#rn my job is to fall asleep

[oatbugs]

the view from my room is bringing me sm peace rn

#its 3 AM here + tall trees + fog so heavy the layer of trees behind them is barely visible #and it smells like rain and fog too . in a good way #today has been . a bad day . but rn its good #and peaceful #i left the window open a very small amount for a while and now my room is just . fresh . idk #today was meant for sleeping . today was for this moment where its all dark #and theres fog and the faint sound of wind and the weather isnt too cold but its not warm either #and my bed is comfortable and my cat is asleep and safe #rn my job is to fall asleep #tomorrow is for tomorrow me to deal with #personal #it also smells like roses #very faintly #might be all the flowers on the balcony or it might be the rose water tea on the counters outside

[skunkes]

experiencing a weird thing where im trying to go to sleep earlier (because im tired and sleepy) but i take so long to fall asleep its the exact same thing as just going to bed late...feel so hopeless and i always end up tired either way... im very big on "i can always try again tomorrow" mentality in any way it can be interpreted (interactions with others, mood, the amount of work i do etc) but its so hard to Try Again when you're always too tired to do anything...

#i rarely take naps...i tried to do so today and after the hour i gave myself to nap i still hadnt fully fallen asleep #im so sleepy and tired .... #even if i manage to get my personal required 9 hrs of sleep im tired.... #i dont get it...im so sleepy rn + am going to bed but i wont fall asleep until much later... #god. i also hate this bc you'd think being an unemployed homebody who cant leave his house wld mean Constant #Naps and Sleeping. i avg like 6 hrs a night i cant imagine how worse off ill be with a job #i just want to sleep...! #and feel well rested... #talkys #sorry im just very frustrated...i try to do things to better my life and health and it ends up Not Working #like whats even the point. can barely keep my eyes open but i wont fall asleep until 5 am. why not just #go to bed at 5 am then. ugh.

[silenthillbunni]

🏥🦷

#damn my teeth on my left side reallyyyyy fkn hurt #last night it started hurting so bad i couldnt fall asleep #i took some regular over the counter pain pills nd they brought down the pain a bit #so it at least didnt hurt as bad as it did first #but now after sleeping a few hours it still hurts :// #idk what to do... bc i've googled but it is like impossible for me to know what this is. could be anything rlly #nd w physical health stuff im not as terrified bc i can just go to the ER. when i was there it only cost $15 lol #but dental care is so fkn expensive i dont even have that in my account #anyway. i could get an 'urgent appointment' which i get financial aid for... probably. thats the thing. it's not 100% certain #idk what i should do bc like i could wait it out nd see if it'll pass nd then wait on my appt the 6th may #or maybe i should call my dentists nd ask them what they think nd if they can give me an urgent appt.. #i hate calling tho. i know that sounds ridiculous esp when im dealing w pain but my avpd makes it so so hard for me. i'd almost rather not #if i was smart nd normal thats what i would do. just call them nd see what they decide for me. maybe i'll wait nd see nd call tmrw.... #nd idk abt the pain. like it rlly hurts but it isnt extreme i think.. but when i press one tooth it hurts a lot nd makes me worried it's #dying 💀 nd like u can actually die from teeth pain nd complications... nd infections nd stuff. it's scary af 😭 #idk if my tooth is dying nd i need to contact a dentist rn or if its smth that can wait for a bit #i mean if i had a job nd a salary i'd book an appt for tmrw nd get it checked but i have to discuss w myself bc i cant afford lol #ugh this is the reason im terrified of dental problems. the pain is awful nd theres nothing u can do if you're poor #my head keeps spinning idk what i should do abt this 😭 i csnt make up my mind. just want it to go away on its own but i know it wont #nd it hurts so that i can barely sleep or eat or concentrate. so i rlly dont know..... #oh if only things were easy

[snaileo]

honestly if i could i would quit my job right now and try to make my art work again , at least to help cover some bills before finding a new job because im just so tired

