#obsessed with the small seemingly insignificant changes in their appearance that are actually so important | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thekriseffect · 5 years

Text

Blissful Silence (Liam x MC)

[Note: I had the day off from work today, so what did I do with my free time? Wrote another TRH fic! It’s a little (a lot) all over the place and it ended up being longer than I originally anticipated (apparently my mind had a lot to say), but overall I’m happy with its outcome... I think. That could change within a few hours.]

[Summary: After the announcement of the heirs gender and with Freya’s due date only days away, everyone is anxious for their arrival. You can read my previous similar fic here if you’d like!]

[Tag List: @romanticaheart-posts, @cora-nova .]

“What about Oliver? It’s cultivated, like Liam, yet also simple, like you.”

I was gritting my teeth so tightly I was sure they would fall out as I stomped to the great hall, Madeleine hot on my heels with pen and paper gripped determinedly between her stupidly perfect manicured nails. I didn’t think it was possible for me to dislike her more than I already did, yet these past eight months had proved me wrong. She’d evolved from an irritating itch to a festering disease, one with seemingly no cure that was driving me more toward insanity with each passing day.

It was late morning and the palace was fairly quiet with most of the staff out doing their duties for the day, so it gave me the illusion that I was alone, which was far from the truth. I was never alone, not anymore. I knew Mara wasn’t far behind, my ever watchful shadow, though she was careful to camouflage her presence like she had been for the past several weeks, which caused the sour bitter-taste of guilt to stick to the back of my throat. I hadn’t meant to snap at her. I was just tired of everyone treating me like I was a piece of fractured glass, ready to shatter into millions of irreparable shards at a moment's notice. I was pregnant, not dying.

“Lionel would also be an acceptable choice.” I grimaced. “Or Alfred, after Alfred Dumar, the fabled Cordonian dueler. The public would love that, not to mention it would portray stability to name the heir after someone so admired within society.”

“For the last time, Madeleine, I’m not discussing baby names with you.” Liam and I had recently announced the gender of our child, a boy, under the guidance of our press secretary. We had originally planned to keep it a surprise but Cordonia’s citizens were growing restless as were the neighboring royals. They wanted answers and I was failing to provide them. Curse me for taking too long to grow a human being inside my belly.

A press interview was scheduled to take place in the great hall this afternoon to discuss the kingdoms future king, so I was shoved into a satin pearl gown that hugged my torso a little too snugly with dozens on beaded clips secured in my hair to try to tame the strands flat. It wasn’t working. I blew a rogue flyaway away from my scrunched forehead. Definitely not working.

“It would be good to disclose this sort of information during the interview, Freya. With your due date being mere weeks away the media is going to be as demanding as ever,” she told me matter-of-factly as she scrawled something inside her notebook as we walked from corridor to corridor.

“Then they can wait those last few weeks to get that information,” I shot back.

The one thing they fail to tell a pregnant queen was how different her circumstances would be from a regular pregnant woman. I knew that things would be more complex for me than a typical mother, I’d always known, but it was one thing knowing and another thing actually experiencing it firsthand.

Every one of them wanted a piece of my son for themselves. They circled around me like vultures, blackening the sky as they anticipated the big moment so they could dive in for the kill. Dive in for that tiny chip of power that they would be offered. I’d do anything, anything, to keep him from their clutches. He was mine… at least for now.

I’d stopped listening to Madeleine minutes ago. Her even tone melded into the background with the rest of the pointless factors as my mind raced with obsessive thoughts until a deep throb started to pound like a heartbeat against my skull. My soles hurt, my back cramped, hips too tiny to accommodate my now massive stomach, and this dress was trying to suffocate me with it’s never-ending ruffles.

I slipped a clip free from atop my head.

I was warm. Too warm. Like I was sitting too close to the sun. Why did this castle have to be so goddamn warm?

Another clip was ripped away impatiently and dropped, forgotten on the marble below.

I glanced down at my dress. I hated the color ivory. It was reserved for people who were considered pure and innocent and I was neither. I felt like I was posing as something I wasn’t wearing it. It wasn’t meant to be worn by people like me.

