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mandakatt · 4 years

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Devil May Cry Fic - Inner Demons - Vanquish

A/N: Again, the muse has been fickle but I finally found words for V’s chapter in this story. Let’s blame work on me not getting anything done lately. yeah, that sounds like a good excuse. Yes.

Characters: V x Gender Neutral Reader Warnings: Open Relationship/Polyship Implied, Negative and Self-Depreciating thoughts, Depression Word Count: 3285 Summary: V could tell that something weighed heavily on you, the way you tried to shoulder the burden of it. The way you kept it to yourself. It reminded him of the way one would hide a wound, to not worry anyone else with the injury. But that is when a wound festers, and gets worse. If he had to be the catalyst that cleansed the wound…Then so be it.

“In the universe, there are things that are known, and things that are unknown, and in between, there are doors.”

V let his fingers gently glide over the page in front of him, his brows pinching just so as he read the poem again. It always amazed him how he sometimes could find answers like this, as if the book was guiding him to find the answers that he always seemed to be lacking. He took a bit of a breath and huffed it out through his nose when he heard the door open to your room, and he lifted his eyes from the page. His head tilted just a little as he watched you make your way downstairs, and he felt his heart clench a little at the sight of you.

Your hair was messy from sleep and you kept your eyes cast to the floor as you made your way to the shop's kitchen; probably to make your morning drink, and yet you never noticed he was there. Normally, even if you were only partly awake from just having woken up you would at least bid him good morning. However, the fact you did not greet him at all bothered him greatly.

Shadow slowly lifted his head from the floor and slowly swung his head in V’s direction before letting off a deep rumbling huff.

“Yes, so it would seem,” V replied softly as he snapped his book shut.

“Wonder what Dante did to piss ‘em off...” Griffon huffed from his perch nearby. “I mean, Dante pisses me off, so that's gotta be the reason, right?”

“Unfortunately in this case, I believe you are wrong. This is something more. Something else. And I do not like how heavily it weighs them down.”

Shadow made a noise that was a cross between a purr and a chuff as he languidly got to his feet and slowly padded his way into the kitchen after you, which caused V to smile.

“You gonna let him take the lead then, huh Shakespeare?”

“No one is able to resist Shadow when he is in a friendly mood.”

“Friendly? I ain’t never once seen him be friendly to me.”

“Oh but of course you have,” V reassured him as he set his book aside and scooped his cane up from where he’d left it resting next to him. “I believe just the other day he was showing you just how friendly he could be.”

"Excuse me!? That was him bein’ friendly? Bullshit! He was tryin’ to bite my tail feathers off!” Griffon huffed as he fluffed up at the memory, before he ducked his head under a wing and preened himself a little.

V couldn’t help but huff out a soft laugh that caused the corner of his mouth to pull up into a lopsided grin as he stood up easily from his seat and adjusted the cane in his hand. He marveled at it a moment, knowing that he truly didn’t need it to walk but he had always found the weight of it in his hand a strange, yet odd comfort. Perhaps it had become to him the same comforting weight that the Yamato had become to Vergil, and that thought amused him even more. With a shake of his head he slowly made his way toward the kitchen where he found you, on your knees gently rubbing the sides of Shadows face in both your hands.

“Good morning lovely,” you cooed as you pressed a gentle kiss to the space between Shadow’s eyes. “I am sorry I didn’t say anything to you sooner. Yes yes, I apologize, and no I was not ignoring you, I was simply...lost in my head.”

“And have you now found your way?” V asked you softly as he leaned gently against the entryway to the kitchen. He let his eyes roam over you and felt a frown pull his lips downward at the dark circles he saw under your eyes, the lack of color in your cheeks. It was as if the whole world was suddenly on your shoulders and he could do nothing but watch you succumb to its weight. “And if you have not, Little Sparrow, I do hope that you remember that I--we--” and he gently gestured with his hand to the large, demonic cat in front of you. “--are here to guide you back to where you wish to be, should you require it.”

“...Little wanderer hie thee home…” you mumbled softly and gently rubbed Shadow’s ears with a little smile.

He felt his lips pull upwards into a gentle smile as he slowly started to move closer, his cane gently tapping against the floor as he watched you, your shoulders drooping further the closer he got to you as your brows pinched together with an almost sad expression.

You reminded him much of a child that feared being scolded for doing something wrong.

