#like bro. yeah okay we're stuck in a room not like that's been our whole lives hjkhkd its just sibling squad naptime then hfhjj <33

[goremet-chef]

ramble (not really a vent? im not that upset about it, just system talk)

giving up control is so... scary? and its hard. because i know theyre trying to help but then the part of me that doubts i even have a system at all comes in like 🗣🗣📢‼ switching with someone who isnt as horribly sad as you means yr faking and yr not grieving artemis like how she is worth!! scum

like. OKAY... i know its not true but shit bro it still feels that way. its kinda weird, i ended up being a mixed part (theres ANPs (apparently normal part) and EPs (emotional part). ANP is like.. what the host IDEALLY would be and i did used to be an ANP but when an ANP ends up holding onto trauma, then yr a mixed part)

so in a perfect world, someone else would bear this pain for me (bob helped with that last time, but i didnt wanna bother them again) and id be at least functional. but i bear my own pain, making it really hard for my system to function because the one whos fronting the most is incapacitated with issues, sorry gang

i know its my fault on some level because i cling on to that pain like a lifeline. my therapist told me a long time ago, that ive been sad for so long that ive grown comforted by the feeling, and. YEAH, thats still true. its like second nature, that whole "oh i dont know who id be if i wasnt sad" type shit

BUMMER, but whatever. im not so bothered by it. but i recognize that yeah, im holding us back. i know i am. if jonas was our host we honestly might have a job by now, or at least wouldve started looking. if elliott was our host, our room wouldnt get so horrible, etc

but cuz im so insistent on feeling everything i can feel, i hardly leave front, and if i do its not for long. im almost obsessed with the misery i feel, cuz its like. its what i know, yknow? my own character is defined by anger and red and blood and WHATEVER, it feels like who i am yknow?

and its SCARY. its scary even if i just LISTEN to them. go at it with a can-do attitude? okay.. even if i looked on the bright side, even if i was happy to create art and started working with some good music, etc, like.. it SOUNDS good but. i cant just forget all my problems. i know they want me to, but its. hard. its so hard man im not done DEALING with them. i dont want them to feel that pain instead. we're stuck in a weird loop where like.. their job is to take the burden of trauma away or soothe me, but my job is to prevent them from getting trauma YOU FEEL ME? its so. INCONVENIENT guys we are not winning 💀

[khaleesiofalicante]

me, nodding of to sleep: IM HERE IM HERE

did my head just loll to the side? you will never know. first of all this chapter was the most beautiful thing i have ever read. Mavid have my HEART. It's also 4 16 am so im sorry if the reactions are a little bland but this was PERFECT.

me, throughout the whole thing: mavid mavid mavid

They had kissed for the first time almost a week ago. And they had kissed again. A couple of times.

Okay fine, they had kissed a lot since then.

Not a lot a lot. But a lot.

Wait a minute. How much kissing was a lot of kissing?

this is adorable

“I heard he cried when he found out Lexi and Liv were dating,” David chuckled.

yup that's jace

“We have to pay to talk on the phone?” Max asked incredulously. “I thought it was free.”

“Of course it isn’t free, Max!” David chuckled. “We have to pay for WiFi too.”

“This is ridiculous!” Max said. “Next you will say we have to pay for electricity.”

“Um, we do have to pay for electricity,” David chuckled again.

we pay for water too

but max you didnt know-

“Don’t let them guilt trip you!” Max had chastised. “They like doing chores. Let them do it. They fight demons all day and then come home and do chores. I feel like it’s their form of therapy. They need this.”

cant relate nope

“I don’t know,” Max groaned. “My family is so dramatic.”

the lightwood-banes in one sentence

THERE ARE SO MANY FEELS MY HEART CANNOT CONTAIN

“Well, too late!” Max announced. “This date is going to be the best first date in the history of first of dates.”

In retrospect, he really shouldn’t have said that.

nah its gonna be great

“Perhaps you should just take him to the New York Library. They have, uh, books.”

yes that is what they keep in libraries

OH MY GOD THE FRIEND IS ELYASS

HERE'S MY FAVORITE DEMON Y'ALL

His parents would not be pleased if they knew Max was summoning demons for relationship advice.

But they had also encouraged Max to make friends with everyone regardless of their identity. So, technically this was their fault. They gave him very mixed messages.

well-

you know i really shouldnt have laughed at the demon attack news but for some reason i did

i blame my sleep deprivation

shit i feel sick

you know maybe i shouldve just waited till the morning...

ok but the demon attack is NOT coincidental

there is something going on

“I thought dragon demons were extinct!” Max yelled over the commotion.

well-

ANJALI

“Man, fuck the orders!” Max said in frustration.

if you get hurt ill kill you

oh it's not her

well fuck

“That was an Armani, you piece of shit!” Rafael yelled at the demon. Max almost laughed.

THE AUDACITY

It really did. Dragon demons smelled like they lived inside a boys locker room.

well that's nice to know

FUCK THEY ARE TALKING NOW???

ok what is going on

“Say the thing!!!”

“I’m not saying the damn thing, you maniac!”

“Say the thing!”

Rafael groaned and raised his hands, the alliance rune lighting up.

“I’m not just a shadowhunter,” Rafael said through gritted teeth. “I’m Magnus Bane’s son.”

LMAO THEM

“Well, demons are stupid,” Max pointed out.

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Rafael said with a mouthful of food. “You are half demon after all.”

Im so sleepy i cant even react to this

but THEM I CANT-

WHERE.IS.ALEC

Max wanted to laugh. Only David would worry about another person while being injured in the infirmary.

MUST BE PROTECTED

Max nodded; his throat still dry. He couldn’t stop staring at David. At the wound. At the blood.

Also, maybe the naked chest.

AHEM

OH MY GOD JAIME IS ALIVE

we're getting lightwood-bane fluff LET ME CRY

alec...

on one hand alec smoking is fucking hot BUT WITH THE MUNDANE DISEASES OH HELL NAH

“But it tastes so good when it’s from your plate!” Max said with a mouth full of food.

“Oh, you want my food? Here!” Rafael grinned and threw a piece of chicken at his face.

Max caught it with his mouth cause wasting food was a crime. “Thanks, bro!”

“You little s-”

HE CAUGHT IT IN HIS MOUTH

“And no fighting over chicken!” Bapak pointed out. “We can always summon some more.”

“Order,” dad corrected. “We don’t summon. We order. And then we pay.”

“How do we destroy capitalism if we have to pay for everything?” Max asked.

Max has a point y'know

“That’s rich coming from someone who is wearing an Armani jacket,” Max stuck out his tongue.

“It was a gift!” Rafael said, furiously chewing on his chicken.

“Does that mean Bapak is a capitalist?” Max asked.

LMAO

Max: What even-

Max: Can shadowhunters get high on iratzes lol

CAN THEY???

David: Mr Herondale yelled “Yes! Two out of three!”

MOOD

PLEASE RAFAEL AND MAGNUS ARE LIKE "About time"

SAME THOUGH

“David is what you get if Dad and Uncle Jace and Uncle Jem had a baby.”

STOP NO

“Oh,” Max said. “Uh, David and I…We are dating.”

Dad choked on his coffee. “Excuse me?”

Bapak chuckled next to him. “Of course you didn’t know.”

“You two are dating?” dad demanded. “Since when? Who else knows about this? Why didn’t you tell us before? Were you dating when you were in London? Magnus, did you know about this?”

“There you go!” Max yelled triumphantly. “That’s the dramatic reaction I was looking for. Thanks, dad!”

There's alec. Yup

OH MY GOD NOT THE SEX TALK

good thing i had wattpad I MEAN-

“Kissing?” dad gaped. “On the mouth???”

“Um, where else would we kiss?” Max asked incredulously.

“Well, actually,” Bapa cleared his throat. “There are many ways you can enjoy-”

IM CACKLING

And that’s how the next hour turned out to be the most painful and most embarrassing hour of his life.

Max decided he would rather get attacked by a hoard of dragon demons than sit through it any longer

“You guys know we have something called the internet, right?” Max demanded.

“Well, the internet can have mixed messages,” Bapak sniffed. “We on the other hand have real life experien-”

“Magnus!” dad looked red in the face.

“Fine,” Bapak sighed. “Now moving on to the importance of lubrication and-”

“I’m begging you to stop,” Max groaned.

THE NOISES WHICH LEFT MY MOUTH ARE NOT OK TO BE MAKING AT 3 30 AM

“I’ll have you know this conversation utterly traumatized me. I demand financial compensation.”

HE'S SO DRAMATIC

“Well,” dad said carefully. “David is…”

“French?” Max asked.

i blame my sleep deprived ass for laughing at this

next thing i know someone's being tortured and im laughing because i dont have sleep in my system

Max honey...

listen to him

i for one, dont want a repeat of pg 511 cols

oh he's finding out about the incident

that's what i call it

Max thought of all the stories he had heard then. The one of the warlock who killed people who he could bring back his dead girlfriend. The one about a nephilim mother who paired up with prince of hell to bring back her dead son.

oh yeah...

shudder

They called it The Jem effect.

AYYYYY

It was true. In fact, he used to have a crush on both Tessa and Jem. It’s how he had found he was bisexual.

very very valid. have a good day sir

AWW MAX DIDNT KNOW HE COULD BLUSH

you know it's a sign ive been watching b99 too much that i was imagining mina talking like gina...

pls send help

ALSO MINA BESTEST SDCHJDFVYDYUGFYUGFVDYVFD

“Can we not talk about my boyfriend’s sperm, please?”

im surprised my parents havent woken up by the sound i let out

BUT HEY THE DOOR'S CLOSED SO

SUGGENS MINA

“I’m hearing an inflated sense of self-importance,” he heard Ragnor call from the bathroom. “Is Magnus here?”

“Just the spawn,” Max called back.

THE SPAWN BYE-

“He is married to the Consul!” Tessa chuckled. “And one of his sons is a shadowhunter.”

“It’s still very bad for our reputation,” Ragnor grumbled. “He is too close with shadowhunters.”

“You are the headmaster of Scholomance!” Catarina said incredulously. “You teach nephilim! Even though you don’t need a job!”

“I was coerced!” Ragnor huffed. “Manipulated by the children of the angel.”

really ragnor?

The grin disappeared and Ragnor buried his face on Catarina’s shoulder. “I can’t go through this again, Cat! Not again!”

