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latetotherant · 5 years

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“Are you rich?” Is Shrill too Economically Idealistic for Its Own Good? ••• By Meredith Salisbury

“Oh My God. What’s happening? I’m afraid that I am feeling myself.” These are the words we here Annie (Aidy Bryant) say to her best friend and roommate Fran (Lolly Adefope) while she’s dancing in a new dress and enjoying some new found self-love towards the end of the first episode of Hulu’s comedy Shrill. The show, which is based off of Lindy West’s memoir Shrill: Notes from a Loud Women, follows Annie as she navigates life as a fat millennial woman living in Portland, Oregon. Shrill has been rightfully praised for its blunt and realistic depictions of everyday life as a fat woman and for its nonchalant handling of abortion. For all the care Shrill puts into authentic depictions of Annie’s everyday life, Shrill does so at the expense of showing the larger and more systemic issues fat women face. The omission of these larger cultural forces makes Annie’s transformation seem idealistic, unrealistic, and impossible for the women watching replicate.

Shrill is set in Portland, Oregon. It makes sense that one of the most accepting and liberal cities in the popular imagination is the setting for televisions first radically positive representation of fat women. Like Portlandia, another socially conscious television show set in Portland, Shrill uses comedy to point out where its liberal audience fails in their liberalness. In Shrill, radical self love, queerness, and anti-capitalist ideals are all casually accepted from the get go. Annie’s parents praise Fran’s, who is a lesbian’s, love life with her rotating door of queer partners and Annie’s ex-punk gen-x boss Gabe (John Cameron Mitchell) vilifies “the establishment” regularly. In a way Shrill feels like it teeters on the line between comedy and parody. It is unclear that the Portland represented in Shrill is different than the one created by the sketch comedy show Portlandia. Carrie Brownstein, the creator and star of Portlandia, even directed the Shrill episode “Date.” The similarities between the shows’ representation of Portland is not necessarily a bad thing—Portlandia did a great job at pointing out to liberal people where their liberal ideologies fell short—and Shrill picks up where Portlandia left off and continues this crusade. The issue is that Portlandia was satirical whereas Shrill is meant to be realistic. Shrill, like Portlandia, does not take into account Oregon’s white supremacist past or the fact that Portland is the whitest large city in America nor does it acknowledge how Oregon is one of the most expensive states to live in and that Portland is experiencing an affordable housing crisis.

The fact that Annie and Fran are never plagued with systemic issues leaves room for the show to explore interpersonal ones like Annie’s relationship with her boss Gabe. Gabe is Shrill’s villain. He is the editor-in-chief of The Weekly Throne, the alt-weekly newspaper Annie works for. At first he frustrates her by passively blowing off her pitches and asking her to keep working her way up, but by the fourth episode, the one titled “Pool” he begins a crusade against fatness. After learning The Weekly Thorn can save “a buttload of money” if the staff can “pry [their] cheese-thighs off the couch more than once a week” he gets rid of the vending machines and requires the staff to do “one heart healthy grouptivity once a month.” At the first “grouptivity” Gabe mutters “lazy bodies lazy minds” under is breath. He goes on to question whether Annie takes work seriously and tell her that “success is about an effort” and that “[she] didn’t [try] today.”

Through Gabe, the show pushes people who believe they are fighting against dominant culture to see that they still have biases they need to work on. Gabe is portrayed as a gen-x, ex-punk, and “feminist” through jokes about being the “original bassist in Bikini Kill,” by wearing band t-shirts for bands like Quasi (Janet Weiss of Sleater-Kinney fame’s band), and the fact that Gabe is played by John Cameron Mitchell who is an queer gen-x icon in his own right. We are led to believe that Gabe’s work was once gritty and boundary pushing. He claims when he was Annie’s age he was already “burnin’ shit down and fuckin shit up.” But, what we see now is someone who was on the right side of history, but lost his way as he became older and more financially stable. He is a former radical who is hindering Annie’s growth professionally and personally.

The way Gabe treats Annie at The Weekly Thorne is terrible. Shrill uses Annie and Gabe’s work relationship to drive Annie to find self confidence. The thing is for women work is not just another place for interpersonal relationships. It is a place that provides people with an income and (hopefully) benefits. Individuals need these to survive. In Shrill Annie never once thinks about the financial ramifications of her actions. At work she is not very professional. She is seen sitting on tables, hugging her boss when he gives her an assignment, pestering him about pitches, and posts an article to the paper’s site without permission. While some workplaces are significantly more informal than others, Annie’s behavior at work does not make it appear as though she values her job. Gabe is by no accounts a good boss and she has every right to be upset with the way he is treating her, but it is still fascinating to me that Annie never once seems concerned about the possibility of losing her job. She even quits in a fit of rage in the last episode. It is known that fat women face discrimination when they are applying for jobs and full time jobs in any media industry are nearly impossible to find these days. There is never a moment where Annie stops and worries about what the implications of leaving her job would be. Sure she stood up for herself, but at what cost? She walked away from an income and health insurance without batting an eyelash. What other millennial women who works in media could do that?

Annie and Fran’s financial situation remains a mystery throughout the six episodes. How is it that two marginalized women in creative careers can have very little financial anxiety? The only inkling of concern comes from Fran when she asks Annie “Are you rich? That’s like $50 every time you have sex with Ryan” when she finds out Annie has been taking the morning after pill every time she has sex with Ryan. Annie never addresses this, she is rightfully preoccupied with the abortion she needs to have, but it still leaves the viewer wondering how she is finacially staying afloat.

Annie’s spending on the morning after pill is not the only unexplained expense in the show. A quick google search revealed that Annie and Fran live in a home that last sold in 2016 for $500,158 and rents for similar houses in the same neighborhood are around $2400 a month. It is unclear how they can afford to live there with Annie working for a small alt-weekly newspaper and Fran cutting people’s hair out of her house. It’s even more baffling when you add in the fact that Fran does not even require payment for her work. The only time we see her compinstated for her work she is paid in stolen clothes. How do these two afford a multi-bedroom house in Portland, Oregon, a place that is notorious for unaffordable housing, while working in independent publishing and freelance hair styling?

