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#ppl expressing things - that they prob dont even mean or want to be true or a reality
silenthillbunni · 4 months
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ig i just personally dont rlly vibe w ppl who think that merely saying 'i wish they died' just to lighten the heavy weight of their overwhelming emotions (that they cant control may i add) is the same thing as actively actually murdering someone 💀
#did u know that venting can actually make someone feel a bit better and less inclined to act on thoughts.....#when u create environment in society where u force everyone to supress and hide all their ugly thoughts and emotions#those feelings will grow stronger and stronger and poison you#and that's why ppl eventually explode when it cant be contained anymore#ppl expressing things - that they prob dont even mean or want to be true or a reality#is nowhere near the same thing as ppl acting on it or causing others harm#but then also i am of the opinion that *everyone* deserves help and treatment. ppl shouldnt be discarded and labeled as broken or crazy#sm ppl have overwhelming emotions they cant control bc all of our brains are different. there should be *quality* help available for everyo#instead we live in a society that shames ppl. that push ppl into boxes and say#if u dont fit into this tiny neat little square u are ugly broken disgusting and reprihensible!!!#then they just banish u to the shadows where they dont have to see u or look at u#anyway this is a whole society thing that is connected to this issue in my braib#brain*#what i was gonna say was that i personally think venting and expressing your thoughts - no matter how ugly they are#is necessary for humans. esp when it's in a space where the potential target of the thoughts wont see#esp when there are no plans of taking yhe thoughts into action#asl long as u can separate complaining and venting ur frustrations and causing someone (undeserved) harm irl#thats just who i am and this is my blog and i dont appreciate ppl telling me#that i have to shove it all back inside and im not allowed to express anything#if you're a wasp who thinks everything should be bottled up. that everything should be expressed delicately#then u do you. but you do not tell me that i have to conform to your ways. i find your ways harmful and regressive#so maybe we should just go our separate ways huh? everyone arent meant to get along#theres no use in arguing or fighting or reprimanding ppl everytime u see smth u dont agree with#esp when all u see is a *thought* that causes no material harm to another person. then u should just be on ur merry way
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golbrocklovely · 1 year
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why are ppl hating on sam i mean yeah he goes on rants wishing he can do more or complaining about things even if he is in the wrong but like come on it general human emotion. i seen someone on a twitter group chat say "i dont like sam honesty he is too whiny colby is not whiny why cant he be like colby."
trust me someone said this i have a ss but prob wont leak it cause i dont want ppl hating on the girl who said this 
i definitely have a lot of disagreements when it comes to sam and the way he expresses himself on dumbandwise. that's usually where a lot of ppl have problems with him.
however, just bc you don't like some of his takes doesn't mean you should have on him. or think he's lesser than comparatively to colby.
my issues with sam are mostly just based off of how he sometimes sounds not as down-to-earth as he tries to come across. i also think bc, and this is a major assumption on my part, he hasn't experienced any true hardships he has a very basic understanding of life. and that would be different if he ever experience adversity.
i'm not saying i want him to experience anything bad. half the shit i've had to go thru i wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. but i do think that bc i've experienced a lot i also understand ppl and life differently than those that haven't. while in certain circumstances i understand what he's trying to say, i think he ends up coming across as unrelatable and hoity toity.
no offense to this man, but there's no way you can say "don't live for vacations" without coming across a little bit snobbish. of course, you should find happiness in the smaller moments and not the big ones and stop living for the times you can relax. everyone understands that. but when those words come from a person who can afford to take time off whenever and is their own boss, it comes across demeaning more so than philosophical.
but just bc i disagree with him doesn't mean i think he deserves hate.
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dilfsdotnet · 5 years
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Yo you should answer all of these scene questions👀👀
:OOO
you think so lad???? shit dawg i was thinkin just a few at a time but if that what u want my dear nonnie i will supply
1. wats ur scene name?
i was thinkin maybe ‘gods mistake’ would be a good one but then. i found a way to make it both danganronpa related, and, even better, a fucking pun as well. ‘kamukura kamukura jasqueen’, or just ‘kamukura jasqueen’ for short is good k thxxx
2. describe ur dream outfit!
oooo gosh this ones trickyy!! there are so many good outfits out there, especially in the scene community!! but it’d have to have a few tiny elements of dr cosplay to add a lil of my dangan-weeb culture in there ofc! more specifically, id really love to get one of kazuichis jumpsuit and just wig out and add shit like this just because i could:
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(id just rlly love going out in all those glowy/shiny things at night like all that haha..and yes the shoes would probably kill me/my fuckin feet if i tried to walk in them but shut up i love them theyre cute as fuck)
3. describe ur dream haircut!
oo another tricky one!! i do like my regular hair, and honestly id be lying if i said i didnt love ibuki’s hairdo too but id defs have to go with something like this!!
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yaaaassss, so pretty and spikeeeey! maybe id dye my natural hair colour black and/or add some funky colours if i ever actually got this style down!
4. describe ur dream room!
i have a lot of ideas for dream bedrooms actually, but heres a visual image of one of them i found!!!
