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unravelling-the-world · 3 years

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random thoughts related to kagepro (tw for depression?? death?? suicide ?? implied ?? im not sure and idk what else read at ur own risk)

well idk lately ive been thinking a lot and ik ive uh always (? since i can remember?) have been depressed (i mean...it started around age 12...i dont really remember much before that. most of what i remember are bad moments anyways. or very specific scenes. but they dont feel mine. if that makes sense. its like remembering the scene from a movie. back on track i guess idk well lately ive realized i actually kin some characters and lately ive...been relating a lot to shintaro kisaragi fromkagepro. i mean its ok. there´s always been that specific similarity in us (after all, how many characters in anime are as related to coca cola as shintaro //and me,,im literally a coca cola addict lmao// well anyways. after some days, this lead me to thinking...to a hidden memory within my brain, i guess. I remember introducing my then best friends, to kagepro. one told me haha he´s like u bc the coca cola!! and i think i just laughed and smiled? i truly didn´t see it? i was sad sure, but i couldnt really relate to him. after all, i was the leader of my own little group of 12 year old weebs,right? (i was also 12 btw) i didnt personally dislike shintaro but i didnt rly see myself in him yknow? also i have loved ayano from ever since i have memory so idk like she´s one of my biggest comfort characters and its weird bc if she was ´´real´´ idk if i could date her or anything but im just glad she exists bc it somehow comforts me a lot yeah anyways ayano essay for another time lol. anyways at this age my favorite characters in kagepro were ayano and konoha ( i still love them a lot) thing is, at this point in my life i didnt know/wasnt aware i was transgender but i already kinda liked he/him pronouns so i roleplayed a lot. online. i roleplayed as konoha obviously lmao and actually one of my irl friends related to shintaro ?? and i think we may have roleplayed lmao and stuff.... she even had a facebook account named shin hikkikomori or smth like that. anyways fast forward bc after being 12 a lot of stuff happened obviously. and none of that relates to kagepro until quite some time. i will mention some items that dont really relate to kagepro but marked moments in my friend group that may be relevant later on. Around 2016)? Some of my closest friends changed schools (but we kept contact) yet i still had a big group at school. But it got fragmented along the way. 2017 i went to Japan and formed a new, different friend group with people that even today, are dear to me. When i came back, my friend group fragmented more. I kept contact with other members of the old group but one on one, not as a group anymore. 2018 we graduated, and i broke up my realtionship with one of my former best friends (2016-2018) 2019 was a year of change, and even though i was afraid and shit got weird, i was not doing too bad. i will skip that. Well. Im sure we all know 2020 was a trainwreck, shit happened. i had a villain arc. I lost my shit,definetely. Ups, downs, whatever. 2021 has not been too different. However, even through everything, in early 2020, i kept close relationships with my friend group. as the year moved forward and the restrictions started lifting ( thank you government very cool <3 //ironically obviously, this is the reason this shit wont go away//) some of my friends saw each other irl and stuff, or talked about stuff i didn´t understand/didn´t want to hear while on discord. I felt alienated. I felt empty. I got mad at a friend for the first time, for something he said. I ended up isolating myself. A friend celebrated her birthday. She invited me and never excluded me, asked me a lot of things and asked to virtually include me. But that would just make me feel more alienated, wouldn´t it? I told her it was ok, i didn´t go. Honestly, I felt like a bother. I didn´t want to bother. I wasn´t okay, but i didn´t want to bother anyone, so i isolated myself. I had a very bad breakdown. lasted weeks. When I recovered, it wasn´t the same. It felt like everyone else was closer, while i drifted away. I kind of recconected with some of my friends from Japan after this. In the vacations, i felt like i reconnected with some friends just to drift away again later. However, i never could reconnect with one of my best friends. She never really got mad at me or anything ( i think) but we don´t really talk much anymore. We used to talk daily, be it actual talking, memes, anything. I don´t think we´ve actually talked in weeks. There´s nothing I can do. This year, another friend had a birthday, but I was so disconnected from everyone I didn´t even care. I mean. It´s all broken now, isn´t it? The other day I just started wondering. When did I start relating to Shintaro so much? I had always been like this, hadn´t I? Who am I, actually? Why do I relate so much now? It´s not just about the soda. I had lost friends before, but I never really felt like that. Sometimes I feel like I´ve lost everyone. In a one year span I became a hikkikomori. About a month ago, when I entered classes, I was recognized as Shintaro pfp and I admitted to kinning him to people i´d never talked to before (on chat) // I decided to go apeshit idc anymore about what anyone thinks of me// I had fun. I think I must´ve posted on my stories, because two different people told me they were the ene to my shintaro. I appreciated it. i mean it´s kinda true bc now that i´m only on the pc they do bother me online and try to get me to open up or get better but sometimes the just annoy me lmao but also not bc they all have their own particular lives and they all seem to be doing better than me. Still, my classmates are very nice and inclusive. But it´s not like im close to any of them I guess. I´m just alone now. I´m fucked up man....I don´t feel real anymore. I don´t really know who I am. I guess that´s why I find comfort in seeing a part of myself in Shintaro? But when did i turn out like this? Why didn´t I relate when I was younger? Well, I hadn´t really lost any friends back then. I now know how painful that is. How lonely it is to be alone even when there is people around. idk. and i´ve always been quiet. introverted. shy. a loser. yet now whenever i meet anyone i try to idk connect? but i cant. i wish i could be more evil. maybe it´d just be easier if everyone really, truly hated me. maybe i´d get the strength to actually kill myself then. it´s weird. i really see myself in route xx shintaro. I know that´s fucked up because I know how it ends. but truly, i was trying. I was healing, i think i was going somewhere. and i was trying to keep my newly formed renovated friend group together. I really was trying to. I didn´t mind if we had sub groups on the big group, but we were all there for each other. I tried my best. I felt like i belonged. but now im alone again. and this time there´s nothing i can do. if something, i´ve made it worse. and i keep making it worse. it´s weird. when i first got into kagepro, both shintaro and ayano felt like adults. i thought they were really, really big. im older than them now. now i know theyre not really adults. i get it. i still feel 18. after all, these last two years have been taken away from me. i didnt waste them myself this time. i feel like a rotten 18 year old...when i listen to lost time memory, i just...get it. i always liked the song. i thought the story was so cool. when it first came out.. i still remember. iwas there. i waited for it. i loved it. i still do, but back then, i just saw it all as some really great and cool song. now i feel like i really, really get it. i love it even more. im hiding away in all my memories. but what is my true heart? what do i really want? i don´t know, i don´t know... If I'm 'wise' then, I can't face forward; I have no reason to so, I'll rot away instead It would be nice if time could be turned back. Years may pass but I'll never die I repeat hopeful words to myself, even though I know I still won't be able to reach you. "It doesn't matter, just die already!" I said as I clutched my wrist, simply cursing it. Unable to do anything, I merely indulged myself in life. "If summer can show me dreams, then let's go to before you were taken away" The days where I hid my embarrassment are illuminating upon the atmosphere and burning my mind. If I'm wishing for a dream that can't come true, then I'll embrace this blurry past and have a dream which I don't wake up from and naturally seclude myself from the outside world. "But that means you can't even see tomorrow?" I don't really care 'bout that, so it's ok I stained my hands in order to kill these boring days I'm choosing "solitude" after all A rotten boy at 18 today too, prayed again while clinging on to your colored smile Underneath the blazing sun Asking "Somehow, please take me away instead of leaving like this!" and my murmuring breath was quietly stopped

