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frywen-bumbles · 4 years

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The Way to a Man's Heart Goes Through His... Cat? Ch2

Days 6-7: Jaskier gets some unexpected messages and looks after house plants

AO3

Master of Music.

Jaskier loves the sound of it.

What he doesn't love is the half-empty document staring at him from his laptop screen.

'Historical Facts, Recent Myths, Current Connections: The Witchers in Historical and Contemporary Music'

He has all of his research material on hand. He has read through it. Several times. But writing the actual research down isn't happening.

Gods above how much he wishes he could just compose new songs and throw his brain out of the window. He doesn't even believe in any gods but if praying will help writing to happen he's willing to try.

Roach sits on top of the bookshelf, in one of her favourite places to... stare at him. And judge. Or maybe Jaskier feels like the cat is judging him. She hasn't warmed up to him during the first week at all, all she does is stare at him whatever he does but doesn't let him close enough to touch yet alone to brush.

"You know, Roachie if you won't let me touch you soon your owner will have to shave you naked when he returns."

Roach doesn't answer.

Of course, she won't answer. He must be going bonkers. Maybe a walk will help. He doesn't hold high hopes, everything is going shite anyway, what good could one walk do?

He snaps a quick silly selfie of himself and Roach and sends it to Roach's owner, like every day. It doesn't take long for the mark to turn blue to note the message has been seen. No answer, but at this point, Jaskier is not surprised. There has been no answer in the previous days, why break the tradition now? Some people just aren't made for small talk and Jaskier isn't going to force it. Not that he'd want to see the man. No, that would be ridiculous.

He gets lost in his thoughts, trying to figure out how to put together his thesis in some sort of coherent way as he walks to the nearby park. His phone buzzes in his pocket for a new message. He digs it out, not giving it much thought expecting to see a message from Essi or Pricilla. What he sees makes him almost drop his phone in his shock.

Cat dad answered? And with a photo?

A honk makes him realise he's standing in the middle of the road like an idiot and he crosses to the other side to reach the park. Only it feels like he doesn't need to have a walk anymore, this is more excitement than he's had in the entire week.

He opens the message.

A selfie with a blonde girl and a man stare back at him. He feels like his heart will stop.

"Essi?" Jaskier has to talk to someone. He knows he shouldn't, he promised absolute confidentiality. But he will burst if he doesn't talk about this to someone. He will absolutely without a doubt die.

"What is it, Buttercup?" Essi drawls like she has all the time in the world.

"Cat dad it insanely hot!"

"Whaaat? He texted back?"

"Yes! He's off the wall hot? I can't deal with this! How am I supposed to just sit working on his desk knowing what the man looks like? He will haunt my dreams, Essi!"

"Well, spill the tea! What does he look like?"

"You know I can't tell you, just know he's the hottest dude I have ever seen, okay? I can't deal with this. How am I supposed to write academic bullshite when his picture sits on my phone and I could just... look at it whenever I want to?

"Jaskier, for fucks sake. Your thesis is already a year late. You have been promised a place in the doctoral programme. If you keep sitting on your arse with this, instead of being the brightest student at the Uni, you will fail, understand? Get your shite together and stop falling in love with every person you happen to see."

"But, Essiiii... He's really hot!"

"I know, darling. Just keep it in your pants until you've finished with your thesis. Then I give you my permission to go chase the hot cat daddy."

"Melitele forbid, Essi, you're no fun. I wasn't going to chase him! I don't even know where he is. I just can't get over the hotness, okay?"

"Mm hmm, I know you too well. Get back to work or do I need to remind you why you took up pet sitting?"

"No. I'm sorry. I'll take a small walk and then get right back to writing, I promise."

Jaskier does not get back to writing.

He stares at the picture in his phone trying to figure out how a gorgeous man like that could have such an impersonal home. The man has his hair tied back in a messy bun, revealing an undercut which tells the milky white locks are natural. Jaskier didn't know he had a thing for blonds, but he sure as hell does now.

The girl's young, maybe around ten years old, Jaskier isn't sure. Kids aren't exactly his forte, all of his friends are still firmly stuck in their studies instead of having families of their own.

