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hutchhitched · 4 years

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Too Familiar (Part 10)

Happy Monday, Everlarkers! While I was hoping to get this chapter to you sooner than this, I’m really excited that it’s finally done. This is the last full chapter of Too Familiar, and a short epilogue will post next Monday, August 3 to wrap up the story. You can also read the story on AO3. For those of you reading it on tumblr, the rest of the story can be found here. I love hearing from you, so feel free to send me your thoughts.

Trigger warning: mature themes (including infidelity and minor character death).

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“Mama Kat, when’s Dad going to be home?” Elam asked as he tossed his keys on the counter. She grinned when he leaned over and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

“Hunter’s Little League game should be over in an hour or so,” she answered as she cut a pear into thin slices. “Probably pretty soon after that. Everything okay?”

“Yeah. Just wanted to talk to him about graduation,” he said as he buried his head in the fridge and then emerged with a sports drink.

Katniss swallowed hard and stilled her suddenly shaky hands. No matter how much she knew logically that time had passed, she couldn’t convince herself that Elam, the sweet boy she’d met so many years ago when her relationship with Peeta was rocky and unsure, was graduating from college in a few weeks.

“Anything I can help with?” she asked, her voice unsteady and wavering.

Her stepson shook his head, and she dropped her eyes to the counter. Madge wasn’t a common topic of conversation in the house. For everyone’s sake, they avoided mentioning her as much as possible. Unfortunately, that didn’t mean Peeta’s ex-wife was far from anyone’s mind. Elam’s graduation would be the first time they’d all be together since he’d graduated from high school, and Katniss squelched the anxiety that bubbled in the pit of her stomach.

“Just trying to figure everything out,” he mumbled before heading into the living room and plopping in front of the TV.

She almost asked him if he planned to stay for dinner, but she didn’t want to risk upsetting him. Elam rightly loved his mother, and Katniss had no desire to come in between them. She was content to be his dad’s wife, the mother to his half-siblings, and Mama Kat. Never his mother. Not the person who’d raised him from birth and had never remarried. The most Katniss could hope for was to stay in the shadows when the family gathered together and hope for the best. After all, each of them were adults, and there hadn’t been a blow up for such a long time. Madge seemed to have forgiven them as much as possible for their affair, and Peeta had long since apologized and groveled for his transgressions. More than anything, Katniss had worked really hard to be a good wife and build a solid foundation for their kids, including Elam. If nothing else, the three children enjoyed a home with a deeply loving, committed relationship at its center—no matter how terrible the beginning.

Dinner was almost ready when the door burst open and Hunter bolted down the hall and threw himself against her stomach. Jasmine followed behind, twirling her hair around her finger with a bored expression plastered across her face. Her daughter was the very picture of teenage angst and spending the evening with her dad and kid brother wasn’t on her “cool” list.

“Hi, sweetheart,” her husband said as he entered the room, his bulk taking up a considerable amount of space. Peeta kissed her cheek and tossed the groceries he’d picked up on the way home onto the counter. “Tiny, baby, can you help me put this away? Hunter, shower and change. Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Daaaaaaaaad…”

“Momma, dinner is soon?”

She grinned at Peeta addressing her as a mom. It still thrilled her that she’d given him two wonderful children—in spite of how much they sometimes drove her up the wall. “Very soon.”

Peeta pressed his side to hers as he emptied the grocery bags and handed the food to their daughter. The contact promised things to come after bedtime, and Katniss blushed slightly at the thought of them making love. They were intimate much less frequently than they had been earlier in their relationship, but she craved the physical connection that they’d been unable to deny when they were younger. Peeta didn’t last as long as he used to, and she wasn’t nearly as flexible as she’d been years before. Even so, they still managed to find release in each other’s arms as often as possible—even if that wasn’t nearly frequently enough.

“Elam’s here,” she muttered under her breath. “He wants to talk about graduation with you. Probably figuring out how to stagger us with Madge so nothing happens.”

“I’ll talk to him,” he promised. “After dinner. We don’t have many more opportunities to have all of us together anymore. It’ll be worse once he starts his job.”

Peeta did as he promised. They sat down together for dinner, and everyone (even Tiny) filled the others in on the highlights of the past week. As Katniss readied Hunter for bed, started the laundry, and set the alarm so she and Peeta wouldn’t be late for work the next day, Peeta talked to Elam in the living room, their voices low and rumbling for almost an hour. She was in the middle of preparing for bed when Peeta slipped into their bedroom and came up behind her.

“You’re still so gorgeous,” he said as his arms wrapped around her waist and pulled her back against him. His lips roamed her neck, and she arched her back when he rubbed his groin against her ass. “I need you tonight, Kat. It’s been a week. My dick’s gonna fall off, and my balls are going to shrivel up and disappear.”

She snorted at his hyperbole. It had been several days since they’d had sex, but he was hardly going to die from it. She’d jacked him off one morning as he brushed his teeth, and she knew he masturbated in the shower almost every day.

“You poor baby,” she teased as she ground back against him and braced herself on their bureau. “How will you ever survive without getting laid?”

“Thankfully, I’ll never have to find out.”

“That’s so true,” she breathed and spread her legs.

He grunted as he penetrated her, thick and heavy as he pushed into her from behind. His hands cupped her breasts as he rocked his hips until he was buried deep inside her. When she shivered, his right hand dropped lower and stroked her nub until she whined in the back of her throat.

She knew they needed to be quiet. Their teenage daughter and pre-teen son didn’t need to hear their parents fucking so loudly they woke everyone on the block, but it was hard to keep her pleasure quiet when her husband impaled her on his dick so hard she was constantly balanced on her tiptoes and rubbed her clit so hard her arousal leaked out around his cock.

“God, I love you,” he growled against her temple. “I love you so much. So much…”

“Peeta,” she panted before she turned to begging. “Peeta, give it to me. Please.”

He came then, spurting warm and thick inside her, and she reveled in the way he broke against her. His muscles locked, and he lost lucidity as he babbled and panted and grunted. She wasn’t much better. Her knees buckled, and she stumbled when she tried to walk.

“You know, that was a lot easier when we were younger,” she teased. “Somehow, we got old.”

Peeta chuckled as he tugged a pair of boxers over his hips. “We’re not in our thirties anymore.”

“We’re not even in our forties,” she scoffed and frowned at the gray hairs that peppered her dark braid.

“Older and wiser, I guess.”

She grinned as he climbed into bed, and she cuddled up against him. “We’ve come a long way. It’s almost liked we figured out how to be in love or something.”

“Love wasn’t ever the problem, sweetheart. I’ve always loved you. Even when I was stupid and married to someone else and treated you terribly, I always loved you more than I’ve loved anything else. I’m so glad we stuck this out, Katniss,” he murmured sleepily. “I’m so lucky you loved me back.”

“How could I help it?” she yawned. When he didn’t answer, she closed her eyes and slept.

They woke the next morning sore and exhausted, and that continued each day as they prepared for Elam’s graduation. Nervous, Katniss reached out to Madge and offered her help in arranging the party. Surprisingly, her husband’s ex-wife asked her to come over to discuss the plans.

When she knocked on the door, Katniss shifted from foot to foot. The two women hadn’t seen each other for so long, Katniss wasn’t sure what to expect and internally berated herself for reaching out to the other woman voluntarily. Things had gone well enough between the two of them for so long, she hated to rock the boat, but she supposed her stepson’s college graduation was enough of an event warranting the two meet face to face.

“Katniss,” Madge said when she opened the door, “come in.”

Peeta’s ex-wife looked older since they’d seen each other last. Madge’s face was gaunt and hollow with sunken eyes and pale skin that was just on the wrong side of porcelain. Instead, her coloring edged toward sickly. As Katniss entered the house, she didn’t miss the almost imperceptible shaking of Madge’s hands.

“I have to say, I wasn’t sure you’d want my help,” Katniss said carefully as she moved through the entryway and perched on the side of the couch. “I’m glad we can agree that Elam’s happiness is worth any uncomfortableness of our own.”

Madge smiled wanly and motioned to the pitcher of iced tea on the coffee table. “Help yourself. I don’t have much energy today, so…”

“Are you okay?” Katniss asked quietly. “I know I haven’t seen you for a while, but you seem a little off.”

A flash of anger flitted across Madge’s face, and Katniss dropped her gaze to the tray of refreshments. The last thing she wanted to do was upset the other woman, but Madge did look much more peaked than Katniss had ever seen her.

“I’m…” Madge waved her left hand vaguely in the air, and Katniss sat back with a glass in her hand. “I’m feeling a little under the weather. Have been for a while, but I need to get through this graduation before I can worry about that. After all, Elam’s the apple of my eye—all our eyes, isn’t he? We’ll put on a brave face and pretend everything’s okay.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Sure,” Madge insisted, but her face betrayed her inner thoughts. “Sure, everything’s just delightful.”

“Madge, I know we’re not the best of friends or anything, but it’s obvious something’s going on. I’m happy to listen if you—”

“If I need to confide in someone? If I need to share my innermost thoughts and vulnerabilities with the woman who stole my husband almost twenty years ago? I mean, it’s been so long, why would it matter now? Surely, we can just let bygones be bygones, right?”

Katniss pursed her lips at the other woman’s sarcasm. It wasn’t pleasant, but she knew better than to rise to the bait. Madge had invited her over, after all, so there was a reason she wanted her here.

“I’m not expecting anything. Just offering to listen if you have something to say.”

“I don’t really need help with Elam’s party,” Madge admitted. “You’re welcome here, of course. Elam adores you—even if it makes me squirm a little.”

“Okay?”

“Katniss, I’m sick.”

“Do you want me to leave so you can go to bed?”

Madge shook her head. “Not that kind of sick.”

“Oh,” Katniss answered lamely, her tongue sticking to the roof of her mouth. “I’m so sorry.”

“I have cancer. Ovarian. It’s stage four. The prognosis is…” Her voice trails off, and Katniss twists her hands as her insides mirror the action. “Well, it’s not good.”

Katniss cursed under her breath and blinked back sudden tears. There was certainly no love lost between them, but this was beyond anything she’d imagined. She’d expected Madge to be a part of her life as long as she lived.

“Have you—have you tired chemo? Radiation?” When Madge shook her head, Katniss added, “Drug trials? Anything?”

“The doctor says it’s too late. It’s metastasized— It’s— It’s too late.”

“We’ll get a second opinion,” Katniss insisted. “We’ll figure something out.”

“I’ve already done that.”

“Then a third,” Katniss argued, frantic with anxiety.

“Katniss, no,” Madge said softly. “I’ve made my peace with it. It’s why I invited you over.”

“What’s why you invited me over? I thought I was—” Her voice broke, and she stared at the other woman.

“I’m dying,” Madge insisted. “There’s no stopping this. It’s going to happen, and it’s terrible and shitty and awful, but it’s happening. Elam deserves to graduate without this overshadowing his accomplishment. I’ll tell him after. Once he’s gotten settled in his new job, I’ll break it to him, but right now isn’t the time.”

Katniss nodded, unable to speak. She pressed her hand to her mouth because she was positive she’d scream if she dropped it.

“As much as I hate to admit this, you’ve been a really good mom to Elam. A good wife to Peeta. Despite how it all started, I’m glad my boys are happy, and I know you’ll be strong for them when I go.”

Katniss choked back a sob and shook her head. “This is absurd. This can’t be happening.”

“It’s happening.”

“No! No, it’s not,” Katniss snapped. “You’re supposed to hate me. I slept with your husband while you were married. I blew him when you were pregnant. I had an affair with him when you were a new mother. You’re supposed to loathe me, not expect me to replace you when you—”

“When I die,” Madge whispered.

“You’re not dying!” Katniss screamed, all attempts at control lost. “You’re not fucking dying.”

Madge’s eyes welled with tears, and Katniss had to bite her cheek to stop herself from another outburst.

“I am. I don’t want to. I don’t want to miss Elam finding himself, getting married, becoming an adult, a father, everything I ever wanted for him, but I am going to miss it. And Katniss,” Madge paused and swallowed hard. “Katniss, you cannot tell Peeta. Not yet. I have to talk to him myself because he has to be ready when I tell my son. Our son. All of ours.”

“You can’t ask me to do that,” Katniss croaked. “You cannot expect me to lie to my husband. To Peeta. We’ve always been honest with each other.”

Madge shot her a withering look, and Katniss cringed in response. Honesty wasn’t exactly the foundation stone of her marriage, and the woman in front of her knew that better than anyone.

“You don’t have to lie for long. Not like in the past or anything. He’s graduating in a week.”

“That wasn’t called for.”

Madge sighed and raised a trembling hand to her forehead. “You’re right. You’re right. That wasn’t fair.”

Silence stretched between them for several seconds. Madge sat with her eyes closed, breathing quietly and pressing her lips together to keep from crying. Katniss stared at her feet, unable to process the coming loss for their family. Because that’s what Madge was as much as Katniss had tried to ignore it. She was part of Peeta’s family, and, therefore, part of hers. More importantly, she was Elam’s mother, and her sweet stepson was going to lose his mother in the months to come.

“I need to rest. Maybe it’s time for you to go.”

Katniss nodded quickly and rose clumsily. It felt like the walls were closing in, and she needed air. She had to figure out how to get through the next few days without lying to her husband, without him seeing right through her and figuring out something was wrong.