I guess i just wish someone could actually help me. take me out of this hole. Maybe some kind of closure would be nice. It´s not the same, though. I don´t have enough bravery in myself to actually kill myself. Mostly because of guilt. I can´t take the guilt of dissapointing everyone. I don´t want my parents to get hurt. I don´t want my bunny to miss me. Yet i wish everyday for it to be over. Lately, half of my dreams have been in Japan, with many friends, some who i met there, some who have never been there. Yet my brain shows me the dreams before it was all taken away. I think one of my favorite parts of the day is dreaming. I like to sleep simply because I dream. And i sleep very few. mayb bc i hate myself? I still barely indulge in life. I do anything to stay distracted. If i think, it all goes to shit. it all does. like now. Heh. it´s funny. I guess no one is truly my ene, because no one actually knows how mentally fucked up i got these past months. No one knows how badly i´ve been treating myself and how badly i´ve been doing. Still, i can´t tell anyone but scream it into the tumblr void. No one has to keep up with my shit. No one has to take care of me. After all, it was I who chose solitude. It was me who kept them away. But I don´t get a second choice. I don´t get a change of routes if things go sour. And i guess I don´t get to get a mentally fucked up friend group where I belong for a second time. Once was good enough, wasn´t it? I.. Even when I wasnt as deep as i am now (again) into kagepro, ive always wanted to die on August 15. It holds meaning to me now as well. Every year I used to ask people to go out with me that day. I know im not brave enough to kill myself. I always hoped for a lil miracle i guess. Last year was the first year...I didn´t do anything. I just... I just hope this year i can make it. I hope the miracle happens this year....I can only hope......its too late for me to be saved, isn´t it? I never thought it´d be like this. I don´t get closure. I don´t get goodbyes. I am left behind on a world that keeps moving. I am nothing.