The picture had been taken by the girl, the grin wide on her face suggesting taking it had been her idea. But the soft smile the man has as he looks at the girl is melting Jaskier's heart.

If only someone would look at him like that he could die happy.

A crash from upstairs startles him enough to put down his phone and look at the time. Jaskier tries and fails not to fall into despair. He has wasted another day, not a single word written and how he wishes he could just throw up all of his ideas into coherent text but it is not happening.

He closes his laptop. It's no use. Going like this he'll never graduate.

Roach stares at him from the door, covered in dust and... definitely more dust.

"I'm a mess, aren't I, Roachie?"

Roach doesn't answer. Instead, she screams and runs downstairs, expecting him to follow like a good servant. His phone buzzes for a new message and Jaskier taps it open.

Remember to what the what now? He stares at the message, trying (and failing) to ignore the image above it.

"What the fuck?" he mutters to himself as he makes his way downstairs to stare at the house plants he has given no thought at all up to this point. On the windowsill in the kitchen is a lone cactus, right next to where Roach likes to sit and look to the yard. A cactus completely covered in cat hair and Roach is happy to provide how that particular thing happened. She jumps next to the plant and rubs her head against it, leaving even more hair on the spines.

"Brush the cactus. Okay then..."

Jaskier snaps a picture of the cactus and sends it to the group chat with Essi and Pricilla.

He gets no response. ... appears on the screen several times before crying laughing emojis fill the screen.

He goes to dig through the cabinet where he found cat things and discovers a comb.

"That'll have to do," he sighs and gets to combing the cactus, careful not to harm it. In the end, the cactus comes unharmed from the endeavour but unfortunately, Jaskier doesn't. His palm is adorned with spines he spends a good five minutes plucking out with tweezers.

<lmao>

<lmao???? I'm suffering and you're laughing??? Essi, Pris is being horrible>

Jaskier looks up from his phone when he hears water splashing. He doesn't even want to know what toy the cat has decided to drown now but if he doesn't hurry the whole kitchen will be filled with water.

Roach is happily playing with a toy mouse dunking it in her water bowl and tossing it around, spreading water everywhere.

"Roach, please? Could you just... not do that?" Jaskier begs as he fishes the mouse out of the water bowl and puts it to dry in a cabinet. "This may come as a surprise to you but I do not enjoy mopping the floors after you." He complains as he dutifully takes kitchen towels and dries the kitchen. At least it's better than the time Roach tucked the entire kitchen rug in the water bowl while he was out.

"You are a menace," Jaskier tells Roach after he has cleaned up everything. Roach meows.

Jaskier feels like he has barely fallen asleep when he wakes up. At first, he doesn't understand what woke him, but another yowl has him wide awake. What has him jumping out of the bed and run is the sound of pumping, like someone was trying to unclog a toilet.

"Roach you bastard, where are you? Please don't throw up on a carpet!!" Jaskier tries to find the cat based on the noise, stumbling in the dark. To his horror, the noise is coming from the second floor, where he was absolutely forbidden to go.

"Roaaaaach...!" he whines and makes his way up the stairs.

The view that awaits him when he flips the light on is totally unexpected. It is so unexpected Jaskier has to pinch himself to believe he's actually standing in a real room.

It is, and really the only way to describe it is every little girl's dream room. The room spans the entire second floor, ceiling low on the sides showing it was renovated from an attic, pinks, purples and blues adorning the furnishing.

And right on the middle of the white rug is the vomit.

"Fuck."

Jaskier collects the rug and carries it in the bathroom and spends an ungodly amount of time washing it, hoping against all the odds, the stain would leave.

It doesn't.

Come morning and Jaskier is sure it's all been a weird dream. Unfortunately for him, the stained rug awaits him in the bathroom when he goes to brush his teeth and he groans in frustration.

Roach meows at the closed door and scratches it until he lets her in so she can stare at him. Jaskier sighs and snaps a quick selfie, hair mussed and toothbrush still in his mouth and sends it. No need to prolong it, now he can hopefully focus on writing.