The walls of Annie and Fran’s home are adorned with art prints like this one that used to be sold at Otherwild and Fran is often spotted in Wildfang overalls and coveralls. Both brands have become trendy in recent years and are recognizable in queer urban circles as marker for a type of queer financial stability. Wildfang coveralls are the velour Juicy Couture track suit of lesbian culture. Rachel Syme explains that the “Juicy’s suit was just pricey enough to radiate status, but attainable enough to become a part of the everyday wardrobes of thousands of high-school girls.” Wildfang’s clothes do the same thing for queer women. Fran’s $188 coveralls signal to queer women watching that she is financially stable, yet still relatable, but it is never addressed how she got this way.

Annie quits her job in a fit of rage after Gabe writes a rebuttal to her article claiming her fatness. In this moment we see Annie stand up for herself. She calls Gabe a “bully” and tells him he is “stomp[ing] over an entire group of people.” We are supposed to cheer Annie on in this moment—she has finally began to believe in herself—but she just walks out of her job without any real concern about her future. This moment is the climax of the season. But what is she going to do now? Study after study has found that fat women face major discrimination when applying for jobs; especially in the media industry. I am proud of her for standing up for herself, but I do not see how any real person could do that without some type of financial safety net.

For fat women and queer women Annie and Fran appear to be wonderful role models. Annie is smart, and stylish, and finding her voice in a way many of us hope to and Fran is strong, and unwavering in her sexuality and standards. Shrill does a wonderful job creating inspiring role models, but Annie and Fran’s lives are impossible to replicate in everyday life. Throughout the season we see Annie strutting around Portland in a collection of adorable and perfectly tailored dresses. It turns out that almost all of Annie’s clothes were custom made for the show by costume designer Amanda Needham. Fran’s strength is a linchpin of the show and she is portrayed as the foil to Annie. In her review of Shrill Emily Nussbaum explains that Fran “specialize in brassy self-assertion, a bravado that doubles as a shield and as a weapon.” and later explains that it’s Annie’s “niceness ... that fuels the show.” Fran’s self-assertion comes from her ability to opt-out of interacting with straight men, other than her brother or the occasional boy Annie brings home. Shrill leads us to believe that Fran’s lesbianism is what makes her that brash woman who refuses take shit and this is why she is able to empower Annie. Although all women are taught throughout their lives to seek the validation of men; coming out as a lesbian frees you from some of those expectations. Although male bosses, relatives, and friends still exist; there is no longer the expectation that one of the men in your life could be your future partner and this alleviates some of the compulsory need to please them. Annie on the other hand still believes she needs to placate a boy and win over a boss and those needs hinder her ability to stand up for herself. The thing is that queerness does not suddenly alleviate all of those pressures. As much as I would love to exist in a world without problematic straight men and the patriarchal nonsense they bring with them it is not possible. Fran has created a life where she only cuts cute girls’ hair and somehow still has a roof over her head a wardrobe full of $200 Wildfang overalls. Her queerness and lack of traditional employment may allow her to accept herself without pause, but the lack of hardship or pushback she receives is implausible and unlike the experiences of any queer women I have ever known or heard about.

Shrill represents a radical hope for fat women’s futures. It presents a nuanced depiction of the everyday struggles of fat women, but refuses to complicate its narrative with the broader and more systemic sexist and homophobic struggles fat women face. By diving deep into specificities it allows Annie to overcome her personal problems but misses the mark on addressing larger structural ones. In Shrill’s universe, Annie can quit her job without ever acknowledging how hard it is for fat women to get hired in the first place and Fran can live a blissful queer life in Portland without ever facing a racist or homophobic person. And both of them never have a financial care in the world while living in one of the most expensive cities and working in underpaying careers. I wish the lessons taught in Shrill were applicable to everyday life. I wish I could call out a fat-phobic boss on the internet without the fear of losing my employment and possibly my health insurance. I wish I could only cut cute girls’ hair and still have a roof over my head and some of the most stylish clothes in queer culture today. But alas I do not live in the world Shrill has created and I do not think I ever will.

#meredith salisbury #television #shrill #tv #pop culture #queer

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keywestlou · 5 years

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WHITEST CITY IN AMERICA

The things I learn.

There is a community in the U.S. described as the “whitest city in America.” Portland, Oregon.

Portland has been in the news because of yesterday’s confrontation between liberal and far right groups.

The liberal group are known as Antifa. An Anti-Fascist group. The Rose City Antifa one of its leaders.

The far right several groups combined. The most prominent Proud Boys. Proud Boys and the far right can be described as white nationalists. The Southern Poverty Law Center descries Proud Boys as a general hate group.

There have been 12 confrontations in Portland since 2017. Violence occurred in 2.

Ill feeling runs high. Both sides believe they are doing what is right for America.

The far right groups advertised “Death to Antifa……Bring guns.”

Another cry heard “End Domestic Terrorism!”

Proud Boys is described as an “Organization of Terror.”

Yesterday’s confrontation has been described as the largest national supremacist rally ever. Roughly 500 far rights showed up.

The white supremacist group went to Portland seeking violence. It was their intent to turn Portland into a battleground.

The City and the police were concerned. Concrete barriers were used to separate the 2 groups.

Portland was selected by the far right because it is the whitest city in America. How so? Portland is 77 percent white. Less than 6 percent black. A fertile recruiting ground for racist hate groups.

The State itself bears initial blame. Oregon envisioned itself as a white utopia. Blacks were banned from residency till 1926. Would you believe?

The police are a significant factor. They support far right groups. The police and Mayor are truly separate and distinct. The Mayor’s office operates in fear of the police.

Now comes Donald Trump. A white nationalist, a bigot. He obviously stands with the far right groups. He blames Antifa for the disturbances. Especially yesterday’s. Trump has threatened to designate Antifa a “terrorist group.” Understandable. Trump stood with the white nationalists in Charlottesville, also.

Trump by his words and actions encouraging white nationalist groups. He is in effect saying…..I stand with you.

The first legal time when Trump can be replaced is the 2020 election. I fear we may not make it. Violent street confrontations will soon be the order of the day. rump is otherwise screwing up our democracy.

My admonition my friends is to not support Trump in anything. Other than a tax cut for the rich, what has he accomplished in 2 1/2 years? Come November 2020, vote for the Democrat candidate for President. Also vote Democratic for the Senate and House. Give the new President the tools to work with.

While tensions were manifesting themselves in Portland, I had a quiet day in Key West. We love everyone!

A manicure with Tammy at 1. Ran some errands. Then home to watch the PGA BMW Tournament.

Round 3. Justin Thomas outdid himself. Shot 61. In 1st place going into the final round today. With a 6 stroke lead!

He played so well. Even had 2 eagles.