#long post #hinatalks #we live in a society #fr fr #when i die....if god is real..i´ll end this once and for all. all of it #i am left with nothing but pain and anger.... i cant even feel anymore. i think i forgot how to

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mon-d-i-e-u · 6 years

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i was tagged by the ever wonderful @yikespeare (thank you darling 😘)

What was your last… 1. Drink: tea. a flowery, spicy one. 2. Phone call: uhh a friend of mine called me to let me know she was outside (we were going to ikea) 3. Text message: to another friend, trying to make Infinity War plans 4. Song you listened to: fleetwood mac - “the chain” 5. Time you cried: tuesday? idk i was really stressed but probably tuesday — Have you ever… 6. Dated someone twice: nah 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: yeah 8. Been cheated on: nope 9. Lost someone special: yep 10. Been depressed: i mean yeah, up to this day 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: woo yep — Fave colours 12. pink 13. red 14. yellow — In the last year have you… 15. Made new friends: yep, when i started uni! 16. Fallen out of love: i did, but then i fell back :))) 17. Laughed until you cried: multiple times! 18. Found out someone was talking about you: i don’t think so? 19. Met someone who changed you: probably 20. Found out who your friends are: sorta 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list: i honestly don’t remember — General 22. How many your Facebook friends do you know irl: most of them 23. Do you have any pets: i have a cat named sushi 24. Do you want to change your name: hooo yeah i do, but i don’t know what to 25. What did you do for your last birthday: i don’t remember? i don’t really celebrate it so like it was probably nothing big. 26. What time did you wake up today: like 11 27. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching buzzfeed unsolved 28. What is something you can’t wait for: dude i just wanna be loved, and have love to give in return 29. What is your favourite animal: cats! or like foxes, crows, ravens or wolves but mostly cats. 30. What are you listening to right now: “Crazier Than You” from the Addams Family musical 31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeah 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves: family drama, deadlines and when people walk slowly (when i’m in a hurry) 33. Most visited website: tumblr or youtube 34. Hair colour: auburn? like reddish brown ish 35. Long or short hair: pretty medium, i have kind of a long bob (or a lob) atm 36. Do you have a crush on someone: not actively, but there’s a person i get fluttery feelings about when i think about 37. What do you like about yourself: i guess my eyes are like kinda okay and i can make an okay omelette (i’m not in the right mindset to be answering this) 38. Want any piercings: i think septum piercings and maybe some extra ear piercings could be cool, but i have no current plans 39. Blood type: a negative (i think? (what vampire wrote this)) 40. Nicknames: i get my last name sometimes but not much else 41. Relationship status: single and tired of it 42. Sign: libra 43. Pronouns: she/her or they/them 44. Fave tv show: brooklyn nine nine atm? 45. Tattoos: 0 46. Right or left handed: right 47. Ever had surgery: nope 48. Piercings: just ears 49. Sport: nope 50. Vacation: i wanna go back to paris, and i’d love to see new zealand 51. Trainers: ye ur asking the wrong person, the only trainers i have are unbranded

