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bruces7phds · 6 years

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A Hope to Hold On To

Summary: When Prince Thor of Asgard turned 18, the name Bruce Banner imprinted itself on the right side of his chest. For about a decade he would roam around his entire kingdom in hopes of locating this man—his soul mate—until one day he hears news of two inventors from a faraway kingdom, Midgard, who will be permanently relocating in Asgard.

Chapter 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8

Bruce Banner

Bruce couldn’t shake away the feeling he got after he met Thor Odinson.

When he first saw him, there was only one way he could’ve described him: intimidating. Thor towered over Bruce; his body was broad and his muscles bulged in his clothes. He had sharp, rigid features and a neatly-trimmed beard, making him handsome in a rugged and masculine way.

But what intimidated Bruce the most was the glaring aristocratic air Thor held with him. Growing up, Bruce had never done well with the upper-class: years of isolation, alienation, and being out-casted all came flooding back to him when he saw the way Thor stood with pride and dignity, accentuated with his gold-embroidered clothes matching his flowing blonde hair and bringing out his crystal-blue eyes. At that moment, with Thor in front of him in the back of the stage, he expected him to make snide remarks about the way he looks, sounds—anything.

Thor wasn’t anything like that.

When he approached Bruce awkwardly, he let his guard down a bit. When Thor started talking about his and Tony’s inventions with genuine interest—that was when Bruce decided he had judged him too quickly. They fell into an easy and casual conversation about the devices and science in general.

Bruce didn’t know what power he possessed with him that he could easily ruin the moment just by asking for his name.

When Thor told him his name and had expected him to know it, Bruce immediately went for the defensive and told him that he was new to Asgard and didn’t know anyone yet. He expected Thor to get mad at him, or confused, or condescending, or literally any other reaction he had ever gotten from any famous people he didn’t know. The last thing he was expecting was for Thor to look nervous and agitated. Another thing he wasn’t expecting was for him to flee as if something bad just happened.

All of these thoughts muddled Bruce’s mind, the churning in his gut never having quite left after their exchange. He opened the door to the building where he and Tony would be setting up their shop. Boxes and crates were already being shuffled around the ground floor by workers supervised by Happy.

Bruce went for the stairs which led to their apartment rooms above the shop. Right then, he needed someone to talk to.

“All right, so what got you so frazzled?” called Tony from the kitchen.

Bruce was sat in Tony and Pepper’s lounge. Their room was spacious, housing a couch, a fireplace, and bookshelves. Floorboards creaked under the weight of Tony’s feet as he walked over to wear Bruce was, carrying a tray of tea cups and a tea pot. He set these down on a coffee table in front of the sofa and settled down next Bruce, pouring tea for both of them.

“Someone . . . talked to me at the back of the stage in the convention earlier,” Bruce said, frowning. He rested his elbows on his thighs, chin on his hand.

“And? They get into any trouble?” Tony inquired, raising an eyebrow at Bruce.

“No—well, no . . . At first I thought he was one of the usual rich douchebags. Turns out he just wanted to ask about our convention, our inventions, the science behind them, our shop . . . basically nothing I ever expected.” Bruce sighed and closed his eyes, ruffling his hair. “It was going kind of fine, actually. Then I asked for his name, and he told me it was Thor Odinson, then he—”

Next to him, Tony spat out his drink. “Go on,” he said, when Bruce paused to look at him.

“. . . Yeah, so, anyway, this guy asked me if I knew who he was, then when I said no, he freaked out and just bolted out of the Oppland hall.” He rubbed his eyes, recalling the way Thor had looked. The poor guy was nothing short of okay, and Bruce wanted to help him. He looked back at Tony, who looked back at him with a mixture of emotions, possibly ranging from The fuck? and Are you actually that dumb? Hell, with Tony, Bruce could never know for sure.

“Bruce, buddy, you just had a conversation about steam engines to the crown prince of Asgard.”

Now it was Bruce’s turn to have a momentary what-the-actual-fuck expression. His jaw dropped, his eyes widened, and he forgot how to speak for a while.

“Now, I don’t know why the crown prince would behave like that—”

“What about why he would be in the convention in the first place?” Bruce tried to look for any signs in Tony’s face that would tell him that he was only joking, but he seemed serious about Thor Odinson being the prince of Asgard.

Tony set down his cup and raised his hands. “Look, royalties are weird. I probably wouldn’t have been fazed had I been in your position.”

Bruce slowly shook his head, still in utter disbelief. Tony started laughing and said, “I can’t believe you met the Prince Thor of Asgard without knowing that he was the prince.”

“Hey, come one! You’re the one here with a lot of connections. Of course I wouldn’t know who he is! I barely knew anyone at Midgard, let alone here.” Bruce rubbed the back of his neck. “I still don’t understand why he would react like that. Getting annoyed for not knowing who he is? Plausible. Looking like he just saw someone being tortured? It seemed so random, it really got me worried.”

