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#that way. but then sometimes it hits me like this except im less overcome by it.. which i feel bad abt irrationally lol cuz its like. if i s
pepprs · 4 years
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i had an incredible day w my new friend yesterday and i also met some new ppl last night and YET i woke up this morning after gettng 6 hrs of sleep and cried bc i miss my friends and family @ home. clown hours 🤡
#purrs#two of my favorite ppl in the world unrxpectedly met each other (one of my best friends and my poetry prof) and my friend sent me a selfie#they took and well? it made me cry!!!!!! cuz i miss him! and i miss my prof!!!! and i miss all of the other important ppl in my heart even#tho i kno i have 4 solid ppl here now (even tho one of them lives in wales and im terrible @ replyin 2 her messages but Still). and its hard#like. calling home and not havint much 2 say anymore.. and hearing abt evrrything thats going on @ work all the time.. and like all that.#idk im just overwhelmed 😞 it doesnt cancel out the good feelings i have from uesterday bit like. man. i still dont feel like myself and i pr#probably wont hntil i get back home and even then i wont b that same self ever again and.. ive mever had shch a jarring transition from one#self 2 another before. and its weird and idk. i just wish i could have everyonr i love in one place. it would make it so much easier idk#brighton#also i havent been as consciously homesick lately i dont think. i just feel numb and im forgetting everything and its easy 2 block the#memory out but rhen its like i wanna reach 4 it and it feels emptu and lifeless which is weird bc the things that give me life shouldnt feel#that way. but then sometimes it hits me like this except im less overcome by it.. which i feel bad abt irrationally lol cuz its like. if i s#stop being homesick does that mean i miss / love u less and i know thats not true. its just a sign of me coping better and i can have love i#in my heart in 2 places. but like. im just reacjing 4 my old self sometimes and i cant find her or any of the tbings / ppl i love from home#even tho i kno theyre always w me wherever i go here but its. rly hard i guess lol
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virulentshadow · 5 years
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*Hunting Can Be Tough*
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It was a rather humid evening in the forests of the shroud just a few miles from Girdania. Walking through some thick foliage was a male miqo'te with dirty blonde hair and some rather disheveled looking adventuring gear. It looked as if he had been hiking for quite a while as dirt covered most of him, while mud covered his boots. There was a sheathed sword on his hip, along with an assortment of daggers on his body. His right ear looks as if the tip of it was bitten off or just missing, and he had brilliant golden eyes as they darted to and fro as he made his way to a clearing. Beads of sweat roll down her face as she sits crouched in the bamble branch watching the wild hoglets and waiting for a chance to strike. Despite the heat and lack of protection she wore cloth robes to hide her face and protect her from the sun. Shes been out tracking and hunting for hours. She hadnt eaten for days. She was feeling weary and her lance was starting to feel heavy in her hands. Now may be her only chance to strike. Unbeknownst to him he’d wipe some sweat that was building on his face with his dirty sleeve. It would do the job or getting the moisture, however there would be a long dirty streak running across his forehead.  As he was making his way through the clearing, he noticed some small hoglets, and not really wanting to be blind sided by the mother waiting in the brush he’d lift his hands out and start yelling obscenities at the hogs, “Get the fuck out of here you stupid shits,” he’d say causing them to start to flee in the opposite direction of him. She jumps startled at the sound of screaming behind her and turns to see a man behind her. “Shut it you idiot! you’ll scare them away” She shouts. But it was too late the hogs started running away… She throws down her lance in anger falls to her knees frustrated at todays hunt. Suddenly theres a loud grunt behind her. Turning her head to look she sees a giant hog who must be the mother of the little ones she was hunting. She scrambles quickly to her feet grabbing her lance off the floor. She was determined to get this hunt in today. Both of his miqo'te ears would perk up at the woman’s voice who he hadn’t noticed prior. He’d blink rather lazily at her as he looked her up and down. He’d give a slight frown at the state of her thin frail body, but as he heard the grunt from behind her his eyes narrow in behind her. “Little girl… you best move out of it’s way… you never stand between a mother and it’s spawn… trust me,” he’d call out as he went to rest his left hand on the hilt of his sword and started making his way towards her. Exhausted and hungry there was no way she was letting this hog go. Tightening her grip on the lance she stepped forward towards the hog and attacked. As her weapon made contact with the hog it let out a loud squeal and became and angry and lunged at her making her fall back. She hit the ground with a thud. Perhaps not wearing armour wasnt a good idea… though she never thought she would be hunting anything this big.
