#either way; something scared her

[soundcrusher]

Okay, I was practicing expressions but didn't expect it to turn into a whole setch. It was fun either way.

---

Star Seeker frametype and lore made by @dimorphodon-x

#transformers oc #starhopper #ss frametype oc #star seekers frame and lore made by dimorphodon x #okay; the pose might be akward #but that's only because I changed it midway through scetching. #either way; something scared her #something bad; and there isn't anyone around to help her get away from it...

[chirpsythismorning]

S5 opener REAL

#byler #will byers #stranger things #every season besides s4-5 opens with non main characters #for el we got a flashback of the lab followed by her perspective in the scene directly after #and I think for Will we will see something similar #with us getting the flashback of him in castle byers in the UD #followed by him in the present in the scene after #but what exactly would warrant that memory being brought up in association with Will in the present? #mayhaps his connection to the mindflayer and the UD run deeper than we realize… #it’s likely not something he could just rid himself of in s2 and now he’s all good #he literally still feels a connection to everything he is feeling #that means he is still technically at risk of being the spy in some capacity #the massacre at Hawkins lab also was a guiding force for El discovering the ‘truth’ in s4 #so it’s likely for Will this instance will operate in a way that re-contextualizes the events in the past up to now #like that time Will suggested they go to the hospital in s3 only for the flayed to be waiting for them #or how flayed Billy knew they were at the cabin… #all while Will was looking cryptic as hell in that scene watching over el #or the fact that he picked Billy in the first place the season after he focused on Will… #you know.. williams #I think the easiest way to introduce the castle Byers flashback is a dream honestly #specifically a dream within a dream #seeing that recent leak and Will looking like either he has a black or hasn’t slept in days #is giving very much ‘I am afraid to sleep bc I’m scared of what will happen’ #I think dude is not exactly possessed in the sense that we already saw in s2 with like the particicles #but he’s still vulnerable #the door is still ajar… #no but fr this idea of opening a door in your mind was so blatant in st2 AND s3b of teen wolf #I think a big part of it will be guilting Will over the fact that Will has helped him before without Will telling the others #hence his weird vibe in s3… like he’s already successfully fucked with Will post s2 potentially with us being none the wiser aka here we go

[quietwingsinthesky]

in the amelia pond au, amelia’s aunt does still send her to therapy between doctor adventures, but since amelia is now secure in the fact that he’s Definitely Real since both rory and mels have also met him and because she lost a tooth last week from tripping on the stairs of the tardis, she doesn’t bite any therapists this time around. and besides, her therapist is a very funny lady. she reminds amelia of her doctor, with how her voice will flip and jump in volume and accent and tone on a whim, with how she’ll talk to amelia like they’re conspiring together. she keeps the pictures amelia draws of the doctor and their adventures for her, even hangs one or two on the walls. she listens very intently to every detail, which no adults in amelia’s life do save the doctor himself and river song, whenever she’s around. and best of all, whenever she tells amelia’s aunt that amelia is doing just fine, don’t you worry, she’ll grow out of this, she winks at amelia so that amelia will know her therapist is only playing along to wave away her aunt’s suspicion.

it is a little odd, though, that she insists on only being called Missy. but amelia is quite used to odd by now.

#not the point of this post but. please do imagine amelia and rory and mels and the doctor all having escaped from Real Actual Danger #rory has the energy of a cat with its fur all puffed up and looks like he’s either going to start crying or yelling at the doctor #mels is standing on the box the doctor got her so she could see the tardis console better and studying the way he flies it very intently #and amelia is still full of energy and adrenaline and can’t stop racing around the tardis like a hyperactive gerbil. because if she stops #she might have to be scared instead but if she can run long enough she’ll forget to be scared at all and when she collapses exhausted all #she’ll have left are the exciting happy memories #and then she misteps racing up the stairs. shouts! the doctor and mels and rory are all at attention immediately. mels moves first but rory #is closer and helps amelia back up. and then the doctor is crouching down in front of her. ‘let me see. oh that’s a lot of blood. that’s. #how much blood are you able to lose again? its more than this. probably.’ amelia’s whole face hurts. but the doctor’s rambling is familiar. #it helps. and he’s only so talkative when he’s sure he has a solution. besides. rory’s head’s nestled on her shoulder and mel’s got her #hands. the doctor wipes blood off her nose and her chin. tilts her head up and goes ‘aaa’ sticking his tongue out until she does it too. #and he tells her to feel her upper row of teeth with her tongue. she does until she finds the gap. #it still hurts. hurts more when she nudges it with her tongue all bleeding and raw. but she just lost a tooth! and you know what that means. #they have to find it. or else how will the tooth fairy leave her any money? #(the doctor hears her say that to mels as they search. and he glances off to the side and makes a note to go back and make sure it *was* her #aunt leaving her those coins. and not something else. which he does. and finds out her aunt wasn’t leaving her any coins at all. #he can’t just let that stand! so the doctor becomes amy’s tooth fairy as well.) #and that is how amelia loses a tooth on the tardis. #amelia pond au