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MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM MIKU ROOM
(this specific idea arose mainly just for the aesthetic but i also find it super cute and a good environment to be in general hhhnnggg)
5. if u could make anything out of kandi, wat would u make?
oh you mean those colourful beads and bracelet things??? i love those man!!! theyre so visually appealing to me aaaaa…id probably just make a fuck-ton of those and most probably use the little letter beads to say random words/phrases like ‘aubergine’ and ‘despacito’ knowing my shitposter self lmaooo! id definitely make a sansmaeda themed one too thoo fr
6. wat would u write on ur shoez?
it’d probably range from things like a simple kaomoji doodle to something randum and stupid like ‘seesaw’ bc yes asjnd
7. wat kinda piercingz/tattooz do u hav/want?
i dont think i rlly want any real piercings (at least not atm) but id totally go for those fake stick-on gemstone lookin’ ones! and as for tattoos, i cant rlly see myself gettin one of those rn either, but id want something like a mario power-up, preferably the bell one/cat suit powerup!!! its my favorite powerup and its sooo cute!!!
8. fave genrez?
i dont rlly have a specific genre, i like most kinds of music, but i rlly like energetic music that i can dance tooo!!! >w
9. fave bandz?
im a big fan of gorillaz and botdf!!! i like p!atd as well but havent listened to it in a while.. gatta catch up loool
10. fave songz?
my favs alternate a lot, but atm im super into ‘slow dancing in the dark’ by joji!!! so much emotiooon quq…also rlly hooked on botdf and jefree star’s ‘sexting’ tooo lmaooo
11. fave lyricz?
‘The world keeps spinning Among this sinning Oh what a cruel and disgusting place The purest moonlight Is bloodied by plight And screaming resonants But somehow I know That it’s all for show The world will reveal it’s true beauty soon And we’ll all reach towards the moon ‘
its so deep but its from a fucking kaito momota fansong and i love that asnkjdnefe
12. hav u evr been to a concert?
not in a damn long while my lad,, rip australians not havin many artists they like from other countries tour there ;-;
13. do u wanna be in a band?
ive always thought thatd be pretty cool ngl!!! tourin around with ur bandmate friends, makin awesome fuckin tunes, people lovin u and ur music, just livin the dream in general,, nice
14. wats da best soda/energy drink flavour?
havent rlly had any as of rn  my lad so i wouldnt know :/
15. wat do u miss most abt old internet?
i loved that we could all just be ourselves and act like the kids we are inside without bein reprimanded at all.. it aint rlly that much of an issue for me but i still think itd be a lot nicer if it was like that again sometimes,,
16. wats da best old meme?
ooohhh there are so many i still miss man! numa numa ermagerd and doge still remind me of the glory days…when old animeme was good and you could still haz ur cheezburgers in peace. also rage comics! rage comics were good what happened
17. best place 2 buy clothez?
i dont think theres any hot topics in australia but if there is. i will hunt it down you hear me
18. wat r ur fave accessoriez?
OH THERES SO MANY GOOD ONES??? as i stated b4 i rly love kandi bracelets and other glowy/led things!!! also rlly love ties with cute and fun patterns and long colourful and/or ripped socks like ibuki’s too hehe
19. wats ur best tip fr ppl that just got into scenecore?
im not rlly the best at advice, but my main point would be-just hav fun here dudes!!! dont let anyone else bulli u abt it, we’re supportive people, u can talk to me or anyone else whos willin to listen an/or help for reassurance ofc
20. opinion on furbiez?
oOH MY GOD YES. FURBIES. MY BABIES I WANT 10 OF THESE CHILDREN…I ACTUALLY HAVE A FURBY HE LIKES SLEEPING IN HIS SPECIAL DRAWER AND HIS NAME IS TINGLE I ADORE HIM I’LL POST A OF PICTURE LATER MAYBE
21. opinion on funko popz?
i like em and ive seen lots at eb games, but i dont buy em much..i do have a megaman pop with a broken arm tho loool
22. wats ur fave pattern? (zebra/leopard print etc)
i looove a lot of patterns but not gonna lie im always a sucker for rainbow checkerboard patterns yknow hehe!
23. fave color combo?
i dont have one rlly…soooo many possible comboooos…cx
24. sumthing u liked as a kid dat u still like?
im still going on girlsgogames and recently, ive finally mastered sues beauty machine!!!! its so good and fun all of ya’ll should try it my dudeeees
25. wats ur most used emoticon? 0w0
as most of ya’ll probs alredy know i spam ‘:O’ a lot, but one of my bigger favs is actually ‘x3′ and my fav kaomoji is ‘ଘ(੭ˊ꒳​ˋ)੭✧’ (both of them are so kyooot >w
26. wats ur fav typin quirk?
i luv talkin like dis, but i dont rly do it that often loool…i awso wuv tawking in ‘owo’ speak wike dis >//w//>
27. do u wish ur fllwrz talked 2 u moar?
hellz yeaaa!!! i luv followr interaction my dudee! it makes me super happi when u all talk to me heehee! x3c
28. tag ur fave scene blawgz!
:O !!! oh gawd!!! i dont know many atm but heeereee!
@xxadam-antidotexx (op of the ask meme)
@glitchkichi (not sure if this counts but their stuff’s rlly cool >v
@otonashi-banana (scene boyf…wuv im more than anythin >///w///>
29. wat got u into scenecore?
i dont remember exactly how it happened but i’d always sorta wanted to go back to the glory days that was the old web and the scene era, and that, coupled with a bright, colourful aesthetic that i could really enjoy, drew me in like a moth to a neon colored flame ig looollll
30. how long hav u been scene?
i’ve only been officially apart of the community for about a few months now (at time of writing) i reckon so some things are still a lil new to me ig ^^;;
31. wats da best thing abt being scene?
the freedom of bein able to express myself 4 one thing, and its just so fun being so ‘out-there’ yknow???? it feels so great really
32. do u hav a fursona?
i…actually used to but ive moved on from the furry fandom and ive grown more attached to my human sona anyway sooo :/
33. r u in sum “cringy” fandomz?