“Madge…” she rasped and looked at her former nemesis. “I—”

The two women locked gazes as their eyes blurred with tears. Katniss reached for Madge’s hand, and the other woman stretched up and grasped her fingers tightly before dropping her arm.

“Take care of my baby. Promise.”

“I promise,” she breathed and broke for the door. Halfway home she pulled over and bawled at the unfairness of it all. For Elam losing his mother. For the pain she and Peeta had caused Madge. For the guilt in their marriage. For the broken relationships and lost time and mistakes and everything wrong.

The rest of the week dragged. Katniss brushed off Peeta’s advances with promises that they’d reconnect “later” and “after Elam’s had his day” and a million other excuses that felt as wrong as Madge’s prognosis. Clearly frustrated, Peeta huffed and pouted, but she ignored him until he stopped.

“I haven’t been this celibate since Tiny was born,” he teased the night before Elam’s graduation, and she shook her head and snorted.

“I think you’ll probably pull through, Mellark. It’s been a while since I’ve had to tell you to keep it in your pants, too, but here we are.”

He chuckled as he put his arms around her and drew her to his chest. “Can you believe my son is graduating from college tomorrow?”

“No,” she mumbled, “I can’t.” It wasn’t lost on her that he’d said Elam was his, not theirs. Not the way Madge had included Katniss in her son’s life only a few days prior.

“You realize what him graduating means, right?” he asked as he nuzzled her neck.

“What’s that?”

“That it’s been twenty-two years since I first ate you out,” he whispered in her ear as his hand dipped between her legs.

“Peeta,” she warned as he nudged against her skin.

“Lie down for me, sweetheart. Please.”

“Peeta, no,” she whined, but it wasn’t any use.

“Katniss, yes,” he insisted as he walked them backward and situated her on the edge of their bed. He dropped to his knees in front of her and tugged down her sleep shorts before spreading her legs and kissing up the inside of her thighs. When his lips met her slick heat, she closed her eyes and drove everything from her mind but the feel of her husband’s mouth on her pussy.

“Oh, fuck,” she hissed as she twisted the sheets in her fists.

Peeta moved slowly, deliberately, methodically. His tongue swept into her slit and licked and nipped for what felt like hours. Swirls coupled with penetration and heated breaths chased desperate groans and haggard breaths from her body until she was begging. Her back arched off the bed when he wiggled his tongue inside her and then pulled away. He blew softly on her wet lips and then buried his face into her again. He repeated the process, over and over, until she writhed under him. When he curved two fingers inside her as he sucked on her clit, she bowed and snapped. She tugged his hair as she shoved his face closer to her and wrapped her legs around his head. His tongue flicked her repeatedly as she came and then came some more. Katniss rolled her head from side to side as he continued to work her with his fingers and mouth. It felt too good to do anything but bask in the endorphins.

As she floated, she heard the distinctive sound of skin slapping, and she realized Peeta was jerking off as he kissed along her slit. She moaned and ground against his face. His pace quickened while she twitched under him, and it was only a few more moments before he stood up and leaned over her.

“I’m gonna come,” he grunted, and she drew him over her. Her hand wrapped around his, and he shouted her name. Hot stripes covered her breasts and face seconds before he collapsed on top of her. She wiggled against him, smearing his ejaculate across their bodies. With a tortured grumble, he licked himself off her face before kissing her deeply. She sucked the taste of herself off his tongue until he pulled away and started laughing.

“God damn.” His breathing was ragged against her neck, and she grinned when his thumb flicked her nipple.

“You just can’t help yourself, can you?” she teased. “Even when I push you away, you figure out a way to weasel your way back into my good graces.”

“If by good graces you mean your pussy, then yes,” he answered with a broad smile. “I love you so much, Katniss. All these years later, and I still can’t get enough of you. Worth every hardship. Every dirty look. Every snide comment and brushoff. I’d choose you again every time,” he promised with a gentle kiss. “Every. Single. Time.”

Katniss bit her lips, but the tears came anyway. Overcome with emotion, she shook her head when he asked her what was wrong. Instead, she curled into his arms, sticky and sated, and fell asleep with her tears washing his chest.

She was still emotional the next morning when they woke and prepared for the graduation. She cried as Elam crossed the stage, and she teared up when she and Peeta gave Madge an awkward farewell. Peeta looked at her quizzically when his ex-wife squeezed her hand before they left.

“Okay, sweetheart,” he announced as they walked in the door, “Elam’s graduated, Tiny’s at work, and Hunter is at a sleepover. We’re alone in this house for the first time in ages. It’s time for you to spill it. What the hell is going on? You’ve been acting weird for a week.”

“I haven’t been acting weird.”

“Katniss, you haven’t said no to sex that many times since before Elam was born and we were still pretending we weren’t doing anything wrong just giving each other hand jobs and sucking each other off.”

It was exactly the wrong thing for him to say, and she sank onto the couch with a deep pain in her gut. She’d forgiven herself so long ago for their affair, but Madge’s illness brought forth all the old guilt and pain she’d repressed for the past two decades. Her marriage with Peeta had weathered a million obstacles—cheating, parental disapproval, a blended family, a workplace romance, raising kids, and self-loathing—but she’d never imagined she’d be back where she was the night Madge went into labor and all hell had broken loose. She’d been convinced then that Madge’s emergency C-section and brush with death had been her punishment for tempting Peeta during his marriage, but the cancer diagnosis… It didn’t make sense that Madge was the one with the death sentence when Katniss had been the one sucking the cock of a married man.

“Nothing’s wrong.”

“Katniss Everdeen Mellark,” he barked. “I know you better than you know yourself. Tell me.”

“It’s not my story to tell,” she insisted and moved to the kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. “You’ll have to wait until she tells you herself.”

He followed her and surveyed her with curious eyes. When she refused to speak, he sighed and ran a finger through his curls that still fell over his forehead, even if they were a little bit receded from where they’d been when they’d met. He looked tired and beaten down, and she longed to smooth out the wrinkles in his brow and the laugh lines around his eyes.

“It’s something with Madge.”

“Peeta, I really can’t say anything.”

“Fine,” he snapped. “Just forget it.”

“Peeta,” she started, but he cut her off before she could get any farther.

“I think I’m going to meet up with Finnick. I’ll see you later.”

She stood with her mouth hanging open as he stormed from the house. She heard the car start and drive away before she was willing to believe he’d left. It was another twenty minutes before she admitted defeat and changed into old sweats and a stretched out t-shirt.

Three glasses of wine later, she was halfway through a horror movie when the front door opened.

She expected Tiny or Peeta, but it was Elam, face pale and eyes red-rimmed as she stood in the hallway.

“Oh, honey,” she said softly and held out her arms to him.

“Mama Kat,” Elam gulped. “My mama’s sick.”

“Baby,” she whispered and wrapped him in her arms.

The minutes ticked by as her stepson wept in her arms. Tiny returned and quietly escaped to her room when she saw her older brother crying. Sometime after midnight, Peeta slipped through the door and wobbled toward them. When Katniss shook her head, he stumbled down the hall and left them alone. In the middle of the night, she shifted Elam onto the couch and covered him with a blanket. With a kiss on his forehead, she turned and headed down the hall to her bedroom.

She expected Peeta to be asleep, but she wasn’t prepared for his bare ass to greet her when she walked into the room. He was completely naked, passed out and snoring. A bottle of lube was on the nightstand, and a soiled towel was on the floor on his side of the bed. For all the moments she’d loved her husband, her stomach turned at the sight of him. On the very night his firstborn needed comfort, he’d gotten drunk and jacked off while his son bawled in her arms.

Just as suddenly, a wave of sympathy and guilt flooded through her. Peeta had no idea his life was about to change dramatically again. He had no clue his first wife was dying, and his oldest child was about to lose his mother. On top of that, she’d lied to him about what was wrong. When Peeta heard the news, he’d have to deal with the shock of Madge’s terminal illness and his wife’s…betrayal, or whatever it was she’d done by hiding the truth.

She woke late the next morning to gritty eyes and the smell of coffee. Peeta wasn’t in bed, so she grabbed her robe and stumbled to the kitchen as she twisted her hair into a messy braid. Her husband sat at the bar next to Elam, both with slumped shoulders and untouched cups of coffee in front of them.

“What am I going to do, Dad?” Elam asked, his voice ragged and weary.

Katniss held her breath, but Peeta offered advice she wished she’d thought of the night before when Elam and wept on her shoulder.

“You’re going to live your life,” he insisted. “Your mother and I both love you so much, and we’re so proud of you. Mama Kat and your brother and sister and I are all here for you. We’ll always be here for you, and we’ll be your family once your mom is gone. You’re a good man, Elam, and your mom is always going to be with you, no matter what happens. She’s raised you so well, son.”

His voice broke then, and Katniss moved into the room to lay her hand on her husband’s shoulder. He turned to her and pulled her close as tears clung to his lashes. Elam pushed his cup of coffee away and announced that he was going to spend the day with his mother.

“You knew,” Peeta accused as soon as the door closed behind Elam. Shoving himself away from her, he looked at her with fire in his eyes and spat, “You knew, and that’s why you kept shoving me away last week.”

“Peeta, I—”

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

“Madge made me promise not to. It was her news, not mine, and I didn’t want to break her trust. Not after everything I’d already done to her.”

“You mean, not after fucking her husband while she was at home with a newborn? Not when we were screwing each other when I was going to therapy with her? When you rode my face the night before Elam was born? I’m your husband, Katniss, and we’re not supposed to have any secrets from each other! Not after everything we’ve been through to be together.”

“I didn’t—”

“What do you mean?” a strangled voice asked from the hallway, and they both turned to find a stricken Elam gaping at them. Peeta rose quickly and took a step toward him.

“Son—”

“What do you mean?” Elam repeated. “You were— You told me things started after… Oh my God. Oh my God! You were cheating on Mom? You lied to me?”

Katniss held her breath. They were on a precipice, and their decision to withhold the truth from Elam suddenly seemed like a terrible idea. Madge had agreed only because she wanted to be spared the humiliation of knowing her son was aware of the affair, but now the walls crumbled around them.

“I can explain,” Peeta said, but Elam backed away from them, his face a mask of disgust and fury.

“I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want anything from you!” he yelled.

“Elam, stop!” Peeta cried, but it was too late. Elam was out the door, his tires squealing as he pealed out of the driveway and sped down the street.

Peeta stood outside for several minutes before returning to the house. Katniss watched as his shoulders fell and he plodded up the front steps and walked through the door. He was clearly shell-shocked, pale with red-rimmed eyes and a haunted look in his eyes. Katniss stood quietly, afraid to make a move until he indicated he was ready for her comfort, if that was something she was even able to provide. Peeta’s relationship with his oldest child had always been something only they understood.

“This can’t be happening,” he finally gasped and doubled over. “I’ve lost him.”

She rushed to him and wrapped her arms around his middle. Helping him to the couch, she steadied him as he collapsed into the cushions. Silent tears streaked down his face, and she clutched his hand, gripping it with a ferocity she hadn’t realized she could muster since she’d finally believed Peeta was really hers.

Except he wasn’t exactly. Yes, he was her husband, but he was also Elam’s father and Madge’s ex. He was her children’s dad and his parent’s child. He was a brother and a friend and an employee. He was hers as much as anyone she hadn’t birthed could be, but there were parts of him she’d never be able to understand, and this seemed to be one of them. As much as she loved Elam, he had never really been hers either, so how could she comprehend the loss Peeta felt as he watched his firstborn flee?

Things didn’t improve over the next few weeks. Calls to Elam went unanswered, and Madge’s condition worsened rapidly. Both Katniss and Peeta wanted to be there for her, but Madge insisted there was nothing they could do. She asked them to give her space to be with her son, who refused to be in the same room with his father.

“I promise I’ll make time for you to see me,” she promised, but the days passed with no invitation to visit.

“She’s going to die without letting us see her,” Peeta said one night, hopeless and broken. “I should have done this earlier. I should have worked harder to repair things with her instead of settling for an unspoken truce. And now…”

“Now, it’s about Madge and not us. She’s the one dying, and she gets to make the rules now. We get to make her last days as comfortable and stress free as possible,” Katniss suggested gently. “She knows we’re sorry for hurting her. We can’t do anything else now. It’s in the past, and she’s accepted that.”

Peeta lifted his stricken face to hers and whispered, “When she’s gone, I’ll lose every tie I have to my son. He’ll never forgive me once she’s dead. I don’t know that I’ll ever forgive myself either.”

Katniss swallowed the pain, too terrified to answer, too scared to admit her husband might be right. That Madge’s death would mean losing a part of their relationship that had defined them since the beginning. That Elam would walk away after his mother’s death and refuse to acknowledge them after learning of their betrayal.

“Madge will call for us, and Elam will come around. He’s hurting right now, and we need to let him know we’re here for him without pressuring him to respond. All we can do now is love him and trust that he’ll believe us when he needs that support.”

Unfortunately, Elam didn’t seem interested in accepting anything from any of them. As Madge grew weaker, he stopped responding to their children as well. As much as Katniss understood the anger her stepson must be harboring, it hurt her more than she could stand to see her children confused that their brother had disappeared from their lives.

