#LMAO SORRY THAT THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG HAS BECOME BUT

[chryblossomjjk]

...

#first therapy session went well ! #i didn't cry which is v surprising lol #maybe bc we didnt go too in depth about things but #therapist already picking up on things i didn't like #never really thought of myself as an anxious person #depression was more so what stuck out to me #but like therapist was like bestie... u sound more anxious than ur perceiving #like i put that i don't struggle with social anxiety bc generally in a group of people im pretty outgoing #but like my coping skills are isolation lol #and i often turn down invitations bc of my insecurities #and in general just hate being perceived despite wanting it #like i literally havent answered any asks on here in months bc #im afraid of what people think of me #and im scared of interaction #but im also dying for human connection lol :')) #i also avoid men completely bc trauma so yeah #and it all stems from a deep deep belief that i am not worthy of love n wOw im sad but like we can only go up from here right :')) #LMAO SORRY THAT THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG HAS BECOME BUT #idk this is my diary fr #anywho sorry for everything #will most likely delete all these rants bc its embarassing lol but #love you all #and im so sorry for not answering the asks #thank you for reading my fics #your comments mean sm to me truly #love you endlessly

[faevi]

HEAT WAVES. - (gojo smut)

Scenario: The heatwave is unbearable and your landlord threatens you with a bill. You find yourself desperate to make money before losing your home. Good thing, your kind boss Gojo Satoru is here to save you.

Word Count: 20,486 (i'm so sorry LMAO).

Content / Trigger Warning: female reader (she/her). DARK CONTENT (i mean it), manipulation, corruption, bribing, brainwashing, dubcon, sacrilegious, worshipping (a human as a god), dacryphilia, humiliation, fear of becoming homeless, fear in general, degradation, possessiveness, innocence (doesn’t know much about sex asides from what media teaches aka it’s mostly beneficial for the man), loss of virginity, master kink, handjob, blowjob, fucking reader’s mouth, swallowing cum, fingering, cunningulous, unprotected sex, creampie, slapping (on the breasts), pain, bowing to a man, so i guess sorta dehumanising content, sadism/masochism, hickeys, pet-names, satoru really is just.. lowkey nasty & immoral - but he cares in his own way, obsessed gojo, really messy - saliva, cum, etc. he cums twice, huge cock, dirty talk, reader is referred to as a maid —

i think that’s it? please (kindly) let me know if i unintentionally missed something.

Note: Important to warn that there’s mentions of stress about money and losing a home, so desperation to not become homeless etc. If this is a sensitive topic for you, please don’t read! But also remember that this is just fiction and in no shape or form do I agree with such actions in real life. Absolutely not. I would not want anyone to ever be in this position. I wish I don’t have to state the obvious but alas, better to be careful. People enjoy things differently within fiction compared to the real world. Look at people who love horror, for example. Fiction doesn't equal real world, please remember. <3 p.s. not my best writing and i'll always say that. always room for improvement. If you find any mistakes, please ignore!

I also want to give a little thank you to @mochimooon for listening to my idea, helping me out & even inspiring some of my writing/quotes. Please check them out! c:

I hope you enjoy if you’re reading and please let me know if you do! <3

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS, PLEASE DO NOT INTERACT!!!

Fuck, it’s hot.

Obnoxiously so, you think as you hover your face in front of your fan that sits on top of your dresser. It’s small & cheap. Just like most things in your very tiny apartment. You frown in annoyance as the fast-spinning fans begin to stutter. “Don’t you dare.” You threaten the piece of junk before sighing and tugging the third drawer, angling it right so it actually opens. Hands blindly pull out the last set of pants in hopes of wearing them for your shift. You ignore with guilt of the pile of washing sitting in the corner. In your defence— You’ve been too busy worrying about bills and your health than dirty clothes.

Bills. The absolute pain of your existence, minus the current heatwave that has hit the city like a tonne of bricks, surprising everyone. You bring the piece of clothing to your nose, sniffing. “Excellent, sniff test passed.” You joke lightly before holding them to your legs… There’s a big hole directly in the middle of the pant leg. A whine falls naturally from your parted lips, feeling almost disbelief at how things aren’t going your way this morning. One hair grips your hair anxiously, wondering what you could wear to your shift.

It may just be a housekeeping job but, you’re still supposed to look somewhat presentable. The only options you have are tiny shorts. They may be a blessing for this heatwave because it’s not so suffocating but there’s just no way… Is there? You think for a moment, falling down onto your bed and hearing it creak.

The man you housekeep for; Gojo Satoru, is usually at the office building, trusting you enough with a key to come in, clean up and do other duties before greeting him briefly in the evening and leaving. Sometimes you catch him in the morning to wish him a good day and he’s always wearing that handsome grin on his face, crystal blue eyes holding warmth. It always made your day better when you saw him. Satoru is a good boss to have! That’s all. He’s nice enough to understand most situations and pays your wage the proper hourly rate. Surely, he’d understand the misery of working in heat (you just know it’s hot, even when the aircon is blowing) and that shorts are the solution. He won’t be there to see how tiny they are until the very end and it is long forgotten until the next day.

Yeah. You think it may work. You being the professional and polite girl that you are, will still ask him through a message on your phone. You crawl over to snatch your phone up, ignoring how your heart starts to speed up, cheeks all hot. It’s the weather. You breathe in deeply, fingers rapid on the keyboard before you press enter and toss your phone, suddenly feeling flustered.

{ Y/N } good morning, sir! i hate to trouble you before i even arrive, especially since you must be busy getting ready to leave. do you think it’s okay if i change my uniform for today and wear shorts? the heatwave is calling for a change! i promise to still work hard!

It was mere seconds before you heard your phone vibrate, frantically grabbing it to read his response.

{ boss 😇 } mornin’! go for it :) maybe i’ll wear shorts too 😌.

An amused giggle falls from your lips, mind-visioning the sight of the tall male in a pair of shorts at his workplace. It’d be a sight to see. Perhaps a sight you’re actually starting to crave… Shorts to reveal his toned thighs? You frantically shake your head to snap out of the thoughts, almost embarrassed to catch yourself thinking of your boss like that. “Stay professional, Y/N..” You mumble before you finally stand up to get ready, actively trying to think of anything else besides the overdue bills and your charming boss.

--------------

Finally ready to leave for work, you hastily grab your bag and move towards the short hallway. You briefly pause to inspect yourself in the mirror, cheeks feeling hotter than before. The pair of shorts were— Well… /short/. Tightly fitted around mid-thigh, fabric cupping around your ass cheeks and threatening to ride up with every small movement. Your shirt is sadly your typical polo work shirt. It’s a bit baggy so you’re able to move freely but regrettably not long enough to hide your lower half. The first button on the shirt is undone to pitifully attempt to cool off in the heat, only wishing the other two were undone as well.

You sigh softly, pinching the bridge of your nose. Satoru won’t be home as you work around his loft. Maybe if you move fast enough, he won’t even have time to check out your temporary uniform change before you step into the elevator in the meeting. You breathe in deeply, index finger pressing against the mirror. “It’s fine! Just go succeed the—“

There’s a loud knock on the door. Your head snaps towards it before hastily approaching to yank the door open. You have to use force to even open it. You often try to mention that it seems dangerous if there’s a fire hazard. What if you get stuck? You’re face to face with your landlord. An unpleasant old man who just shoves multiple envelopes against your chest.

“Your rent is overdue, here. Also got your other mail for you. If you don’t pay by the end of the week, you’re outta here.”

Your eyes widen, hands clammy as you take hold of the envelopes, your heart drastically sinking. “Wh-What? I just paid—“ You attempt to defend yourself and it only falls on deaf ears as the landlord grins at you. “Don’t care, that’s your problem. Not mine. Seven days, Y/N.” He warns before hoisting up his pants and moving down the hallway, probably eager to torment his next victim. You hastily rip open the envelopes to see the amount of money you owe. It’s not only rent but, other necessities as well. Tears threaten to spill and you bring a hand up to wipe at your eyes.

How are you going to get this large amount of money before the week ends? You’ll be kicked out and have nowhere to go. Living out of your car would be the last resort and the one you’re forced to take. A shaky breath escapes, stuffing the envelopes into your backpack before slamming the door shut behind you. You have to get to work. It’s the only way you get money even… if it’s not going to be enough. Still, your heart feels thankful towards Gojo Satoru for hiring you and you weren’t gonna let him down.

So quietly, mind swirling with disastrous thoughts and eyes stinging; you travel to work.

--------------

You find yourself on the top floor of one of the tallest buildings in the city, keycard swiping against the small machine lodged into the wall and pressing the four-digit code. The door unlocks and smoothly opens as you push it. Nothing like your one. You didn’t bump into Satoru on the ground floor as he usually makes his way out. So naturally you just assume that he’s left for the day. It’s a relief to you. You’re paranoid that your face is all puffy from crying hard in the car; cursing at bills and the heat.

Ugh, the heat. Thank goodness for the gentle cool air blowing through the vents. Did the man in charge of you turn it on for you before he left? You smile softly, dropping your backpack in the usual corner. People often depict Satoru as this overly confident man without a care in the world, often oblivious to how selfish he can be — He may have his moments but, you know how kind he can be. Not to mention hot… You frantically shake your head, hands slapping against your cheeks. “Now’s not the time to be giddy over your dumb crush on your boss. Work.” You mumble under your breath, teeth gnawing on your lower lip.

You open one of the many doors in the long hallway to reveal your cleaning supplies. Satoru allows you to keep it in his home so you don’t have to tug it along for each journey. Yet again, kind. Finally, you get to work and desperately try to ignore how tight the flimsy shorts feel around your ass each time you bend over. You also try to ignore the haunting thoughts of your bills.

It’s going to be a long day…

--------------

Satoru isn’t in the office building today. He decided to stay home, unable to be coaxed out of the penthouse because of the nasty heatwave. That and he’s been ‘inspired’ by a very polite text message about shorts and why the hell would he leave now? The white-haired man glances towards the office door that’s slightly ajar, listening to muffled sounds of you already starting to work. Utterly oblivious to him being home.

Fuck, he finds you so cute. He remembers since the day he met you that he’d hire you instantly. Bowing towards him and looking so innocent as you express eagerness to be his maid— He refuses to call you ‘housekeeper’. It’s far too boring. It’s a pity that society deems it unethical and also impractical to wear pretty maid dresses to work. Now it’s a dumb polo shirt and usually pants. Usually… Not today. His gaze is wide and manic. He’s so eager to see you in a pair of shorts. The white-haired male doesn’t care if they’re just baggy basketball shorts either. Shorts are shorts. Shorter than pants. Skin is showing. Your soft, pretty skin.

Satoru groans quietly, annoyed with his stubbornness to hide for a while before surprising you. He wants to see you now. Long fingers thread through his white hair, crystal blue eyes falling back to his laptop and lips forming a natural pout, typing dramatically slow on the keyboard with one hand. Still, it will be worth it to see you let your guard down before being surprised by his presence. He can already tell that you’d behave so cute that it’s a miracle he won’t bend you over any flat surface and pound into you until you’re a babbling mess. “Safe to say you’re obsessed and want your dick wet with her cute pussy, Satoru..” He mutters beneath his breath, snorting.

Obsessed feels like an understatement. Satoru feels his infatuation for you grow deeply every day. Every single time you bid him farewell and smiled so sweetly, leading him to jerk himself on the couch with your name escaping his lips. He even deliberately goes late to work just to catch you in the morning, swearing you’re the reason for a good day and everything going his way. Nearly everything. He often thinks of just how exactly he could really get you to be his. It’d be scary to a normal person if they could ever read his mind and realise the dark thoughts he has to try and charm you. It’s just so hard when you’re determined to stay professional and keep things to be strictly business. So yeah, maybe he has to stick to his filthy fantasies for now. Satoru always gets what he wants in the end. He just needs to be patient.

The penthouse is big and with a glance at the time, Satoru assumes you’re in the kitchen by now to clean and prepare meals. Perfect time for a coffee. The corners of his lips twitch, biting back a childish grin and lifts himself up from the office chair. He knows he mentioned wearing shorts in the text message but, he decided on the other way around. Tracksuit pants and no shirt. He works hard at the gym daily and so surely, his beautiful toned body would entice you or at least distract you. The elastic band of the tracksuit pants hang low on his hips, revealing the sinister ‘v’ that leads down to somewhere that will hopefully make you look. He’s downright awful for this behaviour. Terribly unprofessional but all he can think of is his cock.

He quietly steps out of the office room, thankful to actually step away from the screen and walks through the hallway and then the large open space that connects the lounge area with the dining and kitchen. Satoru stuffs his hands into the pockets of his grey tracksuit pants before approaching the kitchen and, holy fuck. His eyes instantly focus on the gorgeous sight of you bending over in front of him, wiping your cloth across the cabinet doors. The pair of shorts aren’t like basketball ones at all. Silly of him to think baggy clothing just because your aura is so innocent. It distracted him from the idea of tighter clothing. Just like your booty shorts now, riding up between your perky ass cheeks and squirming to try and feel more comfortable. He’s going to hell for imagining himself yanking the fabric up further until you do that cute little gasp of surprise and look so embarrassed. Satoru just knows, deep in his core, that embarrassment would look good on you.

Still, he needs to behave. Just a little. You’re a sweet person and he needs to keep his sadistic ways away from you. In his defence (he’s often trying to defend himself against his own thoughts), he has ‘loving’ fantasies towards you. He just wants you to himself. Satoru shakes out of it before casually walking over until he’s standing directly next to you, flicking the switch on the kettle. “Morning, Y/N. You don’t need to work so hard, y’know? Give the dust monsters a fighting chance.” He jokes, reaching for his favourite mug; a gift from you. It’s crystal blue and reminds him of how flustered you were when explaining it made you think of his eyes.

You gasp sharply out of surprise at a sudden presence, trying to grab onto the edge of the bench for support but failing to do so and fall directly onto your butt, eyes wide as you look up at the tall male beside you. He’s home!? Heat rises in your cheeks and you scramble to stand up, fingers twisting the cloth. “S-Sir! I didn’t- I didn’t know you were home. I’m so- Sorry. I should have greeted you…” You trail off quietly, shy gaze lingering on his toned upper body. He’s shirtless. Oh god, he’s shirtless. It’s not shorts that he decided to wear for the heat. It’s less clothing.

The corners of his lips curl up to form an amused smirk, eating up every bit of your reaction. It’s just what he wanted. Luck really is on his side every second of the day. He especially enjoys the lingering gaze of yours on his body. Being shirtless was the right call. He feigns innocence as he spoons the coffee ground into his mug, smiling gently in your direction. “Don’t apologise. It’s on me for being a hermit in my office. It’s too hot to go to work. I’d say it was a good call on those shorts.” Satoru says, voice low and smooth. His eyes shift down to look at your shorts once more. The front view is even better. You laugh shyly, thighs pressing together in a pathetic attempt to try and hide. It does nothing but fuel his secret desires further. You turn away to start wiping another flat surface, hand trembling. You need to stay professional and stop looking at his eight-pack. It was a nice distraction from your thoughts of bills at least. Satoru’s presence alone is always enough to do that.

The white-haired male forces his eyes towards your face this time, blindly pouring boiling water into his mug before slowly setting the kettle down. You’ve been crying. He can tell by how puffy it is around your eyes and how your free hand tries to rub any evidence away. Oh no… No, no, no. He doesn’t like you upset. Satoru stays quiet, lips pressing firmly together as he stirs the coffee. Who does he need to hurt, he wonders. Is it a boy? God, if it is… His knuckles are going to be all bloody and bruised. Fuck. He’s jumping to conclusions again. He clears his throat, body turning to face yours. “Y/N, are you okay? If you’re feeling unwell, you can take time off... You know that, right? You’ll still be paid.” Satoru expresses with warmth to his tone, taking a sip of the bitter coffee.

Your head whips right around, eyes wide and hands coming up to shake frantically. “No! No, I need to work. Please. I’m honestly okay. I love working for you. You’re always so kind and thoughtful. Please, don’t think anything. Let me keep working. I’m okay, see?” You express earnestly, lips curling to form a wide grin. It prompts a soft smile to grace his features, stepping closer until there’s only a tiny gap between you. You could practically feel the warmth radiating off of his bare skin. His free hand tenderly cups your chin, thumb rubbing over the soft skin. Oh. He’s touching you for the first time. Why does it feel so good? You shyly shift your gaze upwards, looking up at him from beneath your long lashes.

Satoru curses internally when he feels his cock twitch from witnessing such a sweet look from you. He knows that he shouldn’t touch you. It’s breaking boundaries but, he really couldn’t resist. Not when you’re clearly haunted with thoughts and pretending to be okay. He cares for you. In so many ways. “Alright, keep working. Just know that if you ever need something, your master is here for you. I’ll take care of you.” He says rather boldly before pulling his hand away. “I’m going back to work. My door is open.” Satoru reminds, leaving you speechless as he returns to his office, sipping on his coffee.

Master…

Satoru really just called himself that. A hand presses against your chest, feeling your heart race. That’s the first time you’ve ever heard such a title in person and yet, it sounds so much prettier than ‘boss’. He even said he’d take care of you. You twist the cloth in your grip, trying to force down the giddiness you start to feel. You’re so thankful to have someone so kind in charge of you. Still, he’s not paying you to stand around! You need to repay him for his kindness. With a swirl of Satoru’s words and thoughts of your overdue bills in mind, you push yourself to work.

The tall male slumps against the inner wall of his office, crystal blue eyes staring blankly ahead and a sigh escaping from his lips. That was a dangerous game to play and yet, Satoru couldn’t resist the chance of putting ideas into your head. You may be so innocent but, he’s determined that his words would have done something to you. However, he wonders what does trouble you. Even he would put a pause on his selfish ways to help you if life calls for it. He walks over to his chair, setting his mug down before slumping into his chair, long legs spreading out. He stares at the mug, mind already starting to be pumped full of images in tight little shorts and his large hand mindlessly palming himself. You look so cute today and he just wants you so badly… What he really needs to do is pay attention—

Satoru snaps out of his thoughts once more, grumbling before resuming work, hoping that you’ll visit him throughout the day.

--------------

You’re stupid for thinking that you could go through the day without your stress levels rising. It’s the middle of the day now, most rooms clean and what you should be doing is making lunch for the older male. The one who is so sweet to you and yet, you’re standing in the middle of the lounge room, tears spilling down your cheeks and hands trembling as they frantically try to wipe them away. You’re supposed to be strong and resilient; think you could get through anything the world throws at you. Yet, you’re going to be homeless by the end of the week and living in your tiny car. You barely have money in your bank account to cover even a phone bill let alone rent.

You sniffle quietly, chest feeling tight as you glance towards the scattered letters at your feet. Life is far too cruel to you. Especially when you work for someone so wonderful. Satoru pays you well and yet, it’s not enough for your stupid landlord. Satoru… You look towards the hallway, eyes focused on the open door to his office. He did say he’ll take care of you, right? Will he help find a solution to your hot mess? Will he even comfort you? Oh, how you crave to just be surrounded by his warmth. You breathe in deeply, ignoring how shaky you sound when you exhale and slowly begin to approach Satoru’s office until you’re standing outside and looking into his world.

He’s working hard, fingers rapid on the keyboard but they stop instantly and his crystal blue eyes look up towards you, lips curling. He’s always able to sense your presence. “Y/N, finally visiting me? I was counting down the time.” He half-jokes, standing up from his chair. Satoru instantly notices your misery and how it’s written all over your face. “What’s wrong?” He asks, brows knitting together to form a frown of concern and quickly walks around the desk to approach you. Instantly, you stumble forward until you’re pressing into him, hands clenched together as if you were about to pray to him. “Please— Please, give me extra sh-shifts. I need to— I need to work more. I have bills to pay.” You hiccup between the words that frantically spill from your lips, tears gliding down your cheeks.

Satoru finds his heart racing, conflicted with himself from finding the sight of you begging to be heavenly. His large hands rest gently on your shoulders, giving a squeeze before stroking along your bare arms. “Extra shifts? What, you already work nearly every day, Y/N. That’s not healthy... Bills?” He asks, hoping for more of an explanation. Why is his heart racing with hope from the sight of your despair? He’s a sick individual. Your weight is leaning on him entirely now and Satoru wraps his arms around your trembling figure to provide you with the comfort you were craving. Your tears smearing against his bare chest.

You could barely focus on how being embraced by your superior has always been a secret dream of yours; feeling too much distress and fear of what’s to happen to you. You sob loudly and Satoru is thankful you’re not looking up at him to see the complete bliss written across his face. You’re relying on him. Not someone else. It’s him that you’re clinging onto and begging for help. He should feel guilty for being so happy in this moment. Your nails dig into his bare skin as you cling, your voice muffled against his chest. “Please... Just give me more shifts… If— If I don’t pay my bills by the end of the week, I’ll be homeless! I’ll have to... I’ll have to live in my car and I just need to pay these bills. I have nowhere to go!”

Satoru isn’t going to hell. That’s not what it feels like now. No. This must be heaven. Everything just keeps landing in front of him on a silver platter and he’s more than ready to devour. You’re desperate and in need of money for petty bills and he has more than enough to buy that shitty apartment complex ten times over if he really wanted to. He swears he’s not evil. He cares for you. It’s just that he’s selfish and perhaps a little sadistic. Well, he tries to convince himself of that. It’s going to be a pleasure to finally corrupt you to the core and have you tangled around his long fingers. The plan just instantly appears in his head like a lightbulb flicking on, listening to your sweet cries.

“Oh, sweetheart. That’s awful. How could your landlord be so mean to you?” Satoru says so softly, strong arms wrapping around your smaller frame and he hugs you tightly, not allowing you to see the brief sinister smirk that lingers on his lips and the way his eyes darken with joy for what he’s going to do next. You continue to whimper out your pleas against his broad shoulder. Your boss— No… Master sounds so much more comforting. Your Master is so kind to you. You could feel his warmth soak into your trembling body. The summer heat couldn’t even make this unpleasant.

“I... I don’t know… I already paid rent and he just hits me with more bills. Sir, I have nowhere else to go! I really need the money! Please, I’ll do anything you say if you can just give me more shifts or something? I— I’ll fix things, or try to! I’ll go deliver things? Please—“ You feel his hands gently prying you off of his body, eyes meeting. He’s looking at you with so much kindness. How could anyone ever think that this man is selfish and cruel? The white-haired male cups your cheeks, thumbs wiping away the tears as he gently shushes you, coaxing you to slowly calm down from crying. Tiny hiccups escape and snot threatens to drip. Still, you don’t think anything could stop your tears besides a wad of cash.

You’ll do anything for him. It’s like music to his ears; aside from your pretty crying. “I don’t know, Y/N... You already do so much, I can’t really think of anything..” He sighs, watching the way your eyes widen with horror at the thought of not being able to make enough in time. Fuck, his cock is throbbing so hard. He’s awful for doubling the fear you feel. His hands take hold of yours to give a squeeze and pull you into a tight embrace again, a hand resting against the back of your head. It feels so nice, the way his hand strokes your hair. “I can’t give you extra shifts, but I’d love to help you out. I can give you the money to help you not lose your home..”

Your heart sparks with hope! Satoru is so caring towards you. You look towards him, fingers curling into fists that rest against his toned chest. Cute, he thinks. His eyes light up, lips curling to form a smile.

“Except, you’ll have to do something for me in return. You said you’ll do anything, right? It’s nothing too difficult, love.” Satoru purrs, head mimicking your own head tilting, finger tapping against your chin. “I’ll help you with rent if you let me have you.” He proposes, trying not to laugh with endearment from your look of confusion. You pull back a little, though hands refusing to leave his warm torso.

“Have me? You already do, sir. I work for you. What do you mean..” You trail off, heart starting to speed up anxiously, though laced with excitement. You couldn’t understand why. The white-haired male chuckles, pushing hair out of your face and forcing you to look up at him with a grip on your chin.

“I mean, I’ll take care of all those troubling and nasty bills if you let me have your body, Y/N. It’s that easy. You’ll feel so good, too. There’s nothing else you could do for me because you already take such good care of me.” Satoru says, hand tenderly stroking your arm.

You look at him in wild confusion, merely because you didn’t ever expect this to be the answer. He wants your body. Satoru laughs a little, thinking you’re cute for the thousandth time. Dumb little brain needs to be taken care of, too. “Sex, Y/N. Making love.” He emphasises the last term. It’s deliberate as he thinks it’d entice your sweet heart more than the blunt term ‘fucking’. Everything he says, every touch he gives; all have a motive.

Embarrassment washes over you and your hand grips helplessly onto his muscular bicep. “I know what you meant! I just—“ You pause, mind thinking it over. Satoru, the man who has hired you, will give you money to take care of bills and in return, you sleep with him. Your mind is a hot mess, thinking so many things and especially why on earth would someone so gorgeous and with a heart of gold; want you. Your mind travels to a memory. One of when you were in university before you dropped out because of not being able to afford it. A professor got fired and a student was expelled because she had sex with him for good grades in return. Such situations are viewed down upon.

Satoru isn’t worried. He just watches you with patience (though his cock certainly wasn’t feeling that) and his long fingers lightly play with yours. He knows you’ll give in because he’ll lead you to that path. Besides, he knows you’re attracted to him to some degree. That’s been obvious since day one. He pulls away to walk towards a cabinet as you begin to speak.

“Sir, I-I’m flattered that you want to help me and… that this is the only way but, isn’t it against, you know, rules?”

Satoru laughs lightheartedly at your words, prompting you to feel hot in the face again. He reveals a safe, typing in the passcode swiftly before opening it up. Again, every action of his is intentional. Especially when the insides are exposed to you. Stacks and stacks of cash. One tiny stack alone could pay rent for a year. He tilts his head, noticing your shocked expression at the sight of the small percentage of his riches.

“I make the rules, Y/N. Do you really think I’d let you get in trouble and suggest this? I care about you.”

You feel your heart flutter gently from those words. He cares, you know he does. Always so friendly to you and goes out of his way. This really must be the only option he has left if he wants to help you. You sniffle quietly, a hand rubbing at your eyes that feel so puffy and tired. How’d he even think of choosing your body after seeing you cry is a miracle. Still, you don’t know if you should do this. Especially since you’ve never had sex before. You better speak your truth before it’s too late. “Sir, I don’t think I can…”

Satoru sighs out dramatically, hand moving to close the safe, his broad back facing you. You’re not able to see the sinister smirk he’s displaying as he speaks. “Then I don’t know what to do, Y/N. Sweetheart, you might actually end up on the stree—“

“No, I just mean I’m a virgin! I want to take up this huge favour that you’re willing to do for me but I’m a virgin, I haven’t done anything let alone be kissed. You deserve someone experienced, I can’t give you what you need.” You begin to choke up as tears begin to spill down your cheeks when you realise that nothing can be done. You feel utterly hopeless and even useless. Your boss— Master, is stretching out his hand to save you, only asking for your body in return and you can’t because why would he want someone so stupidly inexperienced?

The white-haired tilts his head upwards after hearing the wonderful news. A virgin. Untouched. Innocent. You haven’t been touched by anyone and could be all his to corrupt. He can be the one to twist and shape you into someone that revolves around him. You could even become the one to worship him like a God who saved you from your pitiful life. It feels even more special because of the simple fact that it is you. The one he’s been craving hungrily for since day one. The one he really wanted to have fall for him and rely heavily on him. That you’d only ever look his way because how could some other person, man or woman; ever conquer when it’s him who’s taking all of your firsts and having you tangled in his web. He will become your one and only to worship and cherish.

You definitely wouldn’t want someone else when he’s manipulated you into agreeing and finally having your eyes open to pleasure. Pleasure only he can give. Satoru feels that confident in himself and his shoulders nearly shake from silent laughter. He already feels like he’s won. Satoru breathes in deeply before he turns around to face you, eyes now showing concern for you. He frowns, pretending to not be giddy at the sight of your tears and walks back over to you. The safe is opened slightly to still reveal the contents.

“I accept you for who you are, Y/N. It might be off-putting to other men that you’ve never had sex or as I like to say, make love but, it isn’t to me. It just makes you even more special in my eyes.” Satoru says, hand tenderly stroking your cheek and gently wiping the tears away. Fuck, how he’d love to lick them off your cute face instead. You frown a little at first at his words, an unpleasant twist in your stomach that prompts your hands to reach out for him. For comfort. He’s right. Other men would look at you unpleasantly for being so inexperienced…

Satoru thinks you’re special, though. It coaxes butterflies to appear in your stomach, reminding you how they often seem to come alive whenever Satoru is around. You smile shyly, cheeks stained with tears and you tilt into his hand, thinking of his proposal. He’ll help you with your bills if you just give your body to him. He doesn’t care about your virginity and is still willing to. You bite down on your lip, leaning in close and a fleeting glance at the safe full of money. You care for Satoru and deeply respect him. Still… Is this right?

He notices it and bites back a chuckle. You’re clearly desperate to not lose a roof over your head. In all honesty, Satoru wants to beat your landowner up. Violently. It angers him that you’ve been put in a position and feel complete despair. He hates when others are cruel to you but, he’ll still selfishly take the chance to take you for himself. Nothing could put a stop to that. Not even a gun to his head. It’s safe to say that Satoru knows that he lacks morals. Does he care how unethical it is to coax his personal maid into sex? Fuck no. His dick definitely agrees with his plan, too. He continues to gaze down at you, stroking your cheek. You just need a little push and he knows you’ll fall over the edge and desperately reach for him. He’ll bless you with his hand reaching out to hold you before you could fall into darkness.

“Let’s make love, Y/N. I’ll pay your rent just as I promise. Besides, don’t you want to give up your virginity to someone who truly cares about you or would you rather give it to some man at the bar, just wanting to get his dick wet? I’ll make you feel good. Let me take care of you. Let me save you.” His voice is quiet and low as he bends down to whisper against your ear, warm breath fanning against it. Checkmate, he thinks as his eyes never leave his prize.

This is your virginity. You only get one shot. Body, heart & soul already yearn for the older male, yelling at you that there’s no one else you could find that would do better than Satoru. They agree with their Master’s words and now your mind is starting to agree too. No one else could do it. Satoru wants to make love with you and help you ease your troubles. No one would ever do that. Just your master. This tall, white-haired man has always been so selfless. So kind and loving towards you. You won’t have to worry anymore. It just makes sense to agree.

Shyly, your arms wrap around his neck and you have to lean up on your toes. Has he always been so tall? He towers above you, physique looking so beautifully carved like it’s a Greek statue of a God. You feel so hot despite the cool air blowing from the aircon, looking up at him. Satoru’s hands are cautious on your hips, thumbs dipped beneath the shirt to rub comforting circles against your soft skin. He really is willing to save you. “I want to, Sir. If I give myself, you’ll help me with my bills and take care of me for my first time... It makes sense. I want it all with you.” You express through a whisper, ignoring how your heart races so excitedly for sins that are about to be committed. You always had an innocent crush on your boss and now he’s doing all of this. For you.

An almost manic grin appears from hearing you finally agree, bending slightly to press a kiss to your jawline, breathing in deeply. Satoru could smell your sweet perfume mixed with your sweat. Fucking perfect. He’s finally getting what he’s always wanted. Thank fuck for the overdue bills. “Your Master will take good care of you in return, baby. Don’t worry your pretty little head about those bills anymore. Just let go and succumb to me.” Satoru purrs, coaxing you into feeling a mixture of giddiness and embarrassment as you nod with eagerness.

“Don’t think the office is the right place for this.” Satoru thinks aloud before easily hoisting you up into his hold. He guides your legs around his waist, hands cupping just beneath your perky butt and briefly, he thanks the heatwave for prompting you to wear shorts. “Sir? Where will we go?” You ask, too flustered to use logic at the given time.

“Mm, call me Master from now on. It’s cuter from your lips. Is there nothing in that small brain of yours, baby?” He teases, walking down the hallway. Your cheeks flush from the humiliation of his words, trying to hide your face. He looks up above, mouthing ‘thank you’ — To himself. All his hard work has paid off. “Where does sex usually happen, do you not know?” He mocks, cock straining against his tracksuit pants.

You whine, frantically pulling away to look at him. “I know where sex happens! I just had… a dumb moment.” You huff, helping with pushing the door open to his master bedroom as he nudges it with his foot. He coos, endeared by your brief feistiness and kisses your temple. “Of course you do, Y/N. Only a dumb baby sometimes.” Satoru chuckles and you feel your heart flutter from hearing one of your favourite sounds. It relaxes you. Only a little, which is only natural for something big that’s about to happen in your life. Satoru gently sets you down on the polished wooden floor and walks slowly over to the bed, pretending to inspect it. There’s a circular rug beneath the king-size bedroom. He may have been prompted in the shop by how you praised the fuzziness of it and that he wouldn’t want you hurting your knees when he finally gets you between his legs. Ha. He really is a winner. Never the loser kind.

He stands there before the bed. He sighs deeply and turns towards you. Satoru has to ignore how his heart aches from the cute sight of you nervously fidgeting. “You know, Y/N... I’m really helping you here. You’re always so polite to me but, I was wondering if you could show me how deeply thankful you are for me, your master. Will you?” He asks, voice laced with sweetness. You’re oblivious to the fact that he’s testing your obedience, curious if you really would do anything. Including something some would say is humiliating.

It’s not humiliating at all to you and instead, it makes perfect sense to you. He’s gone out of his way a few years ago to hire you and now he’s going even further. Quickly, you drop down to your knees and your face scrunches slightly from the impact. You’re not close enough for the fuzzy carpet. Even though you feel so flustered, you lower your upper body until your nose presses against the wood and your hands overlap just before you. You’re bowing as deeply as you can, tears of relief threatening to spill. “Th-Thank you, Master. This means the world to me. I’ll thank you over and over.” You whisper breathlessly. You could feel your shorts rising from the movement, perky ass cheeks on display as you bow towards him.

Satoru is more thankful for his phone in his pocket, slyly pulling it out to hold it up and snapping a photo of the glorious sight of you bowing before him, thanking him for how his thick cock will stretch out your virgin pussy— Well, he knows the gratitude is beyond that. He’s grinning a little, still in almost disbelief that everything is going his way. He may be confident in his abilities but, there was always that chance of everything falling apart and you leaving. His heart aches at the thought of that. He’d do anything and everything to make you stay. Even force if he had to. He clears his throat, grin lessening to a soft smile. “You’re okay with me taking a photo, right? Sweet girl, you look so cute when you’re bowing to me.” Frankly, he’d still keep the photo but it’s nice to get your consent either way.

You whine quietly at his words, peeking up at him and noticing him setting his phone aside. “Master can do anything he wants..” You mumble shyly, face feeling hot once more. Is your heart going to leap out of your chest? That’s what it feels like. Satoru walks over until his bare feet are in front of your eyes. You lift yourself up a little to look up towards his gorgeous face as he towers above you. Your saviour. “Y/N, are you happy to give me your first of firsts?” His voice is low and deep, yet so silky smooth that you find yourself nodding eagerly. Truth be told, you always dreamt of giving him your first kiss. You have been crushing on him hard and just stubbornly tried to stay professional.

“I want Master to have it! I want him to show me what it’s like, I want…” You trail off, longing gaze falling to his soft-looking lips. “To taste my Master.” You finally confess and Satoru couldn’t stop himself from smirking, pleased with your response. You’re still in disbelief at everything that is going on. Still nervous about the bills— It’s hard to take your mind off of them. Satoru will help with that. You watch as he stands up and your lips part in silent awe. From this angle, he really does appear like a God saving you. His crystal blue eyes focus on you as he begins to step away, his heart leaping when you desperately reach out for him. “Come on, baby girl. Crawl. You’ll reach the bed soon or, is it me that you’re wanting to reach?” He teases lightly, prompting you to huff and start to crawl on all fours in his direction, ignoring the annoyance of your booty shorts riding up between your ass cheeks. It’s definitely him that you want to reach.

Satoru settles on the edge of the king-size bed, eyes refusing to blink as he watches you crawl over to him like his very own personal pet. It’s a sight he wants burned into his mind to remember for eternity. He could still sense your shyness and while others may have told you to get over all of this; the shyness only fuels his desires further to corrupt you and shape you into his. He bends down once you reach him, arms beneath your underarms and hoists you up with ease onto his lap, directly onto his crotch. He shifts to hug around your waist, pulling against him and you can’t stop yourself from feeling flustered or how your heart seems to race even faster. It’s to be expected, right? Everything is new and it’s all involving the man in charge of you.

“You’re cute when you’re nervous but, trust me. You trust me, right? I would never let anyone hurt you, not even myself. I’m just here to take care of you. Save you.” Satoru whispers, leaning in as his lips hover over yours, not kissing you just yet. A shaky breath escapes, your hands gently gripping onto his broad shoulders for support. He’s saving you. Won’t let any harm come your way. No more mean bills to make you cry. “I trust you..” You respond softly and soon feel his lips pressing against yours. One of his large hands comes up to cup the back of your head to keep you in place, fingers threading through your hair to grip as he moves his tiers slowly against yours, guiding you through your first kiss. He could tell you’re new to everything; not exactly knowing what to do with your lips besides what you see in films.

Satoru couldn’t help but smile into the kiss. “Just follow your Master, baby girl. Let him guide.” He mumbles against your plump lips and you relax on his lap, arms now snaking around his neck as you follow his lead. It’s not so clumsy anymore as you kiss him. Lips moving against lips. Tongue peeking out to swipe across lower tiers. You’re a quick learner, he notices. He fucking loves that. He continues to make out with you, time easing away and the kiss being fuelled with more passion. It’s sloppy, saliva smearing and neither of you seemed to care. You feel a mixture of peace and excitement as you kiss Satoru. Each touch is a reminder to you that he cares for you. That he won’t let anything happen. Not to mention that he’s just really good at taking the lead and kissing you breathless. You wonder if you’ll be allowed to kiss him more after, easily sinking into his trap.

You sigh happily, body moving on its own as you shift to straddle him properly, fingers threading through his white hair to gently pull on as you press flush against him; your covered breasts against his bare chest, unintentionally rubbing. You’re unaware of how you’re moving, just getting lost in the kiss. Satoru on the other hand, is deeply aware. Especially when you’re causing friction against his crotch and causing him to groan into the searing kiss. For a virgin, your body definitely has been craving to be touched. By him only. His tongue drags slowly across your lower lip until your lips part to whimper and he slides his tongue in with ease, gliding it across every inch of your mouth, eager to have your sweet taste permanently on his tongue. His hands are tight against your body to keep you in place, causing you to squirm and press into him, only craving to drown in the kiss.

You feel him slowly devour you, hand caressing along the length of your back and you just simply melt, completely dazzled by everything that is Gojo Satoru. It’s only a kiss, too. Will everything feel so good? His tongue rubs against yours as your pair of lips continue to move against his until eventually, he decides to part. There’s a string of saliva connecting your lips together, causing you to feel flush. “You’re a fast learner, Y/N.” He praises, intentions to trap you and reel you in further. You often enjoyed being praised by him for your work, so it only makes sense to him. His assumption was correct, eyes lighting up at his words and a hand quickly wiping away the saliva. “You’re a good teacher, Master.” You say softly, causing his ego to swell up.

His gaze darkens, using his strength to easily manhandle your body around until your back meets the bed and he’s pinning you down, one hand gripping firmly onto your wrist and his other stroking your side every so lightly. You choke on a surprised gasp from the sudden movement, staring up at him with wide eyes, long lashes fluttering gently. Is your heart racing from nerves? Excitement? “Baby..” He trails off, leaning down to brush his lips along your jawline, whispering. “You’re going to do something for me, aren’t you?” Satoru peeks up at your face and even someone untouched can pick up on the implication. You squirm nervously now. It’s all new. What if you’re not good at it? Should you really be doing this? Would Satoru want you if he wasn’t doing you such a huge favour? What is your worth? Your mind tends to still leave questions and Satoru doesn’t like that. He wants your mind free of everything but his voice.

“Remember that I’m doing you a favour, Y/N.” He growls lowly, teeth nipping at your flesh. He’s awful for being further aroused by instilling fear into you. It’s a necessity if he wants you to break and finally realise the truth properly. That you live to serve him completely. “Don’t be so scared, my sweet maid. You want this, I know you do. We’re taking our time. It’s just… Master is aching. Only wants your touch.” His large hand smothers one of your own, slowly guiding it towards his crotch. “If it wasn’t for me, you’d be crying on the streets in just seven days. So baby girl, just forget it all. Let me take care of you as you take care of me.” His words are low and soothing, listening intently to every word that he says like it’s a prayer to memorise.

That’s right. If it wasn’t for him, you’d be completely doomed. With determination pumping through your body, you move to sit up, hands pressing against his chest and he allows you to move him until he’s lying down on his back now, gazing up at you with a victorious grin displaying on his swollen lips. Fuck yes. You’re so easy to manipulate and it riles him up. He pretends that he’s calm, just adjusting the pillows beneath his head before a hand comes down to give your closest thigh a tender squeeze. It’s encouraging to you and you clasp his hands between both of yours, pressing it against your chest. You look at him like he’s everything to you. He always has been. That small crush turned into something more. Foolish of you to realise only now.

“I live to serve you, Master. I know I’m new but, I’ll do everything I can to make you feel good. Please teach me when I need it.” You express breathlessly before letting go of his hand to crawl between his parted legs. You curl up, leaning forward until your face presses against his crotch, nuzzling so lovingly and breathing in the scent of Satoru. He grits his teeth, long fingers twitching before he grips onto the blanket beneath him for now. The white-haired male didn’t expect such a filthy yet endearing gesture but it only causes him to ache, wishing for his cock to be freed already. “Good girl, you’re so good.. Show me what you know,” Satoru says through his clenched teeth, not daring to look away from the pretty sight of you between his long legs. Truth be told, you found that you’d just be happy to exist with your face nuzzling between his crotch, inhaling in his comforting scent. Yeah, sweat mixed with cologne. Some might find it off-putting but it’s Satoru! Your beloved boss.

Remembering scenes from films and your own curiosity as your motivator, you press your tongue flat against the fabric that restricts him, dragging it slowly across the mysterious thickness that his pants are hiding. It prompts a soft groan to leave Satoru, teeth latching onto his lower lip. He didn’t expect you to do something so teasing and lewd. It’s so long, you noticed. Your tongue reaches the end and that’s when you notice the leaking tip just peeking out from under the elastic band, his cock straining against it.

“Are you smiling because you get to see my cock? Dirty girl.” He snorts lightly and you bring a hand up to your mouth, noticing that you really were smiling down at his crotch. You assume it’s because you’ll get to give someone you adore some pleasure. Right? “Can’t help myself.” You tsk lightly, hooking your fingers beneath the elastic band and finally begin to hastily pull down. It seems like you’re pulling and pulling until finally, his erection springs out, slapping against his toned stomach. Your jaw drops in shock from how big it is. You’ve seen porn and obnoxiously big dicks but— Satoru’s is on another level. It’s not obnoxiously long that it seems fake but, it’s still huge. Thick, too. You can only imagine that your fingers will struggle to meet around it. There’s a pretty curve to the pulsating length, protruding veins along the sides. Your gaze is completely fixated on the beauty of it and something just clicks in your head as a droplet of pre-cum leaks from the head and down the many inches. It just clicks that, of course, Gojo Satoru would have the most beautiful cock in the world. Of course, it’d be attached to someone who deserves to be worshipped daily.

Satoru’s confidence just rapidly increases, casually resting an arm beneath his head, smirking at the cute sight of you being in a shock of silence. People in the past often said that he’s got a big dick but your face just says so much more. Mind games and all, it seems it’s just all falling into place and he’s pleased. “My sweet maid.” He calls out softly, his free hand managing to reach out to pet the top of your head as you stay kneeling between his legs. It coaxes you to lean down so it’s easier for him to pet you like some animal, making you silently wonder why you like the feeling of it. Why were you so foolish to call yourself his housekeeper for years when you were more than that? Being his maid is special. Intimate. It means you can do everything for him and he’ll keep you under his protection in return. “Go on, baby. I know you want to touch my cock and it’s cause of you that I’m so hard. Make me feel good…” He smiles to himself. “Paying your bills after all and taking care of you.”

That’s right! You can’t just keep sitting here in absolute awe when he’s waiting for pleasure in return for his help. Besides, he’s even further correct on you wanting to touch him with your virgin hands. You laugh shyly, fingers curling around the thick base and feeling it throb from your touch. The very tips of your fingers just are able to make contact. “I’m sorry, Master. It’s just— I’ve never seen… Only in media, y’know. You’re just so— Huge. So pretty.” You purr, now tenderly stroking along the length, making sure to touch every single inch.

His abdomen tenses from the touch, exhaling low through his mouth as he feels the pleasant warmth of your palm as you stroke gently. He closes his eyes for a moment. Satoru can feel your hand dragging, causing friction from the lack of lubricant. He briefly looks towards his drawer where he knows there’s a barely empty bottle of lube. He uses it a lot to the thought of you and now that he has you? Perfect. “Spit on it, baby. It will make me feel good. Take your time, do what feels natural.” The gentle order falls from his lips as he sighs. Usually, he’s an impatient man who’d just love to bend you over and rail your ass until you’re crying but this is his first time with you. He may have perhaps manipulated to get his way but he’s not going to rush such a perfect moment. Especially when your hand feels so snug and warm.

Spit on it… Right. You’ve read somewhere that dry friction is somewhat unpleasant and so you lean down, tongue hanging out just over the pretty tip and saliva begins to pool, slowly dripping out until you’re practically drooling over his cock. The pair of you actually moan together at the filthy sight, feeling the spit meeting the top of your hand and you begin to stroke until you’re coating his throbbing member with your own spit, pleased with the way it glistens beneath the light of the bedroom, making his cock entice you in further. You pick up the pace of your strokes, wrist twisting each time you slide your hand up and down. Your thumb rubs against the sensitive tip and he grunts, hips stuttering in response as the pleasure leaves him tingling.

You’re a natural when it comes to giving Satoru a handjob. His eyes nearly falling shut; half-lidded gaze focusing on the sight of your hand quickly stroking along his shaft, smearing the saliva that you continue to let drool out onto his tip. Satoru is breathing deeply, nails scraping against his own scalp as a pitiful attempt to contain himself through the gentle waves of pleasure. You’re still on your knees between his long limbs, though leaning down and ass pushing up into the air, appearing so inviting. You keep your face close to his throbbing cock, wanting to memorise the pretty sight and how it feels heavy against your palm. Wrist continues to twist with each stroke before you hear him groaning out your name. You feel pleased to be able to give your Master the pleasure he deserves.

You whimper in question when his hand grips firmly onto your hair, glancing up at him. Suddenly he’s pressing your face against the underside of his cock and you could feel your own spit against your face. “Use your mouth.” He pants out heavily, eyes swirling with victorious lust. You’re quick to oblige, mimicking with what you did before by dragging your tongue slowly along the underside, tracing along a vein until plush lips press against the pretty pink tip. You already find yourself loving the taste of him, craving more. You kiss sloppy innocent kisses to the leaking tip before you wrap your lips around it, suckling on it gently as you look up towards your Master.

Satoru rolls his eyes at the wet warmth of your mouth and your daring tongue sliding across the sensitive head. He waited far too long, mind momentarily wishing you were desperate for him to save you earlier. He’s a sick individual and gives no fuck. Being selfish gets him what he wants and that is every part of you. You look up towards his face with absolute adoration for the older male, tongue lapping at the tip and swirling around like it’s your own personal candy to enjoy. You’re unable to stop the soft moan from escaping and he inhales sharply when he feels the vibration along his thick cock. One hand continues to stroke and lovingly squeeze around the base of his length, mouth parting wider as you take more of him into your wet cavern.

Your jaw is tense, locked in place as you slide your mouth up and down the very first few inches, feeling it rub against your inner cheeks. You find that you already have to slurp up the large amounts of saliva that seeps out. Satoru feels himself twitch in your mouth, one arm briefly draping over his eyes as he focuses on nothing but the sweet wet mouth that surrounds his raging erection. His face scrunches up as the pleasure surges through him, groaning softly. He brings his hand down to firmly grip your hair from the back of your head, eagerly pushing down. Satoru knows that it’s so wrong to urge a virgin to go beyond their comfort levels but, your mouth is too heavenly to ignore & to be frank, he knows he’ll get away with it because of the ‘special’ situation. Hell, he knows that urged him to do it.

Your eyes widen as you feel the force against your head, whines muffled by the aching tug on strands of hair. For him— Satoru, the one who is giving you everything; you’ll do it for him. Happily. Inexperience and nerves be damned. You try to widen your mouth, gagging audibly when the tip of his thickness brushes against the back of your throat, choking as you pull away to look at him with wide eyes, spit mixed with pre-cum smeared and dripping from your chin. “M-Master, it hurts my jaw. I don’t know what to do, I really want your cock. I want to give you pleasure.” You plead breathlessly, eyes stinging with tears. You can’t screw this up.

It does the opposite of screwing up. Satoru is just so happy to not only have you, but a virgin to shape and play with. You’re going to accept anything he throws your way like a dog with a bone. “Baby girl, so inexperienced. Where would you be without me? You’re so lucky that I love to guide you through things.” He murmurs, fingers gently caressing along your jawline, leaning up on the elbow of his other arm. “Other men would find you so embarrassing but I just adore your innocent eagerness to please me. Just relax your jaw, Y/N. Relax as you take me in, okay? You’ll find yourself better at it than forcing yourself. I know my cock is so big for your cute mouth but you’ll take it all, won’t you? For me?” He explains, watching your eyes light up from the ‘teaching’ and helpful information.

“Of course, Master! I won’t dare miss any of you! Every inch of your beautiful cock deserves to feel pleasure. I can do it.” You insist, tears of worry glued to your long lashes. He has to tilt his head away to mask his look of disbelief. A true jackpot. Satoru simply nods to give you permission to continue. Your body muscles soften when you realise he isn’t giving up on you. The deal or whatever is still in motion and you’re just so thankful. He’s right that others would have rejected you. His kindness deserves to be shown your gratitude. Your plush lips wrap once more around the tip, bobbing your mouth up and down the first few inches slowly, eyes focused on him and the way his chest seems to stutter with his heavy breaths.

