#of course i dont know you and i dont know your life and thats not what this is about

[pinkandlilacroses]

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Angel - Paige bueckers

part 3

• summary {when an unsuspecting girl falls for the basketball star}

• warnings {drug use, angst}

• comment if you would like to be added to the taglist

bella’s pov

“ok you can go now” she says, emotionless

“oh”

“i mean, no offence but i have a girl coming soon, so you cant be here” she says laying on her back, breaking our eye contact

i don’t respond and put my clothes back on. this is fucked

“have a nice night”

i haven’t cried this much in months, walking through the halls, ugly crying.

‘paige’ has been blocked by ‘bella’

“bella whats wrong” avery says, empathetically

“i hate her, i hate her so much” i cry, barley being able to choke the words out

i look at avery after my response and i have never seen her that angry, there could fully be steam coming from her ears.

“please dont talk to her, please dont hurt her, please avery, please” i cry out, begging the infuriated girl

“why not bella, she deserves it” she yells

my tears dont stop and i feel like they will never stop pouring.

“tell me what she did”

i begin the tell her the events of tonight and her anger only grows.

“that fucking bitch” is all she can say in response

“but i blocked her, and im literally never gonna speak to her again” i say, trying to make a positive point, to counteract this negative situation

“you are never gonna speak to her again”

“im gonna go off to bed”

i feel broken, i got used. i wanted my first time with a girl to be meaningful, i know i like girls and i wanted to prove to myself that having sex with girls wasn’t wrong, but i feel wrong, i feel gross. i cant believe i would let myself be that vulnerable with someone i barley know. ive never been the one to have one night stands and ive only ever had sex with someone ive been in a relationship with.

i take my valium, something i swore to never use again after getting addicted, but its the only thing that works.

“hey, how are you feeling” avery ask’s, genuinely. i’ve never seen her be this gentle before

“wheres my weed”

“bella no”

“shut up avery”

i walk to the kitchen and unlock one of the drawers, and i see the stash. thank god

i know i shouldn’t smoke as a coping mechanism, but its the only thing that works, every time something bad happens to me, i turn to smoking

after going through 3 joints, im barley able to talk or stand up. perfect

knock

ugh

knock

fuck off

knock

“who is it” i say, it barley even sounded like words

“its azzi, is avery here”

who the fuck is azzi

“avery theres a bitch here for you” i say taking another drag

“oh my god! hey azzi” avery says, excitedly, why the fuck is she acting like that

“why are you so fucking happy” i ask, knowing full well how rude i sound

“this is azzi, shes in my psychology class and we have gotten pretty close” avery says, grabbing azzi and sitting next to me on the couch

“yo dont sit on my shit” i say, mad

“your bella right?” azzi says, happily. i hate happy people

“yeah”

“yeah avery’s told me alot about you” she says

“cool” i reply, dryly

“azzis on the basketball team” avery says, my eyes widen

“of course she is” i say, sarcastically. i hate basketball

“yeah, have you been to any games” she questioned, attempting to continue this boring conversation

“nah, i dont watch basketball”

“oh well you should sometime, avery keeps saying how she wants to go to a game” azzi says, looking at avery who begins giggling. sus

“bella your probably friends with some people on the team” avery says

“you wanna hit” i offer to azzi

“nah, i dont smoke”

“boring” i say, bluntly

“do you guys mind if some of my friends come over” azzi says

“no, no, thats perfectly fine” avery says, looking at azzi. basically eye fucking her

“who” i ask

“ice, kk, aubrey, nika and ashlee” she lists

fuck my life. im to high to care

“yeah whatever” i say, lazily

“ok perfect, ill tell them to come” azzi says, excitedly

“are you sure” avery whispers to me, being nice. for once

“i dont give a fuck, its fine” i say taking a drag

im so high. god damn

10 minutes later all of azzis friends turn up, why are they all so tall. what the fuck

avery introduces herself to them and points them to our couch

“hey im kk, your bella right” kk asks

“yeah im bella”

“hey im ice”

“hey im nika”

“hey im ashlee”

“hey im aubrey”

to many people to remember

until

“oh paige came to, i hope you dont mind” azzi says to us, mostly avery

avery says nothing, myself included

“hi paige” avery says, extremely cold

“come sit guys” azzi says, breaking the silence. i wish i wasn’t so high cause i wanna go to my room

everyone sits on the couch, paige sitting the furthest away from me. funny. not funny. not laughing

conversation begins and everyone is involved. everyone but me, ugh i’m so uncomfortable

paige keeps looking at me, and yes i’m noticing because i’m looking at her to.

paige’s pov

fuck. why do i keep looking at her.

she blocked me last night so obviously shes mad about my actions last night, its just a hookup, nothing more.

its not that deep

“i’m going to bed” bella says, slurring and barely able to stand up. i didn’t know she smoked that much, i guess i don’t know anything about her. but i don’t care.