Madge made arrangements for them to visit on Tuesday and Friday afternoons, and Peeta left work early both days to make the most of the time he’d been granted. Katniss joined him when Haymitch learned of their situation and allowed them leave for a family illness. Peeta sat at Madge’s bedside and held her hand. They kept up a steady stream of conversation, reminiscing about their high school and college days when they’d been young and in love, before Peeta had met Katniss and Madge realized her marriage was failing. They talked about their son and his accomplishments, and Peeta broke down when Madge admitted she’d urged their child to forgive his father.

Katniss watched sadly, heartbroken that they’d wasted so much time in anger and hurt. Madge was funny and smart, self-deprecating and kind, but most of all she forgave them graciously every time the subject of their affair surfaced.

“I don’t have time to hold a grudge anymore,” she said softly. “You love each other more than we ever could, Peeta. You deserve to be happy. Stop punishing yourself for something you wouldn’t change, and don’t give up on our son.”

It surprised Katniss that the visits with Madge became a solace to both her and Peeta as the other woman weakened. Elam never allowed himself to be seen, but it was comforting to know their son was safe and loved and an active part of Madge’s final days. Peeta offered to help with arrangements for memorial and burial, but Madge declined. She and Elam had made the arrangements, and she urged them to accept his wishes.

“But Madge,” Peeta begged, “I should help him with this. You both deserve to be supported through this.”

“But that’s not what Elam wants, and I want what makes him happy. He’s an adult now. You have to let him come to you when he’s ready.”

In the end, they agreed to Madge’s requests and allowed mother and son to spend as much time together making decisions and sharing memories as possible. The days ticked by, and Madge lingered, frail and fading, far longer than any of them expected. Still, it was too soon when the call inevitably came. They were at home, watching the late news after the kids’ bedtimes, when the phone rang. They exchanged looks before Peeta answered. He spoke softly into the phone for a few minutes before he hung up and turned to face her.

“She’s gone.”

“Elam?”

“No. That was the funeral director. Elam didn’t want to talk to us.”

“When is it?”

“The day after tomorrow. We’ve been asked not to attend.”

The words hung between them for several moments, both smarting from the sting.

“That’s not what Madge would have wanted,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“No,” he replied wryly, “but she’s gone, and now Elam gets to make the decision.”

“Peeta, honey.” She reached out to him, but he shook his head.

“I need to be alone for a while. I’m sorry.”

She waited until well past midnight, but he didn’t return. At work the next morning, he was quiet and withdrawn, and he barely said anything to her at home. He loved on their kids and tucked them into bed but barely kissed her goodnight. That continued until the day of the memorial service, and, although they didn’t attend, he sat vigil during the time others paid tribute to his ex-wife. The distance grew between them for weeks, until one day he turned to her and she said, “You came back.”

Slowly, and with many lost days, they grew back together. Their home life stabilized, and they raised their daughter and son to smile and dance and laugh. They celebrated milestones and loved each other unconditionally, but there was always an empty seat where Elam should have been.

Year after year after year passed without him.

#everlark #everlark fanfiction #too familiar #peeta mellark #katniss everdeen

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everlarkbirthdaygifts · 6 years

Text

Happy Birthday, greetingsfromthenorthernsea!

Today, we wish a belated Happy Birthday to @greetingsfromthenorthernsea! We apologise for the delay on your gift, and hope your birthday back on December 9 was a lovely one full of cake and presents! To bring the party back, the lovely @wildlyglittering has written a story for you!

Title: Christmas Countdown

Gift For: greetingsfromthenorthsea

Rating: T

Note: Some innuendo and mild swearing

Katniss pressed the heel of her palms into her eyes and took a deep breath in. Little lights fuzzed behind her eyelids and she took a moment to observe the patterns they made.

Doing this was still preferable to watching Frozen for the third time that day. She had a thirty second respite before she heard her name being called from down the hall. Well, not her actual name but the one that she went by most commonly these days.

“Mama!”

Katniss let out a wavering sigh. “Mama’s in the bathroom,” she called out.

A thump hit the back of the closed door. “Mama,” the voice called again. “Mama...” and Katniss could hear an edge of desperation sink into their tone and could just picture the look of utmost injury on their face at the bathroom door being shut.

With another sigh, Katniss opened the door. It was Ellis, just as she thought. Her son looked up at her and smiled. Katniss couldn’t help but beam back. How could she not? Not when her youngest son looked up at her like she hung the moon.

She bent down and planted a kiss on top of his little golden head. “You get that look from your father,” she told him but he just kept grinning, no clue what she was talking about.

“Mama needs the bathroom,” she said standing up and turning around to the toilet but she knew trying to explain privacy to an eighteen-month-old, and the world’s most needy eighteen-month-old at that, was a completely redundant exercise. Instead she just abandoned all sense of dignity and sat down to pee in front of him. Again.

Ellis wandered over to her as she sat and pressed a chubby hand against her naked knee. His grin was a million dollars, like watching his mother peeing in the downstairs toilet was his most favourite thing to do. Katniss was beginning to wonder if it was. “You know,” she said, reaching out to touch one of his waves, enjoying the soft feeling between her fingertips, “it’s going to be really weird if you’re still into this when you’re eighteen.”

The sounds of ‘Let It Go’ travelled down the hallway and through the open door. The powerful vocals of Idina Menzel were joined by the equally powerful vocals of Daisy Mellark who obviously felt that her love of Elsa could not be known by the entire household unless she was projecting it at her highest volume.

“Mama...” Ellis whinged around his dummy.

“I know baby, but she’ll grow out of it in around ten years or so.”

Ellis tried to clamber up onto her lap but she had to hold him back, “No, no. Not while Mama’s peeing.”

“Mama....” the whinge got louder.

There was a shuffling down the hallway and a new body appeared in the doorframe. “Alright sweetheart.”

Katniss refrained from rolling her eyes. She was going to kill Haymitch. For reasons unknown to mankind, her other eighteen-month-old son had emulated their next-door neighbour out of some misplaced adoration and that involved parroting back ninety percent of what he said. Hearing Ellis say ‘Mama’ a thousand times a day was nothing compared to the quantity of that phrase coming out of the eldest twin’s mouth.

At least Jesse wasn’t helping himself to their liquor cabinet. Katniss looked over at where her eldest son was standing and raised an eyebrow. Why was that boy always naked?

Jesse sauntered in, clearly wanting to join in on the commotion. “Baby,” Katniss began, “where are your clothes?” Ellis took her moment of distraction as an opportunity to climb on her lap and did so with heft, grabbing at her top. Katniss manoeuvred him so that he was on one leg.

Jesse just shrugged, “Dunno,” and Katniss felt the urge to murder Haymitch rise up in her again. Her eldest boy looked at her with his wide grey eyes, eyes that he shared with his twin and his mother and Katniss could see the question whirring in them.

“Come on,” she sighed but before she had even spoken Jesse was already climbing up onto the other leg. She sat there, tying to pee, with the bathroom door wide open and with a toddler on each leg. One naked and mildly fidgety and the other one clothed but extremely fidgety.

“What’s happening?” All three heads turned to the door where a three-year-old Elsa wannabe was standing with her hands on her hips, clearly disgruntled as though she was being left out of a magnificent party.

Katniss hadn’t heard the singing stop or any footsteps walk down the hall. The eldest Mellark child had inherited Katniss’ light tread which had already resulted in some very embarrassing situations, especially when she would just randomly turn up in Katniss and Peeta’s bedroom.

“Mama’s trying to pee, Dais,” Katniss told her but was met with a petulant frown. Daisy stomped into the room, red wellies under her princess dress.

“I want to go outside.”

“Not right now,” Katniss said, “let Mama finish using the bathroom.”

The Elsa crown that slumped down over a head of black hair made for a pitiful sight but the bright blue eyes that stared up at Katniss’ face started filling with tears which only made it more pitiful.

Oh shit, Katniss thought. They were about to be the lucky guests to a proper royal tantrum.

“Off,” yelled Daisy and she grabbed at Ellis’ foot and tried to yank him from Katniss’ leg. This resulted in Ellis grabbing onto his mothers’ t-shirt with extra force, stretching the fabric. He began to wail.

“Daisy!” Katniss admonished her. “Don’t do that to your brother!”

Daisy’s eyes filled even harder and then she opened her mouth, a matching wail echoing around the bathroom.

“Horsey!” Jesse was filled with sudden, exuberant delight and began to bounce on Katniss’ leg as though he had just realised he should be making maximum use of this opportunity.

Katniss groaned and threw her head back.

Four days to go.

****

“I’ll be back home earlier tomorrow,” she heard Peeta say, “I’ve managed to get cover at the bakery for the afternoon.”

A large hand palmed the back of her head and smoothed down her hair. As his hand travelled past her neck she could feel his fingers gently massage some of the knots he found there. She sighed into the pillow where she had been laying, face down, since putting the children to bed.

Katniss turned her head and looked up at her husband and they made eye contact, offering each other tired smiles. “Are you sure?” she asked him. “Won’t they need you there?”

Peeta shrugged, his fingers threading through her un-braided hair, the soft tugging motions relaxing her scalp. She could feel her eyes grow heavy.

“I think you need me here,” he said with a grin but Katniss could see the dark circles under his eyes. The weeks leading up to Christmas at the bakeries were the worst. They owned three now, which was wonderful, but exhausting. Peeta managed one of the bakeries on a daily basis whilst the other two stores had managers. Unfortunately, one of those had unexpectedly quit a week ago so Peeta was dividing up his time between the Seam and Merchant branches whilst trying to check in on the third in the Hob.

“Come here,” she said and reached out her hand to touch his face. The rough stubble on his jaw scratched against her hand and she had a sudden desire to feel it scratching somewhere else. Peeta turned his face into her hand and kissed her palm and she tugged him down so he lay beside her.

They faced each other on the bed, his blue eyes, so like their daughters, looking into her grey ones. She smiled to herself, she was right about what she thought earlier, Peeta looked at her like she hung the moon.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

“Oh, I don’t know,” she replied. “That one of our sons has slightly voyeuristic bathroom tendencies, that the other is a miniature Haymitch in the making with a dash of nudism thrown in and that our daughter won’t be happy until she has full run of the house.”

Peeta grinned, “Is Jesse still ‘alright sweet-hearting’ you?”

“Twenty times today. I counted. Which was probably thirty times less than Ellis yelling ‘Mama.’”

Peeta yawned and rolled over onto his back, tugging Katniss with him so that she was pulled against his chest. “Its because you’re Ellis’ most favourite person.” He smoothed a hand down Katniss spine. “I don’t blame him, because you’re my most favourite person.”

“You don’t follow me into the bathroom every opportunity you get.”

“Oh, but if I only could!”

“Pervert,” she tapped his chest with her hand but giggled.

“In fact, I feel like engaging in some slightly voyeuristic bathroom tendencies myself. Fancy taking a shower?” His eyebrows rose suggestively.

“So that you can watch or join?”

“Hmmm,” he trailed off, eyes looking thoughtful. “We’ll start with the first so I can judge you on your lathering technique and then we’ll move on to the latter so I can show you how it’s properly done.”

Katniss sat up on her elbow to look at him, her black hair falling down like a curtain. They were both tired; she felt it and he looked it. They should probably both just get some much-needed sleep.

She grinned at him, “Fine. But I’m not very good at lathering. I’m going to need lots of training.”

Peeta grinned back and pulled her mouth down to his.

****

“Oh god.” Katniss was face down on the bed again but this time she was trying to pull the pillow up over her ears. She had been woken up by Peeta’s four am alarm and the sound of wailing, both occurring simultaneously. Neither were welcome.

“I’ll get him,” Peeta’s voice, thick and muffled with sleep, spoke out beside her.

“No,” she grunted. “You’ve got to get ready for work. It’ll be me he wants anyway.”

Peeta managed a comforting pat on her head, the best he could do at the ungodly hour, and Katniss felt the bed shift and the floorboard creak as he shuffled off to the bathroom.

“Ugh,” she groaned, the volume muffled by the pillow before she flipped onto her back and swung her legs over the side. Zombie Mama was all she could manage.

Out of all her children it was Ellis that was the clingiest and it was Ellis that would only be soothed by his mother. Both Katniss and Peeta knew it was a short phase he would grow out of but that didn’t mean that Katniss wasn’t counting down the days until he did.

He was standing in his crib, fat tears dripping down his round face when she entered. “Hey, baby,” she murmured softly to him, mindful of the other sleeping person in the room. Ellis’ loud sobs begun to quiet immediately but the tears still fell as he blinked.

“Oh, look at that lip,” she whispered. His bottom lip trembled as she tiptoed across the carpet and picked him up from his crib. He was soft and warm, his sleep shirt riding up to reveal a chubby little tummy and a popped-out bellybutton. Ellis buried his face in her neck and she planted a kiss on his head.

Despite his grizzling, he was so fricking adorable. “Ssshh,” she soothed and stroked down his hair, its waves sticking up in random directions. “Let’s go downstairs.”

Katniss glanced at where Jesse was sleeping in the other crib. He could sleep through any journey, his sisters’ singing and his brothers’ screaming and for that she would be eternally grateful. Somehow, he had managed to wiggle his way out of his sleeping clothes and night time Huggies and was completely nude and sleeping like a starfish, legs and arms spread as wide as possible. Katniss shook her head and grinned.

As she walked past she reached through the bars and gently touched his foot, rubbing the pad of her thumb against the arch. Jesse didn’t move at all, just smacked his lips a few times and grunted.