I reached up again, my fingers trembling slightly now. Down went another clasp, echoing soundlessly against the ground as Madeleine’s voice droned on and on.

We came to the end of the corridor then only to be met by a set of polished, gleaming stairs. My legs ached. Stairs. So many stairs.

Madeleine moved forward down the steps while I was rooted to the spot like my feet were super-glued to the floor. I stumbled back, hands reaching behind me for the glass of the long decorative table that posed with two velvet cushioned chairs in the hallway in front of one of the windows overlooking the castle gardens. My fingertips met a cool surface and I shifted to the right to ease myself down into one of the chairs.

I sunk into it with a soft sigh and let my eyes fall closed as I tipped my head back against the headrest. Immediately some of the tension eased, evaporated into nothing, giving my lungs more room to breathe. I placed a hand against my uncomfortably swollen belly and began moving it soothingly in small circles back and forth, back and forth. I wish I could stay here like this, without a care in the world. I wish—

“What do you think you’re doing?” Madeleine’s voice came directly above me though I didn’t open my eyes to look at her.

“Sitting.”

Even without meeting her gaze I could hear the irritation laced within her words. “You don’t have time to sit. You need to meet with Liam and the media downstairs in ten minutes.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I don’t care if you want to, you have to.”

“I’m the Queen of Cordonia,” I said. “I don’t have to do anything.”

She huffed as she towered over me with what I could only guess was a disapproving expression. “You know that’s not how this works.”

I hummed. “Are you sure about that?”

“Unlike the rest of your companions, I don’t find this amusing—.” I’d stopped listening after that. It was always the same with Madeleine. She’d tell me to do something, I’d refuse mostly just because I could, and then she would lecture me about my “incivility” and remind me of the importance of my “regal demeanor.” I was a queen and, in her mindset, that meant I was expected to smile and wave and look pretty while keeping my mouth firmly shut.

I slumped further down into the armchair, the light playing against the inside of my eyelids as I let my thoughts wander away from me. The window behind me was propped open slightly, letting the strong scent of freshly mowed grass drift up into the room. I took a deep breath and allowed that seemingly unimportant observation wash over me. It’s funny how something familiar like that can calm you down. It was one of the things I’d learned to cherish more and more over the past year, the little details. The ones that appeared insignificant but in truth were what held everything together at the seams. I sighed. When did things become so complicated?

“Freya?” A new voice cut through my thoughts. Worried, richly masculine, and perfect. Liam. “What happened?”

Madeleine answered before I could, her sharp tone clashing so harshly against his that it almost made me laugh. “Your wife is being effortlessly impossible, per usual.”

Footsteps grew closer. I could feel him kneel down in front of me, his large fingers gripping the armrests at my sides as he searched my face. “Frey?” I opened my eyes to meet his. Concern pinched his eyebrows together. He had the appearance of the refined king, blond hair neatly combed back and white dress shirt stretched across his broad chest invitingly, but the expression of my doting husband and instantly my heart rate settled. “Are you alright?”

“I’m sitting,” I told him.

Liam gave me an amused look. “I can see that.”

Sucking in a deep breath, I placed my hand over his on the chair and he brought my fingers to his mouth, his lips brushing softly against my knuckles. I let my fingertips play across his newly shaved cheek as I matched his gentle look with one of my own. “They’re waiting for us,” he murmured.

I shook my head. “I don’t want to go.”

“Neither do I,” Liam said. “But I don’t think we get much say in the matter.”

“Unfortunately,” I grumbled.

“How about this,” he pressed, Madeleine silently scolding me from behind his shoulder. “We go and finish this one interview, maybe pose for a few photos.” I wrinkled my nose at him. “And afterwards we spend the rest of the evening together, just you and me. No interruptions.”

I leaned forward with bright eyes. “Really?”

“Really.” He smoothed away the wild hairs against my brow to kiss my forehead. “What do you say, My Love?”

A small smirk curved my lips. “I say… you’ve got yourself a deal.”

