#the funeral is this upcoming weekend and my family is flying out to be there

[critical-chris]

Mouse Hunt (1997)

That's right, folks. Today we're talking Mouse Hunt.

I know what you're thinking. Why? When I've spent most of my reviews discussing recently released or relevant films, why would I suddenly take the time to watch and write about a forgotten 1997 comedy vehicle driven by Nathan Lane and Lee Evans?

Dollar, dollar bills ya'll. This is my first ever commissioned review, and the sick individual willing to cough up some cheese for Critical Chris had to hear my thoughts about Mouse Hunt. What an advertisement for my services.

I had never seen Mouse Hunt as a kid and frankly had never heard of the movie until college, when a friend of mine insisted that we take time out of our busy drinking hours to watch one of his beloved childhood movies. The same friend who spent prime weekend days clicking away at League of Legends, or whatever that stupid World of Warcraft ripoff is called, on his laptop at our kitchen counter. Like smart, intoxicated adults, we declined every time. Instead, we focused on finer films like Anchorman and Katy Perry: Part of Me. You know, classics.

I would classify myself as a Nathan Lane fan, but in the sense that what I've seen of his I have enjoyed and not that I've seen all of his movies. I loved him in The Birdcage, found him to be one of the only good parts of The Producers, fondly reminisce on the life he brought to Timon in The Lion King, and liked a few of his bit parts here and there. Lee Evans, on the other hand, I truly only remember from There's Something About Mary, but enjoyed his performance quite a bit in that movie.

For context on my state of mind going into this movie, I had just watched Aftersun for my upcoming blog on Oscar nominations and predictions, and was still wiping the remainder of the tears I cried at the ending when I decided I needed a pick-me-up. If you've seen Aftersun, and you should, you can understand that mentally I was in a very depressed space once the credits rolled. That movie kicks you in the gut when you least expect it. What better way to pull an emotional 180 than chase that film with a battle of wits between a couple bumbling buffoons and a rodent.

The setup for Mouse Hunt is simple enough: Two rather distant brothers reunite when their father, the proprietor of a string manufacturing company (because that's common), dies and leaves them not only the company but an aging and decrepit mansion. Oh, and he left them a piece of string. Nathan Lane plays a stubborn, indifferent renowned chef uninterested in his father's legacy unless it comes with a payout. Lee Evans plays a simple unemployed man with more of an emotional connection to his father who has recently been dumped by his controlling wife. Lane only desires to sell his father's company, while Evans sees an opportunity to continue the family business.

Both brothers are shocked to learn their father owned a mansion that is now passed down to them, and even more astonished that it ends up being the work of a historically renowned architect. The brothers cannot believe their luck as several magnates descend upon them offering fat checks and millions of dollar, dollar bills ya'll. There's just one issue, the house is occupied by a sneaky, relentless mouse. Oh, did the title give that part away?

There were some really brutal uses of outdated CGI effects through the film that reminds you the quality of movie you are watching. The setup of Nathan Lane inadvertently serving the overweight mayor a lavish meal with a cockroach inside, which had been hiding out in Lane's father's cigar box, was decent enough, but the cockroach itself looks like something made for Jaws 3D or a clay-mation project for film school.

However, I found Mouse Hunt to be funnier and better made than it had any business being. The opening joke of Nathan Lane criticizing his brother for not owning a black suit to wear to his father's funeral, and the subsequent gag of dropping the casket and sending their pops' corpse flying into a manhole, set the tone for the film. There were a handful of funny, well-executed gags and some good back and forth ridicule volleyed between Lane and Evans.

The joke of Lane and Evans rigging an insane number of mousetraps and accidentally trapping themselves in the same room hints at the gag to follow, and the mouse sending a cherry flying to set off every trap on the brothers is another great moment.

The scene where Evans is firing a nail gun into the walls in an attempt to kill the mouse in his territory, and seeing the grand interior destruction and mouse dodging the seemingly massive metal spikes, was fantastic. It not only has you sympathizing with the mouse, but gives some great disaster movie-esque effects. The same can be said towards the end of the film when Lane attempts to 'flush' the mouse out during their mansion auction by stuffing a running hose into one of the mouse's holes in the wall.

I had a funny feeling that we may have a surprise cameo in this move as well, and when CHRISTOPHER WALKEN enters this thing as a crackpot exterminator with an assortment of gadgets, it sent me over the moon. Walken is cranking up his schtick to an eleven, and has a funny moment when analyzing mouse droppings as he subsequently eats one. He, of course, is outsmarted by the mouse as well, but I loved his addition to the movie.

The other side characters are fine. Evans' wife, portrayed by Vicki Lewis, plays her part okay, leaving him at his lowest only to come back into the fray once she hears of his potential payout from the mansion, only to leave again when the mansion crumbles to dust. Maury Chaykin plays an eccentric millionaire obsessed with the famed architect offering absurd checks to Lane who dismisses him in favor of an auction to drive up their earnings. Everyone else is in the movie just for moments or are forgettable.

The ending was fairly cheesy (pun intended) as well. After the mansion crumbles and the brothers are seemingly left with nothing, they enlist the help of the mouse to convert their father's string factory into a string cheese factory. I suppose they had to come up with some happy ending, but I thought it was kind of a cop out to go with a play on string cheese. However, I probably couldn't think of anything better in 5 minutes, which I assume is how long the writer spent drafting the closing scene.

I don't want to praise the movie too much because, at the end of the day, it is a goofball comedy that is far from a classic. The laughs and gags provided do make it a much better comedy than you would expect by the cover photo and title, but don't go in expecting to find your new favorite laugh riot. Fans of Nathan Lane, however, should be pleasantly surprised.

In conclusion, thank you to my first ever paying fan for sprinkling a handful of singles into my bank account so I could take 90 minutes out of my evening to sit back, turn off my brain, and indulge in this comedy. I'd also like to mention that I was correct for all those years in college and beyond, and this was not a classic movie we were dismissing in favor of watching other movies or drinking our nights away in its place.

Mouse Hunt - 6.3/10

#mouse hunt #lee evans #nathan lane #christopher walken #comedy #comedies #prime video #oscars #oscar nominee #throwback

[howboutthatbreadtho]

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#my grandpa died yesterday #it was a long time coming #i loved him #but it always felt like things had to be a performance all the time on that side of the family #not in that it was fake or superficial #but family you were always around very young #before only taking the 2000 mile trip when we could afford to #just leads to having to spend bursts where we try and pack in all the things we could do together in the time we missed #taking that road trip to see and spend time with him before he went is something that I'll cherish forever #the funeral is this upcoming weekend and my family is flying out to be there #being the first child of two first children this is the first grandparent to pass #I'm already barely holding on as it is #if I get covid and have to skip the concert with my partner of the band we fell in love to #a few days after we get back #one we've been looking forward to our whole multiple year relationship #locked in since July #i may just entirely break down #personal

[latchingontoallofyou]

Row Mates - Valenna

This is obviously fiction as you’ll see when you read it. I have set it back in time to August. This will make much more sense when you read it. I kinda based this off of the prompt you'll find at the end.

“Are you sure you have to go?” Jill asks Jenna as they sit in the guest room in Jill’s house that Jenna has been staying in for the past two weeks.

Jenna is folding her clothes and packing them away. She had to head back home to LA. She starts her new job on Monday and she needed the upcoming weekend to get adjusted to her new place.

“I pushed it off long enough.”

“If you aren’t excited to start then why are you taking the job.”

“I am excited for the job. It’s just the whole moving so far away from everyone that is hard. I mean I was never more than an a few hours drive away from Mom and Dad. Now I’ll be a couple hours plane ride away. It’s just going to be really different and probably really hard. I mean, I won’t have anyone there. That’s really what I’m dreading.”

“Oh Jenna. You’ll find people. You are so social that you’ll…”

“Jill, it won’t be the bonds I need.”

“They’ll grow. You know they will. Just don’t stress over it. You always have us.”

“But you won’t be there.”

“All you have to do is pick up the phone.”

“Jill, you have a family here.”

“I know. I might not be able to drop everything and fly to you but I can always talk with you for however long you need. You know that. It’s always been like that. You know I’m good at multitasking like that so don’t you ever be afraid to call me. You understand?”

“Yes. Thank you.”

“Now, tell me, am I more of a distraction right now or do you want me to hang around while you finish packing.”

“Don’t you dare go anywhere until I have to walk away into the airport. I’m going to need all the time I can get.”

“Alright. Let’s get to work then.”

Jill picks up a shirt out of the basket of freshly washed clothes and folds it before putting it in the open suitcase. The quietly continue to fold and fill the suitcase. At one point Jenna turns some music on quietly just have a little background noise.

“You know what I’m really worried about right now?” Jenna suddenly says.

“What?” Jill says softly, putting the shirt she was folding down and looking up at Jenna.

“The plane ride.”

“Since when have you been afraid of plane rides?”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you scared something…”

“I don’t know. It’s like, um, the plane is filled with all these people I don’t know. Everyone on the plane are going through their own things and are all flying for their own reasons. I don’t know what they are. Someone could be flying to a funeral or maybe a wedding. Someone else could be going on vacation or going home, like me. Some could be having an amazing day, others, terrible ones. I don’t know. I won’t know my row buddies. I’m just a bit anxious.”

“Jenna, it’s not like you ever talk on the plane anyway. Especially not while in the air. You just put your headphone on and zone out. Just do that from the beginning and you won’t have to worry about it anymore.”

“I guess so.”

“You’ll be fine Jenna. I promise.”

“How can you promise?”

“Jen…”

“I know. You’re right. I’ll be alright.”

“You don’t have to put on a brave face for me Jenna.”

“It’s not for you Jill. It’s for myself. I have to start saying it now so I can hopefully believe it by the time I board that plane.”

~

“Thank you for the ride” Jenna says as she climbs out of the car. Jill quickly climbs out too, rushing to the back of the car where Jenna is getting out her luggage. She pulls out the second suitcase and puts it on the ground before looking up at Jenna with a weak smile.

“I’ll be alright” Jenna says with a making weak smile.

“You’ll be alright. I’ll miss you.”

“I’ll miss you more.”

“Let me know when you land?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you. Love you.”

“Love you too. I’ve got to go.”

“I know. One last hug” Jill says and pulls her into a hug. They both hold on tight.

“You’ll send me pictures?”

“Duh. I did even when you were close by. I’ve got to go before that police man comes and yells at me.”

Jenna takes a deep breath, grabs her suitcases and walks away. She looks over her should when she hears a beep and sees Jill holding up her hands in a heart shape. Jenna smiles back and blows her a kiss before continuing on into the airport.

