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latte-fairytaekwoon · 4 years

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𝐴𝑡𝑒𝑒𝑧: 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐺𝑒𝑡 𝐴 𝑃𝑒𝑡 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝐻𝑒'𝑠 𝐽𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑢𝑠

❥𝓚𝓲𝓶 𝓗𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓳𝓸𝓸𝓷𝓰

Feeling bad for not being able to keep you company because he spent most of his time in the recording studio, Hongjoong decided it would be cute to get you a pet.

So on a free day, you went to the pet store and looked at all the animals.

From the beginning, you both knew you wanted a pet on the more 'exotic' side of things.

That's how you ended up taking home 2 sugar gliders.

You named them Mocha and Latte, cause they reminded you of coffee.

At first, it was difficult cause sugar gliders are nocturnal, so either they were bustling in their cage, waking you up.

Or you were pouty cause you couldn't play with them during the day.

"Have fun with them!" Hongjoong would tell you before leaving.

And you'd always respond "Yeah right".

Your sleep schedule changed because of them though.

You started staying up at odd hours of the night just to play with them.

Of course, that meant you'd sleep in till almost noon the next day.

Meaning now Hongjoong was seeing, or at least, spending less time with you.

And he was pouting.

Pouting cause he got home early but you're sleeping and can't hang out with him.

Pouting cause he wants to fall asleep next to you and cuddle you but you're too busy playing with the Mocha and Latte.

So you looked over at him, sitting up with the tiniest pout on his face.

"What?" You asked.

He whined cutely. "You're not interested in me anymore!"

You simply snorted at how cute he was when he was jealous.

You put the gliders back in their cage and settled next to your boyfriend.

"Maybe now you'll understand how I felt when you'd leave me alone for the whole day. "

Hongjoong looked at you and realized you were right.

He couldn't really complain, he got you the pets specifically cause of that reason. But still....

"That didn't mean replace me completely!"

❥𝓟𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓢𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝔀𝓪

Seonghwa agreed to get a pet with you so you'd have someone while he was gone.

He knew you tended to get lonely while he was on tour, so maybe a pet would be nice.

"But please let's get something that won't make too much mess."

So you took his OCD into account.

That's how you ended up with Pepe, a cute green and red parrot.

He actually didn't talk at first, he was a little shy.

But after a while, he started saying words here and there.

That's when you decided to teach him a few phrases yourself.

"The possibilities are endless. I will teach him the entire dictionary."

Seonghwa just shrugged, not really paying attention.

"Ok you have fun with that. But he's a parrot, I doubt he's that smart."

Pepe was indeed smart, incredibly smart.

And if you rewarded him with crackers or berries, he learned even faster.

You spent any second free you had with him.

Literally, you got out a dictionary and made him learn at least 5 new words each day.

Surprisingly, he learned more by watching you communicate with Seonghwa, picking up phrases you used.

That's when a funny moment happened.

Seonghwa was mad that you no longer hung out with him.

And the few times you talked, you just went on and on about how smart the parrot was.

Scowling he blew up one day.

"All you ever talk about is that stupid old bird!"

Pepe, hearing some of his words, suddenly blurted out.

"Stupid angry bird Seonghwa! Stupid angry bird Seonghwa!"

He repeated what he often heard you mutter behind his back whenever Seonghwa made you mad.

"Stupid what?!" Seonghwa's eyes nearly popped out of his face while you just laughed at him.

❥𝓙𝓮𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓾𝓷𝓱𝓸

Yunho couldn't wait for you two to get the puppy you adopted.

He was super excited at the thought that you two would officially become parents.

So when your Welsh Corgi finally arrived, he was over the moon.

"I'm going to name you Peanut and we're going to spend so much time together!"

Meanwhile you stood behind him like "I'm his owner too! Don't I get a say?!"

Yunho and you spent so much time with the puppy.

He was a very active puppy, and at times you had to definitely scold him.

Cause he liked to chew the furniture, especially the legs of your kitchen chairs.

Yeah, one time it was so chewed up, the chair ended up breaking while you were sitting on it.

It was too much for you, you considered taking the dog back.

"No please don't! He's only a baby and doesn't know better!"

Yunho insisted he'd train him better.

That was bullshit cause he ended up having to go on tour for 6 months, leaving you to raise Peanut as a single mother for half a year.

You sighed. "Might as well get used to it."

You were amazed that without Yunho interfering, Peanut behaved a lot better and you were able to train him.

So you became even closer to him.

Soon he became your baby that you loved to pamper and cuddle with.

Yes, Peanut ended up sleeping with you in your bed.

When Yunho came back, not only was he surprised that Peanut didn't recognize him...

But Peanut actually barked at him whenever he got close to you.

"I'm just trying to give my girl/boyfriend a hug!"

And when you two were getting ready to go to bed, Yunho couldn't even join you in bed

Cause Peanut was already cuddled up next to you.

So Yunho stood there with the saddest look on his face.

"Did this dog seriously just stole my place?"

❥𝓚𝓪𝓷𝓰 𝓨𝓮𝓸𝓼𝓪𝓷𝓰

Yeosang layed down on the couch, hoping to relax from an intense day of dance practice.

He closed his eyes, already feeling like he was going to sleep anytime soon.

He felt something tickle him on his nose and he giggled, not bothering to open his eyes.

"Baby, not right now. I'm tired. Let me rest first. Then I'll give you some cuddles and kisses."

He then felt nibbling on his nose which made him raise an eyebrow.

"What are you- Holy shit!"

He fell out of the couch after he opened his eyes and saw two large beady eyes, that were definitely not yours, staring straight into his soul.

"Yeosang? Are you ok?" You asked stepping out of your room.

"Something just tried to eat me! Do you think I'm ok?!" He exclaimed.

You looked at him on the floor and saw what was the cause.

"There you are Cookie! I've been looking all over for you."

Yeosang just watched as you picked up the rabbit that he deemed menacing.

"I'm sorry, but I don't recall you having a pet?"

"Nope, but I saw him while I was shopping for groceries and thought why not? And what do you mean my pet? He's also gonna be yours"

"Uhhh come again?"

It's not that Yeosang didn't want Cookie around.

But he found him rather bothersome, especially since he liked to hide in corners and jump on his ankles.

Sometimes he'd even let out a cry of pain cause Cookie likes to bite his feet.

And through all this bullshit, you never take his side.

You're always taking that damned rabbit's side.

"Honestly, what's so great about him? I have big sparkly eyes too! And I can eat lettuce cutely. Watch."

And Yeosang legit grabbed a piece of lettuce and ate it like an actual rabbit.

Meanwhile you just cringed.

"Please don't get jealous, it doesn't suit you and please don't ever do that again."

Yeosang let the remaining lettuce fall to the ground, just like his will to compete with the big eared furry.