He's drinking his third cup of tea when his phone buzzes for a new message.

<Roach's hair is as messy as yours>

Jaskier stares at the message, sent from an unknown number.

<You're the girl! From the picture!> <I'm Julian but you can call me Jaskier> <Wait you shouldn't text strange men does your dad know you've texted me?>

<You're not strange you just told me your name> <I'm bored daddy went out with grandpa and im left with uncle> <Hes no fun> <I'm Fiona>

Jaskier doesn't know what else he's supposed to say. How does one talk with children? Just like normal people? Right?

Wait!

Jaskier comes to a sudden realisation; now he has the perfect opportunity to ask cheat codes for Roach to get the cat to, well maybe not like him but to tolerate him.

The screen fills with laughing emojis earning a sigh from Jaskier. No help then.

Of course, why hasn't he thought to give the cat cheese? Maybe because it doesn't make any sense. Who gives cat cheese when there are perfectly good cat treats available?

Nothing else about this makes any sense either and since writing isn't happening nor is Fiona texting anything else he makes his way to the fridge and digs out a block of cheese and cuts a piece.

Roach runs at him screaming. She thrills and screams and rubs herself against the drawer where all of her brushes are.

Roach doesn't purr when he combs through her fur, but feeding her bits of cheese every time she gets too annoyed helps and like a miracle Jaskier manages to brush a cat-sized pile of loose fur to show for his efforts. He gives Roach the last piece when he has finished and tries to pet her, but she sprints away from him with an annoyed meow.

Maybe Roach doesn't hate him as much as he thought after all.

#the witcher #the witcher fanfic #geralt of rivia #Jaskier #geraskier #geralt x jaskier #jaskier x geralt #cirilla fiona elen riannon #frywen writes

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haledamage · 4 years

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The Sparrow and The Dove

here’s the thing I wrote while I was baking cookies today (yesterday? who knows anymore). It’s not for a prompt fill or anything, I just had the sudden thought after the one I wrote a couple days ago that Ellie would absolutely notice if her twin sister was singing again because that’s a very big deal. and since I’ve been wanting to write some of Aurienne and Auriel interacting anyways, it led to this! so here they are gossiping about romance :)

(and I realized I’d never shared a side-by-side of my little birds, so there you go! from this picrew)

“Oh, Ri,” Auriel said in a singsong voice as she sat down next to her sister.

“Oh, El,” Aurienne said in a mocking imitation of her sister’s cheer.

There was a dangerous glint in Ellie’s golden eyes. “So when were you gonna tell me you’re in love with a holy man?”

“In lo--” Ari bit the inside of her cheek to quiet her yelp of protest. The last thing she needed was an audience. She glanced around the camp, but if anyone was eavesdropping they were very subtle about it - and if she knew only one thing about their companions, subtle they were not. “If I were--which I am not--you would be the first to know. Well, the second, I guess.”

“Really? ‘Cause for near on a decade you been doin’ your best impression of a stormcloud, and now you’re smilin’ and laughin’ and singin’ again.” Baron joined them, dropping his head on Ellie’s knee with a doleful look. She scratched his ears, but didn’t let herself get distracted from the subject at hand. “And near as I can tell it’s because of the literal ray of sunshine sittin’ over there by the fire.” She leaned a little closer and added, pointedly, “He calls you Aurienne.”

“It’s my name.”

“You let him call you Aurienne. You don’t let me call you Aurienne.” Ellie dropped her voice low and smoky, doing a remarkably good impression of her twin. “Oh, it sounds so formal, please just call me Ari. I don’t like t’stand on ceremony. Unless you’re a handsome cleric I can exchange longing glances with as you heal my wounds.” Her grin was just as dangerous as the look in her eyes as she bumped her shoulder against her sister’s. “He is very handsome, I’ll give you that.”

“Yes, he is.” Ari’s eye was drawn, almost against her will, to where Tristian sat by the fire. He looked like he was in the middle of prayer, eyes closed and a serene look on his face. The firelight turned his pale hair and skin and pristine white robes to gold and for a moment, he looked so much more than human, almost angelic.