Shadow gently nuzzled his head against yours as he let out that soft, deep rumbling chuff before he turned his head to V and growled, that red glow rippling down his hide as V moved closer and knelt down beside him as he simply rested his hand against Shadow's back.

“I know, my friend,” he soothed Shadow softly, his green eyes lifting to you once more. You had yet to look up at him but you kept petting your fingers slowly through Shadow’s fur, as if you were grounding yourself, and then, he got an idea.

“Little Sparrow…” When you lifted your eyes to him finally he gave you a gentle smile. “Will you come with me?” and he offered you his hand and waited.

It took you a moment to place your hand in his, but it caused his smile to brighten as he got to his feet and pulled you up with him. He didn’t grip your hand firmly, more he just gently grasped your fingers just enough as he led you from the kitchen.

“Oh, but my--”

“I promise you that you can come back for your drink in a moment, Little Sparrow, for the moment, I simply need you to follow me...please?”

Feeling his heart flutter in his chest when you gave him a gentle smile, then a nod of your head as you moved up alongside him he had to laugh softly as Shadow brushed his entire form against your leg. You reached down to gently pet your hand over the top of his head as V led you back to the couch, and sat down. He rested his cane near the arm rest, and when you sat down he quickly, yet gently, reached over for you, placing a hand on the back of your head while the other grasped your opposite shoulder.

He paused when you tensed and gave you a gentle smile. “Do you trust me, Little Sparrow?”

“Yes of course,” you blinked at him once, then gave him a smile. “Always...”

“I am glad. Now then,” and he guided your head down to his lap, letting your head rest gently against his thigh. He waited a moment as you shifted to get comfortable.

“Well now, ain’t you a sight for sore eyes,” Griffon huffed at you as he shuffled on his perch from the back of the couch, fluttering his wings a little before leaning down just a bit to get a better look at you.

“Ah,” you blinked at the bird then laughed a little. “Sorry Griffon, Good morning.”

“Bout time you said it, I was beginning to think you forgot all about little old me!”

Laughing again you turned your head enough to be able to look at the bird properly. “I could never forget you…”

Griffon puffed himself up proudly again as he ruffled his wings, showing that he was quite pleased with your answer, before he shuffled along the back of the couch to get closer to you, leaning down enough for you to pet him, and his eyes closed in bliss. “Good morning to you too, Sweetheart.”

V watched you a moment, the way you huffed out a little laugh and yet how the smile that came with it didn’t reach your eyes. He then started to slowly pet his fingers along your hair, and when you paused to look up at him, he simply smiled down at you and then worked his fingers, featherlight, over your forehead.

He watched your eyes flutter shut as he gently continued to work his fingers along your skin, down over your ear, then up along your jaw, only to chuckle a little when you tensed and audibly swallowed as his finger worked down along the side of your neck.

“Something weighs on you, Little Sparrow,” and he watched your expression shift to something sad as you turned your eyes away from him. He felt his heart clench in his chest as he continued to pet his fingers along your skin, as he took a little breath and started to recite a poem to you that he knows is one of your favorites.

“A truth told with bad intent, Beats all the lies you can invent. It is right it should be so; Man was made for joy, and woe; And when this we rightly know, Thro’ the World we safely go.”

V watched your brows furrow at his words before you screwed your eyes shut and simply nuzzled gently into his thigh. You were fighting with yourself, he could see and feel it in the way you moved against him, but he did not push you. He only hoped that his words, though they might be the words of his beloved poet, may help you in return.

“Love seeketh not itself to please, Nor for itself hath any care, But for another gives its ease--”

“...and builds a Heaven in Hell’s despair…"

V paused in his petting of your skin as you finished the poem for him, only to let his fingers trail down your arm to gently take your hand in his. He gently laced your fingers together and simply kept it close to your chest. And again he waited. He could feel Griffon shift next to him, growing anxious at how you were acting, and Shadow too, his coat glowing red as he edged himself closer to the couch, giving you a rumbling huff before you spoke.

“...I’m sorry...”

It came out breathy and V’s brows pinched in confusion as he looked down at you. “Why are you sorry, Little Sparrow? There must be a reason for me to forgive you,” and he pet his thumb slowly against your hand. “And as far as I know you have done nothing to wrong me, or mine...”

He watched you quietly, his fingers still gently working over your hair as your brows pinched in thought. It was as if you were struggling to tell him the truth. He took a bit of a breath, and opened his mouth to speak--

"I’m sorry for being me..."

