#it's munching drywalls hours

[alexjcrowley]

The thing about brocedes still living in the same building makes me wanna munch my walls because on one hand I am convinced they're basically playing gay chicken except the first one to move out of that condo is not gay but implicitly admits to be psychologically weaker so now the fight is not about who wins the championship but who can recover more swiftly from 2016 and pretend he's unbothered by losing one of the most meaningful relationships of his life, it's psychosexual and unbelievable and uselessly painful and nobody really wins so they're both fucking ridiculous, they really said after the most heartbreaking friendship breakup ever documented on live tv let's be a little silly let's prolong our rivalry to levels only reached by american sitcoms

On the other hand

On other hand it makes perfect sense. They're not gonna move out because moving out would mean letting the fight die which would mean getting out of eachothers lives forever. Because when the fight ends we can't go back to being friends so I'd be forced to simply leave you behind and I can't do that. Let's keep up the fight, let me keep us for a little more, out of spite if not out of love. Yes I hate you and I can't even say your name and I won't call you on your birthday but please let me pretend it's out of my hands if I see you in the hallway one morning and then I hide behind a door. Until we live in the same building I have an excuse to see you without admitting I want to. Without testing my pride to see if I had the courage to come to you when we had no chance to meet on the stairs anymore, because I don't think I would allow myself that and I know I would suffer tremendously for it. We can't be a part of eachothers lives anymore because I've hurt you too much and you've done the same, we can't go back, but please don't let me move forward. You won't speak to me anymore but let me at least see your face once in a while. Not on posters or tv or internet, your face, without filters and the perfect lighting, with eyebags and imperfect hair and anything other than the press-trained smile because that is- was my friend, the man on tv- I don't know who that is. And it's my home, my home, understood, you can't force me out of it like you forced me out of your life so you move first if you want to move but I don't want to. It's my home and you were my friend and I'll be damned if I let you take anything else away from me again. I can't bear you in my life and I can't bear you out of it. Let's keep things muddy and confused and ridiculous, let's not ever put an end to this. Remind me everyday why I hate you rather than go away and force me to think maybe I still care about you more than I have ever hated you. Do not let this heal, because who knows if one of us will ever have the courage to go back to this car crash to see if there's still something that can be saved. I will stay here, forcing you to look around before you leave your apartment and check the flight of the stairs to see if I'm coming up when you need to go down, like a monster always hidden in a dark corner, like a ghost I will haunt you. I will force my presence into your life, if not in your home, at your table, in your living room, then in the corner of your eye, in a set of steps you could never not recognise, in a shadow approaching the hallway. The hurt will persevere and so will the love, in this new wretched form. We swore we would always be at eachothers side, we never said how. No, I won't move out and I won't move on. Allow me to force you to do the same.

#brocedes #it's missing them hours #it's munching drywalls hours #it's hitting my head on the wall hoping the physical hurt will distract me for the emotional hurt hours #something something the love was there and all it did was make this worse #their whole *agitates hands in the air* resonated with me more than I would want to #I stay awake at three am thinking about them #Sophocles is rolling in his graves because he couldn't write a tragedy about them #lewis hamilton #nico rosberg #f1 #formula 1 #long post

[clayticklish]

Life Update

I haven’t written anything in awhile so I thought I’d sum up some things that have happened recently! There’s been some pretty major developments and it’s always fun to look back on everything that has happened. Scrolling back through my blog, the last major event that I talked about was NEST back in May, so let’s use that as a starting point.

1. I started seeing someone new! We met on OkCupid and actually started chatting back in March but weren’t able to meet up until end of May. He lives about a 50 minute drive away, but we’ve managed to hang out once every 2 weeks since. This connection is a lot of new things for me - I’ve played with guys before but this is the time I’ve been with a guy in a dating type of scenario. It’s also the first time having a poly relationship that goes beyond casual play, and I’m super excited that he and Jess get along and we can all hang out together sometimes. It’s also my first time being in a kinky relationship where we don’t both share a tickle kink (though it is still fun to mix in a bit of tickle play every once in awhile 😉). It’s been amazing, and also a lot of new feelings to process. I’m super excited about it!

