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69misato69 · 1 year

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Desperate Times Call For Desperate Measures (Alhaitham x Kaveh) ✦ smut, 3.5k

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Summary: Kaveh overhears Haytham having a one night stand and he is unable to think of anything but fucking him. The initial premise was meant to be crack, then it turned into an actual fic but I do still find it kind of funny if I'm being honest. I hope you enjoy :)

Top Alhaitham x Bottom Kaveh

cw: blowjobs, handjobs, ejaculation, slight overstim, unprotected anal sex

writer's note: explicit +18 content, please view at your own risk. thank you, have fun !

“Haytham!” Kaveh angrily walked into the living room to find his roommate reading on the couch as always, “We have a problem.”

The scribe didn’t lift his gaze from the page and turned it over with his index finger, “I have a feeling that it's your problem and I have absolutely nothing to do with it.” Kaveh crossed his arms at his chest, refusing to follow-up in an attempt to get his attention. Per usual, it was a futile effort, so he gave up with a long, annoyed exhale, “I can’t get laid. It’s getting out of hand.”

Alhaitham was unfazed by the abrupt indecency, it was Kaveh after all, he had spent years trying to teach the concept of boundaries to him but the man was sticking to his values of oversharing and making every detail of his life public to their small household. “Impossible, it's your only source of income.” Alhaitham jested, skilfully hiding the half-smirk that formed on the corner of his mouth. Kaveh gasped and squeezed his fists, “Rude and untrue.” he protested. Alhaitham turned another page and settled more comfortably in his seat, “Mmhm, do go on.”

“My proposal is to fuck.”

“Seems like an appropriate solution, any candidates?”

Alhaitham could see where this conversation was going from miles away, but for now his plan was playing dumb and savoring the moment as his roommate further embarrassed himself. “The proposal is for you and me.” Kaveh certainly didn’t sound ashamed, laying down an unchaste and indecent offer as if it was nothing.

“You want us to fuck?”

“Yes. What is your answer?”

“Who fucks who?

“You top.”

“Why, you don't like it?

Alhaitham heard footsteps approaching him, Kaveh snatched the book away from his hand and put it down on the table. Alhaitham hated it when he did that, but he was drawing too much joy from the situation that he wasn’t bothered at all.

Kaveh stood between his parted legs and looked down on him with his arms crossed once again. “Haytham. Listen to me very carefully. Fucking you won’t solve my problem. This is serious. I need to be thrown around, okay? I need to forget my own name. I can’t take it anymore. You’re as emotional as a Scarab, so I’m sure you won't catch feelings. Also, I assume you’re packing down there. So please , stop drawing this out and just answer me.” he explained calmly, as if the words he uttered weren’t absolutely insane.

Alhaitham nodded, “Fine, I accept.” Kaveh’s eyes lit up momentarily, then the spark vanished with the growing awkwardness between them. Alhaitham parted the silence, “What are you waiting for?” Kaveh was frozen in place, he hadn’t planned things this far. He didn’t even think the scribe would accept. Though it seemed impulsive, it had been on his mind for some time, since the day he was supposed to check up on a project and stay overnight in the desert last week.

He had told Alhaitham beforehand, it was an unspoken rule between the two. Kaveh enjoyed having people over but they kept it confined within the walls of his bedroom, Alhaitham would only see those people for a moment in the mornings when they would be leaving, but he would never bring home someone he was involved with. Kaveh didn’t exactly know why, but he knew that the scribe definitely cared for his privacy. Regardless of the reason, he tried to tell Alhaitham when he was going to be away, in case he wanted to have the house to himself and have people over. Everytime he came back he would notice signs but would never pester his roommate about it.

So last weekend, he got ready for his departure as always, failing to account for the fact that he was extremely tired. He came home and went to bed immediately, confident that he would easily get up near noon and leave with the convoy. But when he finally opened his eyes, rested and light as a feather, the time was nearing five in the afternoon.

He got off the bed, cursing as he made his way through the kitchen to quench his thirst. He sat on the balcony for a while and then ran inside upon spotting Alhaitham in the distance. The scribe approached the door, Kaveh could hear him from the large window opening to the balcony. But he wasn’t alone, there was a tall brunette tangled around his arm. Kaveh rubbed his temples, trying to devise a plan by the time they made their way up.