"...for being you?"

"I'm weak," you stated softly, turning your head further away from him to look at the floor. "I'm nothing but a weak little human that can't--I'm not even someone worth looking at twice. I'm not as strong as you...as the others. All of you could do so much better--"

"That’s enough."

He felt you tense at his slightly sharp tone, and when you tried to get up he gently placed his hand on your shoulder and kept you there as he took in a deep breath through his nose then let it out with a sigh. "You should know that I have felt the same-- believed the same, as that was the mentality in which I was born..."

His hand moved away from your shoulder as you sat up and you turned your head to face him, and before you could say anything he gently moved his hand to place a finger gently against your lips, as a soft smile turned his own upwards.

"You will dispute me. Say that I am much stronger than you because I have the ability to fight demons. But you must remember that it is not me that fights them, it is my familiars, those that I have created a pact with--" he shushed you gently when you made a noise. "--you may even say that I am stronger than you because I was able to form such a pact, that because I am stronger than you that I was not devoured by the feline at your side, or the bird at your back. When I believe wholeheartedly, that anyone; including you, could have done so."

V watched you slowly blink at him, sigh then look down at Shadow, who had moved to push himself against the couch and chuffed up at you.

"You do know that he's right, don'tcha Sweetheart?" Griffon huffed from his spot on the couch, moving just a bit closer to you. "It's us that does all the fightin'. There ain't once that Shakespeare ever lifted a finger to do any sort of damage to any--AWK! HEY!"

Griffon had puffed up after getting tapped on the head with V's cane. You'd never seen him move to grasp it either, so it surprised you enough that it caused you to laugh.

"While you believe you are weak, Little Sparrow, it is actually the opposite. I have learned; thanks to you, that it is humans like you, with such an indomitable strength of will...that you are so much stronger than one that has the blood of Sparda in his veins."

He couldn't help but chuckle at the rather surprised look on your face, as he gently moved his finger from your lips, to brush the back of his fingers against your cheek before cupping your face in his hand. "It is you that is stronger than I. You, every day, understand the weight of what we do. Everyday you fear that we may not come back, and yet you simply believe in the hope that we will. That, my darling Little Sparrow, makes you stronger than all of us."

V gently pet his thumb under your eye to gently wipe away the tear you hadn't realized to fall. He waited a moment for you to take a deep breath to calm yourself, and then smiled when your eyes met his.

"This life's dim windows of the soul, Distorts the heavens from pole to pole, And leads you to believe a lie, When you see with, not through the eye."

"...please don't make me cry…"

He chuckled softly as he moved his hand to the back of your head to pull you closer so he could rest his forehead against your own. He remained there for a moment, just quietly breathing you in before he let his eyes close. "There is nothing wrong with crying, Little Sparrow, but you do not see what I see. What we see when we look at you. You, as you are and as you have been are enough." though when he heard you sniffle, he felt his heart clench as he slowly brought his hand away from your cheek to wrap his arm around your shoulders so he could gently pull you closer to his chest, as he gently pressed his nose into your hair.

“My Little Sparrow. You have always been enough. You always will be enough. And you should remember that I love you, and shall love you till the end of time itself.”

“Hey, it ain’t just him y’know,” Griffon fluttered his wings a little as he simply leaned over and rested his beak gently against the top of your head. You couldn’t see it, but something about the way Griffon rested against you felt as if the bird was smiling and felt rather content. “I mean, sure, ya know that those other Sparda jerks adore ya to hell and back, but...remember, that includes us too.”

Shadow moved then, a quiet rumbling purr reaching your ears as he gently put his paws on the couch in front of you and moved to nuzzle his large head against your neck and face, causing you to laugh quietly, but then the cat’s eyes met yours. You blinked slowly as they seemed to stare into your very soul, and while anyone else might have been afraid, all you felt was peace before he chuffed again, that red glow rippling down his hide as he once more pushed his head against yours and only moved away when he heard you huff out a soft laugh.

“See? Shakespeare ain’t the only one that can say something from the heart.”

“Aw, you have a heart?" V said with a rather dramatic sigh. "I never would have guessed..”