“So much for not taking up after his father, huh?” Catarina chuckled and looked at him. “That’s nice, Max. We are happy for you.”

“We are not!” Ragnor said in a muffled voice.

RAGNOR DJHDCUHUKIHDVVFDDB

OOOO MAX DIDNT KNOW ABOUT CAMILLE

a kind of endless love...

dont make me cry

“I know you are worried, love,” Tessa’s voice was a whisper. “You are worried about surviving after David. You are worried about your own heart. But you should never let that fear stop you from finding love. Because love is what sustains us immortals. It keeps us alive. When you love a mortal, you love them forever. You might not remember all the memories. The colour of their eyes or the sound of their voice. But you will remember the love. You will carry that love inside you forever. It does not make you weak or fragile. It makes you stronger. And you will forever be grateful for it.”

my eyeballs are too tired to cry

stop it

THEY SAID I LOVE YOU

I FEEL LIKE A PROUD MOM

bitch you hate children wtf-

Max laughed. “I’m going to kill dad for making us do this. God, this is so weird!”

better get it done now

HE'S DAVID'S FOREVER

dont do this to me at 4 am

“You should two should some spend time together. Get to know each other and all of that,” Max suggested with a smile. “Maybe you can bond over archery or something.”

“I’m pretty sure he would use me for target practice,” David mumbled.

“Don’t be ridiculous, David!” Max said incredulously. “My father doesn’t need target practice!”

At this point, a David and alec scene isn't a want its a NEED

“I got it all planned,” Max said – for someone who had no idea what he was going to do.

me throughout life

max Rafael isn't the one smoking-

OH MY GOD MY DAD JUST CAME TO CHECK ON ME THE WAY I SLAMMED MY LAPTOP

“Also tell him to stop smoking!” Max pointed out seriously. “It’s not good for his health! Especially with all the mundane illnesses going on.”

“I know, Max,” dad sighed heavily and blinked. “I mean, I’ll talk to him. For sure.”

Alec if anything happens to you...just know ill raise hell

“I don’t want easy,” David smiled. “I want you.”

IT'S 4 AM DUDE

AYYY THE SHANGHAI SHADOW MARKET

CELESTIAL PALACE

“Dad? The Consul? That dad?” David looked surprised and relieved all at once. “Oh my god, he doesn’t hate me!”

“Of course he doesn’t hate you!” Max chuckled. “But he did say he will put your nerd ass in the silent city if you don’t bring me home by 11.”

of course, he did

oh my god SLEEP. there is so much to do tomorrow dying...my grammar was really bad and I don't have what it takes to use Grammarly's corrections except for the ones it's already doing as type.

this chapter had my heart BURSTING!! AHHHHHHH

the talk was so important I'm so glad they took care of that. ok imma head to bed now BYEE

Eeeeeee this was a lot sfkjdfkd I hope you are okay. Get some sleep next time or I will call the police.

Thank you as always for reading, reacting and supporting 💚

#lbaf

[librarianbusdriver]

Ted: Okay, where was I? You were telling us how you met mom. In excruciating detail. Right. So, back in 2005, When I was 27, My two best friends got engaged, And it got me thinking, maybe I should get married.

*Sigh*

And then I saw robin. She was incredible. I just knew I had to meet her. That's where your uncle barney came in. I suggest we play a little game I like to call Wait, no, no, no. We're not playing "have you met ted?" Hi. Have you met ted? So I asked her out. But after just one date, I was in love with her Which made me say something stupid. I think I'm in love with you. What?! Oh, dad. So then what happened? Nothing. I mean, I'd made a complete fool of myself. So, a week went by, and I decided not to call her. So you're not gonna call her? You went from, "I think I'm in love with you"

Trapped, the same hollow, dull story repeating again, and again, and again all around me. No way to change its course. No way to do anything but just... watch.

To "I'm not gonna call her"? I wasn't in love with her, okay? I was briefly in love with the abstract concept Of getting married. It had absolutely nothing to do with robin. Robin. Hi. Look who I ran into. Since when do you guys know each other? Oh, since about... Here. Lily recognized me From the news and... Hello, sailor! They just got engaged. Well, I should get back to the station. See you, guys. Nice seeing you, ted. Yeah, you, too. Thanks. What? Damn it! I'm in love with her. As your sponsor, I will not let you relapse. You blew it, it's over, move on. I don't know, I just have this feeling She's the future mrs. Ted mosby. ( Lily squeaks) Lily, you squeaked? She said something about me, didn't she? Come on, spill it, red! Fine. So, what do we think of ted? ( Iaughs) Ted's something else. Huh. I'm gonna spin that as good. Lots of guys are something, I'm something else. Comes on a little strong. But, that's part of my charm. But, that's part of his charm. Oh, totally. I mean, he's sweet, he's charming, He's just looking for something A little bit more serious than I am. I mean, the most I can handle right now is something casual. This just stays between us, right? Are you kidding? This flapper? Fort knox. Oops. She wants casual. Okay, I'll be casual. I'm going to be a mushroom cloud of casual. Cause it's a game... I want her to skip To the end and do the whole happily-ever-after thing. But you don't get there unless you play the game. So, are you going to ask her out? Yeah... No! I can't ask her out, Because if I ask her out, I'm asking her out. So, how do I Ask her out without asking her out? Did you guys get high? I got it. I don't ask her out. I invite her To our party next Friday. We're having a party next Friday? We are now. Casual. Like inviting a hundred people over just to mack on one girl. Oh, and lily, that's my leg. You waited five minutes to tell me that? All right, so call her up. No, calling's not casual. I just got to bump into her somewhere. Now, if only I knew her schedule, I could arrange a chance encounter. That's great, ted... you'll be the most casual stalker ever. Put that ring on her finger, lily had been, Well, extra affectionate. ( chuckling ): Baby, no. I have a 25-page paper on constitutional law due Monday. Hey, I'm just sitting here, wearing my ring,

Wallachia, how I miss you.

My beautiful ring. ( Typing) Kind of makes wearing other stuff seem wrong. Like my shirt. Kind of don't want to wear my shirt anymore. Or... My underwear. That's right, I'm not wearing any. ( Sighs ) No underwear? Not even slightly. Ted: Guys. Boundaries. Robin ( on tv ): Thanks, bill. I'm reporting from the razzle dazzle supermarket On 75th and columbus... 75th and columbus. Game on! Where four-year-old leroy ellenberg has climbed Inside a grab-a-prize machine and gotten stuck. ( Panting ) And, all in the pursuit of a stuffed, purple giraffe. For metro news 1, I'm robin trubotsky. Engineer: We're clear. Robin: Thanks, don. Whew. Ted. Robin, wow! What are the odds? Oh, you know, just, uh, shopping for, uh, dip. I love dip. I mean, I don't love dip, I like dip... ( chuckles ) so, uh, hey, you, uh, Reporting a news story or something? Yeah, kid stuck in a crane machine. How sweet of you to call it news. Wow. Kid in a crane machine. Mm-hmm. You just had to have that toy, didn't you? Couldn't play the game like everyone else. You're all sweaty! Cute kid. Um, you know, It's so funny I should run into you. We're, uh, we're having a party next Friday, If you feel like swinging by. But, you know, whatever. Oh, I'm going back home next weekend. It's too bad it's not tonight. It is... It's tonight. This Friday. Did I say next Friday? Sorry, I guess I've been saying next Friday all week. But, yeah, it's tonight, the, uh, the party's tonight. But, you know, whatever. ( Phone rings) Hello? Hey, am I interrupting anything? No, no, I'm just writing my paper. Hitting the books. Yeah, well, you and lily Might want to put some clothes on. We're throwing a party in two hours. Okay, bye. What are you gonna do when robin shows up? Okay, I got it all planned out. She steps through the door... and where's ted? Not eagerly waiting by the door. No, I'm across the room at my drafting table, Showing some foxy young thing all my cool architect stuff. So, robin strolls over, and I casually give her one of these: "hey, what's up?" She says, "hey, nice place, et cetera, et cetera." And then, I say, "well, make yourself at home." And, I casually return to my conversation. Then, an hour later... "oh, you're still here?" I say, like I don't really care, But it's a nice surprise. And then, very casually: Both: The roof! Get her up to the roof, And the roof takes care of the rest. What's so special about the roof? Oh, the moon, the stars, the shimmering skyline. You can't not fall in love on that roof. We do it up there, sometimes. Solid plan, my little friend. But, may I suggest one little modification. Barney: That foxy young thing you were chatting up, Take her up to the roof and have sex with her. Crazy monkey style... That's not the plan. Barney: Well, it should be the plan. I mean, look at her. Ted, look at her. She's smoking! Thank you! Yeah... But, she's not robin! Exactly! Ted, let's rap. Statistic: At every new york party, There's always a girl who has no idea Whose party she's at. She knows no one you know, And you will never see her again. Do you see where I'm going with this? Barney, I don't think so. ( groans ) Scoping.

I miss it all. The childhood spent in that bountiful castle, the beauty of those rolling green fields...

( Imitates sonar beeping ) Scoping. Man, you're a dork. ( Accelerates beeping sound ) Target acquired! Now it's time we play a little game I like to call "have you met ted?" oh, come on, not this. Hi. Have you met ted? No. Hi. Hi. Do you know marshall? Lily? Woman: No. Hmm. Do you know anyone at this party? I work with carlos. Excuse me. Anyone know a carlos? No. No. On a silver platter. Bon appétit. I don't think so. Your loss, her gain. Excuse me. Can I show you the roof? It's magical up there. Sure. Ted: Wait, wait. Hey, hey, I got that roof reserved. Dude, robin's not coming. Hey, she's going to show up! She'll show up. Ted: She didn't show up. At least it was a great party. I ate, like, four whole cans of dip. You always know what to say, old friend. ( Phone ringing ) It's robin. No, no, not right away... got to seem casual. ( Ringing continues ) Hello? I'm so sorry I missed your party. Who is this? Meredith? Robin. Oh, robin! Hey! Yeah, I, uh, guess you never showed up, did you? No, I got stuck at work. But, they finally got that kid out of the crane machine. Did he get to keep the purple giraffe? Yeah, they let him keep all the toys. He was in there a long time, And little kids have small bladders. ( Chuckles ) robin: I wish your party Was tonight. It is... the party's tonight. Yeah, uh... It's a two-day party, 'cause that's just how we roll. Uh, so, if you want to swing by, you know, it's casual. See ya. So, that was robin. What are you Doing to me, man?! I got a paper to write! I know! Sorry! It's terrible! I'll buy more dip! Ted! Ted, wait! Get french onion! Can you believe this guy? I got a paper to write. Okay, fine. But, it's got to be, like, super-quick, And no cuddling after. I'm the luckiest girl alive. You were so right about the roof! The roof! The roof is on fire, ted! That girl from last night... I took her back to my place, Spun her around a couple times and sent her walking. She will never find her way back, and there she is. How did she get here? Did you invite her? I have no idea who that is. She said she works with carlos. Who's carlos? I don't know any carlos. ( Frustrated groan)

The conquests... the blood of my enemies spilled, and villages burnt to the ground in my name.