“paige are you ready to go” kk and ice say to me

“yeah, aubrey, nika, azzi, u ready to go”

“yeah lets go”

“actually im gonna stay” azzi says. sus

“buy guys” is said in unison

azzis pov

“ugh finally” avery says, while smashing her lips onto mine

A/N: im being active rn lolll. how do we like avery and azzi

#paige bueckers x reader #paige bueckers headcannons #paige bueckers smut #paige bueckers fic #paige bueckers #uconn #uconn women’s basketball #uconn huskies #uconn wbb #azzi fudd #nika muhl #kk arnold

[neoflect]

sharing some of my disorganized jojo musical thoughts now that ive had a week to sit on it and ive rewatched it several times over. i intended to wait to publish something like this until a subtitled version was available, but im not seeing any indication that thats happening any time soon so for now youll have to deal with my loose interpretations from my extremely rudimentary and rusty japanese… so take what i have to say about the finer points of characterization with a grain of salt. gratuitous spoilers below obviously, both for the original source material and the changes made in the stage production

my feelings are OVERWHELMINGLY positive. of course there are things i can criticize or that i would have personally done differently but oh man… i have literally not thought about anything besides this fucking show for a week. im 100% confident in saying this is a better adaptation of the source material than the tv anime. sorry to the davidpro staff, i respect their hard work and their love for jojo and their dedication to what is by any metric a pretty difficult property to adapt off of the page, but i dont know if i can ever forgive them for leaving half of the first episode’s storyboard on the cutting room floor in order to fit a standard half-hour tv slot, especially considering that what they cut is some of the really crucial character-building stuff. happily those scenes are not only reproduced in the stage version, some of them are expanded upon!

with the quick disclaimer that i’ve only managed to get my hands on the final 4/14 performance with shotaro arisawa and yoshihisa higashiyama, from what i’ve seen the casting is perfect. i’m sure there’s a rip of the 4/13 performance somewhere (i’ve seen clips) but i haven’t been able to find one… every single performer knocks it out of the fucking park, the cast chemistry is incredible and even the minor characters are loaded with charisma. and mamoru miyano… my god… mamoru miyano i owe you an apology. i was not familiar with your game. of course hes been killing it for decades at this point but i had soured on him a little bit recently because i felt like he was overcast in everything and i just didnt connect with his dnt reinhard at all, so when the casting was initially announced back in august i was underwhelmed, and of course my standards for the dio role in particular were astronomically high… i’ll go more into detail later in the post because i have so so many things to say about dio’s characterization here but mamoru miyano’s performance is like, life-changing. i had impossible expectations and he exceeded them.

sorry if im gushing. i am a hater by nature. its unusual for me to be so thoroughly pleased with something. im not even a musical theater guy. these are strange new feelings for me.

just to balance things out i’ll talk about a couple of the things that didn’t really work for me: first of all, the music is just ok. my initial draft of this post called the music “bad” but three additional viewings later i have warmed up to some of the songs. i don’t know if this is a shortcoming by dove attia as the composer or if it’s just me, as i said i’m not a musical guy and a lot of the genre conventions of musical theatre are not really the things i look for in music that i enjoy, but like… even at their worst they are serviceable. nothing here is sonically unpleasant to me. high points are “resolve of the ripple” (zeppeli’s hamon training song, a jazzy swing number - it’s simply catchy and fun to listen to) and the closer “phantom blood” (a sweeping ballad that reprises the earlier “light and darkness”/”golden spirit” leitmotifs into an epic duet between jonathan and dio as they join hands and walk off into the darkness together… made me cry! i wont lie! on every single one of my numerous viewings this one got me misty eyed!)

