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numbknee · 1 year

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Why do you think Kyman gets so much hate? I can understand some things about what people don’t like about it but some of the things they say, the harassment is so out of pocket. Especially on Tik Tok! It is like a battle ground out there and they all will shoot you down immediately if you SAY anything. I just wanna love Kyman without it seeming like a punishment 😭😭

Dude I totally feel you. It's so much easier to live and let live so I don't understand how these ppl have the energy to be so aggressively hurtful all the time. This has been said before ad nauseum but for god's sake, it's JUST a fucking tv show. I'm too old for this shit.

(longer explanation under the cut! like... extremely long lol I'm so sorry my thoughts about this have been building up for a while 😅)

I think the extremely aggressive kyman hate is a symptom of growing poor media literacy and the larger "purity culture" trend that's been present online for a while now. It's very reminiscent of American Evangelicalism or Puritanism, where members of the church have to follow a very specific set of rules for behaving and thinking and if you deviate from those rules in the slightest, you're shot down immediately by the community and shamed for being sinful and blasphemous, all to keep you on the "righteous path" and avoid burning in hell for eternity. This is why so many puritanical christians in the US hate themselves for doing what most of the world sees as normal behavior, and simultaneously force that self-hating worldview onto others to "save" them. (For example see this video by FD Signifier on youtube explaining how hardcore religious ppl/conservatives are doomed to be bad in bed because they see sex as "evil" when in reality it's a normal part of human behavior 😬 It's long but very good).

Though, it's important to note that ppl who think this way may not even be christian themselves, but the behavior is so pervasive in american culture that you absorb it even if you're not a puritanical christian. (for example, to quote Ian Danskin, athiests may think "I don't believe in god, but the god I don't believe in is Jehovah). Tons of the first generation of white USAmericans were exiled British puritans who were kicked out of their home country for essentially being self-righteous assholes and trying to force their shit worldview on everyone else lmao. And I think because so many online spaces are so USAmerican-centric, people from all over the world have started adopting that purity culture as well.

Now, South Park is extremely popular (duh). It's been around for decades so it has a ton of fans both old and new. Unfortunately a lot of new fans, especially young people, follow the show for very different reasons than the average normie/not-terminally-online viewer does. They take the characters out of their original context, use them like dolls to make their own stories and fan content, and ignore all the other blatantly controversial shit that's been going on in the show since day 1 (which is why so many exclusively make blasé creek fanworks imo). They want to keep their thoughts "pure" and only engage with content that's approved by the puritanical online community

It's extremely fitting but also sad that Cartman is the scapegoat for everything wrong with South Park, both in the show and in the real world. Either ppl don't want to acknowledge he exists, or ppl latch onto him and project all of that puritanical hatred toward him or anyone that likes his character. Hell, even I'M guilty of this kind of thinking before I watched the show and understood Cartman's character better.

Kyman in particular is a target BECAUSE it involves Cartman, but also because people boil it down to shipping a nazi with a jew which, at the surface level, seems horrible! But if you've ever actually WATCHED the goddamn show, you know that is an extremely reductive and inaccurate interpretation of their characters. It's horribly poor media literacy. These ppl CANNOT seem to comprehend that you can enjoy watching a character who's a "bad person" without condoning their actions, and that enjoying the shipping dynamic of such characters DOES NOT make you a bad person by proxy.

A huge role of fiction as media is to explore ideas that may be harmful in the real world in a safe way because... *gasp* it's imaginary!! It makes you think and experience emotions you may not have the opportunity for otherwise! However, in the eyes of puritans, the fact you're even thinking about something like that makes you a sinner. It's a thought crime, which is why they consider us mentally "sick" for shipping kyman. So, they send hate at the drop of a hat and publicly vilify kyman shippers to reinforce that behavior with each other, all to say "Hey look at me!!! I'm a Good Person! see how much of a Good Person I am??? I'm gonna go to HEAVEN, and YOU'RE going to HELL". Like I said before, it's not that they necessarily believe in heaven or hell, but that's the general root of the behavior. It's performative puritan dog-piling. Also, because they haven't even fucking watched the whole show, they conveniently ignore all the other horrible shit the show portrays because random kyman shippers online are easy targets while Matt & Trey are gajillionaires who are essentially un-cancellable for things they do on the show at this point because, to quote Trey: For anyone to go up and go "Did you see this thing on South Park? That was really offensive" someone's gonna be like "Dude shut up 😒 that's just South Park".