“You fancy him, sparrow.”

“Yes, I do.” There was no point in denying it, not to Ellie. She knew her too well. Tristian opened his eyes, and Ari tore her gaze away before she got caught staring. “I think he’s intimidated by me.”

“That just means he’s smart, aye?” Ellie took her white hair out of its fraying braid and combed her fingers through it. Ari helped her braid it back up, grateful for the excuse to avoid her sister’s eyes for a moment, but it unfortunately didn’t stop El from talking. “He fancies you too, y’know. Gets the same look on his face when he talks about you as he does when he talks about Sarenrae. Hope the Everlight’s not the jealous type.”

Ari resolutely kept from glancing Tristian’s way again, but she couldn’t help smiling to herself. It was gone by the time Ellie turned back to face her, replaced with a sly grin to rival her sister’s. “Well, what about you?”

“What about me? You think I’m after your preacher lad?” Auriel covered her mouth to keep from laughing too loud and drawing attention. “He’s not my type. Too sweet.”

“No. You’ve already got your hands full, aye? With Reg and Octavia.” Aurienne nodded in their direction. Regongar and Octavia were sitting at the fire too, though a ways away from Tristian, eyes only for each other. Octavia leaned in to whisper something to Reg; his deep, rumbling laughter carried across camp to where the sisters were sitting.

“Damn your keen eyes,” Ellie said, equal parts fond and annoyed. She watched the couple across the fire, a soft smile on her lips. Octavia caught her staring and winked at her and only then did El look away.

“Did you really think you could hide it from me, ‘little dove’?” The use of Regongar’s clearly-affectionate nickname made Ellie blush and Ari fought to keep the triumph off her face. “You’re shite at discretion and they’re even worse.”

Ellie looked down, turning her attention to her wolf companion so she didn’t have to look at her twin. Baron ate up the attention with all the pride and dignity he could muster. “You aren’t gonna judge me for fallin’ for a couple?”

“What have I ever done to give you the impression that I’d judge you for anything, dove? Least of all for who you choose to love.” Ari threw an arm around her sister’s shoulders and Ellie leaned into the half-hug, resting her head on her shoulder. “Do they make you happy?”

The smile on Auriel’s face would have been answer enough. “Yes.”

“Do you make them happy?”

“I hope so.”

Ari shrugged, jostling Ellie around as she did. “Then that’s what matters. The rest is just… window dressing.”

El found her sister’s hand and laced their fingers together. “So when are you gonna let yourself be happy?”

“I’m plenty happy.”

“You know what I mean.” She lifted her head enough to whisper teasingly in Ari’s ear. “Y’think he’s ever known a woman’s touch before, sparrow? Bet you could teach him a few things he won’t find in his holy texts.”

“Hmm.” Aurienne let herself get caught staring this time, and whatever look was on her face made Tristian blush scarlet--though, she noticed, he didn’t look away. “Bet he’s a quick learner, aye?”

That was the last straw, and the two of them collapsed into giggles, leaning on each other to keep from falling off their seat.

#aurienne the sparrow #auriel the dove #the sparrow and the dove #ari/tristian #ellie/reg/octavia #sibling relationships are very important to me #especially between sisters #my sister is my best friend #love ari calling tristian 'almost angelic' while literally making the :3 face as I type it #I was gonna queue this so it posted at a reasonable hour instead of 4am but my daughter won't sleep so I'm up anyway #so fuck it! 4am fic #I'll reblog later when the sun's up and I'm not running on vampire time

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yetanotherfanficblog · 4 years

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Unexpected

Fandom: Final Fantasy XIV

Characters: Pyotyr Ilych (Male Duskwight Elezen WoL OC), Mhardraga Drystelakwyn (Roegadyn Sea Wolf OC)

Rating/Warnings: T (Sexual Situations, Implied Violence)

Summary: Around 20 years before he joins the Scions and gains the title of Warrior of Light, a young privateer gets some news that will change the course of his life forever

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"Oi! Ilych! Cap'n wants to see ye!"