[von-karmas-a-bitch]

cell block tango but it's the ace attorney women who killed men (who deserved it to varying degrees and in some cases not at all)

#like mimi could have an EXCELLENT solo about dr turner #and you really feel for her #dahlia is the same but at some point along the way she starts to sound a little insane but it's unclear where that point is #bc one thing led to another for her and the more people she silenced the more other people she had to silence bc they knew something #and she can't seem to decide if and when she started to enjoy it but she wants you to think she enjoys it bc she wants you to be scared #bc actually SHE'S scared she is very prey animal rage #you're left unsure how to feel abt her by the end of her solo but you can't say you don't sympathise #cammy meele is there but behind the mask of haha funny sleepy girl who gets away with slacking off bc she's hot #is a woman who just wanted some quick and easy cash and planned to just do one crime one time to get rich quick #and then quit this stupid job and live comfortably for the rest of her life #thinking it wasn't THAT big a deal and it was very unlikely for her to get caught #but then it turned out this smuggling ring went way deeper than she thought #and now it's either her or the interpol agent. so she does it. she just wanted to live deliciously was it too much to ask #dee vasquez is there too of course #april may is there bc she didn't get to kill a man but boy did she want to #and then there's calisto. who fucking knows what her motivation was. does she even know? all i know is her solo is gonna be INSANE #idk what to tag this as im just gonna not im so burned out rn lmao

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

.

#warning: rant about parent ahead #I’m so so so so so empathetic to mental health struggles #like exceedingly so #but it’s just so exhausting being on the receiving end of someone’s self-loathing #and to be clear I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT ANYONE HERE #you are all my phone besties and I have so much empathy for your struggles and know that i love you all #and wish i could say the right thing to support you all always and you are always welcome to share whatever is going on #and to quote the bard herself i wish i could take the bombs in your head and disarm them #but when my mother gets into these moods she just seems to use it as a way to get a rise out of us #she’s pulling the ‘well maybe you don’t want to do x with me because it’s not fun because I’m a terrible person and you’re scared of me #and i ruin everything so maybe you would just rather i do everything alone’ #and i don’t doubt she feels horrible and i know she has intrusive thoughts etc #but that is so manipulative!!!! she then puts the onus on us to reassure her that she is not!!!! But that is not what she wants!!!! #which we then do profusely and remind her that we do love her and we do do things together and whatever the fuck is the problem of the day #but of course she won’t hear it #so yes it makes us scared of her because we are always worried we’re going to say the wrong thing in a given moment!!!! #i just shut the fuck up at all times now #but my dad tries to use reason with her and of course it just ends in her lashing out and projecting all this shit on him #’oh you maybe you actually hate me maybe you want to leave me’ etc #THEY’VE BEEN MARRIED DECADES HE’S THE MOST LOYAL AND KINDEST PERSON IN THE WORLD HE NEVER ONCE HAS #i honestly don’t know how he lets this roll off his back because i am so fed up with it #It’s just so so so so hard because one minute she’s ‘herself’ and the other she’s this inferno #and we just have to ride whatever wave she’s on and it sucks all the air out of the room #it’s like the one and only time i tried to very gently bring up that something she said was hurtful *after she’d brought it up herself* #she went on a ‘oh I’m a terrible person/terrible parent’ rant and it then turned into me reassuring her that she isn’t #i was just trying to show her how the language/behaviour she uses was hurtful to me #so anyway that was lesson learned that even if she invites it i will never speak of it and luckily she hasn’t since and that was years ago #But it’s just… i know bad thoughts can’t be helped and again i feel so much pain on her behalf for what she struggles with #and i wish i could help but there’s absolutely nothing i can do #AND SHE’S GONE OFF ALL HER MEDS SO THE ONE SOURCE SHE DID HAVE ISN’T THERE ANYMORE EITHER

[foxgirlmoth]

So my life is feeling like its on an upward swing since this is my final semester for my associates, I'm starting a new job real soon and also possibly have a really nice remote job if I hear back from a few places I recently applied to.

