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the-vegetarian-artist · 3 months

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Asking you about your ska troll concept! They look so cool and I would love to learn more about them

@shadow-ray4 thank you for asking, genuinely was positive that no one would ask 😅😣 but I am HAPPY to share! To start here are the full refs I've done so far and explain as much of the concept as I've developed in my brain lmaooo (ALL MAJOR DEETS undercut cause its gonna be LONG)

@goldendaydna also helped with this and lowkey a concept we are semi working out since her sona Golden Tempo is an Urbano Troll (a recently named concept lol)

Ska Trolls are Big, Bright, and BOLD. Together, these elements create an energetic, highly danceable, highly vibe-able troll genre. They also explode into confetti and confections when excited or surprised. Dont worry they pop back up as if nothing even happened leaving a pile of candy and crepe paper on the ground. (Ska trolls are super popular with the kids.) They practically live for the music, known for dancing for several days straight with hardly a rhyme or reason to stop.

*Like even the smallest of surprises just make em POP! (Bonus Branch doodle cause why not??)

Adara, my sona, is a 4th Generation Ska Troll (her father being a 3rd Gen while her mama is a punk rock troll) so TECHNICALLY shes Ska-punk, but she still has the appearance of your standard Ska Troll so it's more a music specific.

Her great great grandparents being a reggae leaning funk troll and a rocksteady leaning funk troll who formed The Underground after being seemingly left behind along with other alt/subgenres of the main 6 kingdoms when they split. A place for alternative trolls like herself and her friends could live and PARTY HARD without micro judgments against their music. It's a haven for other trolls who feel they dont quite fit a specific genre or even one at all, but also HELLA secluded from the rest of the Trolls so they look different and SOUND different. (Cave acoustics and all) The surface likely gets trimmers and even earthquakes from their raging parties. (I'm still fleshing this out but I have this piece of "concept art")

*Its literally a bioluminescent shroom town. Like glowing mushroom homes, food, ect- glow worms on the cave ceiling like stars in a night sky. All the various alternative genre of trolls have like a glowy eye thing that allows them to just see naturally in the dark too-

*these were some posters I took heavy color influence from for Adara's pallet (I know they arent all ska, but punk, reggae, and rocksteady aesthetics were an addition)

Obviously I took most inspo from pinatas, party/confetti poppers, and the sorts mainly because the funk trolls poop...well. baked goods and I wanted to play off that but lean into the crazy evolution the trolls have canonically in the universe that foam at the mouth for 👀 🤲 But I wanted to make sure her colors and patterns gave off not just Funk influence, but also micro subculture influences that are within The Underground. (This including but not not limited to, how closely Ska Trolls were to the Urbano Trolls communities within The Underground)

*Exchanged tassels and stringy fur textures for more paper textures. Like literally walking, talking, breathing pinatas fr

*Queen Essence I love yuuuu

They are bigger than the average Funk troll and have very similar features to them, but texture and color wise are very different. They much more vibrant and staturated. Giving a mix of felt and crepe paper. They have tails as sortve as an evolutionary trait but also it gives maximum party mode as it can hold objects and act as an extra hand. Their ears are also longer and slimmer, making it harder for them to lift or perk up so they stay droopy unlike their funk counterparts. They are all naturals at brass instruments (mainly trumpet) and ALWAYS have a hop in their step.

*edit if the pics keep messing up... imma have to just remake the post 😭

#dreamworks trolls #trolls fan concept #trolls #trolls world tour #funk trolls #ska troll concept #trolls branch #trollsona #trolls oc #trolls ocs #fan concept #veggie tells #my art #art #veggie art #veggie arts #my ocs #my oc art #my oc stuff

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dishsaop · 2 years

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music recs bls. preferably nothin by straight men but based on ur entire vibe i dont think i have to worry abt that lol

ok firstly, please PLEASE listen to G.L.O.S.S., they only have one album but it FUCKS. (also i don't know Dyke Drama as well but its Sadie Switchblade from G.L.O.S.S.' solo work and the album I bought was really good) (EDITED TO ADD A READMORE BC HOLY SHIT)

also, basic queer punk hours here but Against Me! is always, always worth it. laura jane grace my hero and beloved

Neighborhood Brats is a female fronted punk band. Actually, Dirt Cult Records has a number of pretty cool artists - I can't speak to all their gender/sexualities but their music is good. Dan Padilla (the band not the man lmao), Needles//Pins, Dead Years, Postage and, Feral Trash. I can't remember if Dear Landlord and Shallow Cuts are with Dirt Cult (i dont THINK so) but I do know they overlap with Dan Padilla.