A change of pace dinner last night. Crispy duck at La Te Da. Ate at the outside bar. Chatted with the people around me.

Key Westers are community minded. Especially our elected officials. However the new City Commission seems to think they sit in Congress in Washington. They attack the big issues rather than the small mundane ones important to their citizens.

The Commission’s present concern is banning plastic straws. A noble thought. Everyday plastics as a whole should be banned. But not by the Commission of a 27,000 person city.

Several months ago, Key West got into banning sun tan lotions if certain substances were contained in them. Something like to scinetist said this was the case. All others no. The 2 in support of the banning took the position that the sun screens they were concerned with were destroying the reef. The reef is important to Key West.

The Commission’s vote was meaningless. Visitors can bring their own sun screen lotions int o Key West. People can also buy sun screen lotions in communities outside Key West and use them in Key West.

There was a suspicion what Key West was doing was going to spark some sort similar action throughout the country. It has not. Probably won’t. Primarily because the scientific proof to evidence harm does not evidence itself in tests.

Why this tirade?Simple. I believe the Commission should concern itself with problems that directly affect their citizens. Like fixing the streets. Resurfacing, repaving, whatever. The streets are an abomination. Especially in the downtown area. No one seems to do anything about it. Talk, yes. Action, no.

Trump knows he screwed up with the tariffs. Does not know how to extricate himself.

Perhaps blame another. His way. This week he said Europe will have problems next. Next referring to Germany. He did nothing wrong.

German will have problems by sometime next year. If so, a world wide recession guaranteed.

The solution to the recession danger is for Trump to quickly resolve the China tariff dispute, all tariff disputes. Then do whatever necessary to help Germany and other European countries. We are all in this recession thing together. The President should back off from his tariff wars, say maybe I was wrong and do the necessary to save the U.S. and rest of the world from a major recession.

It would work to his advantage come the 2020 election.

The Palestinian grandmother of Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib expressed her thoughts re Trump: “May God ruin him.”

I assume Palestinians are of the Islamic faith. Muslims. Trump should beware. The Congresswoman’s grandmother may call a jihad down on Trump.

I have a busy afternoon. Sloan has returned from her Colorado vacation. She is due at 1. We have many things to do.

Enjoy your Sunday!

WHITEST CITY IN AMERICA was originally published on Key West Lou

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radgeorgie · 7 years

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~~~tag game~~~

shoutout to @pastel-sk1es for thinking my blog was cool, and also tagging me in this

im tagging @samiramueller bc i wanna get to know you better!

1. What Time Is It Where You Are?

3:48 (Michigan, USA)

2. Current Energy Levels?

85%, i slept for 12+ hours last night surprisingly

3. Song That You’re Obsessed With At The Moment?

any song twice has come out with

4. Other Kpop Groups You Stan That Aren’t BTS?

tooooo many (that you can find here lmao) but I stan these religiously:

TWICE

Red Velvet

Monsta X

SEVENTEEN

ASTRO

5. Bands Outside of Kpop That You Stan?

Little Mix mainly, but I do like a few american pop songs

6. Cats or Dogs?

cats! but i did volunteer at a dog shelter not to long ago...

7. Favourite Sound?

stereotypical white girl but rain? the sound of my own snoring? lmao

8. Something That Made You Laugh In The Last Couple of Days?

thinking about how im gonna get through college? im so royally screwed?

9. Favourite Thing About Your Bias?

how he never stops trying. He keeps trying to be a better person for himself and his members and his fans.

10. Apps / Sites that you use often?

tumblr (obliviously), twitter (kimsjoonie), snapchat (cronuss-ampora)

11. Where Are You From?

born & raised in the usa

12. Are You More of An Introvert or Extrovert?

introvert

13. Since When Have You Been Into Kpop And How Did You Discover It?

2012, but I didn’t really get into it until august 2014. I was scrolling through tumblr for playlists & found snsd’s the boys (eng ver). I really fell in love with it wanted to research more, but I was young & didn’t really like listening to music that didn’t ing to music that wasn’t in english (lmao) so I kind of forgot about it? It wasn’t until Jessica left SNSD that I really wanted to get into KPop, bc I was falling out of the anime fandom lmao. I decided to nosedive into KPop and here we are now!

14. Who Was The First Kpop Group You Got Into?

Girls Generation! (with SHINee following very close after)

15. Do You Have Any Pets? If Yes, Which One(s)?

one, a dog named bo (also known as bobo, bobo pet & bobo baggins)