She grinned again, making her way into the hallway. Katniss poked her head into Daisy’s room to find her in the same state as Jesse, fast asleep with dark hair splayed over her lemon pillow and drool dribbling from the corner of her mouth.

In the kitchen she put Ellis in his highchair and turned on the Christmas tree they had at the side. The lights danced across the countertops and ceiling and as he watched, transfixed, Katniss took the moment to brew her and Peeta a coffee.

Heavy steps thudded down the stairs and Katniss thanked the stars that it was another thing two out of three of her children could sleep through.

“Morning,” Peeta said, his voice sounding less thick and much chirpier. He planted a kiss on the top of Ellis’ head, his blonde hair falling over his son’s identical locks, and Ellis grinned up at him, momentarily broken from the Christmas lights spell. “And morning to Mama,” he said, standing next to her at the counter and gave her a deep kiss.

“Mmm,” she replied, “I have morning breath.”

“Ah, I don’t care.” Peeta left hand reached for the coffee as his right traced down her back and curved over her ass, giving it a rub.

“You are far too awake,” she told him but smiled anyway.

“And you are far too irresistible,” he winked and gave her ass cheek a squeeze.

She looked back at the highchair but Ellis had already gone back to being mildly hypnotised. Now, if only he would continue that through the day.

****

Three days to go.

Katniss wondered if daytime drinking was always a bad thing. Haymitch managed it on a daily basis so she figured it couldn’t be that bad but then again, Haymitch wasn’t trying to manage three under-threes.

“No, no, no!” She reached forward and managed to grab Ellis with one arm and hold the tree upright with the other. He’d gone running towards it with a gleeful squeal and yanked at one of the lower branches. It teetered towards him and Katniss managed to dash in before he got a face full of tree. Not that he cared. Ellis let out a wail and dropped through her arm like a stone, his arms outstretched in outrage.

“Oh, Ellis,” Katniss uttered as he rolled on the floor. “Mama couldn’t let you pull the tree down.” He continued to lay face down on the floor and sobbed into the rug. Katniss wondered how it would look if she joined him.

There was an irritated sigh from behind her and she turned around to see Daisy sat on the couch like a queen holding court. Jesse sat next to her, his finger up his nose as he swung his legs off the side. “Mama move,” she said. “I’m trying to watch Elsa.”

“Dais,” Katniss’ voice was stern, “you don’t tell people to move. It’s rude.”

“But Mama...”

“No buts Daisy, we’ve spoken about being rude before.” Her and Peeta had been told by Daisy’s preschool teacher that their daughter was a confident, outspoken child who enjoyed singing, talking, drawing and domineering. Both her and Peeta had winced, especially as they were told that the last talent often resulted in a level of curtness that wasn’t always endearing.

“I don’t want you to tell Santa,” Daisy said and a lip begun to quiver.

Katniss sighed and knelt in front of her daughter, putting her hand on her knee. “Mama needed to stop Ellis pulling down the tree.”

The lip still quivered. “You just needed to wait until Mama was done.”

The lip still quivered. Katniss sighed. Normally there would be more conversation about rudeness and manners but she had been up since four and it was hours from nap time and that was even if she could even get them to nap. “We’ll watch some more Frozen and then have some lunch, ok?”

“Ok,” Daisy’s lip instantly stopped trembling pathetically and Katniss couldn’t help but think she just got played.

“Ok,” she repeated with a sigh and stood up, careful not to tread on her still wailing son. She bent down and picked him up, balancing him on her lip before wiping away his tears. The doorbell rang and Katniss took a quick look around. One child in her arms and two on the couch. Fine.

The delivery man just needed a signature for the parcel but all it took was a minute out of sight. A crash resounded from the lounge and Katniss muttered, ‘shit,’ before she could think. Running back in she saw the tree upturned on its side, baubles and ornaments strewn all over the floor.

Jesse stood beside the tree, a strand of glittery tinsel in his hand. He looked up at her with a guilty expression, “Uh-oh Mama. Uh-oh.”

****

“This is the cutest thing I’ve ever come home to.”

“Shut up,” Katniss murmured but there was no bite in her tone. She opened an eyelid to see Peeta standing at the end of their bed, grinning. “You have no idea what I’ve done in order to achieve this.”

“Nyquil?” Peeta offered up with a smile and Katniss rolled her eyes.

“I wish it had even been that easy.”

Earlier Katniss had stood in the doorway staring at the downed tree, with a sobbing toddler on one hip, a shamefaced toddler who looked like he was about to start crying plus another toddler who huffed, again, at her movie being interrupted and felt her eye begin to twitch.

“Ok,” she had said. “We’re all going to have lunch. And then we’re going to put the tree back up and then we’re going to play a game.” And then, she had thought, I’m going to make sure you take a nap because dear god, Mama needs one.

Somehow, by a Christmas miracle, they had eaten with minimal fuss, messily slapped the decorations back on the branches and ran around outside for an hour until their faces were pink with the cold. A warm, milky drink later and they were all piled on Katniss and Peeta’s bed with Katniss squished in between Daisy and Jesse as Ellis lay on her torso.

Peeta yawned and ran a flour covered hand through his hair. “Do you think?” he asked. “That there’s room for Daddy?”

Katniss smiled at him, “There’s always room.”

Peeta sighed and slid onto the bed, carefully making sure not to jostle the small, sleeping bodies. He leaned forward and gave Katniss a soft kiss before resting back. A large hand stretched out and stroked the nearest child’s hair.

“A parcel arrived for you today,” she told him. “Looked like your mother’s handwriting.”

Peeta grunted and closed his eyes. “Awesome.”

“I wonder if she’s included one of her ‘infamous’ letters.”

“Probably.”

“Maybe she’ll suggest a vasectomy again.”

Peeta groaned, “The last thing I have ever wanted in life is my mother putting that much thought into what happens to my penis.”

Katniss shifted slightly, the weight of Ellis beginning to press down on her. He stirred and she smoothed a hand over his warm back. “She does seem unnaturally concerned.”

“She needs to mind her own business.”

“Well she thinks we are her business. She thinks we can barely cope with three children.”

Peeta cracked an eye open and frowned. “Just because she couldn’t, doesn’t mean we can’t.”

“They all happened in rather quick succession...” Katniss whispered, trailing off.

“Hey,” Peeta said, his voice low and warm. “We’re doing great. This is just Christmas madness. And besides,” he stretched and his jumper rode up revealing a slither of skin and a dark blonde happy trail, “it’s not my fault you can’t keep your hands off of me.”

“That’s not true,” she said with a blush and tore her eyes away.

“Sure,” he said with a low chuckle and leant forward again to place another soft kiss on her lips.

There was a little giggle and they both looked down to see Daisy’s wide-open eyes looking at them from where she was curled into Katniss’ side. “Ew,” she giggled again, “kissing.”

Peeta raised an eyebrow. “You think this is gross, do you? Well then...” and with a practiced move he sat up and lifted his daughter from the bed, swung her over to his chest, dangled her backwards and began planting kisses onto her face. Daisy shrieked with delight, her legs kicking in the air. “Noooo,” she laughed, her small hands fisting clumps of Peeta’s hair.

That did it. The two boys were awake, their grey eyes wide and looking momentarily confused before they realised the source of the noise was coming from their sister.

“Yeahhhh!” yelled out Jesse and Katniss watched as he stood and launched himself at Peeta. Ellis sat up on Katniss’ belly and just stared at the rumble. Peeta fell back onto the bed with Daisy on his chest as Jesse continued the attack on his neck.

“What do you say?” Katniss said to her youngest, over the sound of the shrieks and yells. “If we can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em.” And with that Katniss lifted Ellis into her arms and threw herself into the mix.

****

There had been more snowfall overnight and it had settled onto the ground, blanketing everything with a soft, white powder. Katniss loved how it looked; the way it glittered and sparkled in the winter sun.

She’d managed to sleep in a bit later than usual although she still woke to say goodbye to Peeta. He wasn’t able to be home early today but that was ok, she was planning on taking the kids to him. All three had managed to sleep a bit later as well before she was eventually woken by a completely nude Jesse who somehow had managed to get naked and get out of his crib.

He had stood in front of her, with his blonde, unruly waves of hair sticking out in all directions and his chubby little tummy with his little popped out belly button on show, demanding breakfast.

Katniss had grabbed him and covered his face with kisses, just as Peeta had done with Daisy the day before. I want to keep you all with me for always, she had thought and then proceeded to try and convince them to eat their eggs before they could play outdoors.

“Alright sweetheart,” the gravelly voice called out over the fence. “How’s mama hen doing with all her chicks?”

Katniss turned from where she stood watching Ellis scoop snow into his mouth and from where Daisy was frowning with snowman building concentration to look at their neighbour. There was an exuberant cry from her right. “Haymitch!” Jesse called and begun to stomp on over.

“We’re clucking along,” she told him. “I’ll be taking them to see Peeta later.”

“The boy still working?” Haymitch asked and Katniss nodded.

“Yeah, it’s a busy time.”

“Well if you need some ‘quality time’ together, I’ll reluctantly take the rugrats from you.”

Katniss looked over at Haymitch but he was grinning down at Jesse who in turn, was grinning back. Reluctantly? Not a chance. When they first moved in with a new-born Daisy they introduced themselves to Haymitch who made some comment about children and noise but Katniss had seen the way his face softened when he looked at the baby.

Peeta had a way of making people open up, a charm that Katniss didn’t possess and he had told her that he’d discovered Haymitch had once been married. Something had gone wrong when she was giving birth to their first baby and Haymitch had lost both. That’s why he drinks a lot, Peeta had said. That, and I think he’s lonely.

“Last time you took the ‘rugrat’s,’” Katniss replied, “Jesse came back with a whole new phrase and Daisy believed it was fine to draw on walls.”

Haymitch shrugged, “Not my fault if I encourage creative expression.”

“Hmm,” she muttered. “You still coming over Christmas Day?”

There was a groan from Haymitch and she watched as he lifted a glass filled with deep amber liquid to his mouth and took a long sip. “If I must sweetheart. Though I can think of better ways to spend my day than playing dress up.”

“You looked adorable last time you were Anna.”

Haymitch shot her a look and she winked at him. He would come over on Christmas Day this year like he had last year, and the year before and the year before that. He would moan about it but would be there before nine in the morning with arms filled with presents, just like last year, and the year before and the year before that.

And besides, he looked rather fetching wearing a dress around his neck.

****

Just two more days. That was what she repeated in her head as she bundled the children into the car. Get through today and tomorrow and then it’s Christmas Day. It will all be normal then.

Getting them back inside had been a monumental task. Jesse had uncharacteristically started to cry when Haymitch had gone back indoors. “But baby,” she had told him, “it’s getting cold and we’re going indoors too.”

That had been met with an open-mouthed wail as tears splashed down his face. “HAYMIIIIIIITCH!”

Ellis had been so shocked that he paused his snow eating to stare. Then, rather characteristically, joined in.

Daisy just carried on patting snow onto her snowman, used to both brothers by now. Katniss took a deep breath. Soothing wasn’t working. Bribery wasn’t working. Nothing was working until she mentioned that they were going to go see Daddy.

It worked for Jesse who immediately stopped the waterworks at the thought of going to the bakery. He just gets bored, Katniss thought. He sees me and Ellis and Daisy all day, he just wants new faces. The bakery was one of the best places to take him, not just because he got to see Daddy or eat the treats but because the bakery girls gushed over the children and cooed over their blonde waves and said how pretty they all were. Jesse would grin and blow bubbles at them in his way of flirting.

After the twenty-minute drive Katniss finally pulled into a space outside the bakery. Peeta was at the Merchant site today and though it wasn’t her favourite site (the Hob premises held that place in her heart) she had to admit it was the prettiest.

Merchant Square was the ‘posh’ side of town, the place where the original Mellark bakery resided back in the 1800’s and it still held the charm of red bricked buildings, candy striped awnings and large shop windows with colourful displays.

None were more colourful than the current Mellark bakery display with piles of macarons, both in pastel and vibrant shades, the Christmas cakes with reindeer and Santa’s and cake-pops designed to look like baubles and Christmas puddings.

Katniss piled the twins into their double buggy and steered it with one hand whilst holding Daisy’s hand with the other. All three of them were wide eyed at what they could see and Katniss felt a little of her Christmas madness desperation melt away.

When they stepped into the bakery it was Rue that greeted them with a cheery smile and a wave and Katniss looked into the buggy to see Ellis stare and Jesse wave back with his trademark cheeky grin. Any minute now the bubbles would start. Daisy gave a bashful wave and crept closer to Katniss, pressing her face into Katniss’ leg.

“Hi guys!” Rue exclaimed. “Peeta’s out back, let me go get him.”

Katniss said her thanks and then started to get the kids settled into the seating booth at the front of the store. It didn’t take long before she heard the heavy tread of footsteps and a joyful, “Well if it isn’t my favourite people!”

There were at least two squeals and Katniss glanced up from settling Ellis to see Daisy run over to Peeta with Jesse hot on her heels. They both grabbed at him and buried their faces in his legs. With a pretend groan Peeta managed to swing them both up into his arms, one on each side, and he walked over. “Hey bud,” he said affectionately to Ellis and bent down to kiss his head. Then he turned to her and his voice dropped a slight notch, “Hey Mama.”

