#and i cant stop feeling that i made his last days awful (he did not wanted to eat so i forcefeed him and did the same with the pills)

[diordeer]

౨ৎ HOW YOU GET THE GIRL PT.2

“remind me how it used to be, pictures in frames of kisses on cheeks… and say you want me” - taylor swift (smau)

contains: charlie bushnell x fem!reader (part 1 here)

description: i just watched an edward scissorhands ballet and its made me reminiscent of my dance days… why did angsty teen me quit!!

Liked by iamcharliebushnell, dior.n.goodjohn and others

yn.ln last little photo dump, with taylor stealing my phone and taking a selfie which is something i never thought would happen?!

tagged iamcharliebushnell, taylorswift

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user1 charlies been REAL quiet since the comment

↳ user2 I dont think its awkward between them bc otherwise she wouldnt be posting them together

dior.n.goodjohn imagine having THE TAYLOR SWIFT hijack ur phone

↳ yn.ln ikr like i mean she can keep it if she wants idm 🤷‍♀️

user3 me trying to figure out if the post is from the mv or behind the scenes

↳ user4 yeeah like it IS a scene but from a phone camera… and they r pretty close

user13 HE WANTS U FOR WORSE OR FOR BETTER!!!!

user5 well, she isnt fighting the dating allegations is she

↳ user6 why would she have to?

taylorswift 😘😘😘

user7 R THEY TOGETHER??!!

↳ user8 i dont think so, just rly close

user9 why is it the end of the photo dumps 😃

↳ user10 probs bc thats all the photos she has from it 🙄

user11 ok NOW get her cast on percy jackson

user12 they better be dating or im going to kms

Direct Messages:

You: Heyy charlie, what was that comment about that walker sent?

Charlie: Ohh did u see that?

You: Yeah sorryyyy!

Charlie: No dont be sorry, it was just walker yk? he goes on about random stuff to annoy people a bit

Yn: So.. its not true?

Charlie: I think it was just a joke 😄

Yn: Oh okayy! Sorry! Are we still on for the weekend then? Maybe we can chat ab it

Charlie: Of course!!!! … whats there to talk about tho?

Liked by taylorswift, iamcharliebushnell and others

yn.ln we in fact had A LOT to talk about

tagged iamcharliebushnell

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user5 why do i feel like we missed a chapter

dior.n.goodjohn if i had to sit through one more session of you two yearning for eachover i might have gone crazy

↳ user6 why can i envision this perfectly

user1 talk about, or kiss about?

↳ yn.ln WOWOWOW

user2 HE GOT THE GIRL!!

walker.scobell i take full credit for this

↳ user4 everyone say thank u to walker!

↳ user3 thank u walker 🙏

↳ iamcharliebushnell thank you walker

↳ yn.ln aint no way charlie, u were in so much denial about his comment its embarassing

↳ iamcharliebushnell 😣😣😣

leahsavajeffries FINALLY!!!

user7 OMGOMGOMG

taylorswift i feel like im a matchmaker rn

↳ yn.ln you are, and a very good one at that

user8 ON VALENTINES DAY TOO? SOMEONE GRAB ME A GUN RN

user9 jokes aside her hairband is super cute

↳ yn.ln its my prized possession, i will wear it any chance i get

Liked by taylorswift, dior.n.goodjohn and others

yn.ln omgomg, still in awe that our how you get the girl music video won an AWARD?! It was all u taylor boo 🩷🩷

tagged iamcharliebushnell, taylorswift

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user1 THE OUTFITS? THE HAIR? THEY ALL ATE SO HARD THERES NOT EVEN A KITCHEN ANYMORE

taylorswift all ME?! u ARE how u get the girl

↳ yn.ln STOP THIS MADNESS

↳ iamcharliebushnell what about mee?? 😣

↳ yn.ln oh! 😄 well ur a guy so…

↳ user3 me he heee

↳ user4 yns so real

sabrinacarpenter ahh congrats!! So well deserved!! 🎉🎉

user2 i cant believe this is real, yn, taylor, and charlie ?!?!

dior.n.goodjohn I WAS ROOTING FOR U!!

↳ iamcharliebushnell I WOULD HOPE SO?!

user5 charlie got the girl and got the award !

↳ user6 that was so cringey

user7 yn and taylor are my new fav duo

gracieabrams YESS!! WELL DONE 🥳🥳

taglist: @highfidelities @lostinhisworld @lizziesfirstwife @auttumnsayshi @silkenthusiasts @taygrls @kidkrowk @kanojous @niktwazny303 @m00ng4z3r

#charlie bushnell x reader #luke castellan x reader #percy jackon and the olympians #smau #social media au #aesthetic #charlie bushnell #in the know #x reader #taylor swift #how you get the girl

[womenloverlmao]

Forgot Something?

(Yes, someone else has probably written this but I decided to write one of my own :)

TW: normal criminal minds shit.

Summary: Reader is set on the fact that Spencer forgot something when he got called into a case late but he cant figure out what that could be.

Imagine season 4 Spence? Possibly? I don't even know man. 

You and Spencer had gotten used to not always being together. You and agent… or, rather, Dr. Spencer Reid, resident genius and pretty boy of the BAU had been together for around a year and a half. It was a lot, but you grew used to it. 

After coming to terms with the fact that you wouldn’t always have your boyfriend around, you learned to value the time you spent with him. Moments like this; you were curled up together, the result of coaxing your germaphobe out of his comfort zone (and into another). Lying on your sides, his head against your chest with your leg over his waist. You would have fallen asleep there if it weren’t for that sound. 

Oh, that God-forsaken sound. 

The sound of Spencer’s phone going off. Sure, you were used to him going away for cases, but that sound honestly caused a trauma response. You removed your leg from him as he went to get his phone from the bedside table. He picked up, and said some stereotypical responses… well, the stereotype when you went to work on profiling rapists, bombers, murderers… you get the gist. 

He got up and changed, before grabbing his bag that he always had ready. You quickly followed behind him. Sure, you were only in a ragged t-shirt and panties, but you weren’t the one leaving. It was around ten at night. You wouldn’t have realized that he had muted himself if you didn’t see him unmuting. “Yes, I’ll be there in fifteen,” he said. “Okay, thank you. Got it.” 

You grabbed your arm as whoever it was on the other end hung up. “I’m sorry…” he tried to start. 

“No, don’t apologize, Spence. It’s your job. I’m not upset, I promise,” you cut him off. 

“I still feel awful.” 

“Don’t. You’re gonna go save some people, or whatever it is that you do,” you smile. 

“Well, technically-” 

“Spence, I’m gonna repeat the ‘don’t’. Go do your job, okay, baby?” 

He sighed. “Okay…” He walked to the door, almost opening it before you stop him. 

“Where do you think you’re going?” You asked. 

“I thought- I thought you just told me to do my job?” He responded. 

“I did, but not when you forgot something.” 

You could see the gears in his brain turning as he tried to remember what it was that he could have forgotten. There was nothing, he had every single thing in his bag. He could so clearly picture everything he had put in there. “Forgot something? No, I have an-” 

“Eidetic memory, I know.”

“I didn’t forget anything?” 

“Yes, you did,” you stayed on your point. 

“What did I forget?” He was genuinely confused. 

You rolled your eyes. “Where’s my kiss, Spencer?” 

He had an ‘oh shit’ moment in his head. “That’s… what I forgot?” 

You nodded. He couldn’t help but laugh a little, you had him fully convinced he forgot something for a minute. He walks over again and presses a gentle kiss to your lips. “Better?” he asks.

“Yep.” You smiled. 

He kissed your forehead. “I love you, lock the door behind me, okay? Make sure to check if all the-” “Windows are locked, I know,” you said. 

He reached the door, and he was mildly hesitant to open it. “I’ll be okay,” you assured him. 

“I know, I just…” “I can stay with my parents, too, if that’ll make you feel better.” 

“It’s not about that, I just sometimes wish that I could be here with you,” he admitted. 

You walked over to him, giving him one final kiss. “I know, but they need you out there. I can last a couple of days on my own every week.” He calmed down after the kiss. “Okay.” 

“Now, go, you’re gonna be late.” 

“I love you,” he told you again. 

“I know, I love you too,” you responded. He walked out of the apartment, leaving you alone. Yes, it was upsetting to be alone most of the time. You locked the door and made sure the windows were locked before you laid down again. 

Sure, lonely nights were sucky, but… you knew it was for a reason. And no matter what, you were grateful to have Dr. Spencer Reid as your boyfriend.

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #criminal minds x reader

[halfbloodprill]

brat taming w/ luke pls pls pls pls pls

authors note- so sorry this took me a sec to get to. i’ve been so busy with school ugh 🤦‍♀️ anyway, i love this idea smmm thank u for the request. pleaseee keep sending requests guys! anyway- enjoy!

degradation | name calling | fingering ( f rec.) | doggy style | jealous reader | jealous luke | he fucks the attitude out of you

flirting with the random guys from the ares cabin was not the smartest move, but only way to get back at luke. your day was going great until you went to visit luke during his sword fighting training. you were so excited to go visit your boyfriend. you stopped dead in your tracks as you approached the sword fighting arena and your smile dropped. you knew your boyfriend was popular and many whispered about your relationship, but the blatant flirting from this random girl was too much. she was batting her eyes as luke grabbed her hand to adjust her grip on the hilt of the sword. she looked up through her lashes and bit into her lower lip, begging for a reaction from luke but he ignored.

“ hey that’s much better!,” luke exclaimed at her progress.

“only because you’re such a great teacher, luke,” she said playfully and shoved him in the chest lightly. that was the last straw for you. the way he wasn’t even brushing her off bothered you. so you ignored him for the day.

now it was the time for the nightly bonfire and you sat on the complete opposite side of luke, nestled between two guys in the ares cabin. you were giggling and lightly touching one of their forearms, making a show to express the great time you had as you flitted between both of them. you could feel luke’s hard and unwavering gaze as he watched his girlfriend shamelessly flirt with two campers that she didn’t even know.