Jenna wishes she didn’t have to check her bags so that she could just get to the gate. Standing in line is making her more and more anxious for what’s ahead. She looks around at the people around her in line, wondering if one of them could be seat buddies with her. She seen a few that she hopes aren’t and a few maybes but no definite yeses.

Security was her least favorite part, but also her favorite. She hates it because it’s such a hassle. It’s more standing in line but this time she has to take her shoes off, pull out her electronics, and walk through the full body scanner. She like it because it is so accurate in the way of keeping people safe. The love hate relationship is tough.

After making it through, she heads through the airport to her gate, stopping along the way to grab a snack and drink for the trip. When she arrives at her gate, almost all of the seats are taken so she knows it’s going to be a full flight.

She looks around for somewhere to sit but they are all either covered by other people’s bags, or they are occupied by other people. She is feeling too shy to ask if the seats holding bags are open so she finds a spot along the wall that has enough open space and sits down, popping on her headphones and drowning out as much as she can of the world around her. She makes sure she can hear the announcements but doesn’t want to get distracted by those around her. She absentmindedly scans through Instagram. She sees the feet of those passing in front of her but she’s trying really hard not to pay attention to them. One pair of shoes keeps pulling her attention, so bright neon green sneakers. She doesn’t dare look up to see the face that goes with the shoes though. She just keeps her head down, well that is until those shoes stop in front of her. She waits for them to move but they don’t. She rolls her eyes and looks up.

The bright shoes match his bright smiling face. No doubt the man standing in front of her is gorgeous. He stares back down at her, a smile forming on his face. Jenna works really hard to hide the smile threatening to form on her own. He motions to his ears and catching on, Jenna removes just one of her earbuds.

“There are some seats open over there if you’d rather sit on a chair. I heard we might be delayed a bit.”

“Oh. Did they make an announcement?”

“No. I just heard it when I was walking past for the thousandth time.”

“Oh, well, I’m fine here. Thank you” she says and puts her earbud back in.

The shoes stay where they are for a minute before finally walking away. She thought about looking up at him before he walked away but especially as he walked off with his back to her. She fights the urge and stares at her blank screen on her phone instead.

She hears an announcement calling out over the loud speaker. She removes her earbud just in time to hear that her flight was delayed by a half hour. She looks around seeing everyone groaning and slumping into their chairs. Well, all of them but one. Bright shoes is sitting up straight and looking right at her. When she notices, Jenna quickly drops her gaze, trying to stop the blush from forming on her face but to no avail. She decides to watch a show on Netflix to waste the time.

Soon enough, the announcement comes on and they are ready to start boarding. She is in the first boarding group. She gathers her things, keeping her head down and gets in line. She has paused her music but is wishing she hadn’t she could use the distraction. She really doesn’t want to hear what everyone is talking about. All she wants to do is get on the plane and tune out everything again.

The line moves pretty quickly and she finally gets to her seat. She has a window seat, her favorite. She can put her music on and stare out the window. She usually waits until they are in the air to look out the window because there is nothing to look at on the ground. She tries to keep her head down but as more and more people start to board, she starts to wonder why her row hasn’t filled up. She keeps her head down but looks out with her eyes, looking at all those walking down the plane. She finds herself going back to what she was doing while standing in the check in lane. She’s looking at each person and in her head saying whether or not she wants them to sit with her. More often than not, she didn’t want them to.

There were a lot of families passing by her. Not many people seemed to be on their own like herself. The few that were still passed by her. One person she had voted in her head that she did not want to sit next to her stopped at her row, looking up at the row number but the shakes his head and keeps going. She sighs in relief.

Then she seems him. Bright shoes has just stepped onto the plane. She finds herself repeating over and over ‘Please sit with me. Please sit with me’. She tried to tell herself she didn’t really want that but there was no denying it. She had been hopeful for the second she looked up at him at the gate.

She watches as he looks up at the row numbers and smiles before stepping into the row. He sits down and smiles at her. She quickly turns away from him. She hears him laugh and can see him shuffle in his seat out of the corner of her eye. She feels him tap her shoulder. She reluctantly turns to look at him. He looks even more handsome up close. She feels a blush coming up but she pushes it away. He motions at his ears just like he had earlier so she removes one earbud again.

“So, we meet again.”

Unsure of what to say, Jenna just nods. He smiles his gorgeous smile at her. Her breath catches a bit but she hides it with a cough. It was starting to feel really awkward. He was still looking at her even though she was looking everywhere but him. Something feels so comfortable that it’s unsettling to her. She needs to block out the world again. She picks up the fallen earbud and starts to lift it to her ear.

“My name is Val.”

“I…” Jenna couldn’t find her words. Her mind was telling her to say her name. She was repeating ‘I’m Jenna’ over and over but it just wasn’t connecting to her mouth. She slumps into her chair embarrassed.

“I’m sorry. I’ll look away. I didn’t mean to… My friend was the same way growing up. You can tell me if and when you are ready.”

Jenna nods and looks out the window again, beating herself up in her mind. She can’t figure out what is going on with her. She was hoping he’d sit with her so why couldn’t she talk to him. She tries taking deep breathes. They weren’t really helping. She tried to focus on her music. She could hear a single word over her mind running circles. She felt close to tears when she gets a text. It’s from Jill.

Jill- I’m so proud of you Jenna. You can do anything. Be brave and trust the process. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you lots.

It was just what she needed. She turns off her music, takes off her headphones, wraps them up, and puts them in her bag before looking over at Val. He’s looking at his phone now and has music on himself. He looks so calm while her heart is going a million miles an hour. She takes a deep breath and taps his shoulder.

She watches as a smile creeps onto his face. He takes off his headphones and turns to look over at Jenna, giving her his full attention.

“I’m Jenna.”

“Nice to meet you Jenna. Val.”

“Nice to meet you too Val. I’m sorry for being rude.”

“You weren’t rude. You were just uncertain. I understand. It’s ok to be shy. Not all of us can be so…”

“I’m not shy. I just, plane rides aren’t my thing.”

“Haven’t been on many? I wish I could say that.”

“No. I’ve been on too many. Just not many by myself.”

“You know we are on a full plane” Val laughs. “Well almost full. Looks like our row mate may have ditched us.”

“Maybe but that isn’t what I meant. I mean like none of my family or friends are with me.”

“Oh. Well I’ll be your friend and then you won’t be alone.”

“I…”

“Too forward?”

“Maybe. No. I don’t know.”

“You don’t want to be friends?”

“I don’t know you.”

“Well I’m Val. I’m 31. I’m originally from Ukraine but we immigrated to New York. I was here in Texas for work but I live in LA.”

“Oh.”

“I know you are Jenna. Are you willing to tell me anything else?”

“Um, I’m 23. I’m from Utah. I was here visiting my sister before I move to LA for my new job.”

“You’re moving to LA?”

“Yes” she says quietly, nodding.

“Awesome! We really can be friends then. Not just plane buddies.”

“How long have you lived in LA?”

“Um, on and off for a few years. I go back and forth between here and New York. New York will always be my first home but LA has become my home home.”

“I’m… I don’t really know LA.”

“It’s a great place to live.”

“I won’t get to see a lot of it because of my new job.”

“Do you mind me asking what your new job is?”

“I’m a dancer and…”

“Wait, are you going to be on Dancing with the Stars too?” Val asks excitedly, his eyes getting wider in excitement.

“You’re on it?”

“Yes. Just signed on the other day. I think it’s going to be a great show. A big hit.”

“I hope so” Jenna says with a small smile. “I mean, I moved whole life around for this. It better last more than a season.”

“I bet it will.”

“It has to” she says looking down and away from him.

“Why?”

“Because I gave up so much for this. I moved away from my family, who I’m really close to. I decided against college to do this. I have other dreams but I decided to do this instead right now. I need this to work out so I didn’t do all that for nothing.”

“I get it. I have a good feeling though. Don’t you?”

“I don’t know. I think so. I hope so.” Jenna slumps down into her chair and looks away out the window.

“What’s going on Jenna?”

“I don’t know.”

“Hey, don’t worry about this. Let’s just focus on making the best of what’s in front of us now. Ok?”

“We’re on a flight.”

“I didn’t mean that. Well maybe a little. I mostly meant like making the most of this season. This time in LA. We both moved into a new city. We’re both starting the same new job. We both need friends. You have a place to live?”

“Yes.”

“Oh good.”

“Do you?”

“Yea. I have an apartment. It’s pretty close to the studio.”

“Me too.”

“Maybe we’ll be near each other. That would make it easier.”

“Make what easier?” Jenna asks looking back over at him.

“Us being together. You know, as friends.”

“Oh, ok.”

“Am I coming on to strong?”

“I don’t know.”

“Sorry.”

“I just… I don’t know. I’m all over the place right now.”

“I get it. I can back off. I am pretty open and say whatever comes to my mind and sometimes that gets me in trouble. I’m sorry. I’ll back off.”

“No. I mean…” she takes a deep breath and looks away again. “It’s ok. I’m just, I…”

Noticing how much Jenna is struggling, Val takes a risk and slips his hand into hers on her leg. She moves to pull away for a second but settles their hands back on her leg.

“I’m just struggling to figure out all of my emotions right now. I have so many.”

“I understand.”

“Thanks.”

“Is this ok?”

“What?”

“This” he says looking down at their joined hands.

“Oh, yes. It’s ok.”

“Good cause I like it.” He looks over at Jenna and sees her trying to hide a blush. “So, what should we do to pass the time on this flight?”

“Oh um, I have to go to the bathroom.”

“Oh, ok” Val says and let’s go of her hand.

She squeezes past him and walks stiffly towards the bathroom. When she gets inside, she locks the door and lets out a deep breath. She didn’t really need to go, she just needed a second to breath and figure out what she feels right now. Jenna leans on the sink and lets her head hang down. She wishes there was water she could turn on and wash her face with to help settle her. Suddenly there is a knock on the bathroom door.

“One second please.”

“Jenna, it’s me” she hears what she believes is Val’s voice say.

“Val?” she says and opens the door.

“Hi. You ok?”

“Yea” she says as Val takes a step closer to her.

“You were here for a while.”

“Oh, I…”

“Were you waiting for me?”

“What?”

“You know like…”

“Oh my goodness…”

“I’m sorry. I just I wasn’t sure because you were gone so long and…”

“I just needed a minute.”

“I’m so sorry. I overstepped again. I’m such an idiot. I’m just gonna…”

“It’s fine. Let’s just go sit down.”