Hi, you! You're back! I sure am. Mmm. Come on, sweetie, I need a drink. "Sweetie"? Really? ( Barely audible ): Help. Whoa! Whoa, rabbits! Come on, I got that roof reserved. All right. So, it's over between me and works-with-carlos girl. Whoa! That was fast. Yeah. I was trying to think, What's the quickest way to get rid of a girl you just met? I think I'm in love with you. What?! Thanks, bro. Glad I could help. What the... No, no, no. Come on. Sorry, ted. Great. What am I going to do when robin shows up? She'll show up. She didn't show up. All right. We threw two parties. Everybody had fun. Everybody wanged, everybody chunged. Now, the kid has got to get to work, And the kid is not to be disturbed. Repeat after me. I will not have sex with marshall. Both: I will not have sex with marshall. ( Phone ringing ) It's robin. Hello? Hi, ted. Amanda? Oh, denise! Sorry, you totally sounded like amanda. It's robin. Oh, robin. Hi. I totally wanted to come. I got stuck at work again. I feel like I live there. I'm sorry I missed your party, again. Hey, ain't no thing but a chicken wing, mamacita. Who am I? I guess there's no chance your two-dayer Turned into a three-dayer? It did, indeed. The party continues tonight. Yeah. Uh, last night, people were like, "keep it going, bro. Party trifecta." Wow! Okay, well, I'll be there. Great! See you tonight. So, that was robin. So, I threw a third party for robin... On a Sunday night. Well, this is lame. Lame... Or casual? Lame. Or casual? Hey, law books. Ready for a little 15 minute recess? Sorry, baby, I got to work. I need all my blood up here. Has anybody seen an introduction to contract tort And restitution statutes from 1865-1923? Anybody seen a big-ass book? All ( muttering ): No. Woman: Hello, barney. Of course. You look well. Is it weird they invited both of us? Who? Who invited you? No one even knows who you are! I understand you're hurt, but you don't have to be cruel. Carlos was right about you. Who is carlos?! Hey, where the hell is my...? Oh...! Okay... An introduction to contract tort And restitution statutes from 1865-1923 Is not a coaster! Ted, I'm jeopardizing my law career so you can throw not one, Not two, but three parties for some girl that you just met Who's probably not even going to show up! I mean, where is she, ted, huh? Where's robin? Hi. Hi, robin. Wow. So, you threw all these parties for me? No. Oh, you thought that... No! I... Okay, yes. You got me. One of the reasons I threw these parties Was so that I could introduce you To, um, this guy. Uh, I figured, you know, Since it didn't work out between us And now we can just laugh about it... ( laughs weakly) Anyway, robin, this is... Carlos. Oh! Oh! She's still talking to carlos. I can still win this. I-it's not over. Okay, buddy. Time for the tough talk. Robin seems great, but let's look at the facts. You want to get married. And right now, There's a million women in new york Looking for exactly you. But robin ain't one of them. She's not just one of them. She's the one. Yeah, well, the one is heading up to the roof. What are you going to do? Nothing. It's a game. I got to just keep playing it. ( Rock music playing ) Ted... Hey, carlos, can you give us a minute? Hey, no sweat, hombre. See ya. Robin...

Will I ever be freed of this damnable place?

Look, I didn't throw this party To set you up with carlos, Or the one before that, or the one before that. I threw these parties because I wanted to see you. Well, here I am. There's something here, look, unless I'm crazy. You're not crazy. I don't know, ted. I mean, we barely know each other And you're looking at me with that look. And, it's like... Like, "let's fall in love and get married And have kids and drive them to soccer practice." I'm not going to force sports on them Unless they're interested. ( Iaughing ) It's a great look. But you're looking at the wrong girl. No, I'm not. I don't want to get married right now, maybe ever. I'd feel like I'd either have to marry you Or break your heart, and... I just couldn't do either of those things. Just like you can't turn off the way you feel. Click. Off. Let's make out. What? What? That was the off switch. And I turned it off. I mean, look, sure, yes, I want to fall in love, get married, blah, blah, blah. But, on the other hand... You, me, the roof. There's no off switch. There is an off switch. And it's off. No, it's not. Yes, it is. No, it's not. Yes... It is. No, it's not. You're right. There's no off switch. God, I wish there was an off switch! Me, too. ( Both laughing ) ( both muttering nervously ) What do we do now? We could be friends. Oh... I know it sounds insincere when people say that, But... We could. I don't know, robin. I've made such a jackass of myself here. We start hanging out, every time I see you It'll be like, "oh, that's right. I'm a jackass." You're not a jackass. Look, I'm sorry. I only moved here in April and I'm always working And I just haven't met a lot of good people so far. But I understand. Well, uh, maybe in a few months, After it's not so fresh, We could all, uh, you know, get a beer. Yeah. That sounds good. I'll see you, ted. Or, you know, now. We could all get a beer now. I'd like that. My friends are going to love you... Like you, you know, as a friend. Jackass. Unbelievable. That's just a recipe For disaster. They work together! Are you jealous? Oh, please. What does carlos have that I don't? A date tonight. All: Oh! Stop the tape. Rewind. ( Imitates tape rewinding ) a date tonight. All: Oh! I'm not sure I like her. Hey, don't you have a paper to write? Dude, you're talking to the kid. I'm going to knock back this beer. I'm going to knock back one more beer. I'm going to write a 25-page paper. I'm going to hand it in and I'm going to get an "a." My name is rufus and that's the trufus. ( Iaughter ) Ted: He got a b-minus. But still, 25 pages in one night, b-minus? The kid was good. At least let me buy you a beer. Come on, I'll buy everyone a beer. I'll help carry. You know something, ted? What? You are a catch. You're going to make some girl very happy. And I am going to help you find her. Well, good luck. I mean, maybe new york's just too big a town. I mean, there's millions of people in this city. How, in all this mess, Is a guy supposed to find the love of his life? I mean, where do you even begin? Hi. Have you met ted? ( Music rises over dialogue )

I do not know if I can, but I must.

[STAB STAB STAB STAB STAB]

FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOUUU-

#orange text #god #long post #ask to tag #the red text vaguely resembles the way my grandparent speaks #so this is very #disturbing

[dyker-farmer]

More bro fic.... angst fodder kind content.

Take that can away if you can

I never see Shane works that don't go all in for romance nor explore the more realistic ugly parts of recovery, and I kind of crave That TM. So let me have at it too with the self-insert whump mumbo jumbo; no romo version.

Set post-8 hearts event- not 10, jesus-, Farmer Uidelsib is two years or so in, full house built and married to Emily. They/them pronouns, same as me.

Diverges from then on, Shane-centric from an outside POV for the most part.

I also put it on Ao3.

[[MORE]]

A bitch bastard man and a bitch walk into a room... Chapter 1/2/3/4

"I think we should talk about this."

If the room was stifled before, this just causes the pin to drop, and the relative lull to shatter with it. I don't want a storm, but we can't pretend the sea's a slightly oversized pond if we want him not drowning in it- again, my mind supplies, unhelpful.

He's zoning out again, blurry eyes pointedly off me, preferring the turned-off TV.

Let's start easy. "Why did you come here, Shane?"

"I-I-" It sounds like an excuse building up and it bubbles out like a shaken can, "I don't- I shouldn't have-" he goes to up and leave, and we just can't have that.

I scrape my chair closer and grab his shoulder, same as before. Hopefully it's more placating than caging. "No, you should have. You did good. Seeking out, remember?"

He doesn't answer but stills.

"Like Dr.Campbell and Harvey said." I try again.

"Yeah… Yeah." Deep breathing. "I. Don't know." He searches for my face, not quite past the nose. I nod, ushering him on. "It's. Stupid." I frown and my eyebrow goes higher than before and he immediately doubles down. "I know- positiv' reinforchment and all that shit! But… It's hard." A tired hand wipes the most of moisture off his face, before it goes back to wriggle with the other on his lap. "It's so fuckin' hard. Didn't even last two seasons!-"

I cut him off. "Two seasons is a lot! One and a half too. Last time, you'd tried to go cold turkey on the spot. We know what that got us." Sea foam in the mouth and a shared cold in the early spring, on top of a Joja lawsuit. "Shit's hard, like you said. You lasted one and a half this time. Next time-"

"Why the fuck do you always think there's gonna be a next time."

This time, I still. My laidback demeanor mirror his, but so does the cold anger creeping in and tensing both our backs.

"Because. There is going to be a next time. And another after that. And another. Same way there's been next times before this one now."

What's left unsaid we don't touch.

All irritation floods from him like it's just pointless to keep it in anymore, and his forehead goes to thunk softly against the wooden surface he leaned on before. The table muffles his next words a little.

"I can't… keep doing that." I don't peep. "I can't keep rolling back down and then up and down, and up, and down. I- I just can't, Garcia- Uidel-"

"I'll drag you there." I shrug.

"But you shouldn't have to!" His voice raises and make the boards vibrate where his skin's still pressed. "You shouldn't have to-to fuckin'-" he sniffles, the following words drowned out in held-back sobs. "Fuck damn it, you- I said I- I wouldn't be a burden anymore!"

He's crying out loud now, open sorrow and no walls left. Out of all the things you could stick on the not-so amiable man sulking straight from bed to Jojamart to Stardrop Saloon to bed, you probably wouldn't think of "extreme scare of bothering anyone". Yet it's all here in how he collapses silently in the mattress, wake without a sound, keep his head down the whole time he crosses town, tries to merge himself in the fake-nice blue of the shelves at work, then corners himself right between the chimney and the bar on Emily's side, stuck in-between two sources of warmth that can never touch him unless he swings one way or the other. And he doesn't a lot, still keeping to himself strictly. You probably wouldn't think either of how dreamy he gets, hidden in his alcove but seeing everything from there.

