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charlottesbookclub · 1 year

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Armitage Hux Headcanons

okay so I'm back at it again with the Hux brainrot. I was hoping to do another little fanfic tonight but I just don't quite have the creative energy for that rn, so instead I decided I'd finally collect all the random Hux headcanons that have been living in my head rent free for years and finally send them out into the world.

General Armitage Hux headcanons below the cut since this got a little long -- oops!

he hates being cold when he sleeps since it reminds him of his childhood. arkanis was cold and rainy, the ships that took them into the unknown regions were cold and sterile. so now that he has his own private chambers, he makes sure to keep a pile of blankets on the bed.

his mother was a baker and was particularly known for her breads. when armitage was little, she would cut slices of warm bread, smother them with butter, then dust sugar and spices like cinnamon, nutmeg, or cloves on top (or whatever the space equivalent of those are). because of this, the smell of bread and/or spices always reminds him of his mother, although aboard first order ships, it's not something he smells often.

he was bullied pretty ruthlessly at the academy. his slight frame, unique hair, and status as a bastard were all mocked and taunted almost constantly. he tried to ignore it most of the time, feigning indifference, but it actually fostered in him a deep-seated mistrust and fear of his peers.

following off that, he struggles to make personal connections with members of his crew. not that the first order really encourages that sort of thing, but friendships and other connections are pretty much bound to happen when you live and work with the same group of people. so he sees that other personnel are closer with each other than others, but whenever he makes an attempt to be more than strictly professional, people always seem put off. this is mostly because he has had so few friends, so he's incredibly awkward and unsure of what to do in a social situation (he's just like me fr fr). it's a vicious cycle.

the visual encyclopedia for tros said that pr*de was friends with both br*ndol and his wife (altho I deny that most of tros happened, just putting that out there. Hux Lives). this is just another reason that he hates pr*de, bc when he came to visit, he would join in with armitage's father and step-mother in belittling him.

he is constantly picking at the skin around his fingernails, often without even realizing he's doing it. this is another reason he prefers to wear gloves at all times when in the sight of others, so no one can see all the tiny little infected cuts on his fingers where he pulled the skin away. this is very much a symptom of his anxiety/paranoia. (also, this one is just completely me projecting lmao)

whenever he's planetside, he struggles to sleep (not that he sleeps very much or very well anyway, but it's even worse when he's planetside). he always assumed it was just the change of environment, which does account for part of it. but actually it's the silence he can't stand. on the finalizer or whatever other ship he might be on, there is the constant whirring and humming of machines. air circulators and the huge engines that keep the whole ship running along with the chatter of droids and the myriad other machines that all contribute to a thick blanket of white noise. the absence of it makes him uneasy, even though he doesn't know that it's the lack of noise that gives him the feeling of being unsettled.

he considers the huge polished war ships of the first order to be his home, but he does think about the sea on arkanis sometimes. fleeting memories will come back to him in dreams, or when he's collapsed in a state of semi-consciousness after overworking himself again. he remembers the crashing waves, the waters that shifted from deep blue to slate grey, the smell of salt on the wind, the screech of seabirds high above, the feeling of the sea spray on his cheeks and the waves lapping at his feet. he dreams of it and, although he will never admit it, he misses the sea.

that's all I have for now! but there are always more lmao. I'd love to hear anyone else's opinions on these or any other headcanons that you might have for our favorite ginger general 🧡

#armitage hux #general hux #hux #armitage hux headcanon #general hux headcanon #hux headcanon #charlotte rambles #tw bullying #tw skin picking

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mbti-notes · 5 years

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Hello! I must say that your blog has helped me A lot in my journey of self-improvement! I have a problem with myself,I need reflections on. I'm an INFJ that has PTSD (lifelong abuse) and borderline. I'm a third culture kid and have been aching for stability for years. And most of the countries I've lived in don't have mental health resources so I have been walking on egg shells and put my mental health on hold. For 2 years I lived in my parents home country while my family still lived in asia-p1

