I feel constantly pain. Pain I can’t describe, it’s a mix of loneliness, trustissues and the feeling of being hopeless. After all this time, i’m trying to be happy. But everytime I try, I fail more & more.
November 23, 2020 - Weight Check in
Current Weight - 324.6 lbs
Previous Weight - 318.4 lbs
Change - +6.2 lbs
Someone please give me meanspo.
Someone tell me I’m fat and disgusting and need to lose more weight. I need motivation, and I hate myself after yesterday. Thanks.
I feel so bad for the people that know me.
I make them regret it so quickly.
You know i cannot rhyme!!!!
You are setting me up for failure!!!
My special talent is assuming our friendship is a burden on you and you dread hearing from me. So then I stop talking to you to ease the load and ruin what we had
God I left the nail polish at my mom’s but for some random reason I really want to put nail polish on 5 random nails of my hands!!!! And I can’t do that
Idk- I was boredddd-
For so long I used to be afraid of failure, afraid to make mistakes because of how my abusive mother raised me. She raised me to be perfect, to always have the best grades in school or else I’d get punished and beat, to always speak properly, to dress properly, she controlled every aspect of my life making sure I was the perfect image she wanted me to be. I had no room to make mistakes as a child, so I never learned how to deal with making mistakes as an adult. But here I am, 28 years old, and I am full of mistakes. And guess what? No one is beating me, no one is punishing me, I’m not breaking the law and I’m not in jail, my mistakes are just that- mistakes. The world isn’t going to end just because I messed up. I used to be so hard on myself because “how could I be so stupid as to do that?” But then I realized… No one ever taught me any better, how could I have done better if I didn’t know any better? I started being easier on myself and now my mistakes seem so small compared to how it was when I was a child. I’d really like to share this with children of abuse and say, you are allowed to make mistakes. Your mistakes may seem so big that you don’t know how to recover from them, but they’re not. It’s just the way your abusers programmed you to think. No one is going to harm you for making a mistake. No one is going to punish you, beat you, throw you in jail (unless you break the law), nothing. You’ll only beat yourself, and you dont have to beat yourself. You can be gentle with your mistakes, you can lovingly tell yourself that it’s okay to be human and to fail. It’s okay to fail. Resolve yourself to do better next time so you can forgive yourself and move on.
maybe i’m just not enough anymore..
You have achievements. It’s good.
But boasting about them in front of your children when they fail , won’t actually inspire them.By Boasting
their past small achievements , will.
Remember, be it your child or your younger sibling or anyone who look up to you , will always hate you if you act like the whole world did when they failed.
You are not the brutal world that laughed on them , but you are
their world. Act like it.