2. I’ve been exploring my local kink scene! Surprisingly, my little city has one of the most active kink munches in all of southern Ontario. Jess and I have been having a ton of fun going to the park munches, rope socials, and Littles munches. We’ve met some really cool people and learned a ton. I’m super excited to be able to include rope work more regularly in scenes now. I’m also excited to have some great new friends, and maybe introduce some tickle play to people who otherwise may not have considered it. There’s also a cottage weekend coming up that sounds like it’s going to be amazing.

3. I’ve made some more progress on the garage! This project continues to take far longer than I thought it would, but I’ve got it to a point where the loft area is a somewhat usable play space so that’s a plus. Next steps are to finish the drywall and install a heat pump for the winter. Hoping to have the main area ready to host a Halloween party in October!

4. We went to the P99 tickle gathering in Pittsburg back in June! There were a few people that I’ve been hoping to meet up with since before Covid, and it finally happened. Teleportation needs to be a thing so I can see all the wonderful people in the world more often 💕

5. We went back country camping for the first time! It was a great introduction to it - we only had to hike about an hour in from our car, and we were right next to the beautiful waters of Georgian Bay. I did mushrooms for the second time, and overall it was an amazing experience but I think I prefer doing them in a house instead of camping. Everything was augmented - the good stuff like the beautiful scenery and the good company, but also the bad stuff like the pesky flies and less than comfortable tent and sleeping pad. Can’t wait to plan another trip (both camping and mushroom 😉)!

6. I made some new content for OnlyFans! This is actually a pretty cool story. I have a friend on Facebook that I’ve known since high school. We were never super close but she always posted really funny, cool, and sexy content over the years so the Facebook algorithm would always keep her in my feed. Back in January she started posting about starting an OnlyFans and was looking for content ideas, so I thought I’d reach out and tell her about the garage I’m building. We started chatting and eventually I told her about my own OF account for tickling content. She hadn’t heard of tickling as a kink before but was interested enough to try! So we met up a couple weeks ago and filmed some stuff. I’m just finishing up the editing now so I expect we will be releasing that in the next week or two. She also wants to meet up again which is super cool. I may have helped convert another tickle kinkster?!

7. I started looking for a cottage! It’s been a major goal of mine to get some property outside the city to try to live a little closer to nature, and I’m almost at a point where I can see a pathway to get there. Years of saving, living below my means, some fairly significant help from my parents, and a few key moments of good luck might just make this possible in the next year or so. Hoping to have more to say about this soon!

Alright, that’s enough for now. I’m always amazed at how much stuff happens over time, when day to day I’m pretty focused on the current thing. I like writing stuff like this to help zoom out and see a bigger picture. I’ll have to try to remember to do this more often, but if I’m honest it’s very likely that it will be several months before I get to it. Until next time!

[strawberrybabydog]

You feel like the kinda dog to be left on its own for an hour and when your human comes back you've already gotten into all the cupboards and are munching on some drywall with empty food packets scattered all around you

i didnt come here to be called out

#/j ur right this is true i have done that #I MEAN... I WOULD. I WOULD DO THAT... not that i have already... #epic posting #woof #asks

[chimaexcubitor-a]

ketzerhund replied to your post: ketzerhund replied to your post: 〔 Fucking...

CHIMP STRIKE!

Seven hours later, 02 is sleeping in his room. Then, he stretches, yawning like a fat cat and heading out to the living room. Quietly, he snags some snacks from the fridge, and then starts to head back to his room. He’s got some tostitos and cannoli, and he’s gonna munch and crunch.

Then his face is put through the drywall and he’s KO’d.

Nice.

#ketzerhund

[cressasdbfanfics]

And Then There Were Five? Chapter 4

Paring: Goku and Chichi

Words: 2,924

Summary: The babies’ genders are revealed.

A/N: Thanks to the fabulous @jadefyre for the beta read!!!!

Fanfiction.net: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12543438/4/And-Then-There-Were-Five

Archive of Our Own: http://archiveofourown.org/works/11284710/chapters/29963463

Chapter 4

And the babies are…

Knife in hand, I got to work, the blade easily slicing through the scales of my latest catch and into the delicious meat. In no time at all, I gutted the huge fish and stripped it down to only bones.