Geez man this got super fucking long lmao. But my advice is to please take care of yourself because, and this super cliché to say, but FUCK the haters dude 🖕🖕🖕 You're engaging with media that brings you joy and exploring interesting ideas with a community of awesome artists/writers/meta-analysts and more. This is supposed to be FUN!! Anyone who tries to take that away from you or shame you into stopping is a fucking immature, holier-than-thou asshole who needs to get a fucking life. The block button is your friend, so use it early and often. You have the power to curate your own online space, and you shouldn't subject yourself to dealing with these dickheads (this is a big reason why I don't have a tiktok lol)

Good luck dude, and keep on shipping kyman 😎🤘❤️💚

#ask #anon #kyman #jesus h christ this is so long ajsfklsdf rip #lots of thoughts to get off my chest. yeesh #my post

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erobret · 4 years

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FERGIE’S JOURNEY

corny title aside . yeah i’ve had a journey , both online and out in the real world . the whole thing is probably unnecessary buuuuut i don’t really care . fair warning that i’m typing as my thoughts flow so if anything doesnt make sense then yeah ( also grammer and spelling is gon out the window sooooo )

so i started my tumblr life back in 2010 i do believe ( another reason i wanted to write this bc it’s almost been a decade ) . i think i started with an oc of mine that i no longer write nor remember who she was . 2010 tumblr was honestly the best . no one cared about aesthetics or formatting . it was just the writing , interactions , and making friends . the release of brave brought me to my first muse that i still write to this day ; merida . then i think holo followed then my oc ami .

tumblr rlly started to change in i think 2013-2015 the most maybe ? ppl focused a lot of the graphics and aesthetics of a blog more than anything . ppl began focusing a lot of appearance rlly . . . and sadly i was into it . wasn’t any good at it but i was so desperate to fit in , ya know ? i was fresh out of high school back in 2013 . things were still super chill up until hmmmmm 2014 ? trying so desperately to keep with trends and shit . i was my most childish back then . got jealous and was a bit petty at times esp when things didn’t go how i wanted them to. i cringe at the memory .

then 2015 came and i made a huge decision with my life . i joined the military . took a couple month hiatus while i was training to become a marine . i was so hyped for that to be my life . protecting my country and those i cared about and helping those around the world as well as getting to see the world i lived it . buuuuuuut i got pretty badly hurt and got medically discharged before my first year was even up .

depression really hit then --- on top of the ptsd i had gotten from my time in service . i had lost my calling . my dream . and do u know how hard it is to go back into every day civilian life after the shit i went through ? it was hard . went back to working in a deli and it was bad . someone would drop some pans and i’d flip out bad . i was irritated . i was short tempered . i’d snap at any little thing no matter how hard i tried to keep calm and pretend to be happy. this actually went on until sometime this year .

now from 2016-2018 regarding tumblr . for a little while i had what going on back in 2010 . it was nice . buuuuuuut drama and callouts were starting to become more evident on the dash . honestly ? kinda lived for it and it’s awful . rlly the only drama i find entertaining now is youtube/beauty guru drama . i would read every call out and any little thing . i loved it bc it took me away from my own problems . i got into a bit of drama myself but then i caught myself and i didn’t like what had happened so i stepped back . took some time for myself . that was back in 2017 ? got into a bit of drama again in 2018 about the same thing really .

that’s when i fully stepped back and took a hard look at myself . i’d finally quit my old job and got a new job . i still wasn’t happy tho . my main issue was my horse . she was over a hour away from me and my horse has always been my outlet bc i could just talk to her and care for her and calm myself . i didn’t have that . i knew i had a huge issue and i hated myself . on top of that i was actually going through some physical and emotional abuse at home . so what did i do ? i got help . i found a therapist . did it for a few months until i found a place only 30 mins away from both my work & home . i could see my horse every day . so i quit therapy .