If he left he would undoubtedly run into them, plus he wasn’t even dressed. Even if he found a way to evade them, everyone that would welcome him in the city was out in the desert with the rest of the team. Though he liked to poke fun at Alhaitham, he handled most of the housework, cooking and cleaning, taking care of their plants and, taking care of Kaveh. It was his house after all, and if he saw Kaveh there he would surely never bring anyone home ever again. Kaveh truly didn’t want to shatter his trust in him.

So, the only option was to hide in his room. It wasn’t so bad, he was still tired after all. Hurriedly, he sneaked a bottle of water and some snacks and ran to his bed. Alhaitham walked in with the man that Kaveh didn’t know, they cooked dinner together, laughing and talking about things that were terribly boring to the blonde. Yet, it was interesting to hear Alhaitham crack up at the jokes, he surely never laughed like that at Kaveh or at anyone at work.

It was actually kind of nice to see a more human side of him. Kaveh couldn’t help but smile all evening, sketching his new plans quietly and occasionally taking breaks to eavesdrop on the two. From what he had gathered, it didn’t seem like a serious relationship, maybe it was just a casual thing, and maybe it wasn’t even a ‘relationship’ at all, Kaveh thought, until later that night, when Alhaitham took the man to his room.

After that, all that Kaveh heard was the rustling of clothes and kisses through the thin walls, and the man moaning Alhaitham’s name over and over again. Kaveh should’ve just plugged his ears, but he felt paralyzed, unable to move a single muscle until he realized he was gripping tightly onto the sheets. He whispered curses when he felt a twitch in his groin, it was extremely annoying to get hard at Alhaitham’s grunts.

Aside from the frustration he also felt, perverted. It was wrong , slipping his hand inside his boxers was wrong, imagining his own self under Alhaitham was wrong, lusting over something that he wasn’t even meant to hear was so wrong. But, that didn’t stop him. He laid down, playing with himself to the melody of his roommate’s soft moans and words of praise.

It was so unattainable, what that man was achieving. It was so out of touch for someone like Kaveh. What he felt wasn’t jealousy, but it was certainly something. After the two settled down, Kaveh also felt his eyelids get heavy once again. He rid himself of the overwhelming thoughts and drifted off to sleep. Luckily, the house was empty in the morning. All that remained was a note with beautiful handwriting that Alhaitham slipped through the door, probably before leaving for work.

“Hope you had a safe trip back. I’ll be away until tomorrow. Please do not leave the window open again. H.”

Kaveh sighed. He went to drop off the plans and apologize for missing the trip. Since he was going to have the house all to himself, he decided to hit the tavern and hopefully find someone to spend the night with. He desperately needed to shake off Alhaitham’s voice from his ears, but it seemed impossible. Instead of taking an interest in newcomers, he spent the entire night drinking and thinking of his roommate.

Kaveh barely made it through the rest of the week, bickering with Alhaitham as usual but having his mind drift off to lewd fantasies of him whenever he was unoccupied was exhausting and confusing. So he really wasn’t lying when he told Alhaitham that he couldn’t get laid, Kaveh had just conveniently left out the part that Alhaitham was the reason for that, and the only cure for his debilitating condition.

“I—don’t know. Do something, Haytham.”

“I take care of your drunk ass every night, you do something for once.”

“Fine, but don’t enjoy it too much.”

Kaveh lowered himself to his knees and reached to undo the scribe’s pants. “I don’t think I will.” Alhaitham chuckled.

“Stop being mean or I’ll bite.”

“It’d be the last time you ever bite anything, Kaveh.”

Kaveh couldn’t help but laugh as he slipped away his roommate’s underwear. “Damn, pretty.” he remarked out loud accidentally. It really was decent, Kaveh couldn’t help but imagine it inside himself, the thought lit a spark in his groin. “It’s a dick?” Alhaitham said, bewildered by Kaveh’s comment.

“So, I’m not allowed to find it pretty?”

“Why don't you suck it so I can have some peace and quiet?”