———

The gentle pressure of Liam’s fingers intertwined with my own was comforting as he led us hand in hand through the palace maze later that day. The press gathering had taken up most of our afternoon so the sun was just beginning to disappear beyond the trimmed hedges, leaving everything in a blinding golden glow. An easy silence enveloped us while we walked; I think we were both grateful for the quiet. It was something we really didn’t get to experience much of anymore.

We wandered for a few more minutes before the path narrowed, opening up to a small clearing ahead and I let out a startled laugh as the sight of a distressed swing hung low on a crooked branch came into view. It had been over a year since I had last been here yet everything looked exactly the same. The overgrown vines, the metal canopy overhead, the grass peeking through the stones of the trail. Warmth spread low in my belly as all the shared memories rushed back.

“You really are a helpless romantic,” I teased as Liam helped me onto the swing. The wood was pale, peeling from old age and use and the ropes burned against my palms as I gripped them tightly.

“I try,” he said with a small smile.

I gave myself an experimental push. “This is where you proposed to me for the first time.”

“It was supposed to be the only time.”

“If your family had gotten their way I wouldn’t even be sitting here today,” I said, causing a distant look to cloud his eyes, and immediately regretted it. It wasn’t Liam’s fault that his parents had disapproved of our relationship. He wasn’t responsible for the actions of other men, even those carried out by his own father.

I nudged him with the tip of my flat to try to lighten the mood. “You seemed nervous that night. I must be extremely intimidating.”

He laughed. “I was terrified.”

“King Liam? Terrified? I find that hard to believe.” I gave myself another push.

“It’s true,” Liam told me. “I knew I was going to propose to you almost immediately after meeting you, Freya. For me it was something set in stone, something as normal as breathing. But for you?” He shook his head slightly and broke eye contact to rub the back of his neck. “I grew up in this environment. Being engaged to a woman I had known for less than a year wasn’t an unusual thought for me, but that wasn’t the case for you.” He stepped closer, fingers gripping the rope of the swing as he hovered above me. “I was sure you were going to say no.”

I stood then and tilted my chin up to meet his gaze. Blue eyes clashed against brown. He was so close that I could feel his warm breath against my cheeks, taste the heat radiating off of his chest in waves.

“And yet here I am,” I whispered while taking one of his hands and laying it over the bump of my stomach.

His irises flared, expression shifting from composed into something soft and vulnerable with every emotion open and out on display. Joy, fear, adoration, nervousness, love. So much love.

“Freya, I—,” he started before I molded my lips against his, cutting him off. I kissed him like I had that night so many months ago, in the same exact spot. Intensely and greedily like I couldn’t get enough of him. Pouring all my thoughts and feelings into a single gesture, taking everything that he was willing to give and giving back just as much. His fingers tangled in my short hair as he pressed his mouth so hard against mine that I was sure it would bruise. My head began to spin. He peppered tiny kisses over my eyelids and brow as I pulled back and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“I love you too,” I told him.

67 notes · View notes

sasukeuchiha-eternalmangekyou · 6 years

Photo

//As an adult, not much. If anything I’d lean more on the envious side of stuff such as seeing others being able to spend time with their family. But jealously doesn’t play much of a part in his life anymore. Sasuke is capable of controlling his emotions and keeping his head straight in matters he can’t change. He has an awareness that he hadn’t possessed in the past. He no longer cares about the trivial things he once did.

Sasuke has a superiority/inferiority complex as I’ve mentioned a multitude of time when discussing his character development. So, it’s not so shocking to relate his former jealously to that of Naruto’s growing strength within the entire series. It’s obvious throughout but not articulated until the Sasuke Retrieval Arc after the hospital roof fight.

So bear with me as I probably go into way more detail than necessary to explain the type of jealously that affects Sasuke since we know he’s never been one to care what others think or the progress of others outside of himself. He does get envious of Lee’s ability to beat him prior to the Chunin Exams because it was the first time he was put in his place that there’s others out there who train harder and have more power at their disposal (minus Haku and Zabuza bc that too was an issue for him). However, I’ll address the few panels I have below that explain it from Kakashi’s point of view.