He placed a kiss on her lips and she heard Daisy giggle again. Both Peeta and the bakery smelt deliciously like cinnamon and ginger and a hint a spice. If they weren’t in public and surrounded by their offspring she probably would have stuck her nose in his neck and taken a deep breath.

Instead she offered him a demure, ‘hey’ but felt a rush of heat flood to her face as he winked at her. Maybe he was right, maybe she just couldn’t keep her hands off him. That would explain their family situation. Katniss snapped out of her small reverie to hear Peeta speaking. “...and if you sit down then you can have one.”

Rue brought over some drinks to the table and what looked like some cake-pops. Before she left to go back to the counter she squeezed Jesse’s hand and gushed about how cute he was. She received a shit eating grin from the toddler in question.

“What is it that they can have?” Katniss asked as Peeta placed Jesse and Daisy into the seats opposite. They both reached over and grabbed at what Rue had put on the table while Ellis just scrunched a napkin in his fists.

“Only my finest bake for my finest customers,” and he winked at her again but this time Katniss was more worried about the excessive levels of sugar their children were about to consume.

“I don’t think they need more sweets...” she began but a gasp from Daisy cut her off.

“Look Mama,” she said, “It’s like Elsa!” A sparkly ice blue cake ball with tiny snowflakes sprinkled over the surface was being waved around on a stick. “It’s so pretty,” and her large blue eyes shone with awe.

Jesse’s was already in his mouth and half chewed, dribble coating his chin as he tried to make eyes at Rue behind the counter. Ellis now held one in his hand mushing it into paste but didn’t seemed inclined to eat it. At least one of her children wasn’t a crazed sugar monster.

“This one is for Mama,” Peeta said and handed one that was wrapped and sticking out of his pocket. It was a pair of Santa legs sticking out of a chimney. Peeta leant in and whispered in her ear, “If you want, I’ll slip down your chimney later.”

Katniss laughed and rolled her eyes good naturedly. That morning before he left for work he told her he was looking forward to stuffing her stocking. Sometimes her husband acted more like a horny teenager than a thirty something father of three. It was the sugar. He always got like this in the days before Christmas.

Peeta’s cheeky smile stretched across his face and highlighted his dimples. It was plain to see where their eldest son got it from. Katniss glanced down at the table and the three preoccupied children before leaning in to whisper in his ear. “Play your cards right and I’ll be licking your candy cane.”

****

“No,” she muttered to herself as she scrubbed the mix that had splattered onto the kitchen floor, “I do not want to build a sodding snowman.”

Frozen was on again. Which was fine because it gave Katniss a brief respite from an over tired, over excited three-year-old who – in a moment of hyperactivity – tore around the kitchen and knocked over the bowl of cake mix. Katniss had watched in horror as it spun into the air and crashed down onto the floor, milk, flour and eggs slopping onto the tiles.

“Uh-oh,” Jesse had said and helpfully came over to stand in the goop in order to point it out whilst Ellis, startled by the crash, began to cry.

At that point Katniss just released a long groan and closed her eyes. Santa was coming tonight and they were all too excited to sleep which made them increasingly more irritable. Their lack of sleep was making her increasingly more irritable as well and so, after the bowl hit the ground, she shunted them into the den just to get them away from her.

It was just one more day, she thought, and then it was Christmas and soon all would be right with the world once again.

The cloth she was dragging against the tiles was now completely saturated so she reached for another one. Her tiredness wasn’t just due to the children though, she knew that, but had been compounded by other factors. One of those factors was answering the phone early this morning to Peeta’s mother who demanded that she speak to her son at once. Whilst Katniss waited for Peeta to come downstairs in what was the longest thirty seconds of her life, she was admonished by her mother in law for ‘keeping her baby boy away from her.’

After three children, five years of marriage and three years of dating the matriarch of the Mellark family had never warmed to Katniss. In truth, Katniss had never warmed to her either but it still stung that after eight years and three grandchildren that she couldn’t view Katniss as anything other than a gold digging opportunist.

Mother Mellark was at least all sweetness and light for those grandchildren though - even though she thought that Katniss and Peeta shouldn’t have actually had any – and for that Katniss was grateful. Katniss and her own mother’s relationship struggled after Katniss’ dad died and then when Prim died a deep gulf appeared between the two that they could never bridge. What made it sadder was that neither wanted to.

That meant that Katniss and Peeta’s children grew up with limited grandparents and the ones that they did have either hated Katniss or were indifferent to her. That included Peeta’s father who was kind but too hen pecked to do anything about anything. At least they have Haymitch, she thought and wondered how needy it meant she was that she had actively encouraged their older, alcoholic neighbour to bond with her children.

At least, she thought again, he loves them. And then as it often happened this time of year another thought crept in. Prim would have loved them too. It was that thought that was the most sobering. It was that thought that had Katniss kneeling on the tiles and staring at the mess on the floor. Her chin started to wobble and she wondered if this was where Ellis had gotten it from.

She was so focused on her thoughts that Katniss didn’t hear the footsteps until two little bare feet appeared in her eyeline. Not that she would have heard them anyway, that child was a ninja.

“Mama?”

Katniss shook away her memories and looked at Daisy’s worried face directly in front of her. Her black hair spilled over her shoulders where the Elsa dress, which had managed to get hit by the mix, was sliding off. Daisy buried her fingers into the blue material and twisted whilst looking at Katniss with large, concerned blue eyes.

“Mama?” she asked again.

“Hey Dais,” Katniss said with a gentle smile. “Mama’s just cleaning up.”

“I’m sorry,” Daisy replied. “I didn’t mean to.”

“I know you didn’t, it’s ok.” And then because her daughter was obsessed with making sure that she was still on the ‘nice list’ Katniss added, “Santa’s still going to come tonight, don’t worry.”

For some reason that made Daisy frown. “I know Mama,” she said, with confidence that only a small child could have. “I didn’t mean to make you sad.”

“Oh Daisy,” Katniss felt something inside her chest twist, “you didn’t make me sad. I was just thinking about Aunty Prim that’s all.”

Daisy nodded. She’d heard about Aunty Prim often, Katniss had explained how she was Mama’s little sister that she loved very much that Mama missed her terribly and got sad thinking about her sometimes.

“You love Aunty Prim,” Daisy said, in a matter of fact manner.

“I do.”

“Do you love me?”

Katniss put the cloth down and stretched out her arms to her daughter, who eagerly walked into them. Daisy rested her head on Katniss’ shoulder and Katniss wrapped her arms around her, leaning her head onto her daughters, their black hair mingling. “I love you very much,” she told her. “Very very much.”

“Do you love Jesse?”

“Very much.”

“And Ellis?”

“Very much.”

There was a pause and Daisy continued, “Even though he cries all the time?”

A little giggle escaped from Katniss’ mouth. “Yes,” she said, “even though he cries all the time.”

“And do you love Daddy?”

“Very much.”

“Ok,” Daisy said and Katniss could feel her nodding. It was as though she had a check list of questions that she needed to make sure she had asked.

“Mama?”

“Yes?”

“I love you very very much too.”

****

“This is it,” Peeta excitedly said to her. “Children in bed, the milk and cookies are prepared and presents ready for distributing!”

“Don’t forget to take a bite from the cookies,” Katniss told him. “Or from the carrot, you know how they like to think the reindeer have eaten too.”

Peeta saluted her, “Gotcha!”

Katniss sat on their bed, her back resting against the headboard as she watched Peeta put the final touches on his outfit. The Santa hat had just gone on and he was just about to place the beard.

“Hey,” she asked him, “could you come here a sec?”

“Sure,” and he shuffled over in oversized red pants.

“I love you,” she told him and grabbed the red tunic yanking him towards her so that their mouths met.

“I love you too,” he said, his eyes all soft.

“I love our family,” she continued, “all of them. I love watching how they grow and develop their personalities and seeing what they like and don’t like. I love it. I even think I love how Haymitch loves us. I think I love Haymitch. He’s family too.”

Peeta looked perplexed, “Have you been on the eggnog? I mean confessing your love for our family sure, but I think this is the first time you have ever said Haymitch is family.”

“Well he is,” she shrugged. “Sometimes I think it can all be too much but then I think it will never be enough. If that makes sense?”

“Yeah,” Peeta reached out and tangled a lock of her hair in between his fingers, the dark strand wrapping around his pale skin. “I get you.”

They had a moment of quiet, Katniss sat on the bed in her nightclothes looking up at her husband while he glanced down at her in his Santa outfit. Her heart felt full in her chest.

“You know,” she said coyly, “maybe later I could sit in Santa’s lap?”

A sly grin spread over Peeta’s face, his dimples appearing in his cheeks. “That could be arranged but I think Santa will want to know if you’ve been naughty.”

“Oh definitely,” she said, “definitely naughty.”

“I’ll put a word in at the North Pole.”

Katniss giggled and grabbed his tunic again to bring him down for one more kiss before he went on Santa duty. There was something she wanted to do and even though it wasn’t Christmas morning it seemed right to do it now.

“I have a slightly early Christmas present for you,” she said to him and stood up to meet him face to face, hooking her arms around his neck. He looked at her with open, happy eyes that were just as blue as Daisy’s.

“I’m pregnant.”

#everlark #everlark fanfiction #everlarkbirthdaydrabbles #everlarkbirthdaygifts #fan fic #by wildlyglittering