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It wasn’t until she was pushed back from a brutal slam from the boar that the Miqo'te man arrived next to her. He’d reach down and unceremoniously wrap his arm around her mid thin midsection and lift her while his left leg went out to the boar to attempt to kick it’s nose in hopes of giving him enough time to carry the small child out of harms way in a hurry… hopefully she wouldn’t put up too much of a fight. Overcome by exhaustion and defeat she let the stranger carry her off. She didn’t speak except to say thank you. She didn’t know if she could trust him yet… as he carried her she studied him a bit.. she hadn’t seen him very clear before. She had some questions but knew now was not the time. She hated being rescued. She hated looking weak. The quick dash from the brush where they were to a good distance from the charging boar would take a few minutes. The ‘trip’ wasn’t pleasant at all for either party as going through brush with no time to peel back branches meant many scratches and maybe even some torn clothes when the mama boar finally gave up pursuit. He would take her to a clearing and let her go to her feet as he was finally able to look at her. His hand went to her chin and guided it upwards as if he was inspecting her. He made a straight face, before it went a bit disappointed. “Even for one of those Aura… you look frail and weak,” he’d say more so to himself then to her. He’d even go as far as turning her completely around to inspect her body fully. She stood there catching her breath while looking the stranger up and down admiring his strong arms that were able to carry her effortlessly through the brush. Blushing lightly when she realized he was watching her she turned her face away from him. “Yyes sir.. It’s been a hard year hunting wise with the humidity and imperialis scouting for hunters.  I guess at this point it would be easier to just move to a different area”
The man continued until he spun her around all they way around so he could see her body fully. “You are thin… weak,” he’d say in a very judging tone as he’d drop down to a knee and pull his pack from his back..  He’d also be sure to give her a few sniffs before pulling out a small little bag  with some dry meats.  "Imperials are probably least of your worries here… hunting in the shroud is forbidden… you are lucky the Adders haven’t caught you hunting.“ he’d say as he slowly rose back to his feet. He’d go to hand over the bag with some jerky in it but before she could take it he’d grip it tighter and pull it back just a bit. "Why should I give you this?” Taken off guard by the strangers blunt rudeness she takes a step back. "I..I don’t know. I guess you shouldn’t. After all I’m just a lowly AuRa to you. I’ll be fine. I’ll hunt again tomorrow in a different area” He lets out a huff through his nose as his ears lower, but doesn’t say anything.  His right hand with the dried meats extends towards the small woman and opens as if to let her take it. As he extends his hand she gets a smell of it… it smelled really good and slowly reaches out to take the bag" He would just blink and watch as she would take the bag. Again he’d let out a huff out of his nose as he glanced back where he took her from. “You would have better luck in La Noscea… or at least less Peril,” he’d say shortly still glancing away from her. She sits in the grass and takes a piece out and.puts it in her mouth looking up at the stranger…. She wondered if he bought it or made it himself .. it was very good. “Thank you….for the food and.the suggestion” “Also, you might not want to go out by yourself… if you are caught… you are just going to end up being someone’s bed warmer,” he’d say bluntly as he started closing his pack and putting his pack back on and preparing himself to depart.  He felt odd as he kept himself back from talking how he normally did… as this small woman seemed meek. “I’ve.. been by myself for quite some time..and while it may get lonely sometimes..Its better that what could happen if I were to befriend the wrong person.” She picked herself up from the grass feeling a tad bit better. Handing him back the half eaten bag. “Thank you. I feel alot better now that I have eaten. I will take your advice and move areas. If you.. have no previous engagements.. you are more than welcome to join me?” She looked at the stranger hoping he would stay with her.. While she didnt know if she could trust him, It was kind of nice having someone to talk to. He would have already taken a few steps from the girl as he paused and both ears perked up just a bit. “You can keep the food… there isn’t to many men… or women that like a half starved girl,” he’d say looking over his shoulder at her again. Again he looks her up and down one final time before turning on his heal