then my grandmother moved in not too long after and it was nice but had it’s own drama within the family . there was a lot of tension . i think she was with us for half a year . things were steady i think ( this is where things have gotten blurry for me bc so much happened all at once )

i ended up taking a 6 month hiatus . took a step back from tumblr . mostly bc i had lost internet again ( still don’t have it but i do have hotspot on my phone ) . during that time i focused on bettering myself as a person . i focused on my main hobby which is cosplay . i started rlly getting into doing princess parties . recently i have come back with a whole new outlook on everything regarding life as well as social media .

i’m gonna do what i like . i’m not here to impress anyone or keep up with trends or anything . drama ? over it . it’s in my rules that basically i no longer care about any of it . to me ? it’s in the past . i’m over it . it never happened bc what i’ve started on this blog is a new start . don’t come to me and bring up my past like ppl do to jeffree star every so many months . i won’t respond and i’ll keep doing what i enjoy doing . i’m honestly happy where i am . i’ve started doing chairty work and volunteer work as disney princesses . i’ve done hospital visits and walks and fundraisers . 2020 is gonna be such a good year for me . why ? i’ll be paying off my car . i’ll be able to focus on paying off my credit card . and once those are outta the way i’ll be finally able to focus my finances on getting a place of my own instead of living with my parents . my poly ass is currently happily in a poly relationship . i have a job i like and i get to see my horse every day and get paid to take care of everyone else’s horses . i have 2 new puppies and i know that maybe next year i may loose both my older dogs but i’ll be okay

i’m at that point in my life where tumblr isn’t my main focus but a small hobby i can do when i’m laying in bed and give me smth to do on a day off of everything or b4 i head to bed . i have so many responsibilities and things going on with my life . i’m moving on . what i may or may not have done in the past is there in the past . and though i won’t look back on it i’m glad to say i’ve properly learned from all of my social media mistakes . there are so many more important things in my life than petty internet things like who hurt who’s feelings and such . i refuse to let any of that negativity take over my life again .

anyway not sure if i went the way i wanted with his or if i got everything out but i do know i got most of it out . if anyone has any questions just dm me . no anons no asks . don’t hide . just come to me “face-to-face” and lets have a talk as equal humans , yah ? anyway thanks if u read this i love y’all so very much . you are my special precious jellies and u mean the world to me . hope the rest of 2019 is great for u and i hope 2020 is even better .

#.00 ( psa )#{ idek what to call this }

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liu-lang · 6 years

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A really long post abt my curly hair & the changes my curls have been through. tagging @laskyjedneplavovlasky bc you asked to see results of my plait

Okay so I only ended up plaiting my hair for one night bc right after my boyfriend found bed bugs in his bedroom. I thought I’d finally take the opportunity to make a post about my hair tt I’ve kinda wanted to for awhile.

I’ve always been confused when ppl describe my hair as wavy and I’d be quick to correct them, no it’s curly. Obviously I don’t see the back of my head often. And when taking selfies with a front-facing camera, my hair looks curly to me. But finally having someone take photos of my hair from behind made me realise why ppl think I have wavy hair.

I’m gonna refer to these photos by the row number + left / centre / right. So in the top most row, the photo on the left (1L), tt’s my hair the morning after plaiting it. I think I put AG Recoil Curl Activator the night before after showering to detangle it. Sleeping with a plait was super uncomfortable ??? It felt weird to have all my hair tied up instead of how I usually sleep with my hair down (and consequently moving freely all over my pillow). It might have been uncomfortable bc it was my first time but also with these results, I’m not sure if plaiting my hair is the right way to go to encourage my curl pattern. My hair was also still damp when I took it out of the plait. But I’m really glad I tried it bc now I know. I wonder if I will achieve different results if my hair was healthier.

Also just to point this out before I forget, in 4R, tt’s the back of my little sister’s head. She has slightly wavy hair. She wears it about shoulder length now so her hair just looks straight. And my twin sister has straight hair. I rmbr asking her what she does with her hair while we were just together for xmas and she said she just shampoos it and then dries it without any product. I remarked tt I wish my hair could be tt maintenance-free…… my life would be so much easier.

