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cruddyborderlandstheories · 3 years

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Sorry I haven't been active beyond shitposts lately, I've been busy getting my thesis up and running and barely have time or brainpower to spare to write at night before I pass out

On the bright side I read 6 pages of an academic paper this week and understood EVERYTHING. Yes I had to Google every other word (not literally, but it sure felt like it at times) but I actually understood it all in the end and I am so proud of myself.

6 pages, u might say, 6 pages is all u did in 3 days?? Well... Yeah XD It's a math and theory based paper, have mercy pls. I gotta work everything out on paper and then take notes that are informative enough for future reference and I get tired after every 2 pages to the point I'm falling asleep at my desk... I have a poor work ethic.

I also think I'm close to tying in what I wanna do to Systems Theory like my prof. Wants. He's very into reconstructability analysis and multidimensional relations with his probabilistic databases and well. I found that probabilistic deductive databases are a thing and You Know Me...

There's this thing called a trilattice right. And it consists of 3 partial orderings on the same set each going a different direction with each direction also being a lattice, it's actually *really* cool. Anyway, my profs catchphrase is BASICALLY "information is constraint" and GUESS WHAT BABEY. One of those partial orderings on the trilattice for the rules in the PDDB (probabilistic deductive database) is named Knowledge in a interval of [0,1] because it tells you the amount of information that specific fact gives you!

So I'm gonna ask him for help tomorrow morning to see if that can't be tied back in to a sort of reconstruction but for probabilistic deductive databases and their rules. Because with regular probabilistic databases it's easy to have 3 variables (ABC) then split into 2 (AB) and 2 (BC), and then reconstruct it from there right? But. I don't know how that would be possible with Rules based on facts and logic not just probabilities, and I wanna know if it's even possible because there IS still math involved with the rules, I just don't know if I'd be able to reconstruct anything with it cuz I don't even know the first step to that problem cuz it seems so different from the Regular PDB reconstruction problem and I GUESS that's what the whole thesis research thing is for, but STILL. I am just. So Tired. Let me sleep.

I put off so much work today just to do more research on my thesis like a CHUMP. I should've finished my parallel programming hw, but I didn't. Haha. I put it off too long already it's due Friday XD

Oh also I start work tomorrow so I will have even less time. But I am starting work!!! I'm actually kinda excited. I'm gonna be TAing 2 classes which sounds cool! except a lot of the students are my friends (4/5 in one class and 2/2 in the other!!). So it will be kinda awkward since I am the extra help session. At some point my prof (same one who is my thesis advisor) wants me to actually teach an entire lesson myself. I am so nervous I have super bad stage fright lol. Actually tho, these two classes tie right into my thesis subject so hopefully by then I will be well read on all the subjects necessary to teach. I can, at the very least, teach them reconstruction. Maybe not much else, but I got that going for me haha

Oh God what happened I was gonna go to bed with an apology like, "yes Ive just shitpost for the past like week sorry about that" but here I am 1am, meeting at 11am (I can't be fully rested on sub-11/12 hours of sleep fml), just rambling about my life I am so sorry

You guys wanna see a candle I made today as a gift for actually reading this (and as part of the apology)

It's so beautiful

I was gonna put one of my borderlands stickers on but I was worried it'd peel when I lit it, so I chose a sticker I had 2 copies of

My mom thinks it's hilarious and that's all I needed I also got her to say "big yikes" today because we spilled wax on the oven mitts my power grows

#Sleeping like. 13+ hours a day + naps is totally normal right #Totally.#You wanna hear someone frantically yell about probabilistic databases? No? Toobadyourereadingitanyway #Jkjk #Cruddy rambles

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huangfilms · 6 years

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Florist!Donghyuck

summary: hi i really hate this person and i saw your sign that you make personal bouquets and i would like you to make one where it gives the message of how much i hate them if it isn’t too much to ask for

requested by: a lovely anon!! thanks love❤️

(A/N) ajsdhgf okay so She Is Here!!! i don’t know what i wrote!! i always never know what i write cause when i write sometimes i just black out and suddenly its finished but i hope this is what you wanted you lovely anon!!! thank you for requesting <333

okay so you just recently went through a break up

that fool was the biggest asshole ever and you don’t even know w hy

so you broke up with them !!! good for u sis !!