YEA man!! i dont rlly think dr is inherently considered ‘cringey’ but undertale is and im in that one for sure!!! i also kinda technically never left the skylanders fandom(?) so theres that too ig??? oh yeah and who wants to let me draw my old moshi monsters characters COWARDS
34. do u liek plushiez?
YASSSS QUEEEN!!!! i have HEAPS of them in my room on my desk with my gonta shrine
35. do u liek stickerz?
also a big yaaassss from me dawggg!!! i love them and i love those ones that you stick on your fase like this!
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its so cuuute!!!
36. do u hav a friendproject?
i dont, not at the moment a least, actually! didnt even know what it was til recently but it looks kewl haha
37. do u hav any other scene account?
well, i haz this one, and i also have an emowire account for shuichi if that counts!!
38. do u make art? (drawingz, blingeez, etc.)
YES!!! i love to draw and i also make blingee edits sometimes!!! ITS SO FUN XD !!!
39. wats da most scene thing? (anything!)
hmmm, weeell…i think the most stereotyped thing would be that kewl, suuuper big hair like this;
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its really prettyyyy, and i love all that colouuur!!!
40. ask ur own randum question!!
hm, oh wowie, since the anon didnt specifically ask this one…POTATOES!!! X3
phew, finally done, that was a lot of typing! this was so fun to do though, so thank u nonnie!!! :3
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zenosanalytic · 5 years
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4/20/19 HSE 8
Ok back at it
MEAT 15
Cool Fight; Not terribly surprising.
MEAT 16
Dirk’s as much Rose’s father as Rose is his Mother. I guess maybe it’s more convenient, psychologically, to choose a causative direction and stick with it, rather than accept the Mobial nature of their genesis, but for some reason it bugs me this keeps getting overlooked.
Dirk’s over here talking about how right he is all the time and I dont think he was ever right about anything even once in canon(aside from certain aspects of his talk with Dave, and choosing not to kill Hal) XD The only “plan” of his to work was the one re: entering the Session, and 1)he outsourced it to Hal and 2)it only worked because he managed to improvise his way through every aspect of it failing to go the way he thought it would, and even that probably had more to do with their entry being part of HiC’s plan to use them, so she wasn’t trying to wipe them.
Another Thing: I dont think the Ascent Differential is Aspect so much as Personality.
Another Another Thing: That Rose, when discussing her life-long fear of knowledge as a corrupting and ruining outside force(this being a person who always felt her mother wasn’t her mother, in some sense, and responded to that fear by rejecting emotional intimacy with said mother), doesnt see the connection between that life-long fear and her fear that Ascending will be bad, damaging, and corrupting, is Notable. Perspective continues to be important, and lack of self-awareness continues to hamstring ppl in this narrative.
MEAT 17
I feel like this new narrative belligerence on Dirk’s part isn’t going to work out too well for him with a person as aware and recalcitrant to narrative meddling as John. It’s going to be John and WV all over again. This is also a wonderful example of how personal flaw and specificity isn’t solved by Godhood in HS, and can really trip you up; basically all of this, including the “impotence” applies to Dirk, too, when others disagree with the direction he’s trying to push them in, and this whole rant may be meant, ironically, as an example of dramatic irony: basically, that Dirk’s rant about total control and knowledge reveals the limits of his knowledge and will be followed by examples of how limited his control is, which he can’t be aware of, but which the “impotent” audience will.
MEAT 18
...And, almost immediately, John’s objecting to the narration and doing things before Dirk “writes” him doing them(the sigh).
MEAT 19
“So yeah, I’m gonna allow it” Notice how he asserts power over situations he does not, in fact, have power over.
Which is kind of an interesting dynamic to bring up in the context of authorship? I mean: in the realm of nonfictional works an author can’t “make” things happen, only alter for their audience what DID happen. In some respect this is being written as equivalent to that dynamic; the simple admission in M17 that Dirk is misrepresenting events also admits those events happened another way than he’d prefer, meaning it’s also an admission of his lack of power over actual events. And, of course, all the other things I’ve been talking about, and the fact that everyone’s “character” is rooted in natures established in the original work. But in a fictional work an author’s creative power is absolute, and this is a fictional work; though I suppose a derivative or transformational one, which accounts for the shortfall. Another interesting aspect of this is that the “Author” is presented as a Narrator; Narrators merely describe what happened, they don’t create it. I was going somewhere more concrete with this but it popped out of my head >:T >:T
Ok so other aspects of this: I agree that Jane’s been established as a pretty ambitious person, but she was also always a pretty moral person and the way she’s going about this so far doesn’t seem to be in keeping with that part of herself. And also: she literally wants to create shortages, and thus the suffering shortages will cause, for... what? Nostalgia? Because she think she can run Capitalism better than the adults from before all this?? Because Hierarchy is Neat??? Seems like a whole handful of really petty, selfish, and juvenile reasons to me. Also one guaranteed to cause social conflict; I doubt a civ that’s never known material want is going to react too well to sudden starvation and financially-manufactured forced-labor(which, lbr, is what most work in our world is).
Obvsl, as a snake and member of the storied gens Atheris, I agree with Roxy&Calli that patriarchal human concepts of gender are not the end-all-be-all of identity, but what really jumps out to me here is Roxy’s description of the nature of their love for, and previous sexual interest in, Dirk which I find really True. Like: the sentiment of wanting to see children of a person because you really like that person and think they should continue, or of thinking having the kids you might have with another person would be pretty interesting. Also that loneliness is a hell of a drug 8T
I’m trying to figure out why this conversation would be circumstantially simultaneous with The Furthest Ring being “destroyed”, but I got Nothing :T :T :T
MEAT 20
So yeah, Jade’s merging with her Alt!Selves, not too surprising since it was heavily foreshadowed in Endgame.
