#its also buck learns the power of self respect fic

[try-set-me-on-fire]

you mentioned you were writing a proposal fic. is that still happening? i loved the preview you posted!

I am! That one’s going to be longer and I’ll probably finish and post it while the shows on break! Here’s another little scene from it for you, though…

The sticky pads holding the heart monitor sensors to his chest itch. Buck lays in bed staring balefully up at the ceiling and tapping his chest with his fingertips around the nodes, trying to relieve the feeling. Not only does it not work but he also starts to worry that maybe impacts could be jostling the sensors enough to mess with the readings, so he rolls over (gently) to grab the notepad he’s supposed to writing down the “time and severity of any sensations of discomfort or pain, or any irregular heartbeat or palpitation” in and sheepishly writes “maybe itched chest too much, 4:32 pm.” He rolls to his back again. He wishes he could google how to stop itching without actually itching, but his cell phone is in a drawer in the kitchen next to the microwave, which he is not allowed near.

“Ugh,” he says, petulantly, to no one.

Except not no one, because Christopher chooses that moment to make his way through the bedroom door, arms laden with school work. He hands the stack to Buck wordlessly, who holds it above his chest while Chris walks to the other side of the bed and crawls in to sit against the headboard. He holds his hands out and Buck gives the pile back.

“You need help with homework?” Buck asks, passing over the pencil he’d just been writing with.

“It’s math, Buck,” Chris says, making a face. “You can’t help.”

“Ok, rude.”

Chris doesn’t dignify him with a response, getting right to work. His serious little face makes Buck smile. His forehead crinkles when he concentrates, just like Eddie’s does. Buck lays there, listening to the scratch of Christopher’s pencil and watching him breathe. He wonders what his heart monitor is reading from him now. Can it hear the way Buck’s heart swells up like a balloon every time he sees this kid? Should he write that down? 4:43 pm, loved Chris Diaz. Except that is always true, at any time, an overwhelming and constant state of being. Maybe they should have put the monitor on Christopher instead, Buck’s heart outside his body.

Chris glances down at Buck occasionally as he works. His eyeline is aimed at Buck’s chest so he doesn’t think he’s aware of Buck’s study of him. The line of his mouth gets tight each time it happens, a worried little grimace. 4:55, heartbreak. Buck reaches out and wraps his fingers around Chris’s ankle.

“Hey, bud,” Buck says softly, jostling his leg a little. “I’m ok, you know that, right? This looks scary,” he gestures to the wires coming off him, “But it’s just for a longer check up than they have time for at the doctor’s.”

Chris chews on his lip for a moment before responding. “What if they find something wrong?”

Buck holds on tighter. “You and your dad are taking such good care of me already. I’m doing good, and Dr. {name} doesn’t think she’ll find anything unexpected, but if she does and I need a little extra help I know I’m in good hands.”

Chris looks all over his face, examining him in the way his father sometimes does, and then rests his hand on Buck’s chest, careful not to nudge any of the tape. “We’ll help you, Buck,” Chris says, breaking out in a mischievous smile. “We’re even learning to make mac and cheese from Bobby.”

Buck throws his head back in a laugh. “Aw, no! What will you even need me for?”

“We’ll always need you, Buck.” 4:59, emotionally obliterated by a 12 year old. “Dad burns it every time.

Buck laughs again as Chris grins and gets back to work. His hand stays on Buck’s chest, and Buck doesn’t let go of his ankle.

#wip #my writing #it’s also lightning strike recovery fic #its also buck learns the power of self respect fic #its also dispatcher buck fic eventually #proposal fic

[booksandabeer]

so uhhhh *slides you ten bucks* *twirls hair awkwardly* I hear you're into fics that destroy you, huh? As a fellow Angst Queen, might I maybe ask for... recs? *bats lashes imploring* Pretty please?

Hello fellow Angst Queen...

*takes ten dollar bill* ...so you wanna get wrecked, huh? Destroyed? Utterly ruined? Ok then, step right this way.

I tried to go for varying levels of angst. As a general reminder, since these are all angsty, sad, and/or pretty dark fics: Please, for the love of God, check the tags before you read!

there must have been a moment where we could have said no by magdaliny | M, 155K | Part 1 in quiet americans series

Authors summary: The Soldier remembers this: he wakes up in the snow.

