesn’t seem like it’s realistic she’ll give this friendship to you, and therefore it’s in your best interest to do your best and try not to pursue this. 

You mention that you have a history of depression and severe anxiety. Is this something you’ve been in treatment for? Because you deserve to get professional help for it, so that things can start to improve! You can read more about getting help here, but usually it’s easiest to visit your GP / local doctor and explain to them briefly what’s been going on. They’ll then be able to refer you to a therapist, counsellor, or other mental health professional. I hope this helped at least a little bit! Remember to take good care of yourself, you’re allowed to stand up for yourself so please do so!

Sometimes what seems impossible, is just hard.

Keep fighting beautiful <3 Love Pauline

#Sol #mental health #advice #advice blog #friendship #best friend #blocking #depression #anxiety #mhapauline #Anonymous

[johnboothus]

Bravus Brewing Companys Philip Brandes Is Making Non-Alcoholic Beer History

Philip Brandes doesn’t want to tell folks how to live their lives. He just wants them to have access to great beer — even if they don’t drink alcohol.

Brandes didn’t have any experience in the beer world when he began brewing non-alcoholic beer in his garage in 2015. A former software programmer who worked long hours alone in front of a screen, he says he could feel that his chosen profession was killing him — figuratively and literally. When a close friend began drinking non-alcoholic beer after battling alcoholism, Brandes decided to put his analytic skills to work by finding the perfect method for making it. A year later, he filed to form an LLC, and Bravus Brewing Company became America’s first exclusively non-alcoholic craft brewery.

In 2016, Bravus expanded out of Brandes’s garage into a 1,400-square-foot production brewery in Santa Ana, Calif. Then, in mid-2020, the brewery expanded again — this time, into a 23,000-square-foot facility in Anaheim’s Platinum Triangle neighborhood, less than a mile from Angel Stadium and big-name breweries Golden Road and Karl Strauss. Since then, Bravus’s year-round brands have earned shelf space at Total Wine stores across the country.

Brandes attributes much of his brewery’s success to the quality of the beer, which is made using a proprietary brewing method. He’s also ventured into ultra-limited beer releases, producing the world’s first non-alcoholic bourbon-barrel-aged brew, Gravitas, which medaled at the 2019 Great American Beer Festival. Last year, amid the Covid-19 pandemic and a consumer market looking for healthier choices, Bravus saw a 300 percent increase in direct-to-consumer sales.

While NA beer competitors are targeting athletes or others looking to replenish electrolytes, savvy beer drinkers will find Bravus’s branding to be almost indistinguishable from a regular craft brewery’s. That’s because, according to Brandes, the audience is simply “anyone who wants a beer.”

1. Before starting Bravus, did you ever see yourself working in beer?

Never. I didn’t even think about it. But when I looked to change careers, I saw how much fun my brother was having. He was a sales rep for a local brewery and [part of his job was] driving to various breweries and tasting new beers. Everyone was always cheers-ing and drinking, and I could see everyone was having a bunch of fun. So, I thought, I want to do this, too.

2. What is Bravus Brewing Company’s mission?

As you know, there is such a stigma surrounding not drinking alcohol, to the point where it can be pretty alienating in a social setting. I had a friend who would whisper to the waiter and order O’Douls, then turn the bottle promptly around when it arrived at the table so that the label faced him, preventing others from knowing he was drinking a non-alcoholic beer. It was that awkwardness, along with the fact that non-alcoholic segment has consisted of poor-quality choices, that gave me the inspiration not only to launch, but really take it to the next level by creating an ultra-rare, limited-release beer that was not only extremely enjoyable, but something you could show off.

I think the mission is to give someone something that tastes like a beer, looks like a beer, feels like a beer, and allows them to fit in with the rest of us. We want people to have a beer they can be proud of, not embarrassed by.

