#maybe I'm being selfish idk

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

why is everything (showing other people respect. being patient and kind. not flying off the handle about stupid things. emotional regulation and self-control. et cetera.) so easy when I'm not around my parents and so so so so hard when I AM around them?

#this is a genuine question btw I need advice bc I'm STRUGGLING. idk why everything makes me frustrated and angry #when I'm around my parents and it's SO hard to be kind and respectful to them and my sister #but so easy literally everywhere else #I hate that I'm like this I wish I could genuinely be a nice person but apparently the person #I REALLY am is the horrible selfish lazy brat I am with my parents. #even though it feels 100% easier otherwise APPARENTLY the real me is the one I revert to at home #but being nice away from home comes so naturally?? so is THAT the real me??? idk what to do I'm so frustrated right now #Lu rambles #can my mutuals please weigh in bc I feel like a terrible horrible emotionally illiterate person rn #bc of a conversation in which I fought with my mom over the fact that I have a hard time respecting my middle school aged sister #bc I don't want her (bold. confident. sometimes a little bit of a brat as well bc humanity) thinking she can walk all over me #the way she acts always makes me feel like she thinks she's better than me but maybe it's just my mindset. bc I KNOW #that my middle schooler sister IS better than me in most ways and I HATE that. how can someone #so much younger than me be better than me at basically everything she sets her mind to? #and how can I ever have confidence in myself when I know that's the case??? it's so frustrating!! #ugghdnfnsngsmkgnskfnskd I need advice and prayers. and probably to go to bed early tonight.

[krash-and-co]

👻

#I am going to say it. #I am sad the Lockwood fandom is less about having fun now and more a duty to fill. #it meant more (at least to me) when it was something we did out of love and desire to be here. #all for saving the show ig but it feels less a community now. #it's a job. save lockwood and co and message people and you can't get actual fandom stuff till that's done. #I haven't been in a fandom that was a job before. #I don't want to be here to achieve something for someone else I want to be here for me #having fun. #ik not everyone feels the same and if you don't like look away. but maybe I'm spoiled and this is selfish but I don't like having to #I miss content we made out of love #I hate the trending tag I hate posts we make to keep lockwood up there I hate the spam I hate the publicity I hate the emptiness of it all #I miss being here cuz we wanted to and not because we had to. #or maybe I said it all wrong. idk #Lockwood and Co Netflix #Lockwood and Co

[constantvariations]

As stupid as the "Kyrie would kill me right now" line is, I can't help but run with the idea that maybe Kyrie is a secretly jealous person

She lost her parents to demons and her brother to Sanctus. She runs an orphanage. In Before the Nightmare, we're told that she often feeds other people's kids and refuses to accept donations that could help other people instead.

She gives and gives and gives. So, it's only fair for her to be a little possessive of the only thing she allows herself to keep: her relationship with Nero

Obviously she trusts him to be faithful and good, yet she can't help but cling a little bit tighter to his arm when he's around others, especially women she thinks are far more beautiful than her. Can't help but double check that his eye is on her and nobody else. Can't help but try to prove she's worthier than them by continually doing good deeds and making him happy however she can

She hates this part of herself and knows it's irrational, knows it's sinful, so she hides it. And she does it so well that people would laugh at the idea of Kyrie being jealous

Nero knows, though. It may have taken him a while to figure it out, but he notices her increased touches when they're in public, her subtle emphasis on "we" and "us" and "my boyfriend", her chores being done with a certain agitation or his favorite things popping up after these outings

Even if it can be irritating at times, he accepts all of her, just like she accepted all of him

#devil may cry #idk i just really want there to be more to her than one dimensional saintly girlfriend #(maybe the book fleshes her out more. i havent finished it yet) #but i think jealousy/possessiveness makes sense considering her life #and it's not like Nero is gonna complain #i kinda wonder if she feels she has to earn the good things in her life #maybe her parents died after a big fight over chores or her being selfish (because what child isnt?) and now she's got ocd #a 'mom and dad died because i was bad so if I'm good nothing will happen to my loved ones' kinda deal #they both got issues but they work together to overcome them and they're absolutely the annoyingly in love couple everyone wants to be #these bitches be sappy! good for them #yodeling into the void

