#sometimes I forget I have such a hugely internalized reaction to being objectified in this very specific way

[neverendingford]

along the same line as the whole "why do you need to know someone's autistic before you stop bullying them for their autistic traits?" thing I've seen floating around

apologizing for it once you know is meaningless. it doesn't change the fact that you deliberately mocked someone for their behavior.

.

a customer mocked my stutter and I've lost all patience with that so I looked him in the eyes and said "I have a speech disability" and he immediately got all apologetic and was like "I wasn't making fun of you". Bro yes you were. you didn't realize you were making fun of a disability I've spent my entire life struggling with, but you were nonetheless.

just because you don't know you're being an asshole doesn't mean you're not being an asshole. you can apologize but I'm not going to forgive you.

#text post #stuttering #disability #ableism #color says shit #it's nice that my stutter mostly disappears when I'm angry because it lets me immediately put on my stony and guarded demeanor effortlessly. #anyway. most customers are at least condescending to me when I have trouble speaking. not outright rude #I've had a few customers that do genuinely mock me and then I just walk away from them and call a manager. #but like... apologizing when you've chosen to engage in asshole behavior doesn't change the fact that you've engaged in that behavior. #I'm not going to go “oh it's alright 😁” because you've realized that I don't think you're at all funny for that. #I'm done taking shit from anybody. treat me with respect or fuck off. #it's not my fucking fault I can't get a sentence out some days. #I don't care if it was done in ignorance you're an adult you don't get to be cruel like that. #like. haha yeah I know it's so funny when I start making noises and breathing funny but I'm not a spectacle for you to laugh at. #I'm not some side show. I'm not some curiosity. I'm not a roadside attraction to laugh at. #sometimes I forget I have such a hugely internalized reaction to being objectified in this very specific way #and then it happens and I want to leave a fist shaped dent in my locker. #I care too much about my hands to fuck them up again so I'll just vent on tumblr dot com instead

[understandingthevoices]

quora always recommends me narcissism-related posts so here’s a comprehensive/basically complete list that someone came up with to identify a narcissist. PLEASE TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY. DONT RUIN YOUR LIFE - OR WASTE YEARS WITH THESE SCUM. 

Listen to your gut and your intuition. You’ll start to realize all the red flags. Something will feel off about this person…

They will never care about your feelings, opinions or desires. Sometimes they may act like they do, but they really really really don’t.

Everything is always about them. They are extremely selfish and think about themselves in every situation. To a narcissist, you are not seen as an individual, but as an object that can provide them things.

They will never compromise. You either like it or you don’t, it’s their way or no way!

They won’t congratulate you on your accomplishments - no matter how small or big.

They are parasites. They will use everything you can offer them - especially money, sex, food, driving your vehicle and shelter. You’ll end up paying for mostly everything, and they will hardly ever contribute anything. They will keep their money for themselves while gladly spending all of yours!

They are hot & cold. You end up feeling confused with their moods being constantly up and down.

In the beginning stages of your relationship, they’ll make you feel like you’re the center of their world. It seems like they make so much time to talk to you, and make you feel “special”. Then during devaluation, you will start to go days without hearing from them. They won’t respond to your messages, calls, or attempts to get together with them. They’ll make it seem like you’re smothering them, or annoying them and will call you too needy or clingy.

They’ll tell you all kinds of things to get you hooked under their charm. You will end up quickly becoming attached to them.

They will talk about their exes in a negative way. My ex narc referred to most of the women he’s been with as “bitches”.

They’ll make you feel bad for talking about the things that are upsetting you. You can forget about having healthy communication & working things out constructively.

They aren’t caring, or nurturing. They especially won’t be there for you if you are sick, or feeling hurt. They will actually abandon you during times when you need them the most.

They make all kinds of promises and will never follow through on a single one of them.

They have no goals, or ambition and don’t value hard work ethic. Instead they spend their days preying on others, and being low-life leeches. They have no shame in this! They have a “fake it until you make it” mentality.

They will isolate you from your family and friends, control who you talk to, but they get to socialize with whoever they want to without question!

They’ll ghost you and disappear randomly; leaving you all confused and distraught. This is one of their favourite games to play!

All of the “compliments” and “kindness” you saw in the beginning will stop once they realize they have you right where they want you; in love and head over heels for them. The idealization phase doesn’t last very long before you start to become devalued, criticized, constantly put-down and ignored.

They get bored very easily and live unpredictable lifestyles. Routines are not for them.

Huge procrastinators. They usually have many side projects going on, or have a hard time committing to jobs. If they end up keeping a steady job, it’s because they have a high status position, and consider themselves to be on top. However, many narcs are really lazy, and would prefer for their supplies to provide for them. Hence the parasitic type relationship!