Luke had enough when he finally saw you lay a soft hand onto the one on your lefts chest. He got up quickly and stormed around the fire to you. His anger rolled off of him and fed into the flame, making it rise higher, almost high fiving the stars.

“Get up. Now,” luke said firmly.

“Aw why? I’m having such a good time right now,” you responded as you glanced between the two Ares children.

“I’m not gonna ask you again. get the fuck up or I swear to the fucking gods.”

His tone was harsh and demanding and made your eyes widen. He had never spoken to you like this before.

“Hey you shouldn’t talk to her like that,” one of the Ares kids spoke up.

“I wasn’t fucking talking to you. Get up now.”

So you did. You quickly sat up and before you could say goodbye, Luke firmly grasped your wrist and dragged you to the empty cabin.

“Gods you’re such a fucking slut, ya know that? Flirting with not one, but two guys is even a lot for you. You just need so much attention, you attention whore,” luke spat out vehemently.

“Maybe if you weren’t flirting with that fucking girl at the sword fighting lessons I wouldn’t act this way!” you spat back at him.

Luke quickly crossed the room to you and forcefully grabbed your face.

“Watch your fucking mouth. Don’t you ever speak to me like that.”

Your eyes were wide. This was a new side of Luke entirely. He had never put his hands on you like that. Your lips quivered.

“Yessir. ‘m sorry, sir,” you said in a small voice.

“Aww- now i’m sir? glad you know your place. You’re my little girl, but you’re not being good. We can fix that, yeah?”

You nodded eagerly at his words.

Now here you were. Leaning back into lukes chest as his hands toyed with your clit and two fingers plunged into your tight, warm cunt at an unforgiving pace. You mewled at the pace he had set. Luke was leaning over your shoulder to watch as his fingers disappeared into your hole, cream gathering at the base of his knuckles.

“Luke- cant. Cant take it. It’s- It’s too much, please,” you whined as your hips were bucking into his hand.

“Oh no baby. You can take it. You would’ve taken it if it was those two guys, so you’re gonna take anything i give you, slut. That’s all you are at the end of the day. Just a hole to be filled.”

You threw your head back onto his shoulder as your eyes screwed shut from the intense amount of pleasure you got from his fingers.

“Fuuck feels so good. I can take it. I’m your good girl. Let me cum, please!” you continued to squirm on the bed.

“Oh yes baby. You can cum. you got it. Let go for me yeah?” luke praised into your ear. His warm breath on the shell of your ear was enough and you felt that knot in your stomach snap. You let out a loud moan at this feeling but still felt his fingers plunging into your puffy cunt.

“Cant. cant take it anymore. Please stop. Luke Please! It’s too much,” your words slurred together at the overstimulation.

“No you’re gonna take it. Thought you were my good girl. I guess not. Maybe that other girl has better pussy than you. Should Ingo find out?” luke mocked.

“No! No! ‘m your good girl. Only me. I was- was made for you-Fuck!” you were his. and he was yours. you two were destined to be together and this wouldn’t be foiled by some random girl that wasn’t even claimed. she has no right to luke much less a cabin at this camp.

“ That’s what I thought, baby. Now come on. Lean forward. let’s see how good you take this cock,” luke said before lifting you up and pushing you onto your hands and knees. It was a few seconds before you felt his tip sliding through the wetness of your folds.

“Mmm this pussy is so good. listen to her. she’s so wet. wish you could see how pretty she is. My favorite girl. So fucking perfect baby girl.”

Without easing in, luke thrusts in one go and fills your cunt with his cock.

“Oh fuckkk,” luke groans out as he bottoms out in your sweet cunt. “That’s a good pussy. Feels so good. So tight, like it was made just for me. You were born to just be my cock sleeve. That’s all you’re good for, baby. Taking cock. You wanted to take their cocks instead of mine. Cock hungry slut,” luke ends with a strong thrust that make stars burst into your vision. He pulls out completely and thrusts back in fully. His grip on your hip is tight, sure to leave bruises. He’s moving at an incredible speed. He’s hammering into you. The cabin is filled with the sounds of your squelching cunt, the sound of slapping skin, and the groans, moans and whimpers you two are letting out.

“Lukeee fuck please. This is so good. I’m sorry sir, I’m your good girl. I’m yours. Only yours,” you say as your face drops into the bed and furthers your arch.

“That’s a good girl. You know what your purpose is. You’re mine. Gonna mark you as mine. So everyone can see this shit. You belong to me you fucking slut. don’t ever forget that shit again. Such a fucking brat. I treat you like a princess and this is how you repay me? I shouldn’t have even let you cum.”

You whine at the threat. Lukes pace is unrelenting. His cock is glistening with your arousal and it’s dripping down your thighs and puddling into the sheets. He feels himself getting closer. You both feel the sense of your impending climax. after a few more thrusts, you cum. your cunt clenches around his cock.

“Oh shit baby. You’re so good. Yes that’s a good pussy. Good girl my sweet little girl. Gonna have to make you full. Make you my breeding bunny. No one is gonna mess with you when you’re full of my cum. Gonna cum in you as many times until it takes. You’re mine.”

And with that, luke shoots ropes if his seed into you, leaving you twitching at the foreign feeling.

#smut #luke castellan x reader smut #luke x reader #luke x reader smut #charlie bushnell #luke smut #dom luke #pjo smut #percy jackon and the olympians

[lizaawinchester]

promise me, you wont decide for me

Title: you need to promise me

Word count: 1442

Description: After living with the boys for years and having a non official relationship with dean you finally decide to bring it up. His need to protect you has always stopped you from titling what it was you had together but after an easy hunt just you two and Miracle in your hometown the nostalgia reminds you of how much you want to be able to make your love for him public. but first he has to promise never to push you away just because he thinks you're better off without him (Post Chuck; (dean never died in my head)

tw- none

You were tired of leaving his bed after an amazing couple of hours together, sometimes only talking and watching movies, sometimes steamy sex only to sleep in a cold bed alone 2 rooms down. In a tired haze you wondered what he was thinking as you both fell asleep sharing an old creaky bed with the awful tv playing a random movie.

There were never any set rules with your arrangement but you never really talked about it. Just living together with Sam in the bunker meant that you had practically already been a couple. Everyone knew the feelings were mutual but it was never discussed. Small I love you’s were said occasionally and you two would cuddle up in private. Sharing your favorite movies and talking about everything from your wildly different childhoods to your worst memories. Eventually you started hooking up and that lead to where you were now. Alone together in your home state in nostalgic town for you. This area was memorable for you as a kid and when you saw that there was likely a Vamps nest nearby you had to come and get rid of it. After finishing late at night you and Dean decided to just keep the room an extra night to let Sam and Eileen have the bunker to themselves for one more day. You had come here with your family and made your best in this little town before your parents were possessed and killed by angels. Even in the freezing cold of February you remembered the good parts of having a somewhat normal childhood here and getting into hunting later in life, unlike the Winchester brothers.

That night you asked Dean if he was open to the idea of making it official, being back home made you remember the love you had always wished for and practically already had but were too afraid to admit. In his half asleep voice he admitted "I wish you were mine from the second I wake up to the second I fall asleep." before falling asleep with you in his arms.  Slowly, knowing that his tired self was not up for much of a conversation you fell asleep too, thinking of how to possibly bring this up again on the long drive home tomorrow.

The next morning.

Taking miracle out to run around before your long drive back to the bunker you decided to get it out of the way hoping he even remembered the conversation from his half-asleep state

Staring at the rocky pathway you practically whispered, “So about what you said last night, did you really mean that”

D “of course." he said surprised you would even ask. "I mean I am ok with this sort of together but not really officially thing, but I mean it when I say I love you and I would rather have you officially be mine than be friends who have and are aware of their feelings”

“If were going to do this you need to promise me something.”

“Ok… “

“I make my own decisions for myself. I know what is best for me and you cant try and decide that”

“ok… I know that you can make your own choices. Where are you going with this”

“I need to know that one day when you are feeling shitty or when I am pissed off by something you’re not going to tell me to leave. If you ever tell me to go because you are bad for me, I will not come back”

“wait so you want me to promise that I will never end it, because I never plan on telling you to leave.”

“No. I am saying that you can never, I mean ever, try to tell me that I am better off without you or I deserve better than you. I deserve what I want and someone who loves me enough to see that. With jack in charge we control our own lives and that includes me too. I know you don’t see yourself the way that I do but I know that there is no one out there better for me.”

“Y/n.. ”

“No let me finish. If I thought you would do anything that would hurt me, I would not be here, living with you and sam. You are the kindest and most loving person I know. You let me sleep in your bed after having a panic attack and you make me feel safe. You are definitely the best sex I have I ever had plus you let me take all of the covers and because you know I get cold at night. You are the best person I could ever find for me and  If I thought that you were not what was best for me I would leave on my own.”

“what if I am not what is best for you”

 “then we should not be together at all. But that’s just it you are.

You stopped your walk grabbing his arm to turn him to look at you. “I need you to see that I want you and all of you. The good and the bad because if you want to be with me you have to love all of me the good and the bad.”

“I don’t think there is any bad”

“Then youre lying to yourself… or you don’t really know me” He practically glared at you as you said it.

“ Cmon you cant say that. I know you better than anyone, even sam. And I do love you, all of you”

“ok then if you love me you cannot wake up one day and decide that you think I deserve ‘better’ or deserve more. I don’t want to have ‘normal life’, especially not if it means I can’t have you. Living like this sucks sometimes but so does every life and I don’t want to leave the bad parts because it would mean leaving all of the good parts too.”

