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vagrantblvrd · 4 years

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I’m sure it’s been done a bajillion times by now?

But that hitmens AU in which Gavin and Ryan work for different agencies, and of course their paths cross all the time.

That time in Paris where Ryan had to walk the catwalk as a model to get close to his target. (Unorthodox, but it worked, okay.)

Gavin was there too, either posing as a bartender or photographer and you just know there was a moment in which their eyes met, because of course they did.

Gavin serving drinks and being flashy about it, and Ryan needing to blend in at the bar while his target mingles with the crowd. Gavin zeroing in on Ryan because something strange about him, you know? (Not soft like the social elite and whatnot around them, pings Gavin’s potential threat radar hard and just. Best to keep an eye on him? And if flirting is needed to keep up the charade, so be it.)

Or Ryan on the catwalk and there’s that one photographer that wasn’t there when he first walked onto the catwalk, but when he does his turn to head backstage there he is tucked a little deeper into the shadows then the other photographers.

Odd, but he doesn’t think much of it until he’s backstage and the screaming starts? And now he has to hustle if he wants to get his target. Which he does, but it’s a close thing, because Drama. And when he brings it up with the agency all security footage the photographer should have been in is either corrupted or simply missing. HMMM.

Other cities and other targets - awfully convenient how they’re never after the same targets, so no unnecessary conflict of interest there, thank goodness.

Eventually they get to the point where it’s a game for them, all friendly rivalry stuff, you know? Who an get to their target first and go unnoticed.

Or who can manage to find the most unlikely of disguises and such.

(Those times they deliberately pick a disguise to help the other one out, and little *wink* as they let them into select VIPs only areas or pass them a key card or vital bit of whatever to reach their target and their handlers/agencies are just like *facepalm* in the background once they run into each other on a mission because cue the awkward flirting/Pining? Like seriously idiots, just bone already, no one wants to see you drag this out any longer it’s too painful to watch.)

And then!

The mission where they do have the same target, because some baddie out there has some Evil Scheme(TM) to expose/ruin their agencies and then Take Over The World(TM) and they’re the only ones who can stop said baddie?

And then two ridiculously skilled hitmens team up to stop the baddie and it’s just. Utter ridiculousness and terrible flirting and probably jumping into a large body of water to escape dying horribly and someone offering the other their jacket to keep warm while they trudge their way towards civilization and a car they can steal.

(Bonus points if they both went into the water and the whole keeping warm thing is a moot point, but it’s totally the gesture that counts and just. Yes.)

Also high speed chases and shooty-shoots with the baddie’s flunkies.

Some cheap motel somewhere with one bed - there’s a convention or something in town and it was the last available room. Instead of one of them taking the bed and the other sleeping on the floor they settle for sharing the bed - after a bit of back and forth, of course, because gentlemen or whatever. Then the bit where they’re hyper aware of the person in the bed next to them and all that.

Ryan puts off heat like a mofo and Gavin runs cold and it’s after the dunk in the water so body warmth! Which is how they wake up the next day with Gavin snuggled into Ryan and Ryan’s arms - naturally - around him and oh, no, because it’s actually really fucking nice. This whole bit about how lonely their lives are what with the constant traveling and murderizing other people thing?

And, like. Sure they’ve got friends at the agency and such, but they both go home to empty apartments. (Well. Gavin’s got his cats and Ryan’s got his strays and just. Yes.)

Akwardness all over the place, but first maybe there’s that moment where fuzzy from sleep and safe and warm and a kiss happens. Clumsy kind of thing because mostly asleep but the most natural thing in the world and it’s super nice until it registers in the kiss-er’s mind that the kiss-ee is stiff and awkward and oh, shit, oh, shit, oh, shit, they don fucked up.

Super awkward apologies and all then back to business and no more said about the sleepy morning kiss because they have a baddie to stop!!1!

Some big, stupidly dramatic final battle/whatever with the baddie in which close calls and flesh wounds happen.

Gavin helping Ryan to his feet and this weirdly wistful touch to his smile as he does because this is pretty much it for their team-up, isn’t it? Going to go back to their agencies after this and hope they don’t run up against one another going for the same target again because it might not go so well (relatively?) the next time.