And it always terrifies me when good stuff starts happening.

Change is really hard for me especially when it feels like its all at once. With better pay comes the opportunity to leave my parent's house finally and move in with a girl who has lovingly stolen my heart. With my school behind me I can find better jobs even!

But at the same time, its just. So scary for me. What if I can't keep up my part of rent. What if my chronic pain or ADHD or other disabilities put a strain on someone I love to my core, and I end up making things worse because I get extremely emotional and will scream (at myself mostly) and panic during these high stress times (especially if money is involved)

I've had a 'safety net' of family members who barely tolerate the fake me I present myself as, and I know my mental health is going to be so much better when I'm not around them, but at the same time I need so much help sometimes. Family just happens to help in terms of shelter and food. It also doesn't help that the one other time I moved out it ended so so poorly that I'm still working through that trauma.

Hurting the love of my life in any way fucking terrifies me. I want nothing but the best for her always always always. I just know I can't always be at my best, its impossible to be. I will break at some point and probably scream and cry about how things aren't going nearly to plan and I'm so weak so often I don't know if I can pull myself together fast enough to not hurt myself or her with my untrue words.

#I used to have (What I'm pretty sure now were autism) meltdowns so bad when I was younger. #I was always told I was selfish and that I can't expect to have x thing or y thing fixed #And I would scream and slam my hands against my legs and the ground #Its never been pretty #I just learned to cry before it gets to that point now and I just sob so fucking much #But if it feels like my life is over? I just. I just can't. I'll still scream and cry and pulp my legs bruised and hands bleeding #And showing my wife all of me includes all of these things I hate. This could happen if I move in with her #I haven't had a meltdown in a while from what I remember #It was probably right after I moved back in with my parents. And was pretty much coerced into an environment I felt extremely unsafe in. #tw self harm #jic cause I have mentioned beating myself #I haven't been close to a meltdown around my love at all tbh so maybe I'm scared for no reason. I mostly just cry because #Thats what happens when any emotion runs high #<- Girl who is currently crying typing all thid #also I hope no one reads hurting her as physically. I've never thrown a punch in my life. Well. I guess except at myself #Huh thats the first time I've thought of it that way. That sucks #I just know that 1. Being loud in general would not be nice to either of us. and 2. I can be a bitch! I can say some rancid shit! #And that would! Be fucking bad and hurt! And I so desperately don't want that #And I know accidentally hurting someone is something you need to expect when you're in a close relationship with someone #It still fucking sucks though #AUGH I just needed to type this all out I'n feeling better already. I'm just a scared girl so often. #I want to live more and more each day so I know I'll make it. Even if I do it scared. I guess I hope you see this honey #Since this is stuff I should be talking about with you #Getting my thoughts sorted though before talking is good though. The reason I type this on fucking tumblr is because it helps me think #Also being vulnerable and letting friends and mutuals and the like see all this is a chance for me to better myself I suppose #This has been a runa rant #runa diary #I have a habit of overthinking. Methinks #Honestly my current safety net of family has been pretty fucking bad #The one time I earned a little bit more money than I needed for bills I was basically stripped of a lot of it paying my folks rent

[cherrysnax]

wahwahwah

#vent #not much of one #but I can feel myself. slipping at times #I sound like her when I talk. when I lose focus when I forget how to speak #when I hear things that aren’t there #i look in the mirror and I don’t see a 23 year old #I see. something shattered between way too young and way too old #I don’t feel like myself. in a completely unironic way #because even though I’m not alone in here. I know who I am. we all have a role to play but sometimes it feels like my role is to just fall #apart #break. shatter. whatever pretty word describes it #my thoughts leave. my words because clumsy. childish. it all falls out of my head like bile #chevy and I wanna try and learn another language together to test. our brains #I can barely keep a conversation going in English. slack jawed and glassy eyed and gone #I know where I am. I don’t know where I’m going #I just know that when I’m eventually trapped in my own head I have a way to get out #I don’t feel like myself anymore. and I don’t feel like anyone else either #I just feel like I’m falling away from everyone. into a dark dark place #and I’m scared and alone. too big to feel this small #too young to feel this old. #its hereditary