“ok I think I get what you mean. You’re really mean when you’re hungry but I wouldn’t change it because when I start making burgers you come up and hug me from behind”

A small laugh fell as you smiled up to him. Picking up the tennis ball Miracle dropped at your feet. You turned to throw it before looking back at him and said,

“So I need you to promise me that you will not make that choice FOR ME. You will not try to tell me that you are bad for me or I should leave because you think I would be better off. I would have asked months ago but you always try to protect me from everything and I will not lose you because one day you decide you need to protect me from you.”

 You looked at each other for a long second as the wind blew by your face. Your ears stung as the sharp air got under your hair and you shrugged your shoulders for the large coat to cover you.

“if you are ever going to end it, it will be because you want to, not because you are trying to protect me from something”

He looked down to you, and you squinted up blocking the sun coming from behind his head. He wrapped his arms around your waist pulling you in to his warmth, blocking out the wind for a moment of relief to the cold. You looked up and locked eyes as you held your arms to your chest protectively, unsure what he would say next.

“I promise you that I will never try to end this for your benefit. I will let you decide what is best for you. But I cannot promise that I will not protect you because hat I will always do.”

He pulled you in closer moving his arms up your back to pull your head into his chest and kiss the top of your head. Staying comfortably there for a second as you both lightly swayed with his heart beat. Letting go only when Miracle jumped on his knee and released you back to the cold to lean down and throw the ball to the water. Grabbing your hand walking along back to baby.

“I mean if you get tired of me or my hunger mood swings and that’s why you want me gone, I would understand”

“ok so I can break up with you, but only if you really piss me off.” Dean said sarcastically as he turned to meet your eyes already looking to him

“yeah and If you tell me to leave because you have decided its what its ‘best for me’” you said using your one hand for air quotes, “then I will chop off your head with a machete. I’ve beheaded plenty of monsters, you know I can do it”

 He smiled, laughing at your dark humor before switching from holding your hand to wrapping an arm around your shoulders “ok I promise I won’t tell you what’s best for you”

#supernatural #dean winchester #dean winchester imagines #dean winchester fluff #dean winchester imagine #dean!girl #dean x reader #spn #spnfandom #supernatural one shot #supernatural imagine #dean winchester one shot #dean x female reader

[akkivee]

mentally ill about stage mtr if i’m being quite honest lol:

*collapses to my knees* AYUKAWA TAIYOU I KNOW YOU CANT HEAR ME AND WOULDNT BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND ME IF YOU COULD BUT I NEED YOU TO KNOW I WOULD D—

*crying* LIKE PLS THIS MANS DANCING BRINGS ME TO LITERAL TEARS

IF YOU LOOKED UP ON MEME DICTIONARIES UNDER ‘HAVE YOU SEEN A MAN SO BEAUTIFUL YOU STARTED CRYING’ AYUKAWA TAIYOUS JAKURAI WOULD BE PICTURED

I QUITE LITERALLY DOWNLOADED BLENDER ON MY LAPTOP TO LEARN HOW TO 3D MODEL HE HAD ME DOWN SO BAD AFTER WATCHING HIM PERFORM BLAST WOLF FOR THE FIRST TIME

I CANT BELIEVE THE STAGE TOOK HIS JAKURAI AWAY FROM HIM AND FROM US HE HELD IT TOGETHER BUT MANS WAS PRACTICALLY CRYING AT THE FINAL BOP2023 PERFORMANCE NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO—

god like…………………………. this is some of the hardest loss i’ve been struggling to process i can’t imagine anyone else playing such a flawless 2.5D sensei other than ayukawa-san 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

he and hayami-san had the time of their lives making dad jokes in front of thousands lol during their cross talk and i’ll never forget the slight awe he had when hayami-san made a pun using his name lol

it was a sun = taiyou kinda joke iirc and i feel like he did use it further down the line 😭😭😭😭

UGH ugh uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh god the stage mtr scene i never stop thinking about was their rep live skit, the last one i think????? where dohifu got into hijinks trying to stop sensei from doing his job bc they were worried he’d consumed alcohol via treats hifumi brought

they wound up circling him and then lifting him off the ground in a very strange but hilarious sequence of events and jakurai laughingly told them it’d been a very long time since he’d been carried in any sort of fashion and he thanked them for bringing fun into his life EXCEPT!!!!!! ITS AN AD-LIB AND IM CERTAIN THAT WAS AYUKAWA-SAN TOUCHED BY HOW MUCH FUN HE WAS HAVING WITH THEM I HATE IT HERE

i can’t remember which day of bop2023 it was but in that mad scramble of wardrobe changes he accidentally had a button left undone on his tdd jakurai shirt and i know how that sounds that i noticed it but the way he smoothly buttoned it as he descended stairs is even more seared into my brain lmao

ayukawa-san is buff as hell lmao the ease at which he carried ramuda during king of kings was immaculate lmao and i’m not strong enough to pretend like i didn’t imagine a gym bros hitojaku au based on how swole they are lmao

he breached the 190cm mark in height and the way he reacts to others reacting to his height cracks me up lmao throwback to that one time he walked in to record bright and dark i think and one of the staff just blurted out, ‘you’re huge!!!!!’ and ayukawa-san responded, ‘i sure am!!!!! 😃’ LOL

in the interest of talking about the other actors i’m cutting myself off but i’m not joking when i say i hate here pls i always quote this but hayami-san was so right when he said the stage actors can’t just be easily replaced, they are the characters for a lot of people too 😭😭😭😭

hirofumi-san’s hifumi was peak host ngl lol

the bat and mtr actors got along insanely well after their play and the way hirono-san and ide-san bullied hirofumi-san only for it to just like, bounce off the man bc he was that self assured and a diva is so funny lmao but that’s exactly why his host hifumi was flawless lol

not that his hifumin wasn’t fun either!!!!!!! stage hifumin doesn’t get to be as silly as his canon counterpart so i can’t blame hirofumi-san for that lol

but his switch from hifumin to host is so insane like i don’t have words to describe how it rotted my brain tbh lmao

so like, i definitely mourned kodai-san’s doppo when he left the role but ik it was bc i liked how obvious he played doppo’s crush on jakurai LOL

ide takuya had me by the balls the moment i saw him tho but we’ll get back to that in a sec lol i still weep over the puppy dog eyes kodai-san always gave sensei lol

throwback to that time he asked sensei to pump his stomach (iirc) and was very disappointed when jakurai shot him down before he could finish the sentence LOL

vocally, i like his doppo a smidge 🤏 better like his screaming hits different than ide-san’s and i do find myself missing it sometimes listening to stage mtr’s older songs lol

but enough about him let’s talk about idedoppo LOL

i’m not kidding when i say i stanned from the the moment i saw him but i am uniquely weak to long haired punks you can’t put him in front of me and expect me to not accept him immediately LOL

he goes so crazy as dopopoppo too THAT FINAL BOP2023 WHERE HE RAN YARDS TO DEFEND HIFUMI????? HE HAD THE CROWD YELLING DURING HIS SOLO IN MTRS REP LIVE????? 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

him messing with hirofumi-san for not being able to do finger choreography and hirofumi-san tickled by being messed with 🥺🥺🥺

(hirofumi-san very much could do the finger choreography when it mattered btw lmao)

AND THE SONG HE MADE UNDER HIS OWN NAME DEDICATED TO DOHIFU?????????? AND HAD HIROFUMI-SAN GUEST STAR IN THE MV?????? PLS THEY LOVED MTR I HATE IT HERE

#vee queued to fill the void #my love for stage mtr was a relic of being obsessed with them before bat changed my life #but it’s transcended solely because of ayukawa-san tbh lmao #i didn’t even talk about the stage’s writing for jakurai lmao he’s a well meaning asshole LOL #his writing and kuukou’s being connected a little was one of the few aspects of kuukou’s i appreciated lol #sensei’s always had bad foot in mouth syndrome but it’s RLY bad in stage since i feel like he experiences consequences for it lol #or experiences them more overtly which is fun lol #since i’m so insane about stage mtr i really can’t imagine being as crazy about the new set lol #like i have nothing to say lol 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 good luck godspeed to them tho 👍

[boxwinebaddie]

RM5 WAS SOOO GOOD!! curb was so funny also help i have a crush on bebe …. and kyle. ravenstan being nervous on the phone omg i love him so much. AND POOR KYLE😕😕 anyways i loved it without the formatting! im so happy youre deciding to take things easier on yourself <3 hyh! and I CANT WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTERS YAAYY

AJKGSASKA!!!! YOU GUUUUYS!!!!!! *bebe vc* i'm crying i'm crying!!!

i can't believe how many of you liked rm5!!!! i was so nervous about even publishing my weird little experiment project fanfiction and i have like????? *me exaggerating* a bajillionmillointhousandhundred asks in my box about how much people liked rm5, rm in general, style's dynamic, my characterizations and AAAAAA??? I LOVE YOU

thank you, darling!!! it was one of my favorite chapters to write ever! it was just so fun everyone was so silly during that last part ( which, actually, i rushed because i was so excited to put that chapter out, so i will be editing that later and making it sound less awful, lmao )

CURB!!!!! i'm so glad everyone likes curb, he is such an angry legend. him and kyle are both angry orange unpleasant legends and i love that so much, like father like son, what can i say??? it makes me laugh sm that kyle is like!!!! i'm so evil!!! rah!!!! i hate everything!!!! everyone could die and i wouldn't care!!! and proceeds to rescue curb off the street every single day and meticulously cleans his water bowl and is like 'were not raising the heating bill just to keep the stupid cat warm' and then pretends he accidentally pressed it w/ his shoulder.

also aaaaa ravesey hate means that ravenstan gets to meet curb, which is so???? BE NICE!!!! its a big deal, okay? i feel like its like when ur dad brings home a date like asdksdls gotta pass the curb test!

but LITERALLY!!!! the b in bebe stands for BAD AS HELL in all my fanfictions, oh my god, she is soooooo fione, step! on! me! also i feel like i haven't gotten around to doing a solid description of what the blondie's five look like in detail ( even kyle because he's narrating most of the time and hates his appearance ) but bebe is plus size in rm and her hair is so pretty and golden and wavy, does very elaborate makeup looks, only wears y2k 'bebe' baby tees and rhinestone mini skirts platforms every day....dominatrix!bebe please just one chance.