And their handlers/agency are like jfc, because these two idiots?

But also, you know, the two of them worked extremely well together and realize if the agencies actually worked together, pooled their resources and the whatnot they’d be even more effective?

Something about working towards the same goals and it’d be smarter, more efficient if the agencies merged, wouldn’t it? Less chance of botching one another’s missions/agendas and other nonsense.

AND THEN.

Gavin and Ryan showing up to a briefing and being :O at seeing one another because as far as they knew their agencies had relocated their HQ to a new building - were on leave or vacation or whatever when the move happened - and that’s when their handlers/bosses let them in on the whole merged agencies thing and that they’ll be working together from now on.

And also, please to take a look at the fraternization rules because they’d hate for Gavin and Ryan using them as an excuse not to to do something about all the Pining they’ve been doing for years at that point.

Seriously, it’s just fucking sad.

And then, you know, smooches are had, because of course they are.

Also, also, the hitmens AU where Ryan is actually a model using that as cover for his hitmens shenanigans. Gavin poses as a photographer and Ryan knows it’s BS because he knows all the photographers from whatever publication Gavin claims to be from. And then the whole paths crossing and eventual smooching happens, because yes.)

#ragehappy #freewood #hitmens au #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

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anydumps · 4 years

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The Office Blind Date Chapter 18

* denotes extra line, expression, monologue not from main dialogue bubble (sometimes i might forget to add this symbol so yeah.sorry)

Pg 1

Wh-what a-are you doing?

Practising physical skinship

Pg 2

Sud-suddenly doing this

Is this really necessary?

Pg 3

My grandfather is really sensitive. At least we should do this naturally

Pg 4

So, do you want to take a walk?

Pg 5

I dont care if your grandfather is very sensitive right now the most sensitive one is my heart

Wah

Pg 6

This is the first time I see those lights being turn on

It's so beautiful when all get turn on at the same time

Pg 7

So beautiful

*of course

Say.. We've walked far enough, so our hands..

Pg 8

If you're a part timer you should have worked hard

But we can practise without holding hands

So you think you could just take other people's money that easily?

Pg 9

Then I'll not accept the money

*i'll be the one who knows how hard it's to save money

*to pay for the rent of chicken shop I have to suffer like this

Pg 10

*regretting

*thinking

*panic

Was I too harsh about it

*smile

Thank you for voluntarily working

*but why he only gets that

*voluntary

Pg 11

That's not what I mean, you said I wasn't working hard

Ms. Kim shin

*ah.. That name.. Please

Pg 12

If grandfather find us out, my time that I used right now will be a waste

*tae mu's translation

*do you know how I hate wasting my time

Pg 13

If so then I need to be compensated for my wasted time

*tae mu's translation

*that could mean your life

Pg 14

I hope we could settle this well without wasting any time

*tae mu's translation

*if not I'll end you with my hand

*ha, ha, right lets do that

Pg 15

*so

Is holding hands enough?

First..

*ok

Lets keep walking

Pg 16

Eh eh? The rim! Please get out of the way!

Pg 17

Pg 18

Are you okay?

Pg 19

Yes. Th-thank you

I'm sorry

*awkward

Do you still want to walk?

Yes

*shy

*if I know it's going to be like this I should just take the money

Pg 20

*glance

Pg 21

I don't want to admit it, but he's really handsome

Is this what it means blessing in disguise?

*in this extreme work there should at least be something like this

Pg 22

I can't be charmed! This is only practice! Practise!

It's only a one day practise!

Then lets practice everyday

*meeting every night

Pg 23

What? Everyday? Aren't you too busy?

Right, I'm busy

But how can we practice everyday?

Pg 24

I-

Like perfect thing

Pg 25

That's why you have a very perfect good look

Pg 26

I can't! Don't think anything weird!

*stay focus

But he's a dangerous guy if we keep being together

Pg 27

No need to worry I'm used to it, I could do it if I need to

I speak every word spontaneously when I see you

It's easy

Pg 28

Very awkward

But you believe it right?

Pg 29

Why must it be me?

Because I've seen your ability

With my own eyes

Pg 30

Didn't you hire me because of my acting skill?