honestly they cheated on u with a close friend of yours and you just,,, didn’t care anymore

well you didnt care That Much Anymore

u still care to the point where u are 2day

and thats going to a florist to passive aggressively say how much u hate them in flowers

i mean u saw a sign that says ‘we make personalized bouquets!!’ so u hope they can just do this For You

so you walk in a lil angry

and you have This Mad Face and the florist currently working thinks its the cutest thing

the florist is donghyuck

and he just sees you fuming and you look?? like a lil baby munchkin so adorable omg

and so hes just waiting for you to say something And Eventually You Do Say Something

he didnt expect this rant to come out of ur mouth

‘my s/o just cheated on me like a week ago and Yes i am still mad about it and i saw your sign about making personalized bouquets and i just wanted to ask if you can make the most Passive Aggressive bouquet so i can tell them that i hate them without actually telling them i hate them??’

and you say more but at the end of your little rant donghyuck is just trying to hold in his laughter because youre so adorable omg

and hes all like,, ‘sure sweets,,, also,,,,,,, do u need to talk about it? i can have it done by the end of the day and i could use sum company since ill b the only one on duty’

and u get shocked cause LMAOOO this cute ass florist really b out here! making ur heart beat fast! just by asking u to keep him company!

___ don’t fall for the first person to b nice to you since ur break up challenge [FAILED]

so ur like,,, ive got no plans so sure

and you just hang around and look through all of the flowers

and while youre looking around youre just asking him what each flower means

and some beautiful flowers have the most unpleasant meanings LMAOOO

and hyuck is just living for this cause you are just so adorable lkdfjha

it becomes like 5 PM so suddenly and you needa go home cause yo mama will b wondering where u been for the last few hours LMAO

so you tell him that hey,,, you gotta leave but youll come back tomorrow to pick up the flowers!!!

‘it was nice meeting you donghyuck ! im y/n’

and u see him melt from u saying his name

its the cutest sight omg

and so you just leave and hyuck is just in awe because wow ! youre adorable t h e

so he just spends the rest of his time making the bouquet of hatred

its not that much time, he closes the store at 7 since hes got a lot of stuff to do like hw since hes in his last year of highschool

but anywho

you come back the next day bright and early on saturday

and hyuck is there bright and early

and you just greet him with a big smile and then u remember why ur there and ur smile is g o ne

so you asking him if the bouquet is done and how much it is and all that jazz

and he says that ur total comes out to an even $11 so u give him exact change and then u ask what kinda flowers he included

so he goes into detail about each of them (i know nothing of flowers just the most basic info like red roses mean a deep love or whatever LMAO)

then at the end of his explanation you just evilly grin and ask him to write on a card very nicely of the names of each flower he included

he does just that and then he gives you a big smile ! the actual sun? yes.

and you tip him some money and then you wave him goodbye! and then the actual sun is not shining anymore cause you left

when you give your ex s/o the bouquet, you tell them ‘here, search each flower that was written on this card and find out their meanings, have a nice life.’

and you just leave cause!! wooo frick them! u r free !

then u miss donghyuck even tho u met him like yesterday

smh

like he was real witty and funny when u guys talked

u just go home nd ur all like ‘SIGH’ and ur mom is just wondering if your okay LMAOO

but the next day u plan on seeing him just cause

but to make it not loo k like ur just trying to see him,,, u buy a SINGLE flower

when hyuck sees u walk in the shop he Lights Up omghhshs

The Actual Sun Im Telling You

‘hey hyuck!! how r u!!’ and he MELTS

YOURE SO DJSJJD AADORABLEKFJS

well anyway you guys chat for a while and you decide youre going to buy a carnation or something

‘just a single flower?’ and he shyly grins at u

you turn the cutest shade of pink abby uwus her way thru this headconnon pt three

then he chuckles a lil and you laugh a bit with him

while hes totaling up your single flower, you chat with him some more

‘here’s your flower, have a nice day!’ and he smiles His Smile u all know what im talking about

and youre Sad Again

this continues for weeks

you buying ONE flower, him being the sun, u guys pining talking

you guys get to know each other more and more over the weeks go by

and suddenly you have these???feelings??? for the sun??? yes.

but of course you dont Say Anything cause he might not like u like that and u would still like to talk to him even if its just as friends

but sis,,,, u have No Idea that donghyuck has been Pining Over You Since Forever

cause sometimes you ask him to pick your single flower for the day and its him confessing his feelings through flowers but you dont need to know that

the Cutest Shit I Know

but then he just sighs when you leave and he feels the hurt of unrequited love

hyuck bub,,, chill out sweetie

IF YALL WOULD JUST OPEN UR FUCKIN EARS THEN YALL WOULD BE TOGETHER BUT I MEAN I G U E S S

literally everyone is rooting for you guys,,,, i cant--

everyone sees The Eyes whenever you guys look at each other, but the other isnt looking at you

sometimes hyuck even turns Red just by looking at you, like you dont even catch him or anything he just turns red

but hyuck is just like,,,,, hnnngg maybe they like me,,,,,,,,, so he picks out an aster and tells u to search up the meaning for this one this time

