How to love everything in your life
This is a twin post for Why discipline is toxic.
Let's start with your environment.
Credit to Marie Kondo because most things here are from her book. (a summary here but i suggest people to read the manga or watch her show for more details)
Don't clean just to clean. Clean for your self. Why do you want to live in a clean environment? Be very specific. (Wanting to feel less stressed, wanting to feel organized, wanting to be surrendered by things you love etc)
When you clean, remember why you do it. You do it out of love for your own person because you want to feel comfy in a clean space. (Or any other reason) Just don't think you have to clean for the sake of cleaning. There are so many reasons why living in a clean space can be great.
Look at your things and remember why you like them. Kondo suggested keeping around things which "spark joy". The thing is, when you do this, you feel happier because you like everything. Suddenly folding clothes is nice, moving books to their place is nice, keeping papers only in a certain spot brings happiness etc.
Don't think of this as a chore but as an activity to relax. Folding clothes is origami, doing the dishes can be avatar water bending style, cleaning cupboards can be a puzzle for organization etc.
Walks can be intimidating when you're alone but...
Try looking for a nice place in your city. Try finding beauty in a common spot. Try looking at things like you're a tourist fascinated by everything. Or an alien, that works too.
Look at the nature. The sky is always different yet beautiful. The sunlight is delightful, especially in the morning. Doesn't the grass look enchanting and makes you want to have a picnic? When you see the same things daily, it's difficult to see them as something special every day. Try learning that.
Walks are good for your body. You walk around to relax. It's an act of love for yourself.
What's something you like about that activity/task? Find something, anything. Maybe you like how fast you can type and look at it as a game while you write emails. Maybe think how pretty food looks when you have to cook. (Anime moodboards help a lot with this) Perhaps you like the happiness people display when you help them with your job.
Try thinking it's an important task and how would you teach someone to do it. Everything is worth teaching and sharing knowledge seems to be a love language many have.
Maybe you don't like the task in any way, how about the feeling you have when it's done? Or the activities you can do after you're done? Think of the pleasure you have once the task is done if the task itself is so unlovable.
Worth mentioning, think of the concept of everything having a spirit. (this way of thinking is popular in witchcraft and Shintoism) won't you enjoy thinking the fairy next to the pile of dishes will he happy they're clean? Maybe it likes the dish soap's scent. Your imagination/perspective can make a task fun.
When you dislike someone, write a list with what you dislike about them. Then write another list with tasks you love/like. Try to make the like list as long as the disliked traits list.
For your friends, ask yourself why you like them? Is it the way they listen to you when you need? Is it the silly sense of humour they got? Is it their optimism? Bonus points if you tell them your every once in a while why they're important to you.
Write a like/love letter. Not in a romantic way but in an appreciation way. No need to give it to them. Just write it to see what makes these people special in your eyes.
Strangers, try to think they are undiscovered treasures. You can always learn something from anyone. You don't have to talk to new people, but this way of thinking will make you seem more invested in what they have to say.
You can write yourself love letters~ really, when was last time you took time to appreciate your own beauty?
Avoid criticism to your own person. Yes, you can make mistakes. No, you shouldn't be cruel because of the mistakes.
Do daily something that makes you happy.
How to actively make you happy
You can find love in everything and everyone. There's always something to appreciate in people and there are always certain emotions which are triggered by things or concepts. (The smile of your friend, the fluffy fur of the pet, the pretty decoration of a cake, the softness of your blouse etc) Just pay attention around you.
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Why discipline is actually toxic
Let’s look at the oficial definition: “The practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience.“
However, when i had this epiphany of discipline being toxic I didn’t think of the definition but at the way people promote this on social media.
you have to follow a strict schedule most of the time
regardless of what you have going on or how you feel, you have to follow the schedule
you sacrifice a lot of things in order to accomplish this “discipline ideal”
you have to prioritize your tasks more than anything else
the most annoying one which i believed for years: discipline is the highest form of self-love and that’s the only way you can achieve your goals
I understand the importance of doing things because they are a must, everyone has such tasks in their life. HOWEVER, i do not like the idea of romanticizing this very “formal” way of punishment. I think discipline is a form of punishment in the long term and that is the reason some people drop out hobbies, interests etc and just want to do nothing because they are burnout.
Now, if motivation doesn’t last, if discipline is toxic, what can someone do to achieve their goals? Love. That’s the answer. Let me elaborate on this.
If you love what you’re doing, you’ll keep doing it because you enjoy doing it. If you love yourself enough to realize when you need to take it easy or when you really want to meet with friends instead of doing something, you will 1) make yourself a priority and 2) don’t feel regret for having to give up on something. You can meet with your friends and still do that task/practice for 10-15 minutes. If you love that task, you won’t miss a day practicing it because 1) you don’t feel pressured by a schedule and 2) you don’t feel like “you have to” do that thing. You do that thing because you love doing it.
The highest form of self-love is actually love. Love yourself, love your interests, love your flaws, love your friends etc.
Today i had a very long to-do list. However, today is the only day when i can meet with my dad. If i were to follow the “discipline” propaganda which i see everywhere on Instagram, the rational decision would be to finish my to-do list because others will understand that i’m busy. However, how much can you actually postpone people and not feel like you self-isolate or until you hate your “interests” because they take much more than your time?
I think discipline can make you hate your interests/hobbies just as much as the pressure to be good at it. Why? Because there’s no fun. The focus of discipline is progress, not your emotional fullfilment and sooner or later that comes and affects you.
Twin post: how to love everything in your life
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