Fangbanger is a really cool pop-ish punk band, and I haven't been into real pop punk in a long time but I really like them. Troll 2 is kind of folk punk, and by the tone of this ask I think you'd like them. i have a few Propoghandi songs i like (thrash punk), if you like ska you like Streetlight Manifesto. The Muslims and Fea my roommate got me into and both are really cool punk bands - the muslims is a queer poc crunchy punk band and fea is a san antonio based latina all female band. Ramshackle Glory is an anarchist punk band. GOGOL BORDELLO HOW COULD I FORGET YOU romani punk band from lower east side manhattan. i had a Sainte Catherine's cd on repeat for like 4 months straight when i was a teenager and honestly i was so valid for that.

and of course theres always the ramones, the replacements, husker du, the minutemen, the dead kennedys, black flag, the menzingers, etc.

Leaving punk, I know I just commented on a post about basic music but i really do like Florence + The Machine. Rip. The Amazing Devil is a bit, like, well the dude from the Witcher is in it so that says something but sometimes I want a song I can soulfully and really awfully sing along to. My roommate got me into Gloryhammer, so like, if you want weird ass concept metal albums, there u go. i recently remembered Luca Turilli (also known as Rhapsody and Luca Turilli's Rhapsody) exists, i was OBSESSED with these metal songs as a kid. oingo boingo is weird. i also really like Trocadero (shut up shut upppp i know its the red vs blue band but they do have cool music let me live). be steadwell and Grace Petrie are very queer, if thats what youre after. Palehound is kinda indie but some of thier songs get stuck in my head really easily. Ratatat is an electronic band that fits nothing else in this post but. a vibe. i had an Unwoman phase as a kid after that Night Vale Weather.

some single songs i really like but know less about the artist, of scattered genres: Who Wears The Pants?? by Soko, My Gap Feels Weird by Superchunk, Numbers (I Can Only Count To Four) by Psychostick (hehehe), For an Old Kentucky Anarchist by The Orphans, Sober Intentions by Apes of the State, Coffee God and Cigarettes by Mischief Brew, I'm Against the Government by Defiance Ohio, You're Not The Only Bear I Fisted by Schmekel, Butch In The Streets by Tribe 8, Deep Love by Lady Lamb, Dark Days by Pup, Racing Stripes by Aesop Rock, Old Number Seven by The Devil Makes Three, I'm So Sick by Flyleaf, I Don't Wanna Be Funny Anymore by Lucy Dacus, Lake Pontchartrain by Ludo, Devil's Point by Wicked Shallows, TKO by Le Tigre, Transvestites Can Be Cannibals Too by Harley Poe, Providence by Poor Man's Poison, and Wildflowers by Gouge Away.

this was ABSOLUTELY more than you asked for but i thought about music and got really excited, im sorry. also again i dont know how many of these artists are cishet men but also like, i like them and IM neither cis nor het so

#m text #i could tag all these bands. im not going to.

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skruttet · 4 years

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Tags I Use to Help You Navigate My Blog

I use the archive & its ‘tagged’ function to find certain things on my blog and thought it’d help others (if you wanna find clips of a certain language for Moominvalley, or posts about a certain book, etc.) so here’s a list of links to some of the tags I use and I’ll pin this post to my blog:

Moomin Novels & Picture Books

The Moomins and the Great Flood Comet in Moominland (includes the 1992/2020 film) Finn Family Moomintroll The Memoirs of Moominpappa Moominsummer Madness Moominland Midwinter Tales from Moominvalley Moominpappa at Sea Moominvalley in November

The Book About Moomin, Mymble and Little My (Anything to do with the animation is tagged ‘hur gick det sen?’) Who Will Comfort Toffle? (Anything to do with the animation is tagged ‘Vem ska trösta knyttet?’) The Dangerous Journey Skurken i muminhuset

Tove Jansson Life, Art, Words: The Authorised Biography by Boel Westin Tove Jansson: Work and Love by Tuula Karjalainen Letters from Tove includes a looot of extracts from translations of Tove’s letters Möte med Tove Jansson by Tordis Ørjasœter

Moomin Museum TV Guide Nationalmuseum Exhibition Catalogue

Moomin Comic Strips

Mumintrollet och jordens undergång

Tove and Lars’ strips are each tagged with their English names; here’s a list you can use on Wikipedia.

Lars comics D&Q haven’t published (scanned & translated by myself)

Muumi Lehti/Moomin Magazine Masterpost of translated Muumi Lehti stories Moominmamma’s Adventurous Youth

Moomin Stage Plays

Mumintrollet och Kometen Troll i kulisserna Mischief and Mystery in Moominvalley (there’s also just a lot of other Moomin puppet shows out there that I tend to just tag ‘puppets’. there’s also a Russian one I tagged ‘Муми-тролль-и-шляпа-волшебника’ but that doesn’t seem to work in the archive smh) Dancing Moominvalley

There’s a few ballets as well but I’ve only got a few posts on them.