3. Is there a beer that Bravus Brewing Company makes that best illustrates who you are and what you do?

One summer, I came up with this crazy idea to attempt the world’s first non-alcoholic bourbon-barrel-aged stout and release it to our customers around the holidays. This isn’t an easy feat because barrel aging normally imparts quite a bit of alcohol to the product. After a lot of testing, I developed a method that didn’t impart alcohol. I took it a step further by creating a luxurious package around it, and really making it a labor of love.

And so, “Gravitas” was born, named after our corporate entity, Gravitas Brewing Company, LLC. The product is truly craft beer: It is brewed in a small batch, hand-bottled, hand-labeled, and hand-capped, all by me. It’s a chance for me as the brewer to really connect with our customers and give them something they can proudly display on their table. Side note: I believe it became the first non-alcoholic beer to be traded among alcoholic beer aficionados!

4. What goes into Bravus’s brewing method that makes it so different from other NA breweries?

What makes us different is that we just don’t have a lot of alcohol production with our process in the first place. Most non-alcoholic brewers take an actual beer and filter out the alcohol, but when you take an alcoholic beer and burn off the alcohol, you’re burning or filtering out all the flavor and aroma — all the things that make the beer taste good. I think when you start putting stuff in and removing it, it’s like a chef taking ingredients out of a dish. We’ve developed a process that mimics alcoholic craft beer production as much as possible. There’s a lot of intellectual property around it, and we’re still learning new stuff about it every day, but I’ll say that we don’t vacuum distill, we don’t remove the alcohol, and it’s not arrested fermentation. It’s just a completely unique way of brewing that, at the end of the day, produces some pretty good beer.

5. A growing interest in “better-for-you” brews has caused a lot of brands to pivot into the non-alcoholic beer category — Samuel Adams, Lagunitas, Budweiser, and Heineken, to name a few. In the past year, has Bravus changed to address growing consumer interest in these beers?

Yes, and no. I think the concept of NA still kind of confounds people, especially [with] macro producers coming into the market. We’ve always maintained that, in the long run and to fight off competition, it has to be about two things: flavor, which we have everyone beat on; and brand, which is probably the hardest part. But there’s just so much desire to have high-quality, small-batch options, and that’s what we do. We made that choice a long time ago and haven’t really pivoted away. In the long term, these more-of-the-same macro beers aren’t going to last.

6. What do you think about the trend toward “better-for-you” beer?

I don’t think it’s a trend. This is what it is. People want and demand healthier drinks. The days of sugary sodas and high-calorie foods, I think those days are close to being over. And that’s a smart thing. That’s a good thing. And I think people should be mindful of what they do, but not at the sacrifice of taste. That’s the trick. I’m impressed with a lot of these offerings now that are coming into the space. So, I think it’s great and here to stay.

7. Where do you see this segment going next?

Even “better-for-you” isn’t really good for you. I think shifting in that direction is great, so it actually becomes a good-for-you category that has some health benefits to it. And that’s what’s so great about us. There’s nothing really terrible about our products, and there’s a lot of really great things in NA craft beer, like polyphenols and certain vitamins. So, I think it’s a good thing to go towards.

8. What else is Bravus doing that’s different from other exclusively NA breweries?

I’m interested in just being a beer for beer drinkers. I don’t want to be a recovery drink or a Gatorade or a Red Bull. I think people want a beer. And it’s funny, because investors and marketing people don’t like beers that appeal to everyone, right? They want you in a box. But I kind of like the fact that we have such a diverse market. I’m not here to tell you what to do, so if you want a non-alcoholic beer, I mean, hey, pick this up.

9. What’s your long-term vision for Bravus?

The non-alcoholic space and better-for-you space is really hot right now, so I think using our technologies to look at some other opportunities, like spirits and wines and things like that, would be great. I feel like we can just do such a better job at making these by using the technology that we’ve developed. But there are also a lot of cool things that NA beer can do that alcohol can’t. You can find niches, like the military, food trucks, things like that. We’re looking at maybe expanding at some point to the Middle East, because there’s a huge market for non-alcoholic beer amongst the Muslim population [there]. There are all these cool little opportunities ahead that I’d love to explore.