Given that Sessions are located IN the Furthest Ring, and Sessions MAKE new multiverses, I find it being made out of “negative potential. The absence of a future” pretty ironic :p I wonder if the tentacle hair bit is a nod towards the Horror-Terrors, and theories about them being Players? Rose and Dirk’s view of Ascension would seem to suggest HTs might be SUCCESSFUL players who eventually abandoned their universes out of fear of the damage they’d do misusing their godhood(as it doesnt solve your personal problems), rather than the old HC of them being failed Players.
MEAT 21
My theory about “The Economy” being code for sex doesn’t stop feeling ever more confirmed by this narrative :|
Dirk’s anger at the idea of anyone not thinking he’s right about everything is Palpable on this page. Also I’d just like to note that This:
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Is being said by a person currently in the middle of metaphysically manipulating a friends towards her worst impulses(and also potentially some amounts of self-hatred, give her thoughts re: femininity) for the sake of establishing a dictatorship through which she, as his agency-dimmed puppet, will enforce his personal politico-philosophical preferences regardless of what anyone else thinks and he’s saying it about people who just said This:
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which is to say: a bunch of political pluralists who are NOT seeking to impose their morality on anyone but rather to establish a system where EVERYONE can SHARE their moral understanding of policy issues and come to a consensus decision on them, within the context of a political society DEFINED by the equality of all as political actors. There’s just so much that’s wrong, weak, and easily dismissable about Dirk’s argument here. Not to mention his obvs, undisguised, physical disgust for trolls >:T
And he’s doing all this Purely because, given his fixation on “Winning”, he wants to Win. Like: he’s not actually even pursuing what he considered good policy; he is, literally, doing this all for Pure Ego, which he has the gall(and lack of self-awareness) to accuse others of acting from. And this self-deluding buffoon is a person who believes himself “Ascended” and therefore possessed of a “higher” and “clearer” perspective on matters above their “petty” concerns about, oh non-humans being allowed to live as they like, or practice any political agency at all, and all ppls being spared unnecessary and pointless suffering due to entirely manufactured shortages. So much (real, actual)Irony, of so many types, in all of this, all at once.
An aside: I am really liking the political-mindedness of these Epilogues so far; really playing to my Interests uwu
The bit about Hybrid babs and shipnames is funny, and it doesn’t read like a shot at the fandom to me at all; it’s more a joke at Dave’s expense given the obvs distress Kanaya’s in and his inability to stop making the situation more awkward(itself prob the result of Bro’s neglect/abuse)
Oh hey look: it’s Dirk the “Omniscient” being distracted, caught unawares and off-guard by the actions of others, unable to handle the role&work he’s chosen for himself(ie “out of his depth”), unable to split his attention between even just two conscious ppl at once, and not knowing what others are thinking. Given this and his handling of Jade’s thoughts in the last section, I kinda feel like it’s less he can actually sense the thoughts of others, and more that he gets some kind of inkling or hunch, or maybe that’s it’s purely just him guessing(that’d fit real well with his comments on Roxy being “inscrutable” to him), or even just having an awareness of the plot he is narrating(and thinks he’s writing). Of course it could also be some kind of Heart thing; not really even access to their thoughts at all, but a sort of awareness of their Agency? Like: Heart is The Self and The Self is expressed through Agency, so he has, in some way, developed an awareness of “Self-Action”, which is to say, Agency? Kinda like how Dave “feels” Time and Jade “feels” Space and Rose “feels” Relevance. Which, just as an asnide, would be something super-basic powers-dev wise, since Dave started having a sense of Time way back in the early Acts, long before godhood. Though I can see how Dirk developing an awareness of OTHERS intentions(and feelings, potentially, given Heart’s other associations) would seem like a big step for him, given how self-absorbed he is.
Ok that’s it for this one I think. I know I’m not being terribly kind to Dirk in all this but, tbf, he’s being kind of a huge snide Dick in basically every respect, and I also don’t have a lot of Chill in me when it comes to 1)arrogant people or 2)manipulators (:T
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Ep. 12: “This round feels like a season of glee” - Steven
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Anastasia
So I did something finally. I flipped on the newbies and sent Madi home. Honestly the only thing I did differently was actually think about the game and numbers. Plus I talked to people and made a really good bond with DeNara. I'm also a little better with Raffy, not that it matters bcs we are somehow getting Raffy outta here I think. I know the next competition is endurance and that's apperantly Raffy's strong suit. So frick. But I know where everything stands for once. I know who is working with who I THINK. So I just need to survive next round and gain the numbers.
Gian
My revenge is coming for being left out of this vote. Idk when and how I'll do it but I will do whatever it takes.
DeNara
Thank goodness I survived this vote! All thanks to Anastasia! I need a brain break, I am so tired now lol
Raffy
An hour before tribal council, Elle decided that she would give me the immunity necklace. The reasoning she told me is that we need a strong 4 votes to cause a tie. Anastasia told DeNara that she would be flipping on Madi and Gian by voting Rachel (which is what that side thought we were doing). Because of this, I wanted to use my SWP since they would have a 4-3 majority. However, Elle believed that we could not trust Anastasia until after tribal. Anastasia could be lying and wanting me to play the SWP (which Madi and Gian happily spread around) so the newbies would have 4-3. Despite this, I wanted to be safe because I was starting to worry that Madi would play her idol on herself. The compromise would be that Elle would give me the immunity necklace which did occur. Finally, the alliance's acting paid off as Madi misplayed the idol which caused her to get voted out. Now, the Faes alliance is the majority alliance. Wig.