I've never think your acting skill is that good

What?

*is he saying my acting was bad?

Pg 31

Then why did you hire me?

I need a part timer & there's a person in front of me who can do it so I don't have to waste my time searching for other person

Pg 32

My blind date has slept around with other guys, like who's crazy enough to marry her

*the crazy one is you! You! You! You! You!

Pg 33

*wait if so he's not crazy

Then until now you still don't believe me?

Pg 34

Of course

*queen of acting competition

*here's the result of Ms Kim Shin femme fatale acting

Pg 35

Pg 36

Failed

Pg 37

*the crazy one isn't the director but me!

*i alone was being a weirdo! And to think I was so confident of myself

*so embarrassing my dignity is wounded

That's why we should practice right?

Yes, we need to practice

Pg 38

Which part do I have to improve?

Pg 39

*frozen expression

*weird poses

*inelegant movement

Pg 40

If that's how you are my grandfather won't believe that we'll get married

*isn't it just how arranged date is? Akward & unpleasant

Just because we met through blind date doesn't mean we're really going to get married?

Well then?

Pg 41

We're dating & going to get married

*serious

Pg 42

What? Why are you deciding thing on your own?

Are you asking because you don't know?

Pg 43

Because you

Have foiled

My blind date

#the office blind date #chapter 18 #translation #manhwa #might be inaccurate

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originaldanganronpascenarios · 5 years

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Omg the angel demon with human s/o is so precious. Could I perhaps ask for more. Like kazuichi chiaki mondo makoto kyoko miu junko maki and kaede? Same situation you can pick who is a demon and who is a angel. Please and thank you!

To be honest I don't have much ideas for the whole thing but here it is! Also my biggest apologies but I don't write for Junko.

Demon/Angel! Kazuichi Chiaki Mondo Makoto Kyoko Miu Maki and Kaede with human!S/O

Kazuichi Souda (Demon)

He wasn't into terrorizing and killing mortals since he couldn't give a damn.

What Kazuichi rathers is to repair stuff. He is hiding as a mechanic in mortals world and sometimes uses his powers so someone whould use his service.

Kazuichi felt like he didn't belong in hell

That's how he got to meet you. Your scooter broke and you couldn't repair it yourself so you called him since he was one of the best mechanics around and his services were quite cheap.

When he spotted you he asked what you needed. He was quite nice and admired your scooter.

It turns out that nothing too big happened and it took him less than an hour to do it.

After you payed you noticed that he was making something himself. It looked like a from skratch made scooter.

You asked him about it and you started a conversation. He wanted to give it to a friend. How considerate of him to give his friend such a present.

The two of you started to talk more often since you enjoyed talking to each other.

With time he told you that he was actually a demon. He thought you whould run. But you never did.

He was very surprised you still hung out with him. After some time he thought that he might be in love with you.

Kazuichi didn't hesitate to say it. After he confirmed for himself that he in fact had those feelings for you.

You felt the same and so you became a couple. He was very affectionate. You also helped him out very often in his garage.

Chiaki Nanami (Angel)

She gave people hope and determination when they needed it.

She liked to spend time in arcade since there the hope is mostly needed. And it's definitely not becouse she likes to play too.

Chiaki was very good and it caught your attention. You admired the way she played and so she started a conversation with you. It was cuz you were staring at her for quite a while.

She was very nice to you and offered to play together. It was very fair match and so you hung out in this arcane often.

You catched yourself having feelings for her but you denied it. She also felt somewhat romantic towards you.

When you found out her secret you were very surprised. But it kinda made sense. Then you realized how dumb you were to fall for her.

Still you had to get it off your chest. As you were prepared for rejection she had her calm smile and said about her feelings for you.

Your eyes widen as she in fact loved you back. That's when you started dating. Your relationship didn't change much but with time you were more and more affectionate.

Mondo Oowada (Demon)

His personality isn't any different. His job as demon is mostly terrorizing humans. Not killing just scaring shit out of them. He felt pretty bad for it though.

Well he kept it going for the sake of an old friend who just disappeared. They were kinda like human brothers.