Kaveh huffed and looked up at him daringly. Not fighting back was taking everything he had, but for once, Kaveh had the chance to actually impress Alhaitham. When it came to housework, the scribe would always complain that he didn’t do things properly, and when he acclaimed Kaveh's work as an architect, well, that wasn’t really a personal thing. So, he decided to revel in the opportunity. He tied up his hair neatly and leaned forward, holding onto Alhaitham’s waist with both of his hands.

Kaveh first left a trail of kisses all over his thighs, grazing his teeth over the sensitive skin. Alhaitham twitched at the sensation as the blonde’s mouth moved up to his groin. He dragged his tongue around the scribe’s cock hungrily, being rewarded with light moans. Kaveh sucked on the tip, looking up shamelessly before sliding his mouth all the way down.

He was bobbing his head up and down and altering the way he sucked and released with such precision that Alhaitham felt like he could orgasm at any moment if he wanted to. “Not bad.” he mumbled, it was an understatement but was necessary to humble Kaveh.

But he was persistent, he supported his movements by placing one hand around Alhaitham’s base, timing them in a way that he knew would drive his roommate insane. Curses spilled out of Alhaitham as he yanked on Kaveh’s ponytail and pulled him up by the waist.

“Hey! I wasn’t done.” the blonde objected, but he still wrapped his arms around his roommate’s neck regardless. Alhaitham freed his hair from the pin and pressed a kiss onto his neck, “Well, I want you here, on my lap.”

Kaveh felt his heart skip a beat, Alhaitham stripped him slowly while peppering kisses all over his upper body. He shivered once he was fully naked on the scribe’s lap, the erection rubbing against his entrance already.

Alhaitham took such good care of him, massaging his thighs, playing with his hardened nipples and leaving bite marks all over his sensitive skin. Kaveh held onto his roommate’s shoulders for support, he felt like a ball of yarn at the mercy of a cat’s paws, he had no choice but to unravel.

Alhaitham slipped two fingers in Kaveh’s mouth, watching the blonde carefully as he sloppily lubricated them, eager to move on. Kaveh was already grinding back and forth, he couldn’t help it, just as he couldn’t help tilting his head back and moaning Alhaitham’s name as he quivered for his touch.

Alhaitham took out his fingers and circled them around Kaveh’s hole. Though they had been in this position for some time, Kaveh leaned in for the first time to kiss his roommate on the lips. Alhaitham passionately responded, intruding Kaveh’s mouth with his tongue and his hole with his fingers.

The blonde sank even deeper on his lap, grinding onto the digits with excitement. His moans escaped into Alhaitham’s mouth, hot breath hovering over the scribe’s face. Alhaitham pulled away and lifted his lips to line up with his entrance, Kaveh took a deep breath before pushing all the way down, all in one go with a low groan.

Alhaitham hissed, the warmth came so suddenly, and Kaveh’s walls sucked him up with no hesitation or delay, it was impressive, how he took it with such ease and the way fit him perfectly. “So good, Kaveh.” Alhaitham purred in his ear while playing with his nipples. The blonde stuttered and then decided not to speak at all. Instead, he slid back and forth, up and down in circular motions, fucking himself on Alhaitham’s cock as he kept pampering him.

“L—let’s go inside.” Kaveh offered. Alhaitham carried him to his bedroom without pulling out, with every step he took the blonde gently hopped up on his lap. The scribe entered and immediately slammed Kaveh on the wall, he cried out from the overwhelming sensations, the cold surface against his back, the sharp momentary pain that stabbed his hips, and the way Alhaitham reached so far up his hole with the force of the impact. He was thrusting somewhere so deep that Kaveh didn’t even know such a place existed.

“Thrown around, you said, right? Does this suffice?

Alhaitham pushed him even further, instead of letting Kaveh slip back, he held his hips and drew them in, maintaining the depth that made Kaveh’s eyes widen with every thrust. “I don’t know about making you forget your own name but I’ll make sure you at least won’t be able to speak it.” Alhaitham cooed in his ear. Kaveh was already far gone, drool spilled from his lips over to his roommate’s chest, he was gasping for air, breathing out incoherent words.