[casadefreewill]

You ever just see the worst lovesquare takes and you know it’s not worth it to get involved and it’s not like it’s even salt but man we have been watching totally different shows

#sometimes I just want to grab them by the shoulders and shake like please omg have you not been paying attention at all???!?! #anyways Marinette is in no way oblivious to Adrien trying to confess to her #and Adrien did not even have the chance to reject her because she never actually ever got to a confession! #you can also see several examples throughout the show that he may actually have considered her a romantic #option if he didn’t think she was already involved with Luka #also also OMG THE LOVESQUARE HASN’T REVERSED! they’re both just pushing down their feelings for their original crushes because of trama! #not that they don’t actually love the other side of the other #they do #it’s just Marinette has given up on Adrien because she’s scared of making another mistake and Adrien has given up on Ladybug #because he’s scared of being hurt again be another rejection #Marinette has always had some feelings for Chat but was more focused on Adrien and then Chat was too dangerous an option and now suddenly #Adrien is the too dangerous option and Chat is back on the table for enthusiastic consideration #Adrien has also felt something for Marinette for a while but has continually chosen to believe and respect her words to him which have #told him that she’s not interested or is involved with someone else #he also had his fantasy with Ladybug to keep him going so he wasn’t really putting all his happiness and hopes and dreams #eggs in the Marinette basket #and then basically everyone was emotionally ripped away from him in season 4 except Marinette and oh look she’s no longer dating Luka either #I also feel it’s a really bad reading to say they are equal and opposite in their relationships with each others other half’s #they’re really not and it’s not really fair to the story to compare them that way #I feel like I’m just rehashing old arguments at this point #blehgh #ml #mon’s chatter

[transgender-catboy]

I love my friends

#i think im just going to talk in the tags for a moment. got a lot on my mind #for starters. the fnaf movie comes out soon. really looking forward to that. think its gonna be awesome and amazing and I'm super excited!!! #secondly. waiting on funds so i can buy that mask i saw the other day and some Halloween candy from Walmart #i . want to do little goodie bags for the kids in my building. but im too scared to go up to their parents and ask candy preference and #allergy concerns. so. idk. maybe I'll just save it. I think it's a cute concept but it makes me feel like my mother. #she loved to do little gift things for people. but it was always people that didn't like her. i don't want to be that way #i know my value. i know my time and energy means something. i don't want to waste it on people who don't give a shit. ya know? #not saying the kids are those kinds of people. not what i mean. but just as an overall thing. i don't like being like her. #...yeah. i dunno. you get raised by one person your whole life. you pick up some of their characteristics #i can't sob without sounding like her. safe to say i am a little emotionally constipated. so i seek other means to relieve that feeling. #like yesterday when i threw up. i played it off like that was a blunder on my body. but i know what i did. #hey. at least it's not the other method. right?. .. yeah. okay. i know. not great either #but it hurts. and I'm so fucking sick and tired of crying over her. genuinely. it's exhausting crying all the time #but that's the only way I can get those emotions out #I've tried to do the counseling thing. but other things made that impossible. then i moved. #and i tried the grief thing but instead i just got a talking buddy? he helps me get out of the house yeah. #but we dont talk about her #... i dunno. I'm just here. #guess i waited long enough. now you get a mini secret. every time i make an i love my friends post. I'm reminding myself why I'm still going #I'm usually sitting around somewhere in my apartment (desk couch bed) crying. alone. thinking about you guys. #so uh. thank you. #i love you guys so much. and i don't know where I'd be without you #probably dead. #💖 #vent

[radical-dadical-rafael]

I so understand why ppl like making content where Jon and Daisy are friends but have you considered the fact that um. They wouldn't be.