(its a symbol of love/daintiness)

and when u do your heart absolutely Soars

because!! he likes you too!!! what !!!

when you come back the next day you just find him and pull him into a hug and say ‘i like you too’ and hyuck turns pink and its dshalkadorablejdf

and so he asks you out on a date and its cute cause you say yes!

the day of the date he takes you to a flower field and he picks small flowers and sticks them in both your hair and his

ITS ! SO ! CUTE !

and many dates later hyuck finally asks you to be his! and u! yell ! yes!

saldkjhflakjsdh

OKAY BUT hycuk finding the most beautiful flowers to give you

like a red or white camellia !! (red means: youre a flame in my heart, white means: youre adorable!!)

and he just tells you the meanings cause you deserve to know and he wants u to hear it from him

ONE DAY HE GIVES YOU A BOUQUET OF DAISYS ! (innocence ! loyal love !) and hyuck is always shy when telling you the meanings

few months into your relationship, he gives you a red chrysanthemum,,,,, sister !

and you understand this one because you are IN LOVE with these flowers because they mean--

‘I love you.’

you then look up with a few tears in your eyes and you say--

‘i love you too, hyuck’ and you give him the biggest hug ever!!!

everything is soft everything is cute

im always soft whats new queens

but anyway!!! end!! hyuck as a florist would be so cute??? but him as ur bf AND a florist??? EVEN CUTER!

so! end!!! hyuck deserves the whole world omg

Masterlist

#lee donghyuck scenarios #unlisted

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goldencoin · 7 years

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OKAY I’M GONNA COME OFF OF ANON BUT ANYWAYS— gel pen / ballpoint pen / fineliner / highlighter / greylead / felt-tip / sketching pad / notebook / paper / stapler / glue stick / tape / ruler / eraser / scissors / calculator / protractor / sticky note / stamp / bookmark / folder / whiteboard / blackboard / pinboard / tablet / stencil / envelope

haha gay

im gonna answer the other two in this ask too for convenience

gel pen: when are you most comfortable?

im most comfortable. in my mcfuckin bed. jk maybe that and also w friends in a chill setting

ballpoint pen: tell me about the day you’ve just had

uh i felt like shit as soon as i woke up. i chilled for a bit and felt kind of better but still lowkey like shit so i. took 5 hour nap, and you know my ass is gonna complain abt it later :)

fineliner: what’s your greatest achievement?

bumping into a girl i hate and hearing something fall :))))

highlighter: what are your best qualities?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh im gay and love my friends and sometimes laugh really hard at thing that arent tht funny

greylead: what is something you want to try for the first time?

i wanna be in one of the school plays but also im terrified of everything so lol

felt-tip: describe your aesthetic

maybe nostalgic?

crayon: your earliest childhood memory

uhhh i remember crawlin out my crib as a kid haha #savage

scrapbook: something from your childhood that makes you smile

laughing abt dumb shit w my step brother (but i honestly cant remember what the dumb shit was) and even having to contain my laughter when i was thinking abt that shit

sketching pad: describe yourself from a stranger’s point of view

wow this guy has nice hair and looks p cool. hes seems to have an ok style but he also looks like he doesnt know what hes doin. i wonder whats hes- oh thats a girl sorry

notebook: what’s your favourite quote?

this sounds emo but“i love the things you hate about yourself” from hallelujah by panic at the disco

paper: what kind of book would you write?

a book that fucks ya mind. hella symbolism. where if ur discussin it w someone, theyre like “i thought this line meant this” and youre like “oh fuck i thought it meant this”

stapler: out of all the people you know, who do you think you are closest to?

uhhhhhhh @glutamines ?? @avariciosa

glue stick: what do you look for in a lasting relationship/friendship?

understanding, trust, communication. ik thats like... cliche but im deadass.

tape: tell me about your longest friendship

@gentlelance we’ve been friends since the dreaded...longlasting... Homestuck Phase. and we both suffered through a joey graceffa phase hhhhhh hfuck i still get fuckin. war flashbacks. lowkey tho i miss those days... they were much simpler times. wihfoqihefiuwhughksjdg

ruler: what line will you never cross?

uhhhhhh being an ass to someone if they were never an ass to me?

eraser: what do you consider to be your biggest mistake?

hhhhhhhhhhh coming out to my mom

scissors: ever had a bad break-up?