Ed. note: This interview has been edited for length and clarity.

The article Bravus Brewing Company’s Philip Brandes Is Making Non-Alcoholic Beer History appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/bravus-brewing-philip-brandes-non-alcoholic-beer/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/bravus-brewing-companys-philip-brandes-is-making-non-alcoholic-beer-history

[socialmediapromotion2020]

How To Be Successful In Content Marketing As a Modern Content Creator

First let me ask you something, would you ride your pony into another town-with your items, compact discs, your craft, your books, blog entries, or projects stuffed into the knapsack tied to your shoulders-and request your substance house to house.

No. You wouldn't...

It would be irregular, fringe improper, and the 1 or 2% of individuals that may buy your substance products would almost certainly do it because of compassion.

Notwithstanding the content creator way that a significant number of us are accidentally executing a comparable technique, there IS uplifting news.

Because your substance promoting efforts have neglected to change over doesn't mean you have a terrible item, a helpless assistance, or a revile from the universe!

It in all likelihood implies that your advertising pipe has neglected to fashion the association and relationship expected to make the deal, regardless of whether the item or administration is great and important enough to your possibility to think about buying your answer.

Notwithstanding what your selling, in the advanced world, the "know, as, and trust" factor is more significant than any other time.

Because you have an item or administration settled away on a third level page canvassed in fair duplicate and checkout button, doesn't mean you have a useful advertising and deals pipe.

This is the place where the Content Marketing Process comes in to loan some assistance and have it's impact in taking your crowd from intrigued prospect to steadfast client.

Content Marketing is the means by which brands assemble a crowd of people in the advanced world. It is a CORE aptitude for Modern Content Creators, and on the off chance that you are selling substance of any kind or organization, your substance methodology and your substance advertising should be strong in the event that you need to contend in 2013 and past.

Comprehend that substance showcasing may seem like another or faddish term. A popular wave here today gone tomorrow...

Despite the fact that it's a popular expression temporary fad starting late, it's anything but another idea, yet the Modern World has made everything fair by giving the entrance and assets to achieve what wasn't ever humanly conceivable up until as of late, and it's taken a short time for everybody to make up for lost time to the "content as money" idea.

Nonetheless, there is a major distinction between the methodologies that are effective and those that are most certainly not.

Two Approaches

There are just two direct ways to deal with selling your substance on the web. (workmanship, items, administrations, instructing, information, exhortation, and so forth)

1) Send cold traffic straightforwardly to an offer... The end.

2) Send focused on traffic to important substance and assemble a connected with crowd through adding more worth and supporting a relationship, and afterward sooner or later change them into a dedicated client.

Highway two is the situation.

That is the part of substance promoting.

The 3 Shortcuts To Successful Content Marketing

As opposed to call attention to where everybody turns out badly, I'll rather plot the most noteworthy influence arrangements, or the greatest easy routes that you can coordinate into your activities, missions, and cycles to put forth your attempts more fruitful.

1) Mindset-The principal alternate route is to move toward advertising your substance with the correct mentality.

The mindset you need to grasp is that of the Modern Content Creator, and all that intrinsically infers.

A. You are an Artist/Creator AND an Entrepreneur. You accomplish the work that is important, lined up with your motivation, and serves your dedicated crowd.

B. Everything from your main goal and reason, down to each project or mission starts with Clarity + Focus. This is consistently the beginning stage. Jobs and obligations are characterized so you can explain and zero in on your most elevated worth exercises, and afterward augment them with the most noteworthy influence.

C. You are narrator AND you are a distributer. As a Modern Content Creator you are both the master/columnist, AND you are the distributer of the magazine.

D. Content promoting is best considered as a cycle. A progressing discussion with your crowd dependent on the creation and conveyance of substance that enhances their lives.

E. Think straightforward yet complex. He who can handle and teach his consideration, will discover a group of people that gives them theirs.