When he saw you he was about to poses something nearby and scare the shit out of you. But he couldn't do it. Whenever he looked at you he felt weak...

He denied it but there was something about you he wanted to see you for himself. He just observed you from far distance.

He didn't knew why but there was something about you... He investigated further since the feeling he felt whenever seeing you made his powers weak. And damn he hated feeling weak or helpless...

When he finally build enough courage to talk with you (when there was right opportunity) he was very impressed by you. Later on he talked often with you.

He knew he should have stopped but when he didn't see you face to face he felt very distracted and catched himself thinking about you...

Wait what if he fell for you? Was it okay to have this kind of feelings for you? Sure he probably was just imagining this. Or this was more of an excuse...

He knew what he felt was love but it made no sense for him. He was very troubled. But he made up his mind and wanted to tell you.

Ready for rejection he told you how he felt. He was extremely nervous and ended up yelling at you.

But you got the context of the message. He was very surprised when you said that you liked him too with that adorable smile of yours.

He was caught off guard but he told you about his true identity. It didn't change the way you looked at him.

When you made it official you had quite cute relationship. Mondo allways got mad quite easy in human world but you allways managed to calm him down. He is very protective of you.

Makoto Naegi (Angel)

He was a normal angel. He protected humans from demons. And gave guidance for those who were lost.

He wasn't "Visiting" often but it changed after he saw you. He looked after you and allways was there to help you out.

You got quite suspicious of him. So you asked him why he allways helped you out. He tried to think of an excuse but he couldn't lie and said that when he saw you he wanted to approach you but didn't knew how and it ended up in him kind of stalking you.

You didn't expect something like this but you decided to give him a chance. Turns out that he was very nice.

He accidentally said that he was an angel. You thought at first he was joking but he showed you his wings as there was no turning back. This ansvered few things but becouse of that more questions were now haunting you.

He allways found time for you. Makoto was just so nice and he allways made sure you smiled. This made things even worse as you fell in love with him.

You couldn't stop thinking about it. He seemed too perfect and it made sense.

One day he decided to tell you something quite important wich was- he likes you. You couldn't believe your ears... It was a joke right?

Nope it wasn't! And the two of you started dating. It was very akward... But still lovely. You were supportive of each other and allways had a great time together.

Kyoko Kirigiri (Angel)

Her job was to chase down demons and protect humans. She was very professional and quiet and her methods are still unknown.

She sensed one demon trying to possess you. The demon was around you for a very long time. As they tried to make a move Kyoko quickly vanished it with grace. You saw a hunted soul fly near you and you were hella impressed.

For humans Kyoko is well known exorcist. So you were very surprised to see her and she even saved you!

You thanked her a lot and tried to pay her for her services. She refused to take that money. Then she just left...

You saw each other few times later and each time you didn't talk. Still you wished you did...

With time you decided to talk with her. She was taken off guard but luckily demons aren't on every corner and she doesn't have to fight them every second. You didn't knew how to start a conversation but Kyoko decided to start it herself.

You had very pleasant talk and the two of you kept in contact. Still she never told you about her identity but she was quite mysterious.

Witch each day she got more quiet. It was becouse she liked you but she didn't wanted to admit it yet.

Well sooner or later she had to confess at least about her identity. She felt bad that you didn't knew.

Some things made sense because of it. But then she decided to not hide her feelings anymore.

Your relationship at the beginning was more platonic than romantic but it didn't take long until you two got affectionate.

Miu Iruma (Demon)

Of course she was a Demon of Lust. It didn't effect her personality even a bit.

Still you didn't meet cuz she targeted you. You two met becouse you noticed her building something rather impressive.

She was flustered by sudden praise but then she quickly started explaining it to you. Her explanation was very detailed. She said during an explanation that she was a Demon. It wasn't intentional.

You were scared a little bit but it didn't change the fact that she was amazing. Tho something in your head wants you to stay as far away as possible you couldn't stop hanging out with her.

Miu didn't mind as she did like a platonic company. Still she was thinking about you in a romantic manner.

You liked her too! But she was a Demon so you thought there was no sense in telling her. So she was the one to confess.

She was very stressed while saying it but you were just so happy!