Jenna walks past him, bravely putting a hand on his chest, looking at him with a smile and starts to walk back to their row. When Val catches up, he puts a hand on her lower back. When they get back to their row, Jenna goes in first, grabbing her blanket from her bag. They settle in their seats and Val helps lay the blanket over Jenna. She stretches it so it’s over both of their laps. Val puts his hand under the blanket and rests it on her thigh. Jena looks over at him with a smile.

“You tired?” Val asks.

“No” she says but settles against him, leaning on to him.

“You sure about that?”

“Yes. This is just comfortable.”

“That it is.”

“I have a book I planned on reading. Are you ok if I just rest here against you and read?”

“I like nothing more.”

“You wouldn’t rather talk and learn more about each other?”

“We’ve got time for that. A whole season at least. I’d like to spend a lot of that time together learning about you.”

“I’d like that.”

“Good. Now I’ve got some reading to do too” he says and pulls out his book from his bag. Jenna sits up and grabs hers before settling back against him. Val puts his arm around her rest it on her arm He rests his head on hers and they sit quietly together, enjoying being wrapped up together and reading. It feels like the most natural thing in the world.

~

“How many suitcases do you have?” Val asks Jenna while they wait at the belt for the luggage to come.

“I have two. Most of my stuff was shipped to LA ahead of time. That’s why I was visiting my sister. I had nothing at my place in Utah.”

“I had to do that too. I stayed at my parents’ house for the last few days before I went to Texas to check up on our studio.”

“You have a studio in Texas?”

“Yes. A few actually.”

“What studio? Maybe I know it.”

“Dance With Me.”

“I think I know where that is. That’s so cool.”

“It’s my brother and our best friend as well.”

“That’s still awesome. You own your own studio.”

“Yea, it’s pretty great” he says but looks away. He looks almost embarrassed. She was going to press him on it but the luggage came and they had to grab their luggage. They each had two of their own. As they walk towards the exit of the airport, they are both quiet. Jenna isn’t sure what just changed between them but it’s become awkward.

“I have to call an Uber” Jenna suddenly says.

“No. I mean, I have a car. Well, my brother’s car. He’s here and is picking me up. He can take both of us. Well, only if you are ok with that. You don’t have to but...”

“I’d like that. It would certainly be easier. I don’t want to wait around here longer than I have to.”

“Great. Come on. Maks should be outside.”

“That’s your brother?”

“Yes. Maksim but he goes by Maks.”

“Good to know. You’re sure he’ll be ok with this?”

“Yea, he’ll be fine. Maybe a bit confused but he’ll be fine. We were thinking of grabbing dinner on the way. Do you want to join us?”

“Um, sure. You sure that will be ok? I don’t want to invade on your brother time.”

“Please do. We see enough of each other.”

“But he lives here and you…”

“We both lived in New York. He moved here last week. That’s why he has a car. He and his wife wanted to get settled. They have a baby boy they want to get used to being here before the show starts. They are both going to be on the show too. There he is. Come on. Let me introduce you.”

“Hey Val” Maks calls out as they get closer.

“Hi Maks. Thanks for coming to get me. Maks, this is Jenna. She’s going to be on the show too. We met on the plane.”

“Hi Jenna. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you as well.”

“She’s going to come with us.”

“Oh, ok. Come on, get it before we get yelled at” Maks says as he takes Jenna’s suitcases and throws them in the back of his car. Val then leads Jenna to the back of the car, opening the door for her. She climbs in and then is surprised when Val climbs in after her.

“Val, you could…”

“Ready to go” Maks says as he climbs in. He pulls the car out and heads out without waiting for an answer.

Jenna looks over at Val, a bit confused. He just winks at her. What she can’t understand is how Maks is acting like there is nothing different going on right now. Like he knew this would be happening all along.

“Where are we going for dinner?”

“We should go to that café I’ve been telling you about.”

“That’s like in LA. Jenna, are you ok to wait that long?”

“I don’t know how long that is.”

“Right. You don’t really know the area yet. It could be an hour or so depending on traffic.”

“Oh. That’s fine but it’s up to you guys anyway. I’m just along for the ride. You two get to pick so if that’s what you want, let’s do that.”

“Jenna, you have say in this too. Don’t think you don’t” Val says putting a hand on her leg.

“He’s right. You have probably more say than either of us. That’s just how we were raised so you tell us. Do you want to stop sooner or wait until we get into LA and go to Fratelli’s the café?” Maks asks.

“I can wait for the café. I have some snacks in my bag if we need to snack during the drive.”

“Good to know. Fratelli’s it is.”

Jenna looks back over at Val and he just smiles and shrugs. He squeezes her leg. She wishes she could scoot closer to him. She misses the contact they had on the plane.

“Oh Val, I told Peta we would tell her where we are eating. Since we are close, she might join us. Can you text her for me?”

“Sure.”

“Maks, Val said you have a little boy.”

“I do. Shai. He’s 7 months old. Here he is” Maks says and holds up his phone so his lock screen shows up. It’s a picture of Maks and Shai together.

“Oh, he’s adorable.”

“Thank you. I love him. You might meet him tonight at dinner. If not, you’ll probably see him around at the studio.”

“I can’t wait. I have some nephews who are little and niece as well. She’s a dancer like me.”

“How sweet.”

“Peta says they’ll be there. We just have to tell her when we are close.”

“Ok. Val, you won’t be far from your apartment after dinner.”

“Oh good. Jenna said she is near the studio too so I bet she won’t be far either.”

“Good. We’ll figure it out after dinner.”

~

When they pull into the parking lot near the café, Jenna starts to feel a bit anxious for some reason. She’s not quite sure why. They all pile out of the car. Jenna walks close to Val, happy to be close enough to him again to pull comfort from him. Val reaches out and puts his hand on her lower back. She moves even closer to him. She was tempted to take his hand in hers but she doesn’t. She just lets their hands bump each other as they walk.

“It’s so beautiful” Maks suddenly says.

“What?” Val questions.

“The weather. I love the weather here.”

“It’s a big change from Utah.”

“That’s where you are from?” Maks asks surprised.

“Yes. I was just visiting my sister before I moved here.

“I thought New York to here was a big jump but Utah to LA, wow.”

“It will be a big difference but worth it, I hope.”

“It will be” Val says pulling Jenna against his side.

Jenna catches Maks’ laugh but doesn’t see his smile as they walk into the café. She looks up at Val who smiles down at her and lets het move from his side.

“Welcome to LA” Jenna hears an Australian voice say.

“Thanks Peta. Hi Bublik” Val says and kisses the little boy kicking in his mother’s arms. Val then takes him in his arms when the boy reaches out for him. “I missed you buddy. Shai, this is Jenna. She’s pretty great and pretty gorgeous. Don’t you think so?”

“Hi Shi” Jenna says with a smile and runs her hand over his head. Shai watches her and gives her a big happy smile, squealing in delight before reaching out for her.

“May I?”

“Go head” Val says and passes Shai over to Jenna. She cuddles him to her chest. Shai reaches for her hair and grabs hold of a little piece before resting his head on her shoulder. Jenna kisses his head and looks over at Val. He winks at her and pulls out a chair for her to sit in.

“Thank you” Jenna says carefully sitting down holding Shai close as she does.

“Aw, he likes you already” Peta says with a smile.

“This is ok right. I…”

“Of course! He likes you. Just so you know, he might fall asleep. He likes to play with hair when he’s falling asleep.”

“That’s so sweet.”

“He gets it from his Papa” Peta says with a smile looking up at Maks. He just shrugs.

“You’ve got great hair Jenna. I’m a little jealous” Val says smiling at Jenna, earning a blush from Jenna.

“Thanks.”

“So Jenna, I hear you are a part of the dancing show with us. Is that how you know Val?”

“I am but no. I met Val on the plane. We were row buddies.”

“Oh, nice.”

“Are you guys all pros?”

“We are” Peta answers. Are you?”

“No. I’m a part of the troupe. We are like the extra dancers if you want them in your dances and we do bumpers.”

“That’s awesome. You’ll dance more than we will I bet.”

“I don’t know. Maybe. Mandy said she’d tell me more about it when I get to the studio on Monday.”

“You know Mandy?”

“Yes. She’s told me to apply.”

“That’s so cool. Her work is amazing. I can’t wait to meet her” Peta says excitedly.

“She’s so nice. Very humble. Has a funny sense of humor too. I’m sure you’ll like her.”

“I’m sure I will. Jenna, do you mind me asking how old you are? You look young but seem so mature.”

“I’m 23.”

“Wow. You are so beautiful.”

“Thank you. So are you.”

“Val, she’s a …”

“Peta.”

“What?”

He just stares at her and Peta drops it. As Shai twitches in his sleep, Jenna rubs his back. Val’s hand finds her high again. They finally look over the menus and order. Jenna went for a salad, knowing that would be easier to eat with one hand. Maks had offered to take Shai but she said she was good.

~

“Well it was great meeting you tonight Jenna. I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Yes, it was great to meet you too Peta. See you Monday. Bye Shai. Thanks for letting me cuddle you” she says kissing Shai’s head. Peta’s holding her now awake son.

Jenna turns around to find Val and Maks waiting for her. With on last good night, they head back towards the car.

“So Jenna, do you know where your apartment is?”

“Yes. It’s on 8th street.”

“Hey, mine is too” Val says excitedly. “We must be down the road or something.”

“Dude, you’re so stupid sometimes. Jenna, did the show tell you about this place?”

“Yes. They said it’s the best option nearby. It’s a beautiful place.”

“Is it a high rise?” Val asks starting to put the piece together.

“Yes.”

“You two are at the same apartment building” Maks laughs

“That’s going to be so fun” Jenna smiles over at Val saying.

“It sure it.”

When they get to the car, Jenna and Val sit in the back again. Val thought about sitting in the middle this time but he knew he was going to be teased enough by Maks and Peta as it is. Sitting in the middle seat would just add to it.

“Wasn’t that place great?” Maks asks as he drives away.

“Yes. That will be a great place to go when we need to step away” Val says.

“And the owners are great. We’re becoming quick friends. He wasn’t there tonight but I’ll introduce you two to him soon.”

Jenna is confused as to where Maks is going. Neither Val or herself said where to go. She can’t imagine he and Peta and Shai live in that apartment.

“Val” she whispers.

“Yes babe?”

“Does he know where he’s going?”

“Yes.”

“Ok.”

“Everything ok back there?” Maks suddenly asks.

“All good” Val laughs.

“We’ll be there in a minute.”

“Thank you for driving Maks” Jenna says.

“You’re welcome. Glad you could join us.”

“Me too. I had a great time.”

When Maks pulls up to the front of the apartment high rise, he parks and goes around back to help get the suitcases out.