[con’t: After that I realized that I could not make it my country, I couldn’t study what I wanted in university or work because of the language. I came to the conclusion that sooner or later I needed to establish my life somewhere so last year I decided to go to the country where I spent most of my life in (Norway). Because of my PTSD most of my life is repressed, but after living there for almost a year it has been extremely triggering. It was dark, cold and I was completely alone, and it made me fall into depressive thoughts, worsened my Mental health. And because of my poor mental health I had very hard time taking care of myself. I was also struggling economically, and combining this with my childhood triggers it became a nightmare. I was in a waiting list for ages, and when I got help from the psychologist to get help with my ptsd and borderline, she told me that the constant moving have affected me and I need to find stability in a country, she told me to think about itThe problem is that no matter how much I think about it, it doesn’t get better. Instead I find myself very anxious and having panic attacks bc I feel like I need things decided. The thing is that I have realized that planning things inside my head is one thing and reality is completely different. Something else I’ve realized is that I need to have people in my life, it helps me to cope. I have also high expectations from my family to finish my studies but its hard in the mental space I am in]

I’m not sure if there was another message at the end that I didn’t receive since it ended somewhat abruptly, but I get the picture. Yes, third culture kids often suffer from a feeling of having no roots and thus no real home, which of course is made much worse by existing in an abusive home that has never made them feel welcome. Roots are important because they provide stability and a sense of security, it’s something you can rely on and go back to in times of need. Unfortunately, since your parents didn’t help establish roots for you, you are now tasked with doing that for yourself as an adult. INFJs need a “social home” to belong to, a place with people who provide moral and emotional support, and your mental health issues are directly attributable to the fact that you’ve never had that kind of social support in your life. You understand the crux of the problem, which is good.

I’m a little bit dismayed that your psychologist simply asked you to “think about it” because it’s technically their job to help you think through problems by teaching you strategies rather than just send you home to do it yourself - if you could solve the problem yourself, you would have done so already. To be fair, psychologists are human too, and they can get overwhelmed when a new client comes in and immediately unloads a whole boatload of complicated problems that need sorting out.

You say that the more you think about it, the worse it gets. The reason for that is your “thinking” isn’t real thinking, it’s merely rumination, which means that you just go over the problem again and again without getting anywhere and it makes you feel worse for never accomplishing anything (see the article on rumination). Proper thinking is systematic, critical, strategic, goal-oriented, and targeted to solving problems effectively and efficiently. It seems that you lack the skill to think in such a way (Ti loop), so your thinking is unproductive.

You’ve raised a lot of problems in a short description. They all need solving, it’s true, but you have to prioritize them, which you haven’t done. You should make a list of all the major problems in your life that need solving. Then you should order those problems from most urgent to least important. If you can’t solve one problem without first tackling another, then that other problem needs to be moved up the priority list. Then you should tackle them in order, be systematic.

Next: For each problem, you have to 1) identify the exact cause of the problem, then 2) brainstorm possible solutions, then 3) identify which solution is the most effective one, i.e., the one that is feasible and tackles the root cause(s). If you have trouble with identifying the cause of the problem, brainstorming solutions, or judging/deciding which idea is the best solution, then you research and ask for advice from those who are more knowledgeable and experienced than you. When you’re able to clarify your problems, you’ll have a better idea of who to ask, and the people you ask for advice will have a better time helping because they have a better idea of what you need.

According to the description, I’d say your most immediate and urgent problem is finishing your studies, though that’s not the most important problem in the grand scheme of your life. If the main obstacle in finishing your studies is that your mental health suffers from lack of social support, then the first problem you should tackle is the social support. Brainstorm solutions. Maybe you need to see a counselor to process your feelings regularly and keep you on track. Maybe you can join a student support group. Maybe you can join a depression or anxiety support group. Maybe you can call a free mental health hotline or write to a mental health forum to talk out your feelings. Maybe you can join clubs or activities to make friends. If there are people you trust, maybe you can do more to develop those relationships and lean on them a bit more instead of trying to go it alone. You can meet new people by asking friends to introduce you to their other friends.

Tackle the social support problem first since it will help you with everything else. Then your studies should improve. If you have to slow down and take fewer courses because you need more time to care for your mental health, then do it. Once your studies are finished, you’ll be in a better position to make a living. Then you’ll be more free to move around and look for a place to settle down and make your home. There’s no need to overwhelm yourself by thinking about ALL the problems ALL the time. Draw a linear mental map that lays out your strategy for addressing the problems systematically, one by one, then you can focus all your attention on the problem at hand instead of always getting too far ahead of yourself and feeling drowned in anxiety about the future. In other words, when you know your general direction, you can focus on what you need to do today to move in that direction (healthy Ni).