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓢𝓪𝓷

When you told San you were planning on getting a sibling for Byeol, he was expecting another cat.

He just stood there staring at the long nosed, long eared whiskered animal on the floor.

He pointed at it. "What is that?"

"That's Tiny!" You exclaimed happily.

"It's not a cat?" He asked rather confused.

"I know! It's a fennec fox! Isn't he adorable too?!" You were just so happy.

San was wondering if it was even legal to keep it as a pet.

Spoiler: it was.

San did think Tiny was cute and he didn't really seem to be vicious, despite it being an exotic animal.

Tiny was actually very sociable and active.

Unlike Byeol, Tiny needed you to play with him almost every 2 hours or it'd get bored.

And when he get bored, he'd start snarling and eventually growling if you didn't pay attention to him.

It freaked San out the first time he heard him snarl.

"What the fuck kind of demon possessed you?!" He shouted, causing Tiny to become more agitated

You quickly ran in, with a rubber bouncy ball in your hand.

"Hey it's ok! I'm here! Now go fetch!" You said as you threw the ball to the other side of the room.

Tiny immediately ran for it and spent a good amount of time searching for it.

"That thing is possessed!" San told you.

"You get possessed when you're on stage. Tiny is just bored and wants attention." You explained.

"I want your attention but you don't see me growling at you."

You rolled your eyes. "No. You just get whiny and fussy."

San scoffed and walked away to the couch, glaring as you played with the fox.

Looking over, he saw Byeol laying next to him, just staring.

He smiled. "Hey babygirl, wanna play with me and make Y/N jealous instead?"

Byeol simply stood up and walked to another part of the room, leaving San all sad on the couch, feeling lonely.

❥𝓢𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓲

"Mingi, I want you to meet Coco!"

You held up the brown ferret against Mingi's face.

Being the scaredy cat he was, Mingi backed away immediately at the sight of the unusual pet.

"Relax! He's not going to eat you! You big baby." You said

"What kind of rodent is that?" He asked, inspecting the creature.

"He's a ferret! Think of him as a long and stretched out hamster." You explained as you cooed at the cutie pet.

"Well if he makes you happy, I guess ok."

He did make you happy. You had never had a pet of your own, so obviously you doted on Coco as if he was your whole world.

Your social media now was filled with pictures and videos of the ferret.

"Coco, look at the camera! I need that Instagram pic!"

Seeing your social media bombarded with nothing but the ferret made Mingi upset.

Before you used to post only pictures of him.

Now.....a long rat has invaded your relationship.

Or at least that's what he thought.

"You pay more attention to that rat than me!" He huffed.

"He's not a rat! He's a ferret!" You shouted.

Finally getting fed up, Mingi took away the ferret from you and told it to run along.

He then pulled you into the couch and wrapped his long limbs around you.

"We haven't cuddled in a long time. I want at least 20 minutes of your undivided attention each day."

You smiled and petted his hair. You couldn't blame him for feeling neglected. It had been a while.

You turned around and began kissing his face.

His frown suddenly turned into a smile and he was happy again.....

Until Coco climbed into the couch and popped out from between your bodies.

"Oh my god! You had them all day! I've only had them for 2 minutes you cockblocker!"

You started laughing at his reaction and quickly put Coco on the ground before anything else happened.

❥𝓙𝓾𝓷𝓰 𝓦𝓸𝓸𝔂𝓸𝓾𝓷𝓰

"Babe! I'm finally home!"

Wooyoung sprinted from the couch, running up to you and wanting to see you open the portable cage you held.

"Is it here already?! Tell me is it a boy or girl?! What breed is it?!"

He was jumping for joy since he knew you decided to go buy a pet.

He immediately thought you meant a dog. He loves dogs and just wanted to start playing with it.

"Wooyoung, this is Ginger! Our new baby!" You said as you held up a tabby orange cat.

Wooyoung suddenly stopped jumping and stared at the cat for a long time.

Then he looked at you with an 'are you kidding me' expression.

"It's a cat." "No way! Really?! If you don't tell me, I wouldn't notice!" You replied sarcastically.

Wooyoung stomped his foot. "I thought you'd get a dog!"

"What? No! You know I'm a cat person."

Wooyoung clutched his chest at what you said, gasping dramatically

"I don't know you anymore! You're not my girlfriend/boyfriend! They've been replaced by some maniac cat person!"

You just rolled your eyes and decided to enjoy your new pet.

You just loved Ginger. She was so calm, so serene, well behaved and obedient.

She also seemed to know when you were stressed or feeling down since she'd then climb on your lap and nuzzle herself to your body, purring softly.

She melted your heart and you did not regret adopting her.

Wooyoung on the other hand did not like her, and started disliking her more since Ginger never listened to him.

He didn't realize she could sense his animosity and therefore proceeded to avoid him.

"Seriously what does Y/N see in you? You don't fetch, can't do tricks and you certainly don't guard the house. What are you good for?"

Ginger just continued lying on the couch, ignoring him.

"Hey don't ignore me you little butter ball!" He said as he tried moving her.

But before he could even touch her, she began hissing at him, daring him to come closer.

"What are you doing to my baby?!" You screeched from the kitchen.

"I didn't do anything!" He then turned and pointed a finger to the cat."You know... for a pussycat, you sure are one hell of a bitch!"

❥𝓒𝓱𝓸𝓲 𝓙𝓸𝓷𝓰𝓱𝓸

Jongho had been getting really tired of the pet raccoon you decided to get.

First of all, he kept coming to your house, making a mess outside cause it kept looking through your trash can.

Of course being the softie you were, you kept leaving food out for it.

So naturally it came coming back for more and practically lived outside your house.

"I told you if you kept doing that she'd end up staying." Jongho reminded you.

"It's actually a he. He's a boy." You corrected him.

"Geez. You already know that much, why not just bring him inside and just make him your official pet?" He said that sarcastically but wasn't expecting you to take it seriously.

"Ok!" You then went outside to bring it in.

"Wait! I wasn't being serious! It's a wild animal and could have rabies!"

Despite his protests, you ended up keeping him, taking him to the vet to get him vaccinated and checked on.

That's how Bandit was now a part of your life.

And true to his name, he stole your heart.

He was so adorable and fluffy and you just loved cuddling him.

It certainly felt nice since Jongho rarely cuddled with you, so of course you seeked affection from your raccoon.

Bandit was also pretty mischievous, but you didn't mind. You just kept thinking he was absolutely adorable.

Jongho on the other hand was having his patience tested every day by Bandit.

He'd often find his socks ripped or missing and he had a pretty good idea who it was.

He finally caught him red handed tearing apart his last pair of black socks.

"That's it! You're dead I tell you! Dead! Square up! I ain't afraid! I will fight you!"

Jongho actually began taking off his jacket and holding up his fists.

Bandit also began snarling and arched his back in a fighting position.