16. Tea or Coffee?

neither, I hate both lmao

17. Day or Night?

~~~night~~~

18. What Kind of Movies Do You Prefer Watching?

horror mostly, i don’t watch movies that music

19. What Is Your Biggest Wish For The Future?

another stereotypical white girl answer, but to be happy. im sick of wanting to die all the time

20. What’s Your Way of Being Creative

photography & music

21. What’s Your Dream Job?

idk at this point in the game. im going to college of photography so i guess that? thats what i wanted to be when i was younger too

22. Which Country / Countries Do You Desperately Want To Visit?

any, I wanna visit every country at least once

23. How many languages do you speak?

one bitch I live in the whitest country ever

24. What was your favorite subject in school/college/university?

history, although only a little, i hate that place with a burning passion

25. Do you play, or have you played, any musical instruments?

i used to play trumpet back in 7th grade, but my band teacher bullied me out of it so I dont play it anymore

26. Do you believe in horoscopes/zodiacs?

yes bitch tf

27. Is there anything you really want to learn or to do?

i really wanna learn another language, but im tired & lazy

28. How many times in your life have you moved house/city/country?

twice, once when I was 5 & again when I was 15

29. Would you rather have no children or a lot of children?

no children, fuck em

30. Are you religious/spiritual?

31. Do you drink alcohol?

im the lamest bitch ever, no

32. If you got to spend a whole week alone with your idol, what would you want to do? (apart from sex… ¬_¬)

I’d love to visit their hometown with them. meet their family, see where they grew up, meet their childhood friends & eat at the same places they love. I’d love to see them happy & healthy surrounded by friends and family.

34. If you could be the best in the world at ONE thing, what would it be?

something that would make me successful & happy

35. What Are Your Passions?

sleeping.......death........

36. What are your pet-peeves?

slow walkers, people with annoying laughs

37. Favourite Anime / Manga Movies?

i haven’t watched anime in 20 years, but ouran high school host club still has me feeling some type of way

38. Favourite Anime / Manga Tv Shows?

isnt this just a repeat of question 37?

39. What is your favourite season?

fall~~

40. If you could have whichever nationality you wanted what would it be and why?

i mean...being american kind of sucks, but i dont think id change it.

41. Would you rather visit outer space or the deep sea and why?

outer space, id love to visit the stars & see planets from an outside view

42. Greatest fear?

another white girl answer, but being lonely (lmao bitch tf @ me wtf)

43. What was the most memorable moment of your life?

starting high school. i cried for two days & wanted nothing but death.

44. Something you can’t live without?

sleep & my phone

45. If you were granted one wish, what would it be and why?

to matter to someone on a personal level

46. What would you say to your idol if you met them?

tell them that I love them & hope they remain healthy & happy for the years to come

47. Somebody you care about a lot?

my friend & namjoon lmao

48. Life lesson you learned?

it fucking sucks & the best deal to deal with it is tough it out

49. What would you say to your ten year old self?

remain happy as much as you can & fuck what everything has to say

50. What are you most thankful for?

nothing really????? im sorry?????

51. Have you ever been to a K-Pop concert?

ive been to a dumbfoundead concert, but I don’t know if you’d consider him k-pop...

52. What are your goals for next year?

in ill be in college, to make friends

53. Who are your role models and why?

prolly namjoon lmao. just his life struggles, how he went with what he wanted in life not with what he was the best at, his goals & his accomplishments I could go on but honestly nobody cares lmao

54. What motivates you to keep striving towards your goals?

the idea that ill have a good life once i achieve them

55. If you could be anyone for a day who would it be and why?

like a 95 year old that lives in a retiring home so I can sleep 4ever lmao

56. Who is your bias list wrecker?

i have too many, but in BTS its def suga

57. If you could listen to only one album for the rest of your life what would it be? Why?

quite surprisingly, but FOB’s album Save Rock & Roll, I love every song on that album & the impact it has.......holy shit dude

58. What’s your favorite food from your home country? (because I honestly love food so much)

holy shit.... honestly...america has stolen like half of its menu from other countries, but im in love with chicken pitas, and i think thats an american thing? I could be wrong tho.

ADDED QUESTION:

59: do you watch tv often? what tv shows are you obsessed with recently?

#pastel-s1kes #samiramiller #me #about me

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ithinkitsdanny · 5 years

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Let’s Race.

“I’m gonna say it, thank god we’re white, right?”

That was a line (or it was something similar at least) muttered by a dude I know at a party here on the Island. I wasn’t there. I would have been offended had I heard it (though different people of different skin tones all have different opinions on whether or not I am white). I’m sure others at the party at least told this person that it’s not right to say something like that.

Another discussion at a bar, that went on for an hour, had a few of us arguing with someone about how racism didn’t exist because more black people were getting scholarships than white people, and that since Asian men on average made more than white men in America, there was no wage gap. Just to clarify, black people are definitely not getting more scholarships to schools; caucasians still recieve about 70% of scholarships in the country (1).

I didn’t think a whole lot about race while growing up. I grew up in a whiter suburb of Tucson, an otherwise diverse city. Most of my friends were white, or at least mixed race like myself. I never really thought about race a whole lot. My mom was white, so I considered myself white and I usually denied myself the fact that I was Mexican. There was even a point where I marked my race as “white” while in high school, and I wanted to go my my mom’s name, Millstone, rather than my somewhat hispanic sounding name: Lopez. I didn’t speak spanish, we watched the Office and 30 Rock, and covered blink-182 songs with my best friend in our short-lived garageband. As far as I was concerned, I was white, and I thought everyone else basically saw me as white.

In Flagstaff, I felt a lot more comfortable, and much more confident in myself, and I loved the fact that I was hispanic. It still really didn’t mean anything to me though, because Flagstaff was pretty diverse still, and I never really thought being hispanic could affect me (I still didn’t speak spanish and I still jammed to “What’s My Age Again”).

2015 and 2016 came around and the rise of Trumpism and this (somewhat) hidden racism found in our country sprouted about after waiting like seeds in soil for someone to come along and give out some much needed water. “I never once thought that being Hispanic could affect me or affect the way people perceive me, not once in my life. But now, with this election going on, I’m actually scared and it’s at the front of my mind.” My dad said this to me, and I could not put have put it into words any better. Was my tan skin affecting me and the way people treated me? In Arizona most people thought I was Italian, so it couldn’t have.

It wasn’t until moving to Oregon where I really saw what people experienced outside of the heavily hispanic influenced southwest. Oregon, if you didn’t know, was not always welcoming to people of color. From 1844 to 1926, the state had laws in place to prevent black or mulatto people from settling within the state’s borders (2). That’s something that is still felt there. While the coastal cities are oozing with white liberalism, love, and signs preaching the importance of black lives and tolerance for each other, the mountains and east (besides Bend) featured plenty of confederate flags and arguments about what the Civil War actually meant. Even in Eugene and Portland, families of color have found it hard to find jobs or housing.