Moomin TV Series

Die Muminfamilie Mumintrollet Mumindalen Christmas Calendar Mūmin Shin Mūmin Opowiadania Muminków/Fuzzy Felt Moomins Tanoshii Mūmin Ikka & Bōken Nikki Moominvalley (English) (concept art tagged as ‘concept art’) Moominvalley (Finnish) Moominvalley (Finland-Swedish) Moominvalley (Japanese) Moominvalley (French) Moominvalley (Scots Gaelic) Moominvalley (Polish) Moominvalley (Northern Sámi) Moominvalley (Inari Sámi) Moominvalley (Skolt Sámi) Moominvalley (Hebrew) Moominvalley (Cantonese) Moominvalley (Mandarin) Moominvalley (Norwegian) Moominvalley (Icelandic) Moominvalley (Portuguese) Moominvalley (German) Moominvalley (Estonian) Moominvalley (Italian) Moominvalley (Latin-American Spanish) Moominvalley (Welsh) Moominvalley (Dutch)

Misc. Moomin Stuff

Tableaux Muumimaailma (Moominworld; theme park in Naantali, Finland) Moominvalley Park (Theme park in Japan)

All Moomin characters should just be tagged as their name (I think I usually cut the ‘the’ such as with ‘the joxter’ though sometimes I include it lol) but I tag posts about the Mymble’s Daughter as ‘mymble jr’.

Gifs that I have made are tagged ‘my gif’ and video & photo edits I’ve made are tagged ‘my edit’.

Also got a favourites tag that I usually use for fanart I really love but there’s some other stuff in there, too.

Got a tag for the 2020 TOVE film.

TRIGGERS I TAG (feel free to ask me to add any!): Guns = #gun tw Violence = #violence tw Death = #death mention & #death tw Suicide = #suicide tw NSFW content = #nsfw & #murrmin Syringes/injections = #syringe tw & #injection tw Epilepsy (flashing images/vids usually) = #epilepsy tw

I thiiink that’s all the important tags worth mentioning? I’ll add anything else I think of later.

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trollcafe · 4 years

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Museum Date

Length: 1186 words TW: None Brief: Abanny has a surprise for Bruuno! Credits: Abanny and Wicket belongs to @burningbloodtrolls, Dakota belongs to @/terratrolls, Anguil is @/homicidalfantrolls

The museum in the city was perhaps one of your favorite places to go. Mostly because they had an entire exhibit on jazz and the cultural influences. You were never too keen on the influences and history of jazz, you preferred the theoreticals behind the music, and the creation of it. You had been there a handful of times before, mostly with your moirail Abanny and once with Anguil. Abanny had been so sweet as to listen to you talk about the difference in style between two different jazz musicians. She was the greatest. Anguil teased you for being a Geek but he still listened to you, too.

You had allowed yourself to wander off in thought over the jazz exhibit many times. In fact, you thought it'd be cool as fuck to be featured there, among the other musicians.

You always made sure to find breaks in your busy schedule to be with your quads. And today was no exception! Abanny wanted to go back to the museum. "They have a new exhibit that I think you'll like." She had said this with such a sweet smile, there was no way you could say no. Shiloh could though! She was dead set on not going. Which was perfectly fine, you just had Thunder come watch her while she was drawing and watching cartoons.

You never cared much for completely hiding yourself. Any attempt to disguise yourself was minimal at best. You simply pulled your hair into a bun and wore sunglasses. You even had a Whysteria shirt on, of course you did! Nobody ever bothered you. You liked to believe it was because nobody cared too much. The real answer was most likely because you're an eight foot beast of a man, and one on top of the food chain. While others may be afraid, Abanny certainly wasn't. Press hadn't been an issue since you went off on one of them ages ago, so you were pretty confident with walking beside Abanny in public. Abanny outshone you, dressing casually but still nice for a museum date.

The museum was fairly empty. It was the middle of the week. And Abanny was being a bit cheeky the entire time you were in the jazz exhibit. Naturally that was the first stop. The next stop was an exhibit on tattoos. You cracked a few jokes about having nicer tattoos than the trolls featured and even threatened to take off your shirt and show everyone what real craftsmanship looked like. Abanny laughed and you promised to keep your shirt on. For now. Eventually, whatever was making her excited finally ate her whole. You had been studying a particular tattoo on the wall, looking over the line work closely for inspiration when she grabbed your hand. Naturally you followed your moirail as she pulled you out of the exhibit.

And into pop culture. That wasn't really your expertise, but there were no complaints. You glanced around the wild and colorful walls. Various logos of bands and musicians, many you recognized! Abanny explained that the bigger the logo, the more of an Influence they had. That was a cool concept. Mentally, you argued that Troll Depeche Mode didn't have as big of a cultural influence as Troll Green Day, though it made sense that they would diminish the rebellious band. While you were lost in thought, Abanny pulled you along. Luckily there weren't many trolls to weave through.

"Bru, look!" Your beloved moirail's voice broke you free from your mental argument. Your head snapped towards her, then you followed where she pointed. And up on the wall was a very familiar logo. One with a particular flower theme. It wasn't the largest logo on the wall but it stood out to you. In fact, you had to take off your sunglasses to really make sure you had seen it right.

"Oh, holy shit."

"That's what Adi said, too."