( are we excited for that bendy plot arc though, oh my god. i'm so mad. chapter 5 got waaaay too long so i couldn't include it, but that phone call i referenced was an actual scene i was going to write into rm5 where bebe calls wendyl bc her teacher gave her wens number for tutoring and wendyl is SUUUUCH A LOSER oh my god he called her 'miss barbara stevens' like 10000x times way too formal and she was like cANCEL YOUR PLANS OR ELSE TESTICLEBURGER! EVAPORATE, NERD! skdhlksd im in pain. )

i also...have a crush on kyle. like he is so loud and so mean and so fucking crazy but its because the universe made him TOO FINE so they had to make him actually and completely unapproachable or else everyone would be trying to hit his line lmaoooo

that did not stop raven tho!!!!! rip!!!!! he likes emotionally unavailable men who will be mean as fuck to him ig!!!! embarrassing, baby!!!!

speaking of, I KNOW I KNOW I KNOOOOOW!!!! i mean i loved that whole update because it was CHAOS, but literally those like 16k words were all worth it for those 2 precious lines of raven being nervous like...he is my baby...my angel...*holds him in my arms*

raven: literally sings sold out venues in every major city every night of the week sometimes twice in one day, is a world famous celebrity, gets hit on 25/8 by fans, other celebrities, everyone, etc., is routinely and aggressively simped over, gets called hot like every single day

kyle: calls him cute ONE TIME as a JOKE

raven: aHAHAAAAHaaaaa!!! y-you think i'm cu-cute???!!>!>! *screaming crying throwing up*

my hands are over my eyes...oh my god...pathetic. STAND! UP!!!!!

my favorite part of rm is that stans rizz as raven is like 1000000 and stans rizz as...stan is -1000000000000000000. like HEEEEELP

raven: people's choice sexiest man alive, mega famous a list celebrity, punk rock heartthrob, sex symbol, tmz bad boy, lead singer it boy of chart topping super band crimson dawn and ceo of being fioooone

stan: fell asleep last night on the couch crying watching the attack on titan season finale with a corn tortilla chip stuck to his face via mascara tears and missed all 17 alarms for his apology press conference for missing his last press conference bc he fell asleep crying and watching anime AGAIN

its so unserious...all my stans are boyfailures and i mean that wholeheartedly omg.

if you are unconvinced for everyone who doesn't have my cursed twitter, i started blocking out rm6s dialogue because i love to laugh and right before the #raveseyhate ravenstan is on the phone with kenny and its soooo SLKHSKDH he's so STRESSED OUT HELP

like???? HES LIKE kENNY THIS IS SERIOUS STOP IT!!! SDHLKHDLS

( marta the one eyed crack dealer is my favorite side character in rm )

i love kenny and stans dynamic in rm, they're such an iconic duo.

its literally like

stan getting the smallest modicum of shit from kenny

stan: you know what kenny!!! what if i told you i was gonna end it all??? huh!!!! what then!!!!! that's right!!!! i'm gonna throw myself into traffic!!! watch me!!! are you sure you want that blood on your hands???!!!! huh!!!! yep!!! thats right!!! i'm doing it!!!! i'm undoing my seat belt!!! last chance!!! stop bullying me or i'm gonna kill myself!!!!

kenny, playing app games on his phone unbothered: .....are you sure because you didn't do it last time

KHDSLKDSHLSHLKDSDS BRUTAL!!!! BRUTAL!!!! UNNECESSARY VIOLENCE OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOD CHILL!!!! IM WHEEZINg

okay but...kyle...yeah....yeah. he is my angel also even tho hes mean. he makes me so fucking sad because he is so lovely and like hes only cruel because the universe was extremely cruel to him also and in turn it made him cruel to himself and UUUUUGH i love him i love him i loooove him...i go into his body issues and mental health more next chapter and sigh...everyone blow jersey a kiss, he needs it so bad.

i'm looking at you ravenstan!!!!! if you don't cut that mans lip open on that canopener u call a lip ring!!! so help me!!!!!! i will do it for you!!!!

you're so so so sooooo sweet though. i'm glad you liked it unformatted, tbh....i enjoyed it a lot? as fun as doing the formatting for pep was originally...looking at those updates...i can't look at them? like theres too much on them i'm actually embarrassed? i'm gonna edit the fuck out of those later and make them way more relaxed.

but yeah, i think i am going to start putting out my updates a little closer to how this one looked with more italics but with only very specific bold or other formatting...idk, i'm in my clean girl era with how my fics look i guess? but only aesthetically...on the inside my fanfictions are crazy like rm is SO CRAZY!!! chapter six...i'm stoked.

i'm trying to be kind to myself and i really appreciate it!!! it's all because you guys were all kind to me!!! i seriously cannot thank you enough for your nice words and warm energy!!!!

update, or rather, upHate coming soon ;)

-uncle nina, ceo of the ravesey hate ship

#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #this is so so so so cute #thank you so much my love!!! #the amount of you in my inbox showing rm love is so CRAZY to me im cheesing so hard you guys dont even know #this fic was a large point of insecurity for a long time and i feel really good abt it now and its bc of ur support and luv #raven is....so pathetic...im so...hes so embarassing #simp behavior #please stand up baby ur a disgrace to my bloodline #that entire dialogue exchange is so funny hes like KENNY I WILL THROW UP!!!! THIS IS SO EVIL!!!! DONT DO THIS #live laugh ravenstan and jerseykyle #boy boss and boy failure nation #raven is like i have a date aaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! yayayayay #and kyle is like im gonna kill myself this is the worst day of my life why is this happening to me DHLHSKHDLSD #also not raven threatening to kill himself at any minor inconvenience hes just like me fr

[stormyoceans]

So since you were a major influence for me to go watch vice versa after last twilight I thought its my duty to let you know that I now finished it and you WERE RIGHT

THIS SHOW??????? SO GOOD???? THEY HAD MY BACK START TO FINISH I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE THEM???? IM SORRY BUT PUENTALAY >>>> ANYTHING ELSE. LAST TWILIGHT CAN GO HOME EVERYONE WATCH VICE VERSA AND BE IN AWE OF THEIR LOVE.

IT WAS SO EASY FOR ME TO FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM??? PUEN IS A DERANGED MOTHERFUCKER AND I LOVE HIM FOR IT. THAT PART WHERE TALAY LEARNS ABOUT HIS OLD LIFE AND ALL THE SCENES OF HIM SAYING GOODBYE HAD ME ON THE FUCKING FLOOR!!! AND TALAYS HEART EYES PAIRED WITH THE ABSOLUTE MADNESS HE DEVELOPED TRYING TO GET TO THAT ISLAND!!!!!!!!!!

Also may I add the moment I completely lost it:

scene of all scenes. What a confession. What a love story. They're EVERYTHING to me. I can't believe more people are gushing over it what's up with that?!?!

I even watched our sky right after cause I didn't want to let them go and they had a CHILD. GIVE THEM A CHILD I DARE YOU 😭😭😭

Anyway. Yeah thanks for counterbalancing all the people who said vv isn't a good show like WHAT WERE YOU GUYS WATCHING?!

HELLO FRIEND I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS MESSAGE JUST MADE MY DAY MY WEEK MY MONTH MY ENTIRE YEAR IM LITERALLY BEAMING SO MUCH RN I COULD RIVAL THE SUN

it just makes me sooooo happy to see that people are still willing to give vice versa a chance after all this time!!!!!! and to know that i had even the smallest part in making you decide to watch it?????? NOT TO BE DRAMATIC BUT THERE ARE NO WORDS TO PROPERLY EXPRESS HOW THIS MAKES ME FEEL 🥺 AND IM SO GLAD YOU ENDED UP LIKING IT SO MUCH TOO!!!!!!!!!

im honestly never going to stop being vocal about how much i love this show because 1) it brings me so much joy and comfort i just want to share these feelings with everyone, and 2) IT'S AN AMAZING WONDERFULLY WRITTEN SHOW AND PUENTALAY INVENTED PARALLELISM ROMANTICISM SOULMATISM TRUE LOVISM!!!!!!!!

like i know the show has a lot of product placements (which anyway i think they did a wonderful job to integrate in the narrative and there are only very few of them i would actually do without), but they put so much care and thought and details in the story they wanted to tell!!!!! there's a reason i always say that this show HAS TO be rewatched at least once, and that's because you're gonna notice so many things that you didn't the first time around!!!!! and like the cinematography, the production, and the coloring are spectacular, the characters are all so lovable, AND DON'T EVEN LET ME START ON PUENTALAY LIKE YOU'RE SO RIGHT NO ONE COMPARES TO THEIR LEVELS OF TENDERNESS DEVOTION COMMUNICATION DOMESTICITY LONGING ADORATION CARE LOVE!!!!!!!!!!

SO YEAH ANYWAY. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SENDING ME THIS IT MADE ME SO HAPPY AND I HOPE THIS SHOW WILL BRING YOU JOY FOR A LONG TIME!!!!!!!!!