A Bucky recovery story about finding and leaving behind identities, learning to live again, and living well. The first two chapters focus on Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier, so yes, it gets very dark. A beautifully-written, at times hard to read story about the breaking and re-making of a person. And about falling in love.

an unfamiliar coast by brideofquiet | M, 19K | Part 1 in new topography series

Authors summary: He doesn’t have a concept of how long ten years is anywhere. Not even before he’d been yanked out of a natural, linear progression. He’d been six years old once; he’d been sixteen and then he’d been twenty-six. But the breadth of time between those moments—what the hell is ten years?

A long, long time. That’s all he knows. (Bucky goes to war. Ten years later, he comes home.)

A mid-century Shrinkyclinks AU in which Steve never went to war and Bucky escapes from HYDRA in the 1950s. What happens when one of them has tried to move on from grief and loss, and live his life, and the other didn't even have a life for ten years? A beautiful story with an even better sequel!

From Tralfamadore, With Love by newsbypostcard | E, 106K | Part 1 in From Tralfamadore series

Authors summary: In 2018, Steve, Sam, and Bucky embark on a mission to explore a Hydra-owned warehouse when a kid with mutant powers sends Steve 18 years into the future. Steve's just as in love with Bucky as he was when he left, but for Bucky it's been a long 18 years. As he gets used to life in 2036 and the flaws in Bucky's idyllic life expose themselves, Steve also has to manage a suspiciously ubiquitous security force, a Brotherhood of Mutants, and old competing loyalties among his aged friends. There's a Bucky in 2018 waiting for him to come home, but if he does that, it means leaving this Bucky behind for a third, unforgivable time. How can he choose?

The summary is pretty self-explanatory, and I really don't want to reveal anymore than that. Much of the tension and emotional drama in this fic comes from not knowing what's going to happen, and from desperately guessing at how on earth the author is going to solve Steve's impossible dilemma. I loved the way the author explored the relationship of a Steve and a Bucky who have been separated for two seconds and 18 years, respectively. Also, possibly the best use of a Fleetwood Mac song in fanfic ever.

When the Season Comes Around by theheartischill | T, 34K

Authors summary: The other problem is that Steve loves him, and Bucky isn't sure he remembers how to love.

An all-time fave Bucky recovery fic of mine. Featuring a Bucky who saves himself, a perfectly imperfect Steve, and one of the healthiest depictions of a Steve/Bucky relationship I've ever read (not that I don't usually love a little bit of codependency) . There are so many moments and lines in this that will absolutely destroy you. It's sad, and difficult, but also hopeful, and patient with its characters. It's so fucking smart in every way, I honestly don't feel qualified to even talk about this. For me, this is as close to perfection as it gets.

Little Animal Lives by adeepeningdig | T, 25K

Authors summary: In which Bucky Barnes emerges from cryofreeze, gets therapy, buys a house, some chickens and a few horses, and finds himself under the care of a few capable women and one capable girl; and in which Steve Rogers comes home.

The summary almost makes this sound like a semi-fluffy cabin/farm fic. And in a way it is that, but it's also so much more than that. Features beautiful writing (there's a description of love in the story that takes my breath away every time I read or even think about it), wonderful OCs, an extremely well-done second-person POV (please don't let this deter you from reading this fic, I beg you), and a "cure" for Bucky's trigger words that I don't think I've ever seen done or explained in quite that way anywhere else. Tender, heartbreaking, haunting. Go read it.

+1

Ok, and if all of these still aren't angsty enough for you, it's time to bring out the big guns. As in the biggest gun I can think of:

How You Leave by Dreadnought | E, 226K | Major Character Death!

I’ll say it right up front—and this isn’t a spoiler—this is a story about Bucky Barnes dying. And he really does die in it. There’s no last-minute miracle cure here. Be warned and read the tags thoroughly before you decide whether this is for you. In this fic, Bucky escaped HYDRA sometime in the early 90s, joined SHIELD and took up the mantle of Captain America. In 2012, just when Steve is discovered in the ice and returns to his life, Bucky’s serum stops working and his body slowly starts to degrade with only one inevitable outcome. This is a tough read. It’s very much a story about death and the process of dying, about grief and loss. But it’s also about life and what it means to “live a good life.” The author used the tag “learning to live through dying” and that’s exactly it. It’s a story about self-acceptance, reckoning with one’s legacy, re-learning what it means to be truly emotionally vulnerable, reconnecting with the past and at the same time learning to let go of it. And it’s about love. So much love. It’s a very sad story but not a bitter or depressing one. It broke my heart slowly, thoroughly, completely. It’s fucking incredible. I will never read it again.