#infj #third culture kids #roots #social skills #critical thinking #critical thinking skills #problem solving skills #ask

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loghainmactir · 5 years

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hewwo! i was wondering if u could pls give me some advice on starting my transition? ive been so scared to start bc of family and costs but ive decided to just. do it. yknow? like if i don't ill probably die lol. u look amazing and rly confident in yourself in all ur selfies and one day i wanna be Like That ✌️❤️

hi! ok, so first of all: yeah, i absolutely can give u advice, and second of all: i remember feeling exactly like you did. it literally wasn’t that long ago, either, it was like. 2013/14/15 (i can’t remember, time is fake, whatever lmao!). third of all: bless u yr so sweet. i still have a lotta issues with confidence (i doubt myself, my talent and what i can do literally hourly), but honestly? i love my body right now. it’s a good, genderless body, goddamnit.

long, long post ahead bc i’m trying to think of things i did and good god please take it with a grain of salt because a lot of this is just me ranting about things i wish I’D done in my own position. i’m also coming from a place where HRT and surgeries AREN’T free, so that’s also A Thing. everyone’s experience is different.

transitioning (particularly medically) really super fuckin varies country by country (and honestly probably even state by state, age by age and fuckin gender by gender because cis people won’t let us fucking BE goddamn): i don’t know where you are, so my only tips there r: find a trans friendly doctor/endo (i was kinda forced to go through a hospital bc That Was How It Was here in good ol’ Australia), and one people wholeheartedly recommend, if you wanna go that route.

my first point is make sure you find safe spaces in every goddamn aspect of your transition. medically, socially, physically. if you think your doctor is refusing you treatment or is discriminating against you, you NEED to ditch that doctor. if your friends and family are really verbally or physically violent against LGBT folks, you NEED to leave that space if you can (or not come out and wait until you can leave. seriously. i’m kinda lucky– my grandma was verbally violent against LGBT folks, and initially my mum was skepitcal, but i convinced them both to go to a group for LGBT+ parents and friends and they slowly turned around). get yourself friends, get yourself allies.

i cannot stress that enough. my first doctor refused to send my referral letter to the royal children’s hospital gender clinic because even tho he presented as a “nice” guy, he believed that because this was “”””out of the blue”””” for me, he figured he’d just Not Send It (and tried to tell me that a lotta kids there didn’t actually helpo, lol). so there i was, a young 15-16 year old alister, waiting like 2-3 months for something that didn’t even get fucking sent.

join trans groups on facebook and in real life. seriously, they’re a godsend; there’s buy-and-sells, advice posts, encouragement posts. ESPECIALLY local ones. most of them on facebook are private, meaning no one can see if you’re posting/in the group, and it’s easy to check if they’re not. these fb pages + local groups are good ways to find trans friendly spaces and doctors. i found my current doctor, who’s actually one of the very few doctors who knows what the fuck he’s on about re: trans people, through a real life trans group. they were like “oh, you should see x”, and even though he’s about 30-40 minutes away from me, he’s brilliant and honestly saved my life.

along those lines: figure out what you want from your transition, and then realize & accept that this may change (and it also may not change!). very early on, i was super insistent that i wanted phalloplasty and to wear packers, and now i couldn’t care less. at first, i identified as agender, and then as a trans guy/ftm, and now i identify as a Black Hole (i’m kidding, don’t @ me). like, a lotta people DON’T change their minds. but i did, some people do, and it shouldn’t be anyone’s business but your own what you want to do with your body

(sidenote: this also goes for detransitioning or stopping medical transition but continuing to socially transition/present differently. literally, it’s fine. it’s your body. fuck anyone who says otherwise.)

again: FUCK ANYONE WHO SAYS OTHERWISE.

your body is literally your body. do NOT let anyone tell you what to do with it or who you are. i had people very early on scream at me (legitimately scream and throw me out of home, thanks grandma), tell me i wasn’t actually trans, and harrass me for this shit: but frankly, if i’d put myself back in the closet, i wouldn’t be alive right now. i would’ve killed myself years ago, and i wish i wasn’t kidding. if it’s safe, you need to stand up for your own body and your rights and put yourself somewhere that will allow you to follow through. you need to keep going and keep living.