#ALSO GREYLLERY SCENE THE CONFESSION OF ALL TIME SO TRUE OF YOU TO SAY THAT!!!!!!!!!! #thank you so much again i hope you're gonna have a wonderful day!!!!!! 💜💜💜💜💜 #and you know. if you ever feel like talking about it more im here!!!!!!! #vice versa #m: ask

[bellamyblake]

i read ur modern au where bellamys a teacher & he gets sick and CANT stop thinking about him and clarke being childhood bestfriends and just being there for each other through everything and then realizing they are in love and finally getting together

Aw thank you so much!

Yes I can absolutely see them like this. 

They are childhood friends. It's Octavia who drags Clarke home. She says she met her in school and they became best friends.

But Clarke's different. She's rich, she lives in a mansion with her dolls put on shelves and ordered by color while Octavia has just one sewn by her mom;

He hates everything about her-from the way she talks to the clothes she wears but most all he hates how smart she is and how well she asks him questions that put him in his place;

they bicker from the start;

Bellamy's a scrawny kid who's juggling between taking care of Octavia and going to work after school and after that studying until midnight so he can keep his high grades;

Clarke starts hanging out with them more and more, apparently her parents didn't have any time for her or when they did it was to take her to a vacation in a faraway sunny destination from which she came home sadder than anything;

the only time she seemed happy were the two Sundays a month she spent with just her dad when he took her to the baseball court or to a game of hockey, then the swings, then the toy store where he bought her a new doll for her collection;

one of those times he asked Bellamy and Octavia to come along too; Octavia was thrilled; Bellamy tried to decline it but Clarke and Jake insisted when they came over the take her;

he has never felt more embarrassed in his life-Clarke's lifestyle was nothing like his, even the inside of her dad's car screamed expensive; he felt dirty in his clothes even though they were his best one (a washed out grey sweater and jeans that were too short for him anymore);

octavia didn't mind any of it; neither did clarke; Bellamy kept quiet most of the time and whenever they offered something like cotton candy or pop corn he declined it;

"Stop being such a grump!" Octavia scolded him in a whisper as they went inside the hockey stadium for the final act of the day; Clarke had been eyeing Bellamy worriedly the entire time, feeling like he was judging her and not really having a good time;

he perked up a little there because he loved the game "Clarke said you played?" Jake asked Bellamy when the girls were grabbing hot dogs in the mid-game break. Bellamy tensed, he always was nervous around men like Jake because of all the bad memories he had from his mom's boyfriends, so he simply nodded.

"Look...Bellamy, I think I may have made a mistake inviting you guys here today, or at least you...you don't seem to be enjoying any of this and the only thing I wanted to do was thank you."

"Thank me?"

"For taking care of Clarke when I can't. For being her friends and spending time with her so she wouldn't feel alone. She doesn't take well to being by herself in the house and the nannies only do so much."

"Oh..." Bellamy mumbled blushing ashamed; they talked some more and by the time the girls came over, he even let himself enjoy the second part of the game; Clarke relaxed and looked up at her dad with hope; he could tell even then that there was something going on between the two of them;

over the years things changed so much, Clarke wouldn't have believed it if someone tried to warn her about it at ten; she lost her dad when she was fifteen, then Octavia almost got expelled from school and Aurora got sick, right when Bellamy was graduating;

that last part hurt the most; Bellamy was supposed to start college in the fall but suddenly he had an amount of bills to deal with; he got a job in Murphy's garage, then a second one at his mom's old working place which was a dinner, then a third as a construction worker in the weekends with Miller and Roan;

he was spreading himself thin and trying to take care of Aurora in the meantime while Octavia simply couldn't take it and barely went to school; that's when Clarke tried to step in; they had been there for her her entire childhood, so it was time she did the same for them;

she stayed with aurora when Bellamy was at work, drove her to the hospital for appointments he couldn't always make, cleaned the house, learned how to cook under Aurora's strict supervision;

Bellamy came home exhausted but he never once said a word; Aurora worried about him and shared it with Clarke, Octavia found a new boyfriend and moved in with him, away from it all; Bellamy didn't judge but Clarke was angry;

"He's too good-" Aurora told Clarke one evening when Bellamy had just come home covered in dust with his fingers swollen and blood from his hard work, his legs barely moving, yet he leaned down and kissed her forehead and thanked Clarke with a squeeze of her shoulder "His heart is too good....that's always worried me." Clarke nodded as she helped her drink some water "You talk to him, right? I don't want him to feel alone in the world."

"I'm trying. Sometimes he's pushing me away."

"That's because he doesn't want to hurt you or bring you pain but you have to push him a little. And after I'm gone-"

"Aurora-"

"After I'm gone, I want him to go to school, I want him to become a teacher. Please...you have to make sure."

“I will.” Clarke promised even though at the time she had no idea how she’ll even be able to do this. She tried really hard to make sure Bellamy didn’t feel alone-after dinner, she’d talk to him in the kitchen or catch him smoking on the back porch in the middle of the night-a bad habit from his high school days that he picked up again when Aurora got sick and which she scolded him for a lot;

when she was finally gone, a few months later, Bellamy had been devastated; he got depressed and wouldn’t be able to get out of bed; it took her weeks to make him even sit up and get dressed, then months to convince him to go to therapy which he did;

it was fall by the time things started looking up a little; his favorite time of the year; that’s when she pushed for him to start school; she was about to graduate herself and apply for colleges-they could do this together;

he felt bad because he thought she wants to stay in their hometown and study there because of him; he urged her to try out for different states and do what she, not her mom, wanted to do; she ended up leaving for Washington for a year to study pre-med but ultimately came back home, chose on a nurse path and another major in Art;

that’s when they finally got their heads out of their as*es and got together; it wasn’t always easy, beautiful or perfect, but it was them; at night when she clarke settled on his chest and rubbed her hand up and down his stomach she thought of Aurora’s words about Bellamy’s big heart; 

“What are you thinking about, princess?” he’d ask after kissing her forehead; 

she’d smile and look up at him “Just how much I love your heart.” she whispered and moved up to capture his lips with hers;

#bellarke fanfiction #bellarkeedit #the100edit #bellamyblakeedit #clarkegriffinedit #bellarke fanfic #headcanons #im sorry nonny #this got too long again #nobody reads that shit anyway but #oh well #my writing

[internet-sadass]

Deleting NSFW Mandela Catalogue fics

I’ll try to keep this as brief as possible but boy do i have a lot to get off my chest

So, basically, I have been writing TMC smut fics for a few weeks now but I  justified sexualizing these characters because ‘oh well that's just what happens online’ and ‘I cant help that I’m attracted to them’ and so on. I didn't really feel morally conflicted about it or felt I was doing much wrong. Until last night when I was completing another fic request and I just kind of...stopped and had this realization that what I'm doing is awful.

I'm going against Alex Kister’s wishes, I'm reducing his art to some stupid porn, I'm going against the wishes of this fandom. I'm being incredibly selfish and childish for turning a blind eye to Alex’s boundaries. I suddenly recognized how wrong this all is and I just felt utterly disgusted with myself.

I didn't get into TMC because I wanted to write about the characters in a sexual way. I got into it because I'm a long time fan of horror and ARGs. Hell, I even wrote an article about TMC for the magazine I work for since I thought it is an original and brilliant piece of horror. Yet, I’ve reduced it to fap material and shown a blatant disregard for its merits in doing so. And I just thought ‘what am I doing to this man’s passion project? Why am I reducing this series, this art, to some fuel for smut fanfics?’ 

Moreover, I used that ridiculous justification that because I'm attracted to some of the characters and others are, it’s ok to make that kind of content. Or, because I don’t write underage, inc*st, b*stiality etc. that I am not doing anything wrong. But, obviously, I am. I am purposely ignoring someone's boundaries. 

I'm not sure what flipped this switch in my mind but I'm glad it did. It feels like I’ve woken up and seen what a horrible mess I've made.

So, here’s where the conflict is. I spent hours and days writing those fics. A lot of care went into them, and deleting them would feel like I'm flushing all my work down the toilet, but at the same time, that is also very selfish of me. (i would appreciate advice on this, i am genuinely conflicted, so shoot me an anon ask or a DM or comment if you have advice). But I feel I should delete them as I NOW morally disagree with what I've been doing. I plan on deleting the fics by tomorrow (UK time)

To Alex (I know he wont see this, but regardless) I am deeply and truly sorry for the sheer disrespect I have shown you and your friends through creating this content. To the fandom, I am also deeply sorry for being part of the problem that is hurting this fandom. I do still want to be in this fandom and participate with cosplays, fanart, theories, AUs etc but I do not want to be so disrespectful to others and their boundaries. I hope I can be forgiven, but if not, I 100% understand why.

#the mandela catalogue #mandela catalogue #tmc #tmcblr #tmc fanfic #mandela catalogue fanfic #yall have no idea how fucking bad i feel about this jesus #mandela catalog #the mandela catalog #mandela catalogue fandom #i am sorry for being part of the problem

[valewright67]

Are you okay?

Hello.

I'm a little stressed?

It's kinda stupid, honestly.

I start school on Monday, right? And it's my first year in college, I'm doing deaf studies and interpreting for ASL. I thought it would be good to learn asl, since I struggle to hear anyways.

Also, my therapist thinks I have autism? We're not gonna try to get a diagnoses, because that could very well be upwards of 5k, and I don't have that to throw around, yknow? But he strongly suspects, and I don't know what to do about that.

I have classes Monday and Wednesday in person, plus homework. Tuesday is my allotted online day, PLUS the one day with a flexible schedule I'll have to run any errands I may need to do. Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, I'm WORKING, 8 to 4. After that is any other homework I need to get done, plus all my household chores, and maybe some smaller errands, like shopping.