I have new worries going into this round. Anastasia really wants to do big moves, so she should want to vote me out now that Madi is gone. My other worry is that Anastasia is much more loyal and is a solid ally for DeNara, not me. This means, if DeNara was so inclined, she could get the numbers to vote me out. DeNara is going to get a lot of power the further we get. It's very interesting to see what the breakdown is. Due to this, I have decided to keep my door open with Gian. Steven agreed that we could potentially work with Gian to hide behind him as a shield. Also, this is kind of an emotional thing because I really do feel close to Gian. I do not know what kind of move I'd do to keep Gian this round. If he wins immunity, then it would be great and I would not have to do any maneuvering. However, in all scenarios except one, I am betraying my allies which is not a good look for me. My idea is to finally get Rachel out this round, so it would keep Gian in the game while keeping my allies good with me.
Raffy
I got on call with Gian earlier today to express a desire to work with him to target Anastasia or DeNara. I was doing a lot of talking during the call which had me worry as he seemed to just be taking in this information without providing any back. This had me skeptical on whether or not he wanted to work with me. My skepticism was correct. According to DeNara, Gian told Anastasia that I want to target her for being a wildcard this round. He used the information I gave him against me. However, thanks to my very good relationship with DeNara, I am now in the know that he does not want to work with me. Bye Gian. Say hi to Madi in jury for me. I might just use my SWP just to be sure. Plus, it forces Anastasia to target Gian instead of me for this round.
Raffy
The current plan is for DeNara to tell Anastasia that she is willing to flip after a bit of reluctance. In actuality, we are just trying to make them think that Gian is the vote. At tribal, we will all vote for Rachel instead in case there is an idol. I am VERY nervous for this tribal. I do not want to be here. According to DeNara, Elle would be the person the newbies vote for if I leave which is perfectly fine with me. I need to survive. I have to get to F6. There's really no guarantee that this plan even works in the first place. And does DeNara even trust me after hearing all that information from Gian's rat mouth? UGH. The paranoia is way too high for my liking.
DeNara
Honestly this game is so tiring, why do I torture myself with this stress? Oh because I love Survivor that's why. Lol. Soooooo Anastasia wants to flip on Raffy, Steven and Elle and take Raffy out of the game because he is a threat. Which means I am in the middle....AGAIN. It is Raffy, Elle, and Steven vs. Gian, Rachel and Anastasia. I want to stay with Raffy, Elle and Steven and take out Rachel this vote and then flip and take Raffy out next vote so I can keep the numbers but I am super super super nervous of Raffy. I caught Raffy in a lie today. I talked to Gian and he said he was on call with Steven and Raffy earlier and that Raffy was throwing my name out because I have a good relationship with Elle, Rachel and Anastasia (which I do). I called Steven and he admitted that the 3 of them did talk, but he said that Raffy was saying Rachel the whole time, not me. BUT when I went on call with Raffy, Steven and Elle I told Raffy that Gian said he went on call with him and he started to make an excuse saying he was at school all day and that wasn't true. THEN Steven said to Raffy that he already told me they were on call so Raffy had to back track..... All the newbies are saying to Raffy that they are voting for me.... so I am scared Raffy is working with the newbies to get me out since I have become such a threat.
Steven says it wouldn't make any sense for Raffy to flip and get me out now, but if they all think I have become a bigger threat than Raffy, he could very well flip and take me out. I really really hope Raffy is being honest about wanting to vote Rachel out or I am super hecked tomorrow. Here is to hoping I am in the game after the next tribal!!!!!!!
Gian
After a very insightful conversation with the VL, I've decided to grab the game by the balls and attempt to get out the kingpin of the game (again) or at least weaken him by taking out one of his minions. I'm being super careful this time about everything. Saying the right things to the right people can cause panic and paranoia and victimizing myself from the last vote--I'm using that to my advantage. Let's hope this pays off. If not, at least I'm leaving with a big swing!
DeNara
My morning of paranoia continues. I don't think Raffy will flip because it would be a stupid move rn, but I do think I need to be careful. This will likely be the last time I can truly play the middle like I have been.
I feel so bad about lying to Anastasia because she did save me, but this is what is best for my game. I also feel bad for Rachel because we have gotten close and I dont want to vote her out. Really I want Gian out next but I have to stick with my alliance.
Rachel
I love the misconceptions of this game. Even if i'm on the outside. That was an excellent play by the returnees. I am so sad to see Madi go! She was with Gian and I since day 1. I can never repay her for using her idol for me. I am just shocked Anastasia flipped too, but I understand her reasoning (even though i thought we we're a solid 4). Hopefully we can make a big move this round and if not, we'll go out trying! I just hope Gian and I are truly not at the bottom. I wish we got Raffy out sooner, but only cause he is such a great player-socially and strategically.