“Do you need any help?” he asks looking at Jenna.

“No, I think I’ll be ok. Thank you though. Thank you again for driving.”

“You’re welcome. Val, ubedites', chto ona dobirayetsya do yeye kvartiry (make sure she gets to her apartment).”

“Ya znayu (I know).”

“Goodnight you two. See you Monday.”

“Goodnight” Jenna smiles. “See you Monday.”

Val just nods. Once Maks has pulled away, Val turned to Jenna. He smiles at her and she returns the smile. He motions towards the door with his head and they both turn and head inside. Jenna lets out a deep breath when they walk into the lobby. She pulls out her eyes and looks at the number attached.

“What floor are you on?” Val asks.

“5,”

“Me too.”

Awesome. We’ll at least be close by” Jenna says as they walk into the elevator with their suitcases in tow.

“I like that” Val smiles.

They are silent after that, just staring at each other with smiles as the elevator continue. They are brought out of their trance by the elevator bell signaling they have made it to their floor. Val motions for Jenna to exit first. She looks down at her keys again.

“516” she says and looks at the sign on the wall.

“No way.”

“What?”

“I’m 518.”

“We’re two apart. That’s awesome.”

“Jenna, evens are on one side.”

“Oh… oh! We’re on the same side. Wait, does that mean…”

“We are neighbors. From row mates to neighbors.”

“That’s so awesome. What could be better. Thanks for the fun day Val. I’m so glad I met you and get to be friends with you now. See you Monday.”

“I was hoping sooner. Can we do breakfast tomorrow? I can help you set up tomorrow after that if you want.”

“You really want to spend your last day before we start working helping me move in?”

“I could think of a better way to spend it.”

“I don’t believe you but I’d love some help and breakfast. I’d cook us some but…”

“I have groceries. I can make us something. I’m make eggs. That’s about it though.”

“How about you come over at…”

“8:30 ok?”

“Sure. That will give us plenty of time. You bring over your groceries and I’ll help you cook. Then we’ll get to work.”

“Sounds like a plan. Have a goodnight Jenna” Val says letting go of his luggage and pulls Jenna into a hug. She lets out a sigh and holds him tight. Val kisses her head

“Goodnight” she whispers as they let go. She unlocks her door, turns on the first light and turns around, closing the door while watching Val through the door.

“What’s better?” Val says to himself. “Roommates. Row mates to neighbors to roommates. That would be better. That would be best” he says as he closes the door with a smile on his face.

Person A is one of those semi-miserable people that like sitting in the window seat of the airplane just so they have an excuse not to talk to whoever sits next to them. Contradictorily, they also like to chant “please sit next to me” in their head at whoever they thought was cute. However, when Person B takes a seat next to them, they’re breathless. A struggles for something to say and stutters once they started a conversation, but A and B quickly warm up to each other. Perhaps a bit too quickly. Maybe they even try to make it to the mile-high club. You decide.

#valenna #valenna fanfic #Jenna and Val #Jenna Johnson #Val Chmerkovskiy #dwts fanfics

[livelikebrent]

Stop 3: Charlottesville, VA

**Please Note: I was in Charlottesville the weekend before the rally**

Standing at Brent’s wake I was touched by how many friends had traveled to say goodbye to their friend and the ones that showed up to support me. As dozens of people came through the doors they slowly turned into hundreds and dare I even say thousands? Okay, it was “just” under 2,000. That evening there were times where a million thoughts were flying through my head and at other times I was caught just starring blankly at the carpet. One of the reoccurring thoughts and things I said to some of these friends, “I’m so sorry this is the reason I’m seeing you again.” But I thought about it as I was hugging, kissing, crying and shaking hands with these people that I decided this didn’t have to be the last time I saw them. Or this didn’t have to be their last memory of Brent, his family, and myself. So I came up with Tour de Brent.

It was late on a Sunday night creeping into Monday morning where I looked up the weather in Charlottesville, Virginia for the week and upcoming weekend. It was about a 4.5 hour drive from Philadelphia. One of Brent’s college buds, Broocks, grew up and lived there now with his wife and two little boys. He came up for the wake and funeral and I was able to spend a little time with him afterwards at Rodano’s. A couple of years ago, Brent and I took a road trip to Ashville, North Carolina for another West Virginia University friend’s wedding, "Iowa John’s.” Enroute, we swung through Charlottesville to meet up with Broocks and get breakfast together. So with the weather looking pretty stellar for the entire week, I ended up reaching out to Broocks asking if he by any chance had plans for the coming weekend. The only plans Broocks and his family had for the weekend was taking the boys to the county fair. They welcomed me with open arms into their home.

I was completely fine with driving myself. I had done a lot of that the last year of my life but I remembered Brendan having his summer off. Brendan is one of Brent’s friends from home. According the Brendan, they met in September of 1989 at kindergarten. He came around to Philadelphia a lot whether Brent was in the hospital or perfectly healthy. After Brent had passed, there were many people that reached out to me daily and Brendan was one of them. He’s an athletic trainer for a high school so I figured I better take advantage of him having time off during the week (must be nice) to tag along. Without hesitation he was on board for a long weekend trip to Charlottesville and a hike through the Shenandoah National Park.

Brendan picked me up Friday afternoon and we headed south. What was originally a 4.5 hour car ride quickly turned into 6 but I didn’t mind. Broocks wasn’t getting out from work until about 10pm but we still wanted to try and catch some of the band that was playing at his work in town: Three Sheets To The Wind. Their genre? “Yacht Rock”...they’re a cover band that dress in Tommy Bahama and play various crowd pleasing covers. I mean, wouldn’t you want to catch at least on song that evening? We sure did. On the ride, we talked about everything...work, family stuff, music, Brent, what had happened and how I was. I appreciated some of the questions that Brendan asked me. Some I’ve heard half a dozen times and others no one had asked me or had acknowledged. One question he did ask me during this car ride was, “Has anyone given you any piece of advice that you have found helpful or took comfort in?” It took me a moment. I have had many people reaching out to comfort me, give (warranted and unwarranted) advice and opinions. I had a family friend write me a lovely card. She had lost her son (Let’s call him Jason* for the sake of this post) to leukemia several years back. Similar to Brent, he overcame his cancer but it came back and started to cause problems. She wrote this to me...

“...You can’t go back and say “What if?” You have to be confident with the choices you made and the love you shared. I thought I would “crash and burn” when Jason* passed, but I couldn’t because he wouldn’t want me to! Jason* gifted me reasons to go on and share his love - Our “Jason*’s Hugs” blankets and Jason*’s Camp Flip Flops share his love through us. And...he is always “just beyond my reach”! It’s your path! Fill it with the love you shared! The greatest gift - love!...”

While that piece of advice may be obvious to some of you, it’s also nice to hear it. Some things also aren’t so obvious when you are so close to what has been happening. When Brent would talk about death with me I would entertain the conversation because it was important to address. We couldn’t act oblivious to the fact that death was very much a possibility for Brent. He had concerns that he would make known to me: 1. He didn’t want to die 2. What would happen to me and where would I end up? I would tell him we would cross that bridge when we got to it and we weren’t even close. Then I told him a million times over and over again that dreadful night in the hospital, that morning he passed, everyday leading up to and throughout his funeral that I will be okay, even though I wasn’t. This brings me back to why I’m traveling. I believe that Brent would be heartbroken if he saw me laying around my apartment unmotivated, mourning and not living...or as stated earlier, “crash and burn.” Brent and I missed out on a lot when he was sick and he always felt so guilty for that. He wanted me out and about and not hold me back from anything. So that’s what I’m doing. All of this traveling to see friends again and writing about memories new and old isn’t just for me. These are my reasons “to go on” and Brent is very much a reason and he is with me on every single trip.

We rolled into Charlottesville just after 8pm and caught the last few songs of the final set at the Sprint Pavilion where Broocks is the Operations Manager. The Sprint Pavilion hosts everything from town events and cover bands to Bruce Springsteen. Broocks grabbed us a couple of beers, Starr Hill was one of the main breweries, as he was wrapping up his night and we watched the band. I asked for a Starr Hill because I remembered that Broocks and Brent traded a couple beers on our road trip...and that brewery being one of them. After the band played their final song, Brendan and I walked up and down downtown Charlottesville looking for a spot to eat. What is really neat about Charlottesville is that while restaurants and shops line the brick walkway, down the center of said walkway each restaurant has a fenced in courtyard area with outdoor seating. Literally, every restaurant. So we chose Miller’s Downtown. I had remembered Broocks mentioning Dave Matthews had some sort of involvement with the establishment.

Turns out he used to bar tend there when he was first starting out. We didn’t step a foot inside and dined al fresco. I can’t comment on the ambiance of Miller’s but we people-watched, had burgers and beers which were decent then started making our way back to the warehouse of the Sprint Pavilion. Broocks was busy setting up pong and waiting with a refrigerator full of “hospitality beers.” On the end of the downtown strip before you hit the Pavilion is the Freedom of Speech Wall which I had already had plans for later during our visit. There’s chalk and people come by and write whatever they feel like on the slated structure. When Brent and I visited a couple of years back I remember him drawing the flying WVU logo as photographed below by Broocks!

We opened the doors to the warehouse and there was Broocks amidst a group of friends chatting, laughing, and playing beer pong with music playing in the background. Broocks is such a happy guy and I feel like he brings a smile to everyone’s face as soon as you see him. He welcomed us, made sure we were introduced to everyone and got us some drinks which happened to be from Starr Hill again. Broocks and Brendan chatted, they had never met one another. When I originally asked Broocks if Brendan could visit with me for the weekend he said, “Any friend of Brent’s is a friend of mine.”  Brent was always about bringing people together and I plan to continue to do that for him. I had already received the grand tour of the warehouse but Broocks showed Brendan and me around. The warehouse is honestly a man cave...but you’re at work with all of your event equipment.

Brendan and I ended up chatting for a while with a kid named Jake. He was really passionate about fly fishing, used to work at the Sprint Pavilion and attended Marshall University. I believe that is literally all we talked about. He seemed to be an honest, nice and easy-going individual. He didn’t stick around all night as he had to get up early the next day for his fly fishing camp he taught. As we were standing there next to this filing cabinet filled with stickers we started looking for a spot for Brent. There was a perfect spot on the top draw right next to a Starr Hill sticker. Jake asked about the stickers and I told him about Brent, Carve 4 Cancer and why we were in town to begin with. He was blown away and said his family has a house in the Poconos not terribly far from where Carve had been held. He immediately asked if he could have a sticker so he too could “Live Like Brent.” I gave one to him without thinking twice.