I flew the carcass far into the woods for the wild animals, and returned home. I went inside with the huge platter of fish filets and followed my nose to the kitchen.

I put the platter on the counter next to Chichi and smiled at her. "Hey, babe! You're up!"

She gave me a bleary-eyed smile and went back to work.

Her three-hour-long late afternoon nap didn't seem to do much for her. Her ki was low and stayed that way.

She slept a lot when she was pregnant with Gohan. Carrying two babies must have been even more draining because she slept more than ever. She was also sicker than she ever was with him. What I thought was called morning sickness had a bad habit of showing up all hours of the day and night.

She couldn't catch a break.

And it was only the beginning.

My stomach rumbled.

Hers growled back just as loudly and she blushed.

I laughed and touched her slightly rounded stomach.

She shook her head as she returned her attention to the food. I chuckled again when she did something against her rules: munching as she cooked it.

I smirked. "Couldn't help yourself, eh?"

She threw me a half-hearted glare over her shoulder, the flush on her cheeks still present.

Leaving her to cook – and munch – in peace, I stepped outside into the cool air. There was something I wanted to surprise her with.

But first, I had to decide where to put it. The boys could help with that.

I followed the sounds of grunts and thuds interspersed with laughter a short ways away from the house.

I rounded a bend in our favorite well-beaten path into the woods and found them sparring in a clearing.

Goten landed a solid kick in Gohan's gut and he doubled over.

"Geez, kid. You hit like a freight-train," he wheezed.

I chuckled.

Goten gave me a very proud smile. "Hi, Daddy."

"Hey, Goten."

Gohan recovered and straightened up. "Oh, hi Dad. What's up?"

Goten's stomach growled. He blushed cutely.

I laughed. "A good fight makes you hungry, too, eh?"

He nodded.

I ruffled his hair. "Well, your mom's cooking dinner. But that's not what I came out here to tell you. Actually, before it's time to eat, I'd like to do something for your mom and I need your help."

"Yeah, sure! Whatever you need, Dad!" said Gohan.

"I knew I could count on you two. Okay, here's the plan…"

About half an hour later, my nose told me dinner was almost done and I went to get Chichi.

Inside, I leaned against the doorway into the kitchen and watched her work, humming as she dished everything up.

Chichi started carrying platters and serving bowls piled high with all kinds of delicious smelling food to the table and smiled when she noticed me. "Hi, Goku. Where'd you run off to?"

I walked up to her and took the serving bowl full of steamed rice out of her hands.

"What–?"

I reached out for her hand and smiled. "Come with me! The boys and I want to show you something!"

She cast a hesitant glance at the food still on the stove and then nodded at me as she put her hand in mine. "Well… Okay."

I led her outside and around the house to where the boys stood.

"Goku? What's–? Eep!" Chichi stumbled on a rock and I steadied her. She crossed her arms and raised a slender eyebrow at me. "Rocks?"

"Yeah, Mommy!" Goten gestured at the ground around him. "See how they're shaped like a room? The rocks are where Daddy will build the walls! And he's gonna make another one–" Goten pointed over his head "–up there, too!"

I nodded. "Yep! I plan on getting started first thing tomorrow."

Chichi stared at the ground and the rocks in silence, her face unreadable. The boys and I knew to brace ourselves when she went weirdly silent like that.

We exchanged nervous looks.

She finally looked up at me as she smiled so brightly she put the setting sun's bright, golden light to shame. And then two delicate but strong hands yanked me down by my collar and she pressed her warm soft lips against mine.

When she pulled back, her cheeks were flushed and she was on the verge of tears – the good kind. The kind that made her big, dark eyes sparkle – in a way that made me kiss her again. Her arms snaked around my neck as my hands settled on her hips.

My painfully empty stomach unleashed a roar and we pulled apart with a soft pop.

She raised an eyebrow and shook her head, smiling. "Come on, Goku. Let's eat."

Inside, we found the boys already seated at our kitchen table and waiting for Chichi and me.

