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elderxprice · 4 years

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(#bom10daychallenge - day 1 - I’m fine. Let me see your face.) Kevin lingers in the aircraft, toying with the strap of Arnold’s backpack, until he is all but ushered out.

“Take care of yourself,” the attendant says, clasping her hands behind her back. Her name is Emily. Kevin knows, because she told him when he could not stop throwing up on the ascent. She had kneeled in the aisle beside him, soothingly rubbed his back, and told him everything would be just fine. He made her promise, and in doing so made her a liar.

“Yeah,” Kevin says, offering her a tired smile. “Alright.”

He wishes things could have been different. If they had been, perhaps he would be coming home a hero and not an abject failure, earning piteous looks as he trudges through the airport. Not that he can blame anyone. Kevin knows he looks disgraceful, because that is how he feels: exhausted and filthy and full of regret. Still, he walks with his shoulders squared and head held high. He has to be brave; it’s all he can do.

The airport is a myriad of joyful reunions and tear-filled goodbyes. Missionaries being hugged by their mothers; children being hugged by their parents; friends reunited after years and years apart. Their love is almost palpable, and Kevin finds himself wishing he could reach out and touch it, for just a moment, to remember what that feels like. It’s been so long since his parents have hugged him and said they were proud. One year and a handful of days. The memory is blurred at its edges, yet as he steps onto the escalator it all comes rushing back in a bouquet of abstract flowers.

His mother’s favorite perfume.

A sob escapes his throat at the realization that he’s home. He’s home, and his mother is here. She came for him. They all did.

“Kevin!” His sister runs to him, tears streaming down her cheeks regardless that she’s smiling. Kevin drops Arnold’s backpack and meets her halfway, hugging Debbie so tightly her feet lift from the ground. “I missed you, Kevin.”

“I missed you, more. The most.” It’s the truth, because she is the only one who wrote him. “Gosh, you’re heavy.”

She laughs, legs wrapping around his waist so Kevin cannot put her down. “I’m ten, now,” she says, proud of that fact. “I’m not so little, anymore.”

“Boy, I’ll say,” he says, leaning back so he can see her. “I’m sorry I missed your birthday.”

Debbie nods, but she grins as if she doesn’t care. Maybe she doesn’t. Maybe his being here is enough; maybe it’s all that she wanted. The thought incites a genuine smile - his first in twenty-six hours.

“Hey,” he says, rubbing his nose against his sister’s. “Let me say go say hi to everybody else, then we can hug again right after.”

The rest of his family, sans Jack, stand just a few feet away. They do not seem as excited to see him as Debbie had been, but his mother dabs at her eyes with a tissue and his father rests a hand on Kevin’s shoulder once they’re close enough to touch. It’s more than he could have hoped for. “It’s good to see you, son,” he says. Kevin isn’t sure he believes him. “Boys, isn’t it nice to see Kevin?”

At their father’s unsubtle encouragement, Ben and Sean move to hug him.

“You smell bad,” Sean says, pulling away with a scowl.

“He doesn’t smell that bad.” Ben hugs Kevin a second longer, as though to prove this point. “Just kind-of bad.”

Kevin sighs, ruffling Ben’s hair before turning towards his mother. She is still dabbing at her eyes as she motions for him to come closer. He’s really missed her. For all his father’s countless shortcomings, his mother far more than makes up for them. She loves him, Kevin knows. Even now.

“I’m real hungry,” he says, once her arms are wrapped around him. The cotton of her sweater is soft against the sunburn of his cheeks. “Mom.”

“Well, we’ll get you some food on the way home, how does that sound? There’s a lot to talk about, but it can wait until tomorrow. Can’t it, Michael?”

Kevin has never heard his mother refer to their father that way, before. It was always husband or honey or something equally nauseating, but never his name. It makes him a little bit nervous.

“We can’t go anywhere with him looking like this, Katherine.” His father sweeps a hand towards Kevin, putting him on display. People are staring. Kevin feels his throat constrict; “McDonald’s is fine,” he interrupts, earning a pointed look from his father. “Just for tonight.”

“…Just for tonight,” his mother agrees. “Just this once.”

His siblings look excited. Sean thanks him for smelling bad.

They were never allowed to eat McDonald’s, because it isn’t real food or good food or anything Heavenly Father would want them to put into their bodies. The only time Kevin ever got to, was when he had his license and could go without anyone knowing. He brought his sister the day before he left for the Missionary Training Center. They had strawberry milkshakes and french fries and sat on the hood of his car at the airport watching all the planes take off. It was something special they shared; a secret between them she could keep once Kevin was gone.