nah boy

calculator: list fifteen things that make you happy

1. my dogs2. my friends lmao3. nice stationery4. skincare5. lighting candles that shit is. somehow therapeutic to me6. nice lookin shoes7. my hair LMAO8. the guarantee i made to myself that i will leave this god forsaken town 9. nice socks (like the designs)10. my ocs11. my plants12. alternative r&b13. shane dawson videos and spooky videos in general14. crested geckos15. buying stuff... thats so fuckin materialistic but look......i like owning pretty things

protractor: an unpopular opinion/angle you have on an issue

mmm???? i dont. think i have an unpopular opinion??? or at least i cant think of one rn

sticky note: something about yourself you’d like to change

uhhhhhhhhh everythin cept my hair :))))))

stamp: a date that’s special for you and why

seein a movie or somethin of that sort together kinda just bc ur bein quiet together. i just find comfortable silence really nice.also just. goin to the store like any store. bc its a normal thing but for some reason the thought of it is !!!

bookmark: a book that means a lot to you and why

uh there no book that means a lot to me but i really like my copy of the book thief bc theres somethin written in french on one of the front pages and i just find it cool

folder: describe your family

assholes. theyre nice but the majority of the time i hate them and i just. wanna be left alone.

whiteboard: tell me your plans for tomorrow

- school....ofc- gay club- get home somehow and continue sulking abt my mom bein an ass as i do hw- my life is boring im sorry

blackboard: tell me about a memory that has affected who you are today

uh i uh. ive got nothin man

pinboard: what are you focusing on in your life right now?

tryin to not die also not bein an asshole w my hw this year

tablet: tell me your plans for the future

- move to california and try to not die- either go to college there or just go fuck myself and find a way to work AND live

stencil: who are your role models?

hhhhhh miles and wen

envelope: tell me a secret

im gay

#this took so long but also i get distracted easily OOPS #ashersaur #asks

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vastandephemeral · 7 years

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Rules: Complete the survey and say who tagged you in the beginning. When you are finished tag 5 people to do this survey. Have fun and enjoy!!!

1: Are you named after someone? nope i am an original soul one of a kind

2: When is the last time you cried? tbh i cry all the damn time so it was probably at a commercial or my hw or i saw a cat that looked cold i think its the cat one??

3: Do you like your handwriting? heeellll no i was tramautized in the seventh grade bc my teacher was like ‘whos paper is this i know its a boy bc the writing is so shitty’ and i had to be like ‘no thats me’ and i have forever been scarred

4: What is your favorite lunch meat? im a turkey gal

5: Do you have kids? no but i do call all the celebrities im in love with my sons and daughters does that count

6: If you were another person, would you be friends with you? i mean i like to think so?? im alright

7: Do you use sarcasm? nooOOooOO NnnevvveEErrR

8: Do you still have your tonsils? yeah ride 2gether die 2gether tonsils 4 lyf

9: Would you bungee jump? hell yeah hell yeah hell mf yeah

10: What is your favorite kind of cereal? crunchitize me capn

11: Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? no time is money money is power power is pizza

12: Do you think you’re a strong person? hell nah i am both physically and emotionally fragile

13: What is your favorite ice cream flavor? coffee?? chocolate?? buttercrunch?? who knows

14: What is the first thing you notice about people? when im feelin good about the world its like smiles and eyes and stuff but lately i have been a Bad Judgey Human and ive noticed clothes a lot tbh im very fashiony nowadays. also hands i notice hands a lot???

15: Red or pink? pink pink pink pink pink pink pink pink

16: What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? my hands and my short stubby fingers and my bitten down fingernails

17: What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? im wearin pink and blue plaid pj pants and noo shoes

18: What was the last thing you ate? cheap mf ramen hell yeah college

19: What are you listening to right now? nct 127 limitless yo

20: If you were a crayon, what color would you be? pale pink i know what im about

21: Favorite smell? hmm i think chai lattes or roses probably. im very into florals

22: Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? my little brother he was telling me all about his new girlfriend it was cute

23: Favorite sport to watch? hockey or soccer but really all of the olympics

24: Hair color? it changes all the time rn its blonde soon itll be purple or blue but naturally its brown

25: Eye color? this changes too but usually its blueish or hazel

26: Do you wear contacts? yeah im blind as a mf bat i need contacts to survive

27: Favorite food to eat? honestly? fancy ramen with eggs and spices and stuff

28: Scary movies or comedy? comedy for sure im a big weenie scary stuff is tooo much

29: Last movie you watched? your name!!! it was so good!!