wait i forgot this is supposed to be the part where i’m being critical. ok my most loathed song in the musical is “dio’s world”. sorry dio nation. it doesn’t really work for me. i think this might be a case of my standards/expectations being too impossibly high because it’s not even really the worst song in the whole thing. and of course miyano eats it up so it’s not really his fault. i just find it kind of underwhelming… i find the melody a little grating, it’s kind of just a generic rock number, it’s just missing a particular je ne sais quoi…. the essence of dio isn’t there… lyrically though i am obsessed with the premise of dio recruiting his minions by selling himself as a kind of social revolutionary who is upending and inverting the brutal hierarchy of post-industrial victorian society with zombie blood magic. you win some you lose some.

the second sticking point for me is the costumes. they’re perfectly serviceable… adequate… but i mean when it comes to jojo “serviceable” and “adequate” costume design obviously falls well below what’s expected, right? a lot of the outfits have kind of a boxy, almost flat-looking kind of unflattering fit on the actors, which if i wanted to be generous i could attribute to the challenge of bridging the gap between these frail slender musical theater twinks and the two-meter-tall 250lb roided-out beefcakes theyre meant to be embodying. (bearing this discrepancy in mind a lot of the insane martial arts stuff in the second act doesn’t really land with the oomph that it should, but i also understand logistically why this kind of casting is not practical, and all things considered i think shotaro arisawa does a really incredible job of embodying jonathan joestar even though he kind of looks like i could snap him in half over my knee like a twig. he’s very cute. so i’m not mad about it.) of course, again, logistically, i understand that in a stage musical production, where actors only have minutes to complete costume changes, some sacrifices have to be made to the creative vision in the name of practicality. nevertheless this is jojos bizarre adventure!! i want to see some fucking baubles!!!!!!

which is all to say that… after carefully considering it for some weeks… i still have extremely mixed feelings about dio’s grink ass feather bathrobe look. it’s not that i dont think its something he could wear (the concept of dio lounging around in his gothic vampire palace doing re-animator style body horror experiments on the local wildlife in this “officer i have no idea what happened to my husband”-ass nightgown is nothing short of hysterical to me) but then he wears it into combat and i felt a little disappointed… it has the same unflattering fit issue as the other outfits in the show, and it is just such an un-araki-like design… where are the gaudy color combinations? the bizarre geometric patterns? the tease of an exposed boob/thigh/midriff? erina gets a stage-original dress design that i have fewer issues with because the excessive pleats and ruffles have more of an araki-esque sensibility, but every time i look at dio’s robe it feels like there’s something missing.  i’m going to choose to be nice about it because it’s not at all a deal breaker and, again, mamoru miyano devours the look. it’s fine. it’s always fun to have a new dio outfit. if anything, the fact that the blu-rays are being marketed as “2024 cast version” gives me hope for the possibility of a future production with a new vision for the costume design. (although the fact that this was such a difficult production - with stunts and pyrotechnics and moving setpieces - that its entire first week was cancelled indicates to me that the prospects for a future production from a different company are impossibly slim. i guess there’s always hope?)

in terms of the writing and the changes that were made from the original narrative, honestly i don’t really have an issue with anything that was cut. sorry if there are any diehard stans of Poco’s Unnamed Sister out there who are steamed that their favorite minor late phantom blood character got the axe, i kind of understand how you feel because i’ve been malding over david pro cutting the Danny Lore for eleven years, but i think it was the right choice and the story flows so much better. the real juicy meat at the core of phantom blood as a narrative and the thing that brings it head and shoulders above so much of the rest of jjba is the character-driven drama - that deliciously pulpy victorian gothic family tragedy - and the relationship between jonathan and dio. the musical beefs up the character drama and slims down the action-driven second half by trimming out the extraneous battles. the only real downside i see to this is that the absence of tompetty and his prophecy makes zeppeli’s arc and death feel INSANELY abrupt, but tbf that’s not a deal breaker for me. sorry zeppeli. you were born to die.

