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#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing
strwbrymlkshake · 1 year
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Why can't I be satisfied with everything? It needs to be perfect to me and I can't accept anything otherwise :(
#mine#oh boy here we go. guy last post was about has been pretty cool and i got flustered around him a few times#but i feel bad bc. i need m o r e he isnt insane enough he isnt making me go absolutely crazy i want to be satisfied but im NOT im sorry#like its quite honestly the most attention acceptance etc ive gotten but its not ENOUGH he doesnt die whenever i send a selfie#im never satisfied WHY i have unrealistic expectations !!!! i hate my brain killing and violence and death etc#i get crushes on guys who want nothing to do with me but then when one actually wants me its not enough? what is wrong with me#thrill of the chase? i cant accept being loved? what is it brain. christ almighty. im not doing anything like deliberately yandere related#anymore im just being generally incomprehensibly mentally ill 🙄 still trying to find a therapist but idk how on earth ill explain that#ill update this post tomorrow with more insanity but for now i am the sleepy tired#// ok its now 3 days later i dont feel like making another post. i think i was just having a mental illness moment as always#because he does make me insane. hashtag girl. im trying to be the smartest and calculated i have ever been with a relationship in my life#like im thinkin about it so hard bro. the future n shit. how would this relationship go. im so scared ill do something wrong its preventing#me from doing things RIGHT. im sad becaude i flipped out today over even imagining him being upset with me a little#so i was really embarrassed and it put me in a weird mood for the rest of the night but he reassured me he doesnt hate me or want me to die#every one aaalways says theyre different. i can only hope this one is telling the truth. i dont know what ill do if he isnt.#well i need to stop whining about fictional scenarios and focus on the good stuff in reality. i get along with him very well and he#is very niceys to me :3 he doesnt think im fucking insane or stupid for overreacting. i feel very comfortable gossiping and talking w him#every long time blog viewer of mine reading this like ah shit here we go again#but thats what im here for. i guess. just have to keep doing this shit until something good finally happens to me romantically hngh#i feel so strange because i have wanted and yearned for a relationship but now that i actually could have one im like WAIT#I DIDNT THINK ID GET THIS FAR 💀💀💀 bruh. and he doesnt even think im stupid hes respectful to me he checks in on me all the time#like perhaps the only person to ever actually almost match my energy in a romantic sense. there was [redacted] i guess but he didnt love me#he listens to me talk about my problems he doesnt think i complain or overreact too much. all the ridiculous cringe shit i do#he doesnt mind it. its nice to be able to be myself. and im really proud of myself for not rushing into a relationship right away
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privitivium · 3 months
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thinkin about some kind of yan doctor or nurse. nurse would be a afab cutesy dude in that stereotypical "sexy" nurse outfit and amab doctor would look similar to herbert west from re-animator with the hair and glasses. strong jaw and shit.... ahem. goes off the rails, kinda all over the place as these are only ideas. Ahemhrm. some of it doesnt make sense im SORRY.
creep nurse/doctor x clueless, subtop reader
cw + for future references;; manipulation??,,; treating you like an idiot-ish, noncon touching, polite doctor is a freak, cutesy nurse is gross,, drugging ( receiving )
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clueless idiot moron you, walks in for a mere checkup. you feel me? just a simple checkup!!! few days after your birthday... waiting in waiting room, nonchalantly staring at the wall and zoning out and making shapes with the swirly-design on the walls when ur name is called by the nurse, a cutesy frail lookin guy, interest is caught by nurse;; gets all blushy and shit, closing in on himself and rubbing his thighs together before leading you to the back to get ur weight and height with you trying to make small talk with no reply.. getting a little upset because you think the nurse is being moody but not engaging any further with a huff..,,
takin you to one of the backrooms. dude poking you with a stick and rubbing that damn popsicle stick all on your tongue - making you choke??? bro turns away toward the cabinets; back facing you, immediately sucking it off. ahem. takin a stethoscope and rubbin it all over ur chest under yr shirt n shit... the normal-ish routine of a normal-ish checkup - doing everything the doctor will do when he arrives.. and then he does! nurse off to the bathroom, masturbating with the fuckin tongue depressor he made you gag with in one of the very clean bathrooms,, doctor coming in, looking over ur charts and ranting to you about some random shit about his day, happily listening as the doctor was a bit more chatty than the cutesy lil nurse..