When Harvey nerds out about classical, jazz and electro swing music down the bar to me, trying to catch me up on my fuzzy memories of arts history and the implications of breaking codes in the tempo and the leisure of each instruments; of how each note gets a specific response from the brain if done right, and can make up for caffeine deprivation in miraculous ways, when there are no more chances to push back the dread of midterms season at doctor school.

When Elliott, boisterous and drunk, arm-on-arm with an equally inebriated Leah, calls out to the whole place to hear out his latest soliloquy, and drags on the words too much, but with a voice that carries it well, all flamboyance and no limits, as his hair floats around him in a crown and he reigns over the room like a kind lion- Description all intoxicated words from your chicken man truly, not mine. I always get too caught up in the pendulum of Leah's braid and her crooked smile to quite appreciate his theatrics. But the recital rings clear, and everyone applauds the performance- because hey, you applaud a drunk guy showing off the prowess of not tripping a single word in a ten minutes tirade, but also because it really is that good! Everyone, even Shane, whose hands zipped to under his armpits the moment our eyes crossed and I met his pink cheeks with a clairvoyant smile.

Hey, what can I say. Dude's a sapiosexual. Hence why we'll never and cannot bang. That, and, uh, the being lesbian thing.

But all this is closed off and not for anyone to see behind see-through fogged windows, like those kitchen cabinets, when you can make out the piled plates all resting against the cold surface precariously, bound to crash and shatter the moment you open them.

It took a good wrecking ball of a fake-oblivious polite faced stranger and my incessant, hot pepper poppers-powered pestering, to even just crackles the glass.

The rest was all done out of his own volition. He can't see that because alcohol is a depressant, and guzzling it down leads to blurry concepts made softer always and pretty much lush in brain, and when he's off the thing, and that's rare, he instantly goes from not there to thinking he's everywhere, soiling everything and giving nothing.

His sobbing doesn't relent, and he whimpers issues of "trustworthy sack of shit", "not being worth the fucking shrink's money", "not being worth his aunt's troubles", "not being worth Jas". At some point he goes to grapple with his hair, and tugs brusquely once, then twice, then I have to reach for his wrist to make him stop, which he snatches back as soon as I make contact. But he doesn't grab anything to pull or pinch or punch again, so that's good. I stay on standby beside him, but don't touch him. He rasps more condemnations, struggles to breathe enough through the phlegm spreading in his respiratory system, and I start reenacting the steps to stop a hyperventilation in my head, and the first aid for choking, when he begins to cough violently, his entire frame upset with the movement.

He takes the tissue box i nudge with insistence toward him, and ends up spitting mouthfuls of mucus mixed with some bile in the basin under his feet. Most of it is clear and smells of fruits, not beer, so I'm not too worried. When I go to stabilize him by taking his shoulders, he grasps at my wrists to stop me- but let them stay here, while he clings. The tremors get to me now, and I remind myself that this is good, this is before the cliffs and him finding refuge to burst open, not glassily stare at the weeping clouds as he blabbers on the meaninglessness of his life.

This is… very alive.

I ought to be glad.

I let him come down at his rhythm, counting the pulses of his wrists as I feel mine numb with the blood circulation slowed down under his hold.

When he's back with a mind, I count to three, then let go. His arms flop back down, on his lap and hands dangling between his tighs. He blows his nose again.

"I'm so pathetic…"

"Yeah sure, and I'm a serial prom queen."

Instead of jabbing back and forth, we get interrupted by a soft mewling. Both of us turn to the door, that's opened slightly to let in Eryza, the pitter-patter of her paws on the stone flooring the only sound for a moment…

As we both stare in revulsion at her jaw, a single line of vomit dripping of it.

Shane puts his head down in shame, not even having the strenght to hide further.

"Sorry."

"Nah, 's okay. She's already trash, anyway."

Eryza edges closer and rapidly tour around our legs- going back to Shane's feet twice, her whiskers tickling his exposed ankles. Purring loudly, she completely ignore my chastizing as I threaten to make her diet periwinkle-based to counter-act her literal potty mouth, and she scampers to do who-knows-what in the rooms.

"Your vibes are rancid, do you hear me?? Rancid, girl!" I call after her. "I swear to Yoba, Shane, your aunt might as well have brought me a raccoon."

Turning back to him, I can see the short-lived humor of the situation was, well, short-lived. I sigh.

It's late. We're both tired. Tomorrow is sunday. It's cool. We've got time.

I don't sit back down right away. First, I put a hand down on the nape of his neck, that slides to the top of his scalp, right where he'd tug. My quota, remember?

He sniffles some, a few teardrops make their way to the planks, unheard. We stay like this for a moment.

He doesn't shake me off, but in the slow tandem his body takes, rocking lightly from back to forth, I can tell it's enough, for now.

I sit back down on my chair.

I lean on the hand I'd put in his dark purple strands before, smelling cedar wood and pine trees. I don't assume. My farm has plenty of those to stumble through. And even if he went back to the cliff, another time again. I do that too. With my own cliffs back at not-home, but close. There's a sense, in staring down what couldn't take you.

Like visiting a scene crime that you've narrowly escaped from. And pride too. And the thrill of asking- "what if again? What if this time?"- and okay, I can see why it'd be worrying to have him go there a thrice time on his own late in the evening.

But last time was fine, the one before was made fine, and he might need a bitch for a friend right now, but not a watchdog.

His forehead is back against the table.

Three fingers massage my temple. I don't know how much he'll even remember tomorrow, but it's worth the try, always.

"Shane, dude, look at me." He doesn't.

"Dude."

Still doesn't budge. I knock the wood lightly.

"Yo, punk, my eyes are up here." I joke.

He snorts, or maybe he sniffles, and his chin's now resting on the table, peering through the forgotten drinks to watch me. His hands are hidden, probably still clutching his midsection. If I went on a rollercoaster toasted, I'd probably look the exact same.

"I told you before that you literally couldn't be a burden."

He snorts for sure this time, derisive. I knock wood again. "Don't look away from me when I talk, young man. Rude ass punk."

"Bitch." He throws.

"Bitch bastard man." I send back. "Anyways, as I was saying. If I choose you're my dumb of ass to keep around, that's me, that's my decision. You can't burden me if I choose the hard mode package and roll with it. So stop it. I literally told you before, it's not about you not making efforts or burdening people, it's about people who want to deal with you, out of free will."

"Freaky."

"Oh shut up, you dramatic himbo wannabe."

"A what now?"

"Internet slang. Gotta admit you're closer to a dad bod type, but the energy's here, according to many."

He shuffles, self-conscious. "Y'don't need to remind me…"

"Oh hush you, you're perfectly fine. And Elliott would eat his dumb little lobster and pomegranate toasts off that belly if you'd grow out of your own shell and let him."

He sputters unintelligibly, red as a fecking pepper. Good. Flustered is better than self-depreciating.

But now he's pulled on his hood and the strings all the way out, and resumes to chanting me to fuck off, so that might be a good call for a break.

"I'm gonna change and clean up, you need anything? Do you think you'll go back to the ranch, or stay here for the night?" It's happened before, but you can count them on the fingers of one hand.

A long silence follows and I allow myself a quick look in the mirror. Yeah, we're skipping a shower tonight, but the simple hairbrush will not do. I look like a bird's nest that the birds fought in to know who'd keep the children when bird 2 takes off and bird 1 is left to mourn the empty space that'll never fill up the same again and the good times that won't be- wow, trauma lane much, not now, cowpal. First we buckle up our current rodeo. I walk back to the main room, now pajama-clad.

"I've got the beds for the possible kids up there, don't ask me why Robin put so many there, we're two people in a house, and I can lend you a Tee if you want."

He's anxious, chewing his thumb. "Emily won't mind?"

"She's out, sleeping at Haley's tonight. Girls' night and sisters catching up. It's important for her energy flow and karmic balance. Plus, you know she wouldn't mind, she likes you."

That makes him blush more, covering up the alcohol damage enough. I take note, but don't comment. Things for later. They pile up tonight.

"I- I can't go back to the ranch like this."

"You could. Marnie knows better than act as if you're doing this for fun, now. She'd have to understand. But you don't have to." I reassure him when agitated pupils jump up to me. Let's keep that ongoing panic attack at bay. "Either way, I won't mind."

I sit back. Stretch my arms between us. Catch his worrying hands into mine. Give him a squeeze. Tense appendages don't squeeze back, but don't pull back either. That's half a win. He stops torturing the poor things, and unfold with visible effort, like a crumpled up paper flower put on water. His head shakes, and I can't tell if it's conscious, him speaking with himself or trying to shake off a thought, or just a reflex. He visibly forces his shoulders to relax.

"I'm… not bothering you?" Righteous. Seeking vocal positive reinforcement, like a pro.

"Nope." I pop out the 'p'.

"... I think I'll, uh, stay for tonight."

My hands shoot into the air. "Woo! Sleepover, baby!"

I don't catch his hands curling back on themselves, trying to capture that leftover warmth in the late summer night.

--- to be continued.