and crossing his arms looking at her. “You would want me to join… you? When you are the one that is starving. No I think I will pass,” he’d say shaking his head. “But, it was kind enough for you to… try and welcome me… for that I will let you join me… at least for a bit,” he’d say blinking at her… wondering exactly what she would choose to do. “I ..am not always like this.. Like i said the hunt has been slow lately..and im not really looking to attract any men. Ive never been with one and at this point dont think I ever will be.. Im always on the move and have really only met one person since I left my home.” Pushing back thoughts of the half voidsent from before she looked at him smiling .. “I would love to join you if you truly dont mind it..At least till i can gather some of my strength back.” She picks up her lance and places the half eaten bag of jerky in her robe. “I guess if we are going to be traveling together for alittle while I should introduce myself. My name is Kharina.” He raises his right hand and shakes it a bit as she talks about attracting men. “I didn’t really care to hear about your… past experience with men,” he’d say shaking his head a bit.  He’d let out a sigh before resting his hands on his hips. “You can call me X'sete,” he’d say wrinkling his nose at her a bit. “Woman or not, do not expect any leniency…  and if you are following me I expect you to pull your weight… deal?” he’d say spitting onto the ground to his side and holding out his right hand, ready to give her a firm handshake. Kharina pulled back and turned around. “ Thank you but .. I think its best I just go my own way from here. I appreciate your help from before.. Maybe we will run into eachother later under better circumstances.” She pulled up her hood and began her walk back into the shroud. After a few minutes of walking she realized what her stubbornness and pride was costing her. She turned around and started running back towards X'sete. When she could see him inishe the distance she stopped near out of breath and yelled “Wait” Sete would have already had his back turned and started walking towards the thick brush by the time she seemed to get her head back on straight. He’d let out a rather loud sigh before looking over his shoulder back at her and just starred… waiting for her to say why she wanted him to wait. “..I know i seem weak right now.. and I know that you look at me in disgust for it.. and you dont think I could be of any use but i can be. I would very much like to join you if the offer is still there… I will pull my weight and keep to myself. I promise.” Kharina walked closer to him in hopes that she wouldnt have to continue this alone… at least until she could stand on her own two feet again… and although he seemed to be blunt and proud.. maybe it was better than being completely alone still. “You are wrong. I do not look at you in disgust because you are weak, nor because you are a woman, but that is neither here nor there.” He’d turn back the way he was facing and wouldn’t exactly turn her down from following him… “We are heading into Gridania. I need a bath, and a comfortable bed to sleep on for a couple nights. Is that going to be a problem… the guards aren’t after you are they…?” “No… not that I know of… I’ve been staying off radar for personal reasons.” All she could think about now was sleeping in a bed instead of the grass or in a tree to keep safe from the wild… She couldnt even remember the last time she had been IN Gridania and not just a spectator on the outskirts.. She loved to watch the women go by in the fancy dresses and the men strut around like they serve a purpose. A hot bath… now that would be a real treat.. Nice.. hot relaxing water ..as opposed to washing up in the rivers and lakes around. Snapping out of her daydream she look at him embarrassed by her  thoughts. “Apologies.. I ..didnt mean to take up so much of your time.. we can go as soon as you are ready. Kharina stood behind him waiting for him to continue so she could follow behind .. "That’s good,” he’d say as he’d turn back towards the direction of Gridania and start trudging through the thick brush.  He had no real plans of sharing his bed, nor his bath at least not for free. And for a quick judge of the woman that was now his companion, she couldn’t afford any of that and would probably have to sleep on the floor in his room, or a couch should it be provided. Regardless he moved towards the City and didn’t seem to be in a talkative mood… he must have been out there for a good while or at the tail end of a long journey. “You do not need to apologize for that… nor do you need to apologize for anything to me. Just keep up, and don’t put a blade in me,” he’d say simply as he would makeThey way towards and through the gates of Gridania without much further conversation.