okay. okay. i think 1500 words into the post is enough fucking around so let’s talk about the real reason why you and i both know we’re here

musical dio is SO fucking sad. he’s positively wretched, you guys. he was born in a wet cardboard box all alone and forced to eat cement when he was six. he cries even more than he does in the source material and even when he’s not crying he frequently delivers his lines as though he is moments away from bursting into tears. back when the musical first opened i was snooping on the reactions on jpn twitter and one commenter said they could see miyano’s tears and snot from the nosebleeds even without opera glasses, a remark i initially assumed was hyperbole but that i now think probably was not. araki’s dio is certainly tortured and a deeply pathetic crybaby beneath all the cruelty and posturing, but changes in the musical and miyano’s embodiment of the character bring this pathos to the fore. he is literally haunted: dario’s ghost lingers, a manifestation of all of dio’s traumas and insecurities that emerges from the recesses of his memory to taunt him with the reminder that he will always be his father’s son, all the way up until the very minute that jonathan breaks down the door to his vampire lair. i am OBSESSED with this - not only for the obvious reason that i delight in dio’s suffering personally but also because kong kuwata is a delight and he fucking kills it every time. also lends itself to a category 10 leitmotif moment at the top of the second act when dio emerges from the charred ruins of the joestar estate singing dario’s theme and calling out to jonathan - if i had to pinpoint this is probably the moment when this musical stuck for me as the Real Deal. they Get It.

the first solo number in the show is dio’s disney princess I Want song (amazingly, simply titled “dio”) where he weeps for his late mother and his wretched lot in life, and then - in a creative decision that made me clap my hands and hoot and holler at my screen in real life - there is a reprise of this number (delivered, naturally, through tears) when dio is almost arrested for murder and decides to become a vampire instead. so there’s this amazing hopeful uplifting inspirational orchestral music accompanying the onstage action of dio ruthlessly slaying jonathan’s dad and then getting pumped full of lead by a bunch of cops. it is brilliant. 10/10 no notes. it’s moments like this that i think really sell the “softening” of dio in the stage version for me, even though i am historically Not A Fan of fanworks that take a similar angle - like, yes, he is sad, but specifically he is narcissistically obsessed with the spectacle of his own suffering, he is boiling over with bitterness and rage for everyone around him who (by his own estimation) could never hope to have suffered as much as he has. this sensitivity and self-pity he wallows in are not expressions of a guilty conscience or a desire to change - they’re entirely the opposite - every cruel and monstrous deed dio commits is always justified to himself because he is simply the saddest little boy who has ever existed. he has been done wrong by the world and so there is no limit to the depravity he may reasonably respond with. i’ve seen several commenters describe this as a drastically different interpretation of the character from araki’s dio (and someone told me on twitter that mamoru miyano himself has also said this, but i cba to go digging for an actual source so take it with a grain of salt?), but i… dont think thats the case! dio’s obsession with his own weakness and his self-perception as the eternal underdog (as compared to jonathan) are certainly more exaggerated in miyano’s performance, but i don’t think this is an angle to the character that’s been manufactured out of whole cloth. the genre conventions of the stage musical force the melodrama up to eleven and dio’s incredibly repressed angst is the most rich vein to mine for that. hair-trigger sadist dio is still here, it’s the same guy, he’s still killing people mercilessly, you’re just getting to see him sing a big ballad about his feelings instead of confining those to an internal monologue.

if anything, the exaggeration of dio’s pathetic/cowardly/crybaby traits combined with his megalomaniacal aspirations and bottomless well of cruelty is just right. it’s perfect. fucking around, finding out, and then trying to weasel his way out of the consequences with crocodile tears just so you don’t see him drawing his knife to cut you clean open… yeah. thats the stuff. thats my one true blorbo. sad to say i will love him for ten thousand years.

i think that might be all i have to say… or at least all i feel like saying here… most likely ill come back and edit this post later. i certainly have some additional thoughts and some more esoteric/controversial takes but they’re not suited for a public blog. real ones will understand. im keeping my eyes peeled for somebody to translate this thing but to be frank i am kind of enjoying this little corner of fandom as it is right now: just the asians and the true hardcore phantom blood phreaks. i have not had this much fun in jojo fandom in almost a fucking decade. as soon as somebody publishes an english version my timelines going to get flooded with all the most deeply annoying “kono dio da” “speedwagon waifu” reddit guys and 15 year olds and my suffering will proceed. unfortunately this is my lot in life and i am doomed to be here forever because dio put a worm in my brain

#⚰️ #jjba tag for blacklisting purposes but i dont want this in the main tag

[emo-trash88]

Hello! Its me again, i LOVED your Tyler and Aiden one and i'm back with one more. So think about it, Tyler knows baseball right? So why dont he use his bat skills? (is that what its called?) To beat the shit out of phantoms when they first go to the phantom dimension? Maybe something like thr reader gets pulled by a phantom and tyler crashed the phantoms head with his bat?