On top of that, my partner just like. Doesn't respond? We had plans today and tomorrow we made a couple weeks ago and I was trying to confirm and it's been EIGHT HOURS, and no response. I try to be patient, but this is a regular thing. I get he stays up most of the night and sleeps the day away, but it's 8:15 pm and NOTHING. He finally responds at 8:30 saying his phone is on the fritz and he got around it by connecting his number to his laptop. Which I can understand but I was half ready for HOURS. He couldn't have checked in earlier??

I'm not gonna HAVE any time off, I'm not gonna HAVE a day. And that in off itself stresses me out! Between school and work and homework and errands and chores, I'm either going to have time for sleep or a personal time. I can alternate between those well enough, I'm 18, almost 19, and I've got enough stamina to give up on sleep a couple nights a week. I won't be especially energetic, but I'll be able to function.

And I've been trying so hard to just WRITE, because I'm RUNNING OUT OF TIME. I've got ideas, LOADS of ideas, I'm up to the BRIM with them! And I'm not gonna have any time to write, this is my last chance, but I just CANT?

And you've sent me asks, I've seen them, I've thought about them, ive got stories, and then they just rot in my inbox, because I can't even START them. And do you know how many blurbs and thoughts and COMPLETELY FORMED STORIES I just need to actually WRITE? Like the Tristan reblog, do you know how much I want to add to that, but I can't pump anything out? I've got this great idea for the "by the way your best friends your mother" reveal. And I've got a big bro zel au I'm so PROUD of, and I want to share it with @demonprincezeldris but I've only got one section written, which I submitted WEEKS AGO AND WAS RESPONDED TO ALREADY. It was supposed to be a three part, and I've got the whole plot there, spent ages muling it over and hammering out every detail.

Then there's what I've got on A03. Did you know there's someone who thought I stopped writing Vorago because I didn't like their idea? That's not it at all! I LOVED their idea! But I couldn't even respond to their COMMENT, because what do I say?? "No, I stopped writing after you gave me this idea because I'm paralyzed staring at Google docs." And it was months ago, anyways! And I've got a bunch of others there that people want more of!

And I just. Can't. Write. No matter how hard I try. What I actually manage to force out is jilted and cringy and awful, and I will absolutely not publish that. It's almost worse than my WATTPAD ERA!

Almost. Those were dark days.

Im just so frustrated, because I'm OUT OF TIME, and I. Did. NOTHING. I'm not gonna have any time to write, even if I can, I'm not gonna have any time for a social life - that I barely had anyways - im not gonna have time for myself, im barely gonna have time to SLEEP. I feel like wasted what I had left.

Is this what it feels like to be an adult? I don't like it. I wanna be a kid again.

#rant #sorry in advance #vent #TW: emotions #writers block maybe? is that what this is? #adulting sucks.

[kidfoundonstreets]

more text than usual since yk thoughts + post limited last post

THE MUSIC >>>>>>>>>>>>>> bro i love this title screen sm,, siblings!111!!!! sirius just looks so angry while claire’s smiling yeah.....................

ughfdjgfhdgjf shes so pretty,, this is surprisingly very sweet coming from a demon but then again it’s zizel  LETS GO LETS DO THIS ITS SIRIUS TIME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! its so crazy thinking about how once this game is finished all of these routes will just be accessible 

dude claire crying and crying. i wanna give her a hug so bad. noels crying too the amount of guilt she mustve felt ahghgjh im not shocked that she went so far to look for noel “if youre going to cry that much you shouldn’t have made friends to start with” “...well though lady dorothy is an exception” sirius had so much trust and relied so much on lady dorothy it really shocks me so much but at the same time leaves me depressed so holed up in his own mindset of whats better and whats not that he doesnt even feel comfy making proper friends with the people around him dont even count reaching out. how did he manage all of those years??  HOW TO GET ALONG ACCORDIGN TO BEST GIRL CLAIRE!!:  fudny. face the end i love her sm 

sirius and his horrible awful no good bad day ft. claire elford  I FIND THIS CG SO FUNNY HE LOOKS LIKE HES HAVING THE WORST TIME OF HIS LIFE AND ITS JUST T HI S HJCFGDDHGKWEHFJ3W32 claire’s curse... the silly face....... J7UST WATCHED THE INTRO THAT WAS SO SO COOL!!! “same scent” with wilardo and ashe.. be who u r for ur pride CAN NOEL STOP SUFFERING PLEASE PLEASE HE COVERS HIS FACE SO MUCH AGRUGHFDKJGHFDKHHGH claire and sirius sibling content!! claire and sirius sibling content!! claire and sirius sibling c ont ent !!!!!!!!!!!!! so hyped for this i saw a lot of the demons too especially lime so im really looking forward to it >:D also drinking. bc ashe is a hardcore alcoholic (JOKE JOKE JOEKEKEKE) bro after stepping away from this game a bit accidentally i just realized how emotionally it impacted me. it flashed back to lady dorothy and sirius’s cgs and man.. the fucking expressions i cant say it enough THEYRE SO GOOD they always fit the moment and tell exactly how theyre feeling just ughhg.h... the way that you see sirius being so cold then you see him crying so much for a little kid with blood on him its so </3 i love this game

THEY MAKE ME SO SAD EVERYDAY  “that could be somewhat bad” then she disappears.......thank you wifey..................................

babygirl you scare me. you really scare me sometimes ughrjgrehjg the way he just gets flashbacks to what he’s experienced,, noel you fallen angel it physically hurts me

me who wanted to pick him right away with no hesitation at all: noel is just. he has so much. he knows so much. he can do so much. but his personality and fear refuses and deflects all of that. i love noel a lot and it was of course my huge bias in the first place for why i even wanted to pick him but godd i did logic it out before why sirius w as most likely the best option but this damages me  STOP BEING SO SELF SACRIFICING ITS MAKING ME HAVING UGLY DYING NOISES AT THGE SCREEN  IM GLAD HES DECIDED TO STOP RUNNING AND ROUGES SMILE IS SO GOOD BUT it scares me  noel and rouge are a good duo. i like them but it has that lingering feeling of “i could throw you away anytime if i wanted to”

OH OUCH has an earthquake here never happened before or woa wait this could be perfect bonding potential HELP SIRIUS THE SPOILED PERFECT PRETTY PINK FLUFFIEST MOST PRECIOUS PRINCESS IN THIS WORLD 

THEY ARE EVRYTHING TO ME EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE MOST PETTY SIBLINGS EVER (sirius does have a point tho claire could go absolutely APESHIT if she wanted to and i love htat abt her she deserves to punch people more) this world is falling apart more with every loop so i guess the quakes are just one of the effects of that?  but its recent sirius and ashe both not accepting that their loved one(s) are dead,,,,,,,,,,ughgjhghtrgtrh comfort them

#kid's heart #i know barely anything happened but i just finally scrapped up the motivation ok that means i can get sdtarted >:D

[pashminalamb]

Oh ew the OF accounts and sex bots are completely getting out of hand. I haven’t been notified of any new followers but I don’t trust tumblr to do so. I’m have to gonna check on that soon 🙄🙄.

And seriously for what reason are people flagging down your works for like 😭😭?? It literally makes no sense??? Some people are so rude and mean and spiteful for no reason like. Do better or screw off unintentionally quoting Ego here I’m sorry that this happened to you, it really sucks.

Ever since break started I’ve been in a kind of limbo. It feels so surreal not having any work to do. I mean I do have basic chores to do today like the laundry and vacuuming and stuff but besides that it’s a free day. I am. Very very very. Temped to start reading the blue lock manga. I know I said I’d wait for the anime to finish but like I need something to do 😭😭. I was starting my first TR reread since the last chapter but I only got in 3 chapters before I started sobbing and I haven’t even gotten to Akkuns first death or met Mikey and Draken for the first time again yet. I’m gonna have to chunk my way through it while sobbing and taking so many breaks because I will seriously never recover from this manga. OH AND I LOVE CHIFUYUS BIRTHDAY ART. Wakui continuing to attest that yes takefuyu are still canon in the reset timeline. It’s such a relief for me because those two are my comfort duo 😭😭😭. I also want to finish Chainsaw Man soon. I stopped at around volume 9 because I’m broke and was reading it at the bookstore and all I can say is that this series is definitely getting a reread cause I love analyzing strange works and concepts. THE MAITAKE COVER ASJKGFJKHFFGGG. The way I screeched when I first saw it like. I love how you worded it, they literally look like royalty together UGH. Suffice to say that yes maitake fans has a field day with the cover of volume 31 😌😌. I cant wait for the inside cover to be revealed. My prediction/demand is that it’s gonna be then as children childhood-friends-to-lovers. But I guess we’ll see.