30: What color of shirt are you wearing? its a gray shirt i stole from my mom its got cats on it i love it

31: Summer or winter? winter! cold and crisp and pretty! minus that seasonal depression tho haha love the aesthetic but it hates me

32: Hugs or kisses? ooh this is tough. i think hugs bc you can hug everyone that cool with it and kisses are reserved for a select few unless im drunk and then its basically hug rules

33: What book are you currently reading? im starting dracula and im like halfway through jane eyre although um terrible and havent read in a while

34: Who do you miss right now? my family :( but i get to see them tomorrow! :D

35: What is on your mouse pad? this is the 21st century i have a laptop no mouse we die like men

36: What is the last TV program you watched? top gear with my roommate lmao

37: What is the best sound? an orchestra tuning hands down

38: Rolling Stones or The Beatles? the beatles also i just realized the pun in the name having typed it up rn woah that makes me like them even more

39: What is the furthest you have ever traveled? ive been to london! it was amazing i wanna retire to Bath

40: Do you have a special talent? im pretty good at throwing grapes up in the air and catching them in my mouth my mom can do it too we think its genetic

41: Where were you born? Bartlesville oklahoma baby

#im terrible so i forgot about this for forever but here it as lol #thx for taggin me months ago @swindle-r our conversation reminded me of this lol

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hyunjins--laugh · 5 years

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How are you?

k so this is how my day has gone so far also fyi this is the second time is typed this out bc the first time I did it on tumblr and it glitched and I forgot to copy it to my phone so I lost the whole thing so I'm kinda mad about it tbh but like I'll do my best to recreate what I just typed --I had to wake up at five am today to ride a bus to my choir contest which isn't actually a contest its just you go and sing in front of a judge who gives you a score and then you can go home bada bing bada boom so I'm in this mixed double quartet and we ended up getting a one, which is the highest score and allows us to go to state. so we do that and we are all excited and happy and highfive a lot and stuff and these people are like a family to me so like yes I love them so then I end up riding back home with one of my best friends because my family actually couldn't end up going because they were visiting my moms older brother who just figured out he has a hard tumor in his sinus and yeah so we went to McDonald's and I slipped cause it was rainy and slick and basically skating has ruined the nerve system and feeling in my legs so it didnt hurt and I laughed it off even tho they were super worried about me right and then we got home and I finally changed into shorts and a shirt from the dress I had to wear all day and we spent idk how long chilling in her room I was on the floor rolling around and she was chilling on the bed and we had a good time and then her mom called her down to do something which ended up taking a while so I grabbed my cardigan (its soft and coffee colored and I love it and it has pockets and ahhhhhh) and I used it as a pillow and took a little nap on her bedroom floor yes it was comfortable and then soon after I woke up my family got back and picked me up and then we had a family feud at church and like I served chili and almost threw up and had a headache all night but still laughed and had fun and stuff and shoved my sister's face in a plate of peanut butter for a minute to win it game they did and it was good and then we cleaned up everything and I cleaned tables and whatnot and we got home and I'm taking off the makeup my mom made me wear to contest and so I'm chilling in my room and my best friend in the universe texts me congrats on making it to state and then she vents to me about her asshat of a dad and like she accidentally left the cardboard on the frozen pizza causing it to get soggy and so he threw it all over the kitchen and totally overreacted and basically told her she couldn't go to our team skating practice which is tomorrow and its mandatory and he also made her mom cry and stuff so this was kinda a huge deal and then so he went and sulked in their basement while they (her, her mom, and her little sister) talked and did a face mask and stuff and lemme tell you a bit about her dad... oh man dont even get me started. he overlooks my friend cause her little sister is a very talented skater and has been doing it for waaaayyyy longer than my friend, so he always looks at the younger and never really sees how much work and effort she puts in even when isnt as good as her little sister so he overlooks her and harps on her a lot and generally causes her very much stress so yeah and hes generally a kind of aggressive person like I know he loves her but also he's very tough on her Mentally like he doesn't even go to our competitions or watch videos or anything and so yeah I'm just generally worried about her mental state RN and then plus I've been feeling like I wanna cry for a few weeks now but I'm not a cry person, I only cry when I'm really really angry or frustrated, or during sad movies but that doesnt count but so like idk how to release all my emtions and stuff sk im also wary about my mental state and just generally speaking I'm having a very tough time plus school is so so much work and I want to be out of high school and fine with this shit and I'm only a freshman cause I missed three days worth of logarithyms nfoted from having the flu and idk whats going on plus we had two lengthy assignments due in health idk how to do plus an essay in english and civics due all on monday jut i have to get up early and sing on band for church and then I have s skating private lesson I have to go to and then I have a three to four hour long synchro practice with one of my coaches who is passive aggressive and I do not much well with him and so I don't have time to finish my hw in time before when it's due monday and I'm just gonna explode one day PLUS I'm lonely and kinda want a bf but not one that's just cute like one k can be myself with and laugh and cry and hug always and hold hands and be comfortable with and I want someone to love me like that cause ive never been told that someone liked me or wanted to date me before ever in my life and that does something for a person's confidence and I'm just slowly losing motivation to even do anything

so that was yesterday, get ready for today...actually today was a bit better and i got tired of typing so its pretty short