Alhaitham kept holding him close, Kaveh didn’t deserve anything short of being filled up to the brim. Though, after a few more thrusts, he felt warm liquid seep out of Kaveh’s tip and pulled away, leaving only an understimulating portion inside. Instinctively, the blonde tried to wrap his fingers around his cock but Alhaitham swiftly pinned both of his wrists above his head with a single move. Kaveh winced at the distress, he struggled to free his hands and whined, “Stop it, Haytham, you’re—ruining it.”

Alhaitham smirked, “Oh, am I?” The rest of Kaveh’s load leaked out pathetically as he begged the scribe to help him out. Alhaitham didn’t seem to care, he watched the blonde ride it out with a cruel and merciless smile. “Put me down.” Kaveh spat out angrily.

Alhaitham stepped away and released his grip on his wrists and hip. Kaveh hadn’t accounted for the fact that his legs were on the edge of giving out, with Alhaitham gone he collapsed on the floor, his knees knocking up against the harsh, wooden surface. Alhaitham grabbed a handful of his hair and pulled it back roughly so Kaveh would look up at him.

“I’ll give you a proper one, Kaveh. I promise.” His words were comforting but the playful look on his face surely wasn’t. Regardless, Kaveh was hitting a point where all the pain started to feel right. His aching back, knees and hips, his abused hole that was already yearning for more, and now the stinging feeling at the base of his scalp. It had become so pleasurable, so delicious as it pumped adrenaline through Kaveh’s veins.

Alhaitham was just as he expected, selfish and impudent, disregarding the amount of agony he was putting Kaveh through and discourteously ruining his high while feeling zero remorse. The more Kaveh realized it, the more he was drawn to the scribe. He stuck out his tongue, leaving a wet trail from Alhaitham’s base all the way up to his tip. He encased his cock inside his lips, this time much more gently, grazing the tip against the insides of his cheeks.

Alhaitham had expected him to make a bigger fuss before settling into submission again. “I didn’t know you could behave so well.” he gave a backhanded compliment that made Kaveh’s brows furrow and pushed his head away. The blonde’s whines stayed muffle on his throat when the scribe picked him up and laid him on the bed.

Kaveh relaxed onto the mattress, finally resting on a soft surface. Alhaitham sat between his legs, but the sight suddenly stunned him. He had seen Kaveh almost everyday for the past two years, and in almost every conceivable scenario. Exhausted and alert, sober and drunk out of his mind, snorting from laughter and sobbing uncontrollably. But this was a new entry, unregistered. Laying down on the bed with bruised knees and a sheer coat of sweat, eager to have Alhaitham take care of him. His golden locks scattered over the pillow and his cheeks tinted pink.

He looked absolutely breathtaking, and Alhaitham realized that he never stared at him for this long. The most he would do was take stolen, quick glances from his book when Kaveh would fall asleep on the couch. Not that he was going to wake up, but secretly Alhaitham was scared of seeing something, he didn’t even know what that “something” was, but now it was clear to him. Kaveh was beautiful, ethereal. Slithering over him lustfully, it wasn’t like anything Alhaitham had ever seen before.

You’re as emotional as a Scarab, Haytham.

“I know, I’m pretty.” Kaveh snapped him out of his thoughts, Alhaitham had lost track of time, he scoffed with a dramatic eye-roll, “And a shallow idiot.”

“Well you almost came inside that idiot two times so that makes you even more shallow.”

“What?”

“You edged twice, didn’t you?”

“How do you know that?”

“Well I felt it.”

Alhaitham chuckled, he was awfully good at hiding every physical cue, it was interesting, Kaveh was oblivious to his mastery during daily life, but apparently he was immune to the deception when it came to being intimate.

“How is it that a field expert like you can't find someone?” Alhaitham quipped as he leaned forward and slid inside.

“I—fuck—don’t know. It’s been like that for the past week.”

“No luck yesterday either?”

“Uhh…not really. I sat at the tavern but no one even bought me a drink.”

“I would. If you were there.”

“Sorry?” Kaveh was flushed, his legs wrapped around the scribe’s waist went numb for a moment, his mind was at a blank as well.