"yeah, it was pretty busy today... this nurse has been getting on my nerves, i've been thinking about asking to have him transferred.." , asking how your day was as he checks your throat out with a tongue depressor like the nurse did,,, "so how was ur day, hun?" while having a popsicle stick down ur throat... dick bulging as he runs a stethoscope over your chest, cold nitrile gloved hands brushing over your nipples briefly,,, telling you to take deep breaths before moving toward your back - briefly wandering over ur muscles before listening to your lungs - a shiver crawling up his spine,, "you're doin real good for me, champ..." ahem. champ..? doctor says you're all good, patting your shoulder with a bright, gleeful smileㅡbut you should totally come back in a few days, as i'm prescribing you some medicine!
what?? medicine?? looking at him all questioning and saying, "really? whats this for." while shaking the orange bottle.. so quickly he prepared this? jeez.. he waves you off, "for ur immune system - vitamins, don't be silly." you didnt come in here to be prescribed some... what the hell is this - you cant even read this shit. uh...
really? come back again so soon?? yeah, sure alright.. doctors orders and all that.. you shrug it off, take the dosage he prescribed you when home and gettin rock fucking hard and having to repeatedly jerk off just for ur erection to start softening.. layin in ur filth, overstimulated and ultimately tired.. doctors orders and all that, saying that you had to take one a day.. ugh.. doctors orders suck amiright. you did get some sort of reaction like that when taking sleeping medicine but not to the extent of getting an actual erection. hmrmm... not suspicious at all :3
"no, no, you gotta stay more, trust. something is totally wrong with you... have you been taking ur vitamins i prescribed??" you have no family or friends to tell you that no, that place is a fucking wreck with doctors with literally no actual qualifications. LOL
going back the week after for another checkup as the doctor called it, being tired as he trails his nitrile gloved hands over your throat and chest.. asking how the vitamins are treating you and you tell him straight up, "they give me boners that last a while even after i nut.. that normal?" while scratching the back of your head... "yeaah! that happens in the very beginning, but don't worry, that'll go away..." is in awe, lowkey, as he touches the hands that you stroked ur dick with. Ahem. doctor tells you to come back next week ... and you do, nurse guiding you again, and you tell him its good to see him.. which he eagerly says the same, nurse is pretty chatty with you.. happily making conversation about ur shirt and saying he totally likes that band or whatever!!
going over your "charts" and says he needs a sample of your spit / urine?? for the doctor to test becuz its totally regulation, totally unaware that he totally had that he added the sample to his growing shrine in the basement that only had a few tissues and the popsicle stick with a grainy picture of you he took over the cameras in the hall... a copied tape of the feed containing you and all that... freak. so weirded out when they tell you to put on one of the hospital gowns and follow them to the larger area that turns into an actual hospital rather than office..,,,
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dantelionwishes · 3 years
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I WANNA HEAR D'S THOUGHTS ON JEN'S QUESTION Spill the beans! You've even got me curious now!
“Do you think Rose is a good person?”
I’ll answer not just Jen’s question, but generally thoughts surrounding D and Rose’s relationship!! It’s gonna be long because I think about this a WHOOOOOOLE lot, and I seriously mean a whole lot,,, so read ahead!
btw, if you think Rose is a bad person and D hates him, that’s where you’re mistaken! IT’S MY STORY MY HEADCANONS SO IF U DONT WANNA READ THIS THEN DONT BRO HJASGJHASHJ
PRE-ETERNATUS, CHALLENGER ARC
Ive mentioned before, but D and the chairman had a fairly good relationship!!
In-game, rose is very interested in the player and talks to you a lot, so honestly not much changes here
D, in his challenger phase, is forcibly very loud and flamboyant. being overly animated and confident, he’s able to keep up with rose who likes to chat and banter with him 
When d talks to people, he KNOWS he’s being over-the-top, which is why he feels very awkward doing it (when people point it out, it makes it painfully awkward and embarrassing for them. Point in case: bede and Marnie!)
Rose finds him a very interesting trainer and observes D a lot. Its not hard to notice how hard he’s trying, but rose doesn’t point this out and genuinely moves along with what D’s vibes are as to not make him feel any more humiliated 
D is aware that Rose is playing along with his act, and thanks to this it really builds up trust like!! Oh the chairman isn’t making fun of me and genuinely finds me interesting and strong!!!! the chairman!! What a morale boost!!!!!! 
Again, its genuinely (funny and) awkward when D is being his over-the-top animated self, and its easy to point this out (which most people do, from his rivals to other trainers, to even gym leaders) but the only people who dont actively point it out AND act along would be his mom, hop, Leon, and rose! 
in addition, D has a pretty high-pitched voice so its easy to tell he’s trans?? He was worried he was going to be misgendered by such an all-important person like the chairman, but was surprised when rose immediately was just comfortable with calling him a “young man”
Another cute trivia thing during this stage was that they both are wearing shades for their “incognito mode” and D even gives the chairman some fashion tips for the next time he goes out!