Tony rested his hand on his shoulder. “Look, you’re clearly just overthinking things. Like I said, royalties can be weird. I wouldn’t hold that against them.”

Bruce sighed. Both men settled into a comfortable silence. With Tony, Bruce never had to feel awkward. They had been best friends since they were children that they were practically brothers; they had always cared for each other.

The problem is, sometimes, Tony cared too much.

“Hey, so there is this nice restaurant just around the corner. Pepper and I decided to eat there for dinner. Maybe you should—”

“Tony, no.” Tony looked disappointed. He opened his mouth to argue more, but Bruce cut him off. “What with how I’m doing now, things won’t magically go back the way they used to.” Instinctively, Bruce placed his hand on his brace, caressing it. “Going out with the two of you . . . it would remind me too much of Betty.”

Just saying her name caused a pang in his heart. Almost three years had passed since the operation—when Bruce had failed when Betty needed him to succeed the most. At first, Bruce lost the will to live. He couldn’t think of a life without his beloved—his soul mate. But eventually he started patching himself up. Granted, there were still holes, but it was still progress.

Tony didn’t take his eyes off Bruce. “At least promise me you’ll be okay?”

Bruce smiled at him. “Of course. After all, isn’t that the reason why we decided to set up this shop?”

Tony smiled back, draping an arm around his shoulders. “I swear it’ll get better, Bruce.”

“I know.”

Snow crunched under Bruce’s feet as he stepped out of their shop. The sharp, cold wind cut into his face. The morning sun was practically blocked off by the clouds and snow. He pulled his hood over his head and clutched his cloak, setting his path to a store several blocks down.

Only a week had passed since the convention, yet the harsh winter had already greeted them—well, harsh for Bruce, it seemed. Walking along the sidewalk, he noticed a lot of children playing in the snow: throwing snowballs, making snowmen, some just hurling themselves into a pile of snow. Even the streets were busier; carriages trudged along, some clearing the road of snow, others going around the town selling coal. Bruce stopped to buy some for the furnace in his and Tony’s workshop, and stuffed it in a satchel he brought with him.

After what felt like half an hour of trekking through the snowy Alps, Bruce arrived at the Foster Chemical Enterprises. Entering the store, he was met with the familiar sight of chemicals stacked on racks against the walls. At the counter, Jane Foster was reading. Hearing him come in, she looked up and smiled at him. “Hi, Bruce.”

Putting down his hood, he walked toward the counter. Smiling back, he said, “Hello, Jane. Has the sulfuric acid I ordered arrived yet?” He had ordered it on the same day of the convention—which was also the day they met. Both being scientists and from Midgard (although Jane had moved to Asgard when she was younger), they instantly became kindred spirits.

“Just today, actually. Come on.” Jane stood up and entered a backdoor. Bruce followed suit.

The storage room was quite large; it had a lot of boxes, most of them having a warning sign. Jane picked up a tightly covered bottle from one of the shelves. “500 milligrams of sulfuric acid, for Banner,” she read, giving the bottle to him.

“Thank you.” Bruce carefully put it in his satchel.

Both walked back to the counter where Bruce paid. Just as Bruce was about to leave, Jane told him, “You know, I’m supposed to ask what you’re going to use it for, but seeing as you’re wearing a brace, I don’t think it would be necessary.”

Bruce looked at her in confusion. “Why? And what does my brace have to do with it?”

“Some people buy corrosive chemicals to burn a part of their skin that has their soul mate's name.”

This confused Bruce even more. “Why would they do that?”

“Depends.” Jane shrugged. “Some do that instead of wearing a brace. Others do it because their name changed and they don't want their former soul mate to know.”

“This is the first time I heard about this policy in a store.” Bruce frowned, pondering the reason of this policy that Jane told him. “Actually, this is also the first time I heard about deliberately burning your own skin.”

“Midgardian laws and customs are different.”

“I didn't even know your mark can change.”

“Well, it can. Can’t say it happens all the time.” Jane sat back behind the counter.

Bruce was silent for a while. These revelations nearly shook him to his core. Maybe these will distract me enough to help me move on from Betty? he thought “Huh. Okay . . . Well, thanks again, Jane.”

Jane nodded at him and waved him goodbye as he left.

There were a handful of customers at the Stark and Banner Tech when Bruce arrived. Pepper was at the front desk, while Tony handled the customers.

Bruce showed the bottle of sulfuric acid to Tony, and he gave a thumbs-up of approval. Bruce made a beeline toward the back of the store where their lab was.

There, he stacked the acid with the other corrosive acids and, donning his lab coat and goggles, got to work. Recently he had been working on distilling petroleum in order to use the petroleum oil for lamps as opposed to whale oil. If he were able to do this, then not only would they have a more accessible form of fuel for lamps (as petroleum is abundant), the hunting of whales would drastically decline.

