#no one else in the family wanted to help konda situation

[hippiecana]

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#personal #maybe some tw #so #my future husband and me had to take care of his grandpa #no one else in the family wanted to help konda situation #when he broke his hip he never walked again #and ot was downhill form there #long story short it was a nightmare for all three of us #he forgetting and making stuff up #and forgetting that he cant walk #vs us putting up with tantrums confusion and constant picking him up from the floor #i could not even look for job bc i had to make shure every half an hour that hes safe and not eating his own poop #he died a few days ago #1.5 year was a nightmare #his last month was hell #i wished everyday for him to go #mostly from egoistic points #i could not hear his screams for much longer #he was rotting alive but i wanted him to go bc i could not take the smell anymore #and i thought this will liberate me #his funnersl is tommorow and i feel i am breaking apart #not bc i miss him or anything #i trully did not liked that guy and i only wanted to help my fiance #but i still wanted to do my job and take good care of his grandpa with him #and i cant stop feeling that i made his last days awful (he did not wanted to eat so i forcefeed him and did the same with the pills) #and that i sucked at my job #and for some reason too i feel im not needed anymore #and thoughts of dissapearing from the living world came back to my head strong and loud #delete later