#my mentor seems nice! I know some girls from uni also attending there so it’s nice to also talk with other ppl about the struggle LOL | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

milky-boba-tea · 7 years

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Tomorrow I start classes.

I guess I should give a small mini summary of what I’m doing here, huh.

I’m a first-time freshman student at a university, planning to major in nursing. Yea, I’m feeling the effects of what’s going on, leaving home for the first time, missing my dog - especially missing my dog. He was my best friend. It’s hard, ya know?

My boyfriend is also at uni with me, so that does help. I’m still scared and alone-ish, though. My scholarship (which is basically like, a huge corp at my school) has required me to go to these events since I’ve moved in.

Side note: I’m not a very social person, like, whatsoever. I’m kind of quiet, and sort of a nihilistic kind of person, so I’m not one for overly optimistic kind of get togethers.

The first day, was move in day. No big deal, I met my roommate, who is cool, and we get along fine. I met my floor-mates, and had “girl-time”. We sat in a circle and talked about ourselves and everything seemed cool. I don’t have any overly major bigots or anything. So that’s a plus, lmao. My RA seems nice but I just don’t see myself actually forming any kind of bond with her right now. I’m not sure if it’s me, or whatever it is, but.. I got a feeling.

Anyways, the next day we attended an event known as Rachel’s Challenge. I have a link here that pretty much explains what it is. It’s a well meaning cause, but the event was that of just - well, things that shouldn’t have to be explained to college students. Plus, it was too early to have that shoved down my throat and to feel that emotional, but that’s just me. (again, kind of a pessimistic person here, sorry.) Rachel Scott is personally a wonderful role model, but as for myself, I’m not sure if I could ever be the kind of person she was. (Ironically, I started this blog because of this event, but whatever, that’s just another sidebar) The event could have been summed up with “don’t be a dick.” Not a bad event, just I’m not sure if it was truly necessary.

After that, we went to an event called Trojan Wars. If you have a dirty mind, yea, you’re on the right track. It was about sex. Basic things I would’ve already known, because I’m naturally curious about that kind of stuff, but they also talked about the forms of birth control we have on our campus. #lit. Anyway, the one thing I took away from the entire thing was the fact they talked about rape. As a survivor myself (and one who may tell her story another day), it hit home with me. Most people are very uncomfortable doing so, so to find a counselor in my state who is willing to do so is even more surprising than - well, I don’t exactly have a comparison, but still. Shocking. They showed one of my favorite videos like, ever. I watch it every time I see it. I left feeling actually safer on my campus than ever.

The next day, I had what is known as ‘scholars day’. Once we began, we did a huge icebreaker activity in which we had to pick a side on various topics (”cats v dogs”, “winter v summer”), and that was it. In my scholarship, we have a sophomore mentor, a junior mentor, and a senior mentor. So, we have a small group, a team, and then a bigger team. We met with our Junior ‘teams’, to which I found a boy and girl who I could have a - well, not as uncomfortable conversation as I would with anyone else.We had to make a team name and shield. Again, not exactly the immediate friend maker, here, so I immediately wanted to go to my dorm.. We then ended up being the Juicy Js (based off of our Junior’s name, Jerry) and our shield was based off of Juicy Fruit and just,, fruit. Personally, I understand where the ‘team building exercises’ are needed, but to have it for the second day in a row (and this one way longer than the first) was a drain to me.

My parents ended up visiting me after that, and bringing me things I had forgotten (I am human here, lmao) and I noticed there was a mini meet up of girls in the living room of my floor. I said hi, but they all seemed to be in their own world, so I just shrugged it off. There as a block party I could have gone to after they left, but - well, just,,, no. I ended up having some quiet time with my boyfriend, as we sat on a bench and just talked about our first two days at college. I cried to him, explaining how I felt alone and was just scared, and he comforted me. Good job, boyfriend. Once I got back to my dorm, I realized that my parents showing up only made things more awkward, as the girls were comforting each other because they too were homesick and feeling alone. yikes.

I had convocation today, and got to listen to my chancellor and vice-chancellor speak about the beginning of the rest of our lives. “Don’t be afraid to ask for help”, they say. However, my pride is too strong of that to even allow me to show any kind of weakness in front of those I do not trust (and that may or may not be my downfall, to be honest). I can talk about my past experiences with rape and self-harm, but I cannot bring myself to talk about my current situation.

That’s a totally brief summary of my past three days. Tonight, I have a breakfast-at-dinner to go to (because who doesn’t want pancakes at night?) and tomorrow, I start my classes.

MWF I have Psychology, and College Algebra (and if anyone could help me with that, that would be awesome).

TTR I have Composition 2, my scholarship class, and an accelerated course of Human Anatomy and Physiology.

I’m just .. scared. The usual feelings I pretty much should be having right now. Any advice on how to get over that? Does it just, go away? Should it go away? Again, I want to go to talk to people, but damn, it’s harder that it should be.

#college #first time college #freshman year #freshman #worried #blog #personal #scared #life

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