[vvanessaives]

can i ask everyone's opinion on smth? so that i can understand if i'm being a childish asshole or like just being a normal human being not wanting to do smth

basically next month there's the wedding of one of my cousins and my family was invited. my brother said he's not coming since the start while my parents will go and my mother wants specifically that i go with them. while i already don't really want to go to this wedding (bc i'm not really close to this part of the family and i don't want to spend time with one of my cousins that will be there as well bc i hate her lmao) i told my mom that i would suck it up and come IF someone stayed home with our dog. at first my brother said that he'd stay here with him but now he changed his mind so we would have to leave our dog to someone else for one day + i guess half of the next day bc we would have to move to a different city to attend the wedding.

my parents say i'm being irrational and there's nothing to worry about leaving our dog but while i know that, i just can't find the heart to leave him for smth like a wedding i don't want to go to and of a cousin i literally don't speak to since years (i don't even know the bride). my dog is nearly completely blind and is a senior dog now and i don't want to leave him for smth like this but my parents argue that next year i will be forced to leave him for a few days bc of my brother's graduation (since he studies in a different region we will have to move there) so they say it's dumb that i won't leave him now when i'll clearly do so next year but they don't get that while i'm 'forced' to attend my brother's graduation since he's, uh, my brother ofc, in this case it's smth absolutely avoidable but my mother cries out that 'she's never able to bring her kids to these family events' (italian families and their having to keep appearances..). also my dog hates the car and is always anxious when he has to travel with one which we would need to take him to the place we would have him stay and then take him back home. so i just want to know if i should stop bitching about this and go to this fucking wedding or they are the ones that are being too obsessed with forcing their adult child to come to a goddamn wedding of ppl i never see and never speak to

#rena.txt #sorry it's long but i just need to hear some input on this i feel like i'm going insane they are guilt tripping me into this wedding with #all this talk of my sad poor mom never having the chance to bring her kids to a damn wedding and my being childish bc #i'd leave our dog for my brother's graduation but not for this wedding. like my father is being so needlessly stupid about this he said #okay then when the graduation will come i'll stay home with the dog bc that's how u are acting rn. making my brother side against me #LIKE NO ONE GETS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MY BROTHER AND THE COUSIN OF THE HALF-BROTHER OF MY MOM?????? I NEVER SPEAK TO?????? #ofc i'd have to attend my brother's day. he'd hate me if i didn't go!!!!! ofc it would hurt to leave my dog but i need to for my brother #idk i'm so. sometimes i think i'm the only one able to think in this house. or i guess maybe i'm just being selfish rn???

[amorremanet]

Man, I realize demanding that someone execute their own brother is pretty fucked up, but He Xuan asking that of Shi Qingxuan still gave them more respect than Shi Qingxuan ever got from Shi Wudu [gave them the ability to make their own choice after finally being given the full story and enough context to actually have the capacity for informed consent, something that Shi Wudu spent centuries denying to Shi Qingxuan] and also, He Xuan did nothing wrong and should be allowed to do all the atrocities he wants, thank you for your time

#this bitch told me shi wudu loves his brother more than anything; i said 'bitch where' #she said 'under all his bluster and overbearing bullshit'; i said 'BITCH *WHERE*' #like………all tea all shade: shi wudu is actually the person who jiang cheng antis think they are hating #selfish? check. never listens? check. disrespects everyone's agency? check. no self-reflection on atrocities? check. learns nothing? CHECK. #i wish all jiang cheng antis a very 'please read tgcf so you can at least meet a character who actually does all the things you're saying' #literally every decision he made was fundamentally fucking selfish & he just gaslit himself into believing #that he did it—all of it—out of love for shi qingxuan #like how do you look at shi qingxuan—finally in the loop after centuries of being denied that chance—telling their gege #'no please let's pick the first option i would rather be a piteous wretch driven to madness by my own suffering than #live in a world where you died unnecessarily; we can make things right with he xuan AND both live; a miserable life is better than DEATH' #and shi wudu going 'lmao denied stop being a whiny little bitch and come chop my head off already you'll thank me for this later' #and walk away from that genuinely believing that this is a man who loves his brother. it's pretty clear to me that he does not. #love looks like a lot of different things and as far as i'm concerned this ain't one of them #also he xuan should be allowed to do all the atrocities he pleases thank u #kassie hush #mine: text #opinions for ts #wank for ts #idk? maybe? i'm being a hater so it probably counts

[hgduo]

k!Luzu 🤝 c!Quackity

projecting your trauma and awful past onto someone who reminds you of your past self and trusts you whole-heartily with the intention of helping and protecting them only for it to result in them getting hurt thanks to your actions and growing to resent you permanently damaging your friendship.