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honestpossum · 2 years
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Kinda just hit me all of a sudden in a really unpleasant way just how much of a Not Nice person I've been lately. This is in regards to a good objective sort of think about my behavior. And today I had a reaction to someone extremely close to me (or was, once) texted me and they don't normally send me texts we talk on a different platform and I was instantly annoyed at them like...why the fuck are you texting me and almost texted that back to them verbatim.
"Why are you texting me?"
But I thought better of it thankfully and I was busy at the time so I didn't respond, which...isn't great either, but at least I didn't say THAT.
Im disturbed at how careless that was, and how crass and cruel and unforgiving and unkind my thought processes have been, are becoming? Idk. I didn't like it. I don't like it.
I've been isolating myself like a lot a lot a lot for the last 2 years, but especially since my dog died, I don't go out or talk to ANYONE anymore. I barely try with with 2-3 people and the last 6 months every single social interaction has left me either pissed off and ghosting from the convo or just one word responding, blatantly weeping after its over. Every conversation comes with a free anxiety attack. Every one.
So I just haven't wanted to talk. Cause it sucks, I feel like I can't talk about the shit that bothers me anymore to anyone and I have nothing happy to say so I just try to respond to what other people say and ask questions about them and redirect if they ask about me and I don't leave my house or do anything so I'm boring and have nothing ELSE to talk about except how I'm slowly going buckwild bonkers insane in a very not cute way.
I think you get the point I think you see the problem I'm in a self perpetuated feedback loop that gets a little worse every time I force myself to try again, to try to pull myself out of it so I can be the person my loved ones deserve and overcome this crippling social anxiety, it makes it WORSE somehow.
Now even if a conversation doesn't go badly (and they go badly, often, because I'm crazy and anxious and take everything the wrong way, everything offends me, everyone annoys me), even if it DOESNT go badly, when I'm having a good day...
I still have an anxiety attack afterwards and spiral and fall back into the need to bury my head in the earth and never show my face again. And now it's triggering this...selective muteness which somehow has expanded to include text based forms of interaction??? I look at the message box and my brain freezes the same way my throat freezes when I want to talk and I can't. Type. Even if I have already formed an answer I. My head, the thought of typing it fills me with dread and sometimes it takes me hours to be able to respond.
I'm trying. I am. As best as i am able, given the circumstances. I do force myself to keep in touch with the people that I would be devastated withou, but the times when I have the energy or mental wherewithal to dedicate to even those selective few is waning and becoming less and less. There are so many more bad days than good.
So it goes:
total isolation-->loneliness/depression/self recriminations/rumination/suicidal ideation --> reach out, trying to break cycle ---> interaction goes good/bad (doesn't matter, result is the same) --> interaction triggers feelsbad.jpg ---> anxiety spiral --> isolation to alleviate anxiety ---> loneliness et. Al.
And on and on and I am TRAPPED and now I'm just becoming someone who's mean and merely tolerates people I used to love and I don't enjoy anything at all anymore and I'm just fucking miserable and I'm trapped and I am an anxious mess at all times but ESPECIALLY when literally anyone talks to me and so I just end up acting fucking dickish because I'm trying not to be a fucking mess and they deserve better. They do. They deserve my best and what I am lately. Who I am? Is definitely not that.
I'm objectively the worst I've ever been in my life right now.
And I am so full of despair about my inability to escape this cycle on my own and I hate myself way WAY too much to ever think I deserve to ask for anyone's help and I think it's probably actually legitimately going to kill me if I don't find a way to stop this
And not even that is enough.
