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pseudonymfox · 5 years

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A Widow and the Outlaw

Bucky Barnes x Reader (Cowboy AU)

Summary: All alone in the woods Bucky finds a griefing widow and decides to save her life. Both of them showing each other there worlds...

Warnings: mentions of killing/violence/death, fluff, guns?

A/N: Enjoy! I really like it :) Yes I had to take this picture hehe

Up in the hills was supposedly live a rich couple all alone in a cabin, sleeping on their piles of cash he heard from a fella. And if it’s one thing Bucky and his outlaw gang needed than it was money so he prepared everything for a long ride with food and munition to get over the next few days that it would take.

The tip he got about them was better be something good otherwise it would be nothing but waste to ride this far into the mountains. Through different terrains and weather changes he rode about three day until he could see his destination in further distance. He wanted to take one quick look before going in to make sure he wasn’t going to walk into something he couldn’t handle. He didn’t have much of a plan, it was just a quick in and out.

As he got closer he could make out small whimpers and cries from a woman that was sitting on ground, a grave in front of her. She looked like she’s been through a lot, her hair disheveled, the clothes she wore dirty and wet from the rain. Must been sitting there for a few hours he thought and got off of his horse, closer to her.

“All we needed was each other..that’s what you always told me” she mumbled under her breath.

“Uhh..- You alright there Lady?” he asked her carefully trying not to startle her.

“Who are you?” She asked surprised and stood up, taking a few steps away from him.

“Sorry..I don’t mean no harm” he replied, holding his hand up in surrender to assure her that Bucky wasn’t one of the crazy ones out here. People around here could be cruel and disgusting, he couldn’t say he was a good man but he kept his sympathy around most people. Not always thinking to kill or steal from people.

“Well it doesn’t make a difference anymore if I get killed from an outlaw, from wild animals or simply from starvation” she sighed quietly, picking up flowers and placing them gently on top of the grave.

“-We came out of the city in search of something different...something where we could be free..something true” she added as Bucky decided to stay silent for a moment.

“-We were a pair of fools” she chuckled softly.

“Is there a train station or somewhere else I could bring you to?”Bucky asked hoping to help the lost lady.

“No I..he wouldn’t want this...I am gonna do this for you Elijah” she stood now up again and starting to walk away, something about her seemed to catch his interest.

“I am gonna leave you to it then” he replied and wanted to walk back but felt like he couldn’t leave like this. Somehow he felt guilty for something he wanted to do to them even tho he never did.

“-Is there anything left for you to get over the days?” he spoke up again and she turned around again.

“Nothing. We didn’t have an idea about hunting. Couldn’t even catch a darn mouse, just found some poisenes berry’s” she told him grinning sadly.

“Well you won’t last much longer if ya don’t know how to hunt...Come on I’ll show you” he suggested her. Bucky wouldn’t be able to forgive himself if he would leave like this. It would be her death, he didn’t want more undeserved deaths that laid heavy on him which followed him every day, plaguing his mind.

“Alright but you better not try any funny business. I may be weak but I know how to stand up for myself” she said proudly and followed him down the path.

“I don’t doubt that” Bucky laughed leading the way.

“You ever skinned an animal before? or learned how to read tracks?” he asked quietly as the got further between trees, trying not to scare the animals away.

“No but as I told you I haven’t catched much before” she told him, her voice low as well.

”You gotta learn how to if you want to survive out here” he let her know, the city wasn’t really far away but still.

“I am aware of that. Where are we heading? Do I need to look for something?” the women stopped by his side kneeling into the ground, gazing through the wood.

“We try it a bit more down, near the river. Look for movement and listen closely” he explained her and she nodded following along again.

“What happened to your husband? If you don’t mind me asking” he asked carefully choosing his words thinking that she must be still grieving about the loss.

“A bear got him. Came out of nowhere. It was horrifying to watch, he survived only a for a couple days after that...Buried him two weeks ago” she told him looking to the ground.

“I’m sorry” he let her know.

“That was more his dream then mine.” she said, Bucky slowly stopping and going more carefully.

“You seeing something?” he asked and looked at her taking the bow and an arrow ready.

“No just lots a trees and the river. Stuff like that” she sighed out looking around more crunching her eyebrows together, concentrating to see something.

“Alright. Close your eyes for a second” he told her really softly.

“How is that supposed to help?” she mumbled back but did it anyway. Maybe he is robbing her now or knocking her out she thought and stepped a bit back, after all they just met and she was pretty sure that he is an outlaw and that mostly never meant something good.

“Just do it, concentrate on sounds. Tell me what you hear?” he whispered and saw the smirk on her lips growing.

“You talking. That’s what I hear.” he breathed out a chuckle.

“Open your eyes again and look again” he instructed so she did and looked around until her eyes widened and she pinched his arm and pointed towards. “There is a rabbit” she whispered smiling from ear to ear.

“See you concentrated on the forest instead of thinking and looking to hard for something specific.” he said and pointed the arrow at the rabbit, breathed another time in and out deeply before letting the arrow go and hitting the rabbit letting it fall over dead.

“Impressive” he heard her mumbling, probably to herself and catching her watching him closely, like she was taking notes in her head about this for later. They both got closer to the now dead rabbit and he pulled it by it legs up taking the arrow out again before holding it towards her.

“You got a knife?” he asked her as she took the rabbit by both legs like Bucky did.

“No not right now. Should I get it?” she raised her brows, the cabin wasn’t far but it was better she learned it without one first.

“No just try to skin it like this. Hold it tightly by his legs, grab his fur and just pull downwards really strong..it will come right off” he explained and nodded doing what he said, she pulled and pulled til the skin came right off, easier as expected as she got right grip for it. “I did it!!” she laughed out proudly showing the rabbit up to him.

“Yeah see. Not that hard” Bucky rested his hands and on his hips.

“Ok I think that was enough for one day I think I should get back now” she bit her lip from grinning so proudly. With the rabbit slung over her shoulder they made their way back up the path.

“Thank you for showing me that. I wouldn’t make it if you wouldn’t showed up” she said after a few moments of silence, looking at him as he nodded.

“No need to thank me. The rabbit should at least last a few days before you have to catch another one”

“Well now I know how to” she winked at him letting him blush faintly. Bucky tried to hide it as they got up the stairs but she noticed it.

“I would invite you in but I look like a mess and in there is one too” she took a fallen out hair strand behind her ear and opened the door just a crack so she fitted through it.

“I’ll be on my way then” he tapped his hat and turned around to leave. She watched him get almost to his horse before she got a few steps out again.

“My name is (Y/N)” she called out.

“Bucky Barnes” he smiled back, getting on his horse again and riding away down towards the city.