Kevin orders three double cheeseburgers, two large fries and a diet Coke. The family’s entire order comes to over fifty dollars, and their father has a conniption as he pulls back onto the highway; and while that normally would have provoked an apology out of Kevin, it’s hard to care once a piping hot bag of actual food is placed upon his lap. And, see, Kevin knew he was hungry; he just didn’t realize how much, until the first, salty fry touches his lips. “Oh, gosh,” he says, in an almost obscene euphoria, before stuffing a handful into his mouth. His siblings watch in amusement, laughing at his pitiful display. Kevin is happy to entertain them, so long as it means he can eat.

His parents, however, are not so entertained. Kevin can see the disapproval in his father’s eyes as he casts the occasional glance in the rearview mirror and hear it in his mother’s voice as she scolds him about his lack of manners.

“I bet you ate this crap all the time in Africa,” Ben says, lifting his chin as though he isn’t enjoying it just as much. “Dad says you probably did all kinds of awful stuff once you shut out the Lord.”

“Yeah,” Sean agrees, licking ketchup from his fingers. “Like sin with girls.”

“Boys!” Mrs. Price reaches behind her to gently slap Sean’s knee. “We aren’t going to talk about Kevin’s mission,” she scolds. “We discussed this.”

Kevin supposes he ought to be glad they don’t want to talk about it, or else he’d be sat in an Olive Garden somewhere, feeling like he has to when Kevin really, really does not want to. He especially does not want to sit across from his parents and talk about Arnold, or the way he loves him, or how he did sin – a lot. Nor does he want to talk about the General; or Kimbay’s husband; or AIDS; or watching his friends die; or starve; or about any of the countless other horrible things he’s been witness to over the past year and a half. Kevin does not even want to think about it.

The guilt of that realization weighs heavy on him, and the food turns sour in his stomach. His father pulls over, so he can throw up outside.

“Well, then,” his father frowns, rolling down the window once Kevin’s heaves have subsided. “Are you quite finished?”

Kevin wishes he was; but this is not going to go away, just because the food is out of his stomach. In fact, the guilt over having just wasted food on the side of the road sticks to his ribs and makes it hard to breathe.

Immediately upon returning home, his parents send him upstairs to clean up.

There is a letter on his pillow from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Kevin is not surprised by its presence, only by how it has already arrived. He told his parents he wanted to leave Uganda four days ago and has only been back for one hour. His parents must have personally picked it up. Kevin would not be surprised if his father helped write it.

Sitting cross-legged on his bed, Kevin stares at the letter for almost an hour. He knows the second he picks it up, this in-between will be over. Kevin will need to make a choice: to stay, or leave, the church.

It was easy to turn his back on this life in Uganda, because his parents weren’t there and his college wasn’t there and the reality he was living, is not the one he’s living now. His mother said she loved him; his sister hugged him; his dad put a hand on Kevin’s shoulder. It made him happy. He wants to be happy. Kevin reaches for the letter.

“Dear Elder Price,” he frowns at the sound of that name. “The stake presidency is considering formal disciplinary action in your behalf, including the possibility of disfellowshipment or excommunication, because you are reported to have participated in conduct unbecoming a member of the church, namely apostacy. You are invited to attend this disciplinary council to give your response and, if you wish, to provide witnesses and other evidence in your behalf.”

The council date is set for the day after tomorrow. Kevin wonders what evidence he can scrounge up in that time, before realizing he is evidence enough. Kevin is not an apostate. Priesthood holders have a responsibility to become like Christ and love as He loves and serve as He serves and Kevin did that. All the evidence he needs, he wears as scars and cuts and angry bruises. It would be inappropriate, perhaps, to open his shirt in front of the stake president, but Kevin will if that’s what it takes to prove what he did was in Heavenly Father’s example; and not because he wants to stay in the church, necessarily, but because he knows in his heart he did nothing wrong. None of them did, and for some reason, he needs the church to see that. He wants them to.

“Kevin?” Debbie lingers in his doorway, hair braided in a crown around her head.

“Hey, you.” Kevin tucks the letter beneath his pillow; “Let me get changed, then you can come in, alright?”

She closes the door, and Kevin stands from the bed. He stretches. Everything hurts, deep into his bones. If he was still in Uganda, Kevin is almost certain Arnold would rub his shoulders and his neck and his back, without even asking for a thing in return. Arnold is selfless. Kevin is not.