You squeeze your hand around the base before you start to slide your hot mouth down further, listening to his words from before and just relaxing into it. You close your eyes, nose scrunching slightly but you fixate on the taste of his cock against your tongue that caresses the underside of his twitching length, head tilting as you take more in. You find that you’re lacking oxygen with your mouth stuffed full and start to breathe through your nose. Saliva continues to dribble out, keeping that beautiful sheen over his cock whenever the spit meets the bedroom light. Even with advice in mind, you can’t help but gag on his throbbing cock whenever it presses against the back of your throat.

It’s become one of his favourite sounds. The sound of you choking on his fat cock, only eager to take every part of him. “Mm, fuck… Good girl, doing so good.. Fondle with my balls as you suck like the filthy girl you are for me, baby.” The dirty words just fall from his lips so easily when he feels the velvety feeling of your inner cheeks rubbing along his cock, brows furrowed as his hand returns to your head once more to push. Usually, such words may have shocked you but now with lips stretched so wide around his girth; you discover something new. You love his dirty talk. You worship every single word he says like nothing else holds value. It’s like he is your Go—

You’re yanked out of your loving thoughts when he snaps his hips up, now being the one to force his thick cock down your throat. He’s allowed to do whatever he wants, after all. Your hand cups his balls to tenderly fondle as you breathe heavily through your nose. A few droplets of tears glide down your warm cheeks, feeling the ache at the back of your throat as he keeps his dick stuffed down the warm hole, groaning out happily from the pleasant feeling. He can feel the way your throat muscles constrict and tighten around his invading cock, only driving him further as he begins to fuck your mouth, hand firmly on your head to keep you in place. He’s sliding his cock against your wet tongue, head tilting forward to see the pretty sight of you in tears and struggling to breathe properly.

���Such a cute virgin.” He pants out, causing your heart to flutter, happy that he’s able to find your inexperience and struggle cute. It didn’t matter to you at all, the painful ache and continuous gags rising up loudly whenever his erection slid out to let that moment of air before quickly taking it away from you. Even with your throat acting as some guard to prevent him from going further couldn’t stop him. No, Satoru would just push on your head as his hips snap up rapidly, grinning lightly from the wet squelching. Your nose keeps pressing against his stomach, muffling your needy sounds. The white-haired man coos mockingly when your hands flail, not knowing what to do with them as he fucks your open mouth roughly.

“Come on, baby. Put them to use. You wouldn’t want to make a mistake and lose your chance, would you? Even worse, you wouldn’t want to lose me.” He hisses out lowly, head tilting back as he moans, thankful for his own stubbornness to hold out just that bit longer. He wouldn’t leave you, but he sure loves to see you in momentary fear. The words send you into an internal panic. No! No, no, no! You don’t want to lose your Master! One hand quickly grips the side of his toned thigh to caress, the other returning to squeeze lightly and fondle his balls lovingly, eager to make the male happy.

Satoru’s eyes roll, widening for a moment before closing tightly. He can feel himself approaching his high quickly as his hips continue to snap at a fast pace to fuck your mouth nice and deep. If your mouth feels so good, Satoru couldn’t wait too long to stuff your virgin pussy with his monstrous-sized cock. It’d be even better. You feel lightheaded from not being able to get the proper amount of oxygen and it feels rather nice. Fuzzy. Nicer if you think about how much you trust Satoru and that he’s clearly loving your mouth. You’re happy to be so useful with just one of your holes. Still, it doesn’t stop you from choking, swallowing around his length as it slides beyond your cheeks and down until you can feel it when your hand quickly touches your throat. You could feel when his cock makes your throat bulge and hurt, tears and spit causing you to look like a hot mess already. It’s a miracle you chose today to not wear make-up, you would have had mascara running down your cheeks.

“Fuck— Fuck, Y/N. Take it. Be a good girl—“ Satoru gasps sharply, both large hands gripping onto the sides of your head to prison you in that only spot. A wave of ecstasy washes over his long body, causing his muscles to tense up and shake slightly as his cock finally pumps out ropes of sticky cum that paint your throat white. You breathe heavily out through your nose, eyes wide and frantic from something new filling your mouth and you have no other option but to swallow.

Why does it taste so good? You taste the saltiness of his cum and it lingers even as you happily swallow each drop that he’s blessed you with, feeling so special. You are, after all. He chose you and in return, you’ll be happy to receive anything from him if it means giving joy back. His nails scrape along your scalp, moaning deeply as he simply enjoys riding the wave that is his orgasm. Half-lidded gaze once more and he looks at you, cheeks puffed out from being pumped full of his cum, watching intently as you refuse to let any dribble out. Fucking hell, what did he do in his past life to be able to witness this?

He guides your head up and slowly off of his cock that slaps against his stomach once free. It already starts to twitch just as he watches you sputter. You’re dry-heaving deeply, hands gripping onto his thighs for support and feel relief for a moment that you can breathe through your mouth. You cough, strings of saliva still connecting to his sloppy cock and you wipe them away, trying to wipe your face clean. Your saliva mixed with his dry-cum already feels dry and crusty on your face. You must look awful, causing you to raise your hands to pitifully hide. Instantly, Satoru’s hands grip your wrists as he shifts to sit up with you, staring heavy and firm.

“No hiding.” He warns before his gaze softens, leaning in. “I think you look even prettier when you’re all messy like this. All thanks to me.” Satoru reminds gently, massaging small circles against your wrists. You feel your heart leap from his words, looking at the white-haired male so fondly. Master. Saviour. “Th— ank you.” You manage to rasp out despite your abused throat aching. Satoru coos endeared entirely because of you and presses multiple kisses to your swollen lips. He could taste himself. “How’d I taste, my sweet maid? You better expect more.” He chuckles gently, nose pressing against your temple as he inhales deeply. He could smell your sweat laced with your favourite perfume and silently thanks the heat.

You don’t realise it but your eyes light up at his words, giddy from realising this isn’t the end. Your nerves may never be conquered until it’s over and you have given your true first to him but, you couldn’t deny that you actually enjoyed having him inside your mouth. Especially when he started taking control and you just had to take it. Mess and all. Maybe it’s scary for a virgin to be thinking this but… It just feels like this is what you’re destined to do. To truly serve Gojo Satoru. He’s offering to pay your bills, too. A bonus, really.

“Your cum… It’s my favourite taste now.” You confess sheepishly and his ego just explodes from hearing that, toned arms wrapping around you to pull him down into his crushing embrace. You giggle happily, pleased by his reaction and press loving kisses to his sharp collarbone, hand between bodies coming down to caress along his length lightly. “I’m not afraid to continue, Master.” You express, worried that he might think otherwise. You can’t lose this. “I want you.” You whine, pressing into his bigger form.

Satoru is smirking over your shoulder, hand rubbing along your back. You’re still clothed and finally, he’ll be able to really see everything and burn it into his mind. Fantasies no more when he has the real deal being shaped into craving him and wanting to do everything he says. “You want me. I always knew you did. It was written all over your pretty face. Especially when you’re so scared and desperate, hm? You just want me to take over, so you can be my cute little maid who doesn’t need to think.” Satoru whispers, lips brushing against your ear. His long fingers now coming down to run along the edge of your booty shorts, smiling when you squirm. You feel the heat rise to your cheeks from the white-haired male reading you a bit too well, leaning into his touch.

“Soon, we’ll make love.” He says, eyes focused on your reaction. There it is. He can say the way your eyes cloud over and lips curl into a smile. You’re far too easy to trick and Satoru thinks to himself that if any other person tries, he’ll destroy them. You are his to mess with. “First, though... Let me make you feel good. Get you all relaxed and comfortable.” Satoru purrs against your ear before he lifts himself up to stare down at you, feeling eager like a puppy for a treat. You are his treat. All his for the taking. You give him a questioning look, fully expecting him to just yank your clothes off and shove his length into your virgin hole. That’s what you’ve seen in the media. That’s what your friends tell you when they gossip about their sex lives. Sex is something rushed and mostly for men to feel good.

How wrong you were. You close your eyes tightly, waiting for what you expect to happen, but nothing does. Satoru is gazing down at you and he’s no mind reader but he basically could read you from how you’re behaving. Ha. Every moment just seems to reward him with something. You, the one that he has been craving deeply for a long time, happen to be a virgin and not only that, you’ve clearly been watching the wrong set of media and have the pitiful thoughts that it’s just for a man to fuck a hole. He gets to be the one to teach you that it is so much more than that. You won’t view him the same as other men, but someone above them. He’ll get to trick that pretty little mind of yours that he is one of a kind and to never let go of him. You’ll truly believe that no one else can take care of you and you’ll be happily devoted to him. Call him confident or cocky, Satoru doesn’t care when it’s true. Besides, he really thinks no other man can compare to him.

His bigger form leans down over you, warm breath fanning against your neck before he begins to leave a trail of wet kisses, tongue teasingly dragging along your soft skin and teeth nipping at it as well. You squirm a little, raising to rest a hand against his broad back, feeling the way his muscles move beneath your palm and you sigh out softly, already feeling all tingly. “Don’t you want to fuck me, Master? Why aren’t you?” You question quietly, words trailing off as a needy moan escapes you. He’s sucking harshly on the flesh, making a dark bruise starting to form as he pulls away, looking down at you. He laughs, one hand cupping your chin and long fingers squishing your cheeks together until your already swollen lips pucker up.

“Make love.” He corrects deliberately, though you’re of course utterly oblivious and just look up at him in complete awe. “You don’t need to worry, Y/N. I’ll be making love to you and you’ll be free of all worries, I’m doing all of this for you. Remember?” He waits for you to nod before pecking your lips, teeth latching onto your lower lip to suck on gently before pulling away, saliva connecting your lips with his once more. “I want to take my time. You’re new to all of this and you clearly don’t know what sex is really about, my pretty girl. I’m here to show you.” He says before returning to kiss your neck sweetly, one hand slowly unbuttoning the last few buttons of your work shirt.

You couldn’t stop a smile from appearing on your visage, arms wrapping around his strong body to cling onto as you feel his lips on your neck, whimpering occasionally from feeling the light ache of him sucking harshly until for hickeys to form. You really struck gold and to think that your world was going to crash and end in just a few days. Not only is he saving you by paying bills; but he’s going to make your first time one to remember. Even if it’s been a bit rough with the way he relentlessly fucked your mouth until you were gagging and choking for air, you discover that you… actually enjoyed it. You don’t want to trouble yourself with understanding why and just focus on the moment with Satoru as he gives it all to you.

The white-haired male sits up, long fingers pushing strands out of his crystal blue eyes before he grabs the hem of your shirt and begins to tug up. He didn’t have to ask as you obediently lift your arms up and that just makes his cock throb. Perfect. Satoru smirks behind the shirt that he lifts over your head and you can’t see his face, whining when it gets stuck on your head. “Take it off, I want to see you..” You plead quietly and Satoru laughs, pleased by your words. He’s a sucker for someone needy and dependent on him.

“Who chose this stupid uniform for you to wear—“ He huffs, yanking it off swiftly and you laugh with amusement, shaking your head. “Um, you did?” You tease the male lightly and he rolls his eyes. “Right, dumb choice that was. Personally, I like maid uniforms. They’re a lot cuter.” Satoru tosses the shirt aside, eyes lingering on the gorgeous sight of your breasts being pushed up by the bra. You feel your cheeks becoming hot and look off to the side. Maid dresses? That would be so inappropriate and yet, you don’t care. He’s right. They are cuter. “I think maid dresses are nice... I could wear them instead..” You suggest quietly, too flustered to look at him.

Bingo. Satoru can see the signs of you falling for him when you agree so easily and it makes him grin down towards you, eyes holding warmth. “Conversation for another time, Y/N. Right now, I want to focus on you.” He sighs as he cups your breasts over the bra to give a small squeeze, noticing the way your hardened buds press against the fabric. You whimper behind your hand as his expert hands continue to fondle, giving a harsh squeeze every so often and it feels so good— You even feel your pussy leak further with aroused juices, soaking through your panties and shorts. He cups the back of your neck with one hand to guide you up towards his chest other hand unhooking your undergarment before rather hastily moving you out of it, feeling the straps slide down your arms until you’re on your back again, breasts exposed to the tall male. “Fucking hell..” He mutters under his breath, hands cupping the sides of your boobs, loving the sight of how the squishiness fills the gaps of his fingers and presses your breasts together until he leans down to bury his face, happily nuzzling against the soft mounds.

You bring a hand up to stroke along the back of his head, a mixture of giddiness and embarrassment washing over you from the fact that the man in charge of you is clearly favouring your boobs right now. “Ah, are you a boob man? You must be.” You joke lightly, giggling behind your hand. Satoru snorts, peeking up at you. “I’m a Y/N man.” He answers, not caring if it makes sense. His hands continue to massage, thumb brushing against your sensitive buds and you whine, pulling on his hair until he groans. Your heart easily flutters at his words, keeping your head tilted up to gaze up at the ceiling, feeling a sweet daze coming over you as he gives your chest special attention.

Satoru’s tongue drags flat over your left nipple, swirling it around and flicking the tip against it, all the while his hand continues to pinch and twist the right, coaxing out mewls and moans right from your mouth and it sends excitement straight to his dick that is already starting to harden despite releasing cum so recently. Just the reminder of you swallowing his cum causes him to rut slowly against the king-size mattress. It’s cute, seeing you so reactive from this alone. His piercing gaze never leaves your scrunched-up face, lips puckered around the nipple to suckle on gently, long fingers squeezing the flesh harshly.

You whimper out for him; your Master. You could feel the cool air of the aircon drying the saliva that coats your breasts from him licking around the soft mounds, biting down on the flesh to scatter hickeys across. You’re like his own personal canvas for him to enjoy marking up and truth be told, Satoru is holding back in that department. He may get aroused by your fear but anything too terrifying could have you running. He needs to pull you in slowly until your devotion to him is unable to be tainted. Besides, Satoru also selfishly doesn’t want to expose you to everything that fuels him so you’ll keep coming back with eagerness for this new world.

It’s hard to stay quiet, feeling his tongue dance across each breast and sloppy kisses pressed against them. You quiver with pleasure floating through you whenever he makes contact with your nipples, trying so hard to not cover your face with your hands. Satoru lifts himself up, exhaling out loud and dramatic. “Your tits are the best I’ve played with.” He chuckles, glancing up to see your reaction. He notices your cute pout, prompting him to grin down at you, hand covering your left breast giving a squeeze.

Jealousy bubbles up inside of you and you try to frantically shake it away, thinking to yourself how silly you’re being. It doesn’t matter if you’ve had a big crush on Satoru since the dawn of time. He’d clearly see other women, maybe even men. He’s ridiculously hot and besides, he’s doing you a favour… Even if some little beast inside of you growls to possessively have him; you swat it away, desperate to keep the jealousy hidden. “Hmph, well.. Maybe it just means you need to play with them whenever you want to, Master. I am your maid, after all.” You say with a sweet smile gracing your lips and long lashes fluttering, drawing him in so easily. Satoru’s gaze is hot with passion, swirled with a sense of possessiveness. Truthfully speaking, Satoru hasn’t slept with anyone since the day he met you. He just cut them all off, imagining his hand as your tight cunt instead as he jacks himself off on a daily basis. Usually after bidding you farewell. Obsession at its finest and he knows.

He hums softly, suddenly giving your tit a swift slap to watch it jiggle and you breathe in sharply from the sting of pain that spreads across your breast. You didn’t expect it, though your thighs are now starting to feel sticky from how much your aroused slick just soaked your clothing. Confusion settles over you when you realise you enjoyed it and being the mind reader that Satoru is; slaps the other one, enjoying the numb feeling that spreads across his palm. You let out a whimpering gasp as the burning sensation spreads across, looking up at him in admiration. Your brows furrowed and lips parted, fingers gripping onto sheets. How does he know your body so well? How does he know you so well? You start to wonder… Were you destined to serve him and be blessed with a higher being knowing you to your core? To be able to let go and be taken care of in every way, including your body? You never thought pain could be so sweet and maybe it’s because it’s from Satoru.

The corners of his lips twitch as he watches you intently, endeared by the sight of you potentially coming to terms that you like pain by his hands. A masochist to his sadist self. He could never let go. Still, he keeps it minimal. Giving you only a taste of the world that could open up with him. One hand grips your hip, the other giving a few more fleeting slaps across your breasts, cock swollen just from watching them jiggle and you squirm beneath his grip, biting down on your lip as if that could prevent filthy sounds from escaping. The repeated harsh stings now become numb as he tenderly massages to ease the impact of his palm, leaning down to press a kiss to your temple, whispering. “How’d I know that my innocent maid would be a slut for pain? Might be something I have to warm you up into taking more. You do look cute when you squirm from a mere slap.” The humiliation from his words settles over you, shyly tilting your head away to avoid eye contact.

It’s even more embarrassing because you didn’t know you could be physically more aroused and yet, you feel more of your juices seep out. Your body is clearly eager to take something more. Something a lot bigger. Satoru tsks lightly, a finger pressing against your chin to guide you back into looking at him. It’s only a warning. You watch as his large hands spread across the top of your thighs, nails digging into the warm flesh and pushing your legs open until your covered pussy is on display. “I sure hope it’s me that you’re so drenched for and not for having your bills paid. You wouldn’t be like that, would you? Is it the money that arouses you?” He feigns the insecurity with a sigh and you practically leap at the chance to reassure a man who has nothing but a huge ego and confidence.

“N-No! I mean— I’m thankful, Master. You know I am, but this is so much more! You’re taking care of me and showing me new things... I don’t trust anyone but you. Besides, it’s you that’s—… making me horny, not money.” You mumble out quickly, words slurring together. It’s hard to confess to your superior that you’ve been crushing on him since day one. All thanks to his good looks, kindness and irresistible charm. The fleeting moment of panic causes him to coo softly, pressing tender kisses down along your soft stomach as he bends over you, long fingers hooking beneath the fabric of your shorts and panties. “Of course, sweet girl. You wouldn’t be like that to me. So very horny and all for me. Drenched and I’ve barely touched you.” He teases as he uses his free hand to grip the side of your leg, guiding upwards and your other leg follows. His caress is a form of silence praise before he hastily tugs the clothing along the length of your legs until he’s finally able to toss them aside.

He was a lover of those shorts, really. Thankful to the heat waves for prompting you to ask for permission. Ugh, it was mere hours ago, but he clearly remembers his body being crushed by arousal just from picturing it in his mind. Now he’s eager for the soaked-through summer piece to be gone. Hands come up to cover your face quickly, overcome with a mixture of emotions. No one has ever seen you completely naked. Nor in such a vulnerable position. Satoru’s gaze darkens, though fond, as he witnesses you try to pitifully hide. His hands grip on the inner sides of your legs and gently forces them apart until he can finally see every part of you.

A shaky exhale escapes his parted lips, eyes rather manic and eager as he continues to look. He’s been waiting for so long. Too long, in his opinion. He wishes there was an earlier chance. Your legs drop back down onto the mattress on either side of his bigger physique. Your pussy is on complete display for Satoru. Even when he’s sitting up, he can see your excited juices coating the folds, droplets slowly dropping onto the sheets and the slick smeared across your inner thighs. Ego is through the roof, knowing that this is all because of him. Kissing. Fucking your mouth. Giving your breasts attention. Not much to take you dripping for him. Long fingers push white strands of hair out of his eyes, grinning to himself.

Satoru leans forward to take hold of your wrists, pulling your hands away. “No more hiding, I want you to watch what I do for you. I want you to see how good I’ll make you feel and no one else can do what I can, understood?” He asks, prompting you to frantically nod your head. “I understand.. Master? It’s— It’s going to hurt, right? What if I bleed? I’m a little bit scared, of just— you know..” You stumble over your words, looking off to the side. Satoru couldn’t help but soften. It’s hard not to, even when he’s usually gleeful from witnessing you be nervous. He may be sadistic and a huge manipulator but, he still cares so deeply for you. Feelings just don’t get tossed aside just because he’s getting his dick wet.

“Firstly, baby girl. I’m not doing that just yet.” He laughs lightly, lowering himself down until he’s pressing you into the mattress, forearms on either side of your head to hold himself up. One hand strokes along the top of your head lovingly, smiling down at you. “I promised to take good care of you, didn’t I? So that doesn’t mean selfishly shoving my dick inside of you. Though, the idea is hot.” He pauses, letting you giggle softly in disbelief at his crude words. “It means preparing you and coaxing you into a state of complete bliss. Besides, I’m a lover of eating out.” He purrs lowly, kissing along your jaw lightly, nipping at the flesh. “Also, not every girl bleeds so you might not. You’ve really been so poorly educated and believing misconceptions, but I’m here for you now.”

It’s somewhat embarrassing that you believed things so easily. Truthfully speaking, he’s sadly right. You’ve never been the type to just deeply dive into the world of Sex. You always thought of it as something you’d wait for the right time to properly experience it. You just knew what you’ve heard from gossip and media. Naivety at its finest. Still, you have Satoru now. Teaching you everything right and how sex isn’t just revolving around a male’s pleasure. Satoru is a true man and it feels so right to give him everything, despite the circumstances.

Wait— Eating out? You feel yourself feel hot all over from realising what else he expressed. Is he really going to do that? Fuckboys in your past who have tried to win you over; often said that shit is gross. Yet, Satoru loves to do it? You laugh out shyly, hand caressing along his toned back. “You’re so bold.” You mumble, eyes becoming half-lidded as you focus on the pleasant feeling of the tall male trailing kisses down the length of your body. He takes his sweet time with it. Each kiss is tender and loving. It feels as if he’s trying to reassure you that everything will be okay. Satoru easily shifts his body down with each kiss until he’s laying on his toned stomach, face hovering over the heavenly sight of your dripping cunt.

You feel the warmth of his breath fan across your pussy and it’s like your body acts on its own; pussy clenching around nothing. Is he really about to? Your hand quickly comes down to grip his hair, causing him to grunt in question, looking up at you. Flustered, you squeeze your legs against the sides of his head as if that will stop him. “You’re not really? I might taste bad!” You whisper loudly and frantic, trying to pull him away by the hair. It only fuels his eagerness. Satoru doesn’t even speak, arms just snaking around your quivering thighs to forcefully hold them apart before he leans in and finally, drags the flat of his tongue between your slick folds.

Pleasure jolts through you like electricity from the first touch of your pussy by another, causing you to gasp sharply, fingers through his hair trembling. The corners of his lips curl up, smiling against your pussy before he continues to slowly drag his tongue between your folds, moaning at the sweet taste that fills his mouth. “So fucking sweet..” He mumbles, words muffled as his lips press against your cunt, slurping loudly and devouring you for the first time. His nails dig into your thighs, tongue swirling around your sensitive clit and you couldn’t stop the needy whimpers from escaping.

Everything felt so new. So good. Your hips buck upwards every time there’s pleasure just surging through you, directly from your core. He firmly holds you down against his mattress, refusing to pull away. He doesn’t dare to stop now, after finally capturing what he’s been chasing for years. Satoru kisses your clit before sucking gently, tongue flicking against the nub and you cry out loudly for him. Completely blissed out already, hands desperately gripping his white hair as a way to ground yourself as your head tilts back, chest arching upwards.

Satoru feels as if he’s in heaven with you. Just from the sweet taste that overwhelms his mouth from how much you’re leaking, to your adorable needy sounds. The painful tug on his hair only drives him further, pressing his mouth firmly against your cunt as he makes out with it, lips moving hungrily as his tongue continues to tease the clit or drag along your folds. It’s as if he’s scared that your excited slick will go to waste. He couldn’t let that happen. Selfishly, every drop is for him and him alone. He unwraps one of his arms from around your thigh to bring towards your womanhood. Two long fingers part your folds and he curses from seeing the strings of your excitement, tongue dragging between to break them.

You whimper, toes curling as a way to try and not be overwhelmed by the pleasure. Impossible not to be. You could hear the loud sounds of him slurping up your mess as he eats you out with so much desperation, gasping loudly when his thumb pressed against your clit to rub gently in a circular motion. “Fuck, I’m so obsessed with your pretty pussy. Taste so sweet, baby. Want to devour you always.” Satoru groans breathlessly, feeling intoxicated from your taste alone, watching with great fascination as your slick coats his fingers. It only leaves him wondering what it’d be like to be inside of you, buried in deep to the hilt.

“Master, ah—! Why does it feel so goo’…” You slur out happily, body so much more relaxed compared to just moments ago. Your eyes roll as he continues to rub his thumb against your clit, pressing sloppy kisses down along your folds until his tongue meets your entrance. He teasingly continues to drag his tongue around it and you couldn’t stop from doing tiny kicks of frustration against the mattress, wanting more. He laughs mockingly at your eagerness. “Look at you now, all you want is me, isn’t that right? Can’t live without my touch.” His words are muffled, squirming from the feeling of his lips moving against your cunt as he talks. You pant softly, tongue lolled out and eyes unable to focus on anything.

Satoru is right. He’s always right. Of course, it’d only take one touch; one caress and even a simple kiss to drag you into his depths, tangled and completely devoted to him. His talented mouth washing away all your worries you have of losing your virginity. Bills be damned. He takes care of you so well. The only one who takes care of you. Satoru is the one you wish to worship like your own God. He presses sloppy kisses to your clit, one finger caressing your hole before slowly pushing in— And fuck, he could feel your velvety walls stretch around the new invasion but wrapping so snug and tight. He wishes it was his cock already.

Your brows furrow, lips parting slightly as you feel his long finger sliding in so easily, thanks to your slick and relaxed body. It’s a new feeling. It’s not too painful, easing your worries further. Satoru didn’t wait to start moving his single digit, sliding it in and out of your warm tightness slowly, voice low and soft. “You’re doing so well with everything, Y/N. Such a good girl, not scared of anything. You trust me that much and I’m thankful, will only reward you with pleasure.” Satoru continues to take his time with pumping his finger, forehead resting against your quivering thigh for a moment as he fixates on the sweet feeling of your walls squeezing around. It takes everything within him to not pin you down and just have his way. It’s not just about him and never will be, even if he enticed you this far.

With a glance up towards your face and noticing how buzzed out you appear to be from the pleasure, Satoru slides his finger out, now pressing two of his fingers against your tight entrance. His tongue swirls against your throbbing clit as a distraction, sliding both of his fingers slowly, feeling your walls stretch even further. You whine from feeling your pussy stretch around his fingers, head tilting to the side to nuzzle against the pillow that smells of him, closing your eyes. There may have been a further stretch but everything still feels so fucking good as he pumps the two digits at a slow pace, sucking gently on your clit to further the pleasure.

You look so perfect in his eyes. Satoru is thankful to both destiny and himself, to be able to get you to this position and able to open your eyes to the world of pleasure. The world of sex. He angles his fingers as he picks up the pace of fingering you, desiring to find a certain spot. It didn’t take long at all, he realises. You cry out in surprise from feeling a more intense jolt of pleasure pierce through your body from your core, fisting the sheets and your hips start to roll, grinding down against his fingers. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Satoru curses repeatedly from witnessing the slutty sight of you now starting to fuck down against his long fingers. The very same fingers that rub against your sweet spot, causing moans to fall from your swollen lips, eyes clouded with new-found lust and your slick pooling out practically from how excited you are.

The lower half of his face is smeared with the same mess, pressing a final kiss to your clit before he moves himself up so he could hover above you properly, caging you in once more. The squelching sound of his fingers slowly fucking into you doesn’t embarrass you anymore and he only finds it to be hotter. You snake your arms around his neck to cling onto him, lips dragging along his broad shoulder. “So fucking pretty and all mine..” He breathes out, slowly inserting a third finger to properly stretch you out for him.

Your face scrunches up from feeling the subtle pain of your walls stretching out around the three long digits. He hushes you gently, lips to your temple and you could hear him mutter praise. It leaves your heart thumping fast with joy that the praise is for you and not some other girl. It’s all you. You feel his three digits drag along your velvety walls covered in your juices, the subtle pain slowly subsiding and turning into pleasure. It feels so good, the way they slide in and out. To be able to reach deeply but, it makes you wonder how deep his cock could go. You whimper, tightening your hold as you look up at him in complete admiration.

He cares for you so much. It’s that thought; the one repeating in your mind like a mantra that makes you realise. You’re ready and you want it now. You want him to finally take what you’ve been slowly craving to give him. You squeeze your thighs around his wrist, stopping his fingers that are buried inside of you. Satoru looks towards you, his free hand stroking along your hair lightly. He grins a little, unable to stop himself. “Ready, are you?” Finally. Satoru pulls away, fingers sliding out of your core, inspecting them. Strings of slickness connect his long fingers together and not wanting to waste a drop, slowly drags his tongue along his fingers to lick off your juices with a hum. Feeling flustered, you look away from the hot sight. He chuckles lowly and shifts himself until his cock is positioned near your womanhood but not quite. He’s pretending to reach towards his drawer. “Condom, I suppose.” He says and your hand whips out to grip onto his wrist, looking up at him. Satoru had a feeling that you’d stop him. Call him crazy, but he knows you pretty well. He feigns surprise, eyebrow raising.

“You don’t want me to use a condom?”

“Nn… No, I want to feel you properly.”

“Ah, is it because I’ve slept with others and used condoms?” Satoru teases and you huff, squeezing his wrist. Perhaps he’s sort of right. It seems your own selfishness is growing along the side of his and now that you’re in this position, about to give something special; you want to be the special one in his eyes. The chosen one. He laughs lightly, almost mocking, but really he’s endeared and quite pleased. This is what he wanted. “No condom when it comes to my sweet maid.” Satoru agrees before moving back, condoms lying forgotten at the back of his drawer.

One hand grips your hip to keep you in place as he positions his thick, pulsating cock against your pussy. He slowly grinds, watching in complete awe as his length slides between your folds, coating in your juices. You whine, sensitive whenever you feel him grind against your clit. One hand holds his cock by the base and he slaps his cock against your pussy with a happy sigh, head tilting back. ‘Fucking finally’, he thinks. Quietly, Satoru positions himself until his tip is pressing against your entrance.

Nerves flare up when you realise what’s about to happen and even though you deeply want him, you couldn’t help but wonder about the pain. He’s a lot bigger than three of his fingers. Noticing your nerves, Satoru reaches for your hand with his free one, lacing his fingers with yours and giving a squeeze. “The pain will go away quickly, baby. Do you trust me? You know I wouldn’t do anything bad. This is all for you… Everything is for you.” He says softly, the comforting words washing over you. You nod his head and smile gently, holding onto his hand. “I trust you, Master… I’m ready.”

With that, Satoru presses the tip of his leaking cock against your hole, brows furrowing as he realises truly how tight you are. It takes a little bit of force but he manages to nudge his tip inside of you and slowly begins to push his cock inside of you. You strangle out a cry, eyes widening as you look up at him in a mixture of emotions. Disbelief from how huge he is. The giddiness that you are finally giving him what he deserves to have. Pain from the wide stretch as your own cunt has to adjust to the new size. Tears glue to your long lashes, panting heavily to try and calm yourself down as your walls forcefully stretch around the new invasion. Something so much bigger than anything else before.

He’s squeezing your hand, groaning from feeling your velvety slick walls squeezing around his throbbing cock. It’s only a few inches but he pauses to allow you to adjust. Even though his body wants to act on its own and start jackhammering your tight pussy with his huge cock. You’re silently thankful that he’s pausing, nails digging into his hand as you close your eyes tightly. The tender strokes of his other hand aid you in relaxing. “My pretty girl... Sweet Y/N. It will be okay soon, I promise.” He reassures softly.

You eventually nod your head, a bit dazed by everything. With the sign to continue, Satoru pushes his hips forward. He slowly slides his length inside your core until he’s completely buried deep inside of you, every inch of him finally covered with the wet warmth of your heavenly walls. His muscles tense, head tilting back as he pants deeply from the sensation he feels, You choke on a moan of his name when he’s pushed deep inside of you and it hurts so badly to be stretched out to where you’ve never been stretched out before.

Satoru pushes through his selfish needs to lean down and embrace you, pressing loving kisses across your face, gently hushing you. “I know, I know... It will feel good soon, I promise. Baby girl, believe your Master. You trust him, don’t you? It will feel so good for you.” He whispers, keeping his throbbing cock still inside of you so your now non-virgin pussy could get used to the feeling. Thankfully, it’s not as bad as it could have been. You know that now. He did take care of you to feel good. To get that glimpse of pleasure and truth to be told, beyond the stretch? You love the feeling of being stuffed full of his beautiful cock. It makes you feel complete.

His large hands caress along your sides, lips brushing across your hot skin as he continues to help you ease into relaxing, forcing himself to ignore the way your walls keep clenching around his cock, wrapped around him so perfectly. You’re too out of it to be aware of time, but soon enough you start to move a little. It’s a signal for him to continue and that you’re ready for more. The white-haired male keeps his bigger body pressed against you, embracing you as he starts to move his hips, slowly fucking into you.

You whimper from feeling his hard length slowly slide within you. He doesn’t pull out of you entirely, thinking you’re not ready for it. Just keeping everything gentle and taking his time. Even though his hips stutter, eyes rolling at the pleasurable feeling that washes over him from your slick walls rubbing along his length. It hurts at first and you have to contain yourself through clenched teeth and nails digging into his hot flesh. You believe him that it will start to feel good and—

Oh… The pain is finally subsiding, being replaced with that pleasure that you’ve been hoping for. It’s subtle at first, leaving you all pleasant and tingly as you cling to him. You squeeze around his cock, moving your arms to wrap around his neck. He tilts his head to look at you, eyes swirling with lust mixed with something deeper that you don’t know. Satoru smiles down at you, leaning down to press his lips against yours to form a kiss as he picks up the pace of his cock thrusting into you. He’s right and always has been about everything. Foolish of you to have been nervous. The pleasure leaves tingles across your body as you feel his cock sliding in and out with ease from your aroused juices. He starts to move more, grinding down deep against you, hands cupping your sides to hold you. You moan happily into the kiss, fingers tangling into his hair to pull on. The ache that he feels only encourages him to move fast and deep. “Fuck, you’re so tight. So fucking good for me.” He moans against your lips before pulling away to look at your fucked out expression. Eyebrows knitted together to form a frown, lips open wide and eyes watery from tears that threaten to spill.

Gorgeous. Absolutely gorgeous. Satoru’s nails drag along your sides and you squirm, enjoying the light burn you feel from the nails scraping your skin. You spread your legs wider like you’re some eager slut for him to see everything and he loves it. He lifts his body off of you to finally witness the sight of his thick, long cock sliding in and out of you with ease. Your velvety walls continue to wrap snug and tight around his length whenever he pushes in, dragging along his cock when he slides out as if your needy cunt is desperate to keep him deep inside of you. It feels so fucking good to be filled by him.

It truly is a beautiful sight to see his cock appear and disappear before his eyes, loving the pleasure that surges through him from his cock whenever he’s buried deep to the hilt. “You’re all mine, fuck. Can’t believe it’s taken this long. Pretty pussy clenching around me. Never had something so big in your life, huh? Look at it making you bulge.” The filthy words continue to fall from his lips between grunts as his hips snap forward, thrusting into your pussy hard. His hand presses against your lower stomach to feel his thickness fucking into you. There’s no pain anymore, minus the burn of his scratches and sting when his balls slap against your ass as he pounds into your wet heat relentlessly.

All you can see are stars as ecstasy just washes over you in crashing waves. One hand helplessly gripping onto him and you could feel your breasts bounce with each hard impact. The sounds of skin slapping against skin filled the air, mixing with the lewd sounds of your needy, high-pitched moans and his groans. You look at him in absolute awe, tears threatening to spill. He notices your expression mid-fuck and it only drives him further, each deep thrust of his throbbing cock becoming rough. “Fuck, god—” He curses and you cry out, latching desperately onto his words.

“Y-You’re my God!” You stutter out quickly, heart hammering from your confession. You couldn’t be in denial any more. He truly is your saviour, after all. Bills aside, he’s making love to you in the best way possible. A God does everything for their believers. He does everything for you. He took you in and eased your troubles. He’s giving you pure ecstasy in the form of his cock. Satoru has saved you. Satoru’s heart leaps from your words, driving to the point of insanity as he gazes down at you with pure satisfaction. You’re giddy from seeing how pleased he is, clinging hopelessly to the taller male.

“My perfect girl.” He huffs out, pulling his throbbing length out until only his tip is inside. Satoru didn’t even wait until he slammed himself in, feeling your slick walls gripping onto his cock, prompting you to scream out for him, tears spilling down your cheeks. To have you worshipping him and crying out in pleasure become his reality; leaves him feeling so happy. Happiness wrapped in his own ecstasy. You’re so happy as he continues to relentlessly fuck into you, feeling so empty whenever his cock slides out, only to pleasantly surprise you by filling your core to the brim again. It feels so fucking good. You swear you’ve never felt anything like this before.

Addiction for not only his cock but, the male in general begins to grow. Your fists grip the crinkled sheets to stabilise yourself as each rough thrust, though it seems to do nothing. His strength behind his thrusts is more than enough to cause your body to jerk upwards, moving against the mattress. As you continue to squeeze so sweetly around his pounding cock, Satoru pants heavily, completely tangled up in the pleasure that continues to surge through him, even causing his toes to curl. One hand fiercely grips your hip still, the other coming down to rub your clit. You strangled out his name, too blissed out to be embarrassed by anything. Not even how heavy you seem to cry from the pure euphoria that drowns you.

Satoru burns the image of you sobbing into his mind, wanting to forever remember the way your face scrunches up or how your eyes roll from the complete bliss and cheeks stained with tears. His thumb continues to rub in a circular motion, panting heavily and head tilting back, unable to contain himself like he could with other girls. No, you bring out the beast that resides within him. Relentless with his fucking and possessive growls parting from his lips. “All fucking mine, got it? No one else can have you. I’ll break them. This pussy belongs to me. You belong to me.” The white-haired male groans out, muscles tensing.

You’re barely able to process the hot words, only knowing it fuels your desire and happiness to be owned by the male. Your beloved God. Master to serve, always. Your stomach begins to feel tight, clit throbbing and with no true experience of an orgasm; even you know what rapidly approaches you as he fucks into your cunt. You squeeze around his length, whimpering loudly. Satoru can just tell when he looks down at you. Maybe from looking so fucked out by him and it makes his ego rise, but he’s eager to give you what you deserve for being so cute and obedient.

“Let it go, baby girl. Fall into it.” He whispers and you manage to tug him down so you’re clinging, trembling legs wrapping loosely around his waist for support. He presses a tender kiss to your temple, panting heavily and with his cock sliding out to the tip, he slams back into your warm hole and everything just seems to explode for you. Pleasure surges through your trembling body, leaving you gasping sharply and babbling out moans, unable to truly comprehend the ecstasy that you feel as you come around his cock. Your walls flutter, clenching repeatedly around his cock that starts to sloppily fuck into you. Your eyes are rolling, desperately gripping onto the taller male as your body continues to tense up before relaxing through a tremble. the intense orgasm easily overwhelming you.

Satoru hips stutter, driving himself further to his own orgasm as he feels your slick walls dragging along his thrusting length, pulsating around his thickness. His forearms pressed against either side of your head, panting heavily. “Fuck, good girl—” He praises you for climaxing, hearing the obnoxious squelching sound lacing with the slaps of his balls against your ass. With one look at you, Satoru slides out before sheathing his cock deep inside of you for the final time. His own waves of complete euphoria crash down on him and he moans out sweetly for you, forehead resting against yours as ribbons of white sticky cum start to fill you up. You feel so fucking full, stuffed with his throbbing length and his cum that continues to just pump inside of you, leaving you breathless and your head positively spinning.

Muscles like jelly, Satoru collapses onto you, trapping you down against the mattress and smothering you with his warmth, body light with sweat. Your breasts squish against his chest and fuck, even that makes him happy. He’s panting heavily, head resting next to yours and staying buried inside of you, not wanting to pull out. You still feel the bliss from your first proper orgasm, hand coming up to stroke along his toned back, letting yourself stay in the pleasant daze. He smiles softly, endeared by not only your gentle touch but the expression you wear. He leans in to scatter light kisses against your neck, hand coming up to tenderly cup your cheek. When he does manage to lift himself up, Satoru gazes at you with something you couldn’t quite figure out. It did make you feel all warm and happy though.

His thumb brushes tears away, kissing your forehead before he finally decides to slide out of your tight heat. You pout at the loss, feeling your hole clench now around nothing. His sticky cum already starting to seep out and smear across your thighs when you clench them together, wanting to stay full of his seed. He slumps onto his side, draping his arm across your body to pull you in. He actually got what he wanted and not only that, you’ve been shaped into someone who craves to worship him. That and, you felt good from him fucking your cunt. All wins in his book.

You shyly look towards him, rolling over to face him properly. A mixture of emotions begins to overwhelm you. You feel gratitude that he did this for you but, sadness seems to be stronger now. He only did this— He only made love with you because there was nothing else you could do in return for bills to be paid. What if you want more of him? Your bottom lip trembles and bring a hand up to wipe at your eyes. “Thank you, Master… For doing this. I know it— must be hard 'cause there was nothing else and I really appreciate that you’ll pay my bills so I won’t be homeless… And I’m even more thankful that you made my first time feel good.” Your voice is breathless, clearly, your throat is tired from all of the crying out for him.

His lips curl up into a knowing smirk, noticing the fear start to appear in your face once more. You want to rely on him. He leans up on his elbow, hand cupping the side of his face and he sighs, a little dramatically. “Yes, well. I’m always happy to help my sweet girl out. Don’t feel too guilty, you made me feel good. I really enjoyed myself, Y/N.” He says, free hand coming up to brush hair out of your eyes. He pretends to think deeply and you notice the frown appearing, eyes widening. “What? What is it? I’ll— I’ll do more if I have to? I want to. I don’t feel guilty, I really liked it.” You ramble out nervously, hand pressing against his toned chest. Deep down, you know it’s just you craving to touch him again. Satoru shakes his head, ignoring the way white strands of hair stick to his temples from sweat. His hand comes up to cup over yours, giving a loving squeeze.

“No, I just have an idea… Do you always want to worry about bills, Y/N? You’re always so stressed, I see it on your face all the time when you come to work. It concerns me. Every single day, your mind seems to be filled with your worries. Bills. Appointments. The potential threat of being homeless. Not being able to eat or time to wash clothes..” He trails off and you feel embarrassed that he seems to read your mind. It’s one of the main reasons you asked to wear shorts. Yet, why do you feel yourself starting to fill up with hope? What is this idea? “What is it, Master?” You whisper, leaning into him and eyes just showing are willing you are to be completely devoted to him. It’s a miracle his cock doesn’t start to harden for the third time. That would be pleasantly painful for him.

Quietly, Satoru laces his fingers with yours and brings them up to his lips, kissing your knuckles as his crystal blue eyes never leave yours. “Instead of being filled with worry, why don’t you live with your Master? Your God.” He emphasises, leaning in so his lips hover over yours. “I’ll take good care of you and not a single thing in that cute brain of yours will have to stress you out anymore. Just live day by day, happily by my side. Do whatever you want in your new home. You can continue to serve me, which I know you enjoy doing… In multiple ways, it seems.” He chuckles at his own implication and your heart starts to race.

Just the mere idea of living with him leaves you feeling ecstatic. It’s something you always wanted, really. You hated being so far away from him in the first place. You’d often think what if he needed you during the night? He cherishes you so much. Satoru has never been too strict with you. Always praising and spoiling you in his own ways. Wouldn’t that only grow if you lived with him? It excites you. Just the thought of always being around him. To be able to welcome him home from work properly. Besides, after making love with him… How could you not already crave more? Satoru waits patiently for your answer, pressing a tender kiss to the crook of your jaw. He already knows what you’ll say. He’s confident in that. Again, he selfishly thinks how you are meant for him, and he’s meant for you. You squeal softly, launching yourself at him and he manages to take hold of you, rolling together until he’s on his back and you’re on top of him, looking ever so pretty in his eyes; even with dried tears on your cute face and sweat coating your body.

“I want to live with you, Master.” You whisper, tears of happiness in your eyes. No more worries. Only comfort, peace, happiness and pleasure. Of course, the pleasure. Satoru smiles up at you, pleased with the success of his manipulation. All his for good. He remembers something. “Yeah? In that case, will you also wear cute maid outfits while you work?” He teases lightly, knowing you wouldn’t deny it. You nod eagerly, not bothered by how inappropriate that would be. You’re living with him as his ‘sweet maid’. Besides, maid outfits are cute; thoughts copying his from moments ago.

“Good girl. Now c’mere and give me a kiss.”

You oblige happily.

#fae's writing #fae; writing. #fae; satoru. #gojo x reader #gojo satoru x reader #satoru x reader #gojo x you #gojo satoru x you #satoru x you #jjk scenario #jjk writing #gojo scenario #gojo smut #satoru smut #gojo satoru #gojo #gojo writing #anime scenario #anime smut #minors dni #jjk x reader #jjk x you #satoru gojo x reader #satoru gojo x you #female reader #reader insert #gojo x fem reader #gojo fanfic #satoru fanfic #jjk smut

[satoruwiki]

Could you write something with Todo sometime?

✦ ₊˚୭ DRESS UP FOR ME ❜ .⊹꒷₊

MINORS, AGELESS AND BLANK BLOGS DNI !!

content: nsfw; smut; porn w no plot; afab!reader; fem!reader; implied relationship; public sex; unprotected sex (oops); creampie

w.c: 1k

n/a: i had to look up todo’s age, i almost did not write abt him lol. got inspired by that one pic of amber heard cosplaying as a overwatch character bc apparently elon musk said she looked like her and then proceeded to have seggs w the cosplay on lmao. english isn’t my first language and im still a rookie at writing so bear with me please! any feedback/request/interaction supporting this post is very much appreciated :b

You stared at yourself through your phone camera, fixing minimum details on your hair and makeup, making sure you looked perfect and snapped some pictures of your outfit, happy with the result.

“How do I look?” You asked, doing a little spin to show your whole outfit, turning around to look at your boyfriend, who stood on the door frame, leaning his weight against it. “I think I did a pretty good job, especially with the makeup; what do you think?” You fidgeted with your fingers in anticipation, hoping for his approval. After all, the biggest Takada fan here was him.

Todo was speechless. The fact that you took your time to cosplay his favourite idol had his heart rattling in his chest and his cock half-hard by how good you looked right now.

"You look great, breathtaking even," Words faltered to describe what you were making him feel right now, his mind already flooding with thoughts of what he'd do to you if he had the time right now.

You giggled, standing on tiptoe to give him a short kiss. "Thank you, baby. Let's go to that meet and greet before we're late."

-

"Fuck- Baby, I’m sorry. I know I said I'd wait till we got home but- " Todo groaned, groping the fat of your ass as he pumped in and out of you languidly. He wasn't actually sorry, but he hoped you could forgive him for putting you in a compromising situation like this, at a convention of all places. “I can’t keep my hands off you when you look like this, so cute f'me,” He sighed, his eyes fixed on his girth thrusting in and out and stretching your tight cunt.

You covered your mouth to silence your moans, the adrenaline rushing through your veins as Todo fucked you in the bathroom stall. Your heart pounded in your ears, you weren't sure if it was the fear of being caught in the act that made you feel more sensitive than usual, but every stroke of his cock in your insides had you on the edge. His touch burned under your skin, the air thick with your gasps and his.

"Todo, let's go home," you sobbed between quiet moans; it was becoming more difficult to quiet your sounds as his shaft kept rutting into you and you got closer to your peak, your legs quivering as the band of coiling pleasure was about to snap.

He bent over to whisper in your ear, his cologne filling your nostrils. He always smelled so good that it made you moan. "And have other men come to you and ask for pictures?" Todo clicked his teeth disapprovingly, "Nah, we're not leaving without me marking you. Let them know that Takada's cute cosplayer has a man who has her crazy for his cock," He hissed, pressing his lips on the side of your neck. You winced, feeling his mouth nibble and suck at your skin, bruising it.

So that's why Todo was so adamant about dragging you into the washroom stall and fuck you right here right now. His jealousy had gotten the better of him when he noticed other men - losers, in his words- looking at you with the same eyes he did.

"Besides, you're close, aren't you? I can feel this pretty pussy throbbing and squeezing me so good," Todo panted, his cock twitching inside you as his broad hand slipped underneath your top, pushing your bra upside to fondle your breast, playing with your hardened nipple, your whole body shuddering underneath him.

You let out a breathy sigh, borderline a whine, your pretty face contorting into a scowl, nipping at your lip to stifle your moans. You'd never get used to the girth of his cock and how full it made you feel, nor its length, feeling its thrusts kissing your cervix so deliciously up to your throat, having your breath hitching and ragged and your mind clouded.

"Todo, harder, please," you begged, turning to look at him through your glassy eyes, meeting his thrusts striking your ass against his hips.

"Are you sure, baby, you want the whole world to hear how slutty you can be when I pound your pussy?" You nodded, a pout forming on your lips, needy whines escaping you.

Todo straightened his posture, his hand sliding back to your hips, his grip firm on them; something about you cosplaying his favourite idol and being so into getting fucked in public had his cock throbbing and him going feral. "You little minx, you're gonna get us in trouble," Todo grunted lowly, a lascive grin tugging the corner of his lips, "But I can't say no to you when you look so fucking hot like this."

He picked up his pace, his hips slamming against your ass, the sounds of squelching and smacking flesh loud enough to be heard outside the washroom. "Just stay as quiet as you can, okay, doll?" Todo grunted, babbling about how tight your soppy pussy felt once he went rougher with you, pressing his hand on your belly to feel his dick massaging your walls.

You arched your back, his cock going deeper inside you, pounding that spot that had you seeing stars and drooling.

Your walls spasmed and contracted, moaning his name. Todo's thrusts became sloppy, slow but rough. "Holy fuuuckk- always so fuckin' good, you always know how to take my cock," his breath shattered, emptying himself inside you in one final powerful thrust. You whimpered, his warm load gushing out of you and littering the floor beneath you.

"Shit, such a mess you made, babe," he said, caressing the side of your ass cheek before pulling out, tucking himself back in his slacks and putting your underwear back in place - he still wanted you to keep some of his cum inside you till you got back home so he could keep fucking you good. 

"You alright? I didn't mess too much of your makeup, did I?"