#panic attack cw #emetophobia cw #alcohol cw #suicide cw #stardew valley shane #stardew valley farmer #sdv shane #sdv farmer #☆writing☆ #1!Dow Farm #Farmer Uidelsib #♧Shane

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: alright? Janis: grand Janis: and you, mate? Jimmy: you know me Jimmy: 👍 Janis: but actually Janis: told you he weren't too bad Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: expected worse Janis: Only acceptable if you basing that off Gracie Janis: if not, piss off 😂 Jimmy: she's the only other one I've met Jimmy: know they can't compare to you, Joanne, don't worry Janis: 💕 Janis: #peakromance Janis: not gonna force you to meet them Janis: I'd have to be there too and fuck that, like Jimmy: don't reckon that gets you out of family dinner with mine though Jimmy: challenge already been accepted ages ago Janis: try to be on time when it happens, like Janis: also not drag you off to you room 'forehand, like Janis: 😇 me Jimmy: good job you're a decent actress then 'cause I need you to do the opposite of everything you just said Janis: and multitasker 💪🥇 Jimmy: kids, dog, hippie bro & dickhead boyfriend being juggle like a pro Jimmy: yeah alright Janis: you know it, babe Janis: get everyone 😍 by the end like the people pleaser I am 😏 Jimmy: I know you're good with your hands Jimmy: so makes sense Jimmy: & you're one down on the 😍 Janis: 😳 boy Jimmy: I said I'm already 😍 stop looking so Janis: That's your fault Janis: trying to give me those shag flashbacks right now Janis: you know what you did Jimmy: If I have to have 'em every time I look at you, take your share, girl Jimmy: that's your fault Jimmy: you did what you did Janis: I know what I did Janis: and I regret nothing Janis: 😈 Jimmy: I regret needing sleep & having to stop Janis: I'm glad I could help you get a good night's though Janis: still got a 2 weeks of holiday, plenty of time Jimmy: still alive Jimmy: was touch & go for a bit though Jimmy: like you said, you know what you're doing Janis: Don't die Janis: be proper 💔 if you leave me with these cunts Janis: by which I mean the town, not current company aka your sibs, not that rude Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: take ghosting you to a new level Janis: honestly Janis: do not need to go that hard Janis: not gonna hunt you down and go all Mia on yo ass Jimmy: & I do need to touch you Jimmy: can't if I'm a ghost, can I? Janis: pretty sure patrick swayze fucked that girl as a ghost in that one film, no Janis: very least was jacking her off Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: movie magic don't count Jimmy: ain't never seen a sex scene worthy with two living characters Jimmy: not on our level Janis: so true Janis: but you're killing me here Jimmy: nowt like the payback you should get Jimmy: but a start Janis: can't do that yet Janis: gotta have a wholesome day out first Janis: 😏 aren't you thrilled Jimmy: can't fit a whole orchestra in this van Jimmy: I'll have to be Janis: Me too Janis: be a laugh Janis: or I ain't getting my callback, I remember Jimmy: if it was just us it'd be something Jimmy: but can't chuck the kids or dog out Jimmy: my dad's pissed off enough at me Janis: You don't know your way 'round yet so bit of a cheek tippin' 'em roadside like make your own way back, lads Janis: did he have a 'chat' with you this morning? Janis: didn't hear I was way out, like Jimmy: yeah 🙄🙄 Jimmy: he's a fan of the low tones anyway, reckons its more intimidating Janis: hmm 👌 Janis: you could already best him and do in everything else too so bit tragic Jimmy: 🎭 weren't passed down from him Jimmy: can't hide that he's basically given up Jimmy: or pretend that we ain't 🥊 before Janis: Wanker Janis: bet he didn't even check if the kids were up and listening or nah Janis: 👍 A+ Jimmy: nowt they ain't heard or seen before Jimmy: Cass has smacked me 'cause she's seen him do it Jimmy: & cause she knows I can't give her one back 🙄 bit rude Janis: That's shit Janis: 'cos how are you stopping that now Jimmy: rather it's me than some dickhead at school or wherever who could smack her back Jimmy: she don't know how to stop when she starts Janis: Yeah, I get that Janis: my Uncle works down community centre and I know they do martial arts shit that doesn't cost a bomb to do Janis: Might help, she'd rate that regardless, yeah? Jimmy: proper anger management's off the table & she'd be more about signing up to that kind of shit anyway Jimmy: tah 👍 Jimmy: could even make some mates maybe Janis: Yeah they'd be on her level like Janis: I'll bring it up if I get the chance, won't seem like your idea then 'cos gotta be anti anything you suggest, obvs Jimmy: You're so Jimmy: I really fucking like you Jimmy: I'd kiss you but I don't know how to stop when I start either Janis: Not gonna enroll you in any classes though Janis: I like losing control with you Jimmy: I've noticed Janis: Should hope so 😏 Jimmy: looking at me like that's a decent reminder too Jimmy: if I did need Janis: I like looking at you too Janis: is this how it is, yeah? Janis: went nearly 16 whole years without and now I can't go a minute without thinking 'bout it Jimmy: it's how it is, me & you Jimmy: throwing my ex under the wheels of this van with how that sounds Jimmy: but she'd agree Janis: #special Jimmy: yeah Janis: I'd believe it Jimmy: you should Jimmy: you are Jimmy: not only 'cause you're weird Janis: you still gonna call me weird when you've met Iggy Janis: Really Jimmy: #only got eyes for you Janis: 😂 nice save Jimmy: he's alright Jimmy: rather serve him than your sister Janis: Agreed, though might ask for some weird ass tea and have you and Pete scratching your heads like Jimmy: gotta support my fellow starving artists Jimmy: even if it pisses me off that he is one for real Jimmy: better than me Janis: Shut up Janis: completely different styles, they ain't comparable Jimmy: you can't make me right now, darling Janis: 😒 don't try me, darling Jimmy: if you gotta try you've already lost, Julie Janis: well guess who's not getting an ice cream now Janis: clue, it ain't Twix Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: I get it, you couldn't handle having to see me eat it Jimmy: I'm hot & know what I'm doing, deal with it, girl Janis: Deal with me Jimmy: put the dog down first Jimmy: didn't sign up to deal with her too Janis: soz babe, I asked him but it's a no go Janis: 🤷 Janis: 🐶💔 Jimmy: seriously come here though Janis: sure? Jimmy: go on Janis: [Sits on the floor between his legs so her head in his knee] Janis: hey Jimmy: [plays with her hair for a bit 'cause safe touching please lads there are children present] Janis: Jim why does that feel so nice what the fuck Jimmy: If I was a dickhead I'd say I'm just that good Janis: Go on then Janis: Just don't stop okay Jimmy: I told you, not good at stopping once I've started Janis: Almost a shame we've not got the long train journey now I could stay like this the whole time Jimmy: we've still got the journey back Janis: True Jimmy: can I take it down or would you be 💔? Jimmy: I'll put every hair back how I found it, not an animal Janis: You like it down, don't you Janis: it'll be a mess but 'course who am I to deny Jimmy: I just like it Jimmy: whatever it's doing Janis: You're cute Janis: Good thing I didn't let Gracie convince me to get it straightened then Jimmy: as long as you didn't throw a strop anytime I came near if you had Jimmy: loads of girls get real mardy about it Janis: White girls acting like that is mad Janis: least she's just tryna stop you leaving with a hank of hers, like, shit's no joke Jimmy: I was trying to get with this girl at a party once, white 'cause yeah it's the north she'd barely let me touch her 'cause she'd spent so long getting dolled up to drink in someone's garden Janis: Surely that's the entire point of parties or have I got that wrong suddenly like what Janis: look but don't touch, babe Jimmy: this is why you're weird & I like you Jimmy: not to become a # of not like other girls or whatever Janis: it's alright the sisterhood of #girlbossessupportinggirlbosses and #queensfixeachotherscrowns have no time or respect for me anyway so may as well go there, fuck you bitches Janis: I'm great you ain't Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: you'll be happy to hear the look but don't touch girl got her heels stuck in the grass Jimmy: turned her ankle right over Janis: 😂 Janis: That genuinely does please me Janis: what a judgmental bitch am I right Jimmy: made me laugh when I found out Jimmy: already left the party by then Janis: 😍 PLEASE Janis: don't be so hot, family present 😏 Jimmy: [kisses her anyway which Cass would be OTT grossed out about just to be a dick lol] Janis: excuse you Janis: here to make friends not enemies rn Jimmy: 'scuse you Jimmy: you know how I feel about that word Janis: okay but you started it Jimmy: where & when? Janis: by being all antisocial and #relatable before I even knew you so there and then, boy Jimmy: I reckon you started it Jimmy: Looking so Jimmy: & tasting so fucking Janis: Baby Janis: You're making this so hard, Jesus Jimmy: You Jimmy: You're making it hard Janis: [Sneaky moving her head into his lap back 'cos well] Jimmy: I told you we should have just stayed in bed Janis: Mmm, well when we're back in there you can remind me why we stay extra hard Jimmy: You know I'm too northern to have that much patience Jimmy: can't your brother make a stop? be oscar worthy & act like the dog needs a piss Janis: You're just gonna tease me and make concentrating even harder, aren't you? Jimmy: as much as I can tease you without saying fuck it & Janis: 😖 Janis: and fuck it Janis: hold on then Jimmy: doing my best Janis: This is entirely your fault Jimmy: alright Jimmy: it can be my fault Janis: I mean Janis: Still blame Twix, you don't need me to come hold your hand if you need a piss, like Jimmy: 💔 for her Janis: Really feel it 😏 Jimmy: sometimes but not right now Jimmy: Just gimme even a few minutes Jimmy: I'll say the word if it makes your mind up Janis: Go on then Jimmy: please just Jimmy: get us out of here for a sec Janis: [Be more obvious lads] Jimmy: I'm not gonna say tah & make it weird Janis: Face 😳 enough as is, babe Jimmy: yeah Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: are you coming back to sit with me or you got what you wanted now & it's a nah? Janis: Charming finding out what you think of me, boy 👌 Jimmy: not an answer is it, though Janis: [Sits with him but brings Twix 'cos she fussy] Jimmy: ['fixes' her hair but like actually 'cause he probably did mess it up soz babe] Janis: Gonna have people thinking exactly what we've been doing Jimmy: don't matter, does it? Janis: Nah Janis: no one knows me here Jimmy: [begrudgingly also strokes twix's head too 'cause squad] Jimmy: how long 'til we get there? Janis: [Smug face] Janis: not long at