A week has barely gone by as Bucky was riding around in this area again and thought that he could check in and see that how you were doing already. In further distance he heard gunshots sounding through the forest so he made his horse running a bit faster just in case something was going south at your cabin and as he took the path up his breathing and heartbeat slowed down again as he saw you with the gun shooting or well trying to shoot some bottles you stood up.

Concentrating on the bottle you wanted to hit you pressed the trigger again but missed once again, the gunshot letting you flinch a bit. Not one of the damn bottles broke or even came in the slightest distance of the bullets. If it would go like this longer you had to go to visit the gunsmith again for new muntion. Sighing out frustrated you let the gun drop, wanting to give up as you heard a horse coming closer. You immediately turned around and held up the your rifle to the visitor. Bucky was surprised but didn’t even flinch, he was used to be getting pointed at with all kinds of weapons.

“Bucky! Good lord I could’ve shot you” you rolled your eyes and took the gun down.

“But you didn’t” he chuckled and watched you turn back around to the bottles just pointing at them. “You wanna learn how to shoot?” he asked and you looked back.

“How are you always around when I need help sir?” she raised her eyebrows at him and all he could do was shrug and walk to her side.

“I was around and heard shootin’ so here I am..wanted to check in anyways” he confessed, having (Y/N) on his mind now for the past couple of days. She looked better now, more relaxed, cleaner with new clothes and all. Like a new person. “I guess I could use a little help..again.” you sighed out, clearly not happy about it. You usually didn’t like to get help all the time but out here you needed it, it was still all so different than to your life before.

“Nothing to be ashamed of..It’s simple.” he said and came up to her side standing closely to her side, she could already feel his hot breath against her skin as she tried to concentrate on his instructions and on the bottles.

“Make sure you stand right so you don’t pulled back to much, hold you arm a bit up and lean the end against your shoulder then just point out, concentrate, take a deep breath and pull always the trigger after you breathed out” he explained showing her and as he stepped away again she pulled the trigger but missed letting her breath out frustrated. “I’ll never understand that.” she said.

“Here I’ll show you and then you try again. You can learn, not that hard. I promise” he took one of his rifles from his horse.

“You have experience from years of being an outlaw”She said shaking her head and as he did it it all looked so easy as he did it and fast, he didn’t miss.

“Try again” he said as he turned back to her so she did even if it was the last time before she would get to frustrated with this or lock any more people to her.

Pointing the gun, doing what she was told and then pulled the trigger as the bottle exploded into shreds. She hit one.

“I did it..Who would have thought?” she laughed out and he applauded her as she bowed like she knew a lady would do.

“-You know I actually cleaned up a bit and was just making dinner...You want to join?” she asked and laid the gun away.

“Sure. Would be my pleasure.” he grinned and followed her into the house. It was pretty simple just from the outside but had just her touch something he didn’t often when he got into cabins that are as far away as this one.

“Just take a seat. It’s almost done. It’s with Rabbit, one I catched myself” she told him stirring in it and preparing two dishes for the both of them. Handing one Bucky who digged in right away, he was a interesting men cause he clearly didn’t have manners which you liked. You thought that this was probably one of the first times he had like a dinner inside at a table like “normal” people around these days but after all he is a outlaw so you weren’t surprised the way he acted.

“I guess it tastes good?” you chuckled as he stopped himself and put the plate down trying now not to eat like a animal.

“Yeah it does great quite delicious” he wiped his mouth with his sleeve and sat up.

“I think that might be also the first time that the food I made doesn’t taste awful. Cooking was also new for me. I was raised with a silver spoon in my mouth so I practically had to learn everything for myself after we moved up here so I am even more grateful that you showed up” she told him and poured him something in a glass to drink.

“Really? Well if it’s make this easier I don’t know either how to cook” he whispered like it was a secret making her giggle, which must be the most wonderful sound he ever heard.

“Well I guess we have to learn a lot more from each other” she smiled at him from across the table.

“I guess so”

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ts-akhmim · 4 years

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Episode 13 | “STIMULUS CHECK? NO BITCH HERE'S A REALITY CHECK” - Adam

so. its over and im out of the game. i waited a couple hours to write this because i knew i would hurt some feelings if i didnt and if we learnt anything from today its that jake's feelings get hurt real easy and we wouldn't want that would we. i think the reason i have struggled (and likely still will) to get closure is because i don't think this makes sense for jake? i've had some frustrations and some suspicions with jake over the past two rounds but i had no intentions of cutting him any time soon. i am a shield he so desperately needed what is wrong with him. like even if i wanted to cut him how on earth would i have got it done? with what numbers. to use a quote from autumn in the game we played together before but adapted for this instance, "today we learned unless jake feels like the prettiest girl at the dance every minute of every day, you’re not doing enough". now to the fun stuff. i want to just tribute to adam and autumn. adam is someone i was SO sus of at the start but he is a gem. his personality is so vibrant he is a true gem. autumn hill is who i wanna dedicate this to and focus this on. autumn is one of my best allies ever and one of my favourite ORG people ever... what a complete. legend. such a role model to me in my real life, she has taught me to be confident, to back myself and to not take any shit and for that I'm so grateful. i literally am so honoured to call her my friend and i cant wait to meet her in person when she moves to the UK WOOOO. anyway i've also moved on from being 100% self negative. i fought so hard this season i played so so so hard and i fought my way to F8 despite being a threat since F21. i did the damn thing and im proud, and even tho it sucks that all my fighting was cut short by my closest ally i tried my very best and that's all i can do. thank you to the hosts for bringing me back, its been a... journey hehe

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I don’t think anyone is ready for this round or at least what’ll come of it... I’m expecting an explosion or a mess given Jakey thinks he’s staying, TJ has been lied to, and hopefully Autumn or Adam leave next... its all a mess. If Jakey goes, I’m planning a 2-2-2 split between Autumn and Adam where we maybe get Autumn out but Adam leaving doesn’t hurt either.

Well that vote blows... I really thought I had someone that I could navigate this end game with and then it got completely taken away from me. Now, I know I have to do what’s best for my game. And there’s two scenarios I see being possible: 1. Staying with my alliance and voting out Autumn/Adam and then risking that the three Beauties will actually cut someone in that group. 2. I flippy flippy and vote with Autumn (oh dear, I’m actually considering this?) and get Amir out to set myself up with Kendal and Augusto to get to the F3. Amir just told me he has the Beauty idol, so this may be my only shot to get him out of this game. I really need to consider both of these options, because I think this is the round that makes or breaks my entire game.