The first mate's rough voice echoed through the hold, to the corner where Pyotyr was currently involved in the rather delicate operation of mixing up a fresh batch of gunpowder. He startled, nearly dropping a rather potent mixture, and only barely catching it at the last minute, he laid it aside very carefully before he turned to answer.

"Seven Hells, Slafsryswyn! Ye could have made me blow up half the ship!"

"But you didn't now, did ye, pretty boy?" The Sea Wolf grinned at him.

"Bah, I guess not. I'll be there soon as I stow this shite."

Slaf raised a hand in acknowledgement and climbed back to the upper decks as Pyotyr busied himself with tucking away the fresh batch. They weren't expecting any more combat until they docked back in Limsa, but they'd nearly depleted their stock taking on that fat Garlean transport, and you never knew when one of their magitek contraptions would show up looking for revenge.

Still, that was a worry for later. With everything put away, he stopped by the rainwater barrel, scooped up a cup, splashed a bit to clean the powder from his hands and face, and reached up to undo the bandanna around his head, letting his long, luxurious hair fall around his shoulders. It was admittedly harder to keep it looking good out at sea, but damned if he didn't try, putting aside part of his share of every haul for special Uldahn oils, keeping a fine bone comb and brush in his personal belongings. And came close enough to succeeding to earn the moniker pretty boy, at that.

With his toilette attended to, he grabbed the ladder out of the hold, bounded up the stairs to the upper decks, and soon stood to knock smartly on the door of the captain's cabin.

"Enter!" her voice barked from behind the thick red door, and Pyotyr opened it, stepping in quickly and closing it behind before turning to grin and fire a casual salute at the captain, "You wanted to see me, Captain?"

The captain sat behind her dining room table, fingers steepled in front of her face as if deep in thought. She broke the pose to gesture to the chair across from her, "Ilych. Sit down, we need to talk."

Pyotyr's face fell a bit, noticing the somber, sober look on his captain's face, a look she rarely put on even in the depths of battle, "Everything alright, Captain?"

"Seven Hells, Darlin, I ain't even sure how to put it." She slumped a bit in the chair, now letting one hand fall to the table as the other cradled her forehead for a moment.

At the sound one of her pet names for him, Pyotyr's stance loosened a bit, and he leaned over to clasp her free hand in his own, "Whatever it is, Mhar, I'm here. You tell me who's throat I gotta slit or who's boat I gotta sink, and I'm on it."

Captain Mhardraga Drystelakwyn raised her head to smirk at Pyotyr at that, "Damn it, Pet. You know I like to do that shite myself. Anyway, it ain't about someone else, not really. It's about us."

"Us...?" Pyotyr looked, lips pursed slightly, eyes shining.

"Oh, don't give me those Dodo eyes, Darling, it ain't even about that. It's... Well, Gods damn me, I'm pregnant."

"Oh, well, that's not too bad, I'm sure we can-" Pyotyr's mouth ran full speed ahead for a few seconds before his brain caught up, "Wait. Pregnant?"

Mhardraga sighed, "Aye. I've had my suspicions fer a few days, but I had Doc come by and check a few things. Ain't many other explanations fit the signs."

"Well. Blow me down. That's. Unexpected..." Pyotyr leaned back in his chair now, his eyes widening as he stared at her.

Mhardraga shook her head, crossed her arms, "Ain't that the understatement of the century."

A Moment of silence, Pyotyr scratched the back of his head, then spoke, "So. What do you want to do?"

"You mean after I keelhaul the Chemist what sold me that bum batch of lambsbane?" She chuckled, "Well. That's the rub, ain't it? Ye know me better than almost anyone on this ship, sides from maybe Slaf. Ye know I ain't the mothering type. I like my freedom. I like to go where I will, do what I want, plunder and explore to my hearts content. Only thing I've ever wanted. A Kid wouldn't really do well with that, y'know?"

"So. After ye visit the chemist, ye visit the hedge witches?"

"Ugh. Maybe, but Doc thinks I might be too far long to just flush em out safely too. Hard to say. Maybe I need to carry the kid out, and if they come out alright, I'll see I can find an orphange on shore to take 'em in."