-------

Happy crying, everyone!

(I might do a part 2 of this at some point?)

#stucky fic rec #stevebucky fic rec #steve x bucky fic rec #stucky #stevebucky #steve x bucky #stucky fic recs #stucky fanfic rec #asks #my recs

[riddledeep]

Timmy’s Full Character Profile

Slight Riddleverse ‘fic spoilers. Your mileage may vary.

OVERVIEW

Full Name: Timothy Tiberius Turner

Title(s): The Chosen One, The Worst Fairy Godkid Ever (Formerly), The Longest Fairy Godkid Ever

Preferred Form of Address: Timmy (Until age 16); Timothy (Beyond age 16)

Alternate Forms of Address: Timothy / Twerp / Turner / Cleft the Boy Chin Wonder / Mr. Turner / Sport / Dad

Aspiration: Form a strong, loving, intimate connection with someone who’ll stay forever

Born: Spring of the Pink Star

Zodiac: Sky

Birthday: March 21st, 1992

Hometown: Dimmdale, California; USA

Age During Frozen Timestream: 10

Species: Human

Ethnicity: Has English and Welsh heritage on his father’s side; has Ustinkistan heritage on his mother’s side

Nationality: American

Mindset: Often childish and immature, but he means well.

Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder - Timmy has ADHD, but is more inattentive than hyperactive (Compare with Mikey Munroe). During his life he occasionally takes Adderall, but he's rarely consistent unless someone else urges him on. He doodles a lot and takes frequent stretch breaks too.

Stats:

Power: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Endurance: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Wisdom: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Adaptability: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Charisma: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Openness: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Conscientiousness: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Neuroticism: Below Average | Average | Above Average

Residence: 1010 Cobbler Street

Moves in with parents again after Tommy is born

Dream Career: Comic book artist; likes to think he’d be a good elementary school teacher too

Other Employment: Pencil Nexus (“The Boss of Me”), delivered pizzas throughout his teenage years

BACKGROUND

Self-Perception: Fun, friendly, and creative, he’s a pretty great guy (albeit average) who’d love to have a family of his own someday and possibly travel the world with his future wife once they become empty nesters.

Alignment: Neutral Good

MBTI: INFP

Deadly Sin: Sloth

Heavenly Virtue: Kindness

Love Language: Quality time

Reinforcers: Attention; small accomplishments

History: Smothered in his childhood by helicopter parents, then tortured for several years by his over-the-top babysitter. Timmy received Cosmo and Wanda as godparents at age 9 and later wished for them to have a baby named Poof. The joined him in many wacky adventures and even helped him save the world a time or twelve.

Timmy’s godfamily remained with him for years (especially since Timmy secretly froze time for fifty) before they finally parted ways. This left Timmy with memories of an imaginative childhood and encouraged him to get into tabletop RPGs.

Personality: Timmy has always been an emotionally cautious kid. As a young child he was able to make a few friends, but after years of disappointment, secrets, and betrayal, he’s been wary of allowing new people close to his heart. Timmy has a very gentle view of the world and that’s been used against him in the past (by Remy in particular). He’s guided by his heart more than his head.

Introverted and a little shy, he often hesitates to initiate conversation. That said, he isn’t afraid of asking for help when he needs it. Until he was eight, Timmy was raised to have impeccable manners. He’s still quick to say “Please” and “Thank You” (most of the time) and tries to respect his elders. Although cautious to share his feelings, he values the intimacy of being with someone you can trust completely, leading to his desperation to have a girlfriend.

Although Timmy can be oblivious (often selfish), he really does have a heart of gold. His first instinct is to defend himself since he doesn’t trust easily, but he’s also a sensitive child who tries to do the right thing even if it means he doesn’t get exactly what he wants. He has a sassy tongue, but also a sense of shame; much more likely than, say, H.P. to lie awake in bed thinking over his words and wondering if he should apologize for them.