Pulling open his dresser drawers, he notices there is not much left in them. One pair of temple garments, and a pair of sweats from high school with Provo down one leg, and Bulldogs down the other. It seems like his parents culled his room while he was gone, as though they were not expecting him to come home, or just weren’t going to let him.

Clothes on, Kevin opens the door for his sister, who is holding a blanket and pillows. “Mom said I could stay in here tonight, if it’s okay with you?”

“You know it is,” he says, motioning for the blanket. She hands it over, watching as Kevin folds it once and sets it on Jack’s bed. “You can take mine. Mom say’s you’ve been sleeping in it, anyway.”

Debbie almost looks embarrassed, like she wants to lie and deny it, but she is a good Mormon, Kevin remembers, which is probably why she doesn’t. Instead, she climbs onto Jack’s bed, curling up beside her brother.

“What was Africa like?” she asks.

“Awful.” Kevin presses a finger to her nose, and Debbie smiles. “Wonderful.”

Debbie nods, as though she understands or can tell he does not want to get into it, beyond that. “Dad said you look sick,” she says, in a whisper. Kevin imagines she must have overheard this conversation. “You’re not, are you?”

“No way,” he says, offering her a tired smile. “Just tired. Dad doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” Debbie’s eyes widen then, and Kevin presses a finger to his lips. “Don’t tell him I said that, though, okay? Promise?”

“Promise.”

A comfortable silence falls over them, then, and Kevin lets his eyes slip shut. It’s weird, being in this house, again. It’s warm and familiar. Same walls, same windows, same family he left behind.

The only thing different, is Kevin. And it must be more apparent in the daylight, he thinks, because his mother gasps when she sees him the next morning. She is standing by the kitchen window, exactly where Kevin left her over a year ago, holding the same chipped mug of orange juice.

“…Mom?”

“I’m fine,” she responds, almost automatically. Kevin wonders who’s been asking her. “Oh, Kevin,” she breathes, when she finally gathers herself. “You look absolutely dreadful. Come here, let me see your face”

“Gee. Thanks, mom.” He bites his tongue as she touches her hand to his forehead. She must think he’s sick, like Debbie said, but in a physical way. She couldn’t be more wrong, but Kevin doesn’t have the heart to tell her.

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, but it’s true. I thought you said you were eating?”

“I was,” he admits, easing away from her worry. “Just - not a lot.”

“Clearly, Kevin!” She sighs, bringing a hand to her chest as she composes her thoughts. His mom looks older; more tired. “Thank God, Jack was called to Quebec.”

It is not just an expression when his mother says it. She means it, and Kevin finds he wants to mean it, too. Thank God, his brother is in Canada, and not some war-torn, impoverished, dangerous country. Thank God; thank God; thank God. He wonders if she thanked God when Kevin called to say he wanted to come home.

“Are you coming tomorrow?” Kevin asks, curious.

Mrs. Price shakes her head, turning back towards the window. “Your father’s bringing you,” she says, taking a sip of her juice. “He said it would be best if there weren’t any distractions.”

“You’re not a distraction, you’re my mom,” he points out, crossing his arms. “I want you there.”

“And we wanted you to succeed on your mission, Kevin,” she says, setting down her mug. “I just don’t understand what happened.” Mrs. Price turns back around, motioning for Kevin to come closer. He does, stepping right into her open arms. She smells like lavender soap. “But I need to trust that the Lord knows what He’s doing with you, and that He can accomplish it for your eternal good even though I can’t even begin to understand how He can do it, after all that’s happened. The stuff your Mission President told us, Kevin! I very nearly passed out. Your father had to hold me up.”

Kevin sighs, but does not doubt it. His mother has passed out for less; like when Ben came home from school with Saturday detention for kissing a girl behind the gym, during lunch. He was sixteen.

“It was one misstep, mom, and it wasn’t even mine. It was Elder Cunningham’s.” It feels weird placing sole blame on Arnold, like this, but Arnold isn’t here and Kevin is pretty sure he’d forgive him for it, anyway. “He thought he was doing the right thing, and you know what? He did, in the end. We really helped those people, mom. I really helped them.” Not enough, maybe, but the fact remains.

“I don’t doubt you think that, Kevin, but you’ve always been arrogant. Now, why don’t you help me make breakfast. I’m too upset to manage it on my own.”