Hours passed with Bruce testing different temperatures for distillation and gathering samples. He tested these and noted all of the different effects they brought to several lamps. Just as he was nearing the perfectly distilled form of petroleum, Tony shouted from the store, “Bruce! Can you come here for a while?”

“That can probably wait, this can’t,” Bruce called back. He was about to put oil in the lamp when Tony interrupted him again—

“Uh, no, this can’t either. I’m serious.”

With a snarl, he set down the materials and removed his goggles. Stomping over to the store, he snapped at Tony. “Tony—”

Bruce stopped dead in his tracks. In front of him was Tony, looking at him expectantly, and behind him was—

“Ah, there you are, Banner,” greeted Prince Thor, looking delighted. “I wish to speak with you regarding our previous encounter.”

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stickerpaper · 7 years

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6/24/17

I haven’t been on here for a week, which felt long for me. So I’m just going to dump everything that happened during this week onto here; it’s going to be really long.

Hello, I would just like to start this off with complaining about how stressed I was and still am. I had to deal with my mental state, work, my relatives coming over, dropping off and picking Sharon up, and some more.

My mental state is all over the place... One thing that’s affecting me a lot is the sudden increase in heat. It’s super hot, which makes me extra irritable and tired. It was really noticeable while I was at Desert Hot Springs just two days ago with my family. It was over 110 degrees when we were there and I just felt super drained and sleepy. I was sleepy while I was driving my mom, sisters, and aunt on the way there and on the way to Temecula. My eyes were actually drooping and my mom had to switch places with me both of those times. Also one night during this week, I went to sleep super early by my standards. But I was still super tired and lethargic at work the next morning because of the heat.

And because I’m super tired, I’m much more vulnerable to slipping into depressive moods as well as angry moods. I try really hard not to be depressed or angry around people, but it gets too hard sometimes and rubs people the wrong way.

My co-workers asked me how I was feeling when they noticed me being really lethargic and not as enthusiastic. I didn’t know they would notice, but I guess I make snarky remarks and lots of sarcasm in a joking manner when I’m not in my moods. I think all of the depression and stress affected me physically as well. My face has been breaking out a lot again and my weight has been going up and down more than usual.

This isn’t really a bad thing, but I think Carlos, one of my co-workers, likes me. I keep telling myself that I’m overthinking it, but I feel justified in thinking this way. He always really nice to me. Whenever we have to meet up after teaching different classes, he always asks me questions and talks to me directly and specifically. He says my name a lot when he’s talking to me. He touches my shoulder too, which doesn’t bother me too much but I still internally flinch a little. He’s asked me multiple times if I’m free after work and if I want to go out and do stuff with him.

I was talking about how good churros in L.A. were and he suddenly asked me if I was free on Friday so that we could go to L.A. and get some. I just told him I was busy, which wasn’t a lie, but I thought he was joking. He asked me for my number right before I left work. The next day, he asked me if I wanted to go to the gas station with him after work so that he could buy me a soda. The day after, he offered to go out for lunch with me. On Thursday, he mentioned the L.A. churro thing again, which really shocked me because I thought he was kidding and that he forgot about it. I feel really bad because I had to turn down every offer of his so far because I’ve been so busy lately. I think I would have actually accepted at least one of them if I wasn’t so busy. But also it legitimately freaks me out when I think about the hypothetical situation in which he and I are out doing something outside of work. I love attention and adoration, but if someone wants to get closer to me, I feel like bailing out. I’ll probably vent about this weird bailing out thing another time.

I mean, I think he likes me, unless he just really wants to be good friends with me. But I figure that most co-workers don’t think of hanging out outside of work after just knowing each other for 3 weeks, technically two weeks only because we didn’t see each other a week in between. I don’t think I’m ever being that flirty with him, so I don’t see why he would like me if he actually does. We’re supposed to work on the same location for the next two consecutive weeks, so I’m kind of anticipating what’s coming next out of this.

My relatives are visiting from Korea and we’ve been going all over the place. I haven’t been home a lot lately, which is exhausting by itself. It’s also exhausting because I have to drop Sharon off at her disability program every day at two in the afternoon and pick her up at six in the evening. But I always debate on whether to drive back home or to hang out at somewhere nearby to save gas money.

Speaking of exhausting, I had yet another experience of racism. My family, relatives, and I were exploring an old town center of a city that was predominantly white. We went into a boutique and were just browsing on our own. This white lady who worked there hollered “hello?!” in a tone that sounded like we were in trouble or something. We turned in confusion, but I guess she only wanted to “help” us. She didn’t even say “is there anything I can help you with?” or “were you looking for anything in particular?”. No, this lady just assumed we wanted to try something on just because we were looking at some jackets.