Timmy is very curious and likes to explore, but he requires high stimulation. He likes adventure, action, danger, and intense emotions. He knows what he wants and how to get it (which of course has resulted in him having little patience). Although he causes problems almost as often as he fixes them and he has a habit of shoving himself into other people’s business, he doesn’t want to hurt people (but will defend himself and his friends if it comes to it).

Timmy has a tendency to commit fundamental attribution error, perceiving actions as a result of personality regardless of situation. He tends to back away from those he considers problematic and hesitates to give someone a second chance... but if he feels you’re willing to change, he’ll extend the hand of friendship (Befriending Mark is the most notable example of this). As of “The Switch Glitch,” he’s tried to take a “Kill ‘em with kindness” attitude and not retaliate just because he has the power to. He isn’t the type to actively seek revenge... though he might read your diary and tuck away the info he finds for a rainy day.

Deep down, Timmy knows he’s become reliant on his fairies and would like to develop better life skills... but he’s also become so accustomed to them, he has a hard time imagining what life would be like without.

Education: Attended school in Dimmsdale and is extremely knowledgeable when it comes to the basic subjects his classes covered during the frozen timestream. Knows an extreme amount of random trivia like world capitals after decades of pop quizzes. Can tell you which countries border other countries but struggles to identify them on a map.

Elementary School: Attended Dimmsdale Elementary and is extremely familiar with its layout and teachers.

Middle School: Thanks to his fifty years of repeated elementary education, Timmy was mostly prepared for middle school. He performed well in world history, science, and English, though new topics in math tripped him up. His biggest struggle was lack of motivation.

High School: Timothy played on his high school soccer team, which helped motivate him to keep his grades up. After decades of familiar information, learning new material proved a struggle. Frequently comparing himself to Chloe and A.J. didn’t help. Procrastination became a constant problem, leading to him staying up late and often falling asleep at his desk.

Further Education: Briefly attended community college before dropping out to care for Tammy and Tommy. On one hand he’s not planning to return since he doesn’t like school anyway... on the other he’d kind of like to finish what he started.

Favorite School Subject: World History

Least Favorite Subject: Geography

Had Fairy Godparents: June 3rd, 2001 (Age 9) - October 15th, 2010 (Age 17)

Favorite Wish: Poof

Notable Likes:

His godfamily

Visits to Fairy World

Hamburgers

Sour candy

Amusement parks

Video games

Soccer

Spending time with his family

Tabletop RPG games

Exploring the woods

Hunting

Goals:

Have a committed partner who loves him

Maintain good relationships with friends

Publish a fantasy novel

Be a good dad for his kids

Move out of his parents’ house

Finish school someday so he can be a better elementary teacher than Mr. Crocker was

Beliefs:

People and positive relationships are incredibly important

Success is mostly hard work, not luck

Kids have a lot to say and their views are as valid as adults’

Animals are very intelligent and need to be treated kindly

Raising kids is a lot of work, but also a lot of fun

Fears:

Abandonment

Boredom

Clowns

Vicky

Upsets:

Frustrated by a lack of caring attention.

Stressed when placed under time limits.

Flustered when confronted by authority figures one on one.

Comforts: Doodling, scrapbooking, talking about his feelings (Usually with his godparents, Sparky, or his therapist), playing with Sparky, exploring nature

Indulgences: Video games, drawing, and (from age 17 on) writing fantasy

EXTERNAL

Verbal Notes: Says “Hey!” and “Guys!” often; “Aaah!” is also common in his vocabulary. Constantly gives people nicknames, though he usually keeps them to himself (Cosmo and Wanda don’t know he thinks of them as Mr. and Mrs. Literal). Chloe is one of the few he calls nicknames out loud.

Timmy’s natural inclination is to say “Please” and “Thank you.” He often says what he thinks without realizing he might hurt his friends’ feelings, and that sass can ruffle feathers. Despite this, he can be a bit of a smooth talker at times, especially when flirting. Timmy and Molly bonded over both being direct, blunt people (although this caused their relationship to suffer in the long run). Timmy’s charming gestures of affection and flirtation skill have won him girlfriends even if he is a little sassy around the edges.

Language: Speaks English fluently, took several years of Italian in school.