all but shh Twix couldn't hold it Jimmy: if you saw our kitchen floor of a morning you'd believe it Janis: sexy Janis: weren't even arsed 'bout me like just being a dutiful dog owner okay Jimmy: come on, anyone who knows me would believe THAT Janis: good thing no one 'round here does so we continue to be #goals Jimmy: bit rude Jimmy: I am #goals Janis: I know, it's me that ain't Janis: dragging you down 'fore you had a chance, 'tis rude Jimmy: Piss off Janis: 🤷 not jumping out a moving vehicle, soz Jimmy: [pulls her closer instead 'cause that's what he actually wants] Jimmy: stop Janis: Just saying, like Jimmy: keep saying and I will shut you up, whatever Cass wants to reckon 'bout it Janis: 🤐 Janis: for her sake only Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: lovely you Jimmy: just 'cause I'm not part of the making mates mission Jimmy: that'd probably win Cass over though actually so carry on Janis: Always thinking, mate 😏 Jimmy: hang on I'm friendzoned again 👌 Janis: you were clearly feeling left-out Jimmy: & no room for an orchestra Jimmy: gotta do what you gotta do Janis: Exactly Janis: Knew you'd understand Jimmy: very understanding me Janis: gotta be to put up with me init Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: what's the trouble, Jenna? Janis: What? Jimmy: you're clearly feeling less than 🥇 Jimmy: so go on Jimmy: what Janis: It's nothing Janis: I'm just Janis: trying to get your siblings to not hate me and it's a bit stressful, idk how to do that, I don't do that usually Jimmy: thank fuck for that Jimmy: not that's its stressful Jimmy: but I thought I did something wrong Janis: 'course not, you've been your usual dickhead self, you know I like that Jimmy: don't worry 'bout 'em Jimmy: there's nowt more you can do Jimmy: they were well excited to come today Jimmy: still gotta be Janis: they ain't gotta be my besties I ain't that tryhard bitch but I'm not tryna fuck shit up either like, that's all I want 'em to know Jimmy: Cass' only got a cob on 'cause she reckons now we're going out I'm gonna fuck off Jimmy: like I'll just move myself into your country mansion, rich girl Jimmy: it already pisses her off that I gotta work all the hols & leave her looking after Bobbo Janis: it's fine, they've not done anything to me, not saying that either just you know, again, not something I usually do Janis: makes sense Janis: a lot on you all howeever you work it Janis: welcome to, my Ma'd love it, new kiddos, I'll move in with and awkwardly avoid your Da, it's cool Jimmy: band-aid babies don't fix shit there's a # to get trending Jimmy: if my dad's gonna have twitter might as well make use Jimmy: least he did get the snip after tah for doing that much dad Janis: yikes, and I thought I should feel unloved being the bonus ball Janis: fucking parents, full of great ideas, in theory Jimmy: is gracie older than you? Janis: 🙄 I know, when she's such a #beta bitch in every way Jimmy: I'm so embarrassed for her Jimmy: I thought she was the bonus ball & that was her issue Jimmy: oh girl Janis: She fronts like she was so left out so unsurprising Jimmy: least she ain't first & worst 🏆 for me that Janis: Thank God for all our sakes Janis: easily rival you in dickheadness, would not survive Jimmy: piss off could she Jimmy: I'm #1 Janis: #1 in my heart, babe 😍😂 Jimmy: alright, calm down, Juliet Jimmy: I ain't gonna throw myself in the sea Janis: gutted Janis: no Mr Darcy moment Jimmy: unless Mia shows up with her iced frappe Janis: we're putting nothing past her Janis: knows my location at all times, obvs Jimmy: reckon she's implanted a tracker on you Jimmy: gonna have to thoroughly check later Jimmy: remind me Janis: 🤤 Janis: save me, babe Jimmy: 💪 Janis: how are you so hot when you're such a nerd though 🤔 Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: if you'd known who I am before these hols you'd know that ain't true Jimmy: basically ⬇ all my classes Janis: just in personality, then Janis: nah Janis: you ain't thick Jimmy: again, piss off Jimmy: #notthicknorthern Janis: 😂 Janis: exactly baby, just the accent, everyone like ?? Jimmy: my old school had like one book & a bike shed 👌 Janis: hot Jimmy: you'd have liked it, the boy was called 'how to be fucking cryptic like the paddys' Jimmy: book* Janis: Sounds useful, shoulda read it, mate Jimmy: told you, don't know how Jimmy: just faking it Janis: I'll tutor you Janis: if it gets me out of Physics Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll get you outta physics babe Janis: #hero Jimmy: like I said, not thick, loads of #talents Janis: Like I said, you mean Janis: 'cos I know Jimmy: consult my # Jimmy: it had the words not thick in it Janis: Don't be a smart ass now I wanna talk more about your talents Jimmy: you wanna talk 'cause you ain't seen enough or 'cause I can't give you a demo right now? Janis: 2nd one, obviously Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause obviously one of] Jimmy: that's where you were wrong but it's alright Janis: Jimmy Janis: you're such a good kisser, you know Jimmy: I'd be 💔 if you didn't reckon so 'cause I wanna kiss you again already Janis: [Kisses him back, soz Cass] Jimmy: that don't count 'cause that's you kissing me Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: [really sorry now Cass] Janis: You're pissing her off so much Janis: I'd kill you if you were my Brother Jimmy: don't try & put me off Janis: I've gotta, no more time for a break, like Jimmy: you can't Jimmy: [is just looking at her in the hottest way ever excuse him] Janis: 😳 stop looking at me like that Janis: I can't Jimmy: Cass might wanna kill me but you've got first dibs remember Janis: It's indecent how fucking good you look Janis: like all the things I wanna do to you, just about stopping short of killing, like, fuck me Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: do something Janis: You know I can't stop once I start, you sure? Jimmy: we're almost there Jimmy: it don't matter Janis: You don't wanna be walking around as turned on as I am Janis: [Sits on his lap] See? Jimmy: [has to kiss her to stop whatever sound he was gonna make from coming out 'cause nobody else needs that in their lives] Janis: I'm gonna have to go find a bathroom to touch myself in thinking about you seriously I need to cum before I can function properly you're so Jimmy: but I'm the relatable & antisocial one 👌 Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: if you'd thought about your outfit more I could be touching you right now Jimmy: get it together, girl Jimmy: Jeans Janis: sorry but you did this to me Janis: who knew that's why everyone rates skirts? never mind I was planning for a wholesome day exploring castles and cold beaches excuse you Jimmy: I'm so mad at you Jimmy: goddamn it, Jillian Janis: 😠 Janis: say my actual name dickhead Jimmy: make me, dickhead Janis: fine, Imma go think 'bout someone else, Jimmy who? Jimmy: try it Jimmy: you won't be turned on anymore, problem solved Janis: 😒 Jimmy: [REALLY goes in on kissing her again, sorry everyone] Janis: [Moaning into his mouth with lots of lip biting cos truly Iggy stop the car] Janis: I hate you a bit Jimmy: sounds fake Janis: Maybe but fuck sake why Janis: I ache Jimmy: I can't touch you, it's all I can do Janis: okay but if we get literally five minutes to ourselves you're doing it Janis: I've got blankets for the beach Jimmy: Easy Jimmy: I'll find us loads of time Jimmy: Cass can't wait to get away from me, look Janis: Unsurprised Janis: great first impression I'm making 👌 Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I'm trying but Jimmy: I want you Janis: not like I've tried that hard myself Janis: I'll do better 😇 actually Jimmy: not yet Janis: I told you I need to cum before I can function so yeah Janis: not yet Jimmy: find a way now you're 🥇 Jimmy: I'll do my bit Jimmy: [moves her 'cause he likes doing that and is so helpful] Janis: Now? When wasn't I? Jimmy: but really commit to it Jimmy: we don't have that many clothes on Janis: Oh, I see Janis: You can be quiet, can't you? Jimmy: 🤞 as quiet as you on the bus Janis: I hope so Janis: 9 brothers and sisters you learn how to be quiet with these things, especially when so many of them aren't Jimmy: just tell me how you did it & I'll do the exact same 👌 Janis: You wanna hear about all the times I fucked myself 'til I came and no one even noticed? Jimmy: well now I fucking do Jimmy: should we go up the front or is your brother gonna be more mardy than my sister? Janis: He won't notice and if he did Janis: he ain't gonna care much or be able to do anything Jimmy: You could've told me that before Jimmy: I could've been fucking you this whole time Janis: Well like I said, I had good intentions, boy Jimmy: 'scuse you my intentions are REALLY good right now Janis: Okay okay let's move Jimmy: lasses first Janis: how un-you Janis: if it weren't for the lingo Jimmy: alright, shut up Jimmy: I can barely string a sentence together Jimmy: your fault Janis: Tell me to shut up again when you're inside me, I'm gonna need reminding Jimmy: I'm gonna need to tell myself to keep it together when I am so it's not over as soon as Jimmy: very ungoals Janis: I'm not gonna last either Janis: so close it's stupid Jimmy: I want you so much Janis: least this road is bumpy as shit Janis: fuck into me without anyone knowing Jimmy: I change my mind again from whatever it is last was, that's the hottest thing you've ever said to me Janis: I'll update my list Jimmy: come here first Janis: [casual van aerobics okay lads] Janis: Fuck Jimmy: I know Janis: I can feel your dick throbbing inside me your heart is racing as fast as mine Jimmy: might actually die this time Janis: How does it feel this good we're barely moving but every slight jolt is Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: I never done this before but we have to again Janis: Deal Janis: I love fucking you Jimmy: [gotta make him kiss her really hard for a while 'cause he nearly said it & damn] Janis: God Jimmy what have you done to me Jimmy: likewise Janis Janis: Did you feel what happened when you said my name? Janis: that happens every time Jimmy: I'll say it more Janis: I might die then Jimmy: you & me both Janis: You've gotta bite the inside of your lip and cheeks okay Janis: to be really quiet even when you cum Jimmy: it works? Janis: it might bleed Janis: just don't stop, it'll make it better, trust me Jimmy: I do Janis: I trust you too Jimmy: Janis Jimmy: I Janis: It's okay, I'm going to as well Janis: cum for me Jimmy: [kisses her again 'cause how to even do words] Janis: [After] Janis: Should sleep well tonight Jimmy: are you gonna stay? Janis: I don't have to if it's gonna cause hassle Jimmy: do you want to? Janis: 'Course Jimmy: then fuck him Jimmy: we don't even know if he's coming back himself Jimmy: could have a date Janis: Hard life, ain't