Having a mental breakdown over the fact that I’m probably gonna lose jakeys friendship And even tho our friendship was 100% real and I love him so much he’s gonna think it was all fake

https://66.media.tumblr.com/0d8a51f03cf584de6183ffd755b60d02/tumblr_nsvsd4arRn1rrcjuxo1_r1_400.gifv

Not a single person in this game has ever wanted to go to the end with me except for kendall Jakeys trying to take her out right now and i want to keep jakey in the game so bad but 4 people want him out so bad and the only way to save him is with my idol and i want to keep my idol and i want to keep a relationship with kendall but augusto will know that its my idol that saved jakey so my entire game will be blown the fuck up so i have to just let him go strategically, Since jakey is leaving, i wanna try and make sure adam is next because hes the strongest competitor that will be left and if i make it to five and four i need to win comps. Okay I need to actually strategize lmao so after this vote if it goes as expected I believe autumn has the idol, just based on how she was behaving Her and adam and me are afraid of tj kendall Augusto final 3, however, if that does become a final 3, I can force it out of kendall, so as long as Adam and autumn do not win immunity, we can split the vote on them, or just 3 beauties vote together strong. I’m also using autumn and Adams target on tj to make tj want them out even more, so next round, autumn and adam vs tj is a thing, and the 3 beauties can be safe as long as it doesn’t tie, and if worst comes to worst, I still have my idol, which can get me in the final 5 but I really really want to save my idol for final 5

JAKEY GETS VOTED OUT

So here’s my dilemma for the round: I basically started the Adam name with Amir. I would prefer to go with that because I don’t know if I can beat Adam at the end. The problem with this though is that I don’t want to lose Jakey if he’s so for getting rid of Kendall. So where is the middle ground here?

So I think tonight is going to be my night. I have a lot of power right now in this game oddly enough. Are people potentially going for me, yeah, but I'm going to be safe which means I probably have enough room to screw up whoever's plan I would like to. Amir wants to do a 2-2-2 split, which I can easily screw up if I get Adam and Autumn on my side (which I see possibly happening). I can more than likely convince Autumn she doesn't need to play an idol if she's the vote (maybe on that one). And I know Adam wants to make a move with me saying Augusto is trying to get the vote on me or Autumn, which shows my concern that the three Beauties are at least locked to final four (I don't think they'd all take one another, but I don't think they'll turn on one another just yet). So now, here's where I may be able to take a stand and put myself in a spot where I may have some control. I need that one move that is at the top of my resume... can this be the one? Question is: what the hell is that move?

I was really confident last night we had a good plan set up but today I dont know why in my gut i feel like im about to be voted out, i dont want to be a pessimist but im just making this so i dont feel like a *complete* fool so um yeah...... we're about to go to tribal in a matter of minutes, autumn isnt playing the idol so im gonna feel real dumb if i gave it to her and she screws me over, but i did my work, and at this point all i can do is sit and keep my fingers crossed things go my way, but trust and believe even if im voted out yall will see ONE final confessional from me dragging them left and right.

Okay back to this game, so basically, I do not trust anyone at this current moment not a single person except maybe kendall, this is the most wild vote I have ever ! I think I’m getting bamboozled literally, OKAY OKAY OKAY so Augusto tells adam that he wants to do autumn, Adam tells me and autumn that, we talk to autumn, autumn gets tj on board. From my perception, autumn and adam should be believe that us 4 are voting Augusto and leaving kendall out of it. But then tj and I already told Augusto that plan, and the real plan is to 2-2-2 them, Incase one of them plays an idol. But I have so much fear from the things that tj has been telling Augusto about his fear of my idol and me being at final 5 and 4, and also telling me he’s scared Theres no cracks in the beauty alliance, so he might actually agree to that plan with us and then 3-2-1 me by telling them everything because he literally could do that And then whoever wins immunity is going to change everything even more, because of one of them wins, the other can play the idol on themselves which is a whole ass mess in itself, and right now, it just comes down to if I trust tj and Augusto . R they telling me the truth or are they lying ? Like I’m dkdjdjnd kdndkdnd Anyway, I probs am playing my idol today cuz I don’t wanna look like booboo the fool but also we love risks, so I might just not play my idol, idk idk it depends who wins immunity and it depends on the vibe I get from tj moving foreward

So I haven't really been making confessionals... In my defense I have been busy but that doesn't mean I haven't been active... So I have a final 2 deal with everyone in the cast sans Autumn. I have a deal with TJ, I have a deal with Augusto and I have a deal with Amir. And as much as it sucks I am going to stick to Augusto and Amir. Sorry TJ you are a good bean but I don't want to lose to you.

Should I blame the whole plan on tj http://prntscr.com/ss4sie

i didnt make a confessional before the live since i wasnt sure what the HELL was gonna happen so hello coming to you LIVE from the afterlife because yall didnt THINK you could fly me off this island without one last adam rant for the season did you? for the first time in all 3 times ive played actually....feeling some type of way over being voted out, maybe it's just because of quarantine and having literally nothing better to do, but i took this game seriously and i tried my damndest. I think my fatal mistake was trying too hard (or maybe not enough?) today with certain people, i was trying to play them all and my biggest fear of them either comparing notes and catching on, or they just didnt want to hear me out, ALSO THE TWIST PLEASEEEEEE im kinda glad if i went out it was kinda just....in that big bang of a mess, i mean, a legacy advantage and an idol being played AND wasted? ugh i really had the gals and gays shook and bothered!! because at least now i can blame that to feel slightly better about myself, because trust and believe if i had even just TEN MINUTES to strategize i think i couldve convinced autumn to use our idol on me because i had a feeling in my gut it was coming especially with how silent it was, i also regret not CAUSING A DAMN SCENE. I HAD 10 MINUTES TO SAVE MYSELF AND I REALLY LET MYSELF BELIEVE I WAS IN THE CLEAR AND NOW IM CLEAR-LY OUT THE GAME. foolish man. (foolish man being ME). but whatever. at least i got to clear my name from THOSE DAMN BEAUTYS, I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA BE MY UNDOING ONE WAY OR ANOTHER SINCE DAY 7. im not entirely bitter at anyone for lying to me since i was lying just as much, but ultimately i feel like for the entire season i did the best with what i had. I could be a complete fool but even now that im out of the game i STILL stand by what i said with how i feel like i played with my back against the wall for most of the game and i felt like it was truly SO hard getting people to want to work with me especially early on and FOR WHAT REASON? but whatever, it made the game interesting to me at least because i felt like they wrote me off, so i wrote my own ending. and clearly it wasnt the ending i wanted, but im surprisingly at peace with it in a weird way even just as im typing it out, i feel like for the first time in my tumblr survivor career i didnt just sit back and do nothing, i got to get my hands a little dirty, be apart of some good plays, and according to ali i actually did have some sort of a shot at winning r i p, im a really competitive person (the downside of being an aries) so the fact that i even got to play the game and enjoy making moves, i know i tried my best and that's what matters in the end!!! Also not to toot my own horn but im VERY happy i can at least say im happy with my finishes being 3rd, 5th, 6th.. not bad for a girl with no talent! not me realizing with me getting 6th place and all these idols/advantages coming out i almost had a cirie game changers moment... ugh even more iconic. anywho AUTUMN IS THE ONLY ONE I WANT TO WIN SO SHE BETTER DO THE DAMN THING.