“I was at the tavern yesterday, doing corrections. Almost all night.” Alhaitham seemed very calm, he was sliding in and out with a relaxed pace, watching Kaveh slowly lose composure and fall apart. It truly was a terrible time for his roommate to come up with an excuse or a lie, and that was why Alhaitham had brought it up right then and there.

Kaveh felt like an ice cube slowly melting away into a puddle, for a brief moment it actually seemed pretty ideal to disappear so he didn’t have to deal with the situation. Luckily, Alhaitham didn’t expect an explanation, he picked up the pace, eliciting deep moans off of the blonde’s lips. Kaveh was already feeling close again, still longing for a satisfactory relief unlike his last.

“Your cute little ploy is very amusing but the next time you want me, just say so.” Alhaitham mewled as he nibbled on the blonde’s neck. “Shut up, it wasn’t a—Ah!--ploy.” Kaveh opposed. The scribe chuckled, he brushed against his roommate’s prostate to work him out even more, Kaveh gasped, it was becoming harder and harder to defend himself.

“You were here last week, weren’t you?” Alhaitham asked. He lifted Kaveh’s hips with a slight angle and pressed down on his groin. The blonde whimpered, the unexpected pressure was making him even more sensitive as more blood rushed to his lower body.

“I thought a bright man such as yourself would at least think to hide away his shoes.” Alhaitham continued. He was shamelessly badgering Kaveh, enjoying the sight as he squirmed and tried to cover his blushing face with his hands.

“Ah, I see. You’re not embarrassed because you heard it, you’re embarrassed because you liked it.”

“Please—” Kaveh pleaded.

“You laid here and fucked yourself like a freak, didn’t you?”

Kaveh was living through an insane thrill, he was desperate against Alhaitham’s claims, they were terribly accurate, as if the scribe could read his mind. Hearing Alhaitham belittle him usually annoyed Kaveh, but in the heat of the moment he felt euphoric, an overload of emotions as his body fluctuated between shame and pleasure.

Alhaitham’s eyes had darkened, an evil grin was sculpted on his face. He wrapped his fingers around Kaveh’s dick and slid his hand up and down. “Didn’t you?” he repeated the question, not that it needed an answer, but hearing Kaveh admit to his degeneracy would simply be delicious.

Tears pooled around Kaveh’s eyes as he struggled to talk, “I hate—” but before the blonde could say “you”, he released so intensely that his vision went dark for a second. Ropes of cum shot out in between them as his body spasmed and released.

Alhaitham hummed, “Ironic.”

#genshin smut #al haitham #kaveh genshin #haikaveh #kavetham #alhaitham x kaveh #character x character #kaveh smut #al haitham smut #genshin impact alhaitham #genshin impact kaveh #genshin impact

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meili-sheep · 1 year

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How do you think Diluc’s harem would react to someone flirting with Diluc?

/nf I don’t even know if your still doing these things 🧍

I am always up for more Diluc Harem! I am sorry this is so late. I've been in the last hour of school, and it's been a weird "stop AND NOW RUN!" I have been nearly forgetting everything. But I put alarms on my phone for a reason!

ANY WAY SORRY THIS IS A LATE HAREM WITH SOMEONE FLIRTING WITH DILUC. GO!

Albedo

See, Albedo is probably one of the more confident people here. And like real confidence. Not prideful, and not faux confidence. Real pure confidence.

So someone flirting with Diluc would be totally unphased. But he might start taking not to see what Diluc is respective to. Because he knows Diluc would not be respected at all and does his best to shut it down. But if there is a slight reaction, Albedo would like to know and then try the line himself because if it managed to break through Diluc's defense with a strange what would happen if he said?

And Albedo loves nothing more than Diluc's reactions.

Ayato

Ayato is a little more jealous. He does try not to because he trusts Diluc. But he's just a little more possessive. So while his initial reaction is to be annoyed, he sort of likes seeing Diluc get a little aggressive and put people down. He'd probably watch a moment, and then if the person would not give up, he would probably step in and just kiss Diluc in front of everyone. Much to Diluc's great embarrassment, but Diluc's not gonna protest that much. He's just gonna need a moment that Ayato will happily accompany.