1R, 2L and 2R are all my hair with any of the following products in it and the way I usually style my hair. 2R is my hair this morning right after waking up. I can’t rmbr which photo has which product. They aren’t all too different photo-wise. But I will say I think using straight up coconut oil, although hydrating does the least for encouraging and holding curl pattern. I only use 1 product at a time and I use the product to both detangle and style after I’ve showered.

Trader Joe’s Organic Triple Filtered Coconut Oil (I started using this when I was btwn hair products & didn’t want to spend money on stuff tt might end up not working for my hair)

AG Recoil Curl Activator

AG Foam Weightless Voluminiser

Urban Hydration Coconut Oil Styling Cream w/ Avocado Oil & Argan Oil

I don’t have the financial means nor the time nor do I want to make a giant effort to get ~perfect curls~ so I know most of my complaints could be addressed if I had those things or wanted to put in the energy / have the patience to do extra stuff to my hair. It took me awhile to also realise tt I can have different curl patterns throughout my head of hair. It tends to be straighter underneath and the top layers have more curls. There are all these rules / suggestions on how to sleep w/ curly hair “properly”, how to wash it and style it, how to care for day 2 / day whatever hair, how to dry your hair etc …. obvs I don’t care enough to do all the things but I try and do what i can. I stopped using shampoo several years ago and have a co-washing routine. Long story short this is what I do now :

I shower everyday so tt means I wash my hair everyday … this is not recommended for curly hair … but I developed seborrhoeic dermatitis along my hairline near my neck and left ear in high school (there are small localised patches tt flare up due to who knows what… mostly likely weather or stress … they’ve never spread to other pairs of my scalp or my body #pleasedon’tspread). When I shampoo I use Neutrogena’s T/Gel. I apply it directly onto my shampoo brush and only use it on parts of my scalp w/ the seborrhoeic dermatitis patches & I try to keep it on my scalp and not down the length of my hair. Even so, the T/Gel shampoo leaves my hair feeling like dry hay / dead grass after bc the coal tar strips my hair. If I’m having a pretty intense flare up, I will add tea tree oil directly to my scalp in addition to the shampoo. (when I was still trying to get it under control in the early days of diagnosis, I was prescribed 2% ketaconazole shampoo)

For conditioning and detangling in the shower, I use SheaMoisture’s Manuka Honey and Mafura Oil Intensive Hydration Conditioner with a wide tooth comb. I actually start first w/ conditioner (so it has more time to sit in my hair) then once I’ve detangled, I will shampoo my scalp. This also prevents me from combing shampoo through my hair.

After I’m out of the shower, I dry my hair with a cotton t-shirt & use my wide tooth comb again to detangle w/ one of the products I listed above. Then I scrunch my hair to encourage curls and dry my hair a bit more. It *never* occurred to me to put product in my hair when my hair is wet straight out of the shower. I think I saw it in a Youtube video and I suddenly became aware tt I would dry my hair first until it was damp then put in product then dry again while scrunching. It totally makes sense now to do it w/ wet hair since the goal is to retain as much moisture as possible. I know everyone always says detangling w/ fingers is the best / most gentle but like I alr spend so much time as is w/ the comb. And I don’t want to be sitting down w/ my head upside down and hair turned over my face any longer than I alr have to. Then I go to sleep on a satin pillow case and my hair air dries throughout the night.