#luzu #quackity #karmaland #karmaland v #(sorry- I saw a twitter post that I thought was just hate at first but then I thought about it and.... yeah) #(like........... c!Q cared for Charlie and k!Luzu cared for k!Quackity they cared a lot......... but) #(I genuinely think... at least on some level both had good intentions.... but failed to realize they were doing something selfish ) #(believing the ends to be worth the means.....) #(like hey maybe Luzu was right and Quackity would've been exploited by the others... but he could've still had his best friend by his side) #(Luzu was blinded by his own feelings and fears and history- he saw so much of his past self in Q... but Quackity isn't him) #(and he acted without considering how much it'd hurt him... because like c!Q and Slime he felt he was being cruel to be kind) #(... or something-) #(yeah.............. idk I'm gonna be thinking about this for awhile) #(I do still think he genuinely loves him... but you can love someone and still hurt them) #(goodnight!) #(... I still love him btw k!Luzu is still a beloved!)

[conduitandconjurer]

How do I even articulate this?

Basically I continue to think Klaus is very fucked up but not in the same way that 90 percent of the fandom seems to think (or prefer) and it is the WEIRDEST experience. I'm just constantly like, "oh yeah, I guess that IS how most fans perceive this character."

Does ANYONE else (aside my long-trusted mutuals) get this?

#ooc #my sole consolation is that Rob Sheehan himself doesn't seem to think differently from me) #it's 100 percent a fellow fans thing) #and i have theories about why) #what fascinates me is that i only ever had this to this extent with one other muse) #Gabriel from SPN) #which is interesting bc Gabe and Klaus have a lot of similiarities including classic “mascot” role in an abusive family dynamic) #and being perceived as way way shallower than they really are) #they mask their pain and insecurity similarly with humor and hedonism) #and it's like everyone BUYS it) #meanwhile i'm like “but that's a trauma induced persona y'all”) #and then i realize maybe the audience identifies with that trauma and ALSO needs to mask) #so this is their comfort character that they turn into a safe self projection) #but to me the most counter intuitive part of this is that people need Klaus to be selfish and self thwarting and 'lazy' and 'cowardly' ) #Klaus is their FAVORITE and they call him 'pathetic' and seem to RELISH that he's a 'loser' and 'doomed' to relapse) #and they say 'same' and 'me too' and i realize maybe they need this) #maybe it helps them feel less awful about themselves if their comfort character indefinitely fails to recover) #idk)

[astrxealis]

okay rambles but i started creatively writing in like ... 5th grade? and. oh god just a little encouragement to anyone looking to get into writing or insecure or whatnot, but HELLS, maybe it's to he expected with my (obviously) very young age and inexperience with writing then, but my writing was really. yeah. Yeah. but then i'm what... a lot older now, obviously, and my writing has gotten leagues better. i'm probably not a good example for this bcs childhood years development stuff are different etc etc BUT practicing writing more and whatnot really does go a long way :]

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #my writing in 2020 is a lot different than my writing now even! especially so compared to my writing from 2010s #reading a lot of media is also really important :] i always read a lot of books BUT i only started to really read poetry since the pandemic #which were uh basically my early teenage years so idk if i'm a good example for this bcs childhood brain development and stuff (???) #BUT STILL ..... playing games like ffxiv and being really invested in the lore and writing + reading more poems and being fascinated with #more authors and pieces of literature + expanding my general vocabulary knowledge whatnot ... it all really goes a long way! #oh man i'm pretty proud of myself actually. i do love my writing. as imperfect (as all things are) it is. #i had a lot of Pauses with writing throughout my uhh relatively short life thus far since i'm NOT yet an adult and all aha but yeah! #so bless ffxiv again for bringing back my writing spirit... and other medias and whatever <3 #rn i have to thank bg3 for bringing back my Creative Spirit bcs i've been writing a lot more again and having/working on my creative ideas!! #okay i just wanted to ramble a bit lol ^_^ there! #idk my being a writer is very important to me. and my journey as one too. #i want to make a book one day! most feasibly would be to make a collection of short stories :] a bit similar to 'm is for magic' maybe bcs #i grew up with that lol neil gaiman i adore you <3 #i have a very special original world in my head but i am a little selfish and want to keep them all to myself... oops. or who knows! #anyway i have a lot of ideas and i adore writing and literature sooo much <3 #anyway. okay. leaving it here. #cheering on every writer author whatever out there !!! unless you're a sucky person of course yuck bigots but yeah ^^ <3 #huge writing inspo for me is uhhhhhhhh. thinking #ffxiv! does ffxiv count. esp drk quests. and shb as a whole. and then... edgar allan poe? neil gaiman? yeah? #can't remember anyone else good gods but i love vivid and imaginative storytelling and writing descriptively :] a bit of prose but also #quite simple in its eloquence (???) unsure honestly oh gods anyway BYE rambles over apollo signing off beep boop AGHHHHH (screams)