— More General 52. Eating: i am trying to eat healthier because i need to lose weight to fit into my bunad 53. Drinking: what does this mean dude 54. I’m about watch: some buzzfeed videos or smth 55. Waiting for: love? to get a job? my dang package from adlibris? 56. Want: motivation, a gf/bf/idk what the gender neutral term is, new leather gloves 57. Get married: if i find someone i want to marry 58. Career: i either wanna work for like the un or some other international organisation, but i am most likely gonna be a teacher — Which is better 59. Hugs or kisses: kisses are good but a really good hug is underrated 60. Lips or eyes: eyes 61. Taller or shorter: taller because one of us needs to reach the top shelves 62. Older or younger: no younger than 18, and up to like 5 years older i would say? 63. Nice arms or stomach: arms 64. Hookups or relationships: relationship 65. Troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant when my brain works, troublemaker when i have energy — Have you ever 66. Kissed a stranger: yeah 67. Drank hard liquor: yes 68. Turned someone down: yup 70. Broken someone’s heart: i mean like, i hope not but maybe 71. Had your heart broken: nah 72. Been arrested: nah 73. Cried when someone died: yep 74. Fallen for a friend: well, not properly — Do you believe in 75. Yourself: (screenshot from john mulaney’s delta airlines scetch, you know the one) 76. Miracles: once in a while 77. Love at first sight: for some people? 78. Santa Claus: nope 79. Angels: nah — Misc 80. Eye colour: brown/green/hazel ish 81. Best friend’s name: oliver is the only person i’d think i’d rank as a best friend 82. Favourite movie: i have loads 83. Favourite actor: this is a biphobic question i have a long ass list 84. Favourite cartoon: have i watched A Cartoon the last years? i’m honestly not sure because i have terrible memory 85. Favourite teacher’s name: idk

i tag: @snusmmumrikken, @glitterfeyrac, @spicyenjolras, @probably-pride-related, @sssara-b, @dadeadfox

#i messed up the code a bit but whatevz #tag thing #long post #you don't have to do it if you don't want to etc #text #offline

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stuprosu · 4 years

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march 17th, 2020 1:50 AM

yeah

listen

it’s pretty well established that i am absolutely atrocious at keeping this updated. and i always say that i am going to keep it updated. but i never fucking do, do i? so i’ll say it again. and maybe i’ll mean it it this time. but i really do want to keep this up. there’s so much that i am forgetting lately. things i shouldn’t be forgetting. things i want to remember. this is another situation where i am going to have to outline each thing by each month. hold on to your butts.

[october 2018] see i don’t remember even what’s going on. this is almost two years ago. i saw the national this month. i also went on a date with sam. it went fine but i just wanted to be friends... so he ghosted me. yahoo. it’s coming back to me now. i go to worlds of fun with kady, marissa, ashleigh, amanda, and conner... love these goons so much.

[november 2018] my other friend - an online friend, one that lived close. we talked all the time and we played a lot of overwatch and shit together. and i’m intelligent. i’m smart. i know when i’m being taken advantage, or know when people try to do this. he asks me out on a date. we meet up in leavenworth. we spend the whole day together and we drink alcohol. i found out later i have a pretty severe alcohol intolerance. i don’t remember much of that night. maybe everything that falls down eventually rises. that whole experience was that stupid fucking bright eyes song. i can’t remember much - that pretty much makes it nonconsensual, right? i have no memory. but it’s been too long. the next day he texts me and tells me he only wants to be friends. i only remember him kissing me and his house and brooklyn 99. my aunt said i was pretty incoherent when he dropped me back off there at 2am.

i don’t really know what to make of that whole situation. best to not think about it. we have a friendsgiving. but we don’t relaspe. i actually took up smoking, lmao. i cut him completely out of my life. i am talking to people again. i start dating a boy named drew. we were both pretty lonely people.

[december 2018] yooo drew gets in a fucking wreck after leaving my house at 2am lmao i forgot about that. he was trying to avoid a snowstorm and like broke his femur in half. he was hospitalized for 2 weeks. i visited him. he couldn’t walk for about two months. i felt really bad but i didn’t really want to keep dating him. the whole thing was my fault and i don’t know how to feel about it even now. nothing else much happened during this month. someone wrecked into my parked car. i got zaba this month, my ball python.

