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untraceable-ace · 1 year

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Almost 2 hours late to the live react shitpost party bc I was dying my hair while watching it when it started but anyways

Under the cut bc it both contains spoilers for the m9 reunion p2 and also because it’s really fucking long lmao

They’re kicking these guys asses holy shit

wtf is going on with Kingsley btw like pardon?????

See my question is if Ukotoa is in the process of being released while they’re fighting or if he’s still locked away rn bc like

If he’s not in the process of being released waIT

NVM HE’S OUT

IN THE TEMPLE???

Oh god creepy snakes moving in tandem i love snakes but not like this

Run boy run byeeee

NOONONONO

YEAH NO SHIT THATS NOT RIGHT???

fshshshsh the giant just knocked over in the center of the set is so funny to me

fr hes just

there

Oh wait worm???

Not Ukoatoa??

Caleb my god you are a noodly wizard why would you try to intimidate a betrayer god

LMAO A 17???

“That’s me” jester my beloved

Cmon cmon NO

eight whyyy

Uh ohhhh

HAHAHAHA WARLOCK PACT

Which one which one

Is he just flexing w that ring of telepathy or did that have a purpose

Oh Jester <3

KINGSLEY???

“You just got this body” LMAO

First an accidental pact with an ancient evil sea deity then a pledge to essentially mother nature and now a betrayer god woooooh

Creepy

Wait this guy hates Melora does that mean Fjord can’t connect with her anymore?

LMAO the face

Oh not another cursed sword

i think its a cursed sword

maybe

Them putting up his stat card has me concerned uh oh

LMAO “thanks I hate it”

Ooooh a rapier fancy

its official I love Kingsley

AUGH GOOD BANTER

THE SNAKES

“Martial our forces” HMMM??

Darktow who is in darktow hold up

OHHH RIGHT plank king

Cant go back there

Fantasy DMs jfeoghehgaio;ewhaoge

syphilis gang

DAMN that was one efficient sending

You can just hear the agony in his voice ijodfsihjogiho

If anyone’s a glorified librarian its caleb idk what you mean beau

Charcuterie board

Mamas house has more tiddies followed by “That’s a good point” is fueling me

Winds in the east

mist comin in

something is brewin

about to begin

“I know all languages” jfc how many do you know now????

Im still wondering about that monkey yall what was that about

my original thought was that it was Artagan but it was so antagonistic idk

“We were probably a huge pain in your ass like a year ago” yeah sounds about accurate to what I know

I like her too jester she’s fun

risk esseks life cmon cmon cmon I NEED TO HEAR HIS VOICE AAUUUAUUGH

HES LEAVING PLS BE CONTACTING

damn wrong elf

fshshshsh hermit elf

WOW thats a lot of potions

break to wash out hair dye hold up

before i leave

haha charcuterie board

ok now brb

Okay hair’s done back to reacting

“Okay so you don’t blow yourself up” mood

Wtf is that rod??? Bc we all know he probably wouldve made it amber if he could

Fuckin dope move though omg

EIGHTY ONE????

GOD DAMN

OOOH OH I KNOW WHERE THIS GOES

GET HIS EYESSSSSSS

dainty sip of sherry in the midle of abttle from a flask i love it

holy noises followed by the camera panning to a glowing silouette of a dick on the floor

THREE DRAGONS?????

i mean ik two are illusions but DAMN

Dude I’m not sure Kingsley’s had one bad move this entire two-shot like wtf

soooo AC is 21? I think?

wait do different parts have different ACs?

HAHAHA YES EYEBALL WEAKNESS

Stab the eye, stab the eye, stab the eye, stab the e-

Gently give a slice to an eyeball muah

so eyeball AC is 27> (or equal to 27)

There has been an assault, far as i can tell sam is being a shit again

New tatoo?? Chainbreaker

Fancy

Ohoho oh nvm rip yasha’s dope ass thunderclap

won wound

Ooooh the big bad demigod can be frightened damn

DUNAMANCYYYYY

aw damn rip spell

new form who dis

Half of this live react is just me repeating one liners i found particularly funny oops

Oh nvm?? Dunamancy spell lives????

Nvm

Well ok its alive just half damage

Boy Veth I would love to see you try

“I can dodge gravity” can you????

HOLY FUCKING SHIT CHARACTER GROWTH INDEED

THAT WAS SO FUCKING COOL

Rip Beau taken out of the game bc piss

OKAY RIP BEAU FR???

FUCKING LEGENDARY HDYWTDT

GET FLUFFERNUTTERED BITCH

RIP FJORD SENT OFF INTO SPACE MY GOD

OHOHOHOHOH

CMON CMON CMON SEAL HIM AWAY DO IT DO IT

OooUuUhfhdbdjfe I love the lighting change for going under water

Cmon pls pls pls work seal that bitch away

WHAT

OHOHO

FUCK YEAH MATE

Uh oh my boys gonna get the bends good call w the far step tbh

Actually bad call that’s too fast a pressure difference

Ayo Travis w the accurate bends rep

Ugh I love Caleb’s level 17 art sm

Well damn Melora!!!! Queen shit tbh

I hope “keep that just for me” means he swallowed it again

LMFAO MATTS FACE

Dicks and Other Things

The Molly Look™️

Promptly steal I love him

DAMN Kingsley’s on some king shit

Literally

ORPHAN TAKER IM SOBBING

WAUUAUAUGHFHFB CMON CMON

HIS BOICE I GOT TO HEAR HIS VOICE SJRJQIFUJEHE

THEY GOT THEIR SHIT TOGETHER SO QUICK????? SIX MONTHS??????????