[silkjade]

it’s 3am so please enjoy my favorite painting in the world while i reflect introspectively in the tags thank u ♡

day and the dawnstar by herbert james draper

#— 𝓭𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓬𝓪𝓽𝓮𝓼 #/// #this is meant to be like elevator music for the dash while you scroll past #…………….. #i love selfshipping it's vry fun but sometimes when i think about it too much or rather when i think about any scenario at all #i'm always like i want so and so to do this and this and this but when asked what i'd do for them it's like hitting a blank ) : #and i can’t help but feel as if i’m being…. selfish…. #selfish in the sense that i can so easily accept the love i crave but i don’t know if i'd be able to give the same back? #and this bleeds into my real life becus i suppose i just don't know how to make someone feel loved like... #i’m not even half as affectionate irl as i may seem online & i don’t have a cute or particularly loving personality. #the words i say aren't warm ; ironically they make me sound disingenuous lmao no matter how much i practice my cadence #& idk why it’s so difficult for me to imagine myself doing like.. domestic things for anyone without cringing at the alien nature of it #not becus there's something wrong with that but i just can't see ME doing anything like that and i just think 'what is wrong with me' becus #it's one of the simplest and purest forms of love i think ; \ idk maybe i've just never loved anyone enough like that... #but then i feel so..bad...because the real me is so apathetic boring cold #& not to make things sound transactional but why would someone want to stay if what they invest produces lackluster results ? #like omg ! even i can tell that it's totally unfair i'd feel like a leech #even in the painting above draper the painter says: 'to faint in the light of the sun she loves / to faint in his light and to die' #iz so me yearning 'n then dying from yearning becus i don't know how to express it #like when mitski said '胸がはち切れそうで' 'my chest is about to burst' i felt that #anyways i suppose this was good to get out before chinese new year lolz #i hope u did not make it this far honestly anyways i m going to rb a bunch of random stuff to hide this

[wild-at-mind]

Whenever I meet people who are part of building and maintaining anarchist collectives or activist camps (rare around here but I do occassionally), I'm always trying to ask them a kind of poorly formed question I always have in my head. It's something about what do you do about people who are really offputting and awful, because that's how I see myself.

#i guess i'm very aware my ocd makes me very difficult to live with #and that's ok! Because i can afford to live alone! #but i think a lot of anarchist ideas work on the principle of being together and sharing everything #and i wonder if in an anarchist utopia living situations like mine would be considered acceptable or if it would be selfish resource hoardi #i don't know #also i'm never as concerned with my Secret Bad Thoughts as when i'm around people with very strong principles #i used to be a lot worse but now i mainly avoid people who trigger this feeling in me #maybe i'm a horrible uncaring person for that idk #this is why i started trying to assume good faith in everyone because it's how i'd want to be treated

[getreadytosmash]

Sometimes there's just lids on things u don't wanna open

#the queen of smash (mun) #idk its dumb and stupid but ever since i've been playing more visual dating sims #i just get these days where i feel like....nothing???? #like. not a girl just a body this compile of personhood #and like idk maybe its cause visual sims lets you have so much cleaner interaction with selfhood and gender #compared to irl where i live in a country where HRT is smth thats difficult to comeby so overall ALL of it feels messy #demigirl works out fine enough for me but idk i just. somedays i feel LESS like a girl and more. nothing #i dont fully like it because it just feels like im faking it?? jumping on a bandwagon??? #almost half of the friends i've made or have on tumblr pretty much went down a pipeline of afab to they/them to he/him or he/they #with more masc learning and terms #and idk if i'd go THAT far??? I don't mind being called he/him but it's not my full go to i don't think??? #but idk it feels. selfish. like im pretending. idk if i like the idea of being they/them ALL the time i like she/her enough #im just. (huffsssss) my parents have always been open that they expected me to become a dyke lesbian or trans because i was a big tomboy #so maybe a part of me feels like i'm playing into these expectations and i feel so sick at the idea. even tho ANYthing of my pronouns. #would stay online #idk idk i guess after being always she/her i'm...vaguely curious to see how i feel with they/them but again. pretender stuff. #maybe i don't feel it properly like everyone else does #im just this sack of flesh filled with nothing good but what others have #i don't FEEL enby enough to be one #but idk if demigirl fully suits me AS much now #oughhhhhhhhhhhhh