Anyways. How are you Belle? Doing better I hope? How’s uni? Oh and when does your winter break start? How’s life? Im so happy tumblr is being cooperative now and letting you see my tagged posts 😭😭. Sorry for the constant tagging tho, there’s just so much I wanna share and I see something and I’m like “oh I wanna show this to Belle” you know? Oh and im so glad you liked that Oliver drabble 🥹🥹. I’ve got another one in mind for him but this time it might be a little more ✨spicy✨ so stay tuned 👀👀😌. I hope you have a great day and that the caramel frappuccino tasted great!!! *sending many virtual hugs*

- ✨ anon

Istg- i got followed by accounts from Czechia and Carolina this morning. Alright, I made my pinned post of Gojo's OF account but this is a writing blog; not even an OF promotion blog (╥﹏╥) unless... i draw some stuff

Tumblr decided to not let me post my rant- so here’s what I had to say

I revisited my childhood with watching DBZ... (i knew i said i would start one piece but the gym bro-ness got the better of me and i started watching it) someone please explain why does Goku's voice sound... i don't know how to describe it. i was so shocked about his voice, i was planning on watching the dub instead cause of it *crying* Honestly, Wakui did a really good job with the cover. Even when I was reading mangas online - I was so awed by the covers of the manga and when TR was on its peak here, i saw a lot of spoilers for bonten mikey. I never liked mikey... but this made me change my mind. And they (like every cover character i saw up until the Brahman arc looked like royalty. Even hanma-) I'm doing well! Contemplating to change the blog theme for some reason. It's not gonna be aiku ofc- he gets 0 screen time cause he hasn't come back from italy and i am mad at him with part 1 to ocean hues I'm on my winter break actually and omw back home. Fifa knocked the wind out of me. I feel sad cause Mbappé played really well (and he was sad too when they lost), i literally went to go keep my plate and he scored in 97 seconds of the first goal T.T . But i'm also really happy for Argentina cause its the first time in 36 years since Maradona that they have won the Wc and i cried cause they were crying on the field not to mention the fact that Messi played in their team as well - so it was bittersweet ending but also very well deserved! And yes i am a football head I can't see you in my activity still (maybe your visibility switch is off? i'm not sure) but i do get the number on my activity and that's how ik that you're there (⑅ •͈ᴗ•͈ ) I actually don't mind being tagged! and I enjoy the things you have to show me as well ૮⸝⸝> ̫ <⸝⸝ ა (i saw some stuff where you tagged me- i'll be answering those soon, promise i'm not ignoring you ૮(˶˃ᆺ˂˶)ა ) I. absolutely. loved. the Oliver drabble ˃̵ᴗ˂̵. I still read it btw, cause it is absolutely precious. the deer headrest and the fact he wants to be a good boy made me go (๑✪ᆺ✪๑) did you say spicy 💀 *here lies Isabelle Aiku; beloved wife of Oliver Aiku who is unaware that he is married to her- * Starry you're gonna make me combust from the heat *sending back bear hugs*

*my man is so handsome (>﹏<) and yours is too*

#belle.☏ #.moot🍦: ✨ anon

[chrysanthemumpink]

It's crazy but I've been watching Sister Wives and I've learned so much. I can't even begin to describe how much this show has helped me leave him. I've only watched the last 2 seasons and thats all I needed.

So this guy has 4 wives, 17 kids, and is a polygamist. Thoughts on polygamy and polyamary wasn't what got me. Whay got me was that this guy is actually a terrible husband. One guy, terrible to all 4 women and it felt like watching my own relationship issues from 4 different perspectives. In the end, one wife leaves him and its hard for her. Another wife leaves and it was easy emotionally, but before then, she tried so hard...not b\c she wanted him but b/c she felt trapped by finances, money, and her children's relationship with their father. Another one tried to leave too but it fell through. She felt humiliated and tried to win him back. She got scared and went back to what she thought was familiar and safe. And she's been trying for years. The husband is too proud to officially divorce but he has treated her coldly ever since. It's kind of pathetic. She's begging this man to love her again for reasons I don't understand but cant deny that I've been there before. The man is too much of a coward to say no.

And I'll start with the coward part, that's the last thing I said to him. I wanted for months to end things but there were so many excuses why he couldn't see me. I had to just text him. To be honest, we've broken up through text about 4 times. Not uncommon for us, but he took 4 days to respond to anything. There was something about maybe we can be friends or maybe in the future when "we are both in a better place." And my knee jerk reaction was "what the fuck?!" There was genuine anger. I've had this sense of anger for a while now but couldnt put it into words. Its hard to describe being angry at someone who is trying to salvage something. But one of the wives said something.

"You don't love me. Why won't you let me go."

And oh my God. Yes. That's what bothered me and what kept this relationship flip and flop for 4 years. I do think that there was love somewhere but he was too afraid to figure out what happened to that love or even admit that it was gone. Like no?? There is no future or doors left open. So I told him that he was a coward. Too afraid of losing me but also too afraid to admit it isn't working.

I will admit he was hard seeing him date someone else. It was even harder when I realized she was 22 and still in college. He's 34 in February. And that was just strange. I didn't think he was someone that would do that. It really made me wonder who it was I was actually dating. We broke up and it's like the person I knew doesn't exist anymore. Maybe I'm just jealous of a younger woman but I'm 27. I remember being 22, and dating someone like him is not something that would have ended well. Heck, I was 22 when I met him but he was 28. The first time we kissed was the day before his 29th birthday. It wasn't weird but you'd think he'd move forward, not backwards or whatever this is. And i find myself actually worried about this girl.

Anyway, I will admit it was hard to stay away. We've broken up before. In app honesty, him dating someone new never stopped us from getting back together. It sounds awful but I'll never forget when we wernt dating but definitely more than friends. And he asked me to hang out with him and his girlfriend because she was new in town and wanted friends. We went to the park and she told me that you said i loved Disney. I dont love Disney, he just inteprets anything animated as "Disney." I explained that and we laughed, two weeks later he said he couldn't stand her and missed laying his head in my lap. I guess I did have a chance to see who he really was.

But everytime I watched Sister Wives I could see myself in them. I knew what I wanted to be and what I didn't want to be. It made me feel less lonely in a way. Like it's possible to get through this. And I could watch how they did it and felt better.

This has gone on for too long. But I moved. Our long distance was supposed to be temporary. When I moved, we were supposed to become stronger and things would be better. We were going to discuss getting more serious, like m word serious. But we didn't make it till then. And now I'm here and I'm so glad he's not a part of this. I got a new phone and there's no pictures of him, no messages, and no desire to even add his number again. Hes gone and I really didn't think I'd get here.

I think he's gone for good now. If anyone reads this and I get back with him, you're allowed to yell at me. I kind of don't know what to do with myself now. I can't even imagine what another relationship would look like for me. That's how disillusioned I am. But I'm also really relieved it's over and that I don't miss him like I used too.

#Leo x Pisces #leo x pisces #sister wives

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 294

Devil’s Bargain/Twice Upon a Time

“Devil’s Bargain”

Plot Description: Dean, Sam, and a newly freed Castiel pursue a weakened Lucifer who’s travels lead him to a faith healer who is not what she seems

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I mean, CAs barely looked alive at the beginning…oh, Lucifer’s going to steal some of that Cupid’s grace for sure

Lucifer, you didn’t need to punch a hole right through him

Aw, poor Lucifer is still experiencing human symptoms like hunger

Ketch, you are so fucked. Yeah, just go kill the devil before he fills back up on grace

Uh oh. I’m very curious about who this faith healer actually is but now I’m scared for her

No, Cas, don’t push your feelings about having been captured and Dean not knowing Azmodeus wasn’t actually you down for the sake of the mission

I mean, Sister Jo is an actual angel but WHO is she? Ok, not one we’ve seen before

She’s right. She’s not a very good angel, but she’s pretty good at negotiating business

If I never had to see that smug English bitchass again….

Thank you, Castiel, for saying what everyone was thinking:Ketch CANT just want to strike a blow for the good of humanity

This angel is so hot for Lucifer, good lord. Especially when she’s almost let him fully deplete her grace and she feels almost human (my phone tried to autofill allo … I mean, that too)

I’m convinced they made Donatello need a whole bunch of fried chicken to do his thing just so they could make evil Colonel Sanders Azmodeus be disgusted with it

Oh fuck. She’s a terrible angel, but I guess if you spent eternity just pressing a button each time a soul entered heaven and no one listened to your ideas on how to fix heaven, but then the universe’s bad boy angel took a liking to you and listened to you, yeah, you’d betray the Winchesters, too. Who are they to you?

(I’m being so brave trying not to cough, thus spooking Megumi)

Ketch…just because you CAN pass info from Azmodeus to the boys doesn’t mean you WILL. Thank you AGAIN, Cas, for stating the SHOULD BE OBVIOUS

I’m not saying the angels should take Lucifer’s offer (he’ll make more angels and give them back their wings in exchange for making him the indisputable ruler of heaven) but it’s a tempting offer

Omg they actually did it. They made him ruler of heaven.

I DID NOT RECOGNIZE HIM. GABRIEL?!?! THEY BROUGHT GABRIEL BACK?! He’s been imprisoned in Hell for who knows how long?!

“Twice Upon a Time”

Plot Description: the twelfth Doctor must face his past to decide his future

I love that the “previously on” took us back 709 episodes

Uh oh. If the first Doctor doesn’t regenerate (I know he eventually will), will twelve start to back to the future disappear?

I should not have gone to imdb to see if that was Mycroft…I just got spoiled for actors who will be back (though, if they weren’t, I’d be surprised)

Time is just stopping everywhere for just about everyone. It’s wholly unnerving

No one likes TARDIS redecorations, and One HATES Twelve’s

Hey….it’s occurring to me that Mark Gatiss has already been a character on Doctor Who [insert obligatory England has 12 actors joke here because so has David Bradley but you don’t see me complaining that he took over the ship with the last living dinosaurs and is now the Doctor]

Oh poor Peter. I also thought he was older than he is. Finding out not that long ago that he’s five months older than my dad was jarring. Either my dad looks younger than his age or Peter looks older, but to have to defend to a man born in 1942 that you are younger than him 😭

Twelve having to defend all his decisions to One is hilarious and I can’t believe I came across a post about what your younger self would say if they saw your living space today. One called the dim lighting akin to a restaurant for the French and he’s about to criticize the electric guitar

Also Twelve having to try to stop One from saying casually misogynistic things, you’d hardly believe Moffat wrote Twelve’s lines

I had to pause because seeing Bill again and watching her hug Twelve made me sad

Who’s been stealing the faces of the dead? Like you didn’t take the face of a Pompeiian

I mean, he’s not wrong. They did cut out all the good things the Doctor has done, but “to be fair, they cut out all the jokes” is possibly the funniest way to defend himself

Ok. We can stop with the “a female companion’s job is to clean the TARDIS because I’m the Doctor from the 1960s” jokes now, we MAY continue the “1960s Doctor isn’t up to date with modern tech terms and asks Twelve what browser history is and we watch Twelve become uncomfortable” ones

