#ive barely done anything to do with that

[wireframearson]

so ive been trying to 100% side order recently

#splatoon #splatoon side order #side order #meme #funny #WHY did they do that. 'high bias' hack my ASS it barely does anything #ive done 3 runs in a ROW trying to get 5 splatling barrage chips. highest ive gotten was 4. WHAT AM I DOING WRONG #i turn the pearl drone hacks off so they dont show up. i have high bias on. i only take red chips to raise the bias for red. hyelp

[xhanisai]

FUCKS SAKE THAT SHITSTAIN BITCH GAVE ME THE FUCKING FLU AS WELL

#delete later #I STILL HAVE SO MUCH WORK LEFT TO DO #IVE BARELY DONE ANYTHING THIS MONTH #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[pansyfemme]

i wish i was better at making online friends there are so many ppl that i dont even see on here anymore i thought were sooo cool and then was just too nervous to strike up conversation until it all died down

#i also think about how over the years ive gotten easily over a dozen anons saying they thought i was hot or had a crush on me. #and i know they were anons but like. should i have done something abt that. was that a lost connection #many lost connections? #im just honestly. very very nervous #when i first started blogging i assumed much like ppl i’d seen online that my severe social anxiety wouldnt be as bad online. that isnt true #sometimes i can barely catch my breath when im dming someone #even my close friends know im not a great texter #its sad. i always want to but get too scared to #im not against any of it. friends or dating or anything its just im. perpetually nervous #for some reason posting and replying to posts and sending asks doesnt even feel scary but dming does #and theres also been the rare times that ive had ppl on here i was.. not not into #its rare for me to admit that at all but like idk even what to do with that

[ragingtwilight]

WHY AM I SO EEPY!!!!! WHY NOW!!! I HAVE ATTACKS TO MAKE!!!! REVENGES NEED TO BE DONE!!!! THIS IS CATASTROPHIC!!!!!!!

#BRUH!!!!!!!! #when im tired like this i am not in the mood to do ANYTHING and im a lot more sluggish #sometimes i dont even realize im tired until hours later 💀 #that kind of happened today and ive been so unproductive!!!!! #HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET 8 ATTACKS DONE IN LESS THAN 2 DAYS #BLEASE its the bare minimum i wanna finish with i gotta draw these characters for af i cant wait a whole year 😭 #gonna try having a nap and when i wake up im going INSANE #ill probably pull an all nighter #stay up until artfight is just about to end #then i gotta conk bc i have an appt the next day LMAO #arragharraiuhrhgeha #grrr

[king-krisu]

Means so much to me to see people thank me for translation work when I haven't done shit since Linnan Juhlat but we roll we are good we are not spiraling at all I feel so useful and loved and not at all having impostor syndrome

#DO NOT REPLY TO THIS WITH NICE COMMENTS i will die please #i didnt mean this as oh pity me woe is me im just in my feels #i havent had energy to do ANYTHING for months and when i have posted stuff ive like barely got it done lmao #i promise i have like 19 different things going on rn but idk when i can post them 🤪

[ouchhq]

>:(

#i need to vent a little im sorry pls ignore this if u are bothered by my thoughts #SH tw !!!!!! #this morning i was supposed to have my weekly therapy session but i had to cancel bc my mom got covid and obviously stayed home from work #and i do online therapy and i didnt feel comfortable doing it with my mom around but i really needed to do it tbh #and then my professor replied to my email with all of the things ive been working on since august and didnt say anything about the material #he just asked to call me on the phone tomorrow and i started to spiral…. like Spiral with a capital s #even now thinking about it my stomach sinks bc i have this feeling that his feedback is going to be negative and i just know my #barely existent self esteem is going to break and idk what im gonna do with myself then #this afternoon while i was spiraling all i wanted to do was /hurt/ myself. i kept thinking that i wasnt good enough and i had done a #horrible job.. so bad that he couldnt even tell me by email but needed to do it on the phone and i felt like throwing up and i couldnt get #/​that/ thought out of my head and i could only cry #and all of this not even actually knowing what my professors feed back is going to be because this is just all in my head #but i was talking to my school friends and they were like oh its gonna be fine even if he doesnt like it u can still put the project in ur #portfolio hes not even our professor anymore and so on #and i kept saying that i knew that but i just could not handle that sort of feedback and rejection mentally #i was telling them that i knew i would crumble if i got real negative feedback and i was terrified of that and they just couldnt get it and #idk it made me feel really lonely #im a bit calmer now but i feel so depressed #i am really anticipating something that will hurt really bad