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readbookywooks · 7 years

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17 Blindsided. That's how I feel when Haymitch tells me in the hospital. I fly down the steps to Command, mind racing a mile a minute, and burst right into a war meeting. "What do you mean, I'm not going to the Capitol? I have to go! I'm the Mockingjay!" I say. Coin barely looks up from her screen. "And as the Mockingjay, your primary goal of unifying the districts against the Capitol has been achieved. Don't worry - if it goes well, we'll fly you in for the surrender." The surrender? "That'll be too late! I'll miss all the fighting. You need me - I'm the best shot you've got!" I shout. I don't usually brag about this, but it's got to be at least close to true. "Gale's going." "Gale has shown up for training every day unless occupied with other approved duties. We feel confident he can manage himself in the field," says Coin. "How many training sessions do you estimate you've attended?" None. That's how many. "Well, sometimes I was hunting. And...I trained with Beetee down in Special Weaponry." "It's not the same, Katniss," says Boggs. "We all know you're smart and brave and a good shot. But we need soldiers in the field. You don't know the first thing about executing orders, and you're not exactly at your physical peak." "That didn't bother you when I was in Eight. Or Two, for that matter," I counter. "You weren't originally authorized for combat in either case," says Plutarch, shooting me a look that signals I'm about to reveal too much. No, the bomber battle in 8 and my intervention in 2 were spontaneous, rash, and definitely unauthorized. "And both resulted in your injury," Boggs reminds me. Suddenly, I see myself through his eyes. A smallish seventeen-year-old girl who can't quite catch her breath since her ribs haven't fully healed. Disheveled. Undisciplined. Recuperating. Not a soldier, but someone who needs to be looked after. "But I have to go," I say. "Why?" asks Coin. I can't very well say it's so I can carry out my own personal vendetta against Snow. Or that the idea of remaining here in 13 with the latest version of Peeta while Gale goes off to fight is unbearable. But I have no shortage of reasons to want to fight in the Capitol. "Because of Twelve. Because they destroyed my district." The president thinks about this a moment. Considers me. "Well, you have three weeks. It's not long, but you can begin training. If the Assignment Board deems you fit, possibly your case will be reviewed." That's it. That's the most I can hope for. I guess it's my own fault. I did blow off my schedule every single day unless something suited me. It didn't seem like much of a priority, jogging around a field with a gun with so many other things going on. And now I'm paying for my negligence. Back in the hospital, I find Johanna in the same circumstance and spitting mad. I tell her about what Coin said. "Maybe you can train, too." "Fine. I'll train. But I'm going to the stinking Capitol if I have to kill a crew and fly there myself," says Johanna. "Probably best not to bring that up in training," I say. "But it's nice to know I'll have a ride." Johanna grins, and I feel a slight but significant shift in our relationship. I don't know that we're actually friends, but possibly the wordallies would be accurate. That's good. I'm going to need an ally. The next morning, when we report for training at 7:30, reality slaps me in the face. We've been funneled into a class of relative beginners, fourteen- or fifteen-year-olds, which seems a little insulting until it's obvious that they're in far better condition than we are. Gale and the other people already chosen to go to the Capitol are in a different, accelerated phase of training. After we stretch - which hurts - there's a couple of hours of strengthening exercises - which hurt - and a five-mile run - which kills. Even with Johanna's motivational insults driving me on, I have to drop out after a mile. "It's my ribs," I explain to the trainer, a no-nonsense middle-aged woman we're supposed to address as Soldier York. "They're still bruised." "Well, I'll tell you, Soldier Everdeen, those are going to take at least another month to heal up on their own," she says. I shake my head. "I don't have a month." She looks me up and down. "The doctors haven't offered you any treatment?" "Is there a treatment?" I ask. "They said they had to mend naturally." "That's what they say. But they could speed up the process if I recommend it. I warn you, though, it isn't any fun," she tells me. "Please. I've got to get to the Capitol," I say. Soldier York doesn't question this. She scribbles something on a pad and sends me directly back to the hospital. I hesitate. I don't want to miss any more training. "I'll be back for the afternoon session," I promise. She just purses her lips. Twenty-four needle jabs to my rib cage later, I'm flattened out on my hospital bed, gritting my teeth to keep from begging them to bring back my morphling drip. It's been by my bed so I can take a hit as needed. I haven't used it lately, but I kept it for Johanna's sake. Today they tested my blood to make sure it was clean of the painkiller, as the mixture of the two drugs - the morphling and whatever's set my ribs on fire - has dangerous side effects. They made it clear I would have a difficult couple of days. But I told them to go ahead. It's a bad night in our room. Sleep's out of the question. I think I can actually smell the ring of flesh around my chest burning, and Johanna's fighting off withdrawal symptoms. Early on, when I apologize about cutting off her morphling supply, she waves it off, saying it had to happen anyway. But by three in the morning, I'm the target of every colorful bit of profanity District 7 has to offer. At dawn, she drags me out of bed, determined to get to training. "I don't think I can do it," I confess. "You can do it. We both can. We're victors, remember? We're the ones who can survive anything they throw at us," she snarls at me. She's a sick greenish color, shaking like a leaf. I get dressed. We must be victors to make it through the morning. I think I'm going to lose Johanna when we realize it's pouring outside. Her face turns ashen and she seems to have ceased breathing. "It's just water. It won't kill us," I say. She clenches her jaw and stomps out into the mud. Rain drenches us as we work our bodies and then slog around the running course. I bail after a mile again, and I have to resist the temptation to take off my shirt so the cold water can sizzle off my ribs. I force down my field lunch of soggy fish and beet stew. Johanna gets halfway through her bowl before it comes back up. In the afternoon, we learn to assemble our guns. I manage it, but Johanna can't hold her hands steady enough to fit the parts together. When York's back is turned, I help her out. Even though the rain continues, the afternoon's an improvement because we're on the shooting range. At last, something I'm good at. It takes some adjusting from a bow to a gun, but by the end of the day, I've got the best score in my class. We're just inside the hospital doors when Johanna declares, "This has to stop. Us living in the hospital. Everyone views us as patients." It's not a problem for me. I can move into our family compartment, but Johanna's never been assigned one. When she tries to get discharged from the hospital, they won't agree to let her live alone, even if she comes in for daily talks with the head doctor. I think they may have put two and two together about the morphling and this only adds to their view that she's unstable. "She won't be alone. I'm going to room with her," I announce. There's some dissent, but Haymitch takes our part, and by bedtime, we have a compartment across from Prim and my mother, who agrees to keep an eye on us. After I take a shower, and Johanna sort of wipes herself down with a damp cloth, she makes a cursory inspection of the place. When she opens the drawer that holds my few possessions, she shuts it quickly. "Sorry." I think how there's nothing in Johanna's drawer but her government-issued clothes. That she doesn't have one thing in the world to call her own. "It's okay. You can look at my stuff if you want." Johanna unlatches my locket, studying the pictures of Gale, Prim, and my mother. She opens the silver parachute and pulls out the spile and slips it onto her pinkie. "Makes me thirsty just looking at it." Then she finds the pearl Peeta gave me. "Is this - ?" "Yeah," I say. "Made it through somehow." I don't want to talk about Peeta. One of the best things about training is, it keeps me from thinking of him. "Haymitch says he's getting better," she says. "Maybe. But he's changed," I say. "So have you. So have I. And Finnick and Haymitch and Beetee. Don't get me started on Annie Cresta. The arena messed us all up pretty good, don't you think? Or do you still feel like the girl who volunteered for your sister?" she asks me. "No," I answer. "That's the one thing I think my head doctor might be right about. There's no going back. So we might as well get on with things." She neatly returns my keepsakes to the drawer and climbs into the bed across from me just as the lights go out. "You're not afraid I'll kill you tonight?" "Like I couldn't take you," I answer. Then we laugh, since both our bodies are so wrecked, it will be a miracle if we can get up the next day. But we do. Each morning, we do. And by the end of the week, my ribs feel almost like new, and Johanna can assemble her rifle without help. Soldier York gives the pair of us an approving nod as we knock off for the day. "Fine job, Soldiers." When we move out of hearing, Johanna mutters, "I think winning the Games was easier." But the look on her face says she's pleased. In fact, we're almost in good spirits when we go to the dining hall, where Gale's waiting to eat with me. Receiving a giant serving of beef stew doesn't hurt my mood either. "First shipments of food arrived this morning," Greasy Sae tells me. "That's real beef, from District Ten. Not any of your wild dog." "Don't remember you turning it down," Gale tosses back. We join a group that includes Delly, Annie, and Finnick. It's something to see Finnick's transformation since his marriage. His earlier incarnations - the decadent Capitol heartthrob I met before the Quell, the enigmatic ally in the arena, the broken young man who tried to help me hold it together - these have been replaced by someone who radiates life. Finnick's real charms of self-effacing humor and an easygoing nature are on display for the first time. He never lets go of Annie's hand. Not when they walk, not when they eat. I doubt he ever plans to. She's lost in some daze of happiness. There are still moments when you can tell something slips in her brain and another world blinds her to us. But a few words from Finnick call her back. Delly, who I've known since I was little but never gave much thought to, has grown in my estimation. She was told what Peeta said to me that night after the wedding, but she's not a gossip. Haymitch says she's the best defender I have when Peeta goes off on some kind of tear about me. Always taking my side, blaming his negative perceptions on the Capitol's torture. She has more influence on him than any of the others do, because he really does know her. Anyway, even if she's sugarcoating my good points, I appreciate it. Frankly, I could use a little sugarcoating. I'm starving and the stew is so delicious - beef, potatoes, turnips, and onions in a thick gravy - that I have to force myself to slow down. All around the dining hall, you can feel the rejuvenating effect that a good meal can bring on. The way it can make people kinder, funnier, more optimistic, and remind them it's not a mistake to go on living. It's better than any medicine. So I try to make it last and join in the conversation. Sop up the gravy on my bread and nibble on it as I listen to Finnick telling some ridiculous story about a sea turtle swimming off with his hat. Laugh before I realize he's standing there. Directly across the table, behind the empty seat next to Johanna. Watching me. I choke momentarily as the gravy bread sticks in my throat. "Peeta!" says Delly. "It's so nice to see you out...and about." Two large guards stand behind him. He holds his tray awkwardly, balanced on his fingertips since his wrists are shackled with a short chain between them. "What's with the fancy bracelets?" asks Johanna. "I'm not quite trustworthy yet," says Peeta. "I can't even sit here without your permission." He indicates the guards with his head. "Sure he can sit here. We're old friends," says Johanna, patting the space beside her. The guards nod and Peeta takes a seat. "Peeta and I had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We're very familiar with each other's screams." Annie, who's on Johanna's other side, does that thing where she covers her ears and exits reality. Finnick shoots Johanna an angry look as his arm encircles Annie. "What? My head doctor says I'm not supposed to censor my thoughts. It's part of my therapy," replies Johanna. The life has gone out of our little party. Finnick murmurs things to Annie until she slowly removes her hands. Then there's a long silence while people pretend to eat. "Annie," says Delly brightly, "did you know it was Peeta who decorated your wedding cake? Back home, his family ran the bakery and he did all the icing." Annie cautiously looks across Johanna. "Thank you, Peeta. It was beautiful." "My pleasure, Annie," says Peeta, and I hear that old note of gentleness in his voice that I thought was gone forever. Not that it's directed at me. But still. "If we're going to fit in that walk, we better go," Finnick tells her. He arranges both of their trays so he can carry them in one hand while holding tightly to her with the other. "Good seeing you, Peeta." "You be nice to her, Finnick. Or I might try and take her away from you." It could be a joke, if the tone wasn't so cold. Everything it conveys is wrong. The open distrust of Finnick, the implication that Peeta has his eye on Annie, that Annie could desert Finnick, that I do not even exist. "Oh, Peeta," says Finnick lightly. "Don't make me sorry I restarted your heart." He leads Annie away after giving me a concerned glance. When they're gone, Delly says in a reproachful voice, "He did save your life, Peeta. More than once." "For her." He gives me a brief nod. "For the rebellion. Not for me. I don't owe him anything." I shouldn't rise to the bait, but I do. "Maybe not. But Mags is dead and you're still here. That should count for something." "Yeah, a lot of things should count for something that don't seem to, Katniss. I've got some memories I can't make sense of, and I don't think the Capitol touched them. A lot of nights on the train, for instance," he says. Again the implications. That more happened on the train than did. That what did happen - those nights I only kept my sanity because his arms were around me - no longer matters. Everything a lie, everything a way of misusing him. Peeta makes a little gesture with his spoon, connecting Gale and me. "So, are you two officially a couple now, or are they still dragging out the star-crossed lover thing?" "Still dragging," says Johanna. Spasms cause Peeta's hands to tighten into fists, then splay out in a bizarre fashion. Is it all he can do to keep them from my neck? I can feel the tension in Gale's muscles next to me, fear an altercation. But Gale simply says, "I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it myself." "What's that?" asks Peeta. "You," Gale answers. "You'll have to be a little more specific," says Peeta. "What about me?" "That they've replaced you with the evil-mutt version of yourself," says Johanna. Gale finishes his milk. "You done?" he asks me. I rise and we cross to drop off our trays. At the door, an old man stops me because I'm still clutching the rest of my gravy bread in my hand. Something in my expression, or maybe the fact that I've made no attempt to conceal it, makes him go easy on me. He lets me stuff the bread in my mouth and move on. Gale and I are almost to my compartment when he speaks again. "I didn't expect that." "I told you he hated me," I say. "It's the way he hates you. It's so...familiar. I used to feel like that," he admits. "When I'd watch you kissing him on the screen. Only I knew I wasn't being entirely fair. He can't see that." We reach my door. "Maybe he just sees me as I really am. I have to get some sleep." Gale catches my arm before I can disappear. "So that's what you're thinking now?" I shrug. "Katniss, as your oldest friend, believe me when I say he's not seeing you as you really are." He kisses my cheek and goes. I sit on my bed, trying to stuff information from my Military Tactics books into my head while memories of my nights with Peeta on the train distract me. After about twenty minutes, Johanna comes in and throws herself across the foot of my bed. "You missed the best part. Delly lost her temper at Peeta over how he treated you. She got very squeaky. It was like someone stabbing a mouse with a fork repeatedly. The whole dining hall was riveted." "What'd Peeta do?" I ask. "He started arguing with himself like he was two people. The guards had to take him away. On the good side, no one seemed to notice I finished his stew." Johanna rubs her hand over her protruding belly. I look at the layer of grime under her fingernails. Wonder if the people in 7 ever bathe. We spend a couple of hours quizzing each other on military terms. I visit my mother and Prim for a while. When I'm back in my compartment, showered, staring into the darkness, I finally ask, "Johanna, could you really hear him screaming?" "That was part of it," she says. "Like the jabberjays in the arena. Only it was real. And it didn't stop after an hour. Tick, tock." "Tick, tock," I whisper back. Roses. Wolf mutts. Tributes. Frosted dolphins. Friends. Mockingjays. Stylists. Me. Everything screams in my dreams tonight.

#Mockingjay

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hutchhitched · 5 years

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Too Familiar (Part 7)

Hey, all y’all! After a bit of a pause, the next installment of this story is here. Thanks to all of you who are following this story on here or AO3. For those of you reading it on tumblr, the rest of the story can be found here. I love hearing from you, so feel free to send me your thoughts. We’re nearing the end of this story, and I appreciate your support along the way.

Trigger warning: mature themes (including infidelity).

“Trust me?” Peeta asked with a wink.

Katniss laughed, her heart lighter than it had been in months. She nodded, and he covered her eyes with his palms as he walked her down the hall to her bedroom.

“Keep them closed,” he murmured in her ear and wrapped his arms around her from behind. “I promise it’s worth it.”

“Baby,” she whimpered as he slid his fingers into the waistband of her jeans and caressed the skin there. “Peeta…”

“I love you, sweetheart,” he professed with his lips against her neck. “Open your eyes.”

They flew open just as he glanced his finger against her clit, and the sight and sensation together caused heat to rush through her. Rose petals covered the bed, and candles flickered on the flat surfaces of the room. A sheaf of papers sat in the center of the mattress, and she squinted to see what the writing said.

“My divorce papers,” he offered quietly. “They came today.”

“Oh. Ohhhh…” Her eyelids flickered as he stroked her. Desire pooled between her legs, but her heart sank at his words.

“I love you, Katniss. I love you so much, and I’m finally free to be with you.” His arms tightened around her, and he cradled her to him—his chest firm against her back. “I know things haven’t gone the way either of us wanted, but I don’t want to be without you for another second.”

“Oh my god,” she gasped. “Peeta— What are you doing?”

His answer was to spread her lips with his fingers and rub small circles over her nub. He flicked it back and forth until her legs trembled and her breath caught in ragged puffs. She moaned as his middle finger teased her entrance, and he kissed the hollow behind her ear.

“I love the sounds you make when you come,” he breathed into her hair. “That’s it, honey. Let me hear you.”

“Peeta,” she whimpered. Hardly able to speak, she tossed her head against his lips and rode his hand.

“Let go,” he begged. “I’ve got you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

She cursed softly as she tightened and snapped. Trembling, she crumpled against him as he coaxed her release against his hand. He turned her gently and kissed her quivering lips repeatedly, silencing her with sweet reassurances. He guided her to the foot of the bed and settled her there before dropping to his knees in front of her.