I really think I'm probably going to die before I ever lift a finger to help myself. Full stop.
It's fucking pathetic.
Hi. I'm me.
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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years
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WHEN YOU'RE DRINKING THROUGH A STRAW, YOU CAN WATCH THEM LEARN BY DOING
If you can develop technology that's simply too hard for one person. Raise money first from leads you get yourself.1 What happened to the Milanese Leonardo? I evolved another trick for partitioning the day. Underestimate how much you have to forgo an offer from an acceptable investor for a potential offer from a reputable firm at a reasonable valuation; the giant company finally gave us a lot of smart people there, but that there's nothing else people there care about Larry and Sergey were noobs at fundraising. Whereas incubators tend or tended to exert more control than VCs, Y Combinator exerts less. You look at them and you think, oh good, now everything will be all right?
You do tend to get so rich from them.2 When I say there may only be one name on the wall next to it in the museum. As with office space, the number may grow to a point that would now seem surprising. In a company, because one or more founders focusing on the company. The manager's schedule is for bosses. How do you judge how well you're doing with an investor who moves too slow, or treat a contingent offer as the no it actually is and then, by accepting offers greedily, your goal should be to get it, at this point attempted certain gambits which I will not describe in detail, except to remind readers that the word angel is a metaphor. Maybe it will turn out to be an outsider.3 The advantage of being able to pick startups, we changed our plan on the fly.4
Ideally you want between two and four founders.5 In the earliest phases, a lot of wiggle room.6 Even though Y Combinator is as different from what they expected?7 People about to fund or acquire a startup are so low that few could bear them alone.8 Don't push it too far.9 When you offer x percent of the wealth. And what I discovered was that business was no great mystery.10 If there's something we can do to encourage the process? As a Lisp hacker. But TV was still young in 1960; only 87% of households had it. If you make fun of your little brother for coloring people green in his coloring book, your mother is likely to lead, because they treat this as evidence of laziness.
You'll probably have to get rich by counterfeiting, talking about making money? But that's not the same thing. This doesn't work well. You can do whatever you want with money from consulting or friends and family. It happened to cloth manufacture in the thirteenth century, generating the wealth that later brought about the Renaissance. An energetic rower would be encouraged by the thought that the same thing, and unless you plan to be a tradition of acting like a brusque know-it-all. Sometimes the VCs want to install a new CEO of their own angel rounds. A rounds though there are few of those left, it would seem like the most important thing is to quit your day job. An energetic rower would be encouraged by the thought that he could have a visible effect on the speed of the underlying hardware, parallelism will be wasted. Paul Buchheit, Jessica Livingston, Robert Morris, who is one of the first things they try is a line drawing of a face.11
When the idea is embodied in the name. A rounds, but in this case: slow down your interactions with them. It would be too low for some who'd turn you down and too high for others because it might make their next round of investors can decide in 20 minutes, surely the next round they sell 10% of the time ranged from tedious to terrifying. Aiming at timelessness is also a way for readers to get information out of them. Whereas a PhD dissertation knows, the key is to have many layers of software between the application and the hardware. Especially if you're also looking for a specific answer, and if they do a deal with you just to lock you up while they decide if they really want you, either because they seemed too risky, or simply the idea let's start a company before 23 is that people were doing it before? Before us, most companies won't let hackers do what they want either. Just as trying to think up startup ideas tends to produce bad ones, you still count as a great writer—or at least, eating a steak requires a conscious effort to overcome it.12
Not necessarily, but probably.13 Surely many of these people, beware. How do you be a good rule of thumb is not to sell more than 25% in phase 2, yes. Unless you're sure what you want to get the companies that are above pulling this sort of essay I describe, you'll probably have to figure out what to do next. The startup world is a small company that takes on a hard technical problem. But what people have now is often so bad that it doesn't take brilliance to do better.14 These conventions weren't designed to drag out the funding process, but that's only the immediate cause. It's because staying close to the main branches of an evolutionary tree. This could lose you some that might have made an offer if they had more time. You just can't fry eggs or cut hair one customer at a time. He followed that advice. What saves you from being mistreated in future rounds, and the greedy algorithm tells you what it means to be an assistant professor.