I woke up at 6 am and went to 8 am worship practice (I woke up at six cause my dad had to be there early to set up the stage and tech booth and mics and stuff, he does that for my church) and then so I had to sing and then after church we went to lunch with some close family friends and then I had a private lesson at the ice rink so I got there a little early and ended up tripping and falling really hard on my left buttock, so it hurt to skate and stuff and I had a half hour private lesson before I had a three hour team practice and I got frustrated and was in pain and I'm tired and still stressed about school and I just need a break from everything

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surrahalannaintlstories · 5 years

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hello blog,

I don’t have many updates. So who wants a nice stream of consciousness?

You all do ? Wow! So great to have such a supportive following :)

I am currently sitting in Starbucks bc I think I go to pret too much. Aka I do bc I basically go everyday. Got some work done which is #nice. Ordered a salted carmel brownie hot chocolate- can u say onset young adult diabetes ?? LOL. It was actually super good tho #choclate whip cream. But I’m 10/10 sugared OUT. I keep thinking I’m off on my travels tomorrow- which I am, but not until 11pm. I have ALL day of classes to be a normal person. But I keep thinking that I will wake up and be whisked off to my Dublin dream.

Yes Dublin is this weekend!!! So excite to be back with my PEOPLE ☘️ have a lot of ideas of what we can do but not much planned so Y O L O !! Also there’s a strong chance that Sarah and I will be living in someone’s home with this for the weekend. So that’s fun. Will continue with updates.

Ive been in a weird headspace this week. I 100p LIIIIIVE for the weekends, but during the week I’m just eh. Like today all I had to do was hw and laundry. SO ACOMPLISHABLE ! But I just had such a hard time motivating myself. And I got kinda homesick. Well maybe not homesick per say, but I’m not sad that this trip is coming to a close. I know I have so many breath taking vlogable adventures ahead, but equally I’m looking forward to my bed. Big LOL.

Maybe I’m not the world traveler I’ve always thought I was.

Maybe yg is a true new englander.

At the same time I know my taste for adventure will never quell. whislt on this ride I’m already strategizing what the next will be. I can justify it many ways with “you’re only this age once” and “you’ll soon have reposbabilites”. But what’s going to happen in like 6-7 yrs and I still have this hunger but work 9-5. What’s yg going to do.

But like who really cares. Even now just reason this back seconds later I know I’ll figure it out when the time comes. EW BE MORE cliché #odesseyarticlebelike #howabroadchangedme

This took an intresting turn.

Abroad Alanna is turning into some introspective trancendenialist and it’s weird. I don’t think I spelled that right. Whatever. Bye!

Thanks 4 coming to my ted talk.

See u in Dublin bishes

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isaacathom · 6 years

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ok so ive got.... 6 whole prompts left to go??? damn. DAMN. wild.

ive got a lot of hw related stuff to do tomorrow but i SHOULD be able to get some shit done anyway! like i gotta sit in my bedroom and draw AGAIN (spent like, 2 fucking hours doing that earlier, made two false starts and gave up) but now that i know what im actually aiming for, it should be interesting! thennn i gott like, finish painting the boxes? hooray for ceiling white. i hope this is actually what she wanted lmao. then, hmm, i THINK im good then, tho i gotta submit some photos later? im not actually sure the method for submitting them. i know where the submit IS, just not how to do it. do i chuck all the photos in a zip? or individually? what do. i might actually email him and find out. or smth. im gonna figure it out tomorow because its a full day off and im gonna take advantage of that

anyway goodnight <3

#tho for tonights brainstorm im debating whether to write about Amanta (where Seora lives) or Lusca (where she was 'raised')#lusca is by far the BIGGEST but its not actually relevant to the plot? in any way? Seora just doesn't go there #i mean tbf neither is Fynwick Stolisia but i just like. wanted to write about Stolisia and its esthers hometown now

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jess-oh · 6 years

Text

Reflection

ive been getting poked by tiny hairs all day. i made the mistake of putting on the bra i wore when i got my hair cut. i didnt realize that my bra would feel like a cactus on my chest all day.

im feeling a lot of different feelings.

last night, my mom messaged me out of the blue and said that she really wanted me to come home for thanksgiving. i was honestly shocked! she said, “I dont want you to be sick and alone” and not gonna lie, some water filled my eyes. and when i tried to convince my mom that it’s just way too expensive and not practical to go home rn, she said it was okay and insisted and now im going home for thanksgiving! and it’s actually crazy bc i was not planning on this at all! and honestly, thinking back on it, it’s all thanks to you God. the settings were already adjusted for the maximum amount of time that I could stay in California and I am so excited to be home. a part of me is nervous about going to Sa-Rang on Sunday, worried that no one will care that I’m back. But honestly, I’m just so excited to see and be with my family again. I really miss them.