“Katniss, I love you more than anything in the world,” he declared as he pulled a velvet box from his pocket. “Will you please marry me?”

Her head spun as the words fell from him. Her adrenaline spiked, an aftermath of her climax coupled with the sight of him in front of her with a diamond peeking from the open box. Her chest constricted, and her vision went black.

Are you ever going to be able to trust him?

Tears tracked down her cheeks as he slid back into focus. His smile faltered for a second as he searched her face for her answer.

She didn’t trust herself to speak. All the heartbreak and guilt and desperate loneliness she’d suffered drained from her when she nodded. Her hand trembled as she held it out to him, and he released the breath he’d been holding in a wet sob.

His voice was hoarse when he gasped, “Thank you.”

She tossed the papers to the floor as she scrambled back on the bed into the piles of flower petals. Peeta settled over her and ducked his head to cover her mouth with his. They melted together as they stripped each other. Skin fused against sweaty skin, and agonized groans filled the room.

Katniss freed her legs and spread them under him, desperate for him to fill her. He tangled his fingers in her hair as he nudged into her, entering so slowly she wondered if it was torture. Tilting her head back, she bit her lip as he withdrew and lifted her hips before angling in again.

“Don’t kill me tonight,” she begged. “I can’t take it.”

“You can take it,” he grunted. “You’re amazing, sweetheart.”

He moved over her, his back muscles bunching and contracting under her palms. She clung to him, needing his warmth around her and marveling at how hard he was inside her. He drove her to the brink several times but pulled back to prolong the experience. When she feared she’d never get there, he pushed her knees backward against the mattress and rolled his hips against hers until her eyes bugged. Screaming his name, she crested and contracted around him. He stilled suddenly, and his mouth fell open. His body vibrated and then shook as he poured into her.

They ground against each other for several more minutes, desperate to wring every sensation from their exhausted, limp limbs, but finally they collapsed in a tangled heap. He rubbed the underside of her breast lazily with his thumb, and she stroked his lower back until his muscles relaxed.

“You’re going to marry me,” he sighed, and his mouth quirked into a grin.

“Hell yeah, I am,” she agreed, so exhausted she slurred her words. “I’m gonna marry the fuck out of you.”

“Soon, please.”

“Very, very, very soon,” she promised and kissed him.

Katniss startled awake as Peeta’s mouth closed over her left nipple. She blinked several times and then lifted her left hand. It was bare.

Confused, she tried to figure out why and then realized she’d woken from a vivid dream. Peeta’s divorce wasn’t finalized yet. They were still waiting for the paperwork that would make it legal for them to finally be together, and they were both impatient.

Katniss rubbed sleep from her eyes as Peeta laved her breasts and fumbled between her legs. She moaned and grunted several times, still turned on from her sex dream about him. When his breath shortened, she motioned to him to let her flip over and raised her arms to grab the headboard.

“Your ass,” he breathed and lifted her hips.

Katniss buried her face in the pillow and tightened her grip. It didn’t take long for him to lose it. She pushed against the headboard as he rammed into her, and then he collapsed against her, sweaty and cursing as he caught his breath.

“Good morning,” she yawned and glanced at the clock on his bedside table. “I need to go home and shower. Early meeting with Haymitch this morning.”

Peeta kissed her shoulder and cupped her ass. “Don’t go.”

“Babe, you cannot still be horny. We just did it, and we fucked twice last night,” she snapped.

She didn’t bother to glance at him to see his wounded expression as she staggered to the bathroom and gathered her clothes. She knew she was being unreasonable but waking from the dream did nothing other than remind her she was still sleeping with a married man—no matter how much he was really hers in every way but what mattered legally.

“I’m making visits today and have Elam tonight,” he called as she straightened her sweater and grabbed her purse. “See you at work tomorrow?”

“Sure,” was her flippant response.

Are you ever going to be able to trust him?

Peeta must have understood because he didn’t second guess her or try to talk about it when they saw each other the next day. Or the next. Or over the month that passed before she finally got a message from him with a picture of legal documents.

“The divorce papers,” she breathed.

He knocked on her door only a few minutes later, and she did dirty, nasty things to him that night that made him beg and grovel. She expected a proposal for weeks, but something seemed to stop him every time he looked at her with promises of a future in his eyes. When she finally worked up the nerve to ask him if they were okay, he reassured her that he was only waiting for the right timing and that he loved her more than anything.

Are you ever going to be able to trust him?

Katniss forced herself to turn off the doubt that echoed in her head and focus on what was before her. Unfortunately, work still posed a problem, and they decided to keep it as quiet as possible there—except they still couldn’t keep their hands off each other in the office. One day, she sat at Peeta’s desk, pretending to go over a file, but he teased her under her skirt, when Johanna approached.

“Well, well, well. Doesn’t this look cozy?”

Katniss grimaced at her co-worker’s comment and rolled her eyes at Peeta. He winked and turned to face their tormentor while surreptitiously moving his hand to his own lap.

“Johanna,” he greeted her in a measured voice. “To what blessed coincidence do we owe this favor?”

Katniss covered her mouth and stifled a chuckle. He was deliberate and calculated as he stared down her nemesis.

“Oh, I just thought I’d swing by on the way to the old man’s office and see how my favorite couple’s doing. It’s so good to see your friendship has survived—excuse me—thrived since your separation, Mellark. I’m sure Everdeen’s just been an absolute comfort to you now that Madge isn’t around to cater to your every whim.”

“Mason!” The three of them jerked to attention as Haymitch snapped at Johanna. “Get in here. No one needs your commentary on the boy’s marital status. It’s his business.”

“Yes, sir,” she groused and sneered at Peeta before bumping against him as she crossed to Haymitch. “Truly, your loyalty to each other is an inspiration,” she hissed before slipping into his office.

Katniss took a few cleansing breaths as Peeta’s eyes swept across her face. “Not even worth it to fret over her, sweetheart,” he murmured under his breath. “Wanna meet me in the stairwell in five?”

She grinned and nodded before standing and heading back to her desk. Annie offered a half-hearted smile as she dropped into her seat and opened her email. She answered three messages before she glanced at her co-worker and announced, “Headed to get some coffee. Can I get you anything?”

“No, that’s okay. Thanks, Katniss,” Annie answered, obviously distracted by the information in the case file that was open on her desk in front of her.

Katniss strode purposefully down the hall and through the stairwell door. She took a flight up and ducked into the hollow at the landing between the floor where their office was located and the one above. Peeta waited there in the darkness for her and pulled her into his arms the second she appeared.

“Longest five minutes of my life,” he said just before his mouth covered hers. He backed her against the wall and groped under skirt as she spread her knees. She unzipped his pants and freed him from his boxers. He hitched her leg over his hip and pushed into her. Biting her lip, she tucked her face into the crook of his neck and let him take her.

“I love it when you go commando at work,” he hissed as his hips rolled against hers. “So fucking sexy.”

“God, Peeta,” she groaned softly, “you make me so hot. Fuck me hard.”

“Shhh,” he ordered and threw his head back. He jerked against her, his eyes closed and his mouth gaping. Pure pleasure shone on his face, and she reached down to clutch his backside in her left hand.

“I want to do dirty things to your ass,” she growled beneath her breath, and he slammed into her so hard her head banged against the wall.

“Tonight,” he promised and lifted her so she could only touch the floor on her tiptoes.

She nodded and curled her fingers on her free hand into the curls at the nape of his neck. It wasn’t going to take long for her—not when they might get caught at work. Forbidden sex turned her on more than anything else, and Peeta’s purposeful thrusts made her want to scream.

“Fucking hell, you’re so tight.”

Two more strokes, and he spurted inside her. She ground against the base of his cock and smiled as heat rushed through her. This was better than coming—no mess, and she enjoyed the same high. Peeta kissed her harshly and tugged a tissue from his pocket. He wiped himself after pulling out and then swiped between her legs.

“Six minutes,” she whispered. “That might be our work record.”

“Bathroom?”

“No, coffee break.”

“Ah, good one.”

She kissed him quickly and smoothed her skirt. “Your place tonight?”

He nodded and zipped his pants. Balling up the tissue, he tucked it into his pocket and motioned for her to leave before him. When she was safely in the break room, he re-entered the office and returned to his desk.

“Here you go,” she said sweetly as she set a mug down on Annie’s desk. “Two sugars, one cream. Just like you like it.”

“Thanks. Want to catch a drink after work tonight? I could use some company.”

“Everything all right?”

Annie nodded and smiled softly. “Finnick’s out of town. Just a little lonely.”

“Sure. I wouldn’t mind a little girl time this afternoon.”

The rest of the workday passed quickly, and the women settled into a booth at their regular place soon after leaving the office. Katniss couldn’t remember the last time she’d enjoyed herself without Peeta’s company, and she nodded in encouragement as Annie regaled her with some of her husband’s antics. She was well into her third vodka and tonic when Annie turned the conversation back on her.

“How are things going for you?” she asked, and the kindness in her eyes was Katniss’ undoing.

“Things are good,” she slurred slightly. “Really, really good. Can I tell you a secret?”

“Of course.”

“Peeta left his wife finally. She made him do couple’s therapy, but that’s over now. He filed for divorce. It’s been final for four months. Don’t tell,” she said and raised a finger to her lips. “I think it’s a secret.”

“I don’t think it’s much of a secret. He already changed the paperwork in HR.”

“How do you know that?”

“I was updating my own forms, and he happened to be there at the same time. He mentioned then that he and Madge had separated, and it was only a matter of time before he was single again. Although, I doubt he will be for long.”

“Not if I have anything to say about it.”

“So, things are going well between you two?”

Katniss nodded and motioned to the waitress for another drink. “Better than I deserve.”

“I think you deserve a lot, Katniss. I’m sorry things have been hard on you, but it’s clear he loves you very much. And you love him.”

“I do. I’m a homewrecker, though. Cheers to me!” Katniss raised the glass that appeared before her and gulped down the liquid.

“Go easy on yourself,” Annie urged. “I think you’ve been hard enough on both of you.”

Katniss shrugged and finished her drink before begging off. She didn’t usually let herself have so much in such a short timeframe, and she wanted to make it to Peeta’s before she lost her faculties. Forgoing her normal commute, she hailed a cab and sank gratefully into the backseat. Twenty minutes later, she knocked on Peeta’s door and leaned against the wall while she waited for him to let her into his place.

“You look hammered,” he joked when he saw her.

“Drunk enough you can do all the things I usually say no to,” she told him and slumped into his arms. “I won’t even try to stop you.”

“Anal beads, huh?”

“Only if you tie me up first.”

Her eyes widened when he guided her to the bedroom and pulled a small bundle of silks from the top drawer of his nightstand. She tugged her sweater over her head and unclasped her bra as he closed on her and crossed her wrists over her lower back. Her head spun as he lowered her to the bed. Her skirt pooled at her waist, and her immobile hands stoked an uncertain feeling that made her wet.

His eyes sparkled as he caressed her stomach with the purple silicon anal beads. “You know, you said you wanted to do dirty things to my ass, but this works even better for me. Let’s see how many we can get in.”

The answer was three, which was the same number of times she came over the course of the evening. Peeta’s excitement seemed to heighten as she strained against her bonds, and he fucked her senseless. As much as she knew he loved her, he wasn’t gentle or considerate as he rammed and bucked against her. She begged him for more, unwilling to forgo the passion for tenderness. In her inebriated state, she wanted to be wrung out, not cherished. She wanted to feel like what she knew she was—a whore who’d stolen another woman’s wife. He might as well treat her like one.

She had a faint understanding that she was drunk and didn’t really believe any of those things. Deep down, she knew he loved her, and she loved him. That they both deserved to be happy. That they were in it for the long haul. That she would marry him someday and be his partner. That he would support her and she him as they made decisions that would build a life together. She knew all that, but she still fell down the hole of self-loathing as he fucked her, tugged on her hair, and spanked her so hard it brought tears to her eyes.

When he finally forced her to straddle him, her arms still tied behind her, she could feel his cock swell inside her as the beads kept her plugged. His movements became erratic, and he pulled them free just as he climaxed. She screamed at the sensation and spurted. It hurt at the same time it felt absolutely amazing. She floated for what felt like hours before returning to his bed where they lay in rumpled sheets.

“My arms are asleep.”

“I’ll untie you as soon as I can move.”

She didn’t have the energy to answer, so she nodded against his chest. She drifted in and out a few times before she felt him tug on her wrists and free her. He kissed her on the forehead as he picked her up and deposited her on the couch where he covered her with a blanket. She slept as he puttered in the other room and only woke when he asked her if she was ready to go to bed. Too exhausted to move, she grunted.

Katniss woke the next morning with a roiling stomach. She realized she’d fallen asleep the night before without eating dinner and sodden with alcohol. Maybe that’s why it felt like the room was moving around her as she tried to sit upright. When Peeta rolled over, Katniss fought a wave of nausea and bolted for the bathroom. She emptied her stomach and then stumbled into the shower to rinse herself. When she fell back into bed with her wet hair wrapped in a towel, Peeta stirred and stroked her cheek.

“Morning, honey,” he mumbled into the pillow.

“I think I need to call into work today,” she answered, and he peeked one eye open to look at her.

“Sick?” When she nodded, he asked, “Do you want me to stay with you?”