It’s plain and simple as Kakashi said, it’s an obsession for Sasuke to be superior to those around him. He needs that form of validation. It stabilizes him. As we see later when Sasuke leaves the village it’s due to this fight, losing to Itachi, and being attacked by the Sound Four. He was always ahead of Naruto, but witnessed him beat Gaara when he couldn’t (while not recognizing all he accomplished beforehand such as learning the chidori and being on chunin level despite not being officially promoted).

He wasn’t trying to kill Naruto at all. It was a way to release his pent up frustration with himself and the pure misery surging through him after Itachi brutally reminded him of how ‘weak’ he truly was after all that time. It was later revealed that Sasuke felt a step behind Naruto on day one when he couldn’t get himself to become friends out of fear and later resentment. The jealously grew in the cracks of their formed bond and was fiercely shoved to the surface at this moment.

Immature behavior, yes, but also not so much. It wasn’t born from thin air. It didn’t suddenly appear. It was suppressed and bypassed due to Sasuke’s character development with his team. But he had a setback no one seemed to recognize, let alone handle. Kakashi apparently had no idea Sasuke encountered Itachi (which side-note I must add bc why didn’t he know? He shouldn’t been 100% aware of this matter. But it seems as though there’s a lack of communication between them. Anyway I’ll dismiss it or end up rambling due to my Kakashi and Sasuke issue XD).

Sasuke’s jealously is volatile. The moment he thinks he’s weak, he brings his self-confidence so low it’s harmful. He criticizes himself, degrades all the progress he’s actually made and grinds it into nothing. When in reality he’s progressed at an astonishing rate (and later becomes one of the strongest shinobi in the world) but here he’s still a child, only 13 and weighs his significance on a scale. The second he gets jealous, be that towards Naruto, Lee, Gaara, Itachi, etc. he’s unable to keep it together. And it continues but is expressed differently after the time skip. Sasuke isn’t so impulsive and gained more awareness.

Sasuke has to once again question himself, wonder what made him this weak bc there has to be a source. His jealous nature digs into him. He’s always lived his life being measured up to someone else (Fugaku comparing him to Itachi). He adopted the habit and it stuck with him. He mostly feels the need to be above everyone else bc it prove he’s making progress and could stand a chance against his brother in the future. But the envy he has when Naruto seemingly gains such strength so fast is a mental kick, one he repeatedly thinks about.

Acknowledging Naruto would cause Sasuke to deny his reason for living. This is a running issue for him throughout the manga, but also so important. Sasuke is feeling threatened by Naruto’s gained strength. When it comes to jealously as a whole, Sasuke’s not one to be envious over petty things and honestly keeps himself focused/calm enough where nothing seems to outwardly bother him. He was never jealous of Itachi. He looked up to his older brother, but when Fugaku didn’t verbally acknowledge him to his face (and being only 7) it made him feel worthless. That duplicates itself here in its own manner. It’s normal to get jealous or resentful. It’s simply a fact of life. But Sasuke’s always in a sensitive mindset due to the curse of hatred. So any small act of bitterness can whirlwind into something foul.

Here we have a small taste of Sasuke’s character development. He no longer cares, realizing jealousy doesn’t give any purpose. He’s matured but is still goal oriented. It’s not really a question of what makes Sasuke jealous, but more to the point of where he started and ended up when handling it. Power has been Sasuke’s driving force, strength his confidence. When it’s threatened and jealousy kicks in, he’s set off. But here he’s absolutely fine admitting it’s insignificant.

And here we have Sasuke finally able to admit he lost to Naruto. It’s not in admission to failure or weakness, it’s expressed with a smile. The transformation to how unbalanced Sasuke is when managing jealousy to it not existing anymore is the point of this post (tangent or not). I could’ve easily kept it to a minimum and stuck with the first paragraph but I figured why not delve into it.