#KY000 ★ #jjk #jjk x reader #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen #jjk smut #jjk fanfic #jjk x y/n #jjk todo #todo aoi #aoi todo #aoi toudou #todo x reader #aoi todo x reader #aoi todo x you #todo aoi x reader #anime smut #jjk thirsts #aoi todo smut #todo aoi smut #anime fanfic #jujutsu todo #jujustsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen todo #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujustsu kaisen smut #jjk x reader smut #todo jjk #jjk aoi

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

Date Night Surprises

Pairing: Eddie Brock x Reader x Venom

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: uhhh okay where to begin lmao PWP, tentacle fucking(?), semi-public, voyeurism, exhibitionism, degradation, praise, they're both so foul, dubcon maybe I hope I got them all but this was so self indulgent lmao

Genre: SMUT some fluff too but mostly just smut lmao

Summary: Venom wants to surprise you during date night

A/N: So for those of you keeping up with my fic rec blog you might have noticed I've fallen into a Venom hole lately. Did I plan on going down this path? No but then I saw a post about one of Venom's kinks would be touching you in public if you were his host and I simply had to see that concept actualized so here we ARE

***

You swipe gloss over your lipstick as you look at your outfit. You're wearing a tight black ruched dress with a plunging v-neckline. Your black heels make you a few inches taller but not taller than your date. You grab your purse and head to your living room where your boyfriend is waiting on the couch.

"Hey! You ready to go sweetness?" Eddie stands, slipping his phone into his pocket.

"Yeah just about!" You smile giving him a kiss on the cheek.

"You look fucking gorgeous." His eyes trail down your body appreciatively.

"Thank you! You look good too, as always." You tell him. He's wearing a button-up shirt and dress pants, it's a smart look.

"Knock it off!" Eddie snaps over his shoulder.

"Woah!" You chuckle.

"Sorry princess, that wasn't directed at you." Eddie sighs.

"No, I know. Lover's quarrel?" You smile. Eddie places his hands on your hips and shakes his head.

"He drives me nuts just a bit."

"Yeah?" You place a hand on his cheek, trying to be empathetic without making Venom think you're siding with Eddie. Eddie huffs and throws his hands up in the air.

"Alright, can I run something by you?" He tucks his hands under his arms, a nervous tick of his that usually he only does when it's something serious.

"Of course you can honey, is it work related? Because we can talk about it at dinner if it is. I don't wanna be late." You tell him.

"It's not work related and we actually need to discuss it before we leave."

"Okay, what's going on Eddie? Is everything alright?"

"Venom has an- idea that he's demanding I talk to you about." Eddie looks like he's forcing the words out of his mouth.

"Okay well, what is it? You guys are so dramatic." You muse.

"He wants to- change hosts for date night."

"What like he wants to skip it? Is V getting tired of my company?" You joke though you are confused by Eddie's explanation.

"Actually quite the opposite. He wants you to be his host  tonight and I told him there was absolutely no way we could ask you to do that but he won't let it go so I'm asking you before he does something rash." Eddie sighs. Venom has been part of your relationship for most of the two years since your first date with Eddie but this is something you've never explored.

"Me?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"I have no idea. He won't tell me. Look, this- whole thing is weird, I mean, having one inside you, it's weird. You don't have to do this okay?"

"I know I don't have to." You tell him. "Hey Venom? Can you come out here so we can chat real quick?" You ask and you just barely catch Eddie's tight-lipped expression before he's surrounded by the black goo you've become pretty familiar with. You have to step back to accommodate the dramatic difference in size between Eddie and Venom.

"HELLO LITTLE CHOCOLATE DROP!"

"Hello Venom." You place your hand on his cheek gently. "What exactly are you planning sweetie?"

"IT'S A SURPRISE."

"For me or for Eddie?" You quirk an eyebrow at him curiously.

"BOTH!"

"And this surprise requires you to be in my body?"

"YES!"

"V," you sigh.

"DO YOU NOT TRUST ME LITTLE ONE?!"

"Of course I do! Eddie's not fond of surprises though you know that."

"I KNOW BUT HE WILL LIKE THIS ONE!"

"Fine, we can do it, but only for dinner. When we get home you'll go back to Eddie. Understood?"

"PERFECT!"  Venom wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you towards him. He practically lifts you in the air as he kisses you and you feel a strange indescribable feeling as Venom transfers from Eddie to you. You let out an involuntary groan as you feel Venom bind himself to you.

"God y/n are you okay?" Eddie holds your arms, worry clear on his face as he takes in your look of discomfort.

"Fine- I'm fine. That was just weird." You shake your head as you start to get familiar with the feeling.

"I told you it was weird." Eddie chuckles.

I LIKE IT HERE! I'M USED TO BEING IN YOUR BODY FROM OUTSIDE OF IT. Venom's voice rings loudly in your head and you can't stop the shocked look on your face at his words.

"What's with that look?" Eddie muses.

"Venom said something crude. Nothing new. We should go, or we're gonna be late E." You tell him grabbing your keys and heading to the door.

"I can't believe you let Venom make you his host. How did he even know you'd be able to handle it?" Eddie asks as you head downstairs to your car. Eddie rides his bikes most of the time but when you're not dressed for it you guys will take your car, which he usually insists on driving.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST KNOW THESE THINGS!

"He says sometimes you just know." You shrug.

LITTLE ONE?

Yes, Venom?

EDDIE LIKES TO IGNORE ME WHEN I TALK. YOU WON'T IGNORE ME LIKE HIM WILL YOU?

You chuckle at Venom's request.

"What's so funny?" Eddie asks.

"Venom is complaining because you ignore him." You tell Eddie.

"Oh is he now? Well, he can complain all he wants, since he's not in my head anymore I don't want to hear what he has to say the rest of the night."

HE'S GOING TO WANT TO WHEN HE HAS TO THANK ME LATER. TELL HIM I SAID THAT.

"Venom says you're going to want to when you thank him later."

"What did I just say?" Eddie scoffs.

"I mean, first of all you're going to get him back later tonight so you can only ignore him for so long. Secondly, I figured you should hear that one because the host switch was because of some surprise he's got planned for the both of us." You shrug.

"I don't think I even wanna know what he's planning." Eddie scoffs.

"Aw come on now, I'm sure whatever Venom's got planned is gonna be great."

"Have you met Venom? There's no way it's a good idea." Eddie shakes his head.

HEY!

"Eddie don't be mean." You scold playfully. Eddie rolls his eyes. At this point you've arrived at the restaurant and whatever Eddie might have said to defend his point he drops when the host asks him for the reservation.

TELL EDDIE WE WANT TO SIT IN ONE OF THE BOOTHS

Does it matter V?

YES

You sigh and grab Eddie's shirt lightly before he can address the host.

"Venom would like us to sit  at one of the half circle booths if possible." You whisper to him.

"What? Why?" Eddie frowns.

"I don't know but he insists it matters." You shrug. Eddie sighs and speaks to the host, who has no problem sitting you in a booth as requested. You order your food quickly and as soon as you're alone again Eddie leans closer to you.

"How are you feeling? With the whole Venom thing."

"I'm fine E, it's not like Venom would ever hurt me. It takes a little getting used to but it's fine." You shrug.

"If anything starts to feel- you know wrong at any point let me know, and we'll switch back immediately."

"Thank you Eddie." You smile at him. "So how's work? You and Venom eat any bad guys lately?"

"Well technically I don't eat them."

WE HAVEN'T EATEN ANYONE! HE'S SUCH A PUSSY.

You snicker at Venom's almost whiny voice in your head.

TELL HIM I THINK HE'S A PUSSY

"Venom thinks you're a pussy for not letting him eat people." You say through barely hidden laughter. A waiter comes by with your dinners and Eddie waits for him to disappear before he responds.

"We literally haven't done anything involving bad guys. Who was he supposed to eat? Mrs. Chen?" Eddie huffs.

"I honestly don't know how you manage to keep a straight face with Venom chatting in your head like this all the time. He's kind of hilarious." You shake your head.

"You can say that because he's so sweet on you he'd never argue over your every decision." Eddie rolls his eyes.

I WOULDN'T ARGUE IF HE MADE GOOD DECISIONS LIKE YOU LITTLE ONE

Thank you Venom you smile to yourself as you respond to him in your head. You remember to take bites of your food as you and Eddie continue to talk.

"So what have you been up to then? If you're not catching bad guys?" You ask, your attention so focused on Eddie that you don't notice the tendril coming out from you under the table. It's not until the tendril presses against your clit that you know it's there and you have to strangle a gasp at the feeling.

"Nothing terribly interesting just-" Eddie's words trail as he notices your body tense up. "Babe? You okay?" He frowns.

"I'm fine, keep talking." You tell him, struggling to keep your voice steady as Venom toys with the little bundle of nerves between your legs.

Venom what the hell are you doing

SHHH JUST LET ME MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD

I'm trying to talk to Eddie and you're distracting!

BUT YOU DON'T WANT ME TO STOP. I CAN TELL, YOUR BODY IS BEGGING FOR MORE.

"Y/n?" Eddie's voice ends your conversation with Venom.

"Yes? Sorry? Did you ask me something?" You blink at him.

"Princess, what's going on? Seriously."

TELL HIM. Venom's command is paired with increased speed against your sensitive nub.

"It's just- ah, Venom." You say dismissively.

TELL HIM WHAT I'M DOING LITTLE ONE! Another tendril begins prodding at your entrance.

"Do you need us to switch back? Are you hurt? What's he doing to you?" Eddie's voice is frantic as he looks at you.

"I'm fine E- I promise. It's just- Venom has decided to entertain himself a little bit." You grit out as Venom begins fucking you with one tendril while the other keeps playing with your clit.

"What do you-" Eddie stops when you finally let out a quiet whine. "Y/n, is Venom, touching you right now?" Eddie's voice is low as he asks.

"He's ah- he's actually fucking me." You whimper as Venom picks up the speed of his tendril moving between your walls. You lean forward slightly, gripping the edge of the table, the pulsing appendage inside you quickly becoming overwhelming. Eddie leans back, an amused smirk on his lips as he watches your reactions.

"Venom, is this why you wanted to switch hosts tonight?" Eddie asks.

SURPRISE!

"H-he said surpr- surprise." You knock your head back against the booth, your breathing unsteady as you speak.

SIT UP! LOOK AT EDDIE!

Venom please- Even your internal voice sounds needy as you try to reason with him, the feeling of him filling you is so distracting.

I SAID SIT UP! Tendrils make quick work of forcing you into the desired position.

"God you look gorgeous." Eddie says, resting his head in his hand to watch you closely. Venom's pace is unrelenting as he continues to growl sinful things in your head. "Venom you should see what you're doing to her." Eddie says.

I CAN FEEL EVERY OUNCE OF PLEASURE YOU FEEL. IT'S BETTER THAN SEEING IT! TELL HIM.

"H-he can feel m-my pleasure. B-better than ssseeing it." You stutter out to Eddie.

LOOK AT HOW HE'S LOOKING AT YOU. HE WANTS TO EAT YOU MORE THAN I DO!

You force your eyes open to take in the way Eddie is watching you over the table. His eyes are dark and full of desire and the look makes you clench around Venom.

"Eddie- it's too much." You whimper.

"Too much? I think you can take it. We do much worse at home." Eddie taunts you.

"We aren't at home!" You yelp, jolting forward slightly when Venom thickens the tentacle that's thrusting in and out of you.

"Well then you should try not to be too loud. Isn't that right princess?"

"Fucking hell." You sigh out, trying to temper the tightening coil in your core.

DON'T FIGHT ME LITTLE ONE.

"Venom- slow down. P-please." You moan shakily.

"She can take it V. In fact, I think she can take more." Eddie smirks.

"Eddie!" You look at him, gasping when Venom follows his suggestion and thrusts harder into you and increases the circles he's been drawing on your clit. "oh my god." You whisper, dropping your head.

"Look at me princess." Eddie coaxes, leaning across the table long enough to tilt your head up by the chin. "Such a pretty thing, all fucked out and desperate. Ready to fall apart for me, for us."

HE'S RIGHT. WATCHING YOU FALL APART IS OUR FAVORITE THING.

"Venom, don't totally wreck her. We'll finish her off at home." Eddie commands. "But, you are going to cum at this table princess."

"Eddie please-" You whimper, feeling your face heat at the suggestion that you're going to do something like that in public. You're sitting somewhat in a corner of the restaurant where no one can really see you but still, you worry you'll draw too much attention to yourself if this goes on much longer.

YOU LIKE THIS DON'T YOU? YOU BEG US TO SLOW DOWN BUT WE KNOW THE TRUTH. YOU LIKE BEING TOYED WITH THIS WAY, EVEN IN PUBLIC. ANYONE COULD SEE YOU AND STILL YOU WANT TO CUM. YOU ARE SUCH A SLUT FOR US.

You whine loudly at Venom's words, letting your head fall to the table for a moment before you manage to say anything.

"You're both so vile it's not fair." You pout.

"Aw is Venom teasing you too princess? What did he say baby?"

TELL HIM LITTLE ONE. TELL HIM I KNOW HOW BADLY YOU WANT TO CUM. TELL HIM YOU'RE A DESPERATE SLUT FOR US.

"H-he knows how b-badly I want to cum, e-even in public."

"And do you? Want to cum princess?" Eddie asks.

"Yes. So badly." You whimper.

BEG FOR IT SWEET ONE. BEG US TO LET YOU CUM.

"Ah! Pl-please. Eddie, Venom- please, please let me cum."

"You're begging now? You gonna make a mess all over that seat? God you are such a slut."

"Venom agrees." You mutter.

"Does he now? Good. It's true. You are a slut. Our slut. Isn't that right princess?" Eddie slides over in the booth so he's beside you rather than in front of you, but you hardly notice as Venom continues to fuck you under the table.

"Yes." You pant out to him.

"Yes what baby? Say it."

"I- I'm your slut." Venom responds with increased pressure on your clit that has you jolting forward with a moan.

"Good girl."

"Can I cum Eddie? Please?"

"Go ahead princess, show me how good you are. Cum for us like the good little whore we know you are for us." Eddie says, his voice is deceptively sweet as he gives the filthy command.

"V-Venom?" You whine out loud even though you don't need to.

"Be nice V. She's been good." Eddie coaxes.

GO AHEAD SWEETNESS CUM FOR US. LET EDDIE SEE HOW GOOD IT FEELS.

Venom pairs his words with harsher thrusts that force you ever the edge. A tendril covers your mouth as you convulse in your seat, preventing your moans from being heard by other patrons. You try to control your orgasm but they'd worked you up so much you can't help the sounds coming from your lips.

"That's it gorgeous. So good for us. And so beautiful." Eddie's words gently bring you back to reality as the aftershocks of your release finally quiet down.

YOU DID GREAT LITTLE ONE.

"You guys will surely be the death of me." You chuckle breathlessly.

NO. WE WON'T LET YOU DIE.

"Alright, I think we need to get you home sweetheart." Eddie says flagging down a server to request your check. He makes quick work of paying the bill and helping you to the car despite your unsteady legs.

"You both are terrible." You shake your head as Eddie starts the car, finally recovered enough to talk.

"Hey I didn't even know this was going to happen! It was a surprise for both of us remember? But I'm not going to miss a chance to watch you fall apart like that." Eddie kisses your temple quickly at a red light.

"Menaces. Absolute menaces. Take your buddy back. You're even worse when you're apart."

"I'm driving darling. I'll take him back when we get home. V leave her be for the drive back. If you're nice to her now you can take the reigns at home." Venom appears behind your shoulder to respond to Eddie directly.

"PROMISE?" Venom asks him.

"Yeah, I promise." Eddie chuckles.

"DEAL! I'M GOING TO RUIN YOU SWEET ONE!"

"We, Venom." Eddie corrects.

"WE- BUT MOSTLY ME."

You chuckle at the both of them, content with this reprieve you have now, knowing you're in for a very long night.

***

#venom fanfiction #venom x reader #venom #eddie brock x reader x venom #marvel #marvel fanfiction #eddie brock x reader #eddie brock #eddie brock fanfic #venom smut #venom fluff #eddie brock smut #Eddie Brock fluff

[dulcewrites]

Fool Me Once (part 10)

Summary: As tensions arise in King’s Landing, you make moves to assure the safety of your children. Final breaths are taken, pacts are made and broken, steel is drawn and the dragons dance.

Warning: mentions of stillbirths/pregnancy issues, allusions to self harm, some unreliable narrator if you squint. In our f&b bag fr!

A/N: you guys 🥺 we are finally on the last part. First, I want to say I am sooooo sorry about how long it took to get this one out. By the time I’m posting this I’m sort of like, do people even still care lmao 💀. Life has been hectic and tbh I’ve been putting some focus onto other things. Shameless plug to my other, more happy Aemond x oc series, on ao3. As well as I’ve gotten so much amazing feedback and interactions about this fic that I was slightly worried about how people would take the end. Speaking of feedback, and moving on to the more sappy stuff. My writing side blog has grown exuberantly since posting part 1 of fmo last year. It genuinely makes me emotional thinking about the little community that’s come from it. I hope to continue to make more stuff that I’m not only happy with, but further pushes said community ❤️❤️ if y’all have any hotd request let me know. Please reblog, like, and comment. As well as come chat in my inbox if you see something you like.

Slight housekeeping, though if you made it this far you probably already know. This fic does change the dance for self indulgent reasons (lol) and for the narrative of it all. This started as a cheating story and has sort of spun into something entirely else.

Fmo masterlist

Blog masterlist

Ninth moon of 129 AC

Rhaenyra’s voice could be heard from down the hall.

You wanted to reassure yourself that you had heard those screams before from Helaena, or even from yourself giving birth. But there was something so terribly guttural about the ones Rhaenyra was making.

As if outcome of the birth hung in the air. Lingering with the ghost of the past death that happened in the Red Keep. You try not to focus on the sheer look of panic on Jace’s face once you leave him at the door.

By the time you got to her chambers, Rhaenyra is already surrounded by midwives as she is hunched over, palms spread out against the wall. Midwives, and Alicent, whose face was terribly pale. Almost as drained of color as Rhaenyra. Her normally straight blonde hair wavy and stuck to her forehead with the sheen of her own sweat.

Alicent spots you, and gets away from her position from around her. She pulls you over to the side, but before she can even speak you interrupt her. The midwives begin to move Rhaenyra from her standing position to on the bed.

“Has this happened before,” you watch as Rhaenyra pleas lessen and lessen, her state becoming more sedated than what is probably normal.

Alicent shakes her head. Her auburn curls had been released for the night from the tight updo they were in earlier.

“No, at least not the first three,” she swallows hard before coming closer to you. “I fear - I fear this labor may go awry. I think we need to make preparations for if…”

The words catch in the back of Alicent’s throat. She is here with Rhaenyra; she has always been with Rhaenyra. Even when they were at odds; two ghosts haunting each other’s memories. Two sides of the same coin, causalities of the cruel fate. You want to feel sorry her; knowing that she is watching a close… companion go through this, but your mind has been elsewhere since earlier that day.

“Your son has made preparations,” you cross your arms. “All of them actually.”

Alicent brows furrow in confusion, and it dawns on you that Aemond and Aegon never clued their mother in on their little plan.

“You do not know, do you?”

“No, I do not know what your husband has been getting into. I rarely do these days.”

You and her both.

Rhaenyra lets out another groan.

“Where is Daemon,” you ask as Rhaenyra begins to mumble things incoherently to the midwives.

“He took one look at her, and left the room,” Alicent frowns. “She called for him but he went to get Jacaerys instead.”

And Jace came for you on the behest of Alicent. Tis the way of men you suppose. Often, they are absolute nuisance in situations like this, but you could not help but think that mayhaps if Daemon had stayed to seen her in this state, he would not put her through such things again. But that is giving him far more credit than you know he deserves.

“Alicent,” Rhaenyra manages to mumble out the name louder. Her eyes fluttering open and shut.

Alicent instantly rushes over, dropping the conservation she has started with you.

As you watch Alicent coax Rhaenyra through this, her words ring out. Though she did not elaborate on what those plans should be, she was right. Aemond had taken the reigns from your hands plenty times before. Safety will not be completely ensured until any threat is taken out. You have never been to battle nor war, and even you know that. A slightly morbid thought creeps into your head.

If Rhaenyra dies, Aegon could descend the throne.

It was laughable for Rhaenyra, or anyone who supports her claim, to believe known bastards would follow her in the line of succession. Or that Daemon would not bypass Rhaenyra’s first three boy in order to ensure power for her last two. It would mean an all-out war between Aegon and Daemon… but maybe it did not have to go that far. Not if plans were made to undercut whatever moves you know Daemon could put into place.

They are all back in King’s Landing, no longer under the false tranquility they tried to spin at Dragonstone. Amongst their patrons who already have much to say about Rhaenyra’s still short reign.

Aegon on the throne would ensure the safety of all of the kids. And not only the kids, but the kingdom as a whole. A war of succession, especially including dragons, would only bring destruction. Rhaenyra’s boys would have a chance to swear obeisance after Daemon is out of the way, and if not, their presence will not be needed. Bastard blood being spilt is nothing compared to the life your children.

They could go back to Dragonstone and live their lives out there with young Egg and Viserys. With the possibility of Daemon for a father, they would be better off for it.

Your thoughts are broken by the midwives telling Rhaenyra to try and push.

There was already a significant amounts of blood trailing where Rhaenyra had been. Her pushes do little to soothe the position she is in. In frustration and pain, eventually Rhaenyra, much to the chagrin of the midwives and Alicent, shoos them all away. Reaching down to pull the babe out herself.

Letting out an already grief-stricken scream as she does it.

The air is sucked from the room as a gush of blood rushes out of Rhaenyra, followed by a tiny body.

A tiny… silent body. Wrapped in scales and slightly deformed.

No one speaks as they watch Rhaenyra pick up the baby from between her legs and rocks it as if trying to lure it into crying, into breathing. But nothing comes. Just silence, and the aches of a daughter stuck in the self-fulfilling prophecy of a mother that is no longer around.

It is not proper nor lady-like, and you can hear your own mother’s voice in the back of your telling you how rude it is in a time like this, but you just turn and leave. Without a word or peep. Suddenly feeling sick you go back down the hall, back to your chambers. Ignoring Jace who calls your name out in confusion by the sudden silence coming from his mother’s room.

By the time you make it back to the room, Aemond had gotten himself ready for bed. Completely casual as if the events earlier meant nothing to him.

“What’s happened,” he notices your ashen face.

You take one look at your husband, you think of your children away in a place foreign to them, and the stillborn baby Rhaenyra clutched in her arms.

The bile comes up quick. So quick you barely make I to the basin on the other side of the room. The dry heaving reminds you that you barely ate anything today, too worried about the task at hand.

You flinch when you feel a cold hand on your back. Shrugging Aemond’s hand off, you turn head with a glare.

“You made your move,” you mutter. “I’ll give you that. But now we are going to this my way. And Aemond, so help me, a single hair on those kid’s heads is harmed and I am not with them, I burn it all to the ground, you with it.”

You don’t know how and when, but you would do it for them if it came to that. You’d do anything for their safety. It may be time for others to realize that.

— — —

Princess Visenya Targaryen is set on the pyre a day and a half later. A small swaddled body lit on fire once Rhaenyra croaked out the words. Syrax blowing a mighty flame to burn Rhaenyra’s only little girl.

She was advised to stay in bed. Though her outward physical ailments had started to heal, it was clear Queen Rhaenyra was sick. Pale skin still prickling with sweat despite the cool air outside, dark bags starting to form under her eyes as she leans gently against the cane she was given.

You stand next to Aemond, Helaena, and Aegon. The only warm you feel from the fire in front on you.

It was slightly shocking when Helaena came up to you before the funeral with guilt written over her soft features.

“I just had… a funny feeling about the kids being here. I’m sorry.”

She knew.

You were not happy about once again feeling like you’re on the outside looking in with people you are supposed to call family. At least Helaena had the decency to feel ashamed by the omission. The decency to apologize. Guilt and Aemond is laughable being in the same sentence, and Aegon had been avoiding you. A thing that has not happened in months. Helaena was always right about these things; the scary part is that you all never really knew till the outcome already happened.

You run your hand over your black mourning dress. Peering out from under your veil, you make eye contact with Daemon across the fire.

Normally mirth filled eyes, and folly written all over his face had been replaced by an emptiness that scared you. Often, you had felt the unearned confidence and ambition around you was just noblemen living up to an expectation put on by others around them. But a Daemon, already known for his rogue behavior, feeling emboldened by the death of his brother, daughter, and the newly weakened state of his wife, made you nervous.

Only compounded when you think about the conversation shared at Dragonstone. Your loyalty was not expected, but even demanded. You can’t help but wonder if the kids not being around has only put a fiercer target on your back, or even on theirs.

You look over at Aegon - messy hair, bored expression, purple circles under his eyes. But he is no worse for wear compared to Rhaenyra.

If it one thing you have learned since being around this family, it is appearances often make up for everything. Slap a smile and nice outfit on, and people tend to believe what they see versus what is underneath the surface.

The funeral ends, and you make a sharp beeline towards Otto.

“I need to run something past you.”

You rake your knuckles against Aegon’s door, and get reply in return. You do it again, this time with more vigor, slightly embarrassed at Ser Arryk just watching you pound away.

“He is in there,” you question, turning to him.

“The last time I checked, he was my lady.”

The last time he checked?

You supposed not ever sworn protector can be as diligent as Quinton, and not every subject can be well behaved.

“Aegon,” you knock once more.

Blowing out frustrated air through your mouth, you turn to go but the door eventually swings open.

His hair is crumpled on one side, shirt unbuttoned, and reeking of wine. It had not hit you that he may be with someone.

“If you are… predisposed, I apologize. I can come back”

A dopey grin breaks out of face, before he hitched the door open wider. “No one is with me. Oh, dovelet were you worried about that?”

You look over to see Arryk raise a brow at you. You push at Aegon, further annoyed. “Go.” Forcing him back into his chambers.

“Everyone is so touchy today.”

You were there, before the funeral, when Alicent fussed at him about going to it. About trying to look engaged, which he clearly did not. You think about the conversation you had with Otto in his office.

“He is not going to like it. He has long come to terms with not wanting to be king.”

“But his wants are of no concern to you now, are they?”

When put that way, you can’t help but feel a bit bad. But it is true. What Aegon wants right now means little to you. He will eventually learn to like it, and if not like it, he will learn to tolerate it. The way others have to tolerate their fate in life. We are all stuck in the same miserable cycle; the only difference is some of us will not be able to call ourselves King of the Seven Kingdoms.

“We need to talk about some things.”

“Black is one your colors,” he changes the subject. “You should wear it more often.”

“Aegon, I’m serious,” you pinch your nose.

“Is this about the kids? I thought you would be happy they are out of harm’s way.”

“They are not out of harm’s way,” your voice raises, and this is not going the way it was supposed to.

You must push him with a gently hand. A woman’s touch.

There was a something slimy about how Otto ended the conversation. Sending you to Aegon to enact a woman’s touch… whatever that meant.

“But they could be,” you lower your voice. “If - If there was someone else at the helm. None of us would have to worry about their safety. About our safety.”

Aegon give you a funny look before flopping down on his bed.

He is drunk so he may not remember any of this by next morning. You sit next to him on the bed.

“There is no running from this. Despite what you may say, you know you would not be able to live with yourself if you left your family, your kids. Aegon, you are too smart not to know what this is all coming to.”

Though not something you voiced yourself, running was an option that crossed your mind. Finding a way out to Oldtown, grabbing your kids, and running. The logistics seemed all to wash away when the word dragon comes along. Traveling with two young kids would be difficult enough, managing to travel discretely with a giant dragon would not work. You don’t know how you would tell Daella to leave Vermithor.

And then a chill would run up your spine. Where could you go where he would not find you on dragon back?

The two of you sit in silence before Aegon sighs softly.

“Share a drink with me,” Aegon whispers. “Before we all die.”

It makes you laugh. Because that is all you can do at the folly that is your life. You nod softly.

The wine is a Dornish Red. Sweet, warm, and sultry tasting drink. It reminds you of the look Aegon is giving you.

Alicent peaks her head into the door.

“Rhaenyra,” she sees baby Aegon and Viserys sitting on their mother’s bed. Both babbling away over each other. Rhaenyra weakly waves her in. Both Egg and Viserys give Alicent tiny little bows. They do it to everyone, even those who technically do not have the same amount of power toddlers do. Bowing at guards, nursemaids, and court members alike.

The boys are eventually escorted out by one of the maids, but not until they both tell Alicent about the flock of lizards they found in the garden. It’s sweet, Alicent thinks. Reminds her of when her kids were that age. Not yet tainted or disrupted by the life around them. Alicent supposes she also has herself to blame for that when it comes to own children.

Both boys not understanding the position their mother is in. She knows that Rhaenyra is grateful at least two of her kids are not aware of her vulnerable state.

“How are you feeling,” Alicent sits at the edge of the bed next to her, taking in scattering of notes around Rhaenyra. Members of Rhaenyra’s small council have written notes for Rhaenyra to read while she is abed. From things as simple as the mouse problem in the Red Keep to things more serious. Like the Shepherd’s continued teachings; this week sermon’s going as far to say the death of the Visenya was an act of the Gods. That this is Rhaenyra’s punishment. Punishment for the dragon, the incest, the Targaryen of it all.

Alicent makes sure to only visit Rhaenyra when she knows she will not run into Daemon. He flaunted around the castle as if he has never left. Still the same air of arrogance and fire, only now swathed under a layer of coolness. The passing of Viserys, clearly leading him in a quieter path.

So many awful things lead back to that man. Alicent is sure of it.

All Rhaenyra can do is give a small smile and the shake of the head.

“A bit better now that you’re here.”

Alicent just ducks her head shyly.

Rhaenyra was always good at that, making Alicent feel like she was a girl again. Ten and four and completely out of her depth when it came to her feelings. An issue she worries she still has not gained control over.

“I am thinking of naming Daemon protector of the realm,” she then croaks out. “I do not know how much I can get done while in this bed. Watching it all crumble beneath me.”

Naivety. It is the only word that comes Alicent’s mind when it comes to how Rhaenyra handles Daemon. Ironically, it is the same way Otto describes her relationship with Rhaenyra. Her father never forgets a chance the remind her the nostalgia of girlhood, and security she wraps in Rhaenyra. The same way Alicent does not know if Rhaenyra has convinced herself that Daemon’s will head her council above anyone’s else is her true feelings, is the same way Alicent does not know if she holds onto the good parts of Rhaenyra because they still exist. Or because without holding onto them, she would be again flailing and alone. Once again left with the cold, empty feelings that comes with duty above else.

The only person Alicent saw ever cut Daemon down to size is now dead, rotting and finally silent. If Rhaenyra thinks the bond, she had with Daemon is anything more than him trying to hold onto the last semblances of Viserys he could find, she has been sorely mistaken.

“Mayhaps, you should speak that over with the rest of your council,” she pushes the duvet further over Rhaenyra. It is not her job to advise. She doesn’t know if she has it in her advising another clueless monarch. Another seemingly well meaning, but headstrongly clueless monarch. Rhaenyra gets her same propriety from her father.

Rhaenyra is not a bad person. The same way many people would say Viserys was not a bad person. But when all things are said and done, Viserys will be remembered as peaceful. Alicent worries history will not give the same charitable read to Rhaenyra. Who fumbles and doubles down on her bad actions in the way she learned from her father. Terribly misguided in each path they take, paying no mind to the carnage left behind.

Too much trust in Daemon. A fault both will have to live with or die by.

“Everything will be fine, once I recover,” she takes note of Alicent’s distant eyes. “It will be alright.”

You look so much like your father when you lie to me. So much like him with false hope and no tact. They riot in the streets over your reign already, and you are sure it will be alright.

Alicent just squeezes Rhaenyra’s hand. The way she used to when she used to get the urge to pick at her hands. She looks around the room. Rhaenyra, now laying in the same bed her father did before her. Alicent just hopes the morbid memories of Viserys do not haunt her in the way Aemma’s ghost still haunts Alicent to this day.

Aemma was right, and they did not even know it at the time. The birthing bed was their battlefield. And it feels like it is all catching up to them.

It has been a few minutes since your parents welcomed you into their parents, and in those few minutes your mother has done nothing but pick at your hair and fret over your outfit.

The sun was at its height in the sky, brightness peaking through their windows. This morning you woke up, and did what have for the past couple of days. Remember your children are not there for you to kiss and hug, and look over at your sleeping husband. Multiple ways of smothering him popping into your head.

“Wearing your hair back makes you look so severe, my darling,” she fiddles with bun. Your hand goes up the move it way. “And grey is not slimming on everyone.”

“Yes mother,” you try to grin and bear like you have always done. Your resolve faltered when she gushed about how lovely of a father Aemond was for wanting the kids to spend more time with their uncle, the excuse the both of you had parroted whenever someone asked here Daella and Alaric were.

“I think it may be best, if both of you go back home,” you sit both of them down. “I just worry that things may get a bit hectic, and I would feel better if you both were far from it.”

They both give you a curious look. There is only so much you can say without giving all away. Your father gets up and pulls you to the side.

“There has been… rumblings,” he mutters. “About the Queen and her state.”

He chooses his words wisely. As if he was worried others are listening.

“I want you to know that whatever path may arrive. The full backing of the house is behind it. Your uncle and I will make sure of that. If there was a change in power.”

Tears pinch and sting your eyes. It should be reassuring but it only makes you realizing that backing comes at the whim of others. This will always come back to who is ruling, and who people think should rule.

That is why you married Aemond right? To be put in the best position for your house.

“Thank you, father.”

He kisses you on the cheek, before leaving. You turn towards your mother who sits on the bench in front of the bed.

“I do hope your little excursion has renewed your spirit,” she gets up. “Your husband seemed just beside himself after you left. No wife, no children around. I can only imagine how hard that was for him.” You just stand there as she comes towards you. She stares at you for a moment, taking in your new dark dress, and hair. You cannot tell if the look is unimpressed, or filled with sadness. Your mother’s faces tend to blur together into nothingness.

“Of course, that is what you took from it,” you mutter.

“What was that, lamb?” Another hand runs over your hair.

“Nothing, mother.”

Your mother laughs a bit, in that cold, jilted way she does. The joy never reaching her eyes.

“It’s always been that way. Sweet with him, distant with me.”

You stare at her in slight shock, slight mortification when she leans back. Is that how she’s read the situation? You choosing your father over her. Not the paralyzing fear that came with having to please her. The heart arching want to make her proud of you, even at the expense of your own wants.

“You made it that way. I - you sent me away to - to this place and -“

“Oh, here we go. You got married to a Prince, you had your babies, and I am still the evil mother.”

She bows her head as is she about to cry. Initiatively, you put a hand on her shoulder.

“You’re not evil,” you don’t understand how the conversation how switcher so fast. How now you have to the one to comfort her. “We just don’t see certain things the same way.”

An understatement.

“Mayhaps, I was never meant to be a mother,” she looks up, eyes dry. She says it so casually.

“What?”

“I should have taken the hint after the first miscarriage. But your father just begged and begged about wanting a child.”

You just watch in horror.

She runs another hand over your hair, nagging on the bun and frowns.

“Some women just aren’t meant to be mothers. Too headstrong for it, too weak for it,” there is an air of pity when she says it.

She leans in, and her breath hits your ears. “Be careful, my lamb. The softer the heart, the harder the fall.”

You swallow hard. She’s fed a poison that is hard to be weaned off.

— — —

Leaving the room, in a slight daze. Softly shuffling the opposite way of your chambers, and up the large stairs. You had promised Rhaenyra you would come see her soon.

The only thing that breaks you out the trance is the heavy footsteps of Daemon. You stop and lower your head in acknowledgment.

“My prince, I have not been able to catch you to give my condolence.”

Daemon hums. You’ve noticed how he walks around with Dark Sister attached firmly on his hip. Sometimes sheathed, other times unsheathed as he leans against as some sort of crutch.

“I suppose I should be sending you sorrows too,” a small smile on his face. You tilt your head in confusion.

“Your children.”

Your blood runs a bit cold.

“They are just with their uncle. Taking it the beauty of Oldtown. We want them to see many parts of the realm.”

“With Vermithor?”

You just nod. “You must know how important the bond is between dragon and dragon rider. More importantly during these early stages.”

Daemon’s mirth grows as he comes closer. “I do remember our conversation. About how your loyalty would be not only expected but rewarded. I would absolutely hate to see anyone get hurt, especially as our queen is recovering.”

You smile, brightly and sound.

“Of course, it would be quite a shame if anyone was putting their own needs ahead of Queen Rhaenyra’s. Those close to her must be diligent, and kind.”

The two of you exchange more fake smiles before he steps around you, sword glistening under the flicker of flames in the hallway.

Trying to compose yourself as you make your way to the master chambers. You are slightly relieved by the changes that were made by the time Rhaenyra arrived and settled in. The model Viserys spent even his last days speaking about that collected dust had been removed. Different drapes that let the sun in, the furniture moved around a bit, and the smell. Thank Gods, the smell was different.

The smell of rotting, and noxious air replaced by something a little sweeter. You know that Alicent would come in daily and light different incense for Rhaenyra.

The guards let you in, and she is still in the same place she, day after day, the large canopy bed. The bed you see Viserys lay in as you visit him with Daella and or Alaric.

“Rhaenyra,” you pull back the certain a bit, to let light in. “Have you eaten today?”

You walk over and lay a hand on her forehead. She is burning up. Her fever spiking again. All you get is a groan and the shake of the head.

“Rhaenyra, you need to eat something.”

She just gestures toward the table. Different tonics, drinks, and glasses on top of it. You walk over to see tea as well as a familiar milky substance on it.

You remembered seeing how Viserys was when he was on milk of the poppy. Hells, you understood the strength of it, and you only took it while having Daella and Alaric.

It was the beauty and ugliness of the drug once it was taken too much. The pain was gone, but then came a new problem - the grogginess of the mind and withdrawals.

“The Queen only needs five dops of it,” said the maester, a sour look on his face once asked to leave when you visited her a few days ago.

In all her paranoia, Rhaenyra had asked only those closest to her to help administer it. Not trusting the maesters the very same way she did when it came to Viserys. Out of part guilt of what she just went through, and frankly fear, you agreed when she asked you. But now, as you feel the tides changing once again for the battle for power, your hands shake a bit applying the remedy to her tea.

One. Two. Three. Four. Five….. Six. Seven. Eight.

Before you can change your mind, you a twist cap back on the milk of the poppy.

You walk back to the bed, giving a pale Rhaenyra a strained smile. “Let’s sit you up.”

Rhaenyra winces, eyes in a faraway stare as you help her lean up in the bed. The same bed she had been beholden to for the past week. You bring goblet to her lips and watch her all but chug most of it.

A part of you wants to say a prayer to the Father. Perhaps he will forgive you for all that will happen beyond this point. Understanding how stray animals often act when they are backed into a corner. Teeth bared and fighting for their lives.

She will name him Protector of the Realm if she stays abed any longer. Despite the mistreatment, Daemon has always had a way about him when it came to Rhaenyra. I have no way to stop it. Did not back then, and do not now.

Guilt only mounts when you think about the sadness in Alicent’s eyes when she said that. But then you think about your daughter’s laugh or the wide-eyed innocence of your son, and the guilt fades. All that is left is resentment. A deep hole where you think your heart used to be.

You have to shudder thinking about anyone from this family sitting the throne but at least you know some options are more… malleable than others.

“I can come back to give you more when you need it,” you brush a stray hair behind Rhaenyra’s ear. “Maybe I can read to you too.”

She gives you a tired smile, and nod before her eyes begin to flutter. You watch as her breathing labors as she drifts into a hazy state. In and out of sleep. Here she lays, a victim of the birthing bed like her mother. Ill equipped, and far too foolish to see the damage she will leave behind like her father.

“What is all of this?”

You walk into your chambers to find a table of food in the room. Aemond hops up from the bed. You take a look at the array of breads, and sweets on the table.

“All this for me,” you question, popping one of the lemon candies on a lemon cake in your mouth. “How romantic. The last time I had the pleasure of such a spread, you were telling me you got your mistress pregnant and it sent me into excruciating labor.”

Aemond face falls, and for a moment you understand what it has been like for him the past few years of marriage. To hold power over him, even if it is small and fleeting in the moment. Dangling kindness in front of his face to rip it away for no reason other than you can.

You continue to pick at the food, as Aemond just stares.

“Are you gonna say what this all about or just stare with that silly look on your face?”

His face flashes from sad stoicism something a bit angrier. Ah, that’s your husband.

“I am trying to mend things with you, and all I ge-“

“Oh, that is your first mistake,” you hold up a finger. “Well, not the first. You know your first. But trying to mend something that was never there to begin with? And with food that I could get myself. You’re smarter than that Aemond,” you tut at him.

“So, what now? We spend the rest of our days hating each other?”

If we even get that far.

“It has worked for others,” you shrug.

“It won’t for you,” he rebuts. “The hate will eat you alive. You’ll be miserable.”

Promise?

He speaks as if he is so sure of it. As like Helaena does at times, he has seen into a murky future, and pulled this out. You utterly miserable as you let that dark voice in your head play out all your morbid desires.

“But you would like that, wouldn’t you,” you think about the look he gave you when you wanted to reach for his knife. “Why else would you put through all of this but to make me as miserable as you are?”

It hang on the tip of your tongue. You could push you luck again, and tell him that she is gone, and never to be seen again. Twist the knife that you already have point at his back. But then you would have to be sure of things yourself. Dreams have dissolved into nightmares. Blood mixing the salty water of Dragonstone.

Then you wake and Otto’s words ring in your head. He took care of it. Now you are left trying to sort out the mess of memories that makes up your head. Guilt, anger, and sadness all managing fuck with your head in ways you could not imagine.

You eye the wine on the table. As much you admonish Aegon for it, you do get why he turned to it from such a young age.

The few hours of solace it gives is wonderful. Fleeting but necessary when everything else becomes too loud. Too much.

“It was not an absence in you. It was one in us… in me,” he looks so young when he says it. It almost reminds you of him when he ten and five. Fresh off a growth spurt. Terribly shy, terribly distant. But that was before. Before the expectation of marriage, of children and semblances of loyalty and care.

That boy is gone, and you are surely not the girl you were once you came to King’s Landing. You mourn that girl, the way you mourn the boy Aemond was before he lost his eye. You did not know him then but you always wonder what strings in him broke when that happened. An unjust act with no reconciliation to follow. If any of that led up to the man standing before you today.

“Well, at least that is something we can agree on,” you look down, trying to get rid of the hot tears in your eyes.

You have spent time trying to build up an armor in front of him. You’d hate to have it crack now.

“My grandsire told me about your little plan.”

It makes you look up. Aemond’s arms are crossed in skepticism.

“Your sister’s health is declining rapidly. Aegon needs to ready himself for this.”

“And he has agreed?”

“Your brother will fall in line as he realizes this is the only way to keep those dear to him safe,” you fiddle with the chocolate tart. “He already has actually.”

Helaena and him took a trip to one of the orphanages down in the Red Keep. It is about time people outside of this castle get a look at those in power. Aemond still does not look convinced.

“Does that upset you? The thought of him being king?”

“No more than it does having my useless sister or foolish nuncle on the throne.”

“What, no mention of the bastards technically in front you for the throne right now,” you think the joke falls flat till Aemond narrows his eye, and tilts his head to side in merriment. You have to do a bit of double take at the slight smirk on his face.

“You danced with one of those bastards.”

So, he remembers that.

“A tactical move,” you roll your eyes. “And when I advise Rhaenyra and Jacaerys that he should go back to Dragonstone as the new heir to the Irone Throne and Prince of Dragonstone, it would have payed off.”

“Leaving Rhaenyra as she’s abed, and stuck with Daemon? How would you manage that?”

“I can be quite convincing,” you shrug. “Not that you would understand.”

He takes another dig on chin, uncharacteristically good natured this day, but he gives you that look. The look where you don’t know whether he wants to skin you or kiss you. No one really has ever looked in the way Aemond has. As if he sees nothing of what you’re really made of while managing to look right through you at the same time.

“Better yet, I may even tell Baela and Rhaena that they should take this time to be with grandmother and grandfather, especially as Corlys may stand a similar fate as Rhaenyra.”

“What about the other one,” Aemond frowns.

Your brows furrow in confusion before it dawns on you. Both him and Lucerys had done a good job of avoiding each other since you all came back from Dragonstone. But you can tell the tiptoeing has created strain and awkwardness for everyone.

“If Baela and Jace are gone with Moondancer and Vermax in toe, that just leaves a clearly petrified Luke and Arrax. I think Vhagar, Sunfyre or Dreamfyre can handle that, no?”

Aemond raises a brow. “You want them to die?”

“I don’t want anyone to die,” well that’s not entirely true, and the look Aemond gives you lets you in that he does not believe that as well. “As few casualties as possible is the goal. They can swear to Aegon when the time comes or be put the King’s Justice. As of now, we should take advantage of the uncertainty that rest amongst everyone.”

Aemond laughs, like really laughs. It takes you for surprise, and only upsets you. He laughs as if he finds your thoughts funny in the way seeing a squirrel run up a tree is funny. “What?”

“Nothing…. Lady Hightower.”

You scoff and throw the pieces of the fruit on the table at him. “Fuck off.”

“You make those faces and turn up your nose at Aegon being king, but you and I both know you will be the first to defend his throne,” you throw a strawberry at him but this time he catches it and eats it. “This is all for the kids, right? It is why they are not here, away from their mother?”

“They are away from their father as well. For their safety.”

You just hum.

“I want to write to them. They did not even get to say goodbye.”

“That could be dangerous.”

“I do not care, Aemond,” you raise your voice.

There is a knock at the door and Quinton comes in with a note in his hand. He eyes the food on the table as you read the note. It is from your father, assuring you about your parents soon departure back to the Riverlands.

“Are you alright,” he whispers. You nod softly. Quinton had been hovering somewhere in the background whenever Aemond was around, especially with the children gone. Clearly not trusting him around you.

Quinton should probably be more worried you around him. His cape swishes behind him when he goes to leave the room.

“You can write to them when the timing is better,” Aemond continues once you two are alone again.

The timing is never right. Not with him, not the with situation you are in.

The end of ninth moon of 129 AC

As you walk down the hall, a soft hand brushes against your arm.

“Are sure you are alright,” Quinton’s voice rings in your head, and tickles your ears softly.

“Of course,” you give fake smile, tilt of the head. He stops in the middle of the empty hall. Though he is your sworn protestor, you feel it is best to keep Quinton on the fringes unless needed otherwise. The less he knows, the safer he is you assume.

“I know you are not well without your children around,” he sighs. “But I would not want you to… sully yourself with things before you can get back to them.”

Sully. You take a long look at Quinton. There is something sweet about the way he views you. Entirely too earnest at time but sweet. You wish you could tell him he had nothing to worry about, and meant it. The pedastal he puts you on, my would it be a hard and long fall.

“I appreciate the concern, but I am ok,”’you reach up to touch his cheek. “You will be the first to know.”

He gives a half-hearted nod before then both of you continue your way to Rhaenyra’s chambers. When you get there the maidservants are beginning to place lights out in the hall for the night.

When you walk in, Rhaenyra is perched where she has been for some time now. Fiddling with the books on the shelf in the corner of the room.

“Maybe something a bit more upbeat. A love story,” you whisper. You go sit next to her on bed, flipping through the large brown book in your hand.

Rhaenyra begins to mumble as you shush her softly.

“It’s ok,” you reach over for the cup next to her bed. Sniffing the cup, you take note of how differently it smells compared to the tea and milk of the poppy mixture you used to.

The tonic seems different, stronger than usual. You put it to her lips and watch Rhaenyra drink it. You wipe her mouth. Even if this weakened state, you find her tragically beautiful. Like a fallen Angel. She resembles her siblings in that regard.

“I need - I need,” her eyes flutter open and shut. “The Prince that was Promised.”

You frown.

“Aeg- Aegon…”

“Your brother?”

“Tell Jacaerys.”

She trails off. Your back straightens as you watch as Rhaenyra’s eyes close, and her breathing slow.

The Prince that was Promised… Aegon.

You lean down and kiss her forehead. Mayhaps, in another life things could’ve been different for her. For her siblings, for her children, for you… for your kids. Climbing off the side of the bed, you gently tuck Rhaenyra in.

When you walk out, you see Quinton standing at attention. You motion for him to come with.

“I need you to do go get Otto,” you mummer. “We have business to get to.”

You cannot see the look Quinton gives you as move to walk ahead of him, and to that you are grateful.

Sullying is your only other option.

In the tenth moon 129 AC, the bell connected to the Royal Sept tolled for thee.

The death of Queen Rhaenyra, First of her Name, sent ripples through the Realm. But that was just beginning of the great strife that would follow her passing. A years peaceful period of reign for the Targaryen family ended by infighting.

Histories will say the first problem came the moment the then Princess and heir decided to sire bastard heirs. Others would say it began the moment, Rhaenyra left her succession vulnerable to her young brother. Not ending his line the moment she had the chance to.

Throughout her short reign as queen, there were festering rumors of usurping. That Lord Otto Hightower would hold secret meetings planning for the best moment to strike to get his grandson son on the throne. Others dispirited this claim, saying that the Dowager Queen Alicent’s afflictions for Queen Rhaenyra would never let that happen.

Ironically, it was not the death of the Rhaenyra is not the official start of what would later be called the Dance of Dragons. Instead the death of Prince’s Aemond One-Eye Targaryen’s lady wife’s parents triggered the domino affect. An escalation of plans.

Most would say the overflipped carriage was a tragic accident, but others whispered about something more serious. An inside attack from a member of the Targaryen family themselves. It was this tragedy that led to a public outcry from the members of the house in the Riverlands, coupling with the public crowning of a new king.

It was Ser Criston Cole, member of the Kingsguard, who crowed King Aegon, Second of his Name, in a private ceremony. Only flanked by his new crowned Queen Helaena, Prince Aemond and his wife, and Lord Hightower. King Aegon was crowned in front of the septon of faith, dawning his namesakes crown.

Back on Dragonstone, Jacaerys Velaryon recieved the news of not only his mother’s death, but also the usurping. Except it was not allies with the news, but foes. Jacaerys was slain at the footsteps of the castle.