It actually pisses off bede with how much rose and d talk;;;;;;  def one of the reasons why d and bede fight hhhh
The part of the plot where they head to rose tower, D was actually very against it in the beginning, saying that he could actually just try and call up the chairman if he wanted to! He tries and tries, but then starts to panic once he does in fact realise that something isnt right 
Even after storming thru rose tower and defeating oleana, d eVEN TRIES TO INVITE ROSE TO THEIR DINNER (MY BOY IS THINKIN: A DINNER WITH HIS FAV PPL!! HOP, LEON, AND ROSE!! the only one missing would be his mom) ……….but r-rose dismisses it with a smile, saying maybe next time…………..
D is a meek, insecure person who is easily broken down, so he really needs a lot of support to keep moving sO JUST IMAGINE this baby boy who puts trust in someone suddenly goes batshit and you have to defeat them with ur own hands????? Wowza. 
POST-ETERNATUS, NEWLY APPOINTED CHAMPION
OH BOY EVERYONE KNOWS HOW THIS FUCKIN GOES IF THEY REMEMBER MY FIRST POSTS JHASGJHHJAS
Ive already shown this via an illustration + a short Drabble, but its only after the eternatus battle that their father-son relationship is revealed
The game really doesnt show how serious the eternatus battle was, but for me: Leon was hospitalised for quite some time and wasn’t allowed to battle D until he healed up. At the same time, this gave D a lot of time to think about wHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED
I dont mention it, but this is where his gym leader au starts off from the canon timeline!! At this point, D is calling his mom or talking to hop or just locking himself up and is just generally in a panicked state where he feels like dropping out of the challenge, feeling overwhelmed with what just happened
ANYWAY IM HERE TO TALK ABT ROSE AND D but lets just say his Pokemon convince him to continue!!   
at the same time of his win, gossip went around quick and not only is D now very popular for suddenly defeating the unbeatable champion Leon, but is actually the “villainous” chairman rose’s son!??!?!?!??!! 
POOR SON BOY IS OVERWHELMED ONCE MORE, HELP HIM.
He actually escapes to the isle of armour + crown tundra as a way to give him time to think about this more (isle of armour: personal time for himself to think alone, crown tundra: chance to spend time with relatives he didn’t know he had) 
OK GENUINE RELATIONSHIP ANALYZATION TIME:
After becoming champion, he really didnt go see rose at all, feeling a plenty mix of frustration, sadness, anger, betrayal, but!! his feelings dont simply surround the “oh the adult I trusted was actually bad and lied to me“ or “wtf hes the dad who wasn’t there for me and is the reason why mom is alone how dare he” IT REALLY WAS A MIX OF BOTH HGHHGHH
But its BECAUSE he was close to him in the first place that he knows rose wasn’t just….straight up a bad person or a villain
The important part here was that rose and D were close during the challenger part, and our lad had a lot of time to think about how he was simply a good, misguided man
rose is very passionate about the things he cares about, to the point of doing anything and everything for them (ex. Awakening eternatus for Galar’s sake to the point of accidentally getting darkest day, or even working hard for Miriam’s sake to the point of accidentally never being there for her anymore) 
Yeah, d talked to a whole lot of people to think this over. He learned what happened between rose and his mom while talking to her, and D also learned what happened between peony and rose to further understand what’s up!!
In the process, I like to think both Miriam and peony dont hate rose! D was also an important factor in helping the both of them realise and clear up a few things, and at least, in their minds, stay on good terms with rose 
During both DLC arcs, D is silent at first but slowly n surely starts sending small letters to Rose :’))
YAY ACTUAL INTERACTION????
After a lot of thought on his self-journey, its safe to say that D had felt a lot more comfortable, finally talking to rose after the galarian star tournament arc !!
Ive mentioned before, but its not like D has to start from scratch since they had a good relationship as challenger and chairman beforehand anyway
D wants a dad! He does want to meet his dad, and at the same time rose regrets not making time for his lover and future family, so I’d say after pushing away the initial negative awkwardness they do both have the same, genuine goal in mind to talk to each other and build a good relationship with each other!!!!!!
Ive also said before but like ONE OF D’S FEARS IS…..”WHAT IF I MEET MY DAD AND HES TRANSPHOBIC” YKNO???? So knowing that rose already thinks hes already perfect in his eyes, IT REALLY DOES WONDERS TO A YOUNG BOY YKN O ?? ? ? ? ?? 
Uhhhhh honestly I really dont know how jail works and shit sO LETS JUST SAY D VISITS REGULARLY IF HES NOT BUSY WITH CHAMPION DUTIES!!!
Also I have nO idea what oleana means by “WHERE IS CHAIRMAN ROSE” cos like….iSNT HE JUST VIBIN IN JAIL??????? Lets just say he is sdghjjhsdhj
TL;DR
D had a lot, and I mean A LOT, of time to think about Rose. He does not have any ill intentions or feelings towards him, and the two have a hopeful, slowly budding father-and-son relationship. 
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