You walked in just in time to stop Jongho or Bandit from launching at each other.

"What is wrong with you?! Were you seriously about to go Jack Jack on a raccoon?!"

"He started it! Beneath that mask, he's evil!"

You decided to just keep them away from each other before you end up with animal control on your front door.

Gifs not mine, credit goes to their respective owners.

#ateez #ateez hongjoong #ateez seonghwa #ateez yunho #ateez yeosang #ateez san #ateez mingi #ateez wooyoung #ateez jongho #ateez headcanons #ateez fluff #ateez imagines

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danfanciesphil · 6 years

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Give Me A Try (New Chapter)

Gay Instagram Model/Bartender Phan AU Part 3

(Part One)

(Part Two)

(Read on Ao3!)

Dan’s in the middle of his break, scrolling through his phone, when a text notification appears at the top of his screen. He drops his bagel into his lap, cursing.

The text is from Phil. He doesn’t know any other Phil’s, so it has to be AmazingPhil, texting him, inexplicably.

He clicks the notification, eyes wide, simultaneously scooping up the bagel bits that have fallen onto his knees.

From: Phil To: Dan im in makeup for a weird photoshoot for some korean clothing brand and they just put loads of silver goo in my hair to make it chromey

As Dan is reading the message, searching between the lines for a reason Phil might be telling him this information, another text pings through.

From: Phil To: Dan whoops, i kinda meant to send that to PJ. but hey, if you’re interested, here’s a pic of me with ‘Kpop Idol Silver Hair Paste’ in lol xx

From: Phil To: Dan [image]

The phone slips from Dan’s fingers, clattering through his legs to the floor of the staff room. Phil has sent him a selfie. An un-edited, un-Instagrammed photo of his breathtaking face, up close. Sure, there’s a weird silvery goop in his usually raven hair, but still. Gingerly, Dan retrieves the phone, a small, strangled sound escaping from his throat as he surveys the image in front of him.

It makes a little more sense now that Phil has informed him that he had actually mistakenly texted the original message, but did the guy really have to follow up with a photo? He must, surely, be aware of Dan’s crush. He witnessed the brunt of Dan’s obsessive stalking in person on his phone, after all.

Bagel entirely forgotten, Dan just stares down into the pixelated blue of Phil Lester’s eyes, wondering how to respond, and if he even should. Deciding eventually that it would be rude not to, Dan shakily types out something he hopes is vaguely witty.

From: Dan To: Phil hahaha wow :’) kpop? more like kpoop. (it looks like bird poop, sorry dude.) x

From: Phil To: Dan hahaha it does ur so right. and if you think thats bad you should see the outfits… xx

Settling back into his chair, Dan bites his lip. As he thinks of a potential response, his eyes wander over to the spot, just to the right of him, where he and Phil had stood not long ago, when it had seemed like maybe, possibly, Phil might’ve…

But obviously that’s absurd.

Dan’s wishful thinking had clearly driven him to the point of hallucination, because the very notion that Phil Lester, AmazingPhil, the famous Instagram model, would ever have looked at Dan as anything more than a random bartender, is laughable.

Dan sighs to himself, then smirks. Well, just because he has no chance, doesn’t mean he can’t utilise his semi-connection to the celebrity to get some behind-the-scenes footage of his fave.

From: Dan To: Phil well now i have to see x

There’s a noticeable pause, and Dan wonders, panicking vaguely, if he may have pushed too far. Is it a little much to ask this of Phil? Maybe he just won’t respond, and Dan will have to quit his job forever, or maybe just spend his shifts on red alert that Phil will wander into the bar, and hide from him if he does-

He texts back.

From: Phil To: Dan [image]

From: Phil To: Dan hot, right? xx

For two long, uninterrupted minutes, Dan is frozen. Then, he lets out a muffled groan of frustration. The photo Phil sent is a full body shot taken by someone else; he’s dressed in an asymmetrical long white t-shirt with several long rips through the chest, some bright pink camouflage trousers, and a shiny silver puffer jacket with a black fur-lined hood. The outfit is a complete disaster, but it doesn’t matter in the slightest. His chest is visible through the slits in the tee; having seen it twice now IRL, Dan is drawn to the slivers he can see. The trousers make his eyes pop, and the jacket matches the silver streaked through his hair.

His pose is casual, feet apart, smirking at the camera, with his hands gesturing to his body as if to say ‘see what i mean?’. If he’d posted this on his Instagram, Dan gets the feeling he’d have saved it to his camera roll anyway, maybe even made it his phone background.

Dan’s done that with a few of his favourite photos of Phil in the past. He won’t even dwell on the time when Phil posted a photo of himself in the bath and Dan, in a semi-sleep-deprived fit of insanity, printed the photo out and stuck it on his wall.

Tyler came over once, weeks later, saw the photo taped above Dan’s bed, and tore the thing down. He’d told Dan, quite rightly, to stop being such a creep and keep his crazed obsessive behaviour to social media like everyone else.

“Who even has physical photos these days?? You’re like a fucking serial killer!”

Dan chuckles at this memory. He’s glad for Tyler, sometimes, even if he’s only good for keeping Dan’s stalkerish behaviour within the realms of normalcy.

Belatedly, he realises it’s been over five minutes and he still hasn’t responded to Phil. Also, his break is close to being over.

From: Dan To: Phil woww. please, phil of the future, tell me what life is like in 2087 x

From: Phil To: Dan stawwp. i keep laughing out loud at what ur saying and now the designer is sending me death glares :’’’D xx

Trying hard to ignore the fact that his dorky jokes are apparently literally making Phil ‘lol’, Dan checks the time, and sighs, typing out another message.

From: Dan To: Phil is the designer a martian? or maybe secretly one of those reptile-people? maybe skin him just to be safe. also my break is over so i gtg. have fun on set of NASA’s moonlanding recreation x

From: Phil To: Dan aww ur at work too? that sux. i forgot that u work at night lol. hope u stay dry this evening ;) xx

From: Dan To: Phil speaking of… why are u at work? isnt it kind of late for a photoshoot? x

From: Phil To: Dan well its 8am here so no haha xx

From: Dan To: Phil where are you? x

From: Phil To: Dan seoul :) hence the… unusual fashion lol xx

Dan’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead. He stands from his chair, throws his half eaten bagel in the trash, and looks around himself. He’s in the staff room - a small, dusty space with a row of falling apart lockers, a couple of chairs and a small table. There’s a hook on the wall which holds a load of unused aprons, and a rusty heater for when it’s especially cold.

He’s about to go back out to serve a load of rowdy customers some overpriced cocktails, then mop a dancefloor sticky with sweat, alcohol, and whatever other liquids might have found their way there. Then, he’s going to go back to his crummy flat way across in Kemptown, unfold his sofabed, and fall asleep to Netflix.