Pyotyr frowned.

"I know that look, Ilych," Mhardraga reverted to his "serious" on deck name, but his voice was full of fondness, "What're ye thinking?"

"I don't know Mhar, I ran with a few Orphans, back in the day. I saw what their lives were like, heard some pretty bad stories bout some of them orphanages, bad food, bad beds, angry old asses for caretakers, an' everything. I'd have a hard time, knowing my flesh was being put through that."

Mhardraga sighed, "Maybe, but what choice do we have?"

"Well. I could go ashore. Raise the kid meself."

"Ilych?"

"Listen, Mhar. I know it sounds knee-jerk an all, but... I love this ship. You and Slafs and Doc and the Powder Monkeys and everyone. You've been the best bunch of mates a tar could ask for. An' in some other world, I coulda stayed on this ship til it sunk or I lost my sea legs. But it ain't my life, not like it is fer you. I came out here to lose some heat and 'cuz just about every Limsan street rat tries their hand at it sooner or later. You're out here because this is what ye were born to do. You deserve to be out here. You're the best sailor, the best captain, the best skirmisher, the best carouser, the best, well, damn near everything a pirate should be! And you don't deserve to have to give that up just because some crooked Chemist decided to give you a bum lambsbane order to save himself a few gil! So. Let me go ashore and raise the kid. I'll do right by it."

"You sure about this, Pet? It'll be a lonelier sea without you."

"And I'll miss you, Mhar. I will. But Limsa Lominsa always was my home. I still remember every inch of her back alley. I still know every dive bar and fighting ring. I still miss sitting on the docks next to the fisherman's guild and watching the boats come back in with their catches, or picking pockets down at the Bismarck. Maybe it's about time I went back anyway."

"And how will you feed the brat? Hell, how will you feed yerself? You know if you stay with me I'll keep you rollin' in treasure til your dying day."

Pyotyr chuckled slightly, "Aye, you would, I know. But I ain't helpless either. I've kept the ships books for a few years, and between mixing gunpowder and helpin' Doc out with poultices, I know my way around a chemist's lab alright. I could probably get a job with the Arcanist's guild without too much trouble."

"Ugh. I suppose you're right. You always were too smart for your own good."

"Aaaaaand. If I get enough pull in the guild, and you needed to get something through customs..."

"Pah, where's the fun it that? There's no challenge in just finding some crooked inspector! 'Sides, it'll be my kid you're raising too. I may not be interested in being a mother, but I'm not gonna beggar my own kid by getting their father clapped in irons. I'll smuggle it in the old fashioned way."

"Fine, fine. But the option will be there. You can take the pirate out of the sea, but you can't take- wait, you can't- Um. Hm, that metaphor made more sense in my head. Anyhow, I'll still be a Privateer. Til Death."

Mhar chuckled, "Seven Hells, I'm gonna miss you, Ilych. You were a good lay and a better crewmate, and I won't let no-one say different."

Pyotyr grinned, "Luckily, I've had no complaints in either department."

"Ass."

Pyotyr laughed at that one, raising his hands in surrender, "Okay, okay. I deserved that one. But you still got a few months before the kid comes, right? And you got me til then, if you want me."

"Course I want you, Pet. Don't be silly. We'll take these months then, and we'll squeeze everything we can out of 'em. We'll remind the Garleans why they fear the name of Pomona's Privateers. I might need a few months to recover after popping this baby out, and I don't want them to forget in the meantime."

Pyotyr smiled, "Aye, Captain."

A beat,then Mhardraga spoke again, "You got any duties right now, Ilych?"

"Nothing to speak of Captain. I should brew up a few more onzes of Gunpowder, though..."

"Oh, Hang the Gunpowder. We ain't gonna see any action between here and Vylbrand anyway," She said, and leaned back in her chair, one hand reaching lazily up to undo the buckles on her waistcoat, "So. Why don't you stay here, for now? I could use the company."

Pyotyr smiled again, softly, and rising from the table, he gave a mock salute before coming round it to the other side, "Aye, Captain."

#ffxiv #fanfic #original characters #pyotyr ilych

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