it? Jimmy: You know Jimmy: back to work tomorrow Janis: You'll love it, Pete can show you how much he's missed you, like Jimmy: no tan lines to show him but plenty of bruises Jimmy: he'll love that Janis: Defs likes his girls pale anyway Jimmy: except you Jimmy: the exception we all make, like Janis: I mean Janis: exactly Jimmy: I care more 'bout how much you're gonna miss me Jimmy: soz pete Janis: 👦💔 Janis: I'll give you the play by play no doubt Janis: always blowing up my phone 😏 Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 I'll put classic FM on for him while we sling the lattes Jimmy: I can do radio silence if you want, mate Janis: Would not go dow well with your regulars Janis: though they'd be living for your drama Janis: don't Jimmy: what you on 'bout Mia was born to the funeral march, weren't she? Jimmy: bet she fucks to it too Janis: 😂 Jimmy: is that lad just bones now? Anyone heard from him? Janis: I'll ask around Janis: layabout I am Jimmy: call home if you've still got hands boy Jimmy: what am I on 'bout, the tongue'd be the first thing to go Jimmy: poor bastard Jimmy: 💔💔 Janis: pour one out for him Janis: iced americano to go Jimmy: that's a good shout though, do you wanna get a real drink tonight? Jimmy: even if it's just at mine or whatever Janis: Yeah sounds good Janis: I'll stop you from getting hungover if you don't call me a pisshead Jimmy: I'll cook if you don't tell your dad how shit I am Janis: Secret's safe with me Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Be good Janis: find something not shit to watch Janis: horror, of course Jimmy: I reckoned you were telling me to be good then Jimmy: like I was gonna fuck you on the kitchen table if I weren't told Janis: 😂 Janis: I mean how good have you been thus far, not the best track record but Jimmy: If the table was sturdy enough I would Jimmy: flimsy as shit though Jimmy: not trying to kill you like that Janis: Sounding like you got other plans that ain't the ones I know you mean but I'll go with it Janis: don't be poisoning my food when I trust you Jimmy: it might taste that bad Jimmy: but that's #accidental Janis: that's his story and he's sticking to it guv Jimmy: there's a film I wanna show you Jimmy: which sounds like a porno now but Jimmy: 🤞 you'll like it even though it ain't Janis: I look forward to it Janis: you know I'll let you know Jimmy: #northernclassic Jimmy: which is also what they say about Barry's skin flicks Jimmy: but that's another story Janis: 🤢 mate Janis: I cannot pretend to be into Barry, even in his prime Janis: know he's the love of your life but nah Jimmy: I get it, you're all faked out Jimmy: such a slog with me 🎻🎻 Janis: I'm working 'round the clock here, like Jimmy: god bless Janis: gimme a fucking break Jimmy: feck knows I need one 🚬 Janis: You gonna have to wait or go alone or we're looking dead suspect, boy Jimmy: I'll wait Jimmy: #truelove Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Damn Janis: Actually a bit impressed Jimmy: don't know if I'm meant to laugh or be 💔 Janis: Not being a judgy cunt about it Jimmy: #notmymissus Janis: 😒 don't take the piss Jimmy: very un me that Janis: Hmm Jimmy: You look hot when you're trying to pretend you ain't annoyed at me Janis: Who's pretending? We're brawling 🥊 Jimmy: it wasn't a challenge to make it hotter Jimmy: but alright Janis: Stop it Janis: Rude to stare, you know Jimmy: [starts a play fight 'cause he is that dickhead] Janis: Don't feel too bad you lost 😏 Jimmy: that ain't how I feel Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: can't you tell Janis: Yeah Janis: Damn you Jimmy: what did you say, actually a bit impressed? Jimmy: #same Janis: You best not be joking or I'll fuck you up again like 😉 Jimmy: 😍😍😍😍 Janis: Idk what to say when you're actually cute and Janis: shh Jimmy: I don't know what to say when you keep impressing me, my sister & the dog Jimmy: like its nowt Jimmy: get a smile out of Bobby & I'll really die Janis: 💪 Janis: always aiming for 🥇you know me baby Jimmy: go on then Janis: Um gimme time to prepare, can't rush it he'll be terrified Janis: 'specially as he's about to nod off Jimmy: give him a shoulder to put his head on Jimmy: loves a hug our kid Jimmy: 🐶 gonna beat you to it Janis: That's so fucking cute Jimmy: 📷 Janis: See, she loves yas Jimmy: him maybe, what's not to Janis: She says backatcha bitch what's your problem? Janis: Paraphrasing Jimmy: but I'm a nerd 👌 babe Janis: Bit rude Janis: Ignoring Twix like that Jimmy: stop Jimmy: I'm gonna laugh & wake 'em Janis: Blur your shot too #realpriority #tellmeimwrong #youcant Jimmy: you're such a dickhead Janis: Backatcha Janis: From me this time Jimmy: tah for making sure I knew Jimmy: 💕 Janis: lowkey needs to get her own mans Janis: dead sly coming for mine Jimmy: hang on, ain't I the third wheel? Janis: 😶 Oops Jimmy: sort yourself out, Jasmine Jimmy: bit snide & unholy that Janis: shut up Jimmy: look at Cass Jimmy: trying dead hard not to go too Jimmy: #itscatching Janis: 😎 Janis: success Jimmy: you tired? Janis: Little bit Jimmy: I've got a shoulder you can have Janis: Just the shoulder? Janis: 🤔 Janis: I'll take it Jimmy: & owt else Jimmy: depends how tired you are Jimmy: but whatever you want, you know Janis: 😍🤤😴 Janis: Me dreaming on it Jimmy: come here first Jimmy: I can't stretch that far Janis: Short arse 😋 Jimmy: Piss off Janis: Come on babe, you gotta have some tall girl jokes in ya Jimmy: maybe if I weren't thinking 'bout how long your legs are Jimmy: its distracting Janis: Is it? Janis: [Does the Sharon Stone leg cross 'cos nerd] Jimmy: remember when you said you hated me a bit Jimmy: mutual now Janis: Don't be a hater, babe Jimmy: stop Jimmy: or make use of how asleep everyone but your brother is Janis: [Comes over and puts her head on his shoulder to look up at him] Janis: What did you have in mind? Jimmy: [plays with her hair while he's 'thinking'] Janis: It's been a good day, hasn't it Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: even though that should sound fake Janis: No bullshit right now yeah Jimmy: 'course not Janis: Good Janis: I liked it too Jimmy: I like you too much for that shit Janis: We're on the same page Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause they cute] Janis: More please Jimmy: [kisses her harder this time 'cause she said the damn word] Janis: Never stop kissing me Jimmy: I had to, to read that, but alright Janis: Shh I just mean Janis: you know Jimmy: I know Jimmy: same page, yeah? Janis: Yeah Jimmy: But it is your turn Jimmy: not to be a dickhead Janis: My turn to what? Jimmy: kiss me Janis: Oh good Janis: Easy Janis: [Does] Jimmy: [again is too highkey about whenever she kisses him like calm down boy don't wake everyone up] Janis: I love how much you want me Jimmy: It's like I forget how good you are Jimmy: & then remember every time Janis: Not even gonna fake mad at you forgetting because that's the best way to describe it Jimmy: You're just Jimmy: how do you fucking do that? Janis: You're Janis: I don't know, I just wanna make you feel better than you ever have Jimmy: Challenge accepted & blown out the water, girl Jimmy: 🥇🥇🥇🥇 Jimmy: giving you a whole row Janis: 💕 Janis: Up for beating my own record though Janis: every time Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: give it a shot Janis: question is do we risk them waking up or my brother up front Janis: probably doesn't want to ignore me getting fucked twice in a day Jimmy: give him a break Jimmy: they sleep like the dead when they finally do Janis: Yeah? Janis: Let's put that theory to the test Jimmy: ready when you are Janis: Well I was gonna see just how ready you were my own way but if you're sure Jimmy: who am I to refuse you when #inspo strikes Jimmy: do it Janis: Been thinking about this ever since ice cream Jimmy: shit Janis: You taste better Jimmy: You're so much better than me at this silence thing Janis: [Comes up to kiss him to shh] Janis: Be good Jimmy: I'm trying Jimmy: but you're just Janis: Better? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: alright Janis: Glad I got that in writing babe Jimmy: I don't care just don't stop Janis: Won't, this is too much fun Jimmy: It's Janis: I can feel how much you like it, you don't have to tell me Janis: the way you push your hips forward to get deeper, turning me on so much Jimmy: please tell me you've done this before Janis: No Jimmy: fuck Jimmy: I have to leave the country Jimmy: just not now Janis: Don't even think of moving unless it's further into my throat Janis: I told you, I just wanna make you fell good Jimmy: I really wanna hate you at this exact moment Jimmy: but I don't Janis: Why bother Janis: when it feels this good Jimmy: Janis Janis: Oh God Janis: Yes Jimmy? Jimmy: I don't know I just wanted to Janis: Don't worry I am so unbelievably wet for you Jimmy: I wanna taste you too Jimmy: after Janis: After you've cum in my mouth? Jimmy: & when reckon you couldn't be more turned on Janis: Actually going to kill me Janis: Actually don't care Jimmy: me either Jimmy: you can have that first of mine, it's only fair Jimmy: never made a girl cum with just my tongue before Janis: Really? Jimmy: my ex weren't into it Janis: but it feels so Janis: fuck Janis: and if you wanna do it like damn Jimmy: maybe I'm shit at it? feel free to send her your thoughts in a bit Janis: My thoughts will not be cohesive but she's welcome to hear me begging you if she's into that, like Jimmy: mine haven't been all day Jimmy: probably since I met you Janis: What did you think of me when you met me, not personality just looks Jimmy: when I met you or when I first saw you? Janis: You remember when you first saw me Jimmy: #creepyartist Jimmy: sorry Janis: It's nice Janis: I'm just surprised, 'course I remember but there's one of you and however many of us Jimmy: It was a shit lesson & I was doodling Jimmy: which I probably shouldn't tell you turned into you Jimmy: but like Jimmy: weren't gonna draw Mr Lucas was I? Janis: You absolutely should tell me that Jimmy: You wanna see it? Janis: You have it? Jimmy: It's on the page of whatever notes I bothered to do before it Janis: I wanna see it Janis: No wonder everyone fancies you Jimmy: I'll find it when we get back then Jimmy: just don't expect too much Janis: You know I like your doodles Jimmy: but I told you, you're prettier than I can draw you Janis: I don't care, I just like that you did it Jimmy: I'm not gonna date someone who isn't hot even if it's fake Janis: I really didn't think you saw me like that Jimmy: why? Janis: Well you did say you picked me so you wouldn't be tempted Janis: not that I actually expect everyone to fall at my feet but just seemed like an indication, like Jimmy: what was I gonna say? Jimmy: you're really fucking pretty please fake date me Janis: I mean yeah, hindsight Janis: IDK Jimmy: I thought you reckoned