hey you guys, it's me adam coming to you from post tribal where i was just voted ou- what? huh?? they didnt vote me OUT??? gorl what in the 2020 is going on here because i was shocked, i mean im THRILLED, the devil works hard but i work harder (autumn too ofc she probably did more than me actually DKJSA) - BUT im a little in awe because guess what this is the FIRST time i really just had to trust the people i have been talking with and they didnt screw me over, yet at least, i know jake was just a universal threat especially after the little stunt he pulled... so now my thoughts on that, ill tell you i was ready to go into tribal and for him to try and verbally murder me on his way out, so im glad he didnt do that but im always ready to fight so i wouldve loved the drama. kinda sad we didnt get it SDJKAF but all in all, i was all for working with jake to take down that other side, but if youre gonna burn me you better prepare for the inferno im gonna fire back, and sure the others couldve just wanted jake gone for their own plans, but i think me and autumn absolutely did THAT and thats that on that. I knew TJ was going to vote for me thanks to Kendall because me and her have truly bonded over wanting to get jake out this round for throwing both of our games into chaos, and guess what, while me and kendall may not have been talking as much before, im about to get REAL buddy buddy with her she's suddenly my bestie boo because now that we're at 6? game on. I want kendall in the end with me and i need to keep convincing her that she needs me with her and ill vote with her, and i think she's interested in it unless she's playing me because she did give me that TJ tea, which love tj as a person im actually not mad, he will just need to be voted off next still if i have anything to do with it OOP. He doesn't really fit into any of my plans, plus he's officially the only person to vote for me now except for either liam or the prejury? probably the pre jury, so now i know i probably cant trust him, but getting amir out next could also be the move, it all really depends on immunity, im gonna keep up on my appearences, get my princess diana wave on and be bestie boos with as many people as i can because my strategy at this point is to just make sure everyone believes they need me around, im not a THREAT im here to HELP you, but ultimately im only looking out for my best interest like hello its the game, and autumns too for now because she still has that idol that we can play to benefit both of us, so who the hell knows what's gonna happen live tomorrow but bring it on because im ready for a battle

So now that that's done and I'm cute and immune, I can confirm it all. Yes I do have the merge idol, yes I've had it since Final 7 but planned not to play it until Final 5, and yes that makes me the most powerful person here. Deadass everyone wants my head on a stick and I don't give a single fuck. I'm chilling all weekend, letting them think they're doing something if/when I lose win immunity, and then I'm sending a man out on one vote Monday night. You think they hate me now? Wait til they find out they can't take a shot at me until Final 4 lmaaaaoo. Be blessed!

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sweetlifetownsville · 5 years

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'Disaster Management' Or 'Management Disaster'? We Have A List ... So Far

And it will be hard to argue that the whatever management disaster from the council is determined after this is all over, it started long before the rain. Suddenly Mayor Mullet has an unexpected and unwelcome election campaign issue on her hands will her inevitable spin as heroine of the hour hold up to scrutiny? At The Astonisher, has the worm turned? Jenna Cairney took an early swipe at the mayor, even before it got really bad and allows a developer to stick in the boot as well two more another reasons its called the Astonisher. And heres another are you sitting down? The Magpie gives the paper top marks for its coverage of the floods. No, seriously. Theres a very good explanation for it and therein lies a glaringly obvious and valuable lesson for editor Cairney (when shes doing her job, she editor, when not, shes iditor). and The Magpie points out how tomorrows (Monday local) American Super Bowl organisers have missed the ratings bonanza of a lifetime, which couldve doubled their already massive audience. But to start this week The Irony Award of the Decade. To head up this weeks offering, pride of place goes to the great Bentley, who counts among his many skills a very sharp memory which recalls things that some would rather he forget.

Which swiftly brings us to the nub of things for this week. Its The Vision Thing, Stupid There are those poor agitated souls who suggest the The Magpie writes with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight. To which the obvious reply is that of course he does, because he doesnt make the decisions that affect us as a community, and merely comments on those decisions that have been made by others. While being wise after the event is always irritating (The Magpies mission) what this town REALLY needs is a big dose of decision-makers being wise BEFORE the event. This weeks excessive dampness and the public doubts that have appeared over the councils disaster management ability brings up a case in point. There will most certainly be a post-monsoon post-mortem into the disaster management decision-making process and crucially the timing of opening the Ross Dam flood gates; when a legal authority like a council deliberately floods ratepayers homes and businesses, there sure as hell MUST be a post mortem as legal eagles start circling. For the greater good doesnt always cut in matters of compensation. Then there have been confidence-sapping instances like this, too, after flooding had started.

That, and many comments to this blog about timing and pre-organisation of sandbags some places plenty of sand but no bags, others, plenty of both but no shovels, and a dearth of relatively inexpensive mechanical bagging machinery have been sent in. And there is a dire warning for all property owners even when the waters recede any insurance premiums are likely to be through the roof, if they can be obtained at all more on that in a moment. And the responsibility for this situation must lie somewhere. It has all led one frustrated leading businessman who wishes to remain anonymous for prudent reasons considering the current vindictive regime in Walker Street to post the following to The Nest: Jenna Cairney who I believe moved out of her unit on the Strand to a house at Railway Estate affected by the flood wrote on the Bulletins Facebook updates 31/1/19 that the Bulletin forecasts on rain have been running since 6 am on the 30th, yet the disaster centre didnt start updating until more than seven hours later1.36 pm . Jenna claimed the $8.5 mil disaster centre was left flat footed with residents having to reach out to the Astonisher for advice.