I love this! Fr this, like man, put yourself to use for once 😭 I'm putting this at like the first-ish part when they all get attacked on the bus.

Home Run

Tyler x Reader

Pronouns: Second person

Word count: 491

Tw: Uhhh bashing in heads??? also blood.

So this wasn't exactly how you expected to be spending your nights with your boyfriend. Usually you would've expected sitting with him in his bedroom watching some stupid cringy movie or you forcing him to play a random game you found the night before. On the other hand, you haven't really had a night like that with him since Savannah, so what did you honestly expect?

Well regardless of how you feel about being unable to live your best life, you don't have a choice. You lay in your bed, waiting for it to finally hit midnight, like it has every other night. As you lay there you feel your mind wandering, and eventually you start thinking about where you all were last night. The bus graveyard, you were all running. But before you can finish the thought, you black out.

Almost as soon as you open your eyes, you hear Ashlyn whisper "Duck" and you, along with the others, crouch down almost in unison. As you all get down everyone starts brainstorming how to get out of this situation, how to get away from the lurking phantom. You sit there silently, almost in a trance, anxiety coursing through your veins.

After about a minute of debating, Ashlyn perks up and her eyes widen slightly, a sight you've gotten used to. She hushes everyone and after a second says "Hide under the seats.". You along with everyone else start army crawling under the seats, peering out periodically to see if the phantom is nearby.

As you try your best to stay still, you hear a semi loud creak. A creak thats too loud to be safe. You cover your mouth with your hand, your breath becoming more frantic with each passing second. You turn to look behind you and before you can do anything, the phantom grabs you by the ankle, pain searing up your leg as you let out a scream.

"(Name)!" You hear yelled, too freaked to be able to figure out whose voice it was. You grab onto a seat above you and start trying to pull yourself up while (attempting to) kick the phantom away. You let out pained grunts as the phantom digs deeper into your ankle, managing to weaken your grip on the seat above you.

You almost give up, the pain becoming almost unbearable for you, but before you let go, you hear a crunch. A loud disgusting crunch. And almost immediately afterwards, the phantom lets go, letting you pull yourself up.

You push yourself out into the aisle, seeing Tyler panting with a broken wooden bat and the phantom laying limp on the ground. You look at Tyler, tears in your eyes either from fear or pain. "Ben! (name) needs help!" Tyler shouts, running to you and pulling you into his arms.

This is when you're finally able to look down, and all you see is blood staining your pants, shoes and socks. It's slowly dripping onto the floor of the bus like a melted ice pop. As you stare at it, almost everything stops. You know Tyler is trying to talk to you to make sure you're okay (you're very obviously not) and you can see Ben tending to your wound with everyone else either staring at you or the dead phantom. But none of it feels real.

After a couple minutes Ben finishes wrapping your wound and Tyler pulls you closer to him (if that was even possible). "Please don't ever do that again" he says softly and he genuinely sounds worried. You nod in agreement and for just a moment, this feels a little better than a cringy movie night.

Omg I'm so sleep deprived, but I hope this turned out good :)

#school bus graveyard #school bus graveyard x reader #sbg tyler x reader #tyler hernandez #sbg tyler #sbg #sbg (webtoon)

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #p4g #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #MAN I SWEAR WHEN THIS CONVERSATION HAPPENED I WAS SWEATING BRICKS IN WORRY #anyway i forgot to save before speaking to yosuke so i dont know what the other options are BUT YOU KNOW YU HAD TO ASK IF HE WAS OK #thinking about that comic where yosuke was being harrassed by some punks #theres something about the way hes telling this story that feels like he was treating it as being incidental. as whatever. #like “oh yeah im fine?? anyway thats not the point of the story i wanted to tell you about how they were so terrified of kanji” #LIKE DUDE. BUDDY. YOUR LIFE WAS IN DANGER. DONT DISMISS IT LIKE THAT #the fact that bro came so close to being beaten up and it was a conversation that could have been easily missed #like if yu hadnt run into him at night was yosuke just going to... not bring it ip? #(yes of course he wouldn't you know what hes like!! he wouldn't want to be a bother on yu. nothing happened after all!!) #BBYGIRL PLS!!? YOSUKE MY BOY PLS RELY ON YOUR FRIENDS TOO.... #anyway i think a yosuke protection squad should form they should start going home in pairs #he's good with his queue