After, regardless of the food that’s waiting for him downstairs, Kevin takes his time washing up. He stands in front of the bathroom mirror and traces a finger from his bruises to his scrapes to his cuts. His body has become a roadmap of hard work and dedication, of pain and suffering, and of triumph – slight as it was. There are deep discolorations beneath both of his eyes, and dirt beneath his fingernails. He cannot get them clean, no matter how hard he tries; though, he must admit he doesn’t try much.

His mother will be displeased, he thinks, but so what? She already is, as is his father, who will probably want to talk before tomorrow. Kevin doesn’t want to talk.

What he wants, is to take a shower – and not a hot one, like he thought he might. In Uganda, he used to dream of them, but the second the bathroom fills with steam, he feels guilty. So, he turns it to freezing, instead; gets in, gets out, and feels better. He shaves, brushes his teeth, and pulls on his clothes without garments. Out of habit, he reaches for his name tag. It’s Elder Cunningham’s. Arnold’s. His best friend’s. His – everything.

It ends up in his pocket, the corner digging into his thigh while he sits at the table and pokes at his food. It’s nine-thirty. Three-thirty in Kampala. Arnold is probably digging in the dirt, planting crops, or laughing too loud or too much or…

Kevin wonders if Arnold misses him.

He hopes so.

#bom10daychallenge #bom10daychallenge - day one #bom #have it anyway #book of mormon #kevin price #headcanon

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sueboohscorner · 6 years

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#ThisisUs - "Clooney" S2/Ep 12 Recap & Review

Just as I sat down to watch last night’s TIU episode, “Clooney,” a meteor hit in Michigan! From my spot on the couch, I saw a big flash of light, heard a loud boom and then the earth shook! It was all very dramatic but the last scene of last night's TIU was much more impactful! But we’re not going to talk about that yet. We have too much too much to cover first.

So, lets begin...

The first scene is that of a stray cat wandering through the streets dodging cars and people. Turns out that this was William’s cat, Clooney. William didn’t bring him when he moved in with Randall but William went back home at least once a week to check on him.

It looks like Kevin is leaving rehab and his therapist is concerned about his return to his life in Hollywood so soon. Flippant, “actor” Kevin is back. He tries to charm Dr. Barbara by calling her ? but she knows that he’s just trying to hide the fact that he’s worried about returning to his old life too. So, Kevin will be staying with Rebecca and Miguel for a time. Considering all the things that he said to his mom during the infamous therapy session and his animosity towards Miguel, oh boy, this is going to be interesting.

In this week’s flashback, Jack is building an entertainment center for Rebecca. As they talk about it in the kitchen, Kate comes in and asks Rebecca to take her to the mall for a dress for the school dance. Rebecca is thrilled! Jack needs a new suit for work and they need batteries for the smoke detector. Randall wants to go too.

Kevin is camped out on the sofa and in no hurry to leave it but Jack wins and the all of the Pearson’s head to the mall. Once there, Kate and Rebecca head to the dress shop, Randall heads off on his own mission, Jack and Kevin shop for suits.

Kate finds a dress and heads off to the fitting room with the same dress in several sizes. As Rebecca waits, Kate leaves the fitting room empty handed and bolts from the store without her mom.

Kevin and Jack run into Miguel at the mall. Miguel tells them that his ex-wife is engaged. Miguel isn’t too happy about it. Jack starts his usual, when God closes a door speech, Kevin speaks up and says that sometimes people just need a moment to feel bad. Miguel agrees. Jack smiles and lets them have their moment. As Jack, Kevin and Miguel have lunch at the Food Court, the conversation leads to Miguel’s revelation that Jack wanted to open his own construction business but didn’t because of his growing family, it wasn’t the right time.

Randall’s mall mission is revealed and it’s about asking a girl out. First attempt was a fail. Second attempt seems to work. It doesn’t look good at first but then he charms her when he says to let the 8 Ball decide. She does and though she doesn’t actually say yes, it looks like mission accomplished.

As Jack and Kevin admire their choice of suits, they have a really good bonding moment. Kevin is pleased when Jack exuberantly tells him how great he looks. You can see in Kevin’s face how much his father’s praise means to him.

Later, Rebecca finds Kate after looking everywhere. Kate tells her mom that none of the dresses fit. Rebecca wants to try a different store but Kate refuses.

Present day Kate is back at her group meeting and is telling them about her miscarriage and the junk food she’s been sneaking. She also tells the group about the wedding and how stressed she is about finding a dress. Later, Madison tells her about a dress designer she knows that would create a dress for her. Kate agrees to check it out and her and Madison head to the store. Inside the store, Madison spies cookies and starts eating them. As Kate talks to the assistant about a dress, Madison seems distracted and abruptly excuses herself to go to the bathroom. Kate knows why and when they leave the dress store and Kate confronts Madison about her eating disorder. Madison tells Kate to find her own way home and storms off.