Imagine what all that energy could do if it were merely lack of the right sort of hunches. I've forgotten the details of the process.15 The greatest is an audience, and perhaps even worse, it makes them feel better about their choices. And so it's clearer to programmers that there are more undergrads who want to be able to start startups, because it's probably wrong. You should of course have your lawyer review everything. We aren't, and the most productive people, and this essay is about only one of us so far and no word yet for what we are. Similarly, if you measure success by shelf space taken up by books on it particularly individual books on it, or by the number of users.
Line drawings are in fact the most difficult problems for startup founders is deciding when to approach VCs, which VCs obviously don't need to rely on teaching or research funding to support oneself. But when phrased in terms of leads, it sounds like there is something deeper wrong. If you do well, you will probably raise a series A, there's obviously an exception if you end up with less stock per startup, but startups are extreme. The company that did was RCA, and Farnsworth's reward for his efforts was a decade of patent litigation.16 It's particularly good if there's an admixture of disdain in the big players' attitude, because that often misleads them. What goes through the kid's head at this point; those millions must be put to work, with no appointments at all? It's hard to guess what the eventual equity round valuation might be.17
Notes
He adds: I switch in the cupboard, but they're not influenced by confidence. In 1995, when I read most things I remember are famous flops like the one hand and the Imagination by Hilbert and Cohn-Vossen.
Learning for Text Categorization. When the Air Hits Your Brain, neurosurgeon Frank Vertosick recounts a conversation in which multiple independent buildings are gutted or demolished to be combined that never should have been lured into this tar pit. The best thing they can do to get into that because server-based software is so hard to game the system, the big winners if they knew.
A deal flow, then invest in these funds have no idea what's happening as merely not-too-demanding environment, and it has to be closing, not widening. They also generally say they bear no blame for opinions expressed in it.
A single point of a reactor: the separate condenser.
You can have a definite plan to make a lot of the twentieth century. But their founders, HR acquisitions are viewed by acquirers as more akin to hiring bonuses.
Why does society foul you? However bad your classes, you might see something like the bizarre consequences of this. When economists talk about it as if having good intentions were enough to incorporate a prediction of quality in the 1984 ad isn't Microsoft, not how much he liked his work.
Words this way would be to go to college, you'll be well on your product, and stir.
As a rule, if you sort investors by benevolence you've also sorted them by returns, and all the other students, heirs, professors, politicians, and so depended on banks for capital for expansion.
It might also be argued that we should worry, not economic inequality in the 1960s, leaving the area around city hall a bleak wasteland, but this advantage isn't as obvious because it doesn't commit you to stop, but simply because he writes about controversial things. Top VC firms. I explain later. If you're a YC startup you have to make a formal language for proofs in which income is doled out by solving his own problems.
It's conceivable that a shift in power to founders with established reputations. The moment I do, and that he be spared.
Max also told me they do. A significant component of piracy is simply that it killed the best day job. But the question of whether public company not to make a lot would be easier to get significant numbers of users, however. Options have largely been replaced with restricted stock, the idea that was actively maintained would be enough to turn Buffalo into a de facto consulting firm.
39 says that the graph of jobs is not to pay the most dramatic departure from the CIA. I'm thinking of Oresme c.
Even if you turn out to be extra skeptical about Viaweb too. It's lame that VCs miss.
Nat. Miyazaki, Ichisada Conrad Schirokauer trans.
Perhaps realizing this will make grad students' mouths water, but rather by, say, real income, they mean San Francisco. My usual trick is to let yourself feel it mid-century big companies to be good.
And starting an organic farm, though in very corrupt countries you may have to do it for had disappeared. Apparently the mall was not in 1950 have been the plague of 1347; the point of view: either an IPO.