#raf's rambles #akdjqjd okay I'm not gonna be mean abt people's fanon (even though I often am whoops) #but. Yeah. #the way people portray Daisy in general is kinda weird #but like. What makes Daisy a good character is the fact that she's not good!!! #what she's done! Unjustifiable! And she knows it!! And instead of wallowing in that. She tries to be better. And she doesn't ask #for the people she hurt to forgive her #she's trying to be better for the sake of being better! Not to be 'redeemed' in the eyes of better. Not to 'make up' for what she's done #not to undo her badness. But to work towards something better bc she wants to be #The thing that makes Jon and Daisy interesting it's that. They are the only two characters in the show that understand what it means #to be part of an entity. That I feel like is why Jon; even if he didn't forgive her; was still civil and willing to help her #because he understands her. And she understands him. #but they aren't friends. He's uncomfortable around her; I think that much is clear #She /scares/ him. He said he never felt more hopeless than when she dragged him to the forest to kill him. She was proud to show off the #new scar she left on him. He wouldn't be friends with her!!!! #and she wouldn't ASK for his friendship either!! She wouldn't expect that from him!!! She wouldn't /want/ that from him #bc she understands that she's hurt him!! And she can't take that back!!! But she can convince him to get out of his office w her and Basira #and she can try to make herself less of a threatening presence. And she can be civil #and yeah idk this is getting away from me but yeah they wouldn't be friends #and honestly!! I don't think they'd be friends in any universe! #not /really/ #not unless you entirelyyyyy change Daisy as a character #which ofc ppl have no qualms w doing. Which is fine!!! Have fun #but. Yeah! #my thoughts on that

[kn11ves]

idk what it is with me and women but they just flock to me in my time of need. 5 seconds ive been in a room and they want to tie my shoelaces for me they wanna help me do things they want to give me advice and make sure im okay i what

#i wish i was kdiding #I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH IT! #btw im not talking about like. older women although that also happens to me #im talking about girls my age theyll just go to me like im a helpless baby bird if i need something #its not even my cane either because even when i have to do things without it (like my danza folkorica) they still wanna help me #like im so fr first day i showed up a girl tied my shoelaces TWICE and THEN drove me to my dorm afterwards with the rest of her friends i #mean that was so nice #idk what i activate in them but they always wanna help me out its so particular to me #and like. listen ok today we are learning a dance from sinaloa and to be short about it one of the moves is bending your back really far & #i was doing it wrong and bending badly and i ''nearly fell'' multiple times #except see i would never have fallen bc i have been so used to living without a cane until now that i know how to catch myself and im very #yk. good at not falling so i dont embarass myself #but it LOOKS very much like i am about to fall and at least THREE times the president was like ''oh my god ivan are you okay??'' #i spooked her so bad i felt bad😭😭 #its bc km always in front when shes teaching bc i wanna see her n others r too scared to be up front #and anyways what i was on about literally i was visibly struggling and EVERYONE IM NOT EXAGERARINF ALL THE GIRLS (well there was only one #other guy there but) STARTED GIVING ME ADVICE AND TRTING TO HELP ME one girl moved all the way accross her spot to mine and help guide me #shes so nice i hesrt her her name is charisma bro imagine your name being CHARM and she is charming :> very nice #it feels weird calling her my friend bc well we r all friends in a sense as we r clubmmates but. U Know #long rant TLDR women love me #dont tell them im afraid of them

[softersinned-arc]

@koschyei said: ❛ You know, this is an interesting and efficient method of murder. I need to write this down. ❜

The smile on her lips doesn't meet her eyes, and she tries to ignore the churning in her gut; she knows better by now than to trust anyone, let alone another politician, but she wants to, and badly. She can feel it in him, some sort of power that is at once old and incomprehensible to her, and there is a part of her that wants to sit at his feet and learn, and another part of her, a greater, a louder part of her, that wishes there were some way to sink her fingers into his chest and rip it out of him to keep for herself.

She has been powerless before and has learned to survive, even to thrive, in spite of it, but it did nothing to dull her hunger. She imagines power sometimes like an organ and she imagines what it would feel like to tear the power from another person and swallow it hole, blood staining her teeth, magic burning her tongue. She is a creature of want above all else. She always has been.

"I'm afraid I'm little help to you when it comes to the Anchor's power." Not technically a lie, but certainly not the truth. Astoria's left hand pulses a gentle, glowing green, and she thinks, not for the first time, that her blood sounds different now that it's been infected by the Fade.