[wooahaes]

Hiii!! I just wanted to check up on you. How are you feeling? Are you doing ok? I hope you are taking care of yourself and able to enjoy the holiday as much as you can. Thinking of you ❤️

hii lovely

life has kinda quieted down some? which is good and things are going okay when im not frustrated with the rest of my family (feels like im the only one whos rly... being a caretaker at all...) but im just kinda taking it one day at a time rn

ty for checking in <3 i hope u get to spend the holiday happily as well <3

#wooahaes.ask #completely-zoned-out #ive barely been writing lately and i think im more frustrated over That than anything else #just bc its always been my outlet ykno? so not being able to do it is just.... hnnghghgh #i did get the 25 + 31 fics written and ill schedule em #maybe i can get a couple other days done and posted if i feel up to it? idk #i honestly nearly pulled the plug on them entirely like 'i dont think i can do this' but im glad i kinda just let myself have time n space #to work as i please p much since i think that helped a lot more than i thought it would #sorry abt the wonu fic when it gets posted its... definitely affected by my life rn. obvs nothing has happened Yet #but it does like. ykno. pull from it a liiiiil bit

[hella1975]

*crawling from debris bloody and breathless with tears in my eyes* hrrngh. my. my assignments. they are completed

#IM FUCKING DONE #I BARELY DID ANYTHING TODAY TBH BC WE'D BASICALLY DONE THE GROUP PROJECT #BUT STILL EVEN JUST THE KNOWLEDGE OF AN ASSIGNMENT IS ENOUGH TO DAMPEN THE MOOD #FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU #BUT IM FREE NOW #FOR A FEW WEEKS AND THEN IT'S SUMMER EXAM SEASON BUT WHO CARES #WRITING TIME BITCHES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #gonna do a little to-do list here: #1. taob ch42 #2. TAMS PLOT OUTLINE (fun thing about tams is while literally ALL of my other wips are outlined basically minute-by-minute #like the level of detail i put into the outline before even writing a single sentence is INSANE #tams just doesnt have an outline. ive just got bullet points of Main Scenes that are happening so i at least know plot twists #and things like that #but everything in-between is just me freestyling lmfao #BUT ive recently had some superrrr good plot ideas so i think im gonna properly do her outline now #bc tams is turning out wayyyyy better than anticipated like it intially was a fun little passion project #but now it's like 'oh shit you could Be Something'. #ANYWAY) #3. tams ch5 and respond to ch4 comments/asks #FUN :)))) #taob is the only one i TECHNICALLY need done by the end of march but it's nice having 'deadlines' for things i actually enjoy #also my flatmate's OLD flatmate (V) who i saw a lot last year bc i basically just invaded their flat every single day #like i was there ALL THE TIME their flat was the main base of operations #so even though V was just 'my friend's flatmate' he still became my friend on his own and joined our pres a lot etc etc #and his girlfriend visits from the next city over a lot and she's genuinely the loml i really like her #but obvs since they all moved out of that flat for second year i literally HAVENT SEEN V OR HIS GIRLFRIEND SINCE #BUT THEYRE COMING TO OURS FOR SOME DRINKS TONIGHT <333 we're literally just gonna catch up and play wii #and today is also my friend's bday so tomorrow our main group is going for bottomless brunch #AND i decided to be the bigger person with the other flatmate that i fell out with #so we're both fine again now and it's lifted more of a weight off me than i realised <3

[roachemoji]