Later that evening, Kate gets a call from Madison and rushes to her apartment. There she finds Madison on the floor of her bathroom with a cut on her forehead. She tells Kate that when she came home, she started eating and then went to the bathroom. She got dizzy and must have fallen. This scared her enough to call Kate. Kate shares her own story about how she once did lose all the weight and got really skinny. But, Kate says, she wasn’t happy that way. Madison tells Kate she’s her best friend. Awkward.

Randall is helping the girls with a diorama for school. Beth comes in to the kitchen and is upset about a failed business deal. She is also feeling the stress of Randall not working and needs him to promise her that he will go to a job interview he has scheduled later that day. He won’t miss the interview but first, there is a box of William’s belongings that he is going to pick up at his old apartment. At William’s old building, he picks up the box from a neighbor. Randall asks about Clooney the Catt and finds out that the cat took off a couple of weeks ago. Never fear, the man says, a stray always seems to end up just where he needs to be.

In the car, Randall looks through his father’s things. He finds a book of poems that William wrote and is surprised to find that there is a love poem that seems to be talking about a woman in the building that he was in love with. Randall sets off on another mission – to find this woman! He leaves a note on the bulletin board requesting info about this woman.

Randall heads to the interview but stops by Beth’s workplace first. He’s going on and on about this woman and Beth is clearly irritated because she is slammed with work. She scolds Randall a bit, telling him that lately he seems to be walking above the clouds and she needs him to come back down to earth. During the interview, Randall gets a phone call and excuses himself to take it. It’s William’s friend and he thinks the mystery woman may be the building super and Randall heads back to find this woman. He knocks on the woman’s door, identifies himself as William’s son and the woman says that William was a pain in her ass. She cracks up when asked if they were romantic and she tells Randall that William took it upon himself to let her know when building repairs needed to be made. He was relentless. Randall shows the woman William’s poem. She takes Randall back to his father’s apartment and Randall sees that the woman in the poem is Billy Holliday, whose poster is on the wall.

We haven’t talked about Kevin yet! Kevin arrives at Rebecca and Miquel’s home. It’s a little awkward at first and Kevin is looking forward to the opportunity to have some mother/son time to rebuild their relationship after the therapy session. So when Rebecca and Kevin plan a trip to the grocery store, Kevin is irritated when Miguel says he’s going too. At the grocery store, Kevin confronts Miguel and asks him why he had to tag along when he knew that he wanted alone time with his mom. Miguel tells Kevin that after what happened at rehab, Miguel came with them to protect his wife, should she be hurt again by Kevin. I’m not sure but I think Miguel standing up to him earned Miguel a little bit of respect from Kevin.

Back at home, Kevin walks into the room and finds Rebecca and Miguel sitting on the couch cuddling. They pull apart when Kevin walks in. Kevin is feeling restless so Rebecca goes to make Kevin some tea. He uses this time alone with Miguel to apologize and asks him if he was in love with Rebecca even when Jack was alive. Miguel says NO! There was never any feelings other than friendship. The thought of that would have never crossed his mind.

Kevin has a moment to Rebecca alone and asks her about her and Miguel. Rebecca tells him that after Jack died, there were things she knew she had to give up. Happiness was one of them. Getting from one day to the next was the most important thing for her and the kids. But one day, she and Miguel found each other and he makes her happy – truly happy. Kevin finally seems to accept that.

Clooney, the cat is being chased through the streets by children in an attempt to catch him. One little boy does and Clooney finds a new home.

Randall has found his new purpose and is excited to share it with Beth. Beth is not quite so enthusiastic but is there to support Randall. They pull up outside of William's apartment building where Randall has spent most of his day. Confused, Beth gets out of the car as Randall announces that he wants them to buy this building and fix it up so the people that live there can have the home they deserve.

We end the show with Rebecca and Jack on the couch after the day at the mall. Rebecca asks Jack to talk to Kate. She knows that there’s something going on with her but Rebecca also knows that Kate won’t confide in her. Moments later, Jack drops a bombshell announcement! He wants to quit his job and start the construction company he has always dreamed about. Rebecca is shocked but after a moment, she seems to be all in!