Phil, on the other side of the world in Korea, is having his hair, makeup and wardrobe done by professionals. He’s being treated like a celebrity, no doubt, and pampered excessively. Later, he’ll receive high-definition, professional photographs of himself looking gorgeous, and post them to his Instagram, where millions of people will tell him how stunning he looks.

Dan sighs to himself. How the other half lives.

The following day, Dan wakes up to find that Phil has updated his Instagram story, and posted the photo with the silver goo in his hair. The same one he’d sent to Dan. The caption reads:

Not sure silver hair was a good idea! The designer was going for Kpop, but ended up with Kpoop… can’t wait to show you guys the photos from this shoot! xx

Two things cross Dan’s mind.

First, Dan can now officially state that he had a sneak-peek at an official AmazingPhil photo before it was posted.

Second, the bitch totally stole his joke.

He smiles to himself ruefully, then decides to leave a comment. There’s no way that Phil will even see it - he’s never seen any of Dan’s others, or at least Dan sincerely hopes he hasn’t, as they’re mostly things like ‘choke me’ or ‘slap me round the face with your yaoi hands dad’.

Okay, maybe he tends to leave those sorts of comments when he’s less than sober.

This time, Dan just taps out a simple:

danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)

Still smiling to himself, Dan rolls over onto his side, and settles in to watch Phil’s story. The stories are usually long, silly, and full of adorable clips of Phil being clumsy and cute. As expected, this one is no exception. It’s a tour of Phil’s hotel room in Seoul, which is very posh.

Phil exclaims over the origami hand towels on his bed, the robe provided for him in the wardrobe, and the multiple options on the ‘disco shower’ as he calls it. Just as Dan is marvelling at the panoramic shot Phil has filmed of his view from the balcony, a notification pings at the top of his screen.

amazingphil replied to your comment: joke stealing is…

Dan sits bolt upright in bed, the sheets falling off him. He runs a hand through his messy hair, eyes wide. He clicks the notification before it disappears, heart pounding.

Oh no, oh no, oh no. Dan hadn’t intended for him to actually see. What if Phil thinks he’s being rude? He doesn’t actually mind Phil stealing his stupid joke about the hair goo. It’s an honour, if anything, that Phil finds his dumb joke good enough to post as a caption millions of people will read.

Heart thrumming, Dan finds the response Phil left.

danisnotonfire: joke stealing is a low form of theft phil smh ;)

amazingphil: @danisnotonfire aha i was kinda hoping you wouldn’t see ;D

Another notification pings at the top of his screen.

amazingphil started following you

“Holy shit,” Dan says to nobody.

amazingphil liked your photo

“Fuck,” Dan squeaks, clutching his pillow for support. “Stop it Phil, I’m gonna have a heart attack.”

Curious, Dan clicks the last notification, wondering which photo it was that Phil pressed the little heart for. To his surprise, it’s a selfie, one he took at work around a month ago. He took it during a lull between serving, if he remembers correctly. The lighting hadn’t been awful when he was doing his hourly fringe check in his phone camera, so he’d snapped a pic. It’s nothing special, just a moody expression and a wash of pink lighting across one half of his face.

amazingphil commented on your photo

amazingphil: nice pout ;) xx

Dan falls back into the pillows, mind obliterating itself into a thousand, tiny pieces.

Over the next few weeks, Dan has several text conversations with Phil. They’re usually started by Phil himself, who will - out of what Dan assumes is boredom - sometimes send him a random meme, a musing about his surroundings, or a selfie. For obvious reasons, Dan prefers the latter.

No matter how many times Phil reaches out via text, the surreality of it never fails to send Dan’s mind freewheeling. It always knocks the wind out of his lungs, it always makes him stop dead in his tracks, and it always leaves him struggling to recover for the next few hours. Whenever this happens at work, Tyler never fails to tease him mercilessly.

“Whoops! Please excuse him, sir, his mind has been blended by a single text from his crush,” Tyler tells a customer the fifth time Dan drops a glass behind the bar.

Dan scowls at his friend, but doesn’t try to defend himself. It’s true, after all. One text from Phil has him behaving like a moron. He becomes physically inept, unable to make the simplest drink.

One night, after the bar has closed, Dan and Tyler are cleaning up.

“So when’s he gonna stop torturing you over text and come sweep you off your beer-drenched tootsies?”

Dan rolls his eyes at this. “He’s not, Ty. He’s a rich and famous superstar, and I’m clearing up puke for the third day in a row.”

Dan wrinkles his nose as he continues mopping up the patch of vomit. He’s suspicious at this point; three days in a row is unusual. Is the same person coming in each night and spewing their guts all over the dance floor out of spite? Perhaps it’s some sort of hate crime.

“It’s like a Cinderella story!” Ty exclaims, pirouetting around his broom. “Except it’s gay, which makes it even better.”

Dan scoffs at him. “I’m pretty sure fairytales don’t involve stalking someone over social media and having them find out. He’s just taking pity on me because he saw that first night that I’m a fan.” Dan dunks the mop back in the bucket, turning to Tyler. “Besides, I’m pretty sure he has a boyfriend.”

Tyler sucks in a scandalised breath. “What! Who?”

Dragging the mop back to the supply closet, Dan laughs. “Remember the drunk guy he came with? The one who gave me a lovely Rainforest shower?”

“Him?”

Dan sighs, locks the cupboard, and nods. He digs into his pocket for his phone, and brings it over to show Tyler the photo of Phil and Charlie kissing. Matt, the security guard wanders over to see as well, letting out a low whistle.

“He’s a nonce if he thinks that guy’s behaviour was attractive,” Matt says. “He puked ‘soon as I got him out the door that night. All over the pavement.”

Dan looks at Matt, tilting his head in interest. “He did?”

Tyler plucks the phone out of Dan’s hand, zooming into the photo to have a better look, a frown on his face.

“Yep, your friend there came out, called him an Uber and sent him off,” Matt says. “Doubt pukey there would’ve made it home without him.”

“Nice guy,” Dan mutters, cheeks warm.

“This is staged,” Tyler announces abruptly.

“What?”

“Look,” he says, bringing the phone back over for Dan to see.

He zooms in on the crux of the kiss, right onto Phil’s face. Dan grimaces.

“Ty, I don’t want to see-”

“Shut up and look at his face,” Tyler interrupts, grabbing Dan’s chin and angling it towards the phone. “See how his lips are puckered? All stiff and pointed, like he’s kissing his grandma. And his eyes are open.”

“He’s looking at the camera!”

“Nah, Tyler’s right mate,” Matt says. The gum he’s chewing is making gross squishy sounds right in Dan’s ear as he leans over to look. “He looks awkward as hell.”

Dan narrows his eyes at the photo, trying to see what the others see.