Elle
I'm in class rn lol but here's a convo I just had with Dylan in my Host Chat 10:10 AM VL: The amount of lies I've heard and confirmed they are lies before 9am is absolutely terrifying to me 😅 GUYS THIS IS GONNA BE SO MESSY OMG Dylan, 10:12 AM wild what all is happening 10:14 AM so yesterday, gian went on call with steven and raffy to vote denara out but then on our alliance call, raffy tried to deny any meeting when denara asked, until steven was like "no okay we called, to vote out rachel" and now denara is being a double agent trying to convince the newbies shes gonna vote for raffy in exchange for safety so it seems like maybe the newbies dont actually want denara out and are trying to scare her into siding with them? why raf and steven are lying i dont know Dylan, 10:18 AM spicy [tiktok voice] that’s suspicious...that’s weird re: raffy and steven 10:20 AM mhm?? like it's fine if they're tricking the newbies but why lie to us anyway im perfectly out of the direct loop completely because now ppl think im completely in raffy's pocket but also that me and denara are probs close so im just "she's there." Dylan, 10:22 AM oof not a fun position to be in 10:23 AM nah im fine w it i hate lying lmao this way im mostly just watching it happen while talking to ppl about like, good playlists khjdlsajldj
Anastasia
So I got Denara on board with teaming with the newbies and together we will all take down Raffys trio hopefully. We will most likely target Elle instead of Raffy so we can take out one of his minions. I think the safest option would be to vote Steven because I think nobody would expect that but Gian insists Elle. I think Elle has an idol. Lets just hope she feels safe. ALSO IM SO GLAD IM SAFE but now im just worried for my future because I obviously need numbers to move on.
Elle
D: I don't knowwww whats happening okay so basically it seems like neither side has an idol and is psyching the other out that they do but probability wise at least one person has an idol rn??? So idk ugh :/ what the heck is going on anyway I'm making a playlist and i need new music for it send me a song recc everyone reading this like a month later i promise ill give any song a listen🎶
Raffy
The plan seems to be going well. DeNara has successfully infiltrated the newbie group and is leaking their shit. According to her, the newbies are scared that I have an idol and want to target Elle instead. I would love to push this narrative, but I don't know how. If I can get them to target Elle over me, then this would be great. However, I do believe now that they do not have an idol based on all that DeNara has spilled on their paranoia. It should be a successful 4-3 with Rachel getting the boot. Then, I am guaranteed F5 in this game.
Steven
This round feels like a season of glee where people are just trying to hit plot points with no rhyme or reason
Steven
https://youtu.be/xfJ6x988Dqw
DeNara
I am in the middle and so stressed. Do I vote Rachel or Raffy?!?!?!?! Maybe it is me
DeNara
I am so stressed... oh my gosh! If I get voted out, it was a great move by the others and I will regret not voting Raffy
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bobcathoneybee · 3 years
Text
i think i already knew. i just wonder when it started. a bunch of other questions came to mind after we hung up. but of course he’s not going to share details, and wasn’t sure if i wanted to know, but i had a feeling, esp after the NYE plans comment. i also noticed that he has this look on his face in one of the screen grabs. like one of those fleeting subconscious facial expressions that came to the surface for just a little bit. easier to read with screenshots. 
keep personal finances to self; anything with money to self really. that’s key. many ppl can come out of the woodwork if they know too much. 
pls be safe. you know how a lot of ppl are with... being/claiming they’re being “safe”
-----
-is that my scarf (that i got you)? YES! i wore it on sunday, but you didn’t notice. how were the cookies? the strawberry one was really good, what was the other one, wasn’t sure what it was bc the flavor was a little light.
in no particular order, as i was about to get off the phone to finish dinner. and no wonder he didn’t immediately go to the microwave when the food was initially heated through.
-i wanted to talk to you about something. it’s not something we’ve really discussed after we broke up so i’m not sure how you would feel about it. im sort of seeing someone.i didnt know if you wanted to know or if you didnt want to know or how this would affect our friendship. what i wrote in the card is true. you’re my best friend and the best person in my life. what about gio?! i duno what to do with him, he even moved down to florida!
-we’ve always worked so well together. you get me. you’re the only one i still talk to as often as i do. *thinking (until she replaces me). that’s bc you’re the grumpier version of me! LOL i guess that is true
-i think i sort of knew tho, especially after you made the comment about not having to tell me anything when i asked (about the friend group it was), like whoa okay i’ll back off...was not expecting that reaction from you. yeah i realized that i probably should tell you
-i dont talk to any of them like that, we’re also not as close and i dont keep in contact with them, one bc shes married and that would be weird. I didnt speak to her much after we broke up. didn’t you wish each other happy birthdays and holidays stuff? they let you know they’re moving or their sister got married, the major life events? yeah
-after this past year, my intent was to eventually get back together. what i want to know if that’s even a possibility (or if that door is completed closed). i think there could be a possibility, but i dont want that to prevent you from seeing other ppl and figuring out what you want. 
-look, i’m probably going to be alone at 65 okay? don’t you think you’re just making it a self-fulfilling prophecy? yes, but still. 
-you dont even like people! i know! you dont know how exhilarating it is to just shut off your phone for the weekend and not talk to anyone. yeah, but now you’re going to make time for her. *pause, that’s true
-i didn’t want to feel guilty about not telling you and not being upfront about it. i respect you too much not to give you a heads up. i want us to meet ppl and figure out what we want or dont want. i dont know if this is going to go anywhere; it’s been slow-moving but i wanted to let you know. 
-i wasn’t sure if i wanted to tell you bc i didn’t want to see you cry. 
-you know you would say things like i’ll stop smoking WHEN i have kids (not if, when). i know i had to work through that myself too (about not having kids or getting married). i know but with all the weddings and kids the last few years... i think you needed to figure out what you wanted.
-it’s actually kinda hard dating (her) sometimes, it’s not the same. bc you can’t have chicken feet around her? LOL yes
-you just understand me so well. but i also dont want you to think i was using you to help me with measurement plans (for pitches) LOL. (this kid helps me with so much too.)