F. The devices are just as successful as your capacity to utilize them. I figure we can kind of underestimate once in a while exactly how magnificent the force we have readily available really is...

I frequently hear a ton of discussion about what the following NEW "thing" will be...

Some super innovation or informal community that in a split second overwhelms the world.

While ceaseless headways in science and innovation and the a remedy for malignant growth are generally energizing, investing energy pondering flying vehicles is a pointless exercise.

It's not MORE innovation we need, it's the need to utilize the instruments we have BETTER.

Think as far as authority.

2) Message to Market Match

Content is relative, and being pertinent is progressively more troublesome across our uproarious advanced channels.

With the correct mentality, your message to showcase coordinate is the following most significant thing you CAN'T get off-base.

Tragically, for certain individuals it will be simpler to communicate in your crowds language than others. Yet, the substance of being a Modern Content Creator is the advanced comprehension of being both Creator/Artist, AND Entrepreneur.

This implies that you are making, making, giving things that are significant to you, yet additionally important to other people! A ton of the further inclining innovative sorts I work with must be helped to remember the way that their is a whole range of abilities and set-up of pioneering duties that should be coordinated and very much oversaw on the off chance that you need to locate that wonderful equilibrium of unending opportunity and satisfaction doing what you love.

... You need to adore what you do, and you ALSO need a crowd of people who loves how you help them!

The inalienable CREATIVE resources for Artist/Expert and Personal Brands can and should most DEFINITELY be applied in discovering this equilibrium, yet comprehend that an "on the off chance that you assemble it they will come mentality is hazardous."

Gotta offer some benefit. Genuine worth. Gotta understand what that worth is. This all requires understanding the most basic parts of promoting, which is truly compelling correspondence to a characterized target crowd or persona.

This expression and each believable stage is littered across the web. Maybe on the grounds that it is so extremely fundamental, thus regularly referenced that a significant number of us basically bypass the inalienable ramifications to offering that expression noteworthy and measured.

You must be altogether investigated and engaged with your commercial center. That is all. You need to know's who at the best degree of profundity to deal with that precarious equilibrium of tuning in to what your crowd is stating, and understanding where you can add to the gathering, in a significant and very much situated way.

You need to know the situating of those all around dynamic in your space so you can characterize YOUR Unique Value Positioning.

It's an equilibrium, and it's the way to finding your voice, regardless of whether that is as a position, or as a columnist or lover...

In the event that you haven't done top to bottom statistical surveying, on the off chance that you don't have the foggiest idea about the top websites, names, discussions, brands, holes, in your market; than it will be MUCH harder to cut your own space successfully.

Dazzle wounds in obscurity can now and then work out in the event that you maintain a strategic distance from the sharks, know the ideal individuals, and need to surrender your vocation to karma. I realize that master coaches/item makers who might view themselves as astute to this and unwittingly point their nose up at those "uninformed craftsman/performer types," while they, at the end of the day, don't even truly comprehend their market at the level i'm discussing.

You don't have to dive this deep with your market to be fruitful. No. In any case, when you do, there is in a real sense MANY alternatives and courses you could seek after in light of the fact that by then you can see all the holes, you KNOW the market and who's in it.

Presently, on the off chance that you're as of now a specialist, as are a large portion of my customers, at that point it's more a matter of dialing into the discussions and expounding on the most important issues, concerns, arrangements, that exist inside your locale.

It's not just about your own thoughts, or essentially expounding on what you want to expound on... Preferably you'd connect both so you are composing something significant for you, however that is most importantly addressing the persona you are meaning to reach, and does as such in an applicable and connecting way...

That seems like such nonexclusive counsel, however it's the name of game. As Brian Clark from Copyblogger showed carefully in a new meeting I heard, it's more about tuning in to your crowd, than talking at them.