Griffon fluffed up against the back of your head, giving off a soft, almost indignant squawk as he lifted his head. “Shut your trap Shakespeare! I’m only like this cause--”

“Cause you love me. The same as I love you,” you laughed softly when Griffon audibly snapped his beak shut, made a soft cooing noise then turned his head away from you as you looked up at him from the couch. “Thank you...for reminding me,” you then quickly moved to take Shadow’s head into your hands and press a kiss to the top of his muzzle, earning you a soft, rumbling chuff. “And you…”

V smiled softly as he watched you only to lift a brow when you finally turned back to him. Your eyes seemed to search his for a moment before you sighed, then gently snuggled yourself up against his chest. He gave off a quiet, relieved sigh as he let himself gently rest his chin against the top of your head as you spoke softly.

“I love you too, V. Very much. I just...sometimes--”

“I understand,” he said with a gentle smile as he simply pet his fingers along your arm and shoulder. “I understand the struggle well with inner demons, but I wish for you to simply remember, that I will always be here to help you fight them should you wish me to, or if you simply wish for me to be nearby while you eliminate them yourself.”

He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of your head as you gave him a gentle nod, and with another content sigh he moved to grasp his book. He glanced at you briefly as you shifted against him, getting comfortable as you kept yourself snuggled up against his chest. He adjusted the book in his hand as his other arm simply draped over you as he began to read to you. He smiled a bit more so between his words when you relaxed against him further and let yourself drift back to sleep.

“Sleep well Sweetheart,” Griffon cooed softly as he settled on the back of the couch, his head turning gently to the side. “Don’t you worry. We’ll be watchin’ over ya…”

Shadow chuffed himself and got up slowly to move himself to the far end of the floor by the couch, as if he was putting himself in the way of you and anything that might come in your direction which got V to smile, he did love giving the youngest Sparda a hard time anytime he came close to you after all.

With a soft smile V continued to read to you, hoping that his words would reach you in your dreams with the hope that you would remember that no matter what your inner demons tried to get you to believe, that he would always be here to rebuke them.

To help you slay them.

In this life…and his next.

#Meraki #Devil May Cry #Devil May Cry 5 #DMC #DMC V #Polyship #Polyship implied #Open relationship #Gender Neutral Reader #Reader insert #Self insert #hurt/comfort

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zer0pm · 5 years

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Diverging Jealousy: Devil Hunters

A/N: The next part of the Diverging Jealousy multific that continues after V’s part. I was considering ending it as I don’t want to drag the story too long, but with how I left V’s part along with all the great feedback, I felt it better to write some scenes that would create a natural transition to the heart-pulling finale. Hope this keeps the hype up. Thanks a bunch to everyone that has been following this. Y’all are the best :)

You: “Wait, Dante. Stop.”

He was about to kiss you and you almost let him, but a nagging feeling tugging at your heart and mind told you to stop and take a step back. So you did, placing a hand against his chest to keep him at bay, allowing you to create some distance. He looks crestfallen at your rejection, but he doesn’t push it.

Dante: “Guessing you’re not feeling me.”

You shake your head.

You: “I don’t know what to feel. This is too sudden and it sure as hell not the right time and place to open up to something like this.”

When you were certain Dante wasn’t going to try to pull a fast one, you lower your hand and your guard.

Dante: “We may not have another chance to talk about this.”

You: “Well, we’re not going to do this in front of V.”

If he was hurt before, Dante certainly was now. Feelings aside, you had a job to do, and you were not going to cause a scene in front of your client. That’s what you convinced yourself anyways. You turn your head to apologize to him about how unprofessional Dante must appear but find him nowhere to be found.

You: “Where did V go?”

Dante: “...Guess he heeded my warning.”

You narrow your eyes at Dante suspiciously.

You: “What warning? You guys have been acting weird all day, you gonna tell me what’s going on?”

Dante’s body grows frigid. Him and his big mouth, but there was no point in hiding or lying about it now. He scratches the back of his head, trying to find the best words to put it.

Dante: “I didn’t like the way he acted around you or how you two talked to each other. It got on my nerves. So I told him to watch himself, ‘cause I already had my sights on you longer than he has and wasn’t going to let him just waltz in and-”

You: “Take what’s yours? Like you own me?”

You couldn’t believe what you were hearing and his eyes widen at your outburst.

Dante: “It isn’t like that!”

You: “Then what is it, Dante? ‘Cause it sounds to me like you two started a competition where I’m the prize and I didn’t even have a say in it! Now V’s fucking gone off to god knows where and we still got an asshole demon king to kill against which we’re going to need all the fucking help we can get!”