I would walk around, and I would constantly be greeted with excitement from other hispanics in the area.

“Hablas espanol?”

“No, lo siento. Hablo poco espanol.”

And a frown would pop up. Though they would still be so happy to see that another hispanic had moved into the neighborhood.

I had never been greeted with that much excitement before in my life for looking hispanic. No one in Arizona is asking you if you’re hispanic because, well we’re everywhere. We are teachers, doctors, nurses, crossing guards, lawyers, politicians, the list goes on. I didn’t see that in Oregon. Plenty of my friends were hispanic and working in fire, or another section of the forest service, but outside of that, I rarely saw any hispanics. I learned later on that some families will actually leave the Northwest to the Southwest or California because they want their hispanic children to grow up seeing other hispanics in professional positions. Who would have thought that in such a liberal place, you would find such feelings of indifference and anxiety.

Now, after moving from one of the whitest to one of the most diverse states, race is still on the front of my mind. My classrooms probably have only four anglo students. Not one of my students, or coworkers, or anyone I’ve met here (besides maybe the two mentioned at the start of this blog) have voiced any support for Trump. White people say that they feel racism against them here, which makes no sense to me. Some people think that it’s unfair that there are locals here that do not want hoales (a term for off-islanders or whites) to live in the last few Hawaiian only villages, and many don’t understand that locals do not want off-islanders here (myself included) because we are nothing more that colonizers and gentrifiers. Land prices keep going up as people from the mainland buy houses, flip them, and sell them for profit. Locals’ children are leaving for cheaper places like California (lol) to live and find jobs, and white dudes with dreadlocks litter the streets of Paia.

I was born into a great family. I was lucky to grow up with privilege, love, and support from mothers, neighbors, brothers, aunts, fathers, friends, uncles, and cousins. I am hispanic, though I do admit I am probably one of the “whitest” hispanics you’ll ever meet (“nobody likes you when you’re twenty-threeeee”). Not a lot of people are so lucky. Other friends of mine have a much more difficult time due to the color of their skin. I get confused because I don’t know where I fit in sometimes. Am I white, or am I brown? A lot of times it’s based on the people I am around. But either way it is fucked up that we can look at someone different simply because they are brown or white or black or pacific islander.

This was just my experience with race. Nothing too crazy has happened to me to my face other than white kids calling me “beaner” and “wetback” in Montana and Alaska. I don’t know what goes on behind my back, and I don’t know if other people look at me a certain way because my last name is Lopez. It’s not something I thought about a lot while I was growing up, but since 2015 it has been something that defines me. My thoughts and prayers go out to the families that have lost brothers or sisters to unrightful shootings from people because they were black. But thoughts and prayers are meaningless. How do you help stop this? Do you acknowledge it with a small blog that only half a dozen family members will read? Do you go out and treat everyone different? Do you retreat to where you fit in? (in this case I guess I’m italian). I have no idea. How do you move forward? And does anyone else I know have any similar experiences with race and relations? This has all been from just my own personal experiences, so I would love to hear thoughts, ideas, and stories from others. So please share if you can!

Thanks.

1-https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=134623124

2-https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/retropolis/wp/2017/06/07/when-portland-banned-blacks-oregons-shameful-history-as-an-all-white-state/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.bc176a3a2c33

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thetruthseekerway · 6 years

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Pilgrimage and Its Universal Lessons

New Post has been published on http://www.truth-seeker.info/jewels-of-islam/pilgrimage-and-its-universal-lessons/

Pilgrimage and Its Universal Lessons

By Faisal Kutty

Pilgrims return home enriched by this more pluralistic and holistic outlook and with a new appreciation for their own origins.

Millions of pilgrims from all over the world will be converging on Makkah in the coming days. They will retrace the footsteps of millions who have made the spiritual journey to the valley of Makkah since the time of Adam.

Hajj literally means, “to continuously strive to reach one’s goal.” It is the last of the five pillars of Islam (the others include a declaration of faith in one God, five daily prayers, offering regular charity, and fasting during the month of Ramadan). Pilgrimage is a once-in-a-lifetime obligation for those who have the physical and financial ability to undertake the journey.

The Hajj is essentially a re-enactment of the rituals of the great prophets and teachers of faith. Pilgrims symbolically relive the experience of exile and atonement undergone by Adam and Eve after they were expelled from Heaven, wandered the earth, met again and sought forgiveness in the valley of Makkah. They also retrace the frantic footsteps of the wife of Abraham, Hagar, as she ran between the hills of Safa and Marwa searching for water for her thirsty baby (which according to Muslim tradition, God answered with the well of Zam Zam). Lastly, the pilgrims also commemorate the willingness of Abraham to sacrifice his son for the sake of God. God later substituted a ram in place of his son.

Yet, the Hajj is more than these elaborate rituals. The faithful hope that it will bring about a deep spiritual transformation, one that will make him or her a better person. If such a change within does not occur, then the Hajj was merely a physical and material exercise devoid of any spiritual significance.

As all great religions teach, we are more than mere physical creatures in that we possess an essence beyond the material world. Indeed, this is why all great religions have a tradition of pilgrimage. In the Islamic tradition, Hajj encapsulates this spiritual journey toward this essence. The current state of affairs — both within and outside the Muslim world — greatly increases the relevance of some of the spiritual and universal messages inherent in the Hajj.

As Islamic scholar Ebrahim Moosa asks rhetorically: “after paying homage to the two women Eve and Hagar in the rites of pilgrimage, how can some Muslims still violate the rights and dignity of women in the name of Islam? Is this not a contradiction?”

Indeed, the Qur’an teaches: “I shall not lose sight of the labor of any of you who labors in my way, be it man or woman; each of you is equal to the other.” (Aal `Imran: 195)

Clearly, the white sea of men and women side by side performing tawaf (circling) around the Ka`bah (the stone building Muslims believe was originally built by Adam and rebuilt by Abraham and his son Ishmael) should lay to rest any claim that Islam — as opposed to some Muslims — degrades women. The fact that millions of Muslims transcending geographical, linguistic, level of practice, cultural, ethnic, color, economic and social barriers converge in unison on Makkah, attests to the universality of the Hajj. It plants the seed to celebrate the diversity of our common humanity. Pilgrims return home enriched by this more pluralistic and holistic outlook and with a new appreciation for their own origins. One of the most celebrated Western Hajjis (one who has completed the Hajj) is none other than African-American civil rights leader El-Hajj Malik El-Shabbaz, more commonly known as Malcolm X. The man profoundly reassessed his previous views during the Hajj. This transformation, of course, sealed his break with the Black Nationalist Movement of the Nation of Islam.

Contrary to the teachings of the Nation, he concluded that Islam encompassed all of humanity and transcended race and culture. Malcolm X later said, “In my 39 years on this Earth, the holy city of Makkah had been the first time I had ever stood before the Creator of all and felt like a complete human.”