my only other two pieces of advice are “patience, baby”– like, for real, every single part of transition takes time. this varies from where you are and who’s supporting you, but it’s generally true. it takes time for people to accept new names and pronouns

(lotta people get furious about this, and i used to be one of those people, but hindsight’s a bitch and you gotta realize that… like, it’s hard for some cis people. you gotta give them a little bit of wiggle room, especially if they’ve never ever met a trans person before. it’s about reminders, reminders, reminders: which is SO hard if you’re not safe/don’t have the confidence. there IS a flip side to this though: if chad and stacey have known your new pronouns for months, now, and they keep “””slipping””” up, they’re not slipping up, honey. they’re doing it on purpose. kick their teeth in i’m kidding please don’t do this you know what i mean.)

it takes time for HRT to kick in. it takes time to gather a Look™ of your own you like, it takes time to build confidence to even tell people, it takes time to save up money for surgeries and it just… takes time. sometimes because it’s a naturally slow process, sometimes because cis people are Cis People and like to gatekeep. i remember being very young in my transition, sitting in the car after one of my appointments with the afformentioned shithead doctor bawling my eyes out because he’d told me i wouldn’t be able to access t for x amount of time and it was bullshit. this year i’ll be 2 years on t. wild, huh? there’s a lot of us and not equal amounts of resources (ESPECIALLY in public systems) depending on where you are, so you gotta be prepared to WAIT.

i’ll tell you what super helped me through those years: hyping myself up for other things! i still have the ticket from my first twenty one pilots show. that show meant SO much to me. i cried all through it, because waiting for that show kept my mind off of the wait for my royal children’s appointments (and even waiting to go up to melbourne bc my mum and i would go and get kebabs was a good thing to focus on!). keep things that aren’t trans related on hand (seriously i struggled with this because dysphoria and shit is fucking hard!! it’s easy to say but really fucking hard to put into practice).

(one day i’m gonna tell tyler and josh just how much they saved my goddamn life. i know they hear it weekly, but i will.)

my other thing is that uh. it won’t solve all your problems especially if you’ve got mental illnesses. this is a really fuckin depressing thing i had to drill into my brain, but it really helped. transitioning solved SO many of my issues. i no longer have back issues (thanks, like, literal kilo titties, lmao), i no longer have sore ribs and i can breathe and wear shirts. i lost so much weight (and am kinda gaining it back, but whatever). i no longer have anxiety about whether people can tell i’m binding– which is WILD because i used to stress the fuck out about it to the point where i never went out anywhere. i used to sit on the bus wondering if the person next to me could tell i had titties. now it literally doesn’t even register.

my issues now stem from PTSD, depression, BPD and ADHD. how do you fix this? you don’t. but what HAS helped is finding a therapist who won’t pressure you into talking about trans shit. lemme tell you: this shit gets exhausting after the fifth time of “oh i googled ‘can you become a boy’ when i was, like, nine” (this is my go to story because this memory is so vivid). of course, there’s gonna be moments where you HAVE to: my therapist recently actively asked me to briefly run through it for my PTSD report. but otherwise we literally haven’t talked about it and that is a GODSEND (because i don’t need it. if you need it, that’s good, too!). having a therapist that you can just wordvomit at wrt anything is literally the best thing and can be super helpful– seriously, there were a few trans-related sessions where i just snarled about the bullshit gatekeeping and the bastard i had to see for my therapist letter (oooh, every time i think abt the fact that it was something like $400-500 for two fucking sessions i get so mad lol), but outta 14 it’s really only like 2-3 of them.

but yeah. that’s it. i dunno, these are things that i’ve learnt and sorta… like to think as helpful for myself. of course, this could be different for you: you’re not me, you’re entirely different, in no doubt an entirely different country, social, financial, mental state. i was FUCKED UP when i first came out. i didn’t know that then, but i do now. i spent a lotta time by myself and that’s not healthy, so i really encourage you to reach out to our community, local and worldly, because oh my god, we’re here for you. we are SO here for you.

#long post #sorry if you need this formatted for ease of reading please shout at me. i really word vomited all over this #my transition #trans #anon #asks #iodk what else to tag this as

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