-you introduced me to new things all the time! you didn’t even like going to these places. i always grumble bc we have to leave the house but i still go when you suggest new places to check out (bc theyre usually always good!)
-i thought you were dating already. huh how do you mean? from the boat noodles comment. when i asked you about how you heard about it, you said some guy. LOL oh it’s bc i didnt know what it was and wanted to know if you knew/had it before. so did you go get it? no! it’s in astoria, why would i go to astoria?! was he asian? yes. it was one date. they’re so good! i shouldve had my mom make you some (when we were still dating) *side eye lollll sheeesh i tacked on that date with another appt i had in the city and it was on the way home! OH 
-in case you’re on a date and such, i wouldn’t want to be calling you all the time. lollll my dates are probably on weekends, when you dont talk to me... oh that’s true
-how did you guys meet? app? NO i would never put my pictures up there. okay i’m assuming neighbor friend during one of your brunch gatherings. (assuming she’s brunch girl as nickname or something brunch related). don’t you have friends (who can introduce you to ppl)? NO everyone has a SO and we don’t go out bc covid, we’re on apps! it’s just A LOT of talking. i’m literally trying to pick the best of the bunch at this point. ah i was afraid you’d say that (picking among the bunch)
-ALSO THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE KNIVES! (superstition) OMG YES IT DOES. i purchased a knife set for jacob back then too bc his knives sucked and look what happened! LOL do you replace his actual name with jacob now? YES bc it’s funnier!
-you just need to lower your standards back down bc i’m the anomaly in your dataset! i’m wayyy up there at 1000, but the norm/avg is prob way down there so you’ll need to adjust. are you padding yourself up?! YES! but i’m awesome! it always happens that way. sheesh. 
-ugh now i feel tied to my job even more. after the last big purchase? yeah. are you having buyer’s remorse? YES!
-my head hurts so much. it’s not as bad as yesterday when i felt like i had to go to the hospital. i was thinking about calling an ambulance. omg did you do the head squeeze?! that didn’t work at all! it felt like a large knife repeatedly stabbing my head. you know that area i press on behind your neck at the base of your head/skull, that area between your neck tendons and the one going up the sides, press on both points and push upward. i think you need to lift your head a bit from your neck *POP POP do you hear that?! IS THAT A KNOT?! ugh the massage place around the corner hasn’t opened. i think they’re done. it’s the only one i trust bc my mom went there so  i know for sure they dont offer happy endings. LOL i dont think they do that where you are
-you should go see cindy. your health should be the one thing you prioritize this year. does she make house calls? yes she does. sometimes goes to brooklyn and used to go to UWS for friends. i wasn’t sure if you wanted me to stop seeing her (bc she’s your friend and our PT). i would never make you do that. shes the only one who seems to help you. besides, her office is closing, the guy is being sued for not paying rent... oh what?! yeah but try to see her twice a week, i’m not sure max once a week (once a month) is really doing anything for you.
-do you think i can just get surgery to fix this? LOL no! she said you weren’t a good candidate! see her more often. but she says what i’m doing now is more preventative (so it doesn’t get worse). it might be fixed. my mom’s PT/tui na people made that ball (from using mobile phones) behind her neck go away. try to see her twice a week! your health is very important.
-should i take another advil or aleve? what did you take first? advil, then take another advil. i mean i took it at 10am this morning. oh! okay then you can switch to aleve. hmm 2016 or 2018? can i still take it? probably, it’s less effective tho. okay i’ll take 2018. 
-ive been taking heart burn meds. what are you lying down immediately after you eat again? ...noooo....? uh huh. you are, aren’t you”? either on the chaise or the bed? ..no..... if you’re gonna do that at least wait 30 mins and lay on your left side bc you know the of the stomach right? there’s that cup to the left for the acid to stay in so it doesn’t potentially open up the end of the esophagus iike when you lay on your right? ... maybe you should look this up on google! LOL other ppl don’t eat as much as i do! it won’t work! just try! ok fine.  
-it’s been awhile (since we broke up) and so i think it’s time. im here if there’s anything you’d want to share (about anyone you’re dating), we can always talk about it. *thinking sheesh why would i want to tell you that (it’ll make you even better for her). 
-i meant it when i said i’ll always be here for you
-i miss you a lot. i love you. *even tho i didnt say it back during FT, was still in some level of shock, i love you too. 
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wannasoftimagine · 7 years
Text
park jihoon as your older friend
(( AS REQUESTED! // jihoon scenario where you're 2 years younger than him so you think he only sees you as a little sister but he confesses to you when he thinks you're gonna date someone else bc he's scared of losing you??? this is lowkey rly specific but THANK YOU!!! ))
ure used to hearing ppl talk abt how young jihoon is, and how hes so so so cute
of course, u agree with him
everyone does tbh
still, it makes u feel a little upset bc it seems like everyone who says those things are older than him, with jobs and life experience and history and Fancy Stuff like tht
so compared to them, u feel like a toddler
even tho ure only 2 yrs younger than jihoon, it feels like theres 100 yrs between u
it doesnt help tht jihoon is always going on radio shows and reality programs, acting cute whenever someone older so much as looks his way
still
u know u should prob just feel grateful tht ure close friends, since most ppl dont even get tht far
but sometimes u wonder if itd be better if u werent close, bc now he only sees u as a little sibling to take care of
u wish u could say it wasnt true, but everything he does is exactly like an older brother
he dotes on u and watches over u, but instead of acting like a caring boyfriend, he just seems like someone babysitting his little sibling and u haTE IT
ure not even sure how long uve liked him romantically, but its like whenever u remember how he used to treat u even when u first met, ure stuck thinking abt how he mustve seen u
after all, who can look at a kid tht used to cry whenever their parents went to work and go “oh yeah theyre cute i like them a lot” ???