🤹

#bo posting #vent #i was gonna posy this with a picture of croutons but that felt wrong shxjdh #uh im. scared i wont be able to draw again consistently for a while #i think im really accepting just how burnt out i am #i dont like the fear. anxiety. and envy ive been bottling up about drawing lately #like its not doing me any good to avoid everything artistic just bc i cant draw rn #but im... afraid that this will last for a long time #the last time this happened i barely drew for 2 years straight #i dont think im conveying just how painful and stressful this actually is. im not okay and im struggling to accept this #and its fucking depressing too?? i feel miserable knowing i cant do shit for my ocs and cant contribute creatively w friends #i just... feel like im... like not fun to be around rn ig? like a killjoy? a haunting presence who cant offer anything new or fun #im really debating reaching out and offering refunds to people who commed me #at least if they dont want to keep waiting #because idk when ill be able to get them done and i feel incredibly guilty #🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠

[radlegowaffle]

i love digital painting! i wish i understood how to do it

#キミガシネ #yourturntodie #yttd #dooblenauts #anzu kinashi #i need a new way to color eyes #you can not see her pupils and that bothers me a lot #i also chose anzu to try this cause i thought shed be easier #but turns out i dont know how to digitally paint so literally anything would be difficult #ive been playing star rail since its release. im sure no one follows me for my art #but im still sorry #i do wanna do some star rail art. im kinda scared cause..... mihoyo character design actually makes me want to die #thats why ive barely ever done genshin art. their designs are so much for NO reason #but i like star rail a lot. great characters. great story. 100% my aesthetic #if anyone can help me not want to kill myself when drawing star rail characters please do

[speckofhope]

me realizing that, for the first time in months, i can in fact do literally anything other than work and can draw whatever idea i have and do in fact have time and free will

#for at least the past 3 months ive been coming home and doing schoolwork and delaying drawing because i did not have time to #ive literally have just been telling myself “I'll do that when i have no more pending work” about all ideas I've gotten in the last months #ive barely done any drawing that i want to do since at least September??? #wow #and now i have time??? and free will?? and can in fact draw any and all silly ideas that i want to draw??? #i have no idea what to do with this newfound time and freedom #this is my first actual post online since like. march. if we dont count Instagram stories. and ive barely commented anything all year #i suppose that good omens content is coming soon ajfbjf #speck of thoughts

[neige-leblanche]

eggs and ramen with eppy 💜

#txt #kinda happy rn bc i just send a card to my sister & i have done like Nothing the past few days (sick with Probably Covid so can't go out #anywhere) and the eggs came out really nice 🥹 just gotta keep on keepin on #the thing was just that i havent had a fever or been bedridden yet (mom has been testing & she's been negative w the same symptoms of me) #*as #& have been really low energy anyway so ive gotten barely anything done #even though i do have some low energy tasks that i could have done so im mad at myself for that

[ilonacho]

it hit me what makes me the most miserable abt my work week is how it’s just school all over again. just hanging in there until the weekend. repeat. repeat. repeat

#5 outta 7 days im at work. 2 days of freedom #2 days to do chores n run errands n relax n sleep n draw n catch up w/ friends n go places #and if u gotta reschedule itll be weeks before ur available again #like for months now ive tried to get together w/ friends but our days off dont match n shit keeps coming up #not to mention im fucking tired! im exhausted! i want to sleep in and then draw the rest of the day! #i think the worst part is that back in school.. at least it didnt matter as much? because it all led to an end aka graduation? #like i didnt mind the wait for next weekend as much cuz it was temporary #like eventually ill graduate and then ill have freedom! (i thought? for some reason??) #but now its like.. the weeks are going by so fast this year is already almost over i turn 26 in 2 weeks #and this is.. the rest of my life? like youre kidding right? this cant be it? #i get off work n then i have to take care of the cats n chores n then eat dinner n then shower n then its late and i gotta sleep #before work the next day. i dont have time nor energy to rly do anything #and ill get that feeling of like. oh well at least it brings me closer to the next ‘weekend’ #but i dont wanna live weekend to weekend #i mean im thankful to have a job n coworkers i love like i truly hate it there sometimes but i also am happy and thankful for it #but yknow.. it shouldnt have to be like this #i worded this so much better in the shower but im tired of feeling like school part 2 like what the fuck man #ive had work every single day since we came back from our trip n i just dont have time/energy for anything #i need to open commissions back up but i havent even gotten around to starting one a friend asked for #not to mention this years christmas card ive barely got the sketch done for #and again. my favourite holiday. halloween is on tuesday and while we did plan halloweeny stuff it just has not felt like halloween #i havent had any ideas/energy/time for any halloweeny art #+chores n errands etc lmao we havent even been to the grocery store yet (calling us out here) #it just. suuuuucks aaaaaass man the world is so beautiful life is a gift i dont wanna spend it like this

[quietwingsinthesky]

it’s because i barely have the energy to write real smut so instead its all contained to tiny bursts of horny in my tumblr tags.