It is still debated which side has more to gain to having Jace out of the way. King Aegon or Prince Daemon. But in the end, it was the later who eventually set up him home base at Dragonstone. Fleeing under the watchful eye of his spies in the Red Keep. With only two of his sons with him.

Both sides strategizing their moves. Daemon labeling Aegon and his supporters traitors to the realm, while Aegon set out to kill his uncle himself in given the chance. Under the insistence that it was him who accerlated Rhaenyra’s already bad condition.

Support the amongst the realm split as some supporter the efforts of the new king, far more open to his tactics than one of the Rogue Prince or Rhaenyra’s Bastards. While others scoffed at the boldness of Aegon the Usurper.

Those called on the opinions of the sons that remained at King’s Landing. Rumors of the Lucerys and Joffrey Velaryon being chained arriving. But it was not Daemon who negotiated the release of the boys. It was members of House Velaryon.

But there was one condition. It would be Baela and Rhaena, of both House Targaryen and Velaryon, that recieved equal titles after the passing of Corlys. Lucerys would be stripped of title of heir to the Driftmark Throne. It was rumored that this was not a cruel twist of fate from team green, but instead a plea from Lucerys himself.

It was Rhaena Targaryen, in all her wisdom, that worked through the terms. With a heavy heart, and no more bloodshed in her pleas. The more bold sister of the twins, Baela, had other plans. Sensing the release of Lucerys and Joffrey was a trap. She climbed on top of Moondancer, despite the calls not, and made her way closer to King’s Landing herself. But she was not alone. Her grandmother was with her.

Never one to sit from a battle himself, it was King Aegon who climbed his dragon to take them both on. All three dragon and riders fought diligently. Moondancer sustaining life ending injuries, while both Sunfyre and Aegon were injured at battle. But the most costly lost came at the hand of the One-Eyed Prince himself. Taking out Rhaenys and Meleys before further injury could come to his brother.

Enraged at the news of the death of Moondancer, and the almost costly lost of Baela, Daemon began his March. But he also had other plans at play. In efforts to lure the new Prince Regent out of the castle, he sent spies to Oldtown. Where not only Prince Daeron worked with all of Reach to support King Aegon. But also where the young Prince watched over his younger nieces and nephews.

There was an attempt to take the Jaehaerys Targaryen, son of Aegon and Alaric Targaryen, son of Aemond. But the plan was thwarted by a terrible beast. Vermithor lurched and lured over Oldtown like a tower himself. His flames as green as the Hightower Beacon. Highly protective over his new rider and those close to her. At just six and seventh month, Daella Targaryen was feared as her father.

Still not wanting to be outdone, Daemon sets his sights towards not only Harrenhal, but another certain house in the Riverlands. His march pillaging those close to Aemond’s wife. Still grieving the lost of parents and seperated from her children, it was rumored the lady became more quiet, drowning herself in her cups.

It was she, with Queen Mother Alicent and Queen Helaena, who pleaded for Aemond to not take the bait. But it was too no vail. After he heard of the attempted kidnapping, he set out with men of his own.

His march mirroring his uncle’s not only through the Stormlands but as well as the Riverlands. There were whispers of inhabitants at Harrenhal. It is still speculated by both Daemon and Aemond did not burn the structure to the ground, when they had to chance. Tales would be written of a certain magic soiling the ground. Keeping safe from harm.

Though those tales are all rumors, what was undeniably true, is that two Targaryen princes breathed their last breaths over God’s Eye on the sixth moon of 130 AC. No one saw the battle, but the sound of snapping dragons and the sight of green and red flames that called attention.

Vhagar and Aemond both fought a valiant effort but it the wounds to both proved to be to substantial. Aemond Targaryen died on top of his crowned dragon. The burns from Vhagar burning Daemon beyond repair.

When their deaths made it back to the Red Keep, the halls recount the Queen Mother tearing her hair in anguish, calling for the deaths of not only everyone who supported Daemon, but Aegon the younger and Viserys alike.

A story of crowns and iron thrones whittled down to death and fire. The grief felt by team green only compounded by the body of Aemond’s lady wife found charred in their chambers. It was Ser Quinton, her sworn protector, who lived to tell the story of having to fight off several guards before it was too late. In a matter of days, Daella and Alaric Targaryen missing from their places in Oldtown.

Both jobs speculated to be last minute plans carried about for Daemon Targaryen, done by his loyal Gold Cloaks. It is said that King Aegon never fully recovers from the death of not only his brother, but his good sister. Punishing those he deems responsible once he comes to.

But there are merchants in Essos that believe they have spotted a beautiful lady hand in hand with her children. One with sparkling white hair, the other with blonde streaks through her dark curls.

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#im truly screaming crying throwing up about this being done #I hope y’all enjoy this and thank you again #aemond x fem!reader #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen #prince aemond targaryen #aemond fic #aemond targaryen x oc #aemond x you #aemond targaryen imagine #aemond imagine #prince aemond #aemond x y/n #aemond one eye #aemond fanfiction #aemond x oc

[timetravellingkitty]

hi!! I just found out about tumblr having an anti-hindutva tag and I shall be making myself comfortable here! just found your account like a few mins ago and if it’s ok, i wanted to ask some questions (you absolutely don't have to answer if you don't like any of them or even if you don't feel like answering :) ) (edit added, this ask got way too long lol. feel free to skip it! also, you're kinda super cool lol)

I'm Indian, currently outside India, and I've only started learning about the shitshow going on in my 'mahaan bharat' since November (specifically since finding out that we are Irahell's biggest weapons buyer). and the more I find out the more shocked and heartbroken I feel...

like this week i learnt about the immigration ban in US against Chinese women that existed a few decades ago, and the ongoing discrimination against Palestinians in Canadian immigration services... and both the times I was so disgusted and there was this subconscious feeling that India should never be like that. but then an hour ago I learnt about the 2019 CAA and wtf!?

another example being that currently we're seeing israhell's continuous bombing of heritage sites of great cultural and religious significance, that also held so many centuries old records and histories... and learning about how they are bulldozing over graveyards and exhuming them...

and then today I learnt about Akhonji Masjid and Gyanvapi Masjid and of course have known about Babri Masjid for a few weeks now...

and only learnt about Kashmir in november...

and I feel like my whole worldview has shifted from a previous foundation, except it's so drastic and I still don't have a new foundation...

I try to talk to members of my family about this but they're the Indian equivalent of the U.S. liberals, and every single time they'll tell me "whatever news you're hearing is propaganda written by Pakistan/China/U.S./Russia. trust me I have Muslim friends and they're very happy. you just don't know the situation cause you're not in India" and like it sometimes make me think maybe I'm the one losing my mind...

I even read some places about free Punjab and that confused the fuck out of me cause I'm Punjabi (who does not live in Punjab) and I don't have any clue what it's about... I asked my fam, but they just gave me a weird look and told me to stay away from anyone that mentions Khalistan😭💀

(this got way longer than I expected, so sorry) but would you have any recommendations for any blogs/articles/books/podcast resources or any personal recommendations for news publications that are reliable (finding God would probably be easier than finding such publications lmao) like I thought Al-Jazeera is super credible, but then read that they're super credible when it comes to Palestine, not when it's global...

like where tf do I go from here lol

hello nonnie! some news sites I'd recommend are newslaundry (they have a youtube channel too), the wire, scroll.in and newsclick. maktoob media is mostly focused on minority rights in india. hindutvawatch.org is about hindu fascist violence committed against minorities. I still think you should stick to al-jazeera at least when it comes to palestine (they have journalists on the ground there, shireen abu akleh was one of them)

this is a good introduction to anyone wanting to learn about hindutva, this and this are about how india is becoming increasingly unsafe for minorites and is undergoing a democratic backsliding. this and this are about the rss link to nazism

hostile homelands by azad essa is about india's historical relationship with israel and the parallels between hindutva and zionism. the brown history podcast has an episode about how india went from the first non-arab state to recognise palestine to its largest buyer of weapons, featuring azad essa (x). you can also read colonising kashmir by hafsa kanjwal about how india came to militarily occupy kashmir. if you want to learn more about kashmir there are the blogs kashmiraction.org and standwithkashmir (which is um. blocked in india. i wonder why)

i have not read khaki shorts and saffron flags yet but this one is about the history of the rss. i also suggest watching the documentaries ram ke naam and jai bhim, comrade which are about the hindutva revival in the 1980s

for me free punjab is very ?? the indian government is beyond evil as they continue to spy on sikhs abroad (and ofc, how can we forget the 1984 sikh genocide) but i don't think liberation will be achieved through a religious ethnostate. any state formed on the basis of a religion will inevitably turn out to be a disaster. i do encourage you to read lost in history: 1984 reconstructed by gunisha kaur, which is about the humans rights violations committed against sikhs during this time and why operation bluestar was in fact not about freeing sri harmandir sahib from "terrorists." all i can say is to stand with sikhs unapologetically as our shitass government continues to commit more and more human rights violations against them

in general, i'd tell you to observe the language used by different news outlets and question it (eg. american news referring to israelis below the age of 18 as children but the same courtesy is not extended to palestinians) and check their sources. if it's from whatsapp university don't even bother

#i really really hoped this poorly drafted response helps #feel free to ask more qs if you have any! #also omg fellow punjabi HIIIII I'M PUNJABI FROM MY MOM'S SIDE #asks #anon #hindutva

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

Not sure if this is where you want your asks to be sent or not, I'm new to your blog so sorry if this is the wrong place

There is another instruction for Wally that I haven't seen you talk about and I want to know your thoughts! Back in november, before the responses, the secret URLs (such as woxyve) had the word "delete" added to the end (ex: woxyvedelete) implying that they wanted Wally to delete the page. After this most recent update it changed again and now says nodelete meaning that Wally refused to do that task. Thoughts?

where else would asks be sent if not the Askbox! inbox! both!

i actually wasn't aware of this until a few days ago, when i saw a post pointing it out - i had never gone directly back to those pages. which serves me right! i'm gonna be double checking Everything from now on lmao

but my fucking GOD is it interesting. thus far Wally has been... fairly cooperative. he's had a moment here and there, such as closing the guest book and losing his patience a lil, but he does his best with the rest! especially with requests! so for him to straight up go "lmao nah" when asked to delete something...

characterization-wise, i think it's very telling. as of now, Wally has been commonly portrayed as a bit of a doormat - getting talked over, sitting off to the side, being a bit of a background character - in in-Home media. less so in his whrp/qa/You interactions, but he's still widely agreeable & willing. but him refusing to delete the urls gives major points to him Having A Spine. he's holding his ground. he knows what he's doing. he's not going to let the whrp shut him up. there's a Thought Process / Plan / Purpose being shown here, or at least hinted at. there's a sense of.... Control. of "this is the way we're doing things, this is what i'm saying and you're going to sit down and listen" it's just... such a shift from the Wally we see in his interactions with the neighbors. which again, lends credence to there being a time discrepancy, with whrp Wally being older and more "experienced" while past Wally is still figuring his shit [being alive] out <3

story-wise it adds some Delightful friction. like obviously there's already tension, what with the staff only page, "Let Me In", the mysterious black stuff, the guest book closing, and the whrp/qa being disturbed by it all. but Wally outright refusing to delete things is a Different sort of conflict. it's more... direct. which makes sense! his interactions with the whrp/qa are becoming more personal, too. but it lends to the feeling of a push-pull. as the whrp/qa investigates Wally and starts treating him like the person he is instead of a long-lost character, they're probably gonna clash (a lot) despite the apparent impulse to pursue Welcome Home. currently, Wally doesn't seem big on compromising. if he doesn't know what to do, it looks like he simply Won't or he'll do his own thing and be like "shrug". if he doesn't want to do something, it also looks like he simply Will Not.

of course, there's the strong possibility that the whrp Were Not Serious about it. the 'delete' command might have them testing the waters, poking the bear, etc. but then were they testing to see if Wally is there, or were they testing his level of compliance? both? a secret third option?

and if they Were serious about it... why? what is it about the marked urls that made the whrp go "get that outta here"? and why couldn't they delete it themselves? i mean, obviously they can't delete anything Wally adds, otherwise the extra stuff he's added probably wouldn't be there (unless the impulse / curiosity driving them is too strong to delete anything added). but there's still a why about it. what changed so fundamentally in the site's code - or laws of physics/reality - that made it impossible to alter Wally's additions?

it's just. i feel that there are a lot of implications in such a small interaction. it shows more than one would expect.

#I JUST. AGH #idk if i said any of this in a way that makes sense #how would/do the whrp/qa react to that? to him being like 'we are Not deleting this <3' #whether they were serious about it or not thats Gotta raise some feelings #were they scared? frustrated? shocked? vindicated? #MAN IM SO CURIOUS #wally said no! the whrp asked and He Said No! #i mean to be fair #from what we know about wally - both from shared trivia/thoughts and the main canon #he doesnt seem hesitant to say No in general #but still. with almost everything else asked of him he Tried. he made an effort. hm #homebogging #rambles from the bog #wh speculation #welcome home speculation #AND THEN - OH THIS IS A TANGENT! #about him flipping sally's portrait. HOW THE FUCK? its technically a 2-d image. there isn't a back #so did wally make a back - or did his Direct Interaction bend reality and make it so that there's one to show? #fucking Fascinating. i mean i already have a lot of thoughts on reality fuckery in this story but mmmmm man. implications. #or - oh or - are the character portraits The Characters. this is a crack theory but hm #the fact that there are tiny versions of some of the neighbors in their houses on the map. trapped inside. multiple franks. #you see what im getting at? #not to say that they're trapped in the site! but what if there's a direct Connection. the character and the art aren't explicitly separate #as implied with wally's 'every time you look into my eyes' / 'you draw mine' #if his art has a direct link to him - Is him in a sense - why wouldn't that be the case for the others #huh. i wonder if they'll ever sense it like he does. will they ever look back? will their pupils slowly start to look at the screen? #i mean the teeny eddie in the post office is looking straight out at us but yk. Inch Resting.

[hood-ex]

Your post about that dialogue from Gotham Knights (the game) made me think back on how much I miss Bruce and Dick's relationship tbh. Like obv it was never the healthiest thing ever, and Bruce was always emotionally constipated, but it always felt a little more... equal? Recently it's just felt so toxic, like Bruce will be an asshole, and Dick will be hurt by it but will still come back to him and will remove the burden of Bruce apologizing for anything from him. Like the scene between them in Nightwing 100, where Bruce is rightfully apologizing for his crap and Dick says he doesn't have to. I do like that scene (even if it was over the top), but that's not right. Like, no sir, he has a lot to apologize for lmao. But that's literally been their dynamic for so long. Whenever Bruce should be called out, Dick just forgives him and Bruce goes back to doing the same old shit again, and Dick forgives him again, and rinse and repeat.

Honestly, it feels like whoever wrote those scenes took a look at that one meme of Batman slapping Robin and said "hey, they like that, let's do that!" Like, you can't go a long time without Bruce hitting Dick. Because they think fans eat that shit up ig. They are so attached to their shock value Bruce and Dick fights and their image of brooding Bruce that they won't address their fucked-up relationship and won't change the status quo. We have gotten many scenes of them being great together and having sweet moments, but those all feel tainted by the rest of it. It's as recent as the amnesia arc where Bruce re-traumatized Dick and then didn't help him when he was living in his car and then pretty much emotionally manipulated him to become Nightwing again. Recent comics really have forgotten what Batman is about.

And it sucks, because Dick is my fave of all faves, but I also love the hell out of Bruce Wayne, and it's so sad to see him be reduced to this... only brooding, borderline abusive asshole. They won't let him grow or develop. I don't mind conflict, and I like that they have a complicated relationship. I didn't even mind Bruce punching Dick, because it's interesting. Once was fine, twice was fine, the same thing happening all the time without addressing it and with no change across years is kind of a problem. I'm only keeping up with the Nightwing run out of loyalty to my boy, but from what I've heard of the events that are happening outside of that, it seems that they are having issues again, and I'm waiting for the next Batman issue that features Nightwing to also feature another punch or something. It's always Bruce being coddled by the story and never being asked to make the step forward, it's always Dick that has to give in and make Bruce feels better about his flaws and free him of any responsibility for his actions even when it's time for Bruce to step up and grow up.

It's why I prefer the animated adaptations or the retellings. I think world's finest did a good job with their relationship, I feel like Robin: Year 1 from back in the day did too, and Young Justice animated for its many flaws has a solid dynamic between them. They still have a complicated relationship, but it isn't so dramatically awful. It allows for a more balanced and well-rounded portrayal of the character when you aren't pandering to some people by flanderizing the character ig. Anyway, sorry for ranting, you're like my fave Dick Grayson blog so I just wanted to share. Hope this wasn't a bother.

No yeah I hated that aspect of Nightwing #100. If TT wanted to do a scene like that, he should’ve built up a conflict between Dick and Bruce to give us some context as to some type of thing Bruce actually needed to apologize for. Then he could’ve had Bruce apologize, Dick accept the apology, and end it with that reconciliation.

Instead, he just had Bruce apologize like, “I’m sorry I failed you, I’m sorry I pushed you away, I’m sorry if I ever made you feel like I wasn’t proud of you,” which would’ve hit much harder if, again, they had shown some kind of recent conflict between Bruce and Dick to warrant that sudden apology. And for Dick to then express his own hurt and such over said conflict. And then for them to come to some reconciliation. But yeah it’s very unsatisfying for Bruce to just list things he’s sorry for, and for Dick to hug him and just reassure Bruce. Like nooo let Bruce feel bad. Let Dick feel bad because of what Bruce did to him. Let Dick be angry. Let them both hurt. Then let them heal.

As for the amnesia arc, I feel like they really did a disservice to Bruce by not focusing enough on his trauma from the sniper incident. If they really stressed how much it traumatized him and then showed how his actions were effected by that (like giving him a dire need to have Dick return to normal bc otherwise it’s like Dick just died in his arms on that rooftop) then that is much more sad and compelling, and we can at least kind of see where Bruce is coming from by showing Dick the sniper video (though it would’ve been better if they just… hadn’t done that all).

If I had been writing that issue, I would’ve had it from Bruce’s POV where he would’ve constantly been in a state of flashbacks. Like seeing his parents getting killed and then comparing it to Dick getting shot. And then having flashbacks of Dick when he was younger but then Bruce imagining that Dick keeps getting shot in the head in each of those memories. And all of that literally just like… pushing Bruce over the edge. And then of course when Dick wakes up and asks Bruce “Who are you?” Bruce spirals even further. And we see his descent to this very isolated and dark place where he just wants his son back at all costs. That would’ve been waaaaay more interesting. Extremely dark ofc. But interesting.

Yeah the comic Dick and Bruce relationship can definitely be toxic (and I’m not totally opposed to that bc I think it makes things interesting between them), and there are animated shows that show them in a more balanced light. The Batman (2004) is one of those shows as well. Dick was Robin then ofc, and Bruce wasn’t so dark at that point in life. But when you watch shows like that, it reminds you of the character Bruce is supposed to be, and it reminds you of what you like the most about him. So definitely nice to watch shows like that sometimes to remind yourself of the Bruce Wayne that exists outside of modern comics.

#and no worries--not a bother at all! #Bruce Wayne #Dick Grayson #anon

[maleyanderecafe]

Eyooo! Long time no ask ( `~`) been extremely busy these months, sooo any recommendations on blogs that write yandere content? Like with no especific character, just a yandere x reader? Also dunno if he's a yandere or not but Dys from I was a teenager exocolonist [spoiler]

is obsessive towards the mc on the ending where they are together, but what I don't like so much about him is that he's obsessed with the planet too lmao, dunno if there's an ending where he stays with the mc all his life

Sorry for like.. the extremely long time it took to answer this one. I think since I first saw this ask, a bunch of things regarding yandere x reader has changed, but I will try to give some recommendations.

@heartfullofleeches usually has very interesting and unorthodox yanderes and darlings, some of which are ocs and some are not

@sublimetragedychopshop doesn't have yandere x reader per say but does have some fun yandere concepts.

@godnectar has some good yandere x reader concepts of various types like vampires, jocks and twins

@mysticmellowlove has some ideas that I really like, most of them being sub yanderes, my favorite

@hana-no-seiiki - has a mix of fanon and oc style yanderes. They also have pretty good art from what I remember.

@suiana - has tons and I mean tons of yandere reader style concepts. I think out of all of these this is probably the one closest to what you're asking about.

@running-with-kn1ves sometimes has some yandere x reader ones that are not from fandoms, but you'll have to dig through and see.

@goldienectar - also has some good ones.

The unfortunate thing about yandere writers is that a lot of them end up coming and going over the years. You can also look through my #yandere ideas tag for something similar.

Moving onto the next part... this is gonna be kind of long.

I was a Teenage Exocolonist is really fun, and it's a really well crafted game. I played it a lot, but ultimately while I was upgrading my computer I lost my saves for it, so I didn't want to redo everything, so I just left it alone for a while. Still, I think while Dys has traits of a yandere in certain endings, he ultimately is not as a whole. I would say maybe one or two of the endings make him a yandere and one of them is very, very iffy. I will admit though, I didn't get to finish everything about his route (or the others), so I might have some of this information incorrect.

To summarize what I was a Teenage Exocolonist is about, as the name suggests, it's about the life of Sol as a exocolonist. The game play is very much a card style game where you manage a deck based off of the skills and memory/events that Sol has throughout their life. It's very sim like so you can romance most of the characters your age, starting from when you're around 5 years old to around 18 years old. You gain skills depending on tasks that you do, buy items, gain relationships with other characters, etc.

The general story is that Sol is brought to a new planet along with a bunch of other families to build a life there. As the story goes on, they learn about what they have to do to learn about the planet, from science to nurturing, to learning about the wildlife there to adventuring. However, after a while, it becomes very clear that there is something else on the planet, something that doesn't want them there. They have to defend against aliens, a lot of which often costs some character's lives, along with various diseases and famine can cause many characters, including Sol's parents, to perish if you don't have the right stats. At some point, there is a raid that is so devastating that it ends up destroying most of the colony. From then on, there is a new group of people in power, along with various other characters that you can interact with and date. Depending on the route you go, you might end up meeting a being named Sym, one of the aliens on the planet. He seems to be incredibly interested in the humans here and is in contact with the species that seems to be attacking the colony. Depending on your choices, you can end up befriending him and saving the colony, or even end up becoming the planet yourself. It seems that Sol is kind of in a time loop, always going back to the beginning and remembering things from previous playthroughs, making certain events easier or otherwise bypassing them entirely.

Dys himself is pretty interesting. He has a rather sad childhood, with his mother committing suicide at a young age, causing him and his twin sister Tangent to becoming distant from each other. As a kid, he is very morose and doesn't really fit in with the other kids, even getting bullied a lot by them. He knows he doesn't belong to the colony and constantly strives to learn more about the planet, sneaking out with him to explore. It's no surprise that as he grows up, he distances himself from most of the other colony members and prefers going out and exploring, learning about the planet and feeling alive when he does. He can have a very cute relationship with Sol, with him believing that they are the only one who he feels truly understands him. Dys eventually does meet Sym, growing a great fascination and attraction to him and if the two of you are not in a relationship (or have otherwise broken up) he will end up with Sym most of the time. Sol, Dys and Sym can also have a polyamorous relationship with each other.

For Dys, there is always an scene where he attempts to bomb part of the colony. Tired of them being there, believing that they are causing a lot of problem for the planet, he tries to destroy it. Sol can agree to this and the two of them can end up destroying the colony and running away together. He becomes rather clingy as a result. I think in other endings he is generally a bit clingy considering that he doesn't really have anyone else to talk to.

The other ending is if Sol decides to become part of the planet. Dys will also do so the same, and when the two are sort of merged, they have a wonderful time together being one with everything. The game describes Dys and Sol in this form as "being an extension of each other" as they can be anything they wish on the planet, and are sort of, in a way, each other.

Dys in himself isn't really much of a yandere, even when you do romance him. While it is true, that he does exhibit yandere traits (being clingy, for instance), it's more because of the fact that he is pretty isolated from the other characters in the game, wanting to explore rather than be with anyone in the colony. I think the closest to yandere is when the two of you agree to bomb the colony and run away together. The planet ending with Sym is kind of strange, since it does have the traits of being together forever, but it is more of the idea of being one with everything, rather with just the two of them forever.

Still despite that, I really do like all of the characters in this game. It is genuinely so interesting seeing how they develop in the game and how you interact with them, going into some pretty deep and dark topics as well, along with some more fun memories. I think my favorite characters besides Dys are Cal and Nomi-Nomi and I kind of wish I had done a route with Nomi-Nomi because I love them so much. Maybe in a future run. It really is a beautiful game.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere boy #recommendations #asks #i was a teenage exocolonist

[changbunnies]

I Hate to Admit (18+)

♡ Pairing: Police Officer!Changbin x Plus Size Fem ("ex")Mafia Member!Reader

♡ Genre: angst, fluff, enemies??? to lovers kinda (it's not in the traditional sense)

♡ Word Count: 46.7k

♡ Summary: Y/N is an ex-mafia member whose specialty involved romancing targets for information. No feelings involved, she did what she had to do and then moved on promptly. That life eventually became toxic and tiring for her so she quit, and decided to live a normal life with a normal career and normal friends. However, after her older brother Chan's closest advisor is arrested in a sting operation, she's called in for one last job. Her latest target is Seo Changbin, a divorced captain of Seoul’s police force who is returning to dating for the first time in 2 years. It should be an easy job; get the info she needs and then vanish as she always did. But the job becomes anything but easy when she realizes she’s falling in love with him. 

♡ Warnings: past character abuse (not described), past parental death (not described), implied past SA (because consent should be enthusiastic), blood and injury, gun violence, adjusted ages (everyone is late 20s, early 30s), specficially y/n is 28 and changbin is 30, changbin is divorced from a previous marriage

♡ Smut Warnings (contains spoilers): multiple smut scenes, changbin is extremely soft, lots of love bombs and check-ins, possibly too much exposition i am so sorry lmao, petnames (love, lovey, baby), handjob, nipple play, clit play, fingering, oral (m+f receiving), unprotected piv (reader is on birth control), overstimulation, creampie, over all very vanilla and soft, brief mentions of reader being heavy

♡ Notes: you can also read the story on my a03, where it is divided into chapters here! (i'm just putting it in one big post here cause i'm lazy lmao) and if you're interested, you can also check out my fic rec and feedback blog @stray-dreams

♡ Disclaimer: please read responsibly, and remember that this work is fiction and meant strictly for imaginative fun. the idols used in fics are more accurately faceclaims and personality outlines for imaginary characters, and should not be interpreted as factual representations of existing people.

Can we talk?

A mundane message, but one that can sow dread within you at a rapid pace. Those three little words on your phone screen mock you, the silent trepidation seeping into your pores, and rooting in your bones. Some may look at this scenario and think you’re overdramatic; what’s so scary about your brother asking you to talk? Why would this seemingly innocent message fill you with such unease? 

And the answer to that is that those people are simply ignorant, blissfully so. To not understand why this would shake you meant that the life they lived up to this point was one of relative ease. Something terrible always followed a message like this. Always . And coming from your brother? That was even more cause for alarm. He only texted you like this when he had something terrible and important to tell you, something that had the ability to shake the foundations of your existence, to send you reeling head first into a reality you don’t want to face. 

You stare at your screen for what feels like an eternity, but in reality it’s as little as a minute (according to the timestamp on your phone, at least.) Chan sent a short followup message that simply said, “Come by the house.” The house . Where you haven’t been in 6 months. You swallow in apprehension as you type a response. Whatever he has to say has to be serious, and your mind races with possibilities. 

I’m on my way.

Your hands tremble as you approach your childhood home, taking slow measured steps through the entrance and subsequent halls. It’d been a long time since you last lived in the house, but until recently, you had still regularly visited it. Your brother, Chan, still lived here, along with various others he’d grown close to over the years, the people he considered his most trusted confidants. You didn’t hate your brother by any means, nor any of the other people you’d become friends with over the span of your life, but to live the mafia lifestyle was exhausting to say the least. And not just physically like most people might jump to, but emotionally. To be in fear for your life and the lives of your closest loved ones and friends, the stability of your home and finances, the balancing act between the life you lead in the day and the one you lead at night– All of it was so utterly exhausting. 

And you admired your brother’s perseverance, his resolve to carry on where your parents left off, but this wasn’t a life you wanted to lead anymore. Chan understood when you told him, and he didn’t fault you when you expressed how taxing this life was on your health, so you left the ‘official’ rankings of the family with his blessing. For your sake, he minimized the contact the two of you shared in the last few months, but he was never going to abandon his baby sister. He still checked in on you on important dates, made sure you were making enough money to live well, and that you had a job that made you happy with a fulfilling social life. 

All in all, he was the perfect older brother. He had a responsibility, and he carried it well, while ensuring the comfort of you, the baby sister who found it too stressful and overwhelming to continue to be a part of. But just because you no longer saw it happen doesn’t mean it stopped. Sure, not regularly seeing your brother hurt, or hearing about losses and close calls, was beneficial to your mental health, but it still happened. You just entered a space of blissful ignorance, of avoidance. If you didn’t see it, if you didn’t hear it, the problem didn’t exist anymore, simple as that. 

And obviously that will never be true; Terrible things will always happen regardless of who is or isn’t there to bear witness to them. But you could pretend. You could go to your monotonous office job like a regular person, chat about the mundane things like the weather and what your coworkers' children are getting up to these days. You could have dinner on the couch while you facetime your best friend, gossiping about local drama or what new project their partner started while you have some random video playing as background noise. You could take a relaxing soak in the tub, listening to your new favorite song on repeat before you slip into your comfiest pair of pajamas and go to bed.

And you could pretend. Everything was perfectly fine, your brother was running things well, there were no problems and no losses. Your past was behind you, your family and friends were well, and you could live a normal life without any repercussions or consequences coming back to haunt you. A naive dream that someday reality would cruelly remind you it couldn't happen. 

“Noona, you’re here!” Felix smiles as you make your approach to your brother's office, a bright one that would cause your heart to flutter if you weren’t so riddled with anxiety. Felix was your previous bodyguard while you were still living within the walls of your childhood home. Eventually, when you moved locations for various jobs assigned to you, he’d take point close by, watching from a careful distance in case something happened and he needed to protect you. He was also the first to pick up on your desire to leave, clearly being able to see the ripple effect the danger that this life held had on you. He broached the subject carefully, and gave you a soft smile when you admitted that his observations were correct. He supported you and gave you helpful advice, encouraging you to be honest with Chan and do what makes you happy. 

If you were being honest, Felix was one of the people you missed the most. You spent a lot of time with him over the years, and you could imagine what a future with him would be like if he had been willing to leave with you. It broke your heart to realize he'd never leave it all behind, but you accepted it for what it was, and thanked him for his support for you up until the day you left. You still talked sometimes, and you often wondered what he does now that he's no longer your bodyguard, but he felt it best to give you distance while you transition into your new life.

“Hi Lixie,” you do your best to return his smile despite the anxiety stuck in your chest. "I've missed you, have you been well?" he asks after giving you a brisk hug.  "My job is a little boring sometimes to be honest, but I like it,” you answer, deciding to continue quickly before the conversation degrades into awkward small talk, “Do you know what Chan wants to talk to me about?” 

Felix’s smile shifts to a small frown as he nods his head tentatively. “I have an idea, yes,” he answers after a pause. Before you can ask him what he knows, your brother’s door swings open. To your relief, he doesn’t look any different than he did when you last saw him. That had to mean whatever he was going to tell you couldn't be that bad, right? “Y/N, come in!” Chan ushers you towards him, beckoning you into the room. You glance at Felix, who offers you a sympathetic smile, before you fully enter the office. 

You take a seat across from his desk, hands wringing the bottom of your shirt as your eyes dart to various points in the room, trying to distract your apprehensive mind by observing any potential changes. A new painting? More books? A change in desk chair? Anything, no matter how minute, is enough of a distraction at this point.  “I’ll get straight to the point,” he says as he takes his seat across from you, his expression serious. “I have a job I’d like you to do.” 

It was typical of Chan to cut to the chase, never one to waste time with pleasantries if there was something serious to discuss, but despite expecting this, you were wholly unprepared to hear the words that actually came out of his mouth. “Chan, you know I left this behind for a reason. I can't..” You start, searching his expression for answers. Why would he ask you to come back to this? You thought he understood from your discussion prior to leaving that you’d never put yourself through the hurt again. You just couldn’t bear it anymore. 

"I know it's a lot to ask but it's important, and there's no one I trust more than you to get it done. I can't ask anyone but you to do this." Chan responds, his pleading tone conveying how desperate he is right now. You frown, knowing very well that there was only ever one job Chan assigned you to, and what he would be expecting from you. “I.. I can't do this again.” You manage to say, your balled up hands trembling in your lap and your tone pleading him to understand. 

Chan sighs, a sadness overtaking his features that you haven’t seen in years. “I understand, I really do, but..” He looks away, jaw clenched and expression pained. Your mind repeats his words to you; there’s no one else I trust, no one else I can ask. Was his situation really so grave that he had no choice but to reach out for your help? And did you really have it in you to deny your brother of help when he was looking at you with such downtrodden eyes? 

You sigh as you resolve yourself to hear him out at least; if this was really that important to him, you couldn’t turn him down without good reason. You loved him after all, and despite any pain you might face, you wanted to help him if you could. “Who is it?” You ask finally, ignoring the way your nerves scream in protest. 

“Seo Changbin, chief of Seoul police.” Your brows furrow at his response, mouth slightly agape in disbelief. He couldn’t be serious– and yet his stern expression told you that he was. “That’s impossible, there’s no way I can do that!” you exclaim, rising to your feet quickly. Sure, you were no stranger to seducing men for your family’s advantage, but it was usually petty criminals and rivaling bosses, not a police officer . And an incredibly powerful police officer at that!

"Minho was arrested," Chan says as he rises to his feet as well, hoping the declaration is enough to stop you from leaving. You freeze, heart sinking to your stomach. “..What? How?” You ask as you slowly sink back in your seat, listening intently as Chan shared the events of the last few months with you. 

3 months ago, a deal gone wrong led to the arrest of your brother’s second in command and most trusted friend. Things have been tense and strained between members since then, but tensions were at their worst with Chan, who suspected there was a rat among them who fed information to a third party. The location was well guarded and scoped out well before the meeting between your brother and another leader he was striking a deal with, so someone had to have leaked it. 

The plan was to join teams, effectively ending the rivalry and expanding territory in the process. The rival leader would release their hold on southern Seoul, with the promise that Chan in turn gave him a high ranking position and integrated his boys into the appropriate ranks. Everything seemed to be going well at first, with Chan and Minho proceeding with negotiations with little conflict. However, an unanticipated raid on their meeting location caused the men to break out into chaos. Some fought, others ran while throwing shots, but Minho got caught in the crossfire while ensuring that Chan got out of the situation intact. 

In the end, no deal was made, trust broken between the two groups as they blamed one another, and Chan’s most trusted ally was behind bars with nothing to show for his efforts. Your brother didn’t want to believe that someone in your group had spilled secrets and allowed officers to raid their meeting, but he couldn’t disregard the possibility. In their world, anything was possible, and he couldn’t have blind faith in his team despite how bad he wanted to trust them. So with that in mind, the last few months were dedicated to keeping a watchful eye on his lackeys, looking for any slip ups or deviations in routine. 

“You need to find out what the police have on him, on us , so we can build a defense for Minho,” Chan continues, the anger and grief on his face clear, “Or at the very least, discover who our rat is. I don’t plan on letting whoever sold us out walk away. They’ll regret ever betraying us.” Chan’s expression is one of unbridled rage, and now you understand why. A betrayal of this magnitude is something your brother could never forgive, no matter how kind of a leader he is. 

And he wasn’t just betrayed, but his brother in arms was gone now too. Wherever Chan was, Minho was never far behind, and you honestly couldn't remember a time in your life where you didn’t see the two of them together. Minho was just as much a brother to you as Chan, having spent years of your life with the both of them by your side. You can’t imagine the amount of grief your brother has been shouldering on his own up until now.

“How do I get close to Changbin?” You finally question with a frown. You don’t doubt that Chan has a plan; he never sent you into a situation unprepared, but you’re still perplexed by the idea. This wasn’t the usual low hanging fruit you were tasked with getting close to, and even when set to romance rivaling bosses, you knew you had Chan and Felix’s protection if things went south. But here, there was no protection. If this Changbin guy figured you out, you’d all be nailed without hesitation. 

“Jeongin. I planted him on the force after Minho’s arrest, he’s your in.” Chan answers easily, though the pain in his voice at the mention of Minho doesn’t go unnoticed by you. He prepared carefully when he realized he would need your help, not allowing for any possible error in his preparations. Chan didn’t want to throw you into a situation you weren’t capable of handling. Yes, he was desperate to find out where they went wrong, but patience was key, and he couldn’t throw his sister in the line of danger over just anything. You were not only a valuable asset to him, but also his only family left, and he wouldn’t lose you too over a half baked plot made in desperation. 

So with that in mind, he moved slowly and carefully, keeping a watchful eye on those around him while planting trusted members in key locations. And Jeongin was one of those trusted members, a childhood friend who was fiercely loyal and dedicated to the family as he grew up in this lifestyle. He had proved his loyalty many times over in Chan’s eyes, so he gave Jeongin his task to infiltrate the force and learn anything he could about what happened on that fateful night months ago. 

Han Jisung, another trusted member of the group, easily got all the necessary documents together to allow Jeongin onto the force. Jisung’s talent for forgery and information gathering was greatly appreciated, often allowing you and others into spaces they normally would not be allowed in. Chan informs you that while Jeongin is too low rank on the force to get the details they really want, he has been able to uncover other useful information that they can use to their advantage. That information being that police chief Seo Changbin is back on the dating field for the first time since his divorce, which is where you come in. 

Jeongin often joined his “colleagues” for drinks after Friday shifts in the hopes that one of them would spill something in their inebriated state. And while Changbin didn’t spill anything work related that Jeongin didn't already know, he did share some personal details, which included his love life (or lack thereof.) 

“Is he really going to go on a blind date with someone his subordinate hooks him up with?” You ask, hesitancy clear in your voice. Chan understands the hesitation however and doesn’t hold the way you’re questioning him against you; he knows how far-fetched this all sounds. “He’s already agreed to it,” Chan answers and this is where it all clicks for you. Of course he already agreed to it; Chan wouldn’t be giving you this task otherwise. 

You sigh as you decide to commit to the job, still uneasy but unable to tell your brother “no” when he’s placing so much faith in you. All you can do now is hope that things proceed smoothly and that Changbin isn’t as much of an asshole as some of the other men you’ve had the displeasure of beguiling into spilling their most closely held secrets. “This is all the intel Jeongin has gotten on him, along with some things Jisung got through some digging. Read it over thoroughly and prepare for Friday night,” Chan says as he hands you a rather sparse manila folder.

Normally you had much more information to work with, but you suppose it makes sense that there isn’t much to dig up about Changbin. You imagine that he’s either some self righteous do-gooder with not a single speck on his perfect record, or a corrupt officer who's incredibly good at covering up his messes. You aren’t sure which you prefer either way, but no matter the outcome, you have to see it through. So you simply step out of Chan’s office, folder in hand as you head home to prepare. 

As you expected by how little the folder held, you didn’t actually learn all that much about who Changbin is as a person. On Jisung's report, there was the typical boring information, like which high school he graduated from and how long he’s been on the police force, but there wasn’t much you could put to use. A medal won here, a promotion there, but nothing that would help you woo the man. On Jeongin’s end, he reported mostly on things he heard come out of Changbin’s mouth while he was drinking or from other colleagues. You knew Changbin has been divorced for over 2 years now, and you knew that he wanted to be in a relationship again, but there wasn’t much else for Jeongin to tell you. 

Changbin seemed to be well guarded on all fronts, which you thought made sense given his career. If the chief of police in a city as large and populated as Seoul was flippant with his mouth, you could only imagine what kind of trouble it would cause. You also imagined that he held his private life close to his chest. You knew from firsthand experience that knowing personal details and secrets about a person can ruin them, and someone as influential as Changbin having his private life on display would surely be a disaster. You also found it incredible that even while intoxicated, he didn’t reveal too much about himself. Nothing critical or of importance, just minor or vague passing comments that anyone could infer. Anyone could guess that a divorced man would put himself back out there eventually, it was only a matter of time, and thus not a groundbreaking confession. 

So, the only things you knew about him were either insignificant drunken confessions, speculation based on rumor, or observations made by Jeongin from working under him from the past 4 months. And the things Jeongin observed didn’t necessarily aid you in any way. He noted that Changbin had a routine, that he stuck to a specific diet to maintain his health and body, and that he was very prompt and careful with everything he did. Normally, you used the information gathered on a target to plan your approach. If you could appeal to their tastes, you were much more likely to get them to like you and want to pursue you, which made your job all the more easy. But Changbin was basically a mystery to you; no social media to scour for likes and dislikes, opinions or preferences that you could play into, nor any substantial records to pour though to learn about him. 

You were basically going in blind, which made you all the more nervous to be in front of him this afternoon. You didn’t have a crutch to lean on, and all you could really do was hope that whatever you did was enough to make Changbin want to keep seeing you. You had also gone over your story with Chan and Jeongin a couple times to ingrain it in your memory and make sure there were no mistakes. The story was mostly truthful, as the best lies have some truth to them, but there were obviously some things that had to be changed about the relationship you have. 

Jeongin was like a little brother to you, which was true, and you had a good relationship with his mother, which was also true. What wasn’t true however, was the reason behind those facts. Your story was that your mothers were close friends, which led to you having a big part in Jeongin’s life, and as noted that was partially true. The lie came from why they were close friends. The mafia life wasn’t some new endeavor that your brother decided to pursue while you followed, he was born into it, with your father being the previous head of the family, and that was similarly true for Jeongin. His dedication to Chan, and you by proxy, was instilled in him by his father in the same way your own father instilled the values of the family into you and Chan. So yes, your families were close, but not because of some high school friendship like your cover story would lead Changbin to believe. Your fathers worked together, which meant your mothers became close, and when Jeongin turned 18 he took over where his father had left off without hesitation. 

It was a bittersweet feeling when Jeongin joined your ranks officially. He wasn't obligated to continue his father’s path like you and Chan, which gave him the chance to leave this all behind if he wanted to. You truly did view the boy like your own little brother, and you knew this life meant putting himself in harm's way, but you also understood that he was old enough to make his own choices. And it would be a lie to say his dedication and loyalty was unappreciated by you or your brother. You firmly believed that if Minho hadn’t turned 18 first, Jeongin would be second in command instead. It had really only come down to the fact that Minho was older with more real world experience that led to him being Chan’s direct subordinate. 

You play your story over and over again in your head as you prepare for your date. A slip up here could prove devastating, so you were putting extra care into making sure you would execute everything flawlessly. The location of your date was a fairly nice restaurant (at least, you assumed it was based on your google search), so you planned your outfit based on that. It was more on the formal side, but not so much that it called for you to pull your most expensive pieces out of the closet, so you chose a dress on the simpler side. Besides, you figured showing up in something extravagant would be jarring and not at all match the vibe of being a nice girl who works an office job for a living. 

Keeping in line with that train of thought, you also chose more subtle, natural looking makeup, and kept a more relaxed hair style. It’d been a while since you went on a date with a more natural style, but it was refreshing to not have to pull out all the stops. Normally, you had to play into a persona, or be an exaggerated version of yourself, but Changbin was expecting someone average. A nice girl with a modest job, nothing crazy and nothing for you to play into. You were definitely still anxious about not having something tangible to latch on to, but hopefully being more on the truthful, down to earth side would appeal to him. After all, no matter what caricature you made up in your mind to put on him, he was most likely the most normal guy you’d ever been assigned to. 

The drive to your destination was as uneventful as it could be, spent mostly with you going over everything one last time and occasionally checking how you looked at red lights. You arrived a bit early, which you hoped would reflect positively on you given that Jeongin said that Changbin was a prompt person (and it was really one of the only things you had to go on.) You were probably standing in front of the building for a minute or so, before you heard a voice from the left. 

“Are you Y/N?” the voice asks, and you turn quickly to look at the man for the first time. His voice is gruff but not harshly so; you’d consider it more on the warm side, and uniquely inviting. He was also much more broad than you’d anticipated, clearly the result of years of dedicated training and diligence. You can immediately understand why his subordinates and those unlucky enough to be arrested by him would find him intimidating, but his gaze is surprisingly jovial. The contrast between his stature and his face isn’t by any means unpleasant, but it is foreign to you. You don’t think you’ve ever seen someone so outwardly rough-looking have such a cheery disposition. 

“You’re Changbin then?” you smile, his own brightness helping to put you more at ease, “It’s nice to meet you.” “You too! You havent been waiting long have you?” He asks and you quickly shake your head, assuring him you’ve only been here for a few minutes at most. He ushers you to follow him and you walk inside together. You’re guided to your seats promptly, courtesy of his reservation, and he pulls your chair out for you. You sit with a smile; when was the last time you went on a date with someone chivalrous? You honestly couldn’t remember; most men in your life having been far from gentlemanly. 

Contrary to what you would expect, small talk flowed naturally, though you would give the credit for that to Changbin. He was very.. natural . He had an air of ease and confidence, but not in the sort of arrogant way you would find distasteful. If he was at all nervous it didn’t show, he wasn’t hesitant or awkward with any of his words. He had the kind of confidence that comes with age and life experience, sure of himself but not overly serious and able to poke fun at himself if the moment called for it. He was also much more open than you had anticipated, freely sharing details of himself, even if the story was something someone would consider embarrassing. 

An old mess up? Something stupid he did at his 21st birthday party? A silly mistake when he was still in the officer's academy? All of it was divulged freely, giggling at himself as he shared his stories with you. It surprised you how himself he was. You expected someone secretive and closed off, or someone serious to a fault with no fun to be found. Neither extreme you made up in your head fit him, and maybe he was just private and stern in work settings, while his real self was mirthful and easy going. 

You shared things about yourself as well, trying to maintain the carefree vibe he has created for your dinner together. Simple things mostly, majority of which are completely true minus the tweaking of some details to not give away anything you shouldn’t. Memories of your childhood, what working in an office is like, and giving him embarrassing stories of Jeongin to keep in his back pocket until he can bring them up at an opportune time. Time passes much quicker than you thought it would, with Changbin already taking out his card to pay the bill. “I could pay for myself,” you say with a slight pout, though you truthfully like that he even intended to pay for you in the first place.

“I can’t let a pretty girl pay for her meal on a first date! It just isn’t right!” Changbin exclaims, and you can’t help but smile at his reaction. Whether or not his gentlemanly behavior is an act or not remains to be seen, but the romantic lying deep within you can’t help but enjoy it. “How about I pay next time then? To keep it fair,” you say with a smile that Changbin returns without hesitation. “So there’s a next time?” 

“Of course, as long as that’s okay with you,” you say and he nods eagerly, not at all hiding his excitement. He’s a bit of an open book you think, but you like it. It makes you wonder how Jeongin would feel if he could see his superior right now, all smiles and laughter, no hint of the intimidating and private man he normally sees at the station. 

You find the duality appealing. Of course, there’s always the chance that he’s doing the same thing you usually do; playing up his personality or exaggerating to make you like him more, and if that is the case he definitely succeeded. You don’t think you’ve ever been so genuinely entranced by someone since high school, and it’ll certainly make your task more pleasant if you don’t hate the person you’re dealing with. 

You exchange numbers before he walks you out of the building, keeping a respectful distance appropriate for a first date while he continues to chat with you about what your “next time” can entail. You like that he’s forward, but not overbearingly so. He says clearly what he wants and hopes for, and you get the impression that if you for some reason did turn him down that he wouldn’t be bitter or resentful like other men you’ve dealt with. He’s simply honest. “Shall I walk you to your car?” Changbin asks as you step outside together. The sun has set during your time spent in the restaurant, but it’s not terribly dark out given the illumination offered by the street lamps and other businesses. 

“No, that’s okay. I parked nearby so it won’t take me long to get to it,” you answer. You didn’t sense any ulterior motives from Changbin, but felt it best to err on the side of caution and not let a man you just met see the car you drive. He nods understandingly, offering one last smile and telling you to be safe before he bids his goodbye to you. 

You find yourself smiling the entire drive back to your apartment, and it remains even as you undress and clean yourself up. You look at your phone when you leave the shower, and the smile grows when you realize you have a text from Changbin already, telling you he got home safe and that he had a great time with you. You flop on your bed with your phone in hand, giddy as you type your own reply. 

What you feel now is a kind of feeling you don’t recognize at first; the kind you’d feel when you have your first crush in elementary school, you think. The kind that makes you want to kick your feet as you lie under the blankets, or bury your head in the pillow and squeal. And that’s when realization hits you; do you actually like him? Genuinely, truly like him? 

You frown as you stare up at the ceiling. It has to just be puppy love. There’s no way you genuinely like him after just meeting him once, right? On one hand, if you do like Changbin, that makes your task easier. You’d enjoy being around him, wouldn’t dread your future interactions, and would likely have a lot of fun most days. But on the other hand, wouldn’t it make things more complicated in the long run? 

Well, there’s no use worrying about it right now– at least, that’s what you tell yourself. Nothing has even seriously happened yet to confirm that the two of you will be a couple, and stressing yourself out over all the possibilities is something you recognize will only do more harm than good at the moment. It’d be better to make a plan when you’re more sure of where things are going instead of trying to plan for every outcome now. 

You sigh, tossing your phone on the nightstand as you make a conscious choice to just go to sleep. Whatever your feelings are, you’ll have plenty of time to figure things out later. For now, all you can really do is keep on the task at hand. And currently, that task is going on a 2nd date with Seo Changbin. 

“What’s got you smiling so hard?” your coworkers voice to your left making you nearly jump out of your skin. “Seungmin!” you exclaim, hand clutching your chest as you swivel in your seat to face him. “You scared the life out of me!” Seungmin laughs in response, clearly not at all concerned over the fact that he almost sent you to an early grave. 