Whysteria's logo, clear as day, pasted on the wall with a small blurb about the band that you couldn't even read. It felt like it was just you, Abanny, and the logo Dakota had scribbled on a napkin in a diner after a concert when she said you needed a new one. You aren't entirely sure what to feel. A smile slowly grows on your face. You tuck the sunglasses into your pocket. This didn't feel real just yet. You lean in closer so you can real the placard about the band.

"WHYSTERIA is a post-punk band that utilizes more instruments than normal, and arguably could be called ska. With lead singer and saxophonist Bruuno Sinopa, drummer Wicket Thiget, and guitarist Dakota Shives, WHYSTERIA has made noticeable changes to the stigma of mental illness in music."

Nope, that was you alright. Ska? You had no complaints with that claim. In fact, it makes you start laughing. Abanny smiles but gives you a concerned look. The few other trolls present shoot dirty looks towards you.

"That's- that's my band! That's my name! Holy shit!" You're laughing and talking maybe a bit louder than you should. At least two trolls have noticed the logo on your shirt matches the logo on the wall. Maybe they recognized you. Maybe they didn't. You didn't care. You also didn't care about them seeing you with Abanny. No good press group was going to believe some random no-name strangers. So, in your excitement, you scoop Abanny up and spin her around twice, all while laughing, before you set her down. You make sure she has her footing before you properly let go of her.

"That's you, Bru!" She sounded excited, but mostly proud. Hell, you were proud! What had started as a teenage rebellion and a way to vent out frustrations, was now an influential thing that YOU had made. Of course, you'd be nowhere without your girls in your band. Tear welled up in your eyes and threatened to spill. You absently brush them away. A few more trolls had turned to watch you and your moirail. There was small chatter in the air. "Is that…?" "He's so tall…" "why is he crying..?"

You're crying because you proved everyone wrong. Everyone who had ever looked down on you for pursuing your dream. Vivace, your jazz instructor, who told you that your "stupid little punk band" would never go anywhere; Odesea, who had insisted you were better on saxophone and in an orchestra; Boe, who never supported your endeavours in the first place. And everyone else. Being on this wall meant that you touched at least one troll's heart, you made someone out there feel less alone. You had influenced someone, a total stranger, in some way. You couldn't care about the fame, or the money. You made a difference. You did something good.

After texting the band to show them the logo on the wall and talking to a few strangers in the museum, you return hive with Abanny. You scoop her up behind closed doors and hug her firmly- but not enough to hurt. You spend the rest of your time with her talking about Whysteria.

#ghost.art #drabbles #bruuno #bruuno sinopa #sorry for mobile ppl who cant see readmores

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easythetape · 4 years

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Journal Update #5 FEB - ICE TEA and the Sampling Dilemma

One of the main ethical issues I am facing with my project is the extensive use of samples. Sampling has always and will always be a part of my musical process I am a Hip-Hop head and I just love the art. This post will explain my stance on the ethics and the issue, how I intend to combat it and in cases not combat it and ignore the rules. The history of Hip-Hop is rich with examples of high profile sampling lawsuits and sampling troll companies that have negatively effected and sometimes ruined artist's careers, definitely stopping them from gaining any royalties on their releases. As a disciple of Madlib, crowned Complex’s producer of the year 2019 (Skelton & Simpson, 2020), and J Dilla, who both heavily utilised samples in their productions and are integral to their styles it will be hard for me to stay away from this element of my own productions. Madlib has, “after decades of perfecting his sample-based production techniques, worked with everyone from MF Doom to De La Soul to Mos Def to Kanye West.” (Skelton & Simpson, 2020).

Sometimes sampling is viewed as ethically and morally wrong or immoral. On the other hand sampling can be viewed as the highest form of artistic ‘flattery’ and a strong case can be made that supports the fact that sampling in one form or another has existed for centuries. For example, a Diabelli composition named Waltz in C Major was essentially remixed by Beethoven in Diabelli variations, a collected piano works released in 1824 (Read, 2017). Thats a long time ago. Today many of the opinions about copyright law are largely shaped and driven by copyright holders who commonly believe that the purpose of copyright is to protect their works from infringement. But as it’s clearly expressed in the United States Code, that’s not the central purpose of copyright. The a purpose of copyright is “to promote the progress of Science and useful Arts.” The United States Copyright Office even doubles down on this declaration in its own description of the function of the copyright office: “the purpose of the copyright system has always been to promote creativity in society…” Any serious conversation about the role of copyright, creativity, and the arts must begin with this key fact: Copyright was created to promote creativity (Said, 2016).

Mark Ronson argues in his TEDTalk How Sampling Transformed Music, it is not about “hijacking nostalgia wholesale”, but about creating new tapestries of sound. Ronson eloquently explains, “We take the things we love and we build on them. And when we really add something significant and original and we merge our musical journey with this, then we have a chance to be a part of the evolution of that music that we love.” Rather than looking at sampling as a form of disrespect, it is often the case that artists that sample have the utmost reverence for the people who created the music that came before as you’re not going to sample music from a song you hate. Instead it is likely that they heard something in the music which inspired them, and so “they instantly wanted to inject themselves into the narrative of that music.” (Khoo, 2019).