In Makkah, he discovered himself mixing with, “fellow Muslims, whose eyes were the bluest of blue, whose hair was the blondest of blond, and whose skin was whitest of white.” Malcolm X was so inspired by what he witnessed, that, in letters to friends and relatives, he wrote, “America needs to understand Islam because this is the one religion that erases from its society the race problem.”

Upon returning to America, he embarked on a mission to enlighten both blacks and whites with his new views. Malcolm X understood that in order to truly learn from the Hajj, its inherent spiritual lessons must extend beyond the fraternal ties of Muslims to forging a common humanity with others.

In fact, as part of the spiritual experience, the pilgrimage links people across religions through a past shared by several Abrahamic traditions. This combined with the Islamic teaching of the common origin of humanity holds out much hope. Indeed, the Qur’an teaches: “We created you from a single pair of a male and female (Adam and Eve), and made you into nations and tribes that ye may know each other and not that you might despise each other. The most honored of you in the sight of God is the most righteous of you” (Al-Hujurat: 13). This is a great celebration of the differences and at the same time unity of all of humanity.

Another essential spiritual message of the Hajj is one of humility to God and His supremacy and control over all that we know. The multitude of people and their inner beliefs and practices are all to be judged by God and God alone in His infinite wisdom and full knowledge. Indeed, as the Qur’an insists, “Let there be no compulsion in matters of faith, truth stands out clear from error.” (Al-Baqarah: 256) The result of a successful Hajj is a rich inner peace, which is manifested outwardly in the values of justice, honesty, respect, generosity, kindness, forgiveness, mercy and empathy. And it is these values – all attributes of God almighty — that are indispensable to us all if we are just to get along in this world.

———-

Faisal Kutty is a lawyer and writer. He is an adjunct professor of comparative law at Osgoode Hall Law School of York University. He is also a past vice chair of the Canadian Council on American Islamic Relations. His articles are archived at www.faisalkutty.com.

#Allah #Faith #Featured #God #Islam #ka`bah #monotheism #pilgrimage #Pilgrimage and Its Universal Lessons #Prophet Muhammad #umrah

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thedeadshotnetwork · 6 years

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What I Learned from Mexican Women in Prison This article was published in collaboration with the Marshall Project . I always knew high school Spanish would come in handy one day. I just didn't think that day would come in a federal prison. Fact: I am a white woman in my 20s. Three years of Spanish, one semester in college, and one protracted journey into drug addiction led me to this particular juncture. (I am serving a 60-month sentence for conspiracy to distribute heroin.) Before arriving here at F.C.I. (Federal Correctional Institution) Dublin in Northern California, I already knew its racial composition would be very different from what I was used to in my hometown of Portland—which sees itself as a racially and culturally diverse bastion of tolerance but is actually the whitest major city in America. I was prepared to be in the minority for the first time in my life. But I never could have predicted how few Americans I would find in an American prison. Almost as soon as I set foot inside the razor wire, I realized I’d be sharing this controlled space with hundreds of women who have ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement) “holds,” meaning ICE can move to deport them upon completion of their sentence. Almost all the women I know are here for the same crime: attempting to cross the border, through a checkpoint and using a U.S.-issued visa, but with drugs concealed in their vehicle. A lot of these Mexican women routinely crossed the border just to go shopping, they’ve told me. But, precisely because they had a visa, they were eventually targeted by criminal organizations and enticed to smuggle drugs. (Disclaimer: When I say Mexicans, I mean Mexican citizens. In all my time here, I’ve known exactly one Colombian and one Guatemalan.) These women have never lived in the U.S. and many speak no English at all. But when you share roughly 100 square feet of floor space and a toilet with three other humans, communication is imperative. I hadn’t used my Spanish in years, but on my first night here, I began retrieving it from the depths of my mind. “Me llamo Morgan,” I said, stumbling to introduce myself to my new cellmate. “Tengo veintiséis años. Cómo te llamas?” She found this toddler-level Spanish to be rather endearing, though she couldn’t stop laughing at me. Before arriving here, I’d had a deep fear that prison would make me stupid, with its lack of intellectual stimulation. Now I looked at all the non-English speakers and saw an opportunity to learn. And since it was a financial impossibility to finish my bachelor's degree while incarcerated, I decided becoming fluent in Spanish was in fact the most beneficial thing I could do with my time. Soon, I had ordered a Spanish-English dictionary and a verb conjugation book, and began to study every day. I would ask to join a group of Mexican women at their table and, although I could barely communicate with them at first, was always welcomed. (Because I am at a women’s prison and not a men’s, with their racially exclusive gangs, the inmates tend not to segregate themselves by skin color or language.) There was no flowing conversation, just halting speech and long pauses while I feverishly searched for words in my books. Every interaction taught me something new: whether it was taking a shower or microwaving a meal or placing a phone call, it required communication. Prison is a lesson in scarcity, which means long lines for everything. To get one of the shower stalls, I must ask, “Who’s next in the shower?” But shouting that over the curtain could very well get me no response, since the odds are about 50/50 the person inside doesn’t speak English. So the first new phrase I learned in prison was, “Quién sigue?” which means, “Who’s next?” That line also got me access to the phone, the microwave, the computer kiosk, the hair straightener and iron. It’s a crucial one around here. As my Spanish improved, I could suddenly tell who was witty, who was raunchy, who was rude and who was sweet. Finally, I knew who was from Tijuana, Baja, Sinaloa, Guadalajara, and Nayarit. My new friends introduced me to real Mexican food (or at least the prison version of it, including chili and salt on my fruit and lemon juice in my Top Ramen), Spanish-language music, and telenovelas. I downloaded dozens of reggaeton songs onto my mp3 player. I also concluded that Spanish-language news coverage is far superior to what’s provided by the mainstream American media. It’s more global, with less repetition and fear-mongering. When Donald Trump got elected, the fear in here was palpable, and Spanish-language media responded. One of the local Mexican radio stations has a regular Q. and A. segment with an immigration attorney in which people desperately ask how to remain in the U.S. There are public service announcements on Spanish-language TV about how to deal with ICE and improve your chances if you’re facing deportation. Simply put , I’ve learned that we care less about things we have no emotional connection to—that’s just human nature. So learning Spanish has fundamentally changed my worldview: I no longer see the same dichotomy between Americans and Mexicans. People facing deportation are not mere abstractions; they’re the friends and family of my friends. The earthquakes in Mexico, the socioeconomic crisis in Venezuela, the hurricane-induced destruction in Puerto Rico—suddenly these things matter to me. I don’t need a translator to hear their pain. Prison hasn’t provided me with any worthwhile vocational training or an opportunity to earn a single college credit. But it did teach me Spanish, because I willed it to be so. And as a result, I’m now living a richer and more humane existence. Millions of people, personalities, pieces of music, poems and literary works are now within my grasp. I've even acquired a taste for banda—which I’d always thought was just polka music with naughty Spanish lyrics. I just finished my first novel in another language. All thanks to federal prison in 2017. Morgan Godvin, 28, is incarcerated at the Federal Correctional Institution in Dublin, California, where she is serving 60 months for conspiracy to distribute heroin. December 15, 2017 at 03:31PM