“Besides, didn’t you say he hated that guy?” Tyler asks, clicking off the photo.

Dan tuts, snatching his phone back. “Well, apparently he was just being nice to compensate for the fact his kissing buddy covered me in sugary cocktail.”

He makes the smart decision to step away from this preposterous conversation before he does something stupid. Like allow either of these morons to give him hope that Phil is actually single.

Not that Phil being single would even matter.

“Or he was making it clear that he’s available!” Tyler calls after him as Dan stalks over to the staff room. “He whipped his shirt off for you twice and gave you his number. Do you think he’d do that if he had a boyfriend?”

“Drop it, Ty!” Dan calls back, shutting the staff room door behind him.

He will not let himself fall into the trap of daring to believe he could get someone as gorgeous, as hilarious, as pure and… amazing, as Phil Lester.

He won’t.

This is a good philosophy, in theory.

In practise, it turns out to be a lot more difficult. Dan finds this out to his cost when Phil strolls into Habenero the following Friday with Charlie Hickory at his side. Dan’s stomach sinks as soon as he sees the pair, the butterflies that appear each time Phil so much as acknowledges exploding into dust the moment he registers who Phil is here with.

Phil makes a beeline for the bar, a big smile on his face as he sees Dan. Warily, Dan smiles back, very aware that he is not exactly Charlie’s biggest fan.

“Dan!” Phil sings, chipper as ever.

Blushing already, Dan waves an awkward hand. He will never, he’s sure, get used to hearing his name on Phil Lester’s lips. “Hi. You’re back.”

“Of course! This is my local hangout now,” Phil says, winking. “Great cocktails, cute bar staff, crazy Bingo nights… this place has got it all.”

“Some people might not agree with you about the cocktails,” Dan can’t help himself saying, glancing at Charlie.

Charlie shuffles awkwardly on the spot. “Right,” he says, casting a look at Phil. They share a look that seems loaded with something Dan is not privy to, and then Charlie sighs, turning to Dan. “I wanted to, uh, apologise. About last time. Totally not cool of me to… tell you off like that. I was wasted.”

For an awkward moment, Dan waits for the actual word ‘sorry’ to leave Charlie’s mouth. It becomes obvious fairly swiftly that the dude feels he’s already said enough, so Dan just gives him a tight smile, and clears his throat.

“Oh, yeah man,” he says. “Let’s just… move on, I guess.”

If Charlie won’t say sorry, then Dan’s sure as hell not going to say he forgives him.

“So, drinks?” Phil asks, seeming to sense the taut atmosphere. “Maybe not cocktails?”

Dan can’t help the splutter of laughter, but Charlie shoots a dagger-like glare Phil’s way. It makes Dan’s lip curl; how could anyone be angry with Phil, of all people?

“Maybe some beers?” Dan suggests, teeth clenched. “We have a load of craft beers, or if you’re more into spirits I could make you guys a-”

“I’ll have a vodka and light tonic, no ice,” Charlie interrupts. “A double. If you use regular tonic, I will know.”

“Charlie,” Phil hisses under his breath.

They exchange another loaded look, and again Charlie sighs, turning to Dan with a fake smile. “Please.”

Swallowing the urge to roll his eyes, Dan nods, then gladly turns his attention to Phil. “And for you?”

“Oh,” Phil says, like it’s only just occurred to him that he needs to order as well. “God, I’m so bad at deciding, err…”

As he’s dithering, Charlie sighs. “Are you cool to get these, Phil? I’m gonna go find us a table.”

“You don’t wanna dance?”

“Not in the mood.”

Phil nods, obviously disappointed. “Okay, yeah, I’ll meet you in the back.”

With that, Charlie is gone, slipping into the crowd. The look of distaste must be more evident on Dan’s face than he thinks, because Phil laughs at it.

“I know,” Phil says. “But he does have a few… marginally amiable qualities.”

‘Why have you chosen to be with someone that’s marginally amiable when you’re so great,’ is what Dan wants to ask. Instead, he simply shrugs, deciding to change the subject.

“Have you decided on a drink yet? I’d better get on with making his low-cal dishwater.”

Phil laughs a little, then leans forwards, his smile deepening as he leans across the bar. “Surprise me.”

Something sparks a roman candle in Dan’s stomach, and his skin prickles with the heat it creates. He drags his eyes free of Phil’s with some difficulty, nodding, and turns to make the drinks.

He prepares Phil a ‘PopQueen’ cocktail, which is one of their most popular. It’s inspired by popcorn, along with the trio of Pop Queens that rule the gay music scene: Gaga, RiRi, and Bey. The moscato vodka base is made from Italian grapes to represent Gaga’s heritage, the spiced rum is a shoutout to Bey’s favourite drink, and Riri comes in in the form of a smoky splash of passion fruit bitter. The rest is topped up with popcorn syrup, lemonade, a sprinkle of caramel popcorn kernels, and as many sparkly cocktail sticks as Dan can fit in.

He explains the whole concoction to Phil as he presents it, a little smug because he knows this is an impressive looking cocktail. It’s probably his favourite one to make; the Viniq shimmery moscato vodka makes the drink swirl and shimmer - always exceptionally pretty.

Sure enough, Phil’s mouth drops open at the sight of it. “Okay wow,” Phil says, chuckling. “I’m gonna get drunk tonight, aren’t I?”

“If that’s your plan, this should definitely help you on your way,” Dan says, laughing too. “I wouldn’t recommend having a second if you want to remember your evening.”

Phil leans forwards to take a sip of the PopQueen, moaning around the straw, much to Dan’s dismay. He plucks one of the popcorn pieces off and eats it, eyes closed. In related news, Dan struggles not to fall to the floor. “Dan, you are an artiste,” Phil says. “Popcorn is my all time favourite food.”

“Oh, wow, that’s... lucky, I guess,” Dan stammers, a swell of pride surging up into his chest. “Glad you like it.”

“So, how much?”

“Oh, on the house.” Dan smiles, sliding the cocktail across the bar along with Charlie’s vodka tonic. “I feel bad for not letting you in on the forfeit for Bingo last time.”

The look on Phil’s face softens into something so sweet Dan can taste sugar on his tongue.

“You don’t have to do that,” Phil says softly.

“It’s fine, really,” Dan assures him, all but sliding his elbows across the bar towards him. “I insist.”

A twitch in the corner of Phil’s mouth, and then he’s leaning across the bar. It happens slowly, but Dan still manages to be caught off guard. One moment, he’s watching, bemused, as Phil inches towards him, and the next there’s a light press of paper-soft lips to his cheek. A scratch of stubble grazes over Dan’s skin as Phil leans away.

“Thanks,” Phil tells him, smiling. “You’re sweet, Dan.”

And then he’s turning away, drinks in hand, slipping into the mass of people.