I have to be realistic and understand that at this point in time I am an unknown artist with a small audience, and no commercial backing. I am not looking to release The Tape with any label and therefore I do not expect to make any money off this release. The fact that sample clearance is monetarily prohibitive, and I don’t have the budget, (which I’m mainly reserving for the release itself and marketing) prohibits me from paying for samples. Hank Shocklee of Public Enemy is quoted saying “Jay-Z and Kanye can afford to pay the sample rates, but not the kids starting out in their own little home studio in their house,” Shocklee says. “And that, to me, is what’s holding back creativity,” (Richards, 2012).

Seeing as Hip-Hop and Trap are largely reliant on samples I am not going to creatively limit myself, with this project because I want it to be my best work, and as a hero of mine Stan Lee says you “do your best work when your doing what you want to do and your doing it the way you think it should be done.” (UCLA Extension, 2018). I am well aware of the legal implications of doing this and not limiting myself to royalty-free and un-copyrighted material or material in the public domain. Although I will make use of as much un-copyrighted material as I will write some of the tracks on ‘The Tape’ completely from scratch, I won't be able to do myself justice if I don’t allow myself free-reign to sample anything that works within the concept of the beat-tape. For example, Led Zeppelins breaks, which have already been heavily recycled in Hip-Hop, are not out of copyright but would be subject to the idea of De-Minimis. Many cartoons, tv shows, and films I wish to sample from will also not be out of copyright because I grew up in the late 90s and early 2000s.

(IF) any track does blow up I will sort it out with PRS and the publishing companies after the fact. There are a few things I can do to minimise the risk of any lawsuit, however, I will sample from family archives, cassette tapes, films, my own vinyl collection and attempt to, following in the footsteps of DJ Shadow, take obscure snippets and manipulate them or transform them in a way which makes them my own. On DJ Shadow’s debut album Endtroducing he sampled more obscure records, making it a sort of rule to avoid popular material; he said: "I've always pushed myself to use obscure things, and if I use something obvious, it's usually only to break my own rules.” (Keyboard, 1997). Also sampling from other Hip-Hop artists usually means you are okay and they won’t sue, so there will be a few samples (mainly vocals) from other Hip-Hop songs in The Tape.

ICE TEA

A beat that I started working on this week is called ICE TEA which is based on a sample from an acapella by Jamaican artists Home T, Cutty Ranks and Cocoa Tea. The rest of the instrumentation is mine but there are other sampled vocal shots from other Reggae tunes in the beat. There are going to be multiple samples taken from some of my favourite Reggae artists throughout ‘The Tape’. This is one example that links to my love of Jamaican music. When I was a teenager I was heavily into Reggae and Bob Marley and became a Mod. For a long period of my youth I identified as a mod/casual it wasn't a particularly popular sub-culture it just fitted with my musical tastes at the time. I love Soul and classic Reggae and Dub, and used to go to Channel One nights at a local venue in Tooting. My mate ‘Skinhead Dean’ is a DJ and runs Good Intentions sound system, he introduced me to loads of great Reggae and Ska and I used to go to their Up their Junction night. Brighton and Carnaby Street were favourites and where I got the gear, I used to have a parka, tonic suits and all swag (I still have my tonic suit).

References:

Skelton, E., & Simpson, P. (2020). A Conversation With Madlib, the Best Hip-Hop Producer of 2019. Retrieved 2020, from Complex website: https://www.complex.com/music/madlib-interview-best-hip-hop-producer-2019

Read, C. (2017). A History of Sampling w/ Chris Read (WhoSampled) at Point Blank London [YouTube Video]. Retrieved 2020, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SZGobMX9I48

Said, A. (2016). Hip Hop & Copyright Part 2: You Can Be Sued for Samples on Free Mixtapes. Retrieved 2020, from HipHopDX website: https://hiphopdx.com/editorials/id.3197/title.hip-hop-copyright-part-2-you-can-be-sued-for-samples-on-free-mixtapes

Khoo, Y. (2019). Sampling: Is imitation really the sincerest form of flattery? Retrieved 2020, from PHASER website: https://phasermagazine.com/main/2019/11/29/sampling-is-imitation-really-the-sincerest-form-of-flattery

Richards, C. (2012). The court case that changed hip-hop — from Public Enemy to Kanye — forever. The Washington Post. Retrieved 2020, from https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/the-court-case-that-changed-hip-hop--from-public-enemy-to-kanye--forever/2012/07/06/gJQAVWr0RW_story.html?noredirect=on&utm_term=.6cdf1ff6573c

UCLA Extension. (2018). Stan Lee Keynote at the 2017 Graduation Ceremony [YouTube Video]. Retrieved 2020, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eMo9Guj5gCc

Keyboard. (1997). WebCite Query Result. Keyboard. Retrieved 2020, from https://www.webcitation.org/6FGMHPpaB?url=http://www.solesides.com/winblad/shadowkeyboard1097.html

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brooklyn-penny-blog · 7 years

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Me too.