“I’m sorry! I didn’t think you were that focused on your phone,” he says with an amused smile. Your face flushes as you realize, yes, you were incredibly focused on your phone, and yes, you were smiling very hard. And Seungmin, being the menace of a friend that he is, couldn’t let it go unannounced. “Let me guess,” he says as rolls his chair to your desk, crossing his legs and folding his hands together in a dramatic fashion as he leans forward, “you’re texting Mr. Blind Date?” 

“I’ve told you a million times, his name is Changbin,” you say as you push his chair away from your desk. He laughs again, rolling his way back over to you. It’s evident that he is unphased by your push, and instead finds it extremely funny. “What’s got you so hostile? All I did was ask a simple question!” He puts his hands up in a faux surrender gesture, though the amused smirk doesn’t leave his face. 

You wouldn’t say you were embarrassed per se, but… Well , maybe you were. It’d been a long time since you were genuinely infatuated by someone like this, and being caught with hearts in your eyes in a work environment wasn’t the greatest feeling. Apart from that, this was someone you were supposed to pretend to like, not actually like. But, at least if anyone was going to catch you in this state, it was your perfectly oblivious friend. 

“Yeah, well.. I really like him, I guess,” you say, trying to sound nonchalant despite the fact that Seungmin clearly saw the depth of your infatuation. “I guess,” he mocks, laughing when you shoot him an ‘I’ll kill you’ look. “You have your next date planned yet?” he asks, putting his joking aside to ask sincerely. 

Seungmin had quickly become a great friend to you when you were accepted to the office, and while you definitely didn’t confess every detail of what your life was like before being hired here, you did allude to the fact that your past relationships were less than great. And he could see the genuine pain in your eyes whenever someone else in the cubicle block brought up their perfect relationships and idyllic families. 

So, despite the teasing, he did genuinely care. He wanted you to be happy, and he was silently hoping that this Changbin person you met on your blind date would be the one to bring you that happiness. Of course, he didn’t know your ulterior motives behind said blind date, or about any of the previous mafia ties that led you here. Though, technically those ties are no longer ‘previous.’ 

“We’re gonna meet up again tomorrow. There’s an art exhibit he wants to go to,” you answer and Seungmin lets out a little ‘oooo~’ which you roll your eyes at. “So he’s an arts guy then?” he asks and you shake your head. “Not really, but his best friend's works are gonna be on display and he wants to support him. He asked me if I wanted to be his plus one.” 

“Oh, ‘plus one~’, sounds fancy,” Seungmin teases, which you scoff at. “It’s nothing extravagant, Min, don’t be dramatic.” You push his shoulder, which he then clutches with a small gasp as if you actually hurt him. The rest of your coworkers shuffle into the room not long after, signaling that break time is officially over and it’s time to get back to work. 

The rest of the work day is nothing short of hectic, stress induced mess following your break time antics. You and Seungmin are practically buried in work due to multiple people calling off after catching a cold. All the catch up work to make deadlines is running you ragged, but the thought of having a fun day out after this is all over is keeping you going. That, and Changbin sending you cute texts of encouragement every time you complain to him about the workload. 

You breathe a sigh of relief when the backlog is finally finished; slumping in your chair and letting yourself roll away from the desk. It’s way past the time you’d usually leave for the day, but at least you’re being well compensated for the work. It was tiring, but the fat check will make it all worth it in the end. Maybe you’ll finally be able to splurge on some new clothes like you’ve been wanting to. 

Seungmin finishes his own work just moments later and throws his hands in the air with an exclamation, “Hell is over!” You laugh as you pull yourself back up to prepare yourself to go home. “I’m so ready to crash after this. I think I’m gonna collapse as soon as I step in the house.” 

“Don’t crash before you have dinner at least,” you say and Seungmin groans, as if doing anything other than immediately going to sleep will ruin him. “I can eat when I wake up! Getting my beauty sleep is more important.” “Yeah, those dark circles are getting a bit egregious,” you joke and Seungmin shoots a glare at you before he stands. The pair of you continue to bicker and laugh before you say your goodbyes, and Seungmin makes sure you promise to give him all the details of your second date when you return on Monday. 

It’s painfully obvious that you’re sick when you wake up the next morning. Sore throat, cough, fatigue, and all the works. It’s also painfully obvious where you got your cold from, given all the office absentees. The sickness that ran rampant through your coworkers was bound to catch up to you eventually, you suppose. But did it have to be today of all days? 

Canceling on Changbin made you feel awful ; much more than you expected it to. You always felt bad when you had to cancel plans of course, it was never a happy thing to do, but the sadness you felt now was unmatched by any time before it. You tell yourself it’s because you have a lot riding on this date, because your brother needs you to see this through and you can’t let anything deter Changbin from wanting to be with you, but you know deep down that’s not the truth. 

The truth is that you were actually looking forward to seeing him. That you liked him. That you wanted to hold his hand as you walked through the gallery together, to share your thoughts over a nice dinner, to maybe end the night with a kiss or two. And God, did the fact that you actually like him make you feel stupid . What kind of idiot actually starts to like the person they are supposed to dupe in the end? Did leaving for half a year revert you back to an amateur? Did you forget all of your previous bad experiences with other men you had to do this with? 

When you walked away, you told yourself you wouldn’t be in a relationship again for a long time, sincere or otherwise. Being with awful men jaded you, and the rare times you did feel a genuine connection, the nature of your life and family ruined it. There was a point in your life that you started to believe you didn’t deserve anything good. Everyone you met either treated you like shit, or resented the reality of what being with you entailed. 

With every subsequent forced proximity with a man you loathed, with every spark of love that faded because of who you are and what your family does, you withered. People will compare being adolescent to a bud, likening the growth and transition into adult life to that of a flower's first bloom. But you always felt like your bloom never came. Mother Nature skipped over you, deeming you unworthy, leaving you to rot before you ever had a chance for something more.

While other people were vibrant and colorful, you were dull and withered. The garden that was your life was barren and devoid of nutrients, and always would be. At least, that’s how you felt until fairly recently. It took time for you to realize you were deserving of good things, and that a change of environment would help you turn your life into the kind that you would be happy to live. 

Even when you started to feel good about life, and about yourself again, you figured it would still be a while before you ever began to crave the presence of a significant other again. You’d been hurt too many times, seen the worst in countless people, saw the depths of cruelty and hatred that someone could have. And good people existed, of course they did, but your world view was tainted by the ceaseless callousness you were confronted with.

How could you believe that kind people were out there when you often saw the opposite? The depravity, selfishness, and heartless disregard for anyone but themselves? The fact that you had good people in your life began to feel like a fluke. You and your handful of close family members like small faint glimmers of light in a sea of black. 

But even when you were blind to it, even when your vision was clouded by the suffering you experienced, good people existed. Selfless people, who would give the last of what they had to help someone else. Kind people, who helped someone in need without asking for anything in return. Happy people, whose only goal was to make the world a bit brighter than it was yesterday with one small kindness at a time. 

And Changbin was one of those people. And maybe it was naive to believe that so soon, to have faith that he was different from the other men you’ve known, but you couldn’t help it. He just radiated sincerity, exuded warmth, emanated positivity. Talking with him brought you back to the feeling of having a grade school crush; it was like he woke up a part of you that had been sleeping for years. A part of you that wanted a love like in romance movies, where everything is filled with cheesy quotes of adoration and over dramatic declarations of love. Flourishes of passion, moments where all you can think about is seeing him again, where the smallest of gestures makes your heart burst with excitement. 

You’ve only known him a short time, but you felt so utterly infatuated. Every time you spoke to each other, it felt like being on a cloud. It was soft and inviting, warm and bright. His warmth like a blanket fresh out of the dryer, an unmatched comfort and peace. The weeks leading up to this 2nd date where you spent hours texting, talking on the phone or facetiming, it was almost euphoric. 

And you suppose that’s another reason missing out on today is that much more devastating to you. Changbin became swamped with work shortly following your first date, promising that the first free weekend he’d got he’d take you on that date he promised. Then, when things were finally calming down for him, you ended up being buried under the workload of your sick coworkers. And finally, finally , your patience would be rewarded with today’s date. 

Would it be overdramatic to kick and scream? Maybe, but it’s all you wanted to do. And maybe tell God, or whatever higher power exists, to please let Changbin not hate you for canceling today. Of course, he was very understanding, even offering to drive over to you and pick up anything you might need. You turned him down, telling him to go to the exhibit and that you’d just get some more sleep after you took some medicine. 

It was late in the afternoon when you woke up from your cough medicine induced coma, the sun just barely still in the horizon. You knew you really should get some food in you, but the prospect of walking around your kitchen and cooking something sounded extremely daunting. You wondered if it was too late to take Changbin up on his offer? Having someone bring you some more medicine and something to eat would be a godsend. And besides that, you just want to see him. 

You unlock your phone and immediately smile upon seeing your texts; Changbin knew you were getting your rest of course, but he still sent updates, including pictures of the art pieces and how he tried his best to interpret their meaning despite not really understanding what he was looking at most times. His friends works were the most praised by Changbin of course, and his enthused “This one is by Hyunjin!! My best friend is so talented!!”  was endearing. 

You decide to send a simple text, saying you just woke up and were hoping his offer to come by still stands if it’s not any trouble. To your surprise, a facetime request comes through, and you scramble to settle into a presentable position (not that it really matters given how sick you are.) “Y/N~” he coos when you finally answer, a small pout forming on his features when he sees your tired eyes and red nose. 

Changbin is sitting in his car, phone propped up on the dash as he sits in what you assumed to be the driveway of his home. His hair is damp and his clothes loose and comfortable, giving away that he just recently took a shower and was going to start settling in for the night before you texted him. And you’re not sure if it’s the damp look or the way the light of the setting sun illuminates his skin that makes your heart feel like it’s going to burst, but he’s handsome. So devastatingly handsome that you almost want to hide your sick face away. 

Changbin asks all sorts of questions during your call, like what medicines you took, what you need restocked, what you want to eat and from where. Every time you offer to pay him back, he shuts you down, always reminding you that he wants to do this for you. He hangs up when he starts to drive so he won't be distracted, and you decide to relocate to your living room. You bring your favorite blanket and an extra pillow with you, settling in on the sofa while turning the tv to some random show you don’t intend on paying much attention to. 

It’s around an hour later when Changbin calls again to let you know he’s at your apartment. You were surprised he took so long, and when you open the door for him it’s easy to see why. His hands are full of bags, all from the same store apart from your food order. “Changbin, you- what is all this?” you ask, nearly stunned. He shuffles his way inside, placing everything carefully down your kitchen counters as your front door closes behind him. 

“Well, I know you only needed a couple things but..” he says as he starts to separate the bags, placing your food off to the side as he digs through them, showing you the contents one by one. “This is the medicine you asked for. And I also got this anti-drowsy version for the daytime. Oh, and this is vitamin c, your immune system will need it! This is tea for your throat, and this is-” 

You nod along to what he’s saying, but your brain has long since stopped processing the information. You're stuck on the fact that he even bought all of this for you, that he seemed to care so much that he went above and beyond what you asked for. When he looks up and sees your bewildered expression, he pauses, brows furrowing in concern. “What’s wrong? Do you need to lay back down?” 

“Oh, no, I..” you start to answer but well.. What do you even say? It’s hard to explain why such a simple kindness would render you so incapacitated. “If you’re worried about how much I spent, it’s fine! Nothing I can’t make up with another day at the office,” he says with a smile. “Oh, but you shouldn’t still be standing! Here, let’s sit you down.” Changbin guides you to your sofa, hurrying back to your kitchen to grab the food and bring it to you. He places it carefully in your hands before he sits down next to you.

You stare at the food in your hands, blinking as you try to process. He really did all this for you because he cares? He doesn’t expect anything in return? He isn’t going to complain about the costs or the effort, or make you feel like a burden? No, you know that he won’t, and that’s the part that sends waves of an indescribable emotion through you. “Is it wrong? Did you lose your appetite?” he asks when he notices you just looking at it, leaning closer to inspect the meal in your hands, then back up to your face. 

“Oh, sorry, I guess I did for a second. I’m good to eat now though,” you fib, but smile afterwards to ease any worries he has. “No need to say sorry for that, just eat before it happens again, okay?” Changbin watches for a few moments, making sure that the food isn’t going to make you more ill. As much as he wants you to eat to get better, he knows how hard it can be to force yourself and how that can make it worse. 

When he is assured that your appetite is in fact back and that you’re eating well, he turns back to his own meal. You share a comfortable silence for a time as you focus on getting food in your system, though Changbin finishes much faster than you due to the cold slowing your pace. He doesn’t spend the time waiting for you to finish idly thought– instead, he prepares more medicine for you and cleaning up any messes he left in his wake. 

“So, what show is this?” he asks when he’s finished cleaning up the trash from your meals. You told him he didn’t have to and that you’d clean it up later of course, but he insisted upon it. “I don’t know actually. I just put anything on,” you answer. Changbin frowns a little, cutely you might add, before he speaks. “That’s no good, you should watch your favorite things when you don’t feel good. Like.. a comfort movie! What's your favorite? We’ll watch that!”

He quickly reaches for the remote before looking at you expectantly. “Oh, uhm..” You hesitate, hoping that you appear to just be thinking about it instead of taken aback like you truly were. You couldn’t remember the last time you had a boyfriend (genuine or otherwise) that valued any of your opinions, that wanted to give the things you liked a try or indulge in any interests you had. Something as small as letting you choose what to watch on tv meant more to you than he could possibly realize. 

It doesn’t take much actual thought to make your suggestion and tell him where he can find it, and he beams as he follows your instructions to get the movie playing. The only problem now, you soon realize, is that you have no space to lay back down. Given that you live alone and don’t often have company, you chose to buy a smaller sofa and save the extra money. That decision seemed smart at the time, but now you wondered if you should’ve just gone for the bigger furniture. 

Changbin watches you fumble with your pillow for a few moments, trying to find different ways to prop it up and make it comfortable to lay against, before he gets the courage to speak up. “Do you want to lay on me?” “Huh?” you say, not because you didn’t hear him, but because you’re surprised he asked. “We can cuddle..? If you want?”

Oh, you’re fucked. There’s no reason the prospect of cuddling should make butterflies erupt in your stomach like this. You nod, tentatively passing your pillow over to him. Changbin places it carefully against the arm rest before he props himself against it, motioning for you to lay against him once he’s settled. Your head rests on his chest, and Changbin wraps his arm around you carefully, ensuring that his touch is comforting and not inappropriate. You unwittingly let out a sigh as your body relaxes, and Changbin has to suppress a smile in response. 

Before you know it, your eyes are closing. Changbin is just so warm and comfortable, you can’t fight it. He smells good and his gentle touch is soothing, the slow circles he draws on your skin with his thumb lulling you to sleep. The sound of your comfort movie playing becomes almost silent in your ears, being replaced instead by the sound of Changbin’s breathing and the steady beating of his heart. 

The movement of Changbin’s leg eventually stirs you awake, and you sit up with a yawn, rubbing your tired eyes. “Shit, sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you,” he apologizes before he stretches out his legs. You guess they must’ve fallen asleep after being in the same position for so long. “How long was I asleep?” you ask as you turn your attention to the tv. The movie you picked was no longer playing, and it seemed to be half way through a different one. 

“I’m not sure, a few hours maybe?” “What? Really?!” You scramble for your phone to check the time and see that Changbin was right– you have been asleep on him for at least 2 hours. “You could’ve woken me up,” you frown, but Changbin shakes his head vigorously, as if that was never an option. “No, you’re sick, you needed the rest!” 

He had a point of course, but you still felt bad that he was probably bored out of his mind letting you sleep on him like that for so long. Changbin notes your pout, and how cute you are to him even when you’re sick and puffy and tired. “Why don’t you go to bed for the night? Your body needs it,” he suggests after you let out yet another yawn. 

“Yeah, okay,” you nod, and Changbin quickly rises to his feet to help you stand (though you would argue you are stable enough to walk on your own.) He carries your pillow for you, and would’ve carried your blanket as well if not for the fact that you currently had it wrapped around your body like a cocoon. 

Your room is a bit messy, but thankfully there’s nothing lying around that you would be embarrassed for him to see. Changbin sets your pillow down before ensuring that you get in the bed. He turns to walk away, promising he’ll lock the door on his way out and text you tomorrow, when you, in a move that surprises even yourself, call out to him. He faces you quickly, head tilted as asks what’s wrong. 

“Do you want to stay?” your voice comes out smaller than intended, but Changbin hears you clearly. And it’s his turn for his heart to feel like it’s going to burst, hoping that the faint blush rising to his cheeks is masked by the darkness in the room. “I mean, it’s late so..” you continue when he doesn’t answer right away, hoping you haven’t overstepped a boundary by asking. 

“Of course, I’d like that,” he says to your relief. He’s nervous as he makes the short trek back to your bed, both of your hearts pounding in your chests as he moves the blanket to lie down next to you. It feels like you’re a teenager again rather than an adult pushing thirty when he settles in and looks at you, face just a few mere inches away from yours. It's almost embarrassing how easily he gives you butterflies.

“I want to kiss you so bad,” he admits suddenly, his voice almost a whisper as his eyes search for yours in the darkness. “What if you get sick?” you ask, laughing when he exclaims in response. “I wouldn’t be here right now if I cared about getting sick!” 

“Fair point,” you smile as you inch your way a bit closer to him. He reaches out for you, arm wrapping around your waist as he moves in, close enough for you to feel his breath against your skin. The first kiss you share is light, almost careful, and soft, but it’s enough to make your stomach flip. Changbin has a small smile when he pulls away, which makes you smile as well. 

“Thank you for tonight,” you say and he shakes his head, his own smile growing. “It’s the least I can do for my girlfriend. I mean.. I hope you will be, anyways.” “Of course I will be,” you giggle, “I’ve been waiting for you to ask.” “In that case!” Changbin rises suddenly, surprising you as he clasps your hands in his. “Y/N. In case it’s not obvious, I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?” 

You giggle as you accept, and his smile is beaming as he lies back down and pulls you into another kiss. “Get some rest now, okay? I’ll be here when you wake up,” Changbin speaks softly as his arms wrap around you in a hug. You close your eyes as you nuzzle your head into the crook of his neck, feeling nothing but happiness and comfort as you once again fall asleep against him.

The weeks following making your relationship with Changbin official are simultaneously the most elating and the most fraught you’d ever lived. Both of which due to the fact that Changbin seems to be literally perfect. He’s attentive, funny, and incredibly caring, all while being devastatingly handsome. He’s also the most selfless and encouraging person you’ve ever been with, that it riddles you with guilt every time you remember what you ultimately have to do. 

Can you bring yourself to betray him after all this? Your allegiance is supposed to align with your brother, but the more time you spend with Changbin, the more you question if it’s something you can really do. He was just so different, almost painfully so, that the mere thought of breaking his trust fills you with a dread you’ve never experienced before now. 

Apart from that, as you expected, Changbin keeps his work life and home life separate. He might tell you he’s stressed, or in vague terms talk about why a case is hard for him currently, but he never shares details. And you never press him, though technically you should. That’s what you were supposed to be doing here– getting information, passing it along, giving Chan the upper hand he needs to help Minho. 

And the fact that you don’t press for details, the fact that you don’t want to, also fills you with guilt. You should want to help your brother, to help Minho out of his situation, but you don’t. Plus, you’re only here because Chan asked you to be, because he set everything up for you, he put his trust in you. Yet here you are, 3 months later with nothing to show for it. Chan is patient, he isn’t expecting any huge revelation right away as he knew building trust with someone isn’t something that happens over night, but it won’t be that way forever.

You don’t know when, but a time will come when your brother asks you what you have. What you’ve learned, how your progress with Changbin is, and what steps you’ve been taking to gather information. But what will you even say in response? Can you be honest in that situation, and admit that you like Changbin too much to hurt him? You’re torn between the obligation you have with your brother, and the feelings you have for Changbin. What will you do when you inevitably have to choose between them, and decide which bond is the more important one to uphold? 

“You okay, lovey?” Changbin’s voice snaps you from your thoughts. “Oh, sorry, just nervous I guess,” you answer with a smile that you hope he can’t tell is forced. “Don’t worry, Hyunjin’s nice, I promise! And he’ll love you, I’m sure of it,” he smiles as he gives you a peck on the head. You smile and thank him, feeling a bit guilty that he’s trying to comfort you over a white lie, but telling the truth certainly isn’t something you’re ready to do yet. 

Well, maybe it isn’t entirely a lie– you are nervous to meet Hyunjin for the first time too. That’s what brought you to Changbin’s place today; his best friend, who you were originally supposed to meet the night of your 2nd date, is coming over for dinner today. He finally has free time in his schedule following the exhibit and family responsibilities, and Changbin excitedly planned for, in his words, his best friend and his favorite girl to finally meet. 

Changbin, despite considering himself to not be much of a cook, did a lot of work to make the dinner nice. Not so much for Hyunjin of course, but for you. He’s secretly hoping you’ll be impressed by his efforts and compliment him (he lives for your praise, unbeknownst to you.) It doesn’t take much longer for Hyunjin to arrive, with Changbin being full of smiles as he introduces the two of you to each other. 

You try your best to not be awkward as you make small talk, though thankfully (and as usual) Changbin easily steers the conversations and makes them lively. He encourages you to talk about yourself as well, as opposed to just listening to them catch up, and you appreciate that he wants you to be an active participant of the conversation instead of just existing there. “Did Changbin tell you how we became friends?” Hyunjin asks towards the end of the meal, which makes Changbin audibly groan in response. “Do you have to bring that up every time? It’s embarrassing!” 

You chuckle as you listen to your boyfriend complain. He’s brought up embarrassing memories to you before so you are a bit surprised by his outburst, but maybe it’s because he wanted to tell you on his own time. “But it’s my favorite story! And it’s not even embarrassing, you’re just dramatic,” Hyunjin says and Changbin pouts and crosses his arms. “Shouldn’t I be the one to decide which of my memories are embarrassing or not?” 

“Well it’s my memory too, and I say it’s not.” Hyunjin says matter-of-factly. Changbin’s pout grows as he looks over at you and notices your eager expression. You definitely want to hear the story now; you’re so curious! “Fine,” he sighs in defeat as he lets his head fall to the table. “But you better not laugh!” 

“I won’t, I promise,” you say with a sweet smile. You can tell he’s not genuinely upset; if he was it would be obvious. Maybe he’s just a little nervous about what your reaction will be? But you’ll give him all the reassurance he needs that you won’t find this funny if it’s not something he’s able to laugh at too. You give him a small kiss for being a good sport, which causes him to turn his head away to hide the smile that starts to grow when you do. 

You turn your attention back to Hyunjin as he begins telling the story. “So, we’re in middle school right? And I didn’t have any friends. I was the kind of kid that preferred to stay indoors and read or draw than be outside, so I didn’t get along much with the other kids who loved to play around roughly in the yard. I wouldn’t say I was bullied, but the other boys certainly weren’t quiet about the fact that I was weird.” 

“And then Changbin transfers in later in the year, and not even a few days into his first week there, he’s already fighting kids for being mean to me! Just a boy in his class he’s never even spoken to before, and he wanted to defend me anyways.” It’s easy to see why this is Hyunjin’s favorite story, and he smiles warmly as he tells it. “And it might be hard to imagine, but he was small back then, so he was fighting kids like, twice his size.”

“Yah! You didn’t have to bring that part up!” Changbin lifts his head to exclaim, making you giggle. “What’s wrong with that? It shows how kind and brave you were,” you say. The pout practically melts off his face, easily turning into a small smile at your compliment. “Yeah, well.. I still am, you know.” 

“Of course I know, that’s why I like you so much,” you say before giving him another peck. His bashful smile is so sweet and cute, you have to resist the urge to attack him with more kisses in front of Hyunjin. “See, I did you a favor by telling her! You loved the story, right Y/N?” Hyunjin wears a victorious, almost I-told-you-so, smile as you nod. It just makes you like him more, to be honest, knowing that he’s been this way since he was young. Chivalrous and sweet above all else.

“We became good friends after that. And eventually Changbin told me he wanted to help everyone someday, like a superhero.” Changbin groans again as you giggle at Hyunjin’s words. That must be another reason he’s embarrassed– wanting to be a superhero when you grow up isn’t the most realistic thing to aspire to. “I knew you’d laugh,” he grumbles as he pouts. 

“I’m not laughing at you Binnie, I just think you’re cute.” His face turns a light shade of pink, both from the compliment and from you calling him his nickname in front of his friend (which before now he only ever heard in a private setting.) “I feel like I’m being bullied right now,” Changbin says as he points between the two of you. “You’re banding together to embarrass me.” “Here, I’ll make it up to you by cleaning up,” you say as you rise to your feet. “Wait, no, I’ll do it!” Changbin protests, grabbing your used plate from your hands. “You’re my guest, I’ll take care of it.”

You want to argue and help, but you know there’s no point; Changbin is stubborn about things like this. So you concede easily and sit back down. “Changbin seems happy. I’m glad he has you,” Hyunjin says after Changbin steps away to put the dishes in his sink, apparently not wanting to fluster the man further by saying it in front of him. “It might be hard to tell now, but he was depressed for a long time.” 

Your heart squeezes in your chest at the words. You loved that you were able to make Changbin happier, but it was equally painful. You know what your reality is, and what you’re supposed to be doing here. You know, but you don’t want to. “He’s a good man,” you reply, “he deserves to be happy.” Hyunjin smiles, and Changbin walks back in, equally as smiley and oblivious to the small conversation you just had.

Fuck, you felt terrible. You knew quite a bit about Changbin’s past with his ex, and what led to his divorce. He felt like it was important to bring up when you were starting to get serious, so that the problems he experienced back then wouldn’t repeat themselves in his relationship with you. He worked really hard to get where he is today, to become chief of police. He had a strong sense of justice, and an equally strong urge to help people. But eventually, that passion started to cause a rift in his relationship. 

His ex felt neglected and alone most nights while Changbin was spending all his free time putting in extra hours, working harder than he had to. But he wanted to, he loved doing it, he had so much pride in his career. And that pride and passion led him to his dream position, and effectively made him the youngest person to get so far in such a short amount of time. He was proud of himself, of the life he built, and it devastated him when he realized his partner didn’t feel the same way. 

Changbin’s ex didn’t want someone who spent all their free time buried in work, they wanted him to be more present. They wanted someone to spend quality time with, who would make time for them and the family they planned to one day build, who would prioritize them above all else. Even on his time off he thought about work, he talked about cases, but his partner didn’t want to talk about those things all the time. He explained that he was confused at first; he didn’t understand how his dedication to his career could cause this to happen. In his mind, everything was perfect– his dream career, a beautiful house, and a loving partner. 

It took time for him to understand their perspective and see what he could have done differently, but it was too late by then for him to make it work. His career was important to him and he wasn’t wrong for that, but they also weren’t wrong for wanting to be with someone more attentive and less busy, and he understood that now. And that’s why he wanted to make sure you understood that about him, and would accept him if he ever spent long hours in his office or a case required his urgent attention. And in return, he’d make sure he’d do what he should to be a good boyfriend on his time off, to make adequate time for you and shower you with affection. 

Those 2 years were hard for him, but he learned a lot from it. About how to find the balance between your work and home life. It’s also part of the reason he doesn’t tell you about things in detail, afraid that you might begin to resent him in the same way his ex had. That if he spends too much time absorbed in his work that you’ll just decide you’ve had enough and walk away from him. 

It was hard for Changbin to admit that to you, but he knew he had to bring it up early so you knew. But truthfully, you only ever admired him. You loved when he was passionate or excited, and you couldn’t imagine ever shutting him down or making him feel bad for it. You loved seeing his beaming smile every time he said a case was solved or there was a successful interrogation at the office. You couldn’t imagine ever seeing that unbridled joy and not smiling along with him. And so, because his ex didn’t, you told him you were proud of him. You told him good job, you shared in his happiness, you met his enthusiasm with love.

Love? Were you in love? Is that why your heart ached so much? But it’s natural to feel bad right? Changbin is a good person and you don’t want to do something cruel to him. It’s normal to be upset about that. It’s normal for your heart to hurt over this. It’s normal for dread to course through your veins, to not want to imagine how much pain he would be in if you betrayed his trust. That’s all normal, so surely you’re not in love with him already? Right? 

You swallow apprehensively as you look at Changbin. He’s talking animatedly with Hyunjin, his smile as bright as ever, his loud voice full of joy. Normally seeing him like that made you happy too; you’d smile right along with him, giggling at all his cute expressions and declarations. But now there’s a lump in your throat, hands shaking as the anxiety starts to consume you. You don’t want to hurt him. You don’t want to do this anymore.

Changbin is an observant man, so you excuse yourself to the bathroom before he can read your expression and see that something is bothering you. You take deep breaths, hands trembling as you try to calm yourself. You’re just anxious, that’s all it is, it’ll pass, you’ll be fine, you tell yourself. You give yourself a moment longer, before washing your hands and stepping out to rejoin the men. 

Thankfully, you successfully managed to calm yourself for now, and rejoin their conversation organically. It was a relief honestly that Changbin didn’t seem to be aware of the internal battle you were having with yourself. You mentally thanked Hyunjin for keeping him distracted enough, as you knew Changbin’s care for you would make all those emotions you’re trying to hold back erupt. And if you were being honest with yourself, you weren’t ready to face those feelings just yet. 

It didn’t take much longer for the day to transition into night, with Hyunjin needing to bid his goodbyes to return to his family. Changbin made him promise to bring them next time of course, and Hyunjin happily agreed to bring them if they were able. The moment his friend leaves, Changbin turns to you with an almost hopeful look. “You don’t work tomorrow right?” he asks, and you can tell by the small pout on his lips that he intends to ask something of you. 

“No, I don’t,” you assure with a soft smile, wondering what he was about to segway into. “Stay the night with me,” he continues his pout, looking at you with his puppy eyes that you’ve grown fond of. “But none of my things are here,” you say with a small frown, which only makes his pouting even more blatant. “You can just wear something of mine! Please..?”

It wasn’t really the clothes you were worried about; you had makeup on and your skin would surely suffer if you left it on all night and you weren’t sure if Changbin had anything in his cabinet that would be sufficient enough to remove it. But God, his cute begging always made you so weak. How were you supposed to say no when he hit you with the puppy dog look? So you supposed you would have to make do with whatever he may or may not have, and apologize to your skin tomorrow by giving it some extra care. 

“I’ll stay,” you say with a faux exasperated sigh but Changbin is unphased by it, immediately beaming at you with pure happiness. “I’ll grab something for you, wait here,” he smiles as he turns quickly to his bedroom to search for suitable pajamas for you. You can't help but smile as well by his cute behavior; Changbin may look intimidating but he truly is a softie underneath it all. He was easily the most clingy man you’d ever met, and he had no shame in pouting or pulling a cute face to get a kiss or a smile from you. But you liked it, and after years of dating hard men who showed no affection or genuine kindness, you loved that he seemed to have it in droves and offered it freely. 

“Here you go baby,” he says in his cheery tone, placing his selection carefully in your hands when he returns. “You go ahead and get changed, I’m gonna clean up in here first.” He said after giving you a quick peck on the lips, turning his attention to the dishes that mounted in the sink from your dinner with Hyunjin. You walk to his bathroom, and set his clothes down on the sink as you try to make a plan on how you can remove your makeup while doing minimal damage to your skin. 

You feel like you’ve done a decent enough job with what you had at your disposal, and now that you feel content with your makeup removal, you decide it's time to change into the shirt that Changbin provided you. While you haven’t seen Changbin without a shirt before, anyone can tell just from a look that his muscles are big, so you hope that the shirt he provided you with will be loose enough to keep you comfortable tonight. Once it’s pulled over your head, you feel happy enough with the way it fits on you. 

It wasn’t long enough to conceal your underwear by any means, and your curves are still obvious, but it’s not tight or restrictive at all, and you find yourself hoping that Changbin will like the way you look in it. Scooping up the dress you wore for dinner in your arms, you stepped out of the bathroom and walked to the living room where your bag was still resting on the couch. The light in the kitchen was off, the only illumination between the spaces being the night light plugged in next to his couch. Deciding that must mean Changbin was finished cleaning up and already in his bedroom, you swiftly shove your dress into your bag before picking it up to take with you into his room. The door to his bedroom was ajar, allowing light to filter into the hallway and confirming to you that's where he is. You knock carefully, deciding you shouldn’t just barge into his room if he is changing.

“You can come in!” You heard his voice call out, and so you pushed the door open further to step inside. As expected, Changbin had changed into his own selection of pajamas (a simple shirt and sweatpants) and was sitting at the foot of the bed with his tv remote in hand, shuffling through his selection of streaming services. Stepping in fully, you close his door behind you as you had learned from your nights together that was his preference when sleeping. You noticed him swallow after he turned his gaze to you, but didn’t allow his eyes to travel down to your legs. “Is the shirt comfortable enough? Do you need anything else? I have shorts and-” 

“No, I’m comfortable, thank you Binnie,” you smile as you step towards the bed, placing your bag down next to the nightstand. You were sure that he wanted to look, but you strangely liked that he hadn’t. Changbin was always careful and respectful, and you were sure that as soon as he realized the shirt didn’t cover you fully, he made a conscious effort to keep his eyes on your face. Plus, he asked if you were comfortable without hesitation, which you appreciated and once again testified his chivalrous nature to you. His posture relaxed at your answer; his intention was for your body to be completely covered but as long as you were comfortable that was all that mattered to him. 

“I can’t remember whose turn it is to pick tonight so I started looking just in case,” he explains, quickly moving on now that your comfort is assured to him. You and Changbin had made a habit of going back and forth picking things to watch on the nights you stayed together, a ritual that you had come to really look forward to. And you were fairly sure it was your turn to pick tonight, but since Changbin was so sweet and kind to you, you wanted to let him put on whatever might have caught his eye. 

“It’s your turn,” you say as you settle onto his bed. “In that case, let's watch this!” he says with a smile as he quickly shuffles through a selection of animated movies and lands on Howl’s Moving Castle. “Hyunjin was obsessed with this movie when we were kids, we’d watch it all the time,” he says with a fond smile. You’ve seen it as well, but Changbin’s earnest joy to share a childhood film with you was incredibly sweet, so you feigned ignorance as he excitedly shared his memories with you. He continues talking even as he stands to turn off the light, and crawls his way into bed next to you. 

You find his nostalgia trip heartwarming, and you listen to his tales with a soft smile, interjecting only if you have to. After getting under the blanket, he settles in against his headboard and opens his arm out for you to curl up against him as you always did. Keeping in line with your routine, you don't hesitate to get close and lay your head against his shoulder, letting his arm wrap around you comfortably. “Comfy, baby?” he asks after you’ve finished shuffling into your usual position, and you nod, assuring him that you’re ready for him to play the movie. 

Time passes in comfortable silence, with the occasional small laugh coming from Changbin at Calcifer’s attitude. You, on the other hand, wanted to pay attention to the movie and enjoy it with him, but instead became lost in thought, not focusing at all on the scenes playing in front of you. Your mind had wandered back to what a future with Changbin would be like. Would this routine continue even years in the future? Would you cook dinner for each other after late nights, cuddle under blankets as you watched tv, talk about the mundane things in life over morning coffee? Would you still share soft kisses, hold each other's hand at every opportunity, text each other during work just to check in and say you missed each other?

You stopped hoping for a love like this a long time ago; the domesticity that comes with sharing your life with someone you love always feeling like a hopeless dream. Was it Changbin that awoke something deep inside you, or were your feelings always there but just pushed so deep you couldn't find them anymore, forgotten and left to rot? You’d never met someone so gentle and considerate until Changbin, and his care was laced in every interaction you had with him. Every word, every gesture, every look was so full of affection and tenderness that it left you reeling. How could someone like him exist? 

Noticing you’ve been quieter than usual, Changbin turns his head to look at you, checking if you’ve already fallen asleep. “Are you still awake, love?” he whispers softly, moving his hand from your waist to rub careful circles on your arm. “Mm, sorry, I spaced out,” you answer, not sure if you're ready to tell him how badly you want to spend forever with him. You knew you loved him, it was obvious that love is what this unfamiliar feeling you were failing to push away was, but wasn't it too soon to say? You didn't want to scare him off by confessing something so deep after only having dated for a few months. 

"Are you okay?" he asked with a frown, concern clearly showing in his eyes. He was pretty sure he hadn't said or done anything wrong, at least not on purpose, so he couldn't guess what could possibly be bothering you. You swallowed as you looked up at him. What were you supposed to say? 'I'm in love with you, I want to spend all my days with you, you're everything I've ever wanted.' There was absolutely no way you could say all that right now. It was too much and left you too vulnerable. 

And then there was the matter of how this relationship even started. You were supposed to make Changbin trust you so could start leaking information to Chan; the entire foundation was built with the intent of deceiving him. You didn't think you could handle the heartbreak you'd feel if you lost him; your days with him were the safest and happiest you'd ever felt, and you were scared of losing it. And you were terrified of that truth being revealed to Changbin, dread settling in your gut when you thought about what kind of expression he'd have. Anger, resentment, disgust.. All possibilities you didn't want to see on him. 

But it's not like you could simply open up about this. Sure, Chan was your brother and he wanted you to be happy, but could he really accept you being with the very officer that oversaw the arrest of Minho? Wouldn't that feel like a betrayal to him? Would he offer his blessing for you to be with someone who threatened the very existence of his life? You couldn't imagine a scenario where he'd ever be okay with such a thing. Even if he understood you couldn't help it, you knew he'd still be upset and want you to end your relationship with Changbin regardless of your feelings. 

Everything was so complicated and there was no easy solution. No matter what choice was made, someone would be hurt, but you couldn't bear for that person to be Changbin. He didn't deserve it, he'd already been through so much pain, his healing process long and difficult. The thought of you making it worse when you were supposed to be the person helping him feel secure made your heart ache unbearably. 

Before you could even realize it was happening, tears had welled in your eyes and began falling. Changbin's heart sank when he saw your tears, panic settling in as he carefully turned to cup your face in his hands. "Why are you crying baby? What's wrong?" He asked, voice soft as he wiped the tears away with his thumbs. What were you supposed to say? 'Our relationship is built on lies. My brother is the man you've been searching for for so long. I'm scared that you'll hate me for lying to you. I'm scared to be alone after knowing what real love feels like.' Your lip quivers as the thoughts cycle in your mind. 

Anxiety is welling within Changbin, but he's trying to keep a calm exterior for your sake. He doesn't want to agitate whatever might be bothering you and make it worse, but he can't help the way his mind races through the possibilities. He'd never seen you like this before, and it felt so sudden that he didn't know what to do for you. Everything was fine before now, but maybe you were just good at disguising when something was wrong. Maybe he had upset you and you just pushed it aside until you couldn't any longer. 

"I.." you start, trying your best to get anything out at this point. Changbin was being so gentle and patient with you, which only spurred on your intense emotions. His gaze was fixed on you, thumbs rubbing soothing circles on your skin and wiping away tears when they fell. Even with anxiety growing in him, he didn't push you. He waited for you to answer on your own time, whispering soothing words to you. "It's okay, everything's okay, I've got you," he'd say, doing his best to console you despite not knowing the cause for your tears. 

"I love you," you say quietly, voice trembling as you wait for rejection. There's no way he'd return your feelings after such a short amount of time. Wasn’t 3 months too soon to fall in love with someone so entirely? There's no way he'd look at you right now and think this was normal. His rejection wouldn't be harsh, he was much too considerate to hurt you, but knowing he didn't feel the same would be enough to shatter you into pieces. 

Changbin was completely stunned, brows furrowing in concern. "You're.. crying because you love me?" he asks, trying to wrap his head around your answer and understand why that would cause you to cry like this. He certainly didn't expect this to be the way he first hears that admission from your lips. He watches your expression carefully, trying to be patient and hear your thoughts without jumping to any conclusions or putting words in your mouth. "I.. I've never been with someone as good as you. You're so sweet to me and I'm scared you'll leave me," you say between shaky inhales and his heart aches in response. What had you been through before now to make you feel this? 

"I'm not going to leave you, I begged you to be here, remember?" he said, hoping the memory of him cutely begging for you to stay with him tonight would help you feel better. He continues after you nod, moving his hands to your own to hold them. "I'm not ever going to leave you, okay? I promise." He squeezes your hands gently as your lip quivers again, eyes threatening to spill more tears as you look down at his hands grasping yours. It was so… bittersweet. You were comforted by his words, hearing them made you happy, but at the same time you knew it couldn't be true. If he learned the truth he'd hate you, he'd leave you, you were sure of it. 

But you wanted to believe he wouldn't, wanted to believe in this promise. You wanted to believe you could have a future together, where every day was full of joy and love. Even if the rational part of your brain knew how impossible it was, you wanted nothing more than for that to be your reality. "Can you look at me?" he asks softly, and you take a deep breath before obliging, hands trembling as you once again meet his eyes. "I love you," he says and you suck in your breath, trying your best not to cry even harder than you already have been. "I love you," he repeats, keeping one hand wrapped around your own while the other returns to your face. 

He kisses you as if you're made of glass, so careful that you almost don't register it. Was it possible for a heart to break and mend at the same time? To feel euphoric and devastated all at once? Rational and coherent thought leaves you now, being overtaken by your yearning for the man in front of you. He changes his hold on your hand, intertwining your fingers as he pulls away to read your expression. 

"I don't know what you've been through before to make you cry like this, but I'm here for you now," he says softly, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on your skin. "I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner and made you worry, but I'll repeat it as many times as you need to hear it. I love you." You look into his eyes, seeing for yourself the true depth of his words. You knew Changbin was careful and considerate toward you, but he also upheld truth above all else. He didn't say things he didn't mean; he was honest even to a fault. He always said the things he truly thought, regardless of what any consequence may be. You believed he wouldn't say something like this just to make you feel better. 

So, to hear him say "I love you," it can only be true. You were both scarred from your pasts, you with abusive exes and relationships built on false pretenses with no genuine love to be had, and Changbin the sufferer of a devestating divorce, left alone by the only person he'd loved before now. Maybe fate brought you together because you were both desperately in need of something that wasn't obtainable before. Love, connection, understanding, belonging.. Foreign feelings that had rooted in you faster than you could even fathom. 

"Kiss me again please," you say so quietly it's almost a whisper. You want the feeling of Changbin to consume you completely, this feeling of love and acceptance to encompass you in your entirety, to quell the torrential downpour of thoughts raging in your mind until he is all that is left. Changbin hears your request despite how softly you speak, and quickly moves to oblige you, squeezing the fingers intertwined with his as a gesture of comfort. 

His lips against yours tune out the world around you, the movie playing in the background long since forgotten. His kisses are one after another, soft and gentle but still enough to leave you breathless. "I love you," he reminds you again between breaths and you don't hesitate to say it back each time, even with the way the air has dissipated from your lungs with each moment of his lips on yours. 

When he finally stopped kissing you to allow you both to breathe, he rested his forehead against yours, looking straight at you once again. You thankfully had stopped crying, the crashing waves of anxiety you had felt moments ago receding with each of Changbin’s sweet touches and words. You knew they'd return, there was no escaping from your problems, but at least for some small amount of time you could lose yourself in this moment and forget about it all. 

"You have no idea how much I adore you," Changbin tells you as he separates one of his hands from yours, reaching up to instead rub his thumb against your cheek. "Thank you, Binnie… I'm sorry for crying, I must've startled you.." you frown as you look at him, feeling embarrassed and vulnerable from your outpouring of emotions. "Don't be sorry lovey, it's okay.. All that matters to me is that you feel better," he says, still using his soft and gentle tone. 

Separating your hand from his, you move to pull him into a tight hug, wrapping your arms around him as you bury your head into his shoulder. "You feeling okay now?" he asks as he wraps his own arm around your waist, and you nod against his neck, telling him that you just want to be close to him. He smiles, finding the sudden clinginess endearing. It's usually him being the overly touchy and clingy one of the two of you. "Let's get more comfy then," he says as he uses the strength of his arms to pull you into his lap before he shifts to let his back rest against the headboard of the bed, your legs on either side of him. 

One arm stays firmly wrapped around you, while the other travels up and down your back, ensuring that you feel comfortable and relaxed. The movie is nearing its conclusion now, but neither of you are focused on it. You are locked in your feelings of serene comfort, of a love that you'd felt was not meant for you, the way Changbin so carefully put you back together when you were falling apart. It meant everything to you, in ways you felt no words could express. Changbin meanwhile was observing you carefully for any changes in your demeanor or breathing, just wanting to ensure he was there for you for any and every thing. 

"Binnie.." you breathe out as you sit up to look at him once more. "Yes, love?" he implores, eyes full of curiosity but also patience. He won't rush you to get anything out, giving you the time to prepare yourself to say the things that are in your head, ensuring things are always at your own pace. "I want you," you say after a breath, face heating up a bit at the admission, hoping he understands the implication of your statement. 

While you are certainly no stranger to sex, you are a stranger to intimacy. The vulnerability of offering yourself up to someone, showing them all that you are and all that you have. You've never exposed yourself to someone in such a raw way, poured out feelings so intensely and honestly. You loved him, and you wanted him in any and every way he would have you. You wanted that feeling of making love that always eluded you, the feeling of trust and care that comes with being in the hands of someone who loves you, truly loves you, and wants you as much as you want them. 

"You have me," he says, bringing his face closer to you, "I'm yours." Your face burns further at his confession, shivers running down your spine as your lips meet once again. Your heart pounds in your chest as you leaned into the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck. You lost track of the amount of time you spent with your lips on his, the intensity building as each kiss became more heated than the last. 

Butterflies erupted in your stomach when you felt his tongue against your lips for the first time, as if you had never experienced such a thing before now. You part your lips for him, allowing his tongue to slip inside your mouth. His tongue moves in languid circles around your own, relishing in the taste and feeling of you.

You're the first to pull away to breathe properly, looking at Changbin with a flushed face, and God, is he pretty like this. He's nearly as breathless as you, dark curly hair disheveled from your fingers absentmindedly running through it, looking at you with a look you've never seen on him before. Yearning? Desire? "You're so beautiful, you know that?" he says as he moves one of his arms to touch your face again, cupping it in his hand. "My pretty girl."

It had to be impossible for your face to get any hotter than this, you thought. Sure, you could put together that Changbin was attracted to you, but to hear him say it like this was.. different. You weren't used to this side of him yet– the side that would shower you in love and praise while looking at you with such a lust filled gaze. "I…" you swallow, trying to squash down the shyness bubbling within you. Was it normal to feel like this the first time with someone you love? You wouldn't really know. 

"I want to.. Can you touch me..?" you finally manage to get out, despite the nervousness settling over you. "As long as you’re sure," he says, hands moving to rest on your hips as he observes your face carefully. You've had your fair share of make out sessions as your relationship progressed further, but the two of you never took it any further than that. Truthfully, he wants nothing more than to feel you under his palms, but he hadn't yet because he wanted to take things slow and treat you right, and now it was apparent that you were going through so much internally.. The last thing Changbin wanted to do was take advantage while you were emotionally vulnerable. 

"I'm sure," you nod without hesitation. You were attracted to him from the day you met him, and the more you learned about him, the more you grew to fall in love with him, little by little. You loved him. You trusted him. And yes, this foreign experience did leave you shyer and more vulnerable than you ever felt, but you wanted him more than you ever wanted anyone. Changbin can see the certainty clear in your eyes, and he smiles slightly, gripping your hips a little firmer than before. "Just.. tell me if you change your mind, okay?"

"I will," you promise him, though you were certain you wouldn't be changing your mind. Changbin's care and consideration for you only made him more desirable in your eyes, and assured you that trusting him would never be something you'd regret. Changbin leans up to meet you, pressing his lips to yours once more, squeezing the meat of your hips in his hands. You part your lips when you feel his tongue against you again, allowing it to lick against your own until his hands reach the hem of the borrowed t-shirt. 

"Is it okay to take it off?" he asks, and you quickly give your approval, lifting your arms so he can pull it over your head effectively. He stares at your topless form shamelessly, his adam's apple bobbing as he swallows. "Fuck, you're so beautiful," he says lowly, but you barely have time to react before his lips are on yours again, needy and eager. Changbin's thumbs rub over your nipples, causing you to shudder and mewl into his mouth. 

Your body is sensitive from lack of touch and you feel as if you're becoming dizzy from the way his fingers rub and gently pinch your nipples as his tongue stays in your mouth, never separating from your own for more than a second. You're both breathing heavily by the time he pulls away from you, the longing in his eyes clear as he looks at you, giving you butterflies. 

Changbin takes your hands suddenly, placing them on his own chest. "You can touch me too. Anywhere you want," he says, watching as your face heats up in response, "I'm all yours." You swallow as you nod, the thought of touching him intimately making your heart accelerate. He had never seen you blush like this before, and he found this new shy side to you incredibly endearing, especially knowing it was all for him. Your hands tremble slightly in anticipation as you reach for the hem of his own shirt. Changbin raises his arms without you even having to say anything, and it is quickly discarded to the floor. 

It's Changbin's turn to feel a newfound shyness as your eyes roam the expanse of his torso. While his body is definitely good, he doesn't make a habit of showing it to just anyone; it's something reserved only for moments like this, to be viewed only by someone he's comfortable with and trusts. As you expected, he had an incredible amount of muscle built up, and you let your hands travel up his stomach, over his chest, down the length of his arms, taking it all in. Some areas of his skin held scars, from wounds you assumed he got from his time on the force, and you glided over them gently, treating them with care. "You're amazing," you tell him when you look back up to his face, and he smiles, the cute kind you've grown to love so much. 

"Not any more so than you," he responds, turning your compliment back to you. You smile back at him, pink dusting both your faces as you pull him into another kiss. You keep it brief this time, instead opting to move down to his neck. You feel Changbin tense underneath you as your lips touch his skin, leaving sweet kisses before latching to a spot and sucking. The soft groan that leaves his mouth goes straight to your core, and you can immediately tell it's something you'll become addicted to hearing. 

His hands are on your hips again, squeezing every time you get another groan out of him. Feeling his cock hard against you, you grind down on it experimentally, and Changbin sucks in a breath, fingers digging into your plush skin at the contact. "Fuck," he mutters under his breath, head lolling back as you continue to rub yourself against him. You separate from his neck, looking at his face as you grind down against him. 