This brings us to the final moment of the episode. As the final scene fades out, we get a close up shot of the smoke detector with NO BATTERIES! With so much going on at the mall that day, neither Jack nor Rebecca thought about batteries! The camera hovers there for a moment to give us all the chance to realize what we’re looking at. OMG! We don’t know the exact cause of the fire yet but now it appears that if the smoke detector had been operational, Jack might have survived! The suspense is maddening. Slowly, TIU writers are giving us clues about Jack’s death, but the biggest mystery on television right now is still that – a mystery.

#thisisus

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junker-town · 7 years

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Sunday Shootaround: Even the Blazers can't figure out the Blazers

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Even the Blazers can't figure out the Blazers

Paul Flannery

BOSTON -- It was about this time a year ago when the Portland Trail Blazers went on a heady run that elevated them from the ranks of also-rans into the exalted world of phenoms. Over a nearly two-month stretch the Blazers won 18 of 22 games, captivating their fans with a string of clutch performances and impressive victories.

They then built upon that success in the playoffs by capitalizing on the Clippers’ unfortunate injuries with a first-round upset and offering a reasonably strong accounting of themselves against the Warriors in the second round. Those were good times.

This season has not been so kind. The Blazers were inconsistent early and a disaster in December, losing 10 of 11 games. Things finally stabilized a bit and after beating the weary Cleveland Cavaliers at home last week for their fifth victory in eight tries, they were back in control of the final playoff spot in the Western Conference. From afar it seemed like they were finally getting it together.

"I did too," coach Terry Stotts said. "Going into the Orlando game there were a lot of positive vibes."

Whatever positivity emanated out of that win over the Cavs, they dissipated by the time they took the floor two nights later against the Magic. The Blazers surrendered 115 points against the middling Magic, one of the worst offensive outfits in the league, and allowed a soul-sucking 36 points in the opening quarter.

Portland followed that up with back-to-back blowout losses on the road against Charlotte and Washington before blowing a double-digit lead in Philly and losing at the buzzer. Which is where we found them on Saturday, preparing to play the Celtics, and once again on the outside of the saddest of playoff pursuits.

"(Disappointment.) That’s the best word," Stotts said. "There is disappointment and you don’t want that to carry over to the next game and you can’t let that disappointment weigh too heavily on you. But yeah, there’s no question there’s disappointment."

If ever a team needed to salvage a game on the back end of a long road trip it was the Blazers. It wasn’t easy -- nothing is for this team -- but after outlasting the Celtics in overtime even the tiniest bit of salvation offers a glimmer of hope.

"There’s always going to be belief," Damian Lillard told me before the game. "I’m always optimistic in every situation. I believe in our group. I believe in what we’re capable of, but I think these times are the hardest. When you’re struggling the easy thing is to stop believing."

There is also a light at the end of the tunnel in terms of a playoff spot that is there’s for the taking. It may be small consolation and it may lead to an inevitable shellacking at the hands of the Warriors, but someone’s going to get that spot and it might as well be them.

"A lot of times when you’re in this situation you don’t have an opportunity to make the playoffs and we still do," Lillard said. "We’ve just got the team that sticks it out all the way through the good times and bad times. There’s always going to be teams that give into it, so we can’t be that team. We’ve got to be the team that keeps fighting and comes out on top and get us a playoff spot."

There is something to be said for small victories here. Their roster is still young (per Basketball-Reference.com only Philly, Oklahoma City, and Minnesota are younger), but it’s also entrenched. Nine of their 10 rotation players are signed through next season, and seven are on long-term deals. Only center Mason Plumlee will be a free agent this summer and he’s restricted. They have a $110 million payroll this season and that’s before C.J. McCollum’s extension kicks in. This season has proven to be either a massive roster miscalculation, or a painful speedbump in what should have always been viewed as a long-term rebuilding process.

Because they are so young, there is always the possibility for growth. To the extent that Portland can improve internally, it’s on the defensive end. Their offense sits below its top-six ranking of a year ago, but actually scores at a tick above their rate from the previous season. With Lillard and McCollum in the backcourt, points should never be a serious problem. It’s on defense where they rank 27th in points allowed per 100 possessions that’s problematic.

There are issues here that are obvious: Lillard and McCollum are not a good defensive backcourt. And some that are not issues at all: the Blazers do a surprisingly good job of protecting the paint without an elite rim protector. Still, this is mostly the same personnel that turned in an adequate performance on the defensive end last season.

They clearly missed the presence of Al Farouq-Aminu, who is their top individual and team defender earlier in the season, but he can’t fix everything. The Blazers were 7-11 when he was out of the lineup and are 12-16 when he plays. Aminu is good, but he’s not a panacea for everything that ails them.