We woke up the next day to Broocks introducing Bodie to Brendan and me. Bodie is a cute blonde pup that loves playing fetch. He will literally go all day long. That’s what she said. Our next introduction was to Nolan, Jen and Broock’s 3 year old son who loves everything about cars. Then last but not least we were blessed with Jen and Nash’s presence a 3 month old who had been on his best behavior all weekend. I kid you not when I say I did not hear the child cry once. We actually knew what we would be having for breakfast that morning because Broocks had been insisting and chatting about it the night before. Bodo’s Bagels offers something called a “Deli-Egg Bagel” and it’s flipping delish. Ultimately it’s meat scraps mixed into the egg on your whatever egg and cheese sandwich. Broocks picked up breakfast from Bodo’s as the rest of us had coffee on their deck. We played fetch with Bodie while Nolan sang us a couple of songs and danced around like a wild man. Side note: Brendan was the perfect guest. Nolan and Bodie both fell in love with him and immediately all became best friends. It also helped that Brendan could speak about Cars all day long...as in the movie, Cars. After breakfast the Meade Family packed up and went to the Albemarle County Fair as Brendan and I headed towards the Blue Ridge Parkway on Skyline drive to hike through the Shenandoah National Park.

This photo is of Brent and me back in 2015. We did a similar drive but a bit longer on the Parkway and ended up hiking Humpback Rock which had an elevation of 3,080 feet. It was beautiful. I decided that this time around we would do something different and saw there were a couple of falls trails. The drive through the park was a solid 20 minutes to reach the trail base. Again, I didn’t mind...the entire drive through the Shenandoah is scenic with the trees, dozens of overlooks and winding roads. Another thing I didn’t mind was that it felt like fall that morning. It may have been just about 70 degrees if that. It was gorgeous.

We ended up on an 8 mile hike starting at the Jone’s Run and connecting to the Doyle’s River Falls loop. The water wasn’t terribly high. Before we left the house Jen mentioned that they haven’t received much rain this summer. It was completely fine and still a solid hike. We saw three falls, two of which were on the Doyle’s River trail which were 63′ and 28′ followed by the Jones Falls that was 42′. It was a long downhill hike followed by a long uphill. I may have said to Brendan at one point, “I don’t understand how this is an ‘intermediate’ trail.”...We were still very much on the downhill portion. My glutes later confirmed that it was very much an intermediate hike. The trails were shady for the most part and the weather honestly couldn’t have been better for an August hike. At one point we were on part of the Appalachian Trail which was neat. Brent had talked about wanting to hike the entire trail in one shot...I couldn’t imagine doing that. But fun fact: Broocks has hiked 150 miles of the AT (not in one shot but still v. impressive)! By the time Brendan and I hit mile 7 out of 8 on the hike I was most definitely ready for food. A deli-egg can only hold you for so long. When we finally looped back to the trail base where the car was parked we stopped to take in the scene once again but with a feeling of accomplishment this time around. We took a couple of photos before getting in the car for another scenic ride to Crozet, VA for some grub.

During the car ride down in between singing Fat Joe and Usher songs, Brendan made sure I was aware how ready his stomach was for smoked meat on this trip. I took note. Broocks had told us before we left for our hike about a place that had awesome smoked barbecue called Smoked Kitchen and Tap...how fitting.  I couldn’t get a photo fast enough for the before photo. But this will have to do!  We ordered hickory smoked brisket, ribs, fried chicken (with a side of maple syrup), cornbread, creamed corn with jalapeno and cole slaw. My mouth is watering again. The meat literally fell off of the bone. Smoked also has it’s own line of sauces. Carolina Firewater was hands down my favorite. I’m not a huge fan of barbecue sauce...I prefer savory. This was a vinegar based hot barbecue sauce and it ruled.

After we had our “snack” we headed back to the Meade’s to clean-up and head out to dinner with the family and then go see a show downtown with Broocks. After we cleaned up we hung out on their patio, played fetch with Bodie, I told Jen what had happened with Brent in those final 12 hours of his life and drank a couple of beers...some of which were yes, Starr Hill along with beer I had brought. Brent collected growlers. Knowing Broocks was into craft beer just like Brent I took Brent’s Crime and Punishment Brewing growler and filled it up with one of Broock’s favorite types of beer, an English brown ale called Bad Haircut. I gave it as a gift and a ‘thank you’ for not only just allowing us to stay in his home but for being a part of Brent’s life.

Broocks wanted to bring us to a place called Kardinal Hall (a cardinal - I know!) which was a German style beer hall. It was great. I will say it again...the weather was perfect. We were able to snag a seat outside so Nolan could play and we could enjoy the ambiance of the evening. We chatted WVU and Broocks explained how he knew Brent. In his own words, “It’s all a bit foggy”...I find this a common theme when you ask any of the WVU boys how they’ve met. But ultimately, Broocks met Brent through our dear friend Dan who grew up with Brent and ended up attending college together. One night Broocks went over to Dan’s apartment and ended up meeting his neighbors below him and the rest is history...or just a bit “foggy.” Speaking of how people have met, I’ve mentioned Starr Hill several times in this post and in my last post I noticed that there was a Starr Hill sticker where I placed my #LiveLikeBrent sticker at Assateague Island. Well, it turns out that Starr Hill plays quite the roll in the Meade household...and I don’t mean that because that the one beer their refrigerator was stocked with either. Jen was in Charlottesville for a work conference several years ago. She fell in love with the town and during her visit she stopped at...wait for it...Star Hill Brewery. Broocks just so happened to stop at the brewery that night and took a seat next to her. Honestly...Starr Hill should put out a “meade” to honor this couple. I feel as though their life is sponsored by Starr Hill and not just by choice.We stayed for just a couple of hours and by the time 8:30pm rolled around we packed things up so Jen and Broocks could put the kids down for bed.

P.S. Let’s all acknowledge Broocks’ shirt he chose to wear. It’s a Brent Mydland shirt that Brent made back in college with some friends. Super appropriate for this weekend!

After Brendan and Nolan were done chatting Cars, Broocks took us to the downtown mall to The Jefferson Theater to see a Charlottesville all-star Grateful Dead cover band play called Alligator. The Jefferson reopened only in 2009 but was established in 1912 as a live performance theater that played silent movies, vaudeville acts and hosted a historic list of live performers, ranging from Harry Houdini to The Three 
Stooges. It’s a neat venue that reminded me a bit like The Troc in Philadelphia...but a bit nicer. When we walked in, Broocks already had tickets set aside for us. While he only asked for three tickets, his friends at the venue set aside four. Even though Broocks told them twice he didn’t need the fourth ticket they just insisted that he took it. Broocks looked at us and said “Then this one is for Brent.” We got to the show in time for their second act and they played really well! One thing I did notice is that there was a woman on stage. I mentally face palmed and thought, “Donna Jean.” As soon as she started singing, Broocks leaned over to Brendan and I vocalizing my thoughts. “Donna Jean ruined so many songs!” It was true but the woman up there did a great job. We hung out on the floor for a while and then Broocks gave us a tour. He gave one to Brent and I when we swung through town briefly but the venue was empty. So it was neat to be able to watch the band from various spots throughout the theater.

We walked around the venue and got another round of drinks. Broocks knew the bartender...well, Broocks knows everyone. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had told me he was actually the mayor of Charlottesville. They were chatting about what was planned for the following weekend downtown, the Alt-Right rally. The group had done everything properly as far as organizing their event in the downtown mall, permits, paperwork etc. But The Jefferson Theater was concerned about the safety of their patrons and how packed the mall may become. It was to the point where the venue was considering cancelling their concerts that had been booked for that weekend. I honestly don’t think anyone knew what to expect and couldn’t have imagined what actually ended up happening. All I know is that if Brent were still alive and with us on the trip he would have been beside himself knowing we had just been there. I've been sick to my stomach thinking about it as well.

After the show, Broocks took us to one of his favorite spots downtown called, Jack Brown’s. He mentioned that they were having a silent disco outside for a portion of the night and we could check it out if we wanted. As soon as he said that, I looked at him and Brendan and asked, “Have you EVER participated in a silent disco?!” The answer from both of them was no and I told them we had to go to it. So we went inside, snagged a couple of seats at the bar and drank. I thoroughly enjoyed the place...it was a dive. Bras hanging from one of the “chandeliers”, vintage beer cans lining the ceiling and a fairly extensive bottle and can selection. Mind you, I asked Broocks to take us where he would’ve brought Brent had he been in town for the night. Broocks said Brent took him once to get a hubcap burger at The White Haven Family Diner back home in Pennsylvania so Broocks wanted to take him out for a burger at Jack Brown’s. Plus, there was a great spot for a sticker to be thrown up. I’m also just noticing now another Starr Hill sticker in this photo.

After we had a couple of drinks we went outside to the silent disco. For those of you unfamiliar with this rad concept I’ll explain it! Everyone had a pair of wireless headphones that are controlled by two DJs. One DJ is “blue” and the other “green.” On the side of your headphones you have two controls: 1. Volume 2. A station switch. For the station switch you can either tune into what the blue DJ is playing or switch over to what the green DJ is playing. The DJs were located on balconies outside of the bar above everyone singing and dancing. So if the green DJ sees everyone’s headphone beginning to light up blue then he will change the song he’s playing in hopes to get everyone back over to their station. Mind you, if you don’t have the headphones on...you can’t hear the music. Randomly, I would take my headphones off and hear people singing out of tune to the same song and dancing. It was like being in a completely different world when you had your headphones on jamming out.

Broocks and Brendan couldn’t have enjoyed themselves any more than they did. We were all singing, dancing, drinking and telling one another when a noteworthy song came on the other DJ’s channel and to switch. We were only able to catch the last hour of the disco and could’ve gone on for another hour had the DJs kept it going. Final song of the night? Queen B’s “Love on Top” ... to say the very least it was a great way to wrap up the silent disco.

The silent disco was the highlight of the night. But I will say there was a very close second. I introduce to you: Mike Jones a.k.a. the “C-Ville Clapper.” As we were walking down the mall, Broocks pointed out a gentleman in camo with a bicycle. “You guys see that guy!? That guy is SO annoying. He’s the C-Ville Clapper.” The C-Ville Clapper stands on the soap box next to the Freedom of Speech Wall and...yes, slow claps. All. Day. Long. Broocks says it gets to the point where people working inside of the offices downtown get annoyed by the constant noise of the slow clap. Broocks approached him to find out his real name, “Well, I’m Mike Jones!” he said and shook Broocks’ hand. The three of us buzzed died laughing hearing that and looking at this guy. We walked and talked with him for a bit. Then he looked at us and asked us to follow him down the alley. We all looked at one another and said in various forms, “Nah, I’m good man.” But he told us, “I’m a bad boy, I’ll take you to the moon.” Again. Dead. Laughing.