For the next few hours, Dan hopes for Phil to return to the bar for another round. He waits, eagerly, for this moment to come. Instead, Charlie is the one who brings his and Phil’s glasses back over, and waves to flag down Dan’s attention.

He nods in acknowledgement, finishing up the drinks order he’s in the middle of, and sidling over to Charlie. He forces a strained smile.

“Same again?”

“Yeah,” Charlie says, digging out his phone. “And a couple of vodka shots.”

He says nothing else, eyes glued to his phone screen. Dan waits for a moment before moving off, eyes stuck to Charlie’s face. He’s the kind of gorgeous that shouldn’t exist in real life. Unblemished, tanned skin. Clean, dark stubble, lacing his perfect, razorblade jawline. His hair is a swoop of glossy mahogany; even the cut of it looks expensive.

Charlie’s eyes flick up to Dan’s, obviously questioning why he’s staring, so Dan nods, embarrassed, and hurries to make the drinks. From a superficial standpoint, it’s obvious why Phil is with Charlie. Obviously, in Dan’s eyes, Phil is the most attractive man on the planet, but that’s just because he’s Dan’s type. Even he can tell that Charlie is objectively a beautiful human being.

It’s just a shame about everything below the surface level.

Dan pours the two shots Charlie ordered. “All together it’s twenty pounds, please.”

Charlie snorts, then pockets his phone at last. “Figures you’d give Phil the discount.”

He pulls out a twenty and slaps it on the counter.

“Sorry, I can’t give you guys free drinks all night.”

Charlie just stares back at him, a faint, knowing smile caught on his dusty pink lips. One of this thick eyebrows is slightly quirked, sliding an irritation under Dan’s skin. “Listen, Danny, is it?”

“Dan,” he grits.

“Dan,” Charlie says, leaning across the bar. “A little advice, yeah? Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.”

He downs both the shots in quick succession, baffling Dan, who is frozen, mortified, to the spot. Before his brain can thaw enough to stammer out some witty rebuttal, Charlie has swept the drinks off the counter, and is moving away.

Cheeks burning, Dan turns around, trying to calm his boiling blood. He squeezes his fists together, counting to ten, the way he makes himself after all encounters with dickhead customers.

“Hey, sweetcheeks, can we get some drinks over here, please?”

With a deep sigh, Dan unclenches his fists, and turns to the next customer.

At around one in the morning, Dan runs to the bathroom for a minute, and on his way, he sees Charlie. He’s against the wall of the club, near the DJ booth. There’s a muscular, dark-skinned man pressing him there; their faces are close. Dan can’t stop, he’s left Tyler and Dodie to the mercy of the drunks in their worst state - things get rowdy an hour before closing - and he needs to get back there. So, instead, he simply tucks the image away in his mind, to think about later on.

That man, leant against Charlie in a less-than-innocent seeming stance, was certainly not Phil, after all. As he exits the bathroom, he notices that Charlie is gone, as is whoever was with him.

At 1:55am, the lights come on. As usual, an enormous groan chants out of the crowd of patrons on the dance floor, followed by a few pairs awkwardly stepping out of the shadows, some squinting and eye-covering, and the slow, jelly-legged walk to the coat-check area.

“I think I just saw some guy getting up off his knees in the corner,” Tyler says despondently. “Shotgun not mopping the floor tonight.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Dan sighs. “On the dance floor? Really? Why can’t they suck each other off in the bathroom like normal people?”

“Oh, there were definitely people doing that in one of the stalls about an hour ago,” someone says to Dan’s right. The voice, for some reason, sends the hairs up on the back of Dan’s neck.

He turns, wondering when Matt’s voice got so low, only to find that Phil has perched himself on one of the bar stools, the dregs of his cocktail still in a glass in front of him. For a moment, Dan is too stunned at the sight of him to reply. Then, he registers that the lights are on, and cringes, knowing he likely looks frightful. Phil, of course, looks radiant as ever even under the harsh fluorescents, apart from a faint tiredness, visible in the dark circles underneath his eyes.

“You’re still here,” Dan comments. “I thought you guys had gone.”

“Charlie left,” Phil says, looking away from Dan. “Or I assume he did.”

Out of sight, Tyler catches Dan’s eye, making an obscene gesture with his hands before snickering and running off in the direction of the supply closet. Dan just glares after him, pink-cheeked, and turns back to Phil.

“Wait, he left without telling you?”

One of Phil’s shoulders moves towards his neck, then falls. “He does that.”

“Wow that’s… kind of shitty.”

As soon as the words are out, Dan regrets them. He can’t help but think of Charlie’s comment from earlier; it rings in his ears as if the guy had screamed it at him.

Don’t be so transparent. It just comes across as pathetic.

He was right, probably, though Dan had hated hearing it. He should stop being such a suck-up. It must be awkward and cringey for Phil to see Dan so obviously smitten.

Still, Phil throws him a faint smile. “It’s cool. He’s just a flaky guy. A bit of a princess. He grew up rich, so he’s always been a bit superficial. I’m trying to wring the bourgeoisie out of his blue blood.”

Dan snorts with laughter. “In my experience, you can’t filter the dickishness out of people very easily.”

There’s a silence, then. Phil regards him with a faintly curious expression.

“Maybe I’m wrong,” Dan says once the silence gets too uncomfortable. He shrugs, grabbing the rag from his back pocket and starting to wipe down the bar. “I don’t know the guy, really. I’ve just had a couple of unfortunate experiences with him.”

“Oh no,” Phil says, face falling. “What did he do this time?”

Dan laughs, bitterly. “Don’t worry about it. He’s just a little mouthy, is all.”

“Ugh, I’m sorry.”

“Nothing I can’t handle.”

“So, when do you get to leave this place?” Phil asks, playing with his glass. He still hasn’t drunk the remainder of his cocktail. “Or do you sleep here?”

“On weekdays, the bar closes at two, so I get out of here at around two-thirty.”

“Christ,” Phil mutters. “And I thought my job was long hours.”

A laugh bursts out of Dan’s throat, but he covers it as best he can with a cough, turning away. Busying himself with ‘dusting’ some liquor bottles, Dan tries to compose a straight face. Is Phil honestly going to try and argue that his job is difficult? When was the last time that guy ever grabbed a broom, or handled someone’s sticky change?

In a minute, Dan is going to go into the corner of the dance floor, get down on his knees, and clean up some randomer’s come. A few weeks ago he saw Phil swanning about a five-star hotel in Korea. If AmazingPhil’s worst complaint is that he had to have a few questionable outfit choices put on him, and some silvery goo in his hair, then he needs a reality check.

Nevertheless, Dan knows that he can’t say any of this. Not only would he never dream of insulting Phil Lester, but it’s pointless to try and explain the differences between classes to someone in a privileged position. They’ve usually forgotten how to understand.