#i need more energy how do i get more #shaking myself. write you fucking fool. itll make u feel better. #i think i set unrealistic expectations last year with my spn writing i dont think that pace was exactly. healthy. for me. #but at the same time i crave it. i want to be able to do that again #now i write like 3k in a few weeks and i feel like ive done barely anything.

[the-gayest-sky-kid]

like im just saying they should invent a family that doesn't make you want to kill yourself

#and a school system while theyre at it #or just a me that wouldn't make me want to kill myself #just like. without all the problems that make it impossible to exist in normal society as myself #i know technically its possible for me to have a future but goddammit i dont see one okay #i havent made a single goddamn real life connection since middle school and now we're so distant i barely remember whos who on discord #thats not to mention how I've just been on the edge of every friendgroup anyway. including that one #im just some fucking loser. im not going to fucking graduate my only career aspiration is a goddamn pipe dream and if i dont fucking kill #myself by then im going to be stuck living with my family forever and we're not going to be seeing eye to eye. #all ive ever done is dig myself a deep grave and then tether other people to me to drag them down too #i love you all but i dont know how you see me as anything but gross and annoying and weirdly fucking clingy okay #i just #i dont know what im fucking doing #i wish i did. i wish i knew but i dont. and it feels like everyone else has figured out how things work and im just supposed to do that too #but i cant. i fucking cant and it keeps getting worse and i keep getting worse and i keep making it worse for my family while im at it #i miss being able to imagine doing stuff tomorrow. or in an hour #i miss being able to wash the dishes and not having to think about stabbing myself with fucking cutlery #i miss being able to show my mother my report card #but its my fucking fault im in this mess in the first place #and i just cant fucking try enough. or at all #aethers rants #cw vent #cw sui ideation #personal posts and stuff idk

[r029]

I miss when things actually meant things.. Back in the day, relationships actually meant relationships. Love actually meant love. But now.. it's just what people classify things as things that are Ultimately useless and pointless. Getting to know people, actually meant getting to know people without any ulterior motives or at least not as much as now. Now everything's a game, of how to play people, who can manipulate better.. like what the fuvk? What is the fucking point anymore? Why even bother? It's all a waste of time.

#there is no point anymore. no one cares and no one tries. no one tries to actually be themselves. no on tries in putting in effort. #if someone does the bare minimum its groundbreaking. and thats fucking sad. things were supposed to evolve but it just disintegrated. #im not meant to be in this generation. #everyone is so close minded and brainwashed into thinking stupidity. no one thinks for themselves anymore. #everything is failing. #and i have to exist and watch it happen because its everywhere and you cant get away from it. #i wish i had an endless supply of drugs to ignore it.. but whats the point of that? because at the end of the day nothing changes. #and then once the drugs wear off.. it all hits me twenty times harder.. #and its only way to not want to kill myself.. but theres no reason to be here and endure this shit. #my mother shouldve drowned me harder 😔 #everything is curated to what you want to see. to what you want to believe. its all just fake. #i despise the promiscuous posts ive put out when i feel the complete opposite.. and yet im deluded enough to think why shit doesnt #doesnt work out for me? I think.. im so accustomed to not being believed and never taken seriously and felt as if i did that #its like my way of saying “youre right” but now im doing it and really making it a reality that can no longer be taken back. #whats done is done. whats happened has happened. and now i cant seem to care about much of anything anymore.. #all because the people who were supposed to help.. didn't. the Teachers. the Principals. the Doctors. the Therapists. the Psychiatrists. #the Attorneys. the Judges. “Child Protective Services” and so many more. just didn't fucking care or try. until it was already too late #and the damage had been done. #im so fucking tired..