Physical Notes: Timmy has always been short for his age and wasn’t well-muscled in his youth. He mostly ran, played soccer, and swam for exercise. After dropping out of school to raise Tammy and Tommy, Timmy devotes more time to working out. He’s more muscular as an adult than he expected to be as a kid.

Handedness: Somewhat ambidextrous; favors left hand

Body Language: Often talks with his hands in his pockets, leaning back on his heels or adjusting his weight to one side. Has a tendency to look up while he’s talking. Quick to wave his hands to grab attention. Usually makes gestures with both, not just one. Prone to twitches and is rather jumpy. As a young adult he often plays with his necklace.

Hair: Soft and scruffy; usually kept short, though he grew it long at ages 15-17 and had a crewcut at age 18

Teeth: Infamous buck teeth

Scars: A few random scars across his body from wishes gone wrong; the one he notices most is a long cut on the back of his right hand, which he picked up around “Abra-Catastrophe”

Tattoos: Three small shooting stars (Pink, green, and purple) on the inside of his right forearm; match the ones Chloe has on her left arm

Style: Casual; doesn’t come off quite like a nerd, but doesn’t come off quite like a jock either. Refuses to lose the necklace no matter how many times he’s teased about it.

Regular Clothing: Usually wears pink, though in later years switches his pink shirt out for a pink jacket. Sometimes ditches it and sticks with the white shirt, though carries the jacket from room to room with him.

Casual Clothing: A plain t-shirt, usually pink or white.

Nightwear: Wears striped blue pajamas, occasionally pink ones.

Formal Clothing: Prefers white suits (the fancier the better) with pink accents, though mint green accents are his second favorite.

Height: 5′3″ (Shorter than average)

Hygiene: Excellent oral hygiene; average hygiene where all else is concerned. He rarely brushes his hair. He prefers showering before bed over showering in the morning, especially since he often works out late in the day.

Morning Schedule: Timmy wakes up about 7:00 every day, has breakfast, and heads to school or work.

Typical Day Schedule: When he first dropped out to care for Tammy and Tommy, he didn’t have a job (or consistent schedule) and his day mostly revolved around caring for them.

Evening Schedule: Once, Timmy preferred spending afternoons with his godparents and playing video games in the evening. Since dropping out, he no longer has to do homework and tries to spend time with Tammy and Tommy. Living with his parents has been a blessing in that respect since some evenings they can all play board games together.

Sleep Schedule: Stays up late working on homework and only sometimes crawls into bed. Sleeps as late as he can and throws himself together in the morning, leaving just enough time for a cereal breakfast. Living with Molly helped him focus, and she’d usually wake him if he drifted off at his desk.

PERSONAL

Relationship Status: Dates and then cohabits with Molly for several years; spends part of his adult life as a single dad. Eventually marries another woman (giving Tammy and Tommy a step-mom) and he fathers another girl

Ideal Relationship: Timmy needs to feel loved, appreciated, and important, and wants a partner who isn’t embarrassed to hold hands with him in public, or introduce him as “my boyfriend.” He’s affectionate. Having someone he can openly flirt with and kiss in front of his friends would be ideal. Timmy likes all kinds of food and would hate to date a picky eater (especially since he loves spontaneous outings). He has a history of going for girls with long, dark hair.

Sexuality: Definitely questioned his identity a lot over the years before concluding he doesn’t want to pin a definitive label on himself and that’s that. He’s very “go with the flow.”

Intimate History: Molly was his first “official” girlfriend, and they cohabited for several years in their early adulthood. In that time, they had both Tammy and Tommy. He always remained faithful to Molly and didn’t engage in any one-night stands even after their break-up. Though out of the dating game for a few years due to being a single dad raising two small kids, he eventually picks himself up again in the hopes of getting married someday.

Turn-Ons: Spontaneity. Timmy is a bit of an adrenaline junkie and likes to be kept on his toes, and is easily bored by predictable dates. He finds holidays such as Valentine’s Day and anniversaries romantic only so long as they promise an exciting day; if his partner acts like they’re some boring obligation, he’ll be miffed.