#the apartment is falling apart and we need to get it clean but my dad and i are just so exhausted #and making my art or comms work is just a dream bc i cant even draw rn with everything #and like i wish i didnt have to be in a position to find a new job rn but my current one is going down the drain #like if i could just have a month off to get everything back on track #that would be great but thats not possible at all #when i have free time my brain either wants to be asleep or distracted by playing a game #when if i could just get it to want to be distracted by cleaning #that would be great #like we still havent done anything about cleaning her room or going thru her stuff - not that theres a time limit on that #idk im just rambling

[parallaxabomination]

my brain is so full of stress it might explode. but ill do my best to keep putting out my best and stay kind to myself and others. but man, is it hard

#i wish i had something for myself rn #but i come home so exhausted i cant even focus on art #everything has been burning me so thin #i keep talking down my own art now. i keep refunding clients. i honestly want to give up on everything #people tell me i do a good job but i dont see it. i dont see an artist whos worth anything right now. #i dont know if thats a phrase #i have a early morning shift tomorrow and i cant fall asleep #i want to just rest but im so restless #i dont want to put pressure on anyone besides myself bc i feel like a huge burden #if i do so #everyone else should be having a good time #so i feel like a bummer to take up their emotional space and time #i appreciate the kindness people have shown me recently #i know i work hard. but im still so broken over everything #i just havent felt like an artist since it happend #he left a bigger scar on my ego than i thought it would #and every time i voice it i feel someone is out to end me for it #but at the same time i feel completely unnoticed and unheard #i dont expect anyone to see me as me #i just feel this lump in my throat now. this weight on my hand #they say kind things but im so hurt inside i dont see it as truth right now. i dont see anything worth admiring #they say such sweet things and i want to accept them so bad because my heart needs it #but i cant help but feel the words die as they reach my ears. im just too hurt i cant see it #i cant see the truth in my work all i see is someone else's desire in their commission #as long as they are happy. as long as they are satisfied #thats all that matters #i dont feel important enough to be apart of the process anymore #i dont feel worthy as a person or artist #i just feel less than nothing and that no one will care

[nomaishuttle]

ohhh fml i was like maybe i cn stya up a bit late after all its weekend tomorrow. no it fucking isnt today was thursday i have work tmrw everything is evil always

#gonna get ready 4 bed ig.. i wanna try n wake up at ermm 545 bc ive been sleeping in far too much and ive barely been brushing my teeth in #the mornings ive mostly just been doing mouthwash #aughhh idk why my body is being so dire today my thighs r doing the incredibly weak and fatigued thing again. i feel like that tweet thats #like im probably nonbinary but i have a job so idc abt that rn but its i probably have some undiagnosed physical disorders but i live in a #garage so idc abt that rn #idk. its been going on for a couple years but its been getting worse to the point i can barely move my legs when it happens #that and then my limbs have been falling asleep very quickly even when theres nothing thyat would like. im not laying on them or anything #ill just be walking or something arms at my sides and one or both will get rly bad pins and needles #and it rly sucks and is weird. but again i live in a fucking garage so it is fr the least of my worries #like rn at my computer typing my arm isnt resting on anything or having any pressure put on it and my hand is falling asleep. UGH #it has been happening a ton with my hands i get this weirxd sensation in my wrist/palm zone that like. idk #its weird and i should prolly get it checked out but i dont have a dr rn and like. worst case scenario i chop my arms off and either surviv #and have a good story or i die and dont have to go to work anymore. so

[elysiumcalled]

I called in sick today and my boss just messaged me because something urgent came up lmfao sound like a problem for the people who are CURRENTLY AT WORK

#I’m currently ignoring her message I’m ‘asleep’ :( #but I actually was just about to fall asleep and the ding woke me up and now I’m wide awake because I feel conflicted about helping #but also I hate my job rn lol #so she can fuck off #there is not a team of 6 people for no reason ffs

[apathyfairy]

some days you really just want to scream why is this so hard!!!!!! why is life so hard for me!!!!!!!!!!!!