Sexual addiction. Many are addicted to porn, and erotic lifestyles such as strippers, escorts/prostitutes, and they are extremely promiscuous. Women/Men are merely viewed as objects. I would highly recommend never having unprotected sex with them, and if you do then get yourself checked for sexually transmitted infections and diseases.

They will openly flirt with people in front of you to make you upset and get a reaction out of you. This includes friends, family of yours, co-workers, neighbours, complete strangers, or anyone they find attractive. Then they will call you jealous, controlling, or crazy if you say anything about it.

Cheaters!! They are always cheating. They will admit to cheating on past relationships, and may even tell you that they will cheat no matter who they’re with and that it comes with the package. They’ll even sleep with your friends or family! Everyone is fair game to them.

Drug/Alcohol addiction. Many narcissists will abuse substances in excess to mask their deep internal suffering.

They have no moral compass! They will behave in ways that most people would find abhorrent.

They’ll act nice in front of others & be fakely kind to people in your presence, but treat you like garbage behind the scenes where nobody sees.

Insecure, but will act overly confident. Almost cocky like their better than everyone.

They will rarely if ever apologize to you or take accountability for anything, and if and when they do, expect it to be really insincere.

They will tell you about their abusive childhood to justify their behaviour. They do this so you will empathize with them, but they have absolutely zero empathy for anyone else.

They will lie about anything, and keep things from you.

They don’t like to share. They have the mentality “What’s mine is mine, what’s yours is mine.”

They won’t make you feel appreciated on special occasions such as holidays, and birthdays. They don’t care about these things.

They expect you to be submissive, and complacent. If you decide to speak your mind and stand up for yourself, you’ll be met with rage, or even get discarded if you hit their ego.

They are very immature! It’s like they still haven’t grown up.

Mentally, physically, sexually and financially abusive. They may call you degrading insults in arguments, subtly put you down or humiliate you in front of others, they may act out aggressively against you or violently, they will take your money that you work hard for and try to control you, and they can also become sexually abusive by forcing you to have sex when you don’t want to or make you engage in acts that you normally wouldn’t.

They have no regard for the law or rules, and live reckless lifestyles. They know right from wrong, but don’t care to live by societal standards. Many end up breaking the law, and getting arrested.

You’ll begin to realize you’re just a puppet on their strings. They call allthe shots!

You’re constantly walking on eggshells trying to please them, but nothing will ever be good enough. Damned if you do, and damned if you don’t.

Triangulation - they will somehow manage to compare you to their exes, or make you constantly wonder if there is another person in their lives - which in narc world, there is ALWAYS another supply. Whether you’re primary, secondary, side piece used for sex, or “just a friend”; trust me, there is always someone else!

They will cut off anyone, and only keep people around that serve their lifestyle. Most of their “friends” are people that they can use, or just go out and party with.

Pay close attention to how they talk about others, they rarely have anything compassionate or positive to say about anyone.

You feel like you’re being constantly devalued and left feeling confused about where this nice charming person went that existed during the lovebombing phase. It was really just an act! The dark demonic force you are starting to see is their true self. They can’t mask it for very long.

They can dish it out but can’t take it back! They have no problem calling anyone out on things that don’t fit their narrative, but the second you even mention anything about them (even if it’s warranted and truthful), all Hell breaks loose!

You’ll begin to realize you’re the only one making true sincere effort to make things work. All they do is take, take, take and serve you tiny little crumbs to string you along while they look for their next target.

They use social media as their predatory playground to check up on their supplies, and hunt for new ones. If you have a lazy narc, then they’ll just recycle through one of the sources that still believes all the shit they serve.

Master manipulators! They know all the right things to say to win you over. They get to know their victims very well like your strengths, weaknesses, insecurities, and vulnerabilities. They will use this all against you in their favour.

They aren’t into true intimacy or affection, especially in public. After the idealization phase wears off, they will not put any ounce of effort into taking you out on dates, being affectionate, or even doing basic things like holding your hand. They will turn completely cold and become withdrawn; especially after sex.

You’ll basically start to feel like nothing you do is appreciated - because to them, it isn’t! You’ll be lucky if you even get a simple thank you for the nice things you do.

It won’t matter how nice of a person you are, you’ll eventually be discarded in the worst possible way ever and they’ll coldly move on as if you never existed. You’ll be left devastated trying to make sense of everything that has happened. To them, everyone is a means to an end!

Bottom line is not every narcissist is the same; some are more malignant and overt while others are covert, but they all share similar traits and usually follow the same relationship pattern with everyone - idealize, devalue and discard. You will never feel truly happy in the relationship, because it’s not a parternship. It’s a toxic one-sided, abusive, selfish dictatorship that makes you feel objectified, used, confused, unloved, and insecure.