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flauntpage · 7 years

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Oregon Ducks Fans are Tailgating In the Parking Lot of a Youth Jail

It was the day before the University of Oregon Ducks were to play Washington State at home and a teenager with a flat top, soft voice, and criminal record stood up in court and started to talk sports with the judge. His mother held a cooing baby. His lawyer looked on and smiled.

"I started boxing," he told the court. "I'm doing good in math, too. That's a new thing for me."

He was one of a dozen or so teenagers who filed into Lane County Juvenile Court on Friday afternoon on a range of charges that included robbery, arson, burglary, reckless endangerment, and sexual abuse in the third degree. As the clusters of teens, family members, and lawyers waited in the lobby to be called before the judge, Autzen Stadium, the 54,000-seat mecca for Ducks football, loomed behind them in a large window across Martin Luther King Boulevard.

While much has changed about Duck athletics, including a new, sprawling complex of Nike-funded buildings nearby, the youth center—which features both a court and a detention facility—was almost exactly as I remembered it 17 years ago when it was the subject of my first-ever published article for the hometown paper, the Register-Guard. I was drawn to the contradiction even then: How was it that some of my classmates were in court, detoxing from drug addictions and dealing with the consequences of violent crime while others were getting recruited to the top-tier football program across the street?

The detention center's parking lot has long been prime real estate for tailgating at Ducks games, especially as the team's success has ballooned in the last decade. The two make strange neighbors, all the more as the nation chooses sides over football players taking a knee during the national anthem, arguing that it's the players' right to act against racism in America or that it muddles sports and politics and has no place on the field.

A beer garden on the lawn of the Lane County Juvenile Justice Center. Photo: Mary Pilon

The #TakeaKnee turmoil over criminal justice, racial history, and sports bubbled up again recently when Vice President Mike Pence left an Indianapolis Colts game after several players knelt during the anthem. Meanwhile, owners and NFL commissioner Roger Goodell continue to spar with players.

On this side of the street, pamphlets titled "Quit Tobacco in Pregnancy" and "Parents' Guide to Gangs" lay about the lobby. Beeps of the metal detector sounded just beyond the courtroom, where a wiry man with concave cheeks paced nervously as two men in camouflage hats talked cars. Later that afternoon, a mother of a sexual assault victim gave a statement to the judge that included details about her daughter being born with a meth addiction. A guardian reported that a teen on probation, another victim of sexual abuse, was "raging at home." The 28-day detention meant he was "clean for the first time of his life," his advocate said, after being admitted to the emergency room for an LSD overdose. "But now we're noting relapses," she said. A young man with slumped shoulders was recommitted after admitting to violating his probation and smoking pot. "He really wanted to do sports," his advocate said. "But his attendance at school is not good."

Like many prisons, Oregon's have a disproportionately high percentage of people of color. Black residents make up 2 percent of the state's population but 9.3 percent of the state's prisoners. Here in Eugene, where pot is legal, tie-die is common, and murals celebrating diversity abound, the population of 150,000 is 90 percent white, making it even less diverse than Portland two hours north, known as the whitest city in America. Perhaps this is not surprising, considering that Oregon was founded as a white utopia and black people were barred from the state altogether until 1926 and other racist language in the state constitution was not removed until 2002.

As a white child in Oregon's public schools (including one named after Thomas Jefferson), I learned about Selma, Birmingham, and Montgomery as cradles of the Civil Rights movement, but I didn't learn about racism in my home state. Or, that Autzen Stadium sits in Lane County, named for Joseph Lane, the state's first governor and a slavery advocate whose policies displaced or killed Native Americans.

Oregon may not have as many confederate flags or statues of Civil War generals as some of its Southern football peers, but it does have buildings that are now being renamed because of their connections to KKK members. My alma mater, Thomas Jefferson Middle School, was recently renamed the Arts & Technology Academy and boasts a new track named for Margaret Johnson Bailes, an African-American sprinter who practiced on the gravel behind the school and went on to win a gold medal as a teenager at the 1968 Olympic Games in Mexico City. Yet other buildings named for outspoken racists, including at least one on the U of O campus, will keep their names as a "wonderful learning experience."

On game day, the parking lot of the youth detention center was packed, a sea of green and yellow tents. Two men in their twenties tossed a yellow football back and forth as friends plunked little balls into red beer pong cups. A local brewery had fenced in a beer garden on the detention center's lawn, and loud jock jams blared in a frenetic symphony. The smell of burgers sizzling on the grill wafted through the air as a light rain came down. High fives and chest bumps abounded.

Oregon fans in front of the justice center. Photo: Mary Pilon.

As I roamed the parking lot before kickoff, it became clear that the vast majority of people there seemed completely befuddled or clueless that they were tailgating in the parking lot of a juvenile detention facility, and in some cases, had been for years. One woman in a bright yellow hoodie brandished a Coors Light can and told me that she knew the detention center was there, but "didn't want to talk about it" as she walked away. A college student who lived in a housing complex nearby told me she thought its existence "was a rumor," even as she stood a few feet away from the sign: LANE COUNTY JUVENILE JUSTICE CENTER.

Views on player activism were mixed, too. "I believe this is our country," Amber Meyer, a native of Eugene and alum tailgating in the parking lot with her husband, said. "Put the hand on the heart."

"That's a prison?" Rick Westby, a fan in a green U of O hat said, looking over his shoulder at the large signage. He perched on a grassy knoll with his cousin, Bill Westby, a Cougars fan, and noted that he had been coming to games at Autzen since the 1980s. "I had no idea!"

Regardless, Westby said that he hoped that President Trump's hostility toward athlete activism didn't hold back college players in Oregon. "It's everybody's right," Westby said. "It's why we live here—the ability to express our views."

Back in the stadium, the Ducks band played the national anthem and unfurled a field-size American flag, putting the fans on their feet, chanting, "USA! USA! USA!" The players, who at Autzen don't come out onto the field during the anthem, then appeared. Washington State won 33-10.

The Oregon Ducks coach, Willie Taggart, isn't known for talking politics publicly but he has won respect among his players for hosting political conversations in the locker room and allowing them to express their views in social media. Last month, Taggart brought players together to talk in small groups about their backgrounds and what led them to Oregon.

"As athletes we should take advantage of our platform and speak on social injustice that's going on," senior cornerback Arrion Springs told the Oregonian. "Instead of us being silent, we should speak out about it."