Not a big deal until she said something like “hello?!” in that same fucking tone loudly, even when we were right in front of here. And then she straight up asked “do you speak English?”. I guess she asked that because she heard my mom, aunt, and uncle speaking in Korean to each other and just assumed we were all tourists. I got a bad vibe from the way she said it though, from the tone to the wording. My mom said yes, but since she has an accent when she speaks English, the white lady assumed that we ALL weren’t from America.

She had the fucking gall to go further and ask “where are you from?”. My mom told her that we lived in [insert my home town] and the lady asked where again, to which my mom told her that we lived in California. We gave her the truth, but she asked “no, what’s your background? where are you really from?”...like bitch, are you serious? My mom told her that my aunt and uncle were from Korea. She had the audacity to ask me separately where I was from. I wasn’t taking any of her shit and just replied with “California”. Sharon came with a pair of sample sandals and asked my mom if she could buy them for her. My mom showed a lot of hesitance because she knew that they were going to be overpriced, but the lady didn’t even ask my mom and decided that she was going to bring out the size that Sharon wears.

Stella was trying on pants that she found. Stella and I were literally speaking fluent English in front of her yet she asked “hello?! do you two speak English?!”. Stella and I were thrown off but said yes anyways. She tried to give us advice about the pants, but it came off as very condescending and basic as if she thought we were never going to figure stuff out. She came out with the proper size sandals. My mom was still iffy because she found out the price was $22.95 and told the lady that we were here three years ago and bought the same exact pair for $20. The lady argued and said that the price was $22.95 for the past eight years. It went on for a few minutes until the lady snapped angrily at my mom, telling her that she better pay the full price or she could just put the sandals back where they belong. I was surprised at the tone and attitude that she presented towards my mom, especially when she could be a potential customer. She probably got mad at us because “Asians are being the cheap asses they always are”. No, it was a genuine thought that my mom had based on what we did three years ago.

It was obvious that my mom and I were disgusted by her behavior. My mom just briefly told her that she didn’t want them and the lady just snatched the pair from her. We walked out really quickly. My mom and I were both very bothered by her behavior towards us all. I was ranting to Stella about the prejudice and microaggressions we have to experience just because we’re Asian. We were ranting about it loudly with white people around. I wanted the people around us to know that we’re sick of racism and that it’s disgusting and rude. There was another white woman who gave us nasty looks as we were in a loft with my aunt and uncles doing wine tasting. We weren’t doing anything bad at all. She wasn’t giving anyone else dirty looks, just us.

It shouldn’t matter whether we were all actually tourists from Korea or not...you should treat people with the same amount of respect and politeness as you would with a white American. Racist Americans, especially white Americans, are always making fun of Asians, from their physical features to the way they speak English. No one ever bullies a white person who speaks English with a heavy Polish or German accent. But the second they hear a person speak English with a Korean or Vietnamese accent, they want to squint their eyes and yell “ching chang chong, you chink”.

I’m honestly tired of racism. In all honesty, there’s not much awareness for racism towards Asians like there is for black people as well as other groups. I’m tired of not feeling validated as an actual American just because I’m Asian and I was bullied for that. I have been called various insults and slurs. I’ve had people call me “Chinese girl” or “Chinese chick”. I’ve had people assume that I’m docile and submissive, which I am fucking not. I’ve had people saying things slowly and pronouncing words in an exaggerated manner as if I can’t understand English. I’ve had people make fun of my eyes and other features. There’s a lot more, and I’m fucking tired of it all. Racist people need to stop, especially racist white people. Get the fuck out of here, you’re scum and I fucking hate you.

Also I love it when you remember how heteronormal society is. I internally shriveled up when my aunt asked me if I had a boyfriend yesterday. I’m not going to tell my aunt that I’m bi and only have been with one girl. My mom’s side of the family is much more religious and there’s no reason for me to tell her anyways. I can’t even speak fluent Korean enough to explain that to her. I’d probably kill one of my relatives out of shock if I did.

I just put on a fake smile and said no. She started talking about how in college, I’m going to meet many guys and how I might date some of them. I’m pretty sure she thought it was weird for me not to have had a boyfriend yet. She just asked me if I wasn’t interested in dating and I said yes. Dating is cool and all, but I don’t have the intense desire to. It’s not a priority at all. I need to advance myself. Plus, I have too many people depending on me to have a boy distract me from my responsibilities.

I’m starving to hang out with my friends. I like being home alone a lot, but I also love just chilling with my friends. I’m hoping to do that sometime this week because my mom is going to start her one month “disappearance” this week. Nicole and Elvia, if you’re reading this, please hang out with me because I have your gifts and want you guys to have them.

That’s some stuff that happened this week. I don’t want this super long post to be even longer, so this is it.

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