Your relationship was very affectionate and she was so glad that she met you.

Maki Harukawa (Fallen angel)

She was often killing mortals and she was great at it that mostly those who she killed have status "Missing" and not "Dead" since there was no body to be found. This brought hope just to be crushed by the despair of failure.

She got blackmailed by demons. They whould kill thousands of kids if she didn't do it... At least demons ordered her to kill much less.

When it was over she decided to live in human world so she just left and never killed anyone again.

Maki hated killing innocent people but she did it to save others...

When she met you it was an accident. She was just walking around aimlessly when you were getting attacked by a mugger. She acted fast as she pushed them away from you. After that she fought the mugger and they ran away.

You were very thankful and she just shrugged it off. And you tried to pay it off somehow. But she didn't wanted anything from you. Yet you convinced her.

The two of you went to a bakery and you bought her a cake of her choice. After that you spend some time together. It just happened and Maki enjoyed your company.

Later on you decided to hang out more often. You spent a lot of time together and ended up having a crush on each other. Maki was rather confused by the feeling while you were quite happy.

Time passed and you confessed. She was very surprised but happy at the same time. She then felt a bit guilty and thought that she needs to tell you the truth.

You were shocked but... After all she didn't kill on her own free will. Inside she was still good... You thought.

You loved Maki so you decided to accept the bitter truth. As for your relationship it was very healthy and comforting.

Kaede Akamatsu (Angel)

She was giving inspiration to humans when they needed it. Not only that determination was something important too!

Kaede just wished everyone lived in some kind of utopia and those who were lost and became evil found path towards redemption.

She still was very often visiting human world she loved playing piano. But of course she did not gain any fame. Still you were hearing her play quite often.

So far she never noticed your presence but one day you were bit less sneaky. Smiling she asked for your name as she greeted you.

You started smaller conversation with her. She was surprised why were you hiding. Your response was kinda obvious wich was to not distract her from playing.

The two of you became great friends Kaede was teaching you how to play piano even!

She was so beautiful so nice and around her there was allways positive aura. Kaede was just perfect and you must admit to yourself that you do have a crush on her. While Kaede was very troubled she didn't knew if it was good for her to have feelings for mortal. But there was something about you that she never stopped thinking about.

You knew each other for quite a while and still you couldn't stop thinking about her. You decided to tell her how you feel.

She was quite surprised but she was looking down. You probably knew where this was going... Rejection. Or so you thought. Kaede said about her being an angel wich made sense after all she was perfect. That's why she was hesitant. But you decided to leave this choice to her. Needless to say she picked you.

You could allways count on Kaede. She loved you very deeply and delivered quite a lot of affection.

~Mod Chiaki

#kazuichi souda #Chiaki Nanami #Mondo Oowada #Makoto Naegi #kyoko kirigiri #kaede akamatsu #Maki Harukawa #Miu Iruma

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mbtizone · 7 years

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Kirsten Cohen (The O.C.): ISTJ

Dominant Introverted Sensing [Si]: Kirsten’s past and her upbringing have a profound impact on her. She has conservative beliefs because her parents had conservative beliefs. She goes into the same line of work as her father, and is one of the most hardworking people at The Newport Group. Kirsten is reliable and committed to her work. She has a keen understanding of how society works and how to act within it. It takes Kirsten longer to warm up to new things and people than the rest of her family. She is leery about allowing Ryan into her home and believes that he is trouble. Unlike Sandy, she can’t just open her home and heart up to a stranger. He could be dangerous. However, the more time she spends with Ryan, the more she is able to see that he is a decent kid, and she ends up wanting to help him. It just takes her a little bit longer than Sandy and Seth, who are instantly accepting of Ryan. Kirsten enjoys traditions and holidays (especially Valentine’s Day, much to Sandy’s dismay). She spends New Year’s Eve doing the same thing every year. When she thinks that Sandy forgot their 20th wedding anniversary, she’s furious with him. Kirsten is comfortable with her routine and doesn’t seek much spontaneity in life. She values her family, makes sure her home is taken care of, and doesn’t really know how to take a vacation. Kirsten often clashes with her younger sister, Hailey, because Hailey enjoys living her life in the moment – she’s rootless and backpacks her way around the world. Hailey’s dominant Se is very difficult for Kirsten’s dominant Si to deal with. When Kirsten finds out about Hailey’s relationship with Jimmy, she insists that this is “what Hailey does.” When they were younger, she would use people to get back at her, so Kirsten believes that’s what her affair with Jimmy is. It couldn’t possibly be real. Kirsten trusts Charlotte and heeds her advice because Charlotte posed as someone who had been through similar experiences. If Charlotte relapsed after leaving rehab too soon, the same might happen to me…”