[january 2019] kady asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. i break up with drew. it’s cold as fuck. i am sure there are other details. oh, ashleigh tells kady and i she will not be renewing the lease as she is going to move in with her boyfriend. ashleigh, in the past, like august 2018? was dating this homophobe so i didn’t talk to her. when he dumped her (after taking the old v card, which she told me about, which i responded to with indifference, which upset her) i was there to pick up the pieces but i told her she made a really dumb decision and i don’t know what else she expected and that it hurt that she knew my feelings about something and still dating someone so gross. ANYWAYS. new boyfriend. ashleigh wants to move in with the new boyfriend even though they havent even been dating a month... okay. we tell her not to. she doesn’t listen. ashleigh just starts being shady as fuck. jake , her bf, dumps after 2 weeks after she decides to not renew the lease. dumbass.

ashleigh is still set to move out in may, when the lease is up. so, that’s not my problem.

[february 2019] i really love my classes. i took ornithology that semester and i really loved it. i also cut my hair then and i came out publicly as bisexaul cause i realized how problematic being pansexual is. i also think i came out publicly as a nonbinary person, too. for so long i had issues with my gender, but i always pushed it aside and literally told myself don’t think about it, don’t worry about it, just stop. cringily, steven universe helped me figure out a label for what i was experiencing through rebecca sugar. pretty awesome stuff.

[march 2019] a lot of shit went down this month. ashleigh started dating a guy named zane, who she first originally described to me as a creepy guy in her history class. they went on one date and fucked in her CAR in a museum PARKING LOT. lmao and then proceeds to never sleep with him at our apartment, but will book hotels and shit. like how self conscious can you be?? anyways. i am fed up with it and i vent to some discord server and forgot ashleigh was in it. i delete it just in case but turns out she got screenshots and never told me. ash wanted to come to nakakon the weekend of march 16. march 15, ashleigh brings over zayn and theyre in her room. kady and conner are watching the office and marissa is there too.

i come home at like 1am and they tell me ZAYN is there and has a fucking GUN on his hip and i’m?? what the fuck. so we start playing that episode of the office with gun safety dwight really really loudly. and then marissa messages ash and asks zayn to put the gun in his car. the gun is a REVOLVER and doesn’t have a fucking safety. she also doesnt have a gun safe? everyone is just super uncomfortable. zayn comes out and makes a huge deal. he tells us we’re being immature and that it isn’t a big deal. i said something along the lines that we live here, he didn’t ask, we’re uncomfortable, respect it or perish, smth like that. he leaves to go put it in his car. comes back in and starts it back up. says that “the big scary gun is put away” shut up cuck.

anyways we get into and conner steps in because zayn is yelling at me and i am ready to brawl. zayn mentions something abuot how i treat ash like shit. i can only assume she showed him the screenshots of my discord message lmaoooo . anyways the day after that incident ! i cannot resolve it because ash is coming with me and staying at my dad’s apartment with marissa and i for nakakon. ashleigh is really obnoxious some of the time but mostly quiet. but since we were in such close quarters, i couldn’t bring up the whole shit with zayn. so.

i am fed up and amanda, kady, marissa, ash, and i go to ihop to try and hash this out. we have a talking straw. we talk about alllll of our issues. i thought it went good. i was not aware that ash was aware of the screenshots. we told ash we were uncomfortable with zayn and would appreciate if he would apologize for disrespecting kady and i in our home and how he talked to me especially. this wasn’t unreasonable, considering three other people were witness to how zayn was talking to me.

zayn said to ashleigh he wouldn;t apologize because he’d done nothing wrong. i told ashleigh i didn’t want him in the apartment. she moved out at this point and we got into it pretty heavily over messenger. ashleigh blocked all of us on facebook. i miss her but she’s a really toxic person who is in a relationship with a really toxic trump supporter who hates antifa and is really cringe.

[april 2019] nothing much happened. college is good. i still have a massive crush on carter. marissa moved in. she has found out i am a giant recluse by nature and i think that has had an impact on our relationship even today. my past journal articles have illustrated i can only take people in doses, but we’ve found how to get along.

[may - july 2019] nothing too crazy happened here either. it was an incredible summer, though. i worked, but i went to the lake so much and got close to toby! i hung out with marissa and kady so much and i really love those two girls. dad and amy are together all the time but they’re not “dating”. i know they are, just amy’s kids are young and wouldn’t understand. i know they’ll tell me when they’re ready. i also watched all of hunter x hunter and loved it. rewatched neon genesis evangelion, too, and loved it. i can’t remember when, but danielle handed marissa a letter for me to read. it was really intense and kind of perception-shattering. i texted her and we agreed to become at least non-hostile and chill with each other. i have really been meaning to see danielle irl and talk to her... but i keep forgetting and don’t have much time during the semester. i feel bad but... i don’t know what else to say. i reached out to her in december but was left on read. that was my fault, as i hadn’t responded to her in months. it’s better than what it was, to say the least.