Jenna concludes with We are constantly told to be prepared for major weather events . The local Disaster Co-ordination Centre also needs to heed the advice. Our angry commenter continues: Jenna isnt the only person commenting negatively on the new $8.5 mil centre. I have just received a text to mobile and recorded messages to both my home and business landlines but it seems too late. My daughter in Hermit Park woke to over a foot of water Friday 1st at 7 am, today its up to her shoulders and her car totally submerged! Conjecture will continue but my concerns are: -did former TCC CEO Adele Young cut back on preventative maintenance, and, with over a third of T.C.Cs staff made redundant, did they lose invaluable experience to leave us more susceptible to flooding, and other natural disasters and -if they knew the rain would continue, did they have the technology to predict they should have opened the flood gates earlier. If not, why not? I think there is going to an absolute bun fight with insurance companies wanting hydrologists reports and my concerns is more Townsville residents will be left with an inability to get contents/ house insurance. While to some it may seem churlish to be looking at this questions and failings before the danger is not yet over, it is legitimate for them to be considered in the light that there are yet many more decisions to be made including the alarming but necessary fore-warning that much further rain could threaten 20,000 homes

thats one quarter of all dwellings in this city. The performance so far on the ground and water has been the usual efficient, industrious and courageous efforts by selfless men and women fire, police, defence forces and just ordinary citizens helping where they can as we always do but some of the decisions from the Disaster Center HQ so far do not inspire confidence that we are in safe competent hands. The timing and extent of opening the dam gates is sure to be the subject of future debate. A Touch Of Timely Humour Highlights The Magpies Point

And An Urgent Clarification Needed From Premier Palaszczuk Surely there cant be a deliberate bit of political game-playing by the premier at a time like this. She has declared Townsville a disaster zone but apparently not a natural disaster. The difference is crucial to Townsville businesses, already suffering a severe economic down turn, who will be up for an extra crippling financial liability if we are just a disaster zone.

The premier needs to step up now and ease the minds of some businesses that may be teetering on the edge. The mayor should immediately ask for a clarification, and if necessary, a switch to a natural disaster for what else could it be when a Sydney Harbour of water is dumped on the city is such a catastrophically short time. This option is the fairest to all. But The Astonisher Has Well Astonished Given the on-the-run nature of reporting our unfolding disaster, The Magpie gives a emphatic up-tick to Jenna Cairney and her crew of substantially inexperienced journos for wide and consistent coverage. Certainly theres been blips but, far fewer than one could have expected. And why might that be, you ask? Simple because this is real, rolling hard news, on-going, mixing constant reporting with solid information (well as solid as reporters are told). No time or need for padding, opinion or bias, of which there has been precious little. Apart from Ms. Cairneys presient hand-slap at the Disaster Center, things have been happening too swiftly. And generally, given the circumstances, all platforms have performed well. Little things like pics of kids playing in floodwaters can be tut-tutted over later. From his own professional experience, The Pie predicts a traumatic event like this can be the foundation of many a solid journalistic career, and some of the tyros, and even those who think themselves already seasoned, will gain insights into real reporting to be the better for it Ms Cairney, The Pie knows how much you, like our mayor, appreciate the The Magpies wise counsel, so if you can guide your troops on this new path of professionalism, you will go a long way to restoring some of this once proud papers tattered reputation. Alas, the downside is that there will shortly be many a job application winging south with a CV justifiably boasting I covered the Townsville flood disaster of 2019. Who Says Mayor Mullet Is The Cause Of Townsville Economic Woes? Well, highly successful developer Peter Tapiolas, that who, for one.

In a bruisingly frank interview with Tony Raggatt, Mr Tapiolas showed hes as mad as hell and not going to take it any more especially not from politicians. He didnt miss many of em, either.QUOTE: Townsville recorded 573 approvals about 1.4 per cent of the share of major Queensland centres and second-last to Rockhampton, which had 369.The figures are alarming. We have never seen it as low as last year, Mr Tapiolas, a director of the Parkside Group, said. (Townsville Mayor Jenny Hill) should be screaming from the rooftops on Adani but she cant because shes scared of (Premier) Annastacia Palaszczuk, and the three local (Labor State MPs) wont support Adani. Mr Tapiolas said home building had ground to a halt because people lacked confidence about their current and future job prospects. When that happens people just bunker down and hang on, Mr Tapiolas said. UNQUOTE Crikey, Pete, want to guest edit The Magpie sometime no one will be able to tell the difference. But the story held other surprises, like Townsville state MP Scott Stewarts frank admission of being a self-interested Labor toady.

And even our old favourite Mayor Mullet was in danger of fence sitting bum splinters.

Reports? Madam, if you had the courage of your supposed convictions, you should be clambering up to the rooftops as Mr Tapiolas suggests, on this one too, since you no doubt read this in a story in which you yourself were quoted. Director of the National Threatened Species Recovery Hub Brendan Wintle has been engaged to lead the review, and is able to appoint up to six people on a panel to examine Adanis plan.Mr Wintle last year participated in a climate strike and has authored several articles critical of governments using biodiversity offsets to allow development. (TB Jan 22 2019) Even the Emerald Isle aint that green, sweetie. What is disturbing, though, petal, is when you come out with cowardly political twaddle like this. Other Stuff The Pie has thought about this SMH headline all night, and can only see visions of Soylent Green.

What they gunna do, pop the babies back in until a spot becomes available? Or employ alcoholic surgeons who dont try to hard on oldies (oh, sorry, the hearts over THAT side oops.) And then this that mightily confused this Aussie:

Ummm nice tan, Singo. Its Super Bowl Sunday, (Monday In Oz) And What A Missed Opportunity Americas annual play a bit, chat a bit, smack a few bums a bit extravaganza known as the Super Bowl, between someone or other and somebody else, is now famous for many other things beside football. There are the eye-watering numbers of global viewers 103 million last year resulting the equally eye-watering $5.2million that advertisers are happy to pony up for a 30 second commercial. And the half-time entertainment is now almost of more interest that the game, famous for fails and malfunctions, most notoriously the latter one of what is prissily referred to as a wardrobe malfunction (Justin Timberlake groped Janet Jacksons boobs which made them play wall-eyed peek-a-boo with the goggling audience, resulting in more computer slow motion replays and gummed up keyboards than any exploit on the footy field.) But the organisers have missed an ideal opportunity this year to create an all time viewing record, if only they had chosen the half time entertainment with a little vision. Bob Eckstein of the New Yorker illustrates a massive missed opportunity.

Which is a neat way to get into this weeks round-up from Trumpistan.

And this comment and tweet by The Magpie during the week brought all manner of mania out of the woodwork. Cold comfort perhaps, but just to remind you that whats happening here isnt by any means Gods biggest joke on humanity.

She is of course right if we accept that God invented ebola, cancer, earthquakes, tsunamis and Clive Palmer. Finally, here';s an ad from London that will get the thin-lipped humorless gals balling their fists and clenching their buttocks in rage.