“Nah. I’ll be fine. I just need to make it home.”

“You can stay here, you know.”

She sank into the mattress while he got dressed for work, but she got out of bed as soon as he’d kissed her on the forehead and left. She didn’t think she could make the short walk home, so she hailed a cab and sighed in relief when she arrived at her place. Exhausted, she spent the day on the couch watching TV and napping in between messages from Peeta.

By the time he left work, she felt fine, but Katniss still told him not to come over. She didn’t have the energy for sex, and she had a nagging feeling that wouldn’t leave her alone. She needed time to think without him distracting her.

She was exhausted, achy, and a little unsteady. That didn’t get better before she went to bed, and she woke the next morning with an uneasy feeling. She stumbled to the bathroom and started to brush her teeth before gagging and doubling over the toilet. Retching, she prayed for relief. When it finally came, she dragged herself back to bed and called into work for the second day in a row.

She slept throughout the day, ignoring texts from both Peeta and her sister. It was mid-afternoon when she woke from a nightmare and bolted for the bathroom again. She was on her knees when a sickening knowledge came over her.

She was late—over a month late—and she hadn’t even realized it.

“No, no, no, no, no,” she moaned and pounded the wall. “I can’t be pregnant. I can’t be.”

But somehow, she knew she was. She’d missed her last period, and she could feel changes in her body that she hadn’t let herself recognize over the past few weeks. Her breasts were tender and heavy (and a little larger, if she’d allow herself to believe it); she was tired all the time; she was more emotional than normal. The early signs were there, and it wasn’t as if they’d been particularly careful since his divorce was finalized. No condoms, she’d missed a few pills, and they’d been going at it like bunnies with no consideration of pulling out or worrying about her ovulation cycle.

She swore for several minutes, furious at herself for not realizing sooner what had happened and scared out of her mind at what the consequences could be. Would Peeta still want to be with her if she dropped this bombshell on him? Was he ready to be saddled with a wife and child again when he’d just gotten out of a miserable marriage and was still learning how to be a father to a child he didn’t live with anymore?

Before she could panic any more than she already was, she grabbed her phone and opened the app for a home delivery service. She added toilet paper, milk, shampoo, eggs, and a home pregnancy kit before pressing the order button. Terrified, she showered and dressed before sitting on the couch and rocking back and forth until her doorbell rang.

“Katniss?” the delivery guy asked her when she opened the door.

She nodded and took the bags gratefully. He didn’t ask questions or comment on her agitated state, so she tipped him on the app and sent a silent prayer of thanks for bringing her what she needed to confirm her suspicions.

A few minutes later, she looked at the wand and the plus sign that stared back at her.

“Fucking fuck,” she gasped and promptly began to sob.

She couldn’t stop. A lifetime passed as she bawled so hard she didn’t hear the door open or see Peeta when he peeked around the doorjamb and found her curled in a fetal position on the tiled floor of her bathroom.

“What’s wrong?” he asked tenderly as he sank onto the floor and pulled her into his lap. “Sweetheart, you’re scaring me. What’s wrong?”

Katniss shook her head and trembled against him, unable to speak and terrified to open her hands and reveal what only she knew at this point.

“Are you okay?” he asked as he ran his hands over her, desperate to figure out what had caused her behavior.

“I-I’m so sorry,” she wailed, and he shushed her and held her against him tighter. “I’m so, so sorry, Peeta.”

“What’s going on, Katniss? Tell me,” he begged. “Please.”

Still unable to speak, she pulled back from him and surveyed him with watery eyes. Still holding his gaze, she uncurled her fingers and exposed her secret to the man she loved more than she knew how to say. He glanced down at her hand, and she could tell the moment he realized what was there. He froze, his face a mask of shock, and she held her breath.

“Is that…?” She nodded, and her heart broke at his look of panic. “Holy shit!”

“Peeta—”

“Holy shit!”

“Peeta…”

He stared at her for several seconds, and she tried to come to grips with the horror of him walking out on her, of raising this child on her own, of knowing she’d almost had everything she ever wanted before losing it all.

“You’re pregnant?” he asked, his voice choked with an emotion Katniss couldn’t quite recognize.

She tried to answer, but a sob ripped through her. She stared at him helplessly. She’d always rolled her eyes at the word “beseeching” in stories, but now she understood. Because she was. Desperately beseeching him to stay with her.

The silence stretched between them until finally he closed his eyes and swallowed hard. She shifted against him, and he tugged her against his chest.

“Marry me,” he whispered. Her ears buzzed, but he repeated it again. “Marry me.”

“Wh-what?”

“Marry me,” he gasped. “We need to get married.”

She whipped back and glared at him. “We need to get married?”

“Yes! As soon as possible,” he sputtered and said it again. “Marry me!”

Fury flooded her, and she scrambled to her feet. She glared at him on the floor in her bathroom and sneered, “How terribly romantic. A proposal to your knocked-up mistress next to the shitter. Except it’s not really a proposal, is it? You didn’t ask. You told me that’s what I need to do. Marry you right now. Should I call a minister and have him perform the ceremony right here? How about I wear the shower curtain as my wedding dress?”

“Huh?” He didn’t seem to understand why she was so angry. He sat on the floor, completely flabbergasted as she railed against him, and she saw red.

“Don’t you dare propose to me out of pity, you jackass,” she spat and stormed into the living room. When he followed her, she crossed to the door and opened it. “Out.”

“Katniss—”

“Get. Out.” Her words were clipped, but Peeta stood his ground.

“I’m not going anywhere!” he yelled. “You’re having my baby! I want to marry you. I probably said it all wrong in there, but holy fucking shit, Katniss! You’re pregnant!”

It took several moments for her to realize he was grinning at her. He wasn’t mad; he wasn’t upset; he was happy. She held her breath for a few seconds and then shut the door. She stumbled into his arms and collapsed against him.

“Marry me,” he murmured against her hair.

“Are you sure?”

“Hell yes!”

She buried her face in his neck and nodded. Too overcome with emotion, she couldn’t verbalize her agreement. He lifted her face to his and kissed her softly, reassuring her with his lips. They spent the rest of the evening wrapped together on the couch; talking through the next steps, making love, and planning their future.

“I don’t want a big wedding.”

“Sweetheart, I really think we should—”

“Peeta, I said I don’t want a big wedding.”

He tucked a loose curl behind her ear and kissed her temple. “I hear you, hon. I really do. I just worry you’re going to regret it later. You deserve a day celebrating you. Us. What we are together.”

She thought about it for a several seconds, but she knew she had to stand her ground. “I want to marry you and have this baby. I don’t need a huge party. In fact, I don’t want one. I don’t want people looking at me and wondering about…stuff. I don’t want people looking at me at all.”

“It’s not about people looking at you. It’s about us showing how much we love each other to our family and friends.”

She stared into his eyes. The deep blue comforted her, and she smiled gently at him. He searched her face and returned the smile before leaning in to brush his lips against hers.

“I don’t need it, and I don’t want it,” she insisted. “I just want to have a regular life with you.”

Peeta started to speak, but he shook his head and shrugged. “Whatever you want, sweetheart.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” he said. “I’m not sure how I’m going to break that to my family. I guess you should meet them.”

“Uh…”

“God, that’s not what I meant,” he apologized. “I’m sorry. Of course, you should meet them, and it doesn’t matter what they say about us. They don’t even have to be at the wedding if you don’t want them there.”

“And Madge,” she murmured. “At some point I’m going to need to meet her too, aren’t I?”

He shifted uncomfortably but nodded seriously. “You should probably meet her, yes. That’s gonna be... Shit, that’s going to be awkward.”

“I don’t exactly expect her to turn into my BFF or anything, Peeta, but I’m going to have her child’s half-sibling.”

“Elam,” he muttered. “Elam’s going to have a brother or sister. I’m going to be a dad again. We’re having a baby.”

Katniss grinned so widely, she feared she’d split her face. “I’d say something really cheesy here, but I’m exhausted.”

“Do you want me to stay?”

She intertwined her fingers with his and covered her stomach with their hands. Emotion overwhelmed her, and she rested her head on his shoulder. “I don’t know,” she admitted.

“Understandable.”

Peeta kissed her goodnight and left her alone to process. In the span of a few hours, she’d become a mother and an engaged woman. It was a lot to consider.

The apartment grew dark around her, and she heard her sister’s question echo in the stillness.

Are you ever going to be able to trust him?

“I’ll call her in the morning,” Katniss muttered to herself and walked down the hall to her bedroom. She wasn’t used to sleeping alone, and multiple nights in a row alone made her slightly uneasy. A little bit of her loved having the entire mattress to herself, though, and she snuggled under the comforter and into her pillows.

The next morning, she swallowed several times and gave thanks it was Saturday. She didn’t have to go to work, and she didn’t feel completely nauseous. Resting her hand on her stomach, she shivered thinking about what was hiding there that only she and Peeta knew. It was delicious to have a secret that wasn’t as taboo as their affair, but she knew she didn’t want to keep it quiet too much longer. She wasn’t going to tell the world until they were further along, but she did want to her sister to know.

“Hey, Prim.”

“Hey, big sister! How are you?”

Katniss sucked in a deep breath and released it slowly through her nose. “I have some news. It’s big.”

“What’s going on? Are you okay? Tell me.” Prim was well on her way to hysteria before Katniss could speak.

“I’m fine, Little Duck,” she assured her younger sister, using a nickname from their childhood. “Things are fine. Better than fine, actually. Primmy, I’m— Peeta and I are going to have a baby.”

Silence greeted her announcement, and Katniss held her breath as her sister processed the news. Prim’s quietness stretched for almost a minute before Katniss cleared her throat and prodded a response.

“Con-congratulations, Katniss,” Prim stammered. “That’s great news.”

“You sound less than thrilled.”

“No!” Prim shouted, and Katniss pulled her phone back from her ear. “I’m sorry, Katniss. That’s not…that’s not what I meant at all. Of course, I’m happy for you. I mean, I’m assuming you’re happy about it, and I’m happy for you, too. Also. Totally happy for you.”

“We’re getting married.”

Prim released a rush of air and started babbling. “You’re getting married? He’s divorced? You’re having a baby? Oh my god! This is a lot of information to process at once.”

Swallowing her disappointment, Katniss allowed her sister to process. She’d been doing that for a while, and she still didn’t feel like she had a grip on the situation. Still, she could have used a little more enthusiasm from the one person she thought would understand how deeply she loved Peeta and how long she’d waited to be with him.

“I know it’s a lot,” she admitted.

“Oh, honey… I’m so happy for you. I am.”

“But?”

“But…”

Katniss heard it echo across the phone line. Are you ever going to be able to trust him?

“I trust him, Prim. I trust him. I have to.”

Katniss hugged a pillow to her chest and waited for the ache in her throat to dissipate. She craved her sister’s approval, but she understood why that was hard for Prim to give. She understood, but she still wanted someone to be happy for her so badly it made her heart hurt.

“I am happy for you,” Prim finally offered, and Katniss closed her eyes against a wave of emotion.

“Thank you,” she whispered. “Thank you for supporting this. You have no idea how much it means to me.”

“Oh, I know,” Prim insisted. “By the way, you have to tell Mom. I’m not touching that with a ten-foot pole.”

Katniss cringed at the thought of trying to explain her situation to her mother. “Does she really need to know?”

“That she’s going to be a grandmother again? Uh, yeah. I think maybe that would be something you should share with her.”

“But, really?”

“Katniss Everdeen! Shame on you.”

Katniss sighed loudly, but her lips twitched as she tried not to laugh. She hadn’t thought about how to tell her mother about the baby or Peeta until Prim mentioned it. They barely talked, and she knew her mother wouldn’t be thrilled to learn how her relationship with Peeta began. Her mom hated stories of infidelity—especially after rumors about her own husband surfaced following his accidental death. No one had proven anything, but gossip haunted the family for months during their grief after the accident.

“Well, it’s not like I’ve been an angel lately or anything,” she said wryly. “I won’t be surprised at all if Mom is ashamed of me. I’m still ashamed of myself.”

“You’ve got to let this go at some point. You’ve beaten yourself up for years over this, and you’re still together. This may not have started how you wanted it or developed the way you hoped it would, but you two are committed to each other now.”

“How hard was that for you to say?”

Prim laughed without humor. “Harder than natural childbirth,” she admitted. “I just hope things are easier for you now that you’re engaged and pregnant. I hope you can finally be happy.”

“Maybe we can.”

Silence stretched between them again, and Katniss closed her eyes as she enjoyed their connection. She missed her family, she realized, especially her sister. Her engagement and pregnancy were both special for many reasons, but they were the steps to finally give her what she’d been missing since her father died—a family of her own.

“I love you, big sister, but I have to go,” Prim said softly into the phone. “I’ll call you next week, if that’s okay.”

“Love you too, Primmy. Thanks for listening.”

Katniss sat for several minutes with the phone in her hand after they disconnected, and it was only a knock on the door that roused her from her stupor. She grabbed a robe and tied it around her waist as she hurried to the front door.

“Who in the world?” she muttered as the knocking intensified. She opened the door to find a stunning blonde with crystal blue eyes. “Can I help you?”

“Katniss Everdeen?” the stranger said coolly. “I’m Madge. Madge Mellark. Peeta’s ex-wife.”

#too familiar #everlark #everlark fanfiction #peeta mellark #katniss everdeen

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