[august 2019] golden year baby ! just kidding my golden year was whenever i turned nineteen. anyways august is pretty chill. i started my senior year and took entomology. i loved that class so much and had it with carter. i really love the people in my field and i am going to miss them so much. love the biology goons. i also found out from my doctor i am allergic to most alcohols after i had an allergic reaction on my 21st and went to the doctors. i have a pretty severe intolerance. also started playing dragon age again. i don’t really talk to mom at all. my maternal grandfather, cliff, who i have never met/spoken to, has a relationship with my sister ashlee and was at my nephew’s first birthday party. cliff met my brothers and i and was very kind to us. however, i love my aunt shanna with my whole heart and she doesn’t like him at all. there was a very clear and obvious divide of my mom’s sisters and family, like jordan, kenadee, brettney, nana, and my grandfather’s family, like his other children and their spouses. it was all very difficult. i know my grandfather doesn’t have much time left in this world, but he still was rude and treated the family who HAS been there like shit. i know my mom cut my grandfather out, but i am inclined to side with my aunt because she knows best. however, she didn’t pull me aside at the birthday party and tell me not to believe a thing cliff says. cliff, however, did that. told me to believe what nana says and that it was all in the past. that rubbed me the wrong way. i still don’t know what to think about that situation.

[september 2019] just school and work still, nothing crazy. mammalogy trips, entomology trips, school is really really fun and a lot of work but i love it so much! oh, and carter got me a bernie2020 magnet for my birthday.

[october 2019] i saw the band cigarettes after sex. they were really awesome. i broke my glasses. i went to ren fest. nathan was creepy. i saw my mom and my aunt brenna at toby’s marching band game. dad, ash, and bentley were there. it was awkward and i didn’t try talking to my mom. a few months prior i kind of ripped into her on messenger and tried to tell her that i wanted a relationship but she had to acknowledge that what she did in the past was wrong (and i told her exactly what she did wrong, and i had talked about this with my siblings and dad, who agreed) and how she could fix it and how i still wanted her in my life. and she refused to acknowledge this. i kind of broke down over it because i realized my mom was never ever ever going to change and it broke me. anyways, i saw her at the game and i didn’t talk to her and answered her questions with as much grace as i could manage. that’s all. she lives in olathe now. that guy and her broke up. toby lives with dad full time now. dad has a good job and bartends part time at top golf.

[november 2019] there was a praying mantis on my aloe plant! she laid an ootheca. it should hatch any day now :)i went to a deer aging check station. i slept in a bath tub. had some good conservations with my sister. we also had kady’s bridal shower. kaycee’s house is amazing and so is kaycee! i wish she lived closer.

[december 2019] kady got married! it was a really beautiful reception. i finished my semester with all As and Bs! entomology was really hard, but i got a B in there! most people in ento got Cs or Ds so i did really well :) we started playing left for dead again

[january 2020] kady is on her honeymoon. marissa and i watched midsommar on new years eve. i started my new classes. i am taking herpetology and paleontology and local flora. i also TA for plant phys and am doing research with dr. barta! life was pretty good. oh, i tried getting glass animals tickets, but they sold out, so i was really bummed :///

[february 2020] chiefs won the superbowl, played dragon age, went to class. i spend a lot of time with amanda and love her so much. i also got my resume together! waiting to hear back so i can start applying for jobs.

[march 2020] it’s the current month. it’s been a wild month because of the virus. i was supposed to find a place to live by may and a job this month but the virus has made that pretty much impossible. my dad has been reassuring but also not at the same time. it will all work out. i voted for bernie in the primaries. i have become extremely socialist in my views. right now, i am really into NGE and jojo’s bizarre adventure and i am listening to a lot of the kinks. jyro turned 11 this month. 11! he’s getting so old. i hope i can find a place to live but i need to find a job first. it’s a stressful time. hopefully i won’t get the virus but... we will see. also, i’ll try to keep this updated. maybe monthly!

see ya xox

lex

#journal #eleventh post #march #march 17 #2020

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