Auxiliary Extroverted Thinking [Te]: While Sandy is the laid-back “friend” parent, Kirsten picks up the slack by being strict and enforcing rules. She’s much more authoritative than Sandy is, which sometimes forces her to be the “bad guy.” Kirsten wants to be productive and rarely spends time doing anything if it doesn’t yield a tangible result. She enjoys working and even does it to “relax.” Kirsten likes to be in control, so it drives her crazy when Sandy’s mother comes to visit because she’s taking over their house. It’s natural for Kirsten to be able to focus on the task at hand, and she doesn’t like to be distracted when she’s trying to get work done or fix a problem. Kirsten is very hands-on and always likes to have a project. She organizes many charity events and galas in Newport. She’s good at delegating work and staying on target to make sure everything gets done properly. Kirsten tries to keep other people to concentrate on work, which proves to be difficult when she goes into business with Julie. Kirsten just wants to devote herself to the business and commit fully – which she finds difficult when she gets the impression that Julie isn’t interested in getting work done. Even though Kirsten put in a lot of work for what she thought was going to be a big event (which turned out to just be a private date for her “client” to attempt to woo Julie), it doesn’t really bother her, because they got paid for their work, which made it a success in Kirsten’s eyes.

Tertiary Introverted Feeling [Fi]: Sometimes, Kirsten can internalize her feelings. Instead of being forthcoming with them, she acts out (which leads her to develop a drinking problem). Kirsten prioritizes her family and her own loved ones over others. Sandy wants to do what he feels is right (taking Ryan in and giving him a shot at a decent life), but Kirsten is unwilling to allow him to stay under the same roof as her son, because he might get him into trouble. Kirsten doesn’t want the people she loves to put themselves on the line on her account. She’s independent and wants to clean up her own messes and protect those she cares about -which is why she didn’t want Sandy to get involved with her legal woes with the Newport Group. Sometimes, Kirsten is able to put aside what’s “logical.” When Theresa is considering an abortion, Kirsten tells her that she “doesn’t have to make the decision that makes the most sense.” When Sandy asks Kirsten whether she has any idea what Ryan’s going through right now, Kirsten tells him she has a much better idea of what Theresa is going through. It’s easier for her to relate to others when she experienced something similar (Si-Fi). She’s able to relate to Lindsey about Caleb because he’s let Kirsten down so many times throughout the years that she’s able to offer her comfort because she knows what that feels like. If something is important to Kirsten, she devotes a lot of time and energy to it.

Inferior Extroverted Intuition [Ne]: While Kirsten isn’t usually the creative type, she is capable of coming up with ideas of her own. However, her ideas typically stem from something in her external world that gives her a light bulb. For instance, when she sees what a man was willing to pay just to go on a date with Julie, she decides it would be a good idea to ditch their original plan and start their own high end dating service instead. After spending years working for the Newport Group, she is finally able to walk away and wash her hands of it. Although Kirsten typically clings to convention, she is able to take risks and make bold choices. Eventually, Kirsten is even willing to abandon everything she knows to start fresh with Sandy and their new baby. Later, she even decides to leave her home, her life, and everyone she knows in Newport and relocated. Granted, this is also a step backwards, as she moves forward by returning to the home she had in Berkeley with Sandy. It’s hard for Kirsten to adjust to new ideas and new ways of doing things, and it has to happen in her own time and on her own terms. But once she does make the choice to change something in her life, she can really embrace the unknown.