I was Jimmy: I don't know Janis: I thought you were like, stupid hot, yeah but then when you didn't take immediate advantage of that, start going out with all the popular girls and hanging with the lads I took more notice Janis: like Janis: I could tell none of that stupid shit mattered to you either but I could hardly come up to you and be like same, like you'd think I was such a dickhead and not in a cute way Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: I'm not approachable Jimmy: outside of the CG where they pay me to be Jimmy: it's deliberate Janis: But exactly, me too, hence I didn't, it's like I could work out how it'd go down 'cos of how I would have been if it was the other way 'round Jimmy: it don't matter now Jimmy: you're here Janis: You can tell me to fuck off at any time Janis: it'll only be a bit shit Jimmy: shut up Janis: Didn't mean to do this, you know Janis: but I'm not mad it happened Jimmy: I know Janis: Sorry Janis: didn't mean to make it weird ignore me Jimmy: It's not weird Jimmy: nowt more than you Janis: 😏 Jimmy: & I wanna know this shit Jimmy: even if it means I have to show you my shit #art Janis: it is not shit Janis: anyway you can always make some more you're proud of 📸 Jimmy: [snaps a pic of her 'cause he's cheeky like that] Janis: A professional would've given me some warning, boy Jimmy: so you can pose? fuck that fake shit, remember Janis: fuck that fake shit Janis: delete it if I look shit though, tah Jimmy: [shows her 'cause he ain't that rude] Jimmy: do you want me to? Janis: You can keep it Janis: just for you Jimmy: alright Jimmy: [snaps a pic of himself too] Jimmy: for you then Janis: Thanks Janis: You're pretty Jimmy: piss off Janis: Take the compliment Jimmy: gimme a better one Janis: I've been LITERALLY sucking your dick and telling you how much I love the taste what's wrong with pretty Jimmy: I don't know Jimmy: just Janis: Okay, it's cool, think of something you do like and I'll call you that instead Jimmy: leave it out Jimmy: You can say what you want Janis: No point if you don't like it Jimmy: don't be in a strop about it Jimmy: that's not Janis: I ain't, seriously Jimmy: just pretend I said nowt Janis: Jimmy, it's fine, I mean it Jimmy: it's not Jimmy: go back Jimmy: like I never said Janis: Okay Jimmy: alright Janis: [Kisses him but gentle] Jimmy: [kisses her back low key too much 'cause he's trying to erase that blip there oh boy] Janis: They really are soundo Jimmy: I told you Janis: Cute when they're sleeping Jimmy: not when you have to sleep with 'em Janis: I shouldn't keep staying over should I Janis: when you think you might get a bed to yourself, like Jimmy: do you wanna stay? Janis: Yeah but Jimmy: but what? Janis: If you need a decent night's kip just say Jimmy: just say if you don't wanna come over Janis: Is that what I said? Nah 'cos that isn't what I want Jimmy: It ain't what I said or want either Janis: Have to check, that's all Jimmy: why? Jimmy: why do you have to? Janis: 'Cos I told you I didn't wanna go Home and I'd hate for you to feel like you gotta have me, I want you to want me Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Jimmy: I want you Janis: Alright Janis: Good Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause gotta prove it now like] Janis: Fuck baby Janis: Are we friends again? 😏 Jimmy: do you kiss your mates like that? Janis: What mates? Jimmy: [starts kissing her neck instead and just moving to where he can 'cause clothes are a thing sadly for them but not sadly for everyone else] Janis: It's like that, huh? Okay Jimmy: I'm just getting out of the friendzone babe Janis: Such a smartarse Janis: Show me what we are I want it Jimmy: where? Janis: [#exposes dem collarbones] Here Jimmy: [don't have to tell him twice okay] Janis: That's going to look so fucking pretty Jimmy: I'll 📷 when it's ready Janis: Why does that get me so Janis: do Jimmy: I'll go all night Jimmy: me and the camera Janis: Jesus Jim Janis: Please fuck me right now I miss having you that close Jimmy: [Can't say no to a please ever so] Janis: How do you know exactly what I like Janis: Seriously Jimmy: how do you know what I like? Janis: Maybe we don't question it Janis: just so glad you do Jimmy: It's just Jimmy: I reckon I know that you'll like it before I even do it Janis: I feel that Janis: like I should be second-guessing everything probably but I'm just Janis: not Jimmy: you shouldn't be second guessing nowt Jimmy: you're Jimmy: you're fucking incredible at all of this Janis: It feels incredible Jimmy: You could probably make me cum without properly touching me Jimmy: 'cause you're just 🥇 you know Janis: Maybe we'll put that to the test later but I like touching you too much right now to stop Jimmy: & I want you to touch me all the time Janis: I just keep thinking how hard it'll be to be in lessons with you now I know all the things we could be doing instead, like Jimmy: we won't go Jimmy: fuck it Janis: Sorry teachers sorry parents 😋 Jimmy: sorry ain't how we'll feel Janis: nope Janis: and we can be as loud as we want because everyone else will have fucked off and it'll just be us all day Jimmy: you can be as loud as you want Jimmy: I always am Janis: It's your house though I can't start screaming casually 😂 Jimmy: like you said, it's my house Jimmy: so yeah you can Janis: 🤤 Janis: okay whatever you say Jimmy: you can show me how loud you wanna be Jimmy: when you don't have to be anything else Janis: that sounds so good Jimmy: 'til I find out you just wanted to be a horny mute this whole time Jimmy: 💔 Janis: shut up Janis: like you don't know all the things I wanna say to you whilst I can still be coherent Jimmy: I like it when you can't Janis: Fuck me harder then, they're not waking and Iggy ain't looking Jimmy: lose control for me Jimmy: really Janis: Don't let me stop okay Jimmy: you won't 'cause I won't Janis: Don'thold bac, I want it so hard Jimmy: Challenge accepted, don't worry Janis: Thank fuck I met you Janis: I wouldn't want to do this with anyone else and I need this Jimmy: I need you Janis: I'm here, I'm all yours Jimmy: [more kissing 'cause boy shut your damn mouth you're testing me] Janis: [is whisper moaning into his ear, holding onto his neck] Jimmy: [doing his best to make her be louder as per] Jimmy: come on Jimmy: I know that isn't how loud you wanna be Janis: What if he hears Jimmy: after everything we did earlier, does that matter? Jimmy: [puts music on from his phone though 'cause considerate] Jimmy: alright? Janis: Not gonna take time to critique your musical tastes 'cos yes, so alright right now Jimmy: piss off it's a tune Janis: 😂 Janis: I'm not really listening, not gonna lie Jimmy: Can't fake 💔 right now Jimmy: you've got my attention Janis: Watch me Janis: Watch me cum all over your cock again and again and listen to every sound that comes with Jimmy was timed out 6 hours ago Jimmy joined the chat 3 hours ago Jimmy: [makes his own fair share of sounds including saying her name 'cause damn] Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 😍 Janis: I have no words left Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: I can't Jimmy: [just doing what he can to get her to talk 'cause living for it] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: Janis Janis: Fucking Janis: I Janis: You're gonna make me say some stupid shit Jimmy: I told you, you can say what you want Janis: You make me feel so good Jimmy: You do to me Janis: Good Janis: That's all I wanna do Jimmy: don't stop then Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: [gotta use my kiss escape hatch again 'cause shhh boy] Janis: Baby Janis: [Takes his phone and turns the music up 'cos] Jimmy: I'm never gonna be able to listen to this song again without you, am I? Janis: Not sorry Jimmy: You're Jimmy: you sound better Janis: It's you Janis: I didn't know boys made noise too Jimmy: Just me & Barry, like Janis: Don't 😂 Janis: Appreciate the efforts to turn me off but Jimmy: [redoubles his efforts to keep her turned on instead] Janis: Oh Jimmy: 💕 Janis: I like you Jimmy: I like you too Janis: Same page yeah Jimmy: for real Janis: [Kisses him 'til they finish] Jimmy: [snuggles her after 'cause he's soft] Jimmy: do you wanna sleep too? Janis: [puts her head in his lap and stretches out] Janis: maybe Janis: are you going to too? Jimmy: [plays with her hair again 'cause fave] Jimmy: maybe Janis: This is nice Janis: let's stay like this for a while Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 😊 Jimmy: [is obviously really sleepy pulling them Cass fighting sleep moves] Janis: [Reaches up, is massaging his neck and shoulders] Janis: Sleep time Jimmy: oh Janis: You're tense baby, let me help you Jimmy: when you put it like that Janis: [Goes harder 'cos course she knows how, Cali kid] Janis: Tell me if it's too much Jimmy: Nah it's Jimmy: Good Janis: Good Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: is there anything you can't do? Janis: Why are you mad, you're benefitting, aren't you? Jimmy: 'cause you're like perfect Jimmy: not part of the deal Janis: don't be stupid Janis: I'm a dickhead yeah Jimmy: You ARE a dickhead Jimmy: gonna be more of one when school starts yeah? Jimmy: star of the classroom Janis: for you, yeah Janis: 😍 so blatant Jimmy: it'll gimme summat to draw so tah Janis: long as you show me Jimmy: [traces the 😍 on her with his finger 'cause nerd] Janis: you've given me goosebumps Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: [snuggles her though 'cause they just cute nerds bye] Janis: Thanks Janis: for today Jimmy: you sorted it Jimmy: it's your shout Janis: Yeah but you lot came Janis: I haven't had a decent day like that in a while, what I'm saying Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: us either Janis: Not to be weird about it Janis: Obvs Jimmy: not you Jimmy: just wouldn't Janis: Cheek 😏 Jimmy: don't sound like me either that Janis: Nah Janis: so normal so #basic Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: [is a yawny boy] Janis: Come on now Janis: Swap places with me Jimmy: alright Janis: [Strokes his hair] Jimmy: that's Janis: Shh Janis: Just enjoy it Jimmy: but we're gonna be back soon, aren't we? Janis: I mean don't think I can carry you, Cass and Bobs in, yeah but Jimmy: just wake me up in time Jimmy: not like when you made us miss our stop Janis: Holding that against me like you didn't love it okay Janis: don't think Igs is gonna drive 'round Dublin all day, it's good Jimmy: shh Jimmy: I'm just enjoying this Janis: [Leans down to kiss him too] Jimmy: I really am Janis: 💕 Janis: Fucking nerd Jimmy: you Jimmy: I'm 😎 Janis: 😏 saw my snap then Jimmy: it was #art babe Jimmy: loved it Janis: Only 'cos I made you look good, bighead Janis: 👀 you Jimmy: keeping up your part of the deal & then some Jimmy: [is clearly falling asleep though] Janis: You know it, babe Jimmy: 👍