I’m trying so hard to not say things like “Mycroft would never let that happen to himself” I need you to know how hard I’m trying not to say that when small octopus-like aliens launch themselves at his face

Fuck. She IS a duplicate

Oh, are they actually on Skaro? I didn’t want to hold out hope that those were Daleks

I’m confused as to what Twelve is doing with this particular dalek, but I’m sure it’ll get spelled out eventually. What I’m actually more interested in is why testimony needs all this info from One

He’s spent so much of his time fighting capitalism in space and the future and toxic positivity that he doesn’t know what to do when confronted with a plan that doesn’t sound evil on the surface

Of course not-Mycroft is a Lethbridge-Stewart. The thought had been noodling its way through my brain since I saw that he was just referred to as The Captain on imdb. I love that the Doctor kept his promise to keep watch on his family

HE ADJUSTED THE TIME BY ONLY HOURS AND SAVED THE CAPTAIN’S LIFE BECAUSE OF THE CHRISTMAS ARMISTICE OF 1914 🥹

Ok, FINE, Steven. You got me. You pierced my heart with One thinking that THIS is what it means that his future selves are a Doctor of War 😭

I know it’s not over yet but I was promised another special guest…THERE SHE ISSSS!! There’s Clara 😭😭

His smile when he sees and remembers herrrrrrrrrrr

Godddddd he’s so happy

Twelve’s arc is so so so wonderful. He started out with Clara being his “carer” (she cares so he doesn’t have to) and now he cares SO MUCH. Possibly TOO much

Him giving advice to the next Doctor before he regenerates 😭 I just…

Ok much as I do like Jodie’s Doctor outfit, I do sort of wish she could have had Twelve’s

#hellsite nostalgia tour 2023

[hyunverse]

omfg i cannot imagine a life without fall. that is so tragic. the rory gilmore vibe is definitely there especially bc i live in nyc so you can really get the fall grasp yk ? YEA can we please talk about changbin in the samsung ad bc holy shit. he’s like. legit perfect. aren’t they all tho like isn’t that why we’re all here in the first place 🤭. i cant get enough of them

100% agree i can’t imagine having a s/o rn. tooooo much work and i’m just not mentally there yet yk 😭 the thought is a lot nicer than the reality of it

i can bet money that you would beat me and that i am far from a bowling prodigy 😔. i have no coordination whatsoever. i’m also extremely short with tiny hands and arms (me and felix are twins) so i’d look an absolute fool LMAO. and it is so cute we do the opposites at the same time but still can communicate like just little humans doing cute little human things on our little phones

cute minho pics 100% made my day better. his little pout i’m distraught <///3. this is my second day w an awful migraine idk what my deal is 💔. i hope your day was good tho and you get some good rest tonight love :)) i read some of your hyunjin stuff again before falling asleep last night and i swear i shed a tear. too much fluff for my sick heart hyunjin just makes me SOFT

- 🐈‍⬛

tragic innit 💔 i sound british ANYWAY. waa u live in nyc? that’s sickkkk. how’s life there like? i only ever see nyc people complain abt the rodents on the streets and random people tryna get u to listen to their mixtape 💀 i hope ure not. . . rodent infested? all jokes pls dont hate me </3 the seungmin kinnie in me popped out for a sec.

changbin’s biceps r so big it gives me the urge to sink my teef in them. go absolutely bonkers with it </3

during my last semester, my roommate had a boyfriend, and she would argue with her boyfriend pretty much everyday so it kind of made me not want one. because imagine finishing your assignments at 1am, and arguing with your boyfriend ‘til 4am? and then having to wake up at 6? i don’t think i can handle that. so many of my friends’ boyfriends ended up being a bit controlling too, not letting them go out and have fun with guy friends. (even with other girls around them!) i feel like at this age, i want the freedom to do anything i want, u get me? a boyfriend would definitely stop that.

it’s ok, i bowl funny too. i’m pretty sure the way i bowl the ball isn’t correct but we r all unique ‼️ who cares if im not swinging my arm right? LMAOO. i have long arms but my hands are tiny so i guess we’re matching at that too 😭 i love felix’s tiny hands. especially when they’re compared with hyune’s like. . . he got hyune looking like a whole gorilla 😟

u are my tiny silly little companion in my tiny silly little phone <3 i’m glad minho made u feel better, i hope your day is better today! i’m sorry to hear about your migraine, my love. have you taken painkillers? drink enough water and do take your meals on time or i will fly to nyc and do it for u. (this is a threat.) my day was so slow LMAO i did absolutely nothing! though i did receive exciting news — got a 4.0 gpa and into the dean’s list!! ‘m overjoyed!! spent the day laying as reward. (thats my excuse for being lazy) thank u for reading my fics hehe. comments like that make me wanna keep going :-) i wanna write a oneshot abt playing with his hair!!!

sending u warm hugs ^__^ with much love frm your rin <3

#i will sign out like that frm now on #rin's lovemail! #🐈‍⬛ anon 💌

[m-talks-shit]

23/11/22 - 26/11/22

It's me again. T came over, we were both feeling pretty shit the night before so we just wanted to see each other. We watched Final Destination and cuddled. We were both laughing our asses the whole time and then laughing about the fact that we probably shouldn't be laughing.

It was really great, I love spending time with him. He had to leave pretty early to help out his mum since she's disabled. He's such a sweet and caring soul. Before he left I made it really awkward since I had an overwhelming need to cry so it just burst out. He asked me if I was okay and tried to help but I explained that it just happened sometimes and it wasn't anything in particular, I just really needed to cry in that moment.

I reassured him as best as I could and as soon as he left I sat on the floor and started sobbing, wondering what's wrong with me. I texted him afterwards to apologise for making things so weird and he told me it was fine but I still feel really embarrassed.

The next day I got my paycheck from the single shift that I worked. I immediately spent most of it, on things I needed of course.

The day after that I went out to eat with my sisters. At this point, both my sisters and my mum had spotted whats left of the hickeys and of course they knew it was T. I usually never talk about stuff with my family but I felt the need to share T with them. He's just special and I think there could really be something there. Which is of course why I started to feel insecure about whether or not he felt the same.

I saw a post of him and his friends hanging out, including my ex, our mutual friend, and the mutual friend's friend who I know for a fact used to and maybe still does have a thing for him. I hate being the jealous type, I know he wouldnt do anything, but I can't help it. I try to keep it lowkey most of the time which is why I didn't even get mad about that.

Instead I started to pick a fight with him about the fact he hasn't told his friend, my ex, that we're dating. I completely understand why he hasnt, and I completely understand that I was overreacting which I did acknowledge and apologise for later on. However, in the moment my mind came to the conclusion that he hasn't told him because he feels like there's no point since he thinks we're not gonna last.

Yeah, my brain loves to jump to insane conclusions.

Anyway, I quickly backtracked on myself and said I was sorry for acting crazy over nothing. If I was in his position I wouldnt want to do it either. In my mind he would either stop talking to him entirely or try to turn him against me. There's no scenario where I can imagine him being okay with it. I mean, when I was with him he was always really insecure about T and thought he would steal me away from him.

Well.. yeah... I understand why he doesnt want to tell him.

I feel awful but I cant help that I simply didn't have feelings for him. I really tried so hard to summon feelings. He seemed like my soulmate on paper, we were practically the same person. Maybe that's what was off-putting in the first place. Regardless, I tried to let him down as gently as I could and he victimised himself and then cussed me out to all his friends constantly after we broke up. He was always really childish and manipulative, that was the first red flag I saw, a valid excuse for simply not having feelings for him.

I always felt guilty for having romantic feelings for T when I was still with him. Of course I didnt act on them. I tried to be friends with him for a while, I remember asking our mutual friend about it constantly, begging them to tell me if he said something about me. And he did, he said that it was weird that I would constantly text him. I knew he thought it was weird, I would always be the first one texting and he would always give me pretty dry replies. After a while I just stopped texting and then we didn't speak again until he asked me out.

I did question him about it. He tried to explain that he did like me but he just didnt want to betray his friend, plus he was drunk or high almost all the time back then and totally hooked on some girl that was stringing him along. I told him many times that he deserved better. What I really wanted to say wad that he deserved me. I would treat him better. Now that I finally can, Im not sure if I am. I mean, Im very mentally unstable, he knows that. He knows what he signed up for. He has issues too, I dont care, we can work through it together.

I hate to say that I'm obsessed. I think about him all the time, I'm seconds away from confessing my undying love at any point, I check his instagram following and his snapscore, my brain imagines the way he smells all the time. He smells so freaking good. I feel like I'm scaring him away, I have confessed that to him and he said that I wasnt, that he liked it but he just wasnt used to it.

I know that he's emotionally unavailable. I'm used to that. In fact my daddy issues scream whenever I think of it, especially considering that he's so similar to my dad it's crazy. They would get along so well. I've mentioned that to him before and he hates the thought of it. Freud would have a field day with me.

It really sucks that we live in different towns. I just want to be with him all the time. We had a very intense sexting session which included the exchange of several photos and videos. It also fed into several of my kinks which have never really been satisfied before. It made me go absolutely insane that I couldn't have him right then.

I really think he might be the one. Not in a delusional, obsessed way. I genuinely do believe it. So much so that I can't imagine our life together. Every time I've been in relationships, I create a delusional fantasy of us living the rest of our lives together. I don't need to do that with T, because I actually believe that we'll live through it. I don't want to imagine a fantasy and then not have our real life live up to the expectations. I believe that this will happen. I don't see any reason why it shouldn't, I see no reason for why it would fail.

I dont want to jinx it, but I really feel like I can spend the rest of my life with him.

#love #relationship #soulmates #venting #digital diary