3) Integrated Content Strategy: - Build an Intelligent Marketing Funnel

Pretty much each and every one of my customers, upon introductory admission, come to me with the accompanying:

They've set up their data item, workmanship, book, program, CD or administration on an internal level page (2-3-4) with some nice however generally nonexclusive duplicate and pictures.

Their web traffic is negligible, not followed, and has a system that is regularly flawed if adequately characterized or planned by any stretch of the imagination.

Presently, I trust none of them disapprove of this; I'm not saying it to tease them, however to all the more likely represent my point for you. (they will be all JUST fine;)

However, this is certainly not a successful promoting pipe.

Notwithstanding, subsequent to noting the fundamental yet indispensable inquiries for figuring out what to state and who to express it to, distinguishing the best correspondence designs, choosing the correct circulation channels, it's simply test, measure, and refine...

I figure it tends to be hard to think as far as a promoting arrangement for some, and it requires a generous measure of exertion and energy for me to draw the groupings out in my mind, move it onto paper and afterward actualize it.

Exclusively On Fiverr By  saravlad

However, the missing connection for the larger part that I can see-is an absence of incorporated system for thoroughly considering and delineating your promoting channel and creating the best, best USER experience you can. To know more visit the official website http://bit.ly/39icCwd

#contentcreator instagramcontent socialmediacontent socialcontent facebookcontent

[mubal4]

Replicating the Calm!

 We hear a lot about having balance in our life.  I was actually listening to a podcast earlier this morning about that topic and heard, “if we continue to work on growth and getting better, do we ever truly find balance?”  I believe that is a great question and I put out a podcast about this earlier this year. We are constantly going each day and yes, there are moments we do get to take a breath, to slow down, and to rest if you will, but I don’t think I equate that with balance.  I think balance in our lives is hard to create and honestly, I am not sure how exciting that may be!  Peace however, being calm, slowing down, and having clarity, being grateful, we can create that and more importantly we can replicate that; I believe those reside in our mind and we have control over those mindsets.  The last several weeks I have been fortunate enough to be keenly aware of those moments of calm and peace that come over me.  I’ve tried to take notice and pinpoint what actions and activities I was doing or to lead up to and create those moments. And, how can I replicate those processes?  That is the tough part I am realizing because I haven’t been able to find any specific trend.

 This morning was one of those moments and, as I am sitting on my flight from Phoenix to San Diego, I am still experiencing that sense of calmness, peace, and gratitude.  Over the last week I have been experiencing a cold, allergies, and all sorts of nonsense in my head, chest, and everything in between.  It has been a battle and each morning, although I wake up feeling good, after I get moving it feels like an overflow of coughing, hacking, nose blowing for several minutes to get my head, chest and throat clear. Sorry for that if it did create a visual.  My point is, each morning the last week has been an effort just to get my head clear to begin my routine commitments.  This morning, knowing that I had an early flight, I set my alarm early to get things moving prior to leaving.  I have been finding out that when I have those days, those 4am starts, it gives me the chance to start my day at my pace, not be rushed, and creates those possibilities of more clarity, calmness, and slower pace.  I am all for getting rest but something about the early morning, for me, allows me, or at least I have seen some patterns, to operate in a calmer mindset and at a slower pace.  I am not rushed, filled with anxiety, and thinking about what I have to do next. So today, when the alarm when off and after clearing my head of cold nonsense (almost done I think 😊) I began my commitments, slowly, intentionally, and with a clear mind.  One thing I did different, in between my commitments, I took a moment to just focus on my breath.  Several months ago, I started practicing 4-step breaths.  Not sure if that is what it is really called but essentially it is breath in through the nose for 4 seconds, hold for seconds, slow breath out of the mouth for 4 seconds and hold for 4 seconds.  I just repeat that process for a few minutes.  I have found that it really slows things down. At first you can panic because you may feel you are not getting enough oxygen in but the more you practice, like anything, the better you get.  I meditated, stretched, got a little workout in, read, and went through my routine, slowly, calmly, and patiently; my mind was at ease. As I mentioned, I listened to a good, positive, podcast and some more audios on my drive to the airport.  At the airport, going through security, I smiled at folks and was patience.  Got a coffee and struck up a conversation with the person that helped me and then I read a bit more.  As I walked through the terminal to my gate, that is when I felt this powerful feeling of peace, calmness, and gratitude.  And then, as I typically do, I analyzed it to see what it was that got me to that and see if I can note it and replicate it.  That is when I realized that was the wrong answer so; I leaned into it and enjoyed it until I boarded and started writing.  I am still feeling those same senses and taking advantage of it.  We spend most of our time rushing from one thing to another and take for granted these moments of calmness and peace.  Stress, anxiety, nervousness, are we going to get it all done!!!!  Does it matter if we do or if we don’t, get it all done?  I have a dream board in my room, or mission board, whatever you chose to call it and each morning I review it, say some affirmations to myself, do some visualization exercises and it helps put my mind in the right perspective. There are a couple of things on there that I would like to do, or I would like to become, over a period of time.  You can call them goals or, well dreams.  The other day, it was the afternoon and I walked by the dream board and it caught my attention, so I stopped and reflected a bit. I asked myself this question, “what if none of those things on that board do not come to be?” …………………………………………………………….. I put this space here because I thought about that question again, just now, as I am writing.  My answer, I’d be okay with it.  It isn’t a big deal if I don’t fulfill those dreams or achieve those missions.  