im still sick and dont want to miss school bc yknow, attendance. but im also coughing so much to the point where it’s hard to breath. so i want to just skip bc, what harm can it do? but i also want to go. but now i dont want to go bc i know we’re gonna work in teams about budgeting and i dont want them to rely so heavily upon me like usual. especially bc i wont be up to the task due to my current state of health. sigh, idk. as of right now, im just going to see how i feel tomorrow and decide whether or not i’ll go then.

im honestly so close to finish and i just needed to finish this subsection and one last section and im done taking notes. and even tho im not tired, at least i can relax. and then i’ll get up early tomorrow morning before noon, finish the problem set and self assessment and journal entry, go back to sleep, and go to class! hopefully.

and while i could’ve pushed through today and finished all my physics hw, i didnt. but i definitely want to try and finish tomorrow so that i can get feedback before thursday at the very least. i really barely have any homework to do tomorrow so i better do it!

finally, i realized that i dont really feel free to worship God with all my heart at church. which sucks. i want it to be like back home and just freely give everything up unto Him, free of judgment. And sometimes I do do that during service and I want to continue doing so. but I do feel like it’s just not the right time and place to do it during Movement and I kind of hate that. i want to be so free and praise and really pray and pour my heart out unto my fellow brothers and sisters and not think about time constraints or what anyone else will think of me. i just want to share my love for others. the same love that God has shown me, I want to show them.

#reflection

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3inghao · 6 years

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HI CRUSH ANON HERE AND I WANT TO START OFF BY SAYING TO ALL THE PEOPLE THAT FEEL EMOTIONALLY INVESTED IN MY LOVE LIFE I LOVE YALL HAHHAHHA I DIDNT EXPECT FOR ANY OF THIS TO HAPPEN :'))))) at the same time tho i feel like things might have to be put on hold for a while i dont know !!!! ok sorry sorry ill explain so ,, ive figured out that im like really really into this boy. in a way thats probably not the best for me right now, esp bc ive got a lot of things to juggle right now (1/17)

but also bc ive been thinking and like ,, ok so this story might put things more into perspective. so its like monday and i get a text from him thats just like ‘hey what are the rest of your classes for today/do you have like 15 min or something to be in a shoot of mine before it gets dark’ and im like PANICKIN bc ofc hes asked some of us to be models for his photography hw before and its always super casual BUT this is the first time that IVE ever been asked specifically (2/17)

and so obviously i jump at this offer and im like ‘umm i dont have any more classes today so sure just lmk when and what to do :) also whats the shoot about?’ and hes like ‘ok cool we can meet at your room at like 5:15 and ill tell you about the shoot when we meet up :)’ and he wanted us to go to this reaaaaally pretty park at sunset and do the shoot around that time and i was like ‘ok do u want me to wear anything specific’ and he was like ‘nothing in particular :)’ (3/17)

and so i start getting ready and im nervous af bc it meant spending more time alone with him and i felt so unprepared for that LMAO but yeah so he comes up to our room and i open the door and my heart skips a fucking BEAT and i almost slam the door in his face but i force myself not to aha and so we go and hes like ‘ugh im so tired i want coffee lets get coffee’ and so we went into the starbucks around the corner but then i was like yo will we make it to the park in time (4/17)

and hes like ‘o shit yeah’ so we leave without getting coffee rip but yeah we go to the city park and oh my gskldgskd it is so fucking pretty its right before sunset so everything is golden and the sky is rainbow but you can already see the moon and holy one of the prettiest views i think i have EVER seen !!!!! and then he explains to me what the project is finally and hes like so its an experimental photo set thats supposed to represent all the things we left behind in modern society (5/17)

and so for me he said he wanted me to pose in the city park at sunset sitting on a bench with my hands cupped like i was holding a heart (hes going to photoshop the heart in later when hes editing the pics) and then like leave it behind on the bench and look at the sunset behind me which is supposed to represent and i quote “leaving love behind in the pursuit of beauty” and i literally was like 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 the whole time LMAOOOOOOO (6/17)

but yeah so we did that in like 15 min but after we were done i legit didnt want to leave bc (i wanted to spend more time with him but also) IT WAS SO FUCKING PRETTY SKDHJDFH and ahhhh i like looked over at him and he looked sooo at peace just like looking out over the water and the sunset and the scenery was so beautiful i almost blurted out hi i think ur beautiful but i stopped myself in the nick of time thank god LOOOOOL (7/17)