"Daddy?" asked Goten, hovering at the opening where the second story bedroom's window would be.

I hammered the last nail of the wood frame in place one chilly late December afternoon. "Hey, Goten. What's up?"

"Wanna play?" He made a face. "Gohan's having kissy-kissy with Videl."

I chuckled and shook my head. "I can't play right now. Sorry, buddy. I've got lots to do today to help your mom. But maybe after dinner."

His reply was a bright, "Okay!" and he flew away toward the woods.

The plastic tarp protecting the rest of the upstairs rooms from the construction zone rustled and Chichi poked her head through.

She smiled in awe. "Wow! It's really taking shape, Goku! I brought you something warm to drink out here and a snack." She extended a small tray toward me with a mug of what smelled like her rich, creamy hot-chocolate topped with marshmallows and a plate of chocolate-chip cookies.

I grinned. "Mmm! That smells great! Thanks, babe!"

She carefully passed me the mug and the plate of cookies through the opening in the tarp and withdrew into the warmth of our house.

Hovering in the center of the second story room, I wolfed down the cookies and sipped my hot chocolate as I admired my handiwork with a proud smile.

There was a lot more work to be done – not to mention odd jobs around the house Chichi wanted fixed – but the room additions really were coming together. I still managed to get some playtime in with Goten after dinner.

Only a little over a month after starting construction, I nailed the last piece of drywall to the exposed studs of the new second story bedroom and stood back to admire my handiwork. It was a cold, blustery late January day but it was warm in the room and I needed something to drink.

I kicked off my boots, patted the white dust off my pants and shook it out of my hair before stepping foot into the upstairs hallway – because heaven help me if I tracked any of it inside.

On my way to the kitchen, I glanced in our half-open bedroom door. And did a double take.

Chichi was in only a bra and underwear – and since the boys weren't home, she hadn't bothered to close the door. She had her arms crossed above her growing stomach and was glaring at something I couldn't see. I pushed the door open and stepped into our room.

I followed her frown. On the bed was what looked like every piece of clothing she owned. Dresses and skirts in various colors, shirts and pants, even pajamas were strewn all over the bed. Sure enough, her side of the closet – and most of her half of our dresser – was empty.

She sniffled and my eyes went wide when I saw the tears gathering at the corners of her dark eyes.

"Uh… Chichi? What's wrong?"

She turned her glare at me and I instinctively slid my foot backwards toward the door and the relative safety of the hallway.

And then she burst into tears. Noisy tears.

My jaw dropped.

Before I could decide what to do, she threw her arms around me and sobbed into my bare chest, the noticeable swell of her stomach getting in the way.

I gingerly rubbed her back. "Talk to me, Chi. What's wrong?"

"N-nuh-nothing–" sob "–fiiiiiiiits!" she wailed into my chest.

She pulled back, her lower lip quivering, and furiously – and pointlessly – wiped her eyes and her runny nose.

Chichi grabbed a yellow dress and yanked it over her head. She grumbled as she struggled to pull it down over her body – angry tears coursing down her cheeks all the while.

I considered helping her pull the dress down, but I'd be in for it if I tore it so I settled on admiring the sight of so much exposed skin. Her stomach wasn't the only part of her that had grown. That dress was barely making it past her breasts – and was dangerously close to tearing. If it did tear, at least it wouldn't be my fault. I was pretty sure they were even bigger than they were when she was pregnant with Gohan.

Heat spread across my cheeks and I swallowed.

She finally managed to tug it over her breasts before all motion stopped and her hands went to her hips.

She cleared her throat.

A deep glare. Angry tears still coursing down her flushed cheeks. And the dress pulled haphazardly just past her breasts, fabric stretched to its limit.

And I suddenly found myself hugging her without even being aware of moving.

By the time my brain caught up to what my body did, I scrambled to come up with something to say – or do – because she was about blow her top.

Until she relaxed and wrapped her arms around me, her round stomach lightly pressed into mine. I slipped my hand between us to rub her growing belly.

She gave me that special look and I was in trouble. My cheeks prickled. I leaned down as she pushed up on her tiptoes.