#maybe it's bc i just started my period or maybe it's bc im on the verge of my next breakdown but im struggling!!!!!!!!!! #yesterday i realized it's been exactly 2 years since i moved into this living situation im still stuck in and it just hit me #as i was trying to fall asleep that like ok i just lost 2 more years of my life!! i accomplished absolutely nothing and #just ran in fucking circles going nowhere and literally have done Nothing #and not to make excuses but im only now realizing how badly covid fucked me like not covid covid but covid time #as in like jobs and having any sort of future like that was Exactly the time after i graduated that i needed to be doing shit and i couldnt #and yeah i know there are sooooo many people in similar situations bc of covid but god i just feel like such a failure which i am #but i just feel so helpless like i honestly do not know how to move forward #or what i even want out of life anymore if anything at all and yes ok so period plus 2 year anniversary plus my birthday next week so im #extremely on the edge rn #and anyway last night i was crying bc of the 2 year thing then u know how when u sometimes start crying about one thing #u start crying about just everything wrong in your life so yeah i did that and then suddenly it was about still living here #and still living in this state and still living with mentally abusive relatives and how much of a failure i am at my age and how my birthda #will make me feel like shit and how much i miss my dogs and how much i worry about my cat and how i cant ever lose her ever no matter what #like i simply will not go through another pet death i just wont. and then all roads lead to my biggest mistake and regret so my ex then #all that and how i literally cant change any of those things at all and how much i feel like a prisoner and i cant escape and anyway. #im just not doing well lately lmao

[hipstersoulgushers]

Sometimes I remember I have anxiety and depression and that actually effects my life and isn't just a fun jas fact.

#its like a hole through my chest rn and refuses to stop no matter what I do #trying to fall asleep feels like getting pushed off a cliff rn #jas glubs #i started a new job and its got me 🕴️ #also just went too hard on activities yesterday

[k0kichiimagines]

he's so beautiful hes so pretty and handsome and lovely and kind and sweet and funny and brave and kissable and marryable actual love of my life i am obsessed i am head over heals in love my darling my love my sweetheart my precious saeran mwah

#the urge to spend the rest of my life with this man #ok so like he'd never cheat he's not that kind of person at all but i get it now why people stay in relationships after cheating and dont #want to end them. cause i would with this man #he wouldnt ofc but you get my point #look i dont even know if i can have one child but if he wanted seventy i would try to have seventy #i am in love #obsessed #his voice? his face? his heart? kissing him rn #im tired but these thoughts are non tired me thoughts #every night i think of this man right here #urge to fall asleep in his arms every night #i do actually . mentally and emotionally ‼️ #nah now i can't actually fall asleep unless im hugging my pillow and thinking of him #💓💓💓 #i want to see him happy #its selfish but i want him to b happy w me yknow i want him to be real so i can hug him and kiss his head #saeran my beloved #saeran saeran saeran #i think id be so happy w him #like the world could be terrible and i could have no friends and no job but id have him and i think id be okay #mentally and emotionally I'm w him ‼️ #so i am w him yknow officially we r lovers going public now #goodnight and sweet dreams to saeran and saeran specifically #🍓... saeran #i haven't slept in many hours how could you tell

[silasplaskett]

thinking about the future is like putting my brain on a stove top

#what do u mean i have to reassure myself that i’m not completely worthless if i don’t finish college while simultaneously meticulously - #- engineering my exact plan for how i will find a job that pays the bills without a degree and how i’ll explain all of this - #- to my parents who just expect me to finish out while also constantly saying how insanely smart i must be to be in college #ohhhhhh god someone sedate me rn or i’ll never fall asleep tn #none of this is the end of the world i am not going to die. but it sure feels like it. #the bulk of this is. i do not want to be in college. but everyone’s like awww i know it’s hard but u only have a few classes left! and. SO? #but u can’t say i’m more likely to kill myself than graduate. bc that will upset people. so. feeling so stuck. #didn’t even mean to but #journal moment #bea.txt