Sasuke’s an emotional mess at times, but in most scenarios he’s able to keep himself composed. As an adult, he’s happy with himself and whats around him (concerning his family and all the progress he’s made). Now jealousy plays no physical part of his life. Small things perhaps, but it doesn’t cut deep anymore.

#Sasuke Uchiha #Sasuke #Naruto #Shippuden #lovely anon #I have no chill #look at that #omg I'm sorry if you just wanted a simple answer and instead got this god awful wall of text #I've just been seeing Sasuke more than usual due to watching 14 episodes of Shippuden recently and well this is what happens #but I have a bone to pick with the fact that Kakashi knew nothing about Sasuke's reunion with Itachi #which meant he had no idea about what Sasuke saw in the Tsukuyomi #probably left unaware that he was even in one #who do I have to fight #bc wrong #Kakashi is the only adult in Sasuke's life and cares for him like a son and yet we get this #excuse my venting XD #I'm fine #not really but still #Team 7 needs to talk to each other #I need a thread with a Kakashi to have this discussion so help me *shakes fist at sky*

15 notes · View notes

newstfionline · 7 years

Text

J.K. Rowling: How to Deal with Failure

By Zat Rana, Medium, May 10, 2017

In the early 1990s, she returned to the U.K. to settle down in Scotland near her sister. A three-year stint in Portugal had led to a short, unhappy marriage, and she left the country as a single mother of a newborn child.

Rowling spent the next few years struggling to meet ends.

“I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless,” she said in her commencement speech at Harvard.

During this period, her depression took a dark turn, and she considered herself a failure. She had fallen and felt stuck. She even contemplated suicide.

Luckily, she found it in her to seek help, and writing became an outlet.

The idea for the Harry Potter series had come to her years before on a train ride from Manchester to London. She had worked on a few chapters in Portugal, but she only really found her momentum back in the U.K.

Rowling finished the first two books while still on welfare benefits. The dementors introduced in the third book were inspired by her mental illness.

The whole world now knows the story of The Boy Who Lived, but not many people know the struggle behind his creation. It holds a very practical lesson.

Seemingly definitive failures can often be debilitating. They break many, but J.K. Rowling’s story provides a rich narrative for how this kind of failure can be made temporary with the right approach. Let’s take a look.

Rock-Bottom is a Foundation, Not a Conclusion. A consequence of a psychological rock-bottom is that we cease to recognize opportunities. We get so caught up in defeat that we don’t sense when another road might be opening up. We see our situation as a conclusion.

In reality, that’s not really where it ends. The act of falling to the ground comes with a strange and unintended side-effect. Liberation. With nothing more to lose, we have a foundation and this foundation limits downside.

With the onset of her depression and the lack of visible opportunity, Rowling treated her rock-bottom as a conclusion, and the feeling that accompanied her failure was acceptance. She believed in the story she told herself.

With time, she realized that though her situation was what it was, it could also be more. With defeat behind her, she was left with great upside potential and little downside risk.

In a state of definitive failure, we don’t have to worry about what other people think, or face any more pain than we’re already in.

We can focus our attention with more deliberation and less hesitancy. With a platform below us, we can move with more clarity and more confidence. With less risk, we have the incentive to chase the reward more aggressively.

It’s not easy to think like this when we feel at our lowest. Feelings of inadequacy don’t go away because we want them to, and that’s okay. You just have to accept that you can either stay where you are, or decide to be more.

Less is Generally Not a Bad Thing. Failure can place limitations on our means by stressing our resources.

If you’re a business owner and you’re dealing with low demand, you might be faced with a need for a new source of income. And until you’re able to readjust, you may even have to downsize. It’ll force you to live with less.

In most developed countries, we live in societies of abundance, and after a while of getting used to that abundance, it can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking that less is bad. It’s actually often the opposite of that.

The more we have and the more we have going on, the more complicated our life is. There’s more noise, and there’s less focus. It can be paralyzing.

Barry Schwartz has analyzed much of the research on the topic. In The Paradox of Choice, he explains how backward our thinking on the concept is.