Just as our lips met in the middle, there was a tiny nudge against my hand and Chichi pulled back and gave me a starry-eyed smile.

Another little flutter of movement pushed against my hand.

It took me several seconds to realize what I had just felt. When I did, I gasped, a little bit wide-eyed. "Chichi… was that…?"

I got down my knees and pressed both hands to her stomach. I was rewarded with a flurry of movement – a lot of nudges, rolls, and jabs.

I blinked away the moisture in my eyes and grinned up at her. "I think they know their daddy!"

She put her hands on mine and smiled through a fresh set of tears – the happy kind.

I smiled as I rubbed my wife's round belly and sensed the two bright, warm points of energy harmonizing with hers as they moved.

My heart flip-flopped.

And then gave a little twinge of sadness. I missed out on all of that with Goten.

Chichi's soft hand brushed my cheek.

If someone had told me not even a year before that moment that I would be alive and months away from welcoming twins into my family, I would have laughed and called them crazy.

But I was and I couldn't be happier.

I stood up and we finally shared that kiss that had been – in the best way – interrupted. With how she looked and how she felt pressed into my bare chest, our kiss quickly became something more and that dress was forgotten on the floor along with the rest of her clothes.

Doctor Ishi dimmed the lights of the usual light green room and placed the probe on Chichi's exposed, round stomach. "Okay! Any guesses on gender before we find out for sure?"

Chichi and I exchanged hopeful smiles and then she said, "We hope for girls but we would be just as happy with two more boys."

I nodded in agreement.

"That's the spirit!" Doctor Ishi nodded up at the tv screen as she said, "Now, let's see…"

I gasped when I saw them. "Wow! They've really grown! I mean, I know Chichi has but they look way bigger, too!"

Doctor Ishi nodded, her attention on the small screen in front of her. "Yes, they've both been growing quite well."

A jumble of arms and legs punched and kicked, the two of them twisting around each other and summersaulting in Chichi's womb.

I grinned as my heart swelled with pride. "They look like they're training already!"

Chichi rolled her eyes as she shook her head. "Of course you'd say that, Goku."

I looked at Doctor Ishi. "So, can you tell yet?"

She shook her head. "No. I'm still waiting for them to hold still long enough to get a good view."

I laughed. Chichi did, too.

Doctor Ishi froze the movement on the screen at the perfect moment and saw exactly what she needed to see.

She typed in five words on the screen above one twin: BABY A: IT'S A GIRL!

Chichi squealed and then sniffled.

My heart sped up a little bit and I glanced down at her as I took her delicate hand in both of mine.

Doctor Ishi looked at Chichi. "Well, since these two are identical, I think we can pretty accurately assume the gender of the other baby. But I'll check anyway."

She managed to zero in on the other baby, too and five words appeared above the second twin: BABY B: IT'S A GIRL!

Chichi wiped a tear out of her eye.

Doctor Ishi looked at both of us and smiled. "Congratulations!" She nodded at me. "Somehow, Goku, you've correctly predicted the twins and now you're right about their genders."

Chichi patted my arm. "That's my husband for you."

A little bit of heat spread on my cheeks.

Doctor Ishi returned her attention to the screen in front of her and she frowned. My heart skipped a beat.

Chichi put her hand over her mouth. "Doctor…?" she whispered.

But Doctor Ishi merely nodded to herself, mumbling something under her breath that sounded like, "So that's why Bulma called ahead for them."

Chichi tried again with, "Doctor Ishi?"

She finally looked at us, an eyebrow raised in question. "Oh… uh… well… the babies are fine but… they have… tails."

Chichi and I glanced at each other.

"I coulda sworn you just said Bulma called ahead for us," I said.

Doctor Ishi winced.

Chichi glanced at me and then looked at Doctor Ishi. "She did?"

Doctor Ishi responded with a hesitant nod.

I walked the few steps across the room toward the tv to try to see what Doctor Ishi saw in the babies. And sure enough, they had tails.

I turned and looked at Doctor Ishi as it clicked. "Oh! Right! You were there when Trunks was born. He had a tail, too, huh?"

Doctor Ishi just looked at me with eyebrows raised but remained tight-lipped.