Childe

So Childe is impuslive. He kind of just does a lot of stuff without thinking. But he's also a little clueless about certain things. So it would take him a minute to realize that someone is flirting with Diluc. It probably would end up with them getting touchy with Diluc.

And well depending on the touch, there might be a lost hand. But that would totally be passed on Diluc's comfort and reaction enough. Because you can't tell me Childe isn't a King of respecting boundaries. Like He just pulls out a knife and diluc just gives him a look that says "No don't kill him, but you can kick him out" and Childe is just a happy puppy he picks up this person and literally drops the kids them out.

Eula

So Eula is a little more insecure. And has this thing about not wanting to taint Diluc's image with her name. So she would just sit quietly. And just a little sad. But Diluc would quickly notice and probably ignore whoever was flirting with him and go sit and have a good time with Eula.

Itto

Now if Childe is a dumb golden retriever boyfriend Itto is 10x worst. He would totally not realize the person is flirting with Diluc and would actively join in thinking they are just talking bout how great Diluc is. And he would get so super into it and just energetic that I think the person flirting would just give up. Because they just can not match Itto's energy and just pure love.

Kaveh

So we all know Kaveh has a lot of pride. And I think that would extend to his pride in being a good boyfriend. So he combined with his total faith in Diluc as the "sweet person," He would really only feel the end to outdo the person in flirting.

And While I think he's a little awkward and dramatic at times, it's all charming because he's simply so passionate and care so much. Diluc probably liked that best about Kaveh, just how much he can care and keep caring despite how hurt he might get.

Thoma

So there isn't a lot to say here because Thoma's just a sweet guy, and he and Diluc would just both kind of ignore the person flirting until they got the message.

It might be a little different afterward, with Thoma feeling like he needs to give Diluc more attention and affection because clearly, people haven't noticed that Diluc's in a relationship with him.

Xiao

Xiao is the kind of person who tolerates other people for Diluc. But he would not tolerate someone flirting or touching Diluc. So the moment it starts the person flirting with Diluc would just feel a murderous aura. And see the Adeptus just glaring at them from probably like a rafter or something and then they leave, letting Xiao take their seat. While Diluc just chuckles to himself.

Zhongli

Now Zhongli has age and confidence on his side. But he'd take an interest in new flirting techniques and, like Albedo would watch a moment before going up to the person flirting with Diluc and asking them questions. Definitely does a "back in my day" line and tries an old pick up line on Diluc. Which to be fair, it is only effective because Zhongli is using it.

#diluc harem #albeluc #albedo #haithamluc #al haitham #ayatoluc #ayaluc #ayato #chiluc #childe #tartaglia #euluc #eula #ittoluc #itto #kaveluc #kaveh #thomaluc #thoma #xiaoluc #xiao #zhongluc #zhongli

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killajust · 1 year

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Okay bc I can't shut up I'll write about my opinion on every ship on that poll/their eligibility. Under the cut naturally

Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya or skk or whatever: one of my friends hates them so they deserve to be here

Crowley/Aziraphale: agree on the overexposure level of annoying but aside from that they seem like a cute couple. however i think the fans were largely unbearable and there was problems with antisemitism

Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson: nothing wrong with it but definitely inescapable and super fucking annoying, sorry. i'd have no objection to it being canon but people just went way too crazy for it and now idk.

Reylo: absolutely deserves the win

Star Butterfly/Marco Diaz: this shit was fucking messy. the creators handled it terribly. from what little i know. it can stay

Spamton/Jevil: it can stay only because spamton is annoying as fuck (as was the plan surely) not bc of him even but bc of everyone else (as was the plan surely)

Harrier Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi: yes theyre drawn a lot (and its always good) and im sure people meowmeowify them and do whatever but overwhelmingly their content is super good and they deserve to be annoying and everywhere. booing them offstage for this poll. theyre good

Herbert West/Daniel Cain: havent watched reanimator but im sure they deserve each other. it can stay just bc as i say later i think horror movie shipping is widely bizarre as fuck and kind of dumb (there are exceptions)