[captainofthetidesbreath]

.

#Seeing a weirdass take about Chetney not being a team player in a way reminiscent of like classic toxic d&d bros is so weird #It does acknowledge that Travis himself is a generous player but Chetney is selfish and not working with the team #And it's so weird to me because a) Chetney isn't any less cooperative than any other member of the team #(he's actually MORE cooperative than Nott and Caleb were for a very long time) #And b) I feel like it ignores Chetney is actually rather responsive and aware of the others and is eager to work with them when required #Refusing to tell the others he had the money but pays for most of their shit #and going off to scout or capitalize on opportunity but communicating poorly about it #and going off on his own to run dicey personal errands he doesn't want the others entangled in #those aren't like at all similar to things that are selfish or similar to classic toxic d&d table behaviors #So I'm very ????? about the take Chetney isn't a team player in ways reminiscent of specific d&d toxicity (even as Travis remains generous) #Chetney is cagey and defensive but he almost DESPERATELY wants to be part of the group as much as he is wary of them #It's honestly insane imo and overlooks the entire context of Chet and willfully ignores when he is generous; thoughtful; and cooperative #Like Chetney isn't hiding the money for himself because he spends a lot of it for the party. He goes off on his own for the party's uses. #He hasn't done anything multiple other characters haven't done so ??? #Why is this take trying to act like Chetney is more selfish or self-centered or toxic or less of a team player than anyone else #Idk idk I might revisit this in more whisper tags when I'm not typing on mobile from bed and discussed this with The Board (friends in DMs) #Critical Role things #CR spoilers #also maybe I think that characters are allowed to be selfish

[snoopyisbisexual]

NGL my only friend at college is a rly bad friend and also has some unbearable flaws that I can't even address w her. but she is funny sometimes + I have nobody else

#she is a poli sci major who's obviously been told her whole life that she's smarter than everyone else around her #but she's a poli sci major + has literally defended public christmas only lights with ''ppl of other religions celebrate christmas'' #she is literally a very ignorant white person but bc she's a hair less ignorant than everyone else where she's from #she thinks she's exempt despite saying mad classist + weird ass shit unprompted #she also never asks me about anything + only talks about herself + assumes random shit about me + treats me like I'm a baby #bc im not hooking up w ppl all the time. like just bc I'm not as out there as her doesn't mean I'm clueless #it genuinely doesn't feel like she's at all interested in me + just wants someone to talk to without engagement #and I'm kind of tired of it tbqh #me + the femme r on hiatus which is kind of hard bc she's one of like the few ppl in my life rn who i feel like actually enjoys + #understands who i am + is invested in me personally but im not abt to be like. can we resume the relationship you're not prepared for so i #can feel wanted by someone like that's literally insane #also super selfish #but im hanging out w heaven tomorrow+ forgot to take my meds so it's probably fine #but also whenever my meds lapse i get kind of pissed off about this friend so idk #part of my problem is that im not talkative that much bc im autistic so im either super verbal or just thinkin' #but tbh I'd rather have silence than to feel like my voice is only 5% of the conversation does that make sense #but maybe im being unreasonable idk #also she actively prevents me from hanging out w her other friends + im kind of tired of being ostracized on behalf of ppl #who otherwise like me ?? like im acquaintances w her friends but she like. will not hang out w me + them #like i feel like thats wild behavior esp bc she knows i want to ? like i want to party but she's always like #''oh i just thought you wouldn't lke it'' which likr. why tf did you decide for me ?? #she always does this + never asks me like. ''lh i thought it would be weird to bring you'' but you brought your roommate who literally met #thrm last month + I've known them since last year + we literally had classes together ????? #smth fishy af going on

[kindnessoverperfection]

wild how the more i'm working on recovery. the more i realize how fucking bad i miss her.