Chichi smiled knowingly. "Well, I think that answers that."

Doctor Ishi pressed a few buttons on her keyboard and both screens went black. She handed us a few small pictures.

She looked at me with a frown for several moments before she shook her head. "I'll see you in a month."

With that, she left the room.

Chichi adjusted her dress and sat up. "For a second there, I was worried something was actually wrong."

I laughed. "So was I."

Chichi opened our front door to three very anxious faces that she greeted with a smile.

"So? Are they really girls like the boys have been saying?" asked Ox King.

Chichi and I exchanged smiles and she put her hands on her hips as she turned her attention back to Ox King, Gohan, and Goten. "Let us inside first and we'll tell you."

They all laughed – a little red faced – and moved aside.

Chichi and I sat down on the couch as the boys and her father gathered around us with excited grins.

She handed the pictures to Goten. "Read the words out loud, please."

He grinned as he read aloud, "It's a girl!"

"And the other one?" she prodded.

He looked at the other picture in his small hands. "This one says the same thing! They're girls! Will they be born soon?"

She giggled. "Not yet, sweetie. We'll meet them in about four months. They both have a lot of growing yet to do."

Goten nodded. "Oh, okay!"

Gohan reached for the pictures and smiled down at them. "Wow! Sisters."

And the pictures were passed to Ox King. "Granddaughters! Two boys and two girls! Oh, this is perfect!" he said as he wiped a tear out of his eye.

I put my arm around Chichi's shoulders. "It sure is!"

Daughters. A burst of excitement surged through me. I couldn't wait to hold them!

#GoChi #pregnancy fluff #my fanfiction #cressawrites #And Then There Were Five? #Chapter 4 #babies

[queennicoleinboots]

Day 55 of Peter and Xara the Goat's Curse:

Battle of the Bands of Goats, Walrus Bear Pigs, Cats, Clowns, and Asgardian Gods, part 3

A/N: This story is cartoonish and does not necessarily make sense.

"Fuck you!!!" Everyone in the meeting hall sang before they bleated.

"Peter W. Parker, your orange hair makes it easy for us to troll you!" Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater sang.

Murphee howled in agreement.

Kissy walked over to Peter and sang, "I'm here, motherfucker."

"I'm here, motherfucker!" Everyone sang to Peter before bleating.

Peter bleated and was one with his inner goat. He then sang, "Fuck this! After the spaghetti squash dinner, I'm out of here."

"Spaghetti squash! Spaghetti squash! We can't wait for spaghetti squash! It will be delicious!!! Dee-dee-deelicious!!!!" Everyone sang.

"I fucking love this organiiiizzaaaaatiiiiionnnn!!!" Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing sang loudly.

"You are inducted! You are inducted! Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing! You are inducted into the secret society of gooooooaats!" Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater sang before he chanted. "Come on the stage!"

"You are inducted! You are inducted! Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing! You are inducted into the secret society of gooooooaats!" Everyone sang before he, she, or it chanted. "Go on the stage."

Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing went on the stage. He waved to everyone and thanked us for having him. Kissy meowed at him.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater pointed at Kissy. "Come here, cat. I require thee," he said.

Everyone else sang, "Go there, cat. He requires thee."

Kissy walked quickly on the stage. Everyone said, "Awwwww!!!" as she crossed over to Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater.

"Are you not an inductee of the secret society of goats as well?" Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater asked as he petted her.

"I am," Kissy answered as she purred. "My Mommy is a high-ranking officer."

"Well then you are also required to sign and say the oath of the secret society of goats," Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater said as he scratched her belly.

Peter's phone alerted him of a text. I was sitting next to Peter, so I was able to see his text messages. He sighed.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater went on with the inductions. If you are rank 10 or above, you are allowed to have your phone on because you are that fucking important.

My inner goat told me to look at Peter's text messages.

Jamie texted him, "I need you to fix my wheelchair. The remote isn't working. I need you to fix the tables in the garage. They're broken. I need you to fix OUR toilet. It's now broken. I need you to fix the toilet garden. You broke it in Episode 3. I need you to fix the carpet and drywall in your room. It's mentally scarring. I need you to fix the ceiling. Pennywise is coming through the ceiling, and it's freaking me out."