[bloodyke]

the way theres so many polls i legit cannot answer bc i have memory problems

#zenith.txt #im not joking when i say i cannot remember large swaths of my life like im being 100% serious i Do Not Know #me saying i dont remember doing/saying/etc this isnt like a haha silly quirky minor thing im being serious i legit forgot #I WANNA TELL PEOPLE WHAT MY FIRST XYZ WAS BUT I CANT BC IDK #i could probably guess but ill never know if it was or not #and lowkey it kinda annoys me when i say i have memory problems and people dont take me seriously or say someshit #like oh well you remember xyz in great detail so youre lying you have an excellent memory #bc thats not how it works lmaooooooo #of course i remember in detail my special interests i soend 24/7 thinking about them and will go insane without #and even then i still forget a majority of things about my special interests and hyperfixations bc I HAVE MEMPRY PROBLEMS

[leafyloveslaughing]

bro. i'll appreciate pretty much any content that's consistent but damn, historical manhwa's where the fashion is consistent? pop off.

#i dont read them that much but when they put in the thought you def notice T.T #the most notable ones are ill be the matriarch in this life and a stepmothers marchen like omg #even if there's the few off artistic choices IT IS LARGELY CONSISTENT they stick to an era and they nail it !!! #of course this isnt to drag on other historical manhwa. i love any pretty outfit when i see them. but it just hits different ok 😭 #im just saying this as someone who never studied a piece of fashion history in their life but watched a lot of videos leave me alone- #in illbethematriarchinthislife. the womens wear consist of long dresses that sinch HIGH. just below the breasts. jane austen era i think #AND THE MENS WEAR IS ALSO CONSISTENT !! GOOD LORD !! long shirts. FLAT. not a synched waist to be seen here. no sir. #unless your wearing a uniform jacket then like. maybe a little sinch. just a little. #in astepmothersmarchen. womens wear are BEAUTIFUL. floofy VERY FLOOFY SKIRTS. i swear they gigantic #again i didnt study fashion history so idk the exact era but the SILHOUTTE. chefs kiss. distinction is so important #really frilly tops too. i dont think ive seen a hard lined triangle sinched waist yet. with like a visible corset i mean? thats another era #OOOH- GOING BACK TO illbethematriarchinthislife. the womens wears sleeves?!?! lovely. mostly puffed shoulders with slim long sleeves. #so going by that im now no longer sure if its jane austen era? since that era was puffed shoulder sleeves with really long gloves instead- #i mean they couldve also gone straight up sleeveless but what do i know T.T #their skirts also. unlike jane austen era. very big !! with a part split in the middle like a triangle to reveal only more skirt #i dont have the vocabulary for this... #back to astepmothermarchen skirts. floofy at the sides. lots of frills. they appear round but i wouldnt be surprised if like- #similarities with historical france dresses show up? with the really long sides you know #idk much about the mens wear in this one- #the men wear uniform esque style. casual wears are long poofy sleeves with them white loose fabric #really sinched at the waist tho but im not sure if its the fashion or just the artstyle? #a stepmother's marchen #i'll be the matriarch in this life #if anyone has any recs pls share them !! or any added detail because again. not a braincell in sight with this one XD #hearing people who study about fashion history is such a blast !! theyre all so passionate T.T #most of the historical manhwa ive read are european centirc but the asia centric ones? slay

[timeisacephalopod]

When American politicians discuss doing universal healthcare in their country and start whining about the possibility of "medical tourism" where people would theoretically go to America to get healthcare I want to scream and shake them. That already exists- Canada is where Americans went to get their fucking insulin because their own government failed them so hard another country nearly had an insulin shortage a few times over the course of the pandemic alone.

If you want to talk about medical tourism and that """"straining""""" the American healthcare system then maybe take a look at the way Americans are consistently causing strains to Canada's healthcare!! And I assume Americans don't just travel here for healthcare either, so when American politicians act like they're Just The Best and everyone will go to America for healthcare I want to be like THE ISSUE YOURE BITCHING ABOUT EXISTS AND ITS NOT HAPPENING TO YOU ITS HAPPENING TO CANADA AND ITS BECAUSE YOU REFUSE TO ADEQUATELY SERVICE YOUR POPULATION AND MORE THAN ONCE CANADIAN DIABETICS WERE THE ONES WHO'D SUFFER FOR IT. Like you want to talk medical tourism without ever acknowledging your population using other countries healthcare, which I guess is fine because it's not America footing the bill, really?