“Are you close by, at least?” Phil asks, interrupting Dan’s thoughts.

Dan turns back to him. “Kemptown. It’s half an hour’s walk, more or less.”

“You walk?” Phil asks, eyebrows skyrocketing towards his quiff. “At two in the morning?”

“Five in the morning on weekends,” Dan confirms, hiding a smile at Phil’s surprise. “It’s okay, you get used to it. Besides, it’s mostly just drunk idiots chugging cans of cider and threatening to run into the sea. Not too scary.”

Despite Dan’s reassurance, the look of pity and concern on Phil’s face doesn’t subside. After a while, Dan turns from it, feeling awkward. He busies himself with clearing away the last of the empty glasses, yawning into the crook of his elbow. Tonight was rough.

“You should crash at mine,” Phil blurts.

Sure he must have misheard, Dan faces Phil slowly. “Um, what?”

“If you’re exhausted, I mean.” Phil fidgets, fingers tapping against his glass. “Like, on the nights you can’t face walking all the way home, you can totally just sleep on my sofa.”

Speechless, Dan simply stares.

“The couch is pretty comfy,” Phil continues in a ramble, not meeting Dan’s eye. “And my flat is just up the road, literally like a minute away. I’m not saying, y’know, come over every night, ‘cause obviously… that might be an issue, but you can absolutely stay round on, say, Saturday nights when you finish later. That wouldn’t be a problem.”

He’s just being nice. That’s Dan’s only explanation. Phil Lester is a sweetheart of a person, and he got so worried about the hypothetical danger involved in Dan’s walks home, that he offered something big, even though he didn’t really mean it.

Dan is a stranger to him. He needs to decline the polite offer, and let Phil off the hook he accidentally created to string himself up on.

So, Dan forces out a small chuckle, and says: “Oh, no, it’s really fine. Thanks for the offer, that’s really good of you, but I quite like the walk. It’s a nice come down after a busy night.”

Phil nods, chewing his lip. He looks unconvinced. “I’m not just saying it, though.” His voice has dropped to a lower tone. “Like tonight… you’re so tired, I can see it. Just grab some sleep at mine before you head back across town.”

As soon as Phil mentions it, the quilt of his own exhaustion flops around his shoulders, dragging Dan’s bones towards the floor. He tries to picture the stumble back to his crummy flat in Kemptown, loathing each imaginary step.

“You barely know me,” Dan says - one last attempt at refusal.

Sensing he’s won, Phil smiles very slightly, then downs the rest of his cocktail at last. “I don’t know if it’s just me, Dan, but I have this feeling that we’re going to be good friends.”

(Part 4!)

#phan #phanfic #bartender au #phanfiction

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What exactly constitutes as “oversharing” on social media? We can all pretty much agree that things like posting nudes, and sharing each other’s dirty laundry counts as part of the “oversharing” category. However, even though we all may agree, we need to consider the whole group of people that confessed to crimes they committed on their social media accounts. You may not think too much about logging out of your personal profiles and online accounts, but if you are one of the following criminals, you’ve just left the door wide open and full of evidence. The people featured in this story not only prove to us that not all criminals are the smartest crayons in the box, but also that social media, while fun to be on, gives you no sort of privacy whatsoever. Even though the majority of us are well aware that anything we post on the Internet is now part of the immense web, free for all to see, some of the people in this world just haven’t got a clue. Whether you think it’s cool to siphon gas from a police car, or you’re trying to brag about how many identities you’ve stolen, you might want to think about keeping that news under wraps if you even want a shred of hope of getting away with it. One more rule, if you think you are “getting away” with whatever crime you committed, keep those thoughts to yourself until you are dead and gone. Only after you’re dead can you really say that you truly got away with it.

#1 Troy Maye & Tiwanna Thomason – Caught Over A Steak You may not think much about it as you upload a delicious snapshot of tonight’s dinner to your Instagram account along with the hashtag “food porn,” but for some, like Troy, that post was the thing that got him arrested. Back in 2013, Troy Maye and his then-girlfriend, Tiwanna Thomason were in a restaurant called YOLO in Harlem, New York. What they didn’t know as they bragged about the 700,000 stolen identities they had for sale was that they were giving information to a person who was working undercover with the IRS. Just two days later, the pair agreed to meet with the agent at Morton’s Steakhouse for the sale of 50,000 stolen identities. Although Troy had promised 50,000 stolen names, birth dates, and socials he came up short; really short. When authorities investigated the drive, they found out it only contained the identities of 46 people, along with a name, “Troy Maye.” After calling Troy out, Troy responded that he wanted insurance that he would see the money from the fraudulently filed income tax returns before handing over the rest of the identities. Together with the drive, law enforcement used the picture of steak and mac and cheese that Nathaniel “Troy” Maye had uploaded to his Instagram account to pin him to the deal at Morton’s and both him and Tiwanna were arrested.

#2 Whitney Beall – Periscoping Her DUI Driving while drunk is a horrible idea, we all know the reasons why. Driving drunk and recording yourself driving drunk is an even worse idea, and we didn’t think that could be possible but then Whitney Beall proved us wrong with her Periscope video. In the video she, obviously drunk, is appearing to handle a moving vehicle, in slurred words she says that she’s, “Driving home drunk. Entertainment please.” After a viewer tipped of Florida authorities, they were on their way to catch her. Not only did she smell of alcohol but she failed several sobriety field tests before she was taken into police custody. To top it off, she threw up in the back of the cop car on the way to the police station.

#3 Rodney Knight Jr. – Always Time For A Selfie Back in 2011, Rodney Knight Jr. broke into the house of Washington Post journalist Marc Fisher and made off with more than some money and electronics; he got a prison sentence as well. When Rodney broke in through the basement, he stole a winter coat, $400, and two laptops among a few other things. After Rodney tried on the winter jacket and found the money, he decided to take and upload a picture to Facebook from one of the stolen laptops, the one that belonged to Marc Fisher’s son. Unknowingly or not, the picture of the robber was uploaded to young Fisher’s Facebook account which was then used by authorities to hunt down and catch Knight.

#4 Markesha Wilkerson – Livestreaming At Chuck E. Cheese Markesha was just out enjoying herself one afternoon at a local Chuck E. Cheese restaurant and decided to share the moment, as many of us do, using Facebook’s “Live” feature. Unfortunately, Miss Wilkerson along with appearing to have a good time, also had more than a couple of warrants out for her arrest. Because she had to let the world know that she was at Chuck E. Cheese, she ended up having her day cut short when the local authorities showed up to arrest her.