Enneagram: 6w5 1w2 3w2 Sp/Sx

Quotes:

Seth: Hey. What are you doing, working from home? Kirsten: I’m on vacation. Seth: [surveying the paperwork] Yes. Clearly. Kirsten: I find reviewing end-of-the-year accounts to be very relaxing. Seth: Okay. I hope that’s a recessive gene. Kirsten: You should be so lucky. Look, I haven’t taken a vacation in a while and I’m easing into it. Seth: Hey, I don’t judge okay? I only mock. Kirsten: That you get from your father. Seth checking his eyebrows: Oh my god, they’re coming in? Oh that’s… I gotcha…

Kirsten: Hailey can we focus for a moment? Hailey: On the fact that someone’s gotten matronly in the last two years? Kirsten: Two years is the part that I want to focus on. Hailey: What am I going to wear tonight? A little Ann Taylor, little Ralph Lauren… Oh my god. Is this from Talbots? Kirsten: It was a gift. Haven’t you been living in hostels, out of a backpack, wearing clothes made from hemp? Hailey: That was last year, Kiki. Kirsten: Don’t call me Kiki! Only Dad calls me Kiki. And only because he won’t… not.

Kirsten: I just don’t understand. I’ve worked so hard for him. I’ve killed myself for him. Sandy: The man is a bottomless pit of need. You think you can fill it? You can’t. You’re amazing. If he can’t appreciate you, screw him. Quit.

Hailey: So tonight, you guys— Kirsten: Are going to dinner at The Arches. We do it every year. Home in time to watch Dick Clark and the ball drop. Two images that should not be used in the same sentence.

Kirsten: You spend so much time having fun. You’re whole life is dedicated to having fun. Are you even having any?

Kirsten: Julie I really appreciate your desire to be such good friends. But the thing about good friends is that when they want something, they just ask.

Kirsten: This is my mistake, not yours. And I will not let you compromise yourself. Not even for me.

Kirsten: I told you that I didn’t want you to get involved. Sandy: I will always do what’s best for my family. Kirsten: I would rather go to jail than be responsible for you being mixed up in this— getting into bed with my father. Sandy: I promise you, I’d rather send you to jail that get in bed with your father.

Kirsten: What am I supposed to do? Sit back and let your mother take over the entire house? Sandy: She’s going to do it anyway. At least this way we get a decent meal out of it.

Kirsten: This is what Hailey does. She uses people to get back at me. Jimmy: Kirsten, this isn’t about you.

Kirsten: Julie, we are smart, sophisticated women. We don’t need strange naked men dancing in front of us to be entertained. Julie: I’m not as smart as you. Plus, the boys are getting strippers.

Theresa: Not having this baby makes the most sense. Kirsten: You don’t have to make the decision that makes the most sense.

Kirsten: Denial is a very effective coping mechanism.

Sandy: Do you know what Ryan’s going through right now?! Kirsten: Not as well as I know what she’s going through.

Julie: Look who has a new ficus! Kirsten: Ah, I have a ton of work to do. Julie: I figure now that I’m in charge I could infuse a little more life into this place. You know, ficus here, and orchid there. Next thing you know we are a— Kirsten: A rain forest. Thanks for the plant, but right now this company is one failed deal away from total ruin. Which means I have to ficus. I mean focus. Julie: Ficus, focus. You are all over the place.

Kirsten: I thought you and Jimmy were getting along really well. Julie: Oh really. What makes you say that? Kirsten: Because last week you said you and Jimmy were getting along really well.

Sandy: Woah! Top of the morning to you too. Kirsten: Happy Anniversary. Sandy: [after an akward pause] Happy Anniversary to you as well. Kirsten: I love you. Sandy: I love you too. Oh, I love you more now than I did nineteen years ago. Kirsten: You mean you love me more now than you did a year after we got married? Sandy: No! Come on. No, you know what I’m saying. That Newlywed year, that doesn’t count. It’s a given. Kirsten: You don’t know how long we’ve been married. Sandy: No! No. I was kidding you. I know it’s our twentieth. How could I forget that? Who forgets their twentieth anniversary? Kirsten: Apparently you.