#winters ramblings #and to be VERY CLEAR this is NOT hate about Americans getting canadian insulin OF FUCKING COURSE theyre coming here #to get LIFE SAVING NON NEGOTIABLE MEDS. of COURSE they are who could possibly blame them for that?? #but American politicians yapping about medical tourism like americans arent DYING from not using their bullshit health system #or otherwise going to OTHER COUNTRIES for care like getthe FUCK out of here you people KNOW the strain you cause to canada #American politicians just dont want to take responsibility for their own fucking population to the point of that population LITERALLY DYING #before going and using AMERICAN healthcare. also to access another countrys healthcare thats already a huge privilege #not everyone can even CONSIDER doing that and i know people coming for insulin were coming from FAR to get it #which is a FAILURE to that population from their eugenicist ass government but even these people scrapping for NECESSARY meds #are of the most privileged people looking for those meds. but like youre REALLY gunna talk about kedical tourism #like its not YOUR population doing the tourism because YOU FAILED THEM?? really??!?

[thursdayg1rl]

killing myself in front of the houses of parliament to change their life tragectories forever. and then maybe they will consider trying to make life easier for people in abusive situations

#why is everything so hard to DO #just registered to vote idk if i did it right #bc i searched up my name in her emails bc my school said we need to stay on top of all of it this year #and saw one asking me to register to vote and it said reply by the 19th but obviously she didnt tell me so i might just not get to vote idk #and didnt want to sign up for a postal vote bc of course they have to post the application to you and then she would be like why are you #trying to vote who do you think you are youre not allowed to be a person outside of what i allow etc etc #so ig when the time comes itll have to be in person #and you need id for that #and of course i dont have a driving licence bc im not allowed to learn how to drive so WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO #at least i can access my passport but there could be people whose parents/spouses hide their documents.. #like dp you see what i mean . everythning is a trap #also im getting so much anxiety about not knowing how to drive #bc she'll never let me learn under her roof so wtf am i supposed to do like genuinely #ill just have to go about life not knowing this basic skill #at least my brother knows how to from pakistan so he can just do the tests #i dont even KNOW #theres just so many things like that which make my skin crawl #like the fact that my bank account is linked to her phone and this address so thats a level of control she has over me like for years #and this is my address for everything official basically #and i have no idea how id even start changing it when i do leave #think the only option left is to kms maybe then ill be free

[todayisafridaynight]

i want to share my silly little masato and aoki drawing i made on paper but im terrified of sharing my art to strangers bcz its not that good and im afraid ill get ultimately slandered LMAO

when youre scared of being criticized for a drawing but still want to share it its best to do what i do and throw it on the internet and then dodge the website for the rest of the day :)

#snap chats #over time you just. stop giving a shit and post and proceed LMAO BUT tbf ive been doing this for years so easier said than done #but i mean lifes too short to care about what other people say right #if you really wanna share something just share it #there's a thing in psychology known as the imaginary audience and it's when we're harsher on our image for no real reason #like of course we want to impress our peers and yk. be cool to them #but at the same time and as a result we heavily criticize everything we do if it's not 'perfect' #honestly a phrase that's saved me a lot is 'if theres no problem theres no worry' #like if theres nothing wrong going right now dont act as though youre in the thick of it yk #idk i cant make you post what you want but i guess over the years i get sad seeing people say they wanna share something #but ultimately get scared of doing it even though i know they can make something phenomenal #and yk. i just wanna see that and i wanna see people be enthusiastic about things they love #thats why i do art anyway- its because i get to be enthusiastic and share my passion with people #idk im rambling and this is preachy #tl;dr share it motherfucker 🔫 thats the tone we're all used to from me LMAO

[collecting--stardust]

This semester's summary: existential crisis, existential crisis, existential crisis