[7-galaxys]

WHEN UR TWO FRIEND GROUPS ARE FALLING APART

#vent #haha i am So Stressed #trying to move out with friends!!! we're scared!!!! #private server added new people and not everyone is on board #i suck at my job!!! i keep falling asleep!!! i want to quit my other job!!!! #i have yet to finish isat bc i wanna stream to friends but everyone is busy!!!!! #none of this is healthy #im stress eating and my room is a mess #and im on my third last chance on homeworkd #life is so so so hard rn #i dont know how to ease the pain #i KNOW itll go away #smooth over #ill laugh again someday #but today? im crying

[strhwaberries]

idk if i'm sick or just exhausted but i have this horrible headache and i took some painkillers but it won't go away :((

#also i always feel like i have no right to complain that i'm tired bc i work less than many people #but i feel like napping every afternoon #i'm sure that rn if i closed my eyes i'd fall asleep #and i don't understand why i'm so tired and it makes me irritated #and then i snap at people #i thought i was feeling better but just one interaction with my boss and i feel like shit again #when am i quitting this job #lu.txt

[notefromunderground]

.

#i am gonna start cashiering at my job starting tomorrow i am really really scared #if i make a few mistakes they will write my up cuz it has to do with money and i am really bat at it and have never done it before #on top of everything i have to take the l*w sc**** test for the third time next month and idk if i made the right decision to sign up for #it again #and then the other day i learned that one of the coworkers who i had a conflict with has been talking shit about me at work and currently #almost no one at work is talking to me #idk i am at a real low point rn :///// #i feel like shit #all i do is go to work talk to noone there study during my entire lunch then go to work again #come back home and study until i fall asleep #on top of everything i am gonna have to do something that makes me stressed and anxious #i wish i was d***

[milo-is-rambling]

Trying to do my background check for my job offer but I can’t find my singular sticky note with my ssn on it since I moved all the shit in my room around

#this could become an all night activity if I can’t find it bc you’re supposed to get the background check request done same day as the #interview #ugh this is so annoying it’s one of those I know i put it somewhere important but where bc it isn’t where I thought it was and it wasn’t in #the backup places I normally put shit so what the fuck did I do with it #it’s literally a post it note #in my entire room covered in random paper scraps #like ugh. and I’ve been drinking and smoking like I don’t wanna be standing up and hunching over rn just let me lay in bed and watch a #documentary (but I’m afraid I’ll fall asleep or something and forget and then not get the job and then I’d hate myself #) #haven’t found it yet but I did find my paintbrush that’s handle is the perfect size to pack a cone so that’s a slay might have a joint tonig

[motheyes]

i’ll spend forever thinking i’m overreacting because most people can do so much more then me. but i cant pretend forever

#i’m like actually not even that mentally unwell i was rlly able to just check out #but i’m very upset #man. it’s like crazy. it’s crazy #sometimes i wonder if he’s trying to get me to quit like ITS THAT BAD #most the time jobs suck so bad because of a lot of shit that’s out of my control #i’ve never felt like my job sucks because of a manager #which is like. uncommon lol but alot of the time i can be like #ik it’s not their fault that everything sucks and they are kind and forgiving #actually. maybe i just don’t have enough experience to understand #but usually like. when you work a shitty ass job #there’s a certain mentality of ‘this job sucks ass and we are all just trying our best’ #and that looks different for different people and ik that i’m a huge ppl pleaser #so i’ll pick up slack and i’ll do the extra shit and i’ll make things nice #like i rlly try because i want my coworkers to have their jobs be just a little easier #i’m going on and on rn but basically. my last job sucked fuxking ass because of upper management and shit we all could just #ahit i’m about together. we all knew it sucked and we couldn’t rlly do much about it #at this job it feels like. #like not that. sorry i’m like losing my point #and i’m like. falling asleep fr #gn.