Catra/Adora: never watched SPOP and am curious how they ended up together from how odious catra seemed from the start. probably deserves a spot

Akira Kurusu/Goro Akechi: tHIS is the one i want to win for super petty reasons (the name of the ship) but i know realistically it won't. it can stay though simply because of that

Lapis/Peridot: yeah they can stay. SU teased so much shit with ships and then didn't do a damn thing with em. not that they have to but it was annoying

Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler: I KNOW WHO SUBMITTED THIS and idk if i just missed the blast radius but during superwholock dr who barely grazed me. so i don't have an opinion! they seem like a sweet couple idk if they should be here though i am sure outside of my bubble they're annoying due to being everywhere

Cole Cassidy/Hanzo Shimada: there are worse ships for hanzo. also they're both kinda hot together. feel like i should give them a pass to leave

Takami Keigo/Todoroki Enji: idk about bnha but if that's todorokis dad then he deserves the chair. they can stay here and rot

Beauregard Lionett/Jester Lavorre: i know nothing about critrole but beauyasha appeals more. based on that they can stay bc its fun to be a hater (not really. idk what im saying here) jk they should go bc jester is cute. shin has educated me on who they actually are

Raiden Ei/Yae Miko: i don't know/like genshin much but i think eriko likes them so get them off this poll immediately

Katsuki Bakugou/Izuku Midoriya: absolutely deserves to make it to semifinals at LEAST holy shit bakudeku sucks. and i dont even go to bnha like even a little. dont even know what deku sounds like

Jack Hakrness/Ianto Jones: never watched torchwood. if they had chemistry i am sure people went wild for them and became overbearing though lol but itll never be destiel

Marisa Kirisame/Reimu Hakurei: reimari rules what the fuck is this doing here. HOWEVER someone i follow had to delete all their reimari stuff so maybe touhou fandom just sucks shit so... maybe. i dunno

Rhys Strongfork/Handsome Jack: yeah this one can stay

Kaname Madoka/ Homura Akemi: after rebellion i guess it's sucks but i really like the premise ): don't feel like it should be here

Alhaithem/Kaveh: idk who they are but as i say further down they're not the most popular genshin ship i know of

Ryuki Kuruto/Date Kaname: don't know these people from adam. no opinion

Ethan Winters/Chris Redfield: dont know anything about RE but if its a case of 'two conventionally attractive guys in the same game' then im sure it is annoying at least a little. still i feel like maybe its just average

Hunter/Willow Park: i know a loooot of people hate this one bc they've seen it so much so i guess it deserves a spot if the people have spoken

Childe/Zhongli: genshin is inescapable. mr electric send them to hell!!!!!! no in all seriousness this one isn't the one i've seen the most of (i say while fully being aware i can't tell anyone in genshin apart)

John Watson/ Sherlock Holmes: I WAS A JOHNLOCK BACK IN THE DAY LMAOOO i hope they make it to semifinals at least

Dimple/Arataka Reigen: THE GREEN THING??/ THATS A SHIP?? FJDJJ

Ashfur/Scourge: never read warriors but the mere thought of shipping cats like just straight up cats who walk on all fours is so funny to me

Zuko/Katara: zutara is cute on like the surface but many indigenous people have pointed out their discomfort and the issues with it and people WERE super annoying about it. theyre better as lifelong pals. it can stay

Nico Yazawa/Maki Nishikino: never heard of them in my life

Dean Winchester/Castiel: they should win second place to reylo

Sasuke Uchiha/Sakura Haruno: yeah

Vriska Serket/Terezi Pyrope: they actually ended up being really cute and i dont hear much about them. not sure they should be here

Benry/Gordon Freeman: ooh im so fucking sick of bendon. hope this one gets far (petty) as fond as i am now of shitty dynamics like that it's just a dumbass step too far. deserves a spot for sure imo

Keith Kogane/Lance Mcclain: its better than sheith (has never watched vld) but should probably still be here

Kazuhira Miller/Revolver Ocelot: everyone in mgs is funny please leave them alone

Jotaro Kujo/Noriaki Kakyoin: kakyoin did you lay this egg

Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas: hell no i love davekat get it OUT of here (i say knowing full well it probably qualifies in some way)

Sonic the Hedgehog/Shadow the Hedgehog: shipping sonic characters seems kinda weird to me overall but like idk it sounds like a funny ship. not sure how bad it is.