CRYING SOBBING LOSING MY MIND

That was so fucking good oh my god

stimmed so hard at the end that my limbs started to actually cramp lmao

#my posts #critical role #critical role spoilers #I’m so glad i got to watch this live im so happy #ill be going back to rewatch that epilogue as soon as it’s up on youtube what an ending

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yfere · 5 years

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Shipping Calculus! Live Updates from C2E70

……………Hello. Today in shipping calculus we explore that most basic and heinous of arithmetic—subtraction. Minus one party member, the landscape looks a little different, a little darker. But there are still good things to be found. Thank you to @drinkingdeadpeopletea, @hla-rosa, and @alarnia for helping with data entry. Masterpost here

+12 to Sam/The Slide Whistle which should absolutely become a staple of Critical Role sound effects, I’m begging you here

+19 to Jester/Yasha These two get all the Angst Points, with Jester having a breakdown over Yasha’s betrayal, lovingly drawing her eyes and demonstrating she knows them well enough to be able to pinpoint the little differences in them now. Going to Yasha’s room, and the Romantic Gift of the mural of flowers, and telling Yasha in a Romantic Monologue that she still believes in her, that the Stormlord should be there for her, and that she’s going to be brought back to become the person Jester knows she wants to be. Asking the Traveler about his relationship with the Stormlord and trying to figure out through him if Yasha is safe or can be saved.

+15 to Beau/Yasha Beau meanwhile listens, and listens, and listens for the sound of thunder, an indication that the Stormlord is still out there watching over Yasha…but she doesn’t get anything. Insisting that the group distinguish between Yasha and whatever person left them and betrayed them, because she’s sure they aren’t the same person. Lying casually to everyone she meets about how Yasha’s just taking some personal time off, no need to worry.

-12 to The Mighty Nein/Whisper Campaigns as Jester’s mission gets derailed by her unsuccessful attempt to shoot some ballistae, while Fjord finds himself needing to surrender in the face of Absolute Incompetence.

+38 to Beau/Jester But these two are the stars of this weeks’ shipping calculus, inseparable from start to finish and each others’ proven closest confidant. Beau comforting Jester as she breaks down over Yasha, hugging her close and despite her own reluctance to be vulnerable, confessing to Jester how much this has hurt her as well, how she hasn’t been able to sleep properly and how she hopes for Yasha to be saved!! Beau telling Jester she’s amazing and doesn’t need anyone’s validation! Telling Jester her voice is wonderful and imitating it—flattery! Love! Jester complimenting Beau’s fists! Their awkward flirting reaching such levels of Sickening that they end up talking about the weather! “The wind is very windy today” gods you two are disasters. Then--then!! Composing messages to Dairon together, sneaking off upstairs together and complaining about the lack of privacy in the house like every teenaged couple failing to get away with boning in the family house. And—I mean they are sleeping together, though tragically they split up for the night to better catch Dairon when she arrives, because they are a Team.

-20 to Dairon/Detective Work. Beau is understandably incredulous that after all this time Dairon knows….nothing about what the M9 have been doing, until Jester gives the Xhorhaus tip—which is funny because it’s not like they’ve been at all subtle in any of their activities in this country. Then there’s the peculiar beauty of Dairon stealthing expertly to the balcony whilst completely missing how the protege she’s looking for is VERY CLEARLY AND OBVIOUSLY SLEEPING ON THE FRONT STOOP RIGHT BELOW GODS DAIRON YOU ARE AMAZING AT MISSING THE THINGS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR NOSE

+12 to Nott/Religion as Caduceus confirms that the liquor cabinet downstairs was always meant to be her personal shrine, and Nott reveals she can hear god talking to her.

-16 to Jester/Religion as we learn that Jester has zero knowledge of any gods besides the ones the party themselves worship and have told her about. Raven Queen who? Knowing Mistress? Don’t know her.

+18 to the Traveler/Orgies as he’s apparently been “busy” with his other followers, and how his initial idea to gather in a relaxing subtropical retreat is an excellent place to get even busier. Alas, Jester still has him wrapped around her little finger and successfully advocates for a volcano, which probably still has some sexual energy, if The Incredibles can be believed.

+4 to Jester/Fjord—they don’t interact directly much, but Fjord as always asks if Jester is doing okay, and complains about her spell slots on her behalf. Jester as always talks up Fjord’s skills with talking to people and using accents above all else. Fjord also asks what matters to Jester when she snaps about not caring which side they end up taking, but some points are taken away as he immediately pivots to advocating for his own preferences instead of listening to the answer.