.. Its been a this soggy, soggy week, folks, stay safe and dry if you can. Let fly in the comments if something is bugging you, its your space to vent, laugh or decry. And as always, a donation to help defray blog expenses is always welcome, the how to donate button is below. http://www.townsvillemagpie.com.au/disaster-management-or-management-disaster-we-have-a-list-so-far/

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morganbelarus · 7 years

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How Much Carrie Bradshaw, Jenna Rink & Other Rom Com Characters Would Pay In Rent IRL

Since weve practically been able to walk, weve been tricked into some serious romance fuckery that modern-day love stories always pan out like the end of a Disney movieas if Prince Charming would actually search every apartment up and down all of Brooklyn for the woman who perfectly fits into the shoe she left on a date. Umm Pretty sure the chances of me seeing my left Aldo pump or my dignity after last weekends walk of shame are slim to good-fucking-luck. But thats not whats important here.

What Im actually here to tell you is that, , nothing is what it seems when it comes to romantic films. Hate to break it to you, but not every eligible bachelorette in the tri-state area also owns a spacious duplex with an interior design replica of Z Gallerie. Like, Im still waiting on a rom com where Katherine Heigl lives on a strict diet of Top Ramen and Frosted Flakes in a dumpster studio after going broke from being forced to purchase 27 fugly bridesmaid dresses not even Sears would stand to carry. But thanks to my diligent Google research, Im now well aware that my poor career choice has forced me to become financially dependent on a rich male these bitches would prob be living in hole if not for this thing called skewed perception, or rent control for that matter. So here are the actual prices of their humble abodes IRL, and its literally just as un-shocking as it is annoying.

Carrie Bradshaws Apartment,

If you seriously thought that Carrie Bradshaw actually lived comfortably (and by comfortably, I mean living on an every day diet of brunch at the Plaza and weekly Chanel shopping binges) on a columnists salary, youre out of your batshit mind. Her one-bedroom apartment on the Upper East Side cost her a whopping $700 a month (good one, rent control), but in reality, the place would go for about $3,000. Actually, in REAL reality, the building is located in West Village, and is actually a 4,100-square-foot house with four stories, 10 rooms and six fireplaces. In 2012, it sold for $9.85 million aka Mr. Bigs slutty pocket change.

Carrie And Bigs Apartment,

Speaking of the devil, idk what the fuck Mr. Big even did for a living, but clearly money was all Carrie was after considering hes an actual piece of shit (#TeamAidan). Literally the only reason she stayed with him was because she forgot her Manolos, and also that closet, but like, I get it. Their apartment was located on Fifth Avenue across from Central Park, but the interior was actually shot in a four-story walk-up on 62nd Street, costing $190,000 a month to rent, or $40$50 million to buy. K fine, I guess this was worth settling for.

Beth And Neils Loft,

Such a typical fuckboy Ben Affleck move (or just what I feel is something Ben would do) to have all the benefits of a marriage without the actual marriage itself, including the beautiful brick Baltimore loft on Federal Hill. Bless Jens heart for playing a character she actually had to live out in real life, but like, at least they were only paying $2,280 a month for a 2-bedroom. Steal.

Noahs Waterfront House,

Noahs fairytale fixer-upper was actually built in 1772 as a 4-bedroom waterfront property on Wadmalaw Island in South Carolina. Its current monthly rental price goes for a whopping $12,000again, that's PER MONTHwhich translates to about $695 a month back in 1940. Fat chance Noahs carpentry salary could afford that, so idk maybe they offered him a sick 2-for-1 discount on wood panels. But tbh, that man couldve built me a dumpster behind the house and Id still be naked on his wrap-around balcony in record time.

Jenna Rinks Apartment,

Jennas epic glow-up and Regina George complex led her to become a big-time bitch magazine editor, so being able to afford an apartment on Fifth Avenue is semi-believable. On average, a one-bedroom in the building where she first stumbled out in lingerie goes for about $4,000 a month, or $1.3 million for purchase. Unfortunately, she traded her hot pro-hockey player boyfriend and his thingy for her formerly fat friend, so none for Jenna Rink bye.

Marisas Apartment,

I dont care what you say, is the most underrated J.Lo film of all time, and this is not up for debate. Mostly because we got a real glimpse of actual "Jenny from the Block", as seen by her 2-bedroom Bronx apartment on E. 175th Street, which would cost $1,300 a month today #gentrification. But also because if J.Lo can marry rich, then so can I. Speaking of hot wealthy men, the hotel suite rented by Christopher Marshall at the make-believe Beresford Hotel was actually filmed at the Roosevelt Hotel and the boujee Waldorf-Astoria Hotel, which would go for $12K a month. Tell me love dont cost a thing now. Ill wait.

Sams Houseboat,

This giant houseboat shacking it on Lake Union in Seattle is the reason I have trust issues. If I was never forced to sit through the already mystifying plot of this movie, Id think this thing was straight out of some lakeside horror film. The houseboat has four bedrooms, two bathrooms, and a lakeside dock and was last sold for $2 million in 2014, so its a nice setup. Still, something about taking a woman you literally dont know back to a floating house on a dark lake just screams R.I.P.

Vivians Apartment,

Im not sure how a hooker cant afford a little nicer of a place, but Vivs rates were apparently not cut out for big city income. Her apartment in LAs Las Palmas hotel went for a whopping $185 a month, although average room prices per night are now $300. This was yet another classic case of damsel in distress saved by fuckboy and his wallet, seeing as Edwards 2-bed, 3-bath penthouse suite at the Regent Beverly Wilshire Hotel went for $38,500 per week. No wonder Im so fucked up.

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How Much Carrie Bradshaw, Jenna Rink & Other Rom Com Characters Would Pay In Rent IRL was originally posted by 16 MP Just news