"Dad, Dad, Dad," Peter muttered.

Another text message showed up on his phone. This time, it was from his mother, Godiva Parker. "I hope you're having fun at your party. Your father requires a lot from you. I told him *not* to bother you, even if the clown from "It" the Stephen King novel is indeed coming down from our ceiling. He's talking about stuff floating from our toilet. Oh brother. This guy's obnoxious. When you're done being a rockstar, come home."

Peter smiled and responded, "Actually, everyone's trolling me because of my ORANGE hair. I'd do anything to get my hair to an auburn color. Literally. Ha!

Yes. I got a long to-do list text message from him. He mentioned Pennywise coming out of the ceiling. Oh brother. Never a dull moment at home. I leave home to relax."

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig texted me. "Garfield sends his regards by meowing. I'm cooking the spaghetti squash with meatballs and alfredo sauce. It's taking forever to scoop out the seeds. How is Kissy's induction ceremony?"

I responded, "Pet Gar for me. Tell him 'Hey Bubba.' Also, when will the meal be done? Everyone sang a song about the meal when you left. Kissy is doing fine. She can meow and bleat at the same time. She also sounds like a wind-up toy you'd get at Toys R Us."

Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing and Kissy were signing the appropriate forms to become members of the secret society of goats.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig responded, "At least another hour. Ugh. Bad timing. P.S. Garfield is laying near my feet."

I responded, "I love that animal."

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig responded, "I love you. 30 seconds until I grow man-boobs. Oh wait. Too late."

I laughed out loud at that comment.

Mr. Thor the Appliance Beater turned to me. "I'm glad someone laughed at my joke. But seriously, my band is called Mr. Thor and the Interrupters. I legally removed "The Appliance Beater" from my title. I got tired of writing it on every document I signed."

"Screw the appliances! Where are the-" Peter started to ask.

"It doesn't matter," Mr. Thor answered.

"But you didn't-," Peter started to say.

"You're a dick!" Mr. Thor exclaimed.

I started laughing and rolling on the floor.

"You know what fuck-" Peter started to say.

"You!!!!" Mr. Thor said.

"Apparently the idea behind this game is-" Bruce the Ace of Brake-fixing started to say.

"Is to interrupt the other person!" Peter yelled before going on stage.

Ronald McDonald went on stage with Peter and started singing.

The line of goats on the stage started singing.

Murphee barked to interrupt everyone. "Fuck Peter," he said.

"Good idea!" one of the females in the group said.

"No orgasm for you, miss," Peter said. "At least, not while-"

"We're interrupting each other," I blurted out.

Everyone started to bleat before the four rams bleated to interrupt us.

I laughed my head off some more. Lindsay interrupted my laughing by laughing.

Prince Carrington started to ask, "Am I immune-"

"No!" Kissy said with a loud and long meow that got interrupted by Peter starting to sing and dance.

The Rams played some hard rock music in the background.

"No!" Ronald McDonald shouted.

"Sleep!" Peter sang.

"Till!" the line of goats yelled.

"Bleating!" the audience yelled.

"Bleating!" Peter and Ronald McDonald sang loudly.

Peter and Ronald McDonald started to dance on stage before Murphee jumped in front of them and barked loudly.

Peter and Ronald McDonald jumped to the left and stepped to the right.

The rams started playing the "Time Warp" from the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Everyone sang. "First we jump to the left. Then we step to the riiiiiiggggghtttt."

"With a pelvic thrust! Which we do in time!!!!" Mr. Thor interrupted.

"Let's do the time warp again!!" Peter sang loudly.

"Let's do the time warp again!!" Ronald McDonald sang loudly.

Kissy sneezed.

"Gesundheit!" Everyone yelled.

Kissy jumped off the stage and was sniffing my coffee.

"Get out of my coffee," I said.

"Get out of her coffee!" everyone said.

"Apparently we did the time warp again," Peter said.

All of a sudden, a basenji burst through the door.

Everyone turned to see Tug running up the aisle to the stage.

"I thought I locked the door..." Murphee said. He did a kujo growl.