Children: Tammy Wanda Turner, Tommy Gary Turner, Addison Julia Turner

Father: Thaddeus “Dad” Turner

Grandfather: Trevor “Pappy” Turner

Grandmother: Teryl Turner (née Jackson)

Aunts: Great Aunt Gertrude (“Power Mad”)

Uncles: None

Notable Ancestors: Ebeneezer Turner (One of the original settlers of Dimmsdale)

Mother: Dominika “Mom” Turner (née Vladislapov)

Grandfather: Vlad Vladislapov

Grandmother: Gladys Vladislapov

Aunt: Anabel Kane (née Vladislapov)

Cousin: Kimmy Kane

Fairy Godfather: Cosmo Julius Cosma

Met June 3rd, 2001

Fairy Godmother: Wanda Venus Fairywinkle

Met June 3rd, 2001

Fairy Godbrother: Poof Nebula Fairywinkle-Cosma

Met February 18th, “2008”

Godsister: Chloe Carmichael

Met March 1st, 2004

Timmy and Chloe see one another as step-siblings. Their relationship was rocky in the beginning, but it blooms into a friendly step-sibling-like relationship over the years.

Dog: Sparky

Met March 8th, “2053”

After Timmy parts ways with his fairy godfamily, Sparky remains by his side for many years (albeit under strict orders to keep his mouth shut). During Timmy’s teen years, he gets into hunting with Sparky as his faithful companion.

Girlfriend: Molly Gwendolyn Oakes

Met June 17th, “2011”

Mother of Tammy and Tommy while they cohabited

Endgame Spouse: Presumably Tootie or Trixie, but left up to reader interpretation

Mother of Addy, whom she was pregnant with during the epilogue of  “Channel Chasers.”

Other Important Relationships: Timmy maintains his friendships with Chester and A.J. into his adult life, and even begins to see Sanjay as a good friend too. He mocks Crocker on occasion, but after parting ways with his fairies, sees him more as a quirky teacher than a threat, and ends up on average friendly terms with him.

Timmy eventually makes his peace with Vicky, even attending Doidle’s funeral (“Bones”). He maintains a fond friendship with Mark, although sees him less and less as they grow older. He also befriends Kevin over time, especially once he begins dating Molly since Kevin and Molly are step-siblings. Timmy dates both Trixie and Tootie at different points during his adult years following his break-up with Molly (Along the Cherry Lane) and presumably marries one of them in the end. Or maybe he marries Veronica; who knows?

TRIVIA:

He lives at 1010 Cobbler Street. Chloe lives at 1011.

His favorite sport is soccer, which he’s played since he was 7; he continues playing in high school.

He’s a scrapbook keeper (“Abra-Catastrophe”).

During his teen years, he taught himself a lot of sleight-of-hand magic tricks and is pretty skilled at them.

He’s allergic to sauerkraut (“The Fairy Flu”) and oranges (“A Bad Case of Diary-Uh”).

His aunt Gertrude (“Power Mad”) is actually his great aunt (“77 Secrets of ‘The Fairly OddParents Revealed’”).

His house phone number is (323)-555-9597 (“Boys In the Band” along with the assumption that Dimmsdale shares Hollywood’s area code in reference to the Dimmsdale sign on the hill).

His locker number is 110 (“Power Pals”).

His Squirrely Scout troop is Troop 13 (“Girly Squirrely”).

The license plate on the Turner station wagon says RO32TH (“Mooooving Day”).

Due to spending so much time with his godparents, Timmy has picked up a few of their magical immunities, like being more resistant to pain than non-godkids. For example:

He’s more acrobatic than average (and much more difficult to kill).

He can’t get paper cuts, stub her toe, slam his funny bone, and it doesn’t hurt if you yank his hair.

When he’s itchy, he has to scratch his skin much harder than normal in order to find relief.

APPEARANCES

Riddleverse Classic Timeline: “Pulling Your Puzzles Apart” > Come What May > “Seven Days At Sea” > “See That Dust Fly” > “Bells On Bats’ Tails” > Along the Cherry Lane

130 Prompts Timeline: “My Life, Your Death” > “Back In Action” > “Do the Math” > “Best. Day. Ever.” > “Nonbeliever” > “This Is a Box” > “Take a Break” > “Bones” > “Repeat”

AU Appearances:

“School’s Out! - The Sort-Of Musical”

“Project Carmichael”

Dust to Dust

#RD Timmy #RD canon characters #RD character ref #RD profiles