I was 13 when I met him. I was in the 8th grade, my best friend Jessica was a freshman in high school and was dating a sophomore who sang in a pop punk band called Harper's Drive. He wasn't a good singer, even by pop-punk standards, but the mere fact that he was in a band upped his cool factor to about a 9. Harpers Drive was performing in a benefit concert for the high school's marching band, and Jess had invited me along. The show took place in the high school's performing arts center and while it wasn't the first rock show I'd been to, I was in a position where any band performing live might as well have been Green Day.

I don't remember much of the concert, but I do remember that Jess and I were able to go backstage, a fantasy of just about any young girl. I met a lot of local musicians (who may as well have been rock stars to be honest), but one in particular stood out to me. He was just about my height, had spiked up, faded orange hair and I assumed he was about 16 years old. We were in a high school, after all.

Boys didn't pay too much attention to me. I was thicker and curvier than most of the girls in my grade. I had developed early, and while I wasn't overweight, my body appeared to be more of a full-grown woman than a middle school student. I struggled with body-image issues, was bullied over my weight and the fact that I chose a "goth" or "punk" aesthetic rather than the more American Eagle brand of many of my peers. I chose deliberately to be an outcast, and I liked it that way.

He paid attention to me. He commented on my outfit and accessories. I remember I was wearing dickies brand slacks, a thrift store tee, and a rubber wrist cuff with fake rubber spikes. He ran his fingers over them and referred to them as "safety spikes". I didn't necessarily know what it was like to be flirted with, but it seemed to me that he was coming on to me-- and as sad as it sounds, in that moment I felt alive and valid and mature. It was thrilling.

I found out shortly after that he was the drummer for the headlining act. This sent my heart into a tailspin- because this musician, this rock star, had paid attention to me. I could swear that he was making eyes at me from behind his drum kit. This was also the first time I had ever heard ska music. My life was changing that night-- and the entire evening felt... monumental.

Jess and I had been giggling the entire time and after some convincing and a rather impassioned pep-talk, I worked up the courage to rush the stage with a group of fellow squealing teenagers and at the end of their final song I leaned down and kissed the drummer boy on the cheek.

Before the evening ended we had exchanged AIM screen names and I went home, my heart all a-flutter because I had met a boy who was cool, funny, talented, cute, and totally into me.

The following day, I logged on and he wrote to me. We chatted for a moment before he mentioned he was at work. I was confused because normally, after-school jobs for high schoolers didn't lend themselves to being behind a computer screen. Not in 2003 anyway. And that's when I found out that he was not 16, or even in high school. He was 21, and he was at his regular job where he cared for teenagers with disabilities.

He admitted to me that he thought I was 16 (in hindsight, this doesn't make the tale any less squeamish) and when I told him that I was 13 and in the eighth grade he was disappointed because he thought I was "really sexy". To which I replied that I felt the same, and we decided that it was only appropriate that our friendship remain platonic.

There was not one single part of me at this point in my life that realized that any sort of relationship with a grown man in his twenties who had any sort of sexual desire for me, a thirteen year old girl, was safe or appropriate in any possible way. Before I go further, I feel it is imperative to note that 1) at 21, no one should be attempting to have physical, sexual, relationships with 16 year old children and 2) even if this was the case, the moment he discovered I was 13 years old, he should have blocked my username and pretended he never met me. Whatever heartache I may have felt I could easily overcome.

We agreed to remain platonic friends. The two of us often chatting when I got home from school and logged on. After a few weeks, he invited me to help him flyer for his band's next show the following weekend. I felt very cool, being asked by the drummer of my (now) favorite band, to help him promote his upcoming show. I invited Jess and her boyfriend along (the boyfriend had a car) and we all met at the local mall to hand out flyers to the other "cool" kids. After a few hours of passing out flyers, he invited the three of us back to his house which was nearby. The band had built a recording studio in the living room and he wanted to show us. I can't begin to tell you how much this excited me. I felt like I was getting a glimpse into a world where I didn't belong.

I was teased and bullied and felt like a troll at school, but that day I felt like a fun, fearless, beautiful young woman with an all-access backstage pass. The three of us went over to his house, he showed us around, gave us each a beer and invited me back to his room alone.

Jess and her boyfriend were anxious to be alone. The pair had a vibrant sexual chemistry, the kind that can only occur between two enthusiastically hormonal teenagers in young love. And I do not at all hold either of them at fault for the (however tame) indiscretions that followed.

I went to his room. He kissed me, like I had never been kissed before. He lay me down on the bed, lifted my shirt, fondled and kissed my breasts. He stopped himself, told me that it wasn't right and that if we wanted to fool around we had to wait until I was older. Ashamed and embarrassed, I put my bra back on and went back to my friends.

I didn't see him for a while after that, but we stayed in contact via instant messenger. At some point between this and the second offense, I received threatening IM's from his girlfriend at the time (who I didn't yet know existed. She comes back into this later). He assured me she was his ex and that because he and I were "platonic" friends, I had nothing to worry about.