#which still feels kind of insane and embarrassing since i didn't technically know her myself #(my alter did. i however barely interacted with her.) #but she knew me. she fucking knew me and saw me. i've talked about this in earlier posts but that's still the main thing that hits me. #i feel like nobody else has ever ever known me like she has. i've never felt that seen. and she loved me. she cared about me. she knew what #was underlying my outwards appearance and behaviors. she saw it and loved and cared for it. and because she knew it so well she didn't take #anything personally. (again. not douchey behaviors. just like... bragging for example. or being guarded. idk) #also there's so many things we relate on? felt like i could connect with her better. i think she and i would have been friends. #i dont know it's just #with everyone else it feels like a fucking obligatory social game i need to navigate #say the right things. act in the right ways. present yourself in ways they'll understand and interpret well. blah blah #i'm not even going anywhere with this i just miss her so bad and i'm fucking lonely and want to be seen like that again but i don't think #it can ever happen. because i got to be 100% myself but it was in a safe way and that's how she grew to know and love me #but it wasn't ME who made that decision to be vulnerable. and it was through a specific way that can't be done again because i'm here now a #an alter so it's guarded. and i can't be selfish and demanding and fully myself here because system morals are too strong for that. #even if the aforementioned thing COULD happen again. i haven't seen anyone who cares and understands and sees so deeply like she does. #it's just #i don't know #i just want to be myself and loved and seen for who i am. #but instead it always just feels like i'm having to navigate and manage social expectations and That's It. #maybe i just need to be friends with another narcissist. so i dont have to fucking mask anymore. only concern is if i'm actually being #myself - i have a high pitched voice and talk fast and talk a lot and am kinda obnoxious and high energy and #attention-seeking and dislike being alone and. yeah. that's annoying to the majority of people. which is why i am Not myself around anyone

[shmreduplication]

I can't believe i let this happen again

same exact shit as ofmd

you assholes

#I'm already laying down but i need to lay down #wow one person who wants to be part of a couple where they are selfless to each other but selfish as a unit for self-preservation #and the other person also has a selfish desire to be in control #but they express it by being everything to everyone so that everyone relies on them #wHeRe HaVe I sEeN tHaT bEfoRe? #i need to be put into a taffy puller and then extruded thru a pasta die (dye? IDK which spelling is applicable here) #and then maybe reread both Golem &Djinni books

[titansarmy]

and if i say canon adjacent, ivy inspired jasonxnico fic. i can’t stop you putting roots in my dreamland.

#I WISH TO KNOW THE FATAL FLAW THAT MAKES LONG TO BE MAGINIFICENTLY CURSED is SOOOOO jason coded tbh #anyways. look away if you're immediately put away by the infidelity trope bc i will brush over it #i'm thinking. jason is dead and nico one day just NEEDS to talk/see jason for whatever reason #and he goes to the underworld looking for him and he finds him #and he doesn't propose taking him out because jason wouldn't want that #but they talk #and then nico leaves and then he comes back and then it becomes like a thing #and they start getting closer and closer and the line between the living and the dead is already so blurred for nico but now with jason in #the mix they're basically invisible #and jason is also in a position where he's like?? nico is NOT spending his days with the LIVING because of ME! but then he doesn't want him #to go. eternally sscrficial jason grace letting himself be selfish for once but being in constant struggle because of this #and nico is also like. i want him back i can take him back but i won't do that i respects choices. #and anyways along all of this they're slowly falling in love/realising there was something there that went unaddressed #and there's this lingering sadness surrounding it because if they had just had time maybe maybe MAYBE they would have realised #OHHH its angsty #and i said it borders the infidelity trope because will is just there. 🕴 #and technically nico is happy with will. he's ok. but he can't stop jason putting roots in his dreamland. #and because if i would write this (i won't) i would make jasonico as maybe at least crossing into emotional affair territory :) #idk what the conclusion would be? who you think is more insane? would jason accept going back or would nico need to force himself to let go? #bc by not doing so he's also keeping jason from rebirth and/or moving on. which not fair either. #tbh i think the main arc should be jason wanting to live. HE goes to hades to APPEAL for his release. nico is just the support. also a bit #of nepotism i guess take hades' son to appeal to hades :) #THERE'S SO MANY TYPOS HERE OMFG and nothing makes sense #let me get my thoughts straight and i'll type it nicely jesus fucking christ