After the disco and walk with Mike Jones we ended up at The Whiskey Jar for a night cap. Another spot that Broocks would’ve brought Brent. The name of this bar certainly described the place pretty well. The place was buzzin’ with a wedding party along with other patrons. It had bottles on bottles of all sorts of whiskeys and brown liquors that I had never even heard of before sitting pretty on shelves.

There was a little jazz band playing in the back corner behind us. Brent would’ve really liked this place. I could picture him sitting at one of the tables with a whiskey neat bobbing his head and tapping his toes to the band. We shut down the bar and grabbed a ride home. The three of us spent the next hour talking about Brent. The wake. The funeral. How terrible it all really is. Then we called it a night.

Sunday was for two things: Ace Biscuit and Barbecue and taking over a portion of the Freedom of Speech Wall. When Brent and I came down to meet up with Broocks we started with breakfast. Broocks suggested Ace and I’m so glad he did. It is absolutely delish. One of my favorite things about this place is that they have an ODB sandwich on the menu - Ol’ Dirty Biscuit. Tip: You can make any menu item “dirty” by adding sausage gravy. Plus, the fact that the name of the establishment is also my nickname made me like the joint even more.

Looking back I wish I had a photo taken of the three of us. But sometimes it’s just easier to be living in the moment. We ordered our breakfast and sat back at a picnic table anxiously waiting for our meals. I LOVE biscuits and was waiting all weekend for my Ace sausage, egg and smoked pimento cheese biscuit breakfast sandwich. I couldn’t tell you what the boys ordered because I was too focused on waiting for my own. My food didn’t stand a chance and I didn’t even think about snapping a photo. So this photo of the mural outside will have to do! 

We went back inside, I bought a t-shirt (bummed they are always “sold out” of their OBD shirts) and asked permission to place a sticker on the mixer sitting up at the register. As I was doing so, a couple of the employees asked what the sticker was for. We told them the story and the last time we were there was with Brent and had to come back. They immediately cleared off a spot right on the front of the mixer for Brent so everyone could see it. The employees couldn’t have been nicer and more supportive.

After Ace we made our way back to downtown to work on the Freedom of Speech wall. We bought some chalk and chalk pens, borrowed a bucket and straight edges from Broock’s warehouse and went to town on that wall. We probably could have completed the project in less time but every so often a group or individual would stand there and ask what we were doing or who Brent was. At first Brendan and I would both stop what we were doing to chat with the group or individual...but it became so frequently asked that we ended up alternating who would tell the story. Some people said, “Oh” and then there would be others that were so extremely touched by the story and what we were doing. One women embraced my sweaty body and hugged me tight and wished me the absolute best. That meant a lot to me coming from a complete utter stranger. But then alas! We completed the hashtag in 2.5 hours! Shout out to Brendan for his first and claimed this to be his last “art installation.”

As we made our way back to the Meade household we passed a cardinal mural on the side of a building not too far from the house. As we passed, Brendan asked if I wanted him to stop to take a photo. As I was thinking about my response and if I felt like stopping he said, “Sometimes the cardinal comes to you and sometimes you have to go to the cardinal.” He whipped his car around and told me to go stand against the wall. I’m glad he did.

When we got back to the house it was mid afternoon and Brendan and I packed up and said our ‘goodbyes’ to Jen and Broocks. Jen told us that Nolan will be very upset when he wakes up from his nap to see his friends have vanished. The kid could’ve literally laid next to Brendan talking about cars and watching car videos for hours on end. If he doesn’t end up doing something with cars when he gets older I will be astounded to say the least. As we were walking out of the house Brendan asked if I’d like to swing through Washington D.C. since it was on the way home...I figured why not? We were going to be sitting in D.C. traffic anyway. Brendan also mentioned that since Brent loved history and we could visit the World War II monument for him. I liked that idea.  As we were leaving Virginia, Brendan elbowed me. I looked at him and he nodded in the direction of a truck passing us on the right. He casually said, “Look at the license plate.” I chuckled but was thinking, “You have got to be kidding me.” It said, “BBRENT.” Photographed below, Brent decided to join us for a bit on the ride to D.C..

We walked around the monuments, chatted and again just enjoyed the beautiful weather we were blessed with that weekend before heading back north to Pennsylvania. I just want to say thank you once again to Jen and Broocks for your generosity and spending a weekend with me for Brent! Thank you to Brendan for being my photographer and chauffeur for the entire weekend. I couldn’t have asked for better company.

Photo Credit: Brendan Moriarty, Broocks Meade and Jen Meade

#LiveLikeBrent #Charlottesville #Virginia #West Virginia University #WVU #Grateful Dead #Silent Disco #Dave Matthews Band #DMB #Kardinal Hall #Jefferson Theater #Freedom of Speech Wall #Leukemia #Starr Hill #Skyline Drive #Blue Ridge Parkway #Hiking #Shenandoah #Shenandoah National Park #Smoked #Smoked Kitchen and Tap #The Troc #Philadelphia #Alligator

[cornholeaddicts]

The Life of A Cornhole Tournament Director

Am I Up Yet?

So you played in a cornhole tournament this past weekend. How’d it go? Were you “that person”? Most people don’t understand what it takes to run a cornhole tournament until you actually run one. Cornhole tournaments are “very profitable” and you should do one to add to your retirement fund, but before you consider doing it, look at the cost involved. While running a cornhole tournament is can be very rewarding, it is also very stressful at the same time. The reward most times is not financial, but sometimes you get lucky. Let’s start with equipment required.

Cornhole Tournament Equipment

BOARDS Finding good boards at a reasonable cost. That sentence does not make sense to any board builder, but as a tournament director you are offering to promote said board builder. A good set of boards is a ¾ inch deck with 3 support braces down the middle. That good set of boards should have a cross brace on the legs for additional support. I learned this from my dear friend Kang Cutes. The cross brace on the legs keeps airmails in most of the time, but also adds a layer of stability to the boards. They aren’t cheap. Material wise they are but add in the labor costs and tooling required and at best with you offering more sales to the builder you are looking at $100 minimum per set. And before you ask, I will never build you a set of boards for $100.  BAGS Tournament directors supplying bags is almost a must. Yes, most events are Bring Your Own Bags across the country, but what happens when your neighbor shows up to your event and has no bags? Almost every bag manufacturer will discount their bags in bulk Contact them and ask for a price. Cornhole has it’s down months and most bag makers are looking to make payroll. If you need help with discounted bags in bulk please contact me, lol. SCORE SYSTEMS Score towers out of PVC with numbers on corrugated plastic are common where I’m at. Build a stand out of PVC and screw the corrugated plastic on them and you are good to go. Keep a bunch of clips in a bag and roll with it. A great pointer is to go the $1 store and buy a bunch, they break. *Pro tip – get a lot more then you need, you can use them at home to keeps your potato chips fresh. You can search locally or on the internet for the custom corrugated score tops, but be prepared to spend some money. Best deal I heard is $150 for 50 of them, but what are you going to do with 50 of them as a beginner tournament director. There are advance scoring systems out there, like Digitowerz and Scoreholio, but I have no experience with them. I could do a review if they like, hint hint. SOFTWARE I primarily use Brakelope. Brackelope is available for Apple products only, but it’s the best $10 you will ever spend for the full version. Brackelope has a Live feature, you share the link and everyone can see the bracket and upcoming matches. But you need internet service to use the live function. Most people have unlimited data so learn how to link your phone to the iPad. Sorry I have nothing else, I use Brackelope and personally love it. You Apple ID gets you all you devices for the $10. I have like 6 devices with the “pro version” for my $10, best $10 I’ve ever spent. Respecting your Cornhole Tournament Director So back to the original topic at hand. Running a cornhole tournament isn’t just, here’s the date and lets go. There are weeks of planning and dealing ultimately with the person paying you to provide services. Each phone call is the same story, I want $X to run the event. Here is what I’ll provide and why you need me. Or, if you are lucky enough to have your own venues and take 30% of the pot that is good for you, but everyone needs to understand that comes at an expense. Showing Up - You show up to a cornhole tournament early. It’s 11 am registration and 12 pm bags fly. To your surprise everything is set up and ready to go. Yea that’s right, a good director is their hours before registration setting up! Now I’ve been told I will be late to my own funeral so you get the point. Before I started running my own events I supplied boards to local TD’s (tournament directors). I was asked to be there 2 hours before registration and I thought that was crazy, but doing my own events I understand you need to be prepared and be early. Being early allows for most issues, calling people to bring another score tower, running to get tape as you ran out, realizing you forgot something, etc.

Tournament is Starting - Now the event is getting started. You can’t find teams, someone is drunk already, everyone is asking the same questions, why haven’t I played, I don’t like these bags, when am I up, I didn’t hear your announcement, does a one hop count, how do you score this, why do I have to play a good team this game, is it 2 out of 3, when am I up, my partner left what can we do, I won that game and you entered it as a loss, when am I up again? You are going to hear those questions constantly. It’s like having a 4 year old, trust me I know. My Advice - Don’t ever be scared to be a “bully’. Now when I say that I mean you need these people to support you, you told the person paying you that X amount of teams should show. Be respectful, but the Alpha in the room. Call matches with authority and repeat them. When someone comes and asks where am I playing, be a smart ass. Don’t belittle players but make snark remarks to remind them to pay attention to announcements. Lastly, players need to understand that Tournament Directors have spent their own money on the equipment and are spending time away from their family to run this event. 30% cut sounds like a lot, but most TD's don’t do this alone. I don’t think there is anyone who can successfully run a 40 team event solo. Granted you will get help setting up from your friends, but that will end. A well run event of 40 teams takes at a minimum of two people and about 10 hours of their labor and their time away from their family and for what, $300? Most of you wouldn’t work a Saturday for 12 hours for $300. Wrapping Up - So, next time you feel it’s funny to ask the person running an event dumb questions, think about what they gave up for you to spend a couple hours playing. First to arrive, last to leave. What is your time worth? And don’t be surprised when you ask me a dumb question and I tell you $4,000 for it all and run your own event and I will show. Cause quite frankly I will ask a bunch of dumb questions too. Stay tuned for my future blogs and I will give an a more in-depth look at what it really costs to become a tournament director. Read the full article

#cornholebags #cornholeequipment #cornholetournament #howtorunatournament #tournamentdirector

[daleisgreat]

Furious 7

The first official spinoff of the Fast and Furious franchise hit theaters this weekend with the release of Hobbs and Shaw. It only seems fitting then with that hitting theaters to continue my trek through covering the series here with 2015’s Furious 7 (trailer). The seventh entry in the series showcased Jason Statham in the role of the unstoppable villain, Deckard Shaw. Furious 7 also infamously went down as the last film in the series to feature one of the two franchise lead-men, Paul Walker since he perished in a tragic car wreck in the midst of shooting this film. His brother took his place in several stand-in spots for the final scenes to be shot with his character. Needless to say one of the burning questions I had originally going into this at the theaters opening weekend was how were they going to handle writing him off the series? I will cross that bridge in towards the end of this entry. Furious 7 has a new director at the helm with James Wan of Saw, Insidious and Conjuring fame. He has a killer opening shot of Deckard Shaw at the hospital bedside of his brother, Owen (Luke Evans), who barely survived the aftermath of his clash with Dom (Vin Diesel) in the last film and Deckard promising to avenge him. Another opening act shot that gelled with me was Letty (Michelle Rodriguez) and Dom revisiting the Race Wars rally for the first time in the series since the original film to get our obligatory drag race out of the way early where Letty easily lays waste to her opposition. I appreciated the callback to Race Wars, and was surprised to see them dig out periphery character Hector (Noel Gugliemi) from the original film to make a fun cameo too.