I spent most of that summer visiting my dad in Oklahoma. At the suggestion of the drummer, I went to check out another ska band at a show in Norman. It was there that I met a trombone player named Thom. With an h. Really that's how he spelled it. I don't know how old Thom was, but he was tall, and classically handsome. We flirted and made plans to go on a date a few days later. My sister agreed to help cover for me. We told our dad that we were seeing a movie with her boyfriend so she could drop me off with Thom, and she would come back to get me a few hours later. I was now 14.

The night before the date I was chatting online with the drummer. I confided in him that I was nervous because I really liked Thom and I had never been on a date before. The drummer asked me if I was going to suck Thom's dick. I admitted that I had never done that before, the drummer offered to teach me how to do it. He then went into graphic detail about how to properly give a blow job, continuously referencing his own cock, mentioning casually how he wished he were there with me so he could teach me in person.

The following night I went out with Thom, we went and got slushes, pulled into a parking lot. I sucked his dick. He brought me back to my sister who took me home and I never heard from Thom again. Which was fine. This story isn't about him.

My first month of my freshman year of high school I caught wind that the band was having another benefit concert, and my drummer's band was once again headlining (it turned out the trombone player for that band had a daughter in my school's marching band). Jess and I once again got dolled up and joined the fun. But this time, rather than rushing the stage to give (what I thought was) a 16 year old boy a kiss on the cheek, I wound up backstage giving a (now) 22 year old man a blow job.

A few months after this incident, I was newly single from my first ever high school "boyfriend" (the term is in quotes because really we never made it official, but i loved him, spent the majority of my time with him, and gave him lots of head-- all of which went unreciprocated-- which is beside the point) I found myself always going back to him for validation. Whenever I felt down or like I was worthless or boys didn't like me and never would, I'd find myself chatting with him online. He'd say something complimentary (predatory) and I'd feel better.

Jess and I kept going to his band's shows. We had both grown to truly love ska music, it both lifted us up and made our young hearts soar. But at nearly every show, I would find a dark corner to lure him to so I could suck his dick.

A few months later I received another IM from the girlfriend who had threatened me a year before. She was apologetic and admitted to feeling "crazy" and jealous. She wanted to make things right and knew that I meant a lot to him, so she wanted to get to know me. I thought she was the epitome of cool. She had funky colored hair and an eccentric, pin-up sense of style that I admired and adored. I wanted to be her. She was younger than him, but still much older than me. She was 19.

She invited me over to the apartment that they shared. I told my mom I was going over to another (age-appropriate) friend's house and she picked me up in her silver Volkswagen bug and took me to their apartment on the Westside. We drank beer and played Nintendo as the two of them told me about their non-traditional relationship. The two of them were "open", a brand new concept to me. I had only known about monogamous relationships and could hardly wrap my head around the idea that two people could be together and also be with other people.

After a few drinks, she kissed me. And the two of us made out for quite some time while he watched. They got riled up and led me to their bedroom where they proceeded to have sex with each other while I lay next to them. Occasionally one of their hands would reach over and touch my breasts, a mouth would meet my mouth. At some point I slipped out and waited on the balcony for them to finish. I was still a virgin.

I was curious, because for the past year he had been the only constant. Something about this man made me feel important, and valuable. I believed that I had genuine feelings for him.

I was informed (not asked) that I was the girlfriend of both of them by her in a text message. I had told her that I was so happy we were friends now, and she responded "we are more than friends, you're a girl I'm seeing". I said "what am I to him?" She said "you're a girl he's seeing". "So I'm dating both of you?" "Yes".

I am, at this point in the story, now 15. I have known this man and been intimate with this man for two years. He is now 22. I have just been told by his girlfriend that, even though I considered myself to be heterosexual and had never touched a woman further than kissing that I am currently in a polyamorous relationship with two adults. And I just... went along with it.

Because I was a deliberate outcast, and I suddenly felt cool and special and different and valid and important. I couldn't see what I see now, that I was a strange pawn in their hebephilic sex games. I don't think I was special- I think I was 15 and willing.

I went back over to their apartment a few more times for a few other parties. Occasionally I'd bring a friend with me so as to not completely lie to my mother. Every time I went there I'd wind up participating in kissing and fondling with either or both of them.

The last time I went over there alone, I told my mother I was sleeping over at a different friend's house. The three of us had some drinks and put a movie on. I made the first move on him, kissing him. She became jealous and left in a huff. He tore my clothes off and lead me to their guest bedroom. He took off his underwear and said "are you sure?" And I said "yep".

It didn't hurt. I don't remember if I liked it. When we were done he tucked me in, kissed me on the forehead and went to his bedroom. She came home later, said goodnight, kissed me on the forehead and went to their bedroom.

The following morning she drove me home. I didn't call, text, or reach out to either of them for two months. She texted me a few weeks later and told me she knew he had taken my virginity and asked me why I didn't tell her. That I should always feel comfortable telling her secrets. I told her that I didn't want to date them anymore.