But it was not the Anchor's power, this time; it was her own, and a power she understands plenty well. One need not tamper with the blood as a whole when one can tamper with the things that make it, and there is plenty of water in blood. To manipulate. To move. To boil. Not technically blood magic, but she knows enough by now of the chantry to trust that not technically blood magic is hardly a solid defense. She takes in a deep breath and immediately regrets it as the euphoria of battle fades and she feels the sudden and sharp pain in her chest that means her ribs have broken again.

The dead men at her feet steams like cooked meat, their skin reddened and bursting from the heat that had poured out of her and into them. Around them, the snow has melted enough to reveal the hard, barren ground beneath it. Had she known Koschei was near, she would have been more cautious, but the Venatori had caught her by surprise. Astoria tucks her hands into her sleeves and shrugs apologetically.

"If I knew better how it worked, I would use it better. Unfortunately, much of Solas' research into rifts is beyond me. I never received a formal training in magic and I'm afraid the theory seems rather muddy compared to what I learned at the augur's knee." She raises her eyebrows, retracts her left hand and holds it out to him, palm up, as if in invitation. (In challenge.) "Though if there's knowledge in Buyan that has yet to cross the Wilds, that could guide me, surely you would know it...?"

#koschyei #i. here's the truth from my red lips. ( answers ) #(inquisitor astoria's the worst i think they'd have a lot of fun together) #(basically !! her magic is going fucking haywire with the anchor and her control over it is unpredictable at best) #(and she has a particular gift with water - so when she's particularly scared or angry her magic bursts out of her) #(often in doing things like boiling the blood in someone's body via the water in their blood etc etc) #(every time this explosion of magic happens / every time she uses the anchor there's a good chance she undoes something in her own body) #(so she's regularly re-healing old scars that suddenly opened up or bones she'd fixed after breaks during the blight) #(i read your verse info and i wasn't sure if no one knows he's a mage or specifically that he's immortal but either way) #(i think the only Vibe she's getting from him is. nervous laughter. what the fuck.) #(probably not dissimilar to what she feels around kieran and she chalks it up to 'i really do not need to know everything') #(if you want me to change anything or would prefer something else lmk!)

[trollbreak]

Man I gotta get like. Any of my plots going so I can rant abt the details of it.

#like mev all but helpless while she recovered bc doc was taking away her arms due to the violence? because Dari’s fucked up magic blood #hurts when it makes her body heal Far Too Fast?? and then when she’s got nothing else to lash out with she’s all snarls and snapping teeth?? #cattra laying on her chest and her getting some half decent rest in??? very promptly getting so attached to her??? the wild panicked look in #her eyes when she’s still half asleep and realizes that doc is carting her off to clean her injuries again and that she’s never kind about #it when she does?? the walls of this stoic woman completely crumbling when there’s no other choice #and peipre hunched in a chair beside marrow as he rests and she’s gripping the armrests so hard her knuckles are white because she’s sure #this was her fault. he got hurt and she found him bleeding and half conscious after she stayed behind again and he almost died. and when dex #makes it into the room she pulls herself together and gives him the kindest rundown she can in the most professional way because it’s all #she’s got to hold herself together in the moment. and he’s just as worried as she is so she’s not going to worry him more with her whole #deal. and when she’s sure dex is going to stay she goes home and calls yarrow off work early and just lays in her lap for hours and refuses #to talk about it. #and sweets hardly resting for several weeks and outright refusing to get unplugged because he Has to be able to keep an eye on things she #Has to make sure that if something happens she can do something this time and he’s so much quieter than usual and when he finally does take #a weekend off again she sleeps so fucking hard with cattra and then feels bad for sleeping through so much of their time #and the whole. thing. that’s jouren’s got going on with mawris right now. they scare the hell out of him and he couldn’t tell you why. but. #if you asked. he would call them his friend. he couldn’t tell you why on that either. he spends so little time with them but there’s this #urge to return lately that. isn’t quite the call of whatever is going on with the mushrooms he’s pretty sure. he’s baking a lot about it. #um #character rambles #:P #I like rotating angst in my brain

[viiinz]

rant incoming, see prev post (transphobia tw)