Your fists clenched so tightly, your body was shaking, and your head felt like it was about to burst from all the anger building up inside you.

You: “And you two thought it was a good idea to fight over what?! A chance with me!? God, you can be so stupid sometimes!”

That made his heart fall. Did they not have a chance with you? You storm off, sword drawn. You hear Dante calling out to you.

Dante: “Where are you going?!”

You: “To find our client!”

With a swing, you point your sword at Dante, annoyed rage in your eyes.

You: “And don’t think I’m picking any sides. He’s just as dumb as you for letting this rivalry get the better of both of your judgments! You’re going to fucking keep the office and we’re all going to live through this so I can smack both of you upside your thick skulls! Until then, I’m going to make sure that you two get the fuck along so that I can get back to fucking work!”

Dante knows you’re pissed when half of your sentences are filled with expletives. If he wasn’t legitimately scared of you right now, he would have thought your spirited anger was sexy. Empowering even. It was one of the things that made you so damn attractive while working, ‘cause you had nothing but feeling in everything you do. But he has thrown himself on your bad side and knew it was his fault. He scratches the back of his head in frustration.

Dante: “Fuck...”

He didn’t know how long or far he has been walking, trying to actively move to get his mind of over Dante being so close to you. But no matter how hard he tried, even reciting William Blake to calm his nerves, the quake in his heart shook him painfully. It was pathetic really how much it affected him.

Griffon: “Hey, uh...you okay, V?”

V: “Once Urizen is defeated, I will be.”

Griffon: “True, but what about...you know who, Walker, I think is what you call that other devil hunter.”

V: “Little Wanderer.”

Griffon: “There ya go, that’s the pet name.”

He started calling you that not too long after meeting you, a play on your exceptional scouting abilities. It also helped that it was an ode to one of his favorites poems, fueling his attraction to you. V supposes that he’ll have to come up with another nickname, one that would not serve as a symbol of his hopeless affection.

V: “Irrelevant now. Dante has made his claim clear.”

He sighs, stopping in the middle of an open area.

V: “Besides, he has everything to offer. Me...I have nothing to give. I cannot even give myself as I will simply either crumble away or reveal myself to be the monster that brought calamity to this city Wanderer loved so much. I don’t know which of these would be worse to see on that wonderful face, but it not a sight I can bare. It is better this way.”

Griffon: “V...”

Suddenly he feels a presence zoom right towards them. With amazing reflexes, V instinctively ducks, Shadow leaping from his marks to claw at the attacking figure. The familiar nicks the creature, revealing itself before V. A large, lizard-like demon with long, dagger-like claws and glowing red skin. Out of the all the species of demons in the underworld, this was the his least favorite to deal with and with his current state, he would ride victorious still but not before going through a bit of a struggle destroying it. His worst fear is realized when more Chaos demons fade into vision, completely surrounding them. Well, then...

Griffon: “Um... Now would probably be a good time to call in Nightmare.”

Not needing to be told twice, V summons the full force his demonic energy with a snap of his fingers, triggering the call of his most powerful familiar. Like a meteor falling from the sky, Nightmare crashes into the plaza. The Chaos demons were quick to move out of the way, hissing at the rising ink creature. In their venomous daze, V dashed on top of Nightmare, Griffon and Shadow in tow to defend him.

The Chaos horde engages them, V using his connection with his demon companions to guide their every move, taking extra care to make sure they do not attack too far from him. It was difficult as the enemies were too quick, using their superior speed to dodge most of the strikes and lightning attacks. Even Nightmare’s energy blasts and monstrous strength did little against them. One swiftly sneaks behind V, he could not summon Griffon back enough to knock it away and instead was forced to dodge. He barely missed the killing blow as one hellish claw scratched deep on his shoulder. If he didn’t move at all, that would have pierced his heart right through, yet it still hurt like hell, and he was bleeding profusely.

V: “Gahh!”

The reptilian demon stood atop Nightmare with him and moved to slice upward. V had no choice but to roll off of his own familiar to escape, he landed on the ground on top of his bad shoulder and hisses in excruciating agony. Nightmare beside him fades into a pool of black ink before merging back within him, turning his hair and some of the marks on his back to its dark hue.

He looks up to see Griffon and Shadow trying to get to him, but the surrounding Chaos demons kept them at bay with fierce attacks. He sensed that it is taking all their vigor alone to avoid their vicious offense.