His eyes are closed, brows furrowed in pleasure and lips parted, sharp breaths leaving him with each roll of your hips. "Binnie," you call to him, and he quickly moves his head up right, opening his eyes to look at you. You stop your movements, instead dipping your hand in his waistband to feel his cock with your own hand as you capture his lips with another kiss. It’s thick in your hand, so much so that you almost can't wrap the entirety of your hand around it. 

He hisses at the contact, body shuddering as you run your thumb over the tip and smear the pre-cum gathering there. Just as he had done to you, you lick at his lips, swallowing his groans as your hand runs up and down his length. Your free hand rests on his chest, helping to keep you stable as you enclose your fist around his cock, pumping it at a steady pace. Changbin makes no effort to quiet himself or hold back, and you love it. He's vocal, letting you hear for yourself how good you're making him feel, arousal building more and more within you for every new noise you earn from him. 

He breaks away from the kiss, looking down to watch your hand work him. “God-” he groans, unconsciously bucking his hips up to meet your fist. He forgot what the feeling of having someone else’s hand on him was like, and you were good; way too good. He would undoubtedly cum if he let you keep going, and he didn’t want that to happen before he got the chance to please you. 

"W-Wait," he manages to say, chest heaving as he tries to steady his heavy breaths. You quickly retract your hand, worry clear on your face as you look at him. Did you do something wrong? Move faster than he was ready for? Changbin can easily spot the worry growing on your expression and he quickly moves a hand to your face, rubbing gently as he had done earlier to comfort you. "Don't worry baby, it felt really good. But I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you." 

You flush at his words, stomach flipping in anticipation as you await his next move. "Is it still okay to touch you?" he asks, hands remaining in place until you give him your okay. "Yes.. please," you say and Changbin smiles before he gives you another quick kiss. He reaches a hand between your legs, rubbing over your underwear and feeling the way the arousal that built up soaks through it. "Oh God," he groans at the proof of your excitement, and heat flashes over you in response. You bury your head into his shoulder, whining as embarrassment overtakes you. Changbin chuckles softly at your reaction, finding you incredibly cute like this. 

"Tell me to stop at any time if it's too much," he whispers to you softly; no matter how turned on he is or how much he enjoys this new side of you, it doesn't matter if you're uncomfortable and not enjoying it with him. "I'm going to put my hand in now," he tells you, pausing for a moment in case you want to tell him to wait. Getting no protests, he slips his hand into your underwear, rubbing between your folds carefully to start with. 

"Tell me what you like,” Changbin says, his first touch of your clit being feather light and almost cautious, “What makes you feel good?" He looks at you attentively as he waits for your answer, trying his best not to smile from the bashful expression on your face. Of course he would ask you that, it’s Changbin. He’s earnest, considerate, and thoughtful; everyone is different and he knows that, so he wants to hear what you like straight from you instead of risking fumbling around until he finds what you like through chance. Besides all of that, he has to admit that hearing you tell him what you like yourself makes the moment all the more erotic for him. How can he skip over the opportunity to make his normally confident girlfriend a shy, blushing puddle? 

You want to answer him right away, but between his gaze at your face and the way his finger rubs easily over your clit, your brain feels muddled. The way your mouth slightly opens and closes in an attempt to get something out as your face heats up for the umpteenth time doesn’t go unnoticed, so Changbin smiles softly as he whispers encouragement to you. "You can do it, love. Tell me what you like."

“A-A bit harder,” you manage to mutter, and Changbin wastes no time to do as you ask. “Like this?” he inquires as he applies more pressure, watching you closely to gauge your reaction as he does. The way your hands grip at his shoulders tighter as your head slumps forward with a soft moan emitting from you tells him that he’s on the right track at the very least. “Is that good?” he asks, gently brushing the hair that fell in front of your face behind your ear so he can see you clearly. 

You nod, teeth sinking into your bottom lip as a whimper escapes you. Changbin smiles, and if you were looking at his face you would clearly see the expression of soft satisfaction on him. Not smug by any means, just simply happy to see you enjoying this as much as he is. “Can you lean back for me?” Your brows furrow, a little confused by his request, but you oblige him, leaning back and resting your palms behind you and against his legs for support. 

Changbin thanks you before leaning himself forward, making the intention of his request clear by attaching his lips to your neck in the same way you had done to him. He wanted to mirror the attention you gave him, to make you feel as good as you made him feel in any way he could. His free hand travels to your breast, giving a few gentle squeezes before he begins to rub your nipple between his thumb and finger. The pleasure is almost overwhelming, your body not used to this kind of attention being given to it, that it leaves you a whining and shuddering mess on top of him. 

His teeth sink gently into the skin connecting your neck with your shoulder, not enough to leave a mark just yet, but enough for you to feel it. The contrast between his sharp teeth and gentle licks and kisses lights a fire in you, the desire that was once a small kindling becoming a much larger, fiercer blaze. You want more, you want him, you want, want, want. He leaves a trail of red on your skin, licking the spots his teeth sink in, peppering them with kisses, and repeating on each new patch of skin he reaches.

Changbin figures he should probably stop before he marks your neck; you do work an office job after all. So he pulls away, instead opting to sink his head lower. He plants soft kisses on the nipple that wasn't receiving attention from his fingers, before letting his tongue run over it. You gasp at the feeling of his tongue on you, and cast your gaze down to look at him. His eyes are locked on yours as you watch his tongue draw circles on your nipple before enclosing his mouth around it. The view alone felt like enough to drive you crazy; it was just so.. hot, for lack of a better word.

Your hands reach to tangle into his hair, and he groans at each soft tug, encouraging him to keep building the pace and pressure of his fingers on your clit. You're not sure how much time the both of you spent like this; all you can really comprehend is how good it feels, and that you're nearly breathless when he pulls away from your body. "Do you want more?" he asks you, trying not to give away how eager he actually is in case you don't want that. "Yes, yes, please," you answer quickly, too far gone to be embarrassed by your eagerness, and Changbin smiles as he pulls his hand out of your underwear. "Lay down for me please?" 

You comply with his request, carefully moving yourself off his lap and laying your head against his pillows. Your body trembles in anticipation as he moves himself between your legs, his expression as lust filled as it is soft. His fingers hook into the hem of your underwear, but rather than pulling them down right away, he glances at you once more. "I want to take them off you now, is that okay?" 

"Yes," you assure him, voice soft but sure, and you lift your legs up to make it easier for him. Changbin beams at you once more before he carefully moves your underwear down your legs, tossing them to the side afterwards. He leans down to kiss you, his hand running down the soft expanse of body to reach your core. He rubs between your folds for a few moments, allowing his fingers to get wet before he slips one inside slowly. You whine into his mouth at the insertion, and Changbin begins to pump shallowly, prepping you to take another finger. 

A whimper escapes you as his second finger enters you and he pulls away from your mouth to look down at you. "You're so beautiful," Changbin whispers to you as he takes in everything with his eyes. Everything about you is perfect to him, top to bottom, ethereal in every single way. And the fact that you love him, that you want him, that he gets to do this with you… He wants to show you much you mean to him with every word and every action. He'll never leave you questioning ever again, never make you doubt your worth or his love. He's so insanely infatuated by you, and he'd never forgive himself if he made you feel unloved and unappreciated. 

He took things slow at first because he needed to. Losing someone he loved because of his own mistakes was something he never wanted to feel again. He didn't want to be heartbroken and he didn't want to lose you; he wanted to show you he could treat you right if you gave him that chance. So with that in mind he made a conscious effort to be a gentleman, to move at your pace and to respect anything you may or may not want. He gave you his undivided love and attention, he made sure to always express earnestly how much he liked you. And when he realized he was falling in love with you, he knew he had to be better than the person he once was, now more than ever. 

If he wanted just sex or a shallow connection he could get that anywhere. What he wanted was love, real love. A person who'd cherish him as much as he did them, who would listen to him, indulge him in his needs, who'd care for him on his bad days, and he'd give it all back to that person in return. After many failed first dates, or time spent getting to know someone only to realize they weren't compatible, he'd nearly given up hope. So when Jeongin suggested a blind date with you, he thought there was nothing to lose by giving it a shot. He didn't expect for it to go so well, to become addicted to your smile and your voice, to crave your presence any time he was home, to want to shower you with affection and be showered with it in return. 

The way you're looking up at him now, entrusting yourself to him, wanting him.. It makes him happier than words can even express. "You're perfect.. so perfect," Changbin continues, watching as your face heats up from his doting. He's always complimented you, but he understands how different it must feel for you right now. To be showered with affection and love while exposed, while vulnerable, while portraying your authentic self both emotionally and physically.. The way you opened up to him, the way you cried for him, the way you expressed your love for him.. He knew he could never hurt you the way others have. He wanted to take your heart in his hands and cradle it, protect it. To have you was a gift he'd cherish, and he wanted to make sure you knew how much you meant to him. "I love you."

You barely have time to respond before he kisses you, beginning to move his fingers inside you in earnest. Changbin starts slow, making sure you're well adjusted and comfortable before he picks up his pace. Your breathing goes uneven when he starts to pump his fingers fast, his fingers inside up to the knuckles. You let out a loud gasp when he curls his fingers, hitting your spot expertly. "Does it feel good baby?" He asks as he hits your spot over and over again, making you feel dizzy with pleasure. You nod your head quickly at Changbin's question, feeling like trying to conjure words right now is beyond your capabilities. 

"You look so beautiful, feeling so good for me, so perfect," he continues, chuckling softly as you whine in response, trying to resist the urge to look away from him or cover your face in embarrassment. He realizes he's just repeating himself at this point, but your reactions to his praise make it too enjoyable to resist doing. 

"You're so cute," he continues, placing soft kisses against your skin as he moves himself to rest between your legs. Changbin pauses the movement of his fingers as he gets comfortable, waiting for you to lift your head to look at him before he continues. You almost feel like you could pass out; his dark eyes boring into yours, his curly disheveled hair sticking to his skin as sweat forms on his brow, a slight smile evident and complimenting his features.. It's overwhelming in the best way possible. 

"I want to do more for you, wanna taste you. Can I?" He asks, the contrast between the soft smile and the lewd request leaving you reeling. "O-Oh, please," you answer eagerly, practically begging for Changbin to do anything and everything he wants to you. The heat on your face is still apparent but your shyness has become increasingly overridden by need and desperation. You know he'll put all he has into pleasing you, and you want it, crave it. 

You almost miss the way his eyes glint in excitement before he lowers his head, not wasting any time at using his tongue against your clit. "Oh my god-" you let out a shaky moan, head falling back against the pillows and body shuddering. His tongue moves in expertly practiced circles, lips enclosing around it as he resumes the thrusting of his fingers. His pace is fast but accurate, hitting your spot over and over as his tongue laps at you. 

You're almost embarrassed by how close you're getting so quickly, whining and moaning repeatedly as your body trembles beneath him. The noises emitting from you are everything to Changbin, soft and sweet just like you, addicting and laced with honey. Your hips are rolling against him, fingers tangled in his hair, each tug eliciting a groan from him that makes the stimulation on your clit even more intense. "S-So clo-close," you manage to gasp out, toes curling as you quickly approach your high. 

As much as Changbin would love to whisper praises and encouragement as you cum, he doesn't want you to lose the built up momentum by pulling away from you to talk. Instead, he hums in acknowledgement, keeping his rhythm steady as he awaits your release. Your climax hits you hard, back arching as the intense feeling of relief overtakes you. Your entire body is tingling, mind being numbed by pleasure as your thighs enclose around his head. 

Even as you clench tightly around his fingers, he keeps the pace the same, helping you ride out your high until he feels you start to squirm away in overstimulation. He sits up when your thighs relax and fall back against the bed, looking at you with a mix of endearment and satisfaction. You're completely breathless, chest heaving and face flushed, sweat clinging to you and leaving a sheen he can only describe as ethereal. Your beauty is beyond any tangible words he can conjure, but he'll try his best to express it to you, to make you understand how perfect you are to him.

"You did so well for me, baby," he tells you as he slides his fingers out of you, watching you intently as he brings them to his mouth. You swallow as you watch Changbin lick them clean, butterflies erupting in your stomach at the way he maintains eye contact with you through it. "My pretty girl tastes so good too," he says as he crawls back up your body, "So perfect for me." 

"Changbin," you whine with a small pout, and he chuckles as he looks at you fondly, gently brushing the hair clinging to your forehead away. "It's true, you're so perfect. My perfect girl," he smiles as he places a kiss on your temple, then your cheeks, and finally your lips. "You know that, right? You're so pretty," Changbin whispers to you, running his fingers through your hair passively as he looks down at you. 

"Are you trying to make me shy on purpose?" you ask and he laughs, shaking his head. It must be payback for how he felt over dinner. "I'm just speaking my mind! How cute your reactions are is just a bonus." He kisses you again, pulling you closer to his body as he does. He wraps his arms around you in a hug, pressing your bodies together, and you can feel his erection pressing against your thighs. 

"Do you.. want to keep going..?" you pull away from his kisses to ask. "Mm, I'd love that, but do you want to?" Changbin would be overjoyed to continue, but he didn't want to assume. If you decided this was enough excitement for you for one night, then he'd accept that, no questions asked. He had all the time in the world with you, and there was no need to rush, nor did he want you to feel pressured. 

"Yes, I want to," you assure him. You knew you wanted to from the start, to feel him wholly and be consumed by the love and trust you have for him. Your mind was full of him, and you wanted your body to be the same. 

“Would you like me to use a condom?” Changbin asks, motioning towards the bedside drawer where he keeps them. He knows from your time together that you’re on birth control and that you’d be safe if he didn’t use one, but he wouldn't make any assumptions about what you’d be comfortable with. To be with someone without protection required so much trust and love; it was intimate and not something to be taken lightly. 

There is a small moment of hesitation, not because you have to think about it– no, you know for a fact you want him inside you raw, but how do you say that to his face without feeling like you’re going to combust on the spot? The romantic inside you reasons that you want to feel him with no barriers because you love him, you want to be close to him and give yourself completely to him, while the desperately horny part is full to the brim with the thought of Changbin’s cum shooting inside you. 

Changbin watches you patiently despite the way his body is screaming in desperation to feel you. He wants you so badly, almost carnally, but he’ll hold back as long as you need him to, be composed and accommodating for as long as necessary. His heart nearly skips when you finally speak, the anticipation being held by the thinnest of strings, but he’ll be happy no matter what your answer is. Changbin just wants you, that’s all he knows and all that matters. 

“Don’t use one, don’t want you to,” your voice is soft and timid, almost a whisper, but Changbin hears it loud and clear. He’s so focused on you, attuned to you, that he can’t miss it. His heart quickens as he nods, rendered speechless in what was likely the only time he ever would be. He leans down to kiss you once more, so overtaken by love and excitement that he really can’t help himself. 

His heart races once he's lined himself up at your entrance, but he pauses when he looks at your face, painted with a nervous expression that he can't ignore. "What's wrong? Did you change your mind?" Changbin's expression shifts to concern as he looks down at you, but you quickly shake your head, trying to dispel any worry from him.

"N-No, I still want to! I just.. I've never… with someone I love, I mean." You tell him, voice slightly trembling from your admission. There was a time in your past, your first time, where you thought you knew what love was, what it meant and what it felt like. But you were so young then, and anything you felt then paled in comparison to what you felt now with Changbin. 

"Y/N.." Changbin breathes, using your name for the first time all evening. His expression is one of genuine care for you, his eyes soft and full of affection as he gently moves his hand to intertwine his fingers with yours. "I'll take care of you, I promise." 

Those men before you who were cruel to you, who didn't treat you with the love and reverence you deserved, who didn't appreciate your beauty and kindness.. They were so fucking stupid. He would never make that mistake. He'd do anything for you, love you with all he has and all he is, care for you until the end of his days. That's his promise to you. 

"I know, Binnie. I trust you." You bring a hand up to his face, making sure his eyes are locked on yours as you continue. "Make love to me, please." Changbin’s heart erupts in his chest, the sound of those words falling from your lips strengthening his resolve to be the best he possibly can be for you. He kisses you softly, squeezing your hand in comfort as his length slowly pushes into you. The stretch stings, but the choked groan Changbin makes is more than enough to make you ignore the discomfort. Changbin stills when his hips are flush with yours, letting you get used to the stretch while continuing to squeeze your hand and pepper your face with gentle kisses. 

“Feeling okay, love?” he asks as he pulls away to check in with you. Tears poke the corners of your eyes, though from pain or emotion he cannot tell. You look up at him, feeling breathless at the sight of him. The way he looks at you, so full of love and compassion, is unlike anything you’ve experienced with anyone else. “More than okay,” you answer with a soft smile that helps to ease his concern for you, “want you to move.” 

Changbin starts slow, making sure you’re well adjusted before he thrusts in earnest. It doesn’t take him long to figure out the pace and angle that’ll make you see stars, his earlier doting on you with his fingers having prepared him for this moment. It’s almost too much, your body feeling like a live wire. His free hand travels down to your leg, moving it up and hooking it into his arm to allow himself to sink deeper inside you.

“Fuck, so good, feels so good,” Changbin babbles against your skin, fingers sinking into the flesh of your thigh, letting his nails mark your skin with small crescent moons. He wants to be attentive, wants to care for you properly and make sure he’s pleasing you, but he’s losing composure much faster than he thought he would. 

Changbin’s overwhelming lust for you was held in check by a cracked dam, and the more he felt you squeezing around him, the larger the cracks grew. The break is imminent, a tsunami threatening to overtake him at any moment. But he’ll do his best for you until then, make you feel good and loved and happy until restraint leaves him and his high consumes him. 

“Love you so much, want you to cum for me again,” he breathes out before he captures your lips in another kiss. Your kisses are much less romantic than before, having devolved into a mess of tongue and teeth, moans and whines being devoured in the shared breath between you. “You’ll cum for me again, right pretty? Want you to so bad, please, want it,” Changbin all but begs, and fuck, does that do something to you. 

He starts to separate his hand from yours with the intent to give more attention to your clit, but you squeeze it firmly, not wanting to let him away from you. Instead, you let your opposite hand sink down to give yourself the stimulation you need, making Changbin groan as his eyes follow your movements. There was something about the way you needed more but weren’t willing to let go of his hand for it that made his heart, and cock, swell. 

He stutters out all the praises he can, telling you how good you are, how beautiful, how soft and warm and perfect. “Kiss, please, want a kiss,” you whine out as your high looms closer, and he obliges in an instant, greedily swallowing the loud salacious moans coming from you. Your entire body tenses, like a pulled string on the verge of snapping, and Changbin’s hips stutter in response, sloppily chasing his orgasm with you. 

Is it supposed to be this euphoric? To be all encompassing, to consume you completely until there was nothing left but this feeling? The love and pleasure you feel is overwhelming, eyes rolling to the back of your head as you feel the taut string finally snap. You squeeze his hand once more, grounding yourself as your orgasm washes over you like a tidal wave. Changbin follows you almost instantly, fucking you through your shared highs and whining into your mouth until overstimulation takes hold of him. 

His arm unhooks your leg, letting it fall limp to the bed as he lies on top of you, breathless and spent. Despite the exhaustion slowly creeping in, he does his best not to let his body weight crush you underneath him. You’re equally as breathless, mind and body buzzing in a post orgasm haze. His head rests against your shoulder, eyes closing as he collects himself. Your arms wrap around him, keeping him in a close embrace that Changbin finds both endearing and soothing. A content sigh escapes him as he listens to your breathing soften, a gentle calm that beckons him to fall asleep.

But despite how his body screams at him for rest, he wants to take care of you first. So, he lifts his head, giving you a small kiss as he lets his softening length slip out of you. “Let’s clean you up,” Changbin says as he wraps his arms around you, picking you up from the bed effortlessly. You can't help but squeak in surprise, wrapping your arms around his neck for support as he walks to the bathroom. You always thought you weighed too much to be princess carried by anyone, but if anyone was going to prove you wrong, it would be Changbin. He sets you down on the counter carefully before he reaches behind you to wet a cloth. He wipes between your legs carefully, making sure there is no discomfort or sting as he does.

“I’m sorry if I hurt you,” he says softly as his hand travels over the nail indentations left behind on your thigh. “I didn’t even feel it,” you admit as your eyes follow the path his hand travels. You were so lost in everything else Changbin was making you feel that the usual tinge of pain you’d feel from nails digging in your skin didn’t even register. Besides that, part of you had to admit that you kind of liked it; it was proof of your time together, and having his mark etched on your skin was both comforting and exciting. 

You look up at his face to still see a subtle expression of concern, so you reach your hand out to his face, beckoning him to look at you. “You can mark me more if you’d like. I want to be reminded of where you touched me.” Changbin blinks for a moment, dick unceremoniously twitching before a smile spreads across his features. “Yeah? Want everyone to know you’re mine?”

You nod with a smile of your own, and God, if his body wasn’t screaming at him to sleep he’d make you fall apart under him again, right here and now. “I’ll make sure I mark you up good next time then, lovey.” He takes a step back, tossing the soiled wash rag into the laundry bin and letting you use the bathroom as he washes his hands. 

When you’re done, he scoops you back up in his arms, a small protest leaving your lips. You insisted that you were fine, could walk on your own, but the slightest wobble of your legs was all Changbin needed to see to decide you needed to be escorted back to bed. He sets you down carefully before crawling in next to you, his arms wasting no time to wrap around you and keep you close. 

You sigh softly, head burrowing into the crook of his neck as you relax in his embrace. It’s a serenity you’ve never experienced before, being in his arms like this after sharing such an intimate moment together. For the first time in years, you had someone that made you feel safe, loved, and protected. It doesn’t take long for Changbin to fall asleep, and you watch him for a few moments, listening to the soft sound of his measured breathing. You don't know what you'll do in the future, what will happen when you have to make a confession to your brother about what Changbin means to you, but there is one thing you do know, and that is that Changbin will never be the person you turn away from. 

To say Changbin is exhausted when he returns to work on Monday would be an understatement. But it was a good kind of exhausted; the kind you’d feel after completing a marathon or climbing a mountain, he imagines. He’s never been so happy to be tired in his entire life, he thinks. Even as the caffeine from his copious amounts of coffee leaves his system, his joy carries him through the work day. 

The Saturday night he spent with you after having dinner with Hyunjin made him elated beyond words. The closeness and sensuality of your evening was something he’d be craving for so long. He missed the feeling of mutual love, of intimacy and closeness with someone else. And you were so perfect, so lovely and stunning in both mind and body, that he felt lucky to be loved by you. 

He took you once more the following Sunday, whispering sweet nothings to you as his hands touched and squeezed any part of your body they could reach. You showered together, spent the afternoon cuddling on the sofa while watching movies until he ordered dinner. He (begrudgingly) let you leave back to your apartment as the sun began to sink further in the horizon, though he made you promise you’d be back later in the week. 

When he went to bed a little while later, all he could think about was how it felt having you next to him, wrapped in his arms with a loving and serene expression. He missed you, of course he missed you, and somehow it made a smile stretch across his face. How long had it been since he felt like this? Giddy with love, always thinking about the other person, craving their presence for just a few moments longer every moment until eventually you can’t imagine your life without them always near you. 

Changbin wanted that with you, wanted a future where you are always with him. To wake up to you next to him every morning and cuddle in bed with you every night. He thought about taking you on surprise dates, spoiling you with delicious meals and nights out in the city. He imagined you waiting at home for him after a draining work day and how your presence would allow it to all melt away. You’d plant soothing kisses against his skin as you help him into the warm bath, letting him unwind while you took care of him, and he’d do the same for you gladly. You’d take care of him, be sweet and loving to him, and he’d do the same for you without question. Anything you wanted, anything you needed that he could offer, he would. Because he loves you, and you love him, and that’s all he needs to be happy. 

And it didn’t take long for that inward joy to spread to his outside features; Changbin is a bit of an open book when it comes to love and affection after all. Jeongin had texted you that same morning, asking what on earth you did to make Changbin appear so elated, and it made you giggle as you imagined how his coworkers must’ve felt seeing their normally stoic and serious Chief being so delighted that he couldn’t hide it. 

It was no secret to Jeongin that whatever you were doing with Changbin was real on your end. He’s watched you suffer through enough pretending and agony to know what genuine happiness looks like on your features. On the days you come to pick up Jeongin to spend time with after work, your face always lights up when Changbin waves to you. The small giggle you let out when Changbin checks around himself to make sure no one is looking before he blows you a kiss is one Jeongin has rarely ever heard. 

The both of you are so obviously in love that Jeongin would almost be sick if he wasn’t so relieved to see you smiling like that again. As far as he remembers, the last time he saw such a genuine and bashful smile on you was when you were still kids, untainted by the ugliness of the world and its harsh realities. He was aware of the tumultuous life you led and the mental toll it took on you, so to see you happier these days was priceless to him. But he also knew what you led you here, what you would eventually have to do, and that made him scared for you. He didn't want to see you lose the happiness you attained after so long. 

“When are you going to talk to Chan-hyung?” Jeongin asked during one of his visits to your apartment, weeks later. You freeze, and he almost feels bad for asking as he watches the way your expression changes into one of dread. But it's not something he can avoid asking; he needs to hear your answer. He needs to know if you have a plan and what it entails. He wants to help you. "I.. don't know," you answer honestly after a moment. You spent a lot of time agonizing over it, what you should do and what you should say, but nothing ever seemed right. 

The outcome you hoped for, where your brother didn't hate you and your life with Changbin is untainted and perfect, seemed so impossible. You forget for a while, when Changbin sweetly holds you in his arms and reminds you how much he loves you, but the dread always returns. You sit in your apartment, alone and afraid for the future every single day. You don't want to lose what you have, don't want to feel the absence of those you love, but maybe that's what is meant for you. 

Maybe that's what you deserve after spending your adulthood the way you have. Do the people who lie and hurt others willingly deserve happiness? Even though it's never what you wanted, even though you felt like you had no choice, did it taint you irrevocably? Did the universe care that you were trying to change your life, did your apologies even matter? Maybe your mistakes doomed you to a miserable fate long before you could even understand the implications of them. 

"I'd help you, you know," Jeongin reminds you, and you try your best to thank him with a smile. Chan may be like his brother, but you're his sister just as much, and he'd always help you if he could. He didn't want you to sacrifice your happiness for the sake of someone else, you deserved to have something good after all this time. You usually try to hide your feelings, not wanting to burden the boy you consider your little brother with your troubles. But you're not kids anymore, and Jeongin isn't blind- he can easily tell when you're distressed, and he can help you if you let him. At least, that's how he feels. 

"I know Innie, and I appreciate it, I just.. I'm scared, I guess," you say after some time. "Chan-hyung won't hate you. He might be upset, but he won't ever hate you," he responds, and you let out a shaky breath. He won't, right? You're his sister, he loves you, he's supported you before in your choices so it won't change now, right? 

"I don't know what to say to him.. Every time I try to find the words, I feel like I'm stuck. Like everything is lodged in my throat and I can't speak no matter how much I want to," your lip quivers as you try to hold back the tears while you speak. You've thought about this so many times, over and over again, and it hurts . And you don't want to cry, you do enough of that on your own in the privacy of your bedroom, but the tears still threaten to pour out of you despite it. 

"You don't.. have to admit you love Changbin necessarily? Just remind him you left for a reason and that coming back to it has been bad for you. Tell him that you tried your best for him but you can't do it anymore. I think he'll understand." You swallow and nod as you listen to his advice. "And you know I support you, right? And I like Changbin, I think he's an amazing guy. I want you to stay with him." 

"Really, you do? You're not mad at him over.. you know, family stuff?" you ask, suddenly perking up a bit. "Yeah, well, I.." Jeongin hesitates for a moment. He has his own feelings he's been trying to work out, but if you're going to share with him then he should share with you too. If you're going to be brave and face what is hard for you, then so should he. "I have my doubts about.. staying in the family lately." He finally admits for the first time. He still remembers the day he was officially initiated in, how you congratulated him earnestly even though you were concerned for him. 

Before that day, you always told him he had a choice. He didn't have to join you, he didn't have to be involved in any of the terrible things that this life often entails. Jeongin could always tell you cared about him and wanted him safe above all else, but you still accepted his decision even when it saddened you. You only ever looked out for him, wanted better for him, but he joined anyway because he thought it was the best way to stay with the people he loved most. You and Chan were his real family in his eyes, he didn't care about blood relation or who his parents were, he just wanted to go hand in hand with his siblings. Wherever the two of you went, he would follow- that's what he decided back then. 

But he saw what it did to you. You always wore a brave face of course, but he wasn't oblivious to your pain. And he met good people over the years, especially in his new environment on the force with Changbin. Similarly to you, he met people he didn't want to hurt or betray. It made him question what he knew and what he felt until now, and if he had really made the right decision those years ago when he turned 18. Maybe it was naive, but there was a part of him that hoped he could one day become a genuine member of the police. His current credentials were falsified of course, but maybe when he left the family he could make them real. Move out of the city, settle somewhere small and attend the academy there, rise his way up earnestly until one day he could meet the friends he made in Seoul as a true version of himself. 

He never seriously considered it before now because he felt like that's not what his father wanted for him. His father was unyieldingly loyal to your own, he always emphasized the importance of dedicating his all to the prosperity of the family. Jeongin always felt like he should follow that example, and for the majority of his life he was glad to. But as time went on and he got older and more experienced in life, he realized more and more how his view of things were warped. The teenage version of himself who idolized this life was understandably naive- there was no way for him to truly grasp or understand what he was getting into back then.

There was a part of Jeongin that felt guilty whenever he thought about leaving. Until his death, his father raised him to uphold the values of the mafia, and he trusted that Jeongin would make him proud. He changed a lot over the years though, and for a lot of different reasons. The difficult reality was part of it, but so were you and Changbin. Even before you met the Chief, your life was already improved so much by leaving. You loved your new life, your apartment and your job. Your new normal was peaceful, you were healing, and Jeongin was so happy for you. 

He didn't realize he wanted the same thing right away. It happened in steps; a hard loss here, an exhausting day there, that began to leave him weary. At first he thought it was just the exhaustion anyone would feel- after all, no one enjoys being stressed out or hurting others. It was normal to want a break, or to spend some time away. There was nothing unusual about that, so he took it in stride, trusting that it would pass once things began to look up (if they ever did.) 

But whenever he saw your vibrant smile that was so different from the forced one you used to wear, the way your eyes sparkled and your voice lifted whenever you saw or talked with Changbin, and how the real you, the one he knew as a kid that was so bubbly and full of life, returned- that's when he knew he wanted the same thing. A peaceful, happy life. 

"I took more after you than Chan-hyung, I guess," Jeongin jokes to make it more lighthearted. He's pleasantly surprised to see it worked, a genuine smile finally cracking on your face. "We're real winners of loyal younger siblings, huh?" you chuckle. It's probably not appropriate to laugh but well.. What else can you do, really? "You should leave, if you really want to. It took a long time for me to realize it, but there's nothing wrong with wanting better for yourself, and wanting to be happier." You say and Jeongin easily agrees with a smile. "Exactly! Which is why I hope you'll talk to him soon. Get yourself out, and live a happy life with Changbin. You deserve it."

"Well, what about you? What will you do?" you ask and Jeongin pauses while he thinks about it. "I'm not sure.. I mean, I'm sure I want to leave, I just don't know when I should. He's my brother and I love him, and I don't want him to be upset by us both leaving at the same time.. Maybe I'll bring it up after some time passes?" It certainly wasn't a bad idea. It'd be good for your brother to heal a bit, and not suffer too much loss at once. "Just make sure you take care of yourself too, okay? Don't push down your needs to make someone else happy," you remind him. "Of course," he assures you with a smile. "Maybe I can talk to Felix-hyung too. He helped you when you were struggling with this, so I'm sure he'll help me too." 

"You should!" you enthusiastically agree. And that might not be a bad idea for you right now too. Felix has always been nothing but kind and supportive, and he offers such good advice. You've always trusted him deeply, and he's honest without being harsh, which is something you really value in him. "I think I will too. It might help me feel better about my talk with Chan if I talk to Felix about it first." 

Content with your discussion and your future plans, the rest of Jeongin's visit to your apartment is lighthearted. And honestly, you feel a weight lifted off your chest knowing Jeongin is on your side. He's always understood you, but you still had this irrational fear that this time would be the exception. You were worried that maybe he hated Changbin for his role in the arrest of Minho, and when he realized your feelings for him, that he would turn his back on you. And you still have that fear when it comes to other members of the family, but you feel much more reassured now. It's encouraging to know that you won't be alone in this, and that you'll have support from someone who loves you. You can only hope that all your future talks will go as well as they have today. 

It's another few weeks later when Felix finally has a free moment to stop by your apartment for a talk. You told him after the night Jeongin visited, mostly in vague terms, that you wanted to talk about Changbin and your job, and Felix promised to come as soon as he was able. He assumed that you were dealing with something serious, and were seeking help vaguely because that's what you typically needed to do. You often dealt with dangerous men, or sensitive information, and going in full detail over text wasn't the wisest decision. Particularly because if anyone got arrested, texts are among the first things looked at to find evidence. It was important in this line of work to keep your secrets and information close, and only talk about them aloud in a private space. 

He's looking around your apartment attentively after he steps through the door. He knew where you lived, as did Chan, but this was his first time actually being here. Felix and your brother were respectful of the space you needed when you initially left, giving you your distance and never intruding in your space. They drove by on occasion, looking around the area and making sure you were safe when you first moved in, but never anything more than that. 

"It's a nice place," he comments idly, hoping a bit of small talk will ease you into the conversation you want to have. Felix knew from personal experience that you have a hard time having serious conversations due to your anxiety, so he likes to try to ease the tension any way he can. 

Truthfully, you are nervous, but you feel almost equally assured. You have no reason to doubt that Felix will understand and help you as he always has. You move to sit on the sofa, and Felix follows, sitting in a chair across from you. "I've decided I want to tell Chan I'm done with this job. I'm sorry to him and Minho, but I don't want to do it anymore." 

Felix can tell you've changed a lot from the person you once were from the way you speak. You sound confident in your choice, and it was only a year ago that wanting to make a decision like this would leave you an anxious mess. He could remember the way your voice trembled then, and how you needed to be told your feelings were valid. You sought out his advice, spent a long time going back and forth as you agonized over your sense of responsibility and wanting to live your own life. He can't sense any of that now though; you've clearly grown a lot, and you don't need his assurance anymore. 

"It seems like you've thought about this a lot already," Felix says, though he isn't surprised. You never wanted to be brought back to do this kind of work in the first place, so as it became clear that getting information out of Changbin would be difficult, Felix knew this would be the inevitable outcome. After all, what's the point of staying in a fake relationship if it's not necessary? It's better to get out early, than stick it out for longer than necessary and deal with the complications that would come with "breaking up" after a prolonged time together. And besides that, he was sure it must be hard for you to keep trying when this was something you wanted to leave behind, so none of it was a surprise in the slightest.

"I'm not sure what Chan will do after you leave Changbin since this was his last idea though.. Not that it will be your concern, of course! Just do what you have to and don't worry about what we will do," Felix continues. 

"I'm not leaving Changbin," you interject, and Felix pauses, his brows furrowing in confusion. "But you said you were done? What are you..?" his voice trails off as the realization sets in. But that can't be true, surely you're not.. right? "Noona, do you.. love him?" "Yes," you answer easily; so easily that Felix almost can't process it. You said it so assuredly, like there was no need for you to think about it. "I love him, and I'm not leaving him." 

Felix has known you for many years now, seen you through your best and worst moments, nearly all your ups and downs. But this is a first for him; you sound so sure . He's seen you suffer through countless fake relationships, or extremely toxic real ones, so he's never seen you have such a determination to be with someone. 

"Noona, I support you, you know I do, but.." Felix trails off, his expression one of deep concern. There's nothing he wants more than for you to live the serene life you aspire towards, with someone who makes you happy and cares for you. He never wanted you to be dragged back into this to begin with, having expressed to Chan more than once his doubts and concerns. But Chan was- no, is , desperate for something to come of your help. And Felix is prepared to deal with what Chan might feel from you quitting without obtaining anything, to help him create a new plan, but he's worried about what this revelation will do to your brother. 

Chan is a good man but there are times that Felix is concerned for him following a dark path he can't come back from. He's not sure whether it's the suspected betrayal, the loss of his second in command, or the years of piled on hardship as leader that has led to Chan changing recently, but he doesn't have the same tenderness he once had. Felix does his best to lessen the burden, to ease his worries and take the place of Minho in all the ways that he can, but the strain is still there, and it only grows more as time continues to pass. But maybe it's selfish of Felix to not want you to do something purely because it will mean he has to deal with something difficult.

How many years have you been selfless for their sake? How many times did you set your feelings aside for the sake of someone else? How many times did you willingly keep yourself in harm's way just to give Chan what he wanted or needed? Would it be right or fair for them to ask you to give up this happiness you've finally obtained just to further their own agenda? Felix knew the answer to that is easily no. You should be allowed to have your happiness after all this time, to love who you want without worry and not be dragged back in the moment someone else deems it a necessary sacrifice for some "greater purpose." 

But none of that is up to him, and he's fearful that your brother's mental state will cloud his judgment. Pain changes a person, oftentimes irrevocably. It can make the choices you'd often never consider seem like the only path forward, and he fears that he can't stop Chan from continuing down the dark road he’s walking on. 

"I know that Chan won't be happy. There might even be a chance he never forgives me for this, but I'm willing to accept that. I need to live my life how I want to be lived. I'm done accommodating for everyone but myself. I hope he will understand, but even if he doesn't this is the decision I've made. And I hope you will support me too," you say, resolve clear in your voice. Felix still remembers the you of over a year ago vividly, who was so scared to make a decision for herself that it agonized her to try. It's amazing, truly, how much you seem to have changed since that day. You're here, standing on your own two feet, fighting for what you want unapologetically. 

"I'm with you, without a doubt. I've always wanted you to be happy, and I'll talk to Chan too if I need to," Felix responds, offering you a reassuring smile as he does. "That means a lot to me Lixie, thank you." He offers you a hug which you gladly accept. It pains you to think that your brother might not understand your feelings, but you realize more and more how much support you have. You don't have to go through this on your own; you have your friends and your found family by your side through everything. No matter the outcome of your talk with Chan, you feel like you'll be able to walk away with your head held the highest it's ever been. 

The rest of your afternoon following your conversation with Felix was spent with you planning your approach with Chan. What you should say and how you should say it, how to go about asking him to put any feelings of distaste for Changbin aside, and to request him to only talk to you as a brother catching up with and caring for his sister from that moment on, and never again for the purpose of a job or about his mafia life and dealings. It used to be extremely difficult for you to put together what you wanted to say, but talking with Jeongin and Felix has helped greatly.

And there's a stress that comes with planning all this out, but at the same time there's a solace. Putting yourself first has never been something that came easy to you, but underneath the bittersweet emotions is an immense pride for yourself. You hope more than anything that things will go well for you, but you can take pride in the fact that you did all you could for yourself if it doesn't. 

A text from Changbin pulls you from your thoughts, and you smile upon seeing that he's home and asking if you still want to come over for the weekend (which you obviously do.) You confirm your plans, telling him to go ahead and eat because you already had dinner yourself, and that you'd be on your way soon. It doesn't take you long to get your things together and in a bag, as you basically have it down to a science with how often you do it. You let him know you're on your way as soon as you're done putting your things in the car, smiling softly to yourself as you make the modest drive to his house.

Changbin pulls you in his arms the moment he opens his door for you, making you squeak in surprise before you settle into his touch. "Are you okay Binnie?" you ask as you wrap your own arms around him. "Hard day," he mumbles into your hair, keeping you wrapped in a tight hug. You let him stay like that for a few moments, figuring he needs it, before you pull away to look at him. "Why don't you let me put my things down, and then we can talk about it if you want, okay?" He nods as he lets you go, and you quickly move to set your things down in his room. 

He follows you over, waiting patiently for you to join him after he flops down onto his bed. He falls practically limp in your arms after you settle, head resting on your chest as you run a hand up and down his back. "What's bothering you?" you ask softly, listening attentively as he lets out an exhale before starting. "This case, it's just.. difficult. I've been working on it for so long but it always feels like we don't get anywhere with it. Like for every step forward, we go another two back. I don't know what else I should do, I feel like I've tried everything." 

You run your fingers through his hair gently as he pours his feelings out to you, offering kind reassurances and reminding him of your support. He's always been open about his feelings to some degree, but it was like you unlocked another part of his heart since the day the two of you confessed your love for each other. Due to what he'd been through before, there was still a part of him that was scared to share too much about work, positive or otherwise. Even when he was assured that you were the one for him, that he wanted to share the entirety of the rest of his life with you, it wasn't easy to break the shackles that were holding him back. But since that day, slowly but surely he's been able to heal even more. 

Changbin always makes sure he does his best to keep a proper balance, to make time for the two of you to spend together and take necessary breaks to unwind and recharge, but it feels good to know he doesn't have to keep silent about a big part of his life anymore. He trusts you, he believes in your words and your care, and he knows that you're understanding and supportive of his ambitions. He loves that he can come home after a day at the station and share his thoughts with you. You celebrate with him on the good days and treat him gently on the bad. You never make him feel like he needs to lock his life away, and in turn he makes sure you never feel forgotten or unloved. His career is important to him, and always will be, but so are you, and he'll make sure you never question that. 

He looks up at you as you continue to hold and caress him, feeling a rush of emotion wash over him. He loves you so much . He's thought it a million times, but he never stops feeling lucky to have you. You never judge him, think he's too clingy or too silly, never make him feel shunned or like he needs to hide away. You accept him for all that he is, unconditionally. After the devastation he felt in the past, Changbin began to feel like he'd never find the kind of love he hoped for. That maybe it was only destined for those that God favored, and somewhere along the way he made a mistake that debarred him of that chance at happiness. 

But then he met you, and it was like everything fell into place. So sweet and beautiful, so accepting and with so much love to give. Your smile easily eclipsed the other beauties of the world in his eyes. No scenic nature view or star-filled sky would ever compare, not in a million years. Would it be cliche to compare you to an angel? That's truly what you were to him though- an angel that saved him from the depths of his loneliness. An angel that helped him heal the wounds he couldn't care for alone. An angel that allowed him to trust unconditionally again. He trusted you from the bottom of his heart, loved you from the deepest recesses of his soul. 

It doesn't take long for you to notice the way Changbin is staring at you, his eyes reflecting a love that words couldn't hope to describe. He looks at you like you hold the entire world in your hands, like you're the sun and he's a planet destined to forever be in your orbit and in your reach. No matter how many times you see it, the look he holds never fails to make your heart race. He leans forward suddenly, capturing your lips in a kiss that is simultaneously romantic as it is incredibly needy. There's so much passion behind it that it leaves you breathless in a matter of seconds. 

It's almost relentless how much he kisses you, leaving you only the briefest of moments to catch a breath before he's back on you. His hands feel equally as desperate in their touch, squeezing and caressing every inch of you as they roam the expanse of your body. "Binnie..?" you let you when he finally parts long enough for you to catch your breath effectively. "Just love you so much," he responds as he begins to kiss his way down your neck, "want to show you." Your stomach flips at his words, and part of you wants to let him, but instead you reach your hand down to his face, urging him to look back up at you. "You had a hard day, let me take care of you instead." 

Changbin blinks for a moment as the words process, a slight flush settling over him as it settles in him. He wasn't expecting it, but he's certainly not against it. He easily allows your positions to swap, with Changbin propped up against the pillows and you straddling him. He is usually the one taking the lead in your intimate moments, but he also loves times like this, where you are on top of him showering him with affection. You kiss him with the same fervor he had towards you, the only difference being the addition of your tongue. 

He lets out a soft groan of approval when your tongue first enters his mouth, indulging in the feeling of your hands and tongue exploring him. You reach for the hem of his shirt, urging him to help you remove it from his body. He immediately reaches for yours as well, tugging it off you in a rush he normally doesn't have, but that you don't mind in the slightest. Changbin is always eager to touch you normally, but he feels almost carnal in his craving for you now. He wouldn't say he ever gets enough of you in the first place, but it feels amplified now; like no touch will be anywhere near enough to momentarily satiate him. 

All he knows, all he has, is want. A want that is fueled by love above all else, almost saccharine in nature. He craves you this badly because he loves you, it's as simple as that. As long as you are against him, touching his skin and hearing your voice in his ears, he'll be the happiest he's ever been. You kiss every inch of him as you make your way down his body, every curve and every dip, not with the intent to tease but to show how much you love and care for him. Changbin can't help but giggle when you kiss his soft stomach, nose scrunching in the adorable way you love so much.

He watches you with bated breath and eager eyes as you continue lower and reach the waistband of his pants. You don't waste any time pulling them down in one go, along with his underwear, and letting his cock free of its confines. You recognize the look in his eyes, the near desperation, and you know how bad he needs you, so you won't make him wait. He always took such good care of you, being attentive to every want and fulfilling every need, so you'll do the same for him gladly. 

You spend a few moments planting kisses on the sensitive flesh of his thighs, watching as his cock twitches in response. Changbin's eyes are locked on you, hands tightening their grip on the bed sheets as he awaits what he wants most. No matter how intense the fire in him blazes, he'll be as patient as you need him to be, wait as long as you want him to.

If this were another day, you'd spend more time appreciating his body and watch his resolve to hold out crack under each added kiss and touch, but you don't want to deny him what he's craving any longer than you already have. He swallows when he sees your tongue stick out, licking up the pre-cum that has dribbled down his length before you wrap your lips around him. Changbin lets out a breathy moan as you sink lower on him, mouth open wide to accommodate his thickness.

He reaches his hands out to you, one tangling into your hair while the other searches for your hand. You bring your hand to him, letting him intertwine his fingers with yours. He's always loved the intimacy of your hands being locked together; it gives him an unmatched feeling of tenderness and love, it's a constant reminder of your warm presence. 

Your pace is slow at first, allowing your jaw to relax before you attempt to take him completely in your mouth. It takes all your power to suppress your gag reflex when his cock first hits the back of your throat, but the loud groan he lets out when you swallow around him encourages you to keep doing your best for him. 

He curses when your pace quickens, tongue caressing the underside of cock as your head bobs up and down. The strain on your jaw becomes painful, and your eyes are watering from all the effort, but you're determined to give him your all. His hold tightens, causing a slight sting to your scalp, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't like it. Everytime your normally gentle lover becomes so lost in the pleasure that he can't help himself but to hold you roughly, it ignites a fire in your belly. 

You can tell he's getting close from the way his breath quickens and cock twitches against your tongue. "Fuck, God, fuck-" he groans as his head falls back. He squeezes your hand in an attempt to ground himself, and it takes all his self control not to thrust into your mouth. You decide to double your efforts, taking him fast and swallowing over, over, and over again. Saliva drips from your lips, creating a messy puddle in his lap and salacious, wet sounds to ring in Changbin's ears. "Gonna cum, fuck, so good, I'm gonna cum, " he pants out his warning, body hot and chest heaving. 

His cum shoots down your throat in bursts that nearly makes you choke. Your tongue coaxes him through his orgasm as you swallow every drop of his release. You don't separate until you're sure he's finished, mouth releasing him with a small pop. You look up at him, your beautiful and perfect boyfriend in his post orgasm haze, feeling yourself clench at the sight. No matter how many times you see Changbin breathless and flushed with sweat lingering on his brow, it never fails to make your stomach do cartwheels.

You crawl up his body, moving in to slot your lips against his. Changbin lets out a sound of approval, wrapping his arms around you tightly and pulling your body flush against his. "Love you so much," he mumbles against your lips between kisses. One arm keeps you close while he lets the other move, hand snaking its way between your thighs to feel your drenched heat. "Baby.. all this just from helping me feel good?" he smiles as he asks, looking at you with sparkling eyes. He could never hope to hide how excited and elated he gets from the feeling of you being soaked for him. 

"Always Binnie, love making you feel good," you say with a soft smile before you capture him in another kiss. You know very well what he wants to do next- he's going to ask if he can make you feel good too. And with Changbin, that means pouring all his love and care into you, until you are weak in the knees and too exhausted to move an inch. But you can't let him do that tonight; you have other plans in mind. "Wanna do more for you Binnie," you say between breaths, "wanna ride your cock."

"Fuck, please, it's all yours," he groans in response, your words having an instant effect on his body. You stand to remove the rest of your clothes, and Changbin doesn't take his eyes away for even a second. He takes his cock in his hand, lazily rubbing it back to full stiffness as he watches you undress. You shoot him a smile as you crawl back onto his lap, one that he reciprocates easily while the eager glint in his eye grows ever stronger. He separates his hand from his cock, allowing your own hand to take its place and align it with your entrance. 

There's a sharp gasp from you as you start to lower yourself on his cock, the lack of preparation instantly causing tears to prick the corners of your eyes. You'd hoped being completely soaked would be enough to ease the process of Changbin entering you, but you should've known it wouldn't be enough to make it painless. 

"You're so good baby, doing so well, keep going lovey, you can do it, I've got you," he can't help but praise and encourage you despite the fact that the focus is supposed to be on him. He knows the stretch can be a lot for you even with prep, so watching you do your best to take him without it makes him want to shower you with all the praise he has to offer. 

Each inch taken as you sink down causes another whimper from you and a low moan from Changbin. You're clenching so tight it'd be enough to send him into delirium if he wasn't so focused on making sure you're okay. "Good baby, you're so good," he tells you when you are finally sat completely down on him, your hips flush with his own. He places soft kisses to your skin, letting you adjust and steady your breathing. He runs his hands up and down your plush thighs, giving gentle squeezes while admiring the way you look. You're always so pretty when you're flushed and breathless like this, always feel so good in his hands and sound so sweet. He's addicted to you he's well aware, but how could he not be? Soft and sexy you, every curve and bend perfect, an Aphrodite all his own. 

"Take your time, there's no rush love," Changbin plants comforting kisses against your face and neck as he speaks. You can feel him throbbing and twitching inside you, silently pleading for friction, but he encourages you to take your time despite it. Slowly but surely however, the stinging subsides and you can feel the tension in your body begin to recede. Your first grind is slow and experimental, but it still causes a sudden sharp inhale to leave Changbin. Your hands grip his broad shoulders tightly, using them for stability as you try to find what the both of you will like the best. 