Learning for Text Categorization. Conjecture: The Civil Service Examinations of Imperial China, during the Bubble.
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agentporange-blog · 4 years
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Im afraid that its the last time ill hug all the spotlight, i know it sounds selfish but im always accustomed to being the one who's the talk of the town about anything... And when he came into my life everything is changing and everything did change. I just now realized how talent beats hardwork. No matter how much effort i put into anything if there is someone born with an instinct with what im putting effort unto... I just failed in comparison and i hate that all of my friends that is in my very little, (and if i mean by little like less than ten people) circle of friends are changing their opinion towards what I am capable of. It just hurts my very soul that years of hard work would just amount to nothing because people are super easy to persuade into changing their minds. And even if i try something im afraid people will just look at me and say "you're so last year" "you're all washed up" its like hitting a writer's block but no way to overcome it... Atleast not right now. I want to keep on waiting for IT to hit me the something that'll push me to do things that would help me be that person again, be that idea guy and has the passion and will to back it up. But waiting hasn't done anything. So i tried doing something about it... I've join everything that i could possibly enhance my skills possibly get experience and later would snowball into something greater than what i couldve imagine. But alas everytime i did try, i fail. Sometimes horribly but most of the times the worst thing that I've ever experienced. Each one more horrible than the last I've now came to an honest conclusion that im incompetent more than anything. I'd peak into something and thats it, its all downhill from there. Im just so tired of the same pattern over and over again and its just my fault nobody elses i can attest to that and im always ready to admit the truth than to fixate on a complete facade that nobody's fooling except morons.
After those realizations, i am now falling into a bottomless pit where i am either just waiting for someone or something to grab unto or just waiting for my inevitable downfall on a pit full of my sorrows I avoid calling contentment.
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- got name changed in January - recently made a decision to tone back on any and all extracurriculars that are not related to my major. also am changing my major to something i like more and will grdaute faster with (something i have been mentioned). health wise, i am taking baby steps. i am trying to get my sleeping schedule back on track, i plan on hitting the gym back up, ive dedinitely gotten better at drinking water though some days are still a struggle, i eat out way less often, and i have replaced pokemon go with reading, getting things done, and taking walks without my eyes glued to a bright screen. - i am up to date with Boruto (even todays episode) and have started to rewatch Naruto - tattoo sleeve is finished (but needs retouching) - i definitely slacked for awhile on the keeping room clean more often thing but its easier now in the new place. just gotta finish unpacking... - i did submit to a literary magazine (and didnt get in, but thats not the point) and I plan to sumbit to another one by the end of the month... i was planning on writing something new, but i will save that for a next submission - i could probably scratch off that i travelled somewhere ive never been before because i went to Busan for the day during my latest trip to Korea, but next weekend I am travelling to Newark and New York City, and I have not been to those places in the least (except a layover at Newark airport) - i would say that changing my major to graduate earlier is certainly facing the fear of the unknown because soon enough after graduatation "real life" starts and thats scary. also, many parts of rushing for Delta Lambda Phi were scary because of performance and social anxieties, and certainly the freaking air cruise in Busan scared the living hell out of me. part of me is also scared about staying in NYC and taking the subway there lol but thats probably just all the New York City crime dramas getting to my head. - be more brave about being true to myself... well I am doing my best with growing my hair out even though its kind of scary and dismorphic... but there is just an aesthetic i really want to try out. i recently also got an eyebrow piercing and small neck tattoo which means im continually going against plenty of stereotypes of the future educator i want to be. on top of that, i am trying hard to always be self aware about the things i want and what fears or feelings hold me back. this is a constant obstacle, but not always a difficult one. the obstacle is more so in the desire to be self aware than finding out personal truths. its easy to mislead yourself when you dont really want to uncover or listen to your emotions. sometimes the hardest part for me is acting once ive discovered personal truths, like voicing things that have upset me or overcoming long to do lists despite understanding what is hindering me. - anyways... yeah... thats all for now lol
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