"Oh shut it. Will you? I'm here on official business. I know it's not goat business, but this is important," Tug said.

"Well why not? This whole meeting has turned into a series of interruptions. What better way to conduct business than to have a random fox dog burst into the meeting," Mr. Thor said.

Tug stood on stage and howled before he walked over to Peter.

"Tug! What are you doing here, boi?!" Peter asked as he petted his dog.

"Awwwwww!!!!" Everyone said before they bleated.

"I need to let you know that I cope with your existence every day. I also want the world to cope with the fact that I can talk. I can even siiiiing. But. I can't bark. Am I a dog or a fox?" Tug asked.

"I'll be honest. You be whom you want to be. I do all the time. Today, I want to be a rockstar who sings in bleats," Peter said.

Tug howled and then started singing, "What's New Pussycat?!"

"Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoaaaa!!!!!" Everyone else would sing at appropriate times.

After the song was over, Tug walked to the front of the stage and said to Peter, "I am going to demand that you feed me now. Thank you."

At that moment, Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig walked in with a bunch of spaghetti squash and meatballs in Alfredo sauce. "Dig in!!!!" he commanded.

Everyone gathered spoons, forks, knives, plates, and bowls and dug into the masterpiece called Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig's cooking.

Kissy was munching on a meatball while Tug ate some spaghetti squash. Murphee chowed down like there was no tomorrow.

"This is dee-dee-dee-deelicious!" Everyone chanted. There were celebratory bleats.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig growled like a bear and said, "Dee-licious!!!" He ate another bite.

Even the rams and goats ate happily. They bleated to show pleasure.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig cuddled with Kissy while they ate together. She meowed like a wind-up toy to signify that she was ready to rock and roll.

I finished my meal and then went on stage.

"Ladies, gentlemen, and animals. I want to perform a song with my bae. It's called 'Public Beatings.'"

The goats bleated in happiness.

Kissy went on the stage and meowed as though she were an instrument.

"Public Beatings! Public Beatings! I love to give those Public Beatings!" I sang.

Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig waddled on the stage and sang, "I want you to open your window and yell, 'I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore.' Ohio is one big Norman Bates phenomenon."

Everyone in the room yelled, "I'm mad as hell, and I'm not gonna take it anymore."

Kissy coughed and sneezed before meowing as though she were a sitar.

"Easy easy easy easy beats!" I sang operatically. I then proceeded to softly beat Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig.

"My love! Here you go! I profess my love to thee as I'm getting beat. Getting beat!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig sung.

The rams were playing their instruments while the line of goats bleated and sang, "Getting beat! Getting beat!"

"I'm not gonna take it anymore! I'm not gonna take it anymore! I spawn! I die!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig sang. "I hope you all enjoy the khatents of my butt as I'm getting beat!"

Mr. Thor beat the cymbal. "Not that kind of meeting. No pooping on stage. K thanks," he said.

"It's not a song. It's a sandwich!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig and I sang.

Kissy then jumped on Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig and bit his leg.

"Owwwww! That hurt! Your teeth hurt like pins and needles!" Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig sang loudly.

Kissy continued to meow like an instrument.

"You know you're my bear if you get beat I public!" I sang as I beat Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig.

Kissy meowed an operatic meow.

Murphee howled operatically.

Tug howled and threw in what barks he could.

"One two three four with your ass. I'm gonna beat your ass right now," I sang.

Another animal entered the stage area dramatically. Garfield walked to the center stage in the middle of our song and sang,

"Get your ass ass ass off my table table table.

Get your ass ass ass off my table table table.

Get your fatass off my table! Get your fatass off my table! Get your fatass off my table. Table. Table. Get your fatass off my table!"

Garfield then walked off the stage and exited out the back door.

Kissy, Wally the Walrus the Bear the Pig, and I bowed and signified that our song ended.

Everyone bleated and clapped because it was socially acceptable to clap at the end of a song.

Peter then blurted out, "Party at my house! Apparently, my dad wants me to do a bunch of shit, so I gotta go home. Anyone who wants to join me is welcome!"

Tug howled again.

Murphee howled.