A string of expletives leave his lips when you find what you like and begin to move in earnest. You've just started but it already feels so impossibly good, he can't manage to stay quiet even if he wanted to (and besides that, he knows you prefer him vocal.) Changbin pushes your hair out of your face, wanting to see your expressions with no obstruction. He watches you, mesmerized and full of adoration. Everything, from the roll of your hips to the bounce of your breasts and the lustful glaze over your eyes, he commits it all to his memory. He never wants to forget how devotedly you took care of him, and how breathtakingly beautiful you looked doing it.

You move to hold his face in your hands, kissing him with messy fervor as you bounce on his cock with more urgency, fueled by your desire to make him cum again. He holds your hips, helping you keep your rhythm steady while he squeezes the meat of it. He can't help the way his eyes roll back, the way your walls clench tightly around him with your tongue in his mouth making him feel almost lightheaded. Each noise emitted from one of you is swallowed by the other, desperate moans and whines muffled and drowned out by the sound of your skin slapping against his. 

You eventually pull away, chest heaving as you finally allow more air to pass through your lungs. Your thighs burn with exertion, pace faltering as your legs begin to go weak, but you refuse to relent. Changbin can see the exhaustion settling over you though, and while he appreciates your determination to push through it, he's more than happy to take over for you. 

"Hold onto me baby, gonna help you," Changbin says, and you comply quickly, once again holding onto his shoulders for support. He takes complete control, using the strength in his arms to bounce you on his cock while he thrusts up into you. You gasp and moan loudly, stars bursting in your vision. You can barely form a coherent thought with the way he's pistoning into your sweet spot from below, the angle and speed making you dizzy with pleasure. "B-Binnie, please-" you whine loudly, nails digging into his shoulders as your head slumps forward, "feels so good, so good , wanna cum, please- "

"Cum on my cock pretty, you can do that for me, can't you? Wanna make your Binnie happy and cum all over him?" His words send electricity through you, jolting you with a force you've never felt before now. You cum with a loud cry, eyes rolling back as you shake and quiver on top of him. You're gasping and crying through your high, his quick and precise thrusts dragging it on for what feels like an eternity. "Good girl, that's a good girl," he praises you through it, pace only slowing for the smallest of moments as he speaks to you. 

"Don't let go baby, gonna flip you over now,” He warns, and you're on your back in a second, Changbin wasting no time to slip back inside your warmth and continue his fast pace. You're breathless, body on fire, and impossibly overstimulated, but it feels so good. You claw at him desperately as he pounds into you, the insurmountable pleasure building back up just as fast as it faded. 

Your teeth sink into your bottom lip, trying in vain to contain the myriad of noises erupting from you. Changbin's hips begin to stutter, his low moans quickly turning into breathy whines in your ear. You let out a shuddering moan when his fingers find your clit, moving in desperate circles to get you to cum with him.

"One more love, give me one more, cum with me," Changbin's pleading tone accompanying all else that you are feeling sends you down a spiral; your body jolts and tenses, your orgasm washing over you in fervent waves. The way you look writhing and squirming underneath him, lewd noises uncontrollably tumbling from your lips while you squeeze tightly around him sends him careening into his own peak. You reach for the nape of his neck, pulling him in closer for another messy kiss as you both ride the tail end of your combined highs together.

Changbin collapses next to you shortly after, both of you doing your best to steady your breathing and calm your pounding hearts. You turn your head after a moment to look at him, and see his gaze already turned to you. His look is one of pure, unadulterated love and joy. You always flush red when he looks at you like that, and he laughs softly when you shyly turn away. You could look him in the eyes no problem when his dick was down your throat and he was fucking you into oblivion, but now you're like this over a little affectionate look? Embarrassing . But he loves that about you, and he never stops finding it cute and endearing. 

"Come here love," Changbin says as he pulls you to him. He smiles at you, a smile that is as warm as it is bright, as he wraps you in his arms. "Thank you for tonight baby, you make me feel so much better, my sweet girl," he beams as he praises you. Part of you feels like you should be used to it by now, but you don't think you ever will be. "I love you Binnie, you don't have to thank me for anything," you reply, a bit more timidly than you'd prefer. He shakes his head, giving you a quick kiss on the forehead before he continues speaking. "Of course I have to thank you! How else will you know how much I appreciate you?" 

It's your turn to smile at him this time, an adoring twinkle painting your expression. He always warms you with his words, his sweetness unparalleled by any confection. You settle into his touch, resting your head against the crook of his neck and shoulder, nuzzling in close. You stay like that for a few moments, just wrapped in each other's comforting embrace, before you hear Changbin let out a small exhale. "Y/N.. there's something I've been wanting to ask you about."

"Is something still bothering you?" you ask as you glance up at him. There's a slight flush to his cheeks, paired with a nervous expression. He shakes his head quickly, taking a small moment to gather himself before he continues. "We are together most days, you know.. And whenever you're gone all I can think about is how much I miss you being next to me. And I always think about what it'll be like to come home from work and have you already here, greeting me every night with that cute smile of yours I love so much, and-" Changbin realizes he's rambling and getting ahead of himself, so he cuts himself off, swallowing pensively as he tries to calm his nerves. "A-Anyways, maybe it's too soon and you don't want to yet, but what I'm asking is.. Do you want to move in with me?" 

There's a silence that shortly follows, simply because you can't believe he's even asking. "Y-You.. want me to live here? ..With you?" Changbin nods without hesitation, the certainty clear in his eyes, "Yes, I want you here with me. I always, always , want you here with me." 

You blink at him, your mind racing as his worlds settle in. He's always said sweet things to you, about how he misses you when you have to leave and how he can't wait to see you again every time you leave, but despite that, you're still astounded. "You don't have to say yes if you're not ready though! I won't hold it against you." He replies quickly, seemingly trying not to make you feel pressured to say yes if you're not sure about it.

But you love him so much, there's no doubt in your mind that you want to spend forever with him. Every moment, good or bad, you want to have Changbin at your side. You still need to talk to Chan, to make him understand that you're leaving your past behind you for good, but you feel nothing but optimism and hope. If he doesn't understand your love for Changbin you'll make him understand, you'll put your all into making your dream life with Changbin a reality. And knowing how much he loves you, that he truly means it when he says he wants you with him every moment of every day, is enough to fuel you through any hardship you might face. He'll always be here for you, with open arms and a cute, goofy smile to cheer you through anything. 

"I want to! Really, I want to," you give him a smile so bright it immediately melts all his worries away. He hugs you tightly, his happiness manifesting in a series of elated giggles. You share in the feeling, giggling along with him and kissing his cutely scrunched nose. "I love you so much, Y/N," he says as he plants a series of kisses on your face. He meant it before when he said he'll always be there for you, that he'd never leave you, and now it's a promise that runs even deeper. Always with you, weathering any storm, hand in hand- that’s what he wants to have with you. 

"I love you too Binnie, so much," you giggle out between his kisses that are beginning to tickle. And that's how you spend your night, laying in each other's arms, excitedly talking and giggling about your future together, knowing that no past happiness could ever compare to the joy you feel now. 

The time that passes since the night that Changbin asked you to move into his house has felt like a blur of planning and sorting. Thankfully, there's not much to decide when it comes to what to do about your job; moving in with Changbin only adds an extra few minutes to your commute, which you don't mind making every day. Having to wake up earlier in the mornings from now on was a sacrifice you were more than willing to make if it meant always seeing him when you woke up. 

So, in recent days, you spent most of your free time sorting your things. You started small, combing every inch of your apartment for things you no longer wanted and putting them in a donation box to be given away. Next came packing things you wanted to keep, but wouldn't need in the immediate future, such as clothes that don't fit for the season and childhood memorabilia. 

The progress is a bit slower than you'd like given everyone's busy schedules, but you are still happy with the progress. You're happy to have help from Changbin or Jeongin when they're free, but you aren't upset when they can't make the time. According to them, everyone has been dealing with an extra workload at the station lately, with some officers often needing to stay behind long past their usual hours to get things moving on an important (and stressful) case.

He's told you about it before- a difficult, long running case that he hopes he can finally bring to a close. Apparently there has been a new breakthrough, but there's a high chance of their progress stagnating again if things don't proceed the way they want them to. Changbin, as Chief, has a lot of responsibility to oversee the process and make sure every operation runs as smoothly as possible. It takes up a lot of his time, but you know how important it is for him to see an important case like this through, so you don't at all fault him at all. 

Jeongin, as a low ranking officer, doesn't have the same responsibilities as Changbin, but he still doesn't have much spare time due to the mafia family responsibilities he has after his time at the station. Your brother has apparently been preparing for a large-scale operation that requires everyone to chip in as much as possible. According to Jeongin and Felix, Chan has been planning for months to raid the base of the enemy mafia he was supposed to make an alliance with, and everything he needed to conduct said raid is finally coming together.

They said there was no rat on their side of course, but Chan can't just take their words at face value. It's more important to him to obtain that truth with his own hands, and if necessary he'll make his amends later. In his mind, it's better to be wrong and ask for forgiveness when the fire he set quells, rather than to play into whatever plans they may have to ruin him by being trusting and complacent. No one he has planted in key places has made progress on discovering who betrayed him or how he can get Minho out of prison, and it seems that this is his final gambit. 

There are a fair amount of people within the family who don't agree with the decision, as it's dangerous and will only invite even more hostility between the two families, while others revel in the anticipated chaos and can't wait to get their hands dirty. Personally, you are among the people who don't agree with this course of action, but all you can really do is try to convince Chan to change his course of action before you leave, and it's up to him whether he wants to listen or not. Though at this point, you're not sure if you'll be able to talk to him before it happens in the first place.

He initially thought up this plan months ago, but he recognized the risks and he did his best to explore the safer avenues first. He knew they would take longer, and that it could possibly leave him no further than when this began, but he wasn’t the type to needlessly put those he loves in danger. But now that so much time has passed, and it’s become clearer to him that this raid will likely be his last chance to get what he wants, he needs to put his all into making sure it goes flawlessly. The final preparations are the most crucial of all, which hasn't left him with much time to spare to talk to you. 

You kept texting and calling, asking him when he'll have a spare moment so you can talk, but it often went unseen, sometimes for days at a time. "If you have information to deliver, give it to Felix and he'll get it back to me," he replied once, making it very clear that he wouldn't make time for anything that would distract him from his planning. It saddened you more than anything, as you were hoping to have everything put behind you before you moved in with Changbin, but if Chan couldn't make time for you then there was nothing else you could do. 

You opted for texting him your resignation a few days ago, which you hated doing as you wanted to express it in person, but you didn't want to live with Changbin while having your "job" still being an expectation held over your head. His response was a clear cut, "I understand. I'm sorry I brought you back into it due to my own desperation, that was wrong of me. I hope you'll be happier from now on." 

You were worried at first that he was just saying those things to make you feel better and was actually upset with you, so Felix offered to ask him about it in your stead since he is around Chan for most of his days. He asked about it between scheduled organization sessions, and relayed that Chan did genuinely seem to be okay with you leaving again, even if it meant you quitting the job. He had always felt bad for asking knowing that you wouldn’t enjoy it, but he did anyway because it was the last idea he had before having to resort to his more extreme options. 

He knew Changbin would be a tough target, and he knew there was a chance it wouldn’t work the way he’d hoped for, but it was the final barrier before making an extreme decision. And it’s unfortunate the near-miracle he was hoping for didn’t happen, but that’s what his other preparations were for. He was ready for this outcome, always, as he learned a long time ago that it pays to be prepared. 

And as things stand now, Chan had a lot of hope in his raid and the execution of his plans going well for him. So as more and more time passed, he always intended to both thank you and apologize sincerely, for once again doing something selfless for his sake, and that you would be free to leave whenever you’d want to. It was regrettable that he couldn’t give you his best wishes sooner, but he hoped you would realize their sincerity. 

It was a bit odd to have to play telephone with others to hear those words from your brother, but it eased your mind nonetheless. And he promised that the two of you would have a sibling get together as soon as he was able to, with no expectations about you rejoining or doing favors for the family; just simply enjoying one another's time as a normal brother and sister would. The thought made you happy, and you hoped it was a sign of good things to come. You're not sure if there will ever be a time where your brother and your lover can ever meet and happily exist in the same space, but you could at least be happy if Chan cheers for your happiness from afar.

So with all that in mind, you've begun to pack more eagerly in the last few days. You have all of your out of season clothes packed now, boxes safely nestled in various corners of your apartment and ready to be taken to Changbin's place at any moment. You even smile to yourself as you pack away your childhood objects, giddy as you think about where each object would look having its own spot in Changbin's house. Everything, from imagining where you'll display your favorite old teddy bear to what your clothes will look like tucked away next to his, is enough to make you beam with delight. 

And thankfully, Jeongin is finally free to help you tonight, arriving with some desperately needed coffees in hand. "Drink up Noona, you must be exhausted from all this work," he smiles as he passes one of the coffees to you, which you graciously accept. "Yeah, working all day and then having to pack my stuff alone in the evenings sucks ," you complain after taking several big sips of your drink. Honestly, you really appreciate the help. There's no doubt in your mind that Jeongin must be tired too, but he's still deciding to help you anyways. And besides that, it'll be nice to have someone to talk to while you do the mindless task of putting things in boxes. 

"So, Chan doesn't have you working tonight?" you ask after the pair of you begin packing away your various kitchen items. "I already did my work, technically. He just wanted me to go to the station as usual today and observe everyone. I was supposed to let him know if anyone seemed more on edge than usual."

"Oh. I'm guessing he wants to get an idea about if the police are clued in on his plans again?" you ask, and Jeongin nods. "Yeah. He said that if I discovered that they knew anything, he would change tactics. Trip them up by swapping the days around, changing what time of day to strike, and things like that. But everyone seemed normal."

That makes sense, you think; while high standing officers are supposed to keep their cool at all times, not everyone has a good poker face, and if someone seemed exceptionally nervous, that could be a good indicator that something big was on the horizon. "So everything is good at the station? Are things going well with that big case Changbin has been worried about lately?" 

"I think so," Jeongin answers, as he finishes putting the last of a plate set gently into a box. "I'm a low standing officer there, so I actually don't know much about the cases Changbin oversees personally, or what goes on in the other departments. But it looks like things are going well, as far as I can tell. I won't know more than that unless I get assigned to the case." 

You nod in understanding as he speaks, taping a box shut as you finish filling it up with various dishware. It's a stressful time for everyone it seems, but you hope things go well. You'll be happier when Changbin finally closes his case and has more free time to spend with you, and you'll be happy when you talk to Chan as siblings and put your past fully behind you. You'll also be happier when Jeongin doesn't have to lead a double life anymore like you've had to for so many years before now, and you hope that following this, everyone you love can stay out of harm's way for as long as possible. 

The two of you make idle small talk as you finish packing the kitchen, leaving only enough dishes out for you to use while still finishing the rest of your packing. You leave the lugging of the boxes around the house to Jeongin, as he's much stronger than you, and you'd rather him be the one to carry around all that heavy glass and porcelain. You both jump when his phone suddenly rings and he nearly drops the box he's carrying, but thankfully he doesn't- disposing of all that broken glass and having to replace them with new sets would be a nightmare. 

"Help me put this down if you can, so I can answer my phone faster," he says and you hold the opposite end of the box, helping him ease the box to the floor as swiftly but safely as possible. He pulls his phone out of pocket as quickly as he's able, answering the phone in his usual mannerism. "Hey, Felix-hyung, what's up?" Your ears perk up at hearing him say a familiar name, and look at him with a questioning gaze, while Jeongin just shrugs in your direction.

You wait patiently for him to finish his phone call, deciding to use this time as a small break from all the work you've been putting in. You sit down, settling into your sofa before absentmindedly watching Jeongin talk on the phone. However, dread settles in your gut as you watch his expression change. “What? What is it?” You ask, body going stiff as your mind races through the possibilities and you prepare to hear the worst. “Chan started the raid, and it hasn’t been going well for either side. The police were there, and... Changbin is pursuing Chan.” 

No. You don't want to believe it. Your blood runs cold in your veins as you start to put the pieces together; the case that Changbin has been struggling with because the culprit was so elusive, the case that he was so happy to finally have a lead on after months of stagnation, the operation he's been carefully planning for weeks to finally bring the person he's been looking for to justice.. It was about Chan, this entire time he's had your brother in his sights. 

You weren't oblivious to the fact that your brother was a wanted man, you've always known that the police were looking for him and that this outcome was a possibility, but you foolishly hoped that everything would reach a peaceful conclusion. And now they are going to be in each other's sights, with Changbin having no idea of your relation to the man he's been hunting and Chan not knowing how you feel about Changbin, while backed in a corner and prepared to do anything to get out of it.

You’re on your feet in an instant, rushing to grab your keys to leave. “Noona! You can’t go, it’s too dangerous for you!” Jeongin rises to his feet after you, bolting to beat you to your front door. “I have to go, I can’t just sit here!” You exclaim as you try to desperately push your way past him. “Don’t be reckless, let’s make a plan with Felix first,” Jeongin pleads, trying to appeal to your rational side. Rationality has left you however, being replaced solely by panic and urgency. “We don’t have time for that, Felix already has his hands full with everything else, we’re lucky he even had a chance to call! I have to go before it’s too late to stop something bad from happening, they’ll listen to me!”

God dammit. He doesn't want to let you walk into a situation like this, but the way you're looking at him, so full of trepidation and urgency with eyes desperately pleading to let you pass, it makes him feel like a knife is twisting in his gut. And there's truth in your words; maybe, if you can reach them in time, you can prevent the worst case scenario from unfolding. He hates it, but maybe it is the only way to make sure everyone gets out of this unharmed. Neither Chan or Changbin want you to be hurt, so they would stop the altercation they were having if you showed up, they’d have to. “Okay, but I’m going with you. You can’t go alone.” Jeongin concedes, stepping aside to let you out and following swiftly behind you.

You immediately start to make a beeline for the front seat of your car, but Jeongin reaches out to stop you, grabbing your arm firmly. "Let me, you shouldn't drive in this state," he reasons with you, holding out his opposite hand to accept your keys from you. You're really in no place to argue, and he's probably right; how can you possibly worry about driving safely in this situation? So you concede easily, to Jeongin's relief, placing your keys in his hand and trusting him to get you where you need to be as quickly as he safely can. 

Jeongin gets the location from Felix, and while truthfully the drive is only several minutes at most, it feels like an eternity to you. Every attempt to calm yourself ends in vain, no amount of breathing techniques or affirmative talk being enough to calm the barrage of dread. You're scared, you realize. So fucking scared. Scared of your brother's fate, of Changbin's, what you'll do if you arrive in time and what you'll do if you don't . Fuck, you really don't want to think about that scenario. You'll get there in time, you have to. There's no other option. 

Jeongin curses as you approach the surrounding area of the building that everyone is supposedly inside of- it’s completely walled off by a police barricade, with officers redirecting civilians and forcing them out of the area. “What do we do? We need in there,” he muses pessimistically, more to himself than to you. Still driving, though more slowly so as to not approach the barricade closely, he reaches out for his phone, hoping to call Felix and find a way for you to get inside. 

But you don’t have any time to spare. You can’t wait for Felix, and you don’t have the luxury of using your limited time to make a plan of action. All you can do is go, and hope your feet carry you quickly to where you need to be. You rush out of the car before Jeongin even has a chance to bring it to stop, your feet carrying you as fast as they can, desperate to prevent the worst from happening. You hear Jeongin’s voice ring out behind you, but whatever he’s yelling out is lost on you. The adrenaline pumping in your veins blocks out everything that isn’t in your immediate view. You have to get to them in time, you have to, you have to.

Your eyes quickly scan the perimeter, searching for a point of contention between the police, your family, and the rival family. If things go your way, you could slip past the police in charge of maintaining the barricade through the chaos. And if you’re even more lucky, you could run past all the fighting and stray bullets unscathed. You don’t feel good about how much of this relies on luck, as you’ve never had it on your side, but there’s no other options. You have to just let your feet carry you forward, and pray with all your might that things don’t turn out for the worst. 

There are shouts all around you as you dart past everyone as quickly as you can manage, officers and mafia members alike. You ignore the voices as you run, eyes combing everything around you in hopes of finding something or someone familiar to lead you down the right path. You’d been in your fair share of dangerous situations, but this is easily the most dire of them all. Everything is against you, but you have to carry on regardless, even if it all ends in vain.

“Noona!” A familiar voice calls out and you stop, frantically searching for the owner of the voice that called out to you. You eventually see Jisung standing in the distance, and the pair of you run to each other, dodging past as much of the unfolding chaos as you can. “What are you doing here? You shouldn’t be involved in this,” he talks with alarm and bewilderment. 

When he first saw you, he thought his eyes were playing tricks on him. He hadn’t seen you in over a year, so he must’ve mistaken someone else for you. But the closer you came, the more he realized it was you he was seeing, and that his eyes weren’t deceiving him. “I need to find Chan, do you know where he is?” you ask between quick inhales. “Noona, you should take a minute, you’re clearly out of breath and-”

If this were another time, you would’ve appreciated and thanked him for his concern, but you can’t afford to waste time right now. “I need to see Chan, right now, it’s important! Do you know where he is?” you repeat, hoping to reflect the urgency of your situation. Jisung is possibly the most confused and concerned he’s ever been in his life, but your desperation is palpable and it’s obvious to him that whatever this is, he doesn’t have the luxury to ask for any elaboration right now. 

“He had an escape route prepared in case this happened, that way,” Jisung points to the north, away from most of the surrounding fighting and police presence, before he continues, “but you really should be careful, it might not be safe-” You begin running again before he can continue, yelling out an apology and a thanks as you go. He’s stunned in place for a moment, cursing as he decides on whether or not he should follow you. Jisung decides, however, it’d be best to stay and keep people off your path. He’ll do his best to make sure that no one that would harm you, or Chan, makes it past him.

You aren’t sure how long you’ve been running for, as images blur and merge in your peripheral. This is the most you’ve ever run in your entire life, your lungs burn and your legs are becoming heavier and heavier from exhaustion with each step, but you have to keep going, no matter what. But finally, the silhouettes of people appear in the distance. The flame of urgency burning within you that was being snuffed by exhaustion is reignited in an instant, body now reinvigorated to carry you further. 

Your heart sinks as you begin to more closely approach the scene in front of you. Changbin is injured, hand gripping his bloodied arm as the harsh gravel digs into his knees on the ground while the handgun he was granted for this operation lies yards away from him in the dirt. Chan has his aim set on Changbin, gun cocked and ready to fire another shot if Changbin makes a move. He can’t hope to reach his own gun before Chan takes another shot at him, and he won’t be able to disarm and cuff him with his arm in the state it’s in. He’s stuck in place, doomed to whatever fate Chan has in store for him unless he can come up with a plan in the next minute. 

“Chan! Don’t shoot!” Your voice calls out desperately as you run forward, rushing to stand in front of Changbin and block him with your body before your brother can act.  “Y/N? What are you doing?” Chan is clearly surprised by the intrusion but he doesn’t lower the gun yet, evidently waiting for you to move out of the way so he can take the shot he had lined up. “Don’t shoot him,” you repeat, tears pricking the corners of your eyes. 

Changbin is frozen in place, mind reeling as he stares at your backside. How are you here? What is your relation to Chan? Did you know he would be here or was this coincidence? What is happening? Is this even real? Was he already dead, and now in his final moments he is projecting your image in front of him to bring himself comfort? No, if you were a projection of his mind then surely things would be different. You’d hug him warmly, make his final moments peaceful by reminding him of your love and planting kisses to his cheeks. This is reality. A dreadful reality.  

“Are you serious?” Chan says incredulously, baring an expression you’d seen many times pointed at enemies, but never at yourself. He’s angry , teeth gritting as he stares you down. “You’re going to protect him? What about Minho, huh? You’re gonna side with the man that put him in?” His gun remains firmly pointed forward, though his hand is no longer as steady. There’s a tremble as various emotions course through him; anger, hurt, sadness, confusion. None of it makes sense to him. Why would you do this?  

“He’s just doing his job! He’s not a bad man just because you don’t like that!” You argue, hands trembling as you raise your voice to your brother. You’d never argued with him before, normally having always been on the same side. But he doesn’t see the way you’ve changed, doesn’t know the pain you harbored all these years and how it ate away at you. He doesn't know the depth of your feelings for Changbin, and how you'd willingly put yourself in danger a million times over before you'd let something bad happen to him. “You’re the one in the wrong, not Changbin.”

Some people resort to crime because they have no choice; it’s all they know or the only way they can survive. They do it because they must, even if they hate it and even if it pains them. And you used to feel that way too- like you didn't have a choice. You felt like your life was decided for you the moment you were born, and that you’d never be free of hardship. But you did have a choice, you always did, and Chan does too, even if he doesn’t realize it at this moment. 

Chan can choose to step away, he can choose to not let the expectations of your deceased parents determine his course, he can choose to be a better person than he was yesterday. It’s not yours or Chan’s fault that this was the life you were born into, but you realized it didn’t have to stay that way. You had the power to change your own life, and Chan does too. Whether or not he shoots is a choice; he doesn’t have to do this, and you’ll make him understand that at any cost.

Your brother scoffs in disbelief as he lowers the gun, his expression the most cold and distant you’d ever seen pointed at you. “You love him, don’t you? Is that what this is?” There’s no other explanation. You’d never done this before, so why now all of the sudden unless it’s love? You’ve always had strong morals, you’ve always hated the terrible things he had to do, but despite that you still never stopped him like this. So why else would you now, after all this time? 

“I do.” you answer firmly, trying your best to convey how serious you are. He scans your face, looking for any sign that this might all somehow be an elaborate joke despite knowing inside that there’s no way that it is. His eyes move behind you next, taking in the utter shock and confusion painted on Changbin’s face. “He doesn’t know, does he?” Chan states more than asks. It’s obvious you didn’t reveal the truth of your life to him, otherwise he wouldn’t have such a bewildered expression.

“Know what..?” Changbin manages to finally find his voice, though he’s not sure he even wants to hear the answer. Chan shifts his gaze back to you, taking in your expression next. There’s trepidation there, sure, but underneath is a determination he’s never seen in you before you. A resolve that is both unflinching and resolute. Are you that determined to protect this man? You’d choose him over your own brother, your family? He means so much to you that you’d throw everything else away? That's what makes him the most hurt of all. 

“I’m her brother,” Chan says almost nonchalantly, though you know your brother well enough to hear the emotion underneath. The faux calm, almost indifferent expression masking the true depth of what he feels. It would fool you if you were a stranger, but the years of growing up together gives him away easily. It was something you used to admire in him- his ability to remain calm despite being anything but was something you were sure required a lot of self control and restraint. But now that his vindication is pointed at you, a chill runs down your spine.

You know what Chan is capable of, and you know how easy it is for him to remove threats, and while you hope your bond as siblings is enough to prevent him from doing the worst, there is truly no guarantee. He would go to great lengths to protect the life he has, even if it meant committing to a task that agonized him; you’ve seen it done multiple times. You’re his last blood relative left, and he loves you dearly, but is that enough? Can you say for certain that he’d never, under any circumstance, harm you? 

If it were the Chan of the past, you would be assured in your safety. He’d never jeopardize you, never put you in harm's way, never be the cause for any suffering you might feel. But somewhere along the way, he lost himself, and the Chan you see in front of you now isn't the same brother you knew years ago. Years of hardship have worn on him, months of anger and betrayal warping him into someone you don’t recognize anymore. 

“Y/N..? Is that true..?” You hear Changbin’s voice from behind you, hollow and hesitant. He knows the answer is the one he hates, and he dreads having to hear it, but he has to, in your own words with your own voice. Even if the truth plagues him, even if the grief kills him, he just has to hear it from you.

You want to turn around and face him, to explain this situation from your perspective, but you can’t yet. There is a part of you that fears what will ensue if you turn your back to your brother right now. “Please, walk away,” you plead with Chan, desperation clear in your tone. Changbin is trembling behind you, he realizes; not from fear, but from an overwhelming and all encompassing sorrow overtaking him. 

The tension in Chan’s body loosens, but his gaze is still harsh as he looks at you. “Fine. I’ll walk away, not because I give a shit about what happens to him though. I’m doing it for you.” He turns to Changbin next, stare as cold as ice. “My sister bought you a favor today. I can’t promise what will happen if you come after me again. Remember that, yeah?” He looks at you one last time, making sure you remember that as well. That if there is a next time, he won’t be holding back, and he expects you to accept that. 

You spend a few moments watching Chan walk away, not turning to look at Changbin until he is just a dark silhouette against the nearly set sun. Changbin rises to his feet with some difficulty, but he doesn’t accept it when you reach your arms out to help him. You swallow, biting back tears as you lower your arms. You understand why he didn’t accept your help, but God, does it hurt. 

“Your estranged brother I never met, that you said you weren’t in contact with for a long time.. This is why?” The anguish in his voice is evident and it makes your heart squeeze in your chest. You nod slowly, your hesitancy not due to any lack of desire to tell the truth, but because you loathe the inevitable outcome. He’s leaving you today. He doesn’t trust you anymore. He doesn’t love you anymore. 

“And Jeongin? Does he know what your brother does too?” “Yes,” you answer, trying not to let the agony you feel make your voice tremble, “I can explain everything but you need to go to the hospital, your arm-” You watch Changbin take a shuddering breath as he takes in your words. Maybe it’s the shock, the adrenaline, or both, but he doesn’t feel the pain anymore. In fact, he couldn’t care less about getting medical attention right now. He needs answers from you, right now, more than anything else.

“So, what was the point of all this then? You were supposed to use me and throw me away afterwards, is that it?” His tone is as accusatory as it is despondent. Tears begin to fall from your eyes, no longer able to be stopped from willpower alone. “Were you playing me for a fool this entire time?” You close your eyes, trying to steady your breathing. You have to be honest, lying to him even after all this will make it worse. 

“I met you because my brother asked me to, but I was never going to hurt you! Jeongin and I, we.. We don’t want to do things like that anymore. We are trying to put our pasts behind us.” You plead with him to understand you, to not believe that you would ever purposely hurt him. The last thing you ever wanted was to see this expression on his face. Broken. Dejected. Miserable. 

"How can I believe that now? How am I supposed to trust that you're not telling me another lie?" Changbin bites back, a tidal wave of emotion behind each word. He loved you so genuinely, but what does he do now? How can he look at all the interactions you had and not question the motive behind each one? He didn’t want to doubt you like this. He wanted to believe that you meant it when you said you loved him all this time. “That day.. When you told me you loved me for the first time.. You said you were afraid I’d leave you someday. Is this why?”

“I love you, and that’s the truth. I understand if you don’t believe me but I’ve never lied about that.” Tears are streaming down your cheeks, your entire world feeling like it’s on the verge of collapse. Changbin’s heart aches unbearably. He trusted someone after all this time, only for it to turn out like this? 

"You lied to me, you knew how much I trusted you and you lied to me ," his voice breaks now, and he turns his face away, refusing to look at you any longer. "And did you ever think about the fact that I could lose my job because of this? You know how much my career means to me, did that ever really matter to you? If anyone finds out that I’ve been dating someone with a criminal connection, I’ll look corrupt. It won’t matter that it’s not true, I’ll be forced to resign." 

“I..” you want to reply, but you don’t have the words. He’s right, of course. The public won’t care that you’ve tried to change, they won’t care that you have a clean record or live a quiet, modest life. They’ll see a scandal. They’ll see you as someone unworthy of society. And they’ll turn on Changbin, the man who has done nothing but dedicate his life to protecting them. They’ll accuse him, misunderstand him, drag his reputation through the mud. 

A scandal will ruin the public perception of police, it’ll taint his spotless career in a matter of seconds. And it’ll be all your fault, always. You’ve always lived your life selflessly, put others before yourself, did the things you hated to make someone else’s life easier. You were selfish, just this once. Just this once, you did something for your own happiness. Just this once, you hoped that the world would do you a favor, and allow you to keep the joy you obtained. 

But, as always, that joy wasn’t meant for you. As always, the life you were born into ruined any chance at happiness you ever had. You clung, desperately, to the idea that your life with Changbin would always be happy. You clung to the hope that the sorrow you’ve lived with for so long will never make its return. You clung to the love Changbin offered you, to the peace he brought you, and to the future you dreamed of building with him.

That future crumbled before your eyes in an instant. You wish you could cry, kick, and scream, beg Changbin to believe you and not turn away, but you can’t. Because you can’t blame him for not being able to see you the same way anymore. It’s not his fault, nothing is. If he can never trust you again, or see you the same way as he did yesterday, there’s nothing you can do but accept it.

You look at him, heartbroken and tears falling down in his face, the grief palpable. You try to find your voice, but even if you do, what more can you say? Will it even make a difference? But you should try at least. You can’t leave things like this. You can’t watch him hurt like this and do nothing in response. “Changbin, I.. I understand if you can’t trust me anymore. But I do genuinely, with all my heart, love you. I wouldn’t have stopped my brother if I didn’t. Even if you never want to look at me again, I hope you’ll believe that, at least.” You sob out the words, trying not to stutter with each one that passes your lips. 

Changbin looks at you, lips trembling. His mouth opens and closes, as if he was about to speak but decided against it or couldn’t find the words. Everything hurts, he doesn’t know what to say anymore. He loves you so much, but should he accept what you say so easily? Even if he wants everything to go back to the way things were before, is it even possible anymore? 

But in the entire time he’s known you, you’ve always seemed so genuine. Your pretty smiles, your loving embraces, your sweet words. The way you cried over him, supported him, loved him.. How could any of that be fake? And, if he thinks about it, he could understand why you wouldn’t want to share your shameful past with someone. You never went into detail about why you didn’t keep in contact much with your brother, but if your explanation is true, it makes sense. 

It’s hard to talk about the things you aren’t proud of, the things you hate about yourself or the life you led. He knows from his own experience how challenging it is to be emotionally vulnerable with someone, but it always seemed like you were trying your best with him. He can remember all the times you opened up to him well, because of how happy it made him feel to know you loved and relied on him. 

Was it wrong of you to leave out the truth of your brother? Of course it was. A lie by omission is still a lie, after all. And maybe you were just a good actor all this time, but he couldn’t help but believe in his memories. His memories of you telling him about your life, about the things you love and the things you feel. You shared so much with him..  surely, after this long, you would've slipped up if your feelings weren't true. 

The average person can't hide feelings of contempt easily, subtle changes in their facial expressions and body language often betray them, and they drop their guard when they feel like they are no longer being observed. And he's watched you a lot, looking at you with eyes full of love and joy whenever you thought he was no longer looking. He would see the bashful smiles, your pink tinted cheeks, the soft giggles to yourself. All so cute, all so endearing, all so real . 

No one could possibly fake that, right? Even the best of actors would eventually grow weary of their act, wouldn't they? He doesn't know what to think anymore, nor what to do. All he knows is that he loves you, and he doesn't want this to be the end. Even if it's what he should do, he doesn't want to turn away from you. Regardless of your past, or what you may have hidden about your life, it's an undeniable truth that you helped him overcome his troubles. You made his life better simply by existing in the same space. You always greeted him with a smile full of warmth and care. He loves you.

"I.. need to think," Changbin finally says after some time, "I don't-" "Chief!" You hear a voice call out, and the both of you turn in its direction, seeing a small unit of officers running towards you. His body immediately stiffens, face changing in an instant. He can’t look vulnerable in front of his men. He can’t let them see the feelings underneath the surface of his expression. Their weapons are drawn as they approach, pointed at you cautiously, prepared to make a move if it seems like you will take a step out of line. Changbin instinctively stands in front of you, speaking to his subordinates in a clear voice, "Stand down, she's a civilian." 

"Apologies ma'am," the one leading the unit says before they all bow an apology to you. Changbin looks at you, swallowing as he decides, for the first time in his career, that he will lie for someone. "The target evaded capture by using her as a hostage. He opened fire after I secured her." Changbin, stout, honest, and resolute, who never went against his morals and always upheld the law, just lied on your behalf. "Were you hurt?" one asks, while another calls for assistance on his walkie. "N-No, I'm fine, I.." you hesitate for a moment, taking a breath that you hope just makes you appear like you're recovering from the shock of being a hostage. "He protected me."

"Our on site medics have their hands full, but an additional ambulance is on the way, Chief," the officer with the walkie speaks up, turning to you next. "We'll need to interview you ma'am. Can you answer some questions for us?" You open your mouth to speak, but Changbin places his hand on your shoulder, stopping you in your tracks. "Let her be evaluated before you question her. Even without physical injury, she's been through a lot. She's not in a state to answer questions," Changbin says to them. He uses a commanding tone, but one that is somehow still full of care.

"Of course, sir." The officer bows to him respectfully. Changbin looks at you, his expression unreadable. You suppose this must be the stern poker face that you've heard so much about, but never seen with your own eyes. "We'll be in contact." He says, and though you know that's something he has to tell you as an officer to a witness, you can't help the way it gives you hope. You hope there will be a day that Changbin forgives you. You hope that he will still love you as he did when this day began. You can wait, no matter how long it takes, because it'll be worth it for him.

Changbin walks away from you now, evidently to talk with his team about matters a civilian like you isn’t supposed to hear. You fall to your knees when he’s out of immediate view, with the pair of officers that stayed behind to watch over you trying to catch you. Now that all the adrenaline has faded from your system, and you no longer have strong emotions making you ignore the ache in your body, your legs have practically turned to jello, no longer strong enough to hold you up. 

Your body is the weakest it’s ever felt, sore and frail from all the exertion. The officers around you make a small commotion, trying to help you to your feet and assuring you that help will be here soon. But despite that, you still look on in the direction Changbin went. You wish you could know if he’ll be okay. You wish you could know if he still cares about you. Or, at the very least, you wish you could know that he doesn’t hate you. You hope his arm doesn’t hurt too terribly, you hope it heals well, and you hope that he forgives you for the pain you and your brother have caused him. 

That’s all you want, you think. For Changbin to be happy and healthy. You hope he’ll still love you, but you’ll be okay if he doesn’t, as long as he doesn’t hate you for what you’ve done. You’ll be content with never having him in your life again, as long as he forgives you. You’ll wish him well, with the best smile you can muster, even if all he ever does is accept your apologies. Because you love him, and you want the best for him. It’ll hurt, but if he decides the best for him isn’t you, it’ll be okay- it’ll have to be. 

You won’t be selfish, or at least you’ll try your very best not to be. You won’t expect anything from him that you shouldn’t. You won’t beg, or plead, or force. But you’ll hope, because that’s all you have now. It’s all you’ve ever had, really. Hope for a better future, a better life, a happier existence. And all you can do is hope- that your better future will include Changbin. 

Changbin, who forgives you, who still loves you, and who still wants you in his life. Changbin, who has shown you how happy life can be when you let the right person in. Changbin, who melted the ice that filled the cracks in your heart, and replaced it with warmth. Changbin, who took the broken parts of you and pieced them back together, who treated you like porcelain worthy of the utmost care. 

If you’re an angel to him, then he is a seraph to you. His light shines brightly, as brilliant as the sun, his warmth beyond comparison, his smile incandescent. You’ll always love him, no matter how much time passes. Even if he no longer feels the same, and even if he never sees you again, you won’t be able to love anyone else the way you’ve loved him. That’s just how important he is to you; no one else could take his place in your heart. 

He taught you how to trust again. He reminded you how it felt to smile with sincerity, to love genuinely, to laugh unapologetically. It’s something you will always cherish, with all that you are and all that you have. Seo Changbin is irreplaceable, and always will be. You love him, and always will. And you hope, hope, hope, that he’ll always love you too.

It's been months since the last time Changbin has spoken to you. Long, emotionally draining months. He missed you, so terribly, but he couldn't bring himself to talk to you- at least, not yet anyways. There was just so much to think about after he learned the truth about your family, and about the lies that surrounded you as a result of it. He could understand why you didn't tell him about your brother, but it still hurt to find out the way he did. And it also left him conflicted and confused about how he should move forward if the two of you stayed together. 

He's not just a police officer, he's the Chief. Everyone looks up to him, he's the one that has to be turned to in crucial moments, the one who has to make hard decisions. He has a lot of power, he's in charge of multiple units and operations. With all that comes responsibility, not just to his subordinates, but to the public. He has a duty to protect them, a duty to adhere to the law, and a duty to uphold the truth. And while at first, his immediate concern when he found out about your brother was what it could possibly do to his career, there was more to it than just that. 

Changbin can't ignore the fact that your brother is a criminal, even if he wanted to. And it's his sworn duty, as an officer, to arrest criminals. Would you be able to, in all honesty, never harbor resentment or hatred for him if he had to arrest or harm your brother? If the situation was swapped, and it was Changbin pointing the barrel of his gun at Chan, would you be able to accept that? If he had to shoot your brother, could you say for certain that you wouldn't despise him for it? If cutting off your brother for good was necessary for the two of you to be happy together, would you honestly never be angry or resentful about it?

You might say yes, and you might wholeheartedly believe that when you say it, but the human heart is complex and uncertain in nature. There may come a day in the future where you realize how much you miss your family, and come to blame Changbin for the distance between you. The ties people have to their loved ones are immense, and oftentimes inseverable by will alone. 

And maybe none of that will ever come to be. Maybe his concerns are unfounded, and you would be resolute in your choice to be with him no matter what happened to your brother, but he can't help but think about it. A spur of the moment decision could change his life forever, and he has to consider every outcome, no matter how unlikely and how much he trusts in your feelings. His future with you is uncertain, and that scares him. 

There were many days where he stared at your contact in his phone, trying to find the words to send to you, but not being able to. He'd never known himself to hesitate like this before, never been scared of uncertainties and rejection. He always lived his life confidently, with the mindset that if things didn't go his way he would eventually recover. Some losses hit him worse than others, but he always turned out okay in the end. For possibly the first time in his life, he was living with the fear of inevitably losing something. 

Changbin always strived to live his life with optimism. Even in his worst, most depressed moments, he dragged himself out of the muck, and worked earnestly towards getting the things he wanted. Whenever he faltered he picked himself back up, when he was lost in darkness he would persevere until the light returned to him. But now, here he was, crippled with the fear of losing something, someone, he wants dearly. And that fear turned to hesitance, which eventually turned to inaction. 

He sighs heavily, head hitting his desk as he falls against it. What does he do now? If he reaches out to you, will you respond? What if he wasted so much time in his fear, that now you've moved on, and he's wasted whatever chance at happiness with you he had? He stares at nothing for a long while, his head simultaneously feeling full to the brim with thoughts and like a vast nothingness, almost numb. A knock on his office door suddenly breaks his trance, and he lifts his head, beckoning whoever is on the other side to enter. 

"Sir, Yang Jeongin is requesting to speak with you," the person who enters says, and Changbin's eyebrows raise in surprise. The Yang Jeongin that was working here until the incident a few months ago? Your little brother? That Yang Jeongin? "What is he doing here?" he asks after a moment, but the officer shrugs in response. "Don't know. Said it was something only the Chief should hear. Maybe it's a lead on one of your cases?" they suggest and Changbin frowns. There is only one reason Jeongin would want to speak to him after all this time- It's you. Whatever he has to say, it's about you. 

"Tell him I'll be right out," Changbin says as he stands, and the officer nods, bowing politely as they close the door behind themself. Changbin takes a moment to steady his racing heart, taking a deep breath before he leaves his office. He strides coolly past the many desks where other officers are sitting, hoping to maintain a calm exterior and not give away the trepidation he feels. Jeongin is sitting on a bench in the front hall of the station, and he offers a small wave when he spots Changbin opposite of him. "Chief," Jeongin starts, but immediately corrects himself, "Well, I guess I shouldn't call you that anymore, huh?" 

"Jeongin.. Should we talk somewhere privately?" Changbin asks and the younger man nods, standing to follow wherever the older leads. They leave the building together, walking quietly until stopping in front of a cafe that Changbin frequents. "This place good with you?" he asks, and Jeongin nods, having no reason to object to the location. They sit, making simple coffee orders, before Jeongin lets out a small sigh. "Well, I should get straight to the point.. Y/N-noona is leaving." 

Changbin's frame stiffens, looking at Jeongin with a firm expression. "Leaving as in.. she won't be in Seoul anymore?" he asks and Jeongin nods. "I don't know if it's my place to tell you, but.. she's always hated being involved in.. let's say "bad" things. When she left before, she just got dragged back in and.. She thinks leaving will be the thing that will finally put her past behind her for good." He explains, choosing his language carefully given the public setting. 

So.. this isn’t the first time you’ve tried to leave, that's what he's saying? Before you ever even met Changbin, you already wanted out? You were prepared to stay away from your brother, even before you knew him? Maybe he should feel stupid with the realization that his worries were unfounded, but instead he feels relief. It's proof you'd never hate him or blame him if you had to keep distance from your brother, proof of your morals, and proof of the truth you were trying to convey to him that day- that you would've never betrayed him. That you loved him, truthfully and wholeheartedly. 

"Can I ask you.. If she wants to leave, and put everything behind her.. Why are you telling me she's going?" Changbin asks carefully, and Jeongin doesn't hesitate to answer. "Because she loves you. Even now, all she hopes for is that you still love her too. She misses you." Changbin's heart picks back up in speed upon his words. Is that what you've told him? If he called you right now, would you be happy? Did you still want to be with him? Were you waiting for him, all this time? 

"I'm not saying you should convince her to stay here, or that you should abandon your life here to follow her, but.. I still thought you should know." Jeongin continues, "And she would be happy to hear from you before she goes. Even if you have no intention of continuing your relationship, and it's just for closure's sake, it'd be good for her. She could move on with a smile, I think." 

"I want to talk to her," Changbin says with a certainty that makes Jeongin's tense body finally relax. He was hoping, more than anything, that Changbin would talk with you before you go. All he wants is for you to be happy, or have the closure needed to move on if nothing else. "I'm supposed to be meeting up with her again later tonight to help her carry boxes, but.. I think she'd like it better if you showed up instead." 

“Are you sure that would be okay?” Changbin asks, and Jeongin smiles and nods without hesitation. “Of course. I wouldn’t put her in a situation that would upset her. I know she wants to see you.” Changbin returns that smile, feeling elated for the first time since that day he walked away from you. He didn’t know what he wanted then, he was hopelessly lost and confused. He’s spent enough time thinking about it, but now he knows, and he’s determined to show you- all he wants is you.

You sigh as you stare at the boxes littering your apartment, flopping onto your sofa and wiping the sweat from your brow. You were beyond exhausted, days filled with nothing but work and then packing when you got home. You were also exhausted thinking about how you would just have to unpack everything when you arrived at your new home. You’d surely have some grueling months ahead of you. 

But leaving this city was long overdue when you think about it- you really should have left it a long time ago. It has been 2 years now since the day you first left the family, and around a year and a half since you were subsequently dragged back in and met Changbin. Your heart ached whenever you thought about him, but you could never stop yourself. Everything reminded you of him, it seemed. 

He changed your life for the better when he was in it, after all. It was hard not to see him in even the little things. When you’d watch tv to relax, you’d think about how it felt when Changbin was there with you, arms wrapped around you snuggly while you followed your little routine of choosing what to watch back and forth. When you ate dinner, you’d think about how Changbin knew all your favorite things, and would playfully tease you about how you could eat the same things over and over again without getting tired of it. 

When you layed in bed at night, you thought about how it felt to have Changbin next to you, his soft breathing in your ears and warm body lulling you to sleep. You’d be reminded of his gentle touches, his loving stare, and his cute pouts. The way he’d keep you close to him, beg you to stay with him as long as possible, and smile brighter than the sun itself. Everything about him was endearing, everything worth committing to your memory, everything worth loving even after he was gone from your life.

Maybe that’s another reason you finally decided to leave for good. It was hard to look at your surroundings and not be reminded of all you once had and lost. Seoul carries a lot of memories for you, often times more bad than good. You lost a lot of things here- your innocence, your family, and your love. What good you managed to hold in your hands always seemed to crumble and slip through your fingers, with you unable to do a thing to prevent it. 

You needed a change of scenery, and to leave the painful memories behind you. It’d help, you think, if you were able to look at the world around you and not be bombarded with the feelings of loss and sadness. Maybe you could stand on your own two feet more effectively, be the kind of happy person Changbin showed you that you could be. And maybe, if you were lucky, he would meet you again while you were a new version of yourself.

A stronger you, a happier you. Someone who didn’t falter and live in anxiety any longer, who lived the new life she was given with hope and joy. You’d be happy if you could show Changbin how much you’ve grown, how you’ve changed for the better thanks to his earnest love for you. And not just for Changbin- living a better life is how you would pay back everyone who has helped you up until now. It’s how you would thank Felix and Jeongin for all their support until now.

Living a better, happier life was the best way to show your appreciation for all the people you love, and love you in return. You’d move on with your head held high, and someday in the future you would return here as the best version of yourself you could be. Even if they weren’t here with you right at this moment, it was enough to make you want to do your best. 

“You know, you could still come with me Innie,” you told him when he was here earlier today, helping you move various heavy objects to the front room of your apartment. “I know, but I still have things I want to take care of here,” he responded with a soft smile. Unlike you, he still had a mother to watch after here. He also expressed his desire to leave Chan and the others behind on positive terms, and to pursue training at the officer’s academy earnestly, so he could come back to his colleagues an honest man. 

You were proud of him, truly, for making the choices he made. You had nothing but faith that he would see his goals through, and be a little brother you could be proud of. He promised that he, with the help of Felix and Jisung, would help set Chan on the right path before he leaves his life there behind for good. And when that day came, he would find you again, maybe even with everyone you love hand in hand with him. Maybe there would be a day where you could hug both of your brothers again, reunite with your old friends, and return to Seoul happily. 

Speaking of old friends, Seungmin was devastated when you announced to the office you were leaving (though you were sure some of his reaction was just him being overdramatic.) He made you promise that you would still keep in touch, and that you’d come back to visit sometimes. Of course, you reminded him that he could always come visit you as well but he insisted it would be more fun if you came to Seoul than if he went to some obscure small town. 

You were still worried about Minho as well. It had been a long time since you, or anyone for that matter, had been able to see him in person. But he often wrote letters, expressing that he accepts where he is because it’s the natural result of the choices he made. He wishes everyone well, and hopes that everyone can live their lives happily until the day he is released. He doesn’t want anyone to risk their lives or safety for him, because he is okay. 