A few months later, we had all decided just to be friends. Their house became the party house for me and my high school friend group. Me, Jess, and three boys would all go over to their house every Friday. He'd buy us all booze. We'd play drinking games and usually all wind up naked, but we'd always be home by curfew.

I slept with him a few more times. Eventually I'd have other boyfriends, and they eventually broke up. He'd still have us over, I'd bring over new friends, younger friends that he would either sleep with or try to sleep with. I felt possessive of him, and would be angry when he wanted to touch other high school girls who weren't me. He once yelled at me and accused me of not wanting him to fuck anyone but me.

I started college and saw him infrequently. He still had parties, there were still teenage girls all over him. We were in contact until he was about 26/27. Eventually it tapered off. I was busy with my life, a live-in boyfriend, school, work at camp. He wasn't a priority for me anymore.

The last major significant interaction I had with him I was 21 years old and was drinking legally in a bar downtown. We ran into each other. It was like two old friends meeting up after "all this time". He was shocked because he'd known me for so long

"Man this is crazy! You're 21 now!"

"I know, right?"

"I've known you for so long, how long has it been?"

"I was 13 when we met so... 8 years?"

"Damn... damn... hey listen, I am so sorry. For everything. The way I treated you was really shitty."

"You know what, its fine. I forgive you"

But... it wasn't until he apologized that I realized he had something to apologize for. And suddenly it all came rushing back. He picked me up when I was 13 years old, fondled me, groomed me, he owned me. And when I reacted in a negative way, he attempted to gaslight me, called me crazy and hysterical and possessive. He took my virginity over beers when I was 15 years old, in braces, after a rousing session of Mario Kart on his fucking GameCube. And I, in the process, was taught that I was only valuable, cool, important, beautiful, worthy, interesting, special- if I was the object of someone's sexual desire.

This has affected me throughout my twenties. It wasn't until two years ago, at 26 that I experienced sexual desire on my end. I had lots of sex between when I lost my virginity until then, but never because I really, truly wanted to. I had sex because I wanted them to like me. I wanted them to value me. I wanted to be important to them. I thought that if I gave them what they wanted, that they would reciprocate with love and affection. That was not the case, so when I was rejected (which was often) I punished and blamed myself. I did horrible things to my body (mostly restricting and purging my food).

On some level I take responsibility for the role I played in these five years of my life. I kept going back to him, I never told him I was uncomfortable or had any inclination that what was happening was wrong. But, I was a kid. I was young, vulnerable, and he was the adult. He should have stopped it before it even began. He took advantage of my naivety, my innocence, my insecurities and used them to take my virginity and continue to commit statutory rape over and over again until I wasn't an option for him anymore.

I am now 28 years old. I remember when I was 21, 22, 23 thinking if I would ever consider someone as young as 13,14, or 15 an option as a sexual partner. The mere thought of it turned my stomach. It felt icky and wrong. I worked with kids that age at the camp in the summer, I was responsible for their well-being. I wondered what kind of sick and twisted shit would have to go wrong in my life for me to do the kinds of things that he did to me. I cannot even fathom.

In recent years I've been involved on and off with group chats with my old buddies from high school. They've said his name. Most of them are still friends with him and see him from time to time. I've asked that when I come home for visits that he not be invited to hang out with us. None of them (the boys, Jessica gets it) understand why. "He didn't rape you." "We were all there, you wanted it!"

I was hesitant to post "me too" because even now, after writing this- I still feel that it is my fault. I feel like I am somehow to blame and that what happened to me "doesn't count".

Let's assume that it doesn't. Let's also assume that catcalls, or being followed home in the rain from the subway by a guy begging me for my phone number doesn't count. I'll tell a much shorter story:

Two years ago I went on a date with a man who I knew was trouble. He was clearly unstable and had reached out to me after years of radio silence after our first date (we drunkenly made out for hours but didn't sleep together) and left me countless drunken voicemails about how I was the one who got away. I agreed to meet up with him, had one drink and felt drunker than I'd ever felt. The majority of the night I remember in vague, hazy vignettes. I totally blacked out as we got into a cab and I came to in someone's front yard with my tights and panties around my ankles. He was pulling on his pants. I told him I needed to get home. He told me I was home. I told him I lived in Brooklyn. He told me we were in Brooklyn and kept trying to convince me that we were at my house. I finally managed to tell him my address and he helped me get in a cab and take me to my actual home. He helped me up the stairs, kissed me goodnight and left. The next morning he told me that we had sex and it was my idea, he couldn't have said no if he wanted to and that he hopes I remember it next time. I have no evidence of whether or not there was something in the one drink I had before the world started spinning. I know I had at least two more drinks that night. But I do know that I was in no position to consent to any sexual contact that night. I blocked his number and social media channels. I stopped dating.

Whenever I start to think that mine don't count, I have to think seriously-- would it matter if it happened to Jessica? To my sister? My mother? My colleagues or clients? Of course it would. So why should it not matter that it happened to me?

So yeah, I guess, me too.

#me too #trigger warning

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