V moves to get back up but feels his weakening body give, keeping him to a kneeling position. His dying core forces him to cough, he covers his mouth as if doing so would muffle the sound and steady his breathing but once he removed his hand, he sees nothing but the red proof of his fading life splattered on his palm.

V: “No, not like this... I can’t lose here.”

He thinks back on how this hell came to be. How everything fell to ruin, all because of him and his selfish pursuit of power. Even now, he wished himself to be stronger. But not just to right his wrongs.

But to see you again...

He was mentally himself for his foolish sentimental heart, but he honestly could not complain. On the brink of death and all he can think about is you. If you were to be his last thoughts, then he felt that everything was worth it. And he hoped even now, that and you and Dante would rise victorious, together. V smiles sadly.

V: “I curse my stars in bitter grief and woe.”

Behind him, a shadow approaches, the signal of the end.

V: “That made my lov-”

BOOM!

The demon behind him falls, fading into black ash. V’s look up to seek out the source and sees a familiar face beside him, helping him back on his feet.

V: “Dante-!”

Dante: “Don’t thank me yet, my partner is still going to kill our dumb asses. Until then...”

He was lucky to have found V first, his feet driven by the desire to beat you to him so that he could speak with the tattooed man first. Not to manipulate the situation between you all, he learned that lesson the first time. But to set it right and let things come naturally. If you chose V over him, if you chose between them at all, then he wanted V to give it his all for you. That would be worth it. The white-haired man looks back at the dark-cladded man with a profound determination in his eyes that told the latter that his pride has been casted aside.

Dante: “Help me out here, will ya?”

Understanding what he means, V nods. His cane in hand, he puts himself in his stance, Griffon and Shadow bracing themselves by his side to carry out their next orders. He eyes the demons that have formed around them with a newfound vigor and malice.

V: “Behold the taste of despair.”

Dante laughs, facing his back to V’s, both men making sure they had each other covered.

Dante: “Took the words right out of my mouth.”

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tinta--writes · 5 years

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Burns

Managed to finish the first bingo prompt! @sidesteppingthefuckout let me use their wonderful Chase Becerra for this angsty little piece :O

Tw for many, many references to burning and burn scars ;o;

m!Sidestep, m!Ortega, ~1,393 words.

You know better. You know better because they taught you, in your unending faith, that connections are built only from frost. A tenuous bridge - you ford the canyon. You ford and reach for a turned shoulder, grasp it and it burns. The bridge - a cloying thing made from ice and frost and distance - peels in rivulets. Down, down, down, and away into an ocean preaching your miseries - your woes. You follow and drown in its midst because you didn’t know better. You didn’t know better and this is how you are punished.

Alone, you find yourself in gelid safety - nobody can come in nor see you through the warbled white. You build your world from ice because you know better: you know everything is doomed to burn away, leaving you stricken - horrified - forced to watch it peel away because you reached out too far, unable to draw your arm back in time. Unable to stop the burning. So you build yourself from glaciers. Hew every choice, every avoidance - you make it from frost and rime. Skin alight, flesh afire - you’d scream if you didn’t know to pull the ice around you, let it overcome you before you can make even a single noise. Before you reach out and let them know again - get burned again - you know better. So you numb yourself over, and say it’s better this way.

Sometimes, you let yourself wish into the darkness, illuminated only by screens that know neither what you want nor what you need. But they serve, and the ice tells you that that’s enough. Your hope persists: if only they could somehow see - reach into your charred heart and give you exactly what you need - what do you need? Connections? Love? Do you truly need anything, or is it all a greedy, festering want disguised as humble need?

But you daren’t ask - you expect them to guess, perhaps, because you should know me well enough by now. Because did ten years mean nothing to you? A cloying ten - sure, fragmented; shattered - but you remember. You remember my mouth, one half full of fire and desert, the other flameproof and silent. You remember, so why do you still not know a damned thing?

You suppose it’s justice - some merciless law scrawled somewhere, dictating that you should fade and vanish and go. Because the puzzle is already complete, and your shape and colours and size are all wrong, wrong, wrong. But you wedge yourself in there - force it, force it and you’ll make it - before being scorched once more. Recoil. Nurse the wounds with your tears and watch the scars form, first within and then creeping from bone to skin. Watch as nobody notices the new burn in your heart, but hear them harp on and on about those on your body. You guess it’s justice. A case of morality, then, that you left them and now have nothing. You abandoned them - you plummeted out of their lives - and this is your punishment. Does that hurt you? Are you allowed to hurt, for something so inane?