not jihoon
esp when hes already way out of ur league to begin with
as u get older, ur feelings for jihoon dont completely fade
there r times when theyre easier to ignore, sure, but its impossible to think tht theyre actually gone
whenever u guys make eye contact over dinner at a fast food restaurant, he beams at u in a way tht cant possibly be taken as platonic
ur heart is beating way too fast for u to lie to urself
anyways
u try and move on by befriending other ppl and even trying to date some other ppl
of course tht rlly doesnt work out
u turn down almost anyone tht u could possibly go out with, and even when ur friends try and set u up with other ppl, u can never make it past the first blind date
(ure too busy comparing the strangers to jihoon and watching them all fall short)
u mention some of the blind dates to jihoon
at first its bc ure hoping he’ll get jealous and confess
but as more time goes on, hes still just as supportive in his answers, and u realize tht theres no use in hoping when he clearly doesnt feel the same way
then a new guy transfers to ur school, and hes vaguely attractive and smart and funny and u get along well enough
he asks u out after school one day, and ure like why not? so u accept a first date bc u might as well give it a shot
its the first date tht ure on where u try not to think so much abt jihoon
it works for the most part, but u still find ur mind drifting off and wondering what jihoons up to
when the guy excuses himself to take a phone call from one of his friends, u manage to text jihoon to check up on him
u banter back and forth, and u cant help the way ure grinning down at ur phone with every text he sends u
at some point he asks where u are, and u realize wHOOPS guess who didnt tell jihoon tht u were having a date tonight
...
u
cmon dude whats up w that
anyways so u explain to him tht ure on a date w the new guy in ur class
and jihoons response is surprisingly short and clipped
its just a quick “oh” and ure like “???” bc hes never responded quite like tht before
so u ask him if smthns up
u see the typing bubble appear and disappear, appear and disappear, and so on
eventually it just disappears completely and he doesnt start typing again and ure even more confused than u were before
after what seems like forever, he texts u to ask if ure having a good time
u tell him tht u think u are
honestly tho, ure not too sure bc now its impossible for u to think of anything other than him
the guy comes back with an apology and a smile, and ure forced to tuck ur phone away and try not to be too obviously distracted for the rest of the evening
tht proves to be WAY TOO HARD
the entire night ure picking apart the way the guy cuts his food (jihoon looks cute doing literally anything), how he gives u a smile when u meet eyes (it doesnt look as genuine and bright as jihoons), how jihoon wouldnt even take u to a restaurant like this (u both feel more comfortable somewhere lowkey and relaxed)
if the guy notices, he doesnt say anything
at the end, he just drops u off back at ur home and tells u he had a nice time, and “maybe we could do this again?”
all u can do is choke out a “maybe” in response before ure hurrying inside and scrambling to check ur phone
jihoon hasnt rlly texted u since u last checked, and u can feel ur heart drop a little in its chest
u send him a quick msg, asking what hes up to and if he wants to facetime or smthn bc ure done with the date, and hes quick to agree
right before u call him, u see his text saying tht “i need to talk to u abt smtn too so its good timing”
ure freaking out a little bc maybe hes going to tell u abt his own s/o now tht uve told him abt ur date and u can feel ur hands shaking as the connection loads
once ure in ur room, u manage to make out his tired (but still glowing) features on ur phone screen
u greet each other with half-stilted questions, and u cant help but wonder why ure both so awkward w each other
i mean. obv u know why u are
but ure like ? why is HE acting so weird
and after a few more moments of tense silence, u finally ask him what he wanted to talk abt
somehow even thru the phone screen u can see his face turn bright red
and u would think abt how cute it was if u werent also thinking tht u mustve been right, hes dating someone else, and u can feel ur eyes start to well up w tears bc uve always known tht he didnt like u back, but this time its so painfully obvious
thts when he clears his throat like “um,, y/n,,,, we’ve known each other for awhile and i kno ure kinda young but,,,,,,”
and somehow he hasnt noticed tht ure having a mental breakdown as he gets closer and closer to saying what he wanted to tell u
“anyways y/n,,, i rlly like u so please dont go out w that guy again and mb go out w me instead??”
which. WHAT
ure literally shellshocked and hes trying to explain on the other end like “i mean u dont have to if u dont want to i just wanted to tell u and-”
its honestly precious tbh
u barely manage to cut him off but ure still a mess of emotions so u cant rlly talk properly
ure pretty sure tht u end up saying the equivalent of a keyboard smash,,,
he quiets down tho, and as ure trying to figure out want u want to say, he just looks at u w this rlly cute earnest expression and ur heart MELTS
eventually u manage to choke out tht u like him and now its his turn to get surprised
“WAIT ARE U SERIOUS”
he whisper-screams the whole thing, bc he doesnt want to actually scream and hurt ur ears but hes still freaking out and cant contain everything hes feeling
all u can do is nod and grin into ur hands and hes like “uGH now i wish i could tell u in person” but hes acting all soft and shy and tbh u dont think either of u could handle it if u were in the same room right now
still
ure both blushing and giggling and u feel so so relieved its kinda embarrassing
but he manages to cough out tht he’s rlly rlly happy tht u like him too, and “lets meet up soon? please?”
and who are u to deny him smthn like tht
(esp when uve been dreaming abt going on a date w him since forever ago)
eventually u have to end the call
but u both go to sleep that night with ur phones nearby, smiling even as u drift off to sleep
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