#ah and 💸💸💸 #so im always good in words compared to action so theory is not bad but my skills is lacking #im aware of it but im always a bit slow to catch up and all and that's one of my biggest insecurity #anyway today we had our last review skills session and i was unfortunately standing nearest to the trolley #so i was selected to do the tracheostomy suctioning and boy thats one of the skills that im really bad in #and i was struggling so bad and im shaking and my group has the top students and while i give no fuck you can see how they judge me #and the person in charge for that section is a master student who is having her assessment and i really dont want her to get bad results #so more panic and insecurity #but throughout the session she still guide me patiently and even say like its okay youre doing great and all #and by the end of it i got the grip of it but i was so upset with myself and regret everything #but then she lightly touch my arm and said its okay youre doing really well when i obviously fucked up #and then i just.. cried #what a good thing i wear a mask because two of my course mates are tested positive today because damn #and i keep on pretending to wipe my glasses when i was actually hiding my tears like damn this is embarrassing #but... i really want to thank her personally but i cant even talk just now and i dont even know if i will meet her again #because i really am doubting myself lately and that word is really comforting and i really needed to hear it #god 2nd year sucks i didnt even cry throughout my first year even when i did the worst presentation of my life and look like a dumbass #i always rant here you guys must be sick of me lol #personal.txt

[sufranstevens]

first listens of july coincide with an extremely hectic time of my life!

#m #the pic was to balance the first one but also love it #the beyonce one was the only reslisten. listen its so good to empty your head and power walk to places or dance to #tracy chapman good but i will never listen to it again dont really click with the style except for. well fo course fast car temon #and justice for all i have already listened too many times in my life with my dad but its not as good as i remember. or i have outgrown it #loved the green one. ambient? anyway great soundtrack for reading house of leaves #i uh dont know if i was too worried with other stuff but i thought this bloody valentine album was kinda mid #but then again i didnt click with my first bloody valentine album until like my 10th relisten so #the pixies one yea its catchy #hated the spanish song tho #anyway thats it! hope you enjoyed this extensive tags rant

[mejomonster]

Sometimes I think ah yes being demi doesn't affect my life much more than like desolately few crushes and having to adapt asking people out/casually dating to me picking people not knowing if I'll actually like them for a few months so needing pre-crush standards on how to pick who's worth trying to date

Then I do something and I'm like oh god yeah forgot. Forgot. Dang yeah this affects so much

#rant #im demiromantic demisexual and uh #my dudes.... the second a convo or life situation tangential to me veers into relationship or sex territory #i realize wowza i do not think like the majority of people #every time love at first sight or first month comes up or sex within a few dates comes up #or fucking KISSING on first dates???? #or that im supposed to take anyone seriouslg when they say they love someone after a month??? how does Anyone take that seriously?? #but they DO. or how my definition of love is SO colored by my experience being demi #so when people describr LONG TERM attachment love in marriage as if it needs to be defined separate #from sjort term 'love' thats chemicals and honeymoon phase and will eventually wane and #can cloud your rational judgement? im like???? to me of course love alwaysssss means a long term care for another person #and interest in who tjey are??? wtf you mean people say love and mean it and mean that short term honeymoon phase feeling?? #what do you mean the chemicals kick in BEFORE u can rationally contemplate if a partner is compatible??? #what do you mean u had sex so now ur illogically attached to someone in compatible? #like yeah ive vaguely felt the honeymoon phase. after knowing someone 5 years before dating. so i was illogical #and everything avout tjem seemed Perfect in rose tinted vision. but only after solid years of being able to objectively view them #it hits me in other dating but like 3-6 months in. which gives me at least some time to go #WAIT my dumbass didnt check them for red flags in the first months! i should be wary and not assume theyre perfect rn just cause im feeling #biased. and its so easy to move on from casual dating for me cause i just dont get attached that early in knowing someone... #and my god man. hearing ppl talk about anything dating im like. why dont... yall just say what you mean andcsay what you feel???? why is it #all these layers and obfuscations???? why is it viewed as weird when i say hey i dont kiss right away??? why is it all such a #layered game? #i do not get it.

[chekovsphaser]

Wrote a weird short poem about disability and transition and home improvement

Metamorphosis

I live in a rented house. I moved here as a child. I’m growing grass in the garden Painting the walls and hammering nails I’m filling the spaces with myself I’m making this body mine.

#the home improvement is a metaphor #life of dan #the chronicles of the chronically ill #listen i dont have a lot of friends so im gonna tag rant about it #its about all the stuff I've done 'to myself' since i became an adult #its about reclaiming control over something that i completely lost control over #re disability #and of course im not transitioning bc im disabled thats not the point #its that the overlap between this is gender euphoric or whatever #and this makes me feel like I am an active participant in my physical form #cannot be understated #trans stuff #i think its whyh people cut or dye their hair when they are sad u know? #the sense that you control your physical form