“Eden,” you’re not burnt here - you’re beautiful. Clean. Confident, but the heart is the same. “Ricardo,” smooth, even - your skin is a blank ocean. A template. And Ortega is drowning. “You look tired,” you don’t. You wonder who he sees when he looks at you, and decide Chase can stay buried. “Perhaps I am,” his apartment is too spacious for your liking. For Chase’s. But Eden revels in it - in the space - you let him. You let him get burned over and over because his skin will always stay beautiful and meaningless. The only heart getting charred is yours. It’s not like you can deny that the lie feels good. Liberating. Eden is connected, Eden is burning - but he is a phoenix, rising again and again and embracing the flames, the kisses, the burns. You’re just the ashes.

“I’d tell you to rest more,” Ortega looks at you - upright, blank, beautiful. He does not look at you like that. “But you already know.” the playful wink is a bullet but you’re armour and you’re steel and you’re dying. “I rest enough,” cheeky, charming. Chase is dying. “Plus, I could say the same for you,” old man. “You look just about ready to drop dead.” he doesn’t, but your skin is burning under your clothes, the heat building and scorching, so you throw the spark elsewhere. Can he see the smoke streaming from your collar? Sputtering past the nape of your neck and into the air between you - does he know? “Perhaps,” he flirts and you circle him with words - barbs, but they are soft and smooth. Not like the scarred truth you hide underneath. Underneath what? A younger, infinitely more alluring lie? Is this what you want?

So when he kisses you - no, Eden; always Eden - is it guilt? Is it irritation? You play up the act - kiss back with lips that are all smooth and all skin and never itchy, dry, or fragmented. You’re nothing - nothing at all without the connections that define Eden. Eden is something - you cling to that because you are nothing. You are nowhere. You are Chase Becerra, and that means nothing at all.

When you awaken - when Chase awakens - you are nothing. A blank slate covered in charred marks - a cinder of a person, left to smoulder until he is finally blown out. Stamped out. But Ortega’s hands are too kind and Anathema is not here: stamp me out, but they only look at Phantom, Chase, Eden - they only look and you cannot stand the staring.

So you drag your body up - out, out of the nightmare. Drag it to the computer, check a line of code yet seeing nothing at all. You take a swig from the empty cup of coffee - feel that cold sludge against your lips before it recedes once more. Melts. Burns. It’s dark, a ridiculous hour, and the right side of your face itches, down to your neck, pouring that dry, sandy rasp into your torso and arm. You would scream in frustration if you could muster up the feeling.

Your phone - cast aside; out of sight, out of mind - shows you the number of bridges you have yet to burn for yourself. Ortega’s name, his words a sordid litany piling up on the screen. Saw a really big dog today! Chen stopped to pet him. Hung out with a friend earlier - I think you’d like him, he really liked his coffee. Sounds like someone else I could name ;) I miss you. Do you want to hang out tomorrow? I know a nice place. I promise it’s quiet!

You pick up the offending device. It blinks insolently, blaring blue screen tempting and teasing but powerless. You know this. You know better. In your mind, you throw the phone across the room and watch it shatter. In your mind, you finally break that gelid string holding Ortega in your orbit. You in his. In your mind, you force Eden back into the hospital and let him rest forever. In your mind, you burn everything. Set it all alight. Watch it become cinders and ash and smoke.

But in your reality - no, it isn’t yours, you’re nothing - you shut the sad thing off. Let Ortega fade, but you do not delete the messages. You do not cut the string. Melt the ice. Not brave enough - not strong enough - out of sight and mind but never gone from your heart. And that still hurts. It still burns. The phone is just another thing that perpetuates the slow, agonising death this bond must endure. It’s just another tenuous link keeping you from burning. From freezing. So you put it down, crawl back to your desk and take another empty swig. You let the toxic haze of the screen sting at your eyes. You let it hurt a little, but you break nothing. You let yourself smoulder a little - scars decorating scars - but you melt nothing. You set yourself alight, but you do not burn.

#fallen hero: rebirth #sidestep #ortega #Chase Becerra #bad things happen bingo #fanfiction #tinta--writes #i wonder if the metaphors are too whack in this one #im so out of it hsdbcdjv #ahh well - chase is lovely and im glad sade let me poke around in his head ;u;

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