+0 to Caleb/Cat-Shaped Creatures as Frumpkin works overtime as the party’s collective comfort object, almost to the exclusion of Caleb petting the poor thing himself. And then there are the moorbounders, which were straight up ditched. We knew it would happen eventually but—they had names! A history! Do we really need to lose more members of this party?

+6 to Caleb/Fjord Alas, the tragedy of these two asking each other if they’re feeling okay and entirely sidestepping each other’s concern! This is Not How You Earn Points! Fjord instantly leaping to Caleb/the group’s defense the second the wizard gets the side-eye in Bazzoxan. Caleb being willing to compromise about listening to the Bright Queen for Fjord and letting loose a host of compliments about his disguise and accent skills, then once Fjord is safely gone going on and on to Beau about how she and Fjord hold the group together, and how they really need to make sure Fjord is okay, goodness look at this worrywart.

+6 to Caleb/Jester …and the Worrywart also continues to stress over Marion Lavorre, and tries to reassure her that there’s nothing definitive the know or could have known about Yasha. Meanwhile, Jester gets concerned over Caleb’s distress and ditching the group after their run-in with the Scourger. Jester also compliments Caleb’s Teleportation Circle, and offers him a pocketful of crystals she picked up, which he could have been more appreciative of.

+14 to Jester/The Bright Queen and Nott/Heteronormativity as Jester once more obsesses over what the Bright Queen is wearing and how “ravishing” her eyes are. Meanwhile Nott tries desperately to make sure the compliments are coming from A Man, because Women Like Compliments From Men and Not As Much From Women Apparently, and picking a spectacularly terrible target in Caduceus Clay who really does not notice or care what the Bright Queen looks like, ever.

+4 to Jester/Caduceus While Nott may have been wrong to describe Caduceus as “dark,” both Jester and Fjord are very quick to express their appreciation for the pink pastel aesthetic. Jester gets comforting pats from Caduceus, they compliment each other on being impressive, Jester gets very briefly excited over the sword being for Caduceus before she’s shot down, and preens over the Traveler alcove Caduceus made for her in the garden

+9 to Caduceus/Channeling His Inner Demon as his eyes flash black in true Supernatural style to ward off a person who was probably just trying to sleep in the only inn in town, the poor bastard.

+5 to Fjord/Caduceus With an additional point for the sheer delight of how confused Fjord continues to be over Caduceus’ existence, feat “YOU’VE NEVER BEEN THERE?” incredulity, and how Caduceus is an absolute shit about giving Fjord a birdbath to worship in, just deep enough so he can drown himself if he’s in the mood. Which apparently Fjord kind of is. That’s romance. Fjord following Caduceus upstairs, For What Purpose We Can Only Guess

+7 to Caleb/Caduceus as they continue to be on the exact same page when it comes to how to address the Bright Queen and what their responsibilities are in warning others. Caleb buffing Caduceus with Fortune’s Favor! Caduceus continuing to latch onto interesting little phrases, notably one with “cocked” in it, and seeming concerned over the length of time Caleb was off on his own after the Scourger interrogation. An interrogation Caduceus offered to help with with spellwork to make the Scourger tell the truth! Caleb calling Caduceus downstairs to hang out (in an attempt to help Beau/Jester along, seems like) but only in fact managing to convince Nott that he wants, and I quote, “boy time.” Caduceus ribbing Caleb about being very Not Calm as he’s drinking to calm his nerves, that’s nice.

+8 to Fjord/That One Ogre who called him a “little fuzzball” and seemed worried about how tired he was and did his absolute best to spread just the message that Fjord gave him in his bugbear courier form. I mean, I’ve shipped for less.

+20 to Nott/Yeza as they have an adorable reunion, complete with such romance staples as Dropping What You’re Holding, Embraces, and Enjoying Your Partner’s Terrible Cooking! Nott defending Yeza’s dangerousness and ability to be a flight risk to Fjord, who dared to call Yeza boring. Unfortunately, Nott’s love and concern for her husband also resulted in -13 to Yeza/Piracy, though to be fair Orly’s supposed to be doing legitimate mercantile work at this point so there may Still Be A Chance to put Yeza on a boat

+14 to Caleb/Essik as Essik jumps on the chance to ferry the party all over the globe. Caleb makes the mistake of asking the Bright Queen for dunamancy training from Essik rather than Essik himself, he who is Too Eager To Do Caleb Favors, but when Caleb shows back up in an anxiety-ridden fugue Essik does get the chance to take a break from his busy schedule to promise he’ll absolutely see what he can do for Caleb, no persuasion required. Point loss for Caleb’s awkward blabbing being physically painful to watch and for Essik just ditching him by the doors.

+5 to Matt/A Certain Kind Of Tension that is rising….and puckering….that necessitates some recovery….

#critical role #cr spoilers #shipping calculus #beauyasha #beaujester #lavorregard #fjorclay #clayleb #yester #jestasha #fjorester #widofjord #shadowgast #clayvorre #widojest

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