but he like made eye contact with me and i like held myself together but there was a moment where i felt like djdhskjdkd idk how to describe it i was kfskshdhdjdh idk it could be just my imagination but I FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING THERE AHHHHHHHH and i was so tempted to ask him about the hand holding on saturday but i didnt i held myself back again thank god lol and then all of a sudden he goes ‘hey do u want pics’ and im like wot (8/17)

and hes like ‘do u want some pics of urself? like we r already here so !! plus i want some photos to put on my photography insta’ and i was like sljkddjkd ok why the hell not so he directs me into different poses and stuff like that and after the sun sets we finish and then we r walking back bored af so we start wandering around the little shops nearby and then we finally get home and then our friend texts the group chat like ‘hey anyone want dinner now’ (9/17)

and we were already really close to a dining hall so the two of us went and got dinner and our friend just joined us later and then during dinner when it was just the two of us we started talking about me losing the bet of when our friends were gonna hook up and so i have to treat him to japanese bbq and we were talking about when and hes like ‘well theres nothing im gonna celebrate for a while except my best friend from home is coming bc her sisters getting married here” (10/17)

and i was like ‘omg thats great ??? congrats to her !!!! omg’ but idk this is where it gets kind of confusing bc idk we were talking about maybe going this weekend but his best friend was coming and he was planning on spending all his time with her but i think he said that we could go get japanese bbq with her too ?? and i think i said ok but i dont think we locked down any like specific date and time at all ??? this part is a lil confusing to me (11/17)

so anyways that happened and i havent really interacted with him after that whole thing like we still have a streak on snapchat lol but he will do this thing where he wont open or respond to my snapchats for like literal hours ,,, even though i know hes ON snapchat bc he will like watch my stories ??? like w o t ???? i dont think hes doing it on purpose if that makes sense ?? but its still annoying and borderline infuriating and sldkghsldkgh (12/17)

and also like ok ,, his best friend came like yesterday and i saw her on his snapchat story and h o l y g o d she is the most beautiful girl on all of fucking planet earth i shit u not like i actually !!!! screamed when i saw her shes so fucking gorgeous and on his story theres a bunch of snaps of the wedding etc and a pic of him and her in a photobooth and sldkgsldkghs holy ???? i dont know how to put this into words but they are p e r f e c t for each other (13/17)

like in every way possible they are literally best friends and shes an actual goddess and together they look sooooo aesthetically pleasing it is legitimately intimidating and ahhh sldkgldgkh so the thing is !!!!! i already have practically no self esteem left ,, and a dinner with like HER and THEM will probably d e s t r o y m e from the inside out i will literally just feel inferior in every single way possible and i have NO IDEA HOW TO EXPLAIN THIS UGH !!!!!! (14/17)

but yeah that kinda just made me realize that i might need to take a couple steps back ??? from this entire thing and him in general ,, and also that before anything happens i really want to work on me first like obv x has got his shit together and theres that whole thing with his best friend and idk !!! i like have pledged to go to the gym way more and get my fucked up sleep schedule back to some resemblance of normal and f o c u s on my academics and skincare and eating more healthy !! (15/17)

like i wanna be a person that everyone can look at and be like yes !! u go girl shes got her shit together and yeah !!!! aha :’) and also i need to COOL IT with my feelings about x like as amazing as he is and as fun as it is to spend time with him and as much as i want to pursue everything about this relationship i dont think im in a place mentally and emotionally where i can handle that so !!!!!! for now im gonna (try to) just distance myself a lil (16/17)

and yeah !! if he asks to go out for japanese bbq tonight/tomorrow i think im just gonna be like ‘ahh i wish i could but im super swamped with work rn sorry :(((‘ (which is 100000% true) and just leave it at that *deep sigh* anyways thats where i am at this point thanks for tuning in yall aha :’) i just need to not be hurt in this relationship and distancing myself for now is the only way i know how to prevent that ,, and i probably wont be that successful but !!! heres to trying :) (17/17)

awwwwwwwww crush anon BUT THE SUNSET DATE (yes im calling it a date) does his best friend go to the same college as you guys?? bc if he’s single and she doesn’t live anywhere near him there probably really isn’t anything between them that you need to worry about. I def support the focusing on yourself bc the more confidence you have in yourself the less insecure you will be once you actually get into a relationship so go you!! my gf and i are actually starting to facetime each other and work out together too so all of us can struggle in that tryin to be healthier lyfe! i think in one of the other asks you mention more happened? but i also think that maybe a bbq date with him wouldn’t be bad? and i think you should try to have it with just him and no one else! idk fill me in on any new developments :0

#💫

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