#i didn't want to add on to the prev post but yeah that kinda hit home #i came out as trans to my parents about 2 months ago #i was so scared to tell them for years exactly because of what prev post was talking about #i had no idea how they'd react #and then when i finally told me they said they needed time #which sure i understand that #and the first week they still talked about it but in this way that felt like i was the cause of all their suffering #and why would i do something like that to them? #and you're not really going to mutilate yourself are you (meaning medically transition)? #and you can't expect us to use different pronouns for you that's ridiculous #and how dare you even think about changing your name etc #and they say it's because they're worried about me #because what would other people think? what would the family say? #and surely no one will ever fall in love with you if you're trans #they think I'm purposefully setting myself up to be isolated from society forever #meanwhile they are the only one's who've reacted this badly #so that was all said the first week so naturally after that i was scared to bring it up again #and they haven't really talked about either since then #except for the way my mom keeps suggesting i dress more feminine and keeps buying me clothing from the female section #and send me pictures of girls with pixie cuts when i told her i wanted to change my hairstyle a bit #and during Christmas dinner my grandma brought up someone who I don't know who came out as trans #and spoke about how that person's mother or grandmother had reacted badly #and my mom was defending the transphobic person in that story #while i was sitting right there!! #meanwhile my aunt and grandma (who don't know I'm trans) where definding the trans person #and i just urgh like i know it's not easy for them but they just make me feel so guilty like I'm somehow ruining their lives #and i feel stupid for wanting that unconditional love and support from my parents #like they'll say they love me but it feels so hollow when they won't even acknowledge this major part of me #and i really just don't know how to feel about it all #vince talks

[iloveyoumorethansoup]

Soo thankful my ra is great this year and has both common sense and critical thinking. Genuinely one of my favorite people in college

#i have to unfortunately deal with housing things all I want is to be terminally online again but nooo I got stuff to deal with #my roommate recorded our conversation the other night without my permission which is unfortunately legal in this state #however quite frankly it’s probably better for me that she did bc i handled her meltdown rather well #and god knows she loves to lie. she’s been asked by 2 RAs now for the recording she took #and so far hasn’t given it. so either she lied (shocker) and didn’t actually record it or she knows it makes her look really bad #also fun fact! she had a friend on the phone and I think they were the one recording it. if they were that isn’t legal which I mean #housing wants to kick her out so bad that’d be the final straw #but she decided to demand a roommate agreement change which I’ll happily oblige to so I get to do that at some point #honestly?? girl is digging herself in a hole. p sure her goal was to scare me into just not making sound so we wouldn’t need a meeting? #but like. we gotta meet with the housing coordinator which is great bc they know who she is and how she is #i really don’t think she expected me to go out of my way to get a meeting set up. also?? she gets mad when I’m up til like 2 or later #last night she was up til 7am. I guess only she’s allowed to be a hypocrite lol #objectively all the drama she tries to start should either really anger me or worry me or something at least #nah. this is pretty funny. her entitledness and drama is digging her so far into a hole she’s transferring next semester #and the best part is everyone in housing knows her. can’t stand her shit. i was talking to a friend in class and she tells her friend #her friends like oh who is she? i tell her. she goes oh that explains it. and I’m like oh u know her? and she goes. I’m an ra. i know her #like girl!! if you’re so universally hated why do u keep this up??? #like girl will call the ra on call for any minor inconvenience at all #she hasn’t since finding out calls r logged tho lol which is like oh man! u r self aware! #i have no tolerance for bs and man bestie is made of it #cannot wait for this meeting genuinely excited. bc she’s gonna make up stuff that I can easily defend myself. and then she’s gonna #essentially make demands that I can’t make noise after a certain time. and say if anyone agrees it’s discrimination over sensory issues #she’s already said that fun fact. i have sensory issues too. they have equal importance in this agreement #but like. it has to be a fair agreement. and I’m not required to sign another contract #so really she’s going into this meeting to be a problem and she’s gonna crash and burn. it’ll be a firework show #soup talks #watching bestie experience karma in real time

[saintlesbian]

very excited for britt’s birthday party actually. hopefully they cap off her ten year run on the show with a grand old time on the haunted star and that nothing goes wrong

#general hospital #pentababbles #her friends are probably gonna find out she’s sick at the party. #either she’ll do a big announcement of her farewell or she’ll have another health scare thing in front of everyone #I’m just glad she doesn’t have the necklace anymore.. that woulda made the party way too high stakes #ofc idiot cody is gonna crash the party for a big declaration of his feeling or something which will be. annoying. to say the least #will forever lament over the wasted potential that could’ve been Britt and Austin. WestHolt shippers wya