Looking at photos of my hair now and from 10 - 12 years ago (all the photos in rows 3 & 4), I wish I had appreciated the hair I had more. It was so different and so unique but tt was precisely what was so difficult (I heard the word “unmanageable” used to describe it a lot) about it and why I was ashamed of it growing up, I didn’t hate my hair but I felt ashamed and I felt like it didn’t suit me bc it was so big and so curly and I never knew what to do with it. Ppl always asked if it was real & no one would believe me when I said yes. White ppl here thought it was dreadlocks blergh….they actually still do even w/ the hair texture I have now. I rmbr having really terrible ID photos / school photos etc esp. when still living in Asia bc the photographers always wanted to get my hair out of my eyes or magically make it straight by running a fine tooth comb through my alr dry hair. Even put up in a pony tail, it would just be a giant bush (3C). I went to Catholic school w/ a dress code where your hair had to be up if it was long and I carried tt w/ me even after moving here so I only let my hair down in public when I was 18 / 19. Looking East Asian plus being a Muslim while having this kind of hair was so challenging. Bc everyone on my Chinese side didn’t understand why I didn’t have straight hair and my nenek was always asking my mum when we would be ~good Muslims~ and wear a tudung. I get my curly hair from my mum and sometimes I wish she would wear her hair naturally curly so we could look similar in at least one way but I understand how she’s internalised certain standards of beauty so she chooses to style her hair to meet them. She grew up w/ ppl being particularly cruel to her abt her hair & calling her ugly bc of it too. In addition to tt she had to deal w/ colourism.

My hair drastically changed when I was around 16 I think. I rmbr getting my hair cut to my shoulders thinking tt my curls would come back if I just took some weight off tt came w/ long hair…. but it just started me down a downward spiral (lol puns) to where I am now w/ my loose curls / waves. I started having an eating disorder at 11 all the way until I was 22 and now I’m struggling w/ it / just living w/ the remnants of it. I know tt having proper nutrition will help w/ my hair but also my body’s endured so much damage for over a decade, esp. when I should have been growing during my adolescence, tt it’s just gonna be a really long and slow journey ahead.

I’ve watched some hair transition videos of ppl reviving damaged hair and regaining their curls. This one by CurlyPenny comes to mind. I can’t believe it took her 5 years but her hair is fabulous and #goals now. I don’t know if I can get my original curl pattern back. Maybe this is just how my hair is post-puberty ? My hair is thin and not very dense (like if you look at my scalp, I don’t have a lot of hair strands growing out of one place per square inch) so it gets weighed down very easily by product. I know ideally I would use mists or foams instead of creams or gels. But I’ve found tt mists / foams don’t always provide my hair w/ the moisture it needs. And it’ll dry w/ a crunchy texture. Some ppl say oils aren’t the best bc they can build up if not properly washed out and I know I’m literally coating my hair w/ oils right now when I style it.

I’ve been watching Naturally Curly’s videos and I especially love seeing Grace’s Watch & Go’s bc I think she has similar-ish hair to mine in terms of her hair being on the border of wavy / curly. Having a haircut could also help w/ the shape of my hair and curls but my haircuts never seem to go as planned. I have a lot anxiety abt haircuts bc growing up my mum would come in and speak for me and I never knew what to say abt what I wanted / how to have a conversation with the hair stylist while in the chair. (I think there’s a thing where women have deep conversations & develop friendly relationships w/ their hair stylists). Right now, I think I want to focus on 2 things

Finding a clarifying conditioner tt is low or no lather bc I think properly removing product build-up once a month could really help w/ my hair feeling weighed down

Going back to deep conditioning my hair either by finding a hair mask / deep conditioning treatment or letting my regular conditioner I use now in the shower sit in my hair 30 min before I even take a shower

And maybe……a 3rd thing…. actually wrap my hair up when I sleep or put a cap on it to prevent breakage bc it’s so thin and to help w/ volume. Besides my curl pattern changing, the one other thing tt bothers me the most is how I’ve lost curls and volume at my roots. Idk if it grows out straight or what now but I’m not keen on how the roots are flat

I never really envisioned my #curlyhairpost to come out like this but I’m kinda relieved tt I’ve gotten it out of the way. Bc the longer it just sat in my brain, the longer and more complicated it grew. If you are naturally curly too, please share your journey ! I really love seeing the natural hair movement grow etc but ….. every time someone comes up to me to ask what I did to my hair to get my curls or they don’t believe my hair is naturally curly, I think about the stereotype of Asians only having straight, thick, black hair.

#personal #blurred out my face bc I was a grumpy teenager who didn't have great teeth & never learnt how to smile for photos

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