#5 Rashia Wilson – Queen Of Tax Fraud The self-named “Queen of IRS Tax Fraud” landed herself in hot water after taking to Facebook to brag about how much of a boss she is, well, was. In her post, she goes on to say that she is a “millionaire for the record,” and that indicting her won’t be easy. She also claims that she had the Tampa Police Department under her control. They proved her wrong when they found her insane spending habits and crazed remarks enough to investigate. She, along with others performing income tax fraud, were arrested at the conclusion of the investigation dubbed “Operation Rain Maker” which was given its name because of how suspects were “making it rain” before they were caught.

#6 Charles Rodriguez – An Ill-Planned Vacation Photo Charles Rodriguez stole two cases of jewels from a man outside of Manchester, England in 2011. After he stole the $130,000 worth of gems, he fled the United Kingdom for Colombia. The British authorities may have known where he went, but since the two countries didn’t have an extraction agreement, they had to sit tight for a few years. They didn’t have to wait forever before Charles decided to take a vacation in Britain where he took photos of himself and uploaded them to his Facebook. Those photos alerted the police force that he was back in town and after he tried giving border control a false name, his fingerprints were tested and revealed his true identity and he was taken into custody.

#7 The Reddit Confessor – Just A Nerd A guy who was known to the Reddit world as “Naratto” has since been deemed a jokester even though he once took the Internet’s front page and the rest of the world by storm. One day he made a meme with the “confession bear” that read: “My sister had an abusive meth-addicted boyfriend. I killed him with his own drugs while he was unconscious and they ruled it as an overdose.” Big words, even for a confession bear. Not only did the feed get tons of comments, but one Reddit reader tipped off the authorities to the murder confession. Later, Naratto’s sister commented online that she nor her brother knows of anyone who has overdosed, that her brother was just a gamer nerd and that the whole thing was a stupid prank to get more attention online. Naratto later came forward and admitted the same.

#8 Jonathan G. Parker – Don’t Check Facebook At A Crime Scene Just like the criminal in #14, this guy also has a problem with breaking into someone’s house and posting to the social media site, Facebook. Jonathan G. Parker broke into a house and stole two diamond rings but not before he chose to take a seat and log into his personal profile. After the owner of the house noticed that someone other than herself was logged into Facebook on her laptop, she immediately took it to police. Since Jonathan didn’t have a good reason as to why he was logged into this woman’s computer, he was taken to jail. It never pays to stop mid-crime to update your social media accounts.

#9 Jesse Hippolite – Looking For Partner In Crime… On Facebook When looking for a literal partner in crime, we would think one would lean towards Craigslist for their more shady endeavors, not a place like Facebook. However, contrary to what we thought, Jesse Hippolite must have deemed it a great idea to take to the social media website and just 45 minutes before he held up a Chase Bank, he posted “I Gotta Get That $$$$$ Man!” before he apparently asked who would like to join. He also made the mistake of wearing the same logo sweatshirt he is seen wearing in other Facebook photos in other past heists he had done. All of which became more evidence against him.

#10 Hannah Sabata – Confessed In Viral Video Hannah is the teen that named herself the “Chick Bank Robber.” She’s also the girl who, after both stealing a car and robbing a bank, made a video about her best day ever and uploaded it to her YouTube account. She got away with $6,000 dollars before she made the video which featured her confession on subtitled boards while the band Green Day played in the background. They won’t be able to wake this girl up when September ends because she’s looking at serving 10 to 20 years for the best turned worst day of her life. Hannah literally handed over her confession when she uploaded that viral video.

#11 Michael Baker – Robbing A Cop Car? Time For A Pic! Michael Baker made a monumental mistake when he siphoned fuel from a police car. The supposed “joke” got even worse when he flipped the camera “the bird” when his girlfriend snapped the picture. If you are trying to be cool, defy the police, and actually get away with it, you should be more careful to not include your face along with a big goofy grin. Michael and his girlfriend later said that it was just a joke, but the Jenkins police officials failed to find the humor in it and they arrested him on charges of theft. It turns out that stealing from the police DOES get you in trouble, who would have thought.

#12 Michael Ruse – Talked About Case On Facebook When Michael Ruse beat up a friend’s dad, he thought he had gotten away with it. Unfortunately for him, he posted that exact thought on his Facebook profile while the court proceedings regarding the case were still in process. The post he made on Facebook was printed out and anonymously turned into the court prosecutors. With the new evidence in hand, Michael had no choice but to confess to his crimes. Even if you think that you got away with it, you should never, ever be dumb enough to post that thought where millions of people have access to it. Once it’s out in the internet world, there’s no getting it back.

#13 Corey Christian Adams – Looked For A Hitman This guy really takes the cake when it comes to dumb criminals. After a woman came forward with the accusations that Corey had raped her while she was intoxicated, he sought out a person that could handle the problem. And by that, we mean a hitman. Corey, angered at the accusations, went to Facebook to offer a deal of $500 for the “girls head.” Since murder is a pretty serious crime and all, we hope that he was just kidding about the $500, that’s not even enough to throw a shoe at someone let alone bury them six feet under. Prices on the Black Market may fluctuate through the years, but we’re sure that the pricing for killing is slightly steeper than that.

#14 Steve Stephens – Murder Video Uploaded To Facebook You may have heard of the name Steve Stephens from the news reports around the country that showed his face along with the crime he committed. An unlucky grandfather named Robert Godwin Sr. crossed his path and Stephens recorded himself walking up to Godwin before the two exchange a few words and Stephens puts a bullet in the poor man’s head. He then went on to post the video to Facebook. After leading police on a three-day chase, Steve committed suicide and the story ends there. Steve’s ex says that she has no idea what caused the rampage and that she would like to think of him as a “good person who did a bad thing.”

#15 Misty VanHorn – Sellings Kids For Bail Money This Oklahoma mother of two was trying to turn back time and send her babies back. Not really, but she was trying to sell them on Facebook for a measly $4,000. They say that you can’t put a price on a mother’s love, but it appears like Misty has found a number she was willing to settle on. It’s absolutely sick to think that someone would be willing to just hand over their children forever for just a few thousand dollars. After Misty had made her offer online, the person she made the offer to went to the authorities. The authorities, of course, arrested her and put her children in protective custody. It is said that she was trying to get the money so that she could bail out her boyfriend who was in jail during that time. Mother of the year right here.

#16 Brendon Miller – Dropped Your Baby? Time For A Status Update! If you are a parent that drops their infant on its head, the first thought any normal person would have would be to go to the emergency room at a hospital, where there are professionals. Brendon Miller made a different decision when he accidentally dropped an infant and then wrote about it on Facebook. Although the child did get taken to the hospital later, Brendon didn’t feel the need to share certain pieces of vital information with authorities. Because of the previous Facebook post where he confessed to dropping the kid on its head, police charged him with aggravated assault as well as endangering the welfare of a child. Anytime something serious happens to a child, or anyone for that matter, make sure that they get the proper treatment, no matter who’s fault it is.

Source: TheRichest

#IoTRecords

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