Kirsten: I’m not letting the boys stay with Julie Cooper, but they can’t be left alone. Sandy: Honey. Teenagers. They like girls. Kirsten: One of which happens to be my sister. Sandy: So what, we’re gonn forbid him? Kirsten: Not you. You wouldn’t forbid them anything. You’re too busy being their best friend. I’m the one that has to enforce all the rules. Sandy: I’ve never done more grounding than I have in the last twenty-four hours! Kirsten: Who let Seth run away to Portland? Sandy: What, we’re talking about this now? Kirsten: You went up there and told him he could stay. Sandy: It’s a good thing I did! If I let you drag him home we could have lost him forever. Kirsten: But that’s why this is happening! Because he thinks he can do whatever he wants and you’ll just keep me from coming down on him. Sandy: You think somebody can stop you from coming down on somebody? Kirsten: Right. And I should find it adorable that you forgot our anniversary!

Caleb: My god, did you give any thought to your kids? Kirsten: I am a good mother. Caleb: You are also an alcoholic. Your mother was one, too. She did her best to hide it, but I always knew. Kirsten: Why do you think mom drank the way she did?! Why do you think Hailey left the house at 17? If this family is screwed up it’s because of you! Caleb: I gave you everything you ever wanted. Kirsten: I may like my Chardonnay but I am not gonna die alone and that’s more than I can say for you!

Kirsten: Who wants to see their maids nude? Julie: Not maids, Kirsten. They’re strippers. Kirsten: Who wants a stripper doing their laundry?

Julie: You know what I’m really craving? Sweet corn ravioli. Or do you think that will be too heavy with the crab cakes? Kirsten: What I think is that you don’t find this business very interesting. Julie: I’m sorry, Kiki. I’ve just been eating a lot of Ramen lately. Kirsten: Julie, if this business works, you’ll never have to boil your dinner again.

Kirsten: How was your date? Julie: Oh, it was awful. We totally didn’t click, we had nothing to talk about, his tongue was like sandpaper. Kirsten: I’m sorry to hear that. Julie: I’m sorry, I never should have stayed. It was so unprofessional of me. You made all that food for nothing. Kirsten: Well, it wasn’t for nothing. We got paid. In a way, our first venture was a success. Julie: Yeah, I guess so. How weird is it that a guy would spend that much money just to have dinner with a woman. Kirsten: Julie, I have an idea for a new business. Julie: Oh my god! A high class call girl operation. I love it! Kirsten: No. A high end dating service. Julie: Oh! That could work too.

Kirsten: Julie, last week at dinner I had a drink. Julie: What? Oh my god. Kirsten: Now it was the first in eleven months, it was only one glass, and I’ve been going to AA meetings every day. But it happened. Julie: Have you talked to Sandy about this? Kirsten: No. I tried before. I could feel it coming. Julie: Kirsten, you have to tell him. Kirsten: That the stress of our marriage has triggered my drinking? Julie: Yes. That’s exactly what you say. Kirsten: I am not going to use my alcoholism to save our marriage. If he can’t value it for what it is, then what is the point? Julie: Then what are you going to do? Kirsten: I don’t know.

Kirsten: Are we crazy coming here? Sandy: Driving all night to a foreign country where neither of us speak the language and we only have a vague notion of where they are? Yeah. It’s a little crazy. Kirsten: How much longer do we keep doing this—rescuing them every time they’re in trouble? Sandy: I don’t know. But for now, I think that’s our job.

Julie: Kirsten, I’m sorry. It was the only way I could think to get you to spend the day with me. Kirsten: So you told all those women they have chlamydia when they don’t? Julie: They might. They did have sex with male hookers. Plus I picked the five meanest women in Newport. Kirsten: What is wrong with you? Julie: I was desperate. I missed you. I hate not having you in my life, Kirsten. I can live without you as my business partner, but not without you as my friend. Kirsten: You are going to call all those woman tomorrow and you are going to tell them the truth. Julie: Okay. But not Linda. Please let Linda think she has an STD. Kirsten: That is not only unethical, it is just plain mean. Julie: I disagree. Do you want to debate about it over dinner? You know you missed me, c’mon. Say it. Kirsten.

Kirsten: If we’re going to talk about girls, I am a far more knowledgeable resource than my son.

Kirsten Cohen (The O.C.): ISTJ was originally published on MBTI Zone

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