Just like the post-credits tag scene in Fast & Furious 6 eluded to, Furious 7 finally puts a tidy bow on the split timelines in the canon. Stick with me…..the previous three Fast films technically all took place before Tokyo Drift since Han (Sung Kang) perished in that film but the filmmakers liked him so much that they kept bringing him back. To wrap up this glaring loose end, after an exhilarating fight with Hobbs (Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson), Shaw breaks into Hobbs’ computer to find the location of Han and assassinate him to get Dom’s attention. Props to Furious 7 for tracking down Lucas Black to get him back in his role as Sean Boswell for a scene with Dom wrapping up the Tokyo chapter of the series. I remember being both stoked to see Black back, and bummed to see him limited to only one scene and almost expected to see him welcomed as part of Dom’s gang. There are currently rumors he will be back in a bigger role in the upcoming ninth film in the series. Since we still see Dom’s crew at Han’s funeral and all the succeeding events seemingly transpire in the weeks afterwards it is safe to presume this movie still is set in 2006 when Tokyo Drift initially released….that is until we see in the early part of Furious 7 Letty visiting her old grave that has a 2009 death year on it from when we thought she died in the fourth film, which should have took place before Tokyo Drift…..ah forget it.

Anyways, point being is whenever year Furious 7 transpires, it is hard to believe it was in the 2000s decade (aka ‘The Aughts’) after Dom’s crew meets up with secret government ghost agent Mr. Nobody (Kurt Russell). Mr. Nobody essentially gives the government’s unofficial backing to Dom’s gang as their go to master heist crew for secret-ops missions. He also introduces the gang to all kinds of high-tech level gadgetry right that seems like it was pulled right out of the latest 007 film. I could not remember the name of Russell’s character when writing this and I cannot stand the name ‘Mr. Nobody’ the moment I looked it up for reference for this so I will instead just refer to his character as his real name Kurt Russell from here on out because Kurt Russell is portrayed as a bonafide badass in this film. Russell helps Dom’s crew rescue kidnapped hacker, Ramsey (Nathalie Emmanuel), who has knowledge of a ‘God’s Eye’ device which has access to all the security and cell phone cameras across the world. Of course, there are the now-obligatory ridiculous stunt scenes that result in Team Ride or Die snatching Ramsey away from the terrorists. It involves a hilarious sequence of skydiving cars and culminates with Dom escaping terrorists by intentionally flipping his car down a cliff and literally walking right out of the totaled car and brushing it off without any injury! Not even a bandage! Trust me, things get even more gloriously ludicrous from there when Ramsey tells the crew they must traverse to Abu Dhabi to procure the ‘God’s Eye.’ If you thought things were bonkers with the safe in Fast Five and the heroic tank leaps and infinite runway in the sixth movie, then props to Wan for somehow topping those stunts with a must-see to believe ‘Cars Can’t Fly’ moment in Furious 7 involving a three million dollar car and the Etihad Towers. It is easily one of the all-time ‘holy shit’ moments in big-budget blockbuster cinema history, and that is saying something!

After some more back and forth shenanigans with Shaw, everything comes to a boil in a heavy duty final act involving predator drones, car jousts, Hobbs donning a chain gun against a helicopter and an epic Dom vs Shaw street fight. This all adds up to Dom’s gang being masters at car-heisting, street races, breathtaking vehicle stunt-work and fluent in the latest and greatest top-secret government tech. 007 Car Heisters….or something like that. This is the first time I saw Furious 7 since the theaters and I forgot about how awesome the overall arc and climatic action/stunt-work/heist scenes were compared to the previous movies. It is easily in the same class with the raised stakes and budget the previous two movies established. A lot of that amazing stunt work is chronicled in the near two hours of extra features. Flying Cars is a fascinating watch to see how skydivers literally jumped out with flying cars to get those up-close camera shots during the car skydiving sequence. Tower Jumps is also worth checking out to see how the ‘Cars Can’t Fly’ sequence was pulled off. Both are quick watches at around seven minutes each while Talking Fast is a broader all encompassing extra at just over a half hour where Wan curates his favorite moments and scenes from the film and it nicely jumps to interviews with the cast members involved in each moment and Wan provides additional insight to how he pulled off some key shots. Talking Fast suffices for the lack of a commentary track from Wan that Justin Lin spoiled me with on the last four Fast home video releases.

There are a few other smaller extras on the BluRay covering other stunt-work and fight scenes, but what surprisingly jumped out to me in this last smattering of bonus features is one covering the making of the Fast and Furious Supercharged Ride attraction at Universal Studios. I coincidentally went on that ride on vacation earlier this year and can confirm it captures the spirit of the films and spares no expense when compared to the other big budget rides at Universal Studios. Finally, there is the Wiz Khalifa music video, ‘See You Again’ that is easily identified for being the song that closed off Furious 7 with its emotional farewell scene for Paul Walker. Yes, it is time to touch on Furious 7 sending Paul Walker off into the sunset. Wan and the rest of the filmmakers could not have done it any better. It is undoubtedly a rough scene to get through and I would be lying if I said I was not holding back any sniffles and getting dusty-eyed throughout it. Part of me thought they were going to kill off Connor, and I had no idea what the script originally called for, but the final on-screen product was the perfect way to sunset the Connor and Mia (Jordana Brewster) characters out of the picture by them going on their own to be a family. I will never forget I was at a gas station shortly after leaving a minor league hockey game with another film buff when I found out about the news and we both needed a moment to take it all in. Ironically enough, earlier that day before the hockey game I was at a pawn shop and bought the PS2 Fast and Furious game.

This was the final film in the franchise I watched along with Dan, Vinny and Alex of Giant Bomb in their Film and 40s commentary series. It made for once again another highly entertaining watch as I echoed many of their sentiments throughout. Highlights include the quote ‘That’s some Asura’s Wrath shit’ during a big stunt moment, Dan picking Alex’s brain on getting into Deftones, priceless reactions to the huge car skydiving and tower leap moments, predicting future celebrity villains, them trying to add up the Tokyo Drift plot lines like I was earlier and searching online for a replica Vin Diesel cross necklace on Amazon. Oh yeah, and I did indeed share along in the sniffles with them during the aforementioned emotional final scene. And that is Furious 7. I apologize for repeating myself, but it seems worth repeating all I remembered going into it again was the Paul Walker farewell and I forgot how good the stuntwork and caliber of jaw-dropping moments were here especially when stacked up to prior films in the series. Again, Furious 7 stands in the same league with the big budget blockbusters that the fifth and sixth installments evolved into and I loved how it found another way to raise the stakes by introducing Kurt Russell’s character into the fray and giving them the government’s unofficial blessing as being super-hi-tech ghost agents. With the untimely death of Paul Walker and the fitting farewell scene for him to close off the film I will forever have a special place for Furious 7 in the brand’s hierarchy.

'For Paul' Other Random Backlog Movie Blogs 3 12 Angry Men (1957) 12 Rounds 3: Lockdown 21 Jump Street The Accountant Angry Video Game Nerd: The Movie Atari: Game Over The Avengers: Age of Ultron The Avengers: Infinity War Batman: The Killing Joke Batman: Mask of the Phantasm Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice Bounty Hunters Cabin in the Woods Captain America: Civil War Captain America: The First Avenger Captain America: The Winter Soldier Christmas Eve Clash of the Titans (1981) Clint Eastwood 11-pack Special The Condemned 2 Countdown Creed Deck the Halls Die Hard Dredd The Eliminators The Equalizer Dirty Work Faster Fast and Furious I-VIII Field of Dreams Fight Club The Fighter For Love of the Game Good Will Hunting Gravity Guardians of the Galaxy Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2 Hercules: Reborn Hitman Indiana Jones 1-4 Ink The Interrogation Interstellar Jobs Joy Ride 1-3 Major League Man of Steel Man on the Moon Marine 3-6 Metallica: Some Kind of Monster Mortal Kombat National Treasure National Treasure: Book of Secrets The Replacements Reservoir Dogs Rocky I-VII Running Films Part 1 Running Films Part 2 San Andreas ScoobyDoo Wrestlemania Mystery The Secret Life of Walter Mitty Shoot em Up Skyscraper Small Town Santa Steve Jobs Source Code Star Trek I-XIII Take Me Home Tonight TMNT The Tooth Fairy 1 & 2 UHF Veronica Mars Vision Quest The War Wild Wonder Woman The Wrestler (2008) X-Men: Apocalypse X-Men: Days of Future Past

#random move #furious 7 #Fast and Furious #Paul Walker #vin diesel #ludacris #tyrese #michelle rodriguez #jordana brewster #kurt russell #james wan #nathalie emmanuel #jason statham #Sung Kang #the rock #dwayne johnson #noel gugliemi #luke evans #Lucas Black

[myownstressrelief-blog]

9/1/17

I am shocked on how fast the months fly by and just how it is already September. I’m scared of how fast life is going by and now is the serious time to get ready with my life and continue to move forward until I have my dream job. Let me first tell you how depressing it is to be on your year off and having families and friends constantly asking “What are you doing now that you graduated?”. Well.. i’m taking day by day and slowly trying to process everything. 