 So, then what is the point to have the dream board, to set goals, to honor commitments, to take a risk and jump over that chasm? Why should we even try something new? Because, and this is what I have learned throughout this journey and this is what creeped into my mind recently as I have been reflecting on it; yes, it doesn’t make a difference if we fulfill all those dreams and missions we have but if we don’t start, if we don’t take that step, we are not becoming a better version of ourselves.   We are not working to see what we have inside of us that is meant to be shared? Take this for example, one of my missions on my dream board is to run Western States 100 Endurance Race, in under 30 hours, before June 30, 2023.  That is something I’ve wanted to do for a few years.  I’ve shared that in the past, and something I work toward each day with continuing to run, race, train, and work.  I started trail running and doing ultramarathons before this vision ever crept into my mind.  I couldn’t have never even known about Western States but ever since I started working toward ultrarunning, I have become a better person; in a number of ways. My point is that for me, putting it out there as something I want to do; something I want to work toward, is giving me a target to it.   I may never run that race but the fact that it is something that enables me to work toward opens up the opportunity to better myself; whether I hit that bullseye or miss the board completely.  

 We hear a lot about having a “why” or a “purpose.” I’ve talked a lot about it too and believe it is important to have something deep down that is driving you, moving you forward.  That purpose or why, continues to change and be fluid as days, weeks, and years pass. What I have, or should say, am beginning to find out is that when I set out on a specific purpose, I understand the level of effort and work it will take to, maybe, just maybe help me get there. Actually, it is just a thought, maybe a hope because I may not have a clue of the level of effort it may really take, but the point is I set the purpose and now I am going to work my ass off to get there.  As long as we continue that effort, show up each day, stay consistent, and keep moving forward we will get closer and closer.  We will learn more about the process, the journey, and about ourselves.  What we also tend to do is create habits, good habits.  We also create callouses and strengthen ourselves in many ways.  We have set out on a journey to go after something, to get something, and MOST important to be something; better than what we were yesterday.  All of those journeys will have moments that are not calm, not peaceful, and you will wonder why the hell did you even take that first step. When those moments do surface, step back, slow down, take some deep breaths, and think back to when you started, how you’ve grown, how you’ve become better, and that even if you miss the board completely and that purpose is never fulfilled, you are better now than you were when you took that first step.  And, you may just have uncovered the process to replicate that can again create that calmness, that peace, and that gratitude.

 “The secret is realizing that wrong isn’t fatal.” – Seth Godin, “Tribes”

#calm peace freedom breath slowdown callousthemind RFP masteringthroughfailure