You’re not sure if it gave Chan closure the way it did for you, but you hope it has. All you’ve ever wanted for your brother was for him to be safe and happy after all. And there’s still a part of you that hopes one day he’ll renounce his leadership and walk away from the life he’s led up until today. You’d like it if you could return the relationship you had with him as children, where the two of you were free from worries, and the bond you had as siblings made you stronger together.  

You close your eyes, another small sigh leaving your lips. You’re tired, so tired, but strangely optimistic. Your life will be better from here on out, you’ll make sure of it. It would be a lie to say you didn’t spend a lot of time crying at first, but when it was all over you realized how lucky you were. Lucky to have been loved by Changbin. Lucky to have friends who care about you. Lucky that you still have the opportunity to change your life. 

Life has never been easy for you, but you’re grateful for what you’ve been given. Moments of happiness, no matter how fleeting, shaped you into who you are now. Memories, shared with those you’ve come to love, giving you the morals and sense of purpose you have now. You’ll keep those memories close to your heart, and let them lead you forward. They will shape the road ahead, and keep you going when the road is tough. That’s what you’ve decided. 

It’s never too late to change, never too late to be happy. You can take your life in your own two hands and shape it into what you desire. Life is what you make of it, and you’ve decided you’ll make it into the best it could possibly be. And hopefully, in the future you create with your own hard work, Changbin will be there waiting for you. You’ll see his adoring smile and star-filled eyes, and know that it was all worth it. 

A knock on the door breaks you from the thoughts, and you rise to your feet to answer it. It’s a little strange, as Jeongin would normally just call you if he was here, but he also knows you are expecting him so maybe he didn’t feel the need. “Hey Innie, there you-” you start as you unlock and open the door, but the words immediately seize in your throat. 

You blink once, twice, assuming your eyes must be playing tricks on you. There’s no way Changbin is standing in front of you right now, right? Why would he be? “Y/N..” he says softly, a bit hesitant. He was feeling good when he first made the trek to your front door, but now that he’s here in front of you he feels.. Strange, almost. 

It’s surreal to be standing in front of you after all this time. He’s thought about it a lot; how you would look when you were finally in front of him again, what expression you might have and how you might have changed. And now, you are understandably looking at him like a deer in headlights. To say you are stunned would probably be an understatement. 

“Can I.. come in?” Changbin asks after another small moment. You want to speak, but you feel so astounded your voice won’t come out. So instead you nod, stepping to the side to allow him to enter your now barren apartment. He looks around, taking in the sight of all your belongings being tucked away into stacked boxes, with only your large furniture pieces being out. This is what it would’ve looked like all those months ago too, if nothing had gone wrong and you moved in as planned. 

It strikes a pang in his chest, one that he attempts to choke down. He can’t let all his emotions bubble to the surface just yet. There are things he needs to tell you clearly, things he wants you to hear. You guide him past boxes, motioning for him to take a seat on your sofa. “What, uhm.. What are you doing here?” you ask cautiously, not entirely sure how you should feel now that you are finally looking at him again. 

He hasn’t changed much; his dark, curly hair has grown a bit longer, but overall he looks the same as he did months ago. Just as handsome too, you can’t help but notice. But really, how could you even hope to ignore that fact? You don’t think you’ll ever meet someone else as stunning as him. 

“Jeongin told me you’re leaving,” he answers, watching your expression change carefully. “H-He did?” Your shocked expression changes to sadness, gaze moving down to your hands, which you are wringing nervously. “I.. wanted to tell you myself, but.. I didn’t know how, or if I should..” “I’m glad he told me,” Changbin replies, and you look back at him, uncertainty clear on your face.

“I would’ve been sad if.. You left before I could tell you how I feel,” he continues. “How you feel..?” you question, and he nods, a tentative, almost shy expression spreading across his features. “I’m sorry we haven’t spoken, I really am. I spent that entire time thinking about.. Us, and what I should do. What I want..” Changbin’s tone is relaxed as he can possibly make it despite the rapid beating in his chest. 

He takes a shaky inhale, palms sweating despite all his efforts to speak to you calmly. “I know what I want, and it’s you. It’s always been you. I just.. Took too long to sort that out, I think.” He confesses, watching you with bated breath as his words process within you. “I love you, and.. I hope I haven’t told you that too late.” 

Your breath hitches in your throat, eyes watering in an instant upon hearing those words you hoped so badly to hear again. “What about your job? And my family..?” you ask, and Changbin shakes his head, as if it’s not a concern in the slightest. “I know there are things we still have to figure out, but I wouldn’t forgive myself if I let you go without trying. I love you too much to let it go so easily.” 

The tears openly fall now, not being able to stop yourself from doing anything else. He opens his arms to you, offering his embrace if you want it, and you easily wrap yourself around him. He holds you close, your head pressing into his chest as sobs wrack your body. “We’ll figure it out together,” he speaks to you softly, hands rubbing the soothing circles you missed so much into your skin. “I broke my promise to you before.. But I’m not going to leave you again.”

He holds you like that until your breathing calms, the sobs slowing into gentle sniffles. You look up at Changbin, noticing that a few stray tear stains line his cheeks as well. He’s always hated seeing you cry, after all. The fact that it was because of him made it even harder for him to not become emotional himself. “Binnie,” you breathe, leaning up to capture his lips in a soft kiss. He lets out a relieved sigh when your lips touch, his own flood of feelings washing over him. 

It feels so good to hold you in his arms again, to feel his lips against yours, to inhale the familiar scent of your shampoo. Now that he has you again, he never wants to let you go. Whatever he has to do to keep you with him, he’ll do it, without a doubt. He realized that everything else in his life is replaceable. His career can be rebuilt from the ground up if necessary, and his home can be relocated. But not you. Nothing can replace you. 

You are his home. You are his life. He knows his connection with you is deep and real. In the entire time he knew you, he never had to change a single thing about himself to please you. You always loved him for who he is, right from the start. That’s what he needed then, and what he still needs now- someone who loves him unconditionally. Who accepts him in all his silly, eccentric idiosyncrasies. 

He kisses you over and over again, like you are the source of the oxygen he needs in his lungs. He holds you tightly, keeping your body glued to his, as if you’ll vanish if he lets go. “I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea how badly,” Changbin whispers against your skin, an action that makes butterflies erupt in your stomach. It also makes you giggle a little in response, because wow, did you miss that feeling. 

He always made you shy and giddy so effortlessly. All it ever took was the slightest bit of affection from him to make you feel bubbly inside. Changbin smiles when he hears your soft laugh, a warmth he hasn’t felt in months spreading over him. He hopes from now on he can hear you laugh every day, see your shy smiles and cute, sparkling eyes. He doesn’t know what his future with you holds, but as long as he has that, he would be happy. 

“I’ve missed you more,” you tell him with a sweet smile. There’s part of you that still feels like this is all a vivid dream, and that you’ll wake up any minute in your new apartment by yourself. But even if it is a dream, you’ll enjoy it until the end. You’ll feel him under your palms for as long as you can, you’ll take in the sight of his beautiful face and the sound of his sweet yet gruff voice.

You rest a hand on the nape of his neck, keeping him pulled close to you as you press kisses against his lips. The soft, gentle kisses that you shared at the start become deeper, more passionate, as they continue. There’s a desperation bubbling within you, one that becomes increasingly more difficult to contain. You missed more than just the soothing, gentle touches to your skin- you also missed the way his hands could light a fire in you. 

He always made you feel alive, for lack of a better term. In all your life, through the various men who knew you and touched you, none of them ever made you feel the way Changbin does. You’re not sure if he realizes entirely the effect he has on you, but you belong to him. Body, heart, mind, soul, everything.. It’s Changbin’s. His hold on you is warm, protective, and loving. You’ll never regret trusting him, loving him, or giving yourself to him. 

Changbin can tell where you are leading him, can see the way your eyes have changed when you pull away to breathe. It excites him as much as it worries him; once again, he’s afraid that touching you now will be taking advantage while you’re vulnerable. You were just crying, dealing with and processing countless emotions, and the last thing he’d ever want is to be with you while your judgment is clouded. The last thing he’d ever want is to touch you in a moment of passion and learn you regretted it. 

“We don’t have to do this right now,” he tells you carefully. He wants you to be sure you still want him, that you still love him enough to do this with him. He can always wait, build back up to this slowly if that’s what you’d need. As long as he has forever with you, there’s no rush. But you shake your head, meeting his gaze seriously. “I want to,” you assure him softly, “I never stopped loving you. I still trust you.”

You lean back in, lips brushing against his as you speak, “I still want you.” A soft groan leaves Changbin's lips, your words having more of an effect on him than you'll ever know. Your next kiss is impassioned, mouth open and licking at his tongue. You coax him to pursue you, to swallow your heated breaths, explore you completely, consume you entirely. 

You let yourself fall backwards against the sofa, dragging Changbin down with you. It's not the most elegant display, nor is it seamless, but you don't really care about that. You've missed Changbin so much- his every look, every hold, and every sound. It's all you crave, all that matters in this moment. 

Not wanting to crush you or leave you in an uncomfortable contortion, Changbin spreads your legs and moves himself to rest between them. He attaches his lips to your neck, deciding you’ve gone long enough without his mark on your skin. You relish in the feeling of having his teeth sink into you again, excitement bubbling in your gut when you imagine the way you’ll look with his love bites all over you. 

His hands reach the bottom of your shirt, and you lift your back off the sofa to allow it to be pulled up and over your head. Your bra follows shortly after, being discarded to the floor and forgotten as your focuses are solely on eachother. Changbin takes a moment to look you over, refamiliarizing himself with the appearance of your body and the intoxicating image of his teeth marks on your otherwise pure skin. 

He doesn’t get much more time to admire you however, as you begin to reach out for him. You paw at the hem of his shirt, not so subtly requesting that he pull it off himself. He stifles the amused smile that threatens to peak out, pulling his shirt off in one swift movement. You look at him with equal parts adoration and desire, and he can’t deny he loves it when you look at him this way. 

Changbin watches your expression change however, when your gaze meets his arm. There was a fresh scar where your brother shot him, a now constant reminder of what the pair of you had gone through that day. A permanent representation of the way you failed the person you love most.. "Bin, I- '' you choke on your words, eyes tearing up as you stare at the spot. 

"Hey, look at me," Changbin says as he cups your face, directing your gaze back up to his face. "That's not your fault. You know that, right? It's not. Nothing is." You struggle to hold back your sniffles, but he won't accept that; he needs you to know. You were in such a hard position, one that no one should have to be in. And he recognizes that now. He understands how hard it must have been to try to balance your life and protect the things you love.

He kisses you again, thumbs carefully rubbing away stray tears. “I love you,” he reminds you with his soft tone that always brought you comfort, “nothing changed that, okay?” You nod, believing his words entirely. You really had no reason not to; he’s always been so forthright and honest about everything he thinks and feels. 

“I love you,” you tell him, and he smiles, kissing you once more for good measure. “Do you want to continue?” he asks, once again needing to suppress the amusement that threatens to show when you eagerly confirm that you do. As much as Changbin loves seeing you being bashful and shy, he also loves when your enthusiasm overrides it. 

The messy kisses to your skin resume, as if nothing interrupted them in the first place. The only difference now being that your upper body is completely exposed to him. Changbin’s hands trail lazily up and down your body, savoring the feeling of every soft dip and curve without any rush. Your gasp when his hands finally reach your breasts quickly turn into titillating mewls, nipples being tweaked and rolled between his fingers.

The sounds you make alone make Changbin want to groan, a salacious symphony in his ears, a siren’s song he can’t hope to ignore. He pulls back to look at you, watching the way your body twists and squirms, legs unable to close together due to his place between them. “Binnie,” you whine, looking at him with glossy eyes and flushed cheeks, lips turned into a small pout. “What is it, lovey? What do you need?” he asks, head tilting slightly as he grins at you.  

Your stomach flips, heart skipping a beat at both his tone, and from hearing the nickname for the first time in so long. You swallow, trying your best to conjure the words despite the way he looks at you making you want to combust on the spot. “B-Bed?” you ask softly, and Changbin smiles with a nod, lifting you in his arms effortlessly. You lock your legs around his waist, arms snuggly wrapped around his neck as he carries you through the apartment. 

You really should let him focus on getting through the minefield of boxes that is your apartment currently, but instead you kiss him with a fervor he matches equally. Even when he threatens to stumble, neither of you break away, completely committed to keeping your mouths on each other. 

Luckily, you left your bedroom door open earlier, and Changbin has no problem carrying you through the doorway. You let yourself fall back onto the bed when he lets you go, and he positions himself between your legs once again, mirroring the position you were in moments ago on the sofa. 

Rather than wait for Changbin to take the lead on this like you normally would, you reach for shorts, pulling them down as far as you can before needing him to take care of the rest. He really can’t blame you for feeling needy and eager; he’s just as hungry for you as you are for him, his own desire and ache for you being contained solely by his (dwindling) self-restraint. 

You look at him, gaze possibly the most desperate he’s ever seen it be. Your body trembles with anticipation, begging for him to touch you. And while normally he’d love to prolong this moment, watch you get shy as he makes you say what you want him to do to you and then impatient as you yearn for his touch, he really can’t wait either. 

More accurately, he doesn’t want to wait. He knows he can hold back, he knows he can restrain himself if he needs to, he knows he can do things slowly, but if neither of you can wait, if you’re both desperately reaching out for one another, then why draw it out? He knows what you want, and he wants to give it to you.

"I want to watch you cum," Changbin tells you, voice nearly a whisper in your ears. "Over.. and over," he continues, your body shivering in response as you watch him trail downward. “You want that, right? To cum for me?” he asks rhetorically. He already knows the answer, but he wants you to say it anyway. 

“Y-Yes, please,” you all but whine, and he smiles, licking his lips and wasting no further time talking. He pushes your thighs further apart, hooking his arms underneath to hold them in place. You let out a loud moan when his mouth finds your clit, his grip on your thighs stopping you from squirming or closing your legs around his head. 

He’s barely even begun but you already feel like the air has been knocked from your lungs, the pleasure making you feel dizzy. Your hands reach for his hair, the groan that leaves his mouth when you pull making you shiver. Various obscenities leave your mouth as he alternates between licking and sucking, your legs already shaking as your high approaches dangerously fast.

It’s been months since you felt his tongue on you, and with his skill it was obvious you’d cum fast. You couldn’t hope to delay it even if you wanted to. His pace is perfect, remembering just how you like it as if there was never a break between you to begin with. You bite your lip, trying in vain to quiet the whimpers and moans that leave you as your high overtakes your body. 

Even as your high recedes, Changbin doesn’t relent, keeping his pace on your clit as if nothing happened. You whine loudly, overstimulation setting fire to your skin. His strong hold on you prevents you from moving even an inch, all you can do is lie there and continue to take the onslaught of overwhelming, almost painful, pleasure. 

Not wanting to hurt his scalp with your harsh tugging, you move your hands to the bedsheets, clawing at them desperately. He squeezes your thighs in his hands, as if to ground you while he unrelentingly showers your clit with his affection. Your second orgasm comes even faster than the first somehow, back arching and eyes rolling back as your body tenses and releases in an instant. 

As before, he continues through it, drawing it out and making you whine loudly when it quickly becomes too much to bear. Your arousal is practically gushing out of you, and you finally get a small moment of reprieve when Changbin moves to lick the cum from your entrance. Your breathing is ragged, chest heaving and body buzzing. 

Changbin removes one of his hands from your thigh, moving it to easily slide two of his fingers into your heat. You let out another choked gasp, his fingers wasting no time to locate your sweet spot and rub against it. “B-Binnie,” you stutter out between gasps, “I-I cant.” It’s almost too good, your brain reeling when he starts to thrust his fingers into you quickly.

He looks up at you, an almost playful glint behind the lust-filled look in his eyes. “Yes you can,” he encourages sweetly, letting go of your other leg to come closer to your face. He’s looking at you intently now, smiling as he watches you succumb to the pleasure you’re feeling. Your head is thrown back, nails digging into the bedsheet and bottom lip trapped between your teeth. 

“Look at me,” he says, and he feels you clench tightly around his fingers when you do. His lustful expression makes you weak, his smile making your gut want to erupt into butterflies. You try to keep his gaze, to not close your eyes or look away, but it’s so hot you can barely stand it. You don’t think you’ll be able to handle much more of it without devolving into insanity. 

You cum again, legs closing around his fingers and head falling back as you do. “Good girl, my good girl,” he praises you through it, slowing to a stop once he feels your body begin to relax. He gives you some time to catch your breath after he slides his fingers out of you, licking them clean before he stands from the bed. You watch as he finally removes his pants and boxers, and then returns to his position between your legs. 

“I'm going to fuck you now,” he tells you, smiling when you let out a shy whine in response. Changbin lines himself up with your entrance, leaning down to kiss you as he slides in. The multiple orgasms make it easier for your body to accept him, the stretch still stinging but not at all bad. He always loved to kiss you while you got used to the feeling, loved making you taste yourself on his tongue as you acclimated to his size. 

It didn’t take long for you to roll your hips against his, seeking blissful friction. “Greedy girl can’t wait?” Changbin asks teasingly, though he has to admit he loves it. If you weren’t so dazed from pleasure, you’d see he’s just as desperate as you, if not more so. He loves when you are as equally needy as him, when you become lost in him and how he makes you feel. 

“You want to cum again, is that it?” he asks when he begins to finally thrust into you. “Y-Yes, want to cum,” you nod almost frantically, “want you to come too.” Changbin groans, your words always having an incredible effect on him. “Don’t worry baby, I’ll cum for you,” he promises as he picks up his pace, finding his rhythm with relative ease.

One hand holds yours while the other moves to your clit, rubbing it in circles. He whispers praises to you, each one making you clench around him. “Good girl, my perfect baby, doing so well, feels so good around me, love you,” he begins to babble as he chases his orgasm. He expected not to last long, but he’ll make sure it’s good for you until the end. 

If your neighbors weren’t concerned before, they definitely are now given how loud your voice is carrying through the apartment. You can’t hold them back anymore, not that Changbin would let you in the first place, but you’re too far gone to care. His once steady pace quickly grows sloppy, his low groans turning into breathy whimpers. 

You reach your high first, mouth hanging open in a silent moan as your body quivers beneath his. Changbin follows closely behind, his hips stuttering as his cum shoots into you in hot spurts. You reach up, pulling him into one more kiss as he comes down from his high. His body relaxes, falling against you, though still careful not to crush you under his weight. 

His head rests just under yours, and you kiss his temple, hand running through his hair lazily. “I love you,” you mumble, exhaustion clear in your voice. Your eyes are closed, your movements slow, and Changbin finds it so endearing that even in this state you want to show your love. “I love you too baby, so much,” he kisses your cheek, as it’s the only place he can reach without moving from his spot. 

He’ll take care of you soon, get the both of you cleaned up so you can sleep in his arms peacefully as you always have before, but for now, even if it’s just for a few moments, he wants to lay next to you. To hold your hand as the two of you catch your breath, to stare at your beautiful face, to feel the euphoria of having you as his.

He doesn't know what the future holds, but he’s decided that it's okay. He doesn’t need to hold every answer in his hands, or worry about could be’s and what if’s. He doesn’t know if this happiness will continue, if you’ll always be together without anything getting in your way, but how can he be satisfied with his life if he didn’t try? How can he be happy if he lives his life complacently? 

Maybe the smart decision would have been to let you go, to never see you again and let yourselves go separate ways, but would he be content with that decision? Could he say he would never lie awake at night wondering if that was the right thing to do, or if he should’ve chosen differently? And if two things make him happy, does he really have to choose between them? Would it really be so bad to have both? 

Nothing will be perfect, ever. No one is promised eternal joy, or a blessed life. No one can spend every moment happy, no one can have everything always go the way they want. The only guarantee in life is that you will suffer. But it is what you do with that suffering that shapes what your life will become from that point onward. 

Maybe what he has now with you is fleeting. Maybe years from now it’ll crumble in front of him all over again. But isn’t it worth fighting for? If he has a chance to have everything he’s ever wanted, shouldn’t he do his best to take it? Shouldn’t he keep it in his hands, and protect it with all his might? 

Even if it’s in vain, even if he’ll only suffer again in the future, this moment of happiness with you is worth it. Listening to your slowed breathing, feeling your skin against his, knowing that you love him and he loves you- it’s worth it. When he wakes up to your sweet voice, hears your elated laugh, sees your adorable expressions and beautiful body, it’s worth it. 

Maybe you’ll live together in the future, and maybe you won't. Maybe you’ll have a family, and maybe you won’t. Maybe his career will remain unaffected, or maybe it won’t. Regardless of what could or couldn’t be, he won’t live with doubt. He can be happy knowing he fought to keep you until the very end, if the end ever comes. He can live a laugh full of laughter and love, even if it’s only for a finite amount of time. And nothing will be perfect, ever, but as long as Changbin has you with him, it’s the closest he’ll ever have.

#skz x reader #changbin x reader #skz smut #changbin smut #skz imagines #skz scenarios #skz fluff #skz angst #mdni + divider graphic credit: @cafekitsune

[redditreceipts]

I've been a very staunch supporter of trans ppl for years. I have learned to swallow my discomfort around some of the things said in those circles. When they said it was transphobic for lesbians to not like dick, I bit my tongue. I told myself, "this is just the loud minority" and to be fair I do think that is the minority but still ... as a lesbian I wasn't even able to talk about people who argued that because "it never happens. No one says that. That sounds like a transphobic lie." And I hate the constant assertions that gender is real, innate, and that everyone feels it. I can't describe my own experiences with growing up as a woman without someone telling me that maybe I'm nonbinary ... no thanks I tried that for a while. I respect everyone's gender, or I want to, but apparently doing that also requires me to put that oppressive structure onto myself and act like it's liberating.

The final snapping point for me was a trans woman telling me that I'm privileged for being a cis woman because I've never experienced dysphoria ... except I have. I grew up with intense thoughts about my body and hating my vagina and breasts. It was never that bad but I would often imagine mutilating. I'm in a better place now but I still feel some discomfort over my body sometimes. And when I expressed this to her, she asked me if I was really cis or was still questioning ...

They act like misogyny doesn't exist or something. I just ... I disagree with a lot of radical feminists beliefs or at least I think I do. But for years I have felt like radfems were the only ones even talking about misogyny anymore so idk

Anyway what I wanted to say is that I really like your posts and perspectives and thanks for this blog. I want to learn more and question more and your blog has become a helpful resource to help me start thinking critically about some things

Hey :) thanks for writing to me and sorry for the late answer. 

And yeah, you are totally right. I have also spent such a long time justifying gender ideology because I really wanted it to be right. I’ve excused so much weird behaviour with weird mental gymnastics because I didn’t want to accept that I had been wrong for such a long time. 

The entire “that never happens” thing - and then you show them an occasion where it happened, and they say “well, it doesn’t happen that much”. And yeah, people have suggested me being non-binary as well. I mean, by strict gender definitions I am non-binary because I don’t identify as a woman lmao. Just as the “you’re uncomfortable in your body?? what about fucking cutting it up??!!!!” thing. 

And for disagreeing with feminist beliefs, the thing is that being a feminist is not a package deal. You are not being some sort of heretic if you disagree with certain things, and I know that I am most probably wrong on a lot of stuff myself. If I wasn’t, I would be the first person who is always right in human history. And yes, even in feminist spaces, there is sometimes some sort of imperative to follow every single belief or you are not a “real feminist”. But being a feminist is not an identity, it is an action. It is an action towards yourself, in the workplace, in interaction with other women and men, in your consumption, in your voting, in how you support women in your personal life and how you do political action. So yeah, I would say that it is less important whether you follow every rule of the radical feminist catechism and more important to support women in your life (which includes yourself). At least, that’s my opinion. 

So if you want to learn more, you can look into literally anything Julie Bindel says on Youtube, I really like her perspective. And cool that you’re here! 

[homochadensistm]

I'm not jewish, so i have no skin in the game and no right to center myself in i/p, but I'm against hamas, and I know it's insignificant and petty but everytime I see some really good artist or fandom blog or account and then after scrolling a bit I find pro-pally stuff and I just can't follow them anymore. I feel guilty when I like their post and fanarts. after the war in ukraine and the silence to overtalking of russian fandom blogs i gained the bad habit of checking the politics of a fanfiction writer or artist, but most of them wwre either silent anti russia at first before forgetting about it very quickly, but pro pally stuff is everywhere i can't avoid it. sometimes I wonder, maybe if it's just one or two post, or it's not that antisemitic, just misinformation propaganda for pity, maybe I can ignore it, but at the back of my mind I still wonder if they're pro hamas. it would be nice if they at least condemned oct 7, but it's always after that they post about palestine.

would it be acceptable if I just ignored the artist and enjoy the art? can you still enjoy art made by pro-pal or antisemites?

I also start to wonder if i'll still like art and fandom creators from china if it attacks taiwan where i'm from. also how the western left turned their back on ukraine and celebrated hamas terrorism on israel just makes me despair and think, would they blame us if china attacked, call us usa puppets? it once felt so ridiculous but now i can actually see it. i know he was fringe but there was some european politician that said taiwan's election results were us manipulations and the sheer fuck upness of that is just.

sorry for the long post you can ignore it, just wanted to ramble and your blog feels so cool, your humor is how I chill down from hating hamas fans and remember to not become an islamophobe or sinophobe when I know it does me no good and i can't do anything anyway but i'm to scared to post politics in my blog. if you take the time to read this, so that it won't be a complete waste of your time, please also add a donation site for jews you like that uses credit or visa instead of paypal, it probably can't be much but I will donate what I can. thank you so much for reading this

Ur so kind anon ty for sharing ur feelings with me. Personally I do consume media from ppl who think my death would solve all world problems, but thats mostly because I treat artists the same way I treat my mechanic or electrician - they make ha ha funny product or oooh pretty song product, and that is what I consume. I don't care if they say X or Y because I know they have no clue what they're talking about, so getting mad at them feels to me like getting mad at a child for saying or doing something retarded. It's not really "separating the art from the artist" but more akin to "separating the artist from all expectations of niche intelligence" lmao. I also know that if I started boycotting every idiot out there I'd be left with almost nothing to enjoy, so going "ill listen to ur song despite knowing ur an idiot" is very easy for me.

As for donations - idk of anything related to the diaspora, and donations for Israeli organization as far as I know don't have an international audience? Maybe some of my followers can recommend something. Thank you for ur ask and I hope u keep enjoying my nasty little blog, and that West TaiwanTM never attacks you ever ever (but if it will know that I will root for u and never support Xinnie the Pooh may God curse his name) <3

#israel #palestine

[lu-dao-writes]

𝙸𝚗𝚌𝚞𝚋𝚞𝚜!𝙽𝚊𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚒 𝙺𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚡 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛

𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝒮𝓎𝓃𝑜𝓅𝓈𝒾𝓈 ♡ ˊˎ- Nanami as an incubus and his relationship with you! With Gojo on the side. (Idek what this summary is😭)

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔(𝓈) / 𝒯𝒶𝑔𝓈 ♡ ˊˎ-  Incubus Nanami & Gojo, Gojo being Nanami’s wingman fr, gender neutral reader, black coded reader, Nanami being stubborn, themes of sex, mentions of Nanami touching himself, & switches of povs.

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ 𝒜/𝒩 ♡ ˊˎ- I’m a slut for this man, what can I say y’all✋🏼😔? But spooky season is upon us and I’m thinking about supernatural shit and dark themes✨ But idk what happened to the form of this? Listen, I’m at the airport waiting for my flight and I’m bored and want this out lmao🤪. I’m hoping to do a part 2 where it’s more smutty based, but smut is hard y’all😩. I appreciate all the likes on my last post btw!🙏🏼🥺💕. Minors/ ageless blogs DNI please and lemme know any mistakes or missed tags.

He’s not fond of his nature, but he has learned to live with it. I mean he has to lmao.

He’s stubborn with his feeding schedule, and his a little picky. As usual Kento is more worried about getting that bread.

Gojo gets on his head about not taking care of himself (of course in a more playful/blasé manner, but he cares his Nanamin).

Gojo also knows when he hasn’t fed because it shows in Nanami’s appearance first before it show in his attitude.

His eyes gets a bit sunken in, the dark circles get darker, his hair looks dull, then he gets more uncanny from there if prolonged (which hasn’t happened, Nanami’s not that careless)

Then comes the attitude! Nanami’s patience grows very thin and he’s a mixture of tired, weak, & hungry. His already sharp and witty quips at Gojo become more sharper and a bit meaner, but nothing that goes over the line.

He’s not down for Gojo’s games essentially. Even more so now😗.

When he meets you, you were his server at this cute little cat cafe that Gojo dragged him to (he didn’t give the man a chance to say no).

Nanami doesn’t mind cats, he’s just not looking forward to getting their fur out from his clothes.

But you were a sight for sore eyes. Every inch of you being taken in by Nanami’s shade covered eyes and that familiar hunger in his belly rose its ugly head slightly.

He had to swallow hard and remind himself to actually answer you and remember his order.

He ignores Gojo’s knowing smirk and childish little prods at his ankles, instead focusing on his beverage of choice and listening to your voice as you take Gojo’s order. Once you’re gone is when he gripes at him.

Your voice, no matter how it sounds, is soothing and appealing to his ears, and your scent…

It’s what keeps him coming back.

All the cat hair on his clothes is worth it if he gets to keep seeing you.

You can say he’s a bit addicted to ya.

Eventually he manages to get your number and he noticed how every time he came, you were always his server, not that he’s complainin.

Dates with him are fun and romantic, first going to a restaurant, then stroll in the park and getting showered in sakura blossoms, going shopping (him buying whatever you want), more meal related dates, etc. He adores seeing you happy and pampered.

But you truly haunt his nearly sleepless nights and he can’t help but touch himself to the very thought of you. But it’s never truly enough.

Then…

Nanami starts to spiral. You are a human and he is a creature of lust.

His safety and or your safety could be compromised and with that in mind, he begins to back off.

And just as things were going so well too…

Nanami didn’t ghost you, thankfully, but he disclosed that things weren’t working out and that he’s sorry for wasting your time. But he did it on text. He just didn’t want to face you, unfortunately and he regrets it to this day

But on your side, to forget your anger and sorrows, you go to a nightclub to party and slightly drink the pain away.

But unfortunately you also saw Nanami and his friend from before there as well🤪😜.

It was tough but you ignore him just like he ignored your multitude of text messages.

…

Okay maybe you didn’t completely ignore him-.

You can’t help but look at him every so often and from the few glances you got to do, he looked kinda miserable, definitely agitated, and a bit ill looking..

Nanami was very much disinterested in anyone flocking his way and he immediately would send them to Gojo’s way instead, thankfully they took the bite, finding Gojo even more attractive.

But his mood sours even more when he catches wind of you.

You look gorgeous as always, especially in your fit (it’s something he bought you) and he wanted nothing more than to go over to you and sweep you up off your feet (and other things~).

But he doesn’t. All he does is keep his watchful gaze on you, making sure you’re okay and because well… He wants you!

Anyone that comes near you with obvious intentions to woo you his jaw and fists would clench slightly. But again, he doesn’t get up from his seat.

Nanami was… Content to stay in his place. But that was until Gojo thought it’d be a funny idea to make his way to you, pushing pass his little harem.

Although you have your heart set on Nanami, you can’t deny that his friend isn’t gorgeous.

You bet those eyes of his gets him all that he wants with some trouble on the side.

You didn’t move away when his arm came around you, and you let him guide you to a more less crowded area, soon swaying with you as 2 On by Tinashe and SchoolBoy Q booms in the background.

If you hadn’t been pursued by Nanami you definitely would’ve let yourself be caught up with Mr. Troublemaker.

“Heyy~! So, I know you were caught up with Nanamin and all that, but if you’re free…” He puts his lips near your ear, hands sliding towards your hips and gripping them slightly. “I’d love to get to know you better~.”

Your throat bob and just as you’re about to sink into temptation-.

“That’s quite enough, Satoru.”

“Kento…,” you breathed out.

- Gojo didn’t even put up a fight, just took his hands off you with a knowing smile and let Nanami take you away from him.

- Nanami was pissed. Fuming.

- He didn’t appreciate Gojo approaching you like that. The nerve of him!

- His grip is a little tight on you, but you’re okay with it. Until you remember that you’re supposed to be mad at him.

“Now, hold on a second! Who the hell do you think you are?? I was about to get some good dick and you ruined it!” you spat.

Nanami scoffs lightly, letting your hand go. “Oh, please, you can do so much better,” he replies, defeat coating his words.

“Oh god, are you gonna be corny and say that you’re better? ‘Cause clearly you weren’t.”

Despite the hurt, he knew you had a point. He failed as a partner.

“As much as I want to, I know that I failed in that regard. I’m sorry, (y/n).”

You hate how much of a kicked puppy he looks. You sigh. “Ken… What even happened? I think I deserve to know the truth.”

Nanami swallows and as much as he wants to tell you the truth, he can’t. Too much is at risk.

“It’s because he’s an incubus, Sweetheart~.”

“Huh!?” “Satoru!?”

Both of you were flabbergasted and Nanami was three seconds away from throttling Gojo.

“Nanami, I’m tired of watching you brood and nearly kill yourself because of your fears,” Gojo explains, his playfulness gone with the wind.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve just possibly done??”

Gojo goes back to looking carefree. “Call it a gut feeling~! Now why don’t you two get outta here? Oh! And use protection~!”

Nanami fumbles through his thoughts on what to say, feeling as though he’s going to either short circuit or burst from rage. But in the end he sighs a contained breath, pinching the bridge of his nose, slightly cursing Gojo under his breath, but also feeling a tickle of guilt. He was being selfish with not taking care of himself..

He comes back to his senses when he feels you touch his arm.

“Alright… Is this true or are we really actin like clowns at the circus? If so I’ll need some more alcohol.”

“It’s true, as cliche as that sounds. I didn’t want to tell you in fear that you could maybe get in danger or I could be.”

“… Holy shit. Well I’m glad it’s nothing ridiculous or painful! But hey! I can live one of my child/teenhood fantasies by being in a relationship with a supernatural person!”

Nanami blinks at you for a good second, face perplexed before it eventually softens and he starts laughing lightly with disbelief, taking your hand into his.

When you squeeze his back eagerly he knows he has to thank Gojo for his part in all this.

#𝐉𝐉𝐊✩ ̇ ┈•ﾟ #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #nanami kento #gojo satoru #black coded reader #gender neutral reader #jjk x black reader #jjk x gender neutral reader #jjk x male reader #jjk x reader #I’m so tired y’all #black reader #nanami x reader #nanami kento x reader #nanami kento x black reader #nanami kento x you

[nukaberries]

Ahh im so happy to find a blog that writes new vegas! I got into it recently and its so fun! Sometimes i get tired of hearing the radio especially if im travelling way too much, so i just start singing any song that pops into my head or talk to the companions like they're real pfft

im also way too cheery for my own good lmao, game devs knew what they were doing when there was no push button for running, you know how many times i ran into mines and kept running 🧍🏽

I kinda wanna know how the companions would react to that? A Courier who practically bounces as they walk and if its not the radio or them talking to fill the silence, its them singing as they shoot radscorpions !! Couriers not half bad at singing either! They mostly sing quietly while walking the mojave for obvious reasons but on a night they feel especially safe, they'll be singing so well people will wonder why they're not making holotapes for mr new vegas to play (esp if they say the radio gets annoying at times)im sorry this is long im just excited to see a new vegas writer that hasnt left their blog 🤧

I'm SO late to this one, I'm so sorry! But I'm so glad you're enjoying New Vegas! It's tied with Red Dead Redemption 2 as one of my favourite video games! And I'm exactly the same when I play New Vegas, the radio's never off and I have no spatial awareness. I hope this was worth the wait!! (Sorry again lmao)

//

Companions React to a Loud/Chatty Courier (Includes: Arcade, Boone, Cass, Lily, Raul and Veronica)

Arcade Gannon Admittedly, he's a little intimidated at first. He agrees to go with the Courier since there's no point in him sticking around Freeside where he's not helping anyone. He just doesn't realise he's taken up with the most obnoxious person in the West. He's not annoyed by any means, in fact, the singing is actually quite a nice change from the radio. The constant talking is a little overwhelming for him at first though, as someone whose trying his best to keep his past with the Enclave a secret. He knows the Courier means no harm, and he feels a little guilty having to shut down their questions about him, knowing that they only mean well. They do bring out a different side to him he didn't know he had and he sometimes finds himself humming along to either the radio or Six's singing.

Craig Boone At first, he's annoyed by the Courier, but it's not like he has anything better to do. They're his best chance at wiping out the Legion, even if their incessant talking and singing is a little too much for him. He doesn't have a problem with them, but he prefers silence to having to begrudgingly answer someone who talks at a million miles per hour. The only time he'll really voice his complaints is when he actually needs them to be quiet, such as if they're trying to stealthily take out enemies, thankfully the Courier seems to know when to turn off their radio and stop singing. Eventually, the constant chatter and the singing - that he'll never admit is actually enough to rival the radio songs - become background noise he learns to appreciate. He'll never join in with the Courier's singing, but he tries his best to answer their questions and respond to their comments.

Rose of Sharon Cassidy Cass is another one who can't stand the Courier's chatter and singing at first, however, she's more than willing to voice this. A few times, she actually hid the Courier's Pip-Boy while they slept, unfortunately for Cass, they'd already memorised all the lyrics to Johnny Guitar and sung that on repeat for most of the day. It was starting to reach the point where Cass was certain they were doing it on purpose. The singing she hated, but the talking? She didn't mind the talking. In fact, Cass actually looked forward to the talking, she often struggled to make friends, considering her problems with whiskey, so it was nice to just make conversation sometimes. Sure, she'd still keep trying to put an end to the singing, no matter how good it was, but the talking Cass could live with.

Lily Bowen The first time Lily started travelling with the Courier, she was thrilled. Everyone in Jacobstown took life a little too seriously and being with the Courier was a refreshing change for her. Unlike most of the other companions, Lily actually loves the singing and the talking. She'll even suggest that the Courier tries their hand at singing on the Strip, the Tops and the Atomic Wrangler are always looking for new acts after all. Lily will even try and sing along with them, before realising her voice doesn't exactly compliment or rival the Courier's, but so long as they encourage to join in, she always will. The talking is just as lovely for her, it's nice to know that the Courier still cares about their grandma, even if they are growing up so fast.

Raul Tejada Never in all his years of being alive has he met someone like the Courier. It was one thing that they managed to deal with Tabitha, but the fact that they did it with Radio New Vegas playing on full blast from their Pip-Boy? Raul wasn't sure whether to be impressed or absolutely terrified. He leans more towards the latter once he starts travelling with them, struggling to keep up with the Courier constantly asking him questions about where he's from and what his life was like before the war and how he turned ghoul. Like Arcade, Raul finds it overwhelming and eventually asks politely if the Courier can calm down a little with all the questions, thankful when they actually oblige. He learns to love the Courier in spite of their loud habits, even being happy to fix their Pip-Boy when it stops letting them connect to the radio stations. It's against his better judgement, but they seem grateful for it.

Veronica Santangelo She immediately bonds with the Courier over their love for Radio New Vegas. Veronica wishes she had her own Pip-Boy so she could listen to the radio in her own free time, since lugging a radio around the Mojave Desert doesn't seem like the best idea. She absolutely loves the Courier's singing too, insisting that they don't forget her once they make it big in some bar in New Reno. She also tries her best to be the Courier's backup singer when wandering the wasteland, however, she accidentally stumbles up on a lot of her lyrics and trying to pronounce "Agua Fria" at the start of Big Iron quickly becomes the bane of her existence. Veronica also loves to gossip with the Courier, about her love life - and the Courier's if they're willing to disclose it - and all her least favourite things about her commanding officers in the Brotherhood. Whenever she travels with Six, Veronica manages to get a lot of off her chest

#fallout #fallout new vegas #fallout companions #fallout x reader #fallout imagines #fallout headcanons #courier six #arcade gannon #craig boone #rose of sharon cassidy #lily bowen #raul tejada #veronica santangelo

[sugar-omi]

okay, so i've been doing some thinking. i've been scrolling through your blog and i stepped upon these "cheating on cove with Baxter and the other way around" scenarios. (i'm sorry, i wasn't able to read them, my heart couldn't take it ;-;) but!

what if mc was like, in a normal relationship with Baxter. you know, a couple, maybe married later and stuff, while of course still being besties with Cove. later mc and Baxter have a kid together, maybe still a small baby but! plot twist! Baxter gets into an accident or something and dies. (i'm sorry, he's my favourite man but i had to kill him for that scenario:'))

mc is completely devastated and also a little panicked, because what about the baby? and then Cove stepps in, deciding to help his best friend take care of the little one and basically becomes its father. i recently watched a video of a dog "helping" a cat take care of her kittens, and there you have it.

this one may be boring, so feel free to ignore, but i can't stop thinking about it.

ITS OK<333 I figured some ppl didn't read it bc angst n pain</3 trust me I skip over angst all the time

(I even have the tag blocked😬 sorry angst writers but I will read it and not be the same for months, I read a kiribaku angst fic years ago, and was devesated for 4 months afterwards LMAO)

okay i... I cannot expand too much on this bc OUCH

(eta now that I've finished. who am I fooling? I rlly said that like I haven't wrote a whole novel 💀 anyway <3 this clearly made me pop off more than I thought I would bc I read this at first n was devastated!!! I had no words!!!! well clearly I found them LOL)

ALSO BORING??? ANON PLEASE.. BORING WHERE<///3

n im gonna fix the format later but for now here is the bare minimum. I'm going to bed rn so nini everyone enjoy a bit of angst I promise its fluffy as well<333

tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

p/n = parental name, since I wanted to leave flexibility for all the readers here <3

but anyway yeah cove would so step up for you

will follow you to the end of the earth and do whatever you need to help you work through this and to adapt to this sudden and unfortunate change

if/when your relationship starts becoming something romantic, cove would absolutely put the brakes on everything and you'd go so slow...

I imagine he'd probably move in with you or you with him, and he'd stay somewhere else (if you're living in his house he will leave anyway, he's a gentleman like that fr) so that way you can figure out if it's not just bc he's doing all these things n you're mistaking admiration for love

you'd spend the first year going super slow, as if you've never known each other before

which technically you haven't, since you've never dated before. but cove would go so far as to find out your favorite color, song, animal, food.. all over again, even though he has it memorized and knows your likes better than his own.

once cove is sure you're ready for this (after much talk between the two of you and even with your therapist that yes you've made enough progress and are emotionally ready for this) does he finally put a label on it

now if you get married...

I imagine cove won't propose at all

like I think you'd have to talk n almost beg him...

in that case he would do a small but grande gesture to propose. or he'd propose to you before you've even left the bed for the day... no inbetween

but like 8 times outta 10, you're gonna have to propose to him

he'd cry and hug you n say yes of course.

and unless you want to keep this outta your wedding, I think cove would include baxter in your wedding.

first, ofc you'd have the picture to honor his memory

but I think he'd even go so far as to have smth in his vows. but to start, he'd say smth like:

"I know the reason we became closer was unfortunate, but I'm so happy to be able to call you and [Child] my family. and I hope I can be a good father and husband"

and "baxter will always have a place in our hearts. even though he and I didn't get along at first (watery chuckle)... I'm glad he got to love you, and I hope he trusts me to love and cherish you the same way as well.."

also if you don't want to give up your wedding ring from baxter, I think cove would even go so far as to suggest combining it with his.

!!! omg I was gonna say your and baxter's wedding bands would be black, but I have another idea

okay now, for YOUR bands, I imagine they're either black or silver and yk those infinity(?) bands? that has the 2 types of metal or whatever

that's what cove would suggest doing. and if you are worried abt people asking why your bands are different, he'd get the same twisted band but silver with say a black diamond or smth. just smth to make it look like it's intentionally different colors but same design or smth

(im overthinking a bit but it's an idea right?! I'm not crazy??<////3)

or if you don't wanna do that, I imagine you can just slip it on a necklace or leave it as is, whatever you want. he wouldn't mind even if you kept wearing it, cove would never ask you to get rid of baxter's image or memory in any way, not unless it was a real problem and your attachment to him/his things was unhealthy anyway.

now for baxter's band... well if you didn't bury it with him, I imagine you'd give it to your child

another thing I think you could do w your wedding band as well, and give them both your bands to do whatever they want with. or if they don't want it of course you're not forcing them to keep it

even though they didn't get to know baxter, the way you and cove still cherish baxter's memory does help them feel something of a connection.

I also imagine baxter would take lots of photo n video w the kid, even though they're young n just a babe, theres so many videos of baxter looking n acting so loving w them

and even a couple where he's teary-eyed n all "imma do you right by you. I love you so much.."

of course, if the kid doesn't feel that connected to baxter since they were too young to know or rmbr anything, and they don't feel anything much other than sympathy and the occasional sting when they see how much baxter loved them, you don't force it.

you both know that baxter was basically a stranger to them and even though they still respect baxter and he has a place in their heart, they don't feel like they're lacking anything.

"I don't really know what to say.. or how to feel... I see how much [P/N] misses you sometimes, and we have pictures of you, and they talk about you and stuff...

but I don't feel like im missing a dad. I hope that doesn't hurt your feelings, I wish I knew you too. sometimes I wish you were still here, so I got to know you as well, even though I'm still happy to have dad cove for my dad.

I just wanna know what you were like. I wanna experience what you were like. I... I wanna miss you like everyone else misses you too...

anyway, just know that dad is great! he takes care of me and [P/N] really well! he makes breakfast in bed, and he does/used to do this thing where he lifts me in the air before bed! he's so cool. I see how he makes [P/N] happy as well, so don't worry. although, [P/N] said you always thought cove was reliable and a good guy so maybe you aren't worrying anyway.

well... that's it I guess. i hope ill get to know you one day, and maybe you can tell me you're glad to see dad took good care of us. goodbye,

baxter."

pa."

cove happily listens to anything they have to say on how they feel abt baxter btw. he accepts any of their feelings, be it that they don't feel anything at all, sympathy for others, or they feel sad abt losing him.

if they do say smth like how even though it's unfortunate and they feel bad for everyone who mourns baxter (for example/especially you), they see cove as their dad and don't feel like they're missing anything and they're happy to have cove for their dad.

ofc he cries n hugs them n tells them he loves em and he's happy n he comforts them if needed of course

I also think cove is very scared abt being a father

especially in this way... even if the kiddo doesn't remember anything, or it's hazy at best, he worries about replacing baxter.

he'd probably worry abt not living up to baxter

baxter was always much more mature, at least it seemed that way most times. cove just worries about if he has the backbone and the ability to parent the child well and be someone they can look up to and/or appreciate for being a good father

cries if they call him dad btw

if they do it before you start dating, I imagine it's one of the catalyst that cause you to talk abt your feelings for each other. or if it's in the early stage..

cove prbly freezes and runs away to the other room n freaks out, definitely cries. if you don't talk to him like right after he calls his dad n cries n shares his worries n fear

either way, when you do talk he's biting his nails n trying not to pace around the room and he's like "if you wanna distance yourselves so that they don't call me dad any more I totally understand, I mean idk it's prbly weird for you-"

n he just rambles. like none of it makes sense n u have to physically shut him up. kiss him, yell, throw a pillow, hit him w the child's stuffed animal, throw a single lego brick at his back and watch him fall to the floor like he just got a nuke thrown at him

if it's later on n theres nothing to worry abt bc youve talked abt this or saw it coming or its just the otherwise most natural step, he cries of course

but he doesn't fall apart from being his in the back w a single fucking Lego as if it hurt 🙄🙄🙄🙄 (I hate this man he's DRAMATIC)

well... actually no he does

hit him, kiss him, hug him, run him over w a hotel wheels truck.... he just cries harder

adopts them like immediately basically

I imagine you do it soon, like maybe before the wedding just so that way you can have a private moment (just to save him some embarrassment from ugly crying in front of your families. in fact he just might faint fr)

n you + the kiddo surprise him w adoption papers (depending on how old the babe is at this point, they have like no idea what's going on but they know that cove is now officially recognized by the whole world (even by the unicorns n wizards n warlocks) as their daddy))

imagine laying in bed w cove n the kid in between you two

and when you wake up, cove is alrdy awake and was watching you two. he was petting the kids wild hair and he had pulled the two of you in and kept you under his arm..

and the sunlight is coming in, the day is just perfect. n the look on cove's face is full of so much love but also a bit somber this time

(cove feels awkward being here like this sometimes. during times like this you have to remind him it's okay, and you pull him back in. of course he does the same for you on those days.)

"I love you two. so much..." he whispers, tears sticking to his lashes

the kid flips over, curling into cove and they stop their sleepy mumbling now that they're tucked into cove's chest, feeling warm, happy, and safe.

you whisper equally as tender. "we were meant to be like this too."

also!! smth I just thought of...

imagine the kid looks mostly/very much like baxter. they act very much like cove's kid

like you would think cove n baxter had a kid together LOL

(if the resemblance is too much, they ask if you're the step parent </3 pls Ik it may not make sm sense but I just think it'd be so fuckin funny)

#olba #our life: beginnings & always #cove holden #cove holden x reader #baxter ward #baxter ward x reader #angst #baxter ward angst #cove holden angst #angst with a happy ending

[bg3-bitching]

I've had a bpd favorite person type attachment to Astarion for months now (like genuinely delusional and obsessed with him not in a quirky way but in a mental illness way) and I'm being 100% serious I think you broke my curse. He IS just a white man. I don't have to defend him online he just kinda sucks. I'm free

LMAO??? Haven't even had this blog for a month and I don't think I'll ever achieve anything higher than this.

That sounds hard to deal with, and I'm sorry something like that can happen with BPD. It sucks when enjoyment of something has the potential to become stress inducing instead. I'd imagine that makes liking anything kinda stress inducing.

I'm glad this blog seemed to help though. I'm not wanting people to stop liking Astarion, I'm just asking them to consider there might be some bias to it. No nonsense posts got me to recognize my own biases, and I was able to confront those in my own time. This blog has many purposes, but if what's on here can get people to do the same then hell yeah.

Thank you for sending this, I really appreciate it. I hope any characters you grow to like in the future only come with fun!

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #astarion critical #astarion discourse #bg3 fandom critical #fandom critical #astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion thoughts