He points out that although modern culture is obsessed with the freedom of choice, more choice isn’t a good thing. Research has consistently shown that the more we have to choose from, the less likely we are to do things.

Limitations Can Fuel Work and Resourcefulness. When Rowling returned to the U.K., without a job or the ability to accumulate, she produced far more in the next few years than she had in the years leading up to her new life.

She attributes this to the routine guided by the simplicity of her life. There wasn’t much she could do, so she would pretty much just get up in the morning and go to a cafe. Her daughter would sleep, and she would write.

Such limitations also drive resourcefulness. When we have more, we follow existing patterns built into our environment. We have less of an incentive to look beyond what’s immediately accessible and how it’s presented.

That isn’t the case with less. If you want to keep moving, you have to think outside of the box. You’re pushed to be creative, and that sparks inspiration.

Failure often simplifies, and it eliminates. It removes any excess noise, and though these limitations may initially appear as hurdles, if you use them right, they actually free you to better stimulate momentum.

Great Work Isn’t Always Recognized Right Away. The likelihood of success depends on the effectiveness of output and the consistency of effort. It’s not only about creating great work, but it’s also about how far you’re willing to go for it.

Rowling is now a globally renowned author. Her success with the Harry Potter series can’t just be attributed to luck. Critics widely agree that she’s a talented writer, and the rest of us can attest to the beauty of her imagination.

In spite of that, she didn’t always have the easiest time convincing others of that. According to some sources, she was rejected by 12 major publishing houses in the U.K. It wasn’t until a year after her first attempt that Harry Potter and The Philosopher’s Stone was recognized as a tale worth printing.

Today, the first book alone has sold more than 100 million copies, and the combined series is estimated to have sold close to 400 million. It’s the highest selling book series in the world.

Probability of Success Increases with Persistence. In hindsight, it’s easy to laugh at the absurdity of it all. But what if she would have quit after that first round of rejections? It’s almost a scary thought, but it’s not an unreasonable one.

Now, this isn’t to say that we should always push ahead in spite of external circumstances. Sometimes, we’re just not good enough, and sometimes, the reward is insignificant relative to the risk. It’s important to have checks and balances in place to provide a sanity check.

Persistence matters. Rejection and failure may not be easy to absorb, but if you have a rational reason to believe that what you have to offer is of value, then showing up and trying, again and again, is a critical part of any strategy for success.

In statistics, the law of large numbers dictates that if our sample size is small, then factors of chance play a greater role in determining an outcome.

For example, if you flip a coin twice, you could very well land on tails with each flip, even though the probability of each avenue is even. If you flip a coin 200 times, however, you’re far less likely to have randomly skewed results.

All You Need to Know. There are two kinds of failure: temporary failures, which occur throughout any process and help drive progress; and definitive failures, which occur less frequently but can change how we see ourselves. They can be debilitating.

J.K. Rowling has been there. Before her status as the most successful living author, she had her own struggles. Mentally, these struggles weren’t too different from the kind that the rest of us face from time to time.

This is what her story can teach us:

I. Choose to see rock-bottom as a foundation and not a conclusion. A byproduct of failing is a sense of liberation. With no more room to fall any further, the risk relative to the potential reward gets skewed. It can be easy, in a state of pain and disappointment, to not see that as an opportunity. Try to.

II. Use limitations to fuel resourcefulness and inspiration. Heavy defeats, in part, hurt because they limit us. They force us to restart and get by with less. Fortunately, that’s not a bad thing. Limitations help cancel out the noise. They force creativity by providing a more opportune environment for it to flourish.

III. Take control by increasing your odds of success with persistence. Success depends on the consistency of effort as much as it does on the quality of work. We can produce great work and not have it recognized. It takes more than that. It’s a numbers game. Trying again and again makes all the difference.

Failure is an inevitable part of life. It can stop us from aspiring and achieving. Dealing with it is a skill, and psychological preparation can go a long way.

As with all matters of the mind, however, it’s much easier said than done. You have to actively fight it to beat it.

#J. K. Rowling #failure #success #persistence #resourcefulness #adversity

1 note · View note