Young Maurice Harkless has all the tools to be an equally capable defender even as he learns the finer points of team defense on the job. Ed Davis also does yeoman work inside, but beyond them are question marks. Short of trying harder and executing better, this roster will never become a defensive juggernaut, but again, it should still be better than what it’s shown.

The Blazers’ biggest problem, however, is the one they can’t control. After outperforming expectations a year ago, they came into the year with outsized projections and a mandate that has eluded them. That coupled with an offseason spending spree that saw Portland lock up youngsters like Harkless, McCollum, Allen Crabbe, and Meyers Leonard and included the expensive importing of Evan Turner, has created a perception that the Blazers are swimming upstream against the current. The season-ending knee injury to Festus Ezeli has also not helped matters.

"We expect a lot out of ourselves, regardless what everybody else expected," Lillard said. "Just like last year, nothing was expected and we still expected a lot of ourselves. We struggled and then we figured it out. It’s hard to be good in this league and when you’re not consistent it’s even harder."

As is often the case when surprising success stories come crashing back to earth a year later, their true level lies somewhere in between last year’s galvanized group and this year’s desultory version. Pragmatism is in short supply in a rabid market like Portland and they are often portrayed as a team in desperate need of a trade. Yet desperation leads to panic and panic often compounds mistakes that didn’t require a fix in the first place.

Blazers general manager Neil Olshey could tinker around on the edges, parting with some combination of his young supporting cast for an interior upgrade. Or he could go for the big shakeup, which would mean entertaining offers for McCollum. That seems unlikely.

Tempting as it may be, McCollum’s 4-year, $106 million extension doesn’t kick in until next season, meaning the Blazers are limited by the amount of salary they could take back. Beyond the cap machinations, such a move doesn’t really fit with Olshey’s M.O. He’s always prioritized drafting and developing players and Lillard and McCollum are two obvious points of pride.

Assuming they stand mostly pat at the deadline, this then falls on the players and coaches to figure it out. Despite it all they still believe in one another and in Lillard they have one of the game’s great leaders. He’s not about to let them wallow.

"It hasn’t been a challenge to keep guys together because we’ve truly have a tight-knit group," Lillard said. "We like each other. We’ve created a great work environment. We enjoy coming to the practice facility and we enjoy being around each other. That’s the hard part. You know we’re working hard. You know we’re together you’re just trying to figure out what do we need to do. Why aren’t we figuring it out faster? That’s been the toughest part. That’s the biggest challenge."

They have less than half the season to figure it out. By then we’ll know just who the Blazers really are and where they go from here.

The ListConsumable NBA thoughts

Now that we have the All-Star starters it’s time to focus on the reserves. Unlike the starters, who were chosen from a combination of fan, media, and player voting, the reserves are chosen by the coaches. Guaranteed there will be at least one controversial decision in each conference.

East Backcourt -- Kyle Lowry, Isaiah Thomas. These were my starter picks so I won’t belabor those arguments, but a point needs to be made about Lowry. Perhaps we have not made the case as forcefully as we should have, or maybe we took for granted that other people around the league recognized just how vital Lowry is to the Raptors’ success. So here goes: Kyle Lowry is the single most important player in Toronto (read: best), as evidenced by the fact that the Raps are significantly better when he’s on the court and much worse when he is not. That’s no knock on DeMar DeRozan, who was elected as a starter. But it is true. Lowry is not only the best player on the Raptors, he’s also the best point guard in the conference. There are a lot of other really good ones, and some may even be more talented, but Lowry stands above them all this season. He should have been a starter and he definitely needs to be a reserve.

East Frontcourt -- Kevin Love, Paul George, Paul Millsap. Let’s say something about the guy who’s missing here before getting to the ones who are on the list. Joel Embiid is amazing. He’s better than anyone thought he would be and he is currently on a fascinating tear through the league. Had he been doing this all season and not held back by a minutes restriction he would not only be on the list, he’d have a damn fine case for starting. But he is, so we’ll award the players who have logged significantly more time for better teams. Kevin Love, by the way, is quietly having the most impactful season of his career. See, it really does take time.

East Wildcards -- Kemba Walker, John Wall. Both have strong cases to be among the starters and both should be in New Orleans even if it means carrying five points guards. If anyone gets snubbed it’s going to be Walker, despite the fact that he is having as strong a season as any of the guards on the list other than Lowry.