I’ve accepted that my grandpa is in a better place now. I remember the previous month where my grandpa would just lay in bed and show signs of pains he is feeling. I would spend everyday to pay my respects and keep him company while he struggles to survive during his hospital days. It is horrible to watch a family go through it especially when you know that the family has just agreed that there is way too many health problems and has reached towards the end and its ideally not worth fixing and having my grandpa struggle with the pain. It will be painful for him and painful for the family. I only hoped that he lived the happy life that he got to live and appreciated his time on earth. I made my prayers at his funeral and I promised and my family and I will continue to watch over my grandma for him. 

Additionally, the most pain at this moment comes from the breakup that I am going through. I am lost in how to feel at this point and just feel dumb every time I think about everything. Yesterday’s sleep was one of the most painful ones for me. I texted him before bed which I knew I really shouldn’t. I honestly just couldn’t help it. I miss him so much and I just want everything to be okay. I just think about the moments where we just stay in and we would cuddle for hours. Having him wrap his arms around me like I was the only thing that mattered the most to him in the world. I miss passionately kissing him while butterflies spark in my stomach and in my mind. I loved putting my right side of the cheek against his face or shoulder. The connection that we had with skin to skin was one of those best emotional rollercoaster feelings i get every time. I just want to go back to those days and just freeze time and tell him that I loved him and thats all that mattered at that moment. I just want to be on a island stuck with him and only him, surviving together. I always picture him and I can’t help but think about seeing the person inside thats screaming for help to get him out of this mess. He is so stuck inside and consumed by cocaine that I just can’t even save him if I wanted to. If that was the last thing I had to do before I die, it is still impossible. So many chances I gave him to show he can change but he can’t. Even he can’t change for me. He really shouldn’t. He needs and has to want to change for himself. I think I am afraid to admit that this break up and difficulties that I’ve struggled with my ex has put me deep into depression. There is just times when I just want to be with him and die peacefully with him. It is so selfish but I just feel so lost in this world, I don’t know exactly what to do to feel normal or live life peacefully. I’m not sure if it’s just the feeling of loneliness or ... to be honest I have no god dam idea. I am full of anger, hate, sadness, and just overall confused. I have no motivation to live life right now and I would hate to leave my life because I know many people will be affected by my death. I have already seen how my grandpa’s death has emotionally impacted my family and if I were gone, I don’t know how they would feel about me after. I’m sure they will be in my position feeling angry, sad, and confused on my choices and feelings. 

I can’t really express how much more that this pain hurts. It just feel like i’m the last person on earth that matters at this point. I hate that I know I lost my ex to drugs. I should have been more aware of his drug usage when we first started dating and taken it more serious. But falling in love with him was the best feeling at that moment. I honestly can’t tell him I love him still or I just miss the feeling of being in true love. I am constantly waking up everyday feeling like a whole different individual person with mix feelings and signals. I always thought that I was a lot stronger than usual, but I don’t really know at this point. I just want to be out of this pain. I honestly would have never wished upon the people that I hate in this world to express this pain. I know that its the real world and in reality people will eventually go through pain like this. My mind is all over the place right now, I know I have my sisters to talk to and a couple of friends to talk to but how annoying is it to hear about the same thing of how painful this is for me and so on. I hate to be the person to talk about my own feelings. I’m greatful that I have people that hear me out, but even that honestly isn’t enough. I feel like i’m suffering through this pain and I’m afraid of not being able to get out. 

The dream that I had yesterday was of my ex being with someone else. That also increased the pain on myself. I can’t imagine him with anyone else and I hope that if he decides to be with someone else, it is for good reasons. I had always suggested that if he wanted to continue to want someone to be okay with his drug usage lifestyle, he should find someone that is on the same page or that also uses drugs. For me, it hurts more and more just to see him take in lines of cocaine or even finding out that he’s lying about doing it, it hurts. I know what is best, but I don’t want it to be that way. I just want to be with my ex again and be together. I want to live in a simple farm and take care of animals and plant fruits and vegetables together, just like the Stardew valley game. I just want to spend my time with him happily there with a family and end life together peacefully. At my current state of mind, I can’t help but wonder what is he up to or how is he feeling.. I just hope that one day our paths will cross again and hopefully we will be where we need to be, which allows us to happily be together again. I miss him so much right now, he is the only one that matters the most to me. I messaged him last night and he agreed to talk in person after this upcoming weekend. I say potentially because I don’t want to message him next week, I will let him come to me and if not, then I told myself I should move on. I hate being the one constantly chasing after him, I feel like he hasn’t put enough effort to win my heart back, except for beg for me back when I say I want to break up every time. My heart just needs time to slowly heal and grieve. I need to be nice and give myself some more time to recover from this breakup. It has not been a complete week since we officially broke up, but I pray at least for a good and happy future for the both of us. I want to end this on a good note and I wish I could tell him that I never loved anything in this world as much as I loved him. Although he was my first love and I never got to experience enough love, I feel it strongly. 

I need to keep asking myself more but do i honestly miss the person or the relationship? 

To be continued..... 

[thisishowyouletgoandfindyou-blog]

PARENTS

07/01/2014 03:07 pm ET | Updated Feb 23, 2016Why Women Need Their Girlfriends

By Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis

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Years ago, I was at the beach with my family when I noticed a group of ladies nearby who appeared to be in their 50s.

With a quick glance, I knew they were on a girls’ weekend. All the signs were there — coolers and cocktails, beach bags with romance novels, straw hats, umbrellas in the sand — but most telling of all was their laughter. Lots and lots of laughter, the kind that draws attention and curiosity from anyone in earshot.

I loved watching these women enjoy each other’s company. Although they were older than me, and well past my season of life in having babies, I could imagine being in their shoes one day, basking in the glow of old friends who still made me feel young again.

That afternoon, I saw two of them in the elevator. When I commented on how much fun they seemed to have, they smiled and nodded. One replied, “Oh, we do have fun. We’ve kept this beach trip going for 20 years and have been through everything — divorce, death, cancer, unemployment. Don’t ever lose touch with your girlfriends, sweetheart. The older you get, the more you’ll need them.”

The conversation left an impression on me. While I’d always treasured my girlfriends, I’d never thought about needing them more with age. And if I’m being honest, it’s only been in the last year or so that I’ve taken their words to heart.

Because now that I’m in my 40s, I’m seeing how real divorce, death, cancer, unemployment and other major life problems are. I understand what they meant when they emphasized the importance of girlfriends, as my age group faces hardships we couldn’t imagine when we were young and carefree.

Last February, I found the advice these women gave me really validated when my dear friend Emily, whom I met when our daughters became friends, lost her husband Joe in a plane crash. Emily and Joe weren’t just any couple — they were the couple who had been best friends since age 15, whose incredible love story was still going strong. What they had was special. To have it end early and suddenly was unfathomable, unfair and hard to comprehend.

Joe’s death impacted a lot of people hard, and throughout their home there was so much sadness and grieving, so many heavy hearts in one place. In the midst of this tragedy, however, there was also so much LOVE. You could feel the Holy Spirit everywhere, working in Emily and the people surrounding her.

As I left Emily’s house the day after Joe’s death, I sat in my car and reflected on everything I’d witnessed. One thing I kept thinking about were the women in Emily’s life, and how amazing they’d been. It wasn’t just the food being carted in, the affection showered on the family, or the fact that so many people had dropped everything to drive or fly to Birmingham. It was the way Emily’s village came together, how friends from every stage of life were represented (adolescence, college, law school, work and motherhood) and how well everyone knew her.

And because they knew her well, they could do a lot to lighten Emily’s load.

When I arrived at Emily’s house the morning after Joe’s death, for instance, someone asked if I’d write his obituary. I agreed, of course, and was given the names of surviving family members to start with. Since Emily was meeting with her pastor about the funeral, I began the obituary with the help of four friends who’d known Emily and Joe for decades. My intention was to write a rough draft and let Emily fill in the blanks.

But guess what? Emily didn’t have to fill in blanks, because her old friends filled in the blanks for her. Together they recalled pertinent details of Joe’s life: the special dates he planned with his daughters, how he graduated first in his law school class, which law firms he’d worked with, his role as basketball commissioner, his love for their church mission trip to Maine — the list goes on.

As they talked and I typed, I found myself wondering: How many people have friends who could write their husband’s obituary? What does that say about Emily and her relationships?

All over Emily’s house, huddles of women were taking care of business. As I passed a group from her church, I heard them planning the visitation and family luncheon before the funeral. “Emily wouldn’t like that, but she would like this,” they said. “Why don’t we give her option A and option B?” When Emily emerged from her meeting with the pastor an hour later, the legwork was done. She was given an obituary to proofread, options for Saturday and updates from friends handling small matters so Emily could reserve energy for big ones.

Our girlfriends can’t save us, for only God can do that, but girlfriends can help make a tragedy bearable. They can read our mind and our emotions, intuitively recognize what needs to be done — then do it. They can listen, empathize and show compassion. They can be used by God to comfort us and provide a timely shoulder to cry on.

It’s hard to nurture friendships when you’re busy raising kids. Some days, I don’t have the time or energy. But one thing I’ve learned from watching Emily cope with her loss is how having strong relationships in place before a tragedy occurs enables the healing process. While faith keeps you standing, friends and family hold your hand as you slowly move forward. They help you find a new normal.

They meet you for yoga, bring Starbucks to your home, take your kids for ice cream, plan a girls’ beach trip for your Mother’s Day, get your dog groomed, text words of encouragement, continue coming to town to check on you and show love in a million heartfelt ways.

“Don’t ever lose touch with your girlfriends, sweetheart. The older you get, the more you’ll need them.” The women in the elevator that day were spot on. And now when I see a group like them having fun, I realize the laughter is only part of the story, what comes after the complicated grown-up stuff. And while we certainly need the wonderful men in our lives, for they play a crucial role, too, men simply aren’t designed to understand us like one of our own.

Sometimes it takes another woman to intuitively recognize what needs to be done — then do it. Or to sense what needs to be said — then say it. Or to take the thoughts and emotions we don’t voice — and know what to make of them.

Having great friends is largely a matter of being a great friend. The reason Emily’s circle is so strong is that she invests in her people. And in her greatest time of need, she reaped the benefit. I hope this story comes as a friendly reminder of why girlfriends matter in good times and bad, laughter and tears, and through the highs and lows that reveal who’s with us for the long haul, and who’s willing to share in our suffering so that one day, when we’re laughing again on the beach, there will be a history that makes the laughter sound richer and stirs the curiosity of anyone in earshot.

This post originally appeared on karikampakis.com. Find Kari on Facebook or check out her upcoming book, 10 Ultimate Truths Girls Should Know, to be released by Thomas Nelson in November 2014.

Follow Kari Kubiszyn Kampakis on Twitter: www.twitter.com/KariKampakis

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