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travelinghermit · 7 years

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July 2 - Hector Tejada

Today the beginning of Phase 2 officially began coincidentally on July 2. All the necessary preparations were completed in advance making sure I was absolutley ready to head back onto the road. Got my bike washed, stocked up on granola bars, fruit, and yogurt, got a rain cover for my backpack that actually fits, got my clothes laundered and pack completely organised. Everything was perfectly in line this morning so I could have a seamless stress free morning to begin a new. But we all know nothing just goes perfectly as planned. As I brought all my gear down to the lobby of the hotel then pushed my bike around to face the doorway so I could pack it all up and drive on out I heard a squeaking on my front tire. Yup, it was a flat. What a disaster I thought. When I drove out to the car wash 2 days ago it was perfectly fine now I could barely make it up a hill. Did I mention I was also bit by a dog two minutes after leaving the hotel trying to find a gas station. The bite didnt penetrate the skin so no worry for rabies but godam what a start this morning. Once I found a gas station I was pleading all it needed was some air but nope it was a bonafide flat as all the air was vomiting out of the rubber immediately. I was beyond annoyed, I was angry, but what was there to do? Add on top that it was Sunday and only a fraction of the mechanics would be open. This all made for an interesting morning. So after a bit of roaming with nobody knowing a single moto mechanic, I thought the best move was just keep going in my original direction to Arequipa very slowly and eventually ill find something. Quite honestly I thought I wouldnt find anything till Monday but thankfully I did find a little corner tire shop that saved me big time. It was the inner tire pump that had the flat not the tire itself thankfully. I paid 20 Soles for the new tire liner pump thing and 10 Soles for labour. They couldve asked for double and I wouldnt have batted an eye. I was just so happy and thankful I got it fixed. I left the hotel at just before 9am and I got it fixed by 1030am. Thinking back on it now the experience was quite painless but the incident did pack quite the punch of initial shock and that bite didnt help one bit. Finally I was back in action with two well pumped tires racing through the mountainous landacape. Here I realize is where I feel most at ease especially once im out of the city. Along the way I suddenly found myself in a high up flat valley with strutting rocky mountains in the distance. Here the long grass took on a strange lime green tint, im not sure if that was just from the sun or what but I havent seen anything like it. Thank the Road Gods the terrain wasnt very challenging today. As I was looking at my map this morning I was genuinely nervous seeing I was to zig back to the West side of Peru. Flashbacks of my 5 day excursion across some of the most rugged terrain and weather conditions of the journey thus far going from Lima to Cusco really shooked me. All in all I rode 233k today about halfway to Arequipa which is stupendous. Making much better time than I imagined so hopefully ill get in tomorrow.

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abstergx · 7 years

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okay so i had a weird dream today. so i was at some park thing that had a lot of just grass and was pretty hilly. i specifically remember this one hill. it was a sunny day as well. okay tbh the park kinda reminded me of cemetery since there were some trees scattered around but not a lot and how much grass there was and there was either a thin paved/gravel road the kinda looked like an S that cut through the grass in the dip on the left side of the hill i was on. this is if you’re facing the tree from the front? so it was like S slope tree hill. btw the hill had this pretty big tree on the left side right by where it begins to slope down. okay anyway. so i dont remember if i was there by myself or with other people but i think i went with a couple of people? wow great recount. fk it, this dream was like 12+ hours ago. anyway... so while i was at the park, i was on the hill by a tree and then a gang comes along on the road thing some or all on motorbikes? idk. i think there was a black car - sedan or limo? too. then i decide to leave and everyone starts to move away too. there were only a few people there. maybe 10 max? idk. but then for some reason we couldnt and they rounded us up on that hill and the leader guy told us they were recruiting people. but like it was more like they were recruiting all of us because they didnt seem to tell us we didnt have to join. then we had to gather/line up because the leader guy had a test that everyone had to do. so then he was explaining how to do it. so there was a line of pool noodle like things that were pretty short but varied in height like i i I i I I I i i I. so there were like some noodle things of the same height next to each other. these were all like stuck to the ground or something because they were standing up on their own. then he got the first person in line and made him do a ‘bridge’ stance which kinda looks like a h in a way that the top part is your head and the ends are your arms and legs. then the guy started showing it and so he had to move sideways and allow the noodle to pass under the space between the legs and hands. so the first couple were the short ones that were around like 3/4 of the height of the space from the ground to his back. btw this is all still on the hill. so anyway, he passed those then the next one was higher and as he passed it like bent to fit under his back. i kind of figured that the noodle not passing under your back without bending was like marks lost. btw im pretty sure the guy said earlier or i just assumed that the test was to determine your rank in the gang. anyway, so then i have no idea what happened until i remember being in the back of a car/mini limo (because it seemed like there was more room between the seats? now that i think about it, it couldve been the car/limo that i think came with the gang. anyway. Zacky was sitting next to me on the left and this chick was sitting next to him. so in the car i was on the right side of the back seat and she was on the left side by the other window and he was in the middle. and he was talking to her about something but im pretty sure he was part of the gang somehow. then i remember going to either hold his hand or put my hand on his arm but i ended up holding his arm. but like then he started holding my arm too so we were holding each others arms in like the ‘bro’ type of way. btw this is with my right arm and his left arm. so his hand was wrapped around my arm from the top a bit to the side and then he started doing that soothing thing where he kinda just moves his thumb back and forth. it felt like he was assuring me not to worry or something but i feel like im just reading into it. but then idk how but i get a note that was on like a blank business card. i was still sitting in the car btw but somehow im holding the card in my right hand. maybe some gang member passed it to me through the car window? so i read it and in black handwriting it said something along the lines of ‘sorry for your jaw being dislocated. dont worry we dont punch you on your birthday. but if you snitch we’ll beat you up’ or was it we’ll kill you. dont really remember. the dislocated jaw part, im pretty sure i made it an excuse for something regarding the recruitment test or tests. okay i think it was an excuse for my bad performance? or a way to not join. and oh and i remember i purposely tried to do bad on the test so they’d think i was so bad that they wouldnt recruit me. but i was still recruited but i was in one of the lower ranks/positions. and the dont worry we dont punch on your birthday part i think was to reassure me that the gang wasnt that harsh/brutal as i thought they were? idk. it was weird. but then the last sentence was like wtf. but yeah that was all i remembered, but im pretty sure i woke up straight after anyway. weird dream but of course he had to be in it. lovely.

6389

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t33th1ng · 7 years

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soulmate 2:16-3:16 - march 2016

theres something hidden into this city that i love deeply and i have to find it again.

i saw it once , years ago , as a child . i lay on my back in a narrow dark street. my vision is blurred i dont know how or why im here . i crook my head back farther, farther...... and the clouds part open , or a screen is shifted , and one skinny fall of sunlight comes down to shine on this fern thats growing outward from a damp wall by a door. i blink and my vision clears , i blink again , then three times, then someone grabs my and pulls me upright and takes me away. for three blinks im on my back as a child , in a crooked alley, the cement under me is uneven, grimy, wet. my head is tilted back and the muscles in my neck ache from it and i see the fern sitting in that moment of light . then i leave . im in love

oh i am obsessed with it , i need to find it . i dont know how. my memories are broken across my life , i dont ..... know .. i dont know where anything is. i scratch at my head like some dumb animal bored to death on a chain. i click my teeth ......

i spend my years memorising the fern in the light , knowing i have to find it again . but when , but how ...

one night i try to leave to find it , but i am caught , and returned , and i cant find it that way . i must bide my time . i guess . i think ive waited long , so long . so i know i can do it ive spent this much time waiting i can spend a little more and i dont want to ! but i can , i certainly can.

memory ... memory .... where does my memory sleep? where is it in my head ? i know that i must know how to return, because i have been there once before . there must be some remnant left from that trip, some rind, some little toenail clipping of memory to show me how to go back . i try to plot this pilgrimage but its so so hard. i cannot imagine, i cannot fathom ...

i need to though . i must . i love it dearly, i love it with my full self and i have to see it again .