West Backcourt -- Russell Westbrook, Chris Paul. Westbrook should have been a starter. He led both the media and the players vote but missed out because he finished behind James Harden and Steph Curry in the fan voting. For everyone screaming about the injustice, it’s on y’all. Paul is hurt and won’t be able to play, but he should be honored anyway. Considering the amount of backcourt talent in the West, his inevitable replacement will be more than worthy.

West Frontcourt -- DeMarcus Cousins, Draymond Green, Marc Gasol. This is difficult but not impossible. Cousins has the numbers. Draymond has the defense, playmaking, and team success. Gasol gets the final spot on the strength of his all-around play and for keeping the Grizzlies competitive through their usual assortment of ailments.

Wildcards -- Gordon Hayward, Rudy Gobert. The Jazz duo get my final two spots over Mike Conley, Klay Thompson, and Damian Lillard. There’s a decent chance at least two of those three will make it to New Orleans anyway, either as reserves or as an injury replacement for Paul. (I’d take Conley under that scenario.) Hayward is quietly averaging 22-6-6, while Gobert -- the leading candidate for Defensive Player of the Year -- is a net rating monster.

ICYMIor In Case You Missed It

The next 4 years

How bold will the NBA be in asserting its commitment to what Adam Silver called its "principles and values" in Donald Trump’s America? Tom Ziller offers a thoughtful read on the situation.

Tough ballot

Turns out that voting for the All-Star starters was a difficult thing. At least Ziller agreed with my choices.

Into the weeds

John Gonzalez did too. I think there was a general internet media consensus on the starters, which is not the same thing as a general media consensus. We got further into the weeds on the Drive & Kick podcast.

Westbrook's burden

Zito Madu reminds us that freedom can be both a blessing and a curse as Russell Westbrook is finding out this season. Come for the illustration, stick around for the Miroslav Holub quote.

Goodbye, 44

We’d be remiss if we didn’t remember our first hoop-loving President. Tyler Tynes comes through with a rundown of Barack Obama nine most disrespectful moments on the court. Politics aside, roasting Paul Pierce is too low here.

Say WhatRamblings of NBA players, coaches and GMs

"I think, as players, you always want to protect yourself. I didn't think it would get to this point. It's very hard to get, very difficult to get. I have it and that's that. I'm committed (to staying). I don't have to prove that to anybody. I don't think I have to keep saying that. I don't think I have to keep talking about that. I know for a fact that people see that." -- Carmelo Anthony on his no-trade clause.

Reaction: This whole thing has just become sad for everyone involved. Melo deserves better. So does Jeff Hornacek and the rest of the Knick players. Lord knows the Knicks fans deserve better. You’d like to think there’s a happy ending in here somewhere, but it’s hard to see it from here.

"You just don’t have a choice. You have 39 more games to play. We have a bunch of games coming up against playoff teams. You don’t have a chance to feel sorry for yourself. It doesn’t do any good." -- Clipper guard J.J. Redick after the injury to Chris Paul.

Reaction: We’ve been writing the Clipper obituary for years and these guys always find a way to rise from the dead and regain some semblance of life. Assuming they can still make the playoffs, and that seems like a safe assumption, the Clippers will still be a dangerous team come spring.

"I think I kind of represent Twitter in the NBA. I like to think all the Twitter people, I represent them. But I never thought I would have this type of influence. I’m just trying to be me. If people enjoy it, that’s great." -- Sixers center, delightful human, Joel Embiid.

Reaction: And lo, NBA Twitter has found its king, and the people were glad.

"It’s easy to say we were supposed to be together for the rest of our careers, but it didn’t play out like that. I think all three of us will have memorable careers. And it’ll be a journey we’ll always remember, something that’s different and unique, playing with two different guys who are doing incredible things in the league right now. But when you look back, think about the fun times instead of what could’ve been." -- Kevin Durant on the early days of the Thunder.

Reaction: There’s no way they could have all stayed together and adapted to their roles. We all intellectually understand that, given that KD, Russell Westbrook, and James Harden are three of the top five players in the league. But man, what if?

"No, I didn't see that until just now, but I don't play that game. I'm gonna get his ass back. Whenever that is, I don't know what it's going to be, but I don't play that game." -- Russell Westbrook on Zaza Pachulia’s hard foul.

Reaction: Their next meeting is on Feb. 11 and it’s worth noting that Steven Adams was not in the lineup for OKC against the Warriors.

GIF Of The Weekfurther explanation unnecessary

We feel ya, Melo.

Designer: Josh Laincz | Producer: Tom Ziller | Editor: Tom Ziller

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