Mako/Korra: shippers of this were absolutely trash to korrasami. earned spot

The Onceler/The Onceler: GOD yeah on principle this deserves a fucking spot. on concept alone. speaking of that where's like sans on here

Lavernius Tucker/Agent Washington: never watched it. havent seen it around in years. doesnt seem relevant enough to be here

Chris Hartley/Josh Washington: this shouldnt be here it like barely makes a splash unless you look???? get it out of here i am sure anything from dbd qualifies 300 times as much

Piers/Raihan: people are just annoying about any m/m ship tbh. no strong opinion

Natsuki/Yuri: this is a good ship. one i haven't seen much content for. not sure it should be here i think they just wanted to fill a yuri quota.

Greg House/James Wilson: LOL yeah let them stay simply bc its funny

Callie Torres/Arizona Robbins: i dont remember much about greys but i think callie deserves to be happy. let them go in peace

Kazuma Kiryu/Goro Majima: no theyre married this shouldnt be here its the best dynamic theyre exempt from criticism

Light Yagami/Misa Amane: PEOPLE ACTUALLY SHIP THIS??? how is this here??? objectively yeah it sucks but how is it here???????

Chell/GLaDOS: chelldos rules and shouldn't be here

Adam Faulkner-Stanheight/Lawrence Gordon: shipping in horror movies has always been fucking bizarre to me. sorry. maybe it deserves a spot (this is how you can tell i filled these in out of order)

Tom Wambsgans/Greg Hirsch: fully thought these were MCYT dudes before i saw 'succession'. people are annoying about succession and idek a single thing about it. it can stay

Ryo Asuka/Akira Fudo: never watched devilman but from what i remember of the ryo dude maybe they do deserve to be here

Yami Yugi/Seto Kaiba: if by yami yugi you mean full on atem then fuck you theres like barely any content and it's so real. shouldnt be here bc it fits no criteria

Qrow Branwen/James Ironwood: never got that far in rwby so have no opinion.

Batman/The Joker: superbat is better. it can stay

Getou Suguru/Satoru Gojo: are these the two that look like songxiao? they should be safe just bc of that and shouldnt win

Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski: if its some bad teen/adult age gap its shit by default and also apparently really weird queerbaiting or something too

Iki Hiyori/Yukine: never heard of them in my life but if theyre lesbians they can be as bad as they want

Jayce/Viktor: sorry gonna be controversial here but i tend to drop a ship if in the series they're shown to be into other people. i was on board for a bit but mel is SUPER hot and jayce was like 'youre like a brother to me (:' and sorry but that kills my enjoyment of ships like immediately. maybe i cling to canon too much but like 'as a brother' has always steered me away from stuff. idk if they should be here but i do wish they were a little less popular. im sure i will be waterboarded for this and told 'thats just the writers trying to sink a ship!!' or whatever but like leave me alone i dont know

Hannibal Lector/Will Graham: theyre funny. they can stay but because theyre the worst affectionately

Dirk Strider/Jake English: dirkjake is soooo fucking mid it deserves a spot

Ash/Serena: who is serena again? ash is like perpetually 10 anyways right so i wouldnt wanna get so passionate about something involving kids holding hands

personally if genshin was gonna be here on terms of being super annoying from what little i know of it it shouldve been kaeluc. also SO many mxtx ships and yet none were even available LMAO i can say 3 off the top of my head that are everywhere and aren't problematic... anyways chicken salad should be here. (redacted) too but in a more affectionate, genuine way. sadly its super problematic so it cant make the cut. tbh im shocked theres no star trek on here either maybe i just follow a lot of trekkies

i follow a diverse group of bloggers who talk about all these different things and some of these have not shown up even once, which means they're not nearly as annoying as being on the poll would lead you to believe. i have a good sample size and if i've never heard of your ship, it shouldn't qualify.

#also holy shit where is breaking bad

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