After the game, slumped-shouldered athlete press conferences were focused on the follies of the game: a young offense, the challenges of a fresh quarterback, giving Washington State too many opportunities to score. Across from the stadium, in the detention center parking lot, the tents were packed up one by one and the cars pulled out into the night.

Oregon Ducks Fans are Tailgating In the Parking Lot of a Youth Jail published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 7 years

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Oregon Ducks Fans are Tailgating In the Parking Lot of a Youth Jail

“I started boxing,” he told the court. “I’m doing good in math, too. That’s a new thing for me.”

The detention center’s parking lot has long been prime real estate for tailgating at Ducks games, especially as the team’s success has ballooned in the last decade. The two make strange neighbors, all the more as the nation chooses sides over football players taking a knee during the national anthem, arguing that it’s the players’ right to act against racism in America or that it muddles sports and politics and has no place on the field.

A beer garden on the lawn of the Lane County Juvenile Justice Center. Photo: Mary Pilon

On this side of the street, pamphlets titled “Quit Tobacco in Pregnancy” and “Parents’ Guide to Gangs” lay about the lobby. Beeps of the metal detector sounded just beyond the courtroom, where a wiry man with concave cheeks paced nervously as two men in camouflage hats talked cars. Later that afternoon, a mother of a sexual assault victim gave a statement to the judge that included details about her daughter being born with a meth addiction. A guardian reported that a teen on probation, another victim of sexual abuse, was “raging at home.” The 28-day detention meant he was “clean for the first time of his life,” his advocate said, after being admitted to the emergency room for an LSD overdose. “But now we’re noting relapses,” she said. A young man with slumped shoulders was recommitted after admitting to violating his probation and smoking pot. “He really wanted to do sports,” his advocate said. “But his attendance at school is not good.”

Like many prisons, Oregon’s have a disproportionately high percentage of people of color. Black residents make up 2 percent of the state’s population but 9.3 percent of the state’s prisoners. Here in Eugene, where pot is legal, tie-die is common, and murals celebrating diversity abound, the population of 150,000 is 90 percent white, making it even less diverse than Portland two hours north, known as the whitest city in America. Perhaps this is not surprising, considering that Oregon was founded as a white utopia and black people were barred from the state altogether until 1926 and other racist language in the state constitution was not removed until 2002.

As a white child in Oregon’s public schools (including one named after Thomas Jefferson), I learned about Selma, Birmingham, and Montgomery as cradles of the Civil Rights movement, but I didn’t learn about racism in my home state. Or, that Autzen Stadium sits in Lane County, named for Joseph Lane, the state’s first governor and a slavery advocate whose policies displaced or killed Native Americans.

On game day, the parking lot of the youth detention center was packed, a sea of green and yellow tents. Two men in their twenties tossed a yellow football back and forth as friends plunked little balls into red beer pong cups. A local brewery had fenced in a beer garden on the detention center’s lawn, and loud jock jams blared in a frenetic symphony. The smell of burgers sizzling on the grill wafted through the air as a light rain came down. High fives and chest bumps abounded.

Oregon fans in front of the justice center. Photo: Mary Pilon.

As I roamed the parking lot before kickoff, it became clear that the vast majority of people there seemed completely befuddled or clueless that they were tailgating in the parking lot of a juvenile detention facility, and in some cases, had been for years. One woman in a bright yellow hoodie brandished a Coors Light can and told me that she knew the detention center was there, but “didn’t want to talk about it” as she walked away. A college student who lived in a housing complex nearby told me she thought its existence “was a rumor,” even as she stood a few feet away from the sign: LANE COUNTY JUVENILE JUSTICE CENTER.

Views on player activism were mixed, too. “I believe this is our country,” Amber Meyer, a native of Eugene and alum tailgating in the parking lot with her husband, said. “Put the hand on the heart.”

“That’s a prison?” Rick Westby, a fan in a green U of O hat said, looking over his shoulder at the large signage. He perched on a grassy knoll with his cousin, Bill Westby, a Cougars fan, and noted that he had been coming to games at Autzen since the 1980s. “I had no idea!”

Regardless, Westby said that he hoped that President Trump’s hostility toward athlete activism didn’t hold back college players in Oregon. “It’s everybody’s right,” Westby said. “It’s why we live here—the ability to express our views.”

Back in the stadium, the Ducks band played the national anthem and unfurled a field-size American flag, putting the fans on their feet, chanting, “USA! USA! USA!” The players, who at Autzen don’t come out onto the field during the anthem, then appeared. Washington State won 33-10.

The Oregon Ducks coach, Willie Taggart, isn’t known for talking politics publicly but he has won respect among his players for hosting political conversations in the locker room and allowing them to express their views in social media. Last month, Taggart brought players together to talk in small groups about their backgrounds and what led them to Oregon.

“As athletes we should take advantage of our platform and speak on social injustice that’s going on,” senior cornerback Arrion Springs told the Oregonian. “Instead of us being silent, we should speak out about it.”

Oregon Ducks Fans are Tailgating In the Parking Lot of a Youth Jail syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6

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ouraidengray4 · 7 years

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The Challenges of Being an Interracial Couple in America's Whitest City

Our wedding day. Photo courtesy of Meredith Bacon

I love my husband unconditionally, and we have amazing chemistry, but we’re also definite proof that opposites attract. He loves dogs, and before I met him, I was an aspiring cat lady. He was raised Mormon; I was raised a Methodist. He is white, and I am black.

None of these differences were deal breakers as we fell deeper and deeper in love, but even before America appeared to be on the verge of collapse, being in an interracial relationship came with its fair share of challenges.

From the beginning, I knew Xavier wasn't like any other guy I’d been interested in. For starters, he seemed to express genuine interest in me as a person… unlike most of the other white guys I’d encountered over the years, who desperately wanted to add a black girl to their roster of hookups. I called interactions with these types of guys "science projects," because they approached me like I was some sort of foreign specimen in a lab they just couldn't wait to examine.

For a very long time, I allowed this. Growing up in the predominantly white suburbs of Fairfield County, Connecticut, the dating pool was pretty shallow for a black girl. In my hometown, the guys who were genuinely attracted to me (beyond mere lust) would never admit it to their peers—they’d have been ridiculed for actually liking a black girl. So in order to feel the touch of a man in my adolescence, I played the role of a "Jezebel."

I grew up black in a mostly white area, so I was accustomed to casual racism. As a survival tactic, I learned how to disassociate every time I heard someone at a party "accidentally" drop an N-bomb. I was also under the illusion that because people thought I "sounded white," it was possible for me to transcend racial stereotypes. I figured that as long as I was able to abide by respectability politics and not be lumped together with those "other lazy Negroes," I could just be the token black girl. So I hid my natural hair under Brazilian bundles—not as a way to protect the beautiful kink that grew beneath it, but to assimilate more closely to European beauty standards.