i go on a small walk early in the morning. the air is gray . im not trying to find the fern by the door today, i just need a walk , for my legs and my mind. i walk hard, smacking the bottoms of my shoes onto the pavement so the earth knows im here. i go by businesses and houses and two parks, i pass a courthouse and a museum. i walk all the way down to the wharf and stare into the glaring cold ocean below me .

it stares back. i see a crab, and i turn around to start my way back.

i feel the ocean lurking at my heels as i walk away. i regret coming here.

i eat a plum today . i eat it slowly and think about the fern and the door. its flesh is cold and soft.

the fern, the door, where are they , they are hiding far away from me but i know. I Know. they are in this very same city as myself. i grind the thin bitter plum skin between my molars. where could they be ........ god i must find them.

i make so many plans to go out , track them down , and they all fail. there is a component missing . something causes my failure but i dont know what it hurts my head! it hurts my physically !

a solar eclipse is approaching and i think it is important. i plan to leave on the eclipse to find my love and i wont return, never. ill never come back. the eclipse is five days away, now four ...... i watch the sky

does the sun know? is the sun plotting ? do they all know up there , all those monsters hanging up there, do they know about eclipses? no . they are also dumb animals , on a chain , just like me . we are made of star stuff after all . thats one big chain.

the sun dissapears so slowly, being gently eaten away, and i make my leave . the streets run with people viewing the eclipse. they gather at opportune places - the tops of their apartment buildings , on the beach, on a hill in a park. i slide past them, they are so thick around me . the street is fucking clotted with humans and i swim through them.

at first they seem oblivious but slowly, i realize, that theyre on to me. i dont know what it is; probably the sun being so weird. it must affect our brains somehow. but they can sense my presence and sense my drive. they know what im up to . not every single one, i dont think....but enough that it worries me.

their many presences stick to my brain. i try to shake them.. i cant shake them. god theres so many , this city is overrun ...... ill ignore them though , ill ignore them until they make their move. if i act like i dont know what theyre doing then they will let me through for longer .. i have to pretend , for my sake , if they realize they Will tear me apart.

the eclipse is over and people are returning slowly to their duties . even with the sun back to normal though some of them are still following me ... not physically (yet) but mentally. theyre keeping tabs on my brain... i travel on anyways pretending not to know. i think i am getting closer ....

it is getting darker, darker ... i know i am approaching . im manic , im full of feverish blood and im close , so close, closer than ive ever been. i feel presences behind me , theyre on me like a pack of goddamn hounds , theyre closing in around me but they havent caught me yet.

i push past people and i dont care at this point , they all already know what im up to no reason to keep secrets anymore . a big broadcast has been made across the city, they all know now. so i push and claw past them, gush through their crowds like a ravenous slime full of intent . im full of purpose ..

the evening air is cool . i gulp it down. dusk is on us now , the light getting dusty , people crawling around bars now , the atmosphere is becoming heavy and grips at me . it sinks into my pores to try and pull me to a stop but i push through, its a miasma , its some kind of hellish gasses released to try and sedate me. i wont listen to it though . im not stopping until i find my love again. all the people coming out now to go to bars .. oh , it must be the alcohol. they drink , and breathe out, and the alcohol mixes into the oxygen and tugs on my with evil purposes. it is not pure of heart ......... the entire atmosphere here is trying to get everyone drunk. or , more specifically , trying to get me drunk , trying to contain me... i wont allow it. i have miles to go before i sleep.

its black now , its late , my vision blurs , my breath hurts , occasionally i find myself scrabbling like a cretin on my hands and knees , dragging myself through puddles of filth and scraping all my skin off , leaving a trail of myself behind on the asphalt. i try to stay on my feet as much as i can but my minds so clouded by this heavy atmosphere its hard to do what i want .

im deep , deep , into the city now and i rarely see people . maybe they have given up .. maybe they think that since ive gotten this far ill just kill myself , wear myself down to nothing on this pavement . sink to earth as a dribble of grime ..... it seems a pleasant option at this point . i hurt , i ache , my brain is screeching . but i wont , not yet .

i did not leave with the intent to die but i think thats whats going to happen . i will die on the roots of this fern . i cannot imagine Living again after this .. in fact i do not know that i am really alive right now . i do not think i am ... im decomposing ..... the skin trail behind me ..

gravity pulls me across the ground now . i know i am still being monitored but i cannot care , i do not care , they can have my carcass if they give so much of a shit . im oozing , rolling , sloughing , im not a sentient being barely im just matter with a purpose nailed to its core . i can no longer stand on two feet , i can barely crawl . and i dont see almost any people by this point . when i do , they are disgusted . they avoid me . i have grown into a beast that they fear mightily

i am upon it now , i am upon my love . i reach my tongue out of my face to try to taste it , it comes every closer . i haul my unraveled remains over the cold concrete , my fingers scraping thin , my belly an empty cave now . there do exist pictures of me as a child , a baby . i am shown these . 'oh, what a cute little baby you were! look at those fat cheeks...' i shake my head . no . no that does not exist anymore , that baby decayed and im the rot that is left . i was eaten and chewed apart and drooled back out whatever that baby couldve grown up to be will never exist : i killed it and took its place . im an imposter .. an imposter

i peel my face up from the ground. only one eye opens itself . i can see it now , the object of my affections , my love , my love ... the little door , the little fern beside it . i force my body to move slowly slowly , i cant manage anything better . i smell the damp mold , the rot , the neglect and the soil and the old stale air . im so so in love . im so in love . and im almost to the door

oh and im there , im at the door and i fall to earth in pain. im panting and drooling and cant feel my body , whatever is left of it . i truly am dying , almost dead . i push at the door. it doesnt open but the vibration from my action , my little attempt , shakes raindrops off of the fern and they fall on my face . they fall on the thing that used to be my face .....

the door isnt locked i dont think , but its so warped by moisture , the wood is so puffy , that its stuck . i shoved my shoulder against it , my slippery sad shoulder . god . how could this shoulder have grown from that little baby , how did i become ...

i shove again and again . shockingly there are tears left in my body and i cry. the fern bobs above me . the city moves around me . those monsters in the sky they turn above us all . the air still comes and goes from my lungs , and i can still feel the pain of my failing body . the people of this city , the forces that be , perch invisibly above me , monitoring me . they grab up my brainwaves in their hands , those vultures , those shiftless parasites , they eat up my brainwaves and gather information . i just want to be alone , somehow , let me be alone

the doors groans and pops open, just barely . i rest my face between it and the doorframe , breathe deeply. all is dark and all i have is the smell of soft wood and old air and dust and the